《Typing of the Old Hag》 Chapter 1 - Who I am is none of your business "Have you been to the Discordia servers? They announced a new contest for mobile phone users on essay writing." "Ehh, I didn''t pay much attention to it." "OMG, why?" "We all know who''s going to win. It''s--" Just as he was about to mention a name, a perfect Japanese girl in glasses and braces passes by. She gave them a smirk as she brought down her glasses and looked at the man who was deriding the expected winner, right before disappearing from their sight. "...Fucking Rei Ca?abe.", the man spat. "Hey, what''s wrong with Rei, Mark? She''s a nice girl." "I know, but there''s something off about that girl, Rose.", the man, Mark, replied. "You might just be overreacting. You delve a lot in conspiracy theories, y''know?", another bespectacled girl, Garan, pointed out. "What do you think, Cyril?" "I don''t know. Mark could be right. I don''t feel good around Rei.", an older woman, Cyril, said as she backed Mark. "Plus, I don''t even know who she is." "I heard she''s Ana''s sister." Mark huffed. "Seriously? I thought Ana was the oldest in her family. Thoughts, Joseph?" "Ana never tells us a lot. She''s sociable but she never tells shit up close.", Joseph answered, holding a basketball in his hand. "With that, I can''t trust her. Not after what she did to coach Enzo."
"Good morning to my beautiful family!", Rei said as she merrily skipped around the family dining room, the smell of butter and pancakes wafting from the kitchen. "Hi, mama!" "Oh, Rei.", missus Ca?abe said as they kissed with their cheeks. "Why don''t you have some breakfast, hija?" "Okay!" The family watched as Rei took a plate and filled it with pancakes and smearing it with syrup. "Easy on the syrup there. You don''t want a sugar crash this early.", one of her friends told her. "Relax, I''mma counter it with coffee!", Rei proudly announced. "Oh yeah, are you going somewhere today?", missus Ca?abe asked her daughter. "Yeah, ma, I''mma hang out with my other friends." "I see. Be careful now, and don''t forget to stop by the school as well." "I will. You know, I''m the valedictorian anyway!", Rei giggled. "Good." Rei then turned her attention to her younger sister Ana, who looked exactly like her but smaller in frame. "Ana, you okay?" "Yeah.", Ana mumbled. "What''s wrong?", Rei asked her sister. "I... still haven''t got a job. My mentor''s already pressuring me to pay my debt." "Well, tell your mentor to fuck off because he''s an old hag. Didn''t I rough him up already?" "Yeah, but all of a sudden, he became authoritative." Rei huffed. "Huhhh. Looks like he needs more lessons. Don''t worry about him, I''ll take care of him.", Rei declared. Breakfast then devolved into small talk, and Rei soon left her home for her daily agendas. "GOOD MORNING, VALENZUELA!" Rei jumped up as she greeted her viewers through her mobile phone. She was streaming live as she skipped merrily around the streets, energetically avoiding vehicles along the way. "Your cute, cute DJ Rei is here to greet you all another wonderful morning for those who are feeling so, so, sooooooooo down today! Whatever your problem is, whether it''s the rainy days or your financial debt, let it go and just be happy like the Haponesa me!" Her screen filled with hearts and thumbs as she continued her brand of injecting happiness into her viewers. "But first things first, of course, before we start our day, I''d like to thank my mama for my outfit and my accessories today! Thank you, mama!" She waved her hand at the screen, drawing even more reactions from her viewers while her comments section began flooding with comments. "mine" "so pretty" Stolen content warning: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences. "marry me Rei" "so ganda naman po" "I wish you are my sister" "the Ca?abest" "And now, it''s time for another showing!", Rei announced. She then sat down upon arriving at a cafe before calling the waitress over. "One Hokkaido Latte and cheesecake. Make it double, please." "Coming right up, ma''am." Turning her attention back to her viewers, Rei then switched her screen to a typing app for her viewers to see. "YESSSS, KEYPHONE QUEEN!" Rei giggled, announcing, "Yes, it''s that time of the day and it''s just the first entry! It''s time for Ask a Salty Rei - your daily putdowns of the stupidest things! Okay, who has dibs? Let''s see. Ooh, mister Sour Patch! What''s your stupid thing today?" "uhh my nose hair is growing too long that its offputting" Rei crinkled her nose and furiously started patting onto her phone with her fingers, sending each response in quick succession. Seriously? Your problem is your nose hair, you dirty little bitch? Why dont you get a nose hair trimmer to cut your nose hair This is so annoying What kind of question is that If your nose hair is long you will feel it You cannot be so serious about your nose hair You probably had someone you tried to date two years ago but you still kept going after them Whatever your existence is getting annoying Moving on Dont even try showing up to me in person you old hag Ugh Her screen then drew laughing reactions at the results. "You like that, don''t you?", Rei smirked. "Next!" "My boyfriend is cheating on me" Rei once again began her magic, looking down on her screen as her viewers awaited her response. WTF?! your boyfriend is cheating who the hell is your boyfriend I will murder him tell him to come meet me face to face bet he''s a pussy bet he''s a stalker what the hell did you see in him anyway you idiot he''s not the only one at fault here you also are because you love him tell you what, leave him and I''ll introduce someone better I don''t care if he finds out, let''s give him a taste of his own medicine hahaha I bet he''s an old hag let''s create dummy accounts and harass him online joke, that''s just criminal haha this sounds like my sister''s case but it''s stupid you''re stupid one last advice, leave him oh yeah, I already told you that if you don''t leave him, you''re stupid get me? hahaha Laughing reactions once again flooded her stream. "Okay, next!", Rei yelled. The waitress came back to serve her coffee. "Oh, arigatou." Looking down, she scrolled a bit for new questions as she had already dealt with some previously, while others were just expressions of admiration for her. "Wow, so many comments in such a short time." She then saw a seemingly normal comment. "Please pray for my son''s health" Rei smirked at the comment. Why don''t you pray for your son''s health instead of asking others I don''t even know your son so why are you asking me Ugh you''re so annoying This isn''t 2021 anymore, it''s 2023, you old hag Don''t even think about responding, just stop typing, you old hag Ugh your existence is so annoying A response then arrived from the poster. "Please, just spread the word. His girlfriend doesn''t know because she had to deactivate her account because of a bully." Rei frowned once more. Then why don''t you look for his girlfriend huh Why are you being so stupid, you baby boomer OMG did you just discover the internet? Wow you really are an old hag Why can''t he message his girlfriend Oh right because he''s sick and he''s dying probably because he''s a virgin His girlfriend is stupid for getting bullied She probably an old hag for stalking another boy because your son has tiny penis Hahaha Bulbul Leni foreva biyatch Marcos lover Hahaha Davao foreva, biyatch Asking someone else to pray for your son I don''t care if he''s dying I don''t even know who you are So shut up and get out ugh your existence is annoying whatever you loser A certain comment then drew her attention. "You don''t know who I am, but I know who you are." Rei''s smile faded as she saw this, and her viewers noticed the expression on her face as she started working on her putdowns once more. Who I am is none of your business Don''t even try to claim you know my family because you are nothing but an old hag who just discovered technology Before she could quickly put her next entry, the same person replied to their own comment. "You are an idiot" Rei frowned as she saw this, making her backtrack on her next entry to change it. I''m not an idiot because you are the idiot here for trolling me Don''t you know cyberbullying is illegal? She then received another response, but then more of these flooded the original comment. "Why so hostile for real all of a sudden? I haven''t even started yet." "Japanese asshole" "Fake Filipino" "Get the fuck out of our country" "I heart Imperial Japan" "Turo pugot uro" "Davao Devil" "Fuck the Ca?abe family" Rei then left her typing app and returned to her streaming platform to block the troll, which then promptly stopped the flood. "...Sorry, trolls aren''t welcome here, but seriously. Who I am is none of that person''s business." Rei then looked at her phone as laughing reactions flooded her screen once more, but her subscribers noticed that her demeanor changed. "r u okay Rei" Rei paused for a few seconds before replying, closing her typing app to address their concerns. "Yeah, I''m okay. Don''t worry, these scenarios are normal!", Rei said to ease her viewers. The day went normally for the perfect Rei Ca?abe. The perfect daughter. The perfect student. The perfect valedictorian. The perfect streamer. The perfect putdown artist. She was a really perfect Japanese girl, anyway..... "Mamaaaaaa! I''m baaaaack!", Rei yelled as she opened the door to her house. Night has already fallen before she knew it. "Mama?" The lights were off all over the house. Everything was neatly arranged just as usual. The smell of clothes and furniture filled the air. The electricity was running. Nothing was ransacked or damaged. Just... something usual for Rei. Yet there was nobody around. "Mama?", Rei called out. "Daigo? Ana? Yaya?" She got no response. ring! Rei looked at her phone, which vibrated from receiving a message. "Huh?" Rei, go to your room, please. It was her mother. Wondering what was happening, she locked the doors and immediately went upstairs to her room. She then remembered - it was her birthday. Of course! They''re waiting for her to surprise her! Rei skipped happily as she approached her door, leaning over in excitement before teasingly twisting her doorknob. "Aww, thank you, guys--" She anticipated her family inside, holding a birthday cake for her and yelling ''surprise'' in response... ...but there was nobody inside. Just silence. "Huh?", Rei mumbled. She closed the door and sat on her bed, wondering what was happening. Her phone shook once more, receiving a message from Ana from her Discordia app. Rei Rei immediately went over to the app to respond to Ana. "Ana, where are you? Where is everyone?!" Ana''s status was online, and she often quickly replied to her messages. Yet she wasn''t. "Ana, please, respond. Where are you? Where is mama?" A picture was then sent by Ana. A picture that sent Rei reeling in horror. Her entire family, bound and gagged inside a dark place. "NOOO!", Rei cried out. Her phone shook once more with a message from Ana... or so it seemed. Hello, Rei. Have you seen where your family is right now? If you have, there''s no backing down now. I told you. You don''t know who I am, but I know who you are. Because who I am is now your business to know if you want an end to this. Rei winced as she held her phone tight. Now... let''s see how good you really are to try putting me down. Chapter 2 - This is not a prank "Where is my family?!" Her hands trembled. Her breath shook. Rei was holding back tears as she tried to process everything that was happening so suddenly. That is - her family vanished and is now at the mercy of an unknown individual. "Who the fuck are you?! What did you do to them?!" Staring intently at her phone, Rei waited as she saw the bubbles move in her chatroom, indicating a response is coming. I would tell you, but that''s the name of the game. You have to play with me if you want to know. Don''t worry. Your family is safe and sound for now, but their lives are in your hands. Especially your mental little sister. Rei jumped off her bed, running to her door and frantically twisting at the doorknob to open it. "What the fudge?", Rei muttered. She tugged at her door violently, but it did not budge open. "HEY! WHO LOCKED MY DOOR?!" Turning around, she then saw a peculiar creature standing before her. Sporting a pointy yellow hat, a grey flannel shirt and jumper, it was just the size of a mere infant, yet it stood upright, its bulging orb-like eyes fixated at Rei while its thick grey mustache wiggled side to side underneath its large beak-like nose. "W... Who are you?", Rei asked the creature. It just tilted its head in response, and Rei looked back to her phone to find new messages from the perpetrator. Your door isn''t locked. It''s just chained on the outside so you wouldn''t get out. You can ask my trusty assistant Duwende to let you out if you want. If you do leave your room, you will never see your family again. Rei gasped as she looked at the creature named Duwende, whom the perpetrator tasked to watch over her. "You''ve... got to be kidding me!", Rei seethed. Duwende offered no response aside from clasping its hands together and bowing to Rei. A respectful gesture to many, but to Rei, this meant serious business. She then swiped to her contact menu and dialed emergency services, but the call was immediately cut off. "Hey!", Rei frowned. She tried dialing again, but she was forcefully ejected from her contacts menu which soon became locked along with any functionality to dial any phone number. A bubble then popped into her cellphone''s interface. DON''T EVEN THINK ABOUT CALLING THE COPS, BITCH. DO THAT AGAIN, YOU FORFEIT THE GAME. This is impossible. How did they know? This has to be a dream, Rei thought. Why did it have to be her family? Why? Play the game, then I''ll tell you why. Rei felt a prick on her leg, looking down at Duwende who held a pencil to catch her attention. Duwende pointed to her bed, prompting Rei to look back at the phone. Get the fuck back to your bed so we can start playing before you piss me off. "What will you do if I don''t?", Rei yelled back at her phone. The perpetrator then replied: Duwende. Duwende took off its hat and put its hand inside. Rei looked on intently, wondering what Duwende was up to. Her intrigue turned into horror shortly as Duwende pulled out a severed head from his hat. "KYAA!", Rei screamed. She fell to her knees as she tried to touch the face of the head that was now lying on the ground in a pool of blood. "SHAWN!" The grey-clad Duwende then patted Rei''s shoulder and pointed to her phone. With no other choice, Rei picked it up and found another message. I forgot to tell you that it''s not just your family who''s involved in this. Your friends are, too. Now you know what I meant when I told you their lives are in your hands. Play the game, they live. Don''t play the game, they will end up like your friend Shawn over there. Rei just stared at her phone, still defiant despite being shaken. Sitting on her bed, she decided to play along the perpetrator''s schemes. "That''s just a fake head.", she thought to herself. There''s no way it was her friend Shawn. This old hag is just bluffing. This is just a prank. Find this and other great novels on the author''s preferred platform. Support original creators! They should just stop typing because their existence is annoying. Looks like you don''t believe me. Fine then. I''ll make you believe. A stream then took over Rei''s phone, showing a girl hung upside down by her feet. Screaming Rei''s name, she helplessly flailed around as her surroundings lit up. Do you recognize her? Rei''s eyes widened. It was one of her Japanese cousins whom she often met up with back when she was living in Davao. "You son of a bitch, let Kana go!", Rei yelled into her phone. Game number 1 - Tell your friends and family a truth about your beloved cousin Kana-chan! You have 60 seconds to enter everything you know about your sweet, little cousin! Rei could not believe it. The old hag is going for it. Yet she still believes this is just a prank, just as a timer showed up on the chatroom and quickly began counting down. Remember - one minute, Rei. Rei gritted her teeth. She then began tapping onto her phone: "Kana-chan is so cute, she''s lucky to have a boyfriend any boy would be lucky to have her except for that old hag who''s trying to date my sister haha his existence is annoying Thank you mama for introducing me to Kana-chan She''s my best friend I was one of the first to know when she had her first period Of course it''s scary But we went through it together and survived Wow, kegwapa yarnnn Kana-chan kegwapa kawaii" Time''s up. Rei''s phone began shaking as the timer reached zero. Her breath shaking, she calmly spoke into her phone: "I did what you asked, now keep your promise." Oh... okay. The hung Kana was shown again. She was still screaming for Rei as more creatures similar to Duwende arrived inside the room. Two of these creatures held Kana''s wrists to keep her from squirming around, while a third brought a ladder which it used to climb up to Kana. "Wait, what are you doing?! I did what I told you! I played the game!", Rei sobbed. The duwende tickled Kana''s sides, making her scream as she battled between laughing and crying, until it began prodding into her belly button. "Let her go! I did it!" You did. But were you telling the truth about Kana? A laughing emoji flooded Rei''s chatroom. "REI, JUST TELL THE TRUTH!", Kana sobbed as the duwende kept poking her button. ONE MORE CHANCE. THIS TIME, TELL THE FUCKING TRUTH ABOUT KANA. Rei gulped as she leaned forward, resting her head on her knees. "Why...?", Rei whispered. There was no other way. Rei began typing into her phone once more. "Kana-chan told me about her boyfriend and how he''s such a wimp baka baka baka, why did you date him in the first place if you knew he was a wimp wawawawaw you keep asking for him before and now you complain about him maybe his penis was not as big as you hoped welp the japanese don''t have big dicks anyway but maybe you''re the problem? lol" Rei could hear Kana''s screams once more, but she was so focused on typing on her phone that she paid no mind to her cousin. "kana-chan''s a slut, she already has a boyfriend but she still keeps looking at other boys boys that hit her of course because she loves that she loves boys who beat her up haha domestic abuse-loving bitch then she has an alcohol problem but she be drinking since she was 13 ugh they should normalize minor drinking bring it down to 9 years old lol--" "HEY!", Rei gasped. Her message box then locked, leading her back to the chatroom. She could not believe what she saw afterwards. The duwende on the ladder was pulling Kana''s intestines as her beloved cousin screamed in agony. It already had at least a foot long out. "YAMERO!", Rei cried out. "YOU CHEATER, I TOLD YOU THE TRUTH!" You did. However, because you didn''t believe my threats.... The chatroom went back to Kana''s room, with the duwendes inside playing jump rope with Kana''s guts. Kana herself just hung lifelessly from her feet, her torso and face painted in a crimson color. "KANA~!", Rei sobbed. Her beloved cousin had been tortured to death by the duwendes. The perpetrator had no intention to let her live so it could serve as a lesson for Rei. Still think this is a prank? Oh yeah, your last entry took more than a minute because you typed like a sloth. Use your computer, you fucking dumbass. "My computer?", Rei wondered. She looked over to her desktop nearby, which she had not used for a while. You have a lot to tell everyone if you want to take me down, so use your goddamn pc. Make this fun for me. Old hag. Rei looked at Duwende, who pointed to the computer. Weary, she went over to her computer chair before messaging the perpetrator once more. "Why did you make me use my phone if you''re just gonna let me use my computer eventually?" Because I''m the old hag who wants to fuck with you and show how serious I am when I say your friends and family will die. Now, one of your family died because you didn''t believe. "Kana....", Rei thought. Her beloved cousin just died because of her. What''s worse - the duwendes defiled her body and even played jump rope with her guts. She could not even mourn Kana properly, as the Old Hag immediately plunged her into the next game. So... your pc up yet? I bet it is. Now... it''s time for the world to see the beautiful Rei Ca?abe once again in her gorgeous IRL streams but at the comfort of her home! Rei''s computer began activating programs by itself, soon her social media profile opened and activated her stream for everyone to see. Hello, miss Rei Ca?abe! Another duwende showed up on the stream, this time a virtual duwende in a black suit ran around the screen acting as a host of sorts in Rei''s behalf. This is your host, the Old Hag, coming to you live on stream for the lovely Rei Ca?abe who is here with us tonight in the most important stream of her life! The stream drew heart reactions from Rei''s audience, who did not expect her to stream again for the day. Aww, looks like our little Rei is a bit sad. Why so sad, baby girl? Is your mama okay? Everyone, say hi to Rei to cheer her up. "Hi Rei" "kegwapa yarn" "Rei ganda gyud" "so pretty" "kimochi" "Rei kawaii" "Rei don b sad" Rei gasped for air as the stream continued - she could not believe that her own stream is being used by the Old Hag to entertain everyone at her expense. Now, miss Rei, game 1 has concluded a little while ago, but you didn''t do so well. For game 2, I''m pretty sure you''ll do better this time! Because your task now is to tell everyone what you really think if someone lies about being friends with someone! I prepared an entire audio clip that only you can hear, but if you want to get back to the parts you missed, you have to start over! You only have five chances to rewind from the start, or you will lose this round! Ready? The audience then sent amazed reactions as the Old Hag disappeared from the stream. Rei stared at the camera in horror, her face just trying to signal for help from any good samaritan who could realize what situation she''s in. "H...Help me...!", she thought. She felt her table shake, finding her phone lighting up. The Old Hag had sent her the audio clip she needed to transcribe. Duwende then stood beside her computer, holding up a fist with its gaze fixated upon Rei. Remember. Only five rewinds. Rei shakily placed her hands over her keyboard. She could not believe this was actually happening. She did not believe the Old Hag because of Shawn, and the life of her cousin Kana was cut short as a result. Welcome to the Typing of the Old Hag - the game where the truth shall be revealed! GAME... START.