《My Darling》 Prologue Prologue ¡°I heard you and Tong Fei have your own production company?¡± the person in the phone asked her in surprise. ¡°Nowadays, if you¡¯re an artiste, you¡¯re part of a production company. Screenwriters have them, too, as do directors. It¡¯s not really all that sophisticated and special. It¡¯s just so you have a name you can put down in the spot for whom the invoices should be made out to.¡± With her eyes on the display screen in front of her, Chu Jian offhandedly provided this response. Oh crud. She just lost her last 50 HKD worth of credit. On the other end of the line, the other party rambled on for another couple of sentences. After hanging up the call, Chu Jian rummaged through her backpack and discovered that she had used up all of the Hong Kong currency she had on hand¡­ Should she go up to the second floor and find an ¡°unofficial¡± money changer to change some? The feeling of being penniless was annoyingly depressing. Tong Fei had just left her here, and Chu Jian did not even know when she would be returning. If she did not change some money so she could continue betting, she really would have nothing to do. While Chu Jian was still wavering on what to do, a man sat down by her side. A pair of black-frame glasses with flat lenses. Very young. He was wearing a dark gray pair of casual pants, black sneakers, and a white, cotton, short-sleeved athletic shirt. He looked like a university student. However, so as to have the best outcome when on camera, his facial contours were very chiseled and defined, and hence he appeared to be on the slightly slim side. Muttering, Chu Jian took the two bills of Hong Kong currency from him. After inserting them in turn into the machine, she spun her chair in a semicircle and tilted her head to the side to look at this young man beside her. Hmm¡­ she was a little thirsty. But to make him trek across half the casino to grab a drink for her was not a very realistic idea either. Behind the both of them were countless slot machines, and in the distance, there were several hundred table games. So very noisy. Chu Jian had no choice but to lean in close to speak to him. ¡°Sit here and keep an eye on the machine for me. Absolutely make sure no one photographs you. I¡¯m a little thirsty. I¡¯m going to go get two cups of milk tea.¡± After hurriedly taking a shower, she arbitrarily turned on the television and happened to see a replay of the 2015 China Victory Day 70th Anniversary Parade[1]. This sort of thing that ¡°blazoned our nation¡¯s might and prestige¡± was, of course, something that she would never tire of watching. Hugging a throw pillow and propping her chin on her hand, she prepared herself to kill time with this while she continued to wait for Tong Fei. Two minutes later, the one who had disappeared for the entire night, Tong Fei, found her conscience again and called. The first sentence she said was, ¡°Were you bored tonight?¡± Before Chu Jian had a chance to grumble at her, Tong Fei¡¯s second sentence came at her. ¡°Hurry up and get yourself ready. I¡¯ve brought a bunch of people over to talk business.¡± What¡¯s there to get ready? It¡¯s not like I¡¯m a part of the entertainment industry like you guys are, Chu Jian silently countered. In the end, at past one o¡¯clock in the morning, this place was actually even livelier than the casino. Tong Fei had brought along all her contacts in Macau whom she had had business socials or work dealings with. In this hotel room, they began a new round of project discussions, from whom the directors of projects were to actors¡¯ salaries that were soaring like a boat riding the rising tide. ¡°I heard Jian Bianlin is in Macau as well. I sent an outline and screenplay over to his agent, but I¡¯m still waiting for a reply,¡± someone suddenly said. The instant the name ¡°Jian Bianlian¡± appeared in the conversation, several producers laughed. There was more than one or two people present here who had sent him screenplays and script outlines. Alas, this idol artiste, who had been rising in popularity and worth over the last year, had entered a period of transition in his image and was being strict in his criteria for selecting dramas to participate in. No one in this room tonight had been able to get a confirmed slot in his schedule. The group conversed awhile, some commenting that his asking price was too expensive, some mentioning that he was not accommodating when it came to publicity and promotional events, some saying that he was too picky when it came to scripts, etc., etc. In any case, they had a nice round of dissing of this currently popular idol artiste. In the midst of these accusations that were coming closely one after another, Chu Jian wordlessly boiled a kettle of water. [1]·´·¨Î÷˹ÆßÊ®ÖÜÄê´óÔıø. More formally called ¼ÍÄîÖйúÈËÃñ¿¹ÈÕÕ½ÕùôßÊÀ½ç·´·¨Î÷˹սÕùʤÀû70ÖÜÄêÔıøʽ ¡°parade to commemorate the 70th anniversary of the victory of the Chinese People¡¯s War of Resistance Against Japanese Aggressions and the World Anti-Fascist War,¡± this is often simply referred to in English as the ¡°2015 China Victory Day Parade.¡± It was in celebration of the 70th anniversary of the end of World War II. Held on September 3, 2015, it included a grand military parade of 12 000 troops and was attended by many world leaders. (Note that this novel¡¯s online releases began in the fall of that same year.) Completed: 1 of 1 Prologue 0 of 36 Chapter segments 0 of 1 Epilogue CH 1.1 Down alongside a small road near Jing¡¯an Temple[1], there was a small courtyard-style building. If you were to push open its wooden door, step in, and follow the pebbled pathway, you would be able to see a small nail salon. It belonged to Chu Jian. On a certain floor inside the commercial building at the end of that road, there was also a company for nail esthetics training. That also belonged to Chu Jian. These two were her true wealth and assets. As for that production company, her involvement had only been because Tong Fei had suffered a setback in her career and had spent the better half of a night sobbing to Chu Jian. Hence, Chu Jian had decided to pull out all the savings she had accumulated since graduation to support this BFF of more than ten years, investing in her undertaking of starting up a production company. However, all along, Chu Jian believed that she truly did not have much of a connection to the entertainment industry. After they came back from Macau and parted company at Hongqiao International Airport, Chu Jian returned to her little nail salon that was alongside the street. She flipped through the appointment book. Business today had been quite good, but it was now past eight o¡¯clock and there remained only the last two clients, who were nearly done their treatments. Right as she was planning to arrange with someone to go out together for a late-night meal, Jian Bianlin unexpectedly called. He stated that he was going to come here to look around but did not say for what reason¡­ The call was hung up before Chu Jian could process this and react. He had landed in Shanghai? Why did she seem to remember Tong Fei mentioning that Jian Bianlin was going to return directly to Beijing? Their production company and Jian Bianlin¡¯s company were currently collaborating on something, so Tong Fei should be very clear on his whereabouts¡­ Could it be his schedule and travel plans had changed? An hour and a half later, a man, whose cap brim obscured more than half his face, walked in unobtrusively along that pebbled path, pushed open the door, and gave her this definite answer: Yes, he had changed his travel plans. A chilly wind was carried in from outside the door. Tugging the blanket that was on her knees a little higher, she pointed at the small card on the counter. ¡°I recharged money onto it for you. This card isn¡¯t yours? It¡¯s your agent¡¯s?¡± He gave a somewhat uncomfortable cough. ¡°If you had told me earlier that it belonged to someone else, I wouldn¡¯t have used it¡­¡± It was rather inappropriate. After all, she was not very well acquainted with his agent. Jian Bianlin lifted his chin slightly, motioning to Chu Jian to hand him the cup of warm water beside her hand. He gave another couple of coughs. This time, she could tell that he did have a serious cold. ¡°You caught a cold?¡± Picking up the cup, she handed it to him. However, when he extended his hand to take it, she suddenly pulled it back. ¡°Oh wait, no, this is my cup. Wait a sec. I¡¯ll find one for you that no one is using.¡± After hearing her words, Jian Bianlin did not say anything in response. Chu Jian had not really eaten anything on the plane, and her stomach was now rumbling hungrily. Originally, she had planned on going out for a late-night meal after he retrieved that membership card from her. Seeing the fatigue written on his face, though, she could not make herself open her mouth to rush him. Wordlessly, tentatively, she punched at her calculator, indifferently doing bookkeeping while, in passing, peeking at him from the corner of her eye and praying that she would be liberated from this situation soon. Unhurriedly, he drank half a cup of warm water, then brought her account book over to himself, flipping through a few pages. ¡°You¡¯ve invested in Tong Fei¡¯s production company?¡± ¡°Yup. Didn¡¯t you know that already?¡± ¡°How much did you invest? Five hundred thousand?¡± Two million. Sold her little apartment to do it. Chu Jian silently converted this to become, ¡°Not very much.¡± A while ago, when she was selling that little apartment of hers, she had told her parents that she wanted to expand her nail esthetics training business and was opening three separate branches in Guangzhou and Beijing. Only in this way had she managed to cover up the matter. Jian Bianlin was one of the closest people to her parents. She could not let the secret slip. He circled where he stood, like a supervisor inspecting the place, and while he was at it, he somewhat inquiringly surveyed that glass wall that had more than a hundred different colours of nail polish arranged on it, seeming lost in thought. She could not think of what else he could ask. When she was praying in her mind for the third time that he would leave, he slipped his hands into the pocket of his coat again. With a manner and posture like he had just finished filming a cops and robbers movie on the streets of Macau, he told her, ¡°On the way here just now, I invited Tong Fei out to go for a late-night meal. Want to come with us?¡± ¡°I¡¯m not done doing the books¡­¡± She was halfway through what she wanted to say when she saw his expression turn somber, so she turned her words around. ¡°But that sounds pretty good. I¡¯m dying of hunger.¡± Fine, I¡¯ll just view it as if I must owe you from our previous life. In regards to this matter, she genuinely felt baffled and innocent in it. The relationship between the two of them could be traced back to somewhere between ten and twenty years ago, when they were schoolmates in primary school. Jian Bianlin¡¯s parents had divorced. He and his dad had moved from Guangzhou to Hangzhou, where they rented an apartment next door to hers. And so, Chu Jian¡¯s oh dearest mother would volunteer herself to take the two out to play whenever she had nothing to do. Gradually, in the course of this back and forth contact, the friendship between the two families deepened. Then in middle school, when Chu Jian¡¯s understanding of feelings and relationships with the opposite gender had still not yet developed, there was already an unspoken view in her entire class¡ªeven her entire grade¡ªthat she was his girlfriend. Later, she had felt that she did not have any of those feelings or that intention at all. On a certain day after school, taking advantage of that moment in the stairwell when he was helping her lock up her bicycle to the railing, Chu Jian had mustered up her courage and declared truthfully to his backside¡ª ¡°I actually honestly don¡¯t like you in that way.¡± At that time, he had merely gazed at her for a little more than a minute. Then, he picked up both of their schoolbags and walked upstairs, not expressing any dissent. Originally, if this story had been allowed to develop smoothly and normally, their relationship should have drifted apart, and then after graduation, they would not have had any contact with one another anymore. Alas, the relationship between the two families was simply too tight. Even now, they would often travel together. And so, as a result of a series of strange chances and odd incidents, the two of them ended up becoming good, good friends. Nevertheless, all these years, she had always had the feeling as if she had been a disloyal heartbreaker who had callously dumped him back then, and she carried a subtle, but remarkable little twinge of guilt. The location of their late-night meal, a small establishment where they were regular patrons, had been arranged and reserved by his agent, Xie Bin. After that small, private dining room had been thoroughly inspected all around and it was certain that they would not be photographed by anyone, they each put on a nonchalant look and separately slipped into the restaurant. Chu Jian thought that Tong Fei would be grumpily stomping in. After all, she had thrown too much of herself into her work in Macau and each day had slept only two to three hours. When they stepped off the plane, her face had been ashen, and she had sworn that she would never answer another work-related phone call. Now, though, she was absolutely beaming with happiness from ear to ear. Bringing a ¡°hunky young pup¡± of a lad in with her, she busily gave greetings and made introductions. ¡°This here is Teacher Jian, this here is Teacher Xie[2].¡± However, when Tong Fei and that ¡°hunky young pup¡± took their seats, they could not get a word in at all because right then, Chu Jian was solemnly explaining to Xie Bin the profit model of her nail esthetics business. ¡°You wouldn¡¯t know¡ªI bet you can¡¯t guess¡ªthat the main marketing platform for this business is actually through Weibo[3].¡± With a pair of tongs, she flipped the spicy chicken gizzards that she wanted to eat on the metal grilling plate. ¡°All those shop owners who own small nail salons just need to do a search on Weibo, and then they will come find me to check out the products, select some, and place an order. If every month, I have a stable number of five or six people dropping in to do that and the orders on average are fifty thousand [RMB] or more, it¡¯s a guaranteed profit for me.¡± Xie Bin expressed his admiration. ¡°You can be considered to have your own business now. You¡¯re an able woman, an able woman.¡± Jian Bianlin took a sip of plum wine [umeshu], then set down his small, glass tumbler. Inside the tumbler, the ice cubes bumped gently back and forth, giving off faint clinking sounds. His gaze was more tranquil than ever as he watched her, how she held the small, stainless steel tongs, cheerily and patiently flipping, one at a time, the little pieces of food that were being grilled. She was grilling with wholehearted focus; he was watching with all seriousness. In fact, he did not ask for much. Every time he passed through Shanghai, if he could see her, watch her little expressions from really wanting to reject him but yet feeling guilty about it, force her to have a meal with him and say a few words to him¡ªthat was already enough. Chu Jian still wanted to carry on talking about her business methods and know-hows, but when she received a stomp under the table from Tong Fei, she very sensibly shut her mouth straightaway. Pointing at that ¡°hunky young pup,¡± she said, ¡°This, uh, this friend here, Lin Shen, is the new artiste Fei Fei just signed.¡± Jian Bianlin¡¯s pointer finger glided in a semicircle over the rim of his glass. He spoke no unnecessary words, not a single one, and merely allowed his eyes to follow in the direction she was pointing to cast a token glance at that boy. And then, he continued looking at her. In contrast, Xie Bin actually smiled. ¡°Have I seen you before, in the past? You¡¯re not a newcomer in the strictest sense, right?¡± Lin Shen responded with a reserved smile. ¡°You have seen me. In Macau.¡± ¡°Ah, right. I remember now.¡± ¡°The purpose of my Macau trip this time was to persuade him to sign on with me,¡± Tong Fei added. Lin Shen had once, in the past, actually signed with a producer, but because the producer had been doing worse and worse in the industry, he had never really had any filming projects the entire time. Afterward, when he rescinded the contract and returned to his hometown to sell pork jerky, his life was actually going quite okay. By chance, Tong Fei got ahold of information and details about him. Making several trips to Macau, she had put in great effort, each time personally paying a visit to him to try to sway him, and had even met with his parents. Finally, she was able to sign him and bring him to Beijing to put focused efforts on fostering his career. Xie Bin cleared his throat. ¡°Let me say it this way. I want to collaborate with your production company.¡± Tong Fei stuttered, ¡°Collaborate?¡± This was totally unexpected. Even all the terms that he was offering were very attractive. ¡°Our company bought the rights to adapt several well-known pieces, and we want to promote some new talent.¡± Xie Bin explained, ¡°I want to ask your company¡¯s screenwriter to write the screenplay. Jian Bianlin will be the lead. In addition to one of the new talents in our company whom we will bring in to mentor, you guys may select one of the third male lead roles that has relatively more scenes and give it to this friend, Lin Shen, to take on.¡± Tong Fei gave a cough, so excited her face had turned red. Jian Bianlin had not been accepting any roles in television dramas of late, his focus placed instead on filming movies. If he was willing to accept a television drama project, then it most certainly was going to be a super big production, one that would be especially easy to boost someone¡¯s career with. To act alongside Jian Bianlin¡ªat the very least, you would become a familiar face to the masses! This late-night meal was eaten with satisfaction and delight for everyone. After it was done, they all parted and went in separate directions, like scattering birds and animals. Naturally, Jian Bianlin was the one who, alone, drove her back to her home. So that she could develop and expand her business, Chu Jian had rented an apartment by herself in Shanghai. Her parents would frequently come from Hangzhou[4] for short stays and help her improve her daily living. Therefore, it had been logical and natural for Jian Bianlin to ask Chu Jian¡¯s mother to also help him rent a place, somewhere that could be considered his place to stay should he need one. His apartment was directly across from hers¡­ As a result, when he and Chu Jian returned home together and her mother spotted Jian Bianlin after the door was opened, it was unavoidable that he was immediately pulled inside to have a short visit. Utterly exhausted, Chu Jian slipped into her own room. He sat to rest in the dining room. Once Chu Jian¡¯s mother found out he was sick, she insisted on stuffing some cold medicine to him and making him take it. Hot water brought over to him, concerned inquiries into how he was feeling¡ªit was as if she was seeing her own son. ¡°Tired? You still have to film, even when you are sick?¡± Chu Jian¡¯s mother took a seat opposite him. Jian Bianlin removed his cap, his hair clinging softly and messily to his forehead. The entire time, the tightly closed door of Chu Jian¡¯s bedroom was always in his gaze. ¡°Auntie, I¡¯m okay.¡± Sighing, Chu Jian¡¯s mother said, ¡°Here you are still saying you¡¯re okay. Just look. You¡¯ve lost weight from exhaustion.¡± ¡°Actors like them lose weight because they want to look good on camera.¡± Wearing her cotton slippers, Chu Jian, with her mobile phone held high, shuffled by through the living room and headed into the kitchen to look for some juice to drink. ¡°It¡¯ll be even more painful if he gets fat and then has to lose the weight.¡± While she spoke, she opened the refrigerator. ¡°Jian Bianlin¡¯s still at your home?¡± Tong Fei was still immersed in the excitement of having clinched a huge deal tonight. Hearing Chu Jian¡¯s words, she instantly sighed, ¡°Hey, there¡¯s a question I¡¯ve been especially wanting to ask you. As your BFF whom you speak heart-to-heart with and whose relationship with you is one that you can only have once in a lifetime, could you just secretly tell me the answer?¡± ¡°What?¡± Discovering that there were no beverages left in the large refrigerator, Chu Jian stepped back out. She gave a pat on the chair that Jian Bianlin was sitting on, signaling to him that he should shift forward slightly. With a glance at her, Jian Bianlin pulled his chair forward. Squatting, she opened the mini fridge that was there. Inside the phone, that person cleared her throat and gave a couple of coughs before lowering her voice to a tone that sounded very suggestive. ¡°Did you and he ever¡­ do it?¡± ¡­¡­ ¡­¡­ [1]¾²°²ËÂ. Jing¡¯an Temple, which literally means ¡°Tranquility and Peace Temple,¡± is one of the most famous temples in Shanghai and is located in the heart of the bustling core of the city. Some of the buildings date back to the late 1800s and the temple holds the largest pure jade Buddha statue in China. [2]When someone reaches a certain status or experience in a field, they are often referred to as ÀÏ Ê¦ ¡°teacher¡± by layman or those less experienced in that field. Jian Bianlin is still young, but his status and popularity would make him ¡°teacher¡± to a newcomer, while Xie Bin is considered a veteran agent in the industry. [3]΢²©. This literally means ¡°microblog.¡± Weibo is often compared to Twitter but with other features such as the ability to comment beneath posts in long thread. The biggest microblogging service in China is offered by Sina, and its full name is actually Sina Weibo, although due to its popularity, ¡°Weibo¡± usually directly refers to Sina Weibo. [4] The distance between Shanghai and Hangzhou is approximately 170 km. Completed: 1 of 1 Prologue 1 of 36 Chapter segments 0 of 1 Epilogue CH 1.2 Oh man, what a terribly awkward situation. I feel bad for Jian Bianlin. ¡°¡­ Huh?¡± Playing dumb, Chu Jian reached in and dug around randomly in the mini fridge, but she had completely forgotten what she was even searching for. She decisively pressed the ¡°end¡± button and hung up the call, not giving Tong Fei the slightest chance to utter another sound. At the same time, Jian Bianlin turned sideways behind her, extended his arm over, and pulled out a bottle of grapefruit juice from the little compartment on the second shelf of the refrigerator, stuffing it into her arms. This was her favourite drink. As Chu Jian murmured a thanks, her gaze crossed with his. She swore, he must have heard¡­ Actually, they definitely had not done ¡°it.¡± But, she still ended up recalling some memories that should not be recalled. That year, the two of them were taking a ferry across the river. There were many people. Motorcycles, scooters, and bicycles were all piled on as well. She and he had been jostled into a corner, separated from her parents as well as his dad by layer upon layer of people. While she was anxiously worrying over whether her brand new, cotton outfit was going to rub against the tires to the right of her and be dirtied, he had caught her completely off guard by suddenly obstructing her line of sight. The feeling at that moment had been¡­ her lips were wet and¡­ had been bitten¡­ Chu Jian resolutely put the grapefruit juice back, pulled out a bottle of her most hated kind of juice¡ªcarrot¡ªand walked away. The whole night, she never left her room again. At the crack of dawn the next morning, her dad and mom said they were returning to Hangzhou to sweep her [paternal] grandfather¡¯s gravesite. She rolled over, wanting to continue sleeping, and so was utterly unprepared when her mom dragged her out of bed to tell her that there was chicken soup in the kitchen. In passing, her mom also informed her that Jian Bianlin was leaving on an afternoon flight today, and sadly for him, there was no one to cook for him at lunchtime. She instructed Chu Jian to heat up the chicken soup and invite him over, and then the two of them could drink it together. ¡°No, I don¡¯t want to. Why don¡¯t you bring it over to him now? Give it all to him. I¡¯m not going to have any¡­¡± She expressed her objection. Thus, her dad and mom began taking turns to reprimand her for not being mature and good-mannered. They lectured her to the point that she was begging for mercy before they finally left. But in the end, she slept in past ten o¡¯clock. When she crawled out of bed and shuffled out of her bedroom, hugging a pile of dirty clothes, there was a very obvious tall figure already in the kitchen, washing his face with cold water¡­ Piping hot chicken soup had been placed on the eating bar. The television was turned on, its volume low. Playing on it was a rerun of The Voice of China[1], and it so happened that it was showing the opening sequence where Na Ying was singing Jay Chou¡¯s Qing Hua Ci [Blue and White Porcelain]. [4:36]¡°The sky¡¯s azure colour waits for the misty rain, And I am waiting for you The chimney smoke spirals up gently, Separated by the river for millions of miles¡­¡± ¡°My mom gave you the key?¡± Amid this elegant, mellow singing, she was on the verge of breakdown. Cupping some cool water in his hands, he splashed it onto his face. His action was a little too forceful, though, and water splattered onto his body as well as his long, black workout pants. ¡°Drink it while it¡¯s hot. I changed my flight and need to leave now.¡± Jian Bianlin straightened back up. The water on his face followed the contour of his chin and dripped down. Offhandedly, he wiped it away with his hand. It seemed he did not really want to look directly at her. From the sofa, he picked up his track jacket, and before he left, he even set the key to her home on top of the shoe cabinet. Chu Jian stared at that door that had been thudded shut, feeling very baffled. She shoved her dirty clothing into the washing machine that was on the balcony. It was only then that she spotted, in the corner of the balcony, the semitransparent garbage bag that was stuffed with, um, stuffed with an entire set of her favourite doll, the Blythe doll. There was one from every year, various limited editions, as well as a cardboard box. Chu Jian had never opened that box and did not know what it contained. Gazing blankly at the contents of that garbage bag, that feeling of guilt that she had kept in her heart all these years deepened again. Jian Bianlin had had it delivered to her home for her birthday, before her Macau trip. When she signed for it, her mom had asked who sent it. Other than herself and Jian Bianlin, none of her family were clear on what had happened years ago. Therefore, she had not told the truth, saying instead that someone whom she really had no feelings for had sent it. Then, she had arbitrarily found a garbage bag and put it away inside. If she had thrown it out, things would have been just fine, but she had been too busy packing to leave and had forgotten. She remembered that when she was heading out, her mom had harped on about it, saying, ¡°Regardless of who sent it, it¡¯s still a very kind gesture. It would be a shame to throw it out, really such a shame.¡± The result was, her clueless mom truly did not throw it out. And the result of that was, the initiator of all this also saw it. Sigh, sigh, sigh. Oh sigh. Chu Jian continued to wallow in guilt for a while. Drinking a couple sips of soup, she hurriedly tidied up everything. Before heading out, she crouched beside the door, staring at that bag of items. After hesitating for a few seconds, she picked it up and strode out the door. What was completely unexpected was that, there in the stairwell, he had not left yet¡­ Oh man, things were even worse now. She had walked out carrying the bag of stuff with her own hands and could not even hide it if she tried. Even if it was just an ordinary person who happened to like her, one who did not have years of friendship and interaction as the basis of their relationship, she still felt that throwing away, right in front of him, the birthday present that he had given was very insulting and offending¡ªlet alone the two of them had known each other for more than twenty years. Jian Bianlin¡¯s slender, tall, 1.83-metre build was sitting and leaning back in a spot that was less than five steps away from her. He turned his head and, pressing his elbow into the wall, pushed himself up to stand straight. From the moment she stepped out of her home, he had gazed wordlessly at her, a slight crease in his brows. Chu Jian felt a bit of panic. Pointing at the door of the apartment that he rented, she justified, ¡°I wasn¡¯t throwing it out. I was¡­ going to give it back to you.¡± This building was comprised of one staircase, two units per floor. At the time, Chu Jian¡¯s mother had rented the other unit for Jian Bianlin specifically because she wanted quiet surroundings. He normally was not around anyway, nor was he a loud, rowdy person. Plus, this was a high-end community compound, so it was very safe. But now, the drawback had emerged. At a time such as this, aside from him and her, no outsiders would possibly appear here. Even if a random passerby could simply just pop out right now, it would break this stalemate of a situation. The longer Jian Bianlin held his silence, the more Chu Jian broke out in cold sweat. And the community compound just had to be so quiet. The windows in the stairwell were open, but apart from the rustling outlines of trees that were swaying back and forth, there was no sound at all. She did not know from where she borrowed the courage, but at last, she murmured out those words that had been suppressed in her heart for many years: ¡°Can you just¡­ not like me?¡± That figure obstructing the stairwell remained motionless for a long time before walking over. Chu Jian felt that perhaps¡­ perhaps her words had been spoken at a bit of an inopportune time. Saying them while bringing the gift that that person had given you out to throw away was really, um, really insincere and unkind. So, she hastily explained. ¡°Just look, how long ago was that? Back then, it was wrong of me to not make it clear to you right from the start, but later I did make it clear. We¡¯re all grown up now. I thought, even if I didn¡¯t outright state it, if I hinted here and there, you would get the picture¡­¡± His body blocked all the natural light casting in through the window. Lowering his head, he cut her off. ¡°No, I can¡¯t.¡± Chu Jian: ¡°¡­¡­¡± [1] ¡¶ÖйúºÃÉùÒô¡·The Voice of China was a reality television singing competition in China that aired from 2012-2015 (and then it was rebranded in 2016 to be called ¡¶ÖйúиèÉù¡· Sing! China), of which Na Ying was one of the judges. This scene here is referring to the opening sequence of season 4, which aired in 2015 (and the writing of this novel began in fall 2015). I think Na Ying does a beautiful rendition with her own flair of the very well-known¡¶Ç໨´É¡·Qing Hua Ci, originally sung by Jay Chou. I usually translate lyrics of songs featured in my translation projects, but a search will bring up many different translations for this one. Here is one. (Actually, while this is true, the main reason is, my little man is not so little and has dropped his nap. That means I¡¯ve lost an hour+ of ¡°my time¡± during a day, and I¡¯m still trying to figure out how to fit in this hobby of mine in less time. Now, if you guys could all contribute to the positive thoughts and prayers that he will go to sleep earlier and not wake me up in the middle of the night, you would have a much more well-rested translator = happy translator. LOL) Oh, and I don¡¯t get the Blythe doll love. Completed: 1 of 1 Prologue 2 of 36 Chapter segments 0 of 1 Epilogue CH 1.3 His tone was very nasal and congested when he spoke. It seemed his cold had worsened. Chu Jian¡¯s conscience had already been laden with guilt as she mumbled that sentence, and now, after he so resolutely interrupted her, she completely wilted. It was not that her heart had never softened before. Twenty years. It began from when they were kids and, with her schoolbag on her back, she had trailed after his every step, to when they were a little older and she had sat at the back of his bicycle to go to primary school. At that time, she had not understood why he had removed the rear rack on his mountain bike so that every day, she had no choice but to scrunch herself up and sit closer forward. Winter and summer breaks, New Oriental[1] classes, remedial classes, the Senior High School Entrance Exam[2]¡ªthey had been together for all these things. In the regional standardized physical education test, she had run a time of two minutes and thirty-odd seconds and was the best in the group. However, when she fell to her knees at the finish line from overexertion, her hands and feet numb, it was also he who had picked her up and carried her away in front of the entire region¡¯s exam candidates. At the time, she had actually thought she was going to die and had burst into tears from fear¡­ She remembered all these things. To say the truth, in this entire world, apart from his dad and her own parents, she was the person who most did not want to see him hurt or upset. She could support him¡ªwholly and unconditionally support him¡ªduring his times of greatest difficulty, but there were some things¡­ Chu Jian avoided his gaze. Her head bowed, she glanced at the bag in her right hand and explained very sincerely, ¡°When I signed for the delivery of this, my mom was also there. She even guessed that someone who likes me had sent it, and I didn¡¯t explain. If I don¡¯t throw it away, I¡¯m scared she¡¯ll pull it out for you to see. Once you tell her you were the one who sent it, she¡¯ll definitely get the wrong idea.¡± ¡°Get the wrong idea about what?¡± He looked at her with an insipid expression. ¡°The wrong idea about¡­ you and me.¡± Out of the blue, there was a deafening sound of an electric drill. What great timing. He frowned. Amidst this loud noise that roused short-temperedness and feelings of unsettledness in a person, he questioned, ¡°If you¡¯re worried about your mom getting the wrong idea, why don¡¯t you take it to your nail salon?¡± That was true. Her dad and mom had never been to the nail salon before. It definitely would not be seen if it was left there. She nodded. ¡°Oh, okay.¡± In the end, when Chu Jian sat outside the Starbucks that was downstairs of her nail aesthetics training business, holding that bag of dolls and drinking her iced tea lemonade under a green sun umbrella, she still had not really figured out what the conclusion was from the morning¡¯s conversation. Why had they switched from talking about such a very serious topic to discussing the childish question of where she could keep the dolls so that her parents would not discover them? Why did it feel as if, every time she was around him, she would very easily slip back into her ways of thinking from when she was in junior and senior high school? Chu Jian pulled her mind back with some difficulty. Looking at Tong Fei, she asked, ¡°It doesn¡¯t taste good? I bought it just for you.¡± ¡°Doesn¡¯t taste good. It isn¡¯t sweet, and it has no coffee flavour.¡± Tong Fei¡¯s face had an expression that declared she had been duped. ¡°The young girls in our company have all been drinking this the last couple of days,¡± Chu Jian replied puzzledly. From griping about the coffee, the two¡¯s conversation topic meandered around and around until it arrived at the subject of that rich investor and hugely popular idol artiste whom they were going to be working with¡ªJian Bianlin. All these years, Tong Fei simply could not understand how Chu Jian could have such a person around her, and moreover, the two of them knew each other so well, but they had not managed to become a couple. ¡°What exactly are you thinking? Just what was it back then that you didn¡¯t like about him?¡± With a miserable face, Chu Jian looked across at that woman whose curiosity was going extremely strong. This normally was somewhat of a taboo topic for her and very seldom did she talk about it. However, her mood had gone through some pretty big ups and downs today, so she provided a few sentences of explanation. ¡°How can I say this? Let me give you an example. If you have a boyfriend, it¡¯s quite normal to do some, um, intimate things together, right?¡± ¡°What a waste of words¡­¡± ¡°But I¡¯ve tried to imagine it. If he and I were together and¡­ Even just thinking about it gives me the willies all over.¡± Yes, that was the feeling. Even an action that was just slightly more intimate would not feel sweet to her; it only made her feel especially awkward and uncomfortable. She could not even think about it, much less doing something like that in reality¡­ So, she felt that the relationship between them was more suited for familial love, not romantic love. But she did mull this over carefully. All these years, Jian Bianlin had never done anything that went beyond the lines of propriety. She had been too rash this morning. In the world of adults, there were some things that were just better if you pretended that you did not know. Stating them outright actually created awkwardness and would not produce any results. Love and relationships were such unpredictable things¡­ Who knows? Maybe one day, without any warning, Jian Bianlin would have some sort of romantic gossip about him circulating about. With a female celebrity? An assistant? An agent? Or maybe it would be a romance that arose out of a transnational collaboration? It could be any arbitrary one, and then, after a whirlwind courtship, he would get married. A few days later, the Beijing branch of Chu Jian¡¯s company was having its opening. The major shareholder of this subsidiary branch was Tong Fei, and it was considered her secondary asset and safeguard against going hungry in the future. Chu Jian was there simply to provide some guidance on routine tasks, such as how to supply and sort goods, how to arrange for Japanese nail aesthetics instructors and Korean permanent eyelining and cosmetic eyebrow tattooing instructors to come teach classes, etc., etc. While she was at it, she could prepare for the shop¡¯s grand opening tomorrow and help take inventory. None of these tasks were very important. The most important piece was to provide moral support for Tong Fei, who was starting up this business. Because the business owner was a girl, a soft shaggy rug covered the floor of the inventory room, and shoes needed to be removed before going inside to take inventory. With her feet bare, Chu Jian stood behind the shelves of stock and inspected the artificial nail tips and forms that were in the several dozen little cube units of the shelves. On the wall, there hung a small television, which was currently turned on and playing a random program. The young girl who was doing the inventory count with Chu Jian seemed to have a specific program that she wanted to watch, and holding the remote control, she flipped through channels for a long time. ¡°Jian Bianlin!¡± The girl at last found what she wanted to watch and let out an excited cry that gave Chu Jian a fright¡­ There, holding a small die-shaped nail charm in her hand, she looked up to see Jian Bianlin on the screen. He was at the airport? Jian Bianlin was not wearing anything to hide his countenance and merely walked with a completely deadpan face into the passageway. Another popular idol artiste was walking side by side with him, and compared to Jian Bianlin, this person¡¯s dress¡ªa hat worn with its brim facing backwards and black sunglasses¡ªwas much more like that of a celebrity. As he walked, he would smile and greet nearby fans. Only in such instances was Chu Jian truly able to feel that Jian Bianlin was an artiste. This scene only very briefly flitted across the screen, and then the picture quickly jumped to a television talk show. Oh, so this was the real point of the program. He was sitting on a couch, leaning forward slightly as he listened attentively to the host of the program ask him what the meaning was behind his name. ¡°Is it a stage name? That¡¯s why it is so awkward to say and sounds so strange?¡± After he finished listening to her questions, he replied forthrightly, ¡°When I was born, my father¡¯s desire was very simple and honest. His hope was that, in the future, his son would guard this nation and would do so without recognition or being made known to anyone. And so, what he wanted was for me to be like the most ordinary of trees in the forest that stand guard at our borders. That is the meaning behind ¡®Bianlin[3]¡¯ [the border¡¯s forest].¡± The host of the show laughed. ¡°Your father¡¯s wish and your current profession are vastly different. Was he disappointed at all?¡± ¡°In the beginning, he was a little.¡± He nodded. ¡°Now he¡¯s much better about it.¡± The host seemed to feel that interviewing him was really quite pleasant since he spoke plainly about everything. As a result, she immediately tossed out a key question. ¡°A lot of your fans want to know what your attitude is toward love and relationships. Just look, you¡¯re so popular, but you still have zero scandals and romantic rumors attached to your name; you rarely accept projects that are romance films; and you don¡¯t do TV dramas, so the number of scenes that you act opposite actresses is pathetically small. It¡¯s impossible for people to not be curious.¡± The host grinned. ¡°Do you have any special requirements that you look for when choosing your significant other?¡± ¡°The person I like¡­¡± These opening words of a sentence were blurted out completely unthinkingly. And then, he stopped. Chu Jian was also listening with rapt attention and ended up misplacing the miniature die she was holding into the shelf cube unit that was meant for feather charms. Die and feather nail charms (image credit: left and right) This feeling of anxiety was too familiar. Back then, when the teacher had called them into a small office to ask them whether they were early-age dating[4], he had also paused like this for a very long time¡­ Finally, he had shaken his head and said no. It had been in the frigid winter, but because of him, she had nervously broken out in a sweat all over, worried to death that her parents would be requested to go in for a parent-teacher talk. Now, the expression of that person on the small television screen had become serious, and his eyes were fixed on a faraway spot on the floor. ¡°I wish that she¡­¡± Another pause. Even the host was eagerly hanging onto his words because of the suspense. In the end, with eyes down, he unexpectedly gave a hard-to-come-by smile in front of the camera and shook his head gently, not answering the question anymore. [1]ж«·½ New Oriental, which actually has the full name of ±±¾©Ð¶«·½½ÌÓý¿Æ¼¼ New Oriental Education & Technology Group Inc., is the largest provider of private educational services in China. Services provided range from supplementary after-school classes school subjects, test preparation classes, kids programs and summer camps, online courses, consultation for international study, etc. See http://www.neworiental.org/english/index.html [2] The Senior High School Entrance Examination is a compulsory examination in China, administered annually, taken generally by students in their final year of middle school as a pre-requisite for entrance into senior high school level education. [3] Jian Bianlin¡¯s father wanted him to be like the most ordinary of ±ß·ÀÁÖľ ¡°bian fang lin mu¡± which literally means ¡°the trees of the forest that guards the border,¡± and Jian Bianlin¡¯s given name, ±ßÁÖ Bianlin, is derived from the first and third characters of that. [4]ÔçÁµ ¡°zao lian.¡± What I have called ¡°early-age dating¡± is, in China, dating under the age of 18 and especially when still in non-post secondary education. It is generally highly frowned upon. CH 2.1 He obviously had not said anything, so why was she feeling a little sad? Presented with this sort of answer that had been interjected with several successive pauses, even the host could not help feeling cross¡ªcross that this popular idol artiste really was not giving her due respect, not saying even one extra word. In the end, the host also pulled one over on him. ¡°Have you ever heard of the term ¡®hand-obssessed[1]¡¯?¡± Jian Bianlin frowned, seeming not to understand. ¡°What does that mean?¡± The host stretched out her right hand. ¡°It means to like nice-looking hands. Your agent has never told you before that screenshots are frequently taken of your hand and then forwarded around crazily on the internet? Ah, well, of course, there¡¯s also the side view of your face¡ªthe perfect side profile,¡± the host teased him with a grin. Jian Bianlin had returned to his normal manner by now, his expression impassive as he lowered his head to glance at his own hands. The host immediately instructed, ¡°Quick, camera, do a close-up of his hand.¡± The camera shifted its focus over. The fingers of Jian Bianlin¡¯s left hand were long and slender, their bone structure clearly defined, yet not overly prominent, and their look was clean, with only a black metal ring on his little finger. ¡°This, here, is the focal point.¡± The host gave a long exhale. ¡°From the moment he walked in, I noticed that he was wearing the ring there. Everyone, your idol is still single. Hey, hey, that wasn¡¯t easy. I finally was able to dig something up on him.¡± He lowered his eyes, wordlessly turning that ring on his little finger. The remainder of the show was all the routine, publicity type of stuff. The girl who was organizing items with her was watching the interview unblinkingly, practically a model example of a diehard fan. ¡°Our Baby is the icy and dignified type. All of him emits this feeling of self-restraint and abstinence that makes you want to press him down beneath you.¡± ¡°¡­¡­¡± Chu Jian felt a little awkward and began to muse over whether she should discuss with Tong Fei that her staff, as employees of a veteran talent agent, should be a little more immune to all the things of the entertainment industry. She had not even pondered on this for more than a few seconds, though, before the young girl was clasping the inventory logbook against her chest. ¡°Oh my God¡­¡± In the final minute before the interview concluded, that person sitting on the couch proceeded according to the program plan and gave a surprise, post-program bonus to the audience. As he rose to his feet, he picked up the black baseball cap that had been beside him, put it on, and then also pulled up the hood of his hoodie, slipping it over the cap. Suddenly, dance music began playing. All the people present became veiled in the lighting that had grown dim, leaving only the single black figure on the stage. The background music was Drunk In Love, which had been remixed with a dance beat. He actually would¡­ Someone gave an untimely cough. It was Tong Fei. At the same time, a tall figure stepped into the room and removed the black, surgical-style face mask that had been used to conceal more than half his face. ¡°You can¡¯t wear slippers in here?¡± When Jian Bianlin said this, he walked barefoot into the room one step at a time, his eyes surveying around. Jian Bianlin? That girl spun around rapidly, gawking in disbelief at the man standing near the door of the room. ¡°Oh my God¡­ Oh my God¡­ My Baby! Ah, no! J-Jian, Jian Bianlin, Jian Bianlin¡­¡± the girl stammered, her complexion changing from extremely pale to extremely red. She had completely lost her head from the shock. She completely did not know how she should respond. And she completely was demonstrating a real-life reaction of a hardcore fan¡ªone of those who searched day and night for information on their idol and, for him, would duke it out with people, rig votes so he would get on top ranking lists, and edit countless videos to upload onto Bilibili[2]¡­ Stupefied. ¡°Oh¡±¡ªTong Fei gave a dry laugh¡ª¡°my apologies, my apologies. This intern of mine is your longtime diehard fan.¡± The sound in the background was still going. The air in this room was already starting to seem as if it was thinning. Chu Jian let out a cough, then said in a quiet voice, ¡°You don¡¯t have enough stock here. Uh¡­ or did I count incorrectly? Where¡¯s that miniature die?¡± Jian Bianlin walked up behind her. With a single glance, he spotted the little die that she had been fiddling with earlier and picked it up between his fingers. His arm circled around from behind her to place it in front of her eyes. For some reason, that miniature die pinched between his two fingers caused her to call up in her mind that picture that had been on the television earlier. Hand-obsessed¡­ Um, okay. Her mind was a little muddled. She had forgotten that she had already counted it. Chu Jian tapped the shelf cube unit with her pen, indicating that he should set it in there, and then cast another glance at his hand. The end result was that Jian Bianlin offered up his autograph, but the photograph with him was declined. The young girl was, after all, his hardcore fan and did not complain at all or show any disappointment. His fans all knew his style and way of doing things. Aside from attending necessary work-related events or going to the set, the thing he most liked to do was disappear off the face of the earth. No one was to care about what he was doing, where he was, or whom he was with. Chu Jian surmised that this was the reason that all these years, she had not really regarded him as a celebrity. It turned out Jian Bianlin had specifically rushed over here for no real important reason. He merely drove them back to Tong Fei¡¯s apartment and did not even go upstairs before leaving again. The two security guards downstairs of the apartment building even rather nosily stretched their necks to catch a glimpse of the person inside the vehicle, which caused Chu Jian to feel all tense and fearful that he might be photographed and be adversely affected somehow¡­ Before he left, Jian Bianlian also told her that he would be flying to Vienna straightaway. Chu Jian gauged the timing. It would approximately work out that by the time he returned, she would be back at home in Shanghai already. She breathed out secretly in relief. But unexpectedly, three days later, something arose that brought the two of them together again. Jian Bianlin¡¯s father worked in a shipyard, and though he was about to retire, he still continued to diligently toil away. According to his father¡¯s own words, he liked boats, and he liked making boats. It did not matter how much his son was earning; he just liked being a labouring commoner. However, it was also because of this that right before his retirement, an incident occurred. Jian Bianlin¡¯s father fell from a nine-metre high metal scaffolding and, shortly after arriving at the hospital, was listed in critical condition. An urgent phone call was made to the both of them. The two were both still in Beijing. While she was still somewhat caught up panic, he had already set up all the arrangements for their trip back and booked the flight tickets. It was his agent who drove them to the airport. When the plane took off, she looked at him apprehensively and asked, ¡°Jian Bianlin? Are you doing okay?¡± He had been looking out the window. As he turned his head back, out of habit, he knit his brows together, not answering her. This was possibly one of the seldom moments where his mind was unsettled. And it was because he was feeling unsettled that he could not allow himself to speak, for fear that his mood would affect Chu Jian, who was there beside him, and cause her to be even more anxious and upset. Chu Jian¡¯s greatest weak point was that she was overly compassionate and softhearted. She wished she could take everyone¡¯s pain and suffering onto herself, and she would put herself too much in other people¡¯s shoes. But it was also because of this that all these years, he had never truly lost her. Because she was too tenderhearted and too easily gave in. ¡°If you¡¯re sad, how about you talk to me?¡± She did not dare speak too loudly. The flight attendant in the first class cabin had been looking in their direction the entire time. He gave an ¡°mm-hmm.¡± ¡°What do you want to talk about?¡± Huh? Me? Isn¡¯t it, I¡¯m the one keeping you company by talking to you? Chu Jian was somewhat bewildered. ¡°Anything¡­ I guess.¡± After handing the menu with his selections checked off to the flight attendant, who was showing extreme interest in the two of them and had pricked up her ears to listen in, Jian Bianlin remarked, ¡°That day I saw a flower arrangement in your home. I remember you¡¯re allergic to pollen and never buy flowers?¡± ¡°Oh, the flower arrangement¡­ My mom bought it.¡± Her eyes flitted away to look somewhere else. ¡°Your mom doesn¡¯t like lilies.¡± Offhandedly ticking off the foods that she liked to eat as well, he once again handed the paper to the flight attendant while, in passing, saying to the attendant, ¡°Thank you.¡± ¡°Oh, right. Right. I remembered wrong. A senior sister[3] [senior, female schoolmate] from my uni days brought that over. I was in Macau, remember, so she gave it to my mom. You say, my mom is kind of weird,¡± Chu Jian mumbled. ¡°She obviously doesn¡¯t like lilies herself, but she just had to go and arrange them in the vase. I¡¯m guessing it was because I wasn¡¯t at home those few days, and she wanted to satisfy some sort of itch that she had for flower arranging¡­¡± ¡°Senior sister? Why don¡¯t you think about that again?¡± Noticing the flight attendant looking hesitantly at him, he returned the gaze with an inquiring expression. The flight attendant asked in a small voice, ¡°Could I have your autograph?¡± Jian Bianlin nodded. Normally, when he was out and about and encountered fans or such, even though he did not take photographs with anyone, he was not stingy about giving out autographs since, to a certain degree, he respected all ordinary people. The flight attendant immediately handed over a pen and photograph of Jian Bianlin. Holy smokes, she¡¯s truly a fan. The notebook she carries on her has his picture sandwiched in it? Chu Jian was stunned. Completely unperturbed by any of this, he removed the pen cap, spun the pen in a half-circle, and signed his name. ¡°You¡¯re done thinking?¡± At this point, having eavesdropped on the entire conversation, the flight attendant was actually also beginning to eagerly await Chu Jian¡¯s answer. ¡°¡­ It was a senior brother[4] [senior, male schoolmate] who gave it to me.¡± [1]ÊÖ¿Ø ¡°shou kong.¡± Translated literally, this means ¡°hand controlled.¡± In Chinese slang, to say you are ¡°XX ¿Ø¡± or ¡°XX controlled¡± means that you really, really like XX, often to the point of self-admitted obsession. To be a ¡°shou kong¡± means that you are obsessed with nice-looking hands. [2]B Õ¾. This literally means ¡°B Site¡± and is the nickname for ßÙÁ¨ßÙÁ¨µ¯Ä»ÊÓƵÍø, which goes by the English name, Bilibili (see bilibili.com). This is a Chinese video-sharing site with a characteristic feature where users can submit comments/subs that will show up in real-time on the video like a moving ¡°bullet.¡± [3]ʦ½ã ¡°shi jie.¡± This literally translates as ¡°senior sister,¡± and here, it means ¡°senior academic sister.¡± It is how you would address a senior, female fellow schoolmate. [4]ʦÐÖ ¡°shi xiong.¡± This literally translates as ¡°senior brother,¡± and here, it means ¡°senior academic brother.¡± It is how you would address a senior, male fellow schoolmate. CH 2.2 In a low voice, Jian Bianlin repeated, ¡°Senior brother?¡± Then Jian Bianlin wordlessly handed that autographed photo back to the flight attendant. The atmosphere once again sunk down to the original low that it had been when they first got onto the plane. Chu Jian gazed at him tensely, the guilty feeling inside her swelling rapidly. Tarrying for a while, she finally explained quietly, ¡°I don¡¯t have any feelings for him.¡± After saying this, she dug out a slightly battered-looking airline magazine from in front of her seat and absentmindedly flipped through a couple pages before adding in a murmur, ¡°If I do like someone, I will let you know.¡± For the second time, Jian Bianlin turned his gaze back to her, a frown between his brows. The entire day, his complexion had been rather pale, and now it was even worse. Actually, anyone who observed him carefully would be able to detect that his mood was all showing in his eyes. The short locks lying across his forehead, however, covered up some of it, and he was also purposely avoiding her. Not wanting his own emotions to affect her, he had thrown out a couple random sentences of joking but had not expected that he would instead end up being pulled by her into another emotional low. Chu Jian knew his eyes were on her, but she dared not return that gaze anymore. And so, putting on a pretense of all seriousness, she leafed through the magazine that was in her hands from front cover to back cover and then from back cover to front cover again, even reading every single line of fine print on the ads. In this way, she remained in silent suffering until the airplane landed, nearly stifling herself to the point of internal injury. Prior to disembarking the plane, Jian Bianlin pulled out the black, surgical-style face mask and slipped it on, concealing away half his face. He normally seldom wore this. A few days ago, he had put it on because he was ill and his face was wan, so he had been concerned that if photographs were taken of him, his fans would worry. This time, it was because he was not in a good mental and emotional state, and he was afraid that if he were photographed, unfounded things might be written about him. His skin tone was already more fair than the average man. Now, the black color of the mask served to emphasize his pale complexion. That pair of eyes, which was the only part of his face showing, did not look at her. ¡°Follow me, but don¡¯t come too close.¡± With those words, he picked up his own backpack and began walking. This trip was made out of emergency, so the situation of fans coming to meet his flight because his schedule had been leaked in advance would not occur. However, when he stepped out from the exit and hurriedly strode by with head bowed, there continually were passersby who recognized him. Far and near, people fished out their mobile phones and spontaneously began to follow after Jian Bianlin¡¯s footsteps. He had not even brought an assistant with him, so it was unavoidable that his pace was slowed because of the flock of people surrounding him. Fortunately, everyone was very courteous. The entire time, Jian Bianlin would search the throng for Chu Jian from the corner of his eye, for fear that she would be bumped and crammed away by the crowd. Chu Jian was actually being very careful, unassumingly following him from a distance of twenty metres away. While he was enclosed within the swarm, she even, in passing, went to KFC and bought a cola. Patiently, she bit down on the straw and drank unhurriedly, waiting for him to break away from the masses. When they were kids, she had often waited like this for him as well. Back then, Jian Bianlin¡¯s dad had frequently needed to travel on business for his work at the shipyard, and furthermore, it was to far-off locations. Often, for ten days to half a month at a time, Jian Bianlin would have dinner at Chu Jian¡¯s home, and so it had been necessary that they went home together after school. However, his class, Class No. 1, was a key class[1] [class for high performers] and he was also a top student, so supplementary classes or classes lasting long after the bell were commonplace for him. Her class, Class No. 9, was a non-key class, so she was dismissed from school relatively early. Hence, their two classrooms, one at each end of the hallway, were always the last to turn off the lights. In the former classroom, all the students were still attending class, while in the latter, there was only Chu Jian, either sleeping or reading manga alone. Often, when Class No. 1 finished class and everyone was animatedly heading downstairs, he would walk alone down that dark hallway to the very end, push open the door, and collect Chu Jian, whose vision by then was blurry from hunger. And that was how her patience had been polished out and practiced, a little at a time. Getting out of the airport was practically like fighting monsters and leveling up in a video game¡ªobstacles everywhere¡­ In the end, a few experienced fans even surrounded Chu Jian¡¯s dad¡¯s car. Chu Jian reckoned that she would not be able to sit in her own family¡¯s car to go back, so spinning around, she jogged over to stand in line in the taxi queue. At the same time, Jian Bianlin¡¯s mobile phone vibrated. It was a message from Chu Jian: Go back first with my dad. I¡¯ll take a cab over. His young fans were still talking to him through the open vehicle door. In the rearview mirror, Jian Bianlin searched for Chu Jian, and only after he saw her sit into a taxi did he remind those young female fans to watch their hands. Then, he shut the car door. Jian Bianlin¡¯s father was staying in a VIP hospital room. Fortunately, it was not in the intensive care unit. Chu Jian was the last to arrive. When she stepped inside, Jian Bianlin was sitting in a spot relatively further from the bed, his head lowered and his hands peeling a pomelo. After he was done removing the peel, he began pulling off, a little at a time, the white membrane surrounding the flesh of the fruit. On the bed, Jian Bianlin¡¯s dad was denouncing him in Cantonese. Although they had moved to Hangzhou long ago, the father and son pair still liked communicating with each other in Cantonese[2]. Chu Jian had been around them and listened to them for so many years that she was able to completely understand everything, but no matter how she tried, she was just unable to speak it. Jian Bianlin¡¯s dad was criticizing everything about him, from his hoodie to his pants, then from his belt to his sneakers to the necklace hanging on his neck. Finally, he even did not forget to chastise him about that black pinky ring. In short, his policy was that a man should not pay so much careful attention to his dress; that was simply wrong and absurd. With his tall build, Jian Bianlin was squeezed tight on a wooden chair that had been set in the space between the bed and the window. He sat with his legs apart, his elbows resting on his thighs, unspeaking as hunched over and carried on with peeling the pomelo. It was only when he saw Chu Jian that the motions of his hands paused. When Jian Bianlin¡¯s dad spotted Chu Jian, he hurriedly changed channels into a gentle and kindly one. ¡°Little Chu, Uncle has missed you. Look at you, so busy and yet you still came all the way here.¡± ¡°It¡¯s no big deal.¡± Chu Jian wagged her hands. ¡°I¡¯m my own boss. There¡¯s no one bossing me around.¡± Jian Bianlin¡¯s dad had not seen Chu Jian in a very long time, and he was quite happy now. Amidst the pain that stabbed at his entire body, he vividly described his dangerous situation from this afternoon of how his blood pressure had suddenly dropped to an extreme low and he had nearly breathed his last. Taking advantage of this moment when his dad was chattering away happily, Jian Bianlin rose, pulled off a segment of the pomelo flesh that he had peeled, and stuffed the fruit into his father¡¯s mouth. Then he offhandedly pulled off another segment and gave it to Chu Jian. ¡°Look at how meticulous Little Jian is, how clean he has peeled everything¡± Chu Jian¡¯s father nagged, ¡°You like to eat pomelo that is all cleaned up, but you¡¯re too lazy to peel it yourself.¡± With an ¡°mm-hmm, mm-hmm,¡± admitting to her own laziness, she pulled off little wedges of pomelo and nibbled on them while peeking secretly at Jian Bianlin. His dad¡¯s appearance now seemed quite reassuring. His mood should be better now, right? Soon, another person at the leadership level in the shipyard paid a visit. Jian Bianlin¡¯s presence was like that of a giant panda¡ªevery person who stepped into the room would steal a few extra glances at him. He could see that his dad was quite enjoying the care and concern that was being expressed by all these leaders and managers. Not wanting to remain in this place, he left the room alone to look into the medical charges and collect the latest stack of medical bills that needed to be paid. ¡°I¡¯ll go.¡± Chu Jian grabbed the bills from him, flipping through them. ¡°It¡¯s not really convenient for you to walk about.¡± Jian Bianlin gazed down from his tall height at her. ¡­¡­ Pulling his wallet out from between his fingers, she fled from there. When Chu Jian, holding his wallet, arrived downstairs at the fee payment window and stood before that staff member on the other side of the glass who was staring at a computer and totaling up the costs, she was still silently lamenting for herself. If she could do that whole incident from years ago all over again, she would rather she had been a drama queen day in and day out until Jian Bianlin could not stand her anymore and initiated breaking up with her. That way, this guilty feeling would not constantly be shadowing her, chasing after her all these years. Ah, well, she could only blame it on lack of experience back then. ¡°My Baby is just breathtaking with a capital B¡­ He¡¯s so handsome I could cry, just cry. Check out his waist!¡± Several young girls queuing behind her were chatting enthusiastically. This music¡­ wasn¡¯t it that dance song that had been playing on yesterday¡¯s television program? A handful of change was tossed back out through the window. Pulling it over toward herself, Chu Jian snuck a glimpse at that mobile phone screen that was being raised high to view. Sure enough, it was the post-program bonus from yesterday¡¯s talk show. It was just that yesterday, Jian Bianlin had shown up right as the dance music started playing, and she had felt awkward about attentively watching it with him there. As Chu Jian organized the bills of money, ordering them based on denomination size and then putting each note back into his wallet, she was unable to resist and took a quick peek at that phone screen. ¡­¡­ In the darkness, a faint white light cascaded down. From beneath the brim of his baseball cap that had been pulled low, he lifted those deep black, brooding eyes and gazed directly into the camera¡ª ¡°This is totally suited for watching at night, aaaah! Send me the link, quick!¡± ¡°Isn¡¯t it, isn¡¯t it? I played it on repeat more than a good ten times last night and couldn¡¯t even sleep! My Baby gives off this air when he¡¯s on stage that absolutely invades you. It¡¯s like he¡¯s bursting with male hormones!¡± ¡­¡­ At the airport and at her workplace, fine, but she was running into his fans even when lining up to pay fees at the hospital. Chu Jian genuinely understood from experience just how popular he was of late. It was no wonder, then, that after hearing Jian Bianlin propose a collaboration where he was willing to allow them to bring along a newbie artiste, Tong Fei had been so excited that she had practically wished she could tie up Chu Jian in a ribbon and send her over as a gift in return¡­ When Chu Jian returned to the VIP floor, she caught sight of a familiar-looking backside standing with Jian Bianlin in front of the hospital room. It was the teacher who had been both Jian Bianlin¡¯s class advisor throughout middle school as well as Chu Jian¡¯s English teacher. Back then, it was this elderly woman who had called them down to the office and spoken in earnest and with the best of intentions, asking them whether they were dating at that too-young age¡­ Since she was little, Chu Jian had been afraid of all teachers of all subjects. Whenever a teacher came directly toward her, she had always scurried off to the side of the hallway against the wall. Dropping her eyes, she would mumble Teacher Zhao¡± or ¡°Teacher Li,¡± and then, treating herself as if she was thin air, she would drift past them¡­ Thus, right here, right this moment, her first reaction was still to try hard to snug herself against the wall and drift past¡­ Of course, the other party did not fulfill her wish. Teacher Li immediately stretched out a hand and dragged Chu Jian over, tousling Chu Jian¡¯s hair and stroking her hands while prattling, ¡°You¡¯re truly grown up now. So pretty.¡± She added, ¡°I¡¯m here at the hospital to pick up some medication, and I saw the managers and leaders of Jian Bianlin¡¯s father¡¯s shipyard. It was then that I found out he was hospitalized because of a work-related injury, so I came up here for a quick visit. I had not expected that I would run into the two of you.¡± Chu Jian smiled awkwardly. ¡°Thank you for the trouble you went to, Teacher.¡± Teacher Li gave a kindly smile. ¡°Young couple, you two came back together?¡± Chu Jian was stupefied. ¡°N-no, no.¡± ¡°No, you didn¡¯t come back together? So you arrived one right after the other?¡± Teacher Li interrupted with a laugh. ¡°I get it. Little Jian is now a big star, and big stars have to take all those measures to keep things secret. Mm, rest assured, Teacher is able to keep a secret. Even when the students at the school have asked, I¡¯ve still never talked about the two of you.¡± ¡°Teacher, Teacher, you¡¯re mistaken. There¡¯s honestly nothing between us.¡± Chu Jian was tripping over her own tongue. ¡°Back then it was for the good of your studies and grades.¡± Teacher Li continued to caress Chu Jian¡¯s short tresses. ¡°You need to understand that from a teacher¡¯s standpoint, early-age dating, after all, is just not good, simply not good. How many people can actually end up like the two of you, still together even now? They are just behaving blindly and foolishly.¡± ¡°Teacher, you truly are mistaken. We honestly aren¡¯t dating. Honest, honest.¡± Afraid that her parents might hear from inside the room, she tugged on the corner of Jian Bianlin¡¯s shirt, appealing to him for help. Somewhat perplexed by this, Teacher Li turned her eyes to Jian Bianlin, who was simply being a spectator. Jian Bianlin retrieved his wallet from Chu Jian¡¯s hand and arbitrarily slipped it back into the pocket of his pants, saying, ¡°We broke up.¡± The elderly woman instantly understood. Her expression shifted from one of disappointment to one that conveyed pity over this end result, until in the end, still carrying thoughts of urging peace and harmony and not encouraging the parting of ways, she asked in a quiet voice, ¡°Gotten in a little quarrel?¡± As she said this, she clasped Jian Bianlin¡¯s wrist. ¡°Little Jian, girls just need some sweet words and coaxing and then things will be fine with them. Don¡¯t break up so easily.¡± Jian Bianlin¡¯s face was impassive. ¡°She isn¡¯t easy to win over with coaxing and sweet words. I¡¯ll try my best.¡± [1]Öصã°à ¡°zhong dian ban.¡± In China, a grade can be subdivided into different types of classes. A ¡°key class¡± is a class specifically for high academic performers in the grade, as opposed to non-key or general classes, which are for average or below average students. Students of these key classes are groomed specifically with the expectation that they will perform better, and in general, more pressure is placed on them. [2]Cantonese is the main dialect of Guangdong, which is where Jian Bianlin and his father were originally from before they moved to Hangzhou and became neighbours with Chu Jian¡¯s family. CH 2.3 The nature of the situation was basically cemented with those words. Chu Jian knew clearly that no matter what further explanations she gave, they would all be useless. Chu Jian was not certain the reason, but she felt that, since his return from Macau, more and more, there seemed to be something not right with Jian Bianlin. Those established boundaries in their relationship that, all these years, the two of them had never overstepped had now all been crossed by him. Making up an excuse, she left Jian Bianlin outside the door to deal with Teacher Li while she wordlessly stepped inside. Amid the chatting voices of the shipyard¡¯s managers and all her elders, she stood by the window, her head lowered, playing around on her mobile phone. Forget it. She was not going to let him bother her. Uncle Jian still had to go for surgery. Before long, Jian Bianlin followed after and came inside, standing beside her for quite some time but not knowing what he should say to her. He pulled out his mobile phone. Stickied at the top of his WeChat[1] [messaging app] screen was Chu Jian¡¯s little profile picture. In these twenty-plus years, the one thing he could not let go of was the little lady who he believed belonged to him. He had known that Chu Jian did not like him in that way, yet he was the one who still allowed their entire grade to mistakenly believe that they were dating while underage; he was the one who had kissed her on that ferry against her will; and also, that winter¡­ Up until a moment ago, he had still held onto a wishful fancy where he hoped to make her tacitly admit that they had once been a couple. And even now, he was confident also that she would not get angry with him during this time when his father¡¯s health was unwell. All of this selfish ¡°confidence¡± caused him to remember his agent, Xie Bin¡¯s words. ¡°Just let it be, Jian Bianlin.¡± That night, he and Xie Bin were having drinks. While the two of them were taking in some fresh air out on the balcony, even Xie Bin, despite being a man, had started to look at things from Chu Jian¡¯s standpoint and tried to persuade him. ¡°You¡¯ve just been taking advantage of the close relationship between your two families and, since she was little, snuffed out any possible romance she might have. The girl is twenty-six already, but she hasn¡¯t even properly dated anyone yet. When it comes down to it, it¡¯s just because the girl was unlucky enough to have been neighbours with you since you were kids, yeah?¡± Xie Bin was right¡ªto be loved by him was pretty rotten luck. Chu Jian was communicating with a young assistant in her company about the schedule of the Japanese instructor who was coming to teach some classes and, while she was at it, also asking some questions regarding their booth at an exhibition when a WeChat message from Jian Bianlin popped up: Sorry. After contemplating briefly, she did not reply. She had not expected that this word would become the last dialogue they would exchange for the entire remainder of the daytime. At night, Jian Bianlin stayed in the VIP hospital room to take care of his father while Chu Jian and her parents returned to their home in Hangzhou. Her mom, in passing, also took the key to the Jians¡¯ home and went in to gather some things for them. They had been relatively rushed to head to the hospital and had not had the chance to pack any items that Jian Bianlin¡¯s father would need for a hospital stay. After helping her mother pack for a little while, Chu Jian brought in the laundry that had been hanging out on the balcony, folded it, and set it on the bed in the master bedroom. She discovered a photograph placed near the head of the bed. It was a picture of Chu Jian and Jian Bianlin together, taken around the time of their graduation from high school. The two people inside that picture were wearing school uniforms. That was the day they had received the letters of acceptance from their universities, and in front of the school, Jian Bianlin¡¯s dad had requested that they take a photograph together standing by the main entrance. Blue school uniforms, very characteristically Chinese. As Chu Jian stood beside him, the top of her head barely came to his shoulders. His eyes were dark and bright, and on his nose was a pair of rimless glasses. Chu Jian, her eyes large and her nose petite, was smiling, revealing a crooked little canine tooth, and her black hair was short with blunt-cut bangs. Because his dad had requested it, Jian Bianlin was even hugging her shoulders. She could still remember, back then, in that high school key class, his grades had been especially good. He had not liked talking to people, and so, with his glasses, the girls in the other classes had always described him as Class No. 1¡¯s ¡°cultured scoundrel.¡± Why was there the word ¡°scoundrel¡± in there? She truly had been curious and had privately asked people about it. The answer: purely because he was too good-looking, to the point that he did not look like a good person¡­ ¡°Why are you staring into space?¡± Carrying a bag stuffed full with Jian Bianlin¡¯s dad¡¯s clean clothing and toiletries, Chu Jian¡¯s mother stepped into the room. When she saw the photograph, she smiled. ¡°Your dad printed this picture for him and deliberately bought a frame to put it here. The two of you were so close when you were young. It¡¯s too bad you guys weren¡¯t in university together; otherwise, you might have been even closer.¡± Uttering an ¡°mm,¡± Chu Jian turned and walked out the room. The surgery was originally scheduled for the next day, but at three o¡¯clock in the morning, Chu Jian was suddenly roused and told that Jian Bianlin¡¯s dad was not doing good and they needed to hurry to the hospital. She felt around for some clothes, slipped them on, and then went with her parents straight to the hospital. With hair that was completely mussed, she jogged up to the operating room. Jian Bianlin¡¯s father had already gone inside and was undergoing surgery, so they could only wait outside. Outside of the operating room, Jian Bianlin sat alone. For fear that he would attract spectators even during such a time, he was not wearing that eye-catching, black face mask and, instead, had pulled up the hood of his hoodie, concealing more than half his face. Chu Jian stepped up to him. Hesitating for a few seconds, she bent down and asked softly, ¡°You haven¡¯t slept this whole time? Are you hungry?¡± This was the first dialogue between the two of them since he had said that one ¡°sorry.¡± Raising his eyes, Jian Bianlin took in the sight of Chu Jian with a track jacket thrown over her pajamas. After a little while, he said in a low voice, ¡°Let me hold you.¡± Chu Jian was stunned. He took hold of her wrist and pulled her in front of him, her right shoulder crashing heavily into his forehead. From her waist and over her entire back, his arms enveloped her¡ªtightly¡ªso that she could not move at all. Those arms were squeezing her so forcefully she was somewhat unable to breathe. But she did not have the heart to push him away at this time¡­ The corridor felt deserted. There were not many people in it. Her mom and dad were sitting, talking in low tones, and when they looked up and saw this scene, they both paused. Then Chu Jian received a look from her mother, silently telling her to console Jian Bianlin. After all, he had moved north with his dad when he was a child, from Guangdong to Hangzhou, and his father had been the one who raised him. To be in this situation now was really difficult for him and deserved empathy. Chu Jian could sense his anxiety. Very heavy and intense. She stretched out her arms and slid them gently around his shoulders, softly comforting, ¡°It¡¯ll be all right, it¡¯ll be all right.¡± This was actually the first time in all these years that she had assumed the role of ¡°comforting and protecting¡± him, and she felt somewhat¡­ at a loss over what she should do. Because she was so close to him, her nose was filled with his scent, and this intensified that feeling of not knowing what to do. But she could not push him away. Right now, she definitely could not push him away. Eventually, it was Jian Bianlin who first released her. ¡°Sorry.¡± ¡°Sorry¡± again. Chu Jian was a little dazed, uncertain whether she should continue to comfort him or do something. In the end, she made up an excuse for herself¡ªto go buy some late-night snacks¡ª and at last went downstairs. Truly feeling flustered, she sent a WeChat message to Tong Fei: Are you asleep? At this time of night, the one who was most likely to still be awake was that model worker of a talent agent. Very soon, Tong Fei replied with a voice message: ¡°Nope. I¡¯m keeping my artiste company while she films some night scenes. Why are you up in the middle of the night? You¡¯ve been sexually assaulted?¡± Chu Jian: ¡°¡­ Jian Bianlin¡¯s dad¡¯s condition suddenly turned for the worse. I don¡¯t know how I should comfort him.¡± Tong Fei: ¡°Use your body, eh.¡± Chu Jian: ¡°¡­¡­¡± Tong Fei carried on, tossing back another voice message that was filled with lament. ¡°Oh, such a poor thing, he is. I had planned on waiting until you got back before I told you. When Xie Bin and I were discussing the details of the contract today, he mentioned that the results from Jian Bianlin¡¯s medical exam report weren¡¯t good, and once he gets back, he needs to go for surgery. Seriously, it¡¯s just one thing after another. Go and give him some comfort. Even if there¡¯s no love of the romantic type, you still have a full twenty-two years of friendship with him.¡± He needs to go for surgery? Chu Jian thought she had heard wrong and hurriedly re-listened to the message. Two ambulances were parked outside the door of the hospital building, and several hospital employees were standing there chatting. Before long, another ambulance pulled in. Chu Jian stood there in the blue glow of the ambulance lights, her mind utterly blank, until someone called to her to hurry and get out of the way. Only then did she hastily take two steps backward, bumping into the wall. Seeing that she had not sent back a reply, Tong Fei continued adding to what she had said. ¡°Originally, they hadn¡¯t even intended on telling me. It was just because I was signing a contract with them and needed to confirm the project timeframe for our actor and screenwriter. Filming was originally supposed to start at the beginning of next year, but they said we needed to wait on Jian Bianlin¡¯s schedule. Afterward, though, it was only because Xie Bin views me as one of his inner circle that he told me the truth. As for what the actual problem is, I don¡¯t know either. Maybe it¡¯s just a minor surgery.¡± After listening to the message, Chu Jian¡¯s heart still felt anxious, like it was hanging by a thread. Tong Fei tossed another voice message over. ¡°No, that can¡¯t be right. He said Jian Bianlin will need to rest for at least three or four months. That shouldn¡¯t be a minor surgery, then, right?¡± Chu Jian could only feel that her arms were limp, and she was nearly unable to hold her mobile phone. No wonder she had felt this whole time that something was not right with him¡­ He had not said anything, not to anyone. And now, because of this incident with his dad, he even more so could not say anything. Chu Jian¡¯s heart felt as if it was in a chaotic mess. She circled the hospital building several times, walking from lit areas to shadowy sections. After repeating this several times, she finally headed back upstairs. This time, she did not avoid him and, instead, directly went and took a seat beside him. Since the chairs were all attached, his seat beneath him also vibrated when she sat down. That man who had been sitting with eyes closed, forcing himself to maintain a settled heart and mind, now opened his eyes. ¡°There¡¯s nothing to eat downstairs,¡± she said softly. He did not answer. ¡°Is there something you haven¡¯t told me?¡± Chu Jian¡¯s voice grew even lighter. Beneath that somewhat stark lighting, Jian Bianlin gazed at her. Chu Jian felt that it was necessary to ask and be clear on things. ¡°Why aren¡¯t you saying anything?¡± ¡°No,¡± he stated in a flat tone. ¡°There¡¯s nothing I want to tell you.¡± [1]΢ÐÅ ¡°Weixin.¡± Literally meaning ¡®micro-message.¡¯ A text and voice messaging app. Besides text messaging, there is hold-to-talk voice messaging, social networking, group broadcast messaging, etc. Its English name is WeChat. http://www.wechat.com. CH 2.4 The sky was already brightly lit by the time the light over the operating room door was turned off. As the doctor walked out, Jian Bianlin simultaneously stepped forward and had a brief discussion with him. The doctor informed him that his father had already been sent directly to the intensive care unit after coming out of surgery. The operation was very successful, but due to his older age, with more than ten metal pins and nails in his body, Jian Bianlian¡¯s dad sooner or later would need to undergo another surgery to do a hip replacement. This could be considered good news that could set everyone¡¯s mind at ease for the time being. Chu Jian and her parents also breathed out in relief. Twenty-four hours later, Jian Bianlin¡¯s father was transferred out of the intensive care unit and into the general ward. During this entire period, Jian Bianlin avoided any instances of directly interacting with Chu Jian. It was only that one time, when he wanted to help his father change into a clean hospital gown, that he said to her, ¡°Go out and ask the nurse when the doctor is going to come do a check-up.¡± With an ¡°oh, okay,¡± Chu Jian took two steps away before she suddenly realized, Hey, wait, no. Didn¡¯t the doctor just leave? The sound of the hospital bed curtains being drawn behind her explained his reason for saying that. On the third day, the person who helped her escape from this awkward situation was, surprisingly, Teacher Li, who had come again to pay a visit with a bag of fruit in hand. After chatting a while with Jian Bianlin¡¯s father, Teacher Li fondly took hold of Chu Jian¡¯s hand, set it in her own palm, and gently stroked it. ¡°Do you two want to go back to the school for a look?¡± The school? Chu Jian could not even imagine what the scene would be if Jian Bianlin made an appearance on the school grounds. She answered, ¡°It¡¯s probably not fitting for him to go, right?¡± ¡°Today is Saturday. Only the third year middle school students are there for a make-up class. It¡¯s okay.¡± Teacher Li¡¯s very warm and kindly invitation was likely extended in hopes of using the memories from their days of youth to ease their relationship. Chu Jian was not daft. She could figure out the little scheme that this teacher had in mind. Even though she was not doing it to ¡°reconcile and get back togther¡± with him, she did still want to find an opening that would allow Jian Bianlin to tell her of his own accord about needing to undergo surgery. And so, she rather readily agreed to Teacher Li¡¯s suggestion. The school was only ten minutes away from the hospital. If they did go there, they would still be able to return very quickly. She thought, Jian Bianlin had always respected his teachers since he was a child, so he would definitely not refuse. However, though she predicted the beginning, she had not correctly predicted the outcome. If this man did not want to talk to someone, no one was able to pry open his mouth. Sitting on the railing of the bleachers with her legs dangling down, Chu Jian fixed her eyes on him. Jian Bianlin sat quietly on the steps, staring out at that athletic track that was empty of any persons. ¡°Jian Bianlin.¡± She called his name. Jian Bianlin. Those were the very first words he had been able to speak in Mandarin. A name. His own name. At age five, when he first arrived here in this unfamiliar city, he had not known how to speak Mandarin yet. That four-year-old girl who lived across the corridor was especially clingy to him. Charged with the task by Jian Bianlin¡¯s father, every day, one sentence at a time, she would teach him Mandarin and had been persistent and resolute about this duty. Day after day, she would trail after him, crying ¡°Jian Bianlin, Jian Bianlin!¡± and would prattle on endlessly in her not-quite-proper Mandarin that was intermingled with some Hangzhou dialect. Finally, one evening when the adults of their two families were having a little drink and conversing casually, he looked right at her and stiffly threw out the words, ¡°You are so noisy! I know what my name is¡ªJian Bianlin.¡± The pronunciation of his entire outburst had been perfect and shocked the casually chatting adults of the two families as well as that little girl skipping after him in a yellow dress with a duck print on it. In reality, he was not a child prodigy; he was simply too proud. He would take every sentence that she spoke during normal times as well as the voiceovers that he heard from the news on the television and silently commit them to memory. Then when no one was around, he would practice speaking until he was adept and precise in his pronunciation. ¡°Jian Bianlin?¡± In the blink of an eye, twenty-two years had passed. Yet, the one calling his name was still that same little girl. ¡°Sit further away.¡± His voice was thick and muted, and it seemed as if it was not he who had spoken that sentence. ¡°Don¡¯t block my view.¡± ¡°Oh, okay.¡± Chu Jian slid sideways along the railing slightly. ¡°I¡¯m further away now.¡± Unspoken words were in Chu Jian¡¯s eyes, words she dared not speak. She wanted him to tell her himself about the difficulties he was encountering. Jian Bianlin was still staring at the farthest point on the athletic track. He surmised that she likely knew already. But she did not understand that, in comparison to completely letting go of her and giving her up, these things were all nothing. He needed only to think about, if he let go, he was giving her the chance to willingly place her ring finger into the hands of another man, and then he would feel that his life could be considered over, that it could basically end at that point. ¡°Jian Bianlin.¡± Her voice floated over to him, still probing him as she asked, ¡°Are you not feeling well somewhere?¡± Unexpectedly, Jian Bianlin rose and jumped down two steps. Striding swiftly down the stairs of the bleachers, he cut across the sports field and jogged into the main hall of the school teaching building. However, as he listened to those hurried footsteps that were chasing after him, he all of a sudden halted his feet. Chu Jian was still thinking that she absolutely had to get an answer from him today, regardless of how stubbornly tight-lipped he was, when he suddenly grabbed her by the wrist. ¡°What are you doing following me around the entire time?¡± ¡°¡­¡­¡± ¡°Let go of me first. There¡¯ll be trouble if the students happen to be getting out of class.¡± Chu Jian twisted her wrist, trying to pull it out of his grip. ¡°I know you¡¯re not in a very good mood. Uncle Jian just had surgery, and you also¡­¡± ¡°Also what?¡± Jian Bianlin flung her arm away. Caught completely off guard when he cast her away like this, she had absolutely no chance to react before her arm slammed into a blackboard. Her sleeve smudged away several of the red and white words on the board, and chalk dust rained down. Chu Jian¡¯s fingers curled in pain. She felt she was going to die of this suffocating, powerless feeling of being wronged. ¡°I know you need to go for surgery. Your agent said so.¡± ¡°So what?¡± ¡°You have no relatives in Beijing; you just have an agent. Uncle Jian just had surgery, too, so there¡¯s no way he¡¯ll be able to go there to be with you¡­¡± ¡°So what?¡± ¡°I want to be by your side during that time.¡± Chu Jian thought, Forget it. If I suffocate to death from this feeling, then let it be. At least I¡¯m better off than he is right now. She had just recovered herself as well and was striving hard to quell her own emotions. She did not expect that Jian Bianlin would be completely ungracious about this. In a voice that was increasingly cold, he shot back, ¡°Be by my side? As my what? Good friend? Or girlfriend?¡± Chu Jian was taken aback for just a moment, and then she caught on. He was forcing her into a corner again. Feeling a faint tightness in her chest, she pressed her lips together, not wanting to say anything at all. Were it not for Uncle Jian¡¯s current condition, were it not for the fact that she knew he had some sort of illness that required surgery, how could she even be chasing after him? She had always avoided him if possible. But in the face of this great trial in his life, it would be rather unacceptable of her if she continued to evade him. Yesterday, Tong Fei had even asked her in WeChat, ¡°If it¡¯s some sort of sickness or disease that doesn¡¯t look very positive, what are you going to do?¡± She had replied with three words: ¡°I don¡¯t know.¡± She did not know and felt especially confused, to the point that when he had stood with his back to her, silently waiting in front of the operating room, there had been several moments where her heart had softened and she had been ready to cave¡­ A few steps away, a notice posted by the administrative office fluttered up in the autumn wind, rustling noisily. Something was pulsating in Jian Bianlin¡¯s palm. It was her pulse¡ªfaint, quick. No matter how small the detail, if it were about her, he would notice it. His throat tightened. He wanted to kiss her. Drifting out intermittently from the easternmost staircase of the teaching building, there was the sound of laughter, which belonged to some girls, as well as noisy commotion, which came from some boys. It was the students getting off from the make-up class. Chu Jian hastily pushed him away. ¡°I¡¯m not going to concern myself with you anymore. You do whatever you want.¡± She sprinted out of the teaching building, cutting through the basketball court. Then, after rushing through the small metal gate that was open, she decisively ran in the direction opposite to the hospital. There was a stifling feeling in her chest. She blamed him for being completely unappreciative of her gesture, and she also blamed herself for still losing her temper even in such a time. All kinds of emotions¡ªblame, vexation, anger¡ªmelded together and left her feeling so stifled by them that she wanted to cry. After the girl in front of him had run out of the teaching building, Jian Bianlin took a few steps forward and pushed open the door of the nearest classroom. In that instant when the door swung open, two female students, who were each holding a piece of chalk and making a blackboard poster, were given a shock. As they turned around, a cry immediately slipped from them. Jian Bianlin pressed his lips together and brought a finger against them, signaling to the two to not make any sound. The classroom fell back into silence. In that hallway that was separated from them by only a wall, third-year middle school students were beginning to walk by this room. They were excitedly celebrating that today¡¯s make-up class had come to an end. The bustling noises gradually moved further away, tapering off from intermingled lively conversations of many different people to a discussion between only two or three people, until at last, quiet was restored. Finally, he nodded his head apologetically in an expression of thanks to the two girls for being so cooperative with his request. ¡°You¡¯re¡­ you¡¯re really Jian Bianlin?¡± one of the girls stammered. He did not reply, which could be taken as silent admission. ¡°I said it before, didn¡¯t I?! Baby Jian is a grad of our school!¡± The other taller girl hopped off her chair, and beside a desk in the very last row, she began rifling through her schoolbag. As she rummaged, she cried, ¡°Where¡¯s my mobile? Where¡¯s my notebook? I¡¯m going crazy, I¡¯m going crazy, I¡¯m going crazy¡­¡± The hand that had dug out a notebook was shaking incessantly from excitement. ¡°Sen¡ª¡­ Senior Brother[1] [senior, male schoolmate], could you give us your autograph, please?¡± Before he had even answered, the girl was clutching his arm tightly. ¡°And also, and also, could you leave some words for our class?¡± Her eyes held an expression of eager expectation, excitement, and, also, fear of being turned down. Still Jian Bianlin did not utter a sound. Reaching over with a hand, he fished out a half piece of white chalk from the blackboard ledge. The feeling of the chalk in his hand conjured up memories of those days when he had made blackboard posters for Class No. 9. Back then, there were none of those ambiguous romantic rumours about them. She would not purposely avoid him either and would look to him for help in all things, for example, having him write out famous quotes or maxims on the blackboard at the back of her classroom. Remembering that it had already been a long time since she left in a run, Jian Bianlin hastily left an English sentence on the very bottom of the blackboard: Only after climbing to the top of the mountain can you see the beautiful scenery of the peak. And then, setting down the chalk, he hurried out of the classroom. CH 3.1 The hallway was already empty of students. As Jian Bianlin stepped swiftly out from the teaching building, someone from behind suddenly called out rather hesitantly to him. ¡°Jian Bianlin?¡± It was a man¡¯s voice. Jian Bianlin took two slower steps, then came to a stop. Behind him, the man holding books and lesson plans had a rather subtle, but remarkable expression on his face, and sighing slightly over the absurdity of the situation, he said, ¡°It really is you.¡± Right this moment, both these people, be it Jian Bianlin or this excellent third-year high school math teacher, were caught in a bit of a daze. It was as if that incident that winter had occurred only yesterday, but actually, in just a twinkling, nine years had already slipped by. After Chu Jian strolled a couple loops around, her mother called her, telling her to hurry home to help Uncle Jian grab a couple of large couriered packages and, while she was at it, feed the dog. She said there was no one answering Jian Bianlin¡¯s phone. Chu Jian waved down a taxi and rushed home. Huffing and puffing, she jogged up to the fourth floor, but when she saw the treadmill and four boxes of fruit, she gawked in shock. From the top of her own home¡¯s refrigerator, she grabbed the key to the Jians¡¯ home, opened the door, and directed the delivery persons to move the items out to the balcony. When the people left, Chu Jian wiped away the footprints on the floor as well as the dust tracked in by the cardboard boxes and hung up the cleaning cloth to dry. As she walked by the bedroom, she once again saw that photograph of the two of them. Since they were little, the number of photographs that had been taken of her and Jian Bianlin together was simply too many to keep track of, but this particular one was the very last one from their student days. There had been nearly half a year, from when that year¡¯s New Year¡¯s Gala ended to the day this photo was taken, where the two had not spoken a single word to one another. That year, a seldom-seen snowfall had fallen during the New Year¡¯s Gala. In a secretive manner, one of the boys in her grade had asked her to go downstairs to the bicycle storage area. The entire school building was alive with noise and excitement. That boy from the class next door who would always coincidentally bump into her in the school cafeteria or basketball courts stood at the end of a row of bicycles. At the time, while the boy spoke in low tones, Chu Jian had been so nervous she had continuously wiped away at the thick layer of snow that had accumulated on the back rack of the bicycle next to her. Suddenly, that person had taken her hand in his. ¡°Then¡­ let¡¯s give it a try.¡± That had been her answer. But before three days had even passed, in front of all the students of all the grades, Jian Bianlin gave a fierce thrashing to that boy after school was dismissed. Evening self-study had just ended, and tides of students were moving about, some people walking, some people pushing their bicycles. Everyone surrounded the edge of the bicycle storage area, watching this clash that had suddenly erupted. Off to the side, Chu Jian was stupefied with shock and fear. When her eyes took in the blood on the ground, she was terrified that something horrible would end up happening. Rushing into a classroom, she grabbed a water bucket, filled it halfway with cold water, flusteredly raced back, and tossed the water onto Jian Bianlin, who was rising unsteadily to his feet and about to pounce onto his opponent again. That look he had given her when he turned around had been terrifying¡ªshe remembered it very clearly. This had been a vicious fight on the school grounds where one of the parties involved had suffered quite serious injuries, and fractures and broken bones were inevitable. Hence, dealing with and settling this incident was quite troublesome. On the one hand, Jian Bianlin was the class prefect of a key class and was also the student with the best grades, so the teachers wanted to minimize the impact and consequences of the incident. On the other hand, the other boy¡¯s parents were not willing at all to let this go, not accepting compensation and only demanding that the school take severe disciplinary action. During those several days, Chu Jian had felt as if she were living in darkness¡ªthe guilt that she felt toward her boyfriend, the rumors and stories that buzzed around between the students of their grade, the incessant sighs of her parents, the terrible anxiety that plagued Uncle Jian¡­ In the end, Chu Jian had secretly gone alone to the hospital where the boy had been admitted. Sobbingly, she had apologized for the bodily harm she had brought upon him. And she had pleaded to the boy to help her, to intercede with his family to back down and allow Jian Bianlin to escape this trouble She was not certain whether it was because her pleading had worked or the teachers had worked hard to protect Jian Bianlin, but ultimately, the matter was played down. In regards to that violent incident on New Year¡¯s Day, the two families, in the end, never did learn the reason for its occurrence. The three individuals involved did not tell the true story to the school or their parents. Nevertheless, all kinds of rumours still ended up following Chu Jian about in her daily life, and she was excluded to the point that she had no friends. Those were the darkest six months of her student period. Hence, she had purposely underperformed in the National College Entrance Examinations[1] and ended up going to far-off Hainan for university, far away from Jian Bianlin, who was studying in Beijing. Hainan (circled in blue) is a province of China and also an island. The distance between Beijing (circled in green) and Hainan is more than 2700 km. (image credit) This continued until second year of university, when she returned home for the Spring Festival[2]. Her mom informed her that Big Brother Jian had been in a long-distance relationship with a girl but had broken up, and unable to handle this blow, he had fallen into a lifestyle of dallying his days away outside the home. It was as if he had become a completely different person. Her dad and mom both told Chu Jian to go across the corridor to his apartment to talk to him and advise him against his ways. For two whole days, she wavered and found various excuses to avoid the task. However, when she ran into a haggard-looking Uncle Jian downstairs, her heart softened and she caved. In the year and a half of university, she had grown up a lot. That Spring Festival, she had knocked and opened his bedroom door. Seeing that person sitting on the windowsill, asleep, she had wanted to step back out, but he suddenly startled awake. It had merely been the small action of opening his eyes, but it had frightened her to the extent that she had taken two steps backward. ¡­¡­ From that day onward, over all the years, Jian Bianlin never again expressed his feelings for her. His grades gradually recovered back to his normal standards, and he received all first-class scholarships. He formed a band, was later signed by a record label, and then, when the market for recorded music was in a slump, was recommended by his agent to become an actor. Combined with the fact that he did indeed possess what it took to be an idol artiste, his career in this business was going increasingly well. In addition, Chu Jian herself was in the midst of forming her own business, so the two did not have much time to even see one another. Even a dozen or so days ago, she had been very optimistic, thinking that maybe his feeling for her had long since drifted away and one day, he would suddenly be married¡­ But after going around and around in circles, they had completely returned back to the starting point. Behind her, someone opened the security door. This was soon followed by the sound of approaching footsteps. Exhaling lightly, Chu Jian silently reminded herself to not provoke him. This was a big hurdle in his life. Uncle Jian was just recovering, and now he needed to go for surgery. She could not excite him. Jian Bianlin leaned himself on the doorframe, his gaze passing over her to land on the man in that photograph of two people. ¡°I came to help Uncle Jian collect some delivery items.¡± Chu Jian¡¯s tone was light, as if nothing had happened earlier on. ¡°Did you buy that treadmill? The soundproofing in old buildings like this one isn¡¯t very good. The treadmill can¡¯t be used; otherwise the whole building will be able to hear you running.¡± Jian Bianlin remained wordless, as if he had not heard her. In fact, he knew the reason why she was here. Just now he had specifically made a phone call to her mother. ¡°Once I put the fruit away in the fridge, I¡¯ll head back to the hospital.¡± She pondered for a moment. ¡°They might not all fit. I¡¯ll move some over later to put in my fridge and also pack some up to take to the hospital.¡± Jian Bianlin¡¯s eyes were still indifferent, and he did not provide any sort of response. ¡°But I don¡¯t really know how to feed dogs. What does he like to eat?¡± Chu Jian had wanted to walk around him, but right as she brushed past, he unexpectedly blocked her way. Still feeling lingering nervousness from earlier, she instantly moved to dodge him. With a loud bam, the back of her head slammed fiercely into the doorframe on the other side. The entire world fell into silence. A large white dog, hearing the noise, came dashing over with his tongue hanging out, bounding circles around the two and licking them. ¡­¡­ ¡°Does it hurt?¡± He lowered his head and touched the back of her head, breaking the stalemate between them that had existed since he stepped in the door. More than just hurt! That had been too brutal a smack that even her tears had sprung out from her eyes. The sullenness she had been feeling rose up again. ¡°Earlier, you asked me¡­¡± ¡°That was spoken in anger,¡± he interrupted, rubbing his palms back and forth together. After sensing some heat from them, he was about to use his palms to cover the place on her head that she had bumped, but she sidestepped him. If she had not managed to knock her brain silly just a moment ago, she probably would have evaded him. ¡°Jian Bianlin.¡± Her manner was solemn. She must not have known that every time she wanted to seriously discuss something with him, she would always first say his name. Jian Bianlin lowered his eyes, taking in her face as well as that little canine tooth that she had licked until crooked when her permanent teeth were coming in. As a child, she had always said the tooth was ugly, and whenever she had nothing to do, she had kept trying to push it back into place with her hand, pressing on it like crazy, even when she went to sleep, but to no avail. Actually, what Jian Bianlin loved most was that canine tooth. ¡°You asked me earlier¡ª¡± ¡°Pretend I never asked.¡± With a frown, Jian Bianlin once again cut her off. Bending down, he scooped up with one arm that big, white shepherd dog that had been panting nonstop and left the room. He did not want to talk, nor did he want to listen. Earlier, he had indeed wanted to force her hand, had wanted to use his father¡¯s and his own difficulties to make her give in and agree to try being his girlfriend. But, the results were contrary to his wishes. However, he was also fortunate that her compassion once more saved the relationship between the two of them. Ultimately, she still did not have the heart to state to him during such a time that she was only acting as an ordinary friend. ¡°I had thought that that year in second-year uni, things were fine after we had our talk.¡± Chu Jian chased out after him. ¡°If you want to talk about it again, though, let¡¯s wait until after your surgery, how about that? I don¡¯t want to negatively affect you in this time.¡± For several seconds, he was quiet. Then, turning the cold metal doorknob, he walked out with the dog in his arms. Only after the door had slammed shut did he toss back a sentence through the metal of the door. ¡°I¡¯m going downstairs to buy something for the dog.¡± A feeling of frustration seemed caught in Chu Jian¡¯s chest with no outlet, and gloomily, she pulled out all the fruit in the boxes and began to place them one by one into the refrigerator. Fruitless in her wait for Jian Bianlin to return, she locked the door and headed down the stairs. In the pavilion downstairs of their building, she saw him sitting alone and holding several skewers of lamb kebabs that had long grown cold, quietly feeding the dog. She was uncertain whether it was because his attire, from his hat to his sneakers, was completely black that he seemed especially slight and frail in the blowing wind. But, observing him carefully, she found that he was indeed thinner than when they had been in Macau. [2]´º½Ú ¡°chun jie.¡± In China, the Lunar New Year period is also called the Spring Festival and lasts from the first to the fifteenth day of the new lunar year. CH 3.2 In the dozen or so days that followed, Jian Bianlin¡¯s dad¡¯s recovery went very well. When the doctor did the check-up on him, he said that it was fortunate the older man had been working manual labour in the past, so his body was physically fit. ¡°If it weren¡¯t for this accident, I would dare say that your dad¡¯s body is more fit than yours.¡± After the doctor left, with the bed separating them, the two continued to sit and keep his father company watching television. Jian Bianlin¡¯s dad very much disliked wearing glasses, was hard of hearing, and also could not really see subtitles clearly. Therefore, Chu Jian¡¯s main task was to explain things to him when he came across a part in the television program where he had not heard clearly and was unable to read the subtitles. Midway through, Jian Bianlin stepped out. The late-night news began reporting on the typhoon that had landed in Hainan. The images of the havoc wreaked on the streets by the raging winds and torrential downpour brought about another conversation topic. ¡°I heard Hainan¡¯s chargrilled oyster and strawberry conch are pretty good?¡± ¡°Mm-hmm¡­¡± Chu Jian was holding a mandarin orange and pulling off the peel bit by bit. ¡°Strawberry conch is tasty. Stir-frying it with coarse sea salt works well, as does dipping it in soy sauce.¡± At the mention of seafood, she really did want to go back to her old university for a visit. ¡°Do you know why I know this so well?¡± Jian Bianlin¡¯s dad lowered his voice. ¡°Back then, I thought I would have a daughter-in-law from Hainan, so I deliberately studied up on Hainan specialties.¡± ¡°¡­¡­¡± Chu Jian nodded, mechanically stuffing the mandarin orange that she had originally peeled for Jian Bianlin¡¯s dad into her own mouth. When Jian Bianlin was in university, his father had found quite a few train tickets for the route between Beijing and Hainan in Jian Bianlin¡¯s luggage. It was also during that period that Jian Bianlin had said that his girlfriend was in Hainan¡­ Another little lie. Although no one had been hurt, simply too many of these types of things had accumulated between the two of them, invisibly piling higher and higher until, even during an everyday casual conversation such as this one, there were pitfalls everywhere. Jian Bianlin¡¯s dad rambled on, sometimes melancholically, sometimes lamentingly, about many things from the past. As luck would have it, right when his emotions reached a climax, Jian Bianlin walked in through the door. A live target had just presented itself; how could Jian Bianlin¡¯s dad willingly miss out on this chance? With a resentful cry of ¡°Brat[1]!¡± he began criticizing Jian Bianlin, starting with his clothes and then carrying on from there, until in the end, he transitioned perfectly into grumbling about how much of Jian Bianlin¡¯s time had been wasted back then by that girlfriend of his from Hainan, and it was fortunate that Chu Jian had managed to persuade him to turn from the error of his ways. Covering his forehead with the back of his hand, Jian Bianlin closed his eyes. It was clear he had a great aversion towards this topic. However, in his dad¡¯s eyes, these were all silent means of rebelling. Thus, the berating grew even harsher. Chu Jian peeled membranes off of mandarin oranges until every single wedge in her hand was completely stripped and bare. There was nothing else for her to keep her hands busy¡­ So, she could only once more stuff them into her mouth and gobble them down, at least giving herself something to do. ¡°Dad, I¡¯m going back to Beijing tomorrow.¡± Jian Bianlin automatically chose to ignore the rebuking. ¡°Just now, I contacted people and arranged for a ride. I just need to trouble Chu Jian to help you with the hospital discharge procedures next Monday.¡± Tomorrow? So rushed to go back? Was it because of his surgery? ¡°Is there something urgent?¡± The instant Jian Bianlin¡¯s dad heard that his son was leaving, his brazen overbearingness was snuffed out, and he reverted back to being a poor, lonely, old man. ¡°But I had said that when I¡¯m out of the hospital, I¡¯ll cook up a few dishes for you.¡± ¡°Busy.¡± Jian Bianlin¡¯s reply was succinct. ¡°When the busyness is over, I¡¯ll bring you to Beijing.¡± ¡°Oh, oh, all right. Make sure you look after your own health.¡± Jian Bianlin¡¯s dad¡¯s entire face displayed that he did not want to part with his son. That night, on her little bed in her home, Chu Jian unprecedentedly was struck with sleeplessness. As she tossed and turned, all she could think about was, should she get involved? Or should she just let it be and stay out of it? But in the end, she still was not able to come to any conclusion. After Jian Bianlin left, Chu Jian stayed in Hangzhou for another half a month. Her mission every day was to keep Jian Bianlin¡¯s dad company and relieve him from boredom during the daytime while her parents were at work. When she pushed Jian Bianlin¡¯s dad to the supermarket, they would often run into old neighbours or old, familiar faces. Many people would be envious that he had such a filial ¡°goddaughter¡± to take care of him, and in veiled or not-so-veiled comments, they would all joke that he should turn this adopted goddaughter into his real daughter-in-law. Jian Bianlian¡¯s dad laughed in delight, saying again and again that the brat was not good enough for her. But in the ears of everyone, he was simply being polite and humble with these words. After all, Jian Bianlin graduated from a prestigious university and was also a big time celebrity. No matter how you looked at it, he had much better credentials than Chu Jian, a little entrepreneur who graduated from some unknown university. Once the follow-up examination on Jian Bianlin¡¯s dad confirmed that there were no problems with his health, Chu Jian returned directly to Shanghai. She did not dare ask too much regarding Jian Bianlin¡¯s matters, so she merely charged Tong Fei to tell her if Tong Fei found out when he was going for surgery. She had already entrusted Tong Fei with this while she was still in Hangzhou, and when she returned to Shanghai, she confirmed it again. Tong Fei told her that Jian Bianlin¡¯s work was practically booked all the way out to the year after next. With four to five events in his schedule every day, it seemed he had absolutely no thoughts of going for surgery. Eventually, Tong Fei stopped taking this seriously. ¡°Maybe he was just misdiagnosed. Or maybe when he went back for a follow-up, they found nothing wrong.¡± Chu Jian¡¯s heart was still rather unsettled, but feeling that she should not ask anymore, she suppressed the matter to the silent reaches of her heart. When early November arrived, Tong Fei accompanied one of her signed artistes to Shanghai for an event and was staying in the Pudong district. She arranged to meet with Chu Jian for a private get-together. Chu Jian happened to be free on this particular day, so she caught a ride to the hotel in the van of one of her suppliers. After she stepped out, the driver even poked his head out to kindly ask, ¡°I¡¯ll be heading back to Puxi in half an hour. Do you want me to drive you back?¡± While he was asking, Chu Jian heard someone knocking on the glass behind her and calling her name. It was Xie Bin. Replying to the driver that she would not be going back that soon, she hurried into the main lobby. Xie Bin stubbed out the cigarette that he had taken only a couple of inhales from, and with the hand that had not held the cigarette, he reached to take from Chu Jian the paper bag she was holding. ¡°Who¡¯s that?¡± ¡°Supplier.¡± ¡°Oh. Single? Or married? Or divorced?¡± ¡°Don¡¯t know.¡± Chu Jian was feeling rather sullen from his questions. ¡°I¡¯ve only met him twice.¡± With an ¡°ah,¡± Xie Bin asked smilingly, ¡°You¡¯re here to find Jian Bianlin?¡± ¡°No.¡± Chu Jian tried to skirt away, but her bag still ended up in Xie Bin¡¯s hands. ¡°I¡¯m here to see Tong Fei.¡± ¡°Oh, right! Tong Fei is here, too.¡± It was obvious that Xie Bin had said this on purpose. The event organizers had reserved several entire floors in this hotel in preparation for the celebrity and fashion gala dinner tonight. If he had seen on the attendee list the name of the artiste that Tong Fei had brought, how could he not know that the agent had come as well? But then, even if he had known, what could she do? Without giving Chu Jian even a chance to reply, Xie Bin put an arm around her shoulders and led her in the direction of the elevators. ¡°Well, since you don¡¯t have a room key card and she would have to come down to get you anyway, I might as well just take you right up there.¡± Which agent wasn¡¯t able to thrive on any side of the fence or use words to charm his way with anyone, be it person or even a ghost? Chu Jian was completely unable to hold her own when met with Xie Bin¡¯s smiling face, which carried an expression that was even cozier and close than that of her close relatives. And Tong Fei was more than happy to try to solidify a good relationship with this veteran of veterans in the industry. As a result, this afternoon¡¯s planned little private get-together and chat between two BFFs became Chu Jian nesting alone on the couch while listening to the other two people gossip about topics wide and varied. The content of their conversation started with griping about why the juice that had been delivered up by hotel services was not fresh-squeezed and that they should complain. It then transitioned over to talking about the countless projects that were short actors to fill the roles and how everyone was not concerned about lacking money or investors, but rather, they were worried that no matter how they fought and competed, they still could not get actors. And then, it developed into a discussion of how actors nowadays all brought their own chosen projects to you¡­ ¡°I didn¡¯t see Jian Bianlin¡¯s name on the list of attendees!¡± Tong Fei finally remembered that this person who was before her right at this moment in theory should not be in Shanghai. ¡°What are you doing here?¡± ¡°There were not enough big-name movie stars here to hype up this event, so the organizer asked us last-minute to come to the rescue.¡± Xie Bin shook his head regretfully. ¡°By chance, these few days, he¡¯s in Shanghai filming some night scenes.¡± ¡°Oh¡±¡ªTong Fei swept a glance at Chu Jian from the corner of her eye¡ª¡°he¡¯s not going to have his surgery?¡± Xie Bin looked toward Chu Jian. ¡°You don¡¯t know? ¡°¡­ I don¡¯t know,¡± she mumbled. ¡°That thing of his is a little complicated.¡± Xie Bin pondered as he spoke. ¡°He can have the surgery, or he can not have it, but no one knows just how serious the consequences of not having it will be.¡± Didn¡¯t understand. Chu Jian could not really understand what she had just heard. ¡°He gets recurrent abdominal pain. When you went back to Hangzhou with him, you didn¡¯t notice anything?¡± ¡­ She had not noticed anything at all. ¡°He¡¯s done all the checks and tests already, any test that you can possibly think of, but they just cannot make a definite diagnosis.¡± Xie Bin continued explaining this difficult and puzzling illness. ¡°The doctor¡¯s recommendation is to go straight to surgery and open up the stomach, so they would look around for something while performing the operation. Of course, how I¡¯m saying it right now may not be the most technically accurate, but anyway, that¡¯s more or less the proposed treatment.¡± ¡°¡­¡­¡± ¡°He had originally already agreed to it, but when he came back from Hangzhou, he refused again. In theory, you and I aren¡¯t really at this level of acquaintance, but I really am worried about him, so I¡¯m just going to thicken my skin and ask this one thing: Did something unhappy happen between you two in Hangzhou?¡± Silence. ¡°This is a matter of life and death, Chu Jian.¡± Xie Bin¡¯s gaze was fixed on her. ¡°A matter of life and death.¡± This discomfiting quietness caused Tong Fei¡¯s eyes to flit all about, and she was just short of pointing at the window and crying out, ¡°Eh? There¡¯s a plane, eh.¡± But this place they were in was along the Huangpu River and was nowhere near Pudong Airport. There were no dang airplanes around¡­ A long time elapsed until finally, Tong Fei cleared her throat and began to smooth the situation over. ¡°Chu Jian¡­¡± ¡°Did you deliberately arrange it so that I would come here?¡± Chu Jian turned her eyes on Tong Fei. ¡°Yes. I¡¯ll confess.¡± Tong Fei completely surrendered. Chu Jian¡¯s gaze took in Xie Bin, the one who had even pretended downstairs that he had bumped into her by chance, as well as Tong Fei, who had put up this show in cahoots with him. Any desire she might have had to be upset over whether she had been tricked to come here were long gone. Her silence just now was purely because she had been shocked by his illness¡¯s degree of complication. ¡°Your event¡­ what time does it start?¡± ¡°Six in the evening. Make-up starts at three o¡¯clock,¡± Tong Fei rushed to answer. ¡°It¡¯s just twelve twenty right now¡ªstill very early.¡± ¡°Is it a convenient time for me to go see him?¡± Chu Jian asked with a consulting look at Xie Bin. ¡°Of course, of course.¡± That was exactly what he was hoping for! He told her, ¡°I have a key card for the room. I¡¯ll take you there now.¡± Heaven knew that the sole reason Xie Bin had taken such a roundabout tactic was so that he could take her to Jian Bianlin¡¯s side. The room was on the same floor. She followed Xie Bin and, in less than a minute, arrived at the door of Jian Bianlin¡¯s hotel room. When Xie Bin stepped inside, Jian Bianlin had just finished undoing all the buttons of his shirt, and the shirt was half-removed already. Seeing the two people walking into the room, he turned his arm over, pulled the shirt back on again, and, with his back to the door, re-fastened the buttons. As it was an overcast day, the room had not been bright to begin with, and he had drawn the curtains closed, making it even dimmer. The dark setting served to accentuate the quietness even more. ¡°We ran into each other downstairs, and then Chu Jian said she wanted to come see you.¡± Without batting an eye, Xie Bin picked up the suit that was on a hanger, muttering, ¡°Why are there still wrinkles? That won¡¯t do. It needs to be ironed some more.¡± He finished saying this, but noticing that the other two in the room were holding themselves stiffly, he rattled off another few sentences. ¡°Since we¡¯re here to go to their rescue, we don¡¯t need to be hurried. It¡¯ll still be okay if we start preparing at around four o¡¯clock. You guys chat; I¡¯m going to leave.¡± In the first place, Jian Bianlin was a person of few words, and coupled with the fact that they had not contacted each other since he left Hangzhou, Chu Jian did not know what to say to successfully, yet naturally transition into the subject of his health issues. And now, with Xie Bin¡¯s departure, it was even harder to kick-start the conversation. After a long moment¡¯s hesitation, she still was the one who spoke up first, with a conversation starter that was unrelated to his surgery and was purely to relieve the atmosphere: ¡°You were doing a night shoot last night?¡± He did not answer and rather, turned a question back on her. ¡°Is there a reason you wanted to see me?¡± ¡°Mm-hmm.¡± Jian Bianlin¡¯s brows pulled together. In these twenty-odd years, the times she had come to find him on her own initiative were few and far between. The ¡°credit¡± for this, here, undoubtedly belonged to Xie Bin. Allowing himself to fall into Xie Bin¡¯s way of thinking, he was able to approximately guess the contents of what Xie Bin had said. ¡°Did Xie Bin tell you that, since coming back from Hangzhou, I¡¯ve just been toughing things out and refusing surgery?¡± ¡°¡­¡­¡± ¡°No matter what he said, it was all to mislead you. The director of the movie I¡¯ve been working on lately is someone I¡¯ve liked since I was a teenager, and being able to work with him is a rare opportunity. Even if it were just for a cameo role, I still would not have wanted to let the opportunity go, so that¡¯s why I left Hangzhou earlier than planned. This is the reason for delaying the surgery. Xie Bin knows this very clearly, but I¡¯m sure he did not tell you that. As for my illness, yes, it hurts, but I can tolerate it with painkillers. Another half a month and then filming will wrap. The hospital room was also reserved long ago. Everything will be smoothly resolved. Do you get what I¡¯m saying?¡± It was not often that he said so much, and it left Chu Jian in a complete daze. The entire way, from Tong Fei¡¯s room 1502 to his room 1528, her mind had been in a jumble as she brooded over and over, if it really was because of their quarrel in Hangzhou that he was unwilling to go for surgery, what should she do? She had considered every possible scene, with the sole exception of one scenario that she had not expected¡ªthat Xie Bin had fibbed and tricked her into coming. ¡°Oh.¡± Aside from ¡°oh,¡± she truly did not know what she could say that would take away her awkwardness. ¡°Well, then, did the doctor say whether there are any risks to the surgery?¡± Although she was feeling some displeasure, she still had not forgotten that the critical piece was that this surgery of his caused worry just from hearing about it. To open up the abdomen and look for the cause of the pain¡ªif they could find it, then an appropriate treatment could still be prescribed, but what if they couldn¡¯t find anything? Or what if, perhaps, they found the cause but the result was a very bad one, then what? All sorts of questions, one upon another, surged forth in her mind. But after waiting for a long time, Chu Jian still was not able to get a simple answer from him. Looking at this woman who still had on a cashmere, black and white checked coat that grazed her knees, Jian Bianlin thought, if he told her that it was ¡°very risky,¡± what would she do? And what would she do if it was ¡°not risky¡±? Out in the hallway, someone knocked on the door, asking whether Xie Bin was inside. Jian Bianlin replied, ¡°He¡¯s not.¡± ¡°Okay.¡± Chu Jian gathered her breath. ¡°If it¡¯s inconvenient for you to tell me about it, then just get some good rest. Don¡¯t tire yourself out too much.¡± She felt that the atmosphere between them right now was not very good and was afraid that they would quarrel again. Consciously choosing to retreat from there, she opened the door. However, she had just pulled it open by a crack when the man behind her strode over to her in a mere few steps. With a hard shove, he slammed the door back shut again. ¡°Just now¡­ I lied to you.¡± [1]Ë¥×Ð. This saying is Cantonese in origin [Cantonese romanization: ¡°seoi zai¡±], and means ¡°bad boy¡± or ¡°bad kid¡± in a rebuking tone, especially here, where Jian Bianlin¡¯s father is using it to address his son. Jian Bianlin and his father were originally from Guangdong, where Cantonese is the main dialect, before they moved to Hangzhou to be neighbours with Chu Jian¡¯s family. CH 3.3 Out in the hallway, Xie Bin, who was still holding the garment, narrowly escaped getting his fingers crushed by the door that had banged shut. Scared by this, he took two steps back. With a glance at Tong Fei, whose head was still lowered as she continuously chatted away on WeChat using three different mobile phones, he asked quietly, ¡°Do those two have a chance?¡± Tong Fei pondered for a moment, then whispered back, ¡°That friend of mine really does view that one of yours as family. But that can also be the foundation for a relationship¡ªhe¡¯s got the advantage of proximity to her[1]. But that one of yours is just too overbearing. All he knows is to force her to not have a boyfriend, force her to eat, force her to see him. It¡¯s not like that friend of mine is naturally a maso and likes being abused¡­ Go and accept some more projects for him that are romance movies. Maybe he will be a little better after that.¡± ¡°He hates doing kissing scenes. You tell me, how am I supposed to accept romance movie projects for him? Even if I get him one that¡¯s a human-ghost romance, there¡¯ll still be kissing scenes.¡± ¡°¡­¡­¡± Xie Bin continued murmuring, ¡°Think I can pay her so that last-minute she¡¯ll decide to stay here and be with Jian Bianlin?¡± Tong Fei snapped, ¡°Get lost, you. That¡¯s crossing the line.¡± Xie Bin clarified, ¡°It¡¯s just to keep Jian Bianlin company, to help him get past this hurdle. But that friend of yours, her heart is too callous. She doesn¡¯t leave even the tiniest bit of wiggle room in this. This is a very critical period, eh.¡± By his ear, Tong Fei murmured, ¡°I express my deepest sympathies, but every person is an independent individual. It just depends on how and whether fate brings them together.¡± After Tong Fei finished saying this, she felt that something was wrong. By what right did he have to say that Chu Jian was in the wrong? She leaned over to his ear again and whispered, ¡°That friend of mine, her heart is not callous at all. I cried for one night, and then she went and sold her apartment and gave me two million to start up my production company. She¡¯s the textbook example of someone who gives in to soft approaches but resists coercion, you know?¡± With a wry smile, Xie Bin shook his head. ¡°But with the type of person that Jian Bianlin is, making him plead with someone or ask for help is even harder than making him go die.¡± ¡°So that¡¯s what you call ¡®two people who are absolutely not made to be a match.¡¯¡± ¡°Bin Ge[2]!¡± That person who had come earlier looking for Xie Bin had circled back again. ¡°Hurry! The organizers are asking you, is it okay if Ying Chen and Jian Bianlin walk the red carpet together?¡± Xie Bin answered rather impatiently, ¡°That¡¯ll be just too weird. Two men walking the red carpet together? I¡¯ll call them in a bit to discuss.¡± Chu Jian retracted her hand. So Xie Bin was actually just outside the door. Through the door, she had vaguely heard a male and a female voice speaking outside, but she had not been able to distinguish them. With that person¡¯s shout, though, she now knew. Likely, the man and woman talking outside were Xie Bin and Tong Fei. Turning her head back, she wanted to instruct, ¡°Don¡¯t say anything. Just go stand further back in the room.¡± There were people just on the other side of the door, and it would be awkward if those people heard anything. As if obliging her way of thinking, someone outside the door gave another cry of ¡°Bin Ge.¡± His whereabouts once more exposed, Xie Bin was a little irate. ¡°Just stop shouting. I¡¯m going now.¡± ¡­¡­ ¡°Chu Jian.¡± Jian Bianlin called her name. It was rare¡ªespecially rare¡ªfor Jian Bianlin to address her by name. She had forgotten when was the last time he had done so. Her hand was still holding the metal knob. Warm air fanned out from the heat vents with sounds of whirr, whirr. Despite that she was quite some distance away from the vents, the air blew into her neckline, the openings at her sleeve cuffs, and every other place that allowed air in, seemingly changing from warm to cold in the process and causing her entire body to feel chilly. ¡°It¡¯s okay. No matter what you say right now, I won¡¯t take any of it to heart.¡± She was scared of him, scared that his emotions would be too volatile, and then they would quarrel again. ¡°I did indeed lie to you.¡± ¡°¡­ It¡¯s no big deal.¡± Sensing her emotional strain, he did not dare touch her. ¡°There are a lot of things in our past where I was the one at fault.¡± His right palm was pressed against the door, and as he leaned his forehead against the back of that hand, his voice carried a never-before-heard dejectedness. ¡°This time, I am in the wrong, too. I¡¯m sorry. I had wanted to just continue refusing surgery and allow my condition to turn more serious¡ªto make you feel guilty, to make your heart soften and give in, to make it so that you would stay by my side. I know I promised you long ago that if you gave me some time, I would be able adjust myself to the reality. But I tried! I honestly can¡¯t do it. Since I was five, we¡¯ve been together. You and my dad¡ªI only have the two of you who are closest to me. If either one of you were to leave me, I wouldn¡¯t be able to take it¡­¡± Her heart felt as if something was clenching it. It was to the point that she dared not even breathe and merely looked dazedly at him. Was this really him? She had known him for twenty-two years now, but never before had he been like this. Words like ¡°I can¡¯t take it¡± or ¡°I¡¯m sorry¡± had never been spoken from him before. Even when he had gotten into that huge trouble, even in his most depressed times, he had never said them. He was someone who never conceded, never admitted his mistake. ¡°I can¡¯t take it, Chu Jian. I¡¯m sorry¡­¡± With his own hand, Jian Bianlin opened the door for her. In the short period from when the door had been pulled open by just a crack to when it was open wide, her heart had softened unbearably. But after holding herself back for a long time, she still ended up not saying a single word. Jian Bianlin could not escort her back. He could not even see her out the door. Although no one could go upstairs in this hotel without a room key card, there was still a risk at all times of being photographed by outsiders. Chu Jian left alone. Standing in the elevator lobby, she saw several hotel employees, talking and laughing amongst themselves, discussing in low tones how many celebrities had come here today and for what fashion event. They even conversed quietly about things like who looked good in real life, what was different about them between real life and onscreen, and were they wearing shoe lifts? ¡­ Only when she was down in the main lobby of the hotel did Chu Jian remember that she had left without telling Tong Fei. In the lobby, there were many people completing check-in and check-out procedures, while outside, some people who looked to be students could be seen standing guard, undoubtedly waiting for the actors and celebrities who were upstairs. The glass door was pushed open. Wind suddenly gusted in, carrying a penetrating chilliness. With her hand against that thick glass, she also pushed the door open and stepped outside. Her mobile phone vibrated in her pocket, and she pulled it out. It was Jian Bianlin. She paused blankly. Two people outside were trying to go into the hotel, but she was blocking their way, so they quietly said, ¡°Miss, excuse us.¡± With a ¡°sorry¡± in answer, Chu Jian dazedly moved out of the way, taking two steps sideways to stand in front of the hotel¡¯s outer glass wall. She pressed the answer button. From her mobile phone, the sound of running water was heard. It seemed he was in the washroom or the shower area. He was quiet, not speaking at all. Worried that the gusting wind was too fierce and would obscure her words, she turned to face the glass wall. Softly, she soothed him, ¡°Why don¡¯t you go and get some rest first? You still have an event this evening¡­¡± ¡°Let me try, just one last time.¡± The running water sounds disappeared. The sound of his breathing could clearly be heard. That sound¡ªsomewhat unsteady and very much deliberately restrained¡ªwas even a little louder than his voice as it traveled, breath by breath, out from her phone. ¡°If it doesn¡¯t work out, I will let my heart give up.¡± She forgot that she needed to shield her phone. The wind whipped into the receiver. On the other end, he was also waiting. Here, in this moment, she felt as if she had once again returned to that dimly lit stairwell of that day when she was still in middle school. Her feet on two stair steps, she had mustered up her courage to tell Jian Bianlin, who had still been locking up the bicycles, ¡°I actually honestly don¡¯t like you in that way¡­¡± All her guilt had begun with that day. From when he had stared wordlessly at her, not refuting her in any way, she had felt that she owed him something. All these years, she had tried every method¡ªrefusing him, avoiding him, fading out of his life, distancing herself from him, giving him time to calm down, refusing him again¡ªall to no avail. It was as he had said¡ªif he did not try, it would forever be like a knot in his heart that could not be undone. ¡°If it doesn¡¯t work out¡ª¡± ¡°If it doesn¡¯t work out, I¡¯ll let my heart give up.¡± His breathing was growing increasingly shallow, like he was repressing something beneath it, to the point that Chu Jian felt as if she was going to suffocate, too. Chu Jian paused in silence for a long while. ¡°I¡­ will think about it.¡± The call was hung up. She had originally planned on hailing a taxi, but her mind was in too much of a jumble right then. So, she walked from the Expo Park to the riverside of Huangpu River and then all the way to Binjiang Avenue[3]. Walking distance from the Shanghai World Expo Park to the start of Binjiang Avenue that runs along the Huangpu River is approximately 6 km or more, depending on where along the avenue Chu Jian walked to, and the walk takes an hour or more. (The map is showing the starting point of the avenue.) (Image credit left. Image credit right is Google Maps) Midway through, she even called her mother. When the phone was answered, on that end, her mom was scolding her dad for buying some green vegetables that had been picked too late in harvest and were not fresh and tender. After listening for a full three minutes to how to differentiate chrysanthemum greens, Chu Jian put on a casual tone and asked, ¡°How did you end up marrying dad? He¡¯s so slow. You were relying on true love?¡± ¡°True love? Who had true love with him? I¡¯d only seen him three times, and every time, he¡¯d brought his nephew along on the dates, too. The whole time, I was the one who talked. Your dad only gave me one compliment: ¡®Your eyes are so pretty, like a cow¡¯s eyes.¡¯ He even said he¡¯d been on seven different matchmaking dates that had all ended in failure, and if I didn¡¯t want him either, he would just not get married.¡± Her mom¡¯s laughter was cheery. ¡°At that time, I thought, ¡®Oh no, if I don¡¯t take him, he¡¯s going to commit suicide.¡¯ So, I grit my teeth and agreed.¡± Her mom harped on, ¡°You young people just don¡¯t understand. People¡¯s way of thinking back then was very simple.¡± Chu Jian exchanged a few more vague sentences with her and then hung up. Her feet were so sore from all the walking. Flagging down a taxi, she went back and got out at the gate of the community compound that she lived in. The seafood shop that she frequented was closed today. She knocked on the door. When the female shop owner saw that it was her, she let her in. The auntie-like shopkeeper immediately prepared for her a smorgasbord of foods that Chu Jian normally ate¡ªall sorts of conch, shellfish, and oyster. ¡°Where¡¯s your big brother?¡± That shopkeeper auntie set down by Chu Jian¡¯s hand a half-glass of plum wine with greengages in it. She answered, ¡°He¡¯s in Pudong district right now for an event.¡± The shopkeeper went off and carried on with her busy work. Last year, Jian Bianlin had come to visit her here in Shanghai. She had actually been in Beijing scouting shop locations for her business, though, so he had ordered her some seafood takeout from this shop. When she returned late at night, the female shopkeeper had pulled them into the shop, and they had devoured a huge meal. At the time, he had said that he was Chu Jian¡¯s older brother, presumably because he had been worried someone might leak the scoop to the media. Chu Jian continued devouring away that mound of strawberry conch. Shell after empty conch shell was spread out on the ginger-coloured wood table. She did not speak, sparing no effort as she ate. She was forcing herself, telling herself silently that after eating all of this stuff here, she had to make a decision. ¡­¡­ During this time, Jian Bianlin was still walking the red carpet. Nothing had really changed. Jian Bianlin¡¯s expressions tonight looked normal as he strode down that red carpet. As usual, the actress who walked it with him was not able to hold onto his arm. He still very dutifully accepted interview questions, still spoke so few words that it was woeful, and, when he stepped into the event venue, still worked cooperatively with the media and their cameras but still did not really like smiling¡­ Anyway, there was no real significant change. It was just that, as he sat in his seat in the middle of the second row, conversing casually with an actor he had collaborated with in his previous film, he absentmindedly was taking apart slowly that dark blue pen he had brought with him, and his hand was laden with the pen¡¯s cap, tip, chamber, barrel, and hood cap. After he was done taking it apart, he weighed the parts in his hand for a bit, then reassembled them again¡­ Amongst the people attending this event tonight, there were quite a few who had made their starts as singers, but very few were like him, someone who had started as a lead singer in a band but later switched to become a movie actor. And because the event was being live-broadcasted, it was, of course, not unusual for the currently popular male celebrities to be called on to help liven things up. The event organizer and Xie Bin had already discussed ahead of time that there would be a slot in the program for Jian Bianlin. The video clip of it would be uploaded to the live, online feed as well as used for promotional purposes. His original song selection had been a Mandarin one, the theme song of a movie he had acted in, but when Jian Bianlin finished walking the red carpet, he had decided to switch to sing the Cantonese version of Half-Moon Serenade. A microphone was handed up to him in front of his face. The pen in Jian Bianlin¡¯s hand had been dismantled for the thirty-seventh time into little separate bits. Standing backstage, he took advantage of the moment when a staff member was helping him put on his in-ear monitor to slip that pile of bits and pieces into the pocket of his dress pants. With a strange look at him, the staff member nodded, indicating that everything was ready. The spotlights on the stage did not follow him, focusing instead on his band and the piano accompanist, and this allowed him to feel less uncomfortable. Slowly, he sang in a low voice. It was only when the song approached its chorus that the lyrics gradually became clear. [0:58] ¡°Never had I thought that we would break up¡­ [1:08] But each second, each moment, she still possesses my heart. ¡­¡­ [1:30] The one whom I always think of, the one whom I hope for, until forever.¡± In that seafood shop that was not open for business¡­ Chu Jian sat on the tatami with her head down, still using a toothpick to solemnly, a little at a time, deal with the strawberry conch that was in the white, porcelain dish. The very last one. The meat was stuck too tightly. She had tried many times but was still unable to poke it out. Her motions were too forceful, and catching her completely off guard, the toothpick snapped in two in her hand. She froze in surprise. In that instant, many things were called up in her mind: Xie Bin telling her in a grave voice about his complicated illness; the apologies Jian Bianlin had confessed to her as his hand held the door shut; and, at the end, his almost pleading request of ¡°Let me try, just one last time. If it doesn¡¯t work out, I will let my heart give up¡± ¡­ Chu Jian set down the last conch shell. Feeling for the box of napkins at the corner of the table, she pulled out several napkins and wiped each one of her fingers clean. In her mobile phone, on her WeChat chat history screen with him, the last message was still the one word of ¡°sorry¡± that he had sent to her in Hangzhou. Holding her breath, she typed out many words. Delete, delete, revise, revise. Revise, revise, delete, delete. Her heart was pounding furiously. Her throat was so tight it felt dry. She had to summon up her courage several times, until, finally, she sent him a single word: Okay. CH 3.4 After Chu Jian sent the message off, she felt unsettled, as if her heart was wafting around and not grounded in anything. To give herself a distraction, she decided she might as well play some Lianliankan[1] [simple puzzle game to match pictures]. In this night, here on the tatami, she was playing on her mobile phone, while out in the adjacent room, the older woman was preparing things for tomorrow and watching television. And so, they passed the time this way. When she had played until her thumbs were sore, she shut down the game window and glanced at the time. It was pretty late. ¡°Auntie, where is the tub that you collect all the shells in?¡± Soon, a blue plastic tub was set down on the table. ¡­¡­ The entire world fell into silence. The television outside was still playing the midnight news, describing a rear-end collision that had occurred on a certain street in Shanghai. Her ears were filled with these sounds as she tilted her head upwards to look at that person who was completely obstructing the yellow glow of the wall lamp. ¡°Aren¡¯t you supposed¡­ to be at an event?¡± There was still an empty conch shell in her hand. In a moment of inattention, she squeezed her hand tightly around it, and then, giving a start when it pricked her, she hastily dropped it onto the table. The man in front of her pulled off the cap that he had been using to conceal his face and tossed it aside. Dropping one knee down onto the tatami, he efficiently tidied up for her the garbage that had been scattered all over the table from the meal. Chu Jian was caught in an awkward bind, where extending a hand to help seemed unfitting but not helping seemed inappropriate as well. That one word of ¡°okay¡± had taken her an entire afternoon plus an evening of deliberation before she had arrived at it. She had not even finished mentally preparing herself yet, and now he was here? Didn¡¯t he have an event tonight? With those types of fashion and celebrity gala dinners, after the dinner part was over, should there not be another wild after-party teeming with sensual pleasures? Everyone would sit together on high-back sofas, sighing over the shortage of resources for actors and lamenting that film production teams were either dissolving or deferring projects. While they were at it, they would express their plans and line-ups for the next couple year¡¯s work, their eager anticipation for the upcoming blockbuster dramas, as well as their predictions for the box office¡­ Why was he here picking up garbage instead? So, after the ¡°okay¡±¡­ now what? Were they going to have a date tonight? ¡­ Chu Jian yanked out napkin after napkin, pulling out seven or eight and then wiping herself clean, from her fingers to her mouth, then back to her hands¡ªbasically something she found for herself to do while he was tidying up. In the end, after Jian Bianlin had finished clearing away everything, he also sat down, leaning half his body sideways against the tatami mat. His hand brushed against his pocket, where he discovered that pen that had been dismantled into little pieces. Wordlessly, he fished it out and once again, bit by bit, put it back together. He did so quietly, without a sound being made. Reassembled, he placed the pen on the table. In the warm amber light of the wall lamp, Chu Jian took a glance. She recognized this pen. The taste of the mustard and soy sauce used for dipping the strawberry conches was still on her lips. A little embarrassed, she unconsciously licked her bottom lip. Jian Bianlin¡¯s eyes took in this little mannerism of hers. ¡°Doesn¡¯t your stomach feel uncomfortable after eating this stuff?¡± She murmured, ¡°I¡¯m used to it.¡± ¡°Is there anything to eat in your home?¡± She shook her head. Jian Bianlin stepped out. Very familiarly, he exchanged a couple of words with the auntie-like shopkeeper before he tossed back a sentence to Chu Jian, telling her to continue watching television and wait for him. When the ending sounds of the nightly news rang out, he also walked back in. A piping hot bowl of steamed egg custard with clams was set down in front of Chu Jian, steam still rising up from it. ¡°Finish it.¡± A porcelain spoon was slid into the bowl. ¡°You even know how to make this?¡± Chu Jian was astonished. ¡°Anything that you like to eat, I know how to make.¡± ¡°¡­¡­¡± ¸òòÛÕôµ° Steamed egg custard with clams (image credit) Hearing this, the shopkeeper auntie began cheerfully praising him, saying he was such a good big brother. The news had switched to a rerun of a variety show, lively and hilariously fun, with various celebrities all dripping with sweat while they were forced to hike up a mountain¡­ Picking up the spoon, Chu Jian pointed at the television screen and tried to ease some of that awkwardness that was growing geometrically. ¡°Would you participate in a program like this?¡± Before Jian Bianlin could reply, the shopkeeper auntie slapped her own thigh and immediately declared, ¡°Oh yes, definitely he should. I love watching these the most.¡± She followed up quickly with more. ¡°If your big brother takes part in one, I¡¯ll be telling my customers every day that this celebrity made steamed egg custard with clams right here in this shop of mine¡­¡± Amidst the auntie¡¯s enthusiastic ramble, Jian Bianlin looked fixedly at the television screen for a full ten seconds. ¡°You watch these types of shows often?¡± ¡°No, no¡­ I don¡¯t watch them often.¡± She had simply been trying to find a topic to talk about. Glumly, Chu Jian bowed her head and ate her clams. Her lips would clamp down on the clam meat and pull it out a little at a time, and then she would spit the stripped-clean clamshell onto the table. Thunk. There was one. Thunk. Another one. In a very orderly fashion, the shells were spit back out onto the table. Jian Bianlin merely watched her eat. When the live programming portion of the event ended, he had left the venue, driving Xie Bin¡¯s vehicle. He had sped a little, and the roads surprisingly had also not been congested. In short, everything seemed as if it had been fated. He had arrived downstairs of the apartment building in the fastest time possible but then realized that, after receiving that ¡°okay,¡± he did not know at all whether she had gone home or not. He often ordered takeout for her from this seafood shop that was out front of their community compound. Originally, he had intended on sitting there and waiting for a while. But then, he saw her. When Chu Jian was more or less finished eating, she at last suddenly remembered something. It would seem that he should not have eaten yet? With an ¡°um,¡± she was about to ask him. ¡°I¡¯ve eaten.¡± Jian Bianlin was quiet for a moment, then added two more words. ¡°Not hungry.¡± ¡°Oh.¡± Lowering her head, she scooped at the last remnants of egg custard. Over and over, she pondered on the question, just how¡­ was he planning on ¡°trying¡±? Was he actually thinking of staying here tonight? ¡°I¡¯m flying to Hong Kong on a late-night flight tonight.¡± ¡°Really?¡± The corner of Chu Jian¡¯s lips turned up. ¡­¡­ Twirling his baseball cap in his hand, Jian Bianlin shook his head gently, his smile rather resigned. As he took in her little, elated expression from hearing that he was leaving¡­ Forget it. Just take things slowly. Before departing that shop, when it was time to pay, he and Chu Jian even ended up simultaneously pulling out their wallets. And then, under his gaze, she wordlessly put hers away again. When the shopkeeper auntie was giving him back his change, she, in passing, also furtively assured Jian Bianlin that she would stay tight-lipped and would not let anyone know that a big celebrity lived in this community compound¡­ Leaving that immensely friendly elderly auntie¡¯s shop, they walked into the community compound and went upstairs. They stepped out of the elevator. On the left was Chu Jian¡¯s home; on the right was Jian Bianlin¡¯s. Chu Jian opened her mouth. ¡°Whose home are we going to¡ª¡± At the same time, Jian Bianlin also spoke. ¡°I¡¯ve always felt that it¡¯s not safe here¡ª¡± The two looked at one another. Chu Jian: ¡°What do you mean by ¡®not safe¡¯?¡± Jian Bianlin: ¡°Your home?¡± Simultaneous again. Jian Bianlin was in quite a good mood, and he gave another unexpected smile. With a slight tilt of his chin, he told her, ¡°You say yours first.¡± ¡°I¡¯m done talking¡­ You say yours.¡± ¡°There are only two units here, and I¡¯m normally not around. If some bad person were to hide here, it¡¯d be difficult for you to even get in a cry for help.¡± It shouldn¡¯t be as scary as that, right? Chu Jian glanced around. ¡°When I¡¯m back from Hong Kong, we¡¯ll look for a new place. We need to find one where it¡¯s one unit per floor and you need to swipe a card to get in.¡± ¡°Oh, okay.¡± She nodded. And then, immediately, a ¡°Huh?¡± followed. Wait, something wasn¡¯t right. Why ¡°one unit per floor¡±? Jian Bianlin was long accustomed to this expression of hers, where everything was a potentially scary thing and could spook her out. He explained, ¡°We can rent two units, where one is right above the other.¡± So, in this skittish and jumpy manner, they stepped into Chu Jian¡¯s home. On this frigid day, her forehead was covered with sweat from trying to contain herself. Her bangs were parted limply, exposing a small scar at the end of her eyebrow, very faint and not noticeable unless looking closely. Jian Bianlin lowered his eyes, fixing them on that little scar. This had come about during her university days, when a classmate had accidentally bumped into her and injured her in physical education class. First-year university. He had not known about it. In the many years of her life, only her first year and the first half of her second year of university were a blank period to Jian Bianlin. He had known nothing¡ªwhether she was happy or sad, whether she, attending a school so far away, missed home, whether she had enough spending money, whether she¡­ had a crush on anyone. These were all things he had not known. In particular, there was this injury and the scar it had left. Just one glance and he could tell that she had not treated it properly. When she was a kid, she had liked climbing trees and jumping in pits, so trips and falls were commonplace for her. It was only because he had learned how to treat all her injuries for her that her skin had remained undamaged. If he had been by her side during that time, it would not have even been possible for that scar to be left behind. If he had been able to not be so rash¡­ ¡­ they might have already been together a long time ago. Feeling paranoid after he scared her earlier, Chu Jian was now sprawled against the peephole, peering out to see if there might be any shadowy figures in the corners of the stairwell. Sensing that he had not moved, she lifted her head. Jian Bianlin shifted his gaze slightly. Bringing his hand up to the neckline of her sweater, he touched the pad of his thumb to the nape of her neck. His action was gentle, almost imperceptible, and it seemed he even gave her a light caress. Chu Jian was almost holding her breath, her hand on the door, half her body resting on door and the other half with nothing supporting it. She dared not move in the slightest. ¡°Why are you perspiring so much?¡± For some reason, his tone was rather low. ¡°I¡¯m wearing too many clothes¡­¡± As a result of this atmosphere, she dared not speak loudly either. ¡°Hot.¡± His fingers left her skin slightly. ¡°Go change.¡± Suddenly starting out of her stupor, Chu Jian flusteredly pulled open the shoe cabinet and pointed at the slippers. ¡°You¡¯re really familiar with everything here. Grab a pair yourself and change into it.¡± Saying this, she darted into her room. By the time she shut the door behind her, her legs were weak, and as she leaned her back against the room door, she felt a little dazed. There was practically an omnipresent feeling of awkwardness. In contrast, this room was actually like a refuge, temporarily separating the two of them. If there could be a phone call that suddenly summoned him away, that would be so good. She had just made her decision and had not even prepared herself for anything yet, and then, just like that, they were face-to-face¡ªface-to-face like boyfriend and girlfriend¡­ Simply thinking about the words ¡°boyfriend and girlfriend¡± was enough to leave her tossing and turning for a dozen or so days. A knock rapped on the outside of the door, its sound transmitting through the door and charging directly into her ear. ¡°I¡¯m still not done changing. Just wait¡­¡± ¡°Don¡¯t open the door.¡± Jian Bianlin¡¯s voice appeared first. ¡°I want to talk to you just like this.¡± Chu Jian gave an ¡°mm,¡± not certain whether, with a door in between, this reply could be heard outside. After a long silence on the other side of the door, Jian Bianlin also leaned his back against it. ¡°The whole way while I was driving over here earlier, I couldn¡¯t help myself. I just wanted to see you before I went to Hong Kong.¡± Her fingers slid unconsciously over the door, and she gave another ¡°mm.¡± ¡°If there¡¯s anything I do that you don¡¯t like, just tell me straight out.¡± His voice was somewhat tight. ¡°My¡­ temperament isn¡¯t so good. I¡¯ve never had a girlfriend, so I have no experience. These are all things you know better than anyone else.¡± Chu Jian¡¯s fingers curled slightly, digging lightly into the door. A person she had known since the age of four¡­ From preschool to primary school, then to middle and high school, she had seen him wear all different sizes of school uniforms. She was familiar with the progression of the prescription strength for his eyeglasses and even knew when he had had laser surgery to correct his nearsightedness. This man¡ªthe one so familiar to her¡ªwas now telling her through the door, ¡°I¡¯ve never had a girlfriend before. If I do anything wrong, tell me¡­¡± ¡°Chu Jian?¡± Her throat was a little dry, and she could only make an indistinct ¡°mm.¡± ¡°I should go.¡± CH 4.1 Going now? So soon? Chu Jian took a deep breath. She felt she should open the door. Right, open the door. And so, the obstacle that had been blocking their views, just like that, suddenly disappeared. Jian Bianlin¡¯s one arm was leaning against the doorframe, and the focus of his gaze all at once switched from that little sloth bear hanging on the wooden door to her, leaving him in somewhat of a daze. ¡°I¡­ just remembered that I still have a package of instant noodles. I¡¯ll go make a bowl of noodles for you.¡± Choking on her words for the longest time, she finally was able to get these two sentences out. With his one arm still resting on the edge of the doorway, Jian Bianlin thought for a moment, then nodded. While Chu Jian ran into the kitchen, he sent a text message to Xie Bin, who was out in the stairwell, telling him to come grab the key to his home and hang out for a little while in the apartment across the hall. Therefore, when Chu Jian was searching all over for some eggs, she heard the door of her home open. Offhandedly, she asked, ¡°Is someone here?¡± Jian Bianlin walked up to the door of the kitchen. From his eyes to his face, the expression he wore was completely normal and ordinary. ¡°No, nobody.¡± With an ¡°oh,¡± Chu Jian carried on with going about in a flurry, trying to find a few more items to toss into the pot. The result, though, was that the better part of the bowl ended up being filled with cilantro to serve as ¡°green vegetables.¡± Jian Bianlin took advantage of the time she was making dinner to wander around her home, watering the potted plants on the balcony and feeding Chu Jian¡¯s dad¡¯s little tank of fish. Strolling back to the kitchen again, he was just in time to see her standing in the faint, warm yellow glow of that single light, her head tilted slightly to the side as she worked hard to pour the noodles and soup from the small stainless steel pot. She left not even one drop behind. When they were kids and he still had not learned how to cook, during the times when the adults of their two families were away, he would make instant noodles for her. She would always stand beside him and continually throw out all types of requests: ¡°Add some luncheon meat, eh. Put some leafy greens in there, too. I washed some tomatoes for you as well. Oh, right, there¡¯s also chicken stock in the fridge.¡± A bowl of instant noodles ended up being cooked so that it was more like ma la tang[1] [various ingredients inside a numbingly spicy broth] from a street vendor. At the end, right before pouring it out of the pot, she would over and over again remind him, ¡°Don¡¯t spill any on the counter. Whoa, slow down, slow down. It¡¯s spilling¡­¡± She brought the noodles out of the kitchen. As Chu Jian watched him scoop up every last cilantro leaf, she started to have regrets that she had not set aside a small bowl for herself to try. Did it really taste that good? When it was time for him to leave, she deliberated over each option in regards to whether or not she should see him out, and if so, if she should see him to the door, to the elevator, or all the way downstairs. Eventually, taking a sweater with her, she did see him downstairs. Watching as he walked down two stair steps, she called out, ¡°Jian Bianlin,¡± then took a couple steps forward to stand on the highest step so that she was at eye level with him. ¡°Make sure you¡­ you take care and be careful.¡± The night wind¡­ even it had come to a standstill. Not far away, the security guard for the community compound was still running about, coordinating where vehicles were to be parked. Xie Bin had driven his car over for a long time already, but he dared not honk the horn to hurry them. From afar, he stared through the window at that place where they stood, silently griping, what in the world was holding those two up? This was the last flight of the night, and if they did not leave now, the plane would be gone. ¡°You¡¯re not leaving? ¡­¡± With her hands stuffed in the pockets on both sides of her sweater, she slid her gaze away and glanced over him at Xie Bin¡¯s car. Jian Bianlin¡¯s eyes were fixed unblinkingly on her. After half a minute or so, in a low voice, he told her muffledly through his face mask, ¡°Going now.¡± Consequently, for the second time ever, Chu Jian lay sleepless in her bed the entire night, tossing and turning over and over. Even when the sky was glimmering faintly with dawn and her eyes were stinging with tiredness, she still had not recovered herself. The two of them were now considered ¡°together,¡± and the theme of their first date had been to help each other brush up on fast-food cooking skills¡­ She did not sleep for long before groggily rolling off her bed again. Suddenly, she remembered he was soon going for surgery, but yet he was still so busy. It seemed that was very inappropriate. As she leaned against her bed, her hands tugged at the shaggy rug beneath her until she was about to put a hole in it. Surmising that Jian Bianlin might not be available, she decided to call Xie Bin instead. When the call was picked up on that end, the first sentence that came at her was, ¡°Hello, Jian Bianlin¡¯s girlfriend, is something the matter?¡± ¡­¡­ In front of anyone other than Jian Bianlin, she was still able to handle herself and respond with ease. After being taken aback briefly, she behaved as if nothing was out of the ordinary and confirmed with Xie Bin what Jian Bianlin¡¯s schedule looked like for the subsequent days as well as the condition of his illness. This time, Xie Bin did not purposely try to make things unnecessarily mysterious, nor did he exaggerate or hide anything, and he gave her the rough work schedule for the next little while. So it turned out that Jian Bianlin¡¯s schedule was not as light as he had described. Right now, he had already departed Hong Kong and was in Macau. For at least twenty-four days, he needed to film pick-ups for that movie from last time before he could come back again and arrange for his surgery. Therefore, no matter what, the surgery would need at least another month before it could take place. While he was at it, Xie Bin sighed over how hard it was to be an artiste, and that Jian Bianlin took painkillers like he was consuming vitamin C. He added, ¡°Hmm, that¡¯s not quite right. He only takes two tablets of vit-C a day¡­¡± By the time he hung up the phone, even Xie Bin felt that it was not easy being the agent that he was¡ªhe was practically playing half the role of Jian Bianlin¡¯s mother. Jian Bianlin was filming pick-ups this afternoon, and his schedule was very tight. At the airport, he met up with a journalist who was going to interview him, and immediately after getting into a black, private van, they moved straight into the interview. From beginning to end, he endured through pain in his abdomen, patiently leafing through the interview outline and trying as best as he could to, one by one, answer each question in detail so that the journalist would have sufficient material to go back and write up the draft. The van avoided a pedestrian street where souvenirs were sold and drove to the base of the Ruins of St. Paul. The iconic Ruins of St. Paul in Macau. All that remains of this 17th-century Portugese church is the front facade and staircase. (image credit: Pixabay) Jian Bianlin closed the interview outline. ¡°Thanks for all your hard work. If there are any additional questions that you need to ask, send them to my agent, and I will have him put together a text version of the answers and give it to you.¡± The journalist put away his portable voice recorder, smiling as he gave his pleasantries. ¡°Thank you, thank you. You really understand our work. It really must be exhausting for you. It¡¯s such a short bit of time from the airport to here, but you still did an interview in it. Your work schedule is packed full, and any time for personal life has been crammed out until there¡¯s none left.¡± Jian Bianlin gave a nod. After this motion of farewell, he put on his cap, jumped out of the van, and, bringing two assistants and a make-up artist with him, strode directly up to the fort. This particular scene was already a night scene to begin with, and furthermore, the director was known to be tiresome and demanding in his standards. The filming of a single scene took place from when the sky had just darkened all the way until three in the morning. Eventually, Jian Bianlin was beginning to feel weak from even the simple action of slipping on his jacket¡­ The pain that was radiating out from his abdomen caused even the fingers of his right hand to start trembling slightly. Sensing that something was wrong, when the cast and crew had wrapped up for the day and were tidying up, Xie Bin told him to lean against the gray brick wall of the fort to take a rest. Monte Fort (also known as Fortaleza do Monte) is directly adjacent to the Ruins of St. Paul but situated higher up. It was built in the 1600s and is the oldest fort in Macau. (Image credit left and right) The director seemed to detect something, and prior to leaving, he specifically inquired about what was the matter. With a wave of his hand, Jian Bianlin gave a cursory answer that he had eaten something that disagreed with his stomach and that the crew should quickly finish packing up and then go rest. He would be fine in a little bit. It was abdominal pain, so he could not sit down. He had chewed down some painkillers, but their effect would not immediately be seen, either. So, he stood leaning against the wall like this for more than half an hour. The crew had all left already and the painkillers had kicked in, but his legs still felt a little weak. Slowly, with Xie Bin supporting him, he climbed down the steep and tall stone steps. ¡°Jian Bianlin.¡± From somewhere far away, someone called his name. He almost jolted with astonishment. Whipping his head around, he stared disbelievingly at that spot off in the distance. Chu Jian jumped up from the bench that was under a tree and ran toward him. Because the pain had been too intense, a layer of cold sweat had broken out all over his body. Now, with the night wind blowing on him, the dull throb of tension in his forehead was inevitable. Seeing her run up to him, it was nearly by reflex that he put on his cap, concealing the sweat that covered his forehead and his short, black hairs that were soaked with perspiration. ¡°The whole time, I didn¡¯t dare go up. I was scared you guys were still filming. Then, when I saw lots of people moving stuff down earlier but you and Xie Bin didn¡¯t come down, I thought you might have left a long time ago and gone back already.¡± While she spoke, Chu Jian grimaced and twisted her face into a wry smile. In a low voice, she added, ¡°My legs are asleep¡­ Give me a sec to recover first.¡± Under the light of the moon, Jian Bianlin watched the subtle transformations in her expression due to the sensation of pins and needles in her legs. Speaking each word distinctly, he asked, ¡°You came here to find me?¡± ¡°Yup¡­¡± Otherwise, whom else would I be here for? Chu Jian silently muttered, before saying, ¡°I don¡¯t really have anything I need to do for the next little while, so I came to take care of you.¡± She was not someone who did things superficially as a brush-off. Since she had agreed to try being in a relationship with him, then what should be done should be done well; for example, a girlfriend coming along to take care of her sick boyfriend was something that should happen, right? Plus, her time was more flexible than the average nine-to-fiver. ¡°But, based on the intensity and hours of your work that I witnessed tonight, I¡¯m guessing I won¡¯t really be able to do much to take care of you.¡± She had not finished speaking, though, when Jian Bianlin took her wrist into his hand. Chu Jian¡¯s brows creased slightly. ¡°Don¡¯t move. Just wait! I¡¯m still not better yet¡­ Do not move at all¡­¡± Hearing her say this, Jian Bianlin did not dare move and remained in that stiff, bizarre-looking posture with his arm half-raised and holding on to her. After half a minute, Chu Jian finally relaxed and said. ¡°Okay, I¡¯m good now.¡± Exhaling lightly, she threw a glance at Xie Bin, who was only a short distance away. ¡°Do you have to film into such hours of the night every time you do a night scene? Even an ordinary person wouldn¡¯t be able to take it, let alone you¡¯re someone who¡¯s sick¡ª¡± His voice interrupted her. ¡°When did you arrive in Macau?¡± ¡°About¡­ some time past eight, I think?¡± she offhandedly answered before carrying on with her questions. ¡°Xie Bin hasn¡¯t talked to the director for you? Who runs a sick patient into the ground like that?¡± Jian Bianlin paid no heed to her words, still gazing at her and asking in return, ¡°How long have you been waiting?¡± ¡°¡­ Quite a few hours, I guess.¡± She had not seriously counted. Xie Bin had said that it was a night scene and would probably be done filming at around eleven o¡¯clock or so. She had not doubted this at all, so after leaving the airport, she had headed straight over here. Sitting on the bench for who-knows-how-many hours, aside from sending Xie Bin a text message midway to confirm that they were still on site, she had not dared to bother them. She actually did not really understand that agents were allowed to move freely about and do as they pleased on filming location. She had simply worried that she would disturb them and, hence, had only sat in waiting¡ªall the way until now. An arrival in Macau shortly after eight o¡¯clock meant that, at the latest, she would have been sitting here by nine. From nine last night to the current time of four in the morning, it had been seven hours. Moreover, those hours had spanned over the deepest hours of the night and been spent in waiting. Were it not for the chill from the night wind blowing on his clammy skin, he would even believe that this was all a dream. Even her wrist was cold¡­ Jian Bianlin¡¯s hand followed the outline of her wrist and slid down to take hold of Chu Jian¡¯s hand, where he discovered that her fingers were also cool. He frowned. He needed to bring her back to the hotel as soon as possible to let her have a hot bath. She must be freezing. Chu Jian still wanted to grumble more about the director¡¯s lack of humanity, but in an instant, she ceased all her fire. Her mind went a little blank. Randomly fixing her eyes on the tightly closed door of a shop off in the distance, she said softly, ¡°We¡¯ll be photographed¡­¡± Chu Jian tried to pull her hand back, but without success. Jian Bianlin¡¯s voice was barely audible. ¡°There¡¯s no one around at this time of night.¡± It was four o¡¯clock in the morning. Reporters needed sleep, too. This was a very reasonable explanation. He gave a light tug on Chu Jian¡¯s arm, a very gentle force, signaling to her that she should leave with him. And just like this, he quietly held on to her, not forcing her in any way. In fact, his hold on her hand even loosened slightly. The more he was like this, the more she dared not pull away from him. Thus, after putting up half-resistance, she gave in and allowed him to hold her hand and lead her away. When they walked past Xie Bin, she even heard this great, respected agent, with eyes squinted, say, ¡°My apologies. I just saw your text message. If I had known, I would have told you to head back to the hotel first.¡± ¡°No problem¡­ I¡¯d still be waiting, no matter where I was,¡± Chu Jian murmured, feeling an odd sense of sheepishness and not daring to look at this person who had lured her into coming to Macau. Xie Bin beamed as he watched them leave and then carried on smoking his cigarette. The pebbles beneath them rolled around and knocked against their feet. It might have been her imagination, but it seemed she could still smell the aromas of pork jerky and egg tarts[2], despite the fact that all the shops were now tightly closed up. So, with Jian Bianlin holding her hand the entire way, they walked down the slope¡­ Her mind was only called back to reality, as if awakening from a dream, when, in the stillness of the night, the side door of his private van was pushed open with a whoosh. Swiftly, she pulled her hand back. Even in the dimness of these deep hours of the night, his eyes still shone breathtakingly black. ¡°Get in the van.¡± CH 4.2 Xie Bin and Jian Bianlin had originally reserved rooms in the Banyan Tree Macau. Now, though, there were no more available rooms, so Xie Bin decided last-minute to give his room to Chu Jian while he went to stay in the nearby Ritz-Carlton. When Chu Jian finished checking in and walked into her room, housekeeping was just beginning to clean it. Jian Bianlin glanced inside. The room was in disarray, and there was also a stench of cigarettes. In a low voice, he instructed the housekeeping staff that the odour needed to be removed, and then, he picked up Chu Jian¡¯s small suitcase and brought her to his own room first. As she stepped into his room, a slight, inexplicable sense of nervousness came over her that could only be eased by continuously talking. ¡°It¡¯s a good thing that after I went back last time, I got another travel permit for Macau[1]; otherwise I wouldn¡¯t have been able to be here by tonight.¡± Seeing Jian Bianlin¡¯s clothes, lots of clothes, strewn on the bed because he had not had the chance to put them away yet, Chu Jian brought all the clothes hangers over and started to hang his garments up, one by one, for him. ¡°You don¡¯t have a shoot tomorrow morning, right?¡± Her voice cut off abruptly. The last button-up shirt had been moved away, revealing several nicely-folded pairs of underpants¡­ Chu Jian practically used a full throwing motion to toss the shirt back, covering up those items again. But they still were not completely concealed. She cast a guiltily self-conscious glance at Jian Bianlin, who was lighting some incense. With her fingers, she tugged on the corner of the shirt and pulled it over another inch. There, completely covered up now¡­ Then, acting utterly as if she had not seen anything, she hastily began hanging the clothes that were now on hangers into the closet. ¡°I¡¯m going to watch some TV. You go take a shower.¡± He set a lit candle into a holder. ¡°Shower?¡± Chu Jian¡¯s arm froze, his jacket still held high, and she gaped foolishly at him. ¡°You¡¯ve had the wind blowing on you the whole night. If you don¡¯t take a shower, you will catch a cold.¡± Jian Bianlin stepped over and took the garments she was holding from her, hanging them up himself. ¡°Hurry and go now.¡± He had always been someone who spoke only half of what was to be said. If he could omit any words, he would. Chu Jian roughly understood what he was saying. Her own hotel room was just starting to be cleaned, and the odours still needed to be removed. It was uncertain what time everything would be finished, so it was better to shower here. But¡­ Chu Jian turned to look at the shower enclosure. Its four walls were all semitransparent glass, and it was beside the open walk-in closet. See-through on all sides¡­ Jian Bianlin dragged the suitcase from beside the door over to the walk-in closet, just outside the shower enclosure. Without saying a word, he then walked up beside the floor-length windows and turned on the water to the heated pool. The sound of coursing water instantly filled that quiet room. After being taken aback briefly, Chu Jian understood. This action of filling the in-room pool in the middle of the night carried no other meanings behind it. It was purely to lessen and offset the water sounds that would be coming from her shower so that she would at least not feel too embarrassed. Top: Floor plan of a Cotai Pool Suite in the Banyan Tree Macau (image credit). Bottom: Photographs of the in-room pool (image credit: left and right). Note that the room type is not specified in the novel and the author may not be envisioning this one specifically. Images have been included only to provide readers an approximate idea. Amid the sounds of water and the television, Chu Jian hesitated for one minute, but afterward, she hurriedly grabbed some clean clothes and underwear from her suitcase, rushed inside, and used less than twenty minutes to finish up a haphazard shower. Then, following a search all about to find a hairdryer, she blew her hair until it was seventy, eighty percent dry before walking out from the walk-in closet. The incense was still burning slowly. The heated pool was still being filled with water. The television was still playing a program. But the man leaning back against the daybed-style sofa was asleep. Stepping softly over to him, she leaned in close beside him and asked quietly, ¡°I¡¯m done showering. Do you want to have a shower first and then go back to sleep?¡± Jian Bianlin¡¯s brow furrowed slightly, and he gave a light shake of his head. She saw his short hair that had been dampened by cold sweat. Extending a finger, she wiped away the thin layer of perspiration that had broken out on his forehead and the bridge of his nose. Does it really hurt? She felt somewhat helpless, not knowing what she could do. Jian Bianlin could sense that someone was touching him. His eyelashes fluttered slowly, twice. Opening his eyes slightly, he saw, under the blurry glow of the light, that face that was so near he could touch it. He had been too tired. Hazily, he had drifted off to sleep. Those large eyes were filled with worry. Caught in a daze for a moment, he did not know whether this was a dream or reality. ¡°You¡¯re awake? How about I get a warm towel for you to wipe down your hands and face, and then you can go back to sleep?¡± Chu Jian suggested gently. She felt that he must be so tired that he could not be bothered to even move from there. This daybed sofa was large and soft anyway and would have no issues sleeping three or four people on it. ¡°I¡¯m going to bring a blanket over for you first.¡± But before she had finished speaking, he suddenly grabbed her hand. Her entire palm was forcefully brought over to press against his sweat-covered right cheek. His physical condition had tortured him to the point that there was a slight frailty and hoarseness in the timbre of his voice. ¡°Chu Jian.¡± Because of this action, she was also pulled toward him, her waist twisted, her body stiff, and her elbow beside his face, propping her up¡­ His already low voice dropped even further. ¡°I was wrong¡­¡± He was evidently only half-conscious and was mumbling incoherently. For several minutes, she remained paralyzed like this, until she detected that Jian Bianlin had once more fallen into a deep slumber. Her elbow unable to hold her up any longer, she dropped onto the daybed sofa with a thunk. ¡­¡­ There, close to her, was his face. His lashes silently covered the line of his closed eyelids. His teeth were clamping down slightly on his lower lip. He should have been in a terrible state of discomfort when he fell into sleep. Was he still in pain while asleep? Slowly, she reached her finger forward, gently, a little at a time, pushing his lower lip down and away from his teeth, trying to help him relax. She could see very deep teeth marks¡­ Her finger could feel the tempo of his breathing. Water still continued to splash down and fill the pool. The humidity in the entire room was rising, as was the temperature. All these tiny details that she was noticing were like a raging stream gushing into her heart, so rapid and crushing into her until her heart felt heavy and swollen. ¡°I already made my promise to you; I¡¯m not going to go back on my word¡­¡± These were words that she absolutely would not say if he were awake. But when she finished saying them, she still felt they were sappy. Sitting up swiftly, she flusteredly pressed her palms together and rubbed them. Then, moving lightly, she fled from there. The following day, the scene was to be shot in a casino. Jian Bianlin did not play an important role in this particular scene and was more like a backdrop, drinking water beside the second lead actor as that actor cut a deck of cards. The main lines of dialogue as well as the camera were all focused on the actor cutting the cards. Jian Bianlin¡¯s responsibility was to drink some water with a normal expression, and then that would be good enough. At least, this was how Xie Bin had described it to Chu Jian. So, she had naively believed that it would be very simple. That completely was not the case, though. He needed to consume the water with ferocity, where the liquid was slugged down in huge gulps to exhibit that his mental and emotional state were extremely volatile and that he very much was not calm and was actually extremely enraged. In short, he needed to demonstrate emotions. Of course, when a man swigged water, more than half a bottle could be consumed in only a few gulps. If there had only been one or two takes of the scene, then so be it. Eventually, Chu Jian could not even watch anymore¡ªshe could not watch, for the nth time, Jian Bianlin¡¯s actions of picking up one of those simplest of casino water bottles, twisting open the cap, and guzzling down the mineral water. Midway through, Jian Bianlin somewhat was unable to take it anymore and, during a break, went to the washroom outside of the casino. Chu Jian left with him, walking along with his every step until they reached the door and she could not follow him inside, and then she watched as a male assistant went in with him. The instant Jian Bianlin ran inside, he shut the main bathroom door. Next, it was the door of the stall inside. Then, all the while still trying to suppress it, he began to throw up. He tried with all his might to hold it in, not daring to make any noise. When his male assistant walked in after him, Jian Bianlin was covering his mouth with his right hand, controlling himself so that he did not vomit again. He normally was not so weak and fragile. At most, after drinking like that, he would just induce himself to vomit and then would continue drinking again. However, in recent days, his pain-tormented body could not handle these sorts of things, and he was utterly unable to suppress himself. His assistant had turned pale with fright, thinking something was wrong with him. When his body had at last completely calmed, he leaned back against the door and slowly blew out a breath. ¡°Don¡¯t worry. I just don¡¯t want her to hear me throwing up.¡± The assistant was dazed and, with the weight on his chest lifted, said quietly, ¡°Jian Ge, you freaked me out just now.¡± Jian Bianlin shook his head. ¡°What¡¯s there to be scared about? Drinking mineral water can¡¯t kill you.¡± As Jian Bianlin walked over to the sink and washed his hands, he discovered that his eyes were a little red and were also covered by a thick film of moisture. His brows creased together habitually, and, facing the mirror, he stood for a little while. Only when he was about recuperated did he finally open the door. Her heart quivering with trepidation, Chu Jian stepped forward to meet him. ¡°Is anything wrong?¡± Without speaking, Jian Bianlin shook his head. Seeing the glisten in his eyes, as if they had been soaked in tears a moment ago, Chu Jian pulled on his sleeve. ¡°Are you in pain again? Why don¡¯t we just ask to take the time off? Can you use a stand-in? It¡¯s not as if you have any lines. Can¡¯t you just turn your face away a bit to drink the water? That way, you can use a stand-in, right? ¡­¡± Worry plagued Chu Jian¡¯s heart, and her questions came piling out endlessly, one after the other. He ceased his footsteps. All of a sudden, he bent at the waist, the stray hairs in front of his forehead slipping forward slightly, and he gazed at her. Chu Jian was struck dumb. He leaned closer again. Before she had the chance to make the reflexive move of shirking away, he brushed up against her until his face nearly touched hers, whispering in her ear, ¡°Don¡¯t interfere with my work.¡± She felt a little wounded but still very obediently nodded her head. ¡°I understand.¡± Jian Bianlin did not say any more. With quick strides, he returned to the casino. For this particular scene, the actor cutting the deck of cards took more than twenty takes in all. Chu Jian totaled the numbers up. In three hours, he had altogether chugged down at least fifteen bottles of mineral water¡­ When work wrapped up for the day, it was obvious he would not be able to get any food down. That evening, Xie Bin informed them that he needed to leave Macau for a few days. When he was departing, Xie Bin noticed the look of misery on Chu Jian¡¯s face and knew that the sight during the daytime had upset her. Patting her on the shoulder, he comforted, ¡°Really, it¡¯s nothing. Men, you know. What¡¯s the big deal about drinking a few bottles of water? It just happened to be right at the time when he¡¯s sick, so he just felt a little unwell.¡± ¡°Evil, callous agent,¡± Chu Jian grumbled. Xie Bin laughed gleefully. ¡°Eh? What¡¯s this? Haven¡¯t you guys only been together for a couple of days, and now you¡¯re already cherishing and doting on him like he¡¯s your hubby? Fine, fine, I¡¯m the evil, callous one. You go, then, and give him lots of love.¡± Chu Jian was embarrassed. From the corner of her eye, she saw Jian Bianlin looking at a musical score and holding the guitar that Xie Bin had instructed someone to send over, all the while leaning back and resting on a throw pillow beside the small in-room pool. Supposedly, his shoot tonight also had a scene like. She was not certain, but perhaps, because Jian Bianlin had had his start as the singer of a band, this scene had been written and tailored specifically to him. In any case, this one did not need a stand-in, either; he could step right in and personally do the scene. With a wave of his hand, Xie Bin left. Chu Jian poured a glass of warm water and set it down on the marble ledge by his foot. After wavering between whether to climb up with him or not, in the end, she took a seat by the daybed-style sofa beside the pool, separated from him by a narrow marble ledge. She was sitting down low; he was sitting up high. Photograph of the daybed sofa and marble ledge beside the in-room pool in the Banyan Tree Macau Cotai Pool Suite (image credit). Note that the room type is not specified in the novel and the author may not be envisioning this one specifically. Images have been included only to provide readers an approximate idea. ¡°Was it in third year uni¡±¡ªChu Jian was trying to call up the memory¡ª¡°or fourth year that you won the competition?¡± ¡°Fourth.¡± He gave a final flip through the music score and then closed it. ¡°What song was it?¡± ¡°The Rose.¡± Since high school, he had been fond of playing the guitar. He had had good grades and good looks, and on top of those, he had liked this hobby. The label, ¡°refined rogue,¡± truly had not been given to him baselessly. Back then, he had been a hot commodity when it came time for any sort of event and had often been asked by other classes to perform and add to the fun, but besides Class No. 9, no one had ever successfully invited him. ¡°You¡¯ve never heard it?¡± Jian Bianlin asked. Chu Jian thought for a moment, then shook her head. ¡°I don¡¯t think I have.¡± ¡°I sang it in Class No. 9 before.¡± ¡°Huh? When?¡± ¡°Last year of high school.¡± Holding the guitar, Jian Bianlin lightly strummed his fingers over it a few times. His entire expression, from the look in his eyes to the one on his face, was neutral, with nothing unusual about it, and he told her in an unhurried voice, ¡°The New Year¡¯s Gala.¡± Last year of high school? Chu Jian curled herself up and hugged her arms around her knees, not uttering a word. That year¡¯s New Year¡¯s party had been the one where she had been furtively asked down to the bicycle storage area by one of the boys in her grade, and then that someone had confessed his feelings for her¡­ When she had gone back later, one of the girls in her class had excitedly told her that Class No. 1¡¯s Jian Bianlin had come and sung a song. With an almost imperceptible glance at her, Jian Bianlin rested his back completely into the throw pillow. Crossing one leg on top of the other, he picked up the guitar and, without any warning, began plucking its strings. This song was one he was simply too familiar with, not because he had won some sort of prize with it, but because he had practiced it too many times. CH 4.3 Chu Jian dipped her hand into the pool, gently swirling the warm water inside, her eyes gazing out at the ocean beyond the glass wall. Although the ocean could be seen from here, it could not be considered a beautiful view because between the hotel and the sea, there was what seemed to be a still-incomplete construction site that was a jumble of mess and disarray. Just like her heart, which was also feeling jumbled and in disarray. The guitar was set down beside the pool. Jian Bianlin patted the spot next to him. It was neither a large nor small spot; there was just enough space for her to sit. After pausing for several seconds, Chu Jian climbed over from the daybed sofa. That little platform area was against the glass wall, and only a few soft throw pillows were on it. As she tried to rest herself into the pillows, she was not paying attention and ended up leaning herself backwards at a very suggestively intimate angle. It seemed¡­ she had leaned herself into his arms. She had not expected this. Neither had Jian Bianlin. He could feel that his arm, which was on top of the throw pillows, was brushing against the skin at the nape of her neck¡ªsoft, warm, and so real. Yes, that was it. Real. He had actually clearly heard each word that Xie Bin had spoken earlier. For two days, more than forty hours, he had thrown himself into his work with intensity and focus, as if her arrival had not caused wild elation in him. Only he, himself, was most clear about the truth. Since that day when, sitting in the driver¡¯s seat, he saw that one word on his phone¡¯s screen, the sense of reality had left him. But now, he had awakened again. Chu Jian¡­ Jian Bianlin¡¯s fingers hung down slightly to rest on her shoulder. Through a layer of cotton material, he could feel that her body was tense and uneasy. Her personality had not been like this before. When they were kids, she had beamed with smiles all day long, always cheerful, simple, and carefree. After breaking his entry for a model plane competition, she had still put on a miserable look that was deserving of pity. Holding up the broken mess in her hands, she had worn that I-know-you-won¡¯t-take-this-to-heart-so-just-hurry-up-and-say-you-forgive-me expression to apologize to him. Later, things gradually changed, especially in their last year of high school. She had treaded more and more carefully and had not really liked laughing and joking around with schoolmates anymore. When school ended for the day, she would leave alone. It was the same during rest time in gym class; she would sit by herself in the bleachers, staring out blankly, unlike other girls who would gather in groups and chat¡­ He knew that at that time, Chu Jian had been very severely excluded by their classmates, and so gradually, her temper and spiritedness had been worn away. She later went to Hainan, and he would secretly go there and watch her as she attended class. Still, she would sit on her own in the back row, without a single person around her. That had all been his fault. He wanted her to go back to being what she used to be like. To go back to being that girl who would dare climb a tree two storeys high and then shout at him in panic, ¡°Jian Bianlin, Jian Bianlin, oh no, oh no, I¡¯m done for. I just ripped my stockings. Can you buy help me buy a new pair? I¡¯m scared my mom is going to beat me¡­¡± What did he need to do? His throat felt very tight, as if obstructed by those emotions that were continuously roiling upwards. ¡°It¡¯s really boring being an artiste, isn¡¯t it?¡± He restrained his breathing. ¡°Yeah, your work schedule is so packed.¡± Her gaze flitted all about and landed outside the window on that ocean view that was not the least bit beautiful. Other than working, artistes could only stay in places where they would not be surrounded by curious onlookers¡ªand, truth to tell, that really was boring. He moved in closer to her. ¡°I¡¯m free tonight. I¡¯ll go out with you.¡± ¡°You don¡¯t need to keep me company. It¡¯s not like this is my first time here¡­¡± Unlike his previous night¡¯s scent of toiling and exhaustion intermingled with perspiration, she now could very distinctly smell his clean, fresh scent. Could he? Right here? His fingers were on her hand that was resting on the blanket, and as he slid them down, their fingers interlaced. He could feel that her fingers were a little wet. It was from touching the pool water earlier on. He saw her throat move up and down once, ever so slightly. He wanted to kiss her. In this still room, the past relentlessly assaulted his mind like a crashing wave. To this very day, he could still remember every little detail of that scene on the ferry when they were teenagers. His heart that had palpitated in his chest, the lightheadedness that had come over him, and even the buzz in his eardrums when his lips touched hers¡ªhe had not forgotten any of these things. That day, she had been wearing yarn gloves, ones that she had bought last minute from a street vendor outside the bus stop, and touching them gave a similar sensation to touching a plush toy¡­ And also, when he kissed her, how the two older women beside them had tutted quietly, or when he let go of her, how she had been so upset even the bottoms of her eyes had grown red¡­ Even the smell on the ferry of kerosene intermixed with dust was very vivid. In the space between his fingers, Chu Jian¡¯s fingers curled in slightly. This little action was infinitely magnified by the rational side of his mind and caused him to start abruptly back to his senses. His gaze cleared, and he noticed Chu Jian shrinking backwards as she nervously dug her fingers into the blanket beneath her. He shifted his face away to the side. ¡°I still have a shoot this afternoon. Go walk around nearby. Bring something to charge your battery. Don¡¯t let your mobile phone die.¡± Breathing softly, she made an almost imperceptible sound in response. Jian Bianlin forced himself to leave, backing away, but his mind was a little unfocused, and he had forgotten that behind him was a heated pool. Just like that, one foot stepped into the water. Water splashed up¡ª ¡°You want to soak in the hot pool? ¡­¡± The sudden splattering of water left Chu Jian stupefied, and she stared at his sodden pants. ¡°The water in this is too cold¡­ I¡¯m going to take a shower.¡± Without a backwards glance, Jian Bianlin stepped out of the pool, grabbed a pair of long pants from the walk-in closet, and strode into the bathroom. In the end, he still held unvented thoughts of wanting to be close to her. Midway through his shower, he began to feel abdominal pain, and Xie Bin also called. Forcing himself to bear through the pain, he dried himself off. When he answered the call, he immediately heard that evil, callous agent on the other end of the line smirk, ¡°The hotel¡¯s pretty nice, eh? I now understand why you specified that you wanted to stay in that one. A pool, and one that¡¯s sized for two people. Tsk, tsk. What a shame you don¡¯t do romance movies, Jian Bianlin, eh? I just got a script outline yesterday¡ª¡± Before Xie Bin could finish what he was saying, the call was hung up. ¡°You¡¯re done your shower?¡± Chu Jian¡¯s voice wafted in from somewhere outside the walk-in closet, the steam in the room filtering it so that it seemed to take on a suggestive air. He made a sound in response, not daring to say too much. As he leaned against the wall, he suddenly had a little thought that he wanted her to leave him. If the results from the surgery were not good, he basically had selfishly, forcibly tied her to him once more. So, while Chu Jian still sat hugging her knees beside the pool, feeling embarrassed and deliberating between sneaking away while he still had not finished showering or continuing to wait here¡­ Jian Bianlin¡¯s body, which had just been toweled dry, broke out in another layer of sweat from gritting through the pain, and he had no choice but to go back in again and have another shower. From afternoon to evening, Chu Jian strolled alone along the streets near the Ruins of St. Paul. She had bought some highly nutritious herbal foods and was planning on couriering them back to Hangzhou. While she was filling in the form, she received a message from him, saying that his work for the day had ended early. He asked her where she was. However, she was actually not really able to sort out north, south, east, and west, so she merely approximately described the relative position of a few landmarks. Standing outside of a pork jerky shop at the corner of the intersection, she surveyed the seven, eight different types of jerky and then picked up one sample piece to try. The taste was pretty good. A hand landed on her shoulder from behind her. When Chu Jian turned and saw his face that was covered by a black, surgical-style mask and his bright, black eyes beneath the brim of his cap, a smile came over her own face. ¡°Would you like to eat this? We can buy some and go back to the hotel to have it?¡± Under the warm glow of the light, her smile was especially pretty. His first reaction was to reach for his wallet. Amused, Chu Jian wagged her hand at him. From her own sling backpack, she pulled out some money and grinningly told him, ¡°I brought money.¡± And then she bought a whole bunch and stuffed it into his hands. Now that the waiting was done and he was here, things were much easier. Chu Jian¡¯s shopping trip of buying, buying, and more buying completely commenced. The one shame was that, during the entire process, he could only stay outside the shops, waiting in relatively dimmer places for her. When Chu Jian at last completed her shopping mission and dashed out of a shop, she saw him standing at the mouth of a very narrow alley. Jogging over, she very prudently chose a spot where the light was behind her to shroud herself. ¡°How are we going to go back? Where¡¯s your assistant?¡± Logically, he should have his own vehicle. It would seem that taking a taxi would not be very safe. ¡°Wait ten minutes. The car¡¯s coming soon.¡± Chu Jian gave an ¡°oh, okay.¡± Earlier, he had already noticed that she had worn sandals to come out, and her toes that peeked out had been a little red at the time. Looking again now, they seemed even redder. Once women began shopping, did they all not really bother concerning themselves with their own physical limitations? Thinking this, he shifted his gaze up slightly and landed it on those clean toenails that were not adorned with nail polish. And then, his eyes did not move away again. To him, every part of her was beautiful¡ªbeautiful in a way that could not be described with words. Chu Jian, of course, did not know what Jian Bianlin was looking at. She thus allowed her thoughts to wander and also experienced a dash of curiosity that she had never had in the past: If those fans of Jian Bianlin learned that, since he was a kid, he had always been like this¡ªdid not like to talk, did not say things to make people happy, was not romantic, was sometimes very stern and serious, and, anyway, was just vastly different from the image of him that was created onscreen¡ªwould they still adore him so much? ¡­ ¡°Why aren¡¯t you saying anything?¡± Chu Jian asked softly, her voice endearingly gentle. As she turned her eyes on a large billboard with a Western celebrity on it, she thought, this feeling of standing on the streets of an unfamiliar city while waiting for their vehicle was so very nice. Not hearing a response from him, she looked at him puzzledly. Jian Bianlin avoided her gaze, afraid that she would discover that he had been staring at her the whole time. Purposely putting on an unperturbed front as he watched the cars and people coming and going, he turned the question back on her, his tone detached. ¡°What do you want me to say?¡± She opened her mouth slightly, dumbstruck. If she had not known, she would have thought that she was some little reporter who was trailing after him, trying to get an interview, but had been shot an utterly, totally icy, unwelcoming look by the big shot celebrity. In this particular second, there was only one thought in Chu Jian¡¯s mind: Serves you right that you were never able to win my heart over before! CH 5.1 On the opposite side of this little street was a shopping centre. Without warning, several digital advertising posters all jumped to a new picture¡ªone of Jian Bianlin¡­ It was a poster for the men¡¯s skin care products that he was the spokesperson for. This advertisement that had suddenly changed and now lined the entire street caused Chu Jian¡¯s heart to go thump, thump in her chest. The stark white headlights of a vehicle shone in their direction. A hotel shuttle bus turned into their street, honking its horn as it zoomed past them. Less than a minute later, the street was packed with tourists who had gotten off the bus and were standing around. An originally empty and safe street had become a gathering place for the masses. Worried that someone would recognize him, Jian Bianlin pulled her onto the steps of a tall building and, with his back to the tourists, hid her with his own body. The two of them appeared no different than any other ordinary tourist. In fact, they seemed more like a young couple who were suddenly in the mood to get cozy and had found a little corner to be lovey-dovey in. Chu Jian¡¯s back was against a metal railing. Completely shielded by his body in that corner, she was unable to see anything aside from his black jacket¡¯s metal zipper, which was so close it was nearly touching the tip of her nose. Among the clamour of voices, somebody recognized Jian Bianlin¡¯s poster ad and sighed over how he truly was crazily red-hot of late. Someone also commented in passing that all the major marketing IDs on social media platforms had disclosed that his first television drama that was soon to begin filming was¡­ Wait. Wait! She could sense that he had lifted his hand. Hearing that the voices had more or less all left, Chu Jian tilted her head up and was about to say, ¡°Should we go somewhere that¡¯s more secluded? Who would have thought that such a small street would still have those free hotel shuttles stopping on it? So not safe.¡± When she raised her eyes, though, she saw him soundlessly removing the black mask that had been covering half his face. This simple action, in this moment, actually evoked an inexplicably suggestive feeling. ¡°The car¡­ is going to be here soon, right?¡± she asked. ¡°Should be soon.¡± He moved in closer. His lips were right there in front of the bridge of her nose. His breath was so searing hot it aroused a flustered feeling in her. ¡°Let¡¯s go down.¡± She shrank backwards, but the back of her head smacked into the wall of the building, banging into the notice that said, ¡°This glass door is broken. Please go through the main doors of the building¡±¡­ In that instant when their lips truly, physically came into contact, she unconsciously grabbed whatever her fingers touched¡ªthe zipper of his jacket. This action completely seemed like she was responding to him. He took things a step further, pressing his body tightly against hers. Amid their intermingled, ragged breathing, he gently sucked her lower lip, then her upper lip, until finally, his tongue explored past her lips and slipped inside to find ¡­ that little canine tooth¡­ With a clack, the digital boards behind them all simultaneously changed over to a poster for the latest James Bond movie[1] that was playing in theatres. Chu Jian suddenly pushed him away. Jian Bianlin allowed himself to follow the momentum of this action and pull away from her. A light breeze blew by. Their lips felt chilly. Her hand was still clasping his jacket zipper, and her body felt a little weak. She had forgotten even what embarrassment was and merely felt dazed, unable to produce even the slightest sound. Chu Jian¡­ Jian Bianlin wanted to say something to make the atmosphere between them even better, but after remaining there frozen for a dozen or so seconds, he still had not come up with a decent thing to say¡­ Luckily, the mobile phone in Chu Jian¡¯s pocket rang. Nibbling on her lower lip, Chu Jian lowered her head, dawdlingly pulled the phone out, and set it beside her ear. ¡°Hello?¡± ¡°Chu Jian.¡± It was Uncle Jian¡¯s voice. Her heart rate jumped a few levels before she answered with an ¡°mm-hmm.¡± On the other end of the line, the voice said with a chuckle, ¡°Uncle is secretly telling you this. I saw Xu Jing today, you know, the person that Jian Bianlin beat up quite severely in high school. Does he like you?¡± ¡°Huh?¡± Chu Jian paused blankly. This¡­ How had the topic managed to come to this? ¡°He specially came to see me. He also said that he wanted to contact you and got your phone number from me. So, I asked him, ¡®What do you need her number for?¡¯ He gave me a vague answer, saying it¡¯s been so many years and you are both adults now so he¡¯s just keeping in contact since you two were high school classmates, after all.¡± Uncle Jian¡¯s tone was practically like he was marrying off his own daughter. ¡°That lad has such a good temper. So I gave him your phone number. You don¡¯t have a boyfriend anyway, so just talk and socialize with him a bit. Who knows? Maybe you¡¯ll make some relatives by marriage from this.¡± ¡°¡­¡­¡± Given that she and Jian Bianlin were standing at such a close distance and Uncle Jian certainly was speaking with more than ample breath support, it was impossible for Jian Bianlin not to hear, unless he was hard of hearing¡­ Chu Jian truly wished she could help this phone call to ¡°accidentally¡± drop¡­ In front of her, the man who was holding her with one arm did not utter a word. Putting his face mask on once more, he pulled the brim of his cap slightly lower, released his arm¡¯s hold on her, and turned, about to walk away. Chu Jian hurriedly stepped forward and grabbed his sleeve while saying into her phone, ¡°Uncle, next time please don¡¯t hand out my phone number so easily to someone. It¡¯s such a hassle. I still have a meeting here that I need to get to, so I¡¯m going to hang up first. Take care of yourself.¡± Uncle Jian answered with an ¡°Oh, oh, yes, yes,¡± and then cheerily ended the call. ¡°Don¡¯t go,¡± Chu Jian blurted. Pausing his steps, Jian Bianlin lowered his head to look at her hand that was grasping his sleeve. ¡°Jian Ge¡ª¡± His assistant had actually arrived with the driver for a long time already, and after bearing through the wait for the two to finish with their snuggling, he only now dared to open his mouth and call them into the car. However, when he took another closer look and noticed that there clearly was something not quite right with the atmosphere, he pulled his head back and tried to inconspicuously hide himself away again. ¡°There¡¯s no hurry! Take your time talking!¡± ¡°Say something.¡± Chu Jian kept her voice low. From this angle, she could see his eyes, but against the lights behind him, she could not tell what feelings were in them. ¡°You can¡¯t blame me. Your dad is the one who gave my number to him. You heard it yourself,¡± she explained quietly. Still, he did not speak, nor did he move. ¡°Hey, say something¡­¡± Chu Jian was starting to feel a little anxious. The emotions that had been suppressed all these days, from when Uncle Jian was injured to now, all came gushing upwards. He¡¯s being like this again. Again! He just says nothing. Nothing! Jian Bianlin could sense that she was genuinely angry and brought his gaze back to land on her. He acknowledged that his emotions had become unsettled the instant he heard that name. That was why his first instinct had been to turn around and go, to let himself calm down. Now¡­ ¡°Jian Bianlin, do you think that I¡¯m just really easy to bully around and you can just do whatever you feel like?¡± Chu Jian was finally unable to repress herself anymore, and those words that had been hidden in her heart for so many years now all came spilling out. There was some anxiety, but mainly, it was a sense of feeling wounded and treated unfairly. ¡°It¡¯s not like I¡¯ve done anything to wrong you. Back then, you wanted to beat him up, and you just went ahead and beat him up. I even had to go to the hospital to beg them for you. In the end, everything was fine for you. You were still loved by teachers and chased after by all the girls. But what about me? What did my senior year of high school end up being like? Then afterward, when you went to university, what right did you have to say that I was the one who made you feel all lovelorn? It¡¯s not like I ever agreed to be with you. But there you were, abandoning yourself to wallow in your misery. Who were you trying to show that to? Weren¡¯t you just putting up that good show for your dad and my parents to watch so that I would give? Fine, then. I did promise you that I would give you time to adjust, that I wouldn¡¯t get a boyfriend and allow you to forget your feelings for me first. But you always just trick me. This time was the same¡­ It was because you¡¯re sick, and then you said you wanted us to be together, so we¡¯re together; you just wanted to kiss me and then you kissed me; you wanted to suddenly get mad at me, and now you¡¯re mad at me.¡± This was probably the biggest outburst of anger she had ever had in her entire life, but even now, she was still restraining her voice, fearful that any passerby might hear. She finished firing off all her words in succession but was still fuming. Striding over to a corner of the building, she faced the wall in a huff, her cheeks burning hot. The anger still had not eased. She gave a kick at the wall. But that fierce kick ended up landing on his right foot that he unexpectedly extended out. She was wearing sandals, so when her toes suddenly jammed into his white sneakers, her brow immediately crumpled deeply in pain. Jian Bianlin wordlessly reached out his hand and patted her head of short locks. Through the dark curtain of the night, his voice, a little muffled, could be heard saying, ¡°There are people looking at us.¡± She paused in shock for a moment. Completely forgetting about being angry, she glanced at a spot not far away. It did seem that some of the tourists had recognized Jian Bianlin and had now stopped to watch¡­ ¡°There are people! Why aren¡¯t you getting in the car, then? ¡­¡± CH 5.2 The two sat into the vehicle. The entire journey back to the hotel, neither spoke. Jian Bianlin instructed his assistant, Xiao Yu, to accompany Chu Jian back to her room while he rode the car back and rejoined the film cast and crew. When Chu Jian returned to her room, there was still a feeling of anger that seemed wedged in her chest. ¡°Jie[1] [literally ¡°big sister¡±], could I borrow your computer to use for a bit?¡± Xiao Yu smiled, ¡°Xie Zong[2] told me to look at something.¡± Nodding, Chu Jian opened up her computer and turned it so that the screen was facing the young assistant. Before long, the sounds of a video could be heard. There was singing, and it sounded very lively. Xiao Yu chortled at the computer screen and called, ¡°Jie, look. Those fans are so funny.¡± Xiao Yu turned the computer back toward her. Inside the video, Jian Bianlin, his upper body bare, was dancing beneath the light to the strong beat of the music. The footage was shot from a far angle and seemed to be a recording taken by a fan. She could approximately make out his action of biting down on his lower lip as well as the faintly discernible, thin layer of sweat on his chest and over his waistline¡­ ¡°His birthday event last year. Is he hot or not, Jie?¡± The picture jumped to another one. On another stage, he seemed to have just finished a dance segment, and as he turned away, his two fingers tugged the back of his waistband up ¡­ Next, it was the airport, summertime. Two nearby fans had somehow caught his jacket and tugged it down slightly, exposing his collarbone¡­ His assistant was cackling with mirth because the editing of the video was simply too awesome. It was all sorts of shots where he had had a wardrobe malfunction or shown skin. ¡°Fans nowadays are so amazing.¡± Xiao Yu grinned. ¡°This video has several hundred thousand clicks on it already. Ha ha. Back when I was young and following celebrities, there was no stuff like this. Back then, the internet still wasn¡¯t such a big thing.¡± The young assistant was still chattering away, joking around in a WeChat group chat with some people in their company. Everyone in the chat was animatedly commenting that even though this video was made by fans, they could still turn it into something big. Their discussion fell into the public relations category. In this day and age, attaching a label and defined manners and behaviours to an idol was practically the norm. However, Chu Jian reckoned that even this young assistant would not believe her if she stated aloud that this was the first time she had ever watched in detail something like this that was part of Jian Bianlin¡¯s normal life as a celebrity¡­ Perhaps because she had grown up with him, when she saw stuff like this, she would feel a little weird, especially¡­ shots of this type where he was so ¡°exposed.¡± Watching him through a camera lens dance with a naked upper body was honestly a bit awkward, you know. Even more awkward was that this young assistant of Jian Bianlin¡¯s was particularly fond of sending voice messages, and he was firing them off one after another. ¡°I think our Jian Ge¡¯s body really is just gorgeous, and his waist is so narrow. Hey, Xie Zong, how about we get a ¡®waistophile¡¯ thing going?¡± Likely because he did not view Chu Jian as an outsider, the young assistant did not even bother at all to keep the group¡¯s voice messages private from her as he listened to them. This one sentence really excited quite a few people, and they one by one began to throw their banters back. ¡°Ha ha ha ha ha! Knock it off! That term just sounds bad. But Jian Ge¡¯s body is truly top of the tops. It¡¯s totally got stuff worth ogling,¡± someone replied to him. ¡°In his fans¡¯ own words: especially lust-invoking.¡± ¡­¡­ ¡°No, no. I think the best one isn¡¯t in here. This video is missing one.¡± Xie Bin guffawed, ¡°The best ones are when you tease the viewer by showing something just peeking through, but at the same time, it seems like you¡¯re not quite showing anything either. Last year, he had one scene in a movie that later ended up being cut. The director specified that he only wear a suit jacket with nothing underneath it. When I have a chance, I¡¯ll go back and ask for that clip to show you guys. There¡¯s nothing cool about watching a ruffian doing things that ruffians do, but when the normally refined, serious, gentleman-type does a few ruffian things, that¡¯s the killer!¡± Someone even went as far as directly sending back an audio message that contained a string of uncontrollable laughter. ¡­¡­ Feeling embarrassed from listening to all this, Chu Jian retreated off to the side to watch television alone. She flipped through channel after channel but was unable to find one that she could watch with a settled heart. Glancing at her mobile phone, she discovered that Jian Bianlin had sent her a WeChat message a few minutes ago. 6th floor of the hotel, far east end of the white walkway that¡¯s on this side. Come down. ¡­ So just this, and now things were considered okay between them? Clasping her mobile phone, Chu Jian waged an internal battle for a while. Forget it. She was not going to bother quibbling with someone who was ill. Outside, the sky was already completely dark. The lamps illuminating this raised area were all hidden in the bushes lining the path. From time to time, several men and women wearing bathing suits and wrapped in bathrobes would walk by her. Sensuous views, oh my, such teasing, sensuous views. All those skin-showing images from earlier on¡ªthe contours of his waistline, his collarbones, and many other shots¡ªwere still clear in her mind, and the joking banter of the people in his company still seemed to be ringing by her ears. And now, to have views like these suddenly come at her. Although outdoor swimming pools and manmade beaches were very common to see, nevertheless, at this particular time, they still triggered some thump-thumping in her heart. Though she did not even know what she was thump-thumping about¡­ Following the instructions to the location that he had given, Chu Jian searched for a few minutes and then successfully found him. Jian Bianlin certainly knew how to find good places. It was absolutely an isolated corner, around a bend, not easily detected by nearby eyes, and no one would pass by it. With one hand in his pants pocket, he was watching something tiny crawling slowly on a vine. He could not really discern what it was. He was doing this purely out of boredom as something to pass the time. ¡°How about we go upstairs?¡± Chu Jian walked up to him, still feeling that this was unsafe. She was always aware of the things around her. Several years ago, when Weibo first launched and Jian Bianlin still was not yet popular, he had pulled her out in the middle of the night to go have a meal with Xie Bin. To their surprise, one of his pathetically few hardcore fans at the time had actually managed, through a folding screen, to steal a blurry, yellowy photograph of the side view of his face. From then onward, she was constantly nervous and jumpy. This was likely a psychological scar left from her student era, and she was especially afraid of being gossiped about ¡­ She was not certain whether it was because the trees¡¯ shadows were masking him in the veil of the late night, but it seemed difficult to determine Jian Bianlin¡¯s emotions, whether he was happy or angry as he said, ¡°We¡¯ll go up in a little bit.¡± ¡°Oh, okay.¡± So what were they going to do now, then? The atmosphere was weird. Chu Jian looked at him. Still, no expression could be seen on him. Of course, under other circumstances where she was not mad, this would not bother her; after all, she had been accustomed to this for twenty years already¡­ She just found it odd. Ever since he was little, he was obviously someone who was occasionally cold and aloof and lacked expression on his face, yet when he was acting, he was always very much in character. How did he manage to do that? Jian Bianlin glanced around at their surroundings. This location truly was quite good. He had been strolling downstairs here for more than twenty minutes. This particular place was a shared rooftop terrace between several upscale hotels. Aside from some villas, there were only the individual pools and manmade beaches of the various hotels. There were relatively fewer people here, and entry could only be gained by swiping a key card, so at least it was safer than the casino or shopping area downstairs. Closing his hand into a loose fist, he covered his mouth and gave a cough. Pulling out a lighter from his pocket, he then fished out a small item from a cardboard box beside him that was sitting on a stone bench on one side of the covered walkway. The production crew¡¯s site was such a good place. Anything that you wanted could easily be found there¡ªeven though this particular thing was a little silly. Before Chu Jian had even gotten a good look at what he had pulled out, she saw the faint, flickering flame of the lighter spring up from his palm and light that item. Sparks flew out in every direction. With the glow emitted by the sparks, Jian Bianlin observed her carefully, trying to come up with something he could say that would be appropriate for this moment. However, after contemplating deeply on this, in the end, he still did not utter even half a word. He placed into her hand that item that was going hiss hiss and sending out sparks. ¡°Don¡¯t you like these? The production team was using them today. I noticed that they all seemed to like them, so I brought a few back for you. When this one¡¯s done burning, there are still more.¡± It was¡­ a torch sparkler. When Chu Jian took it from him, it seemed burning hot in her hand. She utterly exhibited awkwardness syndrome. ¡°It was when I was kid that I liked these. Who still plays with them when they¡¯re twenty-something?¡± There were hissing and crackling sounds as well as a slight burning smell that was continuously permeating outwards. Chu Jian¡¯s hand was going numb. ¡°How do you put this thing out? ¡­¡± She knew that those words really were unromantic and insensitive. But this was all just too stimulating and provoking to the mind. Outside. Beside the swimming pool. If she were playing sparklers with Jian Bianlin¡¯s dad, or even Xie Bin or her own parents, there would be no problem, but she simply could not do it with him. Her entire mind was filled only with thoughts of being in the devastating state where all her information would be searched up and nothing left unexposed, that even the questions she had gotten wrong on her primary school entrance examination would be displayed on the world wide web for all to see¡­ Jian Bianlin was silent for a moment. ¡°Wait until it burns out. It should be quick.¡± Chu Jian felt a little bad. ¡°I¡¯m actually quite happy.¡± ¡°I can see that.¡± He gave a token response. He could see that she was not at all happy. Frankly, Chu Jian¡¯s reaction was not even as excited as the assistants who had been playing with these same things this afternoon. This caused Jian Bianlin, who had purposely asked the props master for them, to feel¡ªhow could he describe it?¡ªfrustrated, like he was a failure, or, perhaps, edgy, from not knowing what his next step should be, and this feeling seemed to flood his nerves. So in this way, the two watched blankly as the torch sparkler, giving off sounds of pop, pop, burned itself out and grew dark. At last, Chu Jian unconsciously sighed in relief. But, after the fact now, she remembered that he had specifically gone and gotten this from the production team to bring back here. Holding that little wooden stick that was now blackened after it had burned out, she gazed dazedly at it for a long while. Actually, she genuinely was quite touched. It seemed he really had changed a lot. Chu Jian lifted her heels lightly off the ground, a little nervous. She¡¯s still mad? Jian Bianlin hesitantly reached his hand over, wanting to take from her that thing that was now burnt up and useless, find a trash can, and throw it away. His hand was only halfway to its destination when something bumped lightly into his chest. Chu Jian had wordlessly stretched out her arms and embraced him. This action of hers was not smooth, nor was it natural. Her stray hairs were tickling his chin. When he tilted his head down to say something, Chu Jian again instantly jumped in ahead of him. ¡°Next time, don¡¯t use these. There¡¯ll be so much trouble if you get photographed.¡± The corner of Jian Bianlin¡¯s lips, which had been pressed tightly together, now relaxed. Lifting his arms, he slowly set his hands on her shoulders, then slid them down, wanting to return her hug. However, the girl in his embrace seemed as if she had suddenly thought of something deplorable and shoved him away again. ¡°Let¡¯s go back up.¡± With hasty steps, Chu Jian spun around and darted away, her face truly burning up all the way to her ears. Just now, she had accidentally touched his belt at the back part of his waist. And then, images had popped up one after another in her mind, all of them shots from that video. It really was not a good thing to be dating an actor. Since they were kids, she had never seen his chest or back when he was not wearing anything on top. Now, though, they had not even done anything yet, but she, along with everyone else in the country, had already seen him completely bare¡­ When they returned to the hotel room, Xiao Yu was still doing as Xie Bin had instructed, going through video after video to collect ¡°material,¡± with the intention of sharing it with their public relations department the next day. They stepped inside, one close behind the other. Chu Jian was about to head into the living room when, from behind, he encircled one arm around her. Half dragging, half carrying her, he towed her into the closet that was separated from the living room by a single wall. Hearing the noise, Xiao Yu called out ¡°Jian Ge¡± and said, ¡°Just now, Xu Ge from the props department called me. He said that all fireworks are prohibited here and that you should be careful when you¡¯re playing.¡± Xiao Yu lifted his head puzzledly. ¡°Jian Ge, he said that you took half a box of torch sparklers away with you to use them to play with a bunny. There are rabbits even outside such a high-end hotel? Is it some special activity?¡± The look in Jian Bianlin¡¯s eyes was rather insipid. He did not really want to explain. With guilty discomfiture, Chu Jian stepped in to answer. ¡°It¡¯s just downstairs. The hotel specially arranged to have it for kids to look at. A Scottish lop-eared rabbit.¡± All she wanted to do was run inside, but Jian Bianlin was there blocking her, not letting her go over. Chu Jian took one step around to the left, then one step around to the right. Worried that Xiao Yu, who was beside the desk on the other side of the wall, would see them, she did not dare force her way. ¡°Oh, okay, okay.¡± Xiao Yu cheerily carried on asking, ¡°Scottish lop-eared rabbit? That¡¯s new, hey? I¡¯ve only heard of Scottish lop-eared cats.¡± ¡°Yeah, there are. It¡¯s just, just that not a lot of them exist, so that¡¯s why the hotel brought one in for kids to see.¡± In fact, she did not know if such a rabbit even existed¡­ Jian Bianlin seized this opportunity to catch her in his grasp. Turning her head with his hands so that she faced him, he took hold of the back of her head and kissed those little lips of hers that wanted to continue explaining. His breath seared against her nose and the side of her face. Chu Jian was completely unprepared for this, and involuntarily, she took a light swallow¡ªa subtle action, but it felt as if she was gently sucking the tip of his tongue. Jian Bianlin paused for a moment. His fingers that had been holding the back of her head suddenly tightened their hold, and he covered her lips fiercely with his own. His hand that was thrust through her short tresses was pressing her forcefully, pulling her close against him. Chu Jian¡¯s eyes were wide. Her knees were weak from his kiss, that tingly feeling coming like wave after wave of the sea, incessantly washing over her back¡­ A brief, deep, thorough kiss. An hour ago, on a certain unknown little street in Macau, the contact between their lips that had halted after only a brief taste had not been any different from that very first time. But now¡­ They really were kissing¡­ The two of them¡ªshe and Jian Bianlin¡ªwere actually, truly kissing¡­ ¡°Aren¡¯t rabbits really timid?¡± Xiao Yu¡¯s voice once again drifted in. ¡°It wasn¡¯t scared?¡± ¡°Scottish lop rabbits are bold and not afraid of fireworks. It was watching¡­¡± All Chu Jian could see were his eyes as she, in a befuddled state, said, ¡°¡­ watching really happily¡­¡± [1]½ã ¡°jie.¡± The most literal translation of this is ¡°big sister.¡± It is a way to address a woman older than you. Similar to ¡°ge¡± that has been used when addressing men, the pinyin was maintained rather than using ¡°big sister¡± in this scenario as it is not as familiar/intimate-sounding as the literal English translation. It is friendly but there is a still a respectful overtone. [2]×Ü.Xie Bin is being referred to by his title of Xie Zong in their company. In Chinese, sometimes when a title is appended to someone¡¯s name to address him, it is condensed. Zong could actually be short for President, Vice President, General Manager, etc, but regardless, it is only used for someone high in the hierarchy of a company. Since I don¡¯t know Xie Bin¡¯s exact position, I did not want to make it up, and I have kept the original pinyin. CH 5.3 That night, Chu Jian was again unable to sleep¡ªthe third time in her life. She discovered that Macau was a very mysterious place. For instance, it was after she and Jian Bianlin had run into each other in the casino last time that they had started to frequently see one another. Huge strides had been made in their relationship that had caught her completely off guard, and nights of sleeplessness also began to occur one after the other. Some time past three in the morning, while staring at the ceiling, Chu Jian had already finished thinking through the decorating style that would be used in her salon¡¯s new branch store that would open next year, but she still could not sleep. So, she pulled out a rose-red knit cardigan and stepped out the door of her room. But in the end, she had just arrived downstairs and exchanged for some casino chips, with the intention of experiencing the thrill of sitting at a table game, when Jian Bianlin¡¯s phone call came in. At three o¡¯clock in the morning, many of the tables only had one or two patrons. Chu Jian selected a table where no one was sitting. Soon, Jian Bianlin arrived and sat down next to her. To conceal some of his distinguishing facial features, when he came out, he had put on a pair of grey, half-frame glasses with flat lenses. ¡°You can¡¯t sleep either?¡± For some reason, Chu Jian had feeling a like she was squandering away her fortunes and had been caught redhanded. ¡°Don¡¯t you have to film tomorrow?¡± His expression extremely solemn, he picked up the little stack of gaming chips in front of her and began counting them one by one. One sound of clack¡­ Another sound of clack¡­ There was a distinctive rhythm to his actions¡­ After pondering for half a minute, Chu Jian still did not know what he wanted to do. She could not help herself and wanted to reclaim a couple of chips from his palm so she could place a bet. However, right as she stretched out her arm, he flipped his hand over and seized the back of hers. She struggled slightly against his grasp, her face a little hot. Fortunately, Jian Bianlin merely clasped her hand for a moment and then loosened his hold. ¡°You didn¡¯t lose enough last time in the machines? This time, you¡¯re even daring to play a table game?¡± Chu Jian answered sullenly, ¡°My whole purpose for changing these was to lose them anyway. It¡¯s just to kill time.¡± ¡°Why won¡¯t you win?¡± ¡°It¡¯s not like I know how to play.¡± Jian Bianlin pulled off his glasses, a rarely-seen smile on his face. ¡°You¡¯re lucky in love, so that means you¡¯re unlucky at cards?¡± Chu Jian was taken aback for a moment. Propping her chin on her hand, she shifted her eyes away to look elsewhere. Pretending she had not heard. From somewhere on him, Jian Bianlin pulled out disc after disc of large denomination gambling chips, until finally, when seven stacks were laid out in display in front of her, he opened his mouth and told her, ¡°Go lose all these.¡± Chu Jian had initially thought he was joking. However, after an hour, she was not laughing. In only sixty-odd minutes, she had lost all except for the one red, leftover chip that she now held in her palm and was flipping over back and forth. She was practically on the verge of tears. ¡°You¡¯re not even helping me win it back.¡± ¡°I¡¯ve got a bit of a headache. Don¡¯t want to think.¡± Jian Bianlin seemed to be in quite a good mood, though. ¡°It can be considered our contribution to Macau¡¯s taxation.¡± In fact, there was one thing he had not said. This amount in casino chips was actually what he had won on his previous trip to Macau, when he had sat in this very same casino. That night, before Jian Bianlin bumped into Chu Jian here, he had won a fair amount in the VIP casino room. At the time, he also had not been feeling well, but no matter what he bet on, he would win. Surrounding him were a bunch of bosses of private firms with briefcases slung across their shoulders, and their eyes had gleamed with excitement as they all sighingly praised his gambling skills. But, really, there were no gambling skills to speak of. ¡°Unlucky in love[1]¡± was adequate in summarizing everything. That was why he had given all these to her tonight. He wanted her to lose them again. The best would be if she lost it all. And in the end, Chu Jian did not disappoint¡ªshe lost every last bit. Chu Jian had never seen anyone lose money so happily. She, however, could not muster up any cheer and fell into an incessant bout of self-reflection and criticism. Pushing her chair back, she pulled him along to return directly to the room. During the entire elevator ride back to their floor where she was heaving lamenting sighs, she was immersed in her thoughts of ¡°Sure enough, insomnia is taxing on your mind and your wallet. Ensuring excellent sleep quality is the only way to protect your wallet, especially in a place like Macau.¡± Jian Bianlin walked behind her. Though he still had a headache, he was not in a hurry to return to the room and leisurely kept pace with her footsteps, listening to her grumbles. ¡°I¡¯m going to frame this and hang it up¡±¡ªChu Jian abruptly stopped and turned around, holding between two fingers that lone, remaining red chip up in front of him¡ª¡°to remind myself to never¡­¡± Jian Bianlin lowered his head and touched his lips to those fingers that were pinching the chip. Chu Jian¡¯s hand quivered slightly, the chip nearly dropping from it. He merely pressed his lips there, with no additional, unnecessary actions. That soft, warm feeling, as well as the subtle texture of his lips, was infinitely magnified and seemed to burn into her fingers¡­ ¡­¡­ She completely forgot what he said after that or how they returned to their rooms. All she remembered was this one action and how it seemed to have seared a mark into her heart¡­ Afterward, Jian Bianlin flew directly from Macau to Changsha for a promotional event. Chu Jian also returned to Shanghai. When the two parted company at the airport, Jian Bianlin, as if it was only reasonable and natural, got from Chu Jian a key to her home. While her parents had also given him a key last time, things then and now were different. Anyway, it was a very strange feeling when Chu Jian fished it out from her purse and handed it to him. She could not really describe it, honestly could not describe it. As Chu Jian sat in a Western-style restaurant that was located on the second floor of a certain small building near Shanghai¡¯s Fuxing Park, nibbling on a spoon and having a private little get-together with Tong Fei, she still could not figure out how things had progressed at such a godly speed between the two of them in Macau. And thus, she utterly was unable to open her mouth to tell Tong Fei that she and Jian Bianlin were suddenly together. ¡°Would you give your home key to your boyfriend?¡± Chu Jian out of nowhere asked this question. ¡°Yeah, he needs to help me feed the cat and change out the cat litter.¡± Tong Fei did not read too much into this and said, ¡°Let¡¯s go. I need to go see a producer and have her introduce me to a director to help lay the groundwork for Lin Shen¡¯s next drama.¡± ¡°Where are we going?¡± Chu Jian asked bewilderedly. ¡°Just somewhere around here. A temporary film set.¡± Tong Fei waved her hand for the bill and paid it. Then, bringing Chu Jian along, she left this place and walked to the filming location. Deep in an alley not far from that Western-style restaurant, after turning a corner at the furthest end, there was a temporarily rented site that had been constructed into a makeshift apartment. To prevent disturbances, the front door of the apartment was locked, and a young fellow was crouched in front of the doorway, guarding it. Catching sight of them, he asked, ¡°Who ya looking for?¡± ¡°Producer Xie.¡± Tong Fei gave him the producer¡¯s name. ¡°Xie Linlin.¡± After turning around to ask, the young fellow let them in. It just so happened that when the two of them stepped inside, it was break time for everyone. While Tong Fei searched for Xie Linlin based on the instructions for the location she had been given, she also informed Chu Jian in a quiet voice, ¡°In the past, the male lead of this drama and Jian Bianlin were similar in popularity. Ying Chen, too. But Jian Bianlin is a big name in movies while the others are all focused on TV dramas.¡± Tong Fei had once taken Ying Chen under her wing, but right when she had brought him to the point where he was well-known and sought after, someone had stolen him from her. Consequently, any mentions of his name were very much through gritted teeth. ¡°This year, Jian Bianlin has shot up in popularity while this guy hasn¡¯t been as strong. But the guy¡¯s pomp is way more than Jian Bianlin¡¯s. Between assistants and make-up artists, he brought six people along with him when he joined the cast and crew on site.¡± Chu Jian responded with an ¡°oh, I see,¡± not really understanding why one person would need so many assistants. The two of them circled past the living room where shooting was in progress and found Xie Linlin in the dining room. Xie Linlin was sullenly flipping through the item she was holding. When she saw Tong Fei, a miserable look came over her face. ¡°You say, the contract is all signed and states that filming will last until the seventeenth, but he¡¯s insisting that he needs to leave by the fourteenth to record some sort of program. There¡¯s still a ton of scenes that hasn¡¯t been shot yet. You don¡¯t even know how many scenes I¡¯ve tossed out for him and not filmed. There¡¯s one set that I spent more than a hundred thousand to build, but we didn¡¯t even get to shoot a single scene with it because he tossed them all out.¡± ¡°Lu Congwen¡¯s always been like that.¡± Tong Fei put an arm around Xie Linlin¡¯s shoulder. ¡°I told you last time not to use him, but you just wouldn¡¯t listen to me.¡± ¡°Well, he¡¯s hot right now, right? It¡¯s not like you don¡¯t know there¡¯s a shortage of actors these days. And when the channels purchase the broadcast rights for dramas, they know and like him. Two years ago, before he got all popular, he wasn¡¯t like this. He was even willing to go out to the far outskirts of the city to do screen tests.¡± The more Xie Linlin thought about it, the more irate she became, and she threw out another couple sentences of griping. All of a sudden, she remarked with a sigh, ¡°Actually, in the very beginning, the script had been given to Jian Bianlin to look at. That guy may not be all that easy to talk to, but at least he¡¯s professional.¡± With a cough, Tong Fei cast a glance at Chu Jian. Chu Jian took the beverage that was offered to her by an assistant, pretending she had not heard anything. ¡°But Jian Bianlin doesn¡¯t do television dramas,¡± Xie Linlin continued glumly. ¡°Any scripts that you give to him are always returned with one word¡ª¡°declined.¡± You don¡¯t even get a chance to discuss it with him.¡± Tong Fei gave another cough. Xie Linlin eyed her over suspiciously. ¡°What¡¯s up with you? Every time Jian Bianlin is mentioned, you have this look on your face like you just took an aphrodisiac. I heard you know him pretty well? Don¡¯t tell me you¡ª¡± Tong Fei truly choked on that. ¡°Whoa, just knock it off there. He¡¯s not at all interested in anyone from the entertainment industry.¡± ¡°Hard to say.¡± Dropping her voice, Xie Linlin argued, ¡°I heard he brought a girl along with him when he was filming in Macau this time. And there¡¯s also that girl who, back then, made her debut at the same time as him in that singing competition, and they both became popular. Doesn¡¯t she have a special relationship with him, too? I heard that from the people working at the station.¡± Chu Jian¡¯s hand paused. There was a slight, peculiar feeling in her heart. Just now, she had rather enjoyed listening to the conversation between the two, especially when Jian Bianlin was praised for being professional. But now¡­ Chu Jian all of a sudden felt that she had lost her mood to listen. The other two continued exchanging industry news and information. All around, there were staff members, but she did not know any of them. Chu Jian wandered once around the place by herself and then walked into a bedroom that had no one inside. Tong Fei had mentioned that the props team had been in charge of the interior design of this place. It really was quite tasteful. She touched a decorative wall, then turned around. By chance, Lu Congwen had just completed a scene and stepped into this room. When Chu Jian saw him, she immediately remembered the lengthy depiction Xie Linlin had given earlier. He, too, was taken aback when he spotted Chu Jian, and the meaning of the look in his eyes was obvious: A fan who came with one of the crew to visit the set? He likely was long accustomed to being disrupted and spectated every day in situations such as this. This big star pulled over a folding chair and took a seat, eyeing her with an expression of ¡°since you came in with one of the staff, fine, I¡¯ll put up with the onerous task of being pleasant to you.¡± Ugh. So awkward. If he found out that she actually had no desire to talk to him, take a picture with him, or get an autograph¡­ Chu Jian silently felt awkward for him. Feigning an expression like she had not seen anyone, she ran her hands over the wall, the furniture, the table, and the wall lamps, as if she was admiring all the furniture, and then innocently walked out of there¡­ When she stepped out from the bedroom, she finally exhaled in relief. To avoid having such a situation occur again, Chu Jian did not dare wander around anymore and, like a good girl, sat in the dining room to wait for Tong Fei. This wait, though, lasted for two hours. When Tong Fei and the director were nearly done their discussion, the work here was also wrapping up for the day. Xie Linlin invited Tong Fei to go with everyone to find a place to eat and continue the conversation. Tong Fei did not decline the invite. By the time they all stepped outside, the sky was already completely dark, and a light drizzle had started to fall. ¡°It should be pretty hard to catch a cab here.¡± Chu Jian surveyed their surroundings, a one-way street lined with a row of parked cars along the curb. There were no signs at all of any taxi driving by this place. ¡°No need to take a cab. We can just walk there,¡± Xie Linlin smiled. Chu Jian pulled her gaze back and then caught sight of an especially familiar-looking vehicle stopped by the roadside. Before she could catch a glimpse of the license plate number, the driver¡¯s door was pushed open from the inside. The person getting out of the vehicle was dressed in a black pullover sweatshirt and workout pants, and he did not look the least bit like a celebrity. Jian Bianlin? Everybody was astounded, including Lu Congwen, who was at the very back of the group, walking out with his two assistants. This place was not any major filming base. It was just an apartment rented temporarily by the production team, and after two or three days of filming, they would be leaving the site. To actually be able to come across him here, then, was such an amazing coincidence. Jian Bianlin had worked with Lu Congwen before, and they would also frequently run into each other at various awards ceremonies, so Jian Bianlin gave a slight nod in his direction when he saw him. Then, he also nodded in greeting to a few other people whom he was relatively familiar with. As he drew near to Chu Jian, he simply ignored those people whom he was not well-acquainted with or did not know. It had been four days since they last saw one another. ¡°Why are you back?¡± Chu Jian felt a little flustered from his stare. There was a disconcerting feeling of embarrassment, like being suddenly exposed under the brilliant light of day. He gazed at her amusedly. ¡°What, you expect that I don¡¯t come back and just settle in Macau for good?¡± ¡°¡­¡­¡± Chu Jian did not reply. Could they not stand in here in front of so many people to chat? ¡­ Taking in the complex expression on her face, Jian Bianlin inferred that she did not like being with him in this type of environment and surrounded by onlookers. He turned to Tong Fei and asked, ¡°You guys are done for the day and heading for dinner?¡± ¡°Ah, right, yes.¡± Tong Fei snapped her mind back. ¡°Yes, we¡¯re heading to dinner. I was wondering what you wanted when you asked for the address. I never thought you really would be able to come. Want to join us?¡± He shook his head. ¡°I¡¯m here to pick her up.¡± ¡°Oh, okay, then you guys go ahead.¡± Tong Fei explained to Xie Linlin, ¡°I¡¯m so well-acquainted with Jian Bianlin because of Chu Jian. The two of them have been neighbours since they were kids. You know, really good childhood friends.¡± Understanding, Xie Linlin smiled, ¡°That¡¯s so nice. I really admire those friendships that were formed since childhood.¡± Hearing Tong Fei¡¯s explanation, Jian Bianlin could not be bothered to say anything. He lifted a hand and touched it to Chu Jian¡¯s face, which was damp from the rain. Still warm. She must not have been outside and getting showered on the whole time. That was good. ¡°Let¡¯s go home?¡± he asked. She breathed out in relief. Oh yes, oh yes. Going home was the safest bet. But after thinking again, she realized that that would not be good. She told him, ¡°I didn¡¯t buy groceries these last few days. How about we just go eat with Tong Fei?¡± After all, he knew these people anyway. Jian Bianlin was silent for a moment before saying, ¡°A bone broth has been simmering at home for the whole afternoon. Winter bamboo shoots and pork bone broth.¡± Huh? He had been back for so long already? Chu Jian had thought he had just left the airport not long ago. ¡°¡­ Then let¡¯s go home to eat.¡± The two got into his vehicle and drove away, passing through the traffic lights at the intersection, until even the shadow of the backside of the car could not be seen, let alone the license plate. Only then did everyone start back from their daze¡ªand also comprehend. Xie Linlin was furiously sending messages to Tong Fei with her eyes. ¡°You¡¯re kidding me, right? Good friends, my foot!¡± Tong Fei was stunned silly as well. ¡°Holy crap! I didn¡¯t know either¡­¡± CH 5.4 The atmosphere, hmm, should have been pretty good. Of course, this was referring to the atmosphere before Chu Jian received that phone call. A call came in from an unfamiliar number. Chu Jian was not mentally prepared for it, but when she answered it with a ¡°hello,¡± there was already the faint sound of breathing on the other end. It sounded especially like Jian Bianlin when he called her sometimes, and were it not for the fact that Jian Bianlin was driving, she would have even thought that he must have lost his mobile phone and changed his number before he called¡­ That was, until the other end said, ¡°Chu Jian, it¡¯s me.¡± An unfamiliar, yet familiar voice. Chu Jian¡¯s brows puckered as she searched her mind for a moment. Xu Jing? Immediately, she felt a little uneasy. Trying to cover up for it, she greeted, ¡°Ah, yes, it¡¯s me¡­ Is there something the matter?¡± She stole a glimpse at Jian Bianlin. Reception was cut off. Everything about this community compound was great, except that the parking garage had no mobile phone reception. So, in the end, it actually seemed as if she had hung up the phone out of a guilty conscience. ¡°Who was that?¡± Jian Bianlin detected something. ¡°¡­ Xu Jing.¡± Jian Bianlin did not say anything. Shutting the door and locking the vehicle, he walked with her up the wooden staircase of the courtyard to the central garden area of their community compound. Chu Jian was not certain whether it was because she was simply feeling too guiltily apprehensive, but she felt that the sound of his footsteps was very heavy. Swipe the key card. Walk through the main door. Wait for the elevator. A phone call came again¡­ This time, Chu Jian recognized the number and did not answer. She had not seen that other party for so many years anyway, so she was not afraid of offending him. When the two of them stepped out of the elevator, Chu Jian rummaged through her purse for the key. Right as she felt her hand brushing against it, Jian Bianlin¡¯s palm pressed against the nape of her neck, and wordlessly, he pulled her against him into his embrace. His action was quick and decisive and done in one smooth motion, but because it was too unexpected, Chu Jian¡¯s forehead was sore from crashing into him. The key that her fingers had just contacted slipped away from her again. When his kiss came down on her, she even thought, did all people who were in a relationship just kiss for no apparent reason like this? Didn¡¯t they get tired of it? ¡­ Both of their were lips were cool because of the temperature outside, and now, as they made contact, she felt that his lips were a little dry. Her tongue was pulled directly into Jian Bianlin¡¯s mouth and then fiercely sucked on. Stumbling, she fell against the closed elevator door. Her tongue felt raw and sore, like it had been torn by his ferocious kiss that had bombarded her without so much as a warning, and she had no choice but to shove him away with her elbow. ¡°That hurts.¡± ¡­¡­ Jian Bianlin stepped backward, pressing his back against the corridor wall. In the half a day that he had been back, he had done nothing but make soup for her while reading through his script of lines. If the bamboo shoot he was peeling was even slightly tough, he would continue to remove more of the outer layers, a little at a time, for fear that she would not like to eat it because the texture in the mouth was unpleasant to her. He knew how to cook all her favourite foods, but every time he had made them, he or his father had been the one to destroy it in his belly. After all, the flavours created from the same oil, salt, soy sauce, and vinegar could vary vastly depending on the different hands that used them to season, and in regards to whether the foods he made suited her taste, he actually did not have much confidence. He had intended to feed her until her belly was full and happy so as to create a nicer atmosphere. Then, he would tell her that, these last few days, his mind had been filled only with her, that he had wanted simply to hurry and make a stopover in Shanghai just to see her. But things had completely changed¡ªall because of that phone call. With face taut and head lowered, Chu Jian dug through her purse for a long time in search of her key. After opening the door to her home, she banged it shut behind her. On the stove in the kitchen, there truly was a pot of bamboo shoots with pork bone broth. The table had already been set with bowls and chopsticks, and there was even a small dish of spicy chili sauce mixed with sesame oil. He was very aware of her habit where she liked to fish out the bamboo shoots and then dip them in this type of sauce to eat. After standing in the entryway for a little while, Chu Jian¡¯s head had cleared. Turning around, she opened the door. Sure enough, he was still leaning against the wall of the corridor. Luckily this place was only two units per floor with one staircase, and even couriers only left their packages in the mailroom at the front gate and were not allowed into the community compound. Otherwise, if this big celebrity were photographed standing with his back against the white wall in such a despondent state, it would certainly cause imaginations to fire. ¡°I haven¡¯t seen Xu Jing since we graduated.¡± She walked up in front of him. He knew that. Jian Bianlin lifted his eyes and looked at her. Biting down on her lip, Chu Jian restrained her emotions. ¡°I already told you in Macau, your dad is the one who gave him my phone number. You heard everything when he called. I don¡¯t know, either, why he¡¯s trying to contact me.¡± Besides, back then, it was just for three days, and the only physical contact we had was when he held my hand for a short bit after I agreed¡­ You¡¯ve kissed me many times already, you know? ¡­ He answered in a low voice, ¡°I know.¡± She was taken aback. ¡°Then what are you mad about?¡± Jian Bianlin tilted his head up to glance at the up and down arrows over the elevator. ¡°I just don¡¯t feel good once I hear his name.¡± ¡°¡­ That¡¯s just being unreasonable.¡± He actually went so far as to give a quiet ¡°mm-hmm¡± and admit, ¡°You can¡¯t talk reason when it comes to this.¡± Even if he clearly knew that they could not possibly have any type of relationship anymore, he still felt uncomfortable. He had absolutely no intentions of being reasonable when it came to this. There absolutely could not be even the slightest signs or suggestions of anything. Even hints that it was being daydreamed about it were out of the question. Choking back on her frustration, Chu Jian blurted, ¡°When you were in that competition, didn¡¯t you have a really close relationship with a girl? If I were to be unreasonable, would you be able to take it?¡± Jian Bianlin paused in surprise. His brows drew together. ¡°Who said that?¡± She did not intend on continuing the discussion. ¡°You believe it?¡± he pressed. Without waiting for her answer, Jian Bianlin stretched out an arm, wanting to pull her into his embrace. Chu Jian instinctively sidestepped him. Jian Bianlin¡¯s hand froze in midair. Dazed for quite a while, he carefully controlled his breathing and, in a hoarse voice, followed up with another sentence: ¡°Let¡¯s get married, how about that?¡± ¡­¡­ All around, it was empty and quiet. The evening wind made whooshing noises as it swirled and blew in through the corridor window, causing her temples to throb painfully. ¡­¡­ His one sentence had left her utterly stunned. She truly had been frightened by it. It was similar to a person who previously had not really dared to go on a swing. Finally, she summoned her courage to sit on one, but before she had even steadied herself, someone gave her a big push from behind while she was completely unprepared. She careened toward the highest point, and then, with a crack, the rope snapped and she was hurtling forward¡­ Chu Jian stood there for a full half a minute. Without at all observing the expression on his face, she tossed out the sentence, ¡°Just go calm down alone for a bit.¡± Then, she went back into her home. The door was shut and, furthermore, was locked from the inside. She leaned her back against it. Granted, they had the foundation of having known one another for many years, so they did not need to start at the very beginning of understanding each other¡¯s family and background or even everyday habits. But, they had only just started dating, and she was only just starting to have inklings of those feelings of liking someone. Marriage¡ªthat was such a serious matter. At the very least, there should be love, right? Out in the corridor. Jian Bianlin basically did not even know what was up with himself. That random, foolish sentence had practically popped out from his mouth, and after he said it, he had painfully regretted it. With both his palms pressed against his forehead, he shut his eyes. After quite some time had passed, he pulled out his key and opened the door to his own home. ¡°Whoa, hey, you¡¯re back? I¡¯m about to starve to death here.¡± Xie Bin set down his beverage can and peered about. ¡°Where¡¯s your wifey?¡± Jian Bianlin shook his head. ¡°Weren¡¯t you going to pick her up? You didn¡¯t find her? If you couldn¡¯t find her, you should call Tong Fei. Can¡¯t even find a living, breathing person?¡± Xie Bin¡¯s head was spinning, and his eyes were blurry with hunger. God knows he had waited until his stomach was so empty it was as if his chest was touching his back. Jian Bianlin did not utter a response. Pointing at the kitchen instead, he told him, ¡°Make something yourself. I¡¯m going to sleep for a bit.¡± The result was, this sleep lasted into the middle of the night. It was nearly midnight when he rose from his bed and yanked off his pullover sweatshirt, intending on going to take a shower. Xie Bin likely had heard his movements, and pushing open the door, he stepped in and dragged Jian Bianlin out of the room. ¡°Forget the shower. Go and eat something first.¡± Saying this, Xie Bin went into the kitchen, twisted on the stove, and then drew a circle with the spoon that was in his hand. ¡°All right, tell me now. Things were just fine when you went to go pick her up. How come you weren¡¯t even able to bring her back in the front door of the home?¡± Xie Bin finished speaking, but he actually held no hopes that Jian Bianlin would tell him what exactly had happened. Rambling on, he spoke about the arrangements and schedule for the next while. Then, he took a look into the living room. There was no one there anymore. He cast another glance around. There he was, taking in some air on the balcony¡­ Xie Bin ladled out a bowl of soup and left it on the dining table. ¡°I¡¯ve never liked a girl so much before. Tell me, what does it feel like?¡± Shaking his pack of cigarettes, Xie Bin took one out, lit it, and took a deep drag. ¡°I suppose I¡¯m just too good-looking ¡¯cause the girls are the ones who are desperate for me. But I¡¯m used to it already.¡± Jian Bianlin was silent. ¡°Of course, it¡¯s still not quite to your degree.¡± Xie Bin was gleeful. ¡°All right, serious now, what does it feel like?¡± Xie Bin pulled over a beverage can that he had just finished and used it as an ashtray. Feel like? As Jian Bianlin leaned against a wicker chair, his hand on his forehead, he stretched out his other arm, grabbed the box of cigarettes out of Xie Bin¡¯s hand, and moodily pulled out a cigarette. He did not have much of a tobacco craving. Occasionally, if his filming required it, he would smoke. Later, he had used it to pass the time when he was feeling tense and restless. When he lit up, though, he would just bite down on the cigarette as something to do. ¡°Am I pretty lousy and disappointing?¡± Xie Bin paused blankly for a moment at this random, out of the blue question before grinningly replying, ¡°In your fans¡¯ eyes, you are perfect in every way.¡± Jian Bianlin tucked his chin down, his gaze also naturally sliding downward to take in the winding design on the balcony¡¯s tile floor. ¡°I really, extremely love her.¡± ¡°I know.¡± Otherwise why would I help you trick her into going to see you? Xie Bin muttered in his mind. Jian Bianlin fell into another moment of silence. Finally, he simply repeated again, ¡°Really, extremely love her.¡± He could not explain exactly; he only knew that he could wait an entire lifetime for her. When he was in his teens, he had abandoned himself to despair, imagining that, in the future, should she fall in love with someone else and marry, he would wait, wait until she divorced. If she was happy and doing well, he would do what he could to add more goodness to her life, to make her life even better. If she was not happy, he would, without a moment¡¯s hesitation, beat up that man and then bring her back home with him. During that period in his early twenties, when he could not yet see the future of his career and was also unable to frequently make up excuses to see her, he had dreamed about Chu Jian, her eyes brimming with tears, throwing herself into his arms and sobbing as she told him about someone being mean to her, mistreating her, or other atrocious acts. He had always started awake, his insides churning painfully. Leaning against the head of his bed, he would sit for the remainder of the night, from when the sky was black until it glowed with light. That feeling where his heart would hammer with fear that she would be taken advantage of or put through suffering was difficult to describe in words. With a quiver of the embers, he stubbed out his cigarette on the edge of the aluminum can. Xie Bin, coincidentally, had also moved at the same time to flick the ash off his smoke and was nearly burned by Jian Bianlin¡¯s cigarette butt. With the hiss of a sharp inhale, Xie Bin cried, ¡°What are you doing?¡± That person who had just put out his cigarette was now striding swiftly away, leaving the balcony. ¡°She hasn¡¯t eaten yet. I¡¯m going over there.¡± CH 6.1 Before they were dating, she had already known that he was busy, but she had not expected that his workload was so intense. He had not even been back in Shanghai for a couple of days before he was flying out again. Then, the day he returned coincidentally was the day Chu Jian had to go to Guangzhou to prepare for the trade show. Hence, Jian Bianlin compared their individual flight details over the phone with her, hoping that they could manage to see each other briefly in the airport. His flight landed at six o¡¯clock; hers took off at seven. Time was tight to begin with, and then on top of that, Jian Bianlin¡¯s flight ended up being delayed. By the time he rushed to that VIP waiting lounge that they had arranged to meet in, Chu Jian was sitting in an inconspicuous corner, leafing through some Japanese-written material that she was holding while munching, a small bite at a time, on an apple that was still half green and not quite red yet. ¡°Taste good?¡± He took from her hand that apple that had less than half left and was already showing the core. ¡°It¡¯s okay.¡± Could apples really be categorized as ¡°tastes good¡± and ¡°doesn¡¯t taste good¡±? Didn¡¯t they all just have an apple taste? Chu did not have a chance to savour that taste before she saw him bring his mouth down to bite into the spot on the apple that she had just bitten. ¡°What¡¯s wrong?¡± Jian Bianlin gave her a puzzled look. Their relationship had changed, so some of the barriers that they had never broken through before now simply disappeared naturally. For example, right now, he was eating the apple that she had practically finished eating with only the core left. In the past, only her dad and mom would eat her leftovers and not be repulsed at all by doing so. Behind them, a few staff members of his company as well as Xie Bin one after another took a seat, tossing their backpacks on the floor if so needed and acting as a screen for Jian Bianlin. Looking on from the outside, this corner seemed more like a team of staff members centered around him. Chu Jian shifted her gaze away awkwardly, spotting on the wall that Beijing time was already six forty. It was time to board, she thought as she worked out the times. Jian Bianlin also glanced at the wall clock. ¡°Sit for just a bit longer. Three minutes.¡± Chu Jian nodded. These two people who had not seen each other for eight days finally were able to meet up after overcoming the many obstacles, but actually, it turned out that there was not much interaction between them. Xie Bin, who was sitting directly behind them with his back toward them, could not help fiddling with his box of cigarettes, putting it in order. Sure enough, there are thousands of people out there, so there will be thousands of weird and different ways to date someone. The way these two were gazing at one another¡ªoh, wait, no, it was just one person gazing at the other person¡ªwas certainly¡­ annoying enough. He took advantage of this moment when he was answering a phone call to glance at Jian Bianlin¡¯s expression. It was because of this type of expression that, the very first time he ran into Chu Jian, he had known that Jian Bianlin must have very special feelings for this girl. Every time Jian Bianlin saw Chu Jian, his face that was normally set tightly would transform to become filled with sentiment. An extremely complicated emotion that he would be suppressing would meld into his eyes and brows¡ªlove. Or, perhaps it could be said, it was a feeling that was even more tangible and weightier than ordinary love. Jian Bianlin pulled out a small red box from his pocket, stating, ¡°Christmas gift.¡± ¡°Christmas gift?¡± She was puzzled. ¡°There are still another seven days.¡± What was the rush? It had been a good number of days where he had not seen her, and he just wanted to be a little closer to her. Alas, near and far, there were many strangers around them. So, he could only make the most of that moment when she was taking the gift from him to press his two fingers against the back of her hand. He dared not even let them remain there for long. The pads of his fingers swept over those pale blue veins on the back of her hand, touched the curves of her knuckles, glided to her fingers, and then slid off. Their fingers intersected and gently brushed together. Chu Jian¡¯s eyes flickered, and her palm tingled. ¡°I wanted to see you smile,¡± he said in a normal, straightforward tone. ¡­¡­ It was a rather senseless response, and it left her a little bewildered and also quite embarrassed. A slight tinge of red coloured her cheeks as she slipped that small box into her pocket, then grabbed her bag and ran away. But before she had taken even a few steps, Chu Jian doubled back again. ¡°I¡¯ll bring your Christmas present back from Guangzhou.¡± Jian Bianlin was leaning his body forward, his elbows resting on the knees of his bent legs. Nodding, he lowered his head and carried on eating the apple. Even now, as he watched her leave, he still had not seen that smile from her that he longed for. The piece of apple core that he crushed in his mouth gave off a faint bitter taste, but he was not aware of it in the slightest. All he could sense was the remnants of her warmth between his fingers. Earlier, on the plane, the abdominal pain had been too intense, and even after deboarding, he still had not recovered significantly. Strugglingly, he had managed only to say those few words to her. He knew as well that he had been a little stuffy and boring, but he truly had not been able to force out another half a word, for fear that she would detect something. Xie Bin poked his head over and asked, was he planning to not tell Chu Jian? It hurt too much. He didn¡¯t want to move. And he didn¡¯t want to talk. With a muted sound in response, he yanked over Xie Bin¡¯s black cashmere overcoat and threw it over his head, covering his increasingly ashen complexion. He no longer had the strength to move even one tiny bit. Jian Bianlin¡¯s gift to her was a bracelet that was one of a matching, couple¡¯s set. She had seen this particular design before. Slipping it on, she discovered that the size was perfect. It should have previously been adjusted in the store and had a few links removed from the chain already. She had once asked Tong Fei, why did celebrities like to wear couples¡¯ things that had the same style? Weren¡¯t they worried that someone else would have the same thing as them? Tong Fei¡¯s answer was incisive and to the point: It was precisely for the reason that an item was repeatedly seen that no one would suspect it was actually a token of love between a couple. That was because everyone was wearing one. When she saw the Korean brand product representative two days later, the other party was very sharp-eyed and immediately recognized the design as the one a relatively hot and popular Korean celebrity had worn during a photoshoot for a poster. After escorting the representative back to the hotel room, Chu Jian turned her wrist over back and forth, using the light in the hallway to examine that bracelet on her wrist that gave off a faint matte, red-gold glow. She still could not erase from her mind that brief meeting with Jian Bianlin in the airport lounge. She dialed his number. On the other end of the line, the sound echoed hollowly. ¡°You¡¯re still not asleep?¡± When the call was connected, a question was first fired in her direction, his tone a little serious. ¡°Aren¡¯t you not asleep, too?¡± Chu Jian countered. There was the sound of a door being shut. Then he said, ¡°I was asleep, but your phone call woke me up.¡± Chu Jian did not utter anything in response. Before she had a chance to tell him, ¡°You keep sleeping then. It was nothing important,¡± he immediately followed up with a few more words. ¡°Just joking. I¡¯m reading through a script. Haven¡¯t slept yet.¡± Thinking for a moment, she replied, ¡°I¡¯m calling to ask, what gift do you want for Christmas?¡± Jian Bianlin did not answer the question, and instead, he unexpectedly lowered his voice to ask, ¡°Miss me?¡± ¡°¡­¡­¡± ¡°A little bit? Or not at all?¡± ¡°A¡ª¡± Chu Jian had originally wanted to go along with what he had said and answer, ¡°A little bit,¡± but when the words came to her lips, she swallowed them back down. With a stammer, she changed it to ¡°Mm-hmm, missed you.¡± Quite some time passed before his faint, forbearing sigh echoed out from that hollow-sounding background. ¡°Go sleep now.¡± So full of emotions were those words it seemed they would spill over as he paused there. After a long while, he repeated his instructions. ¡°Sleep well.¡± Just that one little sentence caused her to toss and turn for an entire night in a fitful sleep filled with many dreams. She awakened at some time past four in the morning and stared blankly, watching as the sky gradually brightened. After barely managing to get through the wait to seven o¡¯clock, she gauged that he should be awake by this time. However, when she called him, his mobile phone was turned off. She had originally just wanted to say hi and ask how he was doing, nothing really serious, but now, with this powering off of his phone, she actually grew panicky. This was because, as far as Chu Jian knew, since he began using a mobile phone, he had never left it shut off before. To a certain extent, Jian Bianlin was actually a very strict and meticulous person. He would not allow the situation to occur where his mobile phone¡¯s battery died and his family could not find him. For half an hour, Chu Jian continued to dial his number until, unexpectedly, the call connected. ¡°Hello? Hello? Is it Chu Jian?¡± Xie Bin answered the phone cheerfully. ¡°Where¡¯s Jian Bianlin? Why is his mobile with you?¡± ¡°His phone died, and he asked me to charge it for him.¡± ¡°¡­ You¡¯re lying to me?¡± she replied out of intuition. ¡°Why would I lie to you?¡± Xie Bin was amused. ¡°You, kid, are so funny. His phone really did die¡­¡± Before Chu Jian could even press him with another question, Xie Bin was already sighing and overturning his previous statement. ¡°Forget it. I can¡¯t fabricate the story any further. He¡¯s in surgery. It just started half an hour ago¡­¡± Surgery? Xie Bin was still describing the situation to her, but Chu Jian¡¯s mind was already in utter chaos. Throwing on some clothes, she dashed out. Amidst Xie Bin¡¯s outpouring of everything on his mind, Chu Jian surprisingly kept a cool head and asked him for the hospital location and the surgery start time. Hanging up the phone, she immediately booked the earliest flight back. Jian Bianlin, you jerk! Don¡¯t say anything, do you? Just die from keeping it all in, you. You¡¯d deserve it if you die from keeping everything to yourself! When Chu Jian was booking the flight, she disgracefully cried from anger. Incessantly, she wiped at her tears. The agent on the phone who was doing the booking was baffled, and prior to hanging up the phone after everything was completed, he privately expressed to her, ¡°Miss, don¡¯t be too grieved. All things shall pass.¡± Pass what? It won¡¯t pass. This whole thing had been wearing on her since September. There had been issue after issue, from the feelings between them, to his sickness, then to the reevaluation of their relationship over these last twenty years, to the forcible altering of their relationship into one of an intimate type. She had practically been worn down to the point that she was beginning to doubt her life¡¯s journey over these last twenty-five years and four months. And wasn¡¯t it all because of, first, his dad¡¯s work-related injury and then, afterward, this illness of his that could zap half his life away?! And the result of all that was that this time, he decided to perform this little act of covering up the situation and not telling her! Jian Bianlin, you big jerk, you! Chu Jian had thought that the journey back would be unbearable. But in reality, it had felt as if she was floating, and then she was there. As Chu Jian stood outside the operating room with her head tilted upward and saw that the light over the door was still lit, her heart was about to break. Although her entire return journey could be considered smooth, it had still taken nearly seven hours. The surgery still had not come to an end yet. In the short span of less than two months, she was twice faced with such a scenario. In this moment, she finally understood the feeling of being drained to the point of collapse. Another hour passed, and then Tong Fei also came rushing over. The light still glowed with the words ¡°surgery in progress.¡± Her eyes red, Chu Jian clutched Tong Fei¡¯s wrist and rambled, ¡°I¡¯m telling you, if he comes out, I am so going to beat the heck out of him. Tong Fei, I am so going to give him the biggest tongue-lashing. Trust me¡­¡± When the time was past five in the evening and the sky, little by little, was dimming, the light over the operating room door was at last extinguished. Thankfully, Jian Bianlin was not at an older age like his father, and his body physically was fit. He did not need to spend time in the intensive care unit and was transferred directly to a recovery room. After nearly ten hours of open abdominal surgery and examination, the doctor had finally found a one-centimetre tumor by his bile duct that had been placing pressure on the duct. Worried that this tumor was malignant, the surgeon had extracted a circle centering around the growth¡­ Anyway, when the thing that had been cut out was brought to them to see, Xie Bin was actually even quite happy and felt that this was all no big deal, pulling out his mobile phone and taking a photograph of it. As Chu Jian stared at that bloody mass and thought about the fact that it had been cut from Jian Bianlin¡¯s body, a pain seemed to seep out, bit by bit, from the very seams of her bones, and a cold sweat, now after the fact, broke out in her palms. But when she went to his hospital room and saw him there, lying on the bed with his eyes closed and still unconscious, all those words that she had said¡ªas she rushed back the entire way from Guangzhou, when she arrived outside of the operating room, when she held on to Tong Fei and babbled nonstop¡ªbecame invalid¡­ I won¡¯t yell at you, and I don¡¯t blame you for doing it secretly without talking to me first. Jian Bianlin, hurry and wake up. Please hurry¡­ The doctor leaned over and attempted to wake Jian Bianlin. Amid the tick, tick, tick sounds of the monitoring equipment, Chu Jian anxiously stood at the side of the bed, watching him. Waiting. Waiting for him to open his eyes. Slowly, those eyelashes that lay on his face fluttered slightly, but his eyes still seemed somewhat unable to open. He was not simply weak. That lost, confused look that appeared in his slightly-squinted eyes seemed like that of a little animal that could not find its way home, like someone who could not figure out who he was or where he had been abandoned and could only helplessly search around for something familiar. Last time, Uncle Jian had been in intensive care after coming out of surgery, so Chu Jian had never seen anyone gradually regain consciousness after being under general anesthesia for a long period. She somewhat¡­ did not dare move, lest he was unable to find her. She thought, if Jian Bianlin were to try to find something that was most familiar to him, it would most certainly be here that he would look, this spot where she was standing. Sure enough, when Jian Bianlin¡¯s gaze fell on her, it stopped. After a few seconds of hesitation, he said, in words that were somewhat indistinct, ¡°Don¡¯t¡­ bike to school by yourself. It¡¯s snowing¡­¡± ¡­¡­ Amused by this, the doctor explained to everyone, ¡°He¡¯s good. He¡¯s likely still a little disoriented.¡± In his hazy state, Jian Bianlin¡¯s brows creased together, and he drifted back to sleep. The doctor informed them that they would need to wait for another period before he was completely clearheaded. Right now, the effects of the anesthesia were just wearing off, and drifting between sleep and consciousness was very normal. In short, there were no real issues. The entire time since he mumbled those couple of sentences, Chu Jian had been caught in a daze. Tong Fei had also been worried about Jian Bianlin, and after listening to everything the doctor said, she nodded and bowed incessantly in thanks. From Xie Bin to the assistants to Tong Fei, everyone was extremely grateful, and clustering around the doctor, they all saw him out the door. When Tong Fei returned, Chu Jian still looked exactly the same as before and had not so much as shifted. ¡°Hey, hey, what are you thinking?¡± Tong Fei waved her fingers randomly in front of Chu Jian¡¯s eyes. ¡°It¡¯s okay, it¡¯s okay now. He just needs to rest up now, and then he¡¯ll be fine.¡± Chu Jian sluggishly glanced at Tong Fei. No one knew what Jian Bianlin had been talking about. It had been too much like normal, incoherent babble. But she knew. That year¡¯s winter, Jian Bianlin had been running a high fever. Some time past five in the morning, when she crawled sleepily out of bed with her head still slumped to her chest, she saw him standing feebly in the living room, talking to her parents. His eyes were already a lackluster type of black and did not carry their usual brilliance. Seeing her walk out, he handed to her the absence request slip that his dad had written. At the time, what he spoke were those words: ¡°Don¡¯t bike to school by yourself. It¡¯s snowing. The roads are slippery.¡± CH 6.2 Jian Bianlin was still in a state of semiconsciousness. Xie Bin still had work to do and left first, while the two assistants and Chu Jian kept watch in the room. In the latter half of the night, Chu Jian was unable to fall asleep, so leaning forward, she simply rested her upper body on the bed. Jian Bianlin woke two or three times, but she did not dare say much to him, only asking him if he was uncomfortable when he looked as if he wanted to say something. At most, he would merely silently furrow his brow. He did not so much as utter, even one time, the word ¡°hurts.¡± Some time past three o¡¯clock in the morning, he was awakened by pain and shifted slightly. Chu Jian, who was sprawled on the side of his bed, startled awake, and opening her eyes that were bloodshot from lack of rest, she stared at him. Jian Bianlin¡¯s first reaction was, ¡°¡­ Go back and get some sleep.¡± He could not use a pillow. The incision hurt. His various discomforts had left his throat so dry it was as if it had been polished by sandpaper, and his voice was hoarse and deep. Chu Jian shifted her chair to be even closer to him. In the still of the night, in that hospital room, Chu Jian, her back toward those two slumbering assistants of his who were dead to the world, smiled at Jian Bianlin as he lay on the bed. In a low voice that only the two of them could hear, she told him, ¡°Didn¡¯t you want to see me smile?¡± A smile seemed to also come onto Jian Bianlin¡¯s lips. He lifted his fingers, wanting to touch her face. Noiselessly, Chu Jian brought her face close and touched it against his middle and ring fingers that he had brought together slightly. ¡°You get better fast, do you hear me? Once you¡¯re better, I¡¯ll settle the score with you.¡± They dilly-dallied the time away like this for a little while. Chu Jian felt that, no matter how you looked at it, she and he seemed to be acting out a Korean drama. If there were some incidental music and soft lighting, it would simply be¡­ She even wanted to say this aloud to cheer him up. However, that person who was still touching her face had already fallen back into sleep again, though in his half-asleep, half-awake state, he was still gently caressing her with the pads of his fingers. Chu Jian dared not move as well. Resting her upper body on his bed, she, too, drifted off into slumber. The following day, he was moved into an inpatient room. Then the day after that, his gastric tube was also removed, and the doctor said his body could be wiped down with warm water. Chu Jian did not think too deeply about this task, and after bringing some hot water into the room, she even first furtively kicked the two assistants out. Drawing the bed curtains shut, she gazed directly at Jian Bianlin. ¡°I¡¯ll take off your clothes first.¡± Making a rough sweep with his eyes over that basin of hot water as well as the towel that was half-floating and half-submerged in it, Jian Bianlin could roughly guess what she intended to do. ¡°You won¡¯t be able to do it.¡± ¡°I can.¡± Wasn¡¯t it just¡­ wiping his body? She pointed out, ¡°Those nurses and nursing aides are always doing it, and a lot of them are just young women.¡± Jian Bianlin knew clearly that, since he was wearing an abdominal binder right now, if his body were to be sponged down, the binder would first need to be undone. It was just three days after the surgery. This step was likely one she would not be able to handle, nor would she dare attempt it. But¡­ He gave a barely perceptible ¡°mm-hmm,¡± and said, ¡°Come on then.¡± There was utterly no trace of the feebleness and helplessness he had shown post-surgery when he was still drifting in and out of consciousness. Only three days after coming through a calamity, this man had already put away all of his weakness. The look in his eyes was deep and calm, like a deep pool of water on which no waves could be stirred. Oceans will billow and roil; rivers will flow and surge forward; and lakes will form waves from the wind. Only those deep pools that are typically nestled amongst mountains, where there is no source for wind or waves, are more often than not so still and deep that the bottom cannot be seen. You will always think, beneath the surface of that water, something must be there. Chu Jian was somewhat held in a trance as she recalled those impressions of him that were imprinted in her mind: from when he was still about as tall as her and was a taciturn little boy, to middle and high school, when he slowly became someone you could not really figure out, to now¡ªa person who was always completely stolid. Bringing her knees against the edge of the bed, she reached out a hand and touched the buttons of his hospital gown. ¡°That day, when you were just regaining consciousness, you mumbled a lot of nonsensical stuff. Do you remember?¡± ¡°What did I say?¡± His memories of that time were fragmented and hazy. ¡°You said¡­¡± Chu Jian pursed her lips together, a smile still on them. ¡°You said, ¡®Chu Jian, I was wrong and let you down. I shouldn¡¯t have kept you in the dark and just gone for surgery. I¡¯m such a jerk and bastard.¡¯¡± ¡­ Jian Bianlin was silent. He really believes it? Chu Jian was utterly tickled by this. ¡°Chu Jian?¡± he called her. ¡°Hmm?¡± Chu Jian was still delighting in her success at fooling him. ¡°This won¡¯t do.¡± He gripped her shoulder with one hand. ¡°You doing this¡­ I just went through a big surgery. This really won¡¯t do.¡± Chu Jian originally had not really thought much in that direction, but at this moment, two of the buttons in front of his chest were undone, exposing the lovely curvature of his collarbones¡­ Before she could even dwell anymore on this, Chu Jian was already so embarrassed that she took two steps backwards. Gnawing on her lower lip, she muttered, ¡°Scoundrel!¡± And then, refusing to acknowledge him anymore, she went outside and directed his assistant to go into the room. Xiao Yu stepped inside, rubbing the back of his head and asking, ¡°Jian Ge, why did Sister-In-Law[1] run off?¡± ¡°Go call a nurse,¡± Jian Bianlin told him, ¡°She can¡¯t do it and you, even more so, can¡¯t either.¡± With an ¡°oh, all right,¡± Xiao Yu left the room. Before long, the special care nurse assigned to the room came in. Skillfully, she unfastened the abdominal binder for Jian Bianlin and wiped down his body with warm water. He was still recalling how Chu Jian¡¯s face had immediately reddened when she heard those words, and he felt that this sickness had been worth it. Before he had gotten through his thoughts, however, there was a sharp pain from his wound that seemed to bore into his heart. The special care nurse¡¯s face flushed, and in a low voice, she said, ¡°I¡¯m sorry.¡± It turned out that when she was helping him put his clothing back on, her actions had been a little clumsy and bumped into his incision. Jian Bianlin gave a surprising smile. ¡°It¡¯s all right.¡± Chu Jian happened to push open the door and walk in at that moment. When she saw him smiling like this, she received a shock. After noting the very abnormal red tinge on the young special care nurse¡¯s cheeks, she was unable to refrain from glancing back across at Jian Bianlin. Hmm¡­ She did not like this feeling. She stole another couple of extra glimpses at Jian Bianlin. She had to admit, even when he was not a popular idol, since he was little, he had never lacked people flocking around him. That finely chiseled appearance, with eyes and nose and other features that were well-proportioned, was the type that was most attractive to girls. Jian Bianlin stayed in the hospital for half a month. It was impossible for Chu Jian to escape from attending this month¡¯s trade show, so she had no choice but to travel back and forth between Guangzhou and Shanghai. When the show finally came to a close and the two representatives for the Japanese and Korean companies had been well waited on and seen off to go back to their own home countries, she had successfully received three years of exclusive distribution rights for the Korean brand and was also still in the midst of negotiations with the Japanese one. The day before he was discharged from the hospital, Chu Jian, with great difficulty, managed to free herself from her Guangzhou business partners and hurried back to Shanghai. After arriving in the afternoon, she promptly sent the two assistants away to get some rest while she stayed alone to keep Jian Bianlin company. Chu Jian was thinking that they must be exhausted, while they were thinking that Chu Jian probably wanted some ¡°couple¡¯s alone time.¡± Anyway, as they were leaving, they had looks in their eyes that cried, ¡°Jian Ge has finally overcome all the hardships, and his longing has brought his wifey home to him.¡± So, with rather grateful contentedness, they retreated out of there. That night, when Chu Jian saw that he had gotten off the bed to go to the bathroom, she asked hesitantly, ¡°Do you need my help?¡± Once this one sentence was tossed out ever so lightly, she herself grew embarrassed first. ¡°How are you going to help?¡± Jian Bianlin looked at her with amusement. ¡°¡­¡­¡± ¡°I¡¯m going to wash up. What would you like to help with?¡± Jian Bianlin, though, would not let her off the hook. She did not utter even a sound. As she looked him over a couple of extra times after he stepped inside the bathroom, all she could think was, it seemed¡­ he had very easily returned to his image before he was admitted into the hospital. Indeed, he was born to be in the profession, to be a celebrity. In fact, it was actually because she had said that she would be staying the night to take care of him that Jian Bianlin had purposely taken a hot shower today. Since the surgery, apart from wiping down his body, this was actually the first time he had washed himself nice and clean from head to toe. His assistants had been nervous about this and had even repeatedly confirmed with the doctor that doing this would cause no issues. This person who normally did not even bother sprucing himself up when going to the airport was now actually paying particular attention to his appearance when he was in the hospital. In regards to this, before Chu Jian arrived, Xie Bin had outright mocked him for ¡°beautifying himself for the one who fancied him[2].¡± But Chu Jian did not know about this extra layer of detail. He stepped back out after washing his face. Still keeping to his old habit of not wiping his face off with a towel, water droplets were running down the side of his cheeks, and the ends of his hair were sodden, all of which served to highlight his eyes and make them seem especially black and bright. Chu Jian had been leaning back in the bed that she was to sleep on, thumbing through a fashion magazine to, at all times, keep herself at the forefront of the latest information regarding young women ¡­ Hearing some motion, she lifted her head and found him standing right before her. Remembering that Xie Bin had told her that Jian Bianlin still could not bend at the waist, she instantly tossed aside the magazine and jumped up from the bed. Afterward, though, she thought, Wait, no. Probably just the motion of bending his head down and leaning forward at the chest is hard for him, too, right? She pointed at his hospital bed. ¡°You sit down; I¡¯ll stand. That way, we¡¯ll be at eye level with each other.¡± Complying with her instructions, he sat down at the edge of the bed. There had been a noticeable change in Chu Jian¡¯s manner toward him since the surgery¡ªthis was something Jian Bianlin could see. However, as it happened, this month she had been so busy it was as if her world had turned upside down. Even if he had very much wanted to do something, he had not been able to catch her to do it. Now that he had finally persevered through the wait until she returned from Guangzhou, and moreover, she was voluntarily coming close to him, to look him in the eyes and speak to him, he was not going to continue being an ¡°upright and proper gentleman¡± any longer. As soon as Chu Jian was near, he leaned in close to inhale the scent of her neck, the tip of his nose just brushing against that tiny, dark blue stud earring in her earlobe. So pretty. Ever since she was little, she had always been much more fashion-sensitive with clothing and jewelry than other girls of the same age. This was especially so on weekends, when school uniforms were not worn. She had always been the one who was most eye-catching but yet, not garish. The still-damp ends of Jian Bianlin¡¯s hair that lay across his forehead grazed against her cheek. She tucked her head away slightly, trying to evade him. This was a hospital room. He put on a solemn look, but in reality, his unhurried motions were like those of a ruffian. ¡°I just recovered from a bad illness. Do you have anything planned as a celebration?¡± ¡°Celebration?¡± Chu Jian stared at him, still caught in a phase of trying to recover herself. ¡°You can¡¯t eat stuff that¡¯s too greasy, and seafood¡¯s not okay either. How can we celebrate?¡± Her rambling carried on, until the warmth of his breath drew near. Chu Jian abruptly clued in. Suddenly thinking of something, she nudged him and then told him, ¡°I¡¯ve been studying up on the Capricorn. You¡¯re like a model case of that sign.¡± Young girls tended to like zodiac signs and things like that. Jian Bianlin was not even clear on how many signs there actually were and could not guess what she wanted to say. ¡°But they say Capricorns have good genes, so there¡¯s an especially large number of good-looking ones.¡± She spoke again. Seeing that she was not planning on letting him kiss her in the next short while, Jian Bianlin reached his hand out and, a strand at a time, tucked away from her face her hair that was beside her cheeks, while simply listening as she carried on talking. ¡°Did you hear what I said?¡± ¡°I did,¡± he answered, his voice low. ¡°You said I¡¯m good-looking.¡± What Chu Jian had in fact wanted to say was, ¡°I have something to tell you.¡± All the useless preceding words were just the set-up. ¡­¡­ Not speaking, he motioned to her to continue. ¡°On the day you had your surgery, I made a decision, and now I¡¯ll tell it to you.¡± She and Jian Bianlin were basically two different types of people: He would have words in his heart but simply never say them, while she was the type who would have to speak out whatever came to mind. ¡°Before, I had promised you that we could try things out between us. Now¡­ um, as long as you don¡¯t do anything to hurt or betray me, from now on, I will never be the one to initiate breaking up.¡± Solemnly, she finished saying these words that handed herself over to him. Jian Bianlin, however, did not give a response. Chu Jian felt somewhat as if she was taking a sledgehammer and smashing it into a sponge¡ªno effect whatsoever. Pouting her lips, she muttered, ¡°Forget it. I¡¯m not going to bother getting upset with you.¡± Then, she even very logically added the sentence, ¡°If one day you want to break up¡­¡± Jian Bianlin unhurriedly lifted his gaze, his eyes looking straight into hers. ¡°That¡¯s not possible.¡± A reply that was simple and direct. Anyhow, Chu Jian was touched by these three words. Jian Bianlin held her hand in his. His thumb that was gently stroking the back of her hand moved in a slow rhythm, carrying hints of something suggestive. He once again wanted to kiss her, but he did not know whether Chu Jian had another long chunk of words that she wanted to say. Somewhat impatiently, he waited for another little while. Seeing that he was not speaking either, Chu Jian remembered the sentence he had said at the beginning of the conversation, the one about recovering from a bad illness and wanting a celebration. Her face burning, she mused, since he was the patient, the task of executing the celebration should fall on her, right? At the thought of this, her breathing became quite a bit faster, and she shifted herself forward an inch. Detecting her motion, Jian Bianlin spread his knees apart, allowing her to stand between his legs. With his arm around her waist, he waited for her. Until her kiss fell on his lips. Chu Jian¡¯s brain felt clouded for a moment, and her eardrums seemed swathed in a layer of mist. Her heartbeat was heavy and muffled. Still, she voluntarily extended the tip of her tongue and allowed it to slip inside, thinking that it would encounter his teeth. But all of a sudden, it touched his tongue. Their tongues entangled together, moistly and warmly, a couple of times¡ªonly a couple of times¡­ And then, Jian Bianlin really did¡­ This won¡¯t do. This really won¡¯t do. [1]É©×Ó ¡°sao zi.¡± This literally means ¡°sister-in-law.¡± Jian Bianlin is Xiao Yu¡¯s ¡°ge,¡± which literally means ¡°older brother¡± (recall footnote [2] in chapter 3.3), so since Chu Jian is Jian Bianlin¡¯s girlfriend, he addresses her as ¡°sister-in-law.¡± [2]ΪÔüºÕßÈÝ. This makes reference to a quote from the historical work ¡¶‘ð‡ø²ß¡·Records of the Warring States (known also as Records on the Warring States Period, Strategies of the Warring States, etc.). However, the entire saying is actually ¡°Å®ÎªÔüºÕßÈÝ¡± which translates as ¡°a woman will beautify herself for the man who fancies her.¡± Xie Bin dropped the first character, Å® woman, but he was still teasing Jian Bianlin by using a statement on him that would normally be used to describe a woman, saying he was ¡°prettying¡± himself for Chu Jian. CH 6.3 Although his mind was shouting this, he could not control his hand as it felt its way over to the back of her ear. With the pads of his fingers, he gently caressed it, very patiently rubbing, pinching, squeezing, fiddling. Before long, that little earlobe was bright red and burning hot from his touches. Chu Jian¡¯s entire body felt out of sorts, and in a voice that was so small it was nearly buried by the whirr, whirr of the central heating system, she could not help protesting, ¡°Why do you keep pinching my ears? ¡­¡± It hurt a bit. Jian Bianlin¡¯s throat felt a little dry. ¡°Your ears are pretty.¡± The one he was torturing was most certainly himself, like trying to use a blunt knife to slice off his own flesh as this was dragged out, and the need to hold himself back was exhausting. Thinking briefly, he decided he should take things slowly, step by step¡­ It was only after Jian Bianlin was discharged from the hospital that Xie Bin officially made known the news that Jian Bianlin would be resting for a period of time. For a while, his fans were in an uproar, and all sorts of speculations existed. According to Tong Fei¡¯s descriptions, Jian Bianlin¡¯s fans were all ¡°girlfriend fans¡± or ¡°wifey fans.¡± If the news of his surgery truly was released, there likely would be an uncountable number of people waking in the middle of the night from heartbreak, wishing with all their might that they could have gone under the knife in his place¡­ Moreover, this all needed to be kept secret from their two families. And hence, things were left as they were. It was simply a pity that such a piece of news that could be used to bring in some publicity had to be wasted. As for the pandemonium that had broken out amongst his fans, Chu Jian did not really take it seriously. What she most needed to worry about now were her parents and Uncle Jian, who were all coming to Shanghai tonight for a short stay¡­ Jian Bianlin had only just been discharged from the hospital right around the Gregorian New Year period, so he had not been able to return home. However, he had not been able to give the true reason for this either. Uncle Jian had been quite disappointed, feeling that his filial son had forgotten that his ol¡¯ dad had suffered a work-related injury, since the boy had not even made use of the holidays to go back for a visit. Afterward, under the counsel of Chu Jian¡¯s dad and mom that helped him see the light, Jian Bianlin¡¯s dad decided to take advantage of the fact that Jian Bianlin would be ¡°working¡± in Shanghai for the next month to go there with Chu Jian¡¯s parents for a short stay. Thus, while Chu Jian¡¯s dad was working in full swing in the kitchen and her mom had completely plunged into conversation with Jian Bianlin¡¯s dad, starting first with explaining that the daughter of the family living in the first unit of the first building of the community compound had been married off and moving the discussion on from there, Chu Jian threw a meaningful look at Jian Bianlin. ¡°Mom, I just remembered that all the wine is over in Jian Bianlin¡¯s home. We¡¯re going to go grab some.¡± ¡°Go ahead.¡± Her mom¡¯s voice sailed over from the living room. Chu Jian shoved him out the door, then reached behind and shut it with a thump. ¡°I¡¯m telling you, later on, when your dad tells you to drink, make sure you just keep the wine in your mouth and don¡¯t swallow. Go spit it out in the kitchen. I¡¯ll cover up for you.¡± The son toasting the father was the Jian family New Year¡¯s custom that forever could not be broken. This had been so since Jian Bianlin was five years old¡­ And hence, this was Chu Jian¡¯s greatest worry. It had not even been ten days since he was discharged from the hospital. Alcohol absolutely could not be consumed. Jian Bianlin expressed no objection to what she said. And when it came to the actual execution, he did indeed follow Chu Jian¡¯s instructions. At the dinner table, Chu Jian¡¯s mom was continually replenishing the food in front of Jian Bianlin while, in passing, highlighting the key point from her chitchat earlier with Jian Bianlin¡¯s dad. ¡°Little Jian¡­ have you thought about when you¡¯re going to find yourself a girlfriend?¡± Chu Jian gripped her chopsticks tightly. Jian Bianlin, acting as if the topic was of little importance to him, wordlessly shook his head. ¡°Don¡¯t you have a lot of fans? Are there any who are at an appropriate age, whom you can try spending some time with and getting to know?¡± Jian Bianlin obviously choked on that suggestion. Covering his face with the back of his hand that was clutching his chopsticks, he coughed fiercely a couple of times, which ended up pulling at his incision site and inevitably caused his brows to twist together. To these elders who were anxiously longing for him to get married and have babies, there actually was not much difference between ¡°fans¡± and ¡°young, age-appropriate women¡±¡­ ¡°What¡¯s up with you?¡± Jian Bianlin¡¯s dad rapped the table. ¡°Auntie is talking to you, but here you are frowning. The longer you live, the more rude and disrespectful you¡¯re becoming.¡± ¡°My fans are all young girls.¡± Jian Bianlin steadied his voice and replied in a serious tone. With a disappointed ¡°ah,¡± Chu Jian¡¯s mother remarked, ¡°That day when I went to the supermarket, I saw a poster of you, Little Jian, and there were a few girls who are a similar age to you looking at it pretty happily, too. Are there really none that are the right age?¡± In the end, even right before the toasting time, the two of them were not able to clearly explain why he, as an actor, could not be in a relationship with one of his fans. After all, there were already quite a few real-life cases of the contrary. It was also from this that Chu Jian learned that her parents actually watched entertainment news, too¡­ When Jian Bianlin¡¯s dad motioned for Jian Bianlin to replenish the wine for all the elders, Chu Jian made up an excuse and slipped to the kitchen. ¡°I¡¯m going to go check on the soup.¡± Once she was in the kitchen, she pressed herself up beside the door and peeked back out. In her gaze, he left his seat, picked up the white ceramic wine bottle, and refilled the glasses that were in front of each of the elders to a little less than half full. Finally, with the mouth of the bottle facing his own glass, he also poured himself some. The toasting words were forever unchanging, having remained the same for more than the last ten years. Chu Jian kept her eyes fixed on him. When his fair-skinned hand was raised beside his face, she gave a shove at the pan inside the sink and then, with a cry of ¡°Oh no!¡± called out, ¡°Jian Bianlin! Come quick, come quick, and help me out here!¡± ¡°What¡¯s the matter?¡± Chu Jian¡¯s mom threw out a sentence in response. ¡°It¡¯s no big deal. You guys eat. Jian Bianlin, come on in here quick.¡± Jian Bianlin sauntered into the kitchen. Chu Jian pointed at the sink. Bending his head down, he spit the alcohol that he had been holding in his mouth into the sink. Chu Jian was still monitoring what was going on outside. No one had caught on to their little ruse. Thank goodness, thank goodness. ¡°You didn¡¯t swallow any, right?¡± Rising up on her toes, she whisperingly asked this by his ear. Her warm breath gently, yet noticeably, fell against him, along with her voice. He tilted his head to the side. ¡°No.¡± ¡°That¡¯s good.¡± She exhaled in relief. Today, Jian Bianlin was wearing a red, windproof, zip-up jacket with a hood. This had been a specific request from Jian Bianlin¡¯s dad, who had said that it was for ¡°a new year, new atmosphere and image[1].¡± In fact, he very rarely wore such bright colours, but he truly looked so good in them. Chu Jian, her nose touching the black metal zipper of his jacket, was reminded of something some of his diehard fans in her company had said¡ªthis man was most gorgeous when he was wearing flirtatiously-teasing or eye-catching colours. Bright, black eyes that were slightly deep-set and with double eyelids, and skin that looked even fairer against the red colour¡­ He unexpectedly asked, ¡°What are you looking at?¡± ¡°You look quite nice in red,¡± she replied softly. She never used to notice these little details about him. Chu Jian remembered the time she had asked her university roommate about how that roommate had decided to start dating her now husband. Chu Jian had thought that it would be something so significant that it could ¡°astound Heaven and move the gods and spirits to weeping,¡± but to her surprise, the answer had been this: Her roommate really had not felt anything at first from her husband¡¯s attempts to woo her, until one day, she saw him wordlessly repairing her glasses that had lost a screw and she had left on her school desk. As the man fixed it, that roommate had watched¡ªand, just like that, was touched. If Chu Jian were to compare, that one sentence Jian Bianlin had spoken after he came out from surgery had also given the same feeling. In the time when he had been most frail and helpless, when his mind had been most unclear, the one thing that he had spoken had still been about her. That was like a pick that broke the ice. From that moment onward, nothing was the same. After dinner, they each went to their respective homes. Since Jian Bianlin¡¯s discharge from the hospital, the two had become accustomed to spending their evenings together. Now, suddenly being separated to two different apartment units on the same floor left Chu Jian¡¯s heart feeling a little hollow. Dinner had been eaten early, and after keeping her parents company for a long time, watching television, when she glanced at her watch, it was still only eight thirty. Bored with nothing to do, she wandered over in front of the fish tank. Forgetting that the fish had been fed already today, she arbitrarily grabbed a handful of fish food and dropped it inside the tank. Behind her, her dad shook his head right away and sighed, saying, no wonder several fish had perished under her care lately; they had all died from overfeeding. She quibbled back with a few words, but then she noticed that a WeChat message had come in on her phone. She tapped it open. It was him. Jian Bianlin: I¡¯m in the stairwell. ¡°Mom, I¡¯m going to go take out the trash.¡± Immediately, Chu Jian slipped her mobile phone into her pocket, dashed into the kitchen, grabbed the garbage bag, and ran. When the door thudded shut, the sound-activated lights in the corridor surprisingly did not turn on. She tossed the bag of trash down in front of the door of her home, and groping her way in the darkness with only the light of the moon to guide her, she walked around to the stairs. As she poked her head in for a look, someone grabbed her arm and pulled her in. In the darkness, the lips that pressed against the tip of her nose were hot. ¡°What were you doing just now?¡± Acting like a thief, Chu Jian whispered, ¡°I just fed the fish again and then got scolded by my dad for it.¡± ¡°Weren¡¯t they fed right before dinner?¡± ¡°Yup¡­¡± Chu Jian mumbled, ¡°It¡¯s because I didn¡¯t know what I could do, and then I forgot about that.¡± In their indistinct surroundings, he seemed to be in a pretty good mood. ¡°Is your dad asleep?¡± She asked another question. ¡°No.¡± ¡°Then how did you manage to come out?¡± ¡°I¡¯m going downstairs for a run.¡± ¡°Oh,¡± she giggled, ¡°then you go ahead and have a run.¡± This little way of urging him to do exactly opposite of what she really meant was particularly enticing. Jian Bianlin did not speak. In his room a moment ago, he had felt as if he simply could not stay there, and he had not been very focused, either, when reading through a script. He had wanted to go for a stroll, but when he stepped out the door, he realized that the thing he wanted most to do was to see her. All around, apart from the moonlight, there was nothing. They could hear that someone on some unknown floor was also opening the stairwell door, and there was the sound of footsteps, too. Were the footsteps going upstairs? Or downstairs? Chu Jian was listening carefully to the sounds from both inside and outside the stairwell, feeling a little guilty. The footsteps were getting closer and closer. Her mind addled, she thought, We¡¯re done for, we¡¯re done for. But then, she remembered that Jian Bianlin seemed to have turned off all the lights on this floor. Two silhouettes, one tall and the other short, walked right past Jian Bianlin¡¯s back to continue down the stairs, and they even glanced back once. Jian Bianlin was using his entire body to block her from view. After quiet was restored to their surroundings, his fingers began to silently squeeze her earlobe, their pads softly, aimlessly stroking the back of her ear. Quietly, he stated, ¡°The people are gone.¡± She gave an ¡°mm,¡± her cheeks hot. He leaned in close. ¡°Let¡¯s kiss for a while.¡± The result was, when Chu Jian returned home, her mother felt hat something was not quite right and was constantly staring at her. Extending a hand, she felt Chu Jian¡¯s forehead. ¡°You¡¯ve got a fever from the cold weather?¡± ¡°Nope.¡± Chu Jian touched the back of a hand to her own face. ¡°No, I don¡¯t.¡± ¡°That flush in your face is really unnatural. Hey, her dad, come here and feel her pulse[2].¡± Chu Jian¡¯s dad had studied traditional Chinese medicine for quite a long period of time, and he was normally always boasting about how good his medical skills were. So, hearing Chu Jian¡¯s mom say this, without asking anything else, he held down Chu Jian¡¯s wrist and touched his fingers to it for a while. After some time, his mind was set at ease, and he released his hold. ¡°There are no major issues, just that her heart rate is too high.¡± ¡°Why were you gone for an hour just to take out the trash?¡± Chu Jian¡¯s mom offhandedly asked. ¡°There was nothing to do anyway, so I ran a couple of laps around the community¡­¡± [1] Most will know that the colour red is the colour of luck, happiness, etc. in Chinese culture, so Jian Bianlin¡¯s dad¡¯s request for him to wear something red is basically to start the year off on ¡°the right foot¡± wearing something of good luck. [2]°ÑÂö ¡°ba mai.¡± In traditional Chinese medicine, feeling the pulse is not simply about counting beats. Rather, it is to feel what the characteristics are of that pulse (light, strong, slow, rapid, deep, thin, etc.), and these characteristics reveal the physical condition of a person. CH 6.4 In a blink, Lunar New Year also passed. Though Jian Bianlin wanted to see more of Chu Jian, it was not possible, lest his father detect any hints of something. The ice was finally broken in their relationship of many years, and he feared making any misstep. So, he suffered like this all the way until the Lunar New Year period was over and he went to join his next cast and crew on filming site. Chu Jian had arranged with him that on the day he was leaving, she would drive his car to take him to his company¡¯s office. They had agreed to meet in the underground parking garage. Jian Bianlin arrived first and turned on the heat to warm up the car for her. After a little while, he felt that it was too hot inside the vehicle, so he turned the temperature down again slightly. From the elevator landing, Chu Jian ran over, one hand on top of her purse and the other holding down her hat. When she pulled open the car door, she was still gasping lightly. ¡°Right before I headed out, I was setting up wi-fi for your dad. The ethernet port in your place isn¡¯t very stable, so I connected him to my home¡¯s wi-fi.¡± He nodded. With both hands turning the steering wheel, he drove the car out. The temperature in the vehicle was likely too comfortable, because before long, Chu Jian¡¯s eyes were beginning to narrow, and after another dozen or so minutes, she was completely asleep. When Jian Bianlin saw, from the corner of his eye, her leaning back with her head crooked to the side, it felt a little like¡­ a wrinkle had occurred in the space-time continuum. It was the return trip back from the spring outing of their first year of high school. After every row, from front to back, of every bus had been filled, the students of Class No. 9, as the last of all the classes in the entire grade, were all separated and stuffed wherever there was room in the other classes¡¯ buses. Chu Jian and a few other girls had been allocated to Class No. 1¡¯s bus. That evening, while they were driving back beneath the heavy curtain of night, Jian Bianlin, as the class prefect, had been doing a head count with the teacher. Walking to the back row, he saw her, her head leaning against the glass of the bus window and her eyes closed, but he was not certain if she was simply tired or feeling ill. He had hesitated over whether or not he should go over to pat her and ask whether she was sleepy or unwell. As a result of this little thought, he had stood beside her for more than one minute. So, what had he done back then? It would seem he had changed seats with a boy in his class who was sitting across the aisle. In his new seat, there was only a girl from Class No. 9 separating him from Chu Jian. For the two-plus-hour bus ride, inside that bus interior that was without lights, he had gazed at her under the not-very-bright moonlight as she rested against the bus window, her soft hairs tucked behind her ear. Her hairstyle had been short. Ever since she was a child, she had worn her hair short. If it grew a little longer, she would tuck it behind her ears, and if it were a little shorter, it frequently would be in complete disarray from sleeping on it, such that one day, this part would stick up and another day, that part would be squashed flat. That night, she had slept soundly. Her forehead, in rhythm with the rocking and jolting of the bus¡¯s motions, would bump a little bit against the glass¡­ Uncomfortable¡ªhe had felt uncomfortable from simply seeing her forehead resting against such hard glass. If by chance the brakes on the bus were suddenly slammed, her head would collide hard into the window. Taking advantage of a red traffic light, Jian Bianlin reached behind and grabbed a throw cushion from the backseat. He nudged her awake and handed the cushion to her. Chu Jian was a little dazed, and only after he instructed her to lean against it to sleep did she understand. With a smile that caused her eyes to disappear into squints, she laid her seat down, and hugging that cushion, she continued dozing. When their car arrived at the destination, the time was still early. Soundlessly, he sat for a dozen or so minutes until that dozing person finally awoke. Rubbing her eyes, she asked, ¡°Why didn¡¯t you wake me up?¡± ¡°It¡¯s still early.¡± ¡°It¡¯s not like it¡¯s comfortable sitting in the car.¡± Chu Jian unfastened her seatbelt. ¡°Let¡¯s go up first?¡± Jian Bianlin thrummed two fingers against the steering wheel. ¡°Just like that, we¡¯re going to go up? Shouldn¡¯t you do something as an expression of your feelings? ¡­¡± Muttering a ¡°Scoundrel!¡± Chu Jian pointed at her own lips, the meaning of that being, I¡¯m too lazy to move. Come get it yourself. It had been nearly two months now since they had officially starting dating, and there were some things that she had grown accustomed to. For instance, he always liked to seize every opportunity to do lovey-dovey things with her. Chu Jian had even discussed this in vague terms with Tong Fei. Tong Fei¡¯s conclusion was that Jian Bianlin must be a man who had never done itbefore¡­ But not far into their discussion, Tong Fei had begun to waver on her certainty of that and hinted to Chu Jian that there really might have been something to that romance rumour about Jian Bianlin that had once circulated around. Even Xie Bin had never directly declared it to be untrue. Chu Jian¡¯s mind had wandered a bit. He tousled the bangs of her hair. This time, it really was cut a little too short. The hairstylist had rather bad taste. But¡­ she was still very pretty. Jian Bianlin moved in closer, blocking the view in front of her, and gently pressed his lips onto hers. ¡°What are you thinking?¡± Chu Jian let out an ¡°mmph.¡± But before she had a chance to speak, his tongue had already slipped inside. It had been several days since he last did this, so the instant he contacted her slippery little tongue, Jian Bianlin very much felt his control slipping. No longer satisfied with simply caressing her ear, while he pressed down on her tongue, his hand also slid down from beside her neck and, as if compelled by another force, found the edge of the rounded contours of her chest ¡­ It was too real, even through her sweater. He tightened his fingers, unable to stop himself from taking hold of it and kneading it a couple of times. Breaths that were burning hot. Letting out a couple of cries of ¡°mmph,¡± Chu Jian bumped him away. She pulled herself backward, and with eyes that had turned slightly red from anxiousness, she reminded, ¡°We¡¯re still outside¡­¡± There was a faint nasalness to each word that she spoke. She was so embarrassed she wanted to jump out of the vehicle, yet at the same time, she also wanted to shove him off the car. ¡­¡­ In that enclosed space inside the vehicle, she desperately avoided his gaze. The deafening sound she was hearing was the pounding of her own heart. After a long time had passed, Jian Bianlin finally dared to rest his chin on her shoulder. In a husky voice, he stated, ¡°There¡¯s a little bit of a problem.¡± Her heart still feeling tingly, she shirked away from him. ¡°¡­ What¡¯s wrong?¡± ¡°I want to get married.¡± Jian Bianlin avoided most of the parking garage and got into a company vehicle. Xie Bin asked him, ¡°Where¡¯s your wife? She¡¯s gone back?¡± He did not answer. Surmising that Jian Bianlin must still be in new-couple bliss and was not used to being separated from his love, Xie Bin abandoned his questions. Throwing his jacket over his own face, Xie Bin went to sleep first. By the time they arrived in Hengdian[1], it was fast approaching midnight. Fortunately, Xie Bin came here often and was well acquainted with the several restaurant owners. When they stepped inside, more than half the crew was already waiting there. To have a work kick-off dinner at midnight¡ªthere sure were not many people who did that. Jian Bianlin was a big-name movie star, so it was not often that he came to Hengdian. They had just arrived and now jumped straightaway into filming some night scenes. On one filming site, there were four or five different sub-teams of crew. Over on this side, there was a fight going on; that side, imperial court was in session; and off in the distance, there was even some scheming going on in the palace¡ªsuch a delightful scene, was it not? Beside him, someone set down a paper cup and poured coffee into it. ¡°It¡¯s the first time I¡¯ve seen you here in Hengdian. The voice sounded familiar to Jian Bianlin, so he lifted his eyes. Her? ¡°It¡¯s been a few years.¡± The lights¡¯ reflection could be seen in Ruan Xi¡¯s eyes. ¡°You¡¯ve been rather unkind, Jian Bianlin. Back then, we could be considered to be friends, but later, the condition that your agent gave to a producer every time was that you would not appear in the same cast as me. You made me lose quite a bit of face.¡± Jian Bianlin was wearing one of the custom-made down parkas that were a specialty of Hengdian, and it garbed him from his head all the way to his calves. When he heard this chain of sentences, he did not offer even a response. Pulling up the hood of his parka, he slipped it on. Giving the cold shoulder to people like this was common behavior for him. In the end, even Jian Bianlin¡¯s assistant felt bad for Ruan Xi, that she was not being given face, and, stepping up to them, he helped to smooth the situation over. When she left, the assistant, Xiao Yu, muttered under his breath, ¡°Don¡¯t tell me she doesn¡¯t even know that our Jian Ge doesn¡¯t drink coffee? And here she¡¯s still trying to throw herself at him.¡± His assistant took the coffee and walked off, treating it like trash and throwing it away. Ruan Xi had indeed been correct in what she had said: After the singing competition¡ªto be more exact, after Jian Bianlin shot up in popularity last year and some photographs from the competition were released to the public¡ªJian Bianlin¡¯s side had, in a single night, lost several hundred thousand in the form of red packet money[2] in order to suppress the rumour that had been going around. While they were at it, whenever any producers sought Jian Bianlin out, the one stipulation that was laid out was that the cast that Jian Bianlin was joining could not have Ruan Xi in it. Though the situation had been labeled as a ¡°hot piece of romantic gossip,¡± it was actually merely a set of photographs that contained the two together with no one else around. During the competition, there had been a gathering of a bunch of people having fun and goofing around. He remembered, that day had been Chu Jian¡¯s birthday. He had taken first place in the competition and had wanted to share that moment with her but had not been able to get ahold of her for the entire day. In a moment of overthinking, he had consumed some alcohol and then chatted briefly with Ruan Xi in a corner, their backs facing the group. The content of their conversation had all been about Chu Jian. That night, someone had selectively chosen a strategic angle and taken many photographs of them. Actually, he and Ruan Xi were not the only ones. That night had been a farewell dinner gathering. Everyone had consumed quite a bit of alcohol, and there were photographs of each person whispering head to head with someone else¡­ except he was the only one who was now big and crazily popular. Naturally, then, of the photographs that ended up getting exposed to the public, a greater number of them contained him. Jian Bianlin unconsciously spun that small pinky ring of his. Yawning, Xie Bin walked over to him. Not far away, a film crew was shooting one of those silly, melodramatic dramas[3] while playing a Yangko[4] folk song. In the middle of the night, this was just too weird. Xie Bin listened with a painful gimace as he asked, ¡°What are you thinking about? You¡¯re looking so preoccupied it¡¯s like your soul has drifted out of your body.¡± Jian Bianlin let himself flop back into his folding sling chair, his eyes fixed on a palace lantern in the distance that was swaying in the wind. ¡°I¡¯m thinking about my wife.¡± He wanted to hear her voice, to hear her call him with cries of ¡°Jian Bianlin, Jian Bianlin.¡± [1] Hengdian World Studios is a film studio located in the town of Hengdian, and is the largest outdoor film studio in the world with replicas, not facades, of both the Forbidden City and the Old Summer Palace, as well as themed areas such as streets of Hong Kong and Guangzhou, grottos, riverside town, etc. Movies and television dramas alike are filmed in this place, but actors who film television dramas, in particular period dramas, would spend more time here. [2]Refer to footnote [1] in chapter 5.5. In this case, Jian Bianlin¡¯s side gave out cash gifts to the media and other powers that be to stop the spread of the romantic rumour going around that was linking Jian Bianlin to Ruan Xi. [3]À×¾ç ¡°lei ju.¡± A ¡°lei ju¡± is a slang term used on the internet describing a drama that either strives to be silly in style (e.g. period drama with dialogue that contains modern slang) or is so melodramatic it becomes almost ridiculous. [4]´óÑí¸è ¡°da yangge.¡± Literally meaning ¡°rice seedling song,¡± Yangko [sometimes simply transliterated using its pinyin form, Yangge] is a form of rural folk dance in China and can be traced back a thousand years. It was originally a dance for fertility for farmers planting rice in their fields. The number of dancers is not fixed, and it is not an uncommon sight to see crowds of people dancing in a line or circle on the streets together. A characteristic feature of the dance is the use of colorful fans. Here is an example of a Yangko dance performance. CH 7.1 In the distance, that Yangko folk song had already switched over to Little Apple. The executive director, who was sitting nearby Jian Bianlin, was crunching on an apple while merrily singing to the lead director, ¡°You are my old, oh, old apple.[1]¡± Everyone had to admit that their particular group was extremely lucky. In this time when Jian Bianlin was at the height of popularity, there was finally a television drama that would bring him back down to earth, to land him in front of the eyes of the masses. Furthermore, Xie Bin had drawn on all his contacts and connections to build this lineup of people, from the make-up and wardrobe team to the directors to the script. Even the members of the post-production team had been reserved ahead of time, poached from other leading projects. It was an all-round highest-caliber production. Next year¡¯s title of ¡°King of All TV Dramas¡±, guaranteed, would not escape them. Filming had not even begun, but two television stations had already bought the rights to air the drama in the prime time slot as the major drama to kick off the New Year¡­ The executive director was still sighing over his good fortune with getting this top-notch team when he saw Jian Bianlin, who had already completed his scenes for the night, rise from his sling chair and head over into his private van. Before long, Jian Bianlin had removed his make-up and costume and left the van. Pulling his gray, knitted hat lower until it nearly covered his brows and eyes and his parka¡¯s collar all the way up to block the bottom half of his face, he tucked his head down and slipped into a smaller vehicle. The executive director beckoningly waved his hand and then asked Xiao Yu, the assistant who had jogged over in response, ¡°Where is Jian Bianlin going?¡± From the looks of it, he was not returning to the hotel. Xiao Yu chuckled impishly, ¡°Director, why are you being so nosy?¡± The director homed in on the back of Xiao Yu¡¯s head and sent a palm smacking into it. ¡°Just listen to how you¡¯re talking to me. No respect for those senior to you.¡± ¡­¡­ Chu Jian had been worrying over whether his night shoots were filming into hours that were too late in the night. The result? Her worries became reality. Some time past three in the morning, Jian Bianlin called her. Afraid that her dad or mom might hear something, she buried herself under her duck-down quilt to have a WeChat video call with him. In only half a minute, condensation had formed on the screen of her mobile phone. She wiped it off. The image from the phone¡¯s camera was slightly distorted. The interior of his car was dim, and the whites and blacks of his eyes were not clearly distinguishable, causing his eyes to appear even more brooding. As he gazed out at her, she ended up growing embarrassed first. ¡°I still have to head in to the salon tomorrow. Going to sleep now.¡± When the connection had terminated and Chu Jian had thrown off her duck-down quilt, she was still muddledly thinking, why had she never noticed before that he was so handsome? ¡­ The next day was the nail salon¡¯s first workday after the Lunar New Year. Chu Jian¡¯s nail salon was normally open for business from the afternoon all the way until the middle of the night, and her two nail technicians were in charge of watching the shop. In the mornings, the shop was closed, unless it just so happened that a Japanese or Korean instructor had come to teach a course for a week. In such instances, morning appointments would be accepted, and Chu Jian would watch the shop herself. A Korean instructor had just flown in early this morning, and the available appointment slot was already booked by Tong Fei¡¯s friend, Xie Linlin. Xie Linlin did not come alone and brought along two people whom Chu Jian did not know. Xie Linlin introduced one as a talent agent and the other as an actress. Seeing that she was not well-acquainted with these people, Chu Jian helped to convey a few sentences between the instructor and them, and then she escaped to the sofa in the corner, where she sleepily flipped through a magazine and took notes. Of the three clients, only Xie Linlin was getting permanent eyeliner done for the first time. ¡°Just how painful is it?¡± Xie Linlin apprehensively asked her. ¡°It¡¯s not that painful, I think.¡± Chu Jian had never gotten it done either. She told her, ¡°A lot of clients have gotten it. From what I¡¯ve seen, it shouldn¡¯t hurt too much.¡± ¡°It doesn¡¯t hurt. There¡¯s just a little tickling feeling. It¡¯s over really quick,¡± the actress laughed. Coincidentally, at that moment, the Korean instructor was testing the instrument, and it gave off the goosebump-inducing sound of a small electric drill. Xie Linlin shuddered. ¡°It honestly doesn¡¯t hurt?¡± The talent agent also chuckled. ¡°Honest, honest. Just trust us. I even have an appointment this afternoon at Ninth People¡¯s Hospital to do a double eyelid surgery. You can¡¯t even take this little bit of pain?¡± So while the Korean instructor was doing her preparation work, that talent agent who was going to get double eyelids done flipped through the photographs on her phone. There was actually a considerable number saved, and sliding her finger over them, she began chatting with Chu Jian about each one. At the end, she unexpectedly threw out the sentence, ¡°At my last appointment, the double eyelid photo that I gave to my doctor to look at was Jian Bianlin¡¯s, but the doctor kept insisting that he couldn¡¯t do it and even if he did, it wouldn¡¯t look natural.¡± Likely because Jian Bianlin was so extremely popular right now, the talent agent naturally thought that his name needed only to be mentioned and then everyone would know whom she was referring to¡­ Feeling awkward, Xie Linlin signaled with her eyes at Chu Jian. She swore, she had not let even half a sentence slip! With her right hand, Chu Jian pulled self-consciously at her hair while offering an ¡°mm-hmm¡± in reply. She herself was in the aesthetics and nails business. In a more normal way of describing it, his double eyelids, which technically were known as ¡°chong nian[2],¡± was Heaven¡¯s blessing on him. From inner to outer corner of the eye, the crease gradually moved further away from the eyelid line, and the double eyelid went from narrow to wide. A wide-tail shape¡ªa lateral flare in the double eyelid. Normally, this type of double eyelid was very sexy and seductive-looking. Luckily, he had a high crease, which lessened that sensuous effect by quite a bit¡­ Chu Jian gave a cough, then continued leafing through her book. Why did she need to recall in such detail what his eyes looked like? ¡­ Over on the other side, Xie Linlin had selected the shape that she wanted for her permanent eyeliner, and the machine was turned on. The difference between different people¡¯s sensations and perceptions of pain level could be worlds apart. After half a minute, against the backdrop of the machine¡¯s sounds, Xie Linlin¡¯s tears began flowing madly. ¡°Oh God, oh God! I can¡¯t, I can¡¯t! I need a break. My eyes are super sensitive.¡± Laughing in amusment, the Korean instructor shut off the equipment to allow her to have a rest. Tears were rolling uncontrollably down Xie Linlin¡¯s cheeks, and furthermore, she dared not wipe them away, instead using a napkin to gingerly dab and absorb away the moisture beneath her eyes. ¡°Oh God. The instant she touched me with her finger, I wanted to cringe away from her. Let¡¯s not even talk about using the machine. It¡¯s just too scary¡­¡± Right as Xie Linlin was ardently immersed in her wailing accusations, her voice abruptly cut off. Because someone had come in. Chu Jian heard the bells on the door jingle. Puzzled over why there would be customers coming in at this time, she lifted her head for a look¡ª That man who was supposed to be filming in Hengdian walked down the two stair steps. Possibly because he had not expected that there would be people here whom he knew, there was an expression of slight surprise on his face. He had been chewing gum, but now the seldom-seen smile he had been wearing faded away, and his eyes turned impassive as he gave a token nod in Xie Linlin¡¯s direction. Hugging the magazine, Chu Jian blurted, ¡°Aren¡¯t you¡­ in Hengdian?¡± ¡°Mm.¡± That was his answer¡­ Oh God, just a few minutes ago, she had been pretending that she did not know him. Chu Jian did not dare to even look at the faces of the other people. Tossing the magazine aside, she spoke in Korean to the instructor, giving some hurried instructions and explanations. After signaling fiercely to him with her eyes, she ran into the storeroom at the back of the salon. His expression deadpan, Jian Bianlin offhandedly pulled out a tissue, spit out his chewing gum, and tossed everything into the wastebasket. Then, he followed after her, without so much as a sideways glance during the entire way ¡­ And so things were, until those two people, one behind the other, went into the room, shut the door, and locked it. Those other two who had come with Xie Linlin were frenziedly sending messages to Xie Linlin with their eyes: Holy crud?! Jian Bianlin? Xie Linlin folded her hands respectfully in front of her and bowed deeply: Keep this a secret, please¡­ On the other side of the door¡­ Leaning her back against the shelf of goods, Chu Jian tried as hard as she could to keep her voice low. ¡°Aren¡¯t you supposed to be filming? Isn¡¯t it supposed to take four months? Didn¡¯t you say that, in between, you¡¯d only be able to come back here a few times?¡± There were no windows in this storeroom, and because it was locked all the time, the air was rather stale. It was a little stuffy. Jian Bianlin had been sitting in the vehicle for several hours[3] in order to rush back here. Although he had slept in the car, it was bound to not be as restful as sleeping soundly on a bed, so now there was a dull throb in his temples. However, he was still in a rather pleasant mood from the gratification that came after easing his lovesickness. ¡°Tonight is going to be all night shoots. If I leave at noon and rush back, I¡¯ll still make it.¡± Astonishment came over Chu Jian. ¡°¡­ Aren¡¯t you tired?¡± Jian Bianlin gave a little laugh. Taking into consideration that there were people outside and surmising that Chu Jian might be a little shy and easily embarrassed, he did not really do anything. He placed both palms on the shelving unit, leaning his weight onto them. Adjusting himself as best as he could to her height, he gently brushed his forehead against her forehead. ¡°I missed you last night, and I figured I wouldn¡¯t be able to fall asleep anyway so I came back.¡± Peaceful. And gentle. Chu Jian felt warmed all over. It was a heat that rose out from her heart, and even when it reached her palms, it was still cozily warm. It had only been less than twenty hours since they had seen each other, but they were making it seem like it had been half a lifetime. ¡°This won¡¯t do,¡± Chu Jian told him softly. ¡°It¡¯s so tiring. If you want to see me¡­ you can just tell me. I¡¯ll go find you. I have people who can watch the shop anyway, and I don¡¯t have to head into the office often, either.¡± His eyes were a little damp as, quietly, he gazed at her. ¡°So¡­ I¡¯ll take a couple of days to make the arrangements and then I¡¯ll go to Hengdian to find you?¡± Jian Bianlin still did not utter a word. ¡°Or else¡­ today is okay, too¡­ Your health just recovered not long ago. I¡¯d been thinking, too, that when things slowed down here, I would go take care of you.¡± Chu Jian gauged the timing one more time. ¡°After the people outside are finished, I¡¯ll talk to the instructor. If there are no big issues, I¡¯ll be able to go.¡± In a low voice, he interrupted, ¡°Will you find me really annoying because I always want to see you?¡± Annoying? Absolutely not. When they were kissing earlier on, she had even felt that the strange odour on him from sitting in a stuffy car for an entire night was really¡­so ridiculously nice-smelling¡­ ¡°Well, at least let me go home to pack some clothes.¡± She purposely evaded his question. A little slow in catching on, she suddenly noticed that Jian Bianlin was wearing a red pair of pants. She cast a glance at him. Jian Bianlin had a completely unruffled look of ¡°You like it, so I¡¯m wearing it.¡± Reaching behind him, he twisted the doorknob, opened the door, and backed out of the room, doing it this way solely so that, the whole time, his eyes would not have to leave her. Chu Jian felt that her heart was going to melt from his gaze¡­ From the moment Jian Bianlin stepped out of the room again, it was as if Xie Linlin had been injected with something that strengthened her heart. Swiftly, she finished getting both her eyeliner and eyebrows done. During the entire process, she had not gibbered at all, cried any tears, or made any more drama. Instead, the whole time, she was in a state where it seemed as if her soul had floated away to somewhere on the outer reaches of heaven. Um, hello? What exactly was Jian Bianlin doing? Shouldn¡¯t he be filming right now? What in the world was this, with him sitting there, holding a glass of water and supervising her while she had her eyebrows done? ¡­ It was evident that the other two clients were wisely choosing to be considerate, stating adamantly that they had absolutely no special requests, that Chu Jian did not need to stay here with them and should hurry and get out of here¡­ Hurry and get out of here¡­ Chu Jian also felt that leaving Jian Bianlin here in the salon to scrutinize the whole procedure as the actress and talent agent got eyebrows tattooed on was simply torture for those two¡ªtoo awkward. After saying few words to the instructor and also calling one of the salon¡¯s nail technicians to come earlier and watch the shop, she left directly with Jian Bianlin. Their vehicle drove back to their community compound. Swiftly, Chu Jian went upstairs, packed her luggage, and, while she was at it, fibbed to her parents that she needed to take a business trip. Then, she towed her suitcase downstairs, stepped out of the elevator, and hopped back into the car. Everything was done smoothly, without so much as stopping in between. In the end, Jian Bianlin was unable to hold himself back. Before the back door was even shut, he pulled Chu Jian toward him and into his embrace. Chu Jian¡¯s eyes fixed on something outside the car window. Uncle Jian, who had just returned home after buying some groceries, was leaning over the window, staring at the two of them with an expression like he had seen a ghost in broad daylight. She immediately writhed about and then reached back to wrap Jian Bianlin in a tight hug as well. ¡°Don¡¯t be sad, don¡¯t be sad. You just got dumped, that¡¯s all. I¡¯ll go to Hengdian right now to keep you company¡­¡± [1] ¡¶Ð¡Æ»¹û¡·Little Apple, sung by the Chopstick Brothers, was released in 2014 and went viral very shortly after, with many covers, parodies, and is even widely used in plaza dancing. In the chorus, there is one line, ¡°ÄãÊÇÎÒµÄСѽСƻ¹û¶ù,¡± which translates as ¡°You are my little, oh, little apple.¡± (It first appears in the YT video above at 0:52.) The executive director was singing along to the song that was playing off in the distance but changed the word ¡°little¡± in that line to ¡°old¡± and sang it to the lead director. [2]ÖØíú ¡°chong nian.¡± This is the proper term in Chinese for double eyelid. [3] Hengdian is approximately 300 km southwest of Shanghai and an approximately four-hour drive. Haha! Busted! Nice excuse, Chu Jian. Because comments showed up so much regarding last post¡¯s ¡°marriage proposal,¡± I thought I would include a little side note with my thoughts on Jian Bianlin¡¯s statement, ¡°I want to get married.¡± Personally, I feel that it was not a proposal, not a question posed to Chu Jian for an answer or even to feel out her thoughts. It was merely a statement to be taken exactly at face value: ¡°I want to get married.¡± To be honest, my now husband, then boyfriend said the same to me very shortly after we started our relationship because, well, it was an expression of his certainty in the relationship and a desire of his heart. It was a shock the first time I heard it, but I didn¡¯t doubt his sincerity, nor did I doubt that he knew that the timing was too early for us to even broach marriage. So, I can see why Jian Bianlin said it, and genuinely believe it was not a proposal, just an expression of his desire. The first time Jian Bianlin talked about marriage, it was terrible timing because Chu Jian¡¯s mindset was different. She was just trying out this relationship and was not even certain she had feelings for him. It was scary to her. This time, I don¡¯t think it would have that affect on her. Chu Jian herself said that unless he does something to betray her or hurt her, she will never break up with him. That means, to me, that in her heart and mind, she has already decided that Jian Bianlin is the one she desires to spend the rest of her life with. The next step¡ªmarriage¡ªwill happen, just that they have to get past a few things¡ªsuch as letting their families know that they are together. LOL. I guess if I draw parallels to me, I think this time, she would not mind what he said, might even be touched by it, but either treat it like it was just a statement of what he wanted or gently tell him, ¡°Not now.¡± The song,¡¶Ð¡Æ»¹û¡· Little Apple is quite a household song in China. Even the People¡¯s Liberation Army and Navy have done the plaza dance to it, and there have been many a flash mob with this song. Just do a YouTube search of the song, and you¡¯ll see plenty of examples. The official MV is just too weird to link in the main body of the text, but it certainly is eye-catching enough. LOL. Lyrics below. ¡¶Ð¡Æ»¹û¡· Little Apple ÎÒÖÖÏÂÒ»¿ÅÖÖ×Ó ÖÕÓÚ³¤³öÁ˹ûʵ I planted a seed, and finally it has borne fruit ½ñÌìÊǸöΰ´óÈÕ×Ó Today is a great day ÕªÏÂÐÇÐÇË͸øÄã קÏÂÔÂÁÁË͸øÄã I pick the stars from the sky to give to you; I pick the moon from the sky to give to you ÈÃÌ«ÑôÿÌìΪÄãÉýÆð I tell the sun to rise each day for you ±ä³ÉÀ¯ÖòȼÉÕ×Ô¼º I would turn into a candle and let myself burn ֻΪÕÕÁÁÄã If only to shine upon you °ÑÎÒÒ»Çж¼Ï׸øÄã I would offer everything I have to you Ö»ÒªÄ㻶ϲ So long as you are happy ÄãÈÃÎÒÿ¸öÃ÷Ì춼±äµÃÓÐÒâÒå You have given me meaning in each day ÉúÃüËä¶Ì°®ÄãÓÀÔ¶ ²»Àë²»Æú Though life is short, my love for you is eternal, and I will never leave you nor forsake you ÄãÊÇÎÒµÄСѽСƻ¹û¶ù You are my little, oh, little apple Ôõô°®Ä㶼²»ÏÓ¶à And I could never love you too much ºìºìµÄСÁ³¶ùÎÂůÎÒµÄÐÄÎÑ Your little red face warms my heart µãÁÁÎÒÉúÃüµÄ»ð »ð»ð»ð»ð And kindles the fire in my life, the fire, fire, fire, fire ÄãÊÇÎÒµÄСѽСƻ¹û¶ù You are my little, oh, little apple ¾ÍÏñÌì±ß×îÃÀµÄÔƶä Like the most beautiful cloud on the horizon ´Ó²»¾õµÃÄãÌÖÑá Never have I found you exasperating ÄãµÄÒ»Çж¼Ï²»¶ I like everything about you ÓÐÄãµÄÿÌ춼ÐÂÏÊ Each day that has you is fresh and new ÓÐÄãÑô¹â¸ü²ÓÀà With you, the sunlight is even more brilliant ÓÐÄãºÚÒ¹²»ºÚ°µ With you, the dark night is no longer dark ÄãÊÇ°×ÔÆÎÒÊÇÀ¶Ìì You are the white clouds, I am the blue sky ´ºÌìºÍÄãÂþ²½ÔÚÊ¢¿ªµÄ »¨´Ô¼ä In the spring, I will stroll with you amongst the blooming flowers ÏÄÌìÒ¹ÍíÅãÄãÒ»Æð¿´ ÐÇÐÇÕ£ÑÛ In the summer, you and I will look up together at the twinkling stars ÇïÌì»Æ»èÓëÄãáäáàÔÚ ½ðÉ«ÂóÌï During autumn sunsets, we will wander together through the golden cornfields ¶¬ÌìÑ©»¨·ÉÎèÓÐÄã ¸ü¼ÓÎÂů And winter¡¯s dancing snowfalls will be warmer because there is you ÄãÊÇÎÒµÄСѽСƻ¹û¶ù You are my little, oh, little apple Ôõô°®Ä㶼²»ÏÓ¶à And I could never love you too much ºìºìµÄСÁ³¶ùÎÂůÎÒµÄÐÄÎÑ Your little red face warms my heart µãÁÁÎÒÉúÃüµÄ»ð »ð»ð»ð»ð And kindles the fire in my life, the fire, fire, fire, fire ÄãÊÇÎÒµÄСѽСƻ¹û¶ù You are my little, oh, little apple ¾ÍÏñÌì±ß×îÃÀµÄÔƶä Like the most beautiful cloud on the horizon ´ºÌìÓÖÀ´µ½ÁË»¨¿ªÂúɽÆ Spring has come again, and flowers are blooming all over the hillside ÖÖÏÂÏ£Íû¾Í»áÊÕ»ñ When hope is sown, there will be a harvest CH 7.2 From outside the community compound, the sounds of cars honking on the street rose up one after another and sounded terribly impatient. Likely, there was traffic congestion again. But it was smack in the middle of the day. Why in the world was it congested? ¡­ ¡°Be good. Let¡¯s stop the joking now.¡± He patted her lightly. When Jian Bianlin first caught sight of his dad, he had been taken aback as well and had hesitated over whether or not he should arbitrarily say something to brush over the situation and prevent his dad from relentlessly interrogating them. However, this little interlude from Chu Jian had left him ridiculously amused¡­ Chu Jian very clearly understood that her little antic was even more daft than burying her own head in the sand. Hiding her head in the crook of his neck, she protested, ¡°Don¡¯t expose my fib right in front of your dad¡­ Now what do we do?¡± ¡°What do you mean ¡®what do we do¡¯?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t even dare look at your dad right now.¡± This was actually the important point. ¡°If you¡¯re embarrassed, then just don¡¯t look at him. He likes you the most anyway.¡± She shook her head disconsolately. Through the half-open window, Jian Bianlin exchanged a look with his dad. The meaning of it: That¡¯s right. From now on, Chu Jian¡¯s your daughter-in-law. Right then, Jian Bianlin¡¯s dad had been musing, what was up with those two kids that they were hugging each other back and forth? Was Chu Jian embarrassed because they had been caught on the spot? Should he just back away and leave them alone? ¡­ When he saw the signal from his son, though, it was instantly as if he had swallowed a pill that could soothe his mind. Good son! You didn¡¯t let me down! He sent another signal to his dad with his eyes. The meaning of that one: She¡¯s embarrassed. At least give her a face-saving way to get out of this. The wrinkles at the corners of Jian Bianlin¡¯s dad¡¯s eyes were spilling over with the joyfulness that came after a surprise. Catching the unspoken message, he beamed delightedly as he swept his eyes over Chu Jian, who was still burying her head on Jian Bianlin¡¯s shoulder and unwilling to bring it back up. Purposely putting on the airs of a parent, he said, ¡°You two kids are being so thoughtless.¡± He heaved a fake sigh. ¡°Don¡¯t be in a hurry to go. Come upstairs and chat for a bit.¡± After saying that, he was unable to conceal the smile that was lighting up his entire face, and with his hands behind his back, he strolled into the entrance of the apartment building. As a result, Chu Jian had no choice but to get out of the car and walk mindlessly in step with Jian Bianlin as they trailed after his dad to step through the building door and into the elevator again. She was standing half a step back from Jian Bianlin, and after the elevator door slid open, she grabbed the corner of his down parka, staring at him with a long, gloomy face. He, in contrast, was unperturbed. Once they had all stepped back in through the apartment door and Chu Jian¡¯s parents had listened to Jian Bianlin¡¯s dad, in a few words, share the happy news with them, her dad and mom turned their surprised gazes on Chu Jian. The three parents had not expected this sudden news, which turned out to be the absolute best of outcomes. Their years of friendship had transformed, and now they were practically relatives by marriage. The three sat down in a row on the sofa, delighted grins on their faces as they looked at the two people who were still standing. Chu Jian¡¯s back was leaning against the fish tank. She pressed her lips together, relaxed them again, then glanced at Jian Bianlin¡­ The families knew each other simply too well, inside and out. Chu Jian¡¯s mom discovered that the preparation work she had once done ahead of time¡ªsuch as liberally allowing herself to think through the scenario of the first meeting with her future son-in-law and how she would interrogate him, from his family background to his highest education level, or even researching and making connections in order to be ready to verify whether any university certificate of graduation was falsified¡ªwas¡­ all useless. At the end of the day, she merely gave a joyful ¡°mm¡± and converted the long, complicated steps into a couple of simple sentences: ¡°What are your plans? When are the two of you planning on having the wedding?¡± ¡°Mom!¡± Chu Jian felt that if the glass were not so thick and strong, she could crush the fish tank under her. ¡°Mom¡­¡± But in the end, after two cries of ¡°Mom,¡± her mind was still blank and she could not squeeze out any additional words. The room was extremely quiet. Extremely quiet. ¡°Jian Bianlin.¡± Jian Bianlin¡¯s dad had an ugly expression on his face. What came next was a firing of Cantonese that burst uncontrollably from the lips of Jian Bianlin¡¯s dad, with the general meaning as follows: ¡°You¡¯ve been a big star for too long, and you have all those bad, playboy attitudes now! Chu Jian¡¯s dad and mom are both right here, and you¡¯re still not even giving a definite answer. Let me tell you, Jian Bianlin, if you have even half a thought about just playing around, then don¡¯t even bother coming home anymore. And you don¡¯t need to call me ¡®Dad¡¯ anymore, either¡­¡± Chu Jian¡¯s head shrunk low into her shoulders as she listened, and her nails dug against the glass of the fish tank behind her. Jian Bianlin listened to the rant from start to finish. At the very end, when his dad was picking up a cup of tea to moisten his throat, Jian Bianlin used this opening to give a six-word reply: ¡°I¡¯ll defer to what she wants.¡± Good kid. A smile simultaneously came over each of the three elders¡¯ faces. Since the kids had said that, then they should let go of the things that should be let go of. Nowadays, people valued having the freedom to love as they chose. And so¡­ meeting dismissed! Of course, there was routine business that needed to be handled in due order. Jian Bianlin¡¯s dad took Chu Jian¡¯s hand into his own, incessantly expressing how extremely happy he was and that Chu Jian could marry into the family with her mind at ease. Things would be no different from before since the one he loved most would absolutely still be Chu Jian. At the same time, Chu Jian¡¯s mom called Jian Bianlin into the kitchen and talked ceaselessly about how, ever since Chu Jian was a child, she was full of mischief, was willful, and liked to act up. Of course, those were things that she did not have to explain to Jian Bianlin, seeing as he had had to tolerate quite a bit of those traits since they were kids. In a thick, happy atmosphere of ¡°we¡¯ll be seeing the bright future of holding grandbabies soon¡± as well as ¡°the two families are finally going to be doubly close, and when we¡¯re old, we can totally live together in the same home and take care of the grandkids together¡±¡­ Chu Jian felt so embarrassed she was cringing and could not make herself say a single word. They returned again to the car. Jian Bianlin was recalling how smooth the process of publicizing their relationship had been. With his right arm propped up against the edge of the window, he concealed half his face with the back of that hand¡ªhe was laughing silently. ¡°Are you laughing¡­?¡± Jian Bianlin nodded and then could not help laughing again, this time audibly. From his pants pocket, he fished out a bankbook and handed it to Chu Jian. ¡°This is spending money for you from my dad.¡± His old man sure was generous, straight up giving her a hundred thousand [RMB]. Jian Bianlin reckoned that his dad likely had only saved two hundred-odd thousand over the course of his entire lifetime, but once he learned that his daughter-in-law was Chu Jian, he was willing to part with half of his estate. Chu Jian: ¡°¡­ Don¡¯t want it.¡± Jian Bianlin: ¡°Okay, then I¡¯ll give it back to him.¡± Throwing him a glare, Chu Jian yanked the bankbook out from between Jian Bianlin¡¯s fingers and put it safely away. She would view it as just keeping the money on behalf of Uncle Jian for the time being, lest she get a lecture from her parents because Uncle Jian had been hurt that she had not accepted his gesture and had gone to them to pour out his sorrows. They drove into Hengdian by six that evening, and by the time she completed the check-in procedure in the hotel lobby, it was approaching seven o¡¯clock. Keeping with the old, established practice, Xie Bin gave up his room to Chu Jian. If you were to sum things up, when it came to the whole matter regarding Jian Bianlin¡¯s wife, Xie Bin had absolutely no principles he kept to or temper whatsoever, because, well, she was Jian Bianlin¡¯s wife, after all¡­ Despite investing in Tong Fei¡¯s production company and occasionally going with Tong Fei to meet some people who were part of the entertainment industry, to Chu Jian, this whole acting business was strange and unfamiliar. She was sitting inside Jian Bianlin¡¯s private van, and seeing the makeup artist meticulously applying makeup onto Jian Bianlin, she was rather curious and watched fixedly for a long while. Eventually, Jian Bianlin detected her stare on him. Unable to move his head, he flicked his eyes in her direction. Nibbling on her lip, she smiled. When Jian Bianlin saw her smiling so beautifully, he could not restrain the curve that was also turning upwards at the corners of his lips. Chu Jian caught the expression on his face, and blushing slightly, she turned her head away to look out the window. ¡­¡­ This type of scene was normal occurrence through the entire makeup process. Consequently, when the makeup artist had completed his task and stepped off the vehicle, squatting off to the side and having a smoke with Xie Bin, he was still grumbling, ¡°Man, seeing Jian Bianlin with his wife makes me want to find a girlfriend to spend time with.¡± Xie Bin stubbed out his cigarette butt, saying with a snicker, ¡°Are they especially lovey-dovey, like the ¡®you gaze at me and I gaze back at you¡¯ type¡ªyou know, just especially innocent and pure?¡± The makeup artist shook his head. ¡°Yup. That whole innocent feel made me feel like I¡¯d returned to my teenage days of messenger-style schoolbags and copying people¡¯s homework¡ªthat was like a century ago.¡± Xie Bin was positively gleeful. ¡°You actually really shouldn¡¯t be envious. Those two there really are one another¡¯s first love.¡± Outside of the vehicle, those two bachelors exchanged a look. Oh, the sighs of life¡¯s long, arduous journey. And then, they continued to bury their heads, silently puffing away on their cigarettes. Inside the van, Chu Jian shifted closer so she could talk quietly with him. ¡°Xie Bin said just earlier that filming¡¯s only going to be for two days here in Hengdian, and they¡¯ve only built the set for the interior of a temple and the interior of a little motel? Then you¡¯re going to be heading to a really impoverished place?¡± He explained, ¡°This story¡¯s setting goes from the high-altitude Tibetan Plateau to Nepal and then over to India. A few of the bigger, grander scenes will be shot in the actual locations, and then for the other ones, we will need to find places to build sets. Otherwise the budget won¡¯t be able to cover the cost of everything.¡± ¡°If that¡¯s the case, when I go back to Shanghai in a couple of days, I¡¯ll pack up a bunch of stuff for you and courier it over there first. That way, you won¡¯t be caught without anything to eat and become undernourished. Oh, and I¡¯ll pack items that you may need to use.¡± She began planning in her mind. Jian Bianlin shook his head. ¡°You don¡¯t need to go. It¡¯ll be too hard and demanding on you.¡± ¡°You¡¯re the sick patient, and you¡¯re not even finding it hard. What could be hard about it for me?¡± After saying this, Chu Jian thought of something else, and feeling his hair, she asked, ¡°Xie Bin also said that you¡¯re playing the role of a monk who later returned to the secular life, so in between, you¡¯re going to have to shave your head?¡± She was trying to imagine what he would look like bald¡ªand could not imagine it¡­ However, just judging by his makeup at present as well as the clothes that had been tossed to the side, she could see that this time he was truly playing a subversive character. He gave an ¡°mm-hmm.¡± Then, after thinking for a moment, his brows twisted together slightly. ¡°I forgot to tell you, I have a kissing scene in a little bit.¡± Chu Jian¡¯s heart dropped with a thud, but the words that left her lips were, ¡°That¡¯s really normal. Which drama series nowadays doesn¡¯t have kissing scenes?¡± Jian Bianlin gave the back of her head a little rub, not daring to tell her that, actually, it was not just a kissing scene. When they stepped into the film set that had been constructed, she saw that it was a laundry room that exuded a rather foreign, exotic air. In the half of the room that was illuminated, the camera showed one corner of the laundry room. A gaudy-looking blanket was spread on top of the washing machine. The film crew as well as other miscellaneous people were all behind the lighting stands, some standing, some squatting as they chatted quietly. Chu Jian sat on a chair in a corner, watching as the executive director walked through the scene with Jian Bianlin and the female lead of the drama. On the spot, he directed Jian Bianlin to lift up the actress so that she was sitting on the washing machine. The general idea of his instructions was that, in a moment, Jian Bianlin¡¯s actions were to be very manly as he swept the female lead up into his arms and onto the machine, then passionately embraced and stroked and kissed her deeply¡­ In accordance with the director¡¯s request, Jian Bianlin tugged the neckline of his button-up shirt so that it was open wider, pulled out the hem of half the shirt from the waist of his pants, and rolled his sleeves up past his elbows. Even though Chu Jian could not hear what the executive director was saying, from Jian Bianlin¡¯s actions, she could roughly tell that this was an intimate scene of passion. From the moment she discovered this, she began contemplating whether she should temporarily withdraw herself from there. In the end, Jian Bianlin very seriously offered three suggestions: First, it was a given that this drama¡¯s airing rights were sold, and it would air in a prime time slot. The review and approval process[1] for anything that filled a prime time slot was especially strict, so they could forget about the whole sequence of feeling the thigh from the outer to the inner part since, even if they shot it, it would not be allowed to air. Second, if there were any scenes that required him to touch her bosom, they could just make use of camera angles to create the illusion. Also, to respect the actress, they absolutely had to add a few extra layers of foam pads in front of her chest. Third, for the kissing¡­ they could just use camera angles, too¡ªartistry and beauty in a reserved type of way. The actress was terribly grateful to him. As she sent her assistant off to find some foam breast pads, she even softly praised him, ¡°Teacher Jian is so professional. The kissing scene that I did a few days ago took me an entire day to film. Now the other party is saying that they want to re-film it because there was no feeling in it.¡± Jian Bianlin took advantage of the gap of time used for preparation before the shoot to return to Chu Jian¡¯s side. He was wearing black, hard-soled military boots, khaki-coloured pants made of a rough material, and a beige button-up shirt with the top two buttons unfastened, revealing his fair neck as well as collarbones. His down jacket was draped over his shoulders. Chu Jian knew that in this drama series, he was playing a character who, in the first half of his life, had been a wicked person, while in the second half, had turned from his wicked ways, though still not stepping wholly onto a path of righteousness. With his blood-stained hands, he led the police¡¯s secret underground ops team, fighting evil with evil. But now, here on filming location, when she was watching the rehearsal of that scene a moment ago as well as now, as he looked down at her, Chu Jian felt as if she had personally stepped into the story. That sense of tension and pressure exuding from him, where one was sauntering along the dividing line between life and death, was completely unlike the usual Jian Bianlin. Perhaps this was the quality that made an actor, that the instant he stepped onto the set, he would become immersed in character. Xiao Yu poured a cup of hot tea for Jian Bianlin. Squeezing that paper cup in his hands, Jian Bianlin looked at her and said, ¡°In just a bit, how about you go out and walk around?¡± Chu Jian was taken aback momentarily but then understood. ¡°Oh, okay. It¡¯s really cold here. I¡¯m going out to walk around for a bit.¡± In a low voice, Jian Bianlin surprisingly followed up with another sentence. ¡°The plot needs it.¡± ¡°Uh-huh, uh-huh. I know.¡± Chu Jian was terribly embarrassed, replying with a small voice, ¡°I understand.¡± It¡¯s just a love scene, that¡¯s all¡­ CH 7.3 Jian Bianlin was thinking that no, this wouldn¡¯t do, that he needed to say a few more words to explain things a bit more clearly. Chu Jian, though, had already run away from there¡­ Back in the van, Chu Jian really had nothing to do, so pulling out her nail clipper and file, she began trimming her nails. One sound of clip. Another sound of clip. But no matter what she did, she still felt flustered. She lowered her hands and threw a look at that main door. Then bowing her head, she continued trimming away. Soon, Tong Fei, bringing Lin Shen along, arrived and stepped into this van that held only Chu Jian inside. Although Lin Shen¡¯s character would not have any scenes until they were filming in the remote mountainous areas, given that this was such a big, important drama and he was still new and inexperienced, it was a necessity that he join the production team and cast beforehand. Tong Fei pulled out a can of cola from the refrigerator and tossed it to Lin Shen. ¡°Check it out, and view it as your motivation. When you make it big, we can also have a van like this, O future Teacher Lin.¡± Giving a reserved smile, Lin Shen lowered his head and, with a crack, opened the can. ¡°In this drama, Teacher Jian and I are brothers that can go through life and death for each other. If there¡¯s a chance, could we rehearse some scenes together ahead of time?¡± This young hunk who had not yet risen into popularity was quite professional and dedicated in his work. ¡°His schedule is extremely full. In between, he still needs to find time to shoot some ads and record some shows and programs, so rehearsing scenes ahead of time definitely will not work.¡± Tong Fei deliberated, ¡°You go do a good job memorizing your lines, and do the things that you should be doing first. In particular, when it comes to your charater¡¯s bio, you should go and carefully consult the screenwriter. Every time Jian Bianlin gets the bio for the main character, there are just a thousand or so words written on it, but he can fill in tens of thousands of words in between. Treat this character as if he really is you. From the little clues in the screenplay, pull out what this character¡¯s growing and maturing process was like and what shaped him to be who he is. Gradually, this character and you will become one. Only if you can do this just like Teacher Jian will you not get nervous when rehearsing scenes with him. At the very least, you need to be as dedicated in your work as he is.¡± Lin Shen listened earnestly to this long explanation and instruction. Chu Jian also tuned in to it. This was actually the first time Tong Fei had spoken about the things that went behind him as an actor. ¡°You should appreciate and treasure this opportunity to work with Teacher Jian. He¡¯s an especially upright person, and the range of characters he plays is wide.¡± Once the praises started coming from Tong Fei, they would not stop. ¡°I remember, the way he approached interviews before he became popular and the way he approaches them now are completely the same. In fact, now that he¡¯s made it big, he¡¯s been even more levelheaded and cautious when it comes to his words and actions. With the type of person that Teacher Jian is, Lin Shen, you need to learn as much as you can from him. There are too many people whose heads get swollen after they become popular.¡± Lin Shen smiled shyly. ¡°I¡¯ve been watching Teacher Jian¡¯s past interviews lately, and I really particularly admire him.¡± Their dialogue of ¡°Teacher Jian¡± this and ¡°Teacher Jian¡± that caused Chu Jian to feel terribly weird and awkward. ¡°Can you two stop with the praises?¡± ¡°You¡¯re still embarrassed? So what if we praise him? I even want to worship him! I, Tong Fei, have never tried to ride a man¡¯s coattails in my entire life. Who would have thought that I would end up hanging on to your man¡¯s coattails? He¡¯s intentionally kickstarting Lin Shen¡¯s career for him, and he¡¯s doing that truly, purely to help us. I am not at all clueless to this fact, and in fact, I am very clear on it. It is totally because you are one of the shareholders of our production company.¡± Chu Jian was taken aback for a moment. She previously had not thought about this to that level of detail and had simply assumed that Xie Bin truly did think highly of the resources in Tong Fei¡¯s company. However, now that Tong Fei mentioned it, she realized that it was true. What resource could their production company possibly possess that Xie Bin coud not do without? Chu Jian mused upon this whole matter for a moment, and then, in a very delayed reaction, she was touched. Hugging Chu Jian around the neck, Tong Fei said in idle chitchat, ¡°I ran over for a look just a little while ago. Jian Bianlin is really overturning previous perceptions of him. When you just read the script, you don¡¯t really realize the extent of it, but once you see it live, you totally understand. An actor known for being detached and reserved has suddenly taken on the role of a manly man who is just bursting with male hormones¡­ That¡¯s going to have double the impact!¡± It¡¯s just¡­ a love scene. Chu Jian, who only a moment ago had been so touched that her heart had melted, started to feel downcast again. Relishing in Chu Jian¡¯s misfortunes, Tong Fei teased, ¡°I read the original novel that the drama is based on. There sure are a lot of intimate scenes. Xie Bin¡¯s company is going to be going public, so having a few big, explosive dramas is a must. This can also be considered Jian Bianlin¡¯s repayment to Xie Bin.¡± Chu Jian did not speak. ¡°Jealous?¡± Seeing that there was something not quite right with Chu Jian¡¯s little expressions, Tong Fei mocked her, ¡°Don¡¯t be jealous. I don¡¯t dare let you have any misunderstandings about this. Xie Bin¡¯s company is an investor in the drama, so he¡¯s got a lot of say. All the love and sex scenes were cut out a long time ago. It¡¯s purely an undercover agent versus undercover agent film. This one scene that they¡¯re doing today only came about because the director was reading the original novel last night and wanted to film it, so they added it in last minute. I¡¯m guessing the shoot¡¯s not going to happen, though¡­ When I went over there for a look just earlier, they still hadn¡¯t started filming yet and were still there discussing with the director how to get it done¡­¡± What a shame. If Jian Bianlin really did show his face in an actual kiss and not one that relied on camera angles to create the illusion of kissing, without any doubt at all, just the online views for this drama would be crazy. Ratings higher than 2.0 would be a conservative estimate, and breaking past 3.0 would be something that was bound to happen[1]. Of course, Tong Fei did not hold any hopes that Jian Bianlin would actually film a real kissing scene. He basically was not even trying to take the hot, idol actor¡¯s usual route and career path. A lot of feelings¡ªoh, so many feelings¡ªfilled Tong Fei. Countless words whirled many times through her mind, but when they finally circled back and came out, they were simplified into, ¡°It¡¯s really¡­ such a waste of that face of his.¡± Tong Fei insisted on dragging Chu Jian along for a look. Quietly, Chu Jian stepped back into the filming site. Jian Bianlian right then was standing in front of the washing machine, one hand on the wall. With his waist leaning against the wall and his back facing the cameras, in the shadows, he moved his fingers about as if warming them up. ¡°Thank you. I know this is hard.¡± He nodded in apology to the other person. Jian Bianlin shifted his gaze upward so that it landed on a spot somewhere behind the washing machine. In his mind, he began running through the scene that still needed to be filmed today as well as those lines. Using posed positions and camera angles was genuinely even more tiring than actually acting it out. The actress was completely relying upon the bizarre, ¡°passion-filled¡± posture that the assistant director, with little by little adjustments, had placed her into. Even the actress felt that this was just too funny. She truly had never filmed anything this way before. This was not simply a matter of ¡°does not accept kissing scenes.¡± Jian Bianlin was basically avoiding women like the plague. ¡°It¡¯s understandable. Teacher Jian, you¡¯re not someone who does idol dramas in the first place¡­¡± Even climbing up onto the washing machine had been done by the actress herself with some aid from her assistant. To some extent, Jian Bianlin truly was an absolute conservative gentleman. But if you looked at it from another angle, he was also so unchivalrous. Very good. Filming was starting. Chu Jian looked on from afar but was only able to see Jian Bianlin, his back toward her, bending forward¡­ Ugh. She was trying her best to get a clear view, but she could not see anything. The spot they were in was too obscured from sight, and everything was completely obstructed by his tall figure¡­ And then, just one take¡ªdone. Jian Bianlin had not noticed that Chu Jian had come back and began to have the crew clear the site. All unnecessary staff members were exiting in succession. When the crew members who were ushering people out reached the place where Chu Jian was, she hesitated. What type of scene was it that it would require the room to be cleared of people? ¡­ Right as she was about to cooperatively leave once again, Xie Bin looked up, and discovering Chu Jian, he grabbed ahold of her. ¡°Eh? What are you running off for, Jian Bianlin¡¯s wife?¡± ¡°¡­ Aren¡¯t you guys clearing people out of here?¡± ¡°Yes, but that¡¯s outsiders that we¡¯re clearing out. There are some shots that we can¡¯t have outsiders seeing.¡± Xie Bin dropped his voice low. ¡°But you¡¯re not an outsider, right? If you don¡¯t watch, it¡¯ll just be a waste.¡± ¡°¡­ I don¡¯t want to watch.¡± Chu Jian wanted to leave because she had already caught sight of Jian Bianlin starting to undo his shirt. The makeup artist was touching up his makeup, so naturally, Jian Bianlin could not see Chu Jian hiding away in the corner behind a light panel. He was still telling the makeup artist something in a quiet voice. Xie Bin insisted on pulling Chu Jian back while, in passing, raising his voice and instructing, ¡°Warm water, not cold. He¡¯s still someone who¡¯s ill.¡± ¡°Okay, Xie Zong, I¡¯ll remember that.¡± The makeup artist took a little spray bottle of water from an assistant¡¯s hand. His back to Chu Jian, Jian Bianlin removed his shirt. Thump, thump. Chu Jian¡¯s heart gave a leap. She glanced at the actress. Did that party need to take off her clothes, too? ¡­ So hot and sensual¡ªwould it even be allowed to air? ¡­ Definitely not. It definitely would not be allowed to air and would be cut from the final product. So if it was going to get cut, why even bother filming it? To waste resources? Silent criticisms went through Chu Jian¡¯s mind. Jian Bianlin¡¯s sleekly contoured back faced her. And there was also his waist that followed those contours and curved perfectly inward. And the waistband of those pants that had purposely been tugged lower¡­ The makeup artist sprayed some water onto his back, then used fingers to slowly bring the water together to look like beads of sweat trailing down. And there were also the ends of his hair¡­ Then, Jian Bianlin walked back over. Without even needing the actress there, he got into position, spread his legs, and leaned his body forward slightly. A few shots were taken like this. Next, he pressed his hips against the wall, and the cameras filmed another few shots. All done¡­ That was a wrap. Eh? Done already, just like that? Xiao Yu brought a towel over and draped it over Jian Bianlin, then followed up with the down parka. Jian Bianlin also took a small towel from him and wiped down his own hair. At last, he noticed Chu Jian by Xie Bin¡¯s side, hiding behind the pack of people, and immediately he strode over to her. He was still contemplating over the explanation he had wanted to give to her earlier regarding Xie Bin¡¯s company having an IPO and going public¡­ ¡°Just like that? You¡¯re finished filming?¡± Chu Jian was still a little uncertain. ¡°That should be about it.¡± He carefully recalled the details. A shot that looked like he was bending over and forcing a kiss as well as a blurry view of his backside¡ªyes, that was about it. ¡°Shouldn¡¯t need to re-shoot anything.¡± Jian Bianlin had completely misunderstood her meaning and, hence, continued to explain to her whether these few simple actions would be enough to create a vague, blurry scene of passion. ¡°So, why did they need to clear the room, then?¡± Jian Bianlin pulled open his towel to reveal the scar left behind from his surgery. ¡°This cannot be allowed to become a news story.¡± Oh, so it was to cover up the reason behind his surgical scar. This was, after all, a filming location that lacked facilities for heating. Even warm water would cool off in a very short time. When they were back in the van, the stove was turned on to heat up some lemon ginger tea, which was then hurriedly handed over to help warm them up. After faces and hands had been washed, Xiao Yu also wanted to ask whether the tea needed a few more slices of lemon, but Xie Bin was already dragging him out of there. The instant the van¡¯s door was shut, everything inside became completely isolated from everything outside. Jian Bianlin¡¯s hands and feet were icy cold. He had truly exhausted himself earlier in the discussion with the director in order to arrive at a feasible plan. He needed to ensure that the director felt respected and not that he, Jian Bianlin, was simply throwing around the haughty, self-important airs of a big star. Yet, at the same time, Jian Bianlin also could not be disloyal to himself, to what he believed in and held to be important. Chu Jian brushed her fingers back and forth over the handle of the teapot, producing sounds of patter, patter. After a little while, she stole a peek at him, then quickly shifted her eyes away. A few seconds later, though, she turned her gaze back on him. ¡°May I ask you a technical question?¡± ¡°Hmm?¡± ¡°Was your kissing scene just now created using just positioning and camera angles? ¡­¡± He swallowed a mouthful of that tea that was a little too hot, painfully scalding his tongue. Trying to hold back a laugh, he answered, ¡°Yes, and not really.¡± Chu Jian shot a quick glare at him. ¡°Yes is yes, and no is no. There¡¯s an ambiguous way to answer this?¡± Setting down his small, clear teacup, Jian Bianlin spread his knees apart, shifted himself backward, and then pulled her in front of him so that she was leaning against him while sitting against the edge of his seat. ¡°I¡¯ll give you a demonstration.¡± Demonstration? Jian Bianlin pulled open a drawer and fished out a pack of moist towelettes. After wiping his fingers clean, he balled up the towelette and tossed it into the wastebasket. ¡°Like this¡ª¡± His pointer finger was placed against her lips. And then, his lips followed after, snugging up close to hers. His finger between the two of them, they were now pressed against each other. When they made contact, Chu Jian¡¯s heart plummeted slightly. What was the difference between this and having nothing in between? ¡­ ¡°Impossible.¡± Unexpectedly, he gave a low laugh. Jian Bianlin removed his finger. With no obstruction between them, he engulfed her lips in his. How was it even possible? He had only ever wanted to kiss her. Since they were kids, it had only ever been her. His hand moved to stroke her earlobe. The metal post that poked through at the back of her little stud earring scratched across the pads of his fingers, sometimes lightly, sometimes hard. He could feel that little tongue trying to very happily entangle itself with his¡­ The faint taste of lemon ginger tea imbued their tongues and slid downward from the entrance of their throats. His insides and all the very depths of him felt empty and were crying out desperately for something to fill them. His hand slid down to her back, caressing her firmly over and over again. He could feel that, right here, there was something remarkable wrapping her body, binding her in it. So, he allowed his hand to follow the edge of her soft sweater and explore its way inside. There was still another layer. Jian Bianlin: ¡°What¡¯s this?¡± Chu Jian¡¯s answer was a mumble: ¡°¡­ A spaghetti strap cami.¡± Jian Bianlin: ¡°Oh.¡± The hem of the camisole was pulled out. A person who was so parched he could not even speak had, after arduously crossing mountains and navigating rivers, finally found a life-saving water source. Who could possibly stop him from drawing near to it now? Jian Bianlin at last found what he had dreamed about for the longest time, but there were still some challenges preventing him from taking it into his hand¡­ His Adam¡¯s apple unconsciously bobbed up and down in his throat¡­ God, it was killing him. This was way worse than getting warm water sprayed on your back while standing in a cold wind¡­ CH 7.4 Xie Bin, having discovered that there once again were agents who had hired hordes of posters[1] to inundate the internet with comments bashing Jian Bianlin, was right at this moment off to one side having a clash of words with a marketing company. The van door was pushed open. Jian Bianlin, his down parka in hand, jumped out. ¡°You two all finished up already?¡± Xie Bin¡¯s word choice and tone was not at all tasteful. In the black of the night, Jian Bianlin stared at him until Xie Bin got the willies. After pausing for a moment, Jian Bianlin put on the down parka and, from the pocket of Xie Bin¡¯s coat, pulled out a cigarette. Lighting up, he went off alone to go calm down. Xie Bin¡¯s eyes followed after the view of Jian Bianlin¡¯s backside, his heart filled with nervousness. He remembered that the last time Jian Bianlin lit a cigarette, it had been because he and Chu Jian had quarreled. What was going on this time? My dear ancestor[2], you¡¯re in a relationship, but it¡¯s like I¡¯m along on the roller coaster ride with you. Agitated by the feelings of frustration caught in his chest, Xie Bin opened his mouth and immediately began telling off the person who was in the phone. ¡°Trying to help fan the flames of his popularity? Do you think I need them to help me fan any flames of popularity? Don¡¯t you know that my company¡¯s Jian Bianlin is a flammable and explosive material in himself? Any little hints of anything and he¡¯s plastered all over top news and searches for days. It¡¯s not like he¡¯s one of those internet stars. Can you get any lower? Over-exposure and over-promoting is bad for the works that he puts out, you know? You get your *ss moving and get him off the top trending topics pronto!¡± Jian Bianlin aimlessly walked around outside, wandering here and wandering there down the side of a nearby road. He had pulled up the hood of his down parka, concealing his face, and looked just like any unimportant supporting actor who might have temporarily stepped away from one of the filming projects in Hengdian. Eventually, he sat straddling a rock that was on the roadside and watched the cars that were coming and going. He had lost control of things just now. There were many things that Chu Jian did not know. Those foolish things from his days of youth. He had thought that he had hidden them from everyone, but the one person he could not deceive was the he of more than ten years later, looking back upon that time. First year of high school had been unlike middle school. In middle school, she had always waited for him to go home together after school was dismissed, but in high school, their relationship had naturally drifted apart and they had no longer been as close. Back then, Class No. 1 and No. 9 were at opposite ends of the hallway, with each adjacent to one of the two stairwells that were on the sides of the teaching building. He could not see her, so every physical education, biology, and computers class, he would seize any opportunity to leave the teaching building and then circle back by going through the stairwell beside Class No. 9, thinking that this at least gave him a chance of seeing her. If he was lucky, one out of ten times, he would be able to run into her. During the school sports meet in their first year of high school, their two classes had also sat at opposite ends of the bleachers. He still clearly remembered how he had deliberately taken a seat in the first row because he had wanted to watch her run the 4 x 100 metres relay. A number tag had been pinned to her back with a paper clip, and, dressed in shorts on that winter day along with two or three other girls, she had shivered as she jogged by in front of him. In a very surprised tone, she had tossed a question at him. ¡°Jian Bianlin, you¡¯re so tall but you¡¯re still sitting in the first row. Aren¡¯t you worried you¡¯ll block other people¡¯s views?¡± Once she said this and before she even had a chance to hear his answer, she was already hopping off the stairs and heading toward the athletic track. ¡­¡­ With his right palm pressed against his forehead, Jian Bianlin could not help laughing. The subsequent scenes that were shot in Hengdian all went very smoothly. In the past, Jian Bianlin had not filmed any romance movies. All his roles had either been ones focused on brotherhood or psychopathic characters where emphasis was placed on mental workings and internal struggles. In any case, because of past impressions of him, the director and other collaborators did not feel that there was anything wrong or out of the ordinary with his dislike in filming intimate scenes. This was what one would call ¡°an image that was established well¡±¡­ The scenes shot here were completed in less than five days. Next, they headed straight to a remote mountain village, which absolutely could not compare with the hotel in Hengdian. Regardless of whether it was a big shot celebrity or a director, a little supporting actor or an assistant, there was basically no difference in the rooms that each person stayed in. At most, the difference lay in whether it was several people staying in one room or one person staying alone. Even hot water was only supplied for two hours each day. The most brutal part was that there were not enough rooms. Chu Jian, as Jian Bianlin¡¯s ¡°wife,¡± was straight out arranged to stay in a room with him. Given that the lead actress was also sleeping in one room with her assistant, Chu Jian, as someone who was only here as a companion, could not request that she have a single room to herself, right? Of course, even if she wanted a single room, there were none available. Since stepping into the room and seeing the oversized single bed, Chu Jian had started to grow anxious. But after carrying that anxiousness for the better part of the night, she finally fell asleep at some time past two in the morning with a magazine clasped against herself. Beneath the dim yellow glow of that single light, the vague outline of a figure approached her. Jian Bianlin pulled off his coat and tossed it onto the small dresser in the corner of the room. Then removing his shoes, he got onto the bed and fixed his gaze on the sleeping Chu Jian, who was half-sitting up and leaning against the head of the bed, still hugging the magazine. Slowly, he lay himself down and curled up his tall, 1.8-plus metre frame, his back against the wall and his face touching the part of her thigh that was outside the quilt. He slipped his arm around her waist, closed his eyes, and, making do with their surroudings, drifted off into sleep like this. In the middle of the night, Chu Jian¡¯s felt stifled. There was a persistent feeling that something was squashing down on her, and she suddenly awoke in a daze. Her fingers needed only to shift slightly and then they would be able to touch his short hair. Her heart unexpectedly quivered. ¡°Why haven¡¯t you covered up with the blanket?¡± Though Jian Bianlin had been woken by her motions, he did not want to open his eyes. Why haven¡¯t you covered up with the blanket? He felt as if he had returned to those days when he was a child, six or seven years old, maybe? His dad was away from home, in Zhoushan for half a month, and Jian Bianlin was living with the Chu family in their home. During his afternoon naptime, there would constantly be an especially annoying voice saying over and over, ¡°My mom says that if you don¡¯t cover up with a blanket, you¡¯ll catch a cold. Why haven¡¯t you covered up with the blanket?¡± Irate from hearing her voice, he turned over, curled up, and continued sleeping. Before long, a little blanket carrying the unique scent of soap that was found on her was placed on top of him. While she was at it, she very annoyingly included a sentence with the action: ¡°My mom said you¡¯ll catch a cold.¡± ¡­¡­ He had lain like this in a hazy state of drowsiness for an hour. Now, his waist was stiff, and he needed to wait for some time before he could straighten himself again. Pulling the pillow that she was resting against down from behind her back, he had her lie down first. Then, lifting up the corner of the quilt, he slipped in under it as well. So warm. It was her body heat that had warmed it. This series of actions had come naturally and uninterruptedly. When they were both lying together under a single quilt, Chu Jian suddenly became wide awake. Her heartbeat pounded harder as her feeling of anxiousness grew, and the memory of that night in the van was called up in her mind. In the end, Jian Bianlin had been unable to restrain himself and had pushed up her camisole¡ª Sleepiness was heavy upon him now. When his hand brushed against her waist, the motion of pulling her toward himself came very naturally. ¡°You¡¯re not tired?¡± Chu Jian dared not breathe too loudly, having evidently misunderstood his intention. ¡°Mm.¡± Did this ¡°mm¡± mean, yes, he was tired, or no, he was not tired? It could have been because of her stiffness, because of her mistaken assumption, or because their bodies that were snugged tightly together had caused a natural physiological reaction in him¡ªthe reason could not be traced. Anyhow, that person who originally had been extremely sleepy was also unable to fall into a sound sleep¡­ His lips brushed against the short hairs atop her head and grazed across her forehead. His hands that were beneath the quilt now, rather improperly, got rid of all the barriers and obstructions, either pulling them off, or tossing them aside, or shoving them out of the way with his knee, until they were all somewhere off of the bed¡­ Only when his watch knocked against the headboard of the bed and made a noise did he realize that he had thrown everything off the bed but had forgotten to take off his watch. He was scared it would bump against her and hurt her. Leaning over, he ferociously planted kisses on her while bringing both his hands behind his back, tugging off his watch, and tossing it onto the table. When he grasped her hand and pressed it against the back of his bare waist, he even asked himself, was it too casual to do it here, like it was being viewed as unimportant? ¡­ But it was too late to stop. He could only fumble around for her hand, feeling each finger individually until he found her ring finger. That little pinky ring was slipped off of him and slid on to her. Chu Jian, I love you. His warm, moist lips caressed against her ear for a long while. Those words that were caught in his throat for so long still were not spoken¡ªthe weight of those three words was simply too great. Chu Jian: ¡°No, no, I can¡¯t, I can¡¯t. Stop for a sec. Feel my legs. Why are they shaking?¡± Jian Bianlin¡¯s throat was dry and tight: ¡°¡­¡­¡± Chu Jian: ¡°Wait! Tell me first, have you ever done it with anyone before?¡± Jian Bianlin: ¡°¡­¡­¡± He truly wanted to take his heart out for her to see. Apart from her, who else could possibly be held in there? Jian Bianlin¡¯s voice was so terribly seductive as, huskily, he asked, ¡°It¡¯s here, right? Right here¡­¡± She could only pretend to be a mute with these questions, so embarrassed she wanted to shove him off the bed. How could he actually ask something like that out loud, aaaah? ¡­ His elbows were beside her face, pressing down into the pillow and leaving marks in it. His throat clenched¡­ All those deadly, unfamiliar, tiny sensations he was feeling were all madly declaring that she was his. It was all too real, yet it felt like a dream. ¡­¡­ Later on, Jian Bianlin somewhat lost control of himself and ended up making her cry. Flustered, he had lifted her into his arms, his heart aching terribly. Chu Jian lay against his bare upper body, her own body covered in sweat from the pain. This bed had been creaking the whole time¡­ Seeing her like this, the only feeling that remained in Jian Bianlin was heartache for her, and he could not be bothered to care about anything else. From the floor at the foot of the bed, he picked up his pants and slipped them on. Then wrapping Chu Jian tightly in the quilt, he lifted her up onto his lap, where he enfolded her into his arms. He could not shift his gaze away. His eyes were fixed on her, glistening brightly as if they had been bathed in water. In the stillness, he stated softly, ¡°I want to get married. Chu Jian, I really want to get married.¡± Chu Jian could feel her eardrums quiver slightly. It felt as if a layer of moisture covered them. Not getting a response from the person in his embrace, he tightened his arms a little. Still, that person in his arms did not make a sound. He began to pull open the quilt that was around her. The sudden feeling cool air against her chest caused Chu Jian to find her soul again, and she yanked the quilt back against herself with all her might, stammering that she was cold. He did not utter a word, only encircling her in his arms, holding her tightly, hugging her. He had worn her out for two hours, and now, there was an indescribable dull pain in Chu Jian¡¯s body. So uncomfortable. After sitting for not very long, her mind grew heavy, as if in a haze, and her head bobbed as she began to drift off to sleep. When her head dropped forward hard, she would startle awake. Jian Bianlin was still sitting at the edge of the bed with her enclosed in his embrace, watching as she dozed off. From beneath the quilt, Chu Jian lifted out her arm and touched his face, but Jian Bianlin clasped her hand into his. Bowing his head, he placed a kiss in her palm. Softly, she spoke up. ¡°Why are you even rushing me? It¡¯s not like we can get married here¡­¡± [1] Ë®¾ü ¡°shui jun.¡± ÍøÂçË®¾ü ¡°wang luo shui jun¡± literally translates as the ¡°Internet Water Army¡± and is referring to hidden paid posters/spammers, hired to ¡°flood¡± the internet with specific content. This type of paid posting can involve thousands of hired individuals. [2]×æ×Ú ¡°zu zong.¡± Literally means ¡°ancestor.¡± In a situation where someone is acting in a way that you don¡¯t like but there is nothing you can do about his actions, this person is like your ¡°ancestor,¡± for even though he is doing something inappropriate, you cannot admonish him. CH 7.5 He did end up sleeping in the latter half of the night, but his hand was always unconsciously fiddling around on her, stroking here and caressing there. It was as if he now finally possessed the one thing that he had yearned for in his dreams and was unwilling to let go of it¡­ Half-annoyed, half-amused with his touches, Chu Jian dug her elbow into him, nudging him away. Feeling hot, she lifted away the quilt to try to catch some fresh air, but he leaned over and sprawled on top of her again¡ª This was repeated several times. This night, Chu Jian was like a fish that had been lugged out of the water and thrown onto a chopping block. She had no more energy left to flop and kick and simply let him play around and move her about as he pleased. When dawn was fast approaching, he felt around for the lamp and, with a click, turned it on. The instant the light appeared, Chu Jian wanted to turn away from it, but a weight held her shoulder down and she could not move. Jian Bianlin spoke. ¡°Hold me.¡± His voice seemed as if it had been carried out on his breath, light, and also repressed. Chu Jian mumbled, ¡°I¡¯m honestly so sleepy I could die, Jian Bianlin.¡± But she still reluctantly lifted her arm and sluggishly slipped it around his waist. She managed to keep this up for a few seconds before falling asleep again, and her arm slid limply back down. Catching her hand in his, he once more set it behind his waist. As he brushed her sweat-dampened bangs to the side, he gazed at her, becoming more and more mesmerized by what he saw. It was Chu Jian. He was not dreaming. She lay in a deep slumber all the way until the afternoon when she was woken by her mobile phone¡¯s alarm. Five o¡¯clock on the dot¡ªthe alarm Jian Bianlin had set for her. The alarm had been labeled, ¡°At an outdoor shoot.¡± Following his instructions, Chu Jian ambled her way over to the site of their outdoor shoot. The scenery was quite nice, and the river was flowing rapidly. The weather was freezing, but his upper body and feet were ungarbed as he stood atop a boulder by the riverbank, his back toward where she was. Under the sunlight, Chu Jian could see the large, snaking vine¡ªa vine that wound around a lotus flower¡ªthat the makeup artist had painted on his back. When the staff and crew saw Chu Jian, they nodded to her in greeting. Nothing was out of the ordinary, but Chu Jian still felt guiltily self-conscious. Tong Fei saw Chu Jian shuffling over, and while raising her mobile phone trying to find some reception, the first thing Tong Fei said was, ¡°That guy¡¯s the main lead of the main leads. Take it easy when you¡¯re playing with him, eh. Xie Bin didn¡¯t sleep the entire night last night and kept messaging me on WeChat, asking whether you would put scratches on Jian Bianlin¡¯s back. He¡¯s got a few scenes these next days where he has to show his back.¡± ¡°¡­¡­¡± ¡°Wait a bit, wait a bit. Look, the cloud has floated away now. I¡¯m going to send out an email first. This place is just too insane. A cloud just drifts by and then there¡¯s no reception.¡± Tong Fei worked away hard for some time and then, after finally finishing off the work for a 20 million RMB contract, switched back to her BFF channel. ¡°Take it easy, you know, take it easy. Hey, oh, wow, you¡¯re even wearing his ring now?¡± Jian Bianlin had worn that pinky ring of his since before he shot into fame. Anyone who had seen him a few times would have an impression of it. Now, it encircled Chu Jian¡¯s ring finger¡ªthe meaning of that was very clear. The guy had had it made according to the size of Chu Jian¡¯s finger. No wonder sometimes it had seemed that the ring¡¯s size was a bit too large and looked really loose on Jian Bianlin¡¯s little finger. When Tong Fei thought about this particular detail, goosebumps popped out all over her body. So envious. So jealous! There was no chance in this lifetime for her anymore, but next life, no matter what, she was going to get herself a childhood sweetheart¡­ Not far from them, Lin Shen was reading through the script. Jian Bianlin likely was taking a break, and he had one of his assistants call Lin Shen over so they could analyze and discuss the scene that they later would be acting in together. Chu Jian stood beside the monitors with her hands in her parka, waiting for them to wrap up their work. Perhaps it was because their minds were in sync or perhaps it was for some other reason, but in any case, Jian Bianlin discovered her presence. Slipping on the button-up shirt that Xiao Yu handed to him, he patted Lin Shen on the shoulder and spoke what seemed to be a couple of sentences of encouragement. Then, while fastening the buttons of his shirt, he strode over to where Chu Jian was. The collar of Chu Jian¡¯s parka was turned up with the zipper pulled all the way to the top, blocking nearly half of her face, from the tip of her nose downward, and highlighting that pair of eyes. It was broad daylight now, but simultaneously, they both remembered the intimacy of the previous night¡­ Chu Jian¡¯s cheeks were burning. She discovered that Jian Bianlin was standing so close to her that his eyes were cast very low. The love that shone in those eyes was so deep it was as if he had not yet stepped out of character from his scene a moment ago. However, it was obvious that his feelings for Chu Jian did not require any acting skills. Everything was real¡ªhe loved her. For a long time, their gazes were silently locked together. From somewhere, Xiao Yu, holding a down parka, wanted to step close to them, but Xie Bin grabbed him and dragged him back. ¡°You¡¯re so oblivious.¡± Jian Bianlin, oh, Jian Bianlin. Oh man. Observing that expression in Jian Bianlin¡¯s eyes and the way he looked, Xie Bin felt a twinge of sentiment. For some reason, he wanted to go into his high school group list and search through the contact details to find his first love and catch up with her¡ªeven though he had heard that she was long married, for the second time, in Singapore and had a kid already. In those yesteryears, he had also once been a pure boy. When first year of university came around, he and his first love had been in a long-distance relationship and finally had a rare chance to see one another. Unable to restrain their desires, they had gotten a room in a hotel. The next day when they awoke, he truly had held his first love in his arms and waited on her like she was a little child, helping her put on all her clothing from inside to out. His eyes had been so soft and tender you could almost squeeze water out from them as he gazed at the first woman in his life. What had he said at the time? Ah, right. ¡°You are so good to me. In our lifetime, I will never fail you or this love that you have given me¡­¡± So sappily sad. Anyway, most people¡¯s first love was usually like a novel of the pains of youth. You couldn¡¯t avoid it. Like everyone was competing to be the sappiest and saddest. While Xie Bin was sighing away on his end, Jian Bianlin had found a mountain bike from somewhere. Putting the mask that he used to conceal his face over his mouth and pulling up the hood of his down parka, he patted the front handlebar. ¡°Come on up.¡± Chu Jian was a little hesitant. ¡°There are so many people.¡± The bottom half of his face was hidden behind the mask, and the sound of his low chuckle was muffled and carried a suggestive overtone. ¡°It¡¯s not like you¡¯ve never sat there before.¡± That was back in middle school¡­ While Chu Jian was still silently struggling with herself, he had already pulled her into his arms, lifted her up, and set her on the handlebar. Then, with a step on the pedal, he rode off. He did not care at all about the marvelous show of expression on the faces of each person in the cast and crew. It had probably been several years since Jian Bianlin had last touched a bicycle. This one was borrowed from the family who had rented their house out to the production team, and the back rack had been removed. It was not certain whether the owner of the bike deliberately did this as girl-wooing strategy, but regardless, it caused him to think of many things. The mountain road was actually quite wide, but it was an uneven dirt road, and Chu Jian was joggled and jolted until her bottom was sore. Shifting herself left and right, she tried to find a good sitting position. Winter was almost at its end, but it was still very cold. The whooshing mountain wind charged straight into the openings at the cuffs of her sleeves and neckline. Worried that she was cold, Jian Bianlin rode with only one hand, while the other arm encircled her and held her tightly against his chest. Out of the blue, he asked, ¡°Is it too bumpy?¡± ¡°It¡¯s okay.¡± She tilted her head up to look at him. ¡°Where are we going?¡± ¡°To have dinner.¡± ¡°We¡¯re not going to eat with the rest of the group?¡± Hadn¡¯t someone been hired specifically to cook for everyone? ¡°Today is special.¡± Chu Jian, of course, knew what he was referring to. Hunching her shoulders and pulling her head down slightly, she leaned herself firmly into his embrace. Even that had to be celebrated? ¡­ Jian Bianlin had a nice idea: At the nearby town, they would find a clean, little restaurant, which preferably would have a small private dining room, and have some good food. But alas, they arrived too late. In small towns such as this one, once the sky was dark, all the shops on the few streets would close. Only one restaurant owner remained, eating dinner alone over his wok. Jian Bianlin was worried that if they were to go back now, Chu Jian would be too hungry. Deciding to make do, he stepped into the restaurant. Pulling off his face mask, he, in a friendly and deferential way, basically begged a meal from the restaurant owner. The owner was a man in his forties who seemed quite laidback and easy to talk to. However, Jian Bianlin had come directly from the filming location, and hence his garb that made him look like one of society¡¯s undesirables, coupled with the black, surgical-style face mask that he was wearing, intimidated the shop owner a little. The man pointed at a table in the corner of the shop and told them to take a seat. Other than half a chicken and some eggs, though, there was no other food left. In order to make this dinner feel special, Jian Bianlin ordered, ¡°Stir-fried chicken chunks, salty crispy chicken skin, scrambled eggs with scallions, and egg drop soup¡­¡± Eventually, even the restaurant owner was chuckling in amusement. ¡°Hey, lad, do you want me to make you a bowl of steamed egg custard, too?¡± Jian Bianlin considered this suggestion for a moment. ¡°Sure.¡± The restaurant owner felt even more that this young couple was quite amusing, and humming a little tune, he went off to make the dinner. Jian Bianlin chased after the owner, asking if there were any stores nearby that sold daily necessities. ¡°Oh, yes. Yes, there is. You go out the door, make a right, and walk all the way to the very end. There¡¯s one once you step outside of the lane. It has any of the basic necessities that you may need. At this time of day, there should be a lot of people there watching TV, so there will be someone in the shop for sure. Go now. It has everything.¡± Now that he had learned the location of where he needed to go, Jian Bianlin did not delay. Rising to his feet, he instructed Chu Jian, ¡°Wait for me. I¡¯m going to go buy something.¡± Chu Jian was perplexed. ¡°You still need some other daily necessities? I¡¯ve brought everything.¡± ¡°I¡¯ll just go take a look. There may not be any.¡± It was not often that Jian Bianlin would describe something so nebulously. With this rather vague reason, he left her alone there and went out by himself. Chu Jian sat in blank bewilderment for a dozen or so seconds. Then, she understood. Thump, thump. Her heart was hammering rapidly. She had a faint awareness that her chest was rising up and down with the tempo of her breathing and heartbeat. She felt so embarrassed she did not know what to do. However, a very important thought instantly popped into her head. Wait, no. He can¡¯t go buy that. Once this thought hit her, she could not concern herself with even letting the restaurant owner in the kitchen know first and simply dashed outside, sprinting all the way out the lane. Catching sight of Jian Bianlin already walking up the steps of the shop, she grabbed him and dragged him back. ¡°You can¡¯t go. If someone recognizes you, there¡¯s going to be a lot of trouble¡­¡± It was not out of the ordinary at all for that small restaurant¡¯s owner to not know Jian Bianlin, given the type of celebrity that he was, but that did not mean everyone else would not know, too. After she had tugged him off the steps, Jian Bianlin also realized that this was problemmatic. The two of them were a live example of a young couple who had just tasted the forbidden fruit but were too embarassed to take normal precautionary measures of contraception. The wind at the entrance of that narrow lane was strong and whipped Chu Jian¡¯s hair around. If they kept standing here, they were going to freeze, and the scrambled eggs were likely going to go cold, too. But Chu Jian really was too embarrassed to push open the door and blatantly, in full view of everyone, ask whether there was any of that in the store, aaaah. Just thinking about it made her feel awkward and uncomfortable all over. Softly, she said, ¡°I¡¯m hungry. Let¡¯s go eat. This type of little corner store shouldn¡¯t¡­ shouldn¡¯t have any of those anyway.¡± Thinking about it, he agreed and said, ¡°I¡¯ll go back and ask Xie Bin.¡± ¡°No! You¡¯re not allowed to ask. You must not ask!¡± Jian Bianlin fell silent for a moment. Pulling her into a shadowy part of the lane, in the dim surroundings, he leaned in close. His warm breath tickled the tip of her nose. Chu Jian evaded his action, quietly protesting, ¡°If you really do ask him, I¡¯m going to go back. You can stay here and film all by yourself.¡± So humiliating. His eyes flickered slightly. Accurately taking aim at her lip, he bit down on it. ¡°Then we¡¯ll just let things happen naturally and take whatever comes.¡± Let things happen naturally? Let what happen naturally? In the biting wind that was swirling at the entrance of the lane, Chu Jian paused in confusion for all of half a minute before finally comprehending the meaning of his words. ¡­¡­ Not even twenty-four hours had passed. How could he already be thinking about wanting a baby? ¡­ CH 8.1 The lightbulbs that hung from the limbs of a tree outside the corner store were bright, and Chu Jian needed to shift her gaze away from their radiance. The backs of her ears burning hot, she tossed back a sentence of ¡°I¡¯m not even going to pay any attention to you¡± and ran back down the lane along the way she had come. Surrounded by the veil of the night, Jian Bianlin could not help letting out a laugh. Too anxious. You¡¯re too anxious, Jian Bianlin. The old saying was right: When people are extremely happy, they, indeed, will forget themselves. Stretching and moving his arms about for a little bit, he very contentedly brought his hands behind his head and linked them together to prop up his head as well as his neck that was achy from filming for an entire day. Staring after Chu Jian¡¯s backside, he truly felt that even just her action of walking was incredibly adorable¡­ When the two returned empty-handed and stepped again into the small restaurant, the uncle-like restaurant owner was gnawing on chicken feet. Seeing that the two had come back, he beamingly prattled, ¡°Good thing I saw that your bike was still here; otherwise I would have thought that you had run off.¡± Saying this, he brought out their food and laid it out. On that table, if it was not a chicken dish, then it was an egg dish, but Jian Bianlin still savoringly enjoyed the food. This was the first meal he had consumed this whole day. It had been rather late when he arrived on location at noon, and he had still needed to get the ¡°tattoo¡± hand-painted onto his back. That had been an intricate and painstaking piece of work where he had been unable to move in the slightest, so he had not told the makeup artist that he had not even had the chance to have a drink of water. Concerned that it would be unsafe if he brought her back at too late an hour, Jian Bianlin scarfed down the food until he was half-full. Gulping down a couple of mouthfuls of warm water to help his stomach feel better, he went over and exchanged a couple of words with the uncle-like restaurant owner. The uncle gave a ¡°hee hee¡± of laughter, then picked up his coat and walked out. Soon, he returned, having bought the item that Jian Bianlin needed¡­ After a single glimpse at that item, Chu Jian did not dare look that uncle in the eye anymore. Forcing herself to put on a pretense of composure, she picked up the last piece of chicken with her chopsticks and put it into her mouth. Slowly, she separated the meat from the bone with her teeth before bowing her head and spitting out the bone. Of course, beneath that table where a third person could not possibly see, she gave a fierce stomp on Jian Bianlin¡¯s foot. So hard. He was wearing military boots. It was destined that he would feel no pain from that, but he did feel something. He lifted his eyelids to look at her. She glared back at him. But then, her face flushed first, and she shifted her eyes away to look elsewhere. ¡­¡­ When they later returned to the little inn, the production cast and crew had also just finished eating. The place that they were staying in was a little inn that had been completely reserved by the film team. Although it was called an inn, it was so simple and basic that it really was not all that different from a farm dwelling. There was no specified dining room. Everyone ate on the first floor, where several large, round tables had been pulled together, and that was it. Chu Jian was not paying attention when she walked through the door and ran into the dried chili peppers and corn that were hanging outside the doorway. So she, the one who had wanted to sneak in quietly, ended up creating a huge noise. The people who were sitting at those several large tables all, one after the other, looked in her direction. Chu Jian was thin-skinned. Now that her presence had been discovered, she was too embarrassed to simply return quietly to their room, so nudging Jian Bianlin, she insisted that they take a seat at Xie Bin¡¯s table. ¡°What good stuff did you get to eat?¡± Tong Fei nibbled on her chopsticks. ¡°You left us all here with nothing to eat but the air, eh?¡± Chu Jian swept her eyes over the leftovers on the table. Although the meal was basically finished, she could still tell that the balance between meat and vegetables had been well-coordinated and reasonable. Besides, she had eaten yesterday¡¯s lunch, and it was obvious that the film team¡¯s hired cook was skilled in his trade. ¡°Does it even matter what they ate? When you have love, even water satiates.¡± Xie Bin was gleeful as he quipped, ¡°Isn¡¯t that true, eh, Xiao Yu?¡± Xiao Yu immediately chimed in, ¡°That¡¯s right, Ge!¡± Everyone laughed. Just now, when the two were not here, by everyone¡¯s request, Xie Bin had summarized briefly that this girlfriend who was by Jian Bianlin¡¯s side was Jian Bianlin¡¯s first love. The two were childhood friends and would marry sooner or later, so there was no need to keep their relationship a secret from all the staff and crew. The two words ¡°first love¡± truly had shocked quite a few people. Those sitting in the room had all experienced many years of ups and downs within the entertainment circle, so they had seen all the weird and wacky romantic relationships that could exist. All except this type. This type of relationship that Jian Bianlin had was one they had never seen before. And so, everyone began to recall all the little details between the two of them since the commencement of filming, and as they thought more and more, they began to sentimentally reminisce about their own experiences. What does one¡¯s first love represent? It is not simply ¡°love;¡± it also embodies ¡°youth.¡± Therefore, even before Chu Jian and Jian Bianlin had stepped into the room, the conversations had already been going at a high, and their appearance only pushed everyone up another level. Work the following day was not going to begin until the afternoon and no one had to rise early, so by the end, every table had opened up quite a bit of alcohol. Eventually, the drinks went to everybody¡¯s heads. Never mind the older people who were more senior in experience; even Xiao Yu, a relative newcomer, had grabbed the Macau-native Lin Shen and poured out his story on how he had come into the industry, plus all those darn ups and downs and setbacks that he had experienced. There were not as many stories of glory and glamour as one would think. The more wealth that is amassed in an industry, the more pragmatic and hard-nosed that industry is. At the doorway, there were even two people who had broken out into tears from their conversation¡­ As Chu Jian watched the drunken antics and overflowing feelings of all those people in the foyer and outside the door, many memories of the things that had happened in her days of youth were called up in her mind¡ªmemories regarding Jian Bianlin. At the very beginning of high school, there was one time when she was riding her bicycle home with one of the girls in their school who lived nearby her. They had just gotten out the gates of the school when they saw Jian Bianlin walking and pushing his bicycle, and furthermore, his tire was flat¡­ At the time, she had even wanted to go over and ask him whether he wanted to go home together with them, but then two girls, each pushing a bicycle, came chasing after him. ¡°Jian Bianlin, did your bike break down?¡± Out of curiosity, Chu Jian had thrown a couple of extra glances in that direction. The female classmate who was riding beside Chu Jian burst out in laughter, and tugging on Chu Jian¡¯s arm, she had commented, ¡°Nowadays, it¡¯s so entertaining to watch girls try to pursue a guy. That guy there from Class No. 1, his bike tire¡¯s valve stem core has been pulled out every day, just to create the opportunity to walk home together after school and talk to him.¡± Chu Jian had been dumbstruck when she heard this. That certainly was original and creative. Later, in the second semester of that first year of high school, this type of occurrence had become so commonplace that it no longer brought any surprise. The boy who had drawn the most gazes in both the middle and high school campuses had been he. One time, when it was her turn to stand at the school entrance and inspect school badges, she had seen his surname ¡°Jian¡± blatantly written in thin pen on the uniforms of two girls. Chu Jian had discovered the one in the morning. It was a girl dressed in the frog-green uniform of the middle school, and the character had been written on the cuff of her sleeve. The classmate standing beside Chu Jian while they were on watch duty had discovered the other one during the noon break. That classmate¡¯s reaction had been like she had just discovered the New World, nudging Chu Jian with her elbow and exclaiming, ¡°Look, look!¡± This time, it was the red and white uniform of the high school campus, and the small words ¡°Jian Bianlin¡± had been written in paint marker right on the collar. Every school has a few boys like this who fill this type of role. What was different about Jian Bianlin was that, in the end, he truly did step into the entertainment industry, and he went from being a campus idol to an idol of the masses. During that period when he first became famous, many of their former schoolmates had posted in Tieba[1] or Weibo, saying that even in high school, there had already been tons of girls who had tried with all their might to pursue him. The reports had been vivid and colourful, and there truly had been many stories. However, of those stories, very few triggered Chu Jian to remember the name of any person. Class No. 7, though, had someone named Lu Shanshan who, to this very day, she still remembered. This girl had been the boldest in her pursuit of Jian Bianlin. During the break between classes, she had sat on the classroom windowsill and shouted down at that group from Class No. 1 and 2, who were just getting off from gym class. ¡°Jian Bianlin, Jian Bianlin, I like you!¡± This had elicited a furor of cheers and heckling from the students downstairs. At the time, this had stirred the entire school. Chu Jian, as simply an onlooker, had even watched with delight at a certain someone¡¯s misfortunes¡­ When her train of thought diverged all the way to this point, Chu Jian jammed her elbow into Jian Bianlin. ¡°Do you still remember Class No. 7¡¯s Lu Shanshan?¡± She thought Jian Bianlin would come back simply with a ¡°No, I don¡¯t remember. ¡± Unfortunately, though, he really did solemnly recollect for quite some time and then, in the end, nod his head. Chu Jian muttered, ¡°Such a good memory.¡± Jian Bianlin realized he should not have told the truth. ¡°¡­ I just remember that she¡¯s female. I don¡¯t really remember anything else.¡± Chu Jian reminded him, ¡°Didn¡¯t she even chase you all the way to your home?¡± Back at the time, the news that Lu Shanshan¡¯s pursuit of Jian Bianlin had brought her all the way to his home had spread crazily through their entire grade. Actually, Jian Bianlin did remember this girl quite clearly. It was not that there was anything particularly special about this person. It was purely because his memory was just too good. He basically had not forgotten anything that had occurred since he was four years old. Back then, this girl and three or four other male classmates had gone together to his home. Jian Bianlin¡¯s dad had hung on to everyone, asking incessantly about this and that, but everything he asked had been regarding Chu Jian and how she was doing at school. In the end, his dad had even brought out a photo album for all of them to look through, beamingly telling them that Chu Jian was like a half-daughter to him. In the space of time when Jian Bianlin¡¯s dad had slipped out to pour some water, all the boys had broken out in a teasing uproar, saying that it was no wonder that Jian Bianlin¡¯s heart had not been moved by anyone. The winner had already been internally decided. He did not explain. It was purely an unspoken admission: He did like Chu Jian. From since he was little, the number of girls who had expressed favourable feelings toward him was not insignificant, but this particular girl was relatively more troublesome. His greater consideration, however, was that Class No. 7 was close to Class No. 9, and if the rumours got out of hand, even when the matter had passed, Chu Jian still might misunderstand. Fortunately, he had ended up rejecting the girl a great number of times afterwards, to the point that even the thickest-skinned person would know to back down against the overwhelming odds. ¡­¡­ After a brief silence, Jian Bianlin replied, ¡°She really went to my home? And she didn¡¯t get beaten and thrown out by my dad?¡± With a ¡°huh?¡± Chu Jian asked, ¡°Why would your dad beat her? ¡­¡± Jian Bianlin¡¯s brows creased together. ¡°My dad likes you, so that means anyone else who comes is going to get beaten and thrown out, right?¡± Chu Jian was thoroughly tickled by his words, and happily, she spun the ring that was on her finger. Last night had been too chaotic and too absurd and then today, they had rushed to go eat dinner, so she had not even had a chance to look over the ring in detail. Now, as she removed and carefully examined it, she made the rather-late discovery that letters were engraved on the inside of the ring¡¯s band: J&C. It required no thought to know that what was engraved was the first initial of each of their surnames. Chu Jian glanced over at him. Jian Bianlin: ¡°If you read it backwards, it becomes the initials of your full name.¡± ¡°Jian¡± as in Jian Bianlin, and ¡°Jian¡± as in Chu Jian[2]. His surname was her given name. People are like this. They will always try to find commonalities with the person whom they hold in their hearts. Even if it is just a tiny hint of something, they still will not let go of it. Chu Jian remembered that her high school deskmate had been like this when that deskmate had fallen for their assistant class prefect. Over and over, she had written their two names out in different permutations and combinations until, at last, she had gleefully grabbed Chu Jian¡¯s arm and cried, ¡°Look! The second character in my name and the third character in his both have seventeen strokes! Aren¡¯t we just so fated for each other?¡± At the time, she had thought that her deskmate was being silly. Now, though, she felt that¡­ ¡­ she and Jian Bianlin truly were so fated for each other. With his gaze on her, Chu Jian slipped the ring back on. ¡°I¡¯m going to ask you a question. You must answer it seriously.¡± Jian Bianlin motioned to her that she could go ahead and ask. Chu Jian: ¡°Why do you like me?¡± Jian Bianlin: ¡°You¡¯re pretty.¡± Chu Jian: ¡°You¡¯re not being serious at all. There are so, so many people who are prettier than me.¡± Jian Bianlin: ¡°It¡¯s true.¡± Chu Jian: ¡°Let¡¯s not even mention the actresses you have worked with. Just in middle and high school alone, out of those girls who liked you, there were a lot of beauties, too.¡± Jian Bianlin: ¡°It¡¯s true.¡± Chu Jian: ¡°¡­¡­¡± Jian Bianlin leaned in close and, beneath the glow of the incandescent lighting, carefully scrutinized her. Without so much as a shift in expression or speeding up of his heart rate, he stated what he believed to be the absolute truth: ¡°Compared to you, everybody else isn¡¯t even female.¡± [1]Ìù°É ¡°Tieba,¡± which literally means ¡°Post Bar¡± is a Chinese key word-based forum provided by the search engine, Baidu. It is a massive online communication platform, and keyword searches will bring a user into a group discussion site or ¡°bar¡± in which one can start or join posts on that topic. [2] Jian Bianlin¡¯s surname is ¼ì ¡°ji¨£n,¡± while Chu Jian¡¯s given name is ¼û ¡°ji¨¤n¡± so the characters are different, but they are pronounced similarly, with the difference being only in the tone. CH 8.2 That night, the people downstairs caroused away until past three in the morning. Lying on the bed, Chu Jian watched him remove his top and pants. As he lifted up a corner of the quilt to slide underneath it, she was terribly anxious. This was unlike last night. Last night, she had not known what would happen and therefore had been fearless out of ignorance. Now, though¡­ Chu Jian squeezed herself closer to the wall. When he pulled her with one arm against his bare chest, her entire mind was filled with snatches of images from the previous night and how he had tired her out for several hours and not let her sleep. Out of reflex, her heart began to pound against her chest, and she was a little breathless. ¡°This bed is too loud¡­¡± Jian Bianlin: ¡°I¡¯ll be more gentle.¡± Those words were simply too provocative. Gentle? How was he even going to be ¡°gentle¡±? Jian Bianlin¡¯s hand was fumblingly caressing her back, and though he tried to control himself, it was completely without success. However, he had only just shifted his leg before the bed had let out a couple of cries of creak, creak, like it was trying to join in with the spirit of the moment. Jian Bianlin could not hold himself back, and pressing his forehead beside her ear, he felt around on the table for the television remote control. His finger slid several rounds around the remote control until he finally found the red button and turned on the television. Chu Jian protested, ¡°You¡¯re turning on the TV in the middle of the night. Isn¡¯t that just ¡®covering your own ears while stealing a bell[1]¡¯ [only able to deceive yourself]?¡± ¡°¡­¡­¡± The television was turned off again. The surroundings slipped back into stillness. Afraid that she would get angry, Jian Bianlin dared not make any rash moves and could only slowly use kisses to torture her. From her lower lip to her upper lip to her tongue, he silently tormented her lips. Gradually, they became sore from his nibbling. Chu Jian shifted, gingerly trying to evade him. The bed once more gave squeals of creak, creak¡­ How could Jian Bianlin possibly curb himself at this point? But unexpectedly, Chu Jian, whose ears had been pricked up the entire time, suddenly broke out into giggles. ¡°Oh man, I can¡¯t. I really want to laugh.¡± Jian Bianlin brushed his face across her lips, his kisses trailing down along the curve of her arched neck while his hands did not so much as pause. ¡°Be good¡­ be good.¡± In the end, though, they were still interrupted by the creaking of the bed. Chu Jian shoved at him frantically. ¡°Think of of a way to deal with that first¡­¡± ¡°¡­¡­¡± Deciding to simply yank the quilt onto the floor, he lifted her off the bed and then lay down with her on top of the quilt. After nuzzling for only a while, Chu Jian felt achy from the top of her head to her back from being pressed into the hard cement floor, and when her elbow slipped down and knocked against the ground, it hurt, too. Anyway, even with the quilt cushioning them underneath, it still was not good enough. The floor was just too hard¡­ Jian Bianlin tried to accommodate her, but switching through a variety of different positions had no noticeable effect. Eventually, with nothing he could do about it, he held her in his arms and kissed her for a long time, from top to bottom. Then, lifting her back up onto the bed and wrapping her snugly in the bedsheets, he sat by himself on the edge of the bed, his head propped in his hands as he composed himself for a dozen or so seconds. Under the lamplight, Chu Jian leaned in close and looked at him. ¡°Jian Bianlin?¡± She brought a smile to his face with this action, and in soundless mirth, he bit down hard on his lower lip. After a while, he heaved a sigh. ¡°The blanket is dirty. Just wait.¡± From the bedside, he grabbed his pants back over, slipped them on, and did up his belt. His upper body still bare, he put on his down jacket and walked out the door. Before long, he returned with a clean quilt in his arms. Just go to sleep. Don¡¯t think about anything. Seven days later, filming out in the boonies finished, and the Lantern Festival[2] also happened to be drawing near. The lead actress had requested a three-day leave to shoot a commercial and go on a talk show program. On Jian Bianlin¡¯s end, Xie Bin had also arranged to have the rehearsal and actual event for his birthday celebration during this time. This year, Jian Bianlin¡¯s birthday had been spent in the hospital. In the end, he had actually been the one to suggest that, no matter how busy he was, he needed to have a makeup celebration for his fans. Consequently, the night before the Lantern Festival, they hurried onto a plane and returned to Shanghai. From the rehearsal to the actual performance, there was only three days¡¯ time. On the surface, Jian Bianlin, having very little interaction with his fans, appeared to not be very close to them. Even on his Weibo, he had only ever posted, ¡°Hello, everyone, this is Jian Bianlin,¡± when the account was first registered and then had never posted again. However, from many of the little details, it could be seen that, in his heart, Jian Bianlin very much loved his fans but was just not good at expressing it. For example, this makeup birthday celebration. Or for another example, regardless of his destination, whenever he was coming and going from an airport, he would never use the VIP passageway, because he was afraid that the fans who had come to meet his flight would have made the special trip for nothing if they did not see him. Furthermore, the itinerary for each of his work trips was made public to prevent his fans from always having to spend time to investigate and figure out what his schedules and routes would be. Hence, from when the airplane landed, he and Chu Jian had separated. With her backpack on her back, Chu Jian stepped out of the exit. Seeing the people standing off on both sides with signs and mobile phones in hand, excitedly waiting for his appearance, she could not help turning around to take a look. Jian Bianlin was in a spot less than twenty metres away from her. As a way to promote this current drama, he was purposely sporting the khaki pants and military boots that the male lead in the drama usually wore, but because of the cold weather, he was wearing a black t-shirt and a black down jacket. His physique really was just too good for words¡­ She did not know if Jian Bianlin had spotted her as she watched him pull out his mobile phone, typing swiftly on it with his thumbs. The next second, her own phone vibrated. It was a message from him. I¡¯ll be home once I¡¯m done with the dance rehearsal. Soon after, he brushed right past her and walked out through the passageway. Chu Jian watched as he and his two assistants strode into the crowds. After allowing her eyes to follow him briefly, she began making plans. Although this could still be considered the Spring Festival holiday period, since she was back, she would go to the nail salon to just walk through and have a look at how things were doing. By the time she left the airport, took a taxi, and arrived at the nail salon, it was just past lunchtime. Inside the shop, there were only two or three patrons, all of them regulars, leafing through magazines as they waited for their turns. ¡°Boss, you¡¯re back?¡± one of the nail technicians lifted her head to ask. After giving a reply, Chu Jian brought the account book over to the sofa, sat down, and casually flipped through it. But while she was looking through, her mind shamefully began to wander. The development of her and Jian Bianlin¡¯s relationship to date had truly been very remarkable. They had been too familiar with one another, so at the beginning, it had been extremely awkward. Later, the relationship had not felt the least bit intriguing, mysterious, or romantic. For instance, sometimes when she watched him getting dressed, she would think, Oh, so that¡¯s what he looks like when he takes everything off, and would even eye him up and down a couple of extra times with great curiosity. In the most extreme cases, when he was caught up in a moment of passion and was fumblingly fondling and stroking her, she would suddenly, for no apparent reason, burst into laughter. ¡°I can¡¯t take it, I can¡¯t take it. Jian Bianlin, do you know that sometimes you¡¯re just so raunchy? ¡­¡± The more she called these thoughts up in her mind, the more caught up she became in them, until she could not hold back a laugh as she leaned back into the sofa. In the process, she accidentally knocked out two dolls from the neatly laid out row of dolls. Offhandedly picking them up, she set each one back in place. All of a sudden, she remembered the box that she had brought here along with these dolls. As she thought of this, she tossed down her account book, went into the storeroom, and dug it out. Squatting beside a shelf, she opened it¡­ Inside were two stacks of card stock, each tied up neatly with string. On the first card was a written math problem. Copied in black pen was the original math question while in blue pen was the solution. The writing was fluid and beautiful¡ªit was his handwriting. Baffled, Chu Jian untied the stack. Looking over a couple of the cards, she realized that these were exercise problems from middle school. Which grade in middle school? She had forgotten. Spreading out all of the cards, she discovered English questions, math problems, physics and chemistry problems¡ªpractice problems from every subject. There were even practice exam questions from the New Oriental supplementary classes they had taken outside of school, Mathematical Olympiad problems, Physics Olympiad problems¡­ The other stack consisted completely of cards with handwritten English words. In contrast to all those exercise problems, these English words were deeply imprinted in her mind. They were all words that she had consistently gotten wrong. Since she was a child, she had never had a very good memory and would repeatedly get the same problems and test questions wrong. In particular, English spelling words, which frequently appeared on English tests, were basically her nightmare. It was as if her brain had a black hole. Once she spelled a word incorrectly one time, it was a given that she would continue to get it wrong, and even after seven or eight times, she still would not be able to remember its spelling. For example, this word ¡°medicine¡± that was written on the card that she was currently holding, she, for some reason, would always spell as ¡°medition¡± or ¡°medicion¡±¡­ In regards to this issue of hers, her middle school English teacher had truly held a bitter hatred toward it. Ah, right, that English teacher was Jian Bianlin¡¯s class advisor at the time, the same teacher whom they had bumped into in the hospital, Teacher Li¡­ During that time, Teacher Li had been utterly exasperated with her lack of improvement and often would suddenly say to Jian Bianlin in one of Class No. 1¡¯s classes, ¡°That Chu Jian who lives across the hall from you, you should help her out with memorizing her vocabulary words. Oh dear.¡± ¡­¡­ Chu Jian flipped through the cards. It was apparent that there was quite some age to them. When did he write them? She didn¡¯t know. Why hadn¡¯t he give them to her before? She didn¡¯t know, either. Perhaps it was because of their ¡°breakup¡± in middle school, or perhaps it was because of that stolen kiss on the ferry. In any case, he had kept them for so many years but then gave them to her on this last birthday¡­ Chu Jian could roughly guess what Jian Bianlin had been trying to take the opportunity to say to her: Chu Jian, I¡¯ve liked you for many years. Chu Jian, if for nothing but the sake of all these years, could you let me try one more time? ¡­ But she had not even opened the box for a look. Crouching there on the floor, Chu Jian fiddled back and forth, over and over again, with those cards, seemingly like her soul had flown away somewhere beyond the heavens. Half an hour later, she carefully tidied up all the cards and put them away again in a most secret place. Leaving the storeroom, she walked straight out the main glass doors of the nail salon. She did not even have time to leave any words with anyone in the shop. One of the nail technicians who was working right then gave a very nosy glance out the door. ¡°She¡¯s in love, I¡¯m guessing.¡± When she returned home, her mom was right at that moment, with an ashtray raised high in her hand, chasing after her dad, reprimanding and questioning him over whether he was actually smoking his cigarettes or just straight up eating them. In a mere morning, there were already four cigarette butts. Her dad played dumb all the way, tucking his head down as he fed the fish, all the while mumbling, ¡°I¡¯m telling the truth here to get a lighter sentence. If I had actually wanted to keep it a secret from you, I could have just gone to the bathroom, and a flush down the toilet would have solved everything.¡± The outcome was that this incurred an even harsher interrogation. Her mom¡¯s berating, which originally began with how he had smoked too many cigarettes in the morning, switched over into demanding to know, just how many times had he dumped cigarette butts into the toilet in the past? Chu Jian did not pay attention to them. Dashing into the kitchen, she pulled out from the refrigerator all the fruits that had been bought for the holiday period, peeling, paring, slicing, etc. each one until she had filled a big box. ¡°What are you doing?¡± Chu Jian¡¯s mom was alarmed by this. ¡°I¡¯m bringing some fruits to Jian Bianlin.¡± With her arms wrapped around the box, Chu Jian ran off. ¡°Those two kids. It would have been so nice if their relationship had been this good earlier.¡± Chu Jian¡¯s mom felt incredibly moved. When Chu Jian arrived at the office of Jian Bianlin¡¯s company, she actually gave Xie Bin¡¯s name to reception. The receptionist led her inside. Along the way, Xiao Yu spotted her and gave a loud cry of ¡°Sister-In-Law!¡± Hurriedly, he led her away, taking a roundabout turn and heading directly to the dance practice studio. Jian Bianlin also had shares in the company and hence could be considered one of the bosses. The word spread through the entire floor that the ¡°lady boss¡± of legends had made an appearance. Nosily, everyone brought a mug along and flocked to the breakroom nearest the dance practice studio. The result, though, was that they only got to see the door of the studio thudding shut and the dozen or so backup dancers all smiling suggestively and saying that they were going to go for afternoon tea. The staff members who had rushed here excitedly now glumly left again, all of them, in passing, leaving behind instructions for the employee whose work area was situated closest to the studio: ¡°If they come out, give me a call on my extension, eh¡­¡± Outside the door, it was buzzing with liveliness, while inside the door, it was exceptionally quiet. Jian Bianlin had just completed a segment of the dance rehearsal. His short locks that lay on his forehead had long been drenched in perspiration. Wearing only a black tank top and gray workout pants, he walked barefoot over to her side. From top to bottom, he wore no accessories, except for the light-gold, couple¡¯s-style bracelet that he and Chu Jian each had one of, which had now slid down slightly to hang over the back of his hand. He had not expected that Chu Jian would come to his company office to visit him. Twisting open the bottle of mineral water that he was holding, he was about to take a drink, but Chu Jian stuffed a wedge of snow pear into his mouth first. Halting the motion of his hand briefly, he slowly chewed the fruit and swallowed it. ¡°Tired?¡± Chu Jian pickily rummaged through the fruits before pulling a half of a strawberry out and holding it up beside his lips. Jian Bianlin did not make a sound. Opening his mouth, he bit down into that strawberry. Chu Jian hugged the box of fruit, tilting her head upward to watch him eat. Prior to seeing those cards, a question had stumped Chu Jian for a long time: Just when had Jian Bianlin started liking her? When they were kids, he had always found her very annoying. Later, when they were in middle school, apart from those rumours about them, he had actually not done anything like professing feelings or showing any intimate type of action. And things had always been like this, until the New Year¡¯s after their ¡°breakup,¡± when he stole that kiss on the ferry. Chu Jian had been a little panicked with that, but after¡­ there was no ¡°after.¡± He had carried on behaving normally, with nothing out of the ordinary. She had even thought that that kiss had been on a whim. In high school, because of their difference in gender, Chu Jian became aware that she should prudently keep an appropriate distance. Except for the times when their two families would gather together for a meal, she had not really had much interaction with him, and the number of words that they exchanged had been even less than the rumours about him that she heard at school¡­ until shortly after Xu Jing professed feelings for her. Jian Bianlin¡¯s sudden, strong reaction had frightened her. How was it that Jian Bianlin was all of a sudden like this? But now that she had seen those cards, she thought, actually, it had not been ¡°all of a sudden¡± at all. He merely had never been good at expressing himself. Chu Jian mused, what had he been feeling when he gave her the birthday present? And if Uncle Jian¡¯s injury and his illness had not occurred, what would the two of them and their relationship be like now? People who were not good at expressing themselves were so hateful and annoying¡­ ¡°Which one do you want to eat?¡± The more Chu Jian thought about this, the more irritated she became, and she threw a glare at him. Jian Bianlin was a little bewildered. ¡°Any one is good.¡± She looked down, wanting to select a piece that was just the right size to feed to him. Jian Bianlin brought his head down. It was evident that there was an ulterior motive to this action. Tilting his head, he kissed the corner of her lips. The dampened hairs that lay across his forehead skimmed across Chu Jian¡¯s cheek¡ªa little tickly. Over and over, they kissed one another. He did not stop, and neither did she. They continued with this coziness until eventually, the feelings that were roiling in Jian Bianlin¡¯s eyes became increasingly thick and the provocativeness of the moment was making his throat dry. Taking advantage of the moment, he asked, ¡°Whose home are we going to sleep at tonight?¡± CH 8.3 Both of their homes were out of the question¡­ Regardless of whether it was in front of her parents or his dad, to openly walk into one room with him and spend the night together was out of the question. Merely thinking about it already caused Chu Jian to feel so embarrassed she could die. She sidestepped his action that was asking for more kisses. ¡°Aren¡¯t you really busy? Plus, Dad and Mom are both there. It wouldn¡¯t be very good. It really wouldn¡¯t be very good.¡± With a chuckle, Jian Bianlin swept his hair back from his forehead and lightly blew out a breath. Continue rehearsing. After Chu Jian left, he and the ensemble dancers practiced until past eleven o¡¯clock, and everyone was exhausted. With sweat streaming down his face, Jian Bianlin lay flat on his back on the floor. Pulling over a towel, he threw it over his face and blocked the light out from his vision. Soreness of muscles and the satisfaction of having a good sweat will allow people to swiftly become immersed in their own emotions¡ªextreme fatigue, but also extreme satisfaction. In this moment, what coursed through his mind were those things of the past that were vivid in his memory. Even the smell of the room, as well as the burning sensation of the sun on his skin, was very distinct. ¡°Jian Bianlin, Jian Bianlin.¡± His head hurt from listening to this. Turning, he looked against the light in that direction. A quilt came hurtling toward his face, covering it and the upper half of his body. Chu Jian pounced onto him, pounding him fiercely a couple of times with her little fists. Then, without even waiting for him to push her off, she leapt off the bed again. ¡°You are so bad! You actually tattled on me!¡± After saying this, she ran away¡­ He whipped off the quilt, not knowing at all what offense he had committed against her this time. It was only at dinnertime that night that he finally found out. Since learning that she was going to be attending preparatory class for primary school, Chu Jian had been fussing and crying that she wanted to wear a red dress. Her parents would not buy one for her, so she had taken the pocket money that she had saved up for a long time, gone to the shopping centre, and bought a piece of fabric. After she had come back and, based on what she had imagined in her mind, cut the fabric into two pieces, one for the front and one for the back of the dress, she had successfully managed to break her family¡¯s sewing machine. Then, when she was trying to repair the sewing machine, she had ended up kicking over two insulated carafes, knocking over two cactuses¡ª In short, the end result was that Chu Jian had been given a spanking. At the time, it was only after his dad mentioned this that Jian Bianlin remembered that earlier in the afternoon, he had heard a racket next door and had popped over for a look. Hence, Chu Jian had thought that he had tattled on her. Not only had she taken revenge, she also refused to talk to him for a week. When Saturday finally came, Chu Jian¡¯s parents were not around, so Jian Bianlin¡¯s dad pulled out some money and gave it to Jian Bianlin, telling him to take Chu Jian to have KFC. Only then was there at last some interaction between the two of them. Purposely passing through a shopping centre, Jian Bianlin searched for a long while until he finally caught sight of a red dress. Deliberately, he slowed his steps. Beside him, Chu Jian took a couple of covetous glances at the dress before finally speaking her first words to him since beginning her silent treatment toward him. ¡°What do you think? Isn¡¯t it really pretty? My mom just won¡¯t let me buy it. She says it¡¯s too showy¡­¡± Jian Bianlin: ¡°You really think it¡¯s pretty?¡± Chu Jian: ¡°Of course it¡¯s pretty.¡± Jian Bianlin was silent for some time. ¡°I¡¯ll buy it for you.¡± Chu Jian: ¡°Really? That probably wouldn¡¯t be right¡­¡± Jian Bianlin: ¡°Your birthday present for next month.¡± She was thrilled now and immediately accepted this gladly. ¡°Oh yeah, that¡¯s true. Last year for your birthday, I even gave you a globe.¡± That day, when he pulled out his lucky money[1] that he had prepared in advance and went to pay, the saleswoman was thoroughly amused. Never before had she seen two children who looked to be only in first or second grade buy clothes all alone. It was too novel a scene. ¡­¡­ The towel covering his face was yanked off. A shaft of light stabbed against his eyelids. He used the back of his hand to block it before opening his eyes slightly. Xiao Yu grinned. ¡°Xie Ge told you to head over to where he is.¡± Jian Bianlin stretched out his arms wide. In a rather good mood, he flipped over and hopped to his feet. Grabbing his top and slipping it on, he picked up his baseball cap from the floor, clapped it on his head, and strode out of the dance practice studio. Several girls in their company were still preparing for the birthday event. Although they had the status of being his fellow colleague and were very composed when facing celebrities, they still could not help stealing a couple of extra glances when they suddenly saw such a hot guy stepping out from the dance studio, his short hair dampened and the view of his backside practically emitting an explosion of male hormones¡­ Tonight, Chu Jian for once was actually not with Jian Bianlin and was working overtime in order to take care of some of her work matters. In various WeChat groups, including one for the nail salons, another for her nail aesthetics training business, one for national product distribution, etc., she chatted all the way until eleven o¡¯clock. Voice messages were sent one after another, and now, even her voice was hoarse. At last, everyone bid good night to one another, and the discussions could be considered concluded. However, in just the space of time when she went to get herself a cup of warm water, those several groups burst into pandemonium again. Bombarding her were all sorts of screenshots of Weibo posts, photographs, and screenshots of the top-trending searches on Weibo. The Weibo screenshots all contained the same hashtag¡ª#JianBianlinRuanXi#. When Chu Jian saw these four words placed together, her heart gave a skip. She was not very fond of using Weibo and did not even manage the Weibo account of her nail aesthetics company herself. Even though she had registered a personal Weibo account in the early years, very shortly after, it had been hacked, and when she logged into it again, it had been flooded with a mess of spam posts¡­ Therefore, unlike the other people in her WeChat groups who would refresh their Weibos day and night, she was unable to get all the different latest, up-to-the-minute gossip. ¡­¡­ There were people posting pictures and also people commenting and discussing. The conversation tone was completely one used when talking about celebrity gossip, and they all shared the different pieces of explosive news that they had found out. This had all arisen because someone had leaked that, while filming his latest drama, A Black and White Film, Jian Bianlin had constantly had a girl by his side. Since this scoop came out, everyone began to dig up that rumour about him from years back. Back when the rumour about Jian Bianlin and Ruan Xi was first leaked, there had been no such thing as Weibo, and hence, it had been relatively easy to suppress the story. Later, Ruan Xi¡¯s team had tried once to hype up that piece of gossip, but Xie Bin had immediately stifled it again using a substantial sum of money. This year, however, Jian Bianlin had erupted in popularity, and he was also having his first foray into television dramas. With his birthday event just around the corner, this was the perfect combination of ¡°the right time, the right place, and the right person,¡± and consequently, now that this type of juicy gossip had burst forth, it would not be easy to control this time around¡­ All sorts of little things that served as ¡°clues¡± were flying around: camera shots from that competition where he and Ruan Xi had been captured in the same frame, the video clip of the two of them singing a duet in the competition, the clips where they were each being interviewed, etc. There was no limit to the ability of netizens. A compilation had even been made of all of the interaction that Ruan Xi had had with Jian Bianlin in the thirteen rounds of the competition, including even the look on her face and in her eyes when his name was mentioned. However, these were all merely attempts at looking for shadows that may or may not exist. The real bombshell was still the set of photographs of Jian Bianlin and Ruan Xi together late at night beside a swimming pool. Someone had even ¡°exposed¡± that Ruan Xi and Jian Bianlin had recently both been in Hengdian during the same period in their schedules, and that person had stated with absolute certainty that the two had had dinner and spent the night together. At first, Chu Jian had looked and read through everything carefully. But as she read, she ended up feeling restless and irritable, and she wanted to toss down her mobile phone. Instead, though, as if she had obsessive-compulsive disorder, she logged into the Weibo account of her nail aesthetics company and used it to specifically search up on the news. She even downloaded those six late-night, poolside photos that had been taken at an angle that left things quite to the imagination, zoomed in, and scrutinized them with seriousness to try to see what exactly the two people had been doing¡­ Unable to help herself, she gloomily hugged her blanket for quite some time. Under her covers, her mobile phone had been vibrating for a long while. When she pulled it out and saw that it was Tong Fei, she already knew generally what the call was about and did not pick up. Scared that Tong Fei would fall into incessant-calling mode, she directly powered off the phone. She had thought that she was just being jealous and would be better after a sleep. But she could not fall asleep at all. The whole night, her stomach churned. She felt uncomfortable, and her heart was flustered. She wanted to call him to ask, but yet felt that doing so would be so petty of her. Back when Jian Bianlin had gotten angry over Xu Jing, she had thought that Jian Bianlin¡¯s reaction had been baffling and unreasonable. Yet, whatever had existed between him and this girl was way in the past as well. To now go and ask him, ¡°Did you ever kiss her? Have you ever been with her like you have with me and¡­?¡± was something that was too awkward, and she could not set aside her pride to do it. As for all those talks about what occurred in Hengdian between the two, she did not believe any of it. That day, Jian Bianlin had just arrived in Hengdian, finished off his night shoot, and then rushed through the night back to Shanghai again. And plus, he was so touchy-feely with her. He wouldn¡¯t¡­ with someone else, right? All night long, Chu Jian¡¯s head felt as if it was packed with careening trains, and clasping her blanket against herself, she suffered all the way until morning lightened the sky. At six o¡¯clock, the living room began to have some movement. This was the forever-unchanging morning wake-up time of Chu Jian¡¯s parents. ¡­ Chu Jian¡¯s eyes stung. Her brain felt muddled. Her mind was in a fuzzy state. Still, she was unable to sleep. ¡°Little Jian?¡± It was her mom¡¯s voice. Jian Bianlin? Chu Jian thought she was hearing things. ¡°Auntie.¡± It really was Jian Bianlin¡¯s voice. Chu Jian sat up and rolled off the bed. Opening her bedroom door, she saw that he truly was in the living room. He was standing in front of her dad and mom and had not even had the chance to change into slippers yet. The instant he heard the movement, he immediately looked in her direction. His eyes were murky pools. This scene, this feeling¡ªit was as if time had turned back. That morning when he had had a high fever and brought the absence request slip over, it had also been six o¡¯clock and he had also stood in this same position, facing her parents. ¡°You know that your uncle and I get up at six, so you deliberately timed it perfectly to knock on the door?¡± Chu Jian¡¯s mom smiled. Jian Bianlin pulled off his ball cap, his hair plastered messily against his forehead. His entire gaze was filled only with Chu Jian, whose complexion was pale from a sleepless night. ¡°Auntie,¡± Jian Bianlin requested in a quiet voice, ¡°I want¡­ to have a couple of words with Chu Jian.¡± ¡°Go on over.¡± Chu Jian¡¯s mother was utterly amused. ¡°What are you afraid of us for?¡± Without speaking, Jian Bianlin walked over. He had been calling the whole night, but Chu Jian¡¯s phone had been shut off. He had dared not knock on the door in the middle of the night but had also been scared that if he returned home, he would miss her should she step out of the house, so he had sat in the stairwell for the entire night. Waiting, until six o¡¯clock¡­ Jian Bianlin reached his hand out to take hers, but Chu Jian reflexively evaded his action. First, she was still feeling jealous, and second, her dad and mom were right there¡­ ¡°Could you give me the ring?¡± he softly asked, his voice scratchy. Ring? Chu Jian gave him a blank look. Quietly, he waited for her. He¡¯s asking me to give the ring back to him? Chu Jian carefully mulled over that sentence. Only a moment ago, she had actually been touched by his sudden appearance so early in the morning. Now, though, she was like someone who was riding a roller coaster, laughing while gazing out at the view from up high until, with a vroom, she was plummeting downward from the highest point, her heart instantly rushing up into her throat. Her heart was flustered. Her throat was sore. But still, she lowered her head and pulled off the ring, stuffing it into his palm. Her nose tingled. The view before her eyes grew blurry. Jian Bianlin, you rotten bastard. Last night, I was still thinking that you would never do anything to hurt me. Bastard! You give me the ring when you want to hop in bed with me, and now you¡¯re asking for it back¡­ Jian Bianlin held his silence for some time. After roughly gauging what a reasonable distance between them should be and then taking half a step backward, he bent his right knee and knelt onto the floor¡ª He had no experience and hence had knelt down too hard. His knee pulsed with pain¡­ While Chu Jian was still frozen in blank surprise, he felt for her hand. Actually, his palm had long broken out with perspiration and was clammy. ¡°Chu Jian¡­¡± ¡­¡­ Oh no, he was too nervous. The words he had prepared the entire night on the stairs were now all wasted. ¡­¡­ Behind him were her parents. Completely unable to speak, Jian Bianlin could only feel for her ring finger and then slip the ring back onto it again. His pointer finger stroked that band and her several fingers for a long time. ¡°Jian Bianlin¡­¡± Chu Jian¡¯s voice was thick as she called him softly. Both my dad and mom are watching¡­ With a low ¡°mm,¡± he brought his lips to her fingers. The warm breath that he exhaled made her want to pull her hand away. Tears were still in her eyes but her face had already completely reddened, and she did not dare look at her parents either. ¡°Hurry and stand back up¡­¡± CH 8.4 Chu Jian was both drowsy and stunned. She felt as if she had just gone on several successive roller coaster rides. Seeing the deepening smiles on her parents¡¯ faces¡ªthe type of smile where it was practically like they were going to get to hold their grandchild straightaway¡ªshe grew even more embarrassed¡­ We can just go get married. What are you kneeling for? ¡­ She was stuck for words for a long while. ¡°I already said yes before, remember?¡± With those words, she left him there and went back into her room. Jian Bianlin wanted to chase after her but also dared not. It was only after Chu Jian¡¯s mom threw him a look that he pushed open the door and stepped into the room as well. Chu Jian¡¯s dad gleefully began to follow, too, but Chu Jian¡¯s mom dragged him back. ¡°Those two kids likely had a quarrel; otherwise Little Jian, that boy, would not need to knock on the door at six in the morning to propose, and purposely in front of the parents, too. And it was the down-on-one-knee type¡­¡± Chu Jian¡¯s dad clued in. ¡°That boy, Little Jian, is pretty amazing¡ªjust amazing. He¡¯s got a mind of his own!¡± ¡°Let¡¯s go, let¡¯s go. You and I, we¡¯re going to go do our morning exercise. After the exercise, we¡¯ll go have morning tea and breakfast. Then after breakfast, we¡¯ll walk around the mall¡­¡± Chu Jian¡¯s mom wrapped a scarf around herself, pulled on her parka, and, nudging Chu Jian¡¯s dad along, left the apartment. The living room was restored to quiet. Inside the bedroom, though, the heavens and earth had long been turned bottomside up. On the other side of the bedroom door, Chu Jian was shoving unrelentingly at Jian Bianlin, her voice restrained as she accused, ¡°How can you be so annoying? You¡¯re even forcing marriage!¡± Bending at the waist, Jian Bianlin circled his arms around her legs, lifted her straight up, and set her onto the bed. ¡°My dad and mom are just outside.¡± Chu Jian pushed him away in a fluster, but her wrists ended up caught in his grasp and held above her head against the pillow. As things would have it, at this same moment, the front door of her home was slammed shut. It was obvious that it was to inform them that nobody else was at home. He brushed his lips against her. ¡°From now on¡­ don¡¯t shut off your phone.¡± His scorching breath whispered across her lips. Chu Jian explained in a low voice, ¡°It was because Tong Fei kept calling me but I didn¡¯t want to answer, so I shut it off. I didn¡¯t know that you would call me.¡± How could he not call her after something like that happened? The whole night in the stairwell, he had done nothing except brood over what he should do if she really was mad. He had never known how to soothe and coax her to smiles. When they were kids and he did not think that deeply about the things between them, it was actually simple. He would just go along with what she wanted and things would be fine. Later, after he liked her, then fell in love with her, he was completely hopeless when it came to her. Jian Bianlin¡¯s throat tightened. Noiselessly, he began to nibble, inch by inch, searching everywhere for places on her chest and behind her neck, until in the end, he even murmured provocatively by her ear, ¡°I made it all red.¡± ¡°¡­¡­¡± In the beginning, he actually had not intended on doing anything but afterward, this was no longer the case. This was the first time he had ever come in contact with Chu Jian¡¯s bed. The location was simply too special. As they rolled beneath the covers and sank into the pillow, her scent pervaded all around. It was unavoidable, therefore, that his actions were a little fiercer than normal. Off and on, from when the sky glowed only hazily with dawn until it was nearly noon, they were intimate with one another. He knew there were still matters to attend to and hence he exercised restraint. Propping his arms, which were slick with perspiration, beside her head, he slid his fingers into her dampened, black hair. Chu Jian had been worn out to the point that even the seams of her bones were aching, and unable to endure this any longer, she urged him, ¡°Hurry, hurry¡­¡± Just these two, brief words nearly caused him to lose his control, and he was planning to just forget about everything, to abandon all his plans for today and squander the day away on the bed with her. Chu Jian: ¡°You¡¯re so annoying. No¡­ I meant, hurry and finish up¡­¡± ¡°I¡¯m honestly so sleepy I could die. I want to sleep. Jian Bianlin, I really want to sleep.¡± Unable to utter another half a word, she closed her eyes. But right as she was about to catch the corner of the Duke of Zhou¡¯s[1] [god of dreams] robe, she suddenly started back to awareness. Forcing herself to stay awake, she gazed fixedly at him with narrowed eyes. ¡°I couldn¡¯t really see those photos clearly. Did you kiss her?¡± ¡°¡­ I¡¯ve never even let her touch my hands.¡± Rather pleased from hearing this, Chu Jian drifted off into slumber. After letting her doze for a dozen or so minutes, Jian Bianlin half coaxed, half lifted her up from the bed. ¡°You can sleep again tonight. There are still things that need to be done.¡± ¡°¡­¡­¡± That was true. He still needed to rehearse for the birthday event. Work was more important, after all, so Chu Jian did not really try to be unreasonable. Crawling out of bed of her own accord, she took a shower and then, after changing into some clean clothes, followed him downstairs. She was going to tell him to, on his way, drop her off at the nearby metro station, and she could even head over to her office first. However, after they were sitting in the car, she found that the direction they were headed was not quite right. The Huhang [Shanghai-Hangzhou] Expressway? She sniffed out something fishy. ¡°You¡¯re not going to your company office?¡± ¡°We¡¯re going home first.¡± ¡°Back to Hangzhou?¡± His silence was a tacit affirmative. ¡°Is there something urgent?¡± ¡°We¡¯re going register our marriage.¡± ¡°¡­¡­¡± Earlier, when she was having her little nap, he had already obtained the consent of both sets of parents. The message Jian Bianlin had conveyed was this: The two had already consummated their relationship. If by chance there was already a baby but yet the date they registered their marriage was much later, it would not foster a positive influence for the nurturing and teaching of the child, should the child find out the truth later. In any case, it was a hogwash reason. He simply wanted to hurry, take her as his wife, and bring her home with him. Once there was a small red booklet[2]with their photo affixed to it and a seal imprinted on it and everything was input into the system, their relationship would officially, legitimately be husband and wife. Just thinking about that felt exceptionally good. The entire journey was smooth and free from congestion. When they drove into the community compound, it was past two o¡¯clock. In order to save time, Jian Bianlin had Chu Jian stay in the car while he took the keys to their two families¡¯ homes to get their hukou[3] [document identifying one¡¯s household and permanent residence] booklets. Chu Jian¡¯s heart felt as if it was still floating somewhere in the air and had not landed on solid ground yet. Right as she pushed open the door to get some air, she saw a woman who lived on the first floor of the building walking over with a little boy. ¡°Chu Jian?¡± Chu Jian paused blankly. ¡°Auntie Chen.¡± Jian Bianlin stepped in and replied first. Ah, right, the auntie¡¯s surname was Chen. ¡°Auntie Chen.¡± Chu Jian followed suit and greeted her. Ever since he was a young, Jian Bianlin had a photographic memory when it came to people, unlike Chu Jian, who was practically face blind. As a child, she could run into the same neighbour several times and still be unable to sort out whether she should address that person as shu shu [a younger uncle] or bo bo [an older uncle][4], and she was even more unclear on what each auntie¡¯s surname was. Regarding this problem, she had actually had quite the little method for dealing with it. When they went to each home to pay Lunar New Year¡¯s greetings, she would trail right behind Jian Bianlin, and if Jian Bianlin gave greetings to ¡°Auntie Chen, Uncle Du,¡± she would also address the people as ¡°Auntie Chen, Uncle Du.¡± She never went wrong this way. Who would have thought? Even though he had left Hangzhou for so long already, he still distinctly remembered all these old neighbours. ¡°You two came back together?¡± The elderly auntie smilingly looked them both over. ¡°I just saw your dad not long ago. He mentioned that he was going to Shanghai and would be staying there for a while? Why are the two of you back? You have something to do?¡± Jian Bianlin was straightforward in his answer. ¡°We came back to register our marriage.¡± ¡­¡­ Silence. Auntie Chen choked on this for quite some time before bursting out rather excitedly, ¡°You two are married?!¡± All the joking that was normally tossed around was still only joking. Since Jian Bianlin became a celebrity, they all felt that he would marry a¡­ Anyway, it would be some sort of weird person whom he would marry and, no matter what, that person would not be Chu Jian, the childhood friend whom he had grown up with. A single sentence managed to successfully draw all the people who were moving about in the community compound over to them. Everyone gave various displays of surprise and excitement: ¡°I knew way back that the two of you would get married.¡± ¡°Oh my, now your two families are going to be even closer.¡± ¡°When are you planning on having the reception? You can¡¯t not come back to Hangzhou to have it.¡± ¡°Little Jian is a famous star. Will you hold a¡ªwhat is that called? Oh, right!¡ªa press conference?¡± ¡­ Jian Bianlin showed utterly no emotion on his face. He merely stated that he was worried that they would be too late so he dared not delay any further, and then he told Chu Jian to get into the vehicle. While he was still outside the car, he was grabbed at again by some people and pressed with a few more questions. Hurriedly, he hopped inside as well. Turning on the map navigation feature, he drove away. After entering the gates of the Marriage Registration Centre of the Civil Affairs Bureau, he shut off the engine. Unfastening his seatbelt, he leaned over, reached his arm around in front of her waist, and pressed her seatbelt release button. In that instant when he lifted his hand back up, he touched it against her forehead, saying in a low voice, ¡°We¡¯re off to get married.¡± ¡­¡­ Chu Jian: ¡°You¡¯re not scared of getting photographed?¡± Jian Bianlin: ¡°If we¡¯re photographed, so be it.¡± Chu Jian: ¡°It¡¯ll get plastered all over the internet. You¡¯re going to be on the hot, trending topics again. Does Xie Bin know? Have you discussed it with him?¡± Jian Bianlin: ¡°He knows.¡± It seemed he truly had done all the preparation work already. There was nothing left for Chu Jian to ask. She pressed her lips together tightly until they looked drained of blood before relaxing them again. Exhaling lightly, she confessed, ¡°I¡¯m nervous.¡± He gazed at her with a faint smile and, after a long while, finally replied huskily, ¡°I¡¯m nervous, too.¡± From the moment he followed her into her bedroom this morning, he had begun to lose his composure. Now, it was even more so. However, he was the type of person who never revealed anything on his face, regardless of how viciously the storms and waves were crashing inside him. While stating that he was nervous, he had also, in an orderly fashion, opened the glove box on the front passenger side, pulled out a pair of black glasses with flat lenses, slipped them on, and then slapped his cap onto his head. He was trying as much as possible to not attract attention. Prior to getting out of the car, he fastened her zipper for her, pulling the slider from the bottom up. As his finger brushed against her chin, he was unable to restrain himself and kissed her. When the two stepped out of the vehicle and into the main entrance hall, Chu Jian wrapped her entire face in her scarf, showing only her pair of large, black eyes, which were surveying everywhere anxiously. Jian Bianlin¡¯s height and figure were simply too easy to recognize, and it was impossible to not draw eyes. Very quickly, someone discovered him, which caused Chu Jian to spin around and try to run. He pulled her back. Chu Jian explained, ¡°Someone¡¯s taking pictures of you.¡± To Jian Bianlin, this was very normal¡ªnot getting photographed was what was abnormal. Chu Jian was uneasy. ¡°Do you need to hide your face?¡± Jian Bianlin: ¡°It¡¯s not like I¡¯m breaking the law and committing bigamy¡­ Why do I need to hide my face?¡± Chu Jian: ¡°¡­¡­¡± He went and stood on the outside of the transaction window. ¡°May I trouble you? We want to do a marriage registration.¡± Separated from him by a marble counter that was half a person tall, the staff members on the inside of that window exchanged astounded looks¡­ Without so much as raising her head, an older woman in her forties handed a chart that described the registration process out the window. ¡°Go out the door, make a right, and then pay the fee to get your photo taken. When the photo¡¯s done, bring it back here to fill in the form and do the registration. Second floor has premarital medical exams and premarital sex education. Both are on a voluntary basis.¡± ¡°Thank you.¡± He turned around and left, heading over to line up to pay the fee and take photographs. Slow on the uptake, that older woman finally allowed her eyes to chase after him for a closer glance. And then, she was somewhat unable to snap out of her astonishment. ¡°Does that person act in movies?¡± The people in the seats nearby all nodded furiously. ¡°Yes! He does, he does!¡± Fortunately, there were not many people doing marriage registrations, only two or three couples. Jian Bianlin was long desensitized to being spectated and did not think anything of it. However, to Chu Jian, each second was basically torture. When they finally obtained the marriage photograph of the two of them together, he did not even have a chance to take a close look at it before she was rushing him back to the registration window. The person who had originally been there was now gone and in her place was a young girl. The girl was excitedly gripping her pen and pressing her feet firmly into the floor, but her upper body and facial expression were trying hard to maintain the pretense of ¡°I don¡¯t know who you are. I¡¯m just doing my work, and business is business, business is business¡­¡± Earlier on, when she discovered that Jian Bianlin had come to register his marriage, in that space of time when the two had left to get their photograph taken, she had instantly gone and begged that other older woman to change spots with her. Oh my God. To personally type up and print off her idol¡¯s marriage certificate¡ªthat feeling was like she was the one getting the certificate with her idol¡­ From a document rack, the girl carefully pulled out two forms. ¡°Baby Jian, you¡­ Ah, wait, no.¡± The girl pressed a hand against her forehead and heaved out a long breath. ¡°Sorry, slip of the tongue. The two of you will fill out this form. Once I input all the info into the system, we can issue the marriage certificate.¡± This girl who was doing their marriage registration picked up a cup and took a drink of water, feigning composure. Taking advantage of this opportunity, she tried to get a good look at what Chu Jian looked like¡ªcouldn¡¯t really see. All she could see were Chu Jian¡¯s eyes. The girl wanted to beat her own chest and stamp her feet. Let me see your face, aaaah! If I don¡¯t see your face, how will I know whether Baby Jian¡¯s future kids will be good-looking or not? Ah, right! How could I forget about the marriage photograph? Yes, that¡¯s it! Marriage photograph.¡± Ah! Aaaah! So, so pretty! Chu Jian took her own form, wanting to fill it in. Taking it directly out of her hand, Jian Bianlin effortlessly filled in both of their forms with all the required information, which he knew by heart. Then wordlessly, he handed her form back to her to sign. They each signed their own names, dated the forms, and handed them back. ¡°It¡¯s filled in wrong.¡± The girl gazed nervously at Jian Bianlin. Jian Bianlin swept a quick glance over the forms. Wrong? He then began looking through line by line. There shouldn¡¯t be anything wrong. ¡°Right here. Beneath the signature here, you¡¯re supposed to fill in today¡¯s date,¡± the young girl quietly pointed out. ¡°You filled in your date of birth instead¡­¡± Idol, you¡¯re just getting married. Don¡¯t be nervous, don¡¯t be nervous¡­ [1]Öܹ« ¡°Zhou Gong.¡± The Duke of Zhou was a statesman of the Zhou dynasty, a man of significant political achievements and influence on the Chinese culture. He is credited with writing the I Ching and the Book of Poetry. There is also a well-known dream interpretation dictionary ¡¶Öܹ«½âÃΡ·Zhou Gong¡¯ s Book of Auspicious and Inauspicious Dreams, to which he is attributed. He is known sometimes as ¡°the god of dreams¡± and, according to the folk stories, the Duke of Zhou will visit your dreams to tell you of anything significant that will be happening to you. Hence, there is a saying that you will ¡°dream of the Duke of Zhou.¡± [2] In China, a marriage certificate is a small, red, passport-style booklet that contains a photograph of the married couple. [3]»§¿Ú ¡°hu kou.¡± The hukou, or household registration system is a system in China to identify its citizens. A passport-style document contains identifying information and also states the location where the household and its members permanently reside. It is a required piece of identification that needs to be shown by any Chinese citizen wishing to register his or her marriage in China. [4] ÊåÊå ¡°shu shu¡± and ²®²® ¡°bo bo¡± in English would both mean ¡°uncle.¡± In general, if a man appears to be younger than your father, you would address him as shu shu while if he appears older than your father, you would address him as bo bo. (However, if unsure, it is better to err on the younger side and address the man as shu shu.) CH 8.5 ¡°Don¡¯t worry about it! If it¡¯s wrong, then it¡¯s wrong. I¡¯ll still type it up for you!¡± The girl simply could not bear to see her idol lose face like this. Grabbing the form back, she began click-clacking on the keyboard, entering the information into her computer. At the end, she picked up a red booklet, stuffed it into the machine, and began printing. Making use of this gap of time when things were printing, she stared fixedly at Chu Jian. Chu Jian was feeling flustered from her stares. And then, she was caught off guard, for the instant that girl opened her mouth, a long string of words spoken in an extremely low voice came firing out without so much as a breath in between. ¡°I am representing the, to date, 23,490,781 fans and giving our sincerest blessings of happiness to you. Don¡¯t think that it¡¯s just twenty-something million. We¡¯re all genuine, tried-and-true fans, not ones that were bought to bolster numbers.¡± She gasped in a breath, then continued, ¡°Even though, amongst our fan numbers, there are quite a few who are the girlfriend-wannabe type, you have to trust us that the most valuable assets in Baby Jian¡¯s family are his ¡®birth-mom[1]¡¯ fans. That¡¯s right, birth-mom fans. I know you don¡¯t hang out in fan circles so you must not know what birth-mom fans are. It means, if he likes it then we¡¯ll like it, too. So don¡¯t be scared. Even if you guys are having this sudden, flash marriage, we still won¡¯t think anything of it. Baby Jian¡¯s age is already getting up there, so isn¡¯t it a bigger problem if he doesn¡¯t have a girlfriend?¡± Listening in a dazed stupor to all of this, Chu Jian frantically threw glances at Jian Bianlin, who was waiting off to the side for the marriage certificate to finish printing. It was apparent, though, that he was more concerned with that legal document. ¡°It¡¯s done,¡± he prompted the girl. ¡°Huh? Okay, okay.¡± The girl pulled out the completed booklet, stuffed the other one in, and continued the printing process. Then she turned back to Chu Jian. After several times of wanting to speak but then swallowing her words, in the end, she was still unable to set her mind at ease, so she lowered her voice even more until the words were at a near whisper this time and only Chu Jian could hear her. ¡°His waist was injured before from dancing, and it¡¯s still not very good. He can¡¯t eat spicy foods because he¡¯s allergic. He likes little animals, especially dogs. Supposedly, he has a very old, big dog at home. He grew up in a single-parent family and lives with his dad. Back then, even though he won the singing competition, the recorded-music market was in a slump. Good thing his agent had a good eye and could spot a true treasure. So, you absolutely must not offend his agent. Everything else is easy and can be discussed¡­¡± When she finished saying all this, she drew in a heavy, ragged breath. There was simply too much that she wanted to say. All those words, though, consolidated to become her one, final sentence: ¡°Congratulations on your new marriage.¡± The metal seal pressed down. The marriage certificate booklets were handed over. The girl¡¯s eyes were red as she watched Jian Bianlin and Chu Jian leave. ¡°My Baby has finally been married off. Why is it I¡¯m not the bride? ¡­¡± When Jian Bianlin was leaving with Chu Jian, there were quite a few students gathered at the main doors. It happened to be winter break for students right now. Somebody, perhaps a staff member at the Civil Affairs Bureau or maybe one of those other couples who were also getting married, had posted on their ¡°Moments¡± page in WeChat[2], and excitement had erupted. Some of the students who attended school nearby had recognized this place and rushed over¡ª Jian Bianlin got into the vehicle. When Chu Jian had just steadied herself in her seat, he had already pulled off his jacket and covered her face with it. Then, with a step on the accelerator, they left. Only after the car came to a stop did Chu Jian dare pull the jacket down. Her gaze took in the sight of Jian Bianlin holding those two marriage certificate booklets in his hand. It was obvious the two booklets were practically identical, but he had still opened both and was looking them over carefully. ¡°Let¡¯s go upstairs first.¡± Chu Jian still did not really dare look at those two marriage certificates. So, just like that, they had registered their marriage? Jian Bianlin lifted his eyes slightly, the love in them so deep and tender as he passed his gaze up and down over her face. ¡°¡­¡­¡± Chu Jian pushed open her door and stepped out of the car. By the time she reached the third floor, Jian Bianlin had caught up to her with large strides. Taking advantage of this moment when the stairwell was empty of other people, he circled one arm around her under her arms and slid his other arm under her legs, sweeping her up off the ground so that she lay across his arms. Then, he strode swiftly up to the fourth floor and, fishing around with his hand for the key, opened the metal door to his home. When Jian Bianlin¡¯s father left, he had temporarily boarded that large family dog at a kennel, so there was now not a sound in the home. Jian Bianlin carried her into his room. Fortunately, his dad was always hoping that he would come home so would frequently change the bedding. They could at least manage for the moment and take a short nap here. With his own hands, he removed both of their shoes, then picked her up and placed her on the bed. Nestling his cheek tightly against the exposed skin at the nape of Chu Jian¡¯s neck, he found a comfortable position and closed his eyes. Sleepy. Exhausted. He had finally completed that one, most important thing. Outside, the tempest waves could be crashing to the sky, but regardless of how great the uproar was on the internet, it did not matter to him. Chu Jian detected that the breathing that was brushing against the back of her neck had gradually grown steady. Falling into the rhythm of his breaths, she also dozed off. When she awoke again, it was past seven in the evening. Chu Jian had been roused by hunger. As she slipped out from his arms, she surmised that Uncle Jian would have emptied the refrigerator before he left, so she did not bother rummaging through it. Feeling around in his pocket for the key, she thought that she would go downstairs and make do by getting a couple of dishes of takeout to eat. But as she felt and felt, she ended up pulling out those two little red booklets. From the instant they received them, he had held on tightly to them, as if he was afraid they might become lost. In fact, only now did she, one of the interested parties, get to even touch them¡­ The feel of the embossed seal on the photograph was very novel. For several minutes, she looked those booklets over and over. She discovered that her behavior right now was similar to Jian Bianlin¡¯s earlier in the car¡ªridiculously silly. So, she set them back. Moving softly, she slipped out the door, and then the first thing she did was call Tong Fei. ¡°Holy crap, holy crap, holy crap!¡± This was the first sentence that spouted from Tong Fei the instant she answered the call. ¡°I didn¡¯t even dare call you ¡¯cause I was scared that I would disturb your wedding night. But it¡¯s like there are a hundred claws scratching at my heart! Jian Bianlin and Xie Bin, those two sure have their own ideas on how to do things. Just like that, and now you guys are married and it¡¯s made public? That¡¯s like a slap in the face for that big-mouth agent of Ruan Xi¡¯s. I¡¯m guessing he¡¯s probably gone to the hospital to get an IV for it.¡± In the dark corridor, Chu Jian stamped her feet. The lights turned on. Chu Jian¡¯s heart was hammering so furiously it was about to burst through her chest, and she could not remain calm any longer. Dazedly, she asked, ¡°Wha? ¡­ It¡¯s been made public?¡± Jian Bianlin had acted like nothing at all had occurred, sleeping away the entire afternoon. She had even been thinking that after he woke up, she should ask him what they should do, since, after all, they had been photographed and the stir they had caused was quite big¡­ ¡°You don¡¯t know?! Holy crap, your Jian Bianlin absolutely does not know the meaning of the word ¡®romantic,¡¯ does he? This earthshattering piece of news was released, and he didn¡¯t even embellish it a bit and tell you all about it? Just hang on a sec. Don¡¯t hang up. You¡¯re getting something in WeChat.¡± Tong Fei sent over two screenshots. They were announcements that had been released simultaneously by both Jian Bianlin¡¯s production studio and his company. The content of both was the same¡ªa photograph accompanied by a short row of words. It was an old photograph, their very first one together, taken on Jian Bianlin¡¯s sixth birthday, when Chu Jian¡¯s mom had brought him and Chu Jian to a photography studio. Chu Jian was smiling like a big red apple as she sprawled on Jian Bianlin¡¯s back, and Jian Bianlin, with an expression that declared he was doing it utterly unwillingly, was piggybacking her. Neither was looking at the camera, as if they were in their own little world and had completely forgotten about the photographer who was holding the camera. These words were below the photograph: Jian Bianlin and Mrs. Jian have known each other since childhood. Today, they have become husband and wife. Congratulations on their new marriage. How did he manage to dig this photo out? Chu Jian¡¯s palms were tingly. Her eardrums were buzzing from her fierce heartbeat. She zoomed in madly on that photograph. No matter how she looked at it, she just looked unattractive back then. She had lost her baby teeth at a relatively early age, and in this photograph, she was even missing one of her front teeth. In short, she was just especially ugly¡­ She could faintly make out Tong Fei¡¯s voice and realized that the call had not been hung up yet. When she picked up her phone again, Tong Fei was still continuing with her long-winded prattling. ¡°¡­ Anyhow, you¡¯re just darn lucky. Out of the several young, male actors that are hot right now, Jian Bianlin¡¯s fans are the most protective of him. His official fan group¡¯s account and admins are really awesome, and their ability to control situations is amazing. When you search the hot, trending topics, all that comes up are just congratulations to the newlyweds, and all the comments are wishing happiness and blessing. Be prepared that you¡¯re going to be on the hot, trending topics list for the next few days. There was never even any news about him having a girlfriend before, and now all of a sudden, the status is ¡®legal husband and wife.¡¯ I¡¯m guessing that the whole time while the admins of his official fan group account are controlling the direction of the discussions, they are also feeling as if their hearts are dripping blood¡­¡± Chu Jian followed the staircase and headed downstairs, slipping several times along the way and nearly falling. While she listened to Tong Fei¡¯s lively ramblings, all the neighbours whom she encountered along the way and who had also heard the news from the people this afternoon beamingly stared at Chu Jian talking on the phone, looking at her like they would a new bride. This caused her to not dare stray too far, and she only walked to the nearest little eatery, buying two takeout boxes of fried rice and chow mein before returning home again. When she stepped through the door, Jian Bianlin was still sleeping. Chu Jian set the takeout boxes in the living room. Walking into the bedroom, she leaned over and patted him. ¡°It¡¯s time to eat. You haven¡¯t eaten for the entire day. Aren¡¯t you hungry?¡± Something tightened around her waist. He had wrapped an arm around it. The sky and the ground seemed to spin before her eyes, and then she tumbled into the quilt¡ªbeneath him. ¡°Just now, I didn¡¯t see you and I thought¡­ us getting married was just a wonderful dream.¡± ¡°Still dreaming? Everyone in the whole country knows¡­¡± Chu Jian muttered, ¡°You didn¡¯t even choose a nicer picture. Isn¡¯t the one from my eighth birthday nice and pretty?¡± Jian Bianlin: ¡°They¡¯re both nice.¡± Chu Jian: ¡°¡­¡­¡± Jian Bianlin: ¡°Say who I am.¡± Chu Jian: ¡°Jian Bianlin?¡± Jian Bianlin: ¡°Call me Hubby.¡± Chu Jian: ¡°¡­¡­¡± The lamps were not turned on in the bedroom, and his back was to the lights in the living room. He lay on his side beside her, his right arm on the bed supporting himself and his cheek propped in his hand. With a deep look in his eyes, he gazed at her, waiting. Patiently waiting. Chu Jian pressed her lips together tightly. She tried several times to say it. No, she couldn¡¯t. She couldn¡¯t open her mouth and make the word come out¡­ Suddenly, there was the notification sound of a WeChat message from her mobile phone. ¡°I¡¯m going to check my WeChat!¡± Thank you, Lord. Chu Jian cleverly slipped off from the end of the bed and escaped from there. Finding her mobile phone on the sofa, she tapped open the message. It was from Tong Fei. Oh right, oh right, I forgot to show you this. This is even more awesome. It was another screenshot taken from Weibo. She opened it. It was Xie Bin¡¯s forward of their company¡¯s Weibo post that gave the official announcement of the happy news. As before, it was only a short string of words: Beautiful scenery is the view from the peak after climbing the mountain. True love is the love of your life whom you have waited for and who is now yours. [1]Ç×Âè ¡°qin ma.¡± The literal translation is ¡°biological/birth mother¡± In modern slang, describing someone as being a ¡°biological mother¡± is saying that that person treats you like you¡¯re her own child and will be kind and loving and take your best interests to heart (as opposed to a stepmother, who, like the stereotypical evil stepmother of stories, does not care about you since you weren¡¯t born of her and may even harm you). [2] In WeChat, the ¡°Moments¡± page or ÅóÓÑȦ (which literally means ¡°social circle¡±), as it is called in Chinese, is a page on your profile that your contacts can see. It is a reverse-chronologically organized Facebook-like page where you can share ¡°moments¡± with your contacts, such as thoughts, photos, videos, etc. CH 8.6 Back then, their primary school was near their homes. The children who attended the school were all from nearby communities. She and Jian Bianlin would go to school together and, after school, would return home together. In the beginning, he had found this annoying. At that age, who wanted to always be hanging out with a girl? After all, they were all boys who were rowdy and active. Later, he became accustomed to bringing a constant shadow that tagged along after him. When Chu Jian talked to him, he would be vexed; when Chu Jian talked to other people, he would be even more vexed. They began to not go home from school together anymore. Later, Chu Jian¡¯s mom mentioned subtly to him that there was a student from another school who liked to always hang around Chu Jian, and she told Jian Bianlin to wait for Chu Jian to go to and from school. Jian Bianlin had agreed to this. When did things start to become different? In his impression, the most clear and definitive dividing line was one time during physical education class. Class No. 9¡¯s class period had been switched around. The teachers had arranged that, together with his class, Class No. 1, they would be preparing for the tests in the 800-metre and 1000-metre runs. When she finished running, Chu Jian¡¯s entire face was bathed in sweat. Secretly, she bought a hawthorn popsicle and hid herself away in a corner of the sports field to eat it. Jian Bianlin had just finished running the 1000-metre when he walked past her, the sleeves of his school uniform rolled up high. And then, he doubled back. ±ùºù« or ɽ髱ù¹÷ Hawthorn popsicle is sweet and tart frozen treat on a stick made from the hawthorn berry. He had wanted to say that she sure wasn¡¯t scared of getting sick from eating stuff like that after she had just finished running and while her whole body was still sweaty. Reaching out her hand, Chu Jian grabbed his wrist and tugged him over. With a snap, she broke her hawthorn popsicle in two, then lowered her head to examine the two halves. Shrewdly, she compared which was larger and which was smaller before stuffing to him the upper half that she had taken a few licks from. ¡°You¡¯re not allowed to mind that I ate some of it.¡± He could feel the alternating sensations of the heat of his hot palm and the cold of that item, and they seemed to brand his skin. Perspiration still on her temples, Chu Jian warily guarded herself against him. ¡°Don¡¯t even think about trying to fight me for it. I bought it, so of course you¡¯re going to eat the smaller piece.¡± That type of torn expression in her eyes that declared, ¡°I didn¡¯t want to share any with you, but I had to take into consideration all our years of friendship and give you some to eat,¡± was particularly adorable. After that, he began deliberately creating opportunities for the two of them to be together, to the point that when their two families were having dinner together, in order to be able to personally ladle out her rice for her in the kitchen, he would even silently jump in and take the task of setting the table and bringing the dishes of food over. One afternoon, she was watching television in his home, hugging a throw pillow and leaning sideways against the sofa. He sat down close beside her, his fingers squeezing the beverage can in his hand until it was dented in. Secretly, he heaved a deep breath. He wanted to do something. When he called her name, his voice was so soft and tender it seemed like it was tinged with moisture. ¡°Chu Jian.¡± She was incessantly surfing channels. Feeling terribly drowsy, she laid herself down sideways, and her head just happened to land on his thigh. ¡°I can¡¯t take it, Jian Bianlin. I¡¯m going to sleep for a bit. If you¡¯ve really got nothing to do, you can help me do my math homework¡­¡± She was completely oblivious to what he could see beneath her neckline from this angle. He did not move, worried that he would disturb her. Not daring to take any extra glances, he turned his eyes away and fixed them on the television. On the screen, the Golden-Horned King was cackling and mocking Sun Wukong, but actually, it felt as if the Golden-Horned King was mocking him¡­ Not looking did not mean that the image of what he had seen was not in his head. Jumbled thoughts and ideas swept rapidly through his mind. ½ð½Ç´óÍõ Golden-Horned King (left) and ËïÎò¿Õ Sun Wukong, also known as the Monkey King (right) in the 1986 adaptation of Journey to the West. (Image credit for both images: Baidu) Back then, he had not yet been exposed to anything that had to do with the adult world of sex and love. He had merely wanted to draw near to her, to be close to her. So unfamiliar. He wanted to get close to everything about Chu Jian. Sometimes, when he awakened in the middle of the night, he would recall the curiously unfamiliar and bizarre physical contact that had occurred in his dreams. He would think about her lips, her face, and her body, but at the same time, he would feel that those types of thoughts were too sordid and contemptible. That evening, in that dated stairwell with inadequate lighting, while locking up their bicycles and holding both their schoolbags, he heard her say that she did not like him. He could not describe what he had felt. That night, he had worked on practice problems late into the night, several times suppressing the urge to go across the hall to find her. Roughly half a month later, for some crazy reason, he suddenly went outside at past two in the morning and sat downstairs of their building, staring up at her bedroom window and remaining there for the rest of the night. By chance, snow¡ªa rare sight¡ªcame down that night. The outcome was that he got a fever. He made up a lie, saying that he had stayed all night at an internet caf¨¦. After reprimanding him severely, his dad wrote up an absence request slip and had him bring it over to her home. There was still anger suppressed inside of him, but when he saw her yawning and shuffling out from her room with her slippers on, staring confusedly at him with bleary eyes, his heart softened, and he simply instructed her that it was snowing and the roads were slippery so she should not bike to school by herself¡­ During their third year of middle school, their two families went on an outing together. On the ferry, it was as if he had been possessed by something. His entire year of avoiding her basically became for naught. A slight sway of the ferry, the congested, noisy surroundings all urged him to lower his head and kiss her. That day, after arriving at their destination, he really did go to an internet caf¨¦, and there he gamed with some people he did not know. He did not often play video games, but he caught on quickly. After tarrying there until several hours had passed, he went online and, as if prodded by an invisible force, searched up on certain things. The curious and bizarre images in his dreams more than a year ago became real pictures on his screen. This type of topic was discussed to varying degrees amongst boys, and after hearing about it many times, he basically knew almost all of what it entailed. However, to suddenly be staring right at it was a whole other thing, with thighs and arms covering the entire screen. He shut it down, then opened up the other window again to carry on playing his games. He was scared that if he looked at too much of that stuff, the scenes in his dreams would become even more real and tangible. And they would all be filled with her¡ªthat would be even more unbearable for him. At the time, even more of their peers had coupled up. He would often hear people mention ¡°Chu Jian in Class No. 9, Chu Jian in Class No. 9,¡± to the point that he felt irritable and testy from hearing this. He was suited for the high school workload, and his soaring grades allowed him to temporarily put her to the bottom of his heart. During the Lunar New Year¡¯s celebrations of their second year of high school, Chu Jian¡¯s dad, after having some drinks, for the first time made the joke that Jian Bianlin should work hard and then just marry Chu Jian in the future. After all, Chu Jian¡¯s grades were not good. Jian Bianlin was listening wordlessly, the adults were all laughing, and Chu Jian was watching the Spring Festival Gala[1], not paying attention to what was happening over here. Or perhaps it could be said, she was deliberately ignoring what was happening over here. Slowly, he sipped at the baijiu[2] [traditional Chinese alcoholic drink], consuming quite a fair amount. In his heart, he said yes to Chu Jian¡¯s dad¡ªimmediately and readily said yes. Alas, there was no good omen but rather, a wake-up call. From the very beginning, he had been fooling himself, telling himself that Chu Jian still did not know that he liked her, or maybe she was just feeling a little moody and that was why things were tense between them. He simply needed to coax and pacify her and then things would be fine. But in the blink of an eye, she had become someone else¡¯s girlfriend. Those few days had been spent as if drunken or in a dream. Three days later, he forced himself to pluck up his spirits, and he went to find that boy. Approaching this without much thought, he drew in a breath and, in that time after school when the flow of people was at a peak, obstructed that boy near the bicycle storage area, asking him, ¡°Will you be able to treat her well for all your life? Are you able to marry her? If you can¡¯t, then don¡¯t you touch her¡ªnot even one finger.¡± As a seventeen, eighteen-year-old boy himself, he understood his own gender in this age group too well. They wanted to try out everything, and their bodies were calling out to be close, to be intimate. He was afraid that Chu Jian would end up on the losing end and suffer somehow. He could not even bear the thought that she might be taken advantage of. He had no right or position to do so, but he was still forcing someone¡¯s boyfried to agree to such a thing. Any man who had even the slightest bit of gall would break out into a clash of words with this, but not many would dare come to physical blows. Jian Bianlin did not want to fight, either, until the other party stated something that was the absolute truth: ¡°Why do I need to give an account to you of what I do? We¡¯re just in our senior year of high school. You¡¯re talking to me about marriage? Jian Bianlin, are you mental?¡± He drew the firm conclusion in his mind that the other party wanted to take advantage of Chu Jian and then not take responsibility for it. And so, his punch flew out. The other party grew heated as well and began to retaliate. Jian Bianlin had the advantage of height and he also frequently played basketball, so he gained the upper hand, giving the boy quite a serious pounding. Fights are commonplace for boys of that age, and both were caught up in a moment of hot-headedness. Having no previous experience and also not bothering to concern themselves with the setting, they began throwing blows at each other there in that place that anyone who was on their way to or from school would pass, openly flouting the school rules and regulations. They were utterly asking for trouble with this. That day, Chu Jian had rushed over and dumped the bucket of cold water on him. That dump of water had also completely woken him back to his senses. He knew he had made a huge mistake, and he wished with all his might that he could beat himself to death. Chu Jian¡­ Simply glancing at the side view of him as he bent over to wash his face was enough to stir something in Chu Jian and make her feel lightheaded¡­ Tong Fei sent another WeChat message: I just don¡¯t get it. Why did you never take a fancy to him before? Chu Jian was silent for a moment before sending back three words: I was blind. Bending at the waist, he lowered himself into a half-crouch in front of her. ¡°I¡¯m waiting.¡± Chu Jian: ¡°Huh? Waiting for what?¡± Jian Bianlin: ¡°For you to say who I am.¡± Chu Jian: ¡°Jian Bianlin, are you even a celebrity? Can you not wish for something that¡¯s a little grander or nobler?¡± Jian Bianlin: ¡°¡­¡­¡± Jian Bianlin¡¯s face was so close it was within reach. She reckoned that she would not be able to get out of this, so after dawdling bashfully for a long time, she dragged a throw pillow over from the sofa, buried her face in it, and slowly eked out one word: ¡°Hubby.¡± Jian Bianlin made a low sound in response. Still not sated, he told her, ¡°Say it one more time.¡± ¡­ The throw pillow slammed fiercely into his shoulder. ¡°Let¡¯s go eat!¡± [2]°×¾Æ ¡°bai jiu.¡± Baijiu literally means ¡°white alcohol.¡± This traditional Chinese alcoholic beverage is technically classified as a spirit and is made from sorghum and other grains. Those who did not grow up exposed to baijiu will often, on their first taste of it, describe it with adjectives such as ¡°strong,¡± ¡°fiery,¡± ¡°harsh,¡± ¡°biting,¡± etc. It has a high alcohol by volume (ABV), typically in the range of 40-60%. CH 9.1 Final Chapter ¡ª The Very First Time I Saw You (1) On the day of his birthday event, Jian Bianlin left very early. Chu Jian was in charge of bringing her parents as well as Jian Bianlin¡¯s dad to the celebration¡¯s venue. Prior to heading out, his dad actually watched the entertainment news for the first time ever. The image switched. On the screen was Lu Congwen¡¯s face, smiling in front of a bunch of microphones as he answered some queries around the romantic rumours about him that were circulating. Chu Jian did not listen in detail, but recalling her one and only encounter with this currently hot young actor, she remarked, ¡°This guy shows one face in front of people and then has a whole different face behind your back. He looks down on people so badly.¡± Chu Jian¡¯s mom gave an ¡°oh.¡± She knew that Jian Bianlin¡¯s dad did not have a very good opinion about actors, singers, and other show business professions to begin with, and for fear that this would become an excuse to vent out such displeasure on Jian Bianlin and criticize him, she hurriedly tried to smooth past that comment. ¡°That person¡¯s occupation is being a celebrity. It stands to reason that not every sentence of his can be the truth. And plus, when you¡¯re worshipped every day by your fans, it¡¯s inevitable that it goes to your head a little. He¡¯s young, after all.¡± ¡°Jian Bianlin doesn¡¯t.¡± Chu Jian countered her mom¡¯s words with this statement. Chu Jian¡¯s parents exchanged a look. Jian Bianlin¡¯s dad took a drink of his hot tea and very cheerfully continued watching the television. Originally, he had wanted to watch the news rerun of Jian Bianlin¡¯s sudden marriage announcement. Contrary to his expectations, though, that news was not shown, and he muttered, ¡°For once, that brat has a piece of news that I actually want to watch, but then it¡¯s not even rerun¡­¡± Only then did Chu Jian understand Jian Bianlin¡¯s dad¡¯s intention. Her face hot, she instructed everyone to follow her out. On his end, Jian Bianlin was busy with the final preparations for the birthday event so was unable to attend to them. Xie Bin¡¯s plan had been to have a staff member bring them directly into the venue. However, this was the first time Jian Bianlin¡¯s dad and Chu Jian¡¯s parents were attending such an event, and they had curiosity like children, unanimously requesting that they follow all normal channels and sit in normal seats to experience the ¡°fan culture¡± up close. And so, Xiao Yu brought out a few tickets with centrally-located seats. After following Jian Bianlin¡¯s dad, father-in-law, and mother-in-law from a distance of three steps behind and ensuring that they were all safely seated, he gestured to Chu Jian that he was slipping away and then ran off to continue with his busy work. Front and back, left and right, there were young girls holding up LED light-up signs or glow sticks. Honestly, they were all young girls. The ones who were slightly older did not comprise even twenty percent of the total numbers. From the moment they took their seats, the chattering that surrounded them was all discussions about the marriage news. There were all sorts of guesses and speculations, some of them good and, of course, some of them bad. After all, aside from releasing this news, Jian Bianlin¡¯s company truly had not paid to have any canned press releases. The meaning of that was very obvious: Anything that could be announced had already been announced, and whatever was withheld and not mentioned was, therefore, private. ¡°Your man forked out an arm and a leg this time. The red packets that he handed out to all the media and various marketing IDs on social media were amply padded. His reputation in the industry is good to begin with, and now that he has so clearly declared his stance in this, absolutely no one will leak your private details. You can set your mind at ease and just go live your cozy, happy life with him.¡± This was what Tong Fei had told her this afternoon. It seemed that because Chu Jian had once been attacked and isolated by everyone in high school, Jian Bianlin was being very cautious about the marriage announcement this time and had done all the preparation work first. Even Xiao Yu had said just earlier that the night before Jian Bianlin brought her to register their marriage, their entire company had in fact already greased all the wheels and communicated with all the necessary parties, including Tieba, his fan group¡¯s official Weibo account, etc. They had also done all the necessary internal communications about it. Otherwise, with Jian Bianlin currently being so hot and popular, how could the voices on the internet still be so harmonious after the sudden release of such news? ¡°Xie Zong personally made a call to the boss of Ruan Xi¡¯s company and said, since both sides understand the situation, let¡¯s just stop the fake rumours and hype. The marriage news has already been released, so doing that does no good to anyone.¡± This was what Xiao Yu had secretly told her just a moment ago. In short, it could all be summarized into one sentence: While he had sat nervously in the stairwell, waiting for her to wake up, everything had already been resolved and taken care of. Chu Jian¡¯s head was bowed as she again and again flipped her mobile phone back and forth in her hand. There was a small matter that Chu Jian was feeling slight apprehension over, and whether or not she should tell Jian Bianlin about it was a question that was still up in the air. Xu Jing had called her several times today. At first when she saw the number, she had not recognized it and answered the call. When she heard that ¡°hello,¡± she had immediately hung up the phone out of reflex. Jian Bianlin was extremely sensitive about that little, three-day interlude in her teenage days, to the extent that she had become sensitive about it, too. In fact, it really had been nothing¡­ Not tell him? But what if another phone call came, or Xu Jing used a different number and called again? So difficult to deal with. There in the stands, she racked her brains. In the end, she decided to call back, state everything clearly, and then let things be after that, or else if Jian Bianlin got jealous, there would also be trouble. Even now, and especially with her status as Jian Bianlin¡¯s wife, when she thought back on that absurd incident from their youth, she still felt that Jian Bianlin had been in the wrong. Hence, she felt even more apologetic toward Xu Jing. Finding an excuse to step out from the stands, she walked out past the ticket gates of the stadium, found a secluded corner, and dialled back. Very quickly, the call was answered. ¡°Chu Jian?¡± ¡°Mm-hmm. I didn¡¯t dare pick up your call during the daytime. I was worried Jian Bianlin would get mad. Sorry about that.¡± Chu Jian spoke straight to the point. ¡°Are you trying to get ahold of me for something urgent?¡± ¡­¡­ With that incident back then, she and Xu Jing had broken up on a sour note, and after she went to the hospital and pleaded to him to be lenient on Jian Bianlin, the two had cut off contact with one another. They had been too young at the time and had not known what was the best way to handle the situation, so to some extent, some bitterness had been left in their hearts. Now that they had openly talked about it, they hereafter could both let go of it. It was only after this phone call that Chu Jian learned that, during the period of Jian Bianlin¡¯s dad¡¯s work-related injury, Jian Bianlin and Xu Jing had actually run into each other. The call was hung up. The staff members who were checking tickets at the entrance began urging people to hurry into the venue. Chu Jian rushed back inside. The lights in the entire stadium had already been extinguished. Holding her mobile phone low so that the screen was illuminating the path by her feet, she continuously expressed her sorries to the young girls seated in the stands as she hunched over and returned to her own seat. All of a sudden, fireworks burst forth. Dazzling beams of light shot up above the floor seats as well the stands¡­ It had begun. Their seats were in the stands relatively further away from the stage, so watching the large screens on both sides of the venue provided a clearer view. In the shadowy half-light, Jian Bianlin made his appearance, alone on the highest point of the stage. The instant his tall, slender silhouette, which was clad in a black suit jacket, emerged, cheering immediately erupted up into the sky above the stadium. This was Chu Jian¡¯s first time watching his live performance. Perhaps it was because their relationship was now different, or maybe it was because his fans were simply too enthusiastic, but Chu Jian¡¯s heart was pounding furiously and could not stop. If her parents and Jian Bianlian¡¯s dad were not present, she would definitely be just like those girls surrounding her who had all jumped to their feet and were raising their light-up signs and glow sticks with all their might¡­ The spotlights swept over to him. Pushing off with one hand on the ground, he leaped down from that two to three-metre tall platform. His feet landed in the center of the stage. From behind him, two female backup dancers pulled open his suit jacket to the left and right, slipped it off, and tossed it to one side. Next, it was his tie and white dress shirt, both pulled open by the persons behind him and thrown aside. Eventually, all that remained were a simple form-fitting, black, short-sleeved shirt and his pants. Turning his hand over and reaching two fingers behind his lower back, he tugged his waistband up slightly. With his head bowed, he adjusted the microphone that was beside his face. ¡°It has begun.¡± The next second, the stadium was roiling with excitement. His fans all shot up to their feet, screaming loudly. From the stands to the floor seating, it was completely a glowing sea of dark blue lights. Chu Jian gripped her ticket tightly. Oh no, oh no, she really wanted to squeal¡­ ¡­¡­ After dancing to four upbeat songs, the backup dancers all retreated off the stage, and only he, the star of the show, remained. Jian Bianlin was so tired his body was bent over, his hands on his knees as he panted lightly for a few breaths. Suddenly, he straightened and, in the stillness, looked directly at the camera. Another round of screaming. On the big screens on both sides was the side profile of his face that was covered in a thin layer of perspiration. Just a moment ago, his eyes had still been cool. And then¡­ Biting down on his lower lip, with his head bowed, he gave a never-before-seen smile. ¡°AAAAAH! My Baby is smiling. He¡¯s smiling!¡± Behind Chu Jian, fans were going mad with excitement. ¡°Have you ever seen him smile, like live, on the spot? Oh my God, never before! Ah, ah, AAAAH!¡± ¡°Gawd, his smile is so bashful, so filled with happiness! I¡¯m going to cry. Oh no, oh no.¡± Someone behind Chu Jian had thrown a hand over her own mouth. ¡°So jealous! Let me cry for a bit.¡± ¡°If he hadn¡¯t grown up with her, I definitely would not be able to accept that he¡¯s married! How could someone have such darn good luck, to have known him since they were both kids? ¡­¡± It was not only the fans behind Chu Jian; all around, all the fans were electrified by this action of his. There was a variety of reactions¡ªexcitement, feeling touched, weeping¡­ The reaction of Chu Jian¡¯s parents and Jian Bianlin¡¯s dad, on the other hand, was more one of shock. They had been completely stunned by this crowd of young girls and did not know whether they should be crying or laughing. They were baffled and proud and also finding it very difficult to understand the mindset of these fans¡­ Chu Jian stared at that figure far away on the stage, her breathing becoming increasingly slow. She dared not even allow her gaze to shift to the side in the slightest to look at the big screen, for fear that she would get a clear view of the details of what he held in his eyes and his expression. She was scared that even the view in the monitor would cause her to blush. On the big screen, Jian Bianlin also seemed somewhat embarrassed. Turning his head to the side, he concealed his face slightly behind the back of his hand¡ªmore earth-shattering shrieks from all around. He raised his microphone.¡°I know¡­¡± He was unexpectedly nervous. Smiling once again, he continued, ¡°You guys want to hear me talk about her.¡± When the word ¡°her¡± was spoken, even without an explanation in the captions on the screen, everyone knew whom he was referring to. That person whom they did not know the name of, his childhood playmate from when he and she were both young and innocent¡ªMrs. Jian. ¡°I moved from Guangdong to Hangzhou when I was five years old. I didn¡¯t know how to speak Mandarin, so she liked to teach me how to speak it, one sentence at a time. For this reason, I later secretly gave her the name, Mandarin. Later still, when we went to university and were far apart in completely different places and couldn¡¯t see each other, people would often ask me, ¡®Jian Bianlin, do you have a girl whom you like?¡¯ I would say, ¡®Yes, Mandarin.¡¯ Every person who heard this would laugh. No one believed that a girl would have such a weird name. Man da lin. Mandarin.¡± Jian Bianlin halted briefly before saying again, ¡°Man da lin. My darling.[1]¡± Especially touching. Spoken from Jian Bianlin¡¯s mouth. Spoken with such earnestness. He had actually not said anything at all, yet it seemed like he had said everything with those words. After saying what he wanted to say, he turned so that his back was facing the camera and strode toward the band. Stepping around the bass player, he walked up to the digital keyboard and handed his hat to an onsite staff member. Then, he pressed down on a few keys. It was a rather familiar-sounding melody. Chu Jian for the moment could not place what song it was. As Jian Bianlin leaned forward and played on those keys, he began singing softly into the microphone that was in front of the keyboard. ¡°Once, I was like duckweed, with nothing upon which I could depend Toward love, I had an unexplainable fear. But Heaven let me encounter you.¡± He paused for a moment and lifted his eyes, purposely looking directly into the camera. ¡°The very first time I saw you [wo chu chu jian ni] There, in solitary beauty, amidst the crowd¡­¡± ¡­¡­ There were mountains and seas of people. But no one could have guessed that he had chosen a song that encompassed her name within it. Even Chu Jian¡¯s parents and his dad were completely unsuspecting of this subtle ¡°love profession.¡± The song was so old, and many people had performed covers of it. Everybody seemed to understand that the sudden performance of this song after that simple and slightly illogical introduction of ¡°Mrs. Jian¡± must be for ¡°her,¡± that he was singing to ¡°her.¡± It was impossible for the fans in the stands and on the floor to not know this song, and they all sang along loudly with him, their sea of voices swelling up like the tides. Tears had welled up in Chu Jian¡¯s eyes. This was not an exaggeration at all. She had been moved to tears. However, beside her were her parents and his dad, and worried that she might scare them, she forced herself to repress those feelings, not daring to let them show¡­ As the song drew to its end, his fingers travelled over and over again on the keyboard, and he sang a few times, in a low voice, the final line that concluded the song: ¡°I do truly love you.[2]¡± [1] Âü´ïÁÖ. These three characters in pinyin are man da lin, and they are sometimes used as the Chinese transliteration of the term ¡°Mandarin,¡± which was originally the term used by Westerners to refer to the officials of imperial China and their ¡°official¡¯s language.¡± Mandarin is now the name of the official dialect of China. However, when pronounced, these three characters also sound similar to the English words ¡°my darling.¡± Hence, to Jian Bianlin, there is a double meaning to man da lin, that his special girl was the one who taught him Mandarin and is also the one whom he refers to as ¡°my darling.¡± [2] This song is ¡¶ÎÒÊÇÕæµÄ°®Äã¡·I Do Truly Love You. It was composed by Àî×ÚÊ¢ Jonathan Lee, who also wrote the lyrics, and was originally sung by ÕÅÐÅÕÜ Jeff Chang with its first release in 1993. Jonathan Lee later sang his own version in 1994. CH 9.2 When the birthday event came to a close, Chu Jian¡¯s mom, without any prompting, urged everyone to leave first while Chu Jian went to find Jian Bianlin. Xiao Yu led Chu Jian backstage, where many staff were busily, yet also relaxedly, doing the wrap-up work. Someone was even yelling loudly, asking where they should all go for the post-event celebration. The door to the dressing room was pushed open, so Chu Jian slipped herself inside. Jian Bianlin had already removed his make-up and outfit. Wearing a down jacket, with his back to the mirror of the dressing table, he was taking sip after sip of warm water. When he saw Chu Jian step inside, he stopped. Chu Jian walked over to him, a thermal jar in her hands. ¡°I brought some fried yuanxiao[1] [glutinous rice balls] for you.¡± Oh, right. Today was the Lantern Festival. He had forgotten. ¡°I made them myself. They¡¯re fried,¡± Chu Jian told him quietly. Picking one up and then stabbing it with a chopstick, she stuffed it into his mouth. ¡°Say that it tastes good.¡± ¡°¡­¡­¡± It was too big. He chewed for a dozen or so seconds before he was able to swallow the entire thing. ¡°It tastes good.¡± ¡°What flavour was it?¡± ¡°Sesame.¡± She stuffed another one into his mouth. ¡°What flavour?¡± ¡°Brown sugar¡­¡± She wanted to stuff another one but he grabbed her hand. ¡°Let me have a drink of water¡­ to take a break.¡± Chu Jian detected that his fingers were like ice. She reckoned that he had been chilled when he was dancing or doing the interactive portion of the program or something along those lines, so setting down the thermal jar and chopsticks, she huffed a couple of warm breaths onto her palms, then wrapped his hands in her own. When her palms first contacted the backs of his hands, he instinctively tried to pull away. ¡°They¡¯re too cold. They¡¯ll make you cold.¡± Chu Jian did not speak as she closed her hands around his and, while she was at it, rolled her eyes at him. ¡°Melodramatic.¡± ¡°¡­¡­¡± ¡°I talked to Xu Jing on the phone earlier.¡± Out of habit, Jian Bianlin creased his brows, not uttering anything. ¡°I told him not to contact me anymore. You¡¯re too petty and will get mad.¡± Chu Jian liked seeing him jealous. Observing his eyes and expression carefully, she asked in a low voice, ¡°He said, during that time when your dad had that work injury, he saw you at the school. Was it that day when you made me so mad I ran away?¡± Jian Bianlin searched his mind, then nodded. ¡°That day, you told him that you and I have been together for a few years already?¡± Chu Jian leaned in close to him. ¡°You big liar. Just who have you been together with for a few years?¡± ¡°¡­¡­¡± ¡°Are you going to eat any more?¡± Chu Jian nudged the thermal jar forward. Jian Bianlin was actually thinking, she must not have eaten dinner yet, either, and if he stayed here and ate too many fried yuanxiao, it would end up delaying when he would be able to take her to have dinner. Jian Bianlin: ¡°How about if I eat one, you say who I am? Address me.¡± Chu Jian: ¡°¡­¡­¡± He brought his lips close and brushed them against her soft ones¡­ His lips were moist and supple. His tongue stroked inside her mouth for a while, but then, after thinking briefly, he decided that he still wanted to hear her address him. So, he pulled the thermal jar to himself and really did begin to eat again. Chu Jian: ¡°¡­ You¡¯ve honestly forgotten what day it is today?¡± Jian Bianlin¡¯s hand paused. He answered, ¡°I haven¡¯t forgotten.¡± How could he forget? Anything that concerned her, he would never forget. Today was the anniversary of their first meeting. The very first time he met her was also on the day of the Lantern Festival. More than twenty years ago, his dad had brought him to knock on the doors of all the neighbours to introduce themselves. In not-very-good Mandarin, his dad explained that they had just moved in and were taking advantage of the Lantern Festival to wish all the neighbours a happy holiday, as, after all, ¡°a far-away relative is not as good as a near neighbor¡±¡­ The first door they had knocked on was Chu Jian¡¯s home, but unfortunately, Chu Jian¡¯s mom had been frying yuanxiao at the time. The sound of the oil and frying had been too loud, so no one had heard the knocking. Afterward, they had circled back again to finish up at Chu Jian¡¯s door. Jian Bianlin still remembered, when the door opened, Chu Jian¡¯s mom had looked particularly beautiful. Smiling cheerfully, she listened to all that they had to say, especially when Jian Bianlin¡¯s dad tactfully explained that there was no woman in their household and hence he, as a single dad, could only, by himself, bring the child along with him to this place. Immediately, Chu Jian¡¯s mom warmly pulled the father and son pair inside. She brought Jian Bianlin over to sit beside Chu Jian and then called Chu Jian¡¯s dad out from the kitchen, where he had been doing some chores. The three adults exchanged pleasantries and chatted casually. Chu Jian¡¯s mom even deliberately slowed her speech down slightly to accommodate Jian Bianlin¡¯s dad¡¯s not-so-good Mandarin skills. Chu Jian was hugging her pink plastic bowl, warily eyeing Jian Bianlin. ¡°What¡¯s your name?¡± He told her in Cantonese, ¡°Gim Binlam [Cantonese pronunciation of Jian Bianlin].¡± ¡°¡­¡­¡± Chu Jian did not understand. Her eyes were fixed on that plate of fried yuanxiao. Just that afternoon, Mommy had promised her that if Chu Jian could find and eat one of the three yuanxiao that had red bean paste filling, Mommy would make a new dress for Chu Jian¡¯s dolly. Noiselessly, Chu Jian stabbed open one with her chopsticks. Nope. She tossed it into the bowl in front of Jian Bianlin. She stabbed another one open. Nope, still not. Tossed it over there again. Pretending he wanted to eat them. So, before long, half the yuanxiao on the plate were gone, all of them in Jian Bianlin¡¯s bowl. ¡°Thank you for your help.¡± Chu Jian had finally found one with red bean paste filling and was smiling so very delightedly. Since he was young, Jian Bianlin¡¯s practice was that he should not leave leftover food. Silently, he buried his head and ate away, grumbling in his mind, This little girl is so annoying. I don¡¯t ever want to see her again¡­ This was the very beginning, but it was not the ending. Do you still remember the dreams of our youth? They are like a flower that shall never wither[2]. [1]ÔªÏü. Yuanxiao are a ¡°dumpling,¡± usually sweet, rolled (not wrapped) into a ball formed from glutinous rice flour. A filling is first formed into a sphere and then dropped into glutinous rice flour where it is shaken and rocked back and forth until it forms a ball covered in the? flour. Fillings can include sesame, red bean paste, almond, etc. and are a traditional food of? the Lantern Festival (which is the fifteenth day of the new lunar year). Yuanxiao can be eaten fried or not fried. [2] This line is taken from the song ¡¶°®µÄ´ú¼Û¡·The Price of Love, with music and lyrics composed by Àî×ÚÊ¢ Jonathan Lee. It was originally sung by ÕÅ°¬¼Î Sylvia Chang. I like how the the story was concluded with the very beginning. ¡°This was the very beginning, but it was not the ending.¡± Actually, instead of my additional comments, I thought, to give you a little glimpse into the person that Mo Bao Fei Bao is, I would translate for you what she wrote when this last chapter was released and the online version of the novel came to a conclusion. (The epilogue is only in the printed version of the novel.) While the updates for this novel were being released, a reader left a comment that really touched me. She told me to work hard in my work, to be a good author and to also be a good screenwriter, and she hoped that I would make her proud. At the time, I was really touched, but I did not know how to respond to her. Now, with the conclusion of this story, I¡¯m going to take advantage of this topic to tell you the background and reason behind this story. (The story has nothing to do with me personally.) Last year, one of my dearest friends endured the greatest betrayal and setback of her life, to the point that she nearly lost everything she had. She was my best friend in my childhood. And so, I ¡°brought her home¡± with me. I wanted to win and conquer a brand new ¡°kingdom¡± for her, to let her know that there is someone in this world who still loves her. I thought, one day, I, with my 158 cm build would hug her, with her 172 cm build, and say to her, ¡°This is the kingdom that Zhen [the imperial ¡°I,¡± what emperors used as a self-address] conquered for you. Muahahaha.¡± (How come everyone whom I¡¯m close to is so darn tall?) So, in ways and places that you all cannot see, I have been very well and working very hard over these last couple of years. And if I¡¯m not around, I am still very well. Please rest assured. I¡¯ll stop here. The story that I wanted to tell has now come to an end. Lastly , I¡¯ve included the lyrics for ¡¶°®µÄ´ú¼Û¡·The Price of Love, the song from which the concluding sentence was taken, if you are interested. ¡¶°®µÄ´ú¼Û¡·The Price of Love »¹¼ÇµÃÄêÉÙʱµÄÃÎÂð? Do you still remember the dreams of our youth? Ïñ¶äÓÀÔ¶²»µòÁãµÄ»¨ They are like a flower that shall never wither. ÅãÎÒ¾­¹ýÄÇ·ç´µÓê´ò They have been with me as the wind and rain battered down, ¿´ÊÀÊÂÎÞ³£ ¿´²×É£±ä»¯ And have witnessed with me the vicissitudes and shifting scenes of life. ÄÇЩΪ°®Ëù¸¶³öµÄ´ú¼Û The prices that have been paid for love ÊÇÓÀÔ¶¶¼ÄÑÍüµÄ°¡ Will never be forgotten. ËùÓÐÕæÐÄµÄ ³ÕÐĵĻ° All those words spoken of a sincere heart, a besotted heart ÓÀÔÚÎÒÐÄÖÐËäÈ»ÒÑûÓÐËû ×ß°É ×ß°É ÈË×ÜҪѧÖø×Ô¼º³¤´ó Move on, move on. People will always eventually need to learn to grow up. ×ß°É ×ß°É ÈËÉúÄÑÃâ¾­Àú¿àÍ´ÕõÔú Move on, move on. Experiencing pain and struggles is an inevitable part of life. ×ß°É ×ß°É Îª×Ô¼ºµÄÐÄÕÒÒ»¸ö¼Ò Move on, move on. Find a home for your own heart. Ò²ÔøÉËÐÄÁ÷Àá Ò²Ôø÷öÈ»ÐÄËé I, too, once shed tears of sorrow; I, too, was once grieved and brokenhearted. ÕâÊÇ°®µÄ´ú¼Û This is the price of love. Ò²ÐíÎÒż¶û»¹ÊÇ»áÏëËû Perhaps occasionally, I will think of him, ż¶ûÄÑÃâ»áµë¼ÇÖøËû And occasionally, I will still miss him. ¾Íµ±ËûÊǸöÀÏÅóÓÑ°¡ Simply thinking of him as an old friend Ò²ÈÃÎÒÐÄÌÛÒ²ÈÃÎÒÇ£¹Ò Can still cause my heart to ache and my mind to dwell upon him. Ö»ÊÇÎÒÐÄÖв»ÔÙÓл𻨠But there no longer is a spark in my heart. ÈÃÍùʶ¼Ëæ·çÈ¥°É Let the past go with the wind. ËùÓÐÕæÐÄµÄ ³ÕÐĵĻ° All those words spoken of a sincere heart, a besotted heart ÓÀÔÚÎÒÐÄÖÐËäÈ»ÒÑûÓÐËû Forever remain in my heart, even though he is here no longer.