《Difficult To Control》


 CH 1

    Xu Qi turned the volume of the car radio to the lowest level, and after it stopped, there were a few clusters of current sounds and an annoying rustling from the aged parts.


    Xu Qi turned down the volume, the noise went down and he finally stabilized the camera in his hand.


    At two o¡¯clock in the afternoon, when the sun was at its strongest, Xu Qi¡¯s lens was aimed at Liang Yue who came out of the dental clinic and the instant the shutter was pressed, the exposure around her was bright.


    Two minutes passed, and a second figure came out of the clinic. Xu Qi did not know whether to be happy or disappointed.


    Liang Yue moved the white Audi that was parked on the side of the road, the headlights flashed twice before the car drove away.


    After the car left, Xu Qi retracted his eyes and his gaze fell on the photo he had just taken. Candid shots can be easily blurred, but this will not easily happen to him. This repeated operation has made his finger muscles remember when to press the shutter to take the perfect photo.


    Xu Qi turned the knob on the top and several photos that were taken on different dates were recorded on the back. Xu Qi turned to one of the pictures, and Xu Qi stopped. The difference between it and the photo was that there was a familiar man beside Liang Yue in the photo.


    He was tall, straight and thin and his back was also separated from the pedestrians hurriedly passing on the street into two completely different worlds temperaments.


    familiar but also unfamiliar.


    Xu Qi stared at the only thing that blurred out the double image, and the knuckles of his fingers on the knob turned white with force. He turned off the camera, bent down and put it back in the passenger seat cloth bag.


    He put his hand on the door handle and took a deep breath.


    ¡°I have tooth decay. It¡¯s been hurting since last night. Can I see a doctor? ¡±


    The lady at the front desk was already familiar with this set of procedures and smiled at the man in front of her,


    ¡°Of course you can. Do you have an appointment? If not, I¡¯ll make an appointment for you now.¡±


    Seeing that the other party had moved the mouse and was about to click, Xu Qi was a little flustered and hurriedly interrupted:


    ¡°No, not now. Is Dr. Liao there? ¡±


    ¡°Doctor Liao doesn¡¯t come to work today.¡±


    The lady at the front desk was slightly surprised when she heard the name suddenly mentioned by the other party and looked at the man in front of her again.


    He was thinner than an average man, and his white-washed shirt was wrinkled and draped over his body. He had a face that could be easily forgotten, and his pale skin made it seem like he had a long-term illness, which made people worry that he would fall down if he spoke. The only fairly high nose bridge she put on was a pair of black-rimmed glasses, covering her eyes.


    This old-fashioned style was popular ten years ago, but now it is as outdated as this man. Such an inconspicuous person, even if he had been linked to Dr. Liao he would not leave any impression on her. The lady at the front desk said apologetically,


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry, come back another day.¡±


    Xu Qi did not express disappointment with this result, he had expected it. He nodded, raised his finger to the table, and asked in a more cautious tone,


    ¡°Can I get a business card?¡±


    ¡°You can take it.¡±


    Xu Qi thanked her and took out a dental and contact information from the plastic box containing a dozen business cards, stuffed it into his trouser pocket, he turned and disappeared into the traffic, as if he had never appeared before.


    ¡°My parents told us to go home for dinner on weekend nights. ¡±


    Xu Qi didn¡¯t bow his head immediately after saying this, he was waiting for the reaction of Liang Yue, who was sitting opposite.


    The food on the table was about to get cold and Liang Yue was still dealing with a phone call from work. She yelled at the other end a few times,


    ¡°There is a problem with the plan. Can¡¯t you understand people¡¯s language?¡±


    Xu Qi usually doesn¡¯t take the initiative to speak at this time and Liang Yue who is still angry, is likely to take her anger on him. If he could, Xu Qi would definitely choose to say this sentence before the call.


    ¡°Why did you go again?¡± Sure enough, as soon as Liang Yue put down her phone, her tone was heavier than normal.


    ¡°We went


    their last week and there is nothing else to say other than the normal repeated words. Reject it. Just say I¡¯m not free. ¡±


    Rejecting a family meeting was the same as rejecting a job for her. Xu Qi took a mouthful of rice with the dish, he chewed it slowly and swallowed it slowly.


    ¡°That was a month ago.¡±


    The bland correction made the surging air on the dining table stagnate for a while. Liang Yue loosened her frowning eyebrows and extracted excess emotions from the unpleasantness caused by the work problem just now. She picked up the bowl and chopsticks and ate a few mouthfuls of the cold dishes as if nothing had happened.


    ¡°I have time on Sunday night,¡±


    Xu Qi said, ¡°Okay.¡±


    After he washed the dishes he came out of the kitchen, Liang Yue had already returned to her bedroom. With the lights off, the living room was lonely and gray, it was asif it had never been used by anyone.


    Xu Qi closed the bedroom door. The fifteen square meters of space was the only place he could breathe in this house. He and Liang Yue have been sleeping in separate rooms for four years, and it has been this way since the second year of marriage.


    In their second year of marriage, Liang Yue¡¯s work intensity makes her easily irritable. Drawing requires her to keep a clear mind and stay in a clean space. Xu Qi, who didn¡¯t know anything about this became a distraction.


    During decision-making, he didn¡¯t have the power to say a word of ¡®no, and was assigned to this room that was originally used for storage.


    Sometimes, Xu Qi would think about what this marriage brought them both. It was the same thing, a life-saving charm that made their parents stop urging.


    Xu Qi is self-aware, and from the very beginning. Before getting married, Liang Yue had many suitors, graduated from a famous school and a standout. The oath at the wedding was the most outrageous thing he and Liang Yue had said.


    After five years of marriage, the passion faded.


    Liang Yue cheated. When Xu Qi knew that the first thing he felt was neither anger nor sadness, but finally found a reasonable explanation for Liang Yue¡¯s abnormality. Then there is the question that all betrayed people will think of: who is the third party who has intervened between them?


    Xu Qi parked his car diagonally opposite the dental clinic. Under the sun, there were many fancy stickers on the glass wall. The cartoon image of teeth taught the children how to brush their teeth correctly.


    A mother who brought her child to come to see the dentist comforted the crying boy at the door, but she couldn¡¯t coax him well, so she had no choice but to bend over, Pick him up and push open the door of the clinic.


    The outside world was noisy, but Xu Qi¡¯s world was as quiet as ever. He gripped the steering wheel, his eyes locked on a white figure in the clinic through the car window.


    Liao Jinxue was Good looking and Xu Qi has known this since high school. During his sophomore year of high school most of the people in his grade ran out to look at him. What they liked most was Liao Jinxue¡¯s eyes. His eyelashes were thick and the eye sockets under the eyebrows were deeply sunk. When he raised his eyes, his eyelids were long and evenly curved, his brown pupils carried an indifferent look as if warning people to stay away. Each and every facial feature was connected just right, and they were more delicate and gentle than ordinary handsome men.


    He hadn¡¯t seen him for ten years, but Xu Qi could still recognize him like the back of his hand.


    Although Liao Jinxue was outstanding in high school, he couldn¡¯t get rid of his poverty, but now he was wearing a white coat and had become the respected Doctor Liao. He had progressed calmly and steadily and improved his life and became dazzling.


    The camera is aimed at Liao Jinxue, who had come to receive the mother and son. He bent down and said something to the boy, who was sobbing in his mother¡¯s arms. The boy raised his face and slowly wiped away the tears. His mother showed a relieved smile, thanking Liao Jinxue. It was obviously an extremely beautiful scene. Xu Qi, who was hiding in the dark felt rescentment. He couldn¡¯t even tell how many times he had pressed the shutter button.


    August 4th, the weather was fine.


    On Saturday, Liao Jinxue, saw the boy¡¯s teeth, and took him upstairs, which may be his office. He came down after half an hour and had a two-minute chat with another dentist.


    Xu Qi put the pen cap on, put the diary he carried with him into the glove box and closed it hard.


    ¡°Yue Yue, eat more meat. I know that you want to eat the chicken that your mom has stewed for you. You usually work hard to make up for it,¡±


    As soon as Chen Fang finished the dishes, she babbled and put a piece of meat into Liang Yue¡¯s bowl. Seeing that Liang Yue was already frowning, Xu Qi did not remain silent any longer. He intercepted the chopsticks holding the chicken that Chen Fang was about to put in,


    ¡°Mom, Yueyue can¡¯t eat it any more,¡±


    ¡°If she can¡¯t eat and she will say, ¡®Why are you doing in such a hurry to refuse? How can a piece of meat fill her? ¡±


    Chen Fang had a different degree of stubbornness and Xu Qi¡¯s word sounded harsh in her ears.


    ¡°Yue Yue is so thin, I blame you for not taking good care of her,¡± Xu Qi said, putting her chopsticks down.


    It was already part of Xu Qi¡¯s habit to bear Chen Fang¡¯s unreasonable accusations. No matter who was right and who was wrong, in Chen Fang¡¯s case, her son must be the first person to be scolded.


    Xu Qi couldn¡¯t remember the last time they quarreled. Those unpleasant memories were always blurred, and he squeezed his chopsticks tightly without saying a word.


    His silence made Chen Fang¡¯s yelling become a one-man show and this silence was one of the reasons she continued yelling.


    ¡°I know you don¡¯t want to come home for dinner, because you are afraid that I will nag about this and that, and it will always be annoying to hear it. Mom is old now and she doesn¡¯t want to worry about too, but you two are old enough and you don¡¯t even have a child. How can you tell me to rest? How can you tell me to rest assured? I met your aunt Wang some time ago and she asked me several times if there was but I was embarrassed to answer. You can only have hope after the relationship between the husband and wife is good, and I don¡¯t understand how such a simple truth can be.¡±


    All topics revolve around the last sentence.


    Xu Qi glanced down and replied numbly with the excuse that he had said many times: ¡°Mom, we have discussed it, and we won¡¯t have children in the short term.¡±


    ¡°Short-term, how long is the short-term? Every time I ask you, you fool me like this. Your dad and I just want a solution. ¡±


    Liang Yue put down the bowl, loudly, and gave the number succinctly: ¡°When am thirty-five years old.¡±


    Chen Fang¡¯s face was not good, and her chapped lips moved. Xu Qi knew what her expression meant but in front of Liang Yue, she squeezed out a smile and said,


    ¡°Yue Yue, we don¡¯t want to urge you, but it¡¯s for your own good in the end. Xu Qi is a man, he will still be young and energetic at the age of thirty, but a woman will be troubled if she wants a child after her thirties. Like aunt Wang only after she thought about giving birth that she felt her health was not good. They could only get a test tube baby and they still couldn¡¯t look up after two or three years. Her mother always frowned when she saw me and was scared and didn¡¯t want you to do the same.¡±


    It¡¯s not the first time Xu Qi heard the example of Aunt Wang giving birth to the daughter of the Li family in a test tube. Some of the examples were obviously not so serious but it seemed like a big thing when it came out of Chen Fang¡¯s mouth. Chen Fang wouldn¡¯t show impatience on her face, it would have been imminent in another in-law¡¯s house, but Chen Fang did not dare. She knew that the financial power of the family was in the hands of Liang Yue, who had the right to speak and her incompetent son was useless.


    As usual, this dinner ended with Xu Shan¡¯s silence and Chen Fang and Liang Yue¡¯s unhappiness. Xu Qi felt that Xu Shan might be tired of watching such performances and sometimes Chen Fang would stop one or two if he talked too much. But before leaving, Xu Shan would still pat Xu Qi on the back, his movements were unfamiliar it was as if they were not a father and son who should be close.


    ¡°It¡¯s time to have a child.¡±


    He usually only said this sentence, showing that he had the same attitude as Chen Fang. Xu Qi hummed, picked up the garbage bag and followed Liang Yue downstairs.


    The atmosphere between him and Liang Yue would become colder every time they went to his home to eat. She walked in front, probably in order to drive out her anger, saying that she was going go for a walk, and she would walk away without asking Xu Qi if he wanted to.


    Dusk shrouded the community, surrounded by couples and elderly people who were walking to digesting food. Xu Qi listened to the noise of children fighting for toys. It was hard to imagine that he would have such a small and annoying time bomb by his side. On this point, he agrees with Liang Yue. But now, knowing Liang Yue¡¯s derailment, Xu Qi doesn¡¯t know what the future will look like.


    Will Liang Yue divorce him? At that time, how will he give Chen Fang an explanation? And how will Chen Fang talk about this to their relatives and friends? When Xu Qi just thinks of these trivial things, an uncontrollable headache spreads. The only way to deal with it is to pretend not to know and try to understand Liang Yue and the other party and then let them, make progress, and then make a decision. Every time he thinks of this, Xu Qi feels that he is being ridiculously cowardly.


    Liang Yue didn¡¯t know where to go, but the number of pedestrians around her gradually became sparse, and the hot wind was mixed with a hint of coolness, which came from a reservoir not far away, Xu Qi¡¯s legs were so heavy that he couldn¡¯t move, and the wind blowing by his ears brought with it a twisted and sharp noise.


    There was still a little light in the sky. There were many young people swimming in the reservoir. Xu Qi found it difficult to breath and forced himself not to look there. He moved slowly towards Liang Yue¡¯s back, his trembling hands desperately trying to grasp something to resist this menacing fear.


    He casually reached into his pocket and squeezed the thin business card in it.


    ¡°Why are you walking so slowly?¡±


    Liang Yue turned back and saw that Xu Qi¡¯s already pale face even more pale it looked like he could fall down at any moment. She looked at the reservoir and heard the laughter of young people swimming in the water.


    Liang Yue sighed, he didn¡¯t know whether it was out of helplessness or irritability or a little bit of concern. She grabbed Xu Qi¡¯s arm and said,


    ¡°Don¡¯t go there, I almost forgot that you are afraid of water. ¡±


    Xu Qi¡¯s breathing became lighter, he observed Liang Yue¡¯s expression,


    ¡°Don¡¯t you want to take a walk?¡±


    ¡°Let¡¯s take a break, didn¡¯t you notice we¡¯ve been walking for half an hour?¡±


    Liang Yue left this sentence and pressed the car key to open the car and sat in the driver¡¯s seat. When they went out, Liang Yue always drove. She had said more than once that Xu Qi needed to quickly replace the Honda that cost less than 100,000 yuan. It looked poor and it wasn¡¯t pleasant in her eyes.


    Xu Qi slowly walked to the co-pilot¡¯s sit. Something poked uncomfortably in his palm. It was a crumpled ¡®Jin Shuo¡¯ dental business card.


    After staring at the string of numbers, Xu Qi pursed his dry lips, folded it up again before sitting down, and put it back in his trouser pocket.

 CH 2

    ¡°Hello, do you need anything?¡±


    The lady at the front desk asked with a smile, she seemed to have forgotten about Xu Qi¡¯s visit a week ago. In Xu Qi¡¯s ordinary life, this can be regarded as a common occurrence.


    ¡°I made an appointment for teeth cleaning, is Dr. Liao here today?¡±


    ¡°Wait,¡± the lady at the front desk said as she checked the reservation information on the computer, ¡°Is your surname Xu?¡±


    Xu Qi said, ¡°It¡¯s me.¡±


    ¡°Doctor Liao is in room 5, take the elevator to the second floor and go right.¡±


    It¡¯s been two years, maybe three years, since his last filling. Xu Qi has always gone to public hospitals for his dental care. In his stereotyped perception, the fees of such dental clinics were often several times more expensive than those of public hospitals. If it wasn¡¯t for Liao Jinxue, he would never have strayed close to the door of the clinic for even a second.


    He had no pain in his teeth. Last time, it was just an excuse to get a business card. Fortunately, private clinics now have a teeth cleaning service. Xu Qi searched on the Internet and confirmed that they would not create a big fuss because of his teeth, so he called the number on the business card and made an appointment for teeth cleaning.


    He got out of the elevator and turned right, probably because it was on the weekend. There were not many people coming to see the dentist.


    Xu Qi once again confirmed the door number, 5. This number was linked to Liao Jinxue¡¯s name and the similarity caused Xu Qi¡¯s palms to sweat, as if they were poisoned and it made him dizzy. The door was opened without exerting force and he was caught off guard by the strange, unknown smell of the clinic, as if a thick layer of disinfectant had been poured on the surrounding walls.


    ¡°Sit down, are you here to clean your teeth?¡±


    Liao Jinxue browsed the information coming from the front desk, his gaze moved from the computer to Xu Qi who was pestle in the doorway, the mask covered half of his face, and the pair of eyebrows exposed outside were cold and compelling, Xu Qi had thought about it many times,how to naturally look like an ordinary patient after coming in, but couldn¡¯t remember anything the moment he saw Liao Jinxue.


    His brain had judged on its own that after seeing Liao Jinxue, these things need to be blurred.Otherwise, it will not be able to withstand the overload.


    Without getting a response, Liao Jinxue asked again: ¡°Sir?¡±


    Xu Qi concentrated, trying hard to recall the experience of seeing the dentist two or three years ago, he walked over and sat on the reclining chair, ¡°Yes, teeth cleaning.¡±


    Liao Jinxue stood up, the hem of the white lab coat hanging above his knees, bringing a sense of abstinence beyond rigour. He asked his assistant to push over the equipment needed for cleaning teeth, and he sat next to Xu Qi. Only at this time did Xu Qi notice Liao Jinxue¡¯s assistant.


    ¡°Have you ever cleaned your teeth before?¡±


    At this close distance, Liao Jinxue¡¯s voice was more magnetic than when he was further away. So weird.


    Xu Qi avoided his sight and turned to look at the ground. On the smooth floor tiles, there were two pairs of shoes. One pair was the leather shoes he had been wearing since he began work; the bottom rubber had been reinforced more than once due to cracking. There was also a pair of leather shoes on Liao Jinxue¡¯s feet. The upper part of the leather shoes was polished, it looked like those on display in the windows of luxury stores.


    Xu Qi felt even more jealous, he looked at the device being pushed, and spat out two words bluntly: ¡°No.¡±


    ¡°Lie down.¡±


    His body was pushed down and he looked up, the overhead lights were off. Liao Jinxue leaned over to adjust the height of the seat, bringing a scent different from disinfectant when he got closer.


    Different from the perfume that Liang Yue often sprays, this is a cold fragrance that starts to cool a person from the bottom of your heart as long as they smell it.


    Xu Qi hadn¡¯t had time to smell it more when the height of the recliner had been adjusted. When Xu Qi realized what he had been doing, he was a little stiff, and his nails were pressed on his palms, hard. Liao Jinxue, who had already distanced himself, lowered his head and put on two rubber gloves, but he didn¡¯t looked at him again.


    ¡°You may feel a little discomfort during the process, raise your hand and tell me if you feel uncomfortable.¡± Liao Jinxue pulled down the dental light which added a little warmth to his tone, it was as short as a sudden flash of light.


    Before Xu Qi stepped into the clinic, he had thought more about how to behave naturally, relying on their weak classmate relationship in the past to get more information from Liao Jinxue. Teeth cleaning was a complete pretence.


    At this moment, lying on the bench and listening to the sound of the device starting, all the extra thoughts have been forgotten, and Xu Qi only has a personal fear, which is attacking him fiercely.


    When the light was turned on, he couldn¡¯t open my eyes, and the buzzing sound of the instrument was transmitted to the senses through the sensitive nerves of the mouth, and it was as thin as being stabbed with a needle.


    After adapting to the strong light, Xu Qi opened a vague gap. Liao Jinxue¡¯s face was difficult to see, but he could feel his focus and indifference as always. He was treating the processes like he¡¯d done it countless times.


    His perfume was strong, Xu Qi still felt the cold, which had gradually extended from his inside to his limbs.


    The teeth cleaning process was slower than expected. When he sat up, he moved too violently, and Xu Qi¡¯s vision turned black for a second . Liao Jinxue took off his gloves and said to Xu Qi, who had not fully recovered, ¡°There is a tooth in the lower right row that looks bad, if you¡¯re not in a hurry, you can go and have an X-ray to see what the problem is.¡±


    Xu Qi suspected that he had heard it wrong, he blinked his eyes slowly, and his vision gradually returned. This kind of situation was not in his plan. He propped his arms on the cushion below him and asked dryly, ¡°Really?¡±


    ¡°You had the biggest reaction on that point when I washed that tooth and It¡¯s darker than the other teeth. It¡¯s best to get an x-ray, just in case.¡±


    When a doctor says this, others would have done the X-ray obediently. Xu Qi didn¡¯t want to behave too abnormally, so he had to give up resistance and followed Liao Jinxue¡¯s assistant to the other end of the X-ray room.


    Five minutes later, Xu Qi sat in front of the computer and looked at his X-rays, in a trance, he had the illusion that he was not really looking at his teeth.


    ¡°This tooth in the lower row on your right has been filled before, and now it is the fifth tooth the one infront of it that has decayed.¡± Liao Jinxue had already taken off his mask, and pointed out to Xu Qi the tooth that was obviously different from the other teeth with a ballpoint pen, ¡°The risk of tooth decay around the repaired teeth is generally higher, plus the usual lack of attention, this one has been half decayed.¡±


    The description was too graphic, Xu Qi¡¯s face turned white, ¡°Do you want to fill it?¡±


    Liao Jinxue pondered for a moment, ¡°Just clean up today, I will fill it next time.¡±


    A few simple sentences decided the fate of this tooth. Xu Qi lay back on the chair again, his mind drifting from the perfume on Liao Jinxue¡¯s body to the sky-high cost of filling his teeth.


    Half an hour later, the anaesthesia on his right cheek still had not subsided, it was a strange feeling and Xu Qi words were slower than normal, ¡°Is there anything to avoid?¡± ¡±


    Liao Jinxue sat back in front of the computer to record the visit, without turning his head, and said, ¡°Eat after the anaesthesia has subsided, there is nothing to avoid.¡±


    ¡°Okay.¡± After Xu Qi finished speaking, the consultation room was quiet, leaving the crisp sound of Liao Jinxue typing.


    Each finger that crossed the keyboard was narrow and slender, and Xu Qi felt this way when he reached into his mouth and pressed the carious tooth. From the strands of hair to the soles of his feet, Liao Jinxue was full of impeccable perfection, no matter who stands by his side, even the most confident person will feel ashamed of himself.


    Liang Yue gave up on him and chose Liao Jinxue, which is obviously an advantageous thing.


    Familiar jealousy and unwillingness that had dissipated for many years after graduating from high school returned to Xu Qi¡¯s heart, silently swelling and surging.


    ¡°Doctor Liao.¡±


    ¡°Is there anything else?¡±


    Xu Qi squeezed the corners of his shirt and rubbed his fingers until he could no longer remain silent, and ripped open a hole in a low voice: ¡°Do you remember me? We were high school classmates. You transferred to No. 13 Middle School in your second year of high school. I was in class 7 the class next to yours, do you still have any impressions?¡±


    Liao Jinxue stopped tapping, and looked at Xu Qi quietly, trying to find a similar figure in his memory. A few seconds gradually stretched into a century on Xu Qi, until the sound of typing resounded, Liao Jinxue looked at the screen, and his tone did not change: ¡°Xu Qi? I have an impression.¡±


    A bit of an impression. For these four words, Xu Qi cleaned and grinded his teeth, and he would have to fill his teeth in two days.


    Xu Qi reluctantly squeezed out a little smile, dispelling a little gloom in his eyes, and tried his best to keep his voice light: ¡°You are a dentist now, it¡¯s amazing, I remember your grades in high school were very good¡­¡±


    ¡°Well, payment is at the front desk.¡±


    Liao Jinxue handed over a list and wrote on her face that she didn¡¯t want to talk. Xu Qi, who was interrupted, couldn¡¯t say a word.


    In Liao Jinxue¡¯s eyes, he may just be a strange person who he has not seen for many years who still has the banner of an old classmate, right? How could that negligible friendship make Liao Jinxue let down his guard and accept him calmly? He should have thought of it.


    Xu Qi didn¡¯t notice that the corners of the list were wrinkled by his pinching, Liao Jinxue glanced at the corners of his stiff mouth, and was silent for a while, as if he didn¡¯t see anything he continued, ¡°You have to go to work, the next time your teeth will be filled at the same time as today, Can you do make it at ten o¡¯clock on Saturday morning?¡±


    ¡°yes.¡±


    There was nothing left to talk about, and the next patient might be waiting at the door. Xu Qi stood up, walked toward the direction of the door, and after o two steps, ¡°Can I add you on WeChat? If I have something else to do next Saturday, I can contact you to change the time. ¡±


    After three sentences of high-sounding reasons, Liao Jinxue¡¯s answer was official: ¡°There is a QR code on the wall outside the door.¡±


    Xu Qi tried very hard not to show the embarrassment on his face. After he scanned WeChat and went downstairs, the lady at the front desk looked at him a few more times. It seemed that he finally remembered and asked, ¡°Did you come here last week? I felt like I¡¯ve seen you before. How do you feel about your appointment today?¡±


    ¡°How much?¡±


    Xu Qi was not in the mood for small talk, and when he didn¡¯t make any expressions, his whole body showed a grey and cold depression, preventing anyone from getting close. The lady at the front desk gave up the idea of talking and printed out the receipts.


    Before the lunch break, the atmosphere in the office building was already loose and relaxed. Xu Qi heard the two colleagues next door discussing going to eat the newly opened Japanese food two blocks away, and the female colleagues behind her chatted and burst into laughter. These noisy voices were isolated from the world by Xu Qi, filling out forms on the computer. Suddenly a dozen folders were thrown onto the table, blocking the mouse cursor.


    ¡°Brother Xu, these are also troublesome for you.¡±


    Saying the word ¡°trouble¡±, but without the slightest apology that others should have, Wu Dong leaned in front of Xu Qi¡¯s workstation, and his young face showed a smile that was closer to what he should have.


    ¡°Do you want them all?¡±


    ¡°Yeah, Brother Wang said he would send it to his office before he got off work, but he¡¯s going to have dinner later. I can¡¯t finish it by myself. Brother Xu, please help me share the burden and go first.¡±


    After speaking, without waiting for Xu Qi¡¯s reply, Wu Dong had already ran to another female colleague¡¯s workstation to tease and chat, and everything seemed to be a matter of course.


    The pile of documents was placed in front of the table, Xu Qi sat quietly for half a minute, picked up the top book and turned to the first page. The surrounding noise did not stop because of this. In the eyes of other colleagues, this was just a scene that was repeated every day.


    Brother Wang in Wu Dong¡¯s mouth is the immediate boss of their group. Only Wu Dong can call him brother without any taboos. There is no reason for him. Brother Wang was indeed his brother. He married Wu Dong¡¯s sister, and the two families had long since become one. Not long after Wu Dong graduated, he got a job through his sister¡¯s relationship. A graduate with no work experience can get this job. It was due to his brother-in-laws operating in the dark.


    The people in the office knew it, and their attitude toward him was not at all indifferent, like it was to other newcomers. Wu Dong regards work as communication. He can¡¯t stay at his workstation for ten minutes, so he runs to chat with a female colleague. The work left behind can¡¯t be finished. What should he do? That¡¯s easy, leave it to the most bullied in the entire office to do it.


    Xu Qi was the one he chose.


    Wu Dong¡¯s vision of people is much better than his ability to work. Knowing this, Xu Qi, who could not defy him openly, could only help him handle all the work one by one. When the lunch break came, colleagues left their workstations and went downstairs to eat, leaving Xu Qi to sit alone in front of the computer, staring at the screen for a long time, his sour eyes moving to the window. Two sparrows happened to pass in the sky.


    He received a message with a ¡®ding¡¯ sound. Xu Qi lowered his stiff neck. The contact person noted as ¡®Liao Jinxue¡¯ on the screen made his heart skip a beat. His fingers slid apart and almost pressed the wrong direction. The next second felt like he was immersed in an ice bucket to quickly cool down, and he couldn¡¯t make any more fluctuations.


    Liao Jinxue: In the summer orthodontic season, a smile leads to youth, and the change of teeth begins in the summer¡­


    After Xu Qi read the message, he laughed out loud. He didn¡¯t know what he was laughing at. It might be the text message, or it might be himself. He clicked on the other party¡¯s circle of friends, all of which are advertisements of Jinshuo Dental, Liao Jinxue had given him his work number, and it is difficult to say whether the person who sent the text message was him.


    The document waiting to be completed felt one layer higher than before, making Xu Qi breathless. He changed Liao Jinxue¡¯s name to Jinshuo Dental, and then raised his head, another lonely bird swept across the blue sky outside the window.


    Do birds understand this fatigue? Xu Qi had this question. Not from his body, but from his spirit that was so tired that h could no longer raise any expectations.

 CH 3

    ¡°Why don¡¯t you turn on the lights?¡±


    When Liang Yue bent down to change her shoes, she was startled by Xu Qi who was watching TV in the living room. The room was dark and the volume of the TV news was very low. Xu Qi always liked silence.


    This movement outside the TV made Xu Qi, who was sitting in a sculptural sit-in, finally react. He went to take Liang Yue¡¯s bag and hang it on the hanger at the entrance, and then remembered to explain, ¡°I¡¯m afraid it¡¯s inconvenient for you to drink.¡±


    Liang Yue put the key in the entrance drawer and bypassed Xu Qi, ¡°They ordered wine, but I didn¡¯t drink it. It¡¯s too troublesome to call a driver at night.¡±


    Xu Qixin said, you can obviously call me to pick you up.


    Liang Yue didn¡¯t pay attention to Xu Qi¡¯s momentary depression, she seemed to be in a good mood, and her tolerance also increased when she was in a good mood. Xu Qi returned to the sofa, but he didn¡¯t move his hand holding the remote control, and asked in a low voice,


    ¡°What did you eat tonight?¡±


    ¡°Barbecue,¡± Liang Yue poured herself a glass of water and leaned against the chair to relax her legs, ¡°The place was ok, it¡¯s relatively close to the company, everyone was very tired after working all day and didn¡¯t want to toss.¡±


    ¡°We can go to eat next time.¡±


    Liang Yue turned the cup covering her beautiful face and one couldn¡¯t tell whether she understood what Xu Qi meant or not.


    The air became stiff as the water sank into the bottom of the glass, and swayed uneasily, the living room was silent for a while, Liang Yue stopped behind the sofa, bent down and kissed Xu Qi on the cheek,


    ¡°Okay, we¡¯ll talk about it next time, I¡¯m tired today, I¡¯ll take a shower first, you should rest earlier.¡±


    She closed the door and that was the end of their daily communication.


    Xu Qi raised his hand and touched his cheek, and quickly retracted, without any perception other than touch, maybe because Liang Yue kissed him was insincere, naturally he couldn¡¯t feel anything.


    The only thing that wasn¡¯t  bad was that he could smell the lingering smell of grilled meat brought by Liang Yue when she approached.


    No cool fragrance.


    ¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¨C


    ¡°Is it repaired?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s all right.¡±


    Xu Qi sat up, having learned the lesson last time, but this time he moved a lot slower, his eyes from behind the lens glanced at Liao Jinxue who was sitting in front of the computer, his broad shoulders propped up his white coat, no matter whether he was sitting or standing up, his back was always straight with no fear of bending.


    After filling the teeth, Xu Qi¡¯s last reason to come to the clinic will also be lost. If there is no other accident, the connection that was finally established will be cut off.


    When he found out that Liang Yue was cheating, and the reason for Liang Yue¡¯s cheating was Liao Jinxue, Xu Qi couldn¡¯t tell what made him feel more at loss. The only thing that was certain was that he didn¡¯t want to divorce Liang Yue yet.


    After five years of getting along day and night, Xu Qi didn¡¯t even want to think about the trivial matters of chicken feathers after separation. He pierced this layer of window paper, and all that awaited him was the pincer battle from Liang Yue and Chen Fang. This was what he was most afraid of, and at the same time It is also the situation he was most unwilling to see.


    Xu Qi has always wanted to live his ordinary life well. In an ordinary life, there is no earth-shattering option of divorce.


    He was helpless against Liang Yue, and all he could do was start from Liao Jinxue¡¯s side.


    Must show interest, care, and get more information about Liao Jinxue.


    ¡°Did you go to university in Ningcheng after graduation? I haven¡¯t seen you come to class a month before the college entrance examination, and I haven¡¯t heard the news of your volunteering.¡±


    Xu Qi suppressed the vibrato when he was biting, as if he suddenly remembered, so he cares casually.


    Liao Jinxue¡¯s answer was as simple as always: ¡°In other provinces.¡±


    ¡°So, did you come back to work directly after graduating from college?¡±


    ¡°After a few months of internship, I returned to Ningcheng after the end.¡±


    Xu Qi snorted and said after a long silence: ¡°Have you worked in this clinic for a long time? Every time I come to the front desk, I will mention you and say that you are very popular with patients¡­¡±


    ¡°Xu Qi, do you have anything else?¡±


    Liao Jinxue asked indifferently, his eyes were as sharp as the blade of a knife, he cut through Xu Qi¡¯s smiling faces, and mercilessly overthrew the hypocritically established peace between them.


    This blatant question is like telling Xu Qi that he has forgotten the past, and the only one holding on to it is Xu Qi.


    Liao Jinxue¡¯s life is rich enough, the intersection of those two years is not worth mentioning, but for a person like Xu Qi, there may not be such a peaceful, stable and comfortable three years in the future.


    It was Liao Jinxue who was obviously cheating with his wife and Liao Jinxue was the one who did the wrong thing, but this made Xu Qi seem to be the wicked one.


    ¡°No, nothing else.¡± Xu Qi twitched the corners of his mouth in embarrassment and murmured, ¡°I¡¯m wasting your time.¡±


    He walked away without looking back, forgetting to close the door. The assistant stepped in and saw Liao Jinxue sitting in front of the computer. He mentioned two things about the patient¡¯s need to change the appointment time. Suddenly, he glanced at the screen and asked,


    ¡°Doctor Liao, the patient has already left, do you still need to make a record?¡±


    Moving the mouse to save, Liao Jinxue turned her face to look at her, no matter how many times, the assistant would still speed up the heartbeat because of these eyes, and forget the doubts just now.


    When she recovered, Liao Jinxue¡¯s demeanour had returned to normal, and she asked her,


    ¡°What¡¯s the matter?¡±


    ¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª-


    ¡°Aren¡¯t you going to eat at home tonight?¡±


    Xu Qi came out of the kitchen, Liang Yue walked towards the porch with her bag on her shoulders. She wore a black dress tonight. She had put on make-up, and she looked very feminine. She was looking down to reply to someone¡¯s news. She just replied absentmindedly:


    ¡°I made an appointment with a friend for dinner. It will be very late when I come back. You don¡¯t have to wait for me.¡±


    His fingernails sank into the flesh of his palm, and he pinched a red mark that almost bled. Xu Qi caught up a few steps and suggested palely:


    ¡°You can call me when it¡¯s over, and I¡¯ll pick you up.¡±


    Liang Yue turned off her phone, her voice mixed with impatience,


    ¡°No, I¡¯m going to be late if you drag, I¡¯ll drive back myself.¡±


    She didn¡¯t look at Xu Qi. It seemed like a waste of time to do so. She bent over to put on shoes and brushed the hair behind her under the chain of the satchel, leaving Xu Qi behind with a closed door.


    Liang Yue lied.


    Xu Qi knew that when she saw her friends, she would not dress up so grandly, would not be distracted, and would not wear those high heels that had been idle since they were bought.


    Who is she going to see? Thinking of this question, Xu Qi turned upside down in his stomach and completely lost his last appetite.


    He turned around and went into the bedroom, took out the diary from the drawer under the closet, took out the camera from the other compartment, brought what he needed skillfully and walked on the road where Liang Yue left just now without looking back, the lights of the whole house went out suddenly.


    The night scene in the centre of Ningcheng was prosperous, with neon lights flashing, and Xu Qi was driving behind Liang Yue with a distance of three cars. Half an hour away, she could see her parked on the side of the road from a distance. There was a long food street nearby, and you could vaguely glimpse the lively fireworks and pedestrians at the intersection.


    The owner of the car at the diagonal just moved the car out. Xu Qi immediately reversed and parked in this position, turning off the car¡¯s engine. In the dark, he and Liang Yue waited silently.


    His lips were very dry, probably because he had just had his teeth filled in the morning. His tongue was always licking the tooth in the lower right row involuntarily. The rough filling material gave off an unfamiliar touch on the tip of his tongue.


    The door was pushed open and Xu Qi¡¯s eyes closely followed Liang Yue¡¯s figure getting out of the car. She stood there and smiled at the man approaching.


    Eye-catchingly clear.


    Liao Jinxue, had taken off his white coat and his demeanour became more introverted, this did little to dim his original handsomeness. The cuffs of the black shirt were rolled up to the forearms, and the hem was tied into suit pants. The dress was between formal and casual. The well-proportioned and beautiful muscle lines make it difficult to imagine that this is a doctor who sits in the consulting room every day.


    When Liang Yue walked over, she didn¡¯t pay attention to the steps, her high heels staggered, Liao Jinxue held her back, and then lowered her arms in a gentlemanly manner. The lens flickered irregularly, flickering on and off.


    Adjusting his breath, the shaky camera aimed at the two people walking together. Liang Yue turned her head sideways and joked with Liao Jinxue. It was rare to see her in such a good mood and her smile was gentle. Liao Jinxue still had his back facing the camera and the two figures disappeared on the street corner. .


    Xu Qi failed to press the shutter once.


    He lowered his arms and let the camera, which he had always taken care of, smashed into the co-pilot¡¯s seat.


    This seven-year-old car has always been scolded by Liang Yue for various reasons. Xu Qi didn¡¯t think there was anything wrong with it before, but today for the first time he found that the air in the car was so suffocating, and the noise in the city centre penetrated The sound insulation is extremely poor, and it disturbs his splitting head every minute and every second. If he stays for another second, Xu Qi will vomit out directly.


    The car drove out of the busy city and headed for the most familiar road. It was like a silent escape. The street scene outside the window was reflected in the familiar billboard, and finally there was no more heart-pounding glare.


    The road was rough, and it took a lot of work every time I drove in. Xu Qi parked the car in the open space in front of the photo studio and got out of the car with the camera.


    ¡°Who is it? Don¡¯t look at what time it is, and don¡¯t open the store at night!¡±


    The scolding voice got closer and closer with the sound of the slippers hitting the ground. The shutter door slammed open, and the dim incandescent light in the museum lit up an open space under Xu Qi¡¯s feet.


    Uncle Liang took off the reading glasses that were not in front of his vest, and after seeing it clearly, he called out,


    ¡°Xu Qi? Why did you choose to come here at this time?¡±


    ¡°I¡­¡­¡±


    Xu Qi raised the camera in his hand, was silent for a long time, and answered without any confidence: ¡°I¡¯ll take pictures.¡±


    Uncle Liang squeezed a Sichuan character pattern between his brows, swept him from head to toe, turned his hands behind his back, turned and walked into the museum, without asking a word,


    ¡°Don¡¯t forget to close the door.¡±


    Xu Qi felt the fatigue relieved from his whole body.


    He pulled the rolling shutter halfway down again, took out the SD card in the camera and put it in front of the stage. Uncle Liang turned over the camera brought by Xu Qi and weighed it twice in his hand to guess the model year. He looked disgusted and scolded: ¡°What is the age of this year, and I still use an old-fashioned camera. This ten-year-old style is sold in second-hand stores for fifty and no one buys it. The photos taken are too blurry to see, only You, and use it.¡±


    Uncle Liang has always had a poisonous tongue, hurting people but not too harshly. To  Xu Qi it sounded more like caring, and whispered to defend his precious camera:


    ¡°I bought it for 800, and the photos are not blurry, not as bad as you said. ¡°


    Uncle Liang immediately took over:


    ¡°That¡¯s what I taught well, there¡¯s nothing wrong with the camera.¡±


    Xu Qi pursed his lips and smiled, without saying anything to refute, the stagnation in his heart gradually thinned and dissipated during the chat with Uncle Liang.


    This small photo studio is now in its twentieth year and is on the road that Xu Qi passed through during his High School days.


    Ten years ago, cameras used film to take pictures, and they had to go into a dark room to develop them. The habit left behind led Xu Qi to still say ¡®photographing¡¯ instead of ¡®printing photos¡¯. Uncle Liang said that he is not as good as an old man who keeps up with the trend. This is indeed the case. The service of the photo studio has been added and iterated all the time. Now most people have switched to taking pictures with mobile phones, and the business has been stable.


    There are no other employees in the store except Uncle Liang. Xu Qi will come to help when he has time on weekends. He doesn¡¯t get paid. The compensation is that Uncle Liang can borrow any equipment he wants, and he can come anytime if he needs to print photos.


    Uncle Liang scolded Xu Qi for not going to sleep at night and came to disturb him, an old man, and printed the selected photos one by one. Xu Qi picked up photos that were still hot. He usually took pictures of the sky outside the company, the osmanthus tree downstairs, the stray cat he had only seen in the community once, and Liao Jinxue in the clinic, comforting the crying little boy.


    There is no skill in the shooting angle, just because of the people in the picture, the whole photo has a strong sense of atmosphere.


    The fingers pinching the edge of the photo unconsciously tightened, causing the side of Liao Jinxue¡¯s face to blur for a moment, but quickly released. Uncle Liang finally stopped his mouth after finishing his work. He sat down and commented on Xu Qi¡¯s shooting results one by one. What¡¯s the ¡®structure is not beautiful¡¯, ¡®This cat¡¯s demeanour is too silly¡¯, and when he picked up a photo of Liao Jinxue, Liang Uncle pushed the reading glasses away, frowned and looked at it carefully.


    ¡°It¡¯s ugly, and the people are handsome.¡±


    Before a corner of the photo touched the table, Uncle Liang picked it up again. After the second measurement, he pointed at Liao Jinxue on the photo with great certainty and said,


    ¡°Isn¡¯t this the kid you often photographed in high school?¡±


    Xu Qi¡¯s wrist trembled, and the photo fell to the ground. He bent down and picked it up.


    ¡°Do you remember¡­¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m not old enough to forget things.¡± Uncle Liang was the least willing to be told that he was old and had a poor memory. He pointed at the photo and vowed, ¡°I can¡¯t forget this face, why did you meet again?¡±


    His throat was slightly dry, and Xu Qi whispered, ¡°I just met when I was going to the dentist. He is a dentist now, and we have a chat together.¡±


    ¡°so¡­¡±


    Uncle Liang muttered a few words of ¡°promising¡±, but did not ask any further questions, and replayed the photo.


    He and Xu Qi have known each other for so many years. To a certain extent, he is a weird person like Xu Qi. One of the rules is that he will never ask about the story in the photo, no matter how strange it is, he has never only commented on the shooting technique.


    But this time, Uncle Liang rarely said a word.


    ¡°I¡¯ve never seen you photographing people, but you love photographing him.¡±


    This  sentence hit at home, making Xu Qi dizzy.


    In the photo, Liao Jinxue¡¯s profile flashes alternately with the green face ten years ago, as if to dig out those two years that he had tried so hard to hide.


    Since the reunion until now, Xu Qi has been avoiding thinking about  and mentioning the past that should have been sealed ten years ago during his student days. There is always a cold voice in his ear reminding him that escaping does not mean erasing it.


    All the memories related to Liao Jinxue are engraved in the dark haze.

 CH 4

    ¡°Xu Qi, you¡¯re too useless.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t tell me you really fainted?¡±


    ¡­¡­


    The lights flickered dizzily in front of Xu Qi. In one moment dark waves in the river surged, and in another moment the bright sun burnt at every breath. With no memories of how long time passed, his senses slowly recovered, and Xu Qi winced at the stinging sensations of his face against the hard rubber track.


    He pushed himself up slowly, using the ground as support. In the distance, a boy playing basketball had accidentally sent the ball flying as it rebounded against the hoop. It almost brushed against Xu Qi¡¯s cheeks.


    The group exploded in laughter at this coincidence; no one cared to look at Xu Qi¡¯s ghastly pale complexion.


    ¡°Stop bullying Xu Qi, if you wanna play basketball then play properly!¡±


    The girl¡¯s crisp reprimanding sent all the boys who were watching the fun away, along with the ball. Xu Qi lifted his stiff neck, to see Lin An Nan hug her knees and crouch down. Her eyes were filled with a stranger¡¯s worry as she looked straight at him. ¡±You fainted here after running two rounds. Are you feeling okay?¡±


    ¡°¡­ I¡¯m okay.¡± Xu Qi replied softly. The line of sight behind those thick glasses moved down, afraid to meet the girl¡¯s bright pure eyes.


    He was afraid that if their eyes met once more, she¡¯ll find out about all his panic and inferiority.


    ¡°If you¡¯re feeling unwell, you must tell the teachers. That group of boys were too mean, I tried getting them to carry you back to the classroom, but none of them was willing to step forward.¡±


    Lin An Nan complained angrily for Xu Qi, not hiding her disdain for the bullies¡¯ behaviour. Seeing that Xu Qi¡¯s complexion was bad beyond belief, she stopped herself from continuing and instead asked, ¡°are you thirsty, would you like some water?¡±


    ¡°No need.¡±


    ¡®Yes,¡¯ was what Xu Qi thought in his heart, yet when he opened his mouth it became rejection. He was rarely met with this kind of question and was not familiar with the ways of answering them. His chest swelled as he savoured the taste of upset. Maybe he hadn¡¯t woken up from the intense run a moment ago.


    The atmosphere was slightly awkward. After a moment of silence, Xu Qi croaked out his rusty deep voice and added, ¡°Thank you.¡±


    ¡°There¡¯s no need to say thank you.¡±


    Lin An Nan paid no mind to Xu Qi¡¯s unamenable nature, her smile never dissipating. It was brighter than the afternoon sun. ¡°After all, I am the class president.¡±


    The soreness that clogged his chest felt like little sparks of electricity passing through his veins, the heat wrapping his limbs and seeping away the stiffness, bringing along a spring-like warmth of recovery.


    Returning home at night, Xu Qi locked himself in his room after eating. He took out a diary from his bedside seams, flipped to a new page, and as he wrote down lines of elegant words, he was dipped in a throbbing sensation.


    June 4th, Sunny Weather


    Today the sun was really bright. The cicadas on the trees called for the entire day, I didn¡¯t understand anything during math class, and I even fainted during the afternoon run, and it was incredibly embarrassing.


    But when I woke up, I saw Lin An Nan. Her smile was very pretty, and she actually remembered my name.


    In his grey world, liking Lin An Nan was the only thing that could spark colour. Every interaction was important enough to be penned in the diary, enough for him to lay in bed every night and reminisce about those limited encounters with her, ruminating that trace of sweetness.


    Xu Qi was an invisible man.


    When he walked on 13th Street, he would often be knocked over without reason by groups of quarrelling boys on their bicycles. Those delinquents that pick on the weak won¡¯t even think about picking on him; bullying someone with no temper gave absolutely no sense of accomplishment. He was too ordinary, a good-for-nothing with no special characteristics. No one has ever cared about how he was feeling, other than class president Li An Nan.


    Although her actions might only stem from a class president¡¯s sense of duty, Li An Nan takes good care of every student. Those little insignificant acts of kindness would always cause Xu Qi to overflow with emotions.


    It¡¯s the only word that feels too precious, bearing a layer of meaning only he knows. Xu Qi himself also knows that someone like him had long lost his right to openly love someone.


    If you asked anyone who has interacted with Xu Qi to recall his appearance, no matter how many hundred answers you obtain, the answers would all be around the same. Ordinary.


    Spring, summer, autumn, winter, no matter when, Xu Qi¡¯s meagre frame will forever be tucked into that oversized shirt; his black hair and glasses cover half his face; his shut lips lacked the tint of blood; his head was always buried in his collar, hiding away that frail and skinny neck. He exuded a gloomy aura that didn¡¯t let others near him.


    All the teachers had a sort of tacit agreement. During class, they never call Xu Qi to answer questions, and whenever they checked the class roster and saw Xu Qi¡¯s name, they couldn¡¯t help but question whether he was really part of the class.


    Even Xu Qi forgets himself. During class, as the teacher stands on the lectern to give their lectures, he would feel as though he was a shadow drifting indefinitely, suddenly losing weight, floating into the air, until the piercing school bell rings and pulls him back into his heavy body.


    Xu Qi had known since a long time ago that he was different from those around him.


    This nail gap difference caused him to have memories that he, in other ordinary people¡¯s eyes, was the most unordinary.


    June, midsummer.


    The classroom felt like a stuffy stove. The fans spun without much purpose; at any time, the fans would fall onto the sea of dark heads.


    Xu Qi buried his head in the math questions. He wrote for a while before pausing for a few minutes. Just like his unlikeable appearance, his brain was nowhere near intelligent. Regarding this matter, none of the teachers found it surprising.


    In primary school, Xu Qi was still able to struggle and obtain 20th in class. When he entered high school, the high intensity gradually pushed him from 20th place to 25th, and subsequently 30th. Every time a parent meeting ended, Chen Fang would wave those result slips and spit out venomous words that many bystanders could never imagine. On these kinds of nights, there usually wouldn¡¯t be any food prepared for Xu Qi.


    He scribbled away the second solution he wrote on the paper. It was still wrong. Xu Qi put down his pen. In a classroom where even breathing felt suffocating, rarely anyone would be able to do their work peacefully.


    As a force of habit, he looked toward Lin An Nan¡¯s seat. Teacher Wang had something on so he left in the middle of the self-study lesson, and some girls who couldn¡¯t take the boredom anymore surrounded Lin An Nan¡¯s seat to talk. Lin An Nan was the class president of the 7th class and was also the acknowledged pretty and popular girl of the class.


    Today¡¯s discussion topic was a little different from the usual.


    ¡°Did you see? He was so handsome. I heard he transferred over from Sanzhong. It¡¯s such a good school, why would he transfer here?¡±


    ¡°Who knows, maybe he moved house.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s only been a week, class 4¡¯s Yao Bing has already started to chase after him. Apparently, she waits outside class 6 every day after school, I don¡¯t know how¡¯s the progress like now.¡±


    ¡°Liao Jinxue probably wouldn¡¯t agree,¡± one of the girls said softly, ¡°he doesn¡¯t look like someone who would be interested in this kind of thing.¡±


    ¡°Yao Bing is so pretty¡­¡­¡±


    Jiang Yue, who sat behind, let out an untimely sneer and interrupted the girls¡¯ whispering. His hostile expression caused his facial features, which were already packed with barely enough space, to become a more tragic sight to behold. Unfortunately, only he himself seemed to lack awareness. It was as if he wanted everyone to hear him as he spoke with his deafening voice, ¡°If you ask me, this brat will definitely show his true colours in less than 2 weeks. What do you think his facade is for? It¡¯s especially you girls with no brain who would fangirl over him. He only acting reserved, and you all really had the guts to believe it. Who knows, he might be laughing at how dumb all of you are.¡±


    All the girls were visibly terrified of Jiang Yue, so despite their disgust, they continued to keep their silence. Lin An Nan gave him a glare. ¡°Jiang Yue, can you not speak so carelessly? Lin Jiangxue did nothing to offend you.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re allowed to fangirl, but I¡¯m not allowed to speak the truth?¡± Jiang Yue asserted, not shunning away from the provoked stares of the class. ¡°Class pres, you¡¯re so protective of this new kid, could it be that you like him too?¡±


    ¡°You, you¡­¡­:


    Jiang Yue scrutinized her from top to bottom, staring at her with his naked eyes. It felt vomit-inducing. ¡°Forget it. Yao Bing is so many times more pretty than you. If I were him, I would choose her too.¡±


    Under the watchful eyes of the students, Li An Nan was enraged to the point of trembling. Her cheek flushed red with blood, and her eyes slowly glistened with a layer of tears. Xu Qi heart felt wrinkled, just like the workbook under his palm. He wanted to stand up and throw a punch at Jiang Yue¡¯s face and ask him to apologise.


    As the scene replayed over and over again in his mind, Jiang Yue went back to joking with his friends as if nothing happened, and Li An Nan who was driven to tears was surrounded by the group of girls, now giving words of comfort.


    ¡°An Nan, don¡¯t believe the nonsense that Jiang Yue said. Yao Bing isn¡¯t as beautiful as you. If you really decide to chase someone you definitely won¡¯t lose.¡±


    One of them obviously didn¡¯t really know how to comfort people, and the moment she said that she was smacked by another girl.


    Lin An Nan had already calmed down. She gripped the bundle of tissues used to wipe her tears without speaking a word; the flush on her cheeks had subsided, and what remained was an abnormal red.


    These changes were like a small annoying splinter. Prickling, yet Xu Qi couldn¡¯t tell where exactly it hurt.


    The name Liao Jinxue had been buzzing around his ears. The tip of the pen sub-consciously brushed against the paper. Jing for capital, or Jing for through?(*) Is the Xue the character for snow? For a man to have this kind of name, how strange.


    As the main culprit that caused Lin An Nan to be bullied for no reason, Xu Qi instinctively felt aggression towards this man he had never met.


    When he finally learnt how to write those 3 words, it was when the results for the exam a few weeks ago were released. The ranking was pasted on the announcement board in the corridor, where students came and went. When the turn came to Xu Qi, who was outside of the crowd, to see the name list clearly, the name on the first column stood out brilliantly. He could never forget that name in his lifetime, Liao Jinxue.


    Turns out the Xue really meant snow.


    ¡°He¡¯s so impressive.¡± From behind, Xu Qi heard a girl and her friends discuss with amazement. ¡°Not only is he handsome, but his results are also good. Does he not have any flaws?¡±


    ¡°Yeah,¡± the other girl sighed, voice filled with longing. ¡°I don¡¯t know what kind of girls he would like.¡±


    ¡°An Nan, you¡­¡­¡±


    After hearing that voice, Xu Qi felt his blood go cold; the word amazement milled behind his ears, laughing at the unrealistic imagination he had for the past half a year.


    A new person¡¯s figure had appeared in Lin An Nan¡¯s bright pure eyes. Her friend would purposely bring it up occasionally, and her smile would leak shyness she fails to hide. Everyone came to the same consensus, and would even jokingly ask Lin An Nan when she would confess to Liao Jinxue.


    Xu Qi can confirm, the hatred he had for the name Liao Jinxue wasn¡¯t without reason.


    Of thousands and millions of ordinary people, why is it that only Liao Jinxue was so brilliant? Breaking into his world without any words, yet that man was so unlike the ordinary and unremarkable himself.


    What was so glorious about transferring schools midway, couldn¡¯t he have just quietly become an ordinary member of the school? But it had to be that Liao Jinxue wasn¡¯t like that. On his body radiated too much brilliance. It was as if he was a dusty gem; its shine would be discovered eventually. Even if he wasn¡¯t aware of it himself, he still attracted away too many people¡¯s gaze. Like how positive and negative attract, he attracted Xu Qi¡¯s hatred.


    Class 6 was behind Class 7 at an angle. Every time after PE, Xu Qi would intentionally slow down when he passed by Class 6. Through the back door and the window, he would search for the last row to spot Lin Jianxue. With that over 180cm height, he was like a crane that stood amongst a flock of chickens(**). He was very well-received, and was always seen talking and laughing with the people around him.


    The girls admired his looks and his studies, while the boys enjoyed making friends with popular people to satisfy their pride. Liao Jinxue would never show a welcoming smile to others, nor would he reply politely or help solve their academic questions. Instead, he maintained a line that no one could ever cross. In Xu Qi¡¯s eyes, this was just evidence in disguise that could prove his hypocrisy and fraud.


    People who excel can obtain never-ending streams of favour and adoration even with their cold demeanour. Xu Qi was the opposite of Liao Jinxue, he ought to obtain others¡¯ cold looks; even when the girl he likes runs into others¡¯ arms, he must also be forced to stand on the spot and watch in a daze.


    Xu Qi started to give quick glances out of the classroom, unsatisfied. Slowly and gradually, he became a real shadow, hidden in every corner of the campus, just like the rats in the waterways that will never see the light of day, peeping at Liao Jinxue¡¯s every single move.


    The thought of this rash behaviour had arisen due to Lin An Nan, but the moment it appeared it was snuffed out by Xu Qi. He was terrified of being seen as a psychopath, afraid of losing the last person who cared about him. However, in front of Liao Jinxue, none of those worries were worth mentioning.


    He didn¡¯t give a dime about how Liao Jinxue would think.


    Xu Qi wasn¡¯t exactly sure about the purpose of doing so; perhaps the imbalance that was suppressed for too long finally exploded; perhaps he was jealous of Liao Jinxie; perhaps it could also be that he was a pervert through and through, and just wanted to satisfy his sick peeping urges.


    Every night when he returned to that depressing house, Xu Qi would write down the interactions he had with Lin An Nan habitually. Slowly, Lin An Nan¡¯s name appeared less and less in the diary. In its place, were those 3 words that would rip the paper every time he penned it down.


    Liao Jinxue took a lot of meat dishes. He has a habit of picking food. He even took all the green chilis out, what a waste of food.


    Liao Jinxue got first place in math again. In the afternoon, he went to the teacher¡¯s office to help mark papers. Everyone else has to go to classes, why is he the only one getting special treatment? This isn¡¯t fair.


    During the parent¡¯s meeting tonight, Liao Jinxue¡¯s parents didn¡¯t come. How strange, if I had this kind of grades, my parents would probably rush over to flaunt and show off no matter what people say.


    ¡­¡­


    Xu Qi knew Liao Jinxue more clearly than the latter himself, about how many times he was confessed to before, how many times he got first in the exam, and how many times he was praised by the teacher in class.


    The moment there was an opportunity, Xu Qin would hide within the crowds and observe Liao Jinxue like a thief, observing his expression when he listens to other people speak, observing the arcs of his lips when he answered, all while secretly criticising how those eyes of his weren¡¯t as pretty as all those females said. They were more like a pool of cold, stagnant water, engulfing the warmth of his surroundings. Even if you throw stones in, no ripples will form.


    Dark and ugly.


    When the other person turned, Xu Qi would hurriedly lower his head to look at the little brick on the floor until a few minutes had passed and Liao Jinxue was long far away. Only then would he secretly follow, and the cycle then repeats.


    ¡°Liao Jinxue, what were you looking at just now?¡±


    The boy¡¯s loud and carefree voice annoyed his ears. Liao Jinxue had no expression, retracting his gaze along with a ¡°nothing much¡±, and silently pushed away the other party¡¯s hand which was getting too close.


    ¡°I almost thought you were looking at Xu Qi,¡± the boy let out a tsk.


    ¡°Xu Qi?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s that thin boy who was behind us that was wearing glass, the one with no spirit at all.¡±


    He described it very vividly, Liao Jinxue lowered his eyes, seemingly trying to recall the group of people he saw just now, and shook his head. ¡°I don¡¯t know him.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s normal to not know him, it¡¯s only been how long since you transferred here? He¡¯s in class 7 next door and seemed to be looking in this direction just now. Not sure if he was peeping at you.¡±


    ¡°You probably saw wrong.¡±


    ¡°Who knows,¡± the boy shrugged. ¡°According to his classmates, there¡¯s something wrong with his brain. This kind of people would definitely do something like this.¡±


    Liao Jinxue paused in his steps. ¡°Does he have an intellectual disability?¡±


    ¡°No, it¡¯s not that kind of problem.¡±


    He waved his hands, lowered his voice, and leaned forward, not noticing the frown on Liao Jinxue¡¯s face due to the distance he just closed, and continued endlessly with the gossip he heard from who knows where. ¡°According to what I¡¯ve heard, he has a mental illness, don¡¯t know if that¡¯s true. I was in the same junior high as him, and he at that time was just like him now, gloomy and depressing. It¡¯s almost like he¡¯s a ghost. I heard that an accident happened with his family before and it was pretty serious, and someone even died. Don¡¯t know if it¡¯s due to the trauma he got, but from then on there was something a little wrong with him.¡±


    ¡°I see.¡±


    The boy had just finished speaking a huge chunk, and Liao Jinxue just stared at the boy and gave a light casual reply, seemingly having no interest in Xu Qi¡¯s current state of mind.


    This reaction made the boy feel a little awkward. He pouted, didn¡¯t continue with the uncomfortable topic. Instead, he started to talk about the arcade games that were trending.


    Stepping into the canteen, Liao Jinxue stopped in front of the staircase railing and looked back in inadvertently, catching sight of Xu Qi who hastily looked away.


    He quietly stared in that direction for a few minutes. Xu Qi thought that the danger has been averted, so he carefully lifted his glance. He ended up being caught off guard, falling into the eyes that seemed like a bottomless pool of stagnant water. It carried a strong force of suction, dragging him into the deep and dark waters, covering his nose and mouth, and depriving him of his last breath.


    Liao Jinxue stood there with a straight face and opened his mouth without a sound.


    The students entering the canteen with their trays of food blocked Liao Jinxue¡¯s face, and Xu Qi could only see the first word he mouthed.


    Don¡¯t¡­


    Don¡¯t what?


    Don¡¯t follow me, don¡¯t sit here, don¡¯t¡­ look at me.


    The canteen tray in Xu Qi¡¯s hands started to tremble slightly, and his legs started moving as if they were pre-programmed, towards a seat on the other side that was back facing Liao Jinxue.


    The sound of his heartbeat covered the noise of the canteen, resembling the sound of raindrops against stone slabs; it was the sound that he hated the most. It drummed against his ears non-stop, with each beat feeling uncontrollable.


    (*) His name is ½ñÑ©, and jin sounds really similar to jing, so the MC thought his name was jing (¾©/¾­).


    (**) º×Á¢¼¦Èº It¡¯s an idiom for standing out.

 CH 5

    July 9th, Cloudy Weather


    The results of the mock test came out. It was as terrible as ever, and the end-of-year exam next week probably wouldn¡¯t be any better.


    This afternoon Liao Jinxue found out I was stalking him. Will he come and warn me? If he was going to why didn¡¯t he say anything today, maybe he actually didn¡¯t put it to heart.


    It rained after school, and I forgot to bring an umbrella, so I could only wait until the rain had passed to go back, and I got scolded by mom when I reached home.


    Rain is awful, as awful as Liao Jinxue.


    The summer of year 2 brought about rolls of heat waves into Xu Qi¡¯s life. The dry heat only made things upsetting.


    He was a stubborn and weird person that would, without reason, reject everything in his surroundings that was not in line with himself, especially summer. He hated popsicles, hated air-conditioning, hated ocean waves, and hated the never-ending rain that came with summer.


    Summer vacation and wonderful never go hand in hand.


    Chen Fang could not bear to look at Xu Qi¡¯s grades anymore and signed him up for a math class in hopes that the latter would stop sauntering around, all while saving those grades that had already fallen into the mud.


    Life during holidays wasn¡¯t very different from during school days, Xu Qi went for tuition in the afternoon and went back home for dinner. During the renovation, a total of 3 bedrooms were freed up, leaving little to no space in the living room. All these years the Xu Family had always been using foldable tables that were sitting in a corner of the living room.


    During dinner, Chen Fang and Xu Shan would sit at opposite ends of the table, and the television would always replay the same series every year. They¡¯ve gotten bored of hearing it. Directly facing Xu Qi was a mahogany altar. The colour had been chipped off its edges. The incense stick that stood in the incense burner had already been burnt halfway. The black and white photo behind the milk and oranges stared directly at him; the child in the photo looked no more than 8 years old.


    It was as if they had purposely left this seat for Xu Qi.


    Xu Qi forever kept his head low as he ate, so fast it seemed like he didn¡¯t have to chew, gulping down his food whole until signals of satiety were sent from his stomach. Then he would close the door heavily amidst Chen Fang¡¯s criticisms. This scene would play out every day.


    The classrooms for 3rd Years had been shifted to the 3rd floor. On the bottom right of the blackboard was a countdown of the days to Gao Kao, and every day a class committee member would come and wipe it off to change the number. Xu Qi stared at the digits that would change unpredictably. His dumb brain sometimes couldn¡¯t even remember what he did yesterday, and the days passed by in a blur.


    Writing diaries is a good habit, it helps Xu Qi to not forget all those important things. This habit started when he was fourteen; a few of the filled diaries were hidden in the tiny gap between the mattress and headboard, away from Chen Fang¡¯s eyes.


    On the nights he couldn¡¯t fall asleep, Xu Qi would start flipping through those diaries. He would often marvel in his heart that he actually did those kinds of things before. At times he would take the wrong diary that he was still filling up, and a hateful name would always pierce his eyes.


    It wasn¡¯t that Xu Qi hadn¡¯t thought of correcting that horrible hobby of his. He tried for a day, but his line would sight would always follow Liao Jinxue without control. Just like how the nature of a plant was to creep towards the light, he chases after Lin Jinxue. It was within expectations that it ended with failure.


    The moment someone starts getting addicted to something, danger signals were no longer far away. Xu Qi comforted himself that it was Liao Jinxue who was unlucky. Even if someone else sat in that same seat, Xu Qi would likewise be unable to suppress his voyeuristic desires. It wasn¡¯t because a certain person had become special.


    It can only be blamed that Lin Jinxue was too unlucky.


    A new school term started. Lin Jinxue didn¡¯t turn his head to look at him like before, and Xu Qi couldn¡¯t tell if he felt relieved or irritated. It didn¡¯t matter if Lin Jinxue noticed the figure behind him or not, Xu Qi still felt extreme unease. He would even walk closely behind the former on purpose, and with an uncertain mind, he hoped for Lin Jinxue to spot his tail yet at the same time was afraid that he actually would actually do so.


    A month or so passed by, and Lin Jinxue had grown taller yet again. The uncut tail of his hair jabbed against his collar, and when he lowered his head his nape would be revealed; the only colour between black hair and uniform was attracting others¡¯ gaze.


    Maintaining a 3-person-wide gap, Xu Qi followed behind Liao Jinxue, within the stream of people in the corridor. In half a term, he had already memorised every corner and arrangement of the class. If he could use this kind of memorising capabilities in his studies, perhaps he would be having a different kind of life now.


    The moment his attention was divided, an accident happened in a flash. When the pain in his shoulders had subsided, Xu Qi¡¯s body had bashed against the pile of books. The fallen books already ended up under many people¡¯s feet, and the crowd automatically formed a circle around the now-desolate accident site.


    A chubby boy scanned the mess and without a care for how the accident truly occurred, he began pushing all blame onto Xu Qi with his rough voice. ¡°Are you even watching your steps, when you knock down other people¡¯s things don¡¯t you know how to apologise?¡±


    ¡°Sorry.¡±


    Countless watchful eyes pierced into Xu Qi¡¯s body; some spectators were there for fun, and others just gave a casual glance. He squatted down, desperately trying to make his figure appear smaller. One by one, he picked up the books that had already been stepped on before and didn¡¯t argue against whether he was truly the one who bumped into others.


    The boy seemingly muttered a ¡®unlucky me¡¯. The on-lookers had started moving once again and automatically overlooked this insignificant accident.


    Xu Qi picked up the textbook on the floor and patted away the dust. On the cover printed a man who raised his camera to point at the scenery behind him. He didn¡¯t know what country it was, that occupied half the page with its majestic and beautiful snow mountain; the mottled blue wrapped around the white of the mountainside, harmonising such that it seemed almost undistinguishable and inseparable, presenting a different kind of beauty, stunning and divine. Xu Qi paused for a long while, forgetting what he had been doing moments before.


    ¡°Are you done?¡±


    ¡°¡­ almost.¡±


    The boy¡¯s hustling brought Xu Qi back to action. He stacked the books in his arms and calmly put a lid on the emotions that gushed over just now. The books in his arms became heavier and heavier, dragging Xu Qi¡¯s small and thin arms down. When he got up, half the books fell onto the ground with a pitter-platter; all the hard work minutes ago was now wasted.


    ¡°You¡­¡± The chubby boy wanted to act up again, but paused suddenly. Fragmented streaks of white flashed across Xu Qi. Just like images that would only appear in dreams, the snow mountain on the book cover stood erect in front of his eyes. Fluttering snow landed on his hair, his shoulders, and his shoe; it felt so cold he shuddered a little, as he gazed at Lin Jinxue¡¯s slowly approaching face.


    Lin Jinxue bent down and picked up all of the sprawled-out books with ease, and delivered them into the arms of the boy who was just watching in a daze. Lin Jinxue wasn¡¯t looking at him, yet Xu Qi felt as if that pair of cold stern eyes were talking to him.


    ¡°Don¡¯t get distracted when you walk.¡±


    All anger within the chubby boy dissipated in a single moment. Without a single wisp of heat left, he guiltily said, ¡°Thank you.¡±


    Liao Jinxue raised his eyelids and sized up the man. Beneath the gaze seemed to hold a sense of judgement. Within a few seconds, the opposing party started to look down helplessly; every single one of his secrets was seen through. Xu Qi, previously the target of the audience¡¯s criticism, was now sitting on the spectator seat. He dug his nails into his palms and tried his best, barely suppressing the urge to go and look at Liao Jinxue¡¯s expressions excessively.


    It was obvious; everyone was the same. Humans, dawning the same cheap school uniform, coming to school, learning from the same old boring textbooks. Yet Liao Jinxue was seemingly different from the people around him. He sat high up above. If below his feet was a snow mountain, then they were like explorers beneath the mountain, harbouring the delusion of conquest. Some didn¡¯t even get any training before they were pushed to participate in this dangerous activity. The only ending that would befall them was either being swept away by an avalanche, or being buried under the thick piles of snow.


    Xu Qi felt as though he was also one of those under Lin Jinxue¡¯s examination; whatever thoughts he had in his heart could not be hidden away. It was the first time Liao Jinxue was close enough for him to reach his hand out to touch, yet he seemed to be far in the horizon.


    That moment, he felt a blooming impulse to grab Lin Jinxue.


    The way he looked down with condescendence was too penetrating. He didn¡¯t want to continue lifting his neck. He didn¡¯t want to continue hiding in dark places, peeping coldly from the shadows. If he could also roll in the mud pit like him, get stained with dirt, and become unable to fly back to the top, maybe then Lin Jinxue wouldn¡¯t seem so hatable.


    The chain of memory broke off. The pen tip lay on the diary¡¯s snowy white page, leaving ugly blotches of black.


    Some of his thoughts appropriately stayed in his head, and what Xu Qi ultimately wrote on the paper, was ¡®busy body.¡¯


    The district near 13th Street wasn¡¯t big, and many of the old houses still stood tenaciously. Neighbours living within were also those that he had met since birth. Others could always find a companion to go home with, while Xu Qi was always alone.


    He wasn¡¯t sure why, but the photography studio that he usually paid no mind to was especially eye-catching today; with a square signboard that wrote ¡®Uncle Liang¡¯s Photography Studio¡¯, it stood along the path that he had to walk through.


    Xu Qi passed by the narrow doorways of the studio. From the corner of his eyes, he could see the mottled and worn-out walls, and pasted messily on it were many advertisements for repairing water and electricity. The glass cabinets displayed a wide array of cameras and photo frames, and it was as if they had some sort of weird magic; Xu Qi would often stop as he looked at them, his thoughts unsure of where to fly.


    ¡°Do you like it?¡±


    The voice that came from above caused Xu Qi to jump like a distressed bird, his feathers puffing up in defence. He glared closely at the unfriendly-looking man that was leaning against the door. ¡°¡­ what?¡±


    Uncle Liang took out the cigarette bud from his mouth, and Xu Qi couldn¡¯t tell if it was because it had burnt to the end, or because he didn¡¯t want to smoke in front of a high school student. He put out the flame and tossed it on the floor before turning his head to the camera within the glass cabinet. He raised his chin. ¡°You¡¯ve been looking at that for the past few days, doesn¡¯t this mean you like the camera inside? Here, I¡¯ll lend it to you for a day.¡±


    ¡°Really?¡± Xu Qi¡¯s eyes had brightened without himself realising.


    ¡°What are you thinking of,¡± Uncle Liang grabbed the frame of the door and started laughing, ¡°it¡¯s such an expensive item. If I were to lend it to you group of immature high school boys, it won¡¯t be until the second day when I can¡¯t even find your shadow. I run a photography studio, not a charity.¡±


    The joke felt like one of those pranks that Jiang Yue and his gang would pull to make a fool of him, but strangely, it didn¡¯t hurt to hear it. Xu Qi could instinctively tell that the man in front of him didn¡¯t have any ill-intents toward him.


    ¡°I see¡­¡±


    Xu Qi gripped the corners of his shirt. Whenever he was nervous his hands wouldn¡¯t stop fidgeting. He revealed his deepest thoughts to the other party without reserve, showing a naivety and purity that was unlike his age.


    Uncle Liang glanced at him and said, ¡°Are you crying? I was only joking, why is a big man like you crying.¡±


    It could be that Xu Qi¡¯s pale complexion gave an impression of crying no matter what expression he made, which caused Uncle Liang to have that misconception.


    Before Xu Qi had the chance to explain himself, Uncle Liang unlocked the glass door and took out a camera with a silver-grey outer shell. ¡°Forget it, it was immoral for me to make a high school student cry, I can¡¯t watch my mouth. Take this camera and return it at this time tomorrow. Don¡¯t run away.¡±


    Xu Qi took the bulky camera from Uncle Liang. The cold, delicate texture of the metal that fit against his palm, latches onto his wrists, and pulls his soul down along with it.


    ¡°Did you say you won¡¯t lend it to high school students?¡± After a long while, Xu Qi asked choppily.


    ¡°You brat, why are you being so difficult?¡± Uncle Liang clicked his tongue. He raised his sharp pointed eyes that lay below his thick brows, looking fierce and menacing. ¡°You look like an honest person, and I thought I could make an exception. You live on the streets up front, right? You would have to pass by this alley every day, figured you probably wouldn¡¯t be able to fly off somewhere.¡±


    Xu Qi replied with an obtuse ¡®oh¡¯. That logic was true; if he wanted to go to school he had to pass by the alleyway Uncle Liang¡¯s studio stood in, and likewise when he went back home. Embracing the brand new camera now in his hands, Xu Qi felt dizzy. He was hit by a grand prize that fell from the sky, and it felt like a dream as he muttered, ¡°thank you¡­¡±


    ¡°My name¡¯s hanging right in front of the shop¡¯s door.¡±


    ¡°Thank you, Uncle Liang.¡±


    Uncle Liang laughed, ¡°That sentence is pretty pleasant to hear.¡±


    The weight of the camera in his bag surpassed the weight of all his books combined. Xu Qi walked briskly as if he was about to take off into the sky. Every step he took floated on cloud nine.


    Throughout the entire night, he carefully examined this rectangular metal box. He wasn¡¯t sure which button he had pressed, but the screen lit up, and in its little frame reflected a tiny version of his room, shrunk by many times.


    An unfamiliar excitement pierced through every pore, engulfing Yu Qi. The metal casing started heating up as he played with it. He pointed his camera at a cramped corner of his room and placed his fingers on the shutter. But he hesitated at that moment.


    The first photo shouldn¡¯t be so desultory.


    The amount of time he had with the camera was limited to a single day. The next morning, Xu Qi carefully placed it in his bag. Using his textbooks, he piled up a tiny space to prevent the camera from being crushed. Every two steps he took, he would stop and check whether it was damaged. What was stored in his bag wasn¡¯t an eraser, nor was it a ruler, but instead a genuine, high-quality camera.


    No matter if it was during class or after class, Xu Qi would be thinking about the camera in his desk. He was worried someone would flip his table as a prank if he went away, and cause the camera to be damaged accidentally. Hence, Xu Qi didn¡¯t leave his seat for the entire morning.


    He endured until the afternoon break when he could finally stuff the camera into his shirt, and enter the forest behind the school.


    Usually, he hated this place, but other than this place, there wasn¡¯t a second spot on campus that had scenery pleasant to look at.


    The scent of the artificial lake rushed into his nose from far away. Xu Qi endured the discomfort and pointed his lens at the clear blue sky, then shifted to the 2-3 sparrows that perched on the branch, and lastly to the fake mountains and pavilion beside the artificial lake. These seemingly lucid sceneries, the moment they appear on screen all become dull and lifeless. Xu Qi wanted to capture the most beautiful scenery as his first picture.


    But there weren¡¯t any so-called ¡®beautiful¡¯ scenes here.


    There were only a few hours left before he had to return this hard-earned camera; even the blade of grass on the side of the road was something Xu Qi wanted to capture. But when he looked at the screen, this burning urge would be put out until there wasn¡¯t a single thread of it left. He blindly turned his camera around, tilted his head slightly, and widened his lens to enter a scene different from the one before.


    Summer was about to pass, the scent in the air signalling autumn¡¯s arrival. The afternoon wind pressed down against the low blades of grass. The windows of the classroom on the third floor were wide open; Liao Jinxue sat beside the window, flipping over the page of his mock test. The corners of the page fluttered along in the wind. He remained calm and focused from start to end, making people inadvertently want to become those pages in his hand and immerse themselves in his attention.


    Gulping, Xu Qi tightened the fingers that were on the shutter.


    Ka-cha.


    Caught him.

 CH 6

    When it was time, Uncle Liang took the camera back from Xu Qi who had come back from school. He didn¡¯t check the contents, and neither did he lock it back into the glass cabinet immediately.


    He sat on the wicker chair behind the reception counter, looking leisurely at Xu Qi as the latter dragged his feet away slowly as if they were made of lead. Only when his feet had crossed the door frame did Uncle Liang speak.


    ¡°You want to learn photography, right?¡±


    Xu Qi couldn¡¯t think properly and nodded his head in reflex. His voice started trembling from nervousness. ¡°I want to.¡±


    ¡°How did you come to like photography?¡±


    ¡°From¡­ television, and I¡¯ve also seen other people do this in magazines, so I¡¯ve been thinking how nice it would be to hold it in my hands and try it for myself. The feeling of capturing the scenery must be great. I, I usually like writing diaries to record everything that happened.¡±


    Xu Qi¡¯s answer was like a square peg in a round hole (*). He really didn¡¯t know how to explain it clearly, and slumped his head in frustration, quietly adding, ¡°When I held the camera, it felt peaceful, down-to-earth.¡±


    He could forget all the impetuous thoughts and distress in life, tugging him out from the lifeless stagnant water.


    It allowed Xu Qi to feel as though he still had a negligible trace of value, entrusted within that tiny photo.


    Uncle Liang seemed to be measuring Xu Qi¡¯s words. He rubbed his hands against the stubble on his chin. ¡°I forgot to ask you yesterday, what is your name?¡±


    ¡°Xu Qi.¡±


    ¡°Xu Qi, Qi like the miserable in ¡®desolate, sorrowful, and miserable¡¯? (**)¡±


    Every time someone asked about the meaning of his name, helplessness would appear all over Xu Qi¡¯s face. ¡°Yes.¡±


    Uncle Liang squeezed out a tut. ¡°This word isn¡¯t common. To be given such an unauspicious name, it¡¯s no wonder you look so bitter all the time. Which year of high school are you in?¡±


    Contrary to expectations, Xu Qi didn¡¯t feel like Uncle Liang¡¯s words were bringing him down. When Chen Fang gave him this name, it exuded distraction from inside to outside; turning to a random page in a dictionary would probably yield a better word, yet he wasn¡¯t even willing to go the extra mile for something simple like this, because he already poured his heart and soul into his first child. As someone who came after, it was normal for him to be disregarded.


    His head drooped even more and answered honestly. ¡°Third year.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re already in your third year. Doesn¡¯t that mean there aren¡¯t many days to Gao Kao left?¡±


    Uncle Liang called Xu Qi over. It was only now, that he seemed to properly a good look at the latter. He answered honestly. ¡°Originally, I wanted to rent the camera to you long-term after seeing that you like it so much; you could come and help sweep the floor in your free time. As the only boss and employee in the shop, it gets unbearably boring every day. But now, it seemed like you were more busy than I was.¡±


    Any ordinary person, upon hearing that this loafer boss was recruiting high schoolers for free labour, would probably spit out the word shameless. But Uncle Liang had said it bold and confidently, and Xu Qi didn¡¯t think there was anything wrong at all. When he heard the word ¡®long-term¡¯, he automatically filtered out the long chain of words that followed, impatiently waiting for a chance to speak. ¡°I have a lot of time. I¡¯m free during my weekends, and 3rd year isn¡¯t that busy so I can come over on both Saturday and Sunday. I can do whatever you want me to do.¡±


    ¡°Really?¡±


    Blood rushed to Xu Qi¡¯s head as he nodded vigorously, gravely afraid of hearing the words, ¡®forget it¡¯.


    There were many kinds of students, and it wasn¡¯t that Xu Qi didn¡¯t study even though he knew the importance of doing so. He has tried, only to find out that he wasn¡¯t made for academics at all. It was tough enough for him to follow the contents of the textbook; the so-called life-changing Gao Kao was never considered in Xu Qi¡¯s list of important things. He didn¡¯t believe that a single exam could turn his horrid luck around and add some hope to this dull tasteless life of his.


    Xu Qi knew that he was born a calamity, bringing ill-fated luck to both himself and the people around him. No one gave him a hand; everyone allowed him to give up on himself.


    Xu Qi could compromise on anything, bearing the labels ¡®disappointment¡¯, ¡®abnormal¡¯, ¡®sick in the head¡¯, that everyone had pasted on him. This was the only time he had the desire to strive. His boiling instincts far surpassed the pessimism that seeped into his bones.


    Perhaps his expectations lay too bare, too pure, Uncle Liang didn¡¯t dawdle over Xu Qi¡¯s pleas and finally opened his mouth.


    ¡°Fine, but I really can¡¯t lead you astray. When you finish your homework and still have some time, you can come over whenever on the weekends, I¡¯ll be at the shop every day; the bedroom is upstairs. If you¡¯re really sincere, I might consider teaching you some photography techniques.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ll definitely come.¡±


    On Xu Qi¡¯s lightly pale skin, a rare tint could be seen. The brightness in his eyes shone through his heavy glasses lens; it was the first time his half-lidded eye had opened fully. It was hard to discover that the pair of deep black eyes he had were actually devoid of any impurities, and was far from the word ugly.


    ¡°Thank you¡­ for giving me this chance.¡±


    Today was Lin An Nan¡¯s birthday, which coincidentally was Friday. The entire afternoon, people who came to give gifts and blessings never stopped streaming in.


    Class 7 was rarely rowdy, so the news had somehow floated into the teacher¡¯s office. Before class ended, the homeroom teacher took the initiative to say ¡°happy birthday¡±, and the entire class started clapping.


    Under the attention and blessings of the crowd, Lin An Nan¡¯s face flushed bright red from joy and shyness.


    There was no shortage of men who gave gifts; some had their feelings written all over their faces as they walked up coyly, which sparked others to push and jeer. In the end, they would toss a birthday card on Lin An Nan¡¯s table with a blush and leave hurriedly, and if one only looked at their actions they would think it was a declaration of war.


    Xu Qi¡¯s gift lay quietly in the hole of his desk. He reached his hand to touch the corner of the gift before slowly retracting. If the person who gave the gift just now were him, everyone¡¯s laughter would probably turn into relish.


    Due to her kindness Lin An Nan would never reject people¡¯s gifts in front of others, but Xu Qi understood how scary gossip and rumours were; he didn¡¯t want to see her feeling awkward on her happiest day. He made up his mind to wait until there was no one left before giving her his gift personally, to let her know the feelings that he had kept hidden deep within his heart. Even if the answer would definitely be rejection, he would have no regrets left.


    He waited and waited until lunch break came.


    Lin An Nan got up and parted with her friends. When she left her seat, Xu Qi, who was watching her, secretly stuffed the wrapped gift in his school uniform and silently followed.


    With the amount of noise in the classroom, the two people¡¯s disappearance didn¡¯t attract any attention.


    Walking out of the classroom, Lin An Nan did not go towards the washroom or the office. Instead, she went downstairs without hesitation. The accidental meetings that Xu Qi rehearsed had no chance to be implemented, and he could only watch the back of her hurried figure. It was as if she was going for an important but unknown promise.


    Where was she going?


    Xu Qi pursed his lower lip, hesitated for half a second, and continued behind Lin An Nan while hiding his breath within his silent footsteps.


    The vast greenery of the forest fades away. The orange-yellow autumn coats a layer of gold on the leaves. The blades of leaves rustled against the wind. Xu Qi could smell the wet stick scent of water that came from the artificial lake nearby. Lin An Nan stood under the tree shade. The streaks of light that poured through the spaces between the branches draped over her shoulders. Demure, and at the same time beautiful.


    But the person in front of her had forcefully ripped this peaceful image into a separate world, carrying the usual coldness, the usual quiescent unhappiness.


    Xu Qi hid in a corner of the math block, observing the scene of Lin An Nan and Lin Jinxue¡¯s face-to-face conversation from afar. The hand that had been gripping the wall buckled against the deteriorated, uneven, peeling paint, slicing his finger. He couldn¡¯t feel the pain.


    ¡°I thought you wouldn¡¯t come.¡±


    Lin An Nan¡¯s voice was mixed with a light softness, coated with an outer layer dipped in sugary water, and was not at all infected by Lin Jinxue in front of her. He stood outside that red line, looked down at Lin An Nan, and asked directly, ¡°Why did we have to come here when you¡¯re asking about exam questions?¡±


    Her thoughts were seen through in no time. Lin An Nan¡¯s beautiful face blushed a little. Biting her lips, she softly said, ¡°It¡¯s not regarding the exam questions. Today is my birthday, you probably already know this, the reason I called you here was because I hope you can give me a gift.¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t know,¡± Lin Jinxue said.


    Lin An Nan was stunned for a few seconds. Without a doubt, this wasn¡¯t the answer that the popular her would ever expect. Furthermore, Lin Jinxue had been able to maintain that unchanging calmness since the start.


    In an instant, her smile became more forced, and she also started to stutter and stumble over the words she had prepared. ¡°I see¡­ it¡¯s okay. I, I just wanted to tell you, I¡¯ve liked you for a long time. You don¡¯t have to worry, I will enter the same university as you after Gao Kao, and we can work hard together for these last few months. Are you willing to be my boyfriend?¡±


    A wave of silence.


    Lin An Nan had seemingly been put on pause as she watched Liao Jinxue¡¯s expression, her body tightening into a single chord. Regrettably, Liao Jinxue showed no shock or happiness, and neither did he display the same level of bashfulness she did. Without needing any more time to think, he left a short reply. ¡°Sorry.¡±


    One word was enough to grind her fantasies down to dust. Before Lin An Nan had the time to ask why, Liao Jinxue¡¯s figure had already become a distant blur.


    Xu Qi stood too far, and couldn¡¯t see what they said clearly. But from how Liao Jinxue left, and Li An Nan¡¯s expression, Xu Qi could guess that it definitely things he did not want to hear.


    When Liao Jinxue was far away enough, beads of tears fell from the corner of Lin An Nan¡¯s eyes, one after another. She squatted down, hugged her knees, and started sobbing. As Xu Qi watched her shoulders tremble, the heart in his chest tightened. He took a step forward, then a step back, and paused. He took one breath, and walked a few steps forward. Like a marionette being lifted forward, he stop-and-went all the way to Lin An Nan.


    He recalled the day during PE when Lin An Nan had squatted in from of him to comfort him and did so similarly. He reached his hand awkwardly to comfort her. ¡°An Nan, don¡¯t cry anymore¡­¡­¡±


    ¡°Ah!¡±


    Upon contact with her shoulder, Lin An Nan shrieked, brushed Xu Qi¡¯s arms away, and stood up with a swoosh. Her pale lips trembled. ¡°Xu Qi? Why are you here?¡±


    Xu Qi stood up hurriedly and took out his gift, which was fevering from the cover of his shirt. He explained hastily, ¡°I, I saw you coming here just now and wanted to give my gift to you. Lin An Nan, happy bir¡­¡­.¡±


    ¡°You followed me here? Did you see everything that happened just now?¡±


    Xu Qi¡¯s lips twitched, unable to answer. He didn¡¯t know how bad his expression looked right now; perhaps it really seemed exactly like he was crying.


    ¡°You saw everything right?¡±


    The outer coat of sugar had let out crisp cracks. Lin An Nan¡¯s aggression had left Xu Qi speechless. Strings of silencers started exploding in the air. Lin An Nan, who felt totally humiliated, pushed Xu Qi onto the ground. Even the meticulously wrapped diary in his hands was smacked away, thumping twice as it hit the grass, staining itself with the dirty mud.


    ¡°Xu Qi, you pervert!¡±


    Li An Nan cried as she ran away. Xu Qi sat on the field, frozen in his sorry position. The sharp blades of glass pricked against his palm; the waves of pain he felt weren¡¯t even a millionth that of the pain from Lin An Nan¡¯s single sentence.


    After a long time, he straightened his body, and picked up the diary that had fallen. Inside recorded half a year of his love and attention towards Lin An Nan.


    Xu Qi wasn¡¯t good at saying mushy words. He hoped that Lin An Nan could see this diary, and in order to make the black colour cover a little more attractive, he even went to buy many animal stickers; girls probably liked them.


    Brushing away the turfgrass on the little bird sticker, Xu Qi paused. He gripped the sides of the book, and ripped; the glue holding the pages together cracked, and the pages drifted, sprinkling around his feet like fallen snowflakes.


    Xu Qi kneeled on the ground, picked up the torn remains of the pages, and threw them into the bin nearby. It turned out that only a short five minutes were needed, to turn that thick heavy diary that took half a year to write, into a weightless pile of ashes.


    The last person who was willing to pull him also didn¡¯t want him anymore.


    After all that, every bit of energy had been wrung out of Xu Qi, who almost slammed into a tree trunk when he got up. He wobbled his way forward, up the stairs, and returned to the classroom. The classroom was as noisy as before he left, but Lin An Nan¡¯s seat was empty.


    Xu Qi sat in a daze for a few minutes, his soul had already flown far away. He stood up suddenly, and without a care for the startled students around him, he ran out of the classroom, dashing towards the forest behind the school with all his might,


    He had left the book cover on the field, and there were possible fragments of paper with words written undiscarded.


    Please don¡¯t let anyone go there.


    Please don¡¯t let anyone see it.


    Xu Qi repeatedly chanted in his heart, as he started panting only from that short few hundred meters run. The bright yellow trees wavered as they entered his line of sight. Xu Qi dragged his slowing feet and stopped in front of that meadow.


    As the light weaved through the branches and illuminated his face and shoulders, Xu Qi could feel a chill radiate from within his limbs.


    There was nothing on the grass.


    (*) The original phrase ţͷ²»¶ÔÂí×ì literally translated into ¡®bull¡¯s head doesn¡¯t match a horse¡¯s mouth¡¯ which was a little awkward in English so I used a different expression that had the arnd the same meaning.


    (**) Xu Qi (ÐíÆÝ)¡®s Qi doesn¡¯t usually have negative connotations but it is used as the last character in ÆàÆà²Ò²ÒÆÝÆÝ (q¨© q¨© c¨£n c¨£n q¨© q¨©), and the phrase translates to desolate, sorrowful, miserable. Btw his Xu means allow/promise, so technically Xu Qi = Promise to be miserable. Strictly in that context because Qi is also used in Ç×ÆÝ which means close relatives, so Idk.

 CH 7

    Xu Qi lay on his bed, his eyes unable to shut. Through the night, the ceiling lights accompanied him in his silence.


    Tick-tock tick-tock, the clock slowly moved. Only after a long time, did Xu Qi remember that there was no clock in this room.


    Waiting was terrifying. Xu Qi didn¡¯t know what kind of ending awaited him, and the two possible ends had already been thought of over and over again in the 2 hours to and fro Uncle Liang¡¯¡¯s shop.


    He wasn¡¯t willing to touch the worst ending.


    Beyond the wall, a key turned to unlock the door. The metal chains on the satchel rustled, ringing out a brisk rattle. It was the first time Xu Qu found this sound melodious and soothing, and along with Liang Yue¡¯s footsteps, it disappeared with the sounds of the door closing.


    Xu Qi reached for the phone on his bed frame, a blurry 22:29.


    Texting brought warmth and comfort to his icy-cold hands; the frozen blood in his veins started flowing through his body again. Passed away, and brought back to life.


    Liang Yue didn¡¯t sleep with Liao Jinxue.


    That was the last red line he wouldn¡¯t cross. Good thing was, today could pass by peacefully.


    During weekends, Liang Yue¡¯s schedule would be packed full of work. After the age of 27, her career in the design company was slowly rising. She couldn¡¯t afford to be careless with any orders.


    The ratio of men to women in the company was severely skewed. Being in a heap of talented and strong competitors, Liang Yue had no choice but to be cruel to herself. Of course, it wasn¡¯t that she was constantly on the phone. It was just that whenever she picked up they would speak for less than 2 minutes before she forcefully hangs up.


    Xu Qi recalled when he started to pick up on the signs of her cheating. It was on a Saturday afternoon, when Liang Yue picked up her phone impatiently. The background was full of noise, and she said she was at the dentist¡¯s. But Xu Qi remembered clearly that she had already fixed her single decayed tooth 2 weeks ago.


    Intuition is gender-neutral. It preferred whoever pays a little more attention and care.


    On weekends when he was free, Xu Qi would often go help out at Uncle Liang¡¯s store. In all these years, the photography studio never had a time when it was packed with people, yet Xu Qi would always persist in going at least once a week.


    Sweeping the floors, arranging the cupboards, and then having a casual conversation with Uncle Liang. An entire day¡¯s worth of time would be idled away like this.


    It was better than being alone.


    The printer buzzed as it worked, and Xu Qi guarded by its side. The photos printed stacked up one by one onto the table, and he aligned the paper cutter to the white edges.


    He used the most traditional way of cropping the photo to specific dimensions, and then putting it in the envelope marked by a marker, before waiting for the customer to retrieve it at the scheduled time.


    This kind of easy job was something he alone was competent enough for.


    As Xu Qi turned, the envelope almost fell out of his hand. Below the two grey cloth hanging on the door frame, a small puppy raised its pair of ears. It laid on the floor, its fluffy tail wagging from side to side, swiping the dust around him away.


    Uncle Liang was lying down on the wicker chair that was as old as him, reading his newspaper while shaking his crossed leg up high. He looked askance at Xu Qi who had stiffened. ¡°We¡¯re already old acquaintances and you¡¯re still scared?¡±


    Xu Qi laughed awkwardly and touched his cheeks. ¡°I was only startled.¡±


    The puppy was very sensitive to Xu Qi¡¯s voice, and it crawled up from the floor as a whole. Xu Qi hurriedly left the envelope on the table, and his legs retreated disobediently.


    This action caused the dog to have the misconception that he wanted to play a game with it. It barked twice in happiness and used its wet nose to poke at Xu Qi¡¯s trembling calf.


    Xu Qi was scared of dogs.


    This dog was picked up from the studio¡¯s doorstep half a year ago. The person who abandoned the dog seized the opportunity at night to tie the puppy, who had just started weaning, to the door. When Uncle Liang woke up the next day, he saw the little thing at the door curled up into the size of his palms. The moment the puppy saw Uncle Liang, it started crying pitifully. Its legs didn¡¯t even have enough strength to stand.


    Uncle Liang brought the puppy to the vet immediately, and spent a few weeks giving the dog a full body checkup. He bought a collar and leash from the shop on his way out, and the abandoned dog made its home the photography studio just like that.


    The little puppy¡¯s appearance sparkled, and though the earthy fur wasn¡¯t as beautiful as the bred dogs, it stole Uncle Liang¡¯s heart thoroughly. When he was in a good mood he would call it ¡®good boy¡¯. If it accidentally broke a photo frame, or scratched his favourite wicker chair, it would be served Uncle Liang¡¯s slippers, and he would scold it with names like ¡®soil dog¡¯, or ¡®little beast¡¯.


    Due to Uncle Liang¡¯s carelessness, the dog still didn¡¯t have a proper name after almost a year.


    Not only was Xu Qi afraid of dogs, he didn¡¯t like any animals. When he was younger, he had been chased by a huge black dog throughout the whole street while trying to go home. He was so scared his whole face was smeared with tears. Furthermore, the owner of the dog was behind, leisurely saying that his dog doesn¡¯t bite, is really well-behaved, and simply just wants to play with him.


    Xu Qi didn¡¯t know whether it would bite. From that day on, he was afraid of all animals that had fur.


    Afraid to touch it, Xu Qi could only step back in discomfort until he reached the shop¡¯s door. The stainless steel bowl with water that the puppy hadn¡¯t finished was still on the floor. Xu Qi hardened his gut and nudged the bowl a little with the tip of his toes. ¡°Little Tu, do you wanna drink water?¡±


    The little puppy had no name, and calling it Earthy Dog seemed rusty and mean, so Xu Qi always calls him ¡°Little Tu¡±. (*)


    It was as if Little Tu understood human words. It ran to the side of the bowl sassily, spraying water everywhere as it drank, and left deep marks of water all over the place.


    Xu Qi left out a sigh of relief, but the relief didn¡¯t last for long as the dog sensed that he was about to walk away and immediately stopped drinking. It pounced onto the corners of Xu Qi¡¯s pants and dragged outwards. Xu Qi¡¯s heart was about to jump out of his throat. ¡°Stop grabbing me already, go look for Uncle Liang to play with you, okay?¡±


    From inside the house came Uncle Liang¡¯s sour voice. ¡°This little beast has no conscience. I spent thousands to bring him home, and now he doesn¡¯t even spare a glance at me. Instead, he just sticks to you all day long.¡±


    Xu Qi smiled helplessly and bitterly, unable to think of any words to give a retort. The dog didn¡¯t receive any response and became more aggressive; it started jumping to pull at Xu Qi¡¯s shirt, but landed back on the ground in no time.


    It howled to display how wronged it felt, spread its four legs, and ran past Xu Qi.


    ¡°Don¡¯t anyhow run, Little Tu, come back.¡±


    Behind was a road. Xu Qi turned his head and frantically called out the dog¡¯s name, but it was too late. The dog had already passed through to the other side of the streets and was circling around someone¡¯s feet, wagging its tail non-stop.


    Liao Jinxue looked down at the paws stepping on his shoes; the moment those paws were placed, a grey mark appeared.


    The puppy stuck its tongue out and was huffing innocently.


    Liao Jinxue quietly lifted his head, looked towards the other side, and Xu Qi felt like he was struck by something; his thoughts were temporarily derailed.


    Liao¡­¡­


    Xu Qi¡¯s dry lips parted slightly, and he stood rooted without speaking a single word. Liao Jinxue waited for the electronic scooters to pass by before his long legs stretched across the narrow road. The puppy immediately followed behind, barking as it pranced about, but no one paid attention to it.


    After Uncle Liang called out many times from inside the studio, the little puppy returned reluctantly.


    When Xu Qi lowered his head, the first thing he saw was the obvious paw mark on Liao Jinxue¡¯s shoe. ¡°Sorry, do you want a piece of tissue?¡± He spoke so softly it was almost silent.


    Liao Jinxue declined and looked behind Xu Qi, asking, ¡°Do you work here?¡±


    ¡®Uncle Liang¡¯s Photography Studio¡¯ hung tall above the narrow doors. Having gone through 20 years of storms and wind, the corners of the sign had become damaged and yellow, but it still stood perfectly on guard.


    Xu Qi replied half a beat later. ¡°This is my Uncle¡¯s shop, I just come here occasionally to help.¡±


    Before he finished, a possibility flashed through his mind. It was so shocking that he didn¡¯t couldn¡¯t properly hide his intentions to probe, exposing it all in front of Liao Jinxue.


    ¡°Did you come here to take a photo?¡±


    ¡°My identification card is about to expire. My colleague said that there was a photography studio in this area which took pretty good photos, so I dropped by here to take a look since it was on the way.¡±


    Liao Jinxue didn¡¯t deny it.


    Too coincidental.


    This was the kind of coincidence that Xu Qi wouldn¡¯t even dare dream of. Just when he was wrecking his brain over how to approach Liao Jinxue, an opportunity grew its own feet, ran over, and knocked him dizzy.


    Is there really such a coincidental thing?


    Xu Qi opened his mouth awkwardly, ¡°You can come in first.¡±


    Liao Jinxue replied, ¡°Okay.¡±


    Xu Qi led him in. The puppy was still lying on Uncle Liang¡¯s knees to play, making purrs. Uncle Liang peered at the figure following Xu Qi, put away his newspaper, and pushed at his reading glasses. ¡°Taking pictures? What kind of photo?¡±


    When Uncle Liang saw Liao Jinxue¡¯s face, he let out a ¡®tsk¡¯.


    ¡°He¡¯s taking a photo for his ID.¡±


    Xu Qi rushed to speak first, deathly afraid that Uncle Liang would recognise LIao Jinxue and say some irreparable words. ¡°He and I went to the same school, we met at the side of the road just now¡­ pretty coincidental,¡± he patched shakily.


    Liao Jinxue kept his silence throughout. He looked around at the small photography studio, his eyes emotionless as he retracted his gaze. ¡°Can the photo be taken?¡±


    ¡°Yeah, follow me.¡±


    Uncle Liang sent the dog off to the floor and pushed himself up from the wicker chair. The strange exclamation just now seemed to just be a discomfort in his throat, as he let out a cough.


    Behind the curtains was where customers took their photos; one spacious room was enough to fulfil all requests. There were a total of six boxes of props stacked in the corner. The board reflector was at the very top, and beside it hung two rows of colourful accessories used to tackle different photo themes.


    Taking an ID was the most simple as it didn¡¯t require any props; carrying a chair over, switching the background to white, and all preparations were complete.


    ¡°Sit on that chair and look at the camera.¡±


    When Xu Qi walked in, Liao Jinxue was already on the chair, following Uncle Liang¡¯s instructions to adjust his pose.


    Perhaps to capture a better photo, Liao Jinxue¡¯s shirt had been ironed flat until not a single trace of wrinkle could be seen. The top button had also been fastened tightly, sticking under his Adam¡¯s apple.


    His neck was long, he didn¡¯t have to worry about whether wearing his clothes in that manner would cause a ratio imbalance. He straightened his back, and following Uncle Liang¡¯s words, retracted his chin a little.


    No matter how he adjusted, he still looked great.


    Xu Qi stood at the door, his figure quietly hidden in the dark corner. He found the bright radiance that he had followed years ago, as well as that feeling of peeping silently.


    At least, at that time, he would wish for Liao Jinxue to fall into the dust and become a shadow like him. But now, Xu Qi knew that the boundary between him and Liao Jinxue had been drawn clearly, and there was no possibility of crossing it.


    He could only touch the corners of Liao Jinxue¡¯s world for a moment; the scenery inside would never be shown to him.


    ¡°Xu Qi, come here.¡±


    Uncle Liang¡¯s voice pulled Xu Qi¡¯s soul back into his body. He raised his head and stared blankly, asking, ¡°Why?¡±


    ¡°Come here when I ask you to, why are you so nervous? No one¡¯s gonna eat you.¡±


    Xu Qi walked from the darkness to Uncle Liang¡¯s side. The light reflecting off the board made him fully exposed in front of Liao Jinxue, and it felt incredibly uncomfortable. He lowered his voice and asked Uncle Liang, ¡°Didn¡¯t you finish taking the photo?¡±


    Uncle Liang stuffed the camera into Xu Qi¡¯s hands, not forgetting to nag at him. Seeing how dazed Xu Qi was, he held the latter¡¯s shoulder and pushed him onto the photographer¡¯s seat.


    Now, he had really fully entered Liao Jinxue¡¯s field of vision.


    ¡°Since you guys were schoolmates, I¡¯ll leave this photo to you, I¡¯m going to go out and take a rest.¡±


    Xu Qi held the camera that burned in his hands, speechless. ¡°But¡­¡­¡±


    He could tell that Uncle Liang was doing this on purpose.


    ¡°It¡¯s fine,¡± Liao Jinxue intercepted, calmly relieving the tension, ¡°it doesn¡¯t matter who takes the photo.¡±


    Uncle Liang quickly continued, ¡°See, your schoolmate also doesn¡¯t mind. It¡¯s just a few photos, hurry up and take them and you¡¯ll be done.¡±


    Xu Qi turned stiffly. Liao Jinxue¡¯s presence was too glaring, reminding him of his time at the clinic when the latter calmly yet caringly said, ¡®Is there anything else¡¯.


    Embarrassment, alongside unwillingness to be exposed, had disrupted Xu Qi¡¯s thoughts. It looked like Liao Jinxue had already forgotten what he had said, and was waiting for the photo-taking to start. His line of sight flickered past the slender fingers pressing against the black camera, leaving no trace.


    Isn¡¯t it just a single photo?


    Having taken so many pictures before, this time would definitely be the same.


    Xu Qi lifted his camera slowly until the both of them were meeting eye-to-eye. ¡°¡­ turn your head slightly to the right.¡±


    Little jobs like this that required no techniques would often be thrown at Xu Qi, so he had been able to skillfully guide the other party to give the right pose since a long time ago, and the photo-taking could be done within a minute.


    But that one minute today had been stretched into long and messy paragraphs; printed on every frame was Liao Jinxue, his eyes staring through the lens to look at him.


    Xu Qi held steady the burning camera, and rapidly pressed a burst of shutters.


    ¡°It¡¯s done.¡±


    He lowered his eyes without any pauses, pretending to look through the photos in the camera, not looking back at the Liao Jinxue in front of him.


    His sensitive ears picked up a trace of sound. When Liao Jinxue got up, his shirt rubbed against the plastic chair, and his footsteps thumped alongside Xu Qi¡¯s heartbeat. The latter held his breath, but the faint scent of cologne still drifted into his nostrils.


    ¡°Can I have a look?¡±


    ¡°Sure.¡±


    Xu Qi scrolled to the photos he had just taken. The subsequent photos were as different as chalk and cheese. In fact, as long as that person had hands, no photographer would be able to take an ugly photo of Liao Jinxue.


    Not knowing how close the other party was, Xu Qi didn¡¯t dare to move. He looked down to see a pair of leather shoes beside his own feet, and the dusty grey paw mark stood out in contrast.


    Almost forgot.


    ¡°Have a look first, I¡¯m going to go take some stuff.¡±


    Xu Qi placed the camera in Liao Jinxue¡¯s hands, went to the reception counter outside, and took two pieces of tissue. Uncle Liang had already returned his wicker chair and was reading his newspaper. Without lifting his head, he said, ¡°It¡¯s that dentist brat right.¡±


    Xu Qi paused. ¡°Yes.¡±


    Two sentences promptly ended the conversation; this was the tacit understanding that they had gained throughout the years.


    Xu Qi took the tissues back into the photo-taking room. Liao Jinxue had already finished looking through the photos. He looked up, gaze falling onto the tissues Xu Qi had brought over, paused for a moment before receiving it. ¡°Thank you.¡±


    ¡°It can be wiped off right? Little Tu¡­ Uncle Liang¡¯s dog is too playful, I can¡¯t control him.¡±


    ¡°I thought you were scared of it.¡±


    Xu Qi stared blankly at Liao Jinxue, who was bending over to wipe away the dust. He didn¡¯t think the latter would say those words so nonchalantly.


    His cheeks started heating up. The secret that he was scared of dogs was found out, and he tried to find an excuse. ¡°I¡¯m not usually like this. It¡¯s just that today the dog suddenly jumped at me, so I got a little scared.¡±


    Xu Qi didn¡¯t know if Liao Jinxue would believe his explanation. He had already straightened his body, his shoe sparkly clean. The bundled-up tissue was thrown in the dustbin at the side, and they didn¡¯t continue with the conversation. Liao Jinxue opened his mouth, ¡°Where do I collect the photo?¡±


    ¡°Outside.¡±


    Uncle Liang placed the cropped photos into a plastic bag, packaged it in an envelope, and sent an electronic copy as per Liao Jinxue¡¯s request. When Liao Jinxue was preparing to pay, Uncle Liao suddenly called out to intercept.


    ¡°Giving money makes us feel distant, it¡¯s rare to be able to meet old schoolmates so you don¡¯t have to pay for this.¡±


    Liao Jinxue said, ¡°I can¡¯t do that, the money still has to be paid.¡±


    ¡°I already said no need, your photo was taken really nicely so I was about to ask you whether I could hang it at my storefront. If you agree, then these photos would definitely have to be free of charge.¡±


    The glass cabinet at the entrance displayed customers¡¯ wedding photos, portraits and some very successful ID photos, to attract passersby to take a look.


    From what Xu Qi recalled, the photos in the cabinet had already been there for five years without being touched. Since Uncle Liang suggested placing Liao Jinxue¡¯s photo in there, it would mean that he was really satisfied with the ID photo.


    Of course, Liao Jinxue¡¯s own hardware couldn¡¯t be excluded from the reason.


    ¡°You want to display it in that glass cabinet over there?¡± When Liao Jinxue entered he had obviously noticed that eye-catching glass cabinet. It didn¡¯t seem like he minded, but there also wasn¡¯t any joy that was supposed to be there from receiving the compliment.


    Uncle Liang replied, ¡°Placing it there attracts people outside, all the photos were placed there after obtaining their owners¡¯ permission. In these kinds of situations, I would make their order free.¡±


    Uncle Liang doesn¡¯t take advantage of others, and his straightforward and direct personality definitely contributed to a large proportion of the reason why this photography studio was still standing in this alley after decades.


    Liao Jinxue looked down to think for a few seconds. Xu Qi noticed that whenever the former performed that action, the eyelashes that drooped down would cover his eyes, giving the other party the feeling that he was in deep thought, When he raised his eyes again, he replied. ¡°Okay.¡±


    They never talked about the money again.


    Things that needed to be done were all done. Liao Jinxue picked up his envelope and walked out of the studio. The puppy on the floor whined at his leaving figure, and Xu Qi stood beside it, watching Liao Jinxue from a distance.


    Possibly attracted by the cries of the dog, Liao Jinxue turned his head. Those eyes transversed through 10 years to the past, returning Xu Qi to the time when he was caught stalking for the first time. He didn¡¯t know what was happening to himself, and when he came back to his senses his legs had already carried him to Liao Jinxue. A long time passed. No one spoke a word.


    ¡°I¡­¡­¡±


    ¡°Want to add contact numbers?¡± Liao Jinxue¡¯s words cut in front of Xu Qi¡¯s. He looked at the latter. ¡°Was this what you wanted to say?¡±


    Xu Qi, who had been punctured, blinked a few times. The phrase ¡°it¡¯s fine if you don¡¯t want to¡± hadn¡¯t had time to exit his mouth before Liao Jinxue delivered the phone right in front of him.


    Seeing how Xu Qi didn¡¯t move, Liao Jinxue asked, ¡°Not adding?¡±


    Xu Qi hurriedly unfroze his hands and frantically added Liao Jinxue¡¯s contact number.


    His WeChat profile picture was a bright crescent moon hanging in the night starry sky. His name was really direct, it was a single ¡°Liao¡±, Xu Qi took note as he quietly added ¡®Jinxue¡¯ behind.


    ¡°I didn¡¯t mean to say those words last time.¡±


    Liao Jinxue kept his phone and explained naturally. ¡°I met other schoolmates before, and they all asked me to help them with all sorts of things. I don¡¯t want to be troubled by strangers for no good reason, so my attitude at first isn¡¯t very good.¡±


    Xu Qi nodded his head, ¡°I know, I don¡¯t have any other intentions, I just¡­¡­¡±


    ¡°Just want my contact number?¡±


    Liao Jinxue halted his words, repeating the phrase he spoke two sentences ago. But this time, Xu Qi saw the corners of Liao Jinxue¡¯s lips curl, forming a extremely slight arc, yet not even a slight ripple was created in his cold eyes.


    ¡°¡­ En.¡±


    Startled, Xu Qi accidentally spoke the truth.


    ¡°I¡¯ll be off.¡±


    Liao Jinxue sheathed his expression and tossed out this phrase, making it seem as if the tiny grin just now was an illusion.


    His figure disappeared into the nearby streets.


    Xu Qi¡¯s mind echoed the sentence ¡°Don¡¯t want to be troubled by strangers for no good reason¡±.


    Strangers.


    Perhaps he too, was also one of those strangers.


    (*) ÍÁ (T¨³) in Chinese means soil/earth, but it¡¯s also used to describe the colour and since the dog fur is soil colour calling him ÍÁ¹· is basically calling him ¡®Earthy Dog¡¯. Name translations are literally the bane of my existence.

 CH 8

    The printer spat out pieces of paper, the ink scattered on it still wet. Xu Qi categorised each document and placed them beside the printer to be binded.


    Occasionally, colleagues that took a trip to the pantry would pass by, and the thick smell of coffee would follow.


    It was a Monday morning, everyone was barely awake.


    ¡°Are you sure, where did you hear this news from?¡±


    ¡°Why would I tell you if this was fake? I heard all this from Wu Dong, he already saw the layoff list. You and I aren¡¯t on it.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s good¡­ but is it really okay to say it?¡±


    ¡°Aiya, just relax. It¡¯s not our turn to worry about the relationship between Wu Dong and the director. It¡¯s not like I forced him to say it. In fact I find him a nuisance. He dangles around every day, thinking that just because he has some background he¡¯s tall, rich, and handsome. So frustrating, I have no idea where all his confidence comes from.¡±


    He lowered his voice as he spoke, obviously unpleased with Wu Dong¡¯s daily actions.


    Xu Qi didn¡¯t want to eavesdrop on other people¡¯s conversations, but the printer was just nice located right outside the pantry. A few sensitive words couldn¡¯t help but drill into his ears, especially the word ¡®layoff¡¯, which heaved a heavy stone onto his dull emotions.


    He instinctively felt a sense of unease.


    ¡°Xu Qi, I was still thinking why you weren¡¯t at your seat, turns out you were here.¡±


    A colleague tapped Xu Qi¡¯s shoulder, waiting for him to turn over before revealing his agenda. ¡°Director Wang asked you to go to his office, he has something to tell you.¡±


    Xu Qi glanced at the pile of unbinded documents. Not far away was Director Wang¡¯s office, its door left ajar. His heart skipped a beat, the word ¡®layoff¡¯ swinging back to his ears. ¡°Right now?¡±


    ¡°Yes, you can leave the work first, I¡¯ll look after it for you.¡±


    ¡°Okay, thank you.¡±


    Seven years in the workforce, and he had resided in a total of three companies.


    The first closed down not long after opening, and the second had been reported for tax evasion. On that day, he went to work as usual, but he never expected to enter an office full of police. It almost made Xu Qi think that he had also committed some illegal act. Good thing his position was too low, the police didn¡¯t ask him a single question.


    This company, which was also the third, was the one Xu Qi had managed to stay in for the longest thus far.


    He majored in Business Administration at university. Due to his lacklustre score, options for his major were little to none. He would often hear classmates joke around about being unemployed after graduation.


    Xu Qi never took it as a joke. For people like him with average abilities and a university that was even more unheard of, those words were like an accurate portrayal of his life.


    Xu Qi started school a year later than others, thus the majority of those around him were younger, yet every single one of them had more self-motivation than him, and had obtained notable achievements. People that entered at the same time as him were already in higher positions, only he was left in the bottom ranks, disposable and unimportant.


    The past few years he had fortunately avoided being laid off due to other employees making huge mistakes. In addition, he rarely captured anyone¡¯s eyes. He just takes his thin pay and goes through each year peacefully.


    Xu Qi wasn¡¯t sure if this good luck would continue to follow him.


    ¡°Were you the one who handed in this document?¡±


    Director Wang turned his computer around and pushed it towards Xu Qi. The anger could be heard through his thick local accent.


    Xu Qi looked at the screen. It was one of the works that Wu Dong had tossed to him for ¡®help¡¯. He sunk into silence for a moment before replying, ¡°It was me.¡±


    The confirmation invoked catharsis within Director Wang. He pointed at Xu Qi¡¯s nose and reprimanded Xu Qi without leaving any face for him.


    ¡°Where were your eyes when you checked? There was an additional 0 in such a large sum of money, and you dared to submit it? Every single word and punctuation on the contract isn¡¯t allowed to be wrong. If it wasn¡¯t for little Dong reminding me, who knows what kind of trouble this could¡¯ve brewed.¡±


    When Xu Qi heard Wu Dong¡¯s name, his eyes twitched. Before he submitted the contract, he had checked from top to bottom. He didn¡¯t remember making this kind of low-level error.


    But Director Wang wasn¡¯t here to listen to excuses. He scolded Xu Qi for ten minutes straight, and in the end, they derailed from the mistake he made and ended up at Xu Qi¡¯s mediocre performance and how he didn¡¯t make any achievements after all these years. It was as if he scolding him for how worthless he was.


    When Director Wang got tired of scolding, he grabbed his cup and took a sip of tea. He lowered his head and waved his hands as if he didn¡¯t want to see Xu Qi, wanting him to quickly disappear.


    Xu Qi buried his head and closed the office door, keenly picking up the glances that turned away from him.


    Soundproofing in the office was bad, those ugly words were probably heard by half the people on this floor. After the break, news that Director Wang had scolded him would become an after-lunch gossip and spread through the company.


    Everyone pretended that they didn¡¯t hear anything, comforting was out of the question.


    Xu Qi was walking back to his post when an arm suddenly wrapped around his shoulders. Wu Dong¡¯s absent-minded smile entered his field of vision as he leaned forward to ask, ¡°Brother Xu, were you scolded by Brother Want just now?¡±


    ¡°¡­ No.¡±


    ¡°Nonsense, I heard everything when I was outside. He was sure viscous in his scolding. It was just a small mistake, was there really a need to make a big deal out of it?¡±


    Sounds as if he was speaking out for him.


    Xu Qi didn¡¯t answer. He nudged to the side, attempting to shake off the arm stuck on his shoulder.


    Wu Dong seemed as though he couldn¡¯t feel Xu Qi¡¯s rejection. He walked back to his seat with Xu Qi, leaned against the side of his table, and asked inexplicably, ¡°Brother Xu, you¡¯re not angry at me are you?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m not,¡± Xu Qi didn¡¯t understand why he asked that. He looked at Wu Dong¡¯s face but he could only recall that contract and the mistake he had no impression of.


    The feeling of unease weaved itself into a dense spiderweb, sealing his tightening throat.


    Xu Qi¡¯s expression had been seen by Wu Dong. He immediately walk forward and shirked his blame cleanly. ¡°I also didn¡¯t know Brother Wang would be so angered. If I had known I would¡¯ve never done this. Don¡¯t worry, I¡¯ll help put you in better light later in front of Brother Wang, and he¡¯ll forget this matter after a few days.¡±


    ¡°You were the one that edited the numbers?¡±


    Wu Dong rubbed his nose, not caring at all. ¡°Yep.¡±


    Xu Qi closed his eyes. He was terrified that that disgust and hatred would leak into his expression when he looked at Wu Dong¡¯s face. He asked with a shaky breath. ¡°Why did you do this? I already listened to you and finished all your work for you, why would you still¡­¡­¡±


    ¡°Look at the way you said that, did I do anything to you?¡±


    One sentence and he was unpleased. He ripped off his fool¡¯s mask and folded his arms, sneering, ¡°I just wanted to achieve some things in front of Brother Wang, I didn¡¯t want to do anything to you. Xu Qi, you think too highly of yourself, we¡¯re all colleagues here, is there really a need to remember all those little things so clearly?¡±


    ¡°You wanted to take credit, so you tempered with the contract I wrote?¡±


    ¡°Watch your words. Don¡¯t you know that a single sentence from me can make Brother Wang fire you?¡±


    Xu Qi didn¡¯t want to end up in a conflict with Wu Dong in front of everyone. The office area had no covers, and Wu Dong¡¯s overbearing voice had already attracted many colleagues¡¯ eyes.


    Under the attention of the crowd, Xu Qi felt as though he was being suffocated, and his face became as white as a sheet of paper.


    Wu Dong was stunned by his appearance, scared that something might happen. The arrogance in his tone subsided a little, but in an attempt to save face, he threw out a provocation. ¡°I wanted to stand up for you just now, but it seems that there isn¡¯t a need for me to go out of my way anymore. Anyways, the time you have left in the company is limited. When the time comes don¡¯t try and hold on.¡±


    The people cast looks of pity as Xu Qi.


    Wu Dong¡¯s words were like the last ultimatum issued directly to Xu Qi, blatantly announcing: Your name is on the layoff list.


    The fingers on Xu Qi¡¯s knees twitched. There was nothing other than boundless annoyance towards Wu Dong¡¯s clamours.


    A face surfaced on the black screen of the computer. Xu Qi took off his glasses and propped the pulsing corners of his forehead. After closing his eyes for three minutes, the screen in front of him split into two, and strange images would start to appear, unable to unify.


    A part of his brain has broken, and he didn¡¯t know how to fix it.


    Whenever others saw Xu Qi, they would think that he was frail and sick due to his pale complexion and depressive aura, but it wasn¡¯t the case.


    From the health checkup last year, other than a slightly weak lung capacity, Xu Qi was within the normal range for all other areas. He was just as healthy as everyone else. He had a complete body, appearance-wise at least. It was just that he was slightly thinner, slightly more inconspicuous.


    But Xu Qi certainly felt a part of himself rotting away slowly, and no medical equipment could ever detect it. Only he could feel this agonising torture; it was as if he was dying by a thousand cuts.


    It seemed that he was sick, and the roots were hidden too deep. To dig it out they would first have to cut away that past of his, dripping with blood.


    Xu Qi thinks, he was a weak and useless person that didn¡¯t dare to bring up a divorce with his cheating wife, and didn¡¯t dare to rebut his superior and colleagues that trampled all over his dignity. Every single thing in life that made him frustrated, he would choose to avoid and equivocate.


    In exchange, a failed, terrible, and messy life wasn¡¯t such a strange thing.


    At the dinner table, Xu Qi was more silent than usual. Usually, he was already quiet enough, but Liang Yue could still feel that Xu Qi was hiding something.


    ¡°Did something happen today?¡±


    ¡°Nothing much.¡±


    Xu Qi wasn¡¯t willing to say, and Liang Yue¡¯s needless caring stopped there.


    The television in the living room was shut. Liang Yue didn¡¯t like being bothered by anything other than work calls when she eats, and the only sound in the room was the clatters of chopsticks against porcelain plates. Xu Qi gripped his fingers subconsciously and slowly spoke, ¡°If I quit my current job¡­¡±


    ¡°What did you say?¡±


    Liang Yue dropped the vegetable she just picked up, biting the word ¡®quit¡¯ heavily as she questioned, not knowing if she was laughing at Xu Qi¡¯s childish words or finding it inconceivable. ¡°Is there something wrong with your job now? Or did you already think of what to do for your next job?¡±


    Xu Qi grit his teeth, squeezing out a low voice, ¡°I haven¡¯t.¡±


    Perhaps Liang Yue thought this conversation was too much of a joke. She didn¡¯t give any warnings, instead just melted the grating voice with a light chuckle. She picked up the food and continued to eat as if she didn¡¯t hear anything.


    She wasn¡¯t even willing to ask for the reason.


    The food in Xu Qi¡¯s mouth tasted as bland as water. Whenever he swallowed they would grow pointed barbs, slicing from his throat all the way to his convulsing stomach.


    After dinner, Xu Qi washed the dishes as usual, cleaned up the kitchen and returned to his room. As he put down the third line of his diary, the sound of a door closing came from outside. Xu Qi put down his pen and went to the living room. On the carpet of the living room were Liang Yue¡¯s slippers. She just went out.


    At this moment, every movement from Liang Yue made Xu Qi panic-stricken.


    He turned off the lights. As he leaned towards the window, he saw a white Audi drive out of the area. Xu Qi could tell just from the model that it was Liang Yue¡¯s car. Only when the car lights disappeared into the streets did Xu Qi realise, cold sweat was oozing out from his hands gripping the window sill.


    He returned to his room, pacing around hurriedly. He opened Liang Yue¡¯s WeChat and crafted a message, deleted it, rewrote it, and even after writing numerous versions Xu Qi still couldn¡¯t press send.


    So what if he asked?


    As long as Liang Yue wanted to lie, she could come up with all sorts of replies.


    Xu Qi returned to WeChat¡¯s main page. Barely anyone looks for him; the notifications in the corner were all official announcements and advertisements. When he looked down, he saw Liang Jinxue¡¯s profile, which he added last Saturday, sandwiched between official accounts and the File Transfer Assistant.


    The pale crescent moon shone like a silvery claw in the night sky.


    He couldn¡¯t control his fingers. The message in the chat was the automatic reply sent after adding friends. This hard-earned contact could finally be put into use.


    Xu Qi typed out a single sentence, and without editing anything, he pressed send.


    : Where are you?


    Quickly, Liang Jinxue replied: Outside.


    Xu Qi stared at the word, pursed his parched lips, and wrote with difficulty: Are you alone right now?


    Five minutes passed, and what he had just sent was still the most recent message.


    Xu Qi gripped his phone tightly. No matter the obstacle, no matter if what was supposed to happen would eventually happen, he didn¡¯t want to just watch himself go through another relationship that failed from start to end, watch as his precious thing was taken away by Lin Jinxue once again.


    Until his phone buzzed.


    Lin Jinxue: Yes, is there anything?


    That sentence seemed to have some otherworldly magic, hooking only Xu Qi¡¯s soul, and somehow he had typed out the word: Yes.


    Following, he added: It¡¯s urgent.


    He had something.


    So don¡¯t go and meet Liang Yue.


    The opposing party kept silent for so long that Xu Qi thought Liao Jinxue would never reply again, and he wanted to follow-up with another message.


    Liao Jinxue: Do you want to come over?

 CH 9

    The coffeehouse emitted a warm yellow light. Pedestrians brushed by the customer¡¯s figures as they walked by the wall of glass that had separated the two worlds.


    Through that window, Xu Qi could see the reflection of Liao Jinxue¡¯s side profile.


    A cup of coffee was placed on the short table in front of his knees, his fingers turning a page of the sprawled magazine. As the light hit his face, every eyelash was illuminated clearly. While Xu Qi was browsing mindlessly, Liao Jinxue¡¯s eyes suddenly turned in this direction, making the former pause in his footsteps.


    Time started flowing slower.


    ¡°What drink would you like?¡±


    Xu Qi buried his head in the menu the waiter had delivered, and after scanning the page, he couldn¡¯t recall even a single drink¡¯s name. He couldn¡¯t help but drift towards the cup of coffee in front of Liao Jinxue, and pretended to ask casually, ¡°What did you order?¡±


    Liao Jinxue replied, ¡°Latt¨¦.¡±


    ¡°I also want that.¡±


    The waiter enquired about the heat level and size of the cup before keeping the menu and leaving.


    Xu Qi didn¡¯t have anything he could hold in his hands anymore, and the fingers on his knees churned subconsciously. Liao Jinxue put the magazine back on the table; it was a fashion magazine that could be found everywhere in all coffee shops.


    Silence ensued for a moment before Liao Jinxue looked at Xu Qi and asked, ¡°Is it something that can be said here?¡±


    ¡°What?¡±


    Xu Qi was startled for a moment.


    ¡°You mentioned in your message that there was something urgent to say to me, is it okay to talk about it in the coffee shop? If it¡¯s not appropriate we can move to a different location.¡±


    Liao Jinxue explained, unaware that Xu Qi almost forgot the nonsensical reason that he had come up with in order to prevent the two from meeting. He hastily patched up the lie that was almost exposed.


    ¡°It¡¯s okay, we don¡¯t have to move, were¡­¡±


    The waiter served the coffee, interrupting the words hanging from Xu Qi¡¯s mouth.


    After the other party had left, Xu Qi lowered his eyes to see two identical cups of coffee on the table. They were placed facing each other, revealing a faint sense of intimacy, and a hidden trace of satisfaction filled his whole body.


    At least in this moment, he and Liao Jinxue sat in the same place, at the same level, and drank the same coffee.


    It was as if they were the same person.


    Xu Qi finished was he wanted to say, ¡°Were you always in the caf¨¦?¡±


    Liao Jinxue leaned against the backrest, the cramped space beneath the table wasn¡¯t enough for him to straighten his legs. He folded them together and answered calmly, ¡°I was eating with my colleagues. When you sent the message, I was preparing to go home.¡±


    Embarrassment welled up in Xu Qi as he thought about his previous wild guess, but at the same time, he was able to let out a breath of relief.


    Liang Yue didn¡¯t go out to meet Liao Jinxue.


    ¡°Sorry, did I disturb you?¡±


    After Xu Qi said that, he recalled that he had said the same thing at the clinic that day.


    He didn¡¯t know if Liao Jinxue heard the similarity in his words. The latter glimpsed at the clock beneath his sleeve and said nothing, but Xu Qi could still sense that Liao Jinxue didn¡¯t want to continue staying here.


    Nervously, he picked up the cup of coffee. He didn¡¯t take a sip, as it was just for reassurance.


    ¡°Actually¡­¡­¡±


    Xu Qi forced his brain to dig for a suitable explanation for the ¡®urgent matter¡¯, making a dent in the paper cup as he squeezed, the heat burning his hands.


    ¡°I might be unemployed soon.¡±


    Pushing out this sentence actually made Xu Qi feel a different kind of relaxation.


    Liao Jinxue¡¯s eyebrows furrowed slightly, a solemn atmosphere slowly building up. ¡°What happened?¡±


    Being under the attention of that continuous gaze, Xu Qi¡¯s words were continuously dishevelled and reorganised, and he tried his best to not make himself sound like he wasn¡¯t whining. ¡°I made a mistake today, and my superior got really angry. Furthermore, the company is about to lay off its employers, and I think¡­ my name is on that list.¡±


    This was already the edited version of the euphemism.


    Liao Jinxue said, ¡°Do you want to talk about it?¡±


    Xu Qi¡¯s hands gripped the coffee cup uncontrollably. Under his tacky black glasses, there was always a hint of strangeness in his expression that seemed to be doubt, wariness, and a trace of uncertainty.


    ¡°Talk¡­ talk about what?¡±


    Liao Jinxue silently scrutinized Xu Qi for a few seconds and adjusted his seat before opening his mouth again, ¡°Didn¡¯t you want to meet me because you wanted someone to confide in? Correct me if I¡¯m wrong.¡±


    Was he confiding in Liao Jinxue?


    This foreign yet intimate word gave Xu Qi goosebumps to. He promptly lowered his head, his fingers shifting uncomfortably. After a fierce battle with his inner thoughts, he forced out, ¡°I¡­ I am.¡±


    Xu Qi stepped on the stairs Liao Jinxue handed over and walked down.


    ¡°The mistake wasn¡¯t actually made by me. Even though I also had a reason, the other colleague in my company would always rely on his background instead of doing his job properly. Today he¡­¡­¡±


    He started with much difficulty, but as he spoke he slowly started to dig the depths of his heart out fluently. Even Liang Yue didn¡¯t know about all these happenings, yet Xu Qi when faced Liao Jinxue, a third party that intervened in their relationship, he was able to say it without any hindrance.


    In the end, even he wasn¡¯t sure if he was sincerely pouring his heart out about his grievances to Liao Jinxue.


    Xu Qi¡¯s desires were simple; as long as someone was willing to stand on his side and comfort him by telling him it wasn¡¯t his fault, it was okay even if it was a lie.


    Liang Yue never cared about these matters. He had mentioned it many times, and every single time, she would stand against Xu Qi and point out which areas where he did wrong. Even if Xu Qi was the one being bullied and getting hurt, she would only blame him for ¡®being useless¡¯.


    He forgot since when, but Xu Qi never brought up unpleasant things that happened at work to Liang Yue anymore.


    It was only the third time they met again, but Liao Jinxue was willing to sit in the corner of the coffeehouse late at night, accompanying him, quietly listening to his messily put-together words, listening to him pour his heart out, telling him it was okay to spill out his troubles.


    Xu Qi was unable to let go of this lifeline that was so hard to come by, even if came from the person he hated the most.


    When Xu Qi finished, Liao Jinxue accompanied him in his silence for a while, as if he was confirming that he had actually finished. He stared at Xu Qi with a steady affirmation and spoke for the first time these few minutes, ¡°You didn¡¯t do anything wrong, they were the ones who went overboard.¡±


    He didn¡¯t do anything wrong, they were obviously the ones that went overboard.


    Liao Jinxue¡¯s face became so dazzling it prickled, and Xu Qi turned his head in embarrassment, trying to hide the wetness that surfaced uncontrollably in his eyes.


    He just wanted one sentence that comforted him like this, why was it so difficult?


    Why was it that in the end, the person who told him this was Liao Jinxue?


    ¡°This job isn¡¯t suitable for you, so it¡¯s not a bad thing to resign. You should look for a new job that you like and consider the future carefully.¡±


    Liao Jinxue said.


    Future.


    How long has it been since someone uttered that word to Xu Qi; his future had long been set in stone. He entered an average high school, an average university, and after graduation, he married early and found an average yet stable job. Several decades later, this average life would end, just like thousands of other average people.


    Liao Jinxue was different from them.


    They were all ants that didn¡¯t know how to speak. They were so small they could only care for themselves. Throughout their lives, they only lived to survive. No one could ever hear the cries of the ants.


    ¡°I don¡¯t know,¡± the corners Xu Qi¡¯s mouth twitched, unsure if his attempt at smiling worked; from Liao Jinxue¡¯s expression it was likely that it didn¡¯t, ¡°it¡¯s not so easy to find a job that I like and is suited for me. My qualifications aren¡¯t as good as yours, so even if I go job hunting, no one would want me. I would probably end up with a job that¡¯s similar to my current one.¡±


    When said the last few sentences, Xu Qi keenly picked up on how Liao Jinxue¡¯s lips tightened. He was as expressionless as ever, but it seemed to be slightly colder than just now.


    Liao Jinxue looked at his watch for the second time tonight and said, ¡°It¡¯s pretty late, we should go.¡±


    The parting came too suddenly, and Xu Qi stared blankly as Liao Jinxue stood up, muttering, ¡°Okay.¡±


    The two cups of untouched coffee remained on the table; it had already turned cold, but no one took it.


    Xu Qi hailed a taxi here. He was afraid that Liao Jinxue would remember his car plate number and he would be unable to continue stalking him, hence he lied saying that his car broke down and was being repaired.


    Liao Jinxue didn¡¯t question him and offered to send him home. The sky had already turned dark, and it was unsafe to call for a taxi.


    Xu Qi quietly accepted this polite kindness, hence he walked side by side with Liao Jinxue. Between their shoulders stood a gap, not near yet not far.


    Xu Qi could clearly feel the distance between him and Liao Jinxue closing as he spoke, but after the last few sentences, they pulled back to their original positions.


    Where exactly did he say something wrong.


    Liao Jinxue¡¯s car was parked a few streets away, near where he and his colleagues gathered for dinner. Hence, Xu Qi had no choice but to walk together with Liao Jinxue back to where the car was parked, having fragmented small talks along the way in an attempt to not let the atmosphere become cold.


    ¡°Which university did you end up going to?¡±


    Xu Qi asked mindlessly, even preparing an answer to his own question, but heard Liao Jinxue reply, ¡°One of the universities in Xiang City.¡°


    The name of the university wasn¡¯t mentioned.


    This answer made it difficult for Xu Qi to continue asking ¡®exactly which university¡¯. It seemed like after Xu Qi had confessed everything that happened at his work, Liao Jinxue was still unwilling to share anything about himself.


    Xu Qi bit that tooth that was filled not long ago, the taste of defeat inevitably rising.


    ¡°Then you¡­¡±


    Xu Qi¡¯s words broke off mid-sentence, unable to finish the sentence.


    The artificial lake couldn¡¯t be called big. A row of trees was planted along each side, and the only thing acting as a barrier was the short stones surrounding it. It wasn¡¯t able to play any sort of role in preventing dangers.


    Under the night sky, the water was pitch black. It was like a beast, lurking in the dark with its jaws wide open, waiting for an ignorant prey to drop into the abyss with a loud ¡®plop¡¯ of satiation.


    Xu Qi stood stagnant, only realising after a long time that the sound of something falling into the water wasn¡¯t a hallucination. Liao Jinxue turned toward the source of the sound. It was blocked by the unstable terrain, and they could only catch a glimpse of the rising waves under the moonlight.


    ¡°It could be someone swimming.¡±


    Liao Jinxue¡¯s words did nothing to cure Xu Qi¡¯s current state. He stood rooted to the ground, his sight urgently looking towards where the sound came from. His pale face blended into the night, leaving only his trembling voice. ¡°Just now¡­ was that a person?¡±


    ¡°It could have also been a stone.¡±


    Liao Jinxue walked forward, blocking Xu Qi¡¯s sight, and said without changing his expression, ¡°My car¡¯s on the opposite side, let¡¯s go by the other side so we won¡¯t have to make a detour later.¡±


    Xu Qi knew he should have listened to Liao Jinxue and left, but that sound was like a curse that was playing beside his ear, over and over again. He looked past Liao Jinxue¡¯s shoulders, at the river surface. Vaguely, he could see half a sphere floating above.


    It looked like a human¡¯s head.


    This scene shattered into pieces in Xu Qu¡¯s mind. The heavy fragments flew wildly, the sharp corners slicing open the box sealed away in the depths of his memory, the thick black waters within overflowing with a foul stench.


    The bright sky, the clear waters, and the luscious green lawn beside the river. On that day, the world was covered with a layer of grey, unable to be wiped away, just like the black and white photo that stared at him every night.


    Xu Cheng¡¯s small body was like a light floating balloon, helplessly floating on the surface, deserted. There were people in the surrounding who jumped down one after another, the splashes becoming greater and greater. When Chen Fang rushed over he was crying like he had gone mad, and was also grabbing Xu Qi¡¯s arm, trying to toss him into the water like he had gone mad. If it weren¡¯t for the citizens around that stopped him, two brothers of the Xu family would¡¯ve died that day.


    Why didn¡¯t you save him?


    Why weren¡¯t you the one that died?


    Chen Fang repeatedly asked, repeatedly blamed. Xu Qi heard the question too many times; he forgot his original answer.


    Why didn¡¯t you save him?


    ¡°Xu Qi!¡±


    Liao Jinxue¡¯s sudden increase in volume wasn¡¯t able to hold onto Xu Qi, the splash of a heavy object falling into the water sounded more decisively than the one before.


    The ice-cold water wrapped around Xu Qi¡¯s body tightly. He used all his might, swimming in that direction non-stop, reached out his hand, and grabbed onto the satiny mass.


    It was a plastic bag that had been blown away by the wind.


    Two youths that were swimming nearby had been attracted by the noise. When they saw Liao Jinxue running towards the river bank, and Xu Qi¡¯s body that was bobbing up and down in the water, they disregarded everything else and swam towards Xu Qi. The both of them together heaved him back onshore.


    ¡°Thank you.¡±


    Liao Jinxue thanked the youths and declined their offer to look for the police¡¯s help. He waited for the both of them to leave before looking at Xu Qi, who was on the floor, drenched with water. The night wind blew on Xu Qi¡¯s dripping wet clothes and trousers, and the tremble of his shoulders was barely visible.


    It seemed cold.


    Liao Jinxue squat down and stared straight at Xu Qi, saying, ¡°I¡¯m going to leave for a while. I¡¯ll be back immediately, will it be okay if you stay here alone?¡±


    Xu Qi hugged his soaked body, struggling to understand what Liao Jinxue had just said. Through the darkness, he could see the movements of the other party¡¯s mouth. With the sharp wind blowing on his cheeks, he nodded stiffly.


    If he walked onto the streets now, everyone would probably stare at him.


    Liao Jinxue left.


    Xu Qi closed his eyes and curled his body up. He buried his head into his knees. One moment, Xu Cheng was still alive; he looked similar to himself but was full of vigour. The next moment, he was lying on the river shore, surrounded by layers of people and policemen. Xu Cheng lost all his vitality; all that was left was a grey and stiff young corpse.


    The plastic bag flew and enveloped him in darkness.


    Xu Qi felt as if that broken part of his was about to spark into flames, cause a huge fire in his body, and burn his flesh and bones till only ashes were left.


    This fire that had already been set ablaze in his imagination was put out by a soft blanket that fell from the sky.


    Liao Jinxue returned with a blanket. He leaned forward and wrapped Xu Qi¡¯s body with it. Grabbing a corner of the blanket, he gently rubbed Xu Qi¡¯s wet hair to wipe away the beads of water. He pressed his lips into a cold line, but his movements were very light; it was as if he was helping a tiny animal that needed to be rescued.


    ¡°This was the only thing I could find in the car.¡±


    Xu Qi caught a trace of the faint cologne smell that would occasionally drift by, suppressing the overwhelming stench of water, and making him fall onto a piece of soft, fluffy cloud.


    Liao Jinxue wiped away the water that stained his face, leaned forward to close the distance, and slowed his speech to let Xu Qi, who was still suffering from shock, hear every single word clearly.


    ¡°Come, let¡¯s go home.¡±

 CH 10

    A layer of mist clouded the mirror in the bathroom. Xu Qi wiped at it a few times, revealing a face as blurry as the mist.


    The heat from the shower added a tint of red to his cheeks. Water dripped from the corners of his hair, streaking down from the dents of his collarbone, wetting the areas that he had already wiped dry.


    He ruffled his hair and put on the clothes hung on the wall. Newly bought underwear had been stuffed within, and the soft material burnt in his hands.


    Xu Qi pried his gaze away from his reflection as he slotted into the oversized shirt with ease. The shirt was several sizes larger than what he usually wore, and he had to repeatedly fold and fold his sleeves in order to reveal his thin wrists.


    Everywhere he looked constantly reminded him that this wasn¡¯t his clothes.


    The smell of the detergent pod drifted into his nose, the mustiness within indicative of the amount of time it had spent lying in the closet. Xu Qi didn¡¯t understand how he ended up in Liao Jinxue¡¯s house, how he ended up in Liao Jinxue¡¯s shower, and how he ended up washing himself using Liao Jinxue¡¯s shower.


    It was as if he was missing a piece of his memory.


    A situation like this had happened before. When he gets too emotional, a self-protection mechanism in his brain will be triggered to prevent any further damage and pain. He would leave his body momentarily and become a bystander, watching everything from the outside.


    Those memories, along with the pain, would be cut out from his body. Just like little tumours, each carved out using a surgical knife.


    When he had regained consciousness once again, he was sitting in the passenger seat of Liao Jinxue¡¯s car, wrapped in Liao Jinxue¡¯s blanket.


    ¡°Xu Qi, are you okay?¡±


    Liao Jinxue knocked on the door. The shower had been silent for a while now, hence he came to check.


    The door unlocked from the inside, and Xu Qi¡¯s head peeked out from the cracks. The hazy steam clouded Liao Jinxue¡¯s vision. His vision finally landed on Xu Qi¡¯s bare face, pausing momentarily.


    Xu Qi¡¯s face was clean, just like plain cold water. Besides his tall nose, there weren¡¯t any features particularly worth praising.


    His eyelashes were long and thin, always drooping slightly, and now wasn¡¯t an exception. The colour of his pupils was too deep, too dark. He was at the age where he should be mature and steady, yet he always gave a strange feeling of docile, gloom, and wariness.


    It made people feel like bullying him.


    ¡°Yeah, I¡¯m done.¡±


    Xu Qi bent his neck, hurriedly putting his clouded glasses back on, halting Liao Jinxue¡¯s gawks.


    Liao Jinxue glanced at the fair nape below Xu Qi¡¯s collar, before moving aside to make way. ¡°You can put your drenched clothes in the laundry basket first. It¡¯s too late now and using the washing machine would disturb the neighbours.¡±


    ¡°I can bring it back home and wash it myself, there¡¯s no need to trouble you.¡± Xu Qi said.


    ¡°Are you sure?¡±


    ¡°En.¡±


    Liao Jinxue didn¡¯t insist and led Xu Qi back to the living room.


    No matter what happened, Liaoo Jinxue¡¯s attitude had always been pleasant, maintaining a distance that was difficult to detect. It was just like back in high school.


    Xu Qi¡¯s drowned phone had automatically shut down. He tried booting it a few times, but it either remained as a black screen or flickered a few times before dimming again.


    This phone had accompanied him for almost five years. The market had pumped out countless new versions, but Xu Qi had no intention of changing it.


    But it seemed like it had no choice but to retire now.


    Liao Jinxue walked out of the kitchen with a can of beer and a cup of hot water, placing it in front of Xu Qi.


    Opening the lid, Liao Jinxue took a sip. He noticed Xu Qi¡¯s stare and scanned the untouched cup of water. ¡°Would you like to change it to something else?¡±


    Xu Qi shook his head, avoiding his stare. ¡°It¡¯s not that. It¡¯s already over 10 o¡¯clock, I should be going back.¡±


    ¡°Your phone is spoilt.¡±


    This sentence could be interpreted as ¡®it¡¯s not safe¡¯. Liao Jinxue added, ¡°There¡¯s a guest room in this house, you can stay here for the night.¡±


    Xu Qi¡¯s mind rumbled. He stared at Liao JInxue in shock, and Liao Jinxue stared back at him. When he realised how weird it was to exchange looks like this, it was already too late. Xu Qi stuttered, ¡°But¡­¡­¡±


    ¡®But¡¯ he couldn¡¯t think of a good reason.


    Liao Jinxue rubbed the centre of his eyes, his slightly sunken eyebrows revealed a hint of tiredness as he waited for Xu Qi to continue.


    At that moment, Xu Qi felt like a hypocrite for being hesitant. In the first place, he came here for Liao Jinxue. Plus, the reason why things became like this was also due to his inability to control his emotions and did some weird things. Not only did Liao Jinxue not blame him, but he also brought him to his house. It was already benevolent for him to do so.


    If he still wanted to lie at this point, Liao Jinxue would probably be annoyed and regretful for helping him, wouldn¡¯t he?


    Xu Qi didn¡¯t continue to ¡®but¡¯, and lightly replied, ¡°Then I¡¯ll trouble you.¡±


    Liao Jinxue¡¯s expression stayed the same. He twirled the can of beer in his hands as he said, ¡°I never thought you would actually jump in. I could have grabbed you.¡±


    When Xu Qi recalled that moment from the third person¡¯s point of view, his forehead pulsed in pain. In that instance, many terrifying images seemed to flash by.


    Xu Qi smiled stiffly, and said self-deprecatingly, ¡°I also don¡¯t know why I did that. I was probably crazy.¡±


    ¡°I remember you didn¡¯t like water, right?¡±


    It was the first time Liao Jinxue had brought up the past since their reunion. Xu Qi couldn¡¯t help but gulp, replying with a voice only the both of them could hear. ¡°En.¡±


    ¡°Are you still afraid now?¡±


    ¡°A little.¡±


    ¡°Then why did you jump in?¡±


    ¡°I thought¡­ there was someone in the water, calling for help.¡±


    Xu Qi couldn¡¯t say the word ¡®drowning¡¯. The word was too powerful. The moment it reached his tongue it would bring about an overwhelming sense of suffocation, drowning him.


    Liao Jinxue stopped twirling the can and placed it back on the table with a muffled thud. ¡°You¡¯re very brave, but don¡¯t do these kinds of things anymore.¡±


    Brave?¡±


    Xu Qi squeezed at the nails of his thumbs, unable to understand the meaning behind this word. More accurately, he didn¡¯t understand what this word had to do with him. Liao Jinxue dully unravelled his confusion. ¡°You aren¡¯t even afraid of death. Is this not brave?¡±


    An eerie silence.


    Xu Qi stared at the warm water in his cup, the slight waves that would rise and fall occasionally near the mouth of the cup. He opened his mouth once again, his voice slightly hoarse, ¡°Can I grab a can of beer?¡±


    Liao Jinxue looked twice at Xu Qi seemingly in silent consent. ¡°The beer¡¯s on the top layer in the fridge.¡±


    Xu Qi thanked him hastily and left the living room like he was running away.


    He didn¡¯t want to drink anything, not to mention beer. When Xu Qi entered the kitchen he gripped the sides of the fish tank, and stared at the water outlet, entranced. The dark hole gazed back at him, sucking in those chaotic memories together with him.


    Liao Jinxue knows that he isn¡¯t scared of dying.


    He had known since ten years ago.


    They¡¯ve avoided those interactions, rustily maintaining a distance unfamiliar to them. Perhaps it was because they were unable to totally wipe away the traces of what had happened. Even if a part of it becomes blurred and gradually forgotten, the appearance of certain keywords would still cause Xu Qi to suddenly return to that autumn, feel the ice-cold water that poured into his shoes, and the bicycle bell that slashed through the night with a single ring.


    After that, he would keep hearing the string of rings in his dreams. It was just he could never see Liao Jinxue¡¯s face properly.


    Xu Qi suppressed the memories that were slowly being dug deeper. He opened the fridge and looked for the beer, pretending as if nothing happened.


    The bright-coloured packaging of the glass jars and the fresh fruits and vegetables were neatly arranged in every layer, showcasing the owner¡¯s good habit of keeping tidy.  Yet in the midst of all these items, the conspicuous outer shell of the beer bottle was nowhere to be seen.


    Liao Jinxue¡¯s arms brushed by Xu Qi, taking out a can of beer from the door of the refrigerator. Xu Qi didn¡¯t know when he had walked behind him and got a shock. He turned around, trapped in the narrow gap between Liao Jinxue and the fridge.


    The refrigerator churned and spewed out cold air. Half of Xu Qi¡¯s body had entered the ice house, while the other half was almost pasted onto Liao Jinxue. Falling into the deep and dangerous eyes, he saw himself within.


    ¡°Be careful.¡±


    His arms were suddenly pulled on, and Xu Qi was pried from the edge of the fridge cabinet. He fell towards Liao Jinxue, the deeply rooted memory of the scent wrapping around Xu Qi. The latter dazed for a moment before hurriedly leaving Liao Jinxue¡¯s arms.


    ¡°Sorry.¡± Xu Qi muttered in a haze.


    Liao Jinxue down at his shirt. The spot on his chest had been pressed on by Xu Qi¡¯s wet hair, creating an area that was darker than its surroundings.


    Xu Qi also saw it. It burned his face to his neck, and he lowered his head in a mix of awkwardness and embarrassment.


    Liao Jinxue didn¡¯t comment on the accident that just occurred. Before leaving, he added, ¡°Wipe dry your hair before going to bed, if not you might catch a cold.¡±


    Xu Qi burrowed his head deeper.


    The light in the guest room dimmed. The room had an unfamiliar air to it, as with the unfamiliar furnishings. Xu Qi lay on the bed, recalling the ups and downs of today. He couldn¡¯t believe that all those things happened on the same day.


    He could hardly recall the disgusting faces Wu Dong and Director Wang had in the morning. When he closed his eyes, all he could see was Liao Jinxue.


    At this very moment, he and Liao Jinxue were only separated by a single wall. Xu Qi heard that familiar chain of crisp rings yet again. Along with time, he returned to that autumn night ten years ago. But this time, he wished he could see Liao Jinxue¡¯s face clearly.