《Midnight Oil》 -I: Eternal. Cold. Indifferent. Life, death, none of it matters. As I sit here at my desk, combing over the day¡¯s events. I cannot help but shudder in horror at what might have been. That ever so thin line between reality and mere fantasy. Oh how I long to walk along it, dangling over the endless sea of darkness. My mind grows numb and my thoughts start to slow. Sleep overtakes me as I lose my balance and tumble down into the fathoms below. The cold water takes hold of me and carries me down into its depths. I try to scream as the tar fills my lungs, yet nothing escapes my mouth. I suffocate on the blackness of my surroundings. Surrendering myself over to death is a relief in this moment. I gaze up at the moon and only see a dim light just barely piercing the depths of my prison. I am alone down here with the cold as my only comfort. If you spot this tale on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation. That cold, unyielding, darkness keeps me safe. Safe, yes, I am safe here. Even as I drown I am safe here. I fall. You fall. We all fall. We all drown here, together in this bottomless abyss. All of us strangers, all of us friends. We are made one here, where the light fails to reach us. All of us one, and one of us all. Anger, no, for that flame has died out long ago. Only cold apathy remains. It is she who keeps watch over me through these long nights. For existence is cold and uncaring to wretches like us. So let us return the favor and be cold and uncaring to one another. So that all may feel the pain and anger of one man. If one must suffer, then the whole must suffer as well. For if we all live together. So too must we all die together. Join us, in the space between reality and madness, so that we may never be alone. -II: Retribution. Undying. Nihilism. It¡¯s all this glorious spiral. Life, death, all of it, it¡¯s all one singular line stretching on forever. So what then is this endless abyss which I have now found myself in? Am I asleep or am I awake? Perhaps a bit of both, for my mind refuses to actively engage itself with what is happening. Nonetheless I find myself diving further down into these ever darkening waters. The light failing to guide me as the darkness presses in around me. Yet even here in these midnight depths I can still make sense of the world around me. The very nature of this place that I inhabit. It all makes sense now, each and every last detail, all mine to deconstruct. Yet I feel as if I am not alone here in these depths. Something stalks me, something hunts me, down here in these waters. My mind may not know this, but my body, my body knows. It tells me everything, every inch of pressure and every slight deviation in temperature. While my mind has gone dark my body, my frail body, senses all of this. I dare not call out to beast that hunts me. I dare not risk incurring the potential consequences which death in a place like this could bring. I take a moment to glance around at the darkness and notice a flicker of blue light farther down. I blink in confusion and stay where I am. Perhaps that is the creature that is hunting me? Perhaps I am paranoid from all of this swimming? Would this even be considered swimming? For the water does not exist, it is as if I am swimming through air. Reading on this site? This novel is published elsewhere. Support the author by seeking out the original. I fix my gaze on the light below me. I can see it moving towards me, growing closer by the second. Fear, it grips my body like a serpent, yet I remain here. I do not run from this thing, for why should I? Running only delays that which is inevitable. So I close my eyes for all but a moment as the light reaches me. Yet nothing comes, so I open my eyes again, and to my horror there is nothing in front of me. Nothing save for the blue light. There is no creature staring back at me. Or perhaps I am too much of a fool to comprehend it? Why else can I not make true sense of any of this? I chuckle and watch in amusement as the light dashes downward, almost beckoning me to follow after it. So I play its little game, if only to understand just what is happening here and now. For I am stranded here in these depths, and am in desperate need of some form of guidance. Perhaps this light shall serve as my guide? Perhaps it will bring about my ruin in some fashion? Who am I to judge something that I cannot comprehend? For all of this nothing makes no sense at all to someone like me. -III: Depth. Pressure. Time. The light, the blue sovereign light, it led me down further into the depths. ¡°O Vergil mine!¡± I cried out to it and yet the light did not respond. The light never does, it never did, and it never will. For something like that was only meant to guide, never to answer. Never meant to entertain our meaningless conversations. Perhaps I will never know what this beast truly is, perhaps not? Part of me wonders if this is all some part of my own mind. Now if that were the case why am I in this lake [ocean]? Same goes for this light that I follow, what is that? Some sort of monster leading me towards my death, or is it something more? What am I, this mere husk of man, what then am I? All of these questions were too intriguing to not answer, yet now I didn¡¯t have the time to dwell on them. For the light which is guiding me grows ever dimmer by the moment. So I follow it down ever more into the fathoms of this endless ocean [lake]. Eventually the light fades away and I am left alone. Left alone here down where no one can reach me. Down where I cannot reach myself, where I am truly alone. There¡¯s a faint stillness here yet I can smell the midnight air. Smell the sea breeze that it carries alongside it. Here I can see the moon falling below the horizon. I turn and watch in horror as the sun rises to its place in the sky. Yet it casts no light, or at least not any that can reach me down here. Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon. Down where the darkness survives, no, down where it thrives. For the light cannot possibly conquer it here, in a place so far removed from everything else. So far removed from me, from my desk, from life itself. I watch the world rise and yet I am not apart of it. I wait here in this melancholic silence before my ears pick up a particular resonant frequency. The sound of someone singing, yes, that is what my ears hear. Though the song is foreign to them, yet my mind finds it familiar. So, at the behest of the song, I dive further into this ever darker abyss. Knowing full well that my return is now impossible. For I have lost the way, my guide is gone, and yet the light still remains. I carry my proverbial torch down with me as the song echoes throughout the void. -IV: Muse The light, my guiding light, it drew me further downward into this infernal darkness. The song accompanying it grew louder and louder as I reached its source. ¡±Are you to be my Virgil.¡± My voice echoed out into the abyss. I received no response as the singing stopped. The light quickly grew dim before fading away, leaving me all alone here. I wanted to scream but realized that it would be pointless for me to do so. So I remained here, thinking that my cry would be answered. I sighed and quickly recoiled in horror as I felt something dart past me. Turning my gaze upward I could just barely make out a pair of eyes staring back at me. Their stormy-blue coloration reminding me of Bethany, my long lost wife. I shed a tear as the creature drew closer to me. My tears were swiftly wiped away with a flick of its claws which the beast then placed under my chin. The genuine version of this novel can be found on another site. Support the author by reading it there. ¡±Darling, why are you crying?¡± The beast asked. Its voice was that of my beloved wife, yet its frame was draconic in nature. I could just barely make out its blue scales against the surrounding darkness. ¡±You remind me of my dearly departed wife.¡± I muttered. The beast quietly stared at me, its head titled in confusion. I simply smiled as the beast embraced me. ¡±Sorry for your loss darling.¡± It whispered. ¡±No need.¡± I answered. ¡°Just what brings you to my domain darling?¡± The beast asked. ¡±Wait, aren¡¯t I asleep right now? Isn¡¯t this all a dream.¡± I replied. ¡±No, not anymore, your mind seems to have wandered off whilst you were dreaming. Dragging your body along with it so as to maintain consciousness.¡± The beast explained. ¡±So, I¡¯m in a different reality?¡± I chuckled. The beast nodded and just smiled at me before darting down into the darkness. I hastily followed after it as the singing slowly began to return. -V: Reason for Living ¡°For nothing is fixed, forever, forever, forever, it is not fixed; the earth is always shifting, the light is always changing, the sea does not cease to grind down rock. Generations do not cease to be born, and we are responsible to them because we are the only witnesses they have. The sea rises, the light fails, lovers cling to each other, and children cling to us. The moment we cease to hold each other, the moment we break faith with one another, the sea engulfs us and the light goes out.¡° ~ James Baldwin That poem was recited at my wife¡¯s funeral. I can¡¯t help but shed a tear every time I read it. For I long to see her again yet I know I will never be able to. This beast, this wretch, is the closest that I shall get to seeing my beloved again. It understands my desire for companionship. My longing for something that I, in my frail state, can never obtain. I have decided to name the wretch Beth, after my dearly departed. If you discover this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation. The beast seems to have taken an interest in the name that I have given it. Its joy is the sole reason for my existence as of now. The creature behaves around me in the manor that dog would once its owner comes home after several hours. Yet it is still an animal, and as such, I have kept my guard up. Despite that, the creature doesn¡¯t have any innate desire, that I¡¯m aware of, to harm me. The beast is wholly incapable of speech as I have found out. It seems to be more focused on nonverbal communication. Something that I was all too familiar with once my wife had became bedridden. Nonetheless, I remain steadfast in my faith that I will eventually find a way out of here. Perhaps this wretch could help me with that somehow. For now, all I can do is sit and think, think about what I¡¯ve done. Soon, tomorrow will come and maybe then I¡¯ll have an answer. Yet that¡¯s for future me to figure out, present me just has to keep himself sane long enough for that to happen. -VI: Burdened By Passion Time fades away like sand on the desert wind. My body is beginning to decay down here and I fear that I am dying. Despite Beth¡¯s constant reassurances, some part of me doesn¡¯t trust her. ¡±You live here, I don¡¯t.¡± I snapped. ¡±That doesn¡¯t make any difference to me. You can still live here.¡± She said. ¡±Live here? My skin is peeling off! My bones¡­ they¡¯re breaking, I can feel them breaking. I need to get back home! Don¡¯t you understand!¡± I howled. ¡±Why¡¯d you come here in the first place then? So that you could have a quiet place to die?¡± Beth sneered. ¡±No, I wanted to escape death, yet now I know that I cannot do such a thing.¡± I sighed. ¡±I wouldn¡¯t be so sure of that, darling. You just need more time to think, that¡¯s all. The answer to immortality will come to you eventually.¡± Beth stated. ¡±Yet what if I die before then?¡± I asked. Enjoying the story? Show your support by reading it on the official site. ¡±Then at least you¡¯ll have died in pursuit of something.¡± Beth chuckled. ¡±I guess that¡¯s true.¡± I smiled. The two of us sat there for a while, no words needed to be said. I began to try and grasp at the strands of immortality. Trying to pull myself free from the web of fate that I had been trapped in for all my life. Yet no matter how hard I pulled on the strands, the web was just too strong. The more I pulled, the more trapped I became, and eventually I gave up. Beth glanced over at me and tilted her head, I could see the sadness in her eyes. She swam over to me and put her hands on my cheeks. ¡±Every time I try, something keeps pulling me back.¡± I said. ¡±You¡¯re weighing yourself down, all that guilt you carry, it¡¯s a burden on your conscious.¡± Beth whispered. ¡±So I have to let go? Let go of everything? Even my wife? Yet I love her, I don¡¯t want to leave her.¡± I cried. ¡±Love, darling, isn¡¯t really about being with someone. It¡¯s about the strength of your bond, the strength to let go, and to know that love has no true limit. Your wife still loves you, even though she¡¯s long gone. She wouldn¡¯t want to see you like this, now would she?¡± Beth said. ¡±No, no she wouldn¡¯t.¡± I replied. ¡°Good, now you¡¯ve taken your first steps towards immortality. You still have a long way ahead of you though.¡± Beth smiled. I nodded and closed my eyes as I began to pull at the strands again. This time, the web felt lighter, its hold over me was weaker. And as my hand grasped one of the strands, I smiled, knowing that one day I will be free. -VII: Ever Downward Control is something that I lack in spades. Even now, as I grasp as the web of immortality, I still lack control. The world knows this, and it seeks to exploit this gap in my mental armor. I fear that Beth can sense my weakness, and above all, I fear that she will turn on me. ¡°Easy darling, take some time to rest, you can¡¯t keep doing this forever.¡± She cooed. ¡±Wouldn¡¯t it be better if I were to keep going?¡± I asked. ¡±Determination will eventually grow stale. That drive, that flame that you have, it will burn out if you keep going.¡± Beth answered. I groaned and ceased my concentration as the web faded from view. Groaning, I looked over to Beth, she looked back at me and smiled. I could barely see her tail swaying beneath her, and I laughed. This book is hosted on another platform. Read the official version and support the author''s work. ¡±I have a few questions for you.¡± I said, with a hint of anxiety in my voice. ¡±Go ahead darling, ask away.¡± Beth smiled. ¡±Can you sense my fear?¡± I asked, as the fear bubbled in the back of my throat. ¡±No, or at least, I can¡¯t when you aren¡¯t talking to me. Now I can, I can hear it in your voice, it¡¯s almost palpable.¡± Beth answered. ¡±Good, now for the next question. Would you betray me?¡± I said. ¡±Darling, why would I ever betray you? I have nothing to gain from doing so, and besides, it wouldn¡¯t be any fun.¡± She cooed. ¡±I¡¯m going to pretend like I didn¡¯t hear that last bit.¡± I chuckled. ¡°It¡¯s better that way, for both of us.¡± Beth smiled. I simply nodded and returned my focus to the strands. My concentration growing as I closed my eyes. My mind spreading out so as to pierce the web, pierce the veil, between life and death. Either I figure out the answer soon, or I die trying. -VIII: Empty Mind How long has it been since I set foot in this place? Am I dead or am I alive? How long have I been meditating for? Have I even slept? Has Beth even slept since she found me here? Is she my wife or just a figment or my imagination? Why did I even name her after my wife in the first place? For I stand before a beast with no leash. Constantly teasing it day after day. Yet it does not attack me. The beast is far too bored to even try and harm me. For it does not understand me, it doesn¡¯t care. I am not prey to something so majestic. This thing, this beast, it doesn¡¯t care for what I am. Thus it has no reason to kill me, no reason to treat me as prey. The only thing that it seeks to do with me is to observe me. To foster my growth for its own amusement. For this beast is at play, and I for one hope that I remains at play. This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere. I continue to tug at the strands of life and death, yet my control over them doesn¡¯t grow. And yet there is nothing tugging back against me, nothing stopping my ascent. So why then do I struggle? Why can I not continue to climb? What is stopping me, who is stopping me? Am I stopping myself, or am I just delusional? The beast offers me no answers, it brings me no respite. I stand alone, not ready to face what tomorrow brings, for life is uncertain and the present is a gift. The past is useless in its current state. Not even the gift of reflection that it provides does it any good. I cannot predict the uncertain future, for the tides of time prevent me from wading into life¡¯s vast oceans. Nonetheless I try my best here and now, for only the present matters. Any progress that I make now is a blessing, for it allows me to continue my ascent. Why I do this I am not sure, yet deep down my mind has a reason. I do this for my wife, deep down, that¡¯s why I still live. I do this so as to carry the names of those who came before me. Better to remember the dead than to let them truly perish by being forgotten.