《The Moon Will Always Come to You》


 Prologue

    Ruan Zhizhi wore a thick down jacket as she sat inside a popular coffee shop in the heart of City A. She gazed miserably at the scattered stack of newspapers on the table before her, lost in thought.


    This year, City A¡¯s winter seemed to be colder than last year¡¯s.


    With a sigh she extended her hand. From the pile, she picked up an already shabby copy of the People¡¯s Daily newspaper. The headline that occupied the largest section above was a lead story. It was an article pertaining to a wealthy businessman who had discovered his wife was having an affair. Harbouring resentment, the case of him deliberately murdering his wife had been reported.


    As a small journalist who was undergoing a probationary period for a newspaper company, the boss had assigned a task to their group of trainee reporters: They were to find an example case on their own, collect information, and then independently compose a professional news report.


    Therefore, Ruan Zhizhi had been flipping through key news from previous years as of late, observing and studying those outstanding writers¡¯ interviews, reports, compositions, and other aspects of experience.


    In truth, crimes of passion happened nearly every day, in every corner of every city. Although Ruan Zhizhi was still on her probationary period, she was already no stranger to these types of cases.


    And the reason why she had selected this old court case was naturally due to its peculiarities.


    What incited this wealthy businessman to murder his wife was not impulsivity. After learning of his wife¡¯s extramarital affair, he had conducted a series of meticulous preparations to kill her.


    The witness who reported to the police was a mere seven-year-old boy.


    The biological son of that businessman and his wife.


    Ruan Zhizhi bowed her head and took a sip of black coffee from her porcelain cup. The bitter, lingering flavour slowly pervaded her tongue. She held a page of the slightly yellowed newspaper between her thumb and finger. Her line of sight subconsciously fixed itself on a dark-hued photograph in the lower right corner of the page.


    It was a pale boy with sunken eye sockets and a touch of blue under his eyes. He looked gloomy and indifferent. In the photo, he stood calmly by the door, his back straight. The eyes that gazed into the camera lens were pitch-black and bottomless.


    A child who was only seven years old could actually show such deep and heart-wrenching eyes. And after witnessing his own father killing his mother, he could even calmly report to the authorities.


    This child¡¯s psychological strength was far superior to an adult¡¯s.


    Her train of thought gradually withdrew from the photograph. Ruan Zhizhi shook her head and forced herself to concentrate. She began to earnestly read the interviews and reports on all aspects of the case from her predecessors.


    As she had been born prematurely, Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s constitution had always been weaker than a normal person¡¯s. Time elapsed bit by bit. After about an hour, she was already beginning to feel dizzy.


    She reached out for the fine porcelain plate on the table, but when she lifted her eyes, she found that the last macaron had already been eaten by her.


    Due to her constitution, she had always relied on sweets to replenish her sugar levels and activate her brain.


    Stretching her lower back, Ruan Zhizhi got up from her seat and planned to go to the counter to order another macaron.


    As she walked over with her wallet in hand, she happened to pass an unfamiliar man wearing a black down jacket. His head was slightly lowered.


    The reason why she took note of this man was because he was too tall. If she looked straight up, she couldn¡¯t even reach his chest. From Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s impression, a man who was too tall would more or less be hunching when he walked. But the man in front of her was clearly unlike this.


    Because his back was so straight, he seemed a bit oppressive, but he simply walked past her without a sideways glance.


    His slender, elegant hand lazily carried a packaged box that was tied with a pink bow.


    En¡­this box seemed a bit familiar.


    Perhaps to create a quiet ambience, the hanging lamps on the ceiling of the coffee shop were dim. The refined and dark side profile of the man flitted past her eyes.


    Ruan Zhizhi turned her head. In her line of sight was a lonely figure in black. His pace was not hurried nor slow, and his calm composure did not feel dangerous.


    This man looked a little gloomy and a little hard to make sense of.


    Of course, to put it plainly, men like this were usually very difficult to get along with.


    But what did it have to do with her.


    She quickly put this episode behind her. In the next second, however, the waiter at the counter regretfully informed her that the last of the macarons had just been bought by another customer. The last bit of Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s good mood vanished into thin air.


    Her mind hazily flashed to the man holding the packaged box just now. It took Ruan Zhizhi a second to remember that this was the shop¡¯s standard packaging for macarons.


    A mature man who looked so stern and gloomy unexpectedly liked to eat desserts that were so sweet even schoolgirls felt sick?


    Curling her lips in disdain, she had no choice but to give up and order a mille-feuille.


    With spoonful after spoonful of silky soft cake stuffed in her mouth, Ruan Zhizhi read all the stacks of newspapers she had collected on the table and somewhat relaxed a bit.


    Turning her head to gaze outside the window, the sky had already gradually dimmed. It turned out the sun was setting.


    Soon it would be the Lunar New Year. However, aside from the discount signs of major shopping malls, the street scenery was still the same as usual. There wasn¡¯t the slightest amount of excitement in the atmosphere to usher in the new year.


    In this extremely cold and deep winter, she thought of Li Sichen once more.


    After hesitating for a number of seconds, her fingers instinctively opened Sina Weibo.1


    It had been five years since Ruan Zhizhi registered for a Weibo account.


    At the very beginning, Sina Weibo didn¡¯t have its ¡°quietly follow¡± function yet. So every night she would take great pains to search for that person¡¯s Weibo username over and over again.


    Fortunately that person¡¯s name had remained constant and unshaken by thunder.


    Ruan Zhizhi and Li Sichen were once university classmates. She had stayed by his side as a ¡°brother¡± for four years, doing the most foolish things in her life for him. But even when it was time to part, she could never get him to like her.


    So, feeling as guilty as a thief, she went to his Weibo page. The webpage showed that he had just published a new post one hour ago. It was one line of text, accompanied by a photograph.


    At one glance, Ruan Zhizhi recognized the jade sea and blue sky of Santa Monica, California. During spring break in their third year of university, she and Li Sichen, together with Gu Nian and Cheng Fengjin, had travelled there.


    That was the time when she felt she was the closest to Li Sichen.


    Now it had been three years since she graduated from the University of California, Los Angeles. Gu Nian and Cheng Fengjin had already settled their life-long turning point. And then there was her and Li Sichen, who chose to remain in the United States for work. Yet for a full three years, she¡¯d never once met him.


    At Li Sichen¡¯s birthday party in their fourth year, Ruan Zhizhi finished an entire bottle of 60% vodka and got drunk. Finally, she summoned the courage to confess to him.


    How had he answered at that time?


    Yes, at the time he was clearly at a loss. After being silent for a while, he revealed a smile as brilliant as the sun, just as always. In a tone that carried some coquettishness, he said, Zhizhi, let¡¯s be friends like we are now. Every day we can see each other without pressure, isn¡¯t that great?


    After speaking, he still asked with a clear conscience, Later on we will still be best friends, right?


    He was like an eternal child who would never grow up. And because she liked him, it consumed her youthful years as a matter of course.


    When Ruan Zhizhi looked at that pleading expression in his eyes back then, she could only nod hopelessly.


    Everyone who had ever experienced this understood: To always be by the side of an impossible person as a ¡°friend¡± meant suffering every second of every minute. After graduating from university, Ruan Zhizhi didn¡¯t even take the postgraduate exam. She didn¡¯t dare stay by his side for even a moment and fled back to the country.


    With her naturally good appearance, Ruan Zhizhi had no lack of suitors around her. Coupled with the fact that she had studied at one of the finest universities in the United States, her life was on the right track after returning to China. She was riding with the current.


    Gradually, she seemed to have already let go of those memories from that time.


    She wasn¡¯t too sad. It¡¯s just that sometimes she would feel a little empty in her heart.


    So in the end, she had developed this habit of peeking at Li Sichen¡¯s Weibo.


    Reaching out to pull a long strand of hair behind her ears, Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s gaze once again returned to the post Li Sichen had just uploaded. Upon closer inspection, she discovered that the words in his post turned out to be¡ªCity A, I¡¯m back.2


    He was back in the country?


    It was as if a stone was suddenly thrown into a tranquil lake, instantly triggering a ring of ripples.


    The phone in her jacket pocket rang urgently while she was in a trance. Ruan Zhizhi brought it out to take a look. The incoming call displayed the name of her close childhood friend, Gu Nian.


    ¡°Baby, what are you up to?¡±


    As soon as the call was answered, she heard Gu Nian¡¯s iconically sweet voice. Just by listening to this tone, one could imagine how clingy the woman was.


    The atmosphere on the other end was a little noisy. Ruan Zhizhi held her phone a little further away, yawned, and replied lazily: ¡°Nothing, just in a coffee shop trying to find inspiration to write this report.¡±


    Gu Nian listened to Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s classic answer and couldn¡¯t help laughing. ¡°It¡¯s too boring to find inspiration there. By the way, for our school¡¯s end-of-year activities, the president arranged a tour group for this year¡¯s first-level professors. Only one slot per person. This opportunity is rare, but unfortunately I can¡¯t go, I must accompany Fengjin. After thinking about it again, I¡¯m not willing to waste this slot, so¡ª¡±


    ¡°So?¡± Ruan Zhizhi wrinkled her brows. She didn¡¯t know why, but she suddenly had a feeling that the situation was not so good.


    ¡°So, after getting permission from the uppers, I decided to just fill in your personal information on the form.¡±


    Gu Nian¡¯s voice was very sweet. Her manner of speaking was as if she was casually asking her what she should have for lunch that day.


    It took a long time to digest the meaning of the other party¡¯s words. Ruan Zhizhi took a deep breath and tried to stay as composed as possible. Just as she was about to say something very calmly, she heard Gu Nian¡¯s words that were like bullets in rapid succession: ¡°My love, lately you haven¡¯t been eating and sleeping well because of work. Seeing this greatly distresses me. So go back and pack your luggage. Tomorrow you can go to Yunnan and relax a bit. Don¡¯t thank me too much, the two of us are the closest. Well then it¡¯s settled, bye-bye!¡±


    After saying these words, Gu Nian hung up the phone at tremendous speed. She probably understood that Ruan Zhizhi would explode in the next second.


    Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s fingertips were slightly white as she held her cell phone. She listened to the busy tone on the other end. She was simply baffled, but without any better option, she firmly closed the laptop in front of her.


    Project Page | Table of Contents | Next


    Hello! The other day I was looking for new novels to translate since Always By Your Side will be finished this month. I wasn¡¯t planning to post any new translations until then, but this novel caught my interest so I couldn¡¯t wait. It¡¯s a little similar to ABYS in that the female leads are both in the journalism industry, but this novel is definitely a heavier read. Still, I really enjoyed it. For now I¡¯ll try to upload one chapter a week, and after January it¡¯ll replace ABYS¡¯s upload schedule.

 CH 1

    Chapter 1: Fruit Candy


    At seven o¡¯clock the next morning, Ruan Zhizhi had dark circles under her eyes that couldn¡¯t be covered with makeup. Carrying a white suitcase, she walked out, called a taxi, and eventually arrived at the main campus gates of the university where Gu Nian taught.


    As soon as she got out of the taxi, she saw an eye-catching long-distance bus parked at the A University gates.


    In fact, she was unwilling to travel very far due to her current status as an intern. But she had never been to Yunnan, even now that she was grown up. It just so happened to be the New Year¡¯s holiday now, and Gu Nian had already transferred the slot to her. With the opinion that not taking a free opportunity would be a loss, Ruan Zhizhi mulled over it until two o¡¯clock in the morning. In the end, she resigned herself to the idea, got out of bed, and hurriedly packed her luggage.


    According to Gu Nian, this trip would be five days and four nights altogether. The destinations were Kunming, Lijiang, and Shangri-La.


    But from Gu Nian¡¯s words, this trip was a year-end award specially prepared for the school¡¯s first-level professors¡­Ruan Zhizhi roughly imagined professors with grey hair and thick reading glasses in her mind. She sighed deeply.


    Aside from the abnormal Gu Nian who had an extremely high EQ, Ruan Zhizhi didn¡¯t believe anyone else could be granted the title of professor from one of the country¡¯s most outstanding educational institutions at the mere age of twenty-seven.


    She walked over with her heavy suitcase in tow. A number of people stood scattered in front of the bus door, lining up to verify their personal information. Ruan Zhizhi wasn¡¯t in a hurry. She casually found a bench under a tree and sat down.


    Today the sun was especially dazzling. It was a pity that the weather was still piercingly cold.


    Vigorously wrapping her big red scarf around her neck, Ruan Zhizhi looked at her surroundings with boredom. In the blink of an eye, she happened to see a man standing in the shade of the same tree just a few steps away, smoking a cigarette.


    Presently, the outdoor air temperature had already reached below zero at least. Yet he was dressed in a thin white knitted sweater and a pair of beige khakis. He was also very tall, and it was strenuous for Ruan Zhizhi to look up at his face.


    Unfortunately, his head was slightly lowered. She couldn¡¯t see his appearance.


    The man was lazily holding the cigarette in his mouth. The hair on his forehead fell loosely. A ribbon of smoke lingered in front of his eyes, and he was inexplicably polluted by a somewhat depressed air.


    Ruan Zhizhi felt that she must not have woken up yet. Otherwise, why would she stare at an unfamiliar man smoking a cigarette and still find his demeanour incredibly enchanting?


    She watched him pinch the cigarette butt and carelessly toss it in a trash can on the side with precision. Afterwards, he walked towards the direction of the bus expressionlessly.


    Could it be that he was also one of the first-level professors in this tour group?


    Regarding Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s visual assessment, this man couldn¡¯t have been more than twenty-seven years old at most. Perhaps he was even younger.


    Alright, it turned out that in this world, Gu Nian was not the only abnormal person.


    After sitting for a while, she estimated that time was nearly up. Ruan Zhizhi stood, patted the dust off her coat, and walked over with her suitcase. She provided her name and personal information, and as soon as she got on the bus, she saw the man from just now sitting at the very front. He had chosen a seat by the window.


    The sleeves of his sweater were rolled up, and his eyes were lowered as he lazily tore the wrapper of a piece of fruit candy. Sunlight refracted through the clear glass window, reflecting on his clean, pitch-black hair. The lighting was soft. It was as if it had been faintly swathed by clouds.


    Based on common courtesy, she didn¡¯t stare at him for too long. After a hurried glance, she quickly retracted her gaze and looked for the remaining seats left on the bus.


    She had come relatively late. After a round of inspection, she reluctantly found that there was only one empty seat located behind the man. With a beautiful man to appreciate, she felt that there was no reason to be unwilling, so Ruan Zhizhi gladly sat behind him.


    Looking around, she saw that the people sitting near her were all at least thirty-five years old. At least they looked like university professors, unlike that man. He looked like a film star who had gone to the wrong set.


    Having said that, with such a university professor, at least his class attendance would absolutely be guaranteed.


    She sat down and organized her backpack. Ruan Zhizhi took out a bottle of mineral spring water, and just as she unscrewed the bottle cap, she saw a young man gasping for air as he rushed to reach the bus. Two buttons on his coat were unfastened and he was holding onto half a piece of toast with his mouth. A hurried expression was over his entire face.


    He got on the bus, glancing around as he pleased. Then, without the least bit of hesitation, he sat down beside the man in front of Ruan Zhizhi, muttering: ¡°Ah Yan, didn¡¯t I tell you yesterday to give me a call so I could wake up today? Because of your harm, I was almost late.¡±


    ¡°Forgot.¡± The man had a fruit candy in his mouth. He spoke indistinctly, his voice deep and a little hoarse. It was the kind of hoarseness that was provocative, and hearing it, Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s heart stirred.


    At that time her head was lowered as she scrolled through Weibo. But she was attracted by the sound of his voice and couldn¡¯t help raising her head to glance at him.


    In the next second, her gaze faltered slightly.


    It was because this man looked a little familiar, it seemed¡­he was the person at the coffee shop yesterday who had passed her by.


    The man who bought the very last macarons.


    Perhaps her stare was too direct. The other party seemed to sense it a little. He turned his head slightly, meeting her gaze indifferently.


    How did that pair of eyes look? They were cold, detached, gloomy, and calm¡ªwith a weary sense of alienation from this mundane world. His pupils were pitch-black like an endless sea, tolerant of everything, but lonely with no feeling.


    Ruan Zhizhi trembled faintly in his eyes.


    The other party abruptly withdrew his sight.


    It was sudden and deliberate.


    His action successfully attracted the attention of his companion beside him. The man that had arrived late swallowed his last piece of toast, then turned around and saw Ruan Zhizhi sitting in the row behind them. The expression in his eyes immediately brightened a bit: ¡°Yi, our school has such a young and beautiful female professor? I actually didn¡¯t know.¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi was a little embarrassed. She quickly opened her mouth to explain: ¡°I¡¯m not from your school. My friend couldn¡¯t be here because some things came up, so she transferred the slot to me.¡±


    ¡°So that¡¯s how it is. Anyway, it¡¯s an honour to go on a trip with a beautiful woman. Hi, my name is Chen Jiayan. May I ask how I should address the beautiful lady?¡± His eyes bent when he smiled, giving off a cool and refreshing appearance. To her surprise, there was a hint of Li Sichen in his expression.


    Her thoughts had strayed uncontrollably. She revealed a polite smile in return: ¡°Hello, my name is Ruan Zhizhi.¡±


    ¡°Then I¡¯ll call you Zhizhi la, let me introduce you first. The man sitting next to me who looks hard to get along with is called Shi Yan. In our department, he¡¯s the professor who is the most famous yet most difficult to deal with. I¡¯m getting ahead of myself, Zhizhi, I must warn you first. By all means, don¡¯t be attracted by his appearance. This guy has a cold personality and he¡¯s also strange. It usually doesn¡¯t end well for the women that like him.¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi: ¡°¡­¡­¡±


    This Chen Jiayan, even though they had just met for the first time, it felt a bit like they were old friends. But did she say that she was attracted to this man? Yesterday he took away the macarons when she needed them most.


    She raised her head a little speechlessly, only to find that Shi Yan was looking down at her.


    Entwined in his dark black pupils were emotions that she could not fathom. They were like a thin layer of mist, a silhouette so shallow it was as if it would evaporate in the next second.


    Suddenly an indistinct idea blared in her mind. Ruan Zhizhi looked at him, slightly narrowing her eyes. She wondered with uncertainty if they had seen each other somewhere else before.


    Because such eyes were too special, too unforgettable.


    Soon the bus began to slowly set out. It would take about an hour from here to the airport. Ruan Zhizhi put her headphones on and quietly leaned back in her seat, listening to her music. She intended to rest for a bit in order to replenish her energy.


    About halfway through the journey she began to feel a little dizzy. Skillfully unzipping her backpack, she reached in and fumbled through it, only to come up with nothing.


    It must¡¯ve been because she was so rushed when she packed her suitcase. She¡¯d forgotten to put a few candies in her bag.


    For so many years now, she was accustomed to relying on sweets such as candies, cakes, and other desserts to recover her physical state. It was really problematic not to have these sweets for too long. Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s head felt nauseous. Her eyebrows creased uncomfortably.


    At this moment, a man¡¯s hand abruptly appeared in front of her.


    Thinking that she had seen it wrong, Ruan Zhizhi closed her eyes hard. When she opened them again, she still saw a hand with distinct joints. Lying quietly in the hollow of his palm was a colourful fruit candy, reflecting the gleaming rays of light coming through the bus window. His fingers were long and fine, and they remained motionless before her eyes.


    ¡°Want it?¡± the man asked in a low tone. His voice was still horribly seductive, and carried a trace of hoarseness.


    Ruan Zhizhi raised her head to look at him. His eyes were hidden by the brilliant sunlight, void of emotion. It was too late to ruminate over why the other party happened to give her a candy at this time. Out of instinct, she quickly thanked him and reached out to take it.


    Tearing open the wrapper, she put the tangerine-flavoured fruit candy in her mouth. Her restless mood finally calmed down and she gradually grew drowsy.


    When she woke up from her sleep, the bus was slowly stopping at the airport entrance to Terminal 3. Ruan Zhizhi released a yawn and stood up. She listened to the tour guide, who was holding a loudspeaker, prattle on endlessly about the specific arrangements that had been made for everyone to meet with the local tour guide after they arrived in Kunming, Yunnan.


    She rubbed her eyes and began to slowly tidy up her backpack and luggage.


    It wasn¡¯t until she followed the large group into the airport that Ruan Zhizhi finally had the time to study the group members she would be spending all her time with in the next five days.


    After a visual assessment, there were about twenty-five people in all. Among them, there were three or four other young ladies about her age, presumably travelling with their parents who were professors. Then there was Shi Yan, and Chen Jiayan next to him. They were incredibly eye-catching as they walked on the road. Aside from them, there were also some older professors and scholars.


    It was unknown¡­whether this five-day, four-night trip would be smooth sailing.


    I made a playlist for this story!! (¤Ã£Þ?£Þ)¤Ã? Here you go. I think these songs all suit the lonely, melancholic feeling the novel gives off. Even some of the lyrics are surprisingly relevant? ANYWAY, if you hate my music taste I don¡¯t wanna hear it!!!! That would simply end me T^T

 CH 2

    Chapter 2: Dream


    Carrying her luggage as she walked behind the crowd, Ruan Zhizhi idly thought about her worries.


    Suddenly her hand felt light. She raised her head with a little suspicion, only to find that it was Chen Jiayan carrying away her suitcase of his own volition.


    Before her eyes, the other party magnified his charming features with a brilliant smile: ¡°How can I let a little girl carry such a heavy suitcase? By all means, don¡¯t be polite with me, give me a chance to display my gentlemanly elegance.¡±


    He smiled mischievously when he spoke, and there was a faint hint of coquetry in his tone. In an instant, it took her back to that midsummer seven years ago when she had met Li Sichen for the first time.


    Seven years ago she had reported to the university as a first-year student. On such a large campus in an unfamiliar country, she went around in circles and eventually got lost. At that time, Li Sichen had also suddenly appeared halfway. Without allowing her to protest, he helped her carry the suitcase: ¡°Hi, you¡¯re a new student who just entered the school, so am I. Except I came a few days earlier than you. I¡¯ve already figured out the specific routes around the school. How about it, are you willing to give me a chance to take you the girls¡¯ dormitory to report?¡±


    Perhaps it was the afternoon sun that was just right that day, or the timing of his appearance, or even the curve of his smile. In short, with just one glance, her heart was possessed. And from then on it was ups and downs, every day and every night.


    It was really ridiculous to say. He was clearly the one who had approached her first, so how come in the end, it was her who couldn¡¯t bear to part?


    Perhaps because the memories were too vivid, Ruan Zhizhi didn¡¯t respond, allowing Chen Jiayan to help her take the suitcase.


    When she returned to her senses, she could only bite her lip in annoyance and trot to keep up.


    All the way through the baggage check-in, boarding passes, security check, and arrival at the designated boarding gate, everything went smoothly.


    The entire time, Chen Jiayan stood at her side, chattering continuously about topics such as the age he had started kindergarten to how open university students¡¯ style was nowadays. It was simply an unceasing torrent. Ruan Zhizhi felt a little bored, but based on his good upbringing and accomplishments, she still listened carefully and responded with a few words from time to time.


    From beginning to end, Shi Yan stood a few steps away from them. He remained silent, as if it had nothing to do with him.


    In the airport, there were hundreds of people coming and going. He was undoubtedly the most eye-catching one.


    It had nothing to do with the others. It was just because this man¡¯s temperament was so distinct.


    They arrived in Kunming and successfully converged with the local tour guide. On the way to the hotel, Ruan Zhizhi was so sleepy that her eyelids fought to stay open.


    The atmosphere on the bus was actually quite lively. Their tour guide was a capable man in his early thirties. His style of conversation was witty and humourous. Currently he was talking about some local customs in Yunnan, making the young ladies on the bus split their sides laughing.


    Letting out a yawn, Ruan Zhizhi rubbed her eyes in a daze. She could only see Shi Yan, who was sitting diagonally opposite from her. He was carelessly playing with a blue cigarette lighter in his hands. That pair of ink-black eyes reflected the light, then it was extinguished in the darkness. His mood was hard to discern.


    Ruan Zhizhi gazed attentively at his fingers and tried to guess whether or not he was addicted to smoking.


    After reaching the designated hotel, she didn¡¯t know if she could be considered lucky or what. Thanks to one person not coming, Ruan Zhizhi happened to get a double room to herself.


    Opening the door, she used the last of her strength to take a hot shower, hastily blow-dried her hair, then climbed into bed.


    As soon as her head hit the pillow, she fell asleep immediately.


    That night Ruan Zhizhi had an incredibly realistic dream. In her dream, she was shrouded in darkness and couldn¡¯t even see the five fingers of her hand. Her surroundings were awfully noisy. Everywhere, people were screaming for help. The atmosphere was tense and stifling. Her palms were ice cold, and in the darkness, she tightly grasped the hand of the person beside her. She was trying to say something calmly.


    That person was silent. From beginning to end, they didn¡¯t say a word.


    When she woke up the next day, the sky was bright. Ruan Zhizhi forgot the details of the dream from the night before.


    She stood on her tiptoes in the bathroom to wash up, looking in the mirror for a long time before suddenly remembering that in her second year of university, her school¡¯s chemistry lab had suffered a circuit failure. The door had accidentally been locked due to the negligence of a teaching assistant, leaving dozens of students who were experimenting with dangerous chemicals to be trapped inside for three hours.


    That was the first time in Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s life that she felt she was only one step away from death.


    The atmosphere in her dream was very similar to the scene back then. It was the darkness in which she couldn¡¯t see her hands, and the panicked screams of students from all over the world.


    But why did she suddenly have this dream? It was truly strange.


    Yunnan was overcast and rainy all year long, and the difference in temperature between morning and evening was vast. After washing up, Ruan Zhizhi took out the thickest black down jacket from her suitcase and put it on, then fully armed herself with a hat and scarf. Satisfied, she walked out the door.


    As soon as she came out, she ran into Shi Yan and Chen Jiayan who were staying next door.


    ¡°Morning Zhizhi, how was your sleep last night?¡± Chen Jiayan beamed as he approached. First thing in the morning, he appeared very energetic.


    ¡°Yesterday I was so tired. As soon as I got to my room I fell asleep.¡± Ruan Zhizhi walked beside him and the two idly chatted.


    Out of the corner of her eye she inadvertently glanced at Shi Yan, only to discover that he was coincidentally wearing a black down jacket as well. Though his was short, giving off a clean and cool look.


    He didn¡¯t speak as usual, remaining silent as he walked beside them. Even so, the innate exquisiteness of his appearance simply couldn¡¯t be ignored.


    Ruan Zhizhi felt that this was the kind of person you couldn¡¯t do anything about.


    Everything was concealed in his heart, and nothing was revealed to others.


    Sitting on the bus to the Stone Forest, the group tour guide surnamed Zhao earnestly began to arrange the five-day itinerary. Today, they would be going to the Stone Forest in Kunming. In the evening, they would arrive in Lijiang, where they would stay for two days before finally going to Shangri-La.


    Ruan Zhizhi was very pleased with this itinerary. After all, 90% of the young people who came to Yunnan as tourists generally wanted to visit the ancient city of Lijiang.


    The legendary city of romance.


    ¡°The cliffs of the Stone Forest are tens of thousands of metres high. Only by climbing up can you see all the strange formations, such as the Ten Thousand Horse Cavalry and the Perilous Ledge-Chasing Cave. According to legend, in the depth of winter, someone saw two plum trees in the stone from afar. The plum trees had red fruits. They weren¡¯t able to pick it in time, and the next day it could no longer be seen. This became known as Liziqing. This Liziqing I¡¯ve mentioned is what we recognize as part of the Stone Forest today. It is also called the Greater and Lesser Stone Forests, but Liziqing is one of the earliest descriptions of the Stone Forest in historical records.¡±


    The tour guide¡¯s voice came out distinctly through the microphone. Ruan Zhizhi sat in her seat and listened quietly. From time to time she would turn her head to admire the elegant scenery along the way. She suddenly felt that it wasn¡¯t bad to go on a trip like this once in a while.


    En, she wouldn¡¯t give Gu Nian a hard time.


    True to its name, the Stone Forest was a veritable ¡°forest¡± composed of rocks. The landscape was beautiful, and the air was fresh and clean. Ruan Zhizhi carried her backpack and followed behind the tour group. Along the way, there were many strange rocks standing together. They were towering and lofty, each with its own unique posture.


    After walking to the famous Ashima Peak, the tour guide turned around. Holding his loudspeaker, he began to tell everyone the touching yet mournful love story between Ashima and Ahei.1 Ruan Zhizhi listened with interest, then took out her cellphone to take a few photographs.


    The three young girls in the group were standing not far behind her, whispering.


    ¡°I asked my dad last night. He said that Shi Yan¡¯s a gold medal professor from their university¡¯s psychology department. He¡¯s only twenty-six this year, but he¡¯s won various awards, too many to count. He¡¯s worthy of the label ¡®genius¡¯.¡±


    ¡°My aunt told me that he studied abroad.¡±


    ¡°He¡¯s that amazing? It¡¯s the first time I¡¯ve seen an attractive person with inner qualities.¡±


    ¡°Except no one knows if he has a girlfriend.¡±


    ¡°He shouldn¡¯t. My dad told me that he and Shi Yan have been colleagues for three years, and he¡¯s never seen him together with anyone of the opposite sex.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t scare me, he wouldn¡¯t happen to be gay, right? Or¡­does he have an unmentionable illness?¡±


    ¡°Pfft, hahaha, really, what are you thinking about?¡±


    ¡­¡­


    The girls broke out into a fit of laughter. Although Ruan Zhizhi felt that she shouldn¡¯t listen to their rude behaviour, their voices were too loud for her to pretend not to hear.


    His line of sight locked onto the crowd effortlessly. Shi Yan put one hand in his trouser pocket. His eyes were dark, and he raised his head slightly to look at the towering Ashima Peak in the distance.


    He was clearly standing amongst a sea of people, but the temperament he exuded was so alienated, as if he was dissociated from the lively crowd.


    Such a one-of-a-kind, high-quality man was actually still single. Although it was a bit unkind to think so, apart from what those girls had just said, there seemed to be no other reason.


    Because Ruan Zhizhi and the others in her tour group were quite special, their degree of freedom was relatively high. When it was time for lunch, everyone agreed to settle it on their own. It seemed they¡¯d already had enough of the tour group¡¯s poisonous food.


    Ruan Zhizhi stood there and thought for a long time, unable to decide what to eat. At this moment, Chen Jiayan happened to be beside her. He skillfully pulled her away, telling her that he would treat her to a meal.


    She followed him to a nearby, popular seafood restaurant. Ruan Zhizhi was instantly heartbroken when she saw the shop sign suspended above.


    It was incredibly unfortunate. She was allergic to seafood.


    At her side, Chen Jiayan looked especially pleased with himself. He spoke incessantly: ¡°This seafood restaurant was specially recommended to me by a friend who¡¯s traveled to Yunnan. He said this place has a long-established reputation. The seafood tastes incredibly delicious and authentic. If you want to eat here, you first have to make a reservation before you can get a seat.¡±


    She couldn¡¯t bear to refuse the other party¡¯s good intentions. Thinking that it would be fine to eat something other than seafood, Ruan Zhizhi obediently followed after him, climbing up the restaurant¡¯s creaky wooden staircase.


    Their private room was on the second floor. After entering the room, she realized that apart from Shi Yan, there were also the three girls from the group.


    Shi Yan was playing indifferently with his blue lighter. When he saw her walking in, he simply raised his eyes, his face calm.


    Ashima Peak

 CH 3

    Chapter 3: Oden


    Chen Jiayan walked in, pulling a chair out for Ruan Zhizhi with gentlemanly elegance. Then he introduced her to the others: ¡°Come, come, come, I¡¯ll give you guys an introduction. This beautiful woman¡¯s name is Ruan Zhizhi. She doesn¡¯t work at our university, her friend just gave her a slot so she came over to play.¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi smiled politely. Just as she was about to introduce herself again, she realized that the three girls hadn¡¯t stopped to look at her at all. It was clear that they weren¡¯t interested in her.


    Instead, they were all fixated on Shi Yan.


    ¡°Shi Yan, I also studied abroad once, what a coincidence.¡± The girl who spoke had a pretty appearance, with a standard oval face and large eyes. Her hair was curled like a delicate, lovely china doll¡¯s.


    The person being hit on also followed up with a response: ¡°Yes, coincidence.¡±


    It was a pity that there wasn¡¯t the least bit of a smile in his deep black eyes.


    However, this lukewarm response gave the girl a great deal of courage. Ruan Zhizhi saw her eyes instantly ignite like flames, and the girl even shifted her seat towards Shi Yan¡¯s side.


    The other two girls¡¯ expressions were full of envy and jealousy. Only Chen Jiayan smiled in ridicule, laughing as he leaned towards Ruan Zhizhi and whispered in her ear: ¡°Zhizhi, you mustn¡¯t fall for him like these girls. Ah Yan is a cold-hearted person by nature. Today he¡¯ll talk cheerfully with you, but maybe tomorrow he¡¯ll become hostile and refuse to recognize you.¡±


    After he finished speaking, he winked mysteriously, earnestly telling her: ¡°I see that you¡¯re different from these ignorant little girls, so I just wanted to remind you with good intentions.¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi was at a loss for words. She didn¡¯t know whether to laugh or cry. ¡°You think too much. I don¡¯t think about him like that at all. What kind of person he is has nothing to do with me.¡±


    The restaurant served food very quickly. Various seafood dishes had already been served while they conversed. From steamed scallops with minced garlic and vermicelli to curry crab, mollusks in scallion oil, fried sea cucumber, and sanzhen soup, the whole table was completely covered. In an instant, everyone¡¯s appetites awakened.


    Ruan Zhizhi had gotten up early that morning. After walking with the tour group for a long time, she was now tired and hungry. But almost everything on the table was seafood. She observed everyone back and forth for a long time, then finally selected from a plate of shredded seaweed salad.


    Chen Jiayan saw that she wasn¡¯t speaking, and her chopsticks only reached for a cold dish. In an especially considerate manner, he placed an oyster on the plate in front of her. ¡°Zhizhi, this restaurant¡¯s oyster and egg stir fry is a signature dish of theirs, it¡¯s very famous. How about you try some?¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi looked at the eager expression in his eyes. For a moment, she didn¡¯t know how to refuse. Without any better option, she thanked him. Then, before his eyes, she pretended to mix the aromatic stir fry with her chopsticks and silently swallowed.


    Sitting across from her, the girls and Shi Yan had been chatting in a frenzy for quite some time. To be more precise, it was more that those girls were one-sidedly chatting. Because the one being hit on played with the lighter in his hands the entire time, his expression cold throughout.


    ¡°Shi Yan, I heard my dad say that you¡¯re still single right now, is that really true?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s true.¡±


    ¡°Ah? This year you should be twenty-six or twenty-seven, why haven¡¯t you looked for a girlfriend?¡±


    ¡°I haven¡¯t come across the right one.¡±


    He raised his eyelids and spoke indifferently.


    This response instantly piqued the girls¡¯ curiosity even more. The girl with a pretty appearance teased the bangs on her forehead and inquired somewhat nervously, ¡°Then, what type of girl do you think is suitable?¡±


    As soon as she asked this question, their surroundings instantly became quiet. Even Ruan Zhizhi, who had been watching from the sidelines the entire time, was a little curious about what the ideal partner of such a high-quality man would look like.


    Shi Yan didn¡¯t speak. After a long time, he put the lighter in his hand down and replied with a specious sentence: ¡°Let¡¯s see what fate brings.¡±


    This was an extremely perfunctory answer, successfully dimming the brightness in everyone¡¯s eyes. The girls hardly masked their disappointment. Ruan Zhizhi kept her head lowered and chewed the shredded seaweed silently, complaining in her heart about the strange answer from the strange man.


    Fortunately, with Chen Jiayan present, the atmosphere was able to remain warm.


    About halfway through the meal, Shi Yan abruptly stood up from his seat and said he was going out to smoke. Chen Jiayan was accustomed to this and waved his hand.


    On his way out, he happened to pass Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s seat. Ruan Zhizhi was drinking soup. She lifted her head to glance at him, only to see that the colour of his eyes was very light, and his countenance contained an unbridled handsomeness.


    He walked away quietly, obviously not stopping to look at anyone. Yet he always gave others the feeling that he seemed to be paying attention to them.


    Ruan Zhizhi shook her head. This was truly terrible. This kind of misconception was the most horrifying.


    After Shi Yan went out, those few girls were dispirited for a while, but promptly cheered up when chatting with Chen Jiayan. Chen Jiayan had the gift of speech and was very good at making the girls happy. Therefore, the scene was enthusiastic.


    Ruan Zhizhi looked down at her phone. If she left now, she could still buy something to eat before the group had to gather again. Otherwise, if she walked on an empty stomach for a whole afternoon, she would immediately faint due to her poor health.


    Chen Jiayan urged her to stay countless times. After being rejected repeatedly, he had no choice but to reluctantly send Ruan Zhizhi to the door of the restaurant. He warmly invited her to have a meal together with him next time.


    After a few polite words, the two said goodbye in a friendly manner. Ruan Zhizhi turned around and walked out of the main entrance of the restaurant, deliberating over where to buy snacks. After walking a few steps, she saw Shi Yan leaning against a guardian lion statue next to the restaurant entrance.


    He reclined carelessly, a cigarette perched between his fingertips. His originally cold appearance seemed a little softer due to the smoke shrouding him.


    This man¡¯s appearance while smoking always seemed quite depressing, and a little gloomy as well.


    Ruan Zhizhi lowered her head slightly. She intended to leave quickly while the other party still hadn¡¯t noticed her. But out of the corner of her eye, she happened to cast a glance at something Shi Yan had placed on the slab of limestone. It was a box of food with continuous steam rising from it.


    She stared at it carefully. To her surprise, it turned out to be a piping hot container of oden.


    One of her most beloved foods.


    Should she ask him where he bought it?


    In just a few short seconds, Ruan Zhizhi wrinkled her brows and had a fierce ideological struggle in her mind. In the end, she decided to surrender to her empty stomach.


    As she walked over, she ensured that her smile was one that seemed harmless to both humans and animals. Only then did she speak very gently: ¡°Shi Yan, may I ask where you bought that oden?¡±


    The other party was not surprised by her sudden appearance. His expression remained calm and unperturbed.


    Shi Yan raised his eyes slightly. His refined features appeared intermittently in the smoke, and he said in a played-down manner, ¡°This is the last one.¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi: ¡°¡­¡­¡±


    She really didn¡¯t know if this was an ill-fated relationship or not. Last time he¡¯d snatched the last macarons, and this time he had taken the last oden.


    This man¡¯s birthdate characters were definitely not compatible with hers.


    ¡°Okay, thank you.¡± Ruan Zhizhi took a deep breath and tried her best to calmly and genuinely thank him. She turned around to leave, but was suddenly caught off guard when the man grabbed her wrist.


    His fingers were ice cold, but his palm was unexpectedly warm. It was a bizarre contrast.


    Looking back in surprise, she happened to see Shi Yan throwing his cigarette butt into the garbage can on the side. Then, he picked up the oden from the limestone slab and placed it in her hand.


    ¡°Eat it while it¡¯s hot.¡±


    In the wintry weather of the twelfth lunar month, on an old-fashioned street with people coming and going, Ruan Zhizhi stood holding a container of oden in her hands. It took a long time for her to return to her senses.


    For some reason, at this very moment, she suddenly recalled the meal they¡¯d just had, and the words Chen Jiayan whispered in her ear.


    He¡¯d said, Ah Yan is a cold-hearted person by nature. Today he¡¯ll talk cheerfully with you, but maybe tomorrow he¡¯ll become hostile and refuse to recognize you.


    Ruan Zhizhi looked down at the aromatic oden inside the plastic box. She was a little worried that when she saw Shi Yan again tomorrow, his attitude towards her would suddenly drop to below zero.


    Truly, what a strange person.

 CH 4

    Chapter 4: Tattoo


    That evening, the bus drove all the way to Lijiang overnight. On the road, many people put their eye masks on to fall asleep. Only Ruan Zhizhi and the other young people were in high spirits, still energetically chatting in groups of three or four.


    The tour guide was also very spirited. Currently, he stood beside the driver and supplied everyone with his psychological assumptions: ¡°I know that in the hearts of young people who have never been to Lijiang, there are all kinds of beautiful delusions and expectations. But as they say, the greater the expectation, the greater the disappointment. I suggest that everyone calm down their excitement first. Don¡¯t expect too much, so as to avoid everyone running to me to complain when we arrive in Lijiang.¡±


    He paused here, as if thinking of something, and quickly added, ¡°However, regarding these affairs of having a romantic encounter, all you single men and women can still go to the ancient city¡¯s bar street to experience it for yourselves. Who knows, maybe you¡¯ll meet a beautiful woman or handsome man.¡±


    All the young men and women on the bus laughed at the words of the tour guide. Only Ruan Zhizhi rested her chin in her hand, lost in thought as she gazed out the window at the night scenery.


    At this time, it should be six or seven in the morning on Li Sichen¡¯s side. She didn¡¯t know if he had gotten out of bed yet.


    But what did it have to do with her whether he got up or not? Even if he was about to return to China, back to City A, it had nothing to do with her in the slightest.


    Three years ago, they faced each other almost every day. She accompanied Li Sichen to the library, to do club work, she even selected the suit and necktie he¡¯d wear when giving speeches. When he was hungry, she would personally make a lunchbox for him and bring it over. If he was ever in a poor mood, she would stay up all night drinking and chatting with him.


    In those four years of university, Ruan Zhizhi had never placed any other man in her heart. Gu Nian always said that she had been enchanted, that Li Sichen had bewitched her. In Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s eyes, why did it seem that there was only one such man in this world?


    She gave away all her youthful years, all the love from the bottom of her heart. And what did she get in the end? The sentence ¡°Zhizhi, let¡¯s just be friends like we are now, isn¡¯t that great¡±? Or was it seeing Li Sichen¡¯s fresh and changeable female companions every day?


    Perhaps it was because she was now in Yunnan, a thousand kilometres away from her home. Or maybe it was because all of the people sitting around her were complete strangers that she¡¯d never met before. Ruan Zhizhi leaned into the hard bus seat, feeling extremely unwell. In the end, she was too affected.


    She shut her eyes and tried to hold back the tears threatening to spill. She felt that she was really worthless.


    Three-legged frogs were hard to find, but two-legged men were everywhere.1 Why should she make herself into a ghost that was unable to let go for a full three years?


    About an hour later, the bus stopped in the parking lot of the tourist area next to the Old Town of Lijiang. Ruan Zhizhi calmed her frame of mind, stood up from her seat, stretched, and got off the bus with the group.


    The hotel arranged by the tour guide was a quaint inn with a small bridge over a flowing stream in the Old Town. The innkeeper¡¯s wife wore a long knitted dress with a wide silk shawl encircling her shoulders, the length of it hanging down to her waist. When she walked, her earrings flowed and dangled, indeed capturing the local feeling.


    The tour guide stopped at the front desk to handle the check-in procedures. Ruan Zhizhi had nothing to do. Overcome with boredom, she stood to the side in a daze. Just when her train of thought journeyed to outer space, she suddenly heard the long mewl of a cat. The sound was not very loud. It was soft, as if acting coquettish.


    Her line of sight followed the sound, only to find Shi Yan crouching next to the rock garden outside the inn. He was teasing a snow-white cat.


    His fingers were very nimble, and the cat appeared very comfortable. Acting like a spoiled child, it stretched out its paws and dove into his embrace.


    Perhaps the scene of a person with a cat was too harmonious. Ruan Zhizhi watched, fascinated. She couldn¡¯t control her excessive, focused gaze.


    Shi Yan teased the cat for a while. At last, he extended his hands to envelop it in his arms. He picked it up with one hand through the cat¡¯s front paws, the other hand tickling its fluffy chin back and forth. The cat narrowed its eyes comfortably and was very obedient in his arms.


    Because it was very late today, there were no other plans arranged. Ruan Zhizhi took her room key from the tour guide. She originally planned to go back, wash up, and sleep, but was stopped by Chen Jiayan halfway. He wanted to invite her to go to the bar street together, saying that Shi Yan and the girls from lunch that day would be going too.


    She hesitated for a while. Clearly she wanted to go back and sleep, but for some reason, out of the corner of her eyes, she caught a glimpse of Shi Yan playing with the cat in his arms.


    Dusk surrounded them. The lighting was indistinct. The bar street in the Old Town of Lijiang was connected to Sifang Street at one end, and led to the waterwheel at the entrance of the city on the other end. It was the most prosperous place in the entire Old Town. Ruan Zhizhi followed Chen Jiayan and the others as they walked along the road. The limestone pavements were full of drifting singers and vendors calling loudly. When she passed by, there was a young man with long hair holding a guitar and singing with deep affection. His hoarse throat seemed to rub his voice like sand.


    He sang: ¡°If one day, I¡¯m an old man, please leave me there at that time. If one day, I leave quietly, please bury me in the spring¡­¡±2


    His voice was not pleasant to hear, and he had no skill in singing, but she didn¡¯t know why it sounded so incomparably heartwrenching. Ruan Zhizhi stood on the side of the road and watched him for a long time. She suddenly recalled that a friend of hers had once visited Lijiang and said: The moment she arrived in the city of Lijiang and got off the plane, she felt that this was the place where she wanted to be buried in the future.


    Lijiang¡¯s bar street had innumerable noisy and quiet bars. Among them, the most well-known bar was also the one with the highest rate of romantic encounters. Still, romance could be regarded as one metre of sunshine; fleeting.


    When Ruan Zhizhi followed Chen Jiayan and the others inside, she was severely intimidated by the dense crowd within. The space of the bar itself was not especially large, but its decorations surpassed the layout, and it had stereo equipment. Ruan Zhizhi covered her ears when she walked through the door. The music was ear-splitting and could be heard from very far away.


    They went in as a group. Chen Jiayan and Shi Yan probably felt apprehensive because there were more girls; they entered first and turned a corner, walking all the way to another relatively quiet area where they each sat down on a couch.


    Chen Jiayan was obviously very excited and barely sat down before going to the bar to order drinks. Ruan Zhizhi looked around. This area was slightly narrow and was more like a quiet bar. There was no deafening DJ music, no pleasure-seeking debauchery on the dancefloor, no people swaying their bodies in the crowd. There was only faint yellow lighting and a young man on the stage holding a guitar and lightly singing in low tones.


    Sitting at her side, the girls were chattering about whether or not they would be able to have a chance encounter with a handsome man tonight. Ruan Zhizhi lifted her head, overcome with boredom. She happened to see Shi Yan sitting diagonally across from her.


    His expression was very relaxed, and at this moment his originally strict, ice cold appearance thawed in the dusky light. The corners of his eyes softened inward. This pair of eyes were like jade, becoming increasingly dark and lucent.


    Just like Aphrodite from the Greek myths, he also possessed the ability to deceive people with demagogy in the Trojan War.


    The girls beside them were already unable to hold back. Their failed attempt to hit on him at noon did not provide them with the slightest degree of discouragement. On the contrary, it made them braver.


    ¡°Shi Yan, today my dad told me that you once took half a year of leave from being a professor at school. I¡¯m very curious¡­what did you do during that period?¡±


    The first one to speak, as before, was the most pretty among the girls. Ruan Zhizhi had now learned some of her personal information from Chen Jiayan. Her name was Yan Rui, and her father and Shi Yan were both top professors in the Department of Psychology. Apparently, her father had always wanted to introduce his only daughter to Shi Yan.


    As soon as Yan Rui¡¯s voice fell, another girl understood tacitly and took over: ¡°Yes, yes, you must have been keeping your girlfriend company, right?¡±


    Shi Yan reclined on the sofa. He reached out and skillfully lit a cigarette for himself. His facial features were quickly concealed in the haze of the vapour, leaving only those detached, gloomy eyes completely devoid of a smile.


    He raised his eyebrows and spoke lightly, ¡°Went to see a doctor.¡±


    ¡°See a doctor?¡± Yan Rui was obviously a little startled. Even her tone of voice raised several decibels unconsciously, ¡°Are you joking with me? You look fine, what kind of illness?¡±


    The girls beside Yan Rui now had different expressions on their faces. Ruan Zhizhi couldn¡¯t help but follow through with her own imagination. Could it be true, what they were gossiping about that day? That the reason why Shi Yan had never had a girlfriend was because of an unmentionable disease?


    Seeing the slightly distorted expressions on the girls¡¯ faces, Shi Yan seemed to find it very amusing. The corners of his lips hooked into a smile. He grinned, and his features instantly leapt into the light and shadow like a flame, sweeping away the gloom and indifference from a moment ago. It was simply radiant.


    This smile clearly stunned all the girls present, and they didn¡¯t return to their senses for a long time. Only the person concerned was calm and unruffled in the midst of their shock. He blew out a smoke ring at his leisure: ¡°Mood disorder, commonly known as clinical depression.¡±


    Depression?


    Ruan Zhizhi tilted her head and remained perplexed despite pondering over it a hundred times while regarding him. A person like Shi Yan had superior economic circumstances, a pretty face that could make both people and gods resentful, and was a university professor for the most popular field in the most outstanding educational institution of China¡ªthis kind of person who helped the country raise its per capita GDP by several points every year could actually suffer from depression?


    If she believed it, she was a fool.


    It was clear that the other girls had the same way of thinking. But before Yan Rui could ask more questions, Chen Jiayan suddenly returned, followed by a waiter carrying a case of beer.


    Looking at his attitude, it was evident that he didn¡¯t want to go back until he was drunk.


    He came over and sat down beside Shi Yan, then asked the waiter to put the case of beer on the table. The girls instantly felt bitter.


    Seeing everyone¡¯s reaction, Chen Jiayan promptly explained: ¡°Don¡¯t be afraid, don¡¯t be afraid. These drinks weren¡¯t prepared for you little girls, Ah Yan can drink all of it by himself.¡± As he spoke, he reached out and patted Shi Yan¡¯s arm. His tone was extremely earnest. ¡°I¡¯m not joking around, this guy¡¯s drinking capacity is astonishing. Anyway, I¡¯ve played with him for so long, and I¡¯ve never seen him get drunk.¡±


    Because the temperature in the bar was high, when Ruan Zhizhi raised her eyes, she saw Shi Yan pulling back the sleeves of his black wool sweater. It was this small movement that inadvertently revealed a tattoo on his left arm.


    It wasn¡¯t a design, but a string of characters.


    Ruan Zhizhi had minored in French in university. She could tell at a glance that it was a line of French words.


    L¡¯amour est patience.


    If translated to Chinese, it was a famous remark from the bible¡ªlove is patience.


    The original words came from the New Testament. Ruan Zhizhi had once copied the last sentence: Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.


    Shi Yan had actually read the bible?


    According to her intuition, this kind of man wouldn¡¯t believe in anything, only himself.


    But a long time from now, she would come to know that this man didn¡¯t even believe in himself. He only believed in her.

 CH 5

    Chapter 5: Zebra Zebra


    While everyone began to play games at the table, Ruan Zhizhi began to regret that she hadn¡¯t gone back to the inn to sleep earlier.


    The game everyone was playing now was called ¡°Ten Thirty¡±. She had already lost three times in a row, and would be fined to drink for each loss. Ruan Zhizhi was now looking at the liquid that was about to overflow from her glass. She felt that she would throw up if she looked at it again, let alone drinking the full glass of alcohol.


    Chen Jiayan was obviously a party king. He was having fun at this moment, incessantly urging: ¡°Zhizhi, hurry, hurry, you have to comply with the rules of the game, ah. Escaping a drink is definitely not allowed.¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi was helpless. She closed her eyes and had no choice but to very gallantly pick up the glass. But in the next second it was suddenly lifted away by the man sitting across from her. He raised his head and drained the glass in one gulp.


    From the beginning until this moment, Ruan Zhizhi had drank a lot. Now, her mind was in a complete mess. She couldn¡¯t really distinguish between east, south, west, and north. She shook her head and gazed at the man opposite her for a long time before she realized that the person who finished her glass of beer was actually Shi Yan.


    Everyone was looking at him in awe. Chen Jiayan was stunned for a moment, and then asked a little doubtfully, ¡°Ah Yan, are you taking her place for the drinking punishment?¡±


    ¡°No.¡± Shi Yan put down the empty glass in his hand. ¡°I was thirsty.¡±


    Chen Jiayan: ¡°¡­¡­¡±


    Yan Rui: ¡°¡­¡­¡±


    He finished speaking, unconcerned with the unfathomable expressions of everyone present. He raised his line of sight to look at Ruan Zhizhi. His pitch-black eyes were still empty. There was nothing in them at all. But what he said in the next second made Ruan Zhizhi sober up in an instant.


    ¡°If you have to drink tonight, I¡¯ll substitute.¡±


    The lights in the bar flickered and blurred, flashing across his face. When they clearly extinguished, it was very beautiful.


    It took Ruan Zhizhi nearly ten seconds to digest the meaning of his words. She obviously wanted to refuse, but when she considered that she might not even be able to go back if she was too drunk, the words on the verge of her lips stiffly turned into a ¡°thank you¡±.


    The other person raised his eyebrows and replied, ¡°No need for thanks. So long as you remember that you owe me a favour.¡±


    In truth, Ruan Zhizhi hated owing others the most in her life. However, she glanced at the ten or so bottles of beer on the table. After thinking it over carefully, she felt that this favour was indispensable.


    When all was said and done, it was her own fault for having a poor drinking capacity.


    Sure enough, Shi Yan didn¡¯t go back on his word. The entire evening, whenever Ruan Zhizhi was supposed to drink, he readily drank it all. It was so refreshing that Chen Jiayan looked at him with a bit of inquiry in his eyes; so refreshing that Ruan Zhizhi could perceive Yan Rui¡¯s full hostility towards them.


    She must have forgotten to read the Chinese divination almanac before going out today. In short, the biggest loser of tonight¡¯s various games was her. Ultimately, Shi Yan finished almost two thirds of the drinks on the table.


    The case of beer Chen Jiayan bought was finally finished, and at last Ruan Zhizhi breathed a sigh of relief.


    She raised her head and subtly glanced at Shi Yan. He was casually folding a useless paper napkin. He didn¡¯t seem the least bit drunk. The guilt in Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s heart eased a little bit.


    Seemingly aware of her gaze, Shi Yan lifted his eyes to look at her. Ruan Zhizhi met his dark eyes and was suddenly at a loss.


    She didn¡¯t speak, and he didn¡¯t speak either. After a while, Ruan Zhizhi took advantage of the fact that the others weren¡¯t paying attention and softly whispered one sentence: ¡°I¡¯m sorry.¡±


    The other person pursed his lips, and the deep light that came from the smile in his eyes died. He reached out and handed her the paper napkin rose he had just folded, followed by a quiet reply: ¡°For you.¡±


    Perhaps the alcohol had already invaded her brain. Ruan Zhizhi didn¡¯t even give a symbolic refusal before accepting the small, delicate paper rose at once.


    The temperature of his palms still remained on the rose, very faint, yet very distinct. Her cheeks were getting hotter and hotter, and Ruan Zhizhi could feel the effects of the alcohol rising gradually. She bowed her head and stared at the paper rose in her hands, seriously thinking for a long time. Just as she lifted her head and was about to ask him ¡°Have we met somewhere before?¡±, she was robbed of the topic by the chattering girls at her side.


    With great difficulty, Ruan Zhizhi finally summoned a little courage and promptly announced that she was exhausted. After all, it was embarrassing to pose the question she had. Perhaps Shi Yan would think that she was trying to strike up a conversation with him. Furthermore, she felt that the possibility that they had met each other before was practically zero, therefore¡­it was better not to ask such stupid questions.


    Even if his eyes truly seemed familiar.


    Gloomy, cold, and a little tired. Always grasping the situation thoroughly, always watching from the sidelines.


    ¡°Shi Yan, just now I saw a tattoo on your left arm. Does it have a special meaning?¡±


    ¡°Are tattoos very popular abroad? It looks so cool, I want to get one too.¡±


    ¡°Does it hurt to get a tattoo? Or do you ask for an anaesthetic?¡±


    ¡­¡­


    All sorts of voices came and went in her ears. Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s head became more and more dizzy. After thinking about it, she decided to go to the washroom to rinse her face and clear her mind.


    Just after coming out of the washroom, she happened to come across Chen Jiayan who was on the phone in the corridor.


    When Ruan Zhizhi saw him, she couldn¡¯t help but stop at a distance.


    He really looked like Li Sichen, especially when he smiled.


    ¡°Zhizhi, what a coincidence.¡± Chen Jiayan hung up the phone and walked towards her immediately. He asked with great concern, ¡°Tonight you didn¡¯t drink much, so you shouldn¡¯t be drunk, right?¡±


    I¡¯m not drunk you big-headed demon.


    Although Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s inner heart had various complaints surging forth like a gathering storm, she smiled very politely on the surface and replied, ¡°I¡¯m fine, I really didn¡¯t drink much.¡±


    Chen Jiayan peered at her carefully for a moment. After verifying that she was in a clear-headed state, he proceeded to chat while grinning: ¡°Anyway, it¡¯s quite abnormal that the uncivilized Ah Yan would help you block those drinks. He usually keeps a cool eye on these kinds of affairs. The last time we went to a nightclub, one of the girls from work threw up and he didn¡¯t even bat an eyelid.¡±


    The two walked back while chatting. Ruan Zhizhi tucked the hair that fell away from her ears and replied without particularly caring: ¡°Maybe he wanted to drink tonight, and he¡¯s never lost a game, so he thought of drinking on my behalf.¡±


    ¡°You think too much, Ah Yan isn¡¯t that kind of person.¡± Chen Jiayan waved his hand. After a few seconds of silence, he suddenly gazed at her and asked in a half-joking, half-serious tone, ¡°Tell me, does he like you?¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi was stunned: ¡°¡­What a joke.¡±


    Her heart was palpitating inexplicably.


    Fortunately, the two of them reached the table at this time, finally putting an end to the somewhat embarrassing subject.


    For some unknown reason, Ruan Zhizhi couldn¡¯t help looking for Shi Yan¡¯s figure at first glance. She searched for a long time, only to find that he was actually sitting on a chair onstage, to the left side of the bar.


    He was holding a guitar in his arms.


    Shi Yan lowered his head. His long eyelashes drooped down, forming small shadows on his eyelids. His fingers caressed the strings of the guitar as he liked, and his expression was calm, like a boundless sea so deep that one could not see the bottom.


    Ruan Zhizhi didn¡¯t know anything about the guitar. She only thought that his playing was very pleasant to hear. The melody was moderate and light, with a slow and profound sense of loneliness.


    ¡°Zebra, zebra, you¡¯ll return to your own home, but I¡¯ll waste away my frigid years. Not a single door in your city is open for me; I will return to the roads in the end¡­¡±


    ¡°Zebra, zebra, do you still remember me? I am the fool who can only sing. Zebra, zebra, go on to sleep now. I will leave the North with my guitar on my back.¡±1


    Ruan Zhizhi had heard this song before, it was a ballad called ¡°Zebra Zebra¡±.


    Standing next to her, Chen Jiayan was actually quiet for once. After a long period of silence, he sighed. ¡°Ah Yan, I don¡¯t know what¡¯s going on in his mind all day.¡±


    Zebras could not sleep when they were alone at night.


    He must have been singing to someone.


    Ruan Zhizhi tilted her head. For the first time, she felt that this man who was always hard to pin down seemed to have the aura of fireworks.


    At least, he was also someone with seven emotions and six desires. Perhaps he had even been hurt before.


    Thinking so, she couldn¡¯t help but raise her head to catch a glimpse of the stage again. She happened to meet that man¡¯s gaze.


    The expression in his eyes was darker than shrouded fog, drifting away from the debauchery outside. Always worn out, always dejected, always¡­enchanting.


    Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s fingers inadvertently touched the paper rose in the pocket of her down jacket. Suddenly, inexplicably, she trembled.

 CH 6

    Chapter 6: Jade Dragon Snow Mountain


    The second day¡¯s itinerary was Jade Dragon Snow Mountain. This mountain was 5596 metres above sea level. It was the southernmost snow mountain in the Northern Hemisphere, world-renowned for its danger, wonder, and beauty.


    On the way to Jade Dragon Snow Mountain, the tour guide warned them about how terrible the altitude sickness on the mountain could get, his expression grave. He also cited a case, telling them that a few years ago, a tourist collapsed on the spot due to a lack of oxygen. This tourist hadn¡¯t bought an oxygen bottle. Fortunately, he was sent to the hospital just in time to save his life.


    Ruan Zhizhi clearly knew the tour guide¡¯s speech had some embellishments, but she had an incredibly poor constitution. While the others only purchased one oxygen bottle, she pondered it over and over in her heart before ultimately telling the boss she wanted two bottles.


    Chen Jiayan heard this at the side. He immediately came over to stop her, taking the opportunity to whisper in her ear when the boss wasn¡¯t paying attention. ¡°Zhizhi, let me tell you, these businesses and tour guides are all collaborating. When you buy an oxygen bottle or rent a down jacket and so on, the tour guide takes a percentage. It¡¯s just a way to make tourists spend money in vain.¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi was startled, feeling that Chen Jiayan was a little too passionate. Although she was aware that he was just caring for her, he was encouraging her to go straight to Jade Dragon Snow Mountain without buying anything. When she thought about it carefully, she felt that when the time came, she would certainly be carried down on a stretcher by medical personnel.


    The boss held two oxygen bottles in his hands. He didn¡¯t know whether to give them or not, so without any better option, he turned his head and verified with Ruan Zhizhi one more time: ¡°Little sister, do you still want it? Otherwise getting one bottle is also alright.¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi turned her head. She opened her mouth but couldn¡¯t speak. Suddenly, she heard a deep and low voice resounding in the air. It was neither light nor heavy, but awfully calm.


    ¡°Two bottles.¡±


    Chen Jiayan was stunned for a moment. He was unable to comprehend what was happening as he stared at Shi Yan, who had just walked in from outside the shop. ¡°Ah Yan, why are you letting Zhizhi buy these useless things?¡±


    ¡°It looks like her health isn¡¯t very good.¡±


    Shi Yan indifferently cast a glance at Ruan Zhizhi. After flinging these brief words, he simply turned around and left. In a manner of doing his own thing and ignoring others, he walked towards the vending machine. It was as if the person that had just spoken had nothing to do with them in the slightest.


    The remaining Ruan Zhizhi and Chen Jiayan looked at each other in dismay.


    Chen Jiayan: ¡°¡­Your health isn¡¯t good?¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi: ¡°¡­A little.¡±


    How had Shi Yan obtained such a clairvoyant pair of eyes that he could even see this?


    Ruan Zhizhi silently cursed for a few seconds. She couldn¡¯t help but turn around and look over. As soon as she raised her head, she saw Shi Yan going out the door with a bottle of newly purchased mineral water. He was walking very slowly through the tide of people.


    Around him, people came and went in a flowing stream. He was dressed in a white down-filled jacket, his hair was dark and neat, and when he stood lazily amongst the scattered crowd, no one could compare.


    The scenery of Jade Dragon Snow Mountain was charming and gentle. It caused one to feel suffocated by its beauty, but now, it served as a background for this person.


    Ruan Zhizhi watched his gradually retreating figure. For a moment, she was in a daze.


    To get to the mountaintop, aside from going on foot, one could also choose to ride the cable car. After Ruan Zhizhi experienced a fierce ideological battle, she nevertheless felt that it was more meaningful to reach the top in person.


    Because her constitution was too weak, Ruan Zhizhi hadn¡¯t participated in physical education courses since the start of junior high school, let alone experiencing a two-hour hike up the mountains.


    After walking for nearly an hour, she was already gasping for breath. Up ahead, the tour guide leading the way was full of enthusiasm the entire time, holding a loudspeaker while explaining the scenic spots along the ascent. Everyone walked very fast, causing Ruan Zhizhi to bear grievances.


    It felt like her legs were filled with hard lead, it was difficult to take even one more step. Ruan Zhizhi stopped and looked up to see that the rest of the group was still full of exuberance and energy. They didn¡¯t seem to be exhausted at all. She sighed, about to resign herself to continue walking, when she suddenly heard the familiar voice of that person.


    ¡°Guide, let¡¯s rest then go, I¡¯m tired.¡±


    The person who spoke was Shi Yan.


    Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s line of sight followed everyone else¡¯s to glance at him. The other party remained expressionless. His head was currently lowered as he played on his cell phone. Just now, he hadn¡¯t even gasped for air when he spoke, but he could actually say the words ¡°I¡¯m tired¡± without embarrassment.


    The tour guide heard this and felt that he¡¯d indeed been walking a little too fast. Apprehensive about the middle-aged professors in the group, he informed everyone that they would rest where they were for a moment. He encouraged them to take pictures, go to the washroom, and rest.


    Ruan Zhizhi breathed a sigh of relief. She quickly found an empty bench and sat down. While massaging her aching calves, she complained about Gu Nian in her heart for the one-hundred-and-first time. If she had known earlier, she wouldn¡¯t have come.


    After resting for a while, she felt a bit of her strength had restored. She took out one of the oxygen bottles from her bag and inhaled a few breaths. Thinking for a while, she also took out her makeup mirror, carefully examining her reflection. Once she confirmed that her present image wasn¡¯t too embarrassing, she put the mirror away at ease.


    Ruan Zhizhi and the others were now at a high altitude of nearly 3000 metres. Aside from the wintry weather of the twelfth lunar month, the air at the top of the mountain was thin, and the temperature was very low. Ruan Zhizhi sat on the bench and reached out to bundle the padded coat she had rented around her. Even so, she still shivered from the cold.


    At this moment, she suddenly heard footsteps from afar drawing near, getting closer and closer, before finally stopping in front of her eyes.


    Ruan Zhizhi lifted her head suspiciously. In the next second, she was a little astonished to find that the person standing ahead of her was Shi Yan.


    He was still only wearing that slightly flimsy white down jacket. He stood facing her quietly. Ruan Zhizhi struggled to raise her head high enough to look into his eyes.


    Shi Yan didn¡¯t speak and she didn¡¯t speak either, so the two of them were inexplicably silent for a while. Suddenly, he slowly bent down, took off the thick knitted scarf around his neck, and stretched out his hand. Before Ruan Zhizhi could react, he had wrapped it around her neck.


    ¡°Is that better?¡± he asked in a natural tone, as if it was a matter of course.


    It was a matter of course to know that she was currently feeling unwell. It was a matter of course to give her his scarf when the weather was like a world of ice and snow.


    Ruan Zhizhi extended her hand and unconsciously stroked the thick scarf around her neck. It still carried the temperature of the other person¡¯s body on it. In her heart, she felt that it was not very good to accept it. She pursed her lips and was about to open her mouth to refuse, but was interrupted by that person¡¯s movements.


    Shi Yan crouched in front of her. Like this, he was only half a head below her. He reached into the pocket of his down jacket and took out his blue cigarette lighter, lighting it in front of her with a ¡°kacha¡±.


    Ruan Zhizhi wrinkled her brows a little skeptically. She wanted to ask him what he was doing, but was caught off guard when their gazes collided.


    Shi Yan¡¯s eyes were ink-black, like a deep, limitless sea in which one could not see the bottom. They were clearly cold and apathetic, and yet there seemed to be some kind of obscure emotion ensnared in his pupils, surging violently towards her and forcing her to feel helpless.


    ¡°Put your hands over it to warm up. But don¡¯t get too close, be careful not to get burnt.¡±


    When he spoke, his tone of voice was still as hoarse and provocative as before, yet his manner of speaking carried a rare tenderness.


    As if enticed by the other party¡¯s sudden gentle voice, Ruan Zhizhi instantly forgot all about the rejection lines she had prepared in her mind. She stretched out her hands and obediently placed them over the bright flame of the lighter.


    Indeed, it was much warmer.


    ¡°Thank you.¡±


    After she finished thanking him, she suddenly realized that from the moment she had met Shi Yan up until now, she always seemed to be expressing her thanks.


    This kind of feeling was not very good.


    Shi Yan nodded and didn¡¯t say anything more. He left the lighter ignited, keeping her warm in silence.


    A while later, Ruan Zhizhi felt that her body temperature was gradually warming up from her limbs to her bones, so she hurriedly told Shi Yan to get up. He had been crouching down and maintaining the same position for quite some time. Now, he must have been very tired.


    Shi Yan raised his eyes to confirm that the colour in her face had returned. Only then did he nod and stand up, his hands habitually reaching into his jacket pockets. Ruan Zhizhi saw these motions and opened her mouth to kindly remind him, ¡°Smoking is prohibited in the scenic areas.¡±


    The other party paused his actions when he heard her words, then nodded and said, ¡°Thank you for reminding me.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s what I should do.¡±


    His polite smile was considered to be a response. Ruan Zhizhi tightened the scarf around her neck, thinking about how she¡¯d finally gotten him to say thank you to her. Otherwise, it would look like she was always the one unilaterally troubling him.


    Although¡­from the beginning, she really had been unilaterally troubling him.


    The state of today¡¯s weather was quite good. There was moderate wind, the sun was beautiful, and the sky was cloudless for miles. It was very wise of them to visit Jade Dragon Snow Mountain today, because only in cloudless weather could one clearly appreciate the scenery at the top of the snow-capped mountain.


    Shi Yan put his hands in the pockets of his down jacket and stood quietly at the side. His eyes seemed to drift without a resting place, gazing insipidly at the distant scenery of the summit. There were no emotions or undulations in his dark, abstruse eyes.


    Ruan Zhizhi looked at him and suddenly felt as if he would fade away in the next second.


    One moment, he was still gently warming her up, and in the next moment, he became as detached as a stranger.


    This man, why was he always so hard for people to make sense of?


    Just when the atmosphere between the two became a little awkward, the warm-up king, Chen Jiayan, walked towards them aptly.


    ¡°Zhizhi, are you alright? Are you feeling unwell?¡± he asked, his eyes full of concern.


    With a warm heart, Ruan Zhizhi curved her lips and revealed a smile: ¡°I¡¯m fine, the oxygen bottles that they were selling at the bottom of the mountain are very useful. I just took a few breaths and I¡¯m a lot better now.¡±


    Chen Jiayan stared fixedly at her, verifying that she seemed to be in good health. Only then did he proceed: ¡°I didn¡¯t expect that Ah Yan¡¯s inauspicious remark would actually hit the nail on the head. Fortunately you listened to him back then. If you listened to me and didn¡¯t buy an oxygen bottle¡­right now, I certainly would be the one to blame.¡±


    Listening to the other party¡¯s solemn tone, Ruan Zhizhi couldn¡¯t help laughing with a ¡°pfft¡±. She was amused by him. ¡°How can you say that so seriously? Since childhood, my health hasn¡¯t been very good. It¡¯s a chronic issue, it¡¯s fine.¡±


    Maybe it was because she rarely showed such a defenseless smile. Chen Jiayan looked at her and momentarily stared in awe. After a long time, he came back to his senses, lowering his voice to ask: ¡°Zhizhi, let me ask you a more personal question¡­do you have a boyfriend?¡±


    As soon as he said these words, Ruan Zhizhi, who was unscrewing the lid of a bottle of water, instantly froze. She didn¡¯t know if it was her delusion, but she felt that Shi Yan, who was still standing to the side with the cool eyes of a bystander, seemed to shoot a glance her way.


    Her movements only faltered for a second. Ruan Zhizhi raised her head and took a sip of water, replying calmly, ¡°No, I¡¯m used to being alone.¡±


    Chen Jiayan¡¯s eyes lit up the moment she gave a negative answer. He opened his mouth, about to speak, but in the blink of an eye he seemed to consider something. The topic under discussion seemed to change, but he continued to question her closely: ¡°Is that the truth or a lie? You¡¯re so beautiful and your character is good. It makes no sense that you¡¯re still single right now.¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi tightened the bottle cap and put the water back in her bag, answering indifferently: ¡°What¡¯s the point in telling lies, if you know any suitable partners, you can introduce them to me. My mother has been urging me to date for two or three years.¡±


    She had said these words as a mere joke, purely to liven up the current rigid atmosphere. She didn¡¯t expect Chen Jiayan to promptly become interested, and without the slightest hesitation he offered himself: ¡°What do you think of me? Twenty-eight years old with a car and house, moreover I¡¯m unconditionally considerate and patient with girls, very wholehearted.¡±


    Startled by the other party¡¯s sudden confession statement, Ruan Zhizhi looked up at his expression. He was still smiling mischievously like usual, but there was somewhat of a serious expression in his eyes.


    Li Sichen had also always talked to her with this kind of mischievous smile. Today he¡¯d say, ¡°Zhizhi, having you by my side is really good¡±, then tomorrow he¡¯d say, ¡°Zhizhi, I can¡¯t live without you¡±. But in the blink of an eye, he would leave hand-in-hand with various types of girls at his side, forgetting about her completely.


    Just as Gu Nian said, she had been by Li Sichen¡¯s side for four whole years. In truth, she was not even as good as a spare tire.1 How could she be so hell-bent on being his spare tire, running over when he called, and leaving when he prompted?


    Chen Jiayan noticed the myriad of changing expressions on Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s face that instantly turned cold. As if realizing something, the emotion in his eyes dimmed. He opened his mouth and quickly shifted the subject considerately: ¡°Haha, I¡¯m just having fun with you.¡±


    He shot a glance at Shi Yan, who was standing to the side calmly watching the scenery. Without hesitation, Chen Jiayan pulled him out to save the situation. ¡°Actually, Ah Yan is also pretty good. I see that he treats you much better than Yan Rui and those other girls. I¡¯ve never seen him treat a girl with so much care. To be honest, I suspect that his behaviour at the bar yesterday was from a ghost in his body.¡±


    Outside her down jacket, Ruan Zhizhi was wrapped in a padded overcoat. She placed both her hands inside the pockets of her own jacket for warmth. When she heard Chen Jiayan mention what had occurred at the bar yesterday evening, for some reason, her fingertips unconsciously trembled. She happened to come across the paper rose in her jacket pocket that she hadn¡¯t had the time to take out yet. Suddenly, she was a little flustered.


    She pursed her lips and blurted out without a second thought: ¡°Alright, don¡¯t make a mismatched pairing. I already have someone I like in my heart.¡±


    With one line, the whole atmosphere successfully cooled down.


    After Ruan Zhizhi finished speaking, she deliberately lowered her head and fiddled with her fingernails. She didn¡¯t know why, but for a moment, she actually didn¡¯t dare to look Shi Yan in the eyes.


    It was really strange. They obviously weren¡¯t familiar with each other. Except for just now on the mountain, when he had warmed her hands, she didn¡¯t owe him anything.

 CH 7

    Chapter 7: Cats


    Today¡¯s itinerary plans were relatively relaxed. The main attraction was Jade Dragon Snow Mountain, but with the time spent on the bus, it would be seven o¡¯clock in the evening by the time they got back to the inn after the mountain tour.


    As always, Chen Jiayan cordially invited Ruan Zhizhi to have dinner with them, but for Ruan Zhizhi, who had just experienced a whole day of high-intensity physical activity, she had already reached her limit by the time they returned to the inn.


    She reached out to support her forehead, resisting the dizziness and discomfort she was feeling. Ruan Zhizhi politely turned him down, then followed the group of grey-haired professors up the creaking wooden stairs in the inn.


    It wasn¡¯t until after she returned to the guest room that Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s nerves finally relaxed. She sat on the bed and stared blankly out the window for a while before slowly getting up and taking a hot bath.


    Splashes of water splattered everywhere, mist pervaded the air, and the small room was instantly steaming. It was incredibly warm.


    She finished bathing and came out, earnestly put on her pajamas, and blow-dried her hair before walking out of the bathroom. She casually took a fruit candy from her backpack to replenish her strength. When she peeled the candy wrapper open, she found that this one was also tangerine-flavoured, just like the one Shi Yan had handed her the other day.


    Strange¡­why did she remember these small details so clearly.


    To be honest, the location of the inn was utterly superior. It was in the centre of Lijiang Old Town.


    After tidying everything up, Ruan Zhizhi stood by the window, overcome with boredom as she watched the night scenery outside the window.


    She didn¡¯t know why, but deep within her heart, a sudden sense of loneliness that came from being far from home surged forth.


    Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s parents had had an emotional disagreement when she was very young, and this hateful marriage lasted until she was in high school before it finally fractured. From then on, she had been living with her mother her whole life. In her impression, her mother had always been a successful career woman busy with work all day long. Aside from economic aspects, she essentially was too busy to take Ruan Zhizhi into consideration.


    Due to her relatively introverted disposition, Ruan Zhizhi had never felt the warmth of a family since she was a child. She didn¡¯t even have many close friends at her side until she went abroad and met Li Sichen. He took the initiative to approach her, introduced her to his friends, and in a foreign land, he provided her with her first warmth and accompaniment.


    Therefore, over the past three years, no matter how unendurable it was, she always held on to these pathetic and humble memories that she could not forget.


    Ruan Zhizhi leaned against the window, thinking about the past in a daze.


    In the depth of night, a burst of wind carrying coldness blew in through the half-open window. She couldn¡¯t help shivering.


    Tomorrow they were leaving Lijiang to go to Shangri-La. How about¡­going out for a stroll tonight?


    After an intense ideological struggle, Ruan Zhizhi finally surrendered to the restless factor in her body. She didn¡¯t feel like changing her clothes again, so she wore her pure cotton pajamas with her down-filled jacket casually over it. Even her long hair was loose. Just the way she was, she went out the door.


    The streets of Lijiang were constructed according to the features of the mountains and arranged with the flow of currents. There was a strong sense of history and refined realism. The ground was completely spread with five-flowered stones, simple and elegant, glistening brilliantly.


    With her hands in the pockets of her down jacket, Ruan Zhizhi followed the stream of people in the bustling ancient city at a leisurely pace. After experiencing a busy day, her mood was especially relaxed at this moment.


    Presently, she was strolling through Sifang Street. It was the central public square in Lijiang. More people addressed it as the heart of the ancient city. A wide expanse of the inner street maintained its distinguishing features of Ming and Qing Dynasty buildings: Tile-roofed houses and buildings sitting row upon row, exquisite and distinct.


    There were side streets of all sizes on Sifang Street that were teeming with noise and excitement. Especially at night, when the colourful neon signs lit up. The lights dazzled and blurred, making the tourists look like a sea of lanterns.


    Everywhere she looked, there were large and small shops selling handmade items with Yunnan characteristics. Ruan Zhizhi strolled around for a while and decided to bring back a small gift for Gu Nian. After all, her trip to Yunnan was because of the slot she had picked up from the other person for free.


    After spending a long time carefully selecting, she eventually chose a delicate, powder-blue lotus leaf shawl.


    Unfortunately, when Ruan Zhizhi took the shawl to the shopkeeper to pay for it, the most embarrassing situation occurred. Perhaps because she had just gone out on a whim, she¡¯d simply forgotten to bring her wallet.


    ¡°Little sister, your vision is very good. This shawl is the very last one. The original price is 120, but right now, I will sell it to you for 100 kuai.¡± The shopkeeper was a young woman in her early thirties. Her manner of speaking was very enthusiastic, and her slender eyes were full of smiles.


    But let alone one hundred kuai right now, Ruan Zhizhi couldn¡¯t even take out one kuai.


    What to do¡­this was so embarrassing¡­


    This was the first time she had encountered such a situation. Just when she was at a loss with no way to advance or retreat, that moving voice that sounded somewhat unreal appeared once again, just in time to rescue her. It was simply like a hallucination.


    ¡°Boss, 100 exactly.¡±


    Subconsciously, she turned her head to follow the sound of the voice. In her line of sight were the distinct joints of Shi Yan¡¯s hand, a 100-yuan note pressed between his fair fingertips as he handed it to the shopkeeper.


    The shopkeeper smiled and accepted the money, then with agile motions, she began to wrap the shawl into a gift box.


    ¡°Ahem, I¡¯m really very sorry, when I get back to the inn later I¡¯ll return the money to you.¡± Ruan Zhizhi lowered her head and blushed as she spoke, not daring to lift her eyes to look at him.


    Shi Yan didn¡¯t respond, simply giving her a noncommittal glance.


    Ruan Zhizhi couldn¡¯t help blushing with shame, deeply feeling that she had lost too much face. And yet¡­how come every time she came across a situation, she always happened to meet Shi Yan?


    These coincidences didn¡¯t make her feel happy at all. It was because this man was really too dangerous, even for someone as cool-headed and collected as Ruan Zhizhi. She was afraid that if she wasn¡¯t careful, she would fall into his deep, dark eyes.


    After buying some things, the two naturally walked side by side in the ten-mile sea of people.


    They were walking alongside each other and yet no one spoke. The mood was indescribably awkward.


    After a long time, it was actually Shi Yan who took the initiative to break the silence: ¡°You didn¡¯t eat anything tonight?¡±


    ¡°En¡­not yet.¡± Ruan Zhizhi shook her head honestly.


    Shi Yan¡¯s footsteps halted. Without seeking her opinion, he walked directly to a nearby stall on the side. She didn¡¯t know what snacks he was buying.


    Was it to give to her?


    ¡­No way.


    When he passed the piping hot food to Ruan Zhizhi, she was indeed a little stunned.


    ¡°Thank you, but there¡¯s no need. Later, I¡¯ll go back to the inn to get my wallet. I can come out again to buy something.¡± It was really impossible to accept the help of a stranger all the time with a clear conscience. Even under the temptation of delicious food before her eyes, Ruan Zhizhi still had her moral backbone and shook her head to decline.


    Shi Yan frowned, ¡°You¡¯re not hungry?¡±


    After swallowing her saliva, Ruan Zhizhi forced herself to ignore the fragrant food in front of her. Bowing her head in shame, she said, ¡°I¡¯m not hungry.¡±


    Shi Yan lowered his eyes and gazed at her. There was a hint of toughness in his voice. ¡°Eat, it¡¯s already very late now.¡±


    The implication was that by the time she returned to the inn to get her wallet, these stallkeepers would probably already have closed their stalls and gone home.


    There was smoke for ten miles, and the lights were waning. Shi Yan stood against the stream of people and quietly watched her. This pair of charcoal eyes always had a sense of desolation and exhaustion, as if drifting away from this mortal life. At this moment, his eyes actually seemed to be tainted by the aura of fireworks.


    It seemed that he could see everything as clearly as a blazing fire, yet he showed tolerance for it all.


    The two stood at a deadlock for some time. In the end, Ruan Zhizhi raised her white flag, surrendering to his deep eyes.


    ¡°Okay¡­then, thank you.¡±


    After taking the food from the other party, Ruan Zhizhi opened the package. It turned out to be a Yunnan specialty snack, Lijiang glutinous rice cake.


    The glutinous rice was warm and soft, as if it had a warming heart.


    Ruan Zhizhi ate while she walked, secretly thinking that when she arrived at the inn, she had to return the money to him immediately. Her memory was very poor; if she forgot it even for a moment, maybe the other person would think that she was deliberately delaying her payment. That would not be very good.


    Thinking and thinking, she had a flash of inspiration. A simpler and easier option had appeared in her mind.


    She swallowed a mouthful of glutinous rice cake and said somewhat indistinctly, ¡°Shi Yan¡­how about we add each other as friends on WeChat, I¡¯ll directly send you the money through a red packet. Ah¡­I can give it to you now, so that I don¡¯t forget later.¡±


    Once she finished speaking, she watched him attentively without blinking. Unexpectedly, she felt slightly nervous in her heart.


    Shi Yan didn¡¯t hesitate at all, immediately handing her his phone.


    She opened the WeChat interface, clicked the ¡°add a friend¡± icon, input her WeChat ID, then added herself and was done.


    After Ruan Zhizhi finished, she didn¡¯t dare to glance at Shi Yan¡¯s chat history. She promptly returned the cell phone to him. Thinking about how the other party had helped her so much in the past few days, she reflected for a while. For the first time in her life, she took the initiative to speak to the stranger: ¡°In the future, if you have any matters, tell me. So long as I can help, I will certainly oblige.¡±


    She originally thought that Shi Yan would nod, finding it dispensable, or even completely disregard her. Outside of her expectations, he turned his head to look down at her. The curvature of the corners of his lips seemed to rise: ¡°Really? I won¡¯t be polite with you.¡±


    ¡°¡­Haha, no need to be polite, if you have anything just say it.¡± Ruan Zhizhi was stubborn to death. Immediately in her heart, she began to regret that she had said so much just now. The man¡¯s expression didn¡¯t seem very good.


    The two chatted idly for a while. Very soon, they finally reached the rock garden at the side of the inn¡¯s entrance.


    ¡°Meow.¡± There was a long cat¡¯s meow that carried a hint of coquettishness. Before Ruan Zhizhi could react, she saw the snow-white cat running out from behind the rock garden, pouncing straight into Shi Yan¡¯s arms.


    Animals were truly more enthusiastic at taking the initiative than humans. Ruan Zhizhi bet that that girl in their group, Yan Rui, would definitely not dare to be as brazen and direct as this cat.


    Shi Yan pursed his lips, gently moving the cat into his embrace. He stroked its fur for a while. Ruan Zhizhi watched from the side and even felt that this scene of one person and one cat was awfully beautiful.


    ¡°Do you really like animals?¡±


    ¡°Only cats, that¡¯s all.¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi was somewhat doubtful and asked, ¡°Why?¡±


    Shi Yan rubbed the cat¡¯s head, let her go, and got up nimbly: ¡°Cats are incredibly demanding of their partner yet keep to themselves, so they¡¯re always very lonely.¡±


    Very lonely¡­


    The next second, without thinking at all, Ruan Zhizhi blurted out: ¡°Just like you?¡±


    Shi Yan suddenly smiled faintly. Due to the disparity in height, he habitually lowered his eyes to look at her. There was a faint starlight flowing in his eyes, and his voice was light and fluttering, as if it was about to be shattered in the wind.


    He said: ¡°What I meant was, like you.¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi suffered from insomnia. It was because of Shi Yan¡¯s words.


    She lay in bed and tossed and turned again and again. Her thoughts were so vast, yet she still couldn¡¯t figure out the meaning behind those words.


    As if the demons and gods were at work, she picked up her cell phone. Ruan Zhizhi felt that this person Shi Yan was truly too difficult to make sense of, so she intended to look at his WeChat Moments.


    However, much to her disappointment, this mysterious man had posted very little from beginning to end. Most of the content was related to his profession, which was very tedious and uninteresting.


    The only thing that caught her interest was a post he had uploaded three years ago. It was also the first post on his WeChat Moments.


    It was a cover of a song called ¡°False Truth¡±.1


    Recalling the things that happened at the bar yesterday night, Ruan Zhizhi felt that Shi Yan¡¯s singing was very pleasant to hear. It would be a waste not to listen, so with a little curiosity, she pressed the play button.


    ¡°I don¡¯t want to destroy the false truth and single-mindedly forget my identity. One day if you still haven¡¯t married, I can¡¯t be reconciled.¡±


    This was a sad Cantonese song. The man¡¯s voice was low and somewhat hoarse, but the Cantonese pronunciation was unexpectedly accurate.


    ¡°Even if you get married tomorrow, I won¡¯t be reconciled.¡±


    ¡­¡­


    For some unknown reason, when she listened, the outer corners of Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s eyes were a little wet.


    Was Shi Yan also hopelessly longing for a distant person? Just like she longed for Li Sichen.


    She rubbed her somewhat sour eyes, and word by word, replied to his post: It¡¯s very nice to listen to, goodnight.

 CH 8

    Chapter 8: One Hundred Years of Solitude


    The final day¡¯s itinerary was to visit the Pudacuo National Park in Shangri-La and then hurry directly to Diqing Shangri-La Airport in the afternoon to return to City A. At this point, the five-day and four-night trip was coming to an end.


    As before, the alarm clock sounded for Ruan Zhizhi to get up first thing in the morning. When she washed up in the bathroom, she found that her complexion was unexpectedly good today. Perhaps it was due to last night¡¯s relatively high quality of sleep. She hadn¡¯t had a single dream and didn¡¯t wake up in the middle of the night at all.


    Was it because of Shi Yan?


    Ruan Zhizhi put on some makeup and looked at her already-packed luggage for a while. Finally, she took out a large pink down jacket from the bottom of her suitcase and put it on. This was something Gu Nian had bought with her before. She¡¯d said that wearing bright clothes would also improve her mood. If only it were so.


    The large bus travelled all the way to the direction of Shangri-La. Ruan Zhizhi sat by the window and squinted her eyes as she surveyed the scenery outside. It seemed that today¡¯s weather was sunny and cloudless, although still bone-chillingly cold.


    Her gaze unintentionally swept over Shi Yan, who was sitting diagonally ahead of her. He was wearing a yellow windbreaker, his back straight and head lowered as he casually folded a paper napkin into a frog.


    He seemed to really like paper folding.


    The bus jolted the entire way. Two hours later, they reached Pudacuo National Park. The park had lakes and wetlands, forests and meadows, rare plants and animals, and more. The original ecosystem was well-preserved and was one of the primary attractions for tourists in Shangri-La.


    Following the tour group, they purchased their tickets and went in. As before, the tour guide walked in front with a portable loudspeaker to explain, while the middle-aged and elderly professors in the group followed closely behind with enthusiasm. Finally, there was Ruan Zhizhi and the other young people forming companionships and chatting.


    ¡°Zhizhi, you must have had a nice rest last night, I can see your complexion looks good,¡± Chen Jiayan greeted her while grinning. En¡­he was always the most enthusiastic one amongst the crowd.


    Ruan Zhizhi also smiled politely in return: ¡°Yes, last night I slept very well.¡± Saying so, she glanced covertly at Shi Yan. The other party was already surrounded by several girls led by Yan Rui. She didn¡¯t know what they were in the middle of talking about. Although there was nothing peculiar about his expression, Ruan Zhizhi just felt that he seemed a little impatient.


    It was absurd, why did she secretly speculate about other people¡¯s moods without rhyme or reason?


    Shaking her head, Ruan Zhizhi tried her best to refocus her attention. She continued to chat with Chen Jiayan, speaking one minute and being quiet the next.


    It had to be said: The scenery was exceptionally beautiful in Pudacuo National Park. After entering the Bita Sea, a vast stretch of lush red rhododendrons could be seen growing everywhere, folding over layer upon layer. Nothing more beautiful could be imagined.


    Chen Jiayan took a deep breath and exclaimed in adoration: ¡°Sure enough, the air on the plateau is fresher and cleaner than in the city.¡±


    When they arrived at Shudu Lake, the tour guide waved his hand, permitting everyone to have free time. Ruan Zhizhi made a random excuse to leave Chen Jiayan¡¯s side. Alone, she walked to the lakeside, lost in thought.


    Bita Lake and Shudu Lake, the two beautiful freshwater lakes, were known as the jewels of the plateau. The blue water of the lakes was so clear that one could see the bottom¡ªlike a tremendous mirror, reflecting the blue sky and white clouds within it. It really was a natural instance of water and sky merging into one colour.


    ¡°Looking at the scenery?¡±


    Suddenly a voice fell into her ears. Obviously it was a bit abrupt, but it didn¡¯t make people feel offended at all.


    Ruan Zhizhi smiled and turned around: ¡°Yes, the scenery here is quite beautiful.¡±


    Shi Yan walked over unhurriedly. The distance between the two was continuously cut down with his footsteps, until he was standing less than a centimetre behind her. Shi Yan slowly lowered his head, his lips approaching her ears. His voice was very low, and it seemed to carry a trace of intimacy: ¡°Miss Ruan Zhizhi, can you do me a favour?¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi froze in place, not understanding what he meant at all. Her body¡¯s instinct made her want to escape this man¡¯s area of control at once, but she rationally thought about all of the care he had shown her these days. Still trying to suppress the urge, she replied softly, ¡°What favour?¡±


    ¡°Stand here quietly, don¡¯t move, don¡¯t avoid me.¡±


    ¡°¡­It seems to be very simple.¡±


    ¡°Yes, it¡¯s really that simple. I hope you don¡¯t refuse.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s just a slight effort, nothing more.¡±


    Although she said it indifferently, in fact, Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s heart had been surging like a gathering storm already. In her memory, apart from Li Sichen, she had never been so close to other men like this. Of course, the few times she¡¯d had close contact with Li Sichen were merely to help him tie a tie, or when the two of them were discussing something with their heads close. It was only to this extent, nothing more.


    However¡­the feeling that Shi Yan gave her was the complete opposite of Li Sichen. He was more mysterious than Li Sichen, more dangerous than Li Sichen, and of course, more fascinating than Li Sichen.


    Taking a deep breath, Ruan Zhizhi tried her best to ignore the warmth coming from the man¡¯s chest. At this time, Shi Yan suddenly extended his hand, casually helping her tuck her long hair that had been tousled by the wind behind her ear.


    His fingertips were slightly cold. When they grazed her earlobe, for a split second it was like an electric shock. She couldn¡¯t help trembling.


    In this moment of electric flint sparks, Ruan Zhizhi suddenly realized the meaning behind Shi Yan¡¯s incomprehensible actions. Her eyes just so happened to inadvertently glance at Yan Rui, who was standing far behind them. The other party regarded their intimate actions and now appeared to be very furious. She gestured animatedly while saying something to Chen Jiayan and the other girls.


    Ruan Zhizhi was helpless: ¡°It seems that you are using me as a shield.¡±


    Shi Yan let out a low laugh, and the sound of his laughter did not match him: It turned out to be melodious and clear. He reached out and stroked her hair quite naturally: ¡°Shh, you know and I know.¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s face flushed red in the wake of his actions. This man was too dangerous¡­she had to evacuate as quickly as possible. Thinking like this, she tried her best to quietly withdraw from the outline of the man¡¯s body which seemed to be embracing her. A harmless smile rose on her face: ¡°Yan Rui and the others have already left, the task is completed, goodbye.¡±


    There were no great waves in his expression. Shi Yan lowered his head slightly, looking down at her from higher ground. His eyes remained unwavering. ¡°Goodbye.¡±


    The visit to Pudacuo National Park ended at around two o¡¯clock in the afternoon. Due to the need to rush to the airport, Ruan Zhizhi and the others in the tour group settled their last meal on the bus. One lunch per person, three dishes and one soup, with meat and vegetables. The outer appearance was not bad. Unfortunately, Ruan Zhizhi had always had a bad appetite. After taking a few bites, she closed the lunch box.


    After arriving at Diqing Shangri-La Airport at last, the tour guide was still responsible and considerate. He helped them exchange their boarding passes and check in their baggage, and even gave an official, enthusiastic farewell speech to conclude their journey before sending them through the security checkpoint.


    Once she passed the security check, Ruan Zhizhi wanted to roam around and purchase something to eat. Unfortunately, the screen at the departure gate indicated that they would have to register in fifteen minutes. Ruan Zhizhi patted her stomach and had no choice but to sigh helplessly.


    Speaking of which, she was also considered to be extremely picky about food. She liked to eat snacks, but wasn¡¯t fond of eating full meals. Consequently, she was 165cm tall but only weighed approximately 90 catties. Gu Nian always ridiculed her, saying that the wind would blow her away.


    As she let her thoughts stray, there was already a long queue of people in front of the departure gate preparing to board the plane. Ruan Zhizhi was still sitting in her seat. It wasn¡¯t until most of the line went through the gate one after another that she stood up unhurriedly.


    By the time she entered the cabin, almost everyone had already found their proper seats.


    ¡°22C¡­¡± Ruan Zhizhi looked at the seat information on her boarding pass, walked inside for a while, and saw the vacant seat under the 22C designation at a glance.


    She walked over. She had just sat down and hadn¡¯t even fastened her seatbelt when she was surprised to discover that the person sitting beside her at the window was actually Shi Yan.


    In the end, was it a predestined relationship between the two of them, or an ill-fated relationship?


    ¡°Hi, what a good coincidence.¡± Ruan Zhizhi turned to look at him. The smile on her face was slightly stiff.


    It wasn¡¯t good at all¡­sitting together with him for two and a half hours would certainly be awkward and boring to death.


    Shi Yan turned a blind eye to the words she didn¡¯t mean. He raised his eyebrows and politely responded, ¡°What a good coincidence.¡±


    The aircraft took off smoothly. Since the flight time was only two and a half hours, there was no in-flight meal prepared on the plane. A bag of milk biscuits was distributed instead.


    Ruan Zhizhi sat in her seat and watched videos on her cell phone. She quickly finished the bag of biscuits in her hand. She wished for more as she licked the biscuit crumbs covering her fingers, sighing somewhat regretfully.


    At this time, a hand aptly appeared in front of her eyes, holding an unopened bag of milk biscuits. Ruan Zhizhi swallowed and reached out to take it subconsciously. She opened the packet and took out a biscuit, placing it in her mouth. Then she glanced at Shi Yan furtively. With a bit of embarrassment, she asked, ¡°Shi Yan, you¡¯re not eating?¡±


    The other party¡¯s head was lowered as he concentrated on his book, not minding her: ¡°I don¡¯t like eating biscuits.¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi followed his line of sight all the way down and found that the book in his hands was the masterpiece of author Gabriel Garc¨ªa M¨¢rquez, One Hundred Years of Solitude.


    She chewed the biscuits in her mouth with a ¡°kengchi kengchi¡± while her brain had no control as she began to speak: ¡°I also like this book very much.¡±


    ¡­Was she striking up a conversation with Shi Yan? How frightful.


    After hearing her words, Shi Yan turned his head and narrowed his eyes as if interested: ¡°Which character do you like the most?¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi swallowed the last biscuit, thought about it earnestly, then replied: ¡°I like the love story of Renata Remedios from the fifth generation the most.¡±


    Shi Yan nodded, not at all surprised. His voice was low and a little hoarse, but still as pleasant as always: ¡°Joining a convent to live as a widow for her deceased love and not saying a word for the rest of her life. It is indeed worthy of respect.¡±


    Nodding in approval, Ruan Zhizhi originally wanted to ask who his favourite character was too, but after thinking about it, she was somewhat hesitant. This¡­would it seem as if the two of them were a little bit too familiar?


    In the end, she didn¡¯t ask. Instead, she took a moist towelette and wiped her fingers clean. Then she unlocked her phone and proceeded to quietly watch videos.


    When the plane was still half an hour away from landing, Ruan Zhizhi finished watching a video and lifted her sore neck to loosen it for a while.


    At her side, Shi Yan bowed his head and took a sip of coffee. The outline of his side profile was refined, like a valuable treasure in a display window that had yet to be sold, quiet and graceful.


    Ruan Zhizhi looked at him like this and all of a sudden felt that maybe this man¡¯s mind was not as deep as she had imagined. Perhaps he was just like her, just an ordinary person trapped by love in a boundless sea of people.


    ¡°Shi Yan, do you have someone you like too?¡± She turned her head and watched him begin to speak softly. For the first time, she was trying to initiate a friendship with the person beside her.


    Shi Yan closed the thick book in his hand, looking down at the somewhat worn cover. ¡°Of course.¡±


    As expected.


    ¡°Then, does the girl you like¡­know?¡±


    Shi Yan tilted his head and gazed at her. His eyes reflected the lights on the plane, illuminating and extinguishing over and over again: ¡°She doesn¡¯t know.¡± He paused, then added with a composed expression, ¡°But inevitably there will be a day that she knows, and inevitably there will be a day that she marries me.¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi made a ¡°‡å¡± face. Just as she was about to ask him how he was so confident, her line of sight shifted to his face that could even incite a god¡¯s wrath. In the end, she tactfully closed her mouth.


    In this world, there was probably no woman who could resist his charm.


    She originally thought that she¡¯d made peace with herself these past three years. She didn¡¯t expect that after barely five days, this man could make her heart uneasy.


    But it didn¡¯t matter. Ruan Zhizhi couldn¡¯t be more clear about it in her heart. This kind of special feeling she had towards him was only a temporary impulse, just like a girl seeing exquisite crystal shoes in a display window. The same heart-stirring feeling would rise in an instant, but it was only fleeting. After all, everyone liked beautiful things, but not everyone liked them from beginning to end.


    When the airplane descended rapidly, she saw the man at her side open his mouth quietly, as if saying something. It was a pity that her eardrums were in pain from the tremendous noise of the plane taxiing on the airstrip. Ruan Zhizhi covered her ears and couldn¡¯t hear anything.


    When lining up to get off the aircraft, Ruan Zhizhi thought about it and ultimately turned around to bid a sincere farewell to Shi Yan: ¡°Shi Yan, thank you very much for taking care of me these days. If there is a chance to see each other again, I will certainly invite you to a meal.¡±


    When Shi Yan heard her words, he just smiled faintly. A misty fog seemed to seep out of his heavy eyes, obviously loneliness, and yet there was always a trace of light rising from the depths.


    He replied: ¡°There will be such a day.¡±


    And that day would come soon.

 CH 9

    Chapter 9: New Year¡¯s Eve


    Time is like sand in the hollow of your palm. Whether you spread it out or grasp it tightly, it will eventually slip away, bit by bit, until there is nothing left.


    It had already been a week since Ruan Zhizhi returned from her trip to Yunnan. Her days were as serene as before, without a single ripple. Her memories pertaining to that trip gradually began to blur except for the image of that man¡¯s back hidden in the setting sun.


    All along he had been proud and aloof, keeping silent. He quietly walked through the vast world alone.


    The case she had been researching on the murder of the wealthy businessman¡¯s wife was also coming to an end. She stayed up all night to revise some gaps and typos in the report before going to the company first thing in the morning to hand it over to her boss.


    As for the outcome of whether or not her internship period had safely passed, for someone like Ruan Zhizhi, who had been a first-class student since childhood, there was no need to worry at all.


    After submitting the news report, Ruan Zhizhi suddenly had more leisure time. When returning to her empty home, she unexpectedly couldn¡¯t adapt to it for a second.


    She wanted to find something to do. Thus, she walked to her study and began to tidy up her desk. It had been in a complete disarray during this period, and now she wanted to flip through some materials. After sorting out all of the printed resources one by one, the last thing that caught her eye was an old photograph splayed randomly on the desk. The boy in the picture was still pale as before, with a faint hint of blue under his tired eyes. His back was straight, and his figure was helpless and meagre.


    Ruan Zhizhi sighed and solemnly placed the photograph in a book.


    It was unknown how that child was doing now. Had he worked hard to win success and recognition, or had he completely fallen apart, abandoning himself to despair?


    At home, she was overcome with boredom as she finished watching Captain America 1 and 2. The colour of the sky had darkened little by little, until it was thoroughly pitch-black outside the window. Ruan Zhizhi yawned. She was just about to remove her makeup, change her clothes, and wash up for bed, but a sudden call from Gu Nian cleared her mind instantly.


    An hour later, the two met at the entrance of a crowded barbecue stall in the buzzing centre of City A.


    Gu Nian was wearing a pair of 10cm heels, and her makeup was delicate and dazzling. Yet the rims of her eyes were a little red as if she had been crying.


    Ruan Zhizhi was well aware that she must have quarrelled with Cheng Fengjin again.


    After ordering heaps of barbecue and a dozen beers, Gu Nian waved her hand, arrogantly rejecting Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s request to pay the bill and paid for it instead.


    Lamb skewers, meat tenderloin, enoki mushrooms rolled in beef, grilled eggplants, grilled leeks¡­and a generous serving of grilled fish.


    Ruan Zhizhi stared at the table full of barbecue and was totally speechless: ¡°Gu Nian, are you a pig? Or do you think I¡¯m the pig?¡±


    The other party didn¡¯t care at all. She reached out and seized a bunch of tenderloin skewers and stuffed them in her mouth. While chewing, she said aggrievedly, ¡°My dear, just accompany me while I eat all this, I¡¯m a person who is about to lose my love.¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi sighed and filled a glass of beer for her in a timely manner. ¡°Lose what love ah, didn¡¯t you two even set the wedding date?¡±


    ¡°You don¡¯t know how excessive Cheng Fengjin is. A few days ago, he told me that he had to work overtime at the company. I wanted to be understanding of him so I didn¡¯t ask more. But when I went out to dinner with my colleagues that night, guess what? In that same restaurant, he and a woman I didn¡¯t know were also having a meal. The two were chatting and laughing, and he even attentively helped pour tea and water for her.¡± Gu Nian¡¯s voice was usually sweet, but now it was full of grievances. It really depicted Cheng Fengjin¡¯s image as someone wicked beyond redemption.


    However, Ruan Zhizhi was not at all moved. ¡°Maybe the two of them are ordinary colleagues, and they just happened to finish work so they went for a meal together? Cheng Fengjin is a man with a higher education, it¡¯s definitely impossible for him to let a girl do such a thing as serving tea and pouring water, right? If you ask me, you¡¯re thinking too much.¡±


    Gu Nian raised her head and took a large sip of beer. She pursed her lips and was just about to refute, but after considering it again, she also felt that the other party¡¯s words seemed very reasonable. She didn¡¯t know how to rebut it at all, so she could only reply with a guilty conscience: ¡°Well, well at that time I was too angry. After I went home, he said that I was making trouble without reason, and that I loved to get angry. How could I possibly endure that?¡± As she spoke, the corners of her mouth tilted downwards, as if she was about to burst into tears any second. ¡°Tonight is New Year¡¯s Eve. Originally, we planned to go to the best revolving restaurant in City A for dinner, but now all my hopes are dashed.¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi looked at the aggrieved appearance of her little married woman and couldn¡¯t help laughing: ¡°Is it only you that feels like your hopes are dashed? You ran away from home by yourself. I think it won¡¯t even last for half an hour. Cheng Fengjin is going to call me and ask for you.¡± After saying so, she added teasingly, ¡°Miss Gu Nian, tell me, should I hand you over? Or should I hand you over?¡±


    Before she finished speaking, her cell phone rang. Ruan Zhizhi took her cell phone out from the pocket of her down jacket and glanced at the caller ID. It came as no surprise. She answered the call.


    Gu Nian, who was sitting across from her and scarfing down food, saw that Cheng Fengjin really had called. Just a moment ago she¡¯d still been angry, but now she resembled a soft kitten. Just like that, she was obedient.


    ¡°Alright, he¡¯s coming to pick you up in a bit. You two can spend your New Year¡¯s Eve sweetly, this lightbulb should go home early and rest.¡± After ending the call, Ruan Zhizhi looked like she had accomplished a meritorious deed and was now retiring.


    Gu Nian watched her. She opened her mouth as if there was something she wanted to say, but was hesitant. After a long time, she finally made a firm resolution and said, ¡°Zhizhi, it¡¯s already been three years, you¡­still haven¡¯t let go?¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi, who was in the middle of pouring beer, was startled. But this only lasted for a second. Very soon, she returned to her senses and replied indifferently, ¡°How can you just let go of things like feelings.¡± She swallowed the alcohol in her throat, her eyes gazing towards a boundless distance. ¡°Actually, I¡¯ve been thinking about it lately. All that remains towards Li Sichen¡­in the end, is it love? Or is it reluctance?¡±


    Gu Nian¡¯s line of sight shifted towards Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s beautiful, unfocused eyes. After struggling for a long time, she still spoke. ¡°Zhizhi, did you know that Li Sichen is coming back to City A right away to work? Downtown, in the Chenhui Building. If¡­if you still like him, how about¡ª¡±


    She was only halfway through her sentence when she was interrupted by an ear-piercing car horn in the distance.


    The person that got out of the car was, unsurprisingly, Cheng Fengjin. His appearance was always strict and self-disciplined, but at that moment, the hair on his forehead was disheveled and he seemed to be in a hurry.


    Ruan Zhizhi let out a smile and took a sip of beer from her glass. She waved her hand to Gu Nian and said, ¡°He¡¯s here, go with him. As for my affairs¡­rest assured, I know how to settle it best.¡±


    Forgetting that person and never associating with him¡ªfor her, this was best. Although it was still impossible right now, time would sooner or later wipe away the last of her pathetic sentimentality for him. And sooner or later, his shadow would be wiped out completely from her life.


    After exchanging pleasantries with the two and repeatedly declining Cheng Fengjin¡¯s offer to send her home, Ruan Zhizhi waved goodbye to the couple, turned around, and walked through the bustling streets of the city centre alone.


    Her capacity for liquor was quite poor. Even though she¡¯d only had one glass of beer that was low in alcohol content, she felt a little lightheaded at this moment. A gust of cold, evening wind blew by, allowing her warm cheeks to sober her up a little.


    Today was December 31st. Once today passed, a new year would arrive. Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s mother worked outside all year round, so it was impossible for her mother to remember this insignificant day. And Ruan Zhizhi didn¡¯t have many friends by her side except for Gu Nian. The number of friends she could spend the New Year with were even fewer.


    In fact, it was a little lonely.


    The neon lights twinkled and blurred, and all the people coming and going on the street were in pairs. They had happy smiles brimming on their faces apart from her.


    There were faint snowflakes circling and fluttering in the air. Ruan Zhizhi reached out to catch them, quietly watching the snowflakes melt and fade in her palm.


    In the end, who was naturally cold.


    She walked an entire block alone. Although Ruan Zhizhi was independent, seeing the streets packed with lovers happily holding hands and embracing each other made her want to run away that very moment.


    She sighed and planned to flag a taxi at the next intersection to go home.


    The temperature was extremely low and the wind was bone-chilling. Although the light reflected by the street lamps was faint, it was still very warm. It vaguely let people feel no matter how low they were, all could be redeemed in this kind of warmth. Ruan Zhizhi quickly reached the intersection. She stepped out spontaneously, found a suitable place, and was about to wave down a taxi. But in the next second, she was caught off guard. In this wintry twelfth lunar month, she saw Shi Yan.


    He was also alone. At the moment, he was standing under the dim yellow light of a streetlamp on the side of the road. His outline was proud and aloof, his expression indifferent. There was a cluster of flames at his pale fingertips that seemed to leap and flare. It enveloped his entire body in a hazy, ash-blue smoke. This situation and this scene set him off to be even more outstanding, as unfathomable as an illusion.


    Right. Contrary to expectation, Ruan Zhizhi described this encounter as unfathomable.


    It was clear that Shi Yan also saw her. Because his unwavering, heavy eyes were looking right at her. There was a little haziness in his gaze, as well as a little softness, but there was no surprise.


    The alcohol had eroded her brain. Ruan Zhizhi looked at him dizzily. She didn¡¯t understand why he wasn¡¯t surprised to see her.


    Her act of waving down a taxi unconsciously stopped. She watched Shi Yan extinguish the cigarette between his fingertips. He carelessly tossed it to the garbage on the side, and then¡­actually walked towards her.


    One step, two steps, three steps, all the way until he was in front of her.


    The sense of oppression coming from this man engulfed her again after a long time. Ruan Zhizhi tried her best to sober up. The corners of her mouth curved, and she opened her mouth to exchange greetings a little rigidly, ¡°Shi Yan, long time no see.¡±


    Shi Yan lowered his eyes, his pupils eclipsing slightly: ¡°Yes, it¡¯s been a long time.¡±


    Time seemed to freeze at that moment. All the streetlamps on the side of the pedestrian streets faded away, leaving only the man in front of her whose expression was so apathetic it was almost gloomy.


    It was just like fate, this encounter.


    Ruan Zhizhi looked left and right and all around. Many people on the street cast glances of tacit understanding at them. Even though their real situation did not reflect how it appeared, at least Ruan Zhizhi didn¡¯t have to be alone anymore. Now it looked like she was in a pair like everyone else¡ªat least on the surface. Still, she was a little happy in her heart.


    Glancing at Shi Yan, she continued with the pleasantries: ¡°How have you been lately?¡±


    Who knew that Shi Yan wouldn¡¯t take up the topic she had thrown at all. Instead, he walked over to be at her side and said very naturally, ¡°I still remember that before, you said that if we saw each other again, you would invite me for a meal. Setting a date does not beat seizing an opportunity like now. You decide what we¡¯re eating.¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi: ¡°¡­¡­¡±


    Fifteen minutes later, the two were sitting side-by-side in a 24-hour convenience store. Before their eyes were two shabby boxes of oden and two cups of steaming hot milk tea. If they lifted their heads, they had a panoramic view of the pedestrians coming and going outside the huge floor-to-ceiling windows.


    Ruan Zhizhi was a little embarrassed, and said with a clear cough: ¡°Wait for the next time. Next time when all the restaurants aren¡¯t closed, I¡¯ll invite you again to a big meal.¡±


    As soon as her voice fell, she immediately realized that she had said the wrong thing. Next time¡­for her and him, would there still be a next time? Even if they lived in the same city, for people like them who had no connection at all, it wasn¡¯t very likely for them to meet.


    In the cold winter of the twelfth lunar month, the two of them sat in front of the glass window, shoulder-to-shoulder in the narrow space of the convenient store. Together, they enjoyed the fragrance of boxed oden, and the awkward mood from before gradually eased itself.


    At this moment, her tipsiness had already cooled off. Ruan Zhizhi couldn¡¯t help thinking, if it wasn¡¯t for the fact that she¡¯d had a little to drink, perhaps she wouldn¡¯t have brought him to a convenience store to eat so candidly.


    Holding the warm cup of milk tea and taking a sip, she tentatively began to find a topic: ¡°Shi Yan, why are you strolling outside by yourself? Why aren¡¯t you together with your family?¡±


    Shi Yan ate gracefully. Without evading her eyes, he said in an understated manner, ¡°My parents have already gone.¡±


    In an instant, Ruan Zhizhi was stunned. Her mind went blank; her thoughts were unable to operate properly. The word ¡°gone¡± had many meanings, but almost none of them were good. Embarrassed, she shut her mouth. As expected, she couldn¡¯t find a subject to talk about with him.


    As if able to perceive her regret, Shi Yan smiled slightly. He tilted his head to look at her. His drooping eyes resembled a burning fire, ardent and concentrated. ¡°But having you here is enough.¡±


    ¡°¡­What did you say?¡± She didn¡¯t have to think about it to know that she must have misheard. Ruan Zhizhi chewed her oden after asking vaguely.


    Shi Yan shook his head as if accepting her thoughts. The fire in his eyes slowly extinguished, retreating to a place that was uninhabited.


    As the two engaged in idle conversation, the hour hand slowly reached midnight.


    They only heard a ¡°peng¡±, then in the next second, a tremendous explosion sounded in the distance. Countless fireworks erupted in the night sky, a scene of bursting lights and overwhelming colours. It was like a wave of meteor showers descending upon them, and in an instant, the entire night sky was ignited.


    It was midnight. The new year had arrived on time.


    This was the fourth year already. Ruan Zhizhi raised her head and looked through the glass window of the convenient store, gazing up at the night sky. In her heart, she silently thought: This year, she must forget Li Sichen.


    Even the employees from the convenience store laughed and went out to watch the fireworks. Only the two of them remained indoors, sitting side by side, each harbouring their own secret.


    Turning his head to look at Ruan Zhizhi, whose eyes were focused on the fireworks covering the sky, Shi Yan finally withdrew the vague sense of alienation and exhaustion entangled around him. The mist pervading his eyes gradually dissipated, leaving only pure white. Secretive, deeply affectionate, unspeakable.


    In his heart, he held back a thousand crazy thoughts of reaching out to stroke the ends of her hair. He was silent for a long time. At last, in a low voice with extreme restraint, he very cautiously whispered in her ear, ¡°Happy New Year, Zhizhi.¡±

 CH 10

    Life went on as before, peaceful without any disturbances. Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s news report received a high degree of praise from her boss. At the same time, her probationary period officially passed.


    Although this result was expected, she still let out a deep sigh of relief. When she had studied abroad in the United States, Ruan Zhizhi majored in the finance department in the Faculty of Business. Her profession as a reporter was indeed a stretch from this. However, after graduating and returning to China, she had thought about it again and again. In the end, she gave up many interview opportunities from large, well-known foreign companies, and instead chose an occupation that she was more interested in. For a long time after that, her mother couldn¡¯t look at her with a good expression.


    But she didn¡¯t regret it at all. A lifetime was so long, and it would be such a pity to waste time doing things she didn¡¯t like. For that same reason, if she couldn¡¯t waste time with the person she liked the most, it would be the greatest tragedy.


    Fortunately, the probationary period had now passed. Her work was on the right track, so her mother shouldn¡¯t have any more opinions.


    Since becoming an official reporter, Ruan Zhizhi was still at a relatively idle stage in her work. Therefore, with nothing to do, she was frequently dragged out by Gu Nian to accompany her for tea and chitchat. The reason for this was because Gu Nian was suffering from premarital phobia.


    Just like today. It was obviously a perfect weekend if one didn¡¯t mind the life-threatening calls coming in first thing in the morning.


    Ruan Zhizhi yawned and climbed out of bed with extreme unwillingness. She was so sleepy that her eyes wouldn¡¯t open, and when she squeezed out her toothpaste, she almost grabbed her cleansing lotion.


    She casually wore a pair of ripped jeans with a sports-style jacket over it, then added a pair of bright, colour-block sneakers. When Ruan Zhizhi looked in the mirror, she deeply felt that as a twenty-five-year-old woman, she seemed to dress a bit young.


    Just when she was thinking about whether to change her jacket, Gu Nian urged her with yet another call. Ruan Zhizhi had no choice but to tell her that she had already left home. After hanging up, she figured that she may as well finish what she started and simply tied a high ponytail to finish the look.


    Ruan Zhizhi walked out of her room. She felt that if she went to A University like this, she might be recognized as a student.


    Ruan Zhizhi wasn¡¯t affiliated with A University, one of the most reputable, top-ranking universities in the country. But because of Gu Nian, she had been there a few times more or less.


    Familiar with the way, she reached the offices in the teaching building where Gu Nian was located. Just as she was about to push the door and walk in, she saw Gu Nian hurrying out with a stack of lesson plans in her arms.


    When Gu Nian saw her, she immediately pouted. With utter sadness, she said, ¡°Zhizhi, one of my colleagues has an urgent matter today, so I was asked to substitute for their finance and economics class. The lecture will be over in about an hour, you go walk around first. After I¡¯m done, I¡¯ll treat you to a meal.¡± Once she finished speaking, she glanced at her wristwatch. She probably felt that she was late to class. She didn¡¯t even care that she was wearing high heels and ran all the way down the corridor with her lesson plans in hand.


    Ruan Zhizhi looked at her retreating figure and sighed silently. Although Gu Nian was a little unreliable in terms of feelings, when it came to work, she was very serious and responsible.


    After all, she was a professor of A University¡ªa shining, golden institution. Any teacher working at this university would have extraordinary pressure.


    Just thinking about it like this, Ruan Zhizhi was bored stiff and took a slow walk through the labyrinth-like teaching building. Before long, she found herself shamefully lost.


    A little at a loss, she glanced around and happened to see that there was a lecture hall with its door half-open. There were faint voices coming from inside.


    Someone was there. Maybe a class.


    If she simply asked for directions, it wouldn¡¯t disturb them for long, right?


    En¡­it should be fine.


    Thinking so, Ruan Zhizhi made the prompt decision to walk towards the lecture hall. Since the main door was tightly closed, she could only slip through the half-open door discreetly.


    As soon as she entered, she was taken aback by the grand scene in front of her. This lecture hall could accommodate almost three hundred people, and presently, it was densely packed. Some people didn¡¯t even have a seat, so they sat directly on the classroom steps. It was a sea of people, and not one drop would be able to trickle through.


    What class was so enticing?


    Curiosity instantly suppressed her original purpose of asking for directions. Ruan Zhizhi walked into the crowd, found an inconspicuous corner, and sat down with the other students. The others merely thought she had come late. Along with the simple and stylish sportswear she was wearing, no one suspected that she had already graduated from university for three years now.


    She sat down quietly. Before she could lift her head, she heard a man¡¯s clear, cold voice with a trace of hoarseness coming from the middle of the lecture hall. It was deep, calm, and provocative.


    He said: ¡°Avoidant personality disorder. The biggest characteristics seen in people with this disorder are behavioural withdrawal, psychological inferiority, oftentimes a closed heart, an unwillingness to have close contact with others, and a great sense of social unease.¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi had already heard this extremely recognizable voice many times. Even if she wanted to recognize it wrong, her ears wouldn¡¯t allow it.


    In this world, could such a coincidence really occur?


    After a month, she ran into him again on such an inappropriate occasion.


    Ruan Zhizhi raised her head. In the next second, the calm and collected man on the podium happened to turn around. Unguarded, she fell into the man¡¯s deep pupils.


    Gloomy, indifferent, weary of the world. Like a poisonous poppy, it was clear that he was extremely dangerous, yet there were still people who advanced dauntlessly, wave after wave, willing to embrace him with open arms.


    He was clearly surrounded by mountains and seas of people, standing in the middle of it all. However, the feeling Shi Yan conveyed at this very moment seemed to be the feeling of standing amongst a desolate and uninhabited ruin.


    Ruan Zhizhi looked at his eyes. They were so cold that they were almost neglectful. Her fingers that grasped her phone couldn¡¯t help but tremble.


    However, this tiny movement seemed to be detected by the other party. She was sensitively aware that when Shi Yan looked at her, his emotionless eyes softened little by little, as if he knew he had frightened her.


    His gaze stayed on her for at least five seconds, then he turned around in a calm and composed manner, his tone as steady as before: ¡°The primary cause of avoidant personality disorder is a sense of inferiority. Feelings of inferiority can originate from a person¡¯s childhood. As a result of their own inability, they can only watch certain things happen helplessly. This thereby creates feelings of incompetence and suffering. Of course, this also involves a person¡¯s self-contempt due to a rise in physical or psychological defects.¡±


    Shi Yan¡¯s way of teaching was not at all easy. His style of conversation lacked wit and was somewhat solemn. But for some reason, just like the more than three hundred students sitting in the lecture hall at this moment, Ruan Zhizhi couldn¡¯t help immersing herself in the content he explained. There was no reason. It was simply that her brain was continuously and uncontrollably attracted to him. It was completely involuntary.


    This person really did have powers.


    She quietly listened to his lecture. For a moment, she even forgot about the time.


    When the end of class was approaching, Shi Yan concluded the lecture five minutes early. He stood behind the podium with his head down and a faint expression on his face. As he packed up his lesson plans, he said casually, ¡°As usual, before we finish class, I¡¯ll ask a few students to share their favourite quote recently.¡±


    As soon as he finished speaking, numerous hands raised in unison under the podium.


    Shi Yan didn¡¯t even look, nonchalantly pointing to a female student.


    The girl was stunned for a moment, then widened her eyes slightly, as if she didn¡¯t dare believe her luck was so good. She stood up, so excited that her voice even shook: ¡°My favourite quote lately is from Jane Eyre, it¡¯s her monologue: ¡®And if God had gifted me with some beauty and much wealth, I should have made it as hard for you to leave me, as it is now for me to leave you. I am not talking to you now through the medium of custom, conventionalities, nor even of mortal flesh: it is my spirit that addresses your spirit; just as if both had passed through the grave, and we stood at God¡¯s feet, equal¡ªas we are!¡¯¡±


    ¡°Very good.¡± Shi Yan nodded, his tone extremely perfunctory. Even so, the female student sat down happily.


    Immediately, he pointed to a few other people.


    ¡°¡®All dharmas arise in dependence upon other dharmas: if this exists, that exists; if this ceases to exist, that also ceases to exist.¡¯¡±


    ¡°¡®Every life must be affirmed and respected. Death is our friend. Death is our greatest support in life. We walk toward it every day.¡¯¡±


    ¡°¡®There are hundreds of flowers in spring, and a bright moon in autumn; cool breezes in summer and quiet snow in winter. If there is nothing bothering you in your heart, it is a good season on earth.¡¯¡±


    ¡­¡­


    Once the last girl finished reciting her poem, she raised her head and looked at Shi Yan a little shyly. Biting her lip, it took a while for her to summon the courage to ask, ¡°Professor Shi, today, could you please share a quote you like with us?¡±


    The hand grabbing the lesson plans stopped. Everyone thought that Shi Yan would refuse ruthlessly as usual, but today, he didn¡¯t. Still, he maintained the movement that he was about to leave the classroom without turning around or looking back.


    The outline of his back carried a dense fog of loneliness and weariness. When he began to speak, his voice was slightly rough, but it was still as seductive as always: ¡°¡®There are some people who think love is sex and marriage and six o¡¯clock kisses and children, and perhaps it is. But do you know what I think? I think love is a touch and yet not a touch.¡¯


    ¡°From Salinger¡¯s The Heart of a Broken Story, class dismissed.¡± From beginning to end, Shi Yan didn¡¯t look back. After saying these words, he didn¡¯t look at anyone and followed a straight trajectory out of the classroom.


    Love is a touch and yet not a touch.


    Salinger¡¯s short story, The Heart of a Broken Story, had also been read by Ruan Zhizhi over and over again. She remembered how someone had commented on the story: Some writers spend their entire lives writing, but are incapable of producing a sentence that possesses so many intense emotions in so few words.


    From One Hundred Years of Solitude to The Heart of a Broken Story, Shi Yan always seemed to like such negative and sorrowful stories.


    Perhaps they were just two pitiful people who weren¡¯t allowed to love, that¡¯s all.


    Following the stream of students out of the classroom, Ruan Zhizhi checked the time. She estimated that Gu Nian should also be finishing class at this time. She was thinking of calling out to a student to ask for directions, but when she looked up, she didn¡¯t expect to see Shi Yan smoking in the smoking room across the corridor.


    Compared to a stranger, was it better to ask someone she was acquainted with for directions?


    After ruminating for a while, she changed the orientation of her footsteps and walked towards the smoking room.


    Ruan Zhizhi reached the door. Shi Yan¡¯s back was towards her at this moment. His tall, lean figure appeared cold and emotionless, the same as in the classroom a moment ago. There seemed to be warnings coming from his body telling strangers to stay away.


    She opened her mouth and was about to call him, but somehow, in the next second, Shi Yan seemed to sense something in his heart. He suddenly turned around.


    She was completely defenseless meeting his detached, sharp eyes.


    When the other party saw it was her, his expression relaxed a little. With a cigarette still in his mouth, he lowered his eyes and calmly greeted her, ¡°We meet again.¡±


    ¡°Yes, we meet again.¡± Ruan Zhizhi coughed and asked with a little embarrassment, ¡°I¡¯m here to find my friend, but because the campus is so big, I seem to be lost. Can you tell me how to get to the third teaching building?¡±


    Shi Yan pursed his lips and revealed a very mild smile. He stubbed the cigarette in his hand and slowly walked out of the dimly lit smoking room.


    For some reason, when Ruan Zhizhi saw him move away from the darkness towards the light, she unexpectedly let out a faint sigh of relief.


    ¡°I¡¯ll take you there,¡± he said.

 CH 11

    Chapter 11: University Schoolmate


    Walking side-by-side with Shi Yan on the way to the third teaching building, Ruan Zhizhi deeply suspected that her decision just now was a mistake. She shouldn¡¯t have let Shi Yan bring her here, because¡­at that moment, wherever they walked, the eyes of passersby pierced her heart like a knife.


    Ruan Zhizhi looked down, trying to feign the appearance that everything was natural and normal. Shi Yan¡¯s pace wasn¡¯t fast. It was as if he was afraid she wouldn¡¯t be able to keep up with him. The outline of his side profile was extremely refined, and there was always a faint hint of tobacco on his body.


    When they turned into the third teaching building, they had to walk through a confined area in the corridor. There weren¡¯t any lights. The space was sealed tight; not even a beam of light could penetrate it. It was cramped and oppressive.


    In an instant, her body became incredibly tense. Due to the circuit failure incident at her university before, Ruan Zhizhi was now a little claustrophobic. Although it wasn¡¯t severe, it was enough to make her uneasy at this moment.


    She walked slowly and with difficulty. Beads of sweat dripped from her forehead.


    Suddenly, a hand stretched out beside her and gently held her wrist.


    Regarding her current relationship with Shi Yan, this was a very safe move. He didn¡¯t take her hand or put an arm around her. He simply held her wrist politely and at a distance, as if empathizing with her fear.


    ¡°Are you really scared?¡± In the darkness, his voice was restrained, heavy, and a little husky.


    Ruan Zhizhi nodded, then subconsciously added: ¡°When I was studying in university, I was doing a dangerous experiment in the laboratory. There was a sudden circuit failure and the door was locked, so I couldn¡¯t get out. The other students and I were trapped inside for hours. So now, whenever I¡¯m in an airtight space, I have some psychological resistance.¡±


    The other party¡¯s grip on her wrist faltered for a moment. After a long time, he suddenly let out a light laugh. While laughing, he softly whispered as if thinking out loud, ¡°So you still remember.¡±


    She was unable to hear what he¡¯d said clearly. Ruan Zhizhi couldn¡¯t help turning her head to look at him. In the dimly lit space, she vaguely caught sight of the mild smile on the corners of his lips. It passed before her in an instant.


    Shi Yan walked a little bit ahead of her, his grasp on her wrist neither light nor heavy. The two walked slowly in this way. For some reason, Ruan Zhizhi actually felt somewhat at ease.


    To her surprise, following behind him made her feel safe.


    After passing through the corridor and walking all the way to the door of Gu Nian¡¯s office, Ruan Zhizhi stood still, thinking of how to say goodbye to him in a way that appeared polite and warm.


    Shi Yan was standing across from her. He was very tall in stature. At this moment, he lowered his eyes to watch her. There was an undercurrent in his ink-black pupils that surged up violently. His emotions were unclear.


    Amidst the silence, he approached. He reached out and gently rubbed her face.


    She immediately felt the blood in her body coagulate. Ruan Zhizhi froze in place, her eyes widening stiffly.


    But the man who had just performed such an intimate gesture merely raised his hand and explained lightly, ¡°There was dust.¡±


    ¡­Was it from just now in the corridor?


    A faint tobacco scent from his fingers remained on her cheek. Ruan Zhizhi calmed down and felt that her reaction just now caused her to lose a little face.


    Shi Yan retreated a few steps back, looked at her with his head tilted, and seemed to ask casually, ¡°The person you mentioned before, do you still like him?¡±


    She was confused for a few seconds. After a while, Ruan Zhizhi finally realized Shi Yan¡¯s meaning. Previously on Jade Dragon Snow Mountain, she had told Chen Jiayan that she already had someone she liked. Shi Yan was also present at the time.


    She raised her head to meet his gaze. There was a moment of silence. In the end, she still nodded.


    Feeling a little embarrassed, Ruan Zhizhi reached out to smooth her hair, then also followed offhandedly, ¡°And you? Do you still like her even now?¡±


    Shi Yan was silent. He lowered his gaze to look at her. A pair of dark, beautiful eyes flickered on and off, and after a while, he nodded and said yes.


    The two bid each other a polite farewell once again. Ruan Zhizhi stood there and watched him walk away step by step. Under the sun, the shadow he cast on the ground was pulled into a long, thin line. Every time he said goodbye, his back seemed lonely and desolate.


    ¡°Aiya, Zhizhi you¡¯re here. Go, go, go, I¡¯ll treat you to morning tea. A new place just opened near A University. My colleague told me that it¡¯s especially good. In a bit, there¡¯ll be a lineup for lunch.¡± Gu Nian had just packed up her things and was walking out of the office when she saw Ruan Zhizhi standing at the door. She energetically came over and pulled her away.


    Ruan Zhizhi absentmindedly followed her all the way through the gates of A University. The Hong Kong-style tea house was indeed very close. It was only a block away from the university.


    It was a little after ten o¡¯clock in the morning. The restaurant seemed to have just opened for business. Led by a waiter, the two directly walked inside and chose a good seat by the window.


    Gu Nian had just finished a class. Now she was so hungry that her chest was sticking to her back. She took the menu and ordered everything in a disarray as usual. It wasn¡¯t at all the amount that two girls could finish.


    Ruan Zhizhi, who was sitting across from her, sighed exasperatedly. ¡°My eldest miss, your habit of wasting food has not changed at all since university.¡±


    Although Gu Nian¡¯s household was only an ordinary, moderately affluent family, she was their only daughter. Her parents regarded her as the pearl in their palms and had pampered her immensely since childhood.


    In addition, her boyfriend since university, Cheng Fengjin, was the heir of a listed company. Therefore, her economic circumstances were more than favourable. Even now, she still didn¡¯t know the pains and difficulties of the human world. Everything she did was according to her temper.


    In terms of waste, Cheng Fengjin had also said numerous times that he would help her correct this bad habit. But according to Ruan Zhizhi, it seemed that after the two of them got together, the habit of wasting became more and more severe.


    Li Sichen used to often say that Gu Nian was spoiled by Cheng Fengjin. It was indeed so.


    In comparison, Li Sichen was more than a hundred times cruel to Ruan Zhizhi.


    Since there were very few customers at this time, the food came quickly. Rice noodle rolls, shrimp dumplings, chicken feet, fried radish cake, and sampan congee were arranged on the dining table in a circle. The fragrance assailed their senses, instantly evoking Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s appetite.


    While Gu Nian threw away her image and devoured the food, she prattled to Ruan Zhizhi: ¡°Zhizhi, next week I¡¯m having a wedding with Cheng Fengjin. You know, I¡¯ve suffered from insomnia every night these past few nights, my hair has fallen out, and my dark circles look like a panda¡¯s.¡±


    ¡°What? Don¡¯t tell me you don¡¯t want to marry Cheng Fengjin anymore.¡±


    ¡°¡­Aiya, that¡¯s not it, I just¡ªjust think that a lifetime is so long. What if he treats me badly after marriage? What if we can¡¯t endure the seven-year-itch and get divorced? What if he finds out that I¡¯m not as good as I thought?¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi was helpless. She carefully reasoned with her. ¡°This is just typical premarital phobia. One one hand, you long to get married, but on the other hand, you¡¯re afraid of the constraints of marriage.¡± She picked up her spoon and ate a mouthful of congee, chewing slowly. ¡°As I¡¯ve said, you should be content that you were able to meet Cheng Fengjin. In this world, there are plenty of times when you fail to find what you¡¯re looking for. Times where love has found its way, like with you two, are very rare.¡±


    Gu Nian was quiet. Her brows were tightly creased together. After some time, she sighed. ¡°Truthfully, I already know that Cheng Fengjin is very good to me. I think that, rather than worrying about being tied down, I¡¯m more afraid that he will think I¡¯m a burden in the future.¡±


    A burst of laughter escaped, and Ruan Zhizhi curved her lips as she pacified Gu Nian: ¡°If you¡¯re a burden, he will happily be burdened for a lifetime.¡±


    During their four years of university, what Ruan Zhizhi envied the most was Cheng Fengjin¡¯s wholeheartedness towards Gu Nian. Of course, this was something she would never get from Li Sichen.


    And because she knew she couldn¡¯t get it, she yearned for it even more.


    Ruan Zhizhi had always been by herself since childhood. Li Sichen once provided her with a brief period of warmth and company, but he never gave her the slightest sense of security. When she was by his side, she was happy, but also uneasy. It was because she knew that he could leave anytime, anywhere.


    Ironically, the one who actually gave her a sense of security turned out to be a stranger brought to her by chance: Shi Yan.


    If it weren¡¯t for that five-day, four-night trip to Yunnan, perhaps she wouldn¡¯t have had the slightest intersection with that person in her whole life. She was aware that he treated her a little differently, but for what reason?


    Could it be¡­because she looked a bit like the girl he liked? Or, was all the consideration he showed her purely a whim, something that exerted no effort?


    Ruan Zhizhi imagined a thousand possibilities, and yet she never imagined the possibility that she was the person Shi Yan had placed at the bottom of his heart¡ªthe person he had indirectly beseeched for many years, but could never have.


    ¡°Zhizhi, what are you thinking about? You¡¯ve ignored me for so long.¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s thoughts had been drifting to outer space, but her train of thought returned at the sound of Gu Nian¡¯s voice. Without thinking, she subconsciously replied, ¡°I¡¯m thinking about someone.¡±


    She had only said this casually. She didn¡¯t expect Gu Nian¡¯s interest to arrive in an instant. Even her premarital phobias were cast aside. ¡°Who is it? Zhizhi, is someone pursuing you? Or¡­was your heart moved by someone?¡±


    Embarrassment rose up in an instant. Afraid that Gu Nian and her big mouth would misunderstand, Ruan Zhizhi quickly explained: ¡°You think too much. It¡¯s just a very, very ordinary person who can at most be called a friend.¡±


    ¡°Who, who? Aiya, good Zhizhi, just tell me. Or else I¡¯m going to lose sleep tonight.¡±


    Unable to withstand Gu Nian¡¯s pestering, Ruan Zhizhi thought about it and tried to reply as plainly and succinctly as possible. ¡°His name is Shi Yan, he¡¯s a professor in your school¡¯s psychology department. Last time on the trip to Yunnan, he was also there.¡±


    Hearing the name ¡°Shi Yan¡±, Gu Nian was stupefied for a moment before she came back to her senses. ¡°Shi Yan¡­I¡¯ve always thought he was the most intelligent professor at A University. His IQ is much higher than mine, and he also looks super handsome. But this person, ah. He¡¯s always cold and doesn¡¯t like to acknowledge anyone. He¡¯s especially aloof.¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi nodded in approval.


    ¡°Oh, right.¡± Gu Nian set down her chopsticks. With a piece of fried radish cake in her mouth, she spoke inarticulately, ¡°Zhizhi, did you know that Shi Yan used to be our former university schoolmate?¡±


    ¡°What?!¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s brain seemed to crash that second. For a long time, it wouldn¡¯t turn on.


    Shi Yan and her were university schoolmates? In other words, he had also studied at UCLA?


    How could it be¡­this world was really too small.


    Gu Nian adored gossip. All of a sudden, she was full of vitality. ¡°You actually didn¡¯t know? He used to be an influential figure at school. With his high IQ, he graduated from a consecutive study of an undergraduate and masters program in four years. In short, he was a legend in the international students¡¯ circle at the time.¡±


    With great difficulty, her brain finished digesting this huge amount of information. When Ruan Zhizhi began to speak, there was a little doubt in her tone: ¡°Really? Then why don¡¯t I have any impression of him at all?¡±


    Gu Nian couldn¡¯t help rolling her eyes. She said indignantly, ¡°Back then your heart was set on Li Sichen, how could you still have time to care about other members of the opposite sex, ah! In your four years of university, there was only one person in your eyes¡ªLi Sichen. Everyone else was part of the background, or else classified as good or bad.¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi: ¡°¡­¡­¡±


    Squinting her eyes, Gu Nian didn¡¯t know what distant things she was thinking of and continued to blather: ¡°I remember seeing Shi Yan quite a few times when we ate at the cafeteria. He often sat behind us and ate alone. There were so many people that went up to talk to him, asking to sit with him and so on. All were rejected by him.¡± When Gu Nian mentioned this, she couldn¡¯t help sighing. ¡°At the time I always wondered if there was someone he was waiting for.¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s lips curled, yet she remained completely unmoved. ¡°Is the theatrical drama in your mind so rich? Maybe he doesn¡¯t like being disturbed by other people when he eats, and just wants peace and quiet.¡±


    ¡°How is that possible? There¡¯s no one in this world who likes to eat by themselves. It¡¯s much too lonely.¡±


    Lonely.


    Indeed, this is what she had seen the most in Shi Yan.


    A strong and heavy sense of loneliness. Even when he was walking in a crowd, he seemed out of place.


    His eyes were always gloomy and sharp, constantly making people feel that he didn¡¯t belong in this profane world. Secretive and dangerous.


    And yet, for some unknown reason, Ruan Zhizhi felt that she and him seemed to be getting closer and closer.


    Translator¡¯s Note: If you like this story so far, please give it a good rating on Novel Updates! It¡¯s much appreciated (¤Å ? _?)¤Å?

 CH 12

    Chapter 12: Black Umbrella


    Lately, Ruan Zhizhi had been a little stressed. The press release she had spent two nights rushing to complete was criticized by her boss on the grounds that her manuscript¡¯s description of the case suspect¡¯s mental illness was not accurate enough.


    When Ruan Zhizhi received her boss¡¯s feedback, she was speechless. From childhood until now, her main field of study had nothing to do with the Department of Psychology. In regards to her personal point of view, the point of a press release was to assert the key facts. There was no need to be so precise about supplementary information. However, in the eyes of her boss who always pursued perfection, only declaring the facts was insufficient.


    Since she had only just obtained a full position, Ruan Zhizhi didn¡¯t dare make a wrong turn at this juncture. Therefore, she could only take the manuscript back, meticulously scroll through resources on the Internet, and make revisions by herself.


    Now, it was already the end of January. After this month, it would be February, the beginning of spring.


    In recent days, the weather had been extremely chilly. Outside, it was bitterly cold. If it wasn¡¯t that she couldn¡¯t find the feeling at home, Ruan Zhizhi wouldn¡¯t have gone out in such awful weather at all.


    Currently, she was sitting in a caf¨¦ she frequented. Due to the frigid weather, the caf¨¦¡ªwhich was usually very lively¡ªhad few customers at present. It was exceptionally deserted.


    But it was also good like this. It was happy and quiet.


    Ruan Zhizhi ordered a cup of American-style coffee and a small box of macarons. Afterwards, she habitually walked to the window seat on the left side, sat down comfortably, and opened her laptop.


    The main content of this press release was to state that a young girl had become pregnant before marriage and was forced to marry due to family pressure. After marrying, her husband had a bad temper and regularly beat and scolded her. Her husband¡¯s parents displayed even more contempt towards her. Not only was she not given the care she deserved as a pregnant woman, but she was not even guaranteed three meals a day. Later, one could imagine that the child in her stomach naturally miscarried. In the end, the girl couldn¡¯t bear the distress. One night when her husband was away on a business trip, she killed both of her in-laws in their sleep. Soon after, she went to the police station to surrender by herself.


    However, when it was time to record her transcript, the girl behaved very abnormally. One moment she claimed to have killed her father-in-law and mother-in-law, but then the next moment she completely negated her entire testimony. She erratically told the police that she¡¯d accidentally heard her mother-in-law privately tell her husband that it was foolish and pointless for her to stay in this home. Her mother-in-law wanted her son to divorce her, or directly find a way to make her disappear.


    Later, after a forensic evaluation, she was believed to have severe schizophrenia. Therefore, the case was still pending now.


    Ruan Zhizhi couldn¡¯t help heaving a sigh at her laptop. She had already looked up many reference materials about the symptoms of schizophrenia online, but to her exasperation, the long list of terms was really difficult to make sense of for a layman.


    Just as she was looking miserably at the returned press release in her hand, she suddenly heard a jingle of wind chimes at the door of the caf¨¦.


    Ruan Zhizhi didn¡¯t care much. She was feeling a little dizzy, so she took out a peach-flavoured fruit candy from her backpack, peeled off the candy wrapper, and stuffed it in her mouth.


    ¡°Hello sir, what would you like today?¡±


    ¡°A box of macarons, packed.¡±


    ¡°Okay, please wait a moment.¡±


    ¡­¡­


    This voice was¡­


    Ruan Zhizhi doubted her own ears and subconsciously turned her head. Sure enough, she saw a slim man in a black coat standing quietly to the side of the counter. Both of his hands were in the pockets of his coat, and his back looked tall and straight. Very casual.


    Because it was raining outside, the ends of his hair were somewhat soaked. Drops of water trickled down his forehead, yet he didn¡¯t seem to find it embarrassing and was still inconceivably graceful.


    Ruan Zhizhi watched him and further verified her previous guess.


    Look, this man really did have a special fondness for the macarons in this shop.


    He seemed to notice her gaze and turned his head nonchalantly. His eyes happened to meet Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s examining stare.


    When he saw her, his eyes suddenly softened.


    If Ruan Zhizhi could still tell herself that it was a misperception in the past, now that the two of them met more and more frequently, she could no longer continue the charade. Because every time Shi Yan saw her, his apathetic and gloomy expression always turned tender.


    She didn¡¯t know why, but it was truly like this every time.


    The down jacket Ruan Zhizhi was wearing today was the same one she¡¯d worn at the bar in Lijiang with Shi Yan and Chen Jiayan before. She watched Shi Yan take the macarons from the server¡¯s hands and unconsciously put her fingers in the pockets of her down jacket. In the next second, she felt the paper rose.


    The paper rose he had gifted her a long time ago. Although she hadn¡¯t kept it properly, she also hadn¡¯t thrown it away.


    What did it represent?


    Ruan Zhizhi didn¡¯t dare think about it. She didn¡¯t have the time to think about it, because she saw the man who possessed a strange charm once again coming to her.


    It left her with nowhere to run.


    ¡°Working?¡±


    Shi Yan carried the box of macarons in hand and walked over gracefully. He greeted her as if it was no big deal and sat across from her naturally.


    Of course, she didn¡¯t have room to refuse him, so she had no choice but to follow along with the pleasantries: ¡°Yeah. You don¡¯t have class today?¡±


    ¡°Morning class, just finished.¡±


    As he spoke, out of the corner of his eye, he inadvertently saw Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s press release on the table.


    Ruan Zhizhi noticed his line of sight and was struck with inspiration. Her tone suddenly became one of fawning: ¡°Right, Shi Yan, I¡¯ll ask you. You¡¯re in psychology. For schizophrenia, do you have a more detailed explanation of the cause and symptoms and so on?¡±


    Shi Yan took her press release with ease, glanced at it casually, and then came to the conclusion: ¡°Indeed, it¡¯s not very professional.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡­¡±


    Did he need to say it so bluntly?


    ¡°Tomorrow and the day after tomorrow at five o¡¯clock in the afternoon, I¡¯ll be talking about some of the symptoms and causes of schizophrenia in my class. If you¡¯re interested, you can come and sit in.¡±


    Sit in?


    An intense ideological struggle immediately began in Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s brain. After thinking about it, she felt that this was a lucrative deal. Anyway, the main job at hand was to modify this press release. It would truly be beneficial for her to sit in on a psychology class taught by a professor of A University.


    Therefore, she nodded and agreed very cheerfully.


    As the two of them chatted, the rain got heavier and heavier.


    Ruan Zhizhi tidied up her things and walked out alongside Shi Yan. She soon realized the embarrassing situation she was in¡ªwhen she had gone out today, she hadn¡¯t brought an umbrella.


    Shi Yan glanced over. Without any hesitation, he reached out and handed her his own.


    Ruan Zhizhi was stunned for a moment, then quickly shook her head and declined: ¡°No need, my house is very close by. It¡¯s a ten-minute walk at most. Anyway, I can just wait for the rain to stop before going back.¡±


    Shi Yan was aloof, still maintaining the gesture of extending his hand. ¡°It¡¯s pouring, you¡¯ll catch a cold.¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi mulled it over, but still couldn¡¯t accept Shi Yan¡¯s umbrella with a clear conscience. She couldn¡¯t let him go back in the rain, so she continued to refuse. ¡°It¡¯s really not necessary. Go back to school quickly, didn¡¯t you say there are still classes in the afternoon?¡±


    Shi Yan was quiet. The atmosphere became somewhat heavy for a moment. Neither of them spoke, and only the sound of raindrops pitter-pattering remained. After a long time, he spoke in a low tone that carried a thread of inexplicable disappointment: ¡°Ruan Zhizhi, must you reject me?¡±


    She didn¡¯t know if it was raining too hard, or if the tone of his voice contained too much loss. Ruan Zhizhi bowed her head and looked at this extended hand grasping the umbrella. After a while, it was as if the demons and gods were at work. She unexpectedly took it.


    ¡°Thank you.¡±


    Once she propped the umbrella open, Ruan Zhizhi walked a few steps and then turned back. She hesitated for a moment but still asked him tentatively, ¡°How about we go together?¡±


    She saw Shi Yan smile softly. Raindrops wet his smile, trickling down his chin into his neckline. He was a good-looking mess. His handsome appearance made her tremble in fear, her heart alarmed. And when he began to speak, his tone was awfully firm: ¡°No need, I¡¯m going back to school for class. See you next time.¡±


    After he finished speaking, he didn¡¯t give Ruan Zhizhi any chance to urge him to stay. He turned around and entered the downpour of rain alone.


    Ruan Zhizhi stood in place, her fingers unconsciously clenching the handle of the umbrella. Her heart was full of guilt.


    Just now¡­she really shouldn¡¯t have taken the umbrella out of her fear of disappointment.


    Altogether, it only took Ruan Zhizhi seven or eight minutes to walk back home from the coffee shop. She walked inside, found a clean umbrella cover, and carefully sheathed the black umbrella. As she placed it by the door, she thought about returning it to Shi Yan when she attended his class tomorrow afternoon.


    Her home had always been cold and cheerless, without the slightest trace of warmth.


    Due to her poor constitution, as well as the fact that it was overcast and rainy, Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s hands and feet were freezing now. It was incredibly difficult to bear. She kneaded the space between her brows, walked to the living room, and steeped herself a cup of brown sugar ginger water. She held the cup as she sat on the sofa. The steam warmed her ice-cold body a little.


    After sitting blankly on the sofa for a bit, she estimated that Shi Yan should have returned to the university by now. Ruan Zhizhi took out her cell phone, opened WeChat, and went to Shi Yan¡¯s WeChat account. She hesitated for a long time, her fingertips going back and forth towards the keyboard repeatedly. In the end, she still opened the chat interface and sent him a WeChat message.


    ¡°Did you get to school? Thank you for the umbrella.¡±


    After about five minutes, Shi Yan answered: ¡°I¡¯m here, no need for thanks.¡±


    Having received a reply from the other party, Ruan Zhizhi let out a sigh of relief. Her fingertips continuously deleted and edited from her phone¡¯s keyboard before she finally sent out the lines: ¡°When you get home, drink some banlangen. If you catch a cold, I will feel very apologetic.¡±


    This time, the other party responded quite quickly: ¡°If I catch a cold, will you look after me?¡±


    The fingers resting over the keyboard froze. Ruan Zhizhi stared at her phone screen for a while, then tentatively replied: ¡°As a friend, if you¡¯re in need, of course I will take care of you.¡±


    En¡­this kind of answer shouldn¡¯t be wrong, right?


    ¡°If that¡¯s so, it¡¯s also very good.¡±


    This was his reply. Ambiguous and vague.


    That night, Ruan Zhizhi suffered from insomnia again.


    She tossed and turned restlessly in bed, even trying all kinds of methods to resolve it, but she still couldn¡¯t fall asleep.


    Staring at her cell phone on the nightstand, Ruan Zhizhi thought about it for some time and finally couldn¡¯t help stretching her hand out.


    She unlocked the screen and opened the Weibo interface. Then, she found Li Sichen¡¯s Weibo.


    It seemed that she hadn¡¯t peeked at Li Sichen¡¯s page for a long time. So long that she almost thought she was a normal person.


    In her subconscious mind, she always felt that she should let go of Li Sichen. But every time she thought she was about to succeed, her previous efforts would go down the drain, and she¡¯d once again follow a path that led to failure.


    Sometimes she also thought of abandoning herself to despair and surrendering herself to the person that she couldn¡¯t forget. However, she couldn¡¯t be reconciled to waste her precious time on someone who didn¡¯t love her.


    Li Sichen hadn¡¯t shared any news lately. His most recent Weibo post was still the one she¡¯d seen last time: City A, I¡¯m back.


    Last time when they ate barbecue, Gu Nian had also told her that Li Sichen would be returning to China soon.


    But two people who had no fate together, even if they lived in the same city, would not be able to come across each other very often.


    If she didn¡¯t see Li Sichen, that would truly be the best favour to her from the Heavens. But if they ever met, what should she do?


    In truth, she was really worried that she would panic and run away. If she did, it would be too humiliating.


    ¡­¡­


    In this way, Ruan Zhizhi drifted into the land of dreams amidst such unrealistic entanglements and imaginations.

 CH 13

    Chapter 13: Depression


    Although the sky cleared up the next day, the air was still saturated with the smell of rain and dampness. Since she had already experienced the charm of Shi Yan¡¯s lectures previously, she was afraid that she wouldn¡¯t be able to find a seat this time. So Ruan Zhizhi took the black umbrella and set off from home early.


    By the time she called a taxi and reached A University¡¯s campus gates, it was just half-past four. Shi Yan¡¯s class started at five o¡¯clock in the same lecture hall as last time.


    She didn¡¯t know why, but she actually felt a little nervous going into Shi Yan¡¯s lecture. Ruan Zhizhi, who had been away from campus for three years already, carried a school bag again. Furthermore, she¡¯d earnestly prepared a notebook and pen. She planned to attend class and conscientiously listen to the lecture. She would record many notes and then go back to revise her manuscript.


    Carrying her school bag, she walked through the campus. As she listened to the sound of students laughing and playing around her, she also reminisced about her own school days a little.


    When she arrived at the lecture hall, there were still about twenty minutes before class. Even though she¡¯d already arrived much earlier, the huge lecture hall was almost 80% packed with people.


    Ruan Zhizhi casually found a seat in the back row and sat down. At the same time, a continuous flow of people kept entering from outside the classroom door. The seats around her were quickly filled by students. In an instant, the entire lecture hall was crowded.


    Ruan Zhizhi was somewhat bothered by the noisy voices in her ears, so she took out her headphones from her school bag and listened to a song. In front of her was an empty notebook and a black pen. Ruan Zhizhi lay on the table and listened to music while resting. In a trance, she felt as if she really had returned to her university campus days.


    In those days, the sky was bright blue every day. Ruan Zhizhi thought that she could quietly accompany Li Sichen forever and never ask for anything in return.


    But later, she found out she was wrong. In this world, how could there be so many fools willing to invest emotions without demanding something in return? One year, two years, three years, inevitably there would be a day that she would fall apart from the inexhaustible, endless wait.


    Therefore, in her senior year at Li Sichen¡¯s birthday party, she drank an entire bottle of 60% vodka. At last, she could no longer hold back and declared her secret love all along.


    Not wanting to recall the memories that followed, Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s memory only extended to there. The rest, she forcibly suppressed.


    Likely because of yesterday night¡¯s insomnia and the fact that she had to get up early for work today, Ruan Zhizhi felt a little sleepy while waiting for class. She subconsciously told herself that she couldn¡¯t fall asleep at this time. Ultimately, however, she was no match for the drowsiness surging forth. She struggled in vain for a while, but in the end she closed her eyes and entered a light sleep.


    ¡­¡­


    ¡°Student Ruan Zhizhi, are you awake?¡±


    A familiar voice suddenly sounded beside her ear. The tone was chilly, and the sound was neither light nor heavy as it resounded in the air. In an instant, she quivered and jolted her head up from the desk.


    Sure enough, she saw Shi Yan standing one metre away from her in the classroom aisle, watching her. He was holding a stack of lesson plans in his hands. His black, translucent eyes were looking at her with an unknown meaning.


    Currently, Ruan Zhizhi couldn¡¯t wait to dig a hole and get in. She deeply felt that this was the highest loss of face¡­Yesterday, she had agreed to attend his class, and now she had fallen asleep before the lecture even started.


    The crowd around her was whispering, and the faint laughing voices of other students could be heard.


    Even someone as unperturbed as Ruan Zhizhi couldn¡¯t help but blush.


    ¡°¡­I¡¯m awake.¡± She cleared her throat and spoke in shame.


    Shi Yan nodded. He looked at her expressionlessly, then said as if it was no big deal, ¡°Listen to class diligently.¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi nodded promptly, taking on the appearance of someone humbly seeking instruction.


    While Shi Yan returned to the podium and began preparing the presentation for today¡¯s class, Ruan Zhizhi clearly heard a few girls sitting beside her discussing in low voices. They were talking about how Shi Yan could know her name.


    Ruan Zhizhi made a ¡°‡å¡± face and silently bowed her head a little lower.


    Due to this little episode, Ruan Zhizhi remained in a state of high concentration for the next hour. She was more serious than the days where she studied for final exams in university.


    Shi Yan stood nonchalantly in front of the podium. He used his remote to change the presentation slide to the next page: ¡°Next, let¡¯s focus on the symptoms and causes of schizophrenia.¡±


    Hearing this phrase, Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s spirit became even more invigorated. But contrary to her attitude, when the other students heard Shi Yan¡¯s words, they distinctly revealed surprised looks. Now there was whispering in the quiet classroom.


    ¡°Didn¡¯t we just discuss schizophrenia a few days ago? Why do we have to talk about it again today?¡±


    ¡°Right, did Professor Shi remember wrong?¡±


    ¡°Impossible¡­when it comes to these things, Professor Shi never remembers wrong.¡±


    ¡­¡­


    As the crowd discussed it privately, some people soon lifted their hands and brought forth their shared doubts. Regarding this, Shi Yan simply raised his eyelids and responded indifferently: ¡°The exam is soon, I¡¯m helping you review in advance.¡±


    The students: ¡°¡­¡­¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi: ¡°¡­¡­¡±


    ¡°There are many clinical manifestations of schizophrenia. Among them, one of the principal types is paranoid schizophrenia. Paranoid schizophrenia involves severe hallucinations, delusions, and insecurities. These patients typically believe that they are physically and mentally healthy, while the people in their lives possess a hostility towards them and want to harm them. This is what we usually call persecutory delusions.¡±


    Persecutory delusions?


    Ruan Zhizhi recalled the contents of the case while taking notes. The suspect in the case had made repeated accusations to the police, saying that her in-laws wanted to unite with her husband to murder her. Her testimony had been so precise, down to the tools and methods of operation they were going to use to commit the murder. Afterwards, the police really did go to her home many times to investigate, but they came up empty-handed.


    These were probably all delusions that came from the suspect suffering from schizophrenia. She must have felt that she was in an extremely dangerous situation at all times¡ªone that no one understood and no one could save her from. So in the end, she reached the extreme and chose to kill her in-laws. She had used this method to escape her own subjective sense of threat.


    Ruan Zhizhi wrote incessantly. She felt more and more that choosing to attend this lecture was the correct decision.


    The one-hour class ended quickly. Since there were too many people in the classroom, Ruan Zhizhi unhurriedly packed her school bag, then sat in her seat for a while. After avoiding the rush hour, she stood up and walked towards the door of the classroom.


    Who would have imagined that as soon as she went out, she heard a voice she knew all too well. There was a faint, lingering scent of tobacco, and he leaned against the door frame, waiting for her.


    ¡°Awake now?¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi blushed. Not to be outdone, she retorted in the next second: ¡°Professor Shi, I only slept for a moment before class. Didn¡¯t you see me taking notes the entire class afterwards? I bet I was the most diligent student today.¡±


    Shi Yan didn¡¯t speak. He lowered his eyes slightly and looked at her with a smile that was actually very tender.


    Tender. Indeed, this word wasn¡¯t harmonious with someone like him. And yet she didn¡¯t know why, but when he smiled at her and spoke to her softly, Ruan Zhizhi felt that this person ought to be described this way.


    Perhaps he was a complicated and strange person. He could be gentle for one second, then cold the next.


    Ruan Zhizhi looked at him and was inexplicably stupefied.


    Shi Yan extended a hand and waved it before her eyes. ¡°Looks like you still haven¡¯t woken up yet.¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi followed his voice and came back to her senses. She was just about to speak but seemed to remember something instead. Without delay, she took the school bag off her shoulders, pulled open the zipper, and fumbled around for a moment. Then, she pulled out a carefully folded black umbrella, as well as a pack of banlangen that had not been opened.


    ¡°This is the umbrella you lent me yesterday.¡± Ruan Zhizhi reached out and handed him the umbrella, then paused. She seemed a little embarrassed as she took out the banlangen with her other hand. ¡°This¡­is because I was worried you would catch a cold after getting wet in the rain. I think it¡¯s best if you take some medicine to prevent it. Otherwise, if you catch a cold now, it¡¯ll be very uncomfortable in this weather.¡±


    Time seemed to stand still at this moment. Shi Yan didn¡¯t know if he was listening to her or if his mind was wandering. He didn¡¯t respond, still leaning on the door frame and lowering his eyes to look at her.


    In his eyes, there seemed to be the light of fireflies flickering, glowing then dying out. Impossible to unravel, it made people shiver in their hearts.


    Shi Yan¡¯s thoughts had always been difficult to guess. Ruan Zhizhi didn¡¯t understand what his reaction meant. Her outstretched hand remained frozen mid-air. She couldn¡¯t take it back, nor could she not give it to him.


    At last, Shi Yan raised his head and asked her very calmly, ¡°Are you this good to all your friends?¡±


    Friends. This was the word Ruan Zhizhi had used when she texted him yesterday.


    Not understanding the meaning of his words, Ruan Zhizhi thought about it and told it like it was: ¡°It¡¯s not like that¡­I actually don¡¯t have any friends, so I¡¯ve always felt that if someone treats me well, I must treat them well, too.¡±


    At this time, the hour hand already pointed towards six o¡¯clock in the evening. Twilight was emerging around them, and the sun was setting to the west. A red haze diffused from all directions in the sky. Even the colour of his pupils darkened, nearly drowning her.


    The students that just finished class had urgently scrambled to the cafeteria to grab a seat for dinner. Therefore, they were all long gone. The teaching building that was overcrowded ten minutes ago was now sparsely populated. Reflecting the afterglow of the setting sun, it was cold and cheerless.


    ¡°Then what do you think, am I good to you?¡± Due to his long-term smoking, Shi Yan¡¯s voice always contained a hint of hoarseness.


    When Ruan Zhizhi heard such a question, she nodded without any hesitation. In passing, she gave a lengthy speech to express her gratitude: ¡°In fact, I have always wanted to thank you properly. During our trip to Yunnan, you and Chen Jiayan always took good care of me. Even in the few times that we¡¯ve run into each other, you¡¯ve also helped me a lot. All in all, I¡¯m really fortunate to be able to know you as a friend.¡±


    ¡°Friend?¡± Shi Yan spoke in a low tone. His voice was awfully light, as if he was talking to himself.


    She subconsciously didn¡¯t want to continue this topic. Ruan Zhizhi pursed her lips and quickly found a new subject. ¡°Right, the content you taught in today¡¯s lecture will be really helpful for revising my press release. Just now in class, I was thinking about how fortunate it was to come today.¡± After a pause, she asked a little curiously, ¡°Shi Yan, do you think that people like you, who have studied psychology so thoroughly, are less likely to develop mental illness?¡±


    Shi Yan shook his head and replied in a downplayed manner, ¡°When I was in university, I suffered from depression.¡± Saying so, he looked down at her and smiled without any emotion. And yet there was still a trace of sadness in his smiling expression. ¡°A doctor that can¡¯t heal himself, what do you say, isn¡¯t that very ironic?¡±


    Depression¡­


    When he said it like this, it reminded Ruan Zhizhi of that night at the bar in Lijiang. Shi Yan seemed to have already mentioned it. At that time, her reaction had been the same as Yan Rui and the other young ladies¡¯. They believed he was merely speaking without thinking. How could a successful person like him be depressed?


    She wanted to ask about the cause, but she was afraid that she would unmask the other party¡¯s scars, so she dropped it.


    ¡°I¡¯ll send you downstairs.¡±


    He straightened up from the classroom door frame and took the initiative to close the subject. Walking on her left, he accompanied her step by step down the teaching building¡¯s stairs.


    Shi Yan sent her all the way to the campus gates before stopping in his tracks.


    Ruan Zhizhi turned around and waved at him. ¡°It¡¯s okay to see me off here. I¡¯ll call a taxi to go back. You¡¯ve been tired all day, so hurry back and pack your things.¡±


    The wind rose and blew the hair on his forehead. Shi Yan quietly stood a few steps away from her. For some reason, Ruan Zhizhi felt that the distance between the two of them seemed very far at this moment.


    He began to speak, his slightly raspy voice mixing with the sound of the wind and whistling cars. Overall, it seemed somewhat indistinct.


    ¡°Ruan Zhizhi, do you know what is even more foolish than your own wishful thinking? It¡¯s when you clearly know it¡¯s foolish, and yet you can¡¯t stop.¡±


    Translator¡¯s Note: I can¡¯t guarantee updates for the next couple days, sorry :¡¯( They¡¯ll probably resume on the weekend though. I¡¯m just super busy with school again T^T (Anyway, if you want immediate notifications for new chapters, you can join the Discord server!)

 CH 14

    Chapter 14: Chance Encounter


    Today Ruan Zhizhi was distracted countless times at work. Fortunately, it was not discovered by her boss.


    When she was about to finish for the day, she still hadn¡¯t thought about whether or not to attend Shi Yan¡¯s lecture at A University that evening.


    Previously, she had agreed with him to sit in on two lectures. But now her press release had already been revised and submitted. She¡¯d successfully passed the inspection. Additionally, she subconsciously felt that if she continued contacting Shi Yan this way, the situation would become very dangerous.


    Ruan Zhizhi was really afraid. But she was also older now. She didn¡¯t want to¡ªand wouldn¡¯t¡ªbe a moth flying in the flame, dashing bravely without thinking of the dangers and disregarding any consequences just as she had seven years ago. She had already tried it once in the past, and the pain it produced was enough to be engraved in her memory for life.


    Just as she was on a mental journey to outer space, it had finally reached the time to get off work at the company. The profession of a reporter had its advantages and disadvantages. One advantage was that work was very leisurely when there were no job matters. The disadvantage was that if there was huge news, regardless of if it was late at night or early in the morning, reporters had to arrive within the first moments of the scene and fight for the opportunity to interview and get the first dispatch.


    However, as a small reporter who hadn¡¯t had a full position for very long, Ruan Zhizhi had yet to make big news on the scene. She basically only took over some criminal cases that had already been concluded.


    ¡°Zhizhi, what are you thinking about? Everyone¡¯s gone.¡±


    The one to speak was Lu Wanyi, one of the official reporters who had passed the internship with Ruan Zhizhi. Since the two were in the same internship training group previously, as a matter of course, their relationship was closer.


    ¡°I¡¯m not thinking about anything, I¡¯m just in a daze.¡± Ruan Zhizhi heard Lu Wanyi¡¯s words and returned to her senses. She began to tidy up and prepare to go home.


    Lu Wanyi still had no intention of leaving. She stood in place and watched Ruan Zhizhi collect her things for a while. After a long time, she summoned the courage to issue an invitation: ¡°Zhizhi, if you don¡¯t have anything to do, let¡¯s go have dinner together.¡±


    Immediately after she said this, she wanted to take it back. People with discerning eyes could usually tell that Ruan Zhizhi didn¡¯t like to deal with colleagues very much. No matter what she did, her face had an indifferent expression. It seemed that it was rare for her to make friends with others. Lu Wanyi didn¡¯t know if it was because they¡¯d previously been interns together and people of talent appreciated one another, or if it was because Ruan Zhizhi was beautiful. In short, Lu Wanyi just had a very good opinion of her. Therefore, she couldn¡¯t help inviting her to dinner just now.


    Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s action of packing her things stopped, and she looked up at her in surprise.


    In the past, she¡¯d always been accustomed to keeping to herself and being alone. In her memory, very few people took the initiative to approach her. In truth, she was a little overwhelmed by this favour, so she agreed without a second thought: ¡°Of course we can.¡±


    Seeing her respond so candidly, Lu Wanyi instantly showed a relieved smile: ¡°That¡¯s great, I know of a very authentic Japanese restaurant. It¡¯s only three bus stops away from the entrance of our company. Very convenient.¡±


    ¡°Okay, let¡¯s go together.¡±


    While accepting, Ruan Zhizhi immediately felt a trace of something in her heart. She didn¡¯t know if it was a sense of relief or loss. After all, in this way, she certainly wouldn¡¯t be going to A University today. Nor would she see Shi Yan.


    Strange. She obviously thought that she should be relieved, yet for some reason, in some place in her heart, she suddenly seemed to become empty.


    Once the two walked to the bus stop, they waited for the No. 82 bus. After the bus arrived, they swiped their cards and got on. Since it was currently rush hour with everyone getting off work, the bus was packed with people. Neither of them minded, supporting themselves with the handrails as they stood in the bus aisle casually.


    Ruan Zhizhi was originally worried that the ten minutes on the bus would be a little awkward. After all, the two of them had never gone out alone together. But when she really faced Lu Wanyi, she realized that she was completely overthinking it.


    Lu Wanyi was really enthusiastic and proactive.


    Previously, Ruan Zhizhi thought that Gu Nian already talked enough. But meeting Lu Wanyi today, she realized Gu Nian paled in comparison. For ten whole minutes, she spoke without stopping, covering a very extensive range of topics such as gossip, food, fitness, and finally her boyfriend.


    It was not until they got off the bus at Binhai Road that Lu Wanyi reluctantly concluded, ¡°In short, my boyfriend is good everywhere, it¡¯s just that he¡¯s too much of a male chauvinist.¡±


    The Japanese restaurant was only a seven or eight minute walk from the Binhai Road bus stop. The two chatted while walking and arrived quite soon.


    Lu Wanyi¡¯s recommendation was pretty good. This Japanese restaurant did seem completely authentic. Although the area wasn¡¯t large, they paid particular attention to the decor and service. Every table was separated by a curtain, which was quite nice, as it showed consideration to customers discussing private business.


    The two chatted while eating. Due to their conversation during that brief ten-minute bus ride, Ruan Zhizhi now had an approximate understanding of Lu Wanyi¡¯s character. Therefore, the current atmosphere was quite harmonious.


    ¡°What was I talking about just now when we were getting off the bus?¡± Lu Wanyi stuffed a piece of eel sushi in her mouth and asked inarticulately.


    Ruan Zhizhi broke into laughter: ¡°You were saying your boyfriend is a huge male chauvinist.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s right.¡± Lu Wanyi swallowed the sushi in her mouth, took a sip of water, and cleared her throat before proceeding to complain. ¡°No matter what I do, he has to be in control¡ªfrom when I go out to see my friends to what colour of lipstick I wear. In short, he and I have been together for three years, but every day I live in deep water and scorching fire.¡±


    ¡°Then do you love him?¡±


    ¡°Of course. If I didn¡¯t love him, then I wouldn¡¯t put up with his bad temper.¡± Lu Wanyi pouted her lips, sighed, then added, ¡°In fact, I can tolerate and endure all of these issues with his temperament. The only thing I can¡¯t accept is that even now, he has no plans to marry me.¡±


    Marry?


    When Ruan Zhizhi heard these words, she raised her head once more and sized up Lu Wanyi¡¯s appearance. She seemed to be twenty-five years old at most, dressed in Japanese and Korean-style clothing. Her eyes were large, and her long hair was braided into a bunch of fishtail plaits hanging down her back. She was wearing a loose shirt with a skirt. She had the appearance of a young girl.


    ¡°You¡¯re still so young, why are you thinking about things like marriage so early?¡± Ruan Zhizhi looked at her, unable to endure her curiosity.


    This time it was Lu Wanyi who was baffled. ¡°Soon I¡¯ll be twenty-six years old. I¡¯m already at the age to get married. Zhizhi, why don¡¯t you want to get married? Is your boyfriend no good to you?¡±


    ¡°Uh¡­¡± When Ruan Zhizhi heard her question, she shook her head with some embarrassment. ¡°I still don¡¯t have a boyfriend yet.¡±


    ¡°What? You actually don¡¯t have a boyfriend?¡± Lu Wanyi¡¯s eyes were wide open, as if this was something completely incomprehensible. ¡°You¡¯re so beautiful and so capable at work, how can it be that you don¡¯t have a boyfriend?¡± After speaking, she seemed to be a little deflated. She whispered as if talking to herself, ¡°A few days ago I made a bet with Xiao Zhao, saying that you certainly had a boyfriend. I never imagined that one day I would be wrong.¡±


    Indeed, a girl at Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s age would definitely have a steady boyfriend even if she was not married with children. The last time her mother called her, she also specifically emphasized that no matter what, in the new year, she needed to find a boyfriend¡ªeven if it was a flash marriage, she didn¡¯t care.


    ¡°Oh¡­I can¡¯t explain it, I¡¯m just left over. In any case, I¡¯m not desperate to get married. Being alone is very good, at least I have lots of freedom.¡± Ultimately, Ruan Zhizhi could only get out with this kind of vague speech.


    Lu Wanyi didn¡¯t agree: ¡°Although I said such things, as a girl, you certainly still need a boyfriend to take care of you and love you dearly. If you ask me, your conditions are very good. If you plan to fall in love now, I bet there would definitely be many people pursuing you.¡±


    ¡°Forget it.¡± Ruan Zhizhi bowed her head and took a sip of coffee, then shook her head with complete disinterest. ¡°For the time being, I don¡¯t have any thoughts on this.¡±


    After that, she kept her head lowered. For some reason, when her gaze passed through the rising steam of the porcelain cup, she absentmindedly seemed to see Shi Yan¡¯s appearance.


    She missed their appointment today. She didn¡¯t know whether he would be displeased as a result, or if he had already forgotten that she was supposed to attend his lecture today.


    Ruan Zhizhi thought of this and felt an indistinct regret. Even though she decided not to go today, she hadn¡¯t informed him. In this way it seemed too impolite. Shi Yan would definitely think that she didn¡¯t know etiquette.


    ¡°Today I¡¯m really happy. Next time we have to come out for another meal.¡±


    Once the dinner was over, Lu Wanyi patted her bulging belly with perfect satisfaction. She wholeheartedly stated that she hoped to establish a small friendship between colleagues with Ruan Zhizhi.


    Ruan Zhizhi also really liked the other party¡¯s disposition, so she directly nodded in agreement.


    The two packed their things and walked away from their seats. Just after walking a few steps, they heard someone to their left shouting her name. The voice was somewhat familiar-sounding.


    Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s footsteps halted. She subconsciously turned to face the direction from which the voice came.


    In the next second, she was astonished to see Chen Jiayan sitting by the window to the right, as well as Shi Yan beside him.


    Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s heart was turbulent at this moment. As someone who had just missed an appointment for no reason, she really didn¡¯t want to face Shi Yan now.


    Not understanding the situation, Lu Wanyi immediately became excited: ¡°Zhizhi, a handsome guy! Especially the one sitting on the left, he¡¯s simply too handsome that he makes the Heavens angry.¡± After saying so, she took a closer look and said with some doubt, ¡°Yi? That handsome guy seems to be looking at you, do you two know each other?¡±


    If there was a hole in the ground now, Ruan Zhizhi would definitely jump into it without the slightest hesitation. But unfortunately, the reality was that both Chen Jiayan and Shi Yan had already seen her. She had no reason or means to directly turn around and leave.


    Ruan Zhizhi sighed. She could only walk towards their table with Lu Wanyi.


    ¡°Long time no see.¡±


    Not daring to look into Shi Yan¡¯s eyes, Ruan Zhizhi was forced to turn her head and greet Chen Jiayan first. After all, this guy was the warm-up king. With him there, the atmosphere wouldn¡¯t be too awkward.


    ¡°It really has been a long time since we¡¯ve seen each other. It¡¯s been about two months since we came back from Yunnan. Zhizhi, you¡¯re still so beautiful.¡± Chen Jiayan saw that her eyes were curved with a smile, and she still looked like brilliant sunshine.


    After he finished speaking, his line of sight shifted from Ruan Zhizhi to Lu Wanyi who was standing at her side. ¡°Who is this beauty here, is she your friend?¡±


    ¡°En, she¡¯s my colleague. Today, we had some important business to discuss, so we made a dinner appointment at the last minute,¡± Ruan Zhizhi replied readily. She specifically emphasized the phrase ¡°had some important business to discuss¡±, hoping that Shi Yan would hear it and understand why she missed their appointment.


    Although this justification was so lousy, even she wasn¡¯t convinced.


    ¡°Hi, hello everyone, I¡¯m Zhizhi¡¯s colleague. My name¡¯s Lu Wanyi. It¡¯s very nice to meet you.¡± As an outsider, Lu Wanyi didn¡¯t perceive the awkward tone in Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s voice at all. Therefore, she began to greet them. After all, the attractiveness index at this table was really too high.


    ¡°Wanyi? What a nice-sounding name.¡± Chen Jiayan greeted her with a smile and the two became quite familiar almost instantly.


    The only one who didn¡¯t speak from beginning to end was Shi Yan, who sat by the window.


    Ruan Zhizhi had spoken already, so she finally relaxed and glanced in his direction a few times. The other party¡¯s eyebrows were lowered, his eyes drooping down. He was casually playing with the blue lighter in his hands. His long eyelashes covered his eyes, so she couldn¡¯t make out his emotions.


    This lighter had once been used to expel the cold for her on Jade Dragon Snow Mountain.


    ¡°Shi Yan, I¡¯m truly sorry. Because of some last-minute matters today, I couldn¡¯t attend your lecture.¡±


    While Chen Jiayan and Lu Wanyi were hitting it off, Ruan Zhizhi pondered it and decided to apologize first.


    ¡°It¡¯s fine.¡±


    The other party didn¡¯t seem to take it to heart and responded dully.


    Ruan Zhizhi lifted her head to look at him. She confirmed that his expression didn¡¯t look like he had any opinions, so she was relieved. Her state of mind when facing him also relaxed: ¡°Yesterday I gave you banlangen, did you go back and take the medicine on time?¡±


    Shi Yan seemed to be a little surprised that she still remembered this matter. Gazing into her eyes, his expression gradually softened, and he smiled faintly.


    The two girls stood there and chatted with them for a while. Shi Yan and Chen Jiayan just happened to finish paying their bill. When they walked out of the restaurant, the two men insisted on sending the girls home. Since Lu Wanyi lived in the same neighbourhood as Ruan Zhizhi, it was also very convenient. Ruan Zhizhi nodded in agreement after a few symbolic rejections.


    Shi Yan drove, Chen Jiayan sat in the front passenger seat, and Ruan Zhizhi sat in the back with Lu Wanyi.


    Just now at the restaurant, Lu Wanyi had already unleashed her chattiness. Now, she was completely unable to hold back. She chirped nonstop, and with Chen Jiayan being the king of cheering on, the two conversed vigorously. The mood was extremely enthusiastic.


    ¡°Just now when we were eating, I told Zhizhi that girls have reached a dangerous stage after twenty-five. If they still don¡¯t have a suitable partner to marry at this time, they will have to face the risk of becoming an older ¡®leftover woman¡¯.¡±


    ¡°Yeah, there are many female colleagues around me who got married at a young age. As a direct result of this, I still haven¡¯t found a girlfriend yet.¡±


    ¡°You can¡¯t find a girlfriend simply because your requirements are too high. The girls of today may seem materialistic on the surface, but so long as you are concentrating all your thoughts and efforts on her, over time, you will disarm her and she will surrender.¡±


    ¡°Really? But I think Zhizhi doesn¡¯t seem like that.¡±


    As soon as Chen Jiayan finished speaking, the two both looked at her. Ruan Zhizhi, whose head was quietly bowed as she was about to scroll through Weibo, heard her name and helplessly lifted her head: ¡°I obviously didn¡¯t say a word. This is truly getting shot even when lying down.¡±


    Lu Wanyi let out a ¡°pfft¡±. ¡°Zhizhi is an exception. Just now, she told me that she has no plans to be in love for the time being. I don¡¯t know how she thinks. Many twenty-five-year-old girls are even having children, but she isn¡¯t worried or impatient.¡±


    ¡°Zhizhi¡¯s conditions are good, even if it¡¯s a few years later, it doesn¡¯t matter,¡± Chen Jiayan replied with a smile. After speaking, he raised the volume of his voice and turned his head to ask, ¡°Ah Yan, what would you say?¡±


    Shi Yan seemed to be completely uninterested in the topic. He continued to look straight ahead and replied expressionlessly, ¡°I¡¯m driving.¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi heard his voice and subconsciously looked up in the direction of the driver¡¯s seat.


    One of the cuffs of Shi Yan¡¯s sleeves was slightly pulled up. His hand was placed nonchalantly on the steering wheel while his eyes remained directly ahead. The side contours of his face were clear-cut, his silhouette graceful.


    God really wasn¡¯t fair. This man was still so attractive even when he was driving without saying a word.


    The car slowly stopped at the gate of their neighbourhood. Shi Yan turned around to look down at Ruan Zhizhi, who was preparing to get out of the car. He said in a manner that only seemed to scratch the surface, ¡°Twenty-five years old is the time to consider having a boyfriend, what do you think?¡±


    Being stared at by the other party¡¯s pitch-black pupils caused palpitations. Ruan Zhizhi felt inexplicably diffident in her heart. She revealed a rigid smile: ¡°Professor Shi¡¯s words make sense, I will consider it carefully.¡±


    Consider it, like hell.


    After a brief goodbye, the black Land Rover vanished. Lu Wanyi gazed at the direction the car was leaving in and couldn¡¯t help but think out loud, ¡°Tsk tsk, that handsome guy looks really difficult to get along with.¡±


    Translator¡¯s Note: I don¡¯t want to spoil the story, but I feel the need to say this just in case. For those of you who are wary of Lu Wanyi¡¯s boyfriend, please do not think this novel is normalizing or condoning this kind of behaviour! These are major red flags and there is more to it in future chapters.

 CH 15

    Chapter 15: Beef Noodles


    Ruan Zhizhi returned home and took a hot bath. Just as she planned to lie down on the sofa and watch TV comfortably, she realized that she seemed to be missing something. Looking around, it turned out to be her keychain.


    She always carried her house keys with her, and her basement and office keys were also strung on the keychain. Although she didn¡¯t need it urgently at this moment, it would be very troublesome to lose.


    Strange, where had she dropped it?


    She must have brought it with her when she went out early this morning because she distinctly remembered locking the door, and also seizing it in her hand when she went to dinner with Lu Wanyi after work, and then¡­


    Just as she was considering it from all angles, her cell phone began to vibrate abruptly. Ruan Zhizhi picked it up and found that it was a WeChat message from Shi Yan.


    She opened it to see a picture. The image showed a simple, honest, and adorable little yellow duck. The duck¡¯s broad neck had three keys which were extremely familiar-looking.


    Okay, this duck was definitely the keychain she lost. Now that she thought about it, it was probably dropped in his car when she was going home.


    Ruan Zhizhi was ashamed of her carelessness as she compiled a reply to him: (‡å), just now I was still looking for it. It turns out it was with you.


    Shi Yan: What time do you go to work in the morning?


    Ruan Zhizhi was a little baffled, but still responded: 8:30, what¡¯s up?


    The other party¡¯s reply was very quick: Tomorrow morning at 7:15 I¡¯ll be downstairs waiting for you. I¡¯ll deliver your keys and take you to eat breakfast.


    7:15 a.m.? Delivering her keys? And even eating breakfast?


    Ruan Zhizhi bit her nails and thought about it for a long time. Should she tell him that he didn¡¯t need to go through this much trouble? That it would be the same for her to find him at A University after work? But after considering it for a bit, she still didn¡¯t say anything.


    That night, Ruan Zhizhi had a strange dream with a logically chaotic plot. She dreamt that Li Sichen returned to City A from the United States. On an early morning with the sun shining brightly, he stood downstairs from her home. With a smile, he told her that he was back. Then, Li Suchen suddenly began to pursue her frantically. He was a completely different person from seven years ago. Ruan Zhizhi almost suspected that he was insane.


    The three characters that made up ¡°Ruan Zhizhi¡± used to be the name he dismissed most. When they parted ways, he discarded her like worn out shoes. He was not at all reluctant to leave her.


    Would Li Sichen come back to look for her? Ruan Zhizhi laughed at herself mockingly. This was simply a fantasy. It was so ridiculous that even she didn¡¯t believe it.


    Ruan Zhizhi applied makeup and walked to her wardrobe to change her clothes at exactly seven in the morning. The weather forecast said that today¡¯s temperature would slightly warm up. After thinking about it, she selected a white, double-breasted Korean-style overcoat and encased her feet in a pair of black, round-toed ankle boots.


    It was only a few minutes after seven when she went downstairs. Thinking of how she arrived more than ten minutes early, Ruan Zhizhi hummed a song and walked out of the community unhurriedly. On the way, she happened to come across her upstairs neighbour and the two chatted for a while.


    When walking to the gate of the community, she saw the familiar black Land Rover at a glance, as well as the man dressed in a black windbreaker. At present, he was leaning against the car door watching her. His eyes were light, and his back was straight. He stood there at a distance, gloomy as if cut off from the rest of the world. And yet he was as enticing and attractive as a poppy.


    He had already arrived? In an instant, she felt that her leisurely appearance was awfully annoying. Ruan Zhizhi hurriedly trotted a few steps, feigning an anxious appearance: ¡°Why did you arrive so early? I specially left ten minutes ahead.¡±


    ¡°Afraid you would wait,¡± Shi Yan replied with a light countenance. In passing, he reached out and helped her pull the car door open. This gentleman was going to be the cause of her death.


    Ruan Zhizhi felt like she was sitting on pins and needles in the passenger seat. She felt nervous after realizing it in her heart. After some time, she still took the initiative to speak, breaking the silent atmosphere: ¡°Shi Yan, where do you plan to go for breakfast?¡±


    The man who was driving asked her without looking over: ¡°What do you want to eat?¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi paused. Soy milk, deep-fried breadsticks, steamed dumplings, and duck blood with vermicelli soup swept across her mind one after another. In the end, she swallowed her saliva and replied in a very polite and reserved manner: ¡°Whatever you like, I can eat.¡±


    The other party raised his eyebrows, turned his head to look at her, and said ¡°oh¡± meaningfully.


    Ruan Zhizhi: ¡°¡­¡­¡±


    Approximately five or six minutes later, Shi Yan parked his car at a roadside restaurant called ¡°Lu Ji Noodle House¡±. Ruan Zhizhi got out of the car and glanced at it. This noodle restaurant had many customers inside. It was crowded, and it looked like business was flourishing quite a lot.


    Her nose could already smell the aroma from the restaurant. Ruan Zhizhi exhaled. It was very fortunate, it seemed that Shi Yan also liked to eat noodles. The two of them just happened to walk in when a table of customers finished eating and were paying the bill. The boss cleaned the tabletop and enthusiastically greeted them to sit down.


    In roughly ten minutes, two bowls of steaming hot beef noodles were served.


    Ruan Zhizhi, whose stomach had been rumbling with hunger for a long time already, reached out to take her bowl. In the next second, she was immediately scalded and withdrew her hand with tears gleaming in her eyes. Shi Yan regarded her blankly, a look of ¡°you¡¯re so troublesome¡± on his face. He reached out and brought one of the bowls on the edge of the table to her. Then he took a pair of clean chopsticks and picked out all of the cilantro floating on the soup¡¯s surface. Finally, he handed the chopsticks to her. ¡°Eat.¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi lifted her head in surprise. ¡°You know I don¡¯t eat cilantro?¡±


    Shi Yan chuckled. ¡°Ruan Zhizhi, you still have many habits. I know them all.¡±


    ¡°Last time I went to A University, I heard from Gu Nian that you used to study at UCLA. Have we¡­met somewhere before?¡± Ruan Zhizhi was silent for a long time, but at last made a firm resolution to ask the question she had been wanting to ask since the first time they met.


    Shi Yan didn¡¯t answer her. He looked down to glance at his watch, then unhurriedly split the chopsticks in his hand.


    Due to his long eyelashes, whenever his eyes hung down, it was always difficult for people to clearly see the emotions in his eyes. Just like at this moment. He sat calmly and quietly while maintaining his composure. Ruan Zhizhi had no idea what he was thinking in his heart at all.


    This person seemed to know everything, and yet he never revealed anything. Although he could see everything clearly, he was merely like an onlooker.


    After a long time, Shi Yan began to speak. His insipid voice lacked emotion, as if he was reading from a textbook: ¡°When I was a second-year student, I was at the library and threw away the first draft of a paper I was dissatisfied with. You happened to be sitting in the row behind me. You thought I had thrown it away by mistake, so you picked it up from the trash, flattened every sheet of paper, and returned it to me. At that time, I thought: How could there be someone so stupid?


    ¡°Ruan Zhizhi, we¡¯ve already met many times. Do you really have no impression of me?¡±


    He raised his head to look at her. His deep, dark eyes were just like the first time she had seen them. Turbulent and ardent. The emotions tangling in his eyes were hidden and fragile.


    Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s eyes slowly widened. Astonished, it took a long time for her to regain her senses. It turned out that it wasn¡¯t her misperception. They really had met before.


    ¡°So¡­it¡¯s like that.¡± She pursed her lips subconsciously. Scenes from her university days flashed through her mind like flickering lights and passing shadows. Regarding the matter at the library that Shi Yan had mentioned, Ruan Zhizhi indeed had a little memory of it. It¡¯s just that, back then, she was merely exerting a small effort out of good intentions. She hadn¡¯t cared about Shi Yan¡¯s appearance at all.


    Perhaps it was truly as Gu Nian had said. In her four years of university, she devoted herself to Li Sichen¡¯s side with all her heart. She hadn¡¯t cared about the surrounding scenery or people at all.


    Shi Yan watched her expression. The emotion in his eyes dimmed a little. Under the table, his left hand clenched tightly, fingernails sinking into the hollow of his palm.


    He wanted to reach out and touch her, hold her, even possess her and imprison her. In the past seven years of Shi Yan¡¯s life, he thought many times: If he could have Ruan Zhizhi, even if he had to sell his soul to the devil, he would offer it with both hands without the slightest hesitation.


    At seven years old he lost his mother. After that, he personally sent his biological father to prison, where he was sentenced to life. Since then, the relatives and classmates around him regarded him as a monstrous beast. They said that he subdued his father and mother, that his emotions and blessings were weak, that he was born under a star of calamity, and that he was an inauspicious person.


    Shi Yan¡¯s life had no light, no warmth, no love. His soul was as dark as his shadow, and his corporeal body was as cold as his heart.


    He once thought that the world was hell, that his birth was the original sin. Until he met Ruan Zhizhi.


    If he was a wild animal incapable of controlling his own words, deeds, and thoughts, he might have torn Ruan Zhizhi apart and eaten her into his stomach long ago, so that he could fuse with her blood and bones and stay together forever.


    But more than that, he wanted to obtain her soul.


    Because he had already delivered his.


    Shi Yan looked down. There was a fire rising in his eyes, reflecting the radiance of the sky before extinguishing. He took a deep breath and tried to restrain the wild animal screaming and struggling in his head.


    ¡°Your noodles will get cold.¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi, who had been immersed in her own thoughts, was startled. She followed his voice and came back to her senses.


    She couldn¡¯t help staring at Shi Yan. Seeing that the other party still appeared calm and collected, Ruan Zhizhi thought that perhaps she had simply left the impression of being more of a hindrance than a help back then, nothing more. If she allowed the wishful thinking that he was interested in her due to such a trivial matter, that would simply be having no sense of shame.


    Thinking this way, Ruan Zhizhi instantly felt at ease. Just as she picked up her chopsticks and was about to continue eating her noodles, she suddenly felt as if there were eyes staring at her from behind. Her eyebrows creased and she turned around, only to see a black silhouette at the door of the noodle shop flashing by.


    This figure. She knew it all too well. Even if she was burnt to ash, she would never be mistaken.


    For a split second, the world was noiseless. The fingers grasping her chopsticks began to tremble unconsciously, and even her body became ice-cold.


    Translator¡¯s Note: If you¡¯re confused about how Zhizhi got inside her house without her keys, I¡¯m assuming she has a keypad and the physical key is just another way to get in.

 CH 16

    Chapter 16: Wedding Dress


    Ruan Zhizhi thought that she had probably overestimated herself.


    She really had no way of forgetting Li Sichen. So long as that person appeared before her eyes once more, she would still suffer a crushing defeat just like she did seven years ago.


    She was perturbed the entire day at work. Even during her lunch break, she accidentally spilled water on herself while making tea. At her side, Lu Wanyi thought she had fallen ill and was feeling uncomfortable, so she became anxious: ¡°Zhizhi, are you alright? I see that you¡¯ve been in an especially poor condition all day. How about you request a leave of absence and go to the hospital for a checkup?¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi shook her head in refusal. With great difficulty, she pulled the corners of her lips up into a smile. ¡°Don¡¯t worry, I¡¯m fine. Maybe I didn¡¯t get enough sleep last night, so today my energy isn¡¯t too good.¡±


    With Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s repeated assurances, Lu Wanyi reluctantly let it go and went back to work. Ruan Zhizhi buried her head deep in the work on her desk and continued to let her mind drift.


    That figure was absolutely Li Sichen. She would not accept that she was wrong.


    He really had returned to City A. But he was doing well in the United States, why come back now when his career was taking off?


    Memories of that person flashed through her mind in a blur, one after another. The way he laughed, the way he played basketball on the court, the way he would drink too much and embrace her shoulders with a grin, the way he would tell others that he and her were only friends.


    The thoughts in her head were a chaotic mess. After Ruan Zhizhi got off work, she took a taxi home and lay on the sofa, lost in thought.


    She pulled apart the curtains and looked at the lights outside the window, feeling that she was out of her mind and very foolish. Li Sichen certainly had his own reasons for coming back. No matter what they were, it had nothing to do with her at all.


    Ruan Zhizhi hugged a pillow and shrank into the sofa, her imagination running wild. She completely forgot the passage of time. After an unknown period passed, she heard her cell phone ringing. Her train of thought was forced to return to the real world. Ruan Zhizhi shifted away with difficulty, reaching out to pick up the cell phone on the coffee table.


    ¡°Baby, what are you doing? Did you miss me?¡±


    On the other end of the phone was Gu Nian¡¯s voice. As always, it was youthful, coquettish, and energetic.


    Ruan Zhizhi stretched her waist languidly, held the phone to her ear, and feebly replied, ¡°I¡¯m idle at home, do you have any instructions, Eldest Miss?¡±


    ¡°Since you have spare time, accompany me to try on wedding dresses. Also, in a few days, Cheng Fengjin and I will hold our wedding ceremony.¡±


    Hearing Gu Nian¡¯s sweet voice saying such words, Ruan Zhizhi suddenly realized that time had passed by so fast. In the blink of an eye, it would be the date of Gu Nian and Cheng Fengjin¡¯s wedding.


    Biting her lip subconsciously, she scratched her hair and responded somewhat apologetically, ¡°Aiya, I¡¯m sorry my love. These past few days I¡¯ve been so busy with work and I completely forgot the matters of your ceremony. I¡¯m really getting Alzheimer¡¯s.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s fine, it¡¯s fine, I know you¡¯ve been busy lately. The two of us are the closest, ah.¡± Gu Nian smiled, not minding at all. ¡°Then you get ready and go downstairs in fifteen minutes. I¡¯ll pick you up at your house.¡±


    ¡°Alright.¡±


    Fifteen minutes later, Gu Nian¡¯s white BMW X5 parked at the gates of the building Ruan Zhizhi lived in, right on schedule.


    When Ruan Zhizhi opened the car door and sat inside, Gu Nian was tapping the steering wheel to the beat, humming a song in a good mood. She looked very pleased.


    Ruan Zhizhi smiled and couldn¡¯t help teasing her: ¡°It appears our Eldest Miss Gu is quite satisfied with the fact that she is on the cusp of marriage.¡±


    ¡°Ahem, ahem.¡± Gu Nian turned to look at her, a rare blush on her oval face. ¡°Aiya, don¡¯t make fun of me. These past few days, every day, I haven¡¯t been able to eat or sleep well. If it wasn¡¯t for Cheng Fengjin being especially considerate and concerned about my mood, I would¡¯ve had premarital depression already.¡±


    ¡°My eldest miss, you should be content. If other people came across your life situation, even if they were dreaming, they would wake up with a smile.¡±


    A successful career, carefree without worries, and about to marry the person she loved most in this world. This kind of luck, how many people could possess it?


    Gu Nian talked and laughed with her the entire way. The pair also chatted about many things from their university days. Ruan Zhizhi was on the verge of saying what was on her mind countless times, but in the end she still couldn¡¯t tell Gu Nian about how she had seen Li Sichen.


    To say it meant losing. This time, she really couldn¡¯t repeat the same mistakes again.


    They parked the car in the underground parking lot of a high-end shopping mall. Gu Nian stopped the car and the two intimately walked into the mall elevator hand-in-hand.


    The wedding dress brand Cheng Fengjin had selected for Gu Nian was second to none in City A. It was the wedding gift many girls yearned for even in their dreams.


    With regards to Ruan Zhizhi, this was the first time she had set foot in a bridal shop since she was a child. Before, Ruan Zhizhi always felt that marriage was a very distant matter for her. Moreover, for a long time now, her personal stance was to marry and give birth later. Even if she was now considered to be a half-old ¡°leftover woman¡±, she had never thought about getting married.


    But when she really walked into the bridal shop, she finally knew the feeling that other girls had of yearning for romance and marriage. Seeing Gu Nian¡¯s figure standing in front of the full-length mirror, trying on wedding dresses one by one, she unexpectedly felt a little envious. She envied that Gu Nian was about to step into the wedding hall with the person she liked most in the world. She envied that there was a person Gu Nian could wear a wedding dress and put a ring on for. And from now on, Gu Nian wouldn¡¯t have to survive a lifetime alone.


    She wouldn¡¯t have to be lonely like Ruan Zhizhi.


    Gu Nian¡¯s face was brimming with a happy smile. Altogether, she tried on five wedding dresses. Finally, under Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s suggestion, she narrowed it down to the first dress with a princess cut as well as the third dress with a fishtail design.


    Ruan Zhizhi sat on one side of the sofa and looked back and forth. Because Gu Nian had a thin waist and long legs, both sets of wedding dresses looked exceptionally good on her body. But when she looked at both gowns, she always felt as if there was something missing. Since childhood, Gu Nian had been her best friend. Ruan Zhizhi naturally wished that Gu Nian could spend her once-in-a-lifetime wedding in the most beautiful manner.


    ¡°Excuse me, are all your best wedding dress designs here in your store? Do you have any other dresses she can try on? The price doesn¡¯t matter, her husband has plenty of money.¡± Ruan Zhizhi thought about it for a while and still turned her head to ask such a question.


    When the shop assistant with a sweet smile heard this, she was stunned for a moment. Then she immediately smiled again and replied somewhat apologetically, ¡°There is indeed a treasure in our store which is very expensive, but it¡¯s just that¡­this wedding dress is reserved by a client who ordered it two years ago. Therefore, we¡¯ve always kept it inside and have never taken it out for other clients to try on.¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi wrinkled her brows and asked with some doubt, ¡°Why would someone who ordered a wedding dress two years ago not come to pick it up? Either their wedding was cancelled before, or they found a better choice and abandoned this wedding dress. Your store is too sincere¡­all along, you¡¯ve actually been helping him keep it up until now?¡±


    The shop assistant sighed and explained: ¡°It¡¯s not like that. The gentleman who ordered the wedding dress already paid a high deposit in advance. Sometimes he specially comes here to have a look and asks us to keep the wedding dress for him.¡±


    Gu Nian also became curious when she heard about this. ¡°How can there be such a strange person¡­Then, has his girlfriend come to try it on?¡±


    The shop assistant shook her head. ¡°Never.¡± After a pause, she added, ¡°In fact, our employees have always felt very suspicious about this matter. However, we don¡¯t dare inquire about our clients¡¯ private business.¡±


    ¡°Then what does this man look like?¡±


    ¡°Extraordinarily handsome, even more handsome than a film celebrity.¡± The shop assistant couldn¡¯t help the stars in her eyes when she talked about this. ¡°Back then, when he ordered this wedding dress, the little girls in our store were going mad with envy. It¡¯s because this wedding dress is the treasure of our shop. It was created by an overseas designer our shop admires wholeheartedly. Moreover, the wedding dress is made of pure hand embroidery and inlaid with diamonds all over. The price is extremely costly. An ordinary person might not be able to afford it even with three or four years¡¯ worth of wages. We frequently talk about this in private and feel that his fianc¨¦e is simply too blessed. We also look forward to the young lady coming to try on the wedding dress.¡±


    When Gu Nian and Ruan Zhizhi heard this, they became even more interested in the wedding dress, and the three of them candidly chatted in full swing. Ultimately, Gu Nian chose the graceful gown from the princess line. After all, a person of noble character couldn¡¯t seize things other people were fond of. Moreover, that gentleman had already paid a deposit in advance. Although she was curious in her heart, she didn¡¯t make any excessive demands.


    When finally swiping her card at the front counter, Gu Nian couldn¡¯t help lamenting: ¡°Aside from this perfect man, I¡¯d like to know who is so lucky to be his fianc¨¦e even more.¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi stood beside her with a smile. She didn¡¯t say a word, only thinking that this was a rare fairy tale in real life.


    A long, long time later, Shi Yan would take her to this bridal shop again to try on the wedding dress. Only then would she know that this man had been conspiring against her for a long time, and it had already been determined that there would be a day that she would marry him.


    But most of all, she would be willing to.


    Translator¡¯s Note: Coming from a younger person, I don¡¯t know why Ruan Zhizhi and others think she¡¯s a ¡°leftover woman¡±. 25 seems really young to me still. I know there¡¯s pressure to get married or consider marriage when you¡¯re in your mid-twenties but I feel like that¡¯s an age where you¡¯re still transitioning from young adulthood. If this story was set now, Ruan Zhizhi would be born in 1996 (as she¡¯s turning 26). That¡¯s like the same age as Tom Holland T^T

 CH 17

    Chapter 17: Kiss God


    Ruan Zhizhi accompanied Gu Nian to try on wedding dresses, then the two returned to the car. Gu Nian started the engine, grasped the steering wheel in her hand, and turned a corner. After thinking about it, she asked, ¡°Zhizhi, if you have free time now, can you accompany me to the bar on 1943 Street for a while? I¡¯ll be getting married soon, but I don¡¯t know why¡ªfor some reason, my heart always feels empty, like something is missing. Keep me company and talk with me.¡± After saying so, she turned her head and looked at Ruan Zhizhi miserably. ¡°Good Zhizhi, besides you, I don¡¯t know who to tell these feelings to. Just stay with me.¡±


    Gu Nian looked at her with watery eyes. With her pampered expression, not only would a man be helpless in the face of this crisis, even Ruan Zhizhi who was as calm as water could only raise her hands in surrender.


    1943 was the most famous bar street in City A. Whether it was a quiet bar or a gay bar, everything one could need was available. It was a good place for men and women to seek thrills and get intoxicated.


    Among these, the bar Kiss God was Ruan Zhizhi and Gu Nian¡¯s former base of operations.


    Ruan Zhizhi walked through the door of Kiss God. Raising her head, she glanced at the blurry, multicoloured lights twinkling on the signboard at the front door. She narrowed her eyes and thought about it. The last time she was here, she¡¯d gotten dead drunk. That seemed to be two years ago already.


    It turned out that in these past two years, her feelings for Li Sichen had truly, gradually faded with the passage of time.


    Good.


    Just like in the past, the dance floor was full of people. Men and women provoked their desires, while on the stage, girls in alluring clothes and tall boots twisted their waists. Once in a while, they shot a seductive glance towards the onlookers.


    Ruan Zhizhi and Gu Nian, like in the past, chose a sofa in the far corner to sit at. Gu Nian called the server over, and with lofty sentiments, asked for two glasses of beer and one bottle of 58-proof whiskey.


    ¡°Zhizhi, tonight we¡¯re not going home until we¡¯re drunk!¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi watched her pour two full glasses of whiskey with heroic spirit and said dumbfoundedly, ¡°Ancestor, we don¡¯t have a man with us. What if I finish drinking all this alcohol on the table tonight, and then later I¡¯m mentally confused and get abducted by someone who runs off? What¡¯s to be done? Even if I wasn¡¯t considering my own safety, I have to consider how your Cheng Fengjin will retaliate against me when the time comes.¡±


    Gu Nian waved her hand as if she couldn¡¯t care less. ¡°Now that you mention Cheng Fengjin, my heart truly has knots¡­I love him, and yet I¡¯m uneasy.¡±


    ¡°Cheng Fengjin is handsome, successful in business, and moreover, he¡¯s single-mindedly set on you and grants whatever you ask for. If you ask me, what do you have to be uneasy about?¡±


    Gu Nian raised her head, and with one gulp, she drained the entire glass of beer in her hand: ¡°Zhizhi, I actually have a secret that I haven¡¯t told you.¡± She reached out and poured another glass of liquor for herself. ¡°At the very beginning, Cheng Fengjin¡¯s qualifications were so good. Why would he choose to be with me? A large part of the reason is because I look a lot like his former girlfriend.¡±


    The DJ in the bar was deafening, but Ruan Zhizhi still keenly seized the key points of Gu Nian¡¯s words.


    Gu Nian¡­looked like Cheng Fengjin¡¯s ex-girlfriend?


    ¡°Saying this is truly very satirical and humiliating. Forgive me, Zhizhi, I¡¯ve always been proud, arrogant, and spoiled. I really couldn¡¯t say these words to you.¡± Gu Nian bit her lip and lowered her head to avoid looking at her. ¡°At that time, I had just gotten to know Cheng Fengjin. Because I liked him so much, I always racked my brains to get close to him. Afterwards, my wish was fulfilled and he and I got together. I thought he liked me, until three months after we started dating. It was the first time he got drunk in front of me, and he unconsciously called his ex-girlfriend¡¯s name. While calling it, he said I looked just like her.¡±


    This quantity of information was a bit large. Ruan Zhizhi was stunned for several seconds before she managed to react. She pursed her lips, then softly asked, ¡°Then afterwards when he was sober, did he give you an explanation?¡±


    Gu Nian bowed her head. Her long bangs hung down, covering her eyes. ¡°He said that when we first got together, it was indeed because my appearance and personality were very similar to his ex-girlfriend. But after getting along, he also truly liked me.¡± Speaking up until then, Gu Nian suddenly lifted her head and looked at Ruan Zhizhi with an incredibly serious expression: ¡°Zhizhi, I know that Cheng Fengjin really loves me now. But just because he loves me so much currently, can he completely disregard the damage he has done to me in the past?


    ¡°His love for me was false at the beginning, but mine wasn¡¯t. From beginning to end, I invested all my love in him.¡± When she mentioned this, she finally couldn¡¯t help crying. ¡°There were several times that I dreamed his ex-girlfriend would come back to find him. They reconciled and went back to before, where there was no place for me.¡±


    ¡°Gu Nian¡­¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi saw Gu Nian shed tears and immediately panicked. Flustered, she hurriedly took out a tissue from her handbag and gave it to her.


    ¡°Zhizhi,¡± Gu Nian sniffled, ¡°Zhizhi, tell me, what should I do?¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi looked at her red eyes and felt an ache in her heart. She reached out to carefully clean Gu Nian¡¯s delicate makeup stains from her tears. After a long time, she replied: ¡°Gu Nian, you¡¯ve been my only friend since childhood, as well as my best friend. So, you have to believe that every word I¡¯m about to say is for your own good.¡± She paused, then continued. ¡°You can only be happy by marrying Cheng Fengjin. Not only does Cheng Fengjin love and take responsibility for you, he also feels guilty. Therefore, he will be good to you for a lifetime. He won¡¯t betray you and he won¡¯t bring harm to you a second time. But also, you love him so much, don¡¯t you?


    ¡°At least for now, you two are completely in love with each other, and his love for you has nothing to do with anybody.¡±


    Perhaps it was because she had just drank so fiercely all at once, but at this moment, Gu Nian began to feel dizzy. She tilted her head and leaned on Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s shoulder. Her voice was full of a thick nasal sound. ¡°You¡¯re right, Zhizhi, I know, I know you say this for my own good¡­moreover, the wedding day is already arriving. In fact, I really don¡¯t want to leave him at all. If I leave Cheng Fengjin¡­I¡¯ll die¡­¡±


    She spoke disjointedly, her voice getting lower and lower until it was barely audible.


    Ruan Zhizhi lowered her head to look at Gu Nian, who was leaning on her shoulder and had already closed her eyes. She couldn¡¯t help sighing. ¡°I told you not to drink so much, you didn¡¯t listen.¡±


    But now, what should she do?


    Gu Nian had fallen asleep, and Ruan Zhizhi had also drank alcohol. She couldn¡¯t drive at all. She wanted to give Cheng Fengjin a call, but remembered that when they had gone to try on wedding dresses that day, Gu Nian had told her that Cheng Fengjin was working overtime at the company tonight.


    So should she call, or not call?


    Just as Ruan Zhizhi was trapped in a dilemma, she suddenly heard a commotion coming from the direction of the bar counter.


    Looking towards the source of the noise, Ruan Zhizhi found that the counter was now deserted. She had no idea what happened. At this moment, the surrounding sea of people were impenetrable inside and out.


    The next second, passing through the crowd, she saw a man casually turning his head.


    The air seemed to freeze at this moment.


    Two pairs of eyes intersected in an instant. Unexpectedly, Ruan Zhizhi felt a little bit glad.


    The man with clear brows and eyes stood up from the bar counter, cut through the surging throng of people, and walked towards her step by step, calm and graceful.


    It was still a familiar sight.


    Ruan Zhizhi had no choice but to admit that Shi Yan really was her saviour.


    He always showed up when she was at a complete loss, and then he¡¯d rescue her.


    ¡°Ruan Zhizhi, what are you doing here?¡± He stood in front of her and spoke with a tone of voice that was surprisingly somewhat severe.


    Ruan Zhizhi was stunned and assumed that he definitely misunderstood her for a single girl coming to the bar to find a thrill. She quickly pointed a finger to Gu Nian beside her, who had already entered the land of dreams. She unconsciously explained, ¡°I came to accompany Gu Nian to drink, and she got drunk¡­So now, I don¡¯t know how I should take her home.¡±


    Once she finished speaking, she looked up pitifully at Shi Yan.


    The man¡¯s eyes softened in a split second. Ruan Zhizhi acknowledged that compared to other people, he was especially indulgent towards her.


    Shi Yan bowed his head and glanced at Gu Nian who was already sound asleep. Without having to think, he called the waiter over to immediately pay the bill.


    Ruan Zhizhi hurriedly stood up to try and stop him: ¡°You don¡¯t have to pay for it, I have money on hand.¡± As she spoke, she rummaged for her wallet in her handbag. By the time she found her wallet, the other party had already signed the receipt in bold cursive.


    Ruan Zhizhi: ¡°¡­¡­¡±


    Shi Yan lifted his eyes indifferently. ¡°What are you in a daze for? Still not going?¡±


    Having said so, he leaned down slightly. With natural motions, he reached out to take Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s handbag and said, ¡°I¡¯ll help you hold the bag while you hold Gu Nian. Any problems with that?¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi nodded without a second thought. While nodding, she suddenly realized that something wasn¡¯t right. After thinking about it, she couldn¡¯t help but open her mouth: ¡°Although Gu Nian is very light, having a girl like me support her all the way to the parking lot¡­I feel that it¡¯s still a bit difficult.¡±


    Shi Yan sighed and crouched down in front of her, a somewhat helpless expression in his eyes. ¡°Ruan Zhizhi, I also don¡¯t want to let you get tired, but I have a slight phobia of contact with the opposite sex, so¡­¡±


    Phobia of contact with the opposite sex?


    Ruan Zhizhi was stunned when she heard his words. After recalling it for a while, she discovered that it really did appear that Shi Yan hadn¡¯t taken the initiative to reach out and touch other girls. But when she carefully thought about it again, he had obviously approached her of his own accord before. Moreover, he had also done a few things that were quite ambiguous between males and females.


    She couldn¡¯t help but raise her head to look at him. At present, the two of them were so close that she seemed to hear his breathing.


    She was sitting on the sofa, and he was crouched while looking down at her. He was still half a head taller than her.


    The lighting in the bar was blurry, and the music was ear-splitting. The atmosphere was saturated with desire everywhere. Yet for a second, she didn¡¯t seem to hear anything. Before her eyes there only remained the outline of this one man. With a hint of warmth in his indifference, he watched her fixedly.


    His eyes were pitch-black and baseless, but there was a faint fog drifting up. At this very moment, his gaze seemed to be incomparably tender.


    Although this kind of fragmentary warmth was like an illusion, only at this moment, she suddenly really wanted to sink into his eyes. She didn¡¯t want anything, she just wanted to depend on him with a clear conscience.


    As if enticed by something, Ruan Zhizhi opened her mouth and suddenly said uncontrollably, ¡°Shi Yan¡ª¡±


    The man who was about to get up froze.


    Immediately returning to her senses, Ruan Zhizhi shook her head vigorously and cleared her throat. ¡°Ahem, I just wanted to say that I¡¯m really sorry to trouble you again and again.¡±


    It was absurd. Just now, there was a split second where she seemed possessed. She wanted to ask him whether he liked her.


    Ruan Zhizhi, you must have been feeling so good about yourself recently. You¡¯re actually so delirious to think that Shi Yan would like you.


    Shi Yan smiled, not minding at all: ¡°Ruan Zhizhi, I just hope that the next time you meet trouble, the first person you contact is me.¡±


    Not like how we are now, when you only find me for help when we run into each other by chance.


    I want to become the first person you think of when you come across difficulties.


    I want to prove that I can solve all the troubles in your life, big and small.


    ¡°Uh¡­but I¡¯m afraid you¡¯ll dislike me and find me bothersome. After all, our relationship is not particularly familiar.¡± As Ruan Zhizhi responded, she struggled to help Gu Nian sit up from the sofa.


    Fortunately, although Gu Nian¡¯s consciousness was muddle-headed, her body responded very cooperatively in getting up. Ruan Zhizhi wrapped one of Gu Nian¡¯s arms around her shoulders and supported her to stand up. It was much easier than she expected.


    Shi Yan was holding onto her cartoon handbag. He grasped the pink pompom on the bag and spun it around his fingertip carelessly. ¡°I don¡¯t know why, but when I can¡¯t see you, each day is awfully uninteresting.¡±


    Translator¡¯s Note: Sorry for the lack of updates, I had exams and then I hurt my hand T^T Also, next week I¡¯m starting my internship so I might come up with an uploading schedule.

 CH 18

    Chapter 18: Wedding


    Ruan Zhizhi set three alarm clocks. In the end, she managed to crawl out of bed drowsily at 4:30 in the morning.


    Today was Gu Nian and Cheng Fengjin¡¯s wedding. As Gu Nian¡¯s official maid of honour, Ruan Zhizhi also had to go to the photography studio with Gu Nian to get their makeup done and change into their dresses.


    She took a swift, hot shower and changed into a pair of eight-centimetre heels. Ruan Zhizhi used her microwave oven to heat up two steamed buns, hurriedly finished eating them, and left home at once.


    When she reached the photo studio in the shopping mall, there was only the first glimmer of light in the sky, and the people on the streets were sparse. The scenery was completely empty.


    Ruan Zhizhi parked her car in the parking lot. She rejoiced that the current weather was gradually warming up again. If Gu Nian and Cheng Fengjin had gotten married in the cold twelfth lunar month amongst the snowflakes, she feared Gu Nian would have frozen to death in her wedding dress.


    Walking into the specialized wedding photo studio under the private package of Cheng Fengjin, it was already busy with people coming and going.


    Gu Nian was sitting in front of the vanity mirror, waiting to have her makeup applied. As she sat, her disposition seemed very dignified. Ruan Zhizhi couldn¡¯t help laughing. She walked over and sat beside her. ¡°This bride is so different. Today you don¡¯t seem to correspond with your personality at all, rather you¡¯re the inverted image of an unmarried daughter of a noble house.¡±


    Gu Nian turned her head and saw her coming. Her eyes immediately lit up: ¡°Zhizhi, you came so early. Originally I wanted to let you sleep a little bit longer, I even specifically told Cheng Fengjin not to give you a call.¡±


    ¡°Aiya, it wasn¡¯t easy for my little ancestor to marry off. How dare I sleep in, ah.¡±


    The two of them giggled and exchanged a few words while the makeup artist came over with large and small bags.


    The process of applying makeup was utterly boring. Moreover, Gu Nian was doing bridal makeup today, so it couldn¡¯t be sloppy in the slightest. Even the eyeliner was the most long-lasting and waterproof, and the makeup artist¡¯s hands were cautious and solemn from beginning to end.


    Gu Nian closed her eyes and let the makeup artist apply eyeshadow. It was unknown what she was thinking about, but she abruptly opened her mouth: ¡°Right, Zhizhi, this whole time I¡¯ve forgotten to say thank you. The other evening I got way too drunk. Thank you for taking me home, otherwise the consequences would have been too horrible to think about.¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi sighed: ¡°I don¡¯t need you to thank me, I just hope that you will have a better memory next time. When no one is with you, you absolutely can¡¯t drink. Even if you drink, you must not get drunk. You¡¯re a woman that¡¯s as delicate as a flower and as refined as precious jade, it¡¯s really too dangerous.¡±


    ¡°I know, don¡¯t worry Zhizhi. If you or Cheng Fengjin aren¡¯t there, even if I got beaten to death I wouldn¡¯t dare drink.¡±


    Even though Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s ears were listening to Gu Nian talk to her, for some reason, her train of thought drifted away uncontrollably.


    The other night, Shi Yan and her first took Gu Nian home, then he also sent her back.


    Moreover, Shi Yan stubbornly took her all the way to the elevator door of the residential building on the grounds that it was unsafe for her to go home alone after drinking.


    At that time, Ruan Zhizhi was indeed a little bit drunk. The sight before her eyes was somewhat blurry. Shi Yan stood at her side and helped her press the elevator button while holding her fuzzy cartoon bag.


    The two stood side by side, remaining silent.


    With a ¡°ding dong¡± sound, the elevator reached the first floor.


    Ruan Zhizhi shook her head, trying hard to keep her state of mind clear-headed. She turned to look at Shi Yan and said a few civilities: ¡°The elevator is here, so I¡¯ll go up first. It¡¯s too late today. On another day I¡¯ll invite you to visit my house.¡±


    The other party extended his hand and passed her the bag. ¡°Don¡¯t invite me another day.¡± Saying so, his fingers naturally stroked her head. He touched her hair with motions that were extremely gentle and cherishing. ¡°Ruan Zhizhi, don¡¯t you know? Inviting a normal man home alone is an awfully dangerous thing.¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi was stunned for a moment before realizing the meaning of his words. The temperature of her cheeks instantly burned; it was impossible to ignore. Comforting herself that the burning sensation must have been the alcohol at play, she raised her head and pretended not to understand. Facing Shi Yan, she revealed a harmless smiling expression. ¡°Stop joking around, go back quickly. Take care on the road.¡± Pausing, she added one more line: ¡°Goodnight.¡±


    ¡°Goodnight.¡±


    The other party lowered his eyes to gaze at her and responded in this way.


    ¡­¡­


    Her memories pertaining to that night ended there.


    It had already been a whole week since the night she met Shi Yan by chance at the bar. But for some reason, every word and action of his that night seemed to have taken root in her heart. She was incapable of forgetting them no matter what.


    When had she begun to actually rely on Shi Yan?


    It was when he warmed her up on Jade Dragon Snow Mountain; when he reached out to hold her wrist in the pitch-black corridor; when he gave her his umbrella with an unyielding attitude on that rainy day¡­and when he reached out to very carefully caress her hair.


    It turned out that before she knew it, she already had so many memories with the person she once considered a stranger.


    ¡°Zhizhi?¡±


    Her thoughts came to an abrupt end.


    With Gu Nian¡¯s increasingly higher pitch and volume, Ruan Zhizhi forcibly returned to her senses.


    Gu Nian, who had already completed her eye makeup, was sizing her up somewhat strangely. ¡°What were you thinking about just now? I called you so many times and you ignored me.¡±


    ¡°Uh¡­I wasn¡¯t thinking of anything.¡± Ruan Zhizhi reached out and touched her hair nervously. She didn¡¯t know what state of mind she was in to subconsciously lie to Gu Nian.


    She was thinking about Shi Yan, but¡­she didn¡¯t want to tell anyone.


    She didn¡¯t want to repeat the process of wishful thinking again. Even more, she didn¡¯t want to return to the Ruan Zhizhi that belittled herself.


    ¡°Alright, just now I was saying to you that Cheng Fengjin told me that the other night, you sent me home with a strange man.¡± When Gu Nian mentioned this, she couldn¡¯t hold back from gossipping. ¡°Zhizhi, did you have an affair at the bar that night? Hurry up and share with me!¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi couldn¡¯t help having black lines: ¡°What kind of messy things are you thinking about in your head every day, can you be a little bit more pure? That wasn¡¯t an affair, I just happened to run into Shi Yan when I was at a loss. He kindly sent us home, nothing more.¡±


    ¡°What? It was actually Shi Yan?¡±


    When Gu Nian heard Shi Yan¡¯s name, she was suddenly even more exhilarated. ¡°I tell you Zhizhi, how come every time you¡¯re in trouble you always come across Shi Yan? And also, what¡¯s even more strange is that every time he helps you for no reason at all.¡± She stroked her chin and made a show of being very serious, ¡°Based on my understanding of Shi Yan, this is quite uncommon, ah. He¡¯s a person who loathes trouble the most. Always keeping to himself. Normally when we find him and say one too many words, we can tell that he¡¯s especially impatient. It makes no sense for him to be so patient in front of you.¡±


    Afraid that the hole in Gu Nian¡¯s brain would become even bigger, Ruan Zhizhi opened her mouth and refuted courageously: ¡°You really think too much.¡± After saying so, she coughed and said seriously, ¡°Hey, I¡¯m going to ask you a question right now. Tell me, a man like Shi Yan with such outstanding qualities¡ªwhy would he have any reason to like me?¡±


    Every time she felt that Shi Yan treated her differently, she only needed to ask herself this question and all of the unrealistic delusions would dispel at once.


    She admitted that her own conditions were not bad, but she was far from becoming the one Shi Yan loved. Perhaps the distance between them was like the distance between her and Fan Bingbing.1


    Who knew that Gu Nian was not at all moved. ¡°I definitely don¡¯t think I¡¯m thinking too much. According to my many years of experience in society, he¡¯s certainly interested in you.¡± She paused after saying this, then added a sentence: ¡°Moreover, how can a man like Shi Yan pick a woman superficially by her face, figure, and cup size? He definitely pays more attention to the harmony of feelings and spirit. Maybe he finds you pleasing to the eye, and sees other women as aunties selling vegetables.¡±


    Gu Nian spoke until there. The makeup artist just so happened to start preparing her lip makeup. Gu Nian had a bitter face, so she was forced to put her gossip on pause and obediently keep her mouth shut.


    Ruan Zhizhi, who no longer knew how she should respond to the conversation, promptly breathed a sigh of relief.


    To tell the truth, if Gu Nian continued saying such things, Ruan Zhizhi would shamelessly believe it.


    After the bride and maid of honour¡¯s makeup were done one after the other, all that remained was to change into their gowns.


    Ruan Zhizhi accompanied Gu Nian to change into her dress and watched Gu Nian come out in her wedding gown. For some reason, she was actually a little moved.


    Obviously she wasn¡¯t the one getting married. But seeing Gu Nian¡¯s happy appearance, she somehow felt as if it was happening to herself.


    Gu Nian sat on the pure white couch. Running around, Ruan Zhizhi helped her put on her jewelry and wedding veil, then examined and arranged the details of her skirt.


    As she was occupied, Cheng Fengjin walked in.


    Cheng Fengjin was wearing a black, well-ironed luxury suit today. Every detail of the tailoring was incredibly smooth. With one glance, one would know it was of high value. He walked in step by step, his eyes only watching Gu Nian from beginning to end. His facial expressions, which were rarely turbulent, became vivid.


    Holding a box in hand, he walked to Gu Nian¡¯s side then knelt down: ¡°How are you this careless, you forgot to take your wedding shoes when you went out.¡±


    Gu Nian stuck out her tongue with a look that said ¡°What can you do about me?¡±


    While speaking, Cheng Fengjin extended his hand and carefully held Gu Nian¡¯s foot. Then, he put on the pair of crystal shoes he had custom-ordered for her with the utmost care.


    The scene before her eyes was too warm and touching. Ruan Zhizhi actually felt the rims of her eyes getting a little wet.


    Her best friend was about to marry the person she loved the most. It was really good.


    By the time everything was put in order and ready, it was already past ten o¡¯clock in the morning.


    Ruan Zhizhi accompanied Gu Nian in the wedding car to the hotel where the ceremony would take place. Cheng Fengjin sat in the front passenger seat. Although he remained stern and unsmiling, today his facial features had clearly softened quite a lot.


    Ruan Zhizhi watched him and couldn¡¯t help making fun: ¡°Ai, I painstakingly watched Gu Nian for such a long time, and in the end I must hand her over to you. I¡¯m telling you Cheng Fengjin, you must never bully her, and even more so you must never play with the idea of changing lovers into relatives. You have to continuously spoil her and love her. Never let the marriage become dull.¡±


    An average and dull marriage was truly a scam. If you really loved someone, even the corners of your eyes and brows would show love. How could she be willing to let Gu Nian believe that the true meaning of marriage was nothing special?


    Cheng Fengjin looked back and said with a slight smile: ¡°Don¡¯t worry. Even if I can¡¯t guarantee all the other things¡ªjust this one, I can certainly accomplish.¡±


    Gu Nian listened to his words, pursed her lips, and bowed her head to smile quietly.


    After a moment, Cheng Fengjin suddenly turned around to glance at Ruan Zhizhi again. While looking pensive, he said: ¡°Ruan Zhizhi, today Gu Nian and I are getting married. At the same time, I also have a nice surprise I¡¯m gifting you.¡±


    ¡°Gifting me?¡± Ruan Zhizhi raised her eyebrows. ¡°You husband and wife can have such good intentions? Thank the Heavens I¡¯m not terrified.¡±


    Gu Nian didn¡¯t seem to know about it. At this moment, she was extremely curious and asked: ¡°What nice surprise, ah? How come I don¡¯t know?¡±


    Cheng Fengjin just smiled mysteriously, making up his mind to keep them in suspense. ¡°Don¡¯t worry, you¡¯ll know in a while.¡±


    Translator¡¯s Note: Can you guess the surprise? The next two chapters are very exciting~ I¡¯m going to try an upload schedule of Wednesday, Friday, and a weekend day. Hopefully it works out.

 CH 19

    Chapter 19: Long Time No See


    When Ruan Zhizhi followed Gu Nian and Cheng Fengjin to A City¡¯s number one, five-star hotel, she looked out the car window. Sure enough, she saw a steady stream of guests arriving to attend the banquet.


    Gu Nian and Cheng Fengjin went into the hotel¡¯s private room to meet some friends and family. As the maid of honour, Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s main task at present was to stand at the entrance of the hotel lobby to receive red envelopes for the bride and groom.


    Cheng Fengjin had made his once-in-a-lifetime wedding very extravagant. Many guests were invited, including some of their classmates and friends from when they studied abroad in the past.


    Ruan Zhizhi greeted those former classmates while simultaneously carefully registering the red envelopes each one of them gave. She was simply in a hurry.


    Yet another red envelope was handed in front of her. Ruan Zhizhi reached out and took it without raising her head. She tried to preserve the warmth in her voice: ¡°May I ask for your name?¡±


    ¡°Ruan Zhizhi, it¡¯s only been a few days, you don¡¯t even remember my name?¡±


    This voice was clear and cold, with a thread of hoarseness¡ªlow, with an extremely provocative tone.


    Just one sentence, and Ruan Zhizhi immediately knew. It was Shi Yan.


    Not only were Shi Yan and Gu Nian fellow professors at A University now, they were also schoolmates of the same university in the United States. It was only normal for him to attend Cheng Fengjin and Gu Nian¡¯s wedding ceremony. She had actually forgotten about this relationship.


    Ruan Zhizhi immediately lifted her head to look at him. In order to show respect to the bride and groom, Shi Yan wore a deep blue suit today. He had a neat appearance with flowing lines, and the details of his suit had a tactile quality. The entire person possessed an extraordinary gentlemanly elegance.


    Like the saying: Mo Shangren is like jade, and the son of nobility is unparalleled in this world.


    Ruan Zhizhi reached out to receive Shi Yan¡¯s red envelope. For some reason, she felt a little bit different about him in her heart.


    Those words Gu Nian had said earlier were all to blame.


    ¡°Shi Yan, I still haven¡¯t had time to properly thank you for what happened last time. And you even paid for the drink bill that night. I feel especially apologetic.¡± Ruan Zhizhi lowered her head. While registering his name on the paper, she said, ¡°How about I invite you to a meal after the wedding today?¡±


    Shi Yan smiled faintly and nodded without the slightest hesitation, promising: ¡°Okay, after the wedding I¡¯ll wait for you at the entrance of the lobby. If I don¡¯t see you, I won¡¯t leave.¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi lifted her head and also showed a smile: ¡°If I don¡¯t see you, I won¡¯t leave.¡±


    She didn¡¯t dare look into his eyes, because a complex of stars filling the vast sky seemed to rub forth from inside them. At present, they were flickering incessantly. Charming her was always so effortless.


    When all of the guests¡¯ names were recorded on the list, Ruan Zhizhi stretched her waist, put away the guest gift list, and took it backstage of the hotel to be delivered safely and securely in Gu Nian¡¯s hands.


    Gu Nian¡¯s makeup artist and stylist were now making the finishing touches and verifying her entire look. Since all the guests were already present, Gu Nian would be going out on the red carpet right away, where she would make her vows in front of these witnesses.


    Ruan Zhizhi took out a small mirror and looked at her reflection casually. She discovered that due to a busy morning, her makeup had already faded slightly. But she didn¡¯t care. In any case, the leading role today wasn¡¯t her. She only needed to be a supporting role that served Gu Nian well.


    Soon, the wedding march sounded from the hall. Not long after that, Ruan Zhizhi heard enthusiastic applause. It seemed that Cheng Fengjin was already on stage now, just waiting to take his bride over from his father-in-law.


    Gu Nian listened to the activity outside, turned around to look at Ruan Zhizhi, and pouted: ¡°Zhizhi, I¡¯m a little nervous¡­Tell me, what if I accidentally step on the hem of my skirt and fall down? I¡¯ll positively die.¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi felt helpless and patiently reassured her: ¡°Don¡¯t let your imagination run wild, I¡¯ll definitely hold your skirt very carefully behind you. I¡¯ll never let you step on it.¡±


    At that very moment, the door facing Gu Nian opened slowly. Gu Nian sucked in a deep breath and tried to look as dignified and graceful as possible. Treading on her pair of 12cm crystal heels, she walked out step by step.


    Meanwhile, Ruan Zhizhi carefully lifted the muslin train dragging to and fro on the ground behind Gu Nian and also followed her out step by step.


    In front of them was a warm, bright red carpet. On both sides of the carpet, eight baskets of flowers were arranged. Gu Nian¡¯s father stood to the right, stretching out his hand to lead his daughter.


    His eyes were a little red, and he was trying his best to restrain himself. Ruan Zhizhi was also moved when she saw it.


    From childhood until adulthood, Gu Nian grew up cherished in the palm of her father¡¯s hand. Unlike Ruan Zhizhi, whose father hadn¡¯t even come to see her a few times since the courts declared she would follow her mother after her parents¡¯ divorce.


    She wondered if her father would also be able to show this incredibly reluctant expression if she got married.


    Ruan Zhizhi bowed her head and walked one step at a time. Waves of applause rang from the crowd again and again. The guests discussed spiritedly, all talking about the pair of newlyweds who were a happily married couple made by heaven.


    Halfway through, Ruan Zhizhi lifted her head. Before she had time to look around, she caught Shi Yan¡¯s gaze in the crowd. There were nearly a thousand guests present, and Shi Yan was probably the only one alone. From beginning to end, his line of sight was firmly fixed on the maid of honour behind the bride.


    He raised his head slightly. A pair of black, shining eyes were pinned on her. His gaze was very tender.


    All the way up to the wedding stage, Cheng Fengjin had already been waiting for a long time. Gu Nian¡¯s father put his daughter¡¯s hand into the hand of the man in front of him, tears in his eyes.


    The applause from the audience was even more enthusiastic at this moment.


    The pair of newlyweds stood shoulder to shoulder in the middle of the platform. The officiant standing in front of them loudly recited the wedding speech: ¡°In front of God and all the witnesses who are here today, I ask the bride and groom to solemnly swear to everyone with their most sincere hearts¡­¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi had never seen Cheng Fengjin look so serious about anything. He lowered his head, looking at Gu Nian as if she was a pearl. Word for word, he carefully said: ¡°I, Cheng Fengjin, now solemnly promise to marry Gu Nian as my wife. I am willing to promise you that from today onwards, no matter the good or bad, rich or poor, healthy or sick, I will always love you and cherish you until the end of time. I promise that I will treasure you and be loyal to you forever.¡±


    In accordance with wedding procedure, at this time, the best man was supposed to come over and deliver the wedding rings. But for some unknown reason, there was no trace of the best man even now.


    It was truly impeding.


    Ruan Zhizhi frowned. Just when she wanted to sneak offstage to check the situation, there was suddenly another person occupying the empty space beside her. The person was in a well-ironed suit, and his pace was steady and unhurried. He walked up to the wedding officiant, passed the wedding rings to the bride and groom calmly, then slowly turned around and walked over.


    Without the slightest bit of precaution, the contours of the man¡¯s face slowly turned, and finally, a clear face was revealed.


    In a split second the world was spinning.


    Ruan Zhizhi could no longer give her attention to the newlyweds exchanging rings. At this very moment, all of her thoughts were on the man in front of her, and her entire body became a cave of ice.


    She looked at the high-spirited face of the man in front of her. Words choked in her throat, and she was unable to get them out no matter what.


    Li Sichen, time flies, I trust you have been well since we last met.


    After Li Sichen finished delivering the rings, he naturally walked over to Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s side and stood straight. He tilted his head and approached her ear, saying very intimately, ¡°Zhizhi, long time no see. I really missed you.¡±


    As if suffering from aphasia, Ruan Zhizhi stood beside him, unable to say a word.


    Was she surprised? Clearly she had already mentally prepared for his return before.


    Was she pleasantly surprised? Clearly there was not even the slightest sense of joy in her heart.


    So at this moment, what were these remaining emotions that surged up violently?


    The wedding ceremony had already come to an end and the guests below began to dine. The pair of newlyweds changed into red clothes and went down to toast the guests table by table. Now it stood to reason that the jobs of the best man and maid of honour were concluded.


    Ruan Zhizhi returned to the private room at the back of the hotel. Perturbed, she changed out of the maid of honour¡¯s dress. Her brain was no longer functioning. She didn¡¯t even know what to say when she saw Li Sichen a moment ago. Her mind was all filled with the thought of running away.


    Three years and Li Sichen hadn¡¯t seemed to change at all¡ªexcept for his brows and eyes, which seemed a little more mature than before, he still gave people feelings of gentleness, candidness, and the inability to dislike him.


    Even if he had ruthlessly thrown her heart, fractured it to pieces, and crushed it under his foot, she still couldn¡¯t hate him.


    In a sense, wasn¡¯t this a little sad?


    Ruan Zhizhi shut her eyes and forced herself to expel the shadow of Li Sichen from her mind.


    So what if he was back? The entanglement between them had already ended three years ago. Now, Li Sichen was merely a former university schoolmate to her. She could  maybe even add the title of ¡®friend¡¯.


    Nothing more.


    She tried hard to persuade herself. After clearing her thoughts, Ruan Zhizhi checked the belongings she¡¯d taken with her, sent a WeChat message to Gu Nian saying she was going first, and then left.


    At this moment the wedding hall had become a large drinking party of colourful, diverse figures. It was a lively, flourishing scene. Ruan Zhizhi lowered her head slightly, not wanting to spend any more time greeting acquaintances. While no one was paying attention, she quietly walked all the way to the entrance of the lobby.


    ¡°Zhizhi.¡±


    That familiar voice sounded again at this moment, just like a magic spell. And the owner of the voice, from three years ago until now, was the person Ruan Zhizhi didn¡¯t want to see most.


    ¡°Zhizhi, can you turn around and look at me?¡±


    He was standing behind her when he spoke again. There was actually a hint of pleading in his always-lively tone.


    Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s body stood stiffly in place for a long time. Finally, little by little, she turned around slowly.


    The person she once thought about day and night, the person she once held in the innermost part of her heart, was now standing before her eyes in the flesh. Just as in the past, he was handsome, sunny, and loved to smile.


    How did that saying go?


    As if it was a lifetime ago.


    ¡°Long time no see,¡± she said, pulling the corners of her mouth with difficulty. She tried hard to make a smiling expression.


    Li Sichen pursed his lips and approached her step by step. ¡°Zhizhi, have you been doing well these past few years? The days after you returned to China¡­I really missed you very much.¡±


    His silhouette stood in front of her at present, becoming clearer and clearer in the sunlight. For some reason, Ruan Zhizhi suddenly calmed down.


    She lifted her head, and for the first time since she saw him again, she didn¡¯t evade his gaze. ¡°I¡¯m very well, and you?¡±


    Li Sichen heard her speak such words and lowered his head, smiling somewhat bitterly. ¡°You¡¯re very well, but without you I haven¡¯t been.¡±


    Her heart was throbbing frantically and uncontrollably. He was clearly still the Li Sichen from before, but the way he spoke to her and the way he looked at her was so extremely different from the way he had three years ago.


    ¡°Zhizhi, we haven¡¯t seen each other for three years. Let me invite you to a meal, treat it as an apology. Can I?¡± Li Sichen studied her complexion and spoke cautiously.


    Since when did he speak so carefully with her? It really put the cart before the horse in the roles that the two of them always played.


    ¡°Apology? You have something you want to apologize to me for?¡± Ruan Zhizhi watched him as she said this word for word. Even she hadn¡¯t predicted that when facing Li Sichen again, she could actually be this calm and cool-headed.


    When Li Sichen heard her say this, the emotion in his eyes dimmed instantly: ¡°Zhizhi, you still blame me for what happened three years ago. At that time I was too childish, I didn¡¯t understand¡­I admit it¡¯s all my fault, I just beg you to give me another chance, okay?¡±


    Li Sichen¡¯s mouth opened and closed before her eyes. She understood every word he said when separated, but after combining them together, Ruan Zhizhi couldn¡¯t understand the meaning at all.


    She couldn¡¯t get used to the Li Sichen that was so sombre when facing her like this, and she couldn¡¯t understand the meaning of his words.


    She didn¡¯t speak, and Li Sichen also didn¡¯t know how to speak again, so he could only look at her with a pair of miserable eyes. As long as Li Sichen looked at her with this kind of expression and acted like a spoiled child, the Ruan Zhizhi of three years ago would have agreed to do anything. No matter how unfair he treated her, she would have endured gladly.


    But now was not three years ago.


    Just when the atmosphere between the two was at a deadlock, another voice suddenly sounded in the air. It was neither light nor heavy, deep, and yet very clear¡ª


    ¡°Ruan Zhizhi.¡±


    With a sudden jolt, Ruan Zhizhi came back to her senses instantly. She turned around and discovered that on the other side of her, in the complete opposite position to Li Sichen, stood Shi Yan.


    She only then remembered that before the ceremony began, she had agreed with Shi Yan that she would invite him to a meal after the wedding.


    At that time, Shi Yan had said to her: ¡°Okay, after the wedding I¡¯ll wait for you at the entrance of the lobby. If I don¡¯t see you, I won¡¯t leave.¡±


    They had agreed not to leave until they saw each other¡­but she had completely forgotten about this matter now.


    Shi Yan stood in place. His gaze hung down to look at her. His deep, pitch-black eyes were shrouded in a faint mist, extremely frail, making people worry that they would shatter in the air any second.


    When they had met for the first time, she only felt that Shi Yan¡¯s eyes were awfully deep. That they showed tolerance for everything, yet he had no feelings.


    But now, she found that she was wrong. His eyes were obviously warmer than a surging crowd, how could he have no feelings?


    ¡°Shi Yan¡ª¡±


    She bit her lip and was about to apologize for her bad memory, but she saw Shi Yan extend a finger towards her, beckoning her to keep silent. Ruan Zhizhi did as she was told and stopped speaking. Then, she heard him say: ¡°Ruan Zhizhi, just this one time. Don¡¯t reject me, just leave with me, okay?¡±


    Translator¡¯s Note: I suppose if Shi Yan and Ruan Zhizhi didn¡¯t meet in Yunnan, they might have spoken for the first time at Gu Nian¡¯s wedding¡­but his chances might have been worse since Li Sichen showed up. Also very shocked that they pulled off the Li Sichen surprise, that¡¯s a bit risky to pull at a wedding? Don¡¯t they need to rehearse the ceremony too?

 CH 20

    Chapter 20: Favoured


    If, one day, the person you once liked deeply and the person who had always been extraordinarily good to you stood in front of you at the same time, would you be able to choose?


    At this time, Li Sichen shot a glance at Shi Yan and suddenly spoke: ¡°Zhizhi, how do you know Shi Yan?¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi was stunned. She opened her mouth but didn¡¯t know where to start. After a long time, she could only reply very stiffly: ¡°It was just during a trip¡­we met by chance.¡± Once she finished speaking, she raised her head to look at Li Sichen and found that there was some hostility in his eyes when he looked at Shi Yan.


    Li Sichen lowered his head and thought for a while. Then he slowly drew near, reaching out to pull the lower hem of Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s clothes. His movements were very light, tugging a little cautiously.


    Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s body trembled uncontrollably. The memories that she thought had long since withered and faded clearly emerged within Li Sichen¡¯s small action, frame by frame, surging forth violently.


    In the past, whenever he came to find her for something, he liked to reach out and pull the corner of her clothes. It was such a small gesture, without crossing the distance, but also revealed a slight intimacy. As if he treated her differently from the others. It could make her heart pound so easily.


    It turned out that if it was someone you sincerely liked, no matter how long you were separated for, as long as you could see them again, you would still feel nervous, helpless, and scared witless.


    ¡°Zhizhi, I¡¯ll take you to eat your favourite beef noodles, okay?¡± His tone of voice was full of pleading, and his fingers softly pulled at the hem of her clothes. It was a gesture and tone that Ruan Zhizhi couldn¡¯t refuse at all.


    Ruan Zhizhi didn¡¯t remember how she left the hotel lobby with Li Sichen. She only remembered turning back to look at Shi Yan one last time.


    From beginning to end, he stood there silently.


    Even now he still stood in place, alone. His eyes were slightly lowered, and his expression couldn¡¯t be seen clearly. Yet his whole body was full of a strong sense of loneliness.


    He didn¡¯t look too sad, as if in his heart, this choice came as no surprise.


    It seemed he was already used to being given up.


    Ruan Zhizhi suddenly regretted it a little.


    The place Li Sichen brought her to was actually the Luji Noodle House that she had once visited with Shi Yan.


    Ruan Zhizhi remembered that when she was there, she once saw a figure that looked very much like Li Sichen flitting by. Now, it seemed that it may not have been her illusion.


    She was in a daze as she sat down with Li Sichen. Watching the boss bring two steaming bowls of beef noodle soup to the table, she was absent-minded for a moment.


    Li Sichen reached out and snapped apart a pair of chopsticks, passing them over to her. When he looked at her, his eyes were filled with a tenderness like water from the bottom of his heart. ¡°Zhizhi, hurry and eat. The noodles will get cold and won¡¯t taste good.¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi lowered her head. The steam rising from the bowl of noodles spiralled in the air. She blinked, not knowing why her heart became more and more uneasy.


    Shi Yan, he¡­even knew her little habit of not eating cilantro.


    Li Sichen also dismantled a pair of chopsticks for himself, as if he hadn¡¯t discovered that Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s mind was wandering. He lifted his head, sized up her expression, and said with deep thought, ¡°Zhizhi, after you returned to China, I thought of you every single day.


    ¡°What happened on the day of my birthday party¡­I¡¯m truly sorry. Back then, I thought I only considered you as a friend or brother. But after you left, I found out I was wrong.¡± Li Sichen spoke to himself. His gaze gradually drifted to the distance, as if sinking into memories. ¡°Zhizhi, after you left, there was no other girl who could chat with me until late at night. There was no other girl who made me feel like I wanted to see them all the time. And there was no other girl¡­who could treat me with all their heart and soul like you.¡±


    When he said this, the rims of his eyes were faintly red: ¡°I found out that I¡¯m inseparable from you. Every minute, every second I can¡¯t be without you.¡±


    The people surrounding them were noisy, but every word that Li Sichen said pierced into her heart like ten million tiny needles, word by word, clear and distinct.


    Ruan Zhizhi felt that her hand gripping the chopsticks was shaking slightly. Her brain had already completely crashed and she didn¡¯t even know how to face him now.


    Nearly every day for the past three years, she dreamed that if, one day, Li Sichen felt regret and turned back to find her, how moved and pleasantly surprised she would be! After that, she would happily accept him.


    But now that she really had waited for such a day, she didn¡¯t know what to do with herself.


    Perhaps she should accept Li Sichen, even if it was just to fulfill the secret love she had hidden for four years.


    And yet she hesitated.


    ¡°Zhizhi, you really can¡¯t give me another chance? I swear, I¡¯ll treat you wholeheartedly. I¡¯ll make up for everything I owed you over the past few years. I won¡¯t let you be wronged again.¡± Seeing the hesitant expression in her eyes, Li Sichen bit his lip and spoke eagerly. Reaching out, he lightly gripped her hand on top of the table.


    His hands were still as warm as she remembered, unlike Shi Yan¡¯s¡ªeven if his palms were warm, his fingers would always be ice-cold.


    Ruan Zhizhi was stunned for a long time before she finally regained her senses. She lifted her head and met Li Sichen¡¯s gaze. Before she had time to consider, she subconsciously started to speak: ¡°I¡­I don¡¯t want to think about things like love right now.¡±


    What was she saying?


    She actually rejected Li Sichen, the only man she had ever liked since her youth. She rejected the man she put down her self-respect for, like a moth flying into the flame. She rejected the man she invested four years of her youth on.


    Li Sichen¡¯s eyes dimmed immediately, and the hand that held hers slightly tightened. He stared at her without blinking, as if he wanted to judge whether she was sincerely refusing him or if she was being a reserved girl before accepting the confession.


    After a long time, he finally let go and sighed helplessly: ¡°It doesn¡¯t matter, Zhizhi. I¡¯ll wait for you, I¡¯ll always wait for you. Just like you waited for me.¡±


    When they finished eating, Ruan Zhizhi tactfully declined Li Sichen¡¯s proposal to watch a movie together and insisted on taking a taxi home by herself.


    When she returned home, she turned on the ceiling lamp. The inside of the house still felt empty and desolate. There wasn¡¯t a trace of liveliness.


    Ruan Zhizhi was the kind of person who seemed independent and strong-minded on the outside. But in fact, she was actually the person who couldn¡¯t take care of herself the most in this life. She was this old and still couldn¡¯t cook. Normally at home, the most she did was boil instant noodles. Her work was also turned upside down day and night, so her biological clock was in disorder and it wasn¡¯t healthy at all.


    In the past, she always thought that this kind of life was nothing. That being by herself was free and easy anyhow. But now, sitting alone on the large sofa, she suddenly felt a little lonely.


    In fact, she also wanted someone to accompany her.


    Shi Yan was surely angry.


    They had made an appointment to have dinner together, agreeing that they wouldn¡¯t leave without seeing each other. But she actually rejected him to his face, and even left with another person. Even she herself knew that it was unforgivable.


    Shi Yan was such a proud and arrogant person, he would definitely not pay attention to her in the future.


    But¡­subconsciously, she really didn¡¯t want to lose a friend like Shi Yan.


    When Gu Nian¡¯s call arrived, Ruan Zhizhi was in the kitchen cooking instant noodles in a daze. She reached out to press the green ¡°talk¡± button. The environment on the opposite end was noisy, and Gu Nian¡¯s voice hurriedly sounded: ¡°Zhizhi, I heard that you and Li Sichen had dinner together today, how was it, how was it! Is there any major progress?¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi was speechless. ¡°Before, he and I¡­can there still be any progress.¡±


    ¡°Yi¡­impossible, ah. I heard from Fengjin that Li Sichen gave up a high-paying job overseas and had a falling out with his family just because he wanted to return to China. It was all in order to pursue you back. Fengjin said that this time, Li Sichen really knows he was wrong, and he knows he can¡¯t live without you. He also asked me to persuade you and tell you that you must give him another chance.¡±


    A ¡°ding dong¡± sounded. The button on the kettle lit up, reminding her that her hot water was boiled.


    Ruan Zhizhi held her cell phone in one hand to listen to the call while carefully pouring the scalding water into the bowl of instant noodles with the other hand. It looked as if her movements were neat and tidy, however the inside of her mind was in complete shambles.


    ¡°But¡­I¡¯m not here to be Li Sichen¡¯s lobbyist.¡± When Gu Nian said this, someone on the other end of the phone seemed to be calling her. Ruan Zhizhi heard Gu Nian¡¯s distant response before she continued to say, ¡°Zhizhi, I¡¯m going to go home with Fengjin in a bit. Today is my once-in-a-lifetime wedding night. If it wasn¡¯t for the fact that I think these words are very important for you, I wouldn¡¯t have specially called you at this time.¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi laughed, found a bowl to cover the instant noodle lid tightly, and said casually: ¡°Hurry and tell me, my eldest miss, what instructions do you have?¡±


    ¡°Actually, there are no instructions. I just think, perhaps you should consider Shi Yan. He is much stronger than Li Sichen. Not only that, he treats you better.¡± After a pause, Gu Nian said pensively, ¡°Before in university, no matter where we went, we would always come across Shi Yan. At the time I didn¡¯t think much of it and believed it was merely coincidence. But looking back now, how can there be such a coincidence in this world? If one party hadn¡¯t been working hard all along, even two people in the same city wouldn¡¯t easily meet.¡±


    She hurriedly finished these words and hung up the phone at rapid speed.


    Leaving Ruan Zhizhi alone in the kitchen, lost in thought.


    What Gu Nian meant was¡­Shi Yan deliberately looked for opportunities to make chance encounters with her?


    With such a cold disposition as Shi Yan¡¯s¡­it was extremely unlikely.


    At nighttime, Ruan Zhizhi held the bowl of instant noodles in her hands. She was too lazy to turn on the lights, so in the darkness of her bedroom, she fumbled around to open her laptop.


    She tilted her head and thought about it, then searched on Douban1: If the person you were secretly in love with comes back to you, what should you do?


    This question had many people responding below, with each sticking to their own belief.


    ¡°Don¡¯t be stupid. If he really liked you, he would have confessed back then. You were secretly in love with him and he could certainly sense it. Now he¡¯s suddenly looking for you because there¡¯s no one suitable around him. In his poor and boring circumstances, he once again thinks of how well you treated him and feels that you¡¯re an easy success, nothing more.¡±


    ¡°Of course you have to accept, ah! There is a saying: Don¡¯t care about eternity, only care about once having had. As long as I can have him, even for a brief moment, I will be perfectly content.¡±


    ¡°The second he rejected me, he already lost me forever.¡±


    ¡­¡­


    Ruan Zhizhi glanced through the comments one by one. Slowly, a hint of sleepiness arrived¡ªuntil the next second, when she saw one answer:


    ¡°What you cannot obtain will always put you in turmoil. Those who are favoured are secure by knowing they have a backing.¡±


    When all was said and done, was she, Ruan Zhizhi, considered as the one that could not obtain, or¡­the one that was favoured?


    Translator¡¯s Note: I don¡¯t know if anyone had a difficult time getting the last comment. I was a bit confused at first, but this is what I think it means: Those that suffer unrequited love are in turmoil (pretty self-explanatory), but those who are being pursued have a sense of security because they know someone will always be there. Ruan Zhizhi wonders if she¡¯s still someone in turmoil, or if she is someone favoured (by Shi Yan).

 CH 21

    Chapter 21: Paper Rose


    It had been a week since Li Sichen returned to China. Within this week, Ruan Zhizhi opened her eyes to his text messages every morning. Breakfast, lunch, dinner, and even midnight snacks and desserts were all arranged by Li Sichen. Even when Ruan Zhizhi had to work overtime at the office or didn¡¯t want to go out to eat, he would devise ways to buy delicious food and have it delivered to her office or downstairs from her residence.


    If Ruan Zhizhi could have received this kind of treatment from Li Sichen three years ago, perhaps she would have woken up from her dreams laughing every night. But three years later, after a whole week passed, she finally digested the unreal feeling that Li Sichen had come back to pursue her. At last, she could calmly reflect on the matters between the two of them.


    Li Sichen¡¯s current treatment towards her was not fake. Ruan Zhizhi knew Li Sichen¡¯s character the best. He was someone careless that dreaded troublesome things. If he truly didn¡¯t hold her in his heart, it would be impossible for him to show care for her by sending three meals on time each day. Many times, she wanted to accept him, but whenever she was on the verge of saying what was on her mind, the words were unable to leave her lips. In her heart, she always felt faintly uneasy, as if she owed someone.


    March had already arrived. The weather was warming up again. The frozen frost patterns on the road could no longer be seen, and the bare branches of the Chinese parasol trees in the middle of the road were beginning to sprout soft shoots. It all appeared so beautiful.


    Ruan Zhizhi got up early that day and planned to tidy up her wardrobe at home before going to work. She took a pile of thick winter clothes out of the closet, carefully folded them one by one, and stuffed them into an unused box.


    When the final down jacket was folded, she flattened it and examined it as a formality, only to find that a pocket of the down jacket filled out slightly, as if there was something in it.


    Wrinkling her brow with some suspicion, Ruan Zhizhi placed her hand in the jacket pocket. The next second, she was unable to restrain her surprise.


    Inside was the paper rose that Shi Yan had given her at the bar in Lijiang a long time ago.


    She hadn¡¯t seen Shi Yan for a week already.


    Before, no matter where she went, she would definitely be able to run into him. But this week, no matter where she went, she never saw Shi Yan again¡ªincluding at the coffee shop where he frequently went to buy macarons in the past. It was as if he had suddenly vanished from the face of the earth, disappearing cleanly from her life.


    Sometimes, Ruan Zhizhi even had the illusion that she had never actually met Shi Yan before.


    Because how could there be such a person that was clearly a complete stranger to you, but willingly invested in you and happened to appear again and again whenever you were in trouble? Just like the black knight in those children¡¯s fairy tales who paid silently without expecting anything in return.


    If it weren¡¯t for the fact that Ruan Zhizhi had already passed the age where she believed in fairy tales, she probably would have thought that Shi Yan was an angel sent by God to save her, even if this angel had a very indifferent face.


    Ruan Zhizhi stood to the side of the closet in a trance, until the alarm on her phone sounded, reminding her to go to work. She finally returned to her senses.


    She turned her head to glance at the down jacket spread out on the bed and was suddenly a little disappointed.


    For the rest of the day, Ruan Zhizhi looked ill at ease. She couldn¡¯t lift her spirits at work, so she lay on the desk in a daze. Fortunately, Li Sichen¡¯s company was on a business trip today. Otherwise, she feared that he would come to the office to deliver meals to her in a bit.


    She really didn¡¯t want to see Li Sichen now, because he always made her waver.


    Ruan Zhizhi didn¡¯t have an appetite during her lunch break, so she lay on the table listlessly and played on her cell phone. Beside her, Lu Wanyi quietly observed her for a while. She confirmed that Ruan Zhizhi didn¡¯t have lunch plans before coming over to talk: ¡°Zhizhi, how come your boyfriend didn¡¯t come over to take you for a meal today?¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi was stunned. She pondered for a while before realizing that the ¡°boyfriend¡± Lu Wanyi spoke of must have been Li Sichen. She pursed her lips and explained, ¡°He¡¯s not my boyfriend, he¡¯s just a friend, we¡­were once university classmates.¡±


    Lu Wanyi was stupefied when she heard such words, but she quickly reacted and teased, ¡°Don¡¯t deceive me, how can an ordinary friend willingly deliver meals on time twenty-four hours a day? Not only that, but the way he looks at you, even a blind person can see that it¡¯s full of love.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s really not like that, we¡ª¡± Ruan Zhizhi paused here. She thought about how Lu Wanyi was her only close friend at work, so she decided to tell her the truth. ¡°The relationship between us is complicated. In the past, when we were in university, I always liked him very much. But at the time, he didn¡¯t seem to like me that way. After I graduated and returned to China, he stayed in the United States to work, and we cut off contact. I also felt I had come out of my secret love that resulted in failure. But this time, he returned to China and told me that he likes me. Right now my head is a mess. I don¡¯t know what to do at all.¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi said all these words in one breath, and suddenly felt a lot lighter in her heart.


    Lu Wanyi nodded as if she didn¡¯t really understand, following with a somewhat puzzled inquiry: ¡°Zhizhi, do you still like him? If you like him, then accept. If you don¡¯t like him, then decline. It¡¯s obviously a simple thing, why feel troubled?¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t know.¡± Ruan Zhizhi sighed. ¡°I think I still have feelings for him. But I don¡¯t know why, there¡¯s another voice in my heart telling me that I shouldn¡¯t accept him.¡±


    ¡°I get it.¡± Lu Wanyi raised her eyebrows. ¡°There must be someone else in your heart, right?¡±


    ¡°Someone else?¡± Ruan Zhizhi frowned slightly.


    ¡°Right. For example, that handsome guy we ran into at dinner last time. You can see that he has a face that brings damage to the country and suffering to the people, but he still knows how to maintain distance from girls. The other day we were together for such a long time. His eyes didn¡¯t stop on me for even a second. This is the kind of man that¡¯s liked by all girls. My guess is that you must already have him in your heart, which is why you¡¯re hesitant when facing the pursuit of another person.¡±


    Lu Wanyi had a cup of hot coffee in hand. Her manner of speaking was completely certain, and after she finished talking, she lowered her head and blew on the steaming drink before taking a sip, leaving Ruan Zhizhi in a daze.


    Everyone said that Shi Yan liked her. But even if it was like this, she really couldn¡¯t take these beliefs that Shi Yan liked her as given. On the chance that he didn¡¯t, she would lose too much face.


    Moreover, if he truly liked her, then why hadn¡¯t he contacted her after so long?


    Or¡­because of Li Sichen¡¯s appearance, did he decide to give her up?


    In the end, Ruan Zhizhi couldn¡¯t resist Lu Wanyi, so she put on her coat and followed her out for a meal.


    Since their lunch break was only an hour and a half, the two casually found a McDonald¡¯s near the company and planned to finish as quickly as possible.


    McDonald¡¯s was always packed with people no matter what time of day it was. Ruan Zhizhi and Lu Wanyi stood in the crowd to line up, bored to death. People were coming and going around them, the atmosphere was crowded, and the voices were noisy.


    Lu Wanyi stared at the crowd, lost in thought: ¡°I remember when I first came to the company for the internship, I came to this McDonald¡¯s to eat almost every day. Back then, I felt that time was money, and I didn¡¯t want to waste a minute or second in order to get a full position smoothly.¡± She said this with a smile and continued. ¡°I still remember that the first news manuscript I took over was about a corruption case. During that period, in order to arrange the materials, I was turned upside down almost every day.¡±


    Influenced by Lu Wanyi¡¯s mood, Ruan Zhizhi also followed her to recall some memories. She tilted her head and thought for a moment, then said, ¡°The press release I got at the time was a murder of passion. I remember the contents of that case very clearly. After going through meticulous planning, a man murdered his wife who was having an affair. He didn¡¯t expect that his seven-year-old son would witness the entire crime. After that, the son reported to the police and personally identified his father to them. Soon after, the man was sentenced to life imprisonment.¡±


    ¡°That little boy is so pitiful, ah¡­only seven years old and he had to experience this kind of painful incident. Just from hearing you talk about it, I already have goosebumps all over my body. I really don¡¯t dare imagine his frame of mind at that time.¡±


    ¡°Right, that was a case from over twenty years ago. Now, that boy should be twenty-seven or twenty-eight. I don¡¯t know how he¡¯s doing.¡±


    ¡°He certainly can¡¯t be doing well. His father is a murderer, and his mother had an affair and died at the hands of her husband. Above all else, he saw the entire thing with his own eyes. That child must have been subject to people¡¯s lies and slander. Even if he¡¯s lived safe and sound to date, it can be estimated that he would have a mental illness.¡±


    The two chatted continuously for a while. When they reached the front of the line, the pair quickly concentrated on ordering from the menu and soon forgot the subject.


    In this world, unless the knife was also piercing you, it was impossible to feel someone¡¯s suffering as if it was your own.


    After ordering and finding a seat, Lu Wanyi went to the front counter to get ketchup and napkins. Ruan Zhizhi had just set her tray down when she heard a familiar and clear voice coming from behind her: ¡°Sorry, may I ask if we can share the table?¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi turned around. Sure enough, it was Chen Jiayan, who she hadn¡¯t seen for ages.


    ¡°Zhizhi?! So it really is you. Just now I saw your back and thought it looked very familiar.¡± Chen Jiayan was also surprised to see her. In the next second, a familiar smile immediately appeared on his face, looking brilliant and sunny.


    Infected by his smile, Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s mood also became cheerful. She pointed to the vacant seat across from her and said, ¡°Sit down, it¡¯s just Wanyi and I here.¡±


    As soon as Chen Jiayan put his things on his seat, Lu Wanyi came back. She was obviously surprised to see Chen Jiayan: ¡°The road truly is narrow for enemies! How can we run into you at McDonald¡¯s?¡±


    Chen Jiayan blinked, as if to say What can you do about me? ¡°City A is only so big, and A University isn¡¯t that far from here. What¡¯s so strange about running into me?¡±


    City A was only so big, but she never ran into Shi Yan anymore.


    Ruan Zhizhi couldn¡¯t help moving her lips to talk. In the end, however, she forcefully suppressed herself from inquiring about Shi Yan¡¯s news like she wanted to.


    What position did she have to ask about his current situation?


    Lu Wanyi sat down next to Ruan Zhizhi. She turned her head and looked meaningfully at her, as if she suddenly remembered something. ¡°Hey, the handsome guy that ate with you before, why didn¡¯t he come today?¡±


    Chen Jiayan tore open the burger wrapper with his hands while nonchalantly replying, ¡°You¡¯re talking about Ah Yan, ah. He requested a leave of absence today and didn¡¯t come to work. Anyway, I can tell that he hasn¡¯t been in a good mood lately. I don¡¯t dare provoke this ancestor.¡±


    Speaking up until there, he paused, then added: ¡°But he was in a really good mood up until now. The whole person was like ice thawing and snow melting. I harboured suspicions that he was possessed by aliens.¡±


    Shi Yan, he¡­wasn¡¯t in a good mood recently?


    It couldn¡¯t be because of her, right?


    Ruan Zhizhi silently listened to Chen Jiayan and Lu Wanyi¡¯s chatter. Once in a while, she bowed her head to eat her burger without tasting it. For a long time, her train of thought had already journeyed to outer space.

 CH 22

    Chapter 22: Brown Sugar Water


    Perhaps she was too exhausted from work these days, as well as uneasy about her personal matters every day, for Ruan Zhizhi felt dizzy when she woke up early that morning. She couldn¡¯t even stand steadily.


    Aware that she was severely anaemic, Ruan Zhizhi pressed her temple with one hand and slowly got off the bed to walk into the living room. She wanted to take a few red dates from the coffee table and eat them first.


    She didn¡¯t expect that, due to her dizziness, she would accidentally knock into the corner of the coffee table after taking a few steps. Without thinking, she reached out to block it, only for a piercing pain to arrive in the next second.


    This time, Ruan Zhizhi was thoroughly awake. She shook her head then looked down. Sure enough, a deep cut had been slashed in the palm of her hand by the glass table¡¯s sharp corner. Blood seeped out of it gradually. Ruan Zhizhi frowned, trying hard to endure the urge to cry out in pain. Taking a deep breath, she began to try and treat the cut.


    She was used to living alone. Normally, she could deal with some small bumps on her own. It¡¯s just¡­Ruan Zhizhi used tincture of iodine to disinfect the wound while bandaging her palm with a shaking hand to staunch the bleeding. After trying for quite a while, she gave up.


    This time the wound was a little deep. It seemed she would have to make a trip to the hospital.


    Putting on any coat, Ruan Zhizhi didn¡¯t even have time to apply lipstick. In this way, just as she was, she left the door.


    When Ruan Zhizhi reached City A¡¯s most well-known military hospital, the deep pain was already unbearable. She grit her teeth and exhausted all her strength with every step she took. Just like this, she used all her willpower to register at the hospital and lined up by herself. When she finally managed to see a doctor, her lips were completely bloodless.


    The doctor in the consulting room, who was dressed in a white coat and writing something with his head down, was obviously stunned when he saw her. He immediately got up and let her sit down: ¡°What¡¯s the matter, your complexion is so bad?¡±


    ¡°Doctor, nothing¡¯s the matter. I just accidentally cut a gash in my hand this morning and there¡¯s some blood coming out. I usually have a little anaemia, which is why my complexion seems so bad now.¡± Ruan Zhizhi sat across from the doctor solemnly, weakly elaborating on her condition.


    The doctor quickly arranged for staff to bind her wound to stop the bleeding. After the wound was treated properly, Ruan Zhizhi left the consulting room. However, she still felt her vision was a little fuzzy. Helpless, she could only go to the rest area outside the consulting room door to rest for a little first.


    This was indeed an unlucky year.


    Ruan Zhizhi shrank her neck into her turtleneck sweater. The piercing pain in her palm was gradually dulling, but since she hadn¡¯t replenished enough sugar, her brain was still dizzy.


    Leaning against the cold hospital seat, Ruan Zhizhi bit her lower lip and began to think about whether or not to call Gu Nian for support. Her cell phone was already in her hands, but she had second thoughts after thinking about how it was currently Gu Nian¡¯s honeymoon period. In the end, she decided not to disturb her.


    ¡°It¡¯s alright, just sleep for a moment.¡±


    Doing her own thing, she lowered her head and comforted herself. Her emotional state became heavier and heavier. In the end, Ruan Zhizhi buried her head in her collar, unable to control her muddle-headed drowsiness.


    It was unknown how much time passed¡ª


    ¡°Zhizhi, wake up.¡±


    It was as if someone was calling her over and over. The voice was low with a tinge of huskiness. The tone was originally calm, but became more and more anxious at her unresponsiveness.


    Ruan Zhizhi creased her eyebrows. Within that person¡¯s voice, she shifted her body somewhat unwillingly. After that, she gradually opened her eyes.


    Her line of sight was still vague. Before she could raise her head, she saw someone putting a glass of brown sugar water in front of her. Licking her dry lips, Ruan Zhizhi reached out to hold the glass. She drained the cup of warm brown sugar water without a second thought.


    ¡°Feeling better?¡±


    It was still that same voice, only this time it was more clear.


    Ruan Zhizhi put down the glass. Her vision extended a little upward, meandering all the way from the man¡¯s dark blue jeans until they finally settled on the pair of pitch-black pupils she knew well.


    Those eyes had always been indifferent, but when they gazed at her now, there was a faint trace of concern.


    Ruan Zhizhi looked at the familiar appearance of this man. In a trance, she couldn¡¯t tell whether she was actually in a dream or reality.


    After a long time, she opened her mouth to speak. Her voice was still very weak: ¡°Shi Yan, why are you here?¡±


    The man before her eyes had dark hair and wore a white sweater and jeans. He didn¡¯t look at all like a twenty-eight-year-old university professor. Anyone who saw him would think that he was a university student with a refined appearance.


    Shi Yan stared at her complexion for a while, then bent down. Half-crouching in front of her, he took out a tangerine-flavoured fruit candy from his pocket, peeled off the wrapping paper, and put it to her mouth: ¡°Eat candy.¡±


    His movements of tearing the candy wrapper were gentle, and his voice was even more gentle when facing her. He was so gentle that the rims of her eyes were almost sour.


    ¡°Thank you.¡± There wasn¡¯t a soul in sight in the rest area. Ruan Zhizhi bowed her head as she expressed her thanks, trying her best to control the choked sobs in her voice.


    Shi Yan didn¡¯t respond. He simply stretched out his hand and stroked her hair very softly. After a long time, he whispered, ¡°After you finish, I¡¯ll take you home.¡±


    A faint hint of tobacco that was impossible to get rid of remained on his fingers. His palm dropped to the top of her head. It was warm.


    Ruan Zhizhi thought that at certain moments, being able to have someone by her side really made her dependent on them.


    She hadn¡¯t depended on anyone for a long time.


    After downing a whole cup of brown sugar water, as well as finishing the fruit candy in her mouth, Ruan Zhizhi lifted a hand and pressed her temple. She finally felt a little more conscious and clear-headed.


    Shi Yan¡¯s line of sight fell on the bandaged wound on her left hand. Then he reached out and took her medical record: ¡°I¡¯m going to help you get the medicine now, you wait for me here.¡± After a pause, he added a warning in a very light tone: ¡°Be good, don¡¯t run around.¡±


    ¡°Okay.¡± She nodded subconsciously until Shi Yan¡¯s figure walked into the distance. Ruan Zhizhi stayed in place, reaching out to touch the remaining warmth of the drinking glass. She felt that everything was all too surreal.


    He still appeared when she was in need.


    As if it was fate.


    Shi Yan drove her home. The two didn¡¯t speak the entire way.


    He looked straight ahead and seriously concentrated on driving. Ruan Zhizhi sat quietly in the passenger seat, her mind in chaos.


    At this time, she wondered whether she had folded the quilt in her bedroom before going out this morning, and whether the tabletop in the living room had been tidied.


    However, by the time the door was opened and Shi Yan was brought in, Ruan Zhizhi discovered to her despair that the living room was in a complete mess. There was even a white bra on the sofa that she had brought in from the balcony that morning, but had no time to put away.


    Ruan Zhizhi: ¡°¡­My home is a little messy, don¡¯t mind it.¡±


    Shi Yan¡¯s eyes gazed at the conspicuous bra that seemed flimsy and petite. He retracted his line of sight, glancing meaningfully at the area of her chest.


    Ruan Zhizhi: ¡°¡­¡­¡±


    Consciously changing into a pair of slippers at the entrance, Shi Yan walked into the living room. Obviously it was his first time coming to her home, but each and every move seemed more familiar than hers. He walked all the way to the water dispenser outside the kitchen and poured a glass of warm water, then took out the medicine prescribed by the doctor from the medicine bag. He handed them to Ruan Zhizhi together: ¡°This is an anti-inflammatory drug and painkiller. Three times a day, one tablet at a time. Remember to take them on schedule.¡±


    Unable to look up at him, Ruan Zhizhi extended her hand to take the medicine and warm water. At the same time, she silently pondered over whether Shi Yan¡¯s current behaviour meant that he had already forgiven her for missing their appointment last time.


    ¡°Also, the doctor told me just now that your dressing needs to be changed today.¡± Shi Yan looked around the room, then raised his eyebrows at her and said, ¡°Sit down on the sofa.¡±


    ¡°Ah? Now?¡± Ruan Zhizhi was a little confused.


    ¡°Yes, now.¡± Once the man finished responding, he saw the medicine box that was placed on the coffee table before going out that morning. He walked over and began preparing for the dressing change.


    Sitting passively on the sofa, Ruan Zhizhi watched him prepare gauze in a series of skillful movements. She inexplicably felt that this place seemed more like his home.


    Shi Yan made preparations for the dressing change, then turned around. He knelt on one knee on the cold floor and softly placed her injured left hand on his knee.


    ¡°In a moment when the cut is touched, it might hurt a little. Bear with it.¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi bowed her head to look at him. Shi Yan¡¯s eyelashes were very long, drooping down meekly. They covered most of his eyes, making his gaze seem even more unfathomable. Looking at him this way, through the sunlight pouring in from the balcony, his skin looked very bright. It made the whole person seem even more unreal.


    Time seemed to stand still at this moment. Ruan Zhizhi looked down at him, and for a second she forgot the pain from her cut.


    Perhaps, at this time, Shi Yan was the very best painkiller.


    The man carefully disinfected the wound with tincture of iodine, then wrapped the gauze around her palm with light, unhurried motions. Lastly, he tied a beautiful knot at the wrist. ¡°Tomorrow evening, remember to change the dressing to avoid your cut getting infected.¡±


    As soon as his voice fell, Ruan Zhizhi was about to say something when she heard the phone in her jacket pocket ring urgently.


    Her heart thudded. Ruan Zhizhi slowly took the phone out of her pocket with her other hand. As expected, the name from the caller ID was Li Sichen.


    Shi Yan stood up straight, as if he hadn¡¯t seen anything. Then, he walked directly to the balcony.


    Was this giving her private space to answer the phone?


    Ruan Zhizhi pursed her lips and put the call through.


    ¡°Zhizhi, I can come back the day after tomorrow. Have you had any problems by yourself these past few days?¡±


    Li Sichen¡¯s voice was still as lukewarm as always. Ruan Zhizhi glanced down at her tightly bandaged left hand. She hesitated for a few seconds, but still answered. ¡°There¡¯s nothing, everything is fine.¡±


    ¡°Then I can feel at ease. Wait for me to come back, I¡¯ll take you to eat delicious food. You¡¯re really too thin right now, you need to quickly eat until you¡¯re a little plump. Otherwise, when we¡¯re walking on the road, I¡¯ll always worry that you¡¯ll be blown away by the wind in the next second.¡±


    On the other end of the phone, Li Sichen was still chattering. Every sentence contained concern for her, but in Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s ears, there was no way he could be as wholehearted as she was three years ago.


    ¡°Li Sichen, you¡­you better not be too good to me.¡± She paused, then continued. ¡°I¡¯m afraid I can¡¯t give you the answer you want.¡±


    The voice on the other end of the phone was slightly startled, but he quickly replied with a smile: ¡°What nonsense are you saying, I am completely willing to treat you well. Zhizhi, you waited for me for four years, and now it¡¯s my turn to wait for you. This is very fair, there¡¯s nothing to feel guilty about.¡±


    ¡­¡­


    After hanging up the phone, the relaxed mood that Ruan Zhizhi had attained with great difficulty became heavy again.


    If she couldn¡¯t respond to him with the same feelings, then perhaps this predestined relationship should have been cut off earlier.


    After all, it should have been cut off three years ago.


    Ruan Zhizhi got up from the sofa and walked to the balcony step by step. She wasn¡¯t surprised to see Shi Yan facing her, leaning on the wall to smoke.


    His side profile outlined delicate contours in the sun, and the scattered hair on his forehead fell down casually. Smoke curled up before his eyes, which were as dejected and dreary as always, as if isolated from the rest of the world.


    For some reason, Ruan Zhizhi suddenly really wanted to persuade him to quit smoking. But she quickly resisted this impulse. She knew very clearly in her heart that for Shi Yan, smoking was like a painkiller that could temporarily relieve the pain. Until a better alternative was found, there was no way to give up.


    She didn¡¯t know what she should say, so she could only stand beside him like this. The atmosphere was awfully still, and it seemed that even the air circulation slowed down for a split second.


    After a long time, Shi Yan finally spoke: ¡°Is he not treating you well?¡±


    Who was ¡®he¡¯? Was it¡­Li Sichen?


    Not knowing how to answer, Ruan Zhizhi raised her head to look at him, only to see the man extinguish his cigarette butt indifferently. He threw it into the garbage bin on the balcony with accuracy. ¡°You went to the hospital, why didn¡¯t he accompany you?¡±


    Her brain crashed. Ruan Zhizhi was stunned for a moment before realizing that Shi Yan might have misunderstood her relationship with Li Sichen. She didn¡¯t know why, but her heart felt somewhat irritable. Without thinking, she immediately opened her mouth to explain: ¡°Between Li Sichen and I¡ª¡±


    But the next half of her sentence was broken off by the other party before she could finish. Shi Yan turned his body to look at her. Every word and every sentence was incredibly clear: ¡°Ruan Zhizhi, if he treated you badly three years ago and treats you badly three years later, why can¡¯t your eyes just look at other people?¡±


    Translator¡¯s Note: I¡¯m forever laughing whenever I have to translate that Shi Yan accurately threw his cigarette into the garbage. Every time there¡¯s a scene where he¡¯s smoking, he always ¡®throws the cigarette into the trash can accurately¡¯. Like how convenient that there¡¯s always a garbage when he wants to throw it away!! But also I respect the author for lowkey demonstrating not to litter¡­

 CH 23

    Chapter 23: Dickinson


    Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s quality of sleep was poor, and that night she suffered from insomnia as expected. The dull pain caused by her hand injury was already insignificant now. She tossed and turned restlessly in bed alone. She didn¡¯t know why, but as long as she closed her eyes, Shi Yan¡¯s face would appear in her mind.


    What did he mean by what he said to her on the balcony before leaving that day? ¡°Other people¡±, did that refer to him? In the end, did he really like her as she thought¡­or was it all of it simply his whim?


    He was always like this. Obviously he was 99% good to her, but the remaining 1% just refused to explain clearly.


    But what Ruan Zhizhi never thought was that so long as Shi Yan didn¡¯t confess to her, it meant that she would never have a chance to reject him.


    That night, she held all kinds of complicated and unspeakable thoughts in her mind. It was not until very early the next morning that she finally entered the land of dreams dizzily.


    That day at around seven in the morning, just when the sky started to brighten, Ruan Zhizhi heard the sound of knocking outside the door, one after another. Neither urgent nor impatient, but very rhythmic.


    After undergoing a fierce ideological struggle in her mind, Ruan Zhizhi finally decided to crawl out from the warm blankets and open the door.


    She initially thought it was the express delivery man, but when she opened the door, she saw Shi Yan standing in the corridor with a paper bag.


    Today, he was dressed in a simple black sweatshirt with a pair of white sneakers on his feet. He looked very clean and refreshing. At this moment, the sky¡¯s light was shining faintly, and he stood quietly in the murky stairwell, illuminating the entire corridor in an instant.


    Seeing that Ruan Zhizhi had appeared to open the door, he still had a cold and indifferent look on his face. After shooting her a glance, he entered the house unceremoniously.


    He changed his slippers and walked to the dining table in the living room, then opened the paper bag in his hand. He took out a bowl of congee, a box of pan-fried dumplings, and a few small side dishes, arranging them neatly on the tabletop.


    After finishing, Shi Yan turned around, tilted his head, and regarded the drowsy-eyed Ruan Zhizhi before him: ¡°Still haven¡¯t woken up?¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s face flushed slightly and she bowed her head absentmindedly to straighten her messy hair. ¡°Not yet.¡± After speaking, she couldn¡¯t help but quickly defend herself: ¡°You got up too early, it¡¯s still not light yet. Besides, it¡¯s the weekend.¡±


    Shi Yan raised his brows, completely ignoring her justification. ¡°Go brush your teeth, the congee will get cold in a while.¡±


    She couldn¡¯t help but rub her eyes and look at the tall figure in front of her one more time. After confirming that she wasn¡¯t dreaming, Ruan Zhizhi nodded in confusion, then turned around and walked into the bathroom.


    She walked to the sink and stared at the neat row of toiletries arranged on the shelf. For a moment, she actually didn¡¯t know where to start.


    At that moment, there were shallow footsteps behind her, and then a person encircled her. The distance between that person¡¯s chest and her back was very close now. The fragrance on his body was clean, with a faint, lingering hint of tobacco that made her heartbeat race as easily as blowing off dust.


    The man behind her embraced her, then reached for the toothbrush and toothpaste from the shelf. Ruan Zhizhi inhaled deeply and secretly raised her head to look at the half-length mirror in front of her.


    From the mirror, it could clearly be seen that her height only reached Shi Yan¡¯s chest. His chest was pressed to her back, and both of his hands were making intimate movements, as if he was hugging her from behind, and he was now¡­bowing his head, squeezing out toothpaste intently.


    After squeezing the toothpaste, he turned on the faucet and filled a cup of water, then handed the toothbrush to her: ¡°Brush your teeth.¡±


    He even considered the trivial matter that it was inconvenient for her to squeeze toothpaste with one hand.


    Ruan Zhizhi grasped the toothbrush in her hand. When she watched Shi Yan¡¯s back as he turned and left, an inexplicable feeling slowly bubbled up in her heart.


    In this way, Ruan Zhizhi finished breakfast under the full care of Shi Yan.


    At the dining table, Ruan Zhizhi was still eating the last pan-fried dumpling when she heard Shi Yan, who had been silent all along, suddenly demand: ¡°Go with me to school later.¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi was stunned for a moment. Struggling to swallow the last half-mouthful of dumpling, she asked indistinctly, ¡°Go to school for what?¡±


    ¡°If you¡¯re by yourself at home, I won¡¯t feel at ease. It¡¯s safer to keep you in my sight at all times,¡± Shi Yan replied casually. His eyes didn¡¯t reach her, but his tone was unyielding, and there was absolutely no room for her to refuse.


    Just like that, Ruan Zhizhi was dragged by her left hand that was wrapped like a zongzi. Putting on a camel-coloured trench coat, she blindly followed Shi Yan out the door.


    Once again arriving at the campus gates of A University, the students walking around them in twos and threes laughed and scolded each other as they passed by. Everyone¡¯s faces were full of youth, as if everything was promising. Ruan Zhizhi watched them and couldn¡¯t help feeling from the bottom of her heart that she was getting old.


    Walking into A University¡¯s campus alongside Shi Yan truly took a lot of courage. Furthermore, Ruan Zhizhi had an injury on her hand, attracting the eyes of even more passersby.


    Inexplicably feeling a lack of confidence, Ruan Zhizhi lowered her head and quickly followed behind him. Her head drooped down, looking like a student who had made a mistake.


    When they entered the third teaching building, they still had to walk through the confined area in the corridor. This space was tightly closed off and sealed. Last time, Shi Yan had brought her through here. Since Ruan Zhizhi was a little claustrophobic, she still had a deep memory of this stifling, narrow space.


    Shi Yan stood in front of her and took the lead to walk into the darkness first. He had just walked a few steps when he thought about it and stopped. He turned around to face her, a probing look in his eyes.


    After a long time, he stretched his hand towards her and said in a low voice, ¡°If you¡¯re afraid of the dark, take my hand.¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi bowed her head and hesitated for a while, but nevertheless summoned up the courage to reach out and softly grab his little finger.


    His fingertips were ice-cold.


    Shi Yan looked down at the hand that was gripping his little finger very carefully. He smiled imperceptibly.


    The pair walked through the dim, tight corridor one after the other. As if to embolden herself, Ruan Zhizhi took the initiative to converse: ¡°Have I told you that the reason why I¡¯m afraid of confined spaces is all because I was trapped in a chemistry lab during a circuit failure when I was in university? At that time, there were many dangerous flammable and explosive drugs in the laboratory. After the power went out and the door couldn¡¯t be opened, I was scared stupid. I was afraid I would hear the sound of an explosion in my ears any second, and then my life would carelessly stop there.¡±


    ¡°I know.¡± Shi Yan¡¯s reply was very nonchalant. After he finished speaking, he paused and added in an extremely soft voice, ¡°That day, I was also inside.¡±


    These words barely scratched the surface. In an instant, Ruan Zhizhi was astonished.


    All kinds of thoughts screamed and flashed through her mind.


    Right¡­Shi Yan and her were once university schoolmates. So that time, if he was also trapped in the same lab for an experiment, it was completely reasonable.


    ¡°Ruan Zhizhi, you really don¡¯t remember? After the circuit failure that day, you lost your mind out of fear and pulled my hand. You cried and told me that you didn¡¯t want to die. You told me not to let go of you.¡±


    Shi Yan¡¯s voice resounded in the air. Every word and sentence was so clear that it could not be mistaken. It was clearly within reach, but in her ears it was as unfathomable as a hallucination.


    Ruan Zhizhi lowered her head, her flushed face almost dripping blood. Even the hand holding his little finger seemed so ill-timed at this moment.


    Of course she remembered this incident. But at that time, she only grabbed the person closest to her out of complete instinct. In the darkness, she couldn¡¯t see clearly whether the other party was a man or a woman. It was merely because of her extreme panic and fear that she spoke out those humiliating words without thinking.


    She didn¡¯t expect¡­for that person to actually be Shi Yan.


    It was simply unbelievable.


    A pair of wide eyes stared at him like a rabbit. Ruan Zhizhi seemed to have lost the ability to communicate for a second. Shi Yan no longer spoke, and the atmosphere sank into silence once again.


    Like this, they walked all the way to Shi Yan¡¯s office quietly. Since it was a weekend, the office was completely empty, without a single person.


    Shi Yan walked over to the water dispenser, poured a cup of hot water for her, and placed it on his work desk. Uneasy, he urged, ¡°I¡¯m going to proctor an exam now, I¡¯ll be back in about an hour. Be good, stay here and wait for me. If anything happens, call me right away.¡± Once he finished speaking, he thought for a while, then added, ¡°There are candies in the drawer on the left, if you feel dizzy, just eat a few.¡±


    ¡°Okay.¡± She nodded in a daze. Ruan Zhizhi still hadn¡¯t returned to her senses from the shock just now.


    The other party was unperturbed, as if nothing had happened. He stroked her hair with a calm expression, then seized a stack of exam papers and walked out of the office lazily.


    He really seemed to enjoy touching her hair.


    Ruan Zhizhi watched his retreating figure. Once again, she deeply felt that it was a pity for a man like Shi Yan to be a university professor.


    Sitting alone and staring blankly in the office was really boring. With one hand, Ruan Zhizhi used great effort to take her phone out of her bag and customarily opened a pattern matching game to pass the time.


    After playing for a while, she felt a little pain in her eyes, so she put the phone down and started to get lost in thought.


    Her heart swayed mid-air, ultimately swaying to the words Shi Yan had said a moment ago.


    If¡­the person she had grabbed in a moment of desperation that day in the lab was truly him, then he should have already known about the existence of Ruan Zhizhi.


    Ruan Zhizhi narrowed her eyes and began to carefully recall the occurence that day. Such a deep memory, even after so many years, could not be forgotten.


    She remembered that after the power outage back then, she was extremely frightened. She firmly captured the hand of the person next to her, and in a sobbing tone, begged them not to let go of her hand.


    At that time, the power outage lasted for about an hour. She clutched that person¡¯s hand and rambled incessantly about the things that happened from the moment she was born until she entered university. This consisted of her despair when her parents divorced, how she had been bullied by her landlord when she first came to the United States because she was in an unfamiliar place without friends or family, and how she had always silently liked Li Sichen but could not get a response.


    In her life of twenty years, in just that brief period of an hour, she had told a stranger about everything without reservation.


    From beginning to end, that person never said a word, but from beginning to end, they also never let go of her.


    She remembered that their palms were warm, but their fingers were cold.


    In the end, the lights finally came back on. The door of the laboratory was also opened from the outside by maintenance workers. Ruan Zhizhi cheered with everyone. She was so happy that she didn¡¯t even glance back at him, hurriedly running out to get her cell phone so that she could call Li Sichen and report that she was safe and sound.


    Her train of thought sank into the memories that had long withered and yellowed. Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s eyes were blankly fixed at a certain point in the air. For a long time, her thoughts were incapable of calming down.


    Shi Yan knew who she was from the beginning. So, he helped her over and over again and was tolerant of her, was that how it was?


    From start to finish, from past to present, she seemed to have enjoyed his care all along. Yet she had never done anything for him.


    After going on a mental journey to outer space for a long time, Ruan Zhizhi returned to her senses and felt a little dizzy. Recalling what Shi Yan had said before leaving, she lowered her head and fumbled to open the drawer below the left side of the desk. Sure enough, there was an opened package of fruit candies inside.


    Taking one out easily, Ruan Zhizhi peeled off the candy paper. Just as she put it in her mouth, she saw that there was also a stack of bookmark papers placed in the drawer.


    In any case, there was no one around. With some curiosity, she took them out and discovered a few excerpts and notes written by Shi Yan.


    Shi Yan¡¯s penmanship was really good. Pen to paper, it was like moving clouds and flowing water. The power in his handwriting radiated from the paper. There was an unconstrained feeling, as if doing as he pleased.


    Ruan Zhizhi held up the bookmark. Written on it was a line in English: Had I not seen the sun, I could have borne the shade.


    This was a four-line poem written by the American poet Emily Dickinson. If translated into Chinese, the meaning was probably¡ª


    I could have endured the darkness if I hadn¡¯t seen the sun.

 CH 24

    Chapter 24: Bandage


    The leisure time on the weekend passed in the blink of an eye. Soon, it would be a new week. Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s hand injury had already reached the stage of scabbing, and there was no need to bind it anymore. So long as she stuck a bandage to cover the scab before she left the house, it was fine.


    On Monday morning, Ruan Zhizhi was woken up by the sound of her alarm clock. After washing up and getting dressed, she grabbed her bag and left home to catch the subway to work.


    When Ruan Zhizhi walked to the entrance of the No. 3 subway station along with the stream of people, the subway had just hurtled past. The remaining people could only continue to wait for the next one.


    Ruan Zhizhi stood among the crowd waiting patiently. The throng of people around her were noisy and clamourous. She regarded the surrounding strangers with the utmost boredom. Within the crowd were hurried office workers in suits and leather shoes, students in high school uniforms going to school in groups of threes and fours, and couples who held hands and hugged each other, looking extremely sweet.


    A girl pouted her lips and leaned against a man, complaining in a coquettish voice that she didn¡¯t have time to take the next subway. The man smiled helplessly, lowering his head and stroking her hair with affection and indulgence to placate her. The expression in his eyes was full of love.


    Without blinking, Ruan Zhizhi watched the sweethearts¡¯ intimate actions in a daze.


    Shi Yan also liked to touch her hair occasionally.


    Speaking of which¡ªthis weekend, twenty-four hours a day, except for when she slept at night, she was together with Shi Yan almost all the time.


    She didn¡¯t know why, but every time she looked at his side profile, Ruan Zhizhi would vaguely recall some things from her university days.


    Gu Nian had once told her that every time the four of them went out together, whether it was to the library, cafeteria, or supermarket near the school, they would always happen to come across Shi Yan nearby.


    Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s head drooped down, her line of sight sweeping over the waterproof bandage on her palm that Shi Yan had specially bought her from the pharmacy. Finally, she believed that everything was not a coincidence.


    But if he didn¡¯t say it, she could only pretend not to know.


    She squeezed onto the subway with great difficulty. After Ruan Zhizhi stepped into the bustling company office building and punched her card in, she finally breathed a sigh of relief.


    This month, she still wanted to get the perfect attendance award.


    She walked to her desk and sorted out some documents she needed that day. Just when she was about to get up and pour herself a cup of coffee, she bumped into a courier.


    The courier was carrying a large bouquet of beautiful, alluring roses in his hands. Because the layers of the bouquet were too heavy, he appeared to be straining himself to hold them.


    There seemed to be at least ninety-nine roses. Ruan Zhizhi glanced at it casually, thinking that maybe someone wanted to pursue a female colleague in the company. This kind of thing happened frequently and it was already a common occurrence.


    Holding the mug in her hands, she was about to take a detour and leave when she heard the courier¡¯s angry voice ringing in the office: ¡°Who is Ruan Zhizhi? I have your delivery.¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi was stunned to hear her own name. After confirming it again and again, she was convinced that these roses were indeed for her.


    Mystified, she signed the delivery receipt, then took the bouquet of roses from the courier¡¯s hands. Ruan Zhizhi couldn¡¯t do anything about it. She had no choice but to go back and try to find a suitable, discreet place to settle the bouquet of roses.


    In the centre of the bouquet was a purple greeting card. Ruan Zhizhi wrinkled her brows and opened the card with a little suspicion. On it was the handwriting she knew all too well:


    Zhizhi, one day apart seems like three years.


    I¡¯ll pick you up after you get off work tonight, wait for me.


    Inscribed in flamboyant and bold calligraphy was Li Sichen¡¯s name.


    Right. Today was already Monday, and Li Sichen had returned from his business trip. But¡­did they really want to continue this kind of unclear relation?


    She was shaking her head when someone behind her suddenly patted her shoulder. Ruan Zhizhi jumped in fright. When she turned around, she discovered that the person standing behind her was Lu Wanyi.


    Lu Wanyi stretched her head out and shot a glance at the contents of the greeting card with a curious expression on her face. She couldn¡¯t help teasing: ¡°Tsk tsk, look at this sappiness, even saying one day apart seems like three years. Zhizhi, this man is really set on you. He even started sending flowers early on Monday morning.¡± Once she finished speaking, she walked over and sniffed the fragrance of the roses, continuing to investigate, ¡°How is it? Has your heart been captured?¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t joke around. I didn¡¯t tell you before, but there is nothing between me and him.¡± Ruan Zhizhi put the greeting card away in panic and retorted subconsciously.


    Lu Wanyi, who adored gossip, didn¡¯t intend to let her off like that. She argued with conviction: ¡°Right now there is nothing, but that does not mean there will be nothing in the future. It is said that familiarity breeds fondness, and women are emotional creatures. To have such an outstanding and handsome man persevering in his pursuit, it¡¯s only a matter of time before you are won over.¡±


    Speaking up until there, she stopped, making a show of taking things very seriously. She secretly sized up Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s expression, then proceeded to talk with scrupulous attention to detail: ¡°Unless¡ªjust as I said last time¡ªyou already have another person in your heart.¡±


    At this moment, Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s heartbeat suddenly became violent. She lowered her eyes, staring at her palm. She was suddenly a little flustered: ¡°Alright, don¡¯t make fun of me here. Quickly get to work, or else you will have to stay behind and work overtime tonight.¡±


    ¡°Ai, my life is really bitter.¡± At the mention of overtime, Lu Wanyi¡¯s happy and excited expression from a moment ago promptly dimmed. She obediently went back to catch up on her manuscript.


    It was approaching seven o¡¯clock when they got off work. As night fell, Ruan Zhizhi and Lu Wanyi walked out of the company building. Sure enough, Li Sichen¡¯s car was parked steadily across the road.


    Seeing that Ruan Zhizhi was coming out, Li Sichen turned the car around and drove up towards them, then rolled the window down: ¡°Zhizhi, you must be exhausted from working all day. I¡¯ll take you to a fun place to relax.¡±


    ¡°What place?¡±


    Li Sichen did not answer directly, but smiled mysteriously: ¡°When we arrive you¡¯ll know.¡± After his voice fell, he caught a glimpse of Lu Wanyi from the corner of his eye. With a thorough understanding, he opened his mouth to invite her: ¡°Is this your colleague? If you don¡¯t have any plans this evening, then come with us.¡±


    Lu Wanyi was obviously a little excited when she heard this. ¡°Really? That¡¯s great, I was worrying about how to pass the time tonight.¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi thought about it. Although she also hoped that Lu Wanyi would come along to accompany her, she still reminded her out of goodwill: ¡°If you go back late, will your boyfriend get angry?¡±


    ¡°Aiya it¡¯s fine, he¡¯s been on a business trip these past few days. I sit alone at home every day, I¡¯m going to get moldy,¡± Lu Wanyi waved her hand and replied without a care.


    Only then did Ruan Zhizhi set down her heart, getting in the car with Lu Wanyi.


    The place Li Sichen brought them to was one she knew well. It was City A¡¯s most famous 1943 bar street, and like the numerous young people of the city, Ruan Zhizhi and Gu Nian used to be frequent visitors here on the weekends.


    But now, the bar he drove to appeared very unfamiliar.


    As if sensing her doubts, Li Sichen parked the car in a parking space on the side of the road and opened his mouth to explain, ¡°This bar was opened by one of my friends. Today is considered to be the first day of the official opening. I think it ought to be very lively, so I¡¯m bringing you guys here to play.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s great, right now I urgently need the numbness of alcohol,¡± Lu Wanyi cheered. Before getting out of the car, she didn¡¯t forget to take out a small mirror and cushion foundation, earnestly touching up her makeup.


    Ruan Zhizhi was helpless. ¡°Don¡¯t forget that you have to get up early tomorrow morning to go to work.¡±


    Lu Wanyi didn¡¯t care in the slightest. ¡°It¡¯s fine. Live in the moment, Zhizhi, why are you always so sensible?¡± After she finished speaking, she took out an Armani lipstick in colour 501 and carefully applied it. ¡°I say, hasn¡¯t your life ever gotten out of control?¡±


    Gotten out of control? Of course it had.


    In Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s calm and self-regulated life, there was only one major time it had gotten out of control. That was her period of unrequited love for Li Sichen. It was only that one time, but that pain was engraved in her memory for the rest of her life.


    In the driver¡¯s seat, Li Sichen was now calling the owner of the bar to confirm. Ruan Zhizhi looked at his still-familiar eyes and brows. She suddenly mocked herself a little. It turned out she was not as infatuated as she imagined.


    The person she once deeply liked was right before her eyes, but at this moment, her heart was as still as water.


    How did that saying go?


    Perhaps I like the memory of you more than seeing you. Perhaps I like the imagination of you more than getting you.


    The bar looked very large from its shopfront. Its decorations were sumptuous and the lighting was also very dazzling and multi-coloured. It seemed like a good place to get into a drunken stupor.


    From a distance, the girls who went in and out of the bar¡¯s doors were all dressed in seductive clothes. Currently, the weather was only ten degrees, but they were all wearing flimsy, revealing, skin-tight dresses. Ruan Zhizhi examined them, then looked down to examine her own sweater dress and ankle boots, deeply feeling out of place for the occasion. On the contrary, Lu Wanyi, who was beside her, looked enthusiastic. At this moment, she was pulling her along while chattering incessantly.


    ¡°There are so many people here tonight. I haven¡¯t been to such a lively place in quite a while. Who knows, maybe I¡¯ll even have a romantic encounter soon.¡±


    ¡°If I remember correctly, you are already a taken woman.¡±


    ¡°Aiya, I was just joking.¡±


    ¡­¡­


    Off to the side, Li Sichen listened to them chat and immediately cheered and laughed along with them. The group walked to the door, and Li Sichen brought them in with familiarity.


    After entering the bar, the DJ¡¯s music in her ears became more and more deafening.


    The owner of the bar was at the doorway greeting guests. Seeing Li Sichen, his eyes lit up in a flash: ¡°Aiya, you¡¯re finally here. Today is my first day of business, I thought you were going to stand me up.¡± Li Sichen punched him with his fist intimately. The boss turned his head and saw Ruan Zhizhi and Lu Wanyi standing to the side. He couldn¡¯t help whistling. ¡°Not bad, brother. You have two beautiful women to accompany you.¡±


    Not caring about his teasing at all, Li Sichen just smiled and embraced Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s shoulders solely. ¡°I¡¯ll give you an introduction. This is Zhizhi, my previous university classmate, and the target I¡¯m currently pursuing.¡±


    Being pulled over and introduced by Li Sichen, Ruan Zhizhi was caught off guard and looked a little unnatural. She raised her head to glance at him, then lightly twisted her body. She was uncomfortable and wanted to escape from his shoulders.


    ¡°Don¡¯t play jokes, how are there still women that our great nobleman Li can¡¯t handle?¡± The bar owner¡¯s tone was quite frivolous, and he looked into Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s eyes with some inquiry.


    Ruan Zhizhi didn¡¯t like his manner of speaking.


    Afraid she would feel uncomfortable, Li Sichen turned to look at her and said somewhat apologetically, ¡°Zhizhi, I¡¯m going to say hello to my friends here. You two find a place to sit first. Order whatever you want to drink and eat, I¡¯ll come in a while to pay the bill.¡±


    Nodding, Ruan Zhizhi got exactly what she wanted and pulled Lu Wanyi in first.


    The pair found two empty seats in front of the bar and sat down. Lu Wanyi had obviously been restricted by her chauvinistic boyfriend for a long time. At this moment, it was like she had regained her freedom. She called the bartender over and ordered a glass of beer without demur. ¡°Zhizhi, how¡¯s your alcohol capacity?¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi reflected for a bit and then answered very honestly: ¡°Extremely bad.¡±


    Hearing this, Lu Wanyi couldn¡¯t help bursting out in laughter. ¡°Never mind, then you drink less. I¡¯ll just drink more.¡±


    The two of them talked and laughed, sitting at the bar chatting and drinking beer. It was quite pleasant.


    Later, only drinking beer was no longer enough to satisfy Lu Wanyi. She was unable to take her eyes off the bartender¡¯s flowing movements while mixing drinks. She couldn¡¯t help opening her mouth and asking him for two cocktails, handing one of the glasses to Ruan Zhizhi.


    Ruan Zhizhi was also a little dizzy at this moment. She lowered her head and stared at the liquid in the glass in front of her. It was a very pure ice blue colour, so transparent that it could almost reflect her black pupils in the glass. It was really very beautiful.


    Unable to endure the temptation of beautiful things, Ruan Zhizhi tilted her head back and drained the glass regardless of the consequences.


    ¡°Cool!¡± Lu Wanyi whistled excitedly and followed by finishing her own cocktail.


    However, pretending to be cool obviously demanded a price.


    After downing one cocktail, it didn¡¯t take long for Ruan Zhizhi to feel a little unbalanced.


    It was as if a fire had been lit in her stomach, and now it was raging and burning, almost engulfing her rationality. She wrinkled her brows, and the remaining reason in her brain told her that she should go to the bathroom now to induce vomiting, then wash her face with cold water to sober up.


    Lu Wanyi was obviously high on fun at the moment and didn¡¯t notice the situation on Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s side. Ruan Zhizhi shook her head, used all her willpower to support herself to stand up, then wobbled to the bathroom one step at a time.


    The vision before her eyes was blurred. She could only see the multi-coloured lights flashing incessantly. The men and women around her seemed spellbound, but in her ears, she could only hear the same type of ear-piercing static.


    At last, she overcame the severe obstacle and successfully found the bathroom. Currently, Ruan Zhizhi was completely confused. She didn¡¯t catch sight of the eye-grabbing ¡°male¡± sign on the door and directly pushed her way in.


    As soon as she saw the garbage bin in sight, she was unable to control herself. Ruan Zhizhi staggered over and had just bent down when she couldn¡¯t help opening her mouth and throwing up.


    Her stomach was like overturning seas and rivers for a while, and her entire body was permeated with the smell of alcohol. She crouched down and held the garbage bin, recklessly throwing up in a state of chaos and darkness.


    After throwing up the food in her stomach from that day, Ruan Zhizhi felt faint and had blurred vision. Due to her surging stomach acid, she couldn¡¯t help retching again. At this moment, she suddenly heard the door of one of the bathrooms being opened, and the next second, there was a man¡¯s voice trying to restrain his surprise¡ª


    ¡°Ruan Zhizhi, what are you doing here?¡±


    As soon as this spell-like voice sounded, Ruan Zhizhi, who was delirious, immediately returned to her senses. Even though her consciousness was still unstable, she instantly recognized that this was Shi Yan¡¯s voice.


    Lifting her head from the garbage bin, Ruan Zhizhi looked at Shi Yan before her. He was unable to hide his anger. She tilted her head and reminded indistinctly, ¡°Shi Yan, you went to the wrong place, this is the women¡¯s toilet.¡±


    Translator¡¯s Note: I looked up the Armani lipstick in 501 and it¡¯s actually a very nice colour!

 CH 25

    Chapter 25: All Things Grow


    Shi Yan¡¯s extremely beautiful eyes were fixed on her. When he heard her intoxicated words, he smiled instead. Although the smile was light, it was extremely good-looking. When he smiled, it was like there were stars swirling in his eyes, and people couldn¡¯t help being dazed by it.


    She thought that the beautiful and alluring female ghost in Strange Tales from a Chinese Studio might not even be half as good as him.


    Suddenly, there were bustling sounds at the entrance of the bathroom. It sounded like many people were walking in together. Ruan Zhizhi frowned and listened carefully several times. She was a little surprised to find that they were actually men¡¯s voices.


    What was going on tonight, was everyone drinking too much? Why were so many people going to the wrong toilet?


    She opened her mouth and was about to say something to Shi Yan, but she saw the other person¡¯s brow furrow. The next second, before she could react, he came over and grabbed her. Then, almost at the same time as the movements of the crowd outside the bathroom, the people at the door came in while she was quickly pulled into one of the stalls by Shi Yan. He swiftly sat her down on the toilet.


    The area in the stall was narrow. The space that could originally accommodate one person was now crammed with two people. Ruan Zhizhi was a little more sober now. She looked around and found that she had nowhere to go. Without any better option, she resigned herself to leaning against the toilet, face-to-face with Shi Yan in the cramped space.


    The few people who had come in were obviously somewhat drunk. At present, they gathered together to smoke and chat, telling salacious jokes in a frivolous manner.


    Ruan Zhizhi listened to them for a while and felt a little embarrassed. Just when she wanted to talk, Shi Yan extended his hand and tightly covered her mouth.


    ¡°Wu¡­¡±


    With an ambiguous protest in her mouth, Shi Yan frowned. He leaned down to meet her eyes and said in a low voice, ¡°Ruan Zhizhi, how many people do you want to know about you going into the men¡¯s washroom incorrectly?¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi was stunned. She blinked and finally managed to calm down.


    Seeing her calm down, Shi Yan also took his hand away from her mouth.


    The atmosphere fell silent. At this moment, the two people in the stall seemed to form a completely different world from the people outside. The others were intoxicated in a dazzling world of luxury, while they lived in their small world where time stood still.


    Afraid that her consciousness was unclear and she would fall off the toilet, Shi Yan wrapped one hand loosely around her waist. He crouched down halfway, regarding Ruan Zhizhi attentively with his ink-black pupils. Then, he reached out and pulled a tissue from the side. With a very tender expression, he slowly wiped the remaining alcohol stains and filth at the corner of her lips.


    Ruan Zhizhi saw his actions, bit her lip, and tried to turn her face away. A little embarrassed, she whispered, ¡°Don¡¯t wipe, it¡¯s dirty.¡±


    Shi Yan ignored her. He reached out and turned her face back. After wiping off all the filth on her face, he gently smoothed her messy hair. ¡°It¡¯s not dirty, it¡¯s very clean.¡±


    In his heart, she had always been cleaner than anyone else.


    Her heart was pounding madly and uncontrollably with his ambiguous words. Ruan Zhizhi watched him in a daze. Suddenly nervous, her fingertips trembled slightly. Immediately after, her face slowly turned red.


    Really, it was too embarrassing. How come, so long as she came across anything related to him, she would become unlike herself? Her current appearance was exactly like that of a sixteen or seventeen-year-old girl who had just experienced her first awakening of love. Where was the shadow of the mature, white-collar city woman?


    After composing herself, she tried to level her tone, ¡°Shi Yan¡­can I ask you a question?¡±


    ¡°Say it.¡±


    Receiving the other party¡¯s permission, Ruan Zhizhi thought deeply in her heart before continuing: ¡°You once told me that you really, really like a girl very much. Can you tell me who she is?¡±


    If the answer was not the one she thought, then she would give up.


    It was better to get away as soon as possible than to be stuck in a quagmire with no way out.


    It was hopeless to wait for someone to love you. It was too despairing. She couldn¡¯t take it again, and she didn¡¯t want to repeat the same tragedy twice in her life.


    Shi Yan¡¯s pupils trembled imperceptibly. He opened his mouth, his usually calm and unperturbed tone becoming a little erratic: ¡°You really want to know?¡±


    ¡°Really, I really want to know.¡±


    ¡°Ruan Zhizhi, if you know, you can¡¯t go back.¡±


    His tone was very light and indifferent, yet the final syllable trembled a little, as if some kind of hidden emotion had emerged from the ground. With her seemingly non-existent encouragement, it had already spread beyond control and could only be allowed to grow frantically.


    Incited by the alcohol, Ruan Zhizhi nodded without the slightest hesitation. ¡°Say it, I won¡¯t go back.¡±


    Shi Yan looked at her and smiled with an expression of utmost cherishing. His features, which were always cold, seemed to be covered with a layer of gauze, hazy and tender. She was enchanted by his smile. He looked at her, then opened his mouth to speak.


    At this moment, Ruan Zhizhi suddenly heard Li Sichen and Lu Wanyi¡¯s voices outside, calling her name one after another anxiously.


    Li Sichen and Lu Wanyi had reacted immediately, probably because she had disappeared for too long, making them uneasy.


    Shi Yan obviously heard their voices too. He thought about it and lifted Ruan Zhizhi up from the toilet first. ¡°Can you walk now?¡±


    She nodded cautiously.


    ¡°There¡¯s no one outside anymore, I¡¯ll take you out.¡± As he spoke, he reached out and helped Ruan Zhizhi tidy her hair carefully. Without a second thought, he naturally crouched down and told her, ¡°As for the question you just asked me, if you still want to know after sobering up, you can come and find me any time.¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi, no matter how long, I will always wait for you.


    Enticed by Shi Yan¡¯s patient tone which was hard to come by, Ruan Zhizhi didn¡¯t speak. She tried to stay calm and nodded, and was then led out of the men¡¯s washroom by him step by step.


    Recalling how she had vowed to inform Shi Yan that he had gone to the wrong bathroom, she immediately wanted to find a hole to bury herself in.


    Walking out of the men¡¯s room, her ears were once again occupied by the DJ¡¯s deafening music. Ruan Zhizhi wrinkled her brows. For some unknown reason, in this chaotic place of men and women, she subconsciously leaned against Shi Yan.


    In her heart, Shi Yan had already become a person she could completely rely on at will.


    So perhaps the situation was much worse than she expected.


    As soon as the two passed through the corridor in front of the washrooms, they saw Li Sichen and Lu Wanyi with nervous expressions in the crowd.


    When Lu Wanyi saw her, she almost burst into tears: ¡°Zhizhi, where did you run off to? As soon as I sobered up, I discovered you were missing, do you know how worried I was? There are a lot of people here, what would I do if something happened, wu wu.¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi heard the choked sobs in her voice and her heart warmed. ¡°I¡¯m fine, I just went to the bathroom to wash my face because I was dizzy, that¡¯s all.¡± After speaking, she turned her head to see Li Sichen, who was still gasping for air. He had been running around urgently just now. She said with some guilt, ¡°I¡¯m sorry, I let you guys worry.¡±


    ¡°Zhizhi, do you know that I was scared to death when I went to the bar and couldn¡¯t see you?¡± Completely ignoring Shi Yan, who was standing beside her, Li Sichen quickly walked over and grabbed Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s shoulders with both hands. The rims of his eyes were a little red. ¡°Promise me that you won¡¯t make me unable to find you again, okay?¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi lifted her head sluggishly. Studying his anxious expression, she didn¡¯t know how to respond for a while.


    Shi Yan, who had been silent all this time on the side, suddenly laughed mockingly. ¡°Li Sichen, if you really love her, don¡¯t give her the chance to leave your sight, and don¡¯t always think of looking back after missing your opportunity.¡± When he said this, he took an unyielding step forward and inserted himself between Li Sichen and Ruan Zhizhi, separating them. ¡°No one will stop and wait for you forever.¡±


    It was as if Li Sichen had just discovered the existence of Shi Yan at this moment. Since Shi Yan was half a head taller than him, he had to raise his head slightly to see the other person¡¯s eyes. ¡°Shi Yan, what position do you have to say these words to me? What kind of person are you to Zhizhi?¡± He paused. Not to be outdone, he also fired a counterattack: ¡°Three years ago, the person Zhizhi chose was me, and three years later, it will still be me.¡±


    Shi Yan leaned against the wall with his arms folded over his chest. His black eyes shone astonishingly bright in the room packed with lights. When he began to speak, his tone of voice was as apathetic as always: ¡°But it¡¯s so obvious¡ªyou can¡¯t take care of her well, and you can¡¯t love her more than you love yourself.¡±


    Finishing there, he looked down at Ruan Zhizhi. His tone softened. ¡°Zhizhi, you deserve much better.¡±


    In an instant, as if someone had hit the nail on the head on his sore spot, Li Sichen¡¯s shoulders shook imperceptibly. He turned his head to look at Ruan Zhizhi, who was in a daze beside him. He stretched out his hand, his eyes full of pleading. ¡°Zhizhi, don¡¯t listen to him. Go back with me, okay?¡±


    His looks, actions, and voice were obviously no different from the person she had liked the most before. But now, gazing into his eyes, Ruan Zhizhi could no longer find those feelings where her heart raced in bewilderment.


    Time and space seemed to reverse back to the day of Gu Nian¡¯s wedding at this moment.


    On that day, and at that time, she had also stood between Shi Yan and Li Sichen like this, confused and at a complete loss.


    Many fleeting thoughts swept through Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s muddled brain in a flash. In the end, they all wove together into that person¡¯s indifferent and proud face.


    She used to think he was lonely by nature, but now she realized that maybe his loneliness was all about waiting for a reunion.


    She used to think that he was cold by nature, but now she realized that maybe the fire in his heart only burned for one person.


    Regardless of whether the girl he had kept in his heart for many years was her, she was unwilling to abandon him again.


    The atmosphere was eerily silent, a clear-cut contrast to the enthusiastic crowd on the dance floor. Lu Wanyi wore an expression like she had gone to the wrong set, and couldn¡¯t help but quietly watch the love triangle scene before her.


    Ruan Zhizhi pursed her lips. She was silent for a moment, then finally raised her head. She gazed at Shi Yan with a pitiful expression and issued a request: ¡°Shi Yan¡­if you have time, can you take me home?¡±


    Translator¡¯s Note: Hahaha Li Sichen, your face must hurt. Also I imagine Lu Wanyi watching this entire exchange like O_O

 CH 26

    Chapter 26: Scallion Oil Noodles


    That night the moonlight was awfully beautiful. The night sky was speckled with many stars, and the bright moon hung limpid in the air. Occasionally, a burst of cool wind blew over. Ruan Zhizhi, who had always had debility, wrapped her arms around her shoulders. She couldn¡¯t help but shiver slightly.


    Shi Yan, who was by her side, saw it. Without a second thought, he pulled down the zipper of his sweater and draped it over her.


    ¡°Thank you.¡± Ruan Zhizhi quietly lifted her eyes to look at him. The taciturn man was walking side by side with her at this moment, his face still extremely indifferent. His walking posture was very nice. Even though it appeared lazy, he was also calm, unhurried, and graceful.


    She thought that although Shi Yan wasn¡¯t good with words, every time she had even a little discomfort, he would be able to find out immediately.


    Was this his special power?


    Since they left the bar, they had walked for nearly ten minutes in silence and had already deviated from the track to the parking lot. Ruan Zhizhi thought about it for a long time, not knowing whether to ask him.


    What if he hadn¡¯t parked his car in the parking lot?


    She was entangled in her heart when she saw Shi Yan suddenly stop.


    ¡°A while ago you threw up, are you hungry now?¡± When Shi Yan asked her, there was a lively snack street near the bar area across from where he had stopped.


    Ruan Zhizhi, who was finally relaxed at this moment, listened to the peddlers¡¯ clamour from various shops on the snack street. She smelled the rising aroma of all kinds of foods. Before she had time to respond, her stomach groaned very unsatisfactorily.


    Shi Yan pursed his lips and smiled: ¡°Let¡¯s go, your body is too weak, you can¡¯t miss a meal.¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi stood in place, shaking her head. She thought to herself that Shi Yan seemed to smile many times this evening. When he smiled, she felt uneasy.


    This person truly was a scourge.


    To get to the snack street, they needed to cross the street. Currently, it was still a red light. Ruan Zhizhi and Shi Yan stopped with the crowd and waited patiently.


    In Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s memory of red lights, sixty seconds was not at all long. But she had never stood together with the opposite sex waiting for the traffic light before. Not to mention, standing beside her currently was a shining body that everyone was focused on.


    As expected, there were already girls in groups of two or three whispering about them.


    ¡°Look, that man is so tall and handsome. ah. Look at his height, he¡¯s at least 1.85 metres or more.¡±


    ¡°In addition, his facial features look so refined, and his temperament is also good, it¡¯s hard to see someone like this when walking on the road.¡±


    ¡°Do you guys think he¡¯s a model? Or maybe a little fresh meat who just debuted and is not popular yet?¡±


    When Ruan Zhizhi heard this, she couldn¡¯t help but burst into laughter. If an unreasonable and naturally cold person like Shi Yan was a little fresh meat, she guessed that even his most wholehearted fans would also be scared away by him.


    ¡°Is the girl standing beside him his girlfriend?¡±


    ¡°Most likely, don¡¯t you see that handsome guy¡¯s clothes on her?¡±


    ¡°Ah¡­that¡¯s really such a pity. He could totally find a girlfriend as beautiful as a celebrity. Furthermore, this girl¡¯s height is 1.6 metres at most, how can she suit him?¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi: ¡­¡­


    She was clearly 1.65 metres. Moreover, she had already surpassed the average height of Chinese women.


    As she was thinking about it, she suddenly saw the green traffic light shining before her eyes. Sixty seconds had passed, and now a vast crowd of people already flocked around her, scrambling to cross the crosswalk.


    Quite soon, she was encircled by the tide of people. Ruan Zhizhi wrinkled her brows and tried to brush through the crowd. The next second, her hand was tightly grasped by someone. His body temperature was always low, and she didn¡¯t have to look up to know who the owner of the hand was.


    ¡°Why can¡¯t you even cross the road?¡±


    Relying on his natural height advantage, Shi Yan frowned and brought her out of the mass of people effortlessly, speaking in a tone like a kindergarten teacher educating a child.


    Ruan Zhizhi pouted. Not to be outdone, she retorted: ¡°Of course a tall person like you can¡¯t understand our sadness.¡± After speaking, she recalled what those girls just now had said and blurted out, ¡°Speaking of which, do you care about a girl¡¯s height when you¡¯re in a relationship? Or her appearance and such?¡±


    ¡°What do you mean?¡± Shi Yan frowned, as if he didn¡¯t understand the meaning of her words.


    The crowd around them was surging forth. Shi Yan hadn¡¯t let go since he grabbed Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s hand. Afraid that she would be knocked against pedestrians, he walked a little bit behind her to block the passersby for her.


    Ruan Zhizhi was speechless. Unwilling to give up, she continued to question. ¡°That is, do you have a girl¡¯s appearance or height you particularly like? For example, your ideal partner must be about 1.7 metres tall, or she must look innocent and cute.¡±


    The two of them had already crossed the intersection and finally reached the entrance of the snack street from across the road.


    Only then did Shi Yan stop. He let go of Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s hand and touched her forehead: ¡°You still aren¡¯t sober yet, asking such a senseless question?¡±


    ¡°Ai, right now I¡¯m asking you a very serious question. I hope you can answer me with the same seriousness.¡± Ruan Zhizhi raised her face and deliberately made a meticulous expression.


    Shi Yan tilted his head and looked at her. His dark eyes finally became serious, and when he spoke, he looked very calm: ¡°Ruan Zhizhi, when I first liked you, I didn¡¯t even know what you looked like.¡±


    He was talking¡­about the time the power failed in the lab?


    Indeed, in the darkness, you couldn¡¯t even see the fingers on your hands, let alone distinguish each others¡¯ appearance.


    Wait. Just now, he said he liked her?


    Completely uncontrollable, her heartbeat rose to the summit in an instant.


    ¡°If I have to say something to make you happy¡­¡± Shi Yan pursed his lips and sized her up. ¡°About 165 metres, with a thin figure, long hair, and big eyes.¡± Having said that, his eyes shifted down to Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s chest, and he added very seriously, ¡°Also, girls with an A cup.¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi was immediately silent. Her face reddened, then turned white, and she finally decided to shut up and end this subject as soon as possible.


    The two entered the quaint snack street. The shops on either side of the street were full of crimson lanterns, which looked very lively. For a moment, the shouts of the shop owners, conversations of the pedestrians, and the aroma of various foods engulfed Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s nerves.


    There seemed to be a slight hint of fireworks in the world now. Ruan Zhizhi thought that when she interacted with Shi Yan before, it always gave her a sense of surrealism. He didn¡¯t seem to belong to this world. He had his own domain that no one was allowed to pry into.


    As she was thinking about this, she saw Shi Yan stop in front of a shop to buy snacks. She looked up inquisitively, only to discover that it was an oden shop.


    The boss was extremely enthusiastic. While greeting them, he carefully tossed all kinds of foods into a container with hot soup.


    Ruan Zhizhi recalled that a long time ago, during the trip to Yunnan, Shi Yan had once given her a bowl of oden too. A little curious, she asked, ¡°Shi Yan, how do you know that I like oden?¡±


    ¡°In university, you would rather sit on the bus for more than an hour every week to go to Chinatown to get oden.¡±


    He even knew about this?


    Before she could think about it, she heard the boss¡¯s loud voice: ¡°Little girl, do you want ketchup poured in?¡±


    ¡°A little bit, thank you Boss,¡± Ruan Zhizhi replied absentmindedly. Her mind was still full of thoughts regarding what had happened when she was in university.


    During those years, she had always chased Li Sichen wholeheartedly. Maybe she really had missed all the people and things around her.


    The boss handed the piping hot oden to Ruan Zhizhi. Shi Yan promptly handed over the money of his own initiative. Ruan Zhizhi took the oden, but after thinking about it, she still said to him, ¡°Shi Yan, I have hands and feet and can support myself. I really don¡¯t need you to spend money on me every time.¡±


    Shi Yan looked at her quietly. After a long time, he finally said, ¡°Ruan Zhizhi, you don¡¯t need to be independent and strong forever, someone is willing to spoil you.¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi, who was holding a bamboo stick to dip into the ketchup, suddenly felt a little moved in her chest.


    Her parents had divorced when she was a child. From then on, her father showed no concern for her, and her mother was busy with her work. Apart from giving her money, her mother didn¡¯t care. She had always been used to being independent. She was used to carrying everything by herself, and she was used to appearing invincible in front of others. Even in the days when she was by Li Sichen¡¯s side, Li Sichen only saw her as a brother, thinking of her as strong and self-reliant, someone who could do anything.


    No one had ever genuinely regarded her as a delicate young woman, and no one had ever told her that she didn¡¯t need to be independent and strong forever.


    Perturbed, she took a bite of the bamboo shoots in the oden. Ruan Zhizhi licked the sauce. She couldn¡¯t adapt to this kind of tender atmosphere. She opened her mouth and asked a little stiffly, ¡°Do you want to eat some?¡±


    She thought that she would definitely be rejected, but unexpectedly, the other party lowered his head, seized the bamboo stick from her hand, and directly bit off the remaining bamboo shoots.


    Caught unprepared, Ruan Zhizhi was petrified.


    The two walked all the way down the road. When they passed a noodle restaurant, Shi Yan insisted on taking her in because she was too thin and he was afraid that she wouldn¡¯t be satisfied with only a box of oden.


    The shop wasn¡¯t big, but the boss kept it very neat and tidy. Even though it was nearly ten o¡¯clock at night, there were still many customers, mostly couples, and it was estimated that they had come from the bar street like them.


    They walked in and found a wooden table to sit down at. The boss came over and told them apologetically that there were only enough noodles left for one last bowl. Ruan Zhizhi didn¡¯t mind at all and nodded. After all, she was almost full.


    It didn¡¯t take long for a steaming hot bowl of scallion oil noodles to be served. Shi Yan wiped his chopsticks clean, then carefully picked the cilantro out of the bowl.


    ¡°Eat.¡± He pushed the bowl of noodles, without cilantro, in front of her.


    Ruan Zhizhi pushed it back: ¡°I¡¯ve already eaten oden, so you should eat first.¡±


    Shi Yan stared into her eyes for a while but didn¡¯t refuse. He bowed his head and picked up his chopsticks, eating very gracefully. There was no sound when the chopsticks made contact with the bowl.


    Even in a simple and crude place in an alley in the city, surrounded by noisy people, he still looked so calm and elegant. No matter how strong the smoke and fire outside was, he remained unpolluted, noble, and aloof in his own world.


    Watching him eat really warmed the heart and delighted the eye.


    ¡°Shi Yan, just now you said you liked me, right?¡± Finally, unable to hold back the strong wind and waves in her heart, Ruan Zhizhi quietly assessed his expression and cautiously opened her mouth to confirm.


    She still had to ask for her peace of mind. Currently, Ruan Zhizhi was a sensitive and insecure hedgehog when it came to love. No matter what, she had to make sure that she wouldn¡¯t be rejected or discarded before she dared to step forward cautiously.


    Shi Yan glanced at her, then set down his chopsticks. His tone remained calm, yet he didn¡¯t answer her question directly. ¡°Ruan Zhizhi, from any angle, I am more suitable to be your boyfriend than Li Sichen.¡±


    The subject of conversation had shifted too quickly. But his reply had no doubt tacitly acquiesced to her question.


    Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s suspended heart finally fell back into her chest. Her mood also improved. She blinked and deliberately asked, ¡°Really? How do you know?¡±


    ¡°Considering my family circumstances, my parents died early. If you marry me, you won¡¯t need to worry about the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. In terms of my economic circumstances, I have a car and a house, and my income is more than enough to support you. As for my interpersonal relationships, I have a slight phobia of contact with the opposite sex. You don¡¯t need to worry about me being unfaithful to you after marriage. Finally¡ª¡±


    He methodically expounded his advantages one by one, then lowered his eyes and met her gaze accurately, his eyes as bright as a multitude of stars: ¡°I love you more than Li Sichen.¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi thought that she had long passed the age of impulsive love, but when she heard Shi Yan say these words, she still blushed with a pounding heart.


    Suppressing her heart¡¯s urge to agree to him, she was silent for a while, trying to keep herself clear-headed. ¡°Shi Yan, I admit that right now I have a good opinion of you. But after all, I once invested four years. I don¡¯t know if I¡¯ve completely let go of my feelings for him, and if I can¡¯t be with you wholeheartedly, then it¡¯s really unfair to you.¡±


    She pursed her lips, then continued to speak. ¡°Can you give me some time to think about it properly? I swear I won¡¯t be too long.¡±


    After saying these words all in one breath, Ruan Zhizhi immediately felt a little regretful. The man before her may be the one person who cared about her most in the world, but it was exactly because of this that she didn¡¯t want to be unworthy of his love even more.


    Shi Yan smiled indifferently: ¡°You don¡¯t need to accept me now, I¡¯ll give you enough time to consider the relationship between us. But Ruan Zhizhi, you need to be clear about one thing: For you, I am determined to win.¡±


    Translator¡¯s Note: Next week my internship is supposed to get really crazy, so updates may be off schedule but I¡¯m hoping to still have 3 chapters out as usual!!! Sorry T^T

 CH 27

    Chapter 27: Morning Run


    It was already late at night when Ruan Zhizhi returned home. As usual, she turned on the light, changed her shoes at the entrance, and entered the bathroom. After washing up, she wanted to go to bed and sleep. But once she thought about it, she walked to her desk and opened the last drawer on the right, taking out a thick diary with a combination lock.


    Inside, it recorded all of the time she had spent with Li Sichen.


    Those days of loving but not being allowed to, of tossing and turning restlessly every night.


    Ruan Zhizhi looked page by page. Although she understood in her heart that she no longer had any surplus feelings for him, she still couldn¡¯t help sighing a little.


    Sure enough, time was the sharpest weapon. Those things that she once thought were profound and unforgettable were now smoothed out one by one.


    She lightly turned to the last page, which was what she had written on the first night of the new year: Li Sichen, this year I won¡¯t like you anymore.


    With a slight movement of her fingertips, she took the pen clipped on the title page of the notebook and added another sentence:


    2016/03/28


    Li Sichen, thank you for appearing once again after being separated for so many years. It made me suddenly realize that it was not what I thought before, that there would be a response if I kept you in mind constantly. It was simply that I was unreconciled to those youthful years I paid.


    After so many years, I can finally let go of you and the past.


    I hope you will live well from now on.


    Ruan Zhizhi closed the diary and put it back in its unremarkable drawer. After that, she turned off the desk lamp and got into her warm bedding.


    That night, she had a dream.


    In her dream, she went back to the spring break of her third year of university. At that time, she, Li Sichen, Gu Nian, and Cheng Fengjin went to a well-known beach in Santa Monica, California.


    The night was very deep, and there were rows of seals reclining on the reefs by the coast. With their bellies exposed, they rested comfortably and occasionally let out a content bark or two.


    There were tourists everywhere on the beach, the impenetrable crowd surrounding them. They were also among them.


    Next to her, she didn¡¯t know what Cheng Fengjin had said to Gu Nian, but from the exchange Gu Nian burst into loud laughter, completely disregarding her appearance. The two laughed and played along the shore, gradually running into the distance.


    Ruan Zhizhi watched them with a little envy. Then, she gazed back at Li Sichen beside her, pretending to casually chat with him while carefully concealing her heart full of love.


    Behind her, there was another man standing far away. He was alone, standing silently and somberly in the darkness, out of place compared to the others.


    In Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s original memory, she hadn¡¯t seen this man on the trip. But for some reason, in her current dream, she saw him distinctly.


    He stood very quietly in the dark, watching her sweet nervousness when facing another man. His black eyes were so deep, one could not see the bottom.


    Such cold and fathomless eyes were clearly Shi Yan¡¯s features.


    When Ruan Zhizhi woke up with a start from the dream, the cell phone beside her bed happened to ring just at that time.


    She shook her head, her heart still beating a little violently as she picked up the phone.


    ¡°Have you gotten up?¡±


    His voice was clear with a hint of hoarseness, and he spoke in a very tender tone.


    Ruan Zhizhi paused while holding the phone. Dazed, she suddenly began to wonder if this was another dream.


    The grim Shi Yan from her dream and the gentle Shi Yan on the other end of the phone gradually fused together.


    She bit her lip and tried her best to keep her voice serene: ¡°Not yet¡­¡±


    The man on the other end laughed softly. His tone was as if he expected so. ¡°Then get up now, and in half an hour I¡¯ll wait for you at A University¡¯s sports field.¡±


    ¡°What are we going to the sports field for?¡± Ruan Zhizhi blinked, somewhat suspicious.


    ¡°To run.¡± The man¡¯s voice remained calm and unhurried. ¡°Ruan Zhizhi, your physical fitness is really poor. In order to prevent an accident like what happened in the hospital last time, I believe it¡¯s necessary for you to persist in running every morning to enhance your health.¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi subconsciously wanted to turn down this proposal: ¡°But I haven¡¯t passed the physical education test from junior high school to university.¡±


    ¡°So, if you want to work hard to compensate for your limited abilities, so long as you persevere, you will pass the test one day.¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi: ¡­¡­


    His words made sense, but she was left speechless.


    The sky was faintly bright. After Ruan Zhizhi washed up, she rummaged through her wardrobe but couldn¡¯t find a relaxed pair of exercise pants. In the end, without any better option, she settled for a pair of tight jeans with good elasticity.


    She casually put on a white, tasselled sweater. Walking to the mirror in the bathroom, she saw her simple and pale face. After thinking about it, she put on a bean paste-coloured lipstick, seriously drew her eyebrows, then carefully traced a thin line of eyeliner.


    At the entrance, she changed into a pair of white sneakers. Standing in front of the full-length mirror, she attentively studied her reflection to confirm that she had dressed well. Then, she shouldered her bookbag and left the house satisfied.


    Half an hour later, Ruan Zhizhi arrived at A University on time. When she entered the campus dressed in jeans and sneakers, as well as a bookbag on her back, she was pleased to find that she and the other university students didn¡¯t seem to have a sense of discrepancy.


    After all, at the age of twenty-five, in the eyes of these young people, it was estimated that they regarded her as an auntie.


    A University¡¯s large sports field had neat rows of Chinese parasol trees planted on either side. Sunshine filtered through the gaps of the trees, sprinkling shadows over the tartan track.


    Ruan Zhizhi hadn¡¯t seen a school¡¯s sports field for quite a few years. Seeing this kind of red tartan track, the first thing that came to mind was that when she was in high school, she would rank last in the class every time there was an eight-hundred metre run. Even if she did a makeup exam, there was nothing she could do to finish the run on time. Ultimately, the teacher also couldn¡¯t do anything. During physical education class, she was asked to help her fellow classmates pick up the balls. In short, she tried her hardest at every opportunity to increase her capacity for exercise.


    She used to think that sort of life was hell, and every day she dreamt of running away from the shackles of school and stepping into social independence earlier. But thinking about it now, those years of attending school were the happiest and most relaxing period of her life.


    Ruan Zhizhi had just walked up to the edge of the track when she saw a place not far away. That familiar person was dressed in fresh, neat sportswear. Currently, he was leaning casually on the pillar of the flag-raising platform, his dark eyes gazing into the distance.


    Taking a closer look, there were flames leaping at the man¡¯s fingertips like it was nothing.


    He actually smoked on the flag-raising platform at school in such an open and unselfconscious manner.


    He was simply a twisted teacher of the people.


    The corners of her lips twitched. She was just about to walk in his direction when she saw a young and pretty girl quickly run to Shi Yan¡¯s side.


    She subconsciously halted her steps.


    Before she had time to ponder over it, Ruan Zhizhi promptly leaned into the shadow of the Chinese parasol tree beside her, stealing glances at their movements like a thief.


    She saw that the girl at Shi Yan¡¯s side seemed a little at a loss. The girl secretly looked up at him, then began to speak with an extremely careful expression. ¡°Professor Shi, can I ask you a question?¡±


    Shi Yan lifted his eyes indifferently without nodding or shaking his head.


    The girl took a brief moment to relax. After that, she spoke in a pressing tone: ¡°May I ask if you have a girlfriend right now?¡±


    Shi Yan shook his head.


    As if receiving enormous morale, the girl looked at him, her eyes sparkling. ¡°Then, do you need a girlfriend? Graduate student, 1.7 metres tall, regular features, and no bad habits. The kind that can even do laundry, cook, clean, and is hygienic.¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi sighed. She mistakenly thought that the girl was there to remind him that smoking was not allowed in the public areas on campus.


    Shi Yan didn¡¯t even lift his eyelids this time. His voice was cold and emotionless: ¡°Unfortunately, I like the kind that is about 1.65 metres and can¡¯t do laundry or cook.¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi, who was eavesdropping in the dark, was stunned for a moment. This was clearly mocking her.


    She didn¡¯t know the four arts, and she was tired of doing the laundry and cooking.


    The girl was also stunned for a second. ¡°Professor Shi, are you joking with me?¡±


    ¡°No.¡± Shi Yan straightened up from the pillar and raised his chin in Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s direction. ¡°There, just like her.¡±


    In an instant, it was like Ruan Zhizhi had been struck by lightning. So he had already discovered her a long time ago? With black lines, she recalled it. She felt that her behaviour of hiding and eavesdropping right in front of the other party¡¯s eyes was simply too stupid.


    The girl had already left with a face full of disappointment, while Ruan Zhizhi went over step by step. She moved extremely slowly until she finally stood beside him.


    As if wanting to retrieve some face, Ruan Zhizhi opened her mouth and said very solemnly, ¡°Shi Yan, smoking is prohibited in public areas. As a university professor, you need to set an example and not bring a negative influence to the students.¡±


    ¡°Oh.¡± He nodded nonchalantly. Then, with a lazy attitude, he pinched the cigarette butt and threw it into the trash can.


    His movements flowed smoothly in one go.


    Ruan Zhizhi: ¡­¡­


    She didn¡¯t expect him to be so obedient.


    Shi Yan reached out and handed a hot food box from the side to her: ¡°Eat breakfast first, then go for a run.¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi obediently received it, opened it, and began to eat unhurriedly.


    The two sat side by side on the flag raising stage. She took a bite of breakfast while Shi Yan sat beside her and watched her quietly.


    Occasionally, there were students who came to the sports field for a morning jog. Many greeted Shi Yan. Naturally, the expressions on their faces when glancing at her were a myriad of extreme astonishment. Ruan Zhizhi looked down, pretending to ignore them at all costs.


    Holding the piping hot box of chicken wontons, Ruan Zhizhi puffed her lips and asked him a little curiously, ¡°Shi Yan, has someone like you been an influential figure in school since childhood? Especially popular, the kind that people follow wherever they go.¡±


    Shi Yan didn¡¯t reply, as if he was recalling something. His dark eyes seemed to seep with ink at the moment, making it even more difficult to approach him. ¡°No, I didn¡¯t have any friends during my student days.¡±


    She choked upon hearing his reply. Ruan Zhizhi rolled her eyes and didn¡¯t really believe it. ¡°Don¡¯t lie to me, people like you must have had a great deal of friends.¡±


    Shi Yan held out his hand and lit another cigarette, replying in a neither light nor heavy tone, ¡°Ruan Zhizhi, I¡¯ve really never had friends since I was a child. You were the first person who took the initiative to reach out to me. You saved me, and therefore I can¡¯t live without you. For this reason, it doesn¡¯t matter how long I wait.¡±


    In the morning breeze, his voice was faint and very light, mingling with the scent of tobacco that drifted into the air. Soon, there was no trace of it.


    The atmosphere fell into silence. Ruan Zhizhi bit the wonton in her mouth. She really wasn¡¯t able to make sense of the meaning of his words, but she sensed the solemnity and loneliness in his tone, and she knew that she should not ask more at this time.


    Shi Yan was a person with a story. Moreover, it was a very sad story.


    Ruan Zhizhi suddenly thought that she had the responsibility to let Shi Yan walk out of the darkness and into the splendid light.


    Because for a long time now, he had been by her side, playing the role of a patron saint.


    She should also bring him some happiness.


    Thus, she cleared her throat and said in an energetic voice, ¡°Shi Yan, I¡¯m finished eating, let¡¯s go for a run!¡±


    When Shi Yan heard these words, he glanced down at his watch and was immediately ready to follow her. ¡°There¡¯s only one hour left before you have to go to work, so let¡¯s run five laps today.¡±


    Five laps?! When she ran eight-hundred metres before in high school, it was only four and a half laps.


    Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s face collapsed instantly, and her tone was full of despair. ¡°You¡¯re killing me.¡±


    The other party smiled. It was a very mild and beautiful smile, and mixed with the gentle morning wind, it blew all the way to the bottom tip of her heart.


    When he smiled, she couldn¡¯t help herself. Her mind was unclear.


    ¡°I¡¯ll run with you.¡±


    After the man finished speaking, he took the lead in running over from her side. His movements were neither fast nor slow, and his posture when he set out was calm and graceful. He ran a few steps forward, then turned around and beckoned to her.


    Ruan Zhizhi couldn¡¯t help laughing and lifted her legs to catch up.


    He was using all possible means to achieve the same end with her.


    Translator¡¯s Note: Ruan Zhizhi seems to have a skewed perspective about her age¡­Those university kids aren¡¯t that much younger than her, I don¡¯t see how they¡¯d think of her as an auntie :¡¯)

 CH 28

    Chapter 28: Pickled Vegetable with Fish


    For a week after that, Shi Yan woke her up on time every day for a morning run. At the beginning, Ruan Zhizhi was out of breath from the first few runs, but now she was able to run three laps. Although this was far from enough from Shi Yan¡¯s standard of six laps, it was already an immense improvement for Ruan Zhizhi.


    At noon that Friday, the company had an hour and a half for their lunch break as always. Ruan Zhizhi and Lu Wanyi intended to go to the McDonald¡¯s next to the company¡¯s office building for a casual meal like usual.


    Lu Wanyi was a little astonished. ¡°Zhizhi, Li Sichen is here, he must have been waiting for you.¡± After a pause, she added sincerely, ¡°I can¡¯t tell. He¡¯s quite infatuated.¡±


    Li Sichen?


    Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s heart thudded. Since last time¡¯s incident at the bar, she and Li Sichen had not been in contact for a whole week. She thought the entanglement between them was completely over.


    Li Sichen saw her and quickly parked his car, then got out.


    When he drew near, Ruan Zhizhi clearly saw that Li Sichen, who had always been high-spirited, was now haggard. He had stubble on his chin and two heavy dark circles under his eyes.


    ¡°Zhizhi, do you have time? I wanted to find you to chat.¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi thought about it, then nodded.


    A quarter of an hour later, the two of them sat in a milk tea shop near the company.


    Ruan Zhizhi sat in her seat, lost in thought. A moment later, Li Sichen brought a cup of taro milk tea and handed it to her.


    Back when she was in college, every time she went to Chinatown to eat, she would order a cup of taro milk tea.


    So it seemed that Li Sichen wasn¡¯t completely indifferent to her. If Shi Yan hadn¡¯t appeared, she probably would have chosen to be together with Li Sichen. But in other words, it was because of Shi Yan¡¯s appearance that she realized that in this world, there were actually people that could treat her well.


    Because he was too good, it seemed that everyone else was not good enough.


    ¡°Zhizhi, do you really want to be with Shi Yan?¡± Li Sichen lowered his head. After being silent for a long time, he asked with unwillingness.


    Ruan Zhizhi took a sip of the warm and sweet taro milk tea in her hand and honestly said, ¡°Him and I aren¡¯t together yet.¡±


    Li Sichen instantly breathed a sigh of relief when he heard these words. ¡°Zhizhi, I have thought about what happened at the bar that night over and over. I admit that I didn¡¯t care for you enough before, but I¡¯m truly trying really hard already. So long as you¡¯re willing to give me a little more time, I will certainly let you know that I am the man who loves you the most in this world.¡±


    His voice was hoarse, and at the end, the rims of his eyes were slightly red.


    Ruan Zhizhi pursed her lips and said word for word, ¡°I¡¯m very sorry. For me right now, Shi Yan is the more suitable partner for love.¡±


    ¡°How is he better than me? Zhizhi, you tell me, I can change no matter what.¡± Li Sichen¡¯s tone was choked with emotion. ¡°Zhizhi, I really can¡¯t be without you.¡±


    How was Shi Yan better than Li Sichen?


    Ruan Zhizhi lowered her eyes. After a long silence, she spoke softly: ¡°When I¡¯m with Shi Yan, I often feel like I¡¯m a child. I don¡¯t need to be mature, I don¡¯t need to pretend, and I don¡¯t need to be strong. I just need to be by his side and be taken care of by him. But Li Sichen, when I¡¯m with you, I always have to do so many things to win your attention. I feel so tired.¡± Her eyes hung down and she laughed a little self-deprecatingly. ¡°No matter how deep the feelings are, they¡¯re no match for day-to-day wear and tear. Over the years, you have really worn down my feelings for you.¡±


    Li Sichen clenched his fists tightly, his blue veins bursting. ¡°Zhizhi, I swear I can change. I will change all of these. You know that I¡¯ve been used to standing in the middle of the crowd since childhood, so at times I neglected you¡­But you have to believe me, in my heart, you are the most important person in my life right now.¡±


    After speaking, he reached out and opened his bag with urgent movements. He carefully took out a stack of greeting cards from inside and spread them out neatly before Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s eyes.


    These were all the cards she had once sent him.


    When she was in the United States for university, even though the rooms they rented were only one block apart, she would always send him greeting cards whenever there was a holiday. She enjoyed sending him greeting cards and never tired of it, and for this reason, she was constantly scolded by Gu Nian for being a mental case.


    At Christmastime, she sent him a card to remind him to wear more clothes to keep warm; at Thanksgiving, she sent him a card to remind him not to forget to eat turkey; at Halloween, she sent him a card to remind him to be careful when going out and to avoid being targeted by drug addicts.


    ¡­¡­


    It turned out that he still kept all these greeting cards.


    ¡°Zhizhi, you used to like me so much. You wouldn¡¯t have been this heartless to me,¡± Li Sichen mumbled to himself. The emotion in his eyes gradually became vacant. ¡°Give me one last chance, I will do very well, I will not be any worse than him¡­¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi looked at him like this and her nose felt somewhat sour.


    In any case, at this moment, her heart was grateful to Li Sichen. She was thankful to Li Sichen for being willing to collect those sweet and panic-stricken moments of her girlhood, and for not disdaining her beneath contempt or discarding her like worn shoes like she had imagined.


    She placed the milk tea gently on the table and looked up to meet Li Sichen¡¯s eyes. ¡°Li Sichen, thank you, but I¡¯m very sorry. Right now, I really don¡¯t have any extra feelings for you. Perhaps I can be your friend, but being the person you love is impossible.¡± After speaking, she stood up and bid farewell courteously. ¡°If there is nothing else, I still have to go back to work.¡±


    Finished, she opened her handbag and took out fifteen kuai, placing it neatly on the tabletop.


    A cup of taro milk tea cost fifteen kuai. Ruan Zhizhi never liked to owe other people favours.


    ¡°Zhizhi.¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi had just taken two steps when she suddenly heard the man behind her call out to stop her. His voice was very low, as if he was suppressing something. ¡°Have you not heard the rumours outside? Shi Yan has had a difficult life. He was bad luck to his parents and is a person with shallow feelings. Moreover, he has severe depression. He¡¯s like a ticking time bomb, who knows what day he¡¯ll explode? If you¡¯re with him, will you truly be happy for the rest of your life?¡±


    Her footsteps paused for a moment at Li Sichen¡¯s words. But it was only for a moment. Soon after, she continued to walk out the door without any reluctance.


    A difficult life? Shallow feelings?


    Shi Yan may have been cold and detached by nature, but Ruan Zhizhi knew deep in her heart that he was always a good and honest person. Bad luck to his parents? What complete nonsense.


    When dealing with people and things, Ruan Zhizhi had always been a rational and objective person. But this time, she didn¡¯t even seek evidence. She chose to believe Shi Yan without the slightest hesitation. Even she herself didn¡¯t know why.


    Perhaps after going through these days and nights of getting along, Shi Yan really gave her a magic potion.


    After Ruan Zhizhi returned to the company, it was ten minutes before work time. She got out of the elevator and kept her head lowered as she walked cautiously to her desk. Once she verified that her supervisor through the glass next door hadn¡¯t seen her, she breathed a sigh of relief.


    March would finally come to an end tomorrow. She would be able to obtain the perfect attendance award. Thinking about it, she was a little excited.


    Afterwards, Lu Wanyi, who had originally been revising her manuscript earnestly, saw that she had come back. She immediately came over and excitedly whispered, ¡°Zhizhi, I just heard from the supervisors that our company will hold a ball in a few days. I heard that this time, the participants are not limited to the staff inside our company. Many successful figures from other fields will be invited.¡± When Lu Wanyi talked about this, there was anticipation across her whole face. ¡°I don¡¯t know if I can go through the back door and get a ticket for my boyfriend too.¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi couldn¡¯t help laughing. ¡°If your boyfriend comes and sees you being smitten with other men, he will definitely be furious.¡±


    After all, Lu Wanyi had complained to her many times, saying that her boyfriend was a person with extreme male chauvinism.


    The other party pouted. ¡°Right, forget it. He still wouldn¡¯t come, so this way I still have a chance to dance and drink with a handsome guy.¡±


    After getting off work, Ruan Zhizhi tactfully declined Lu Wanyi¡¯s invitation to have dinner together and took a taxi to A University by herself. Yesterday, she had agreed to have dinner with Shi Yan tonight.


    When Ruan Zhizhi arrived at the gates of A University, the sky was already a little dim.


    Shi Yan had an evening class that day. She estimated that it wasn¡¯t time for dinner quite yet. Ruan Zhizhi bowed her head and glanced at her wristwatch. Now, there was still half an hour before he finished class. Thinking about it, she decided to go buy him something to eat in advance.


    There was a snack street specially for students near A University. Ruan Zhizhi strolled aimlessly through it for a long time. She felt somewhat defeated to discover that she didn¡¯t even know what Shi Yan usually liked to eat.


    Probably because whenever she was with him, he always accommodated her.


    In the end, after struggling for quite a while, she finally entered a 24-hour convenience store with a tidy appearance. At the sales counter, there were rice set meals arranged in order. They had sweet and sour pork cutlet, yuxiang eggplant, pickled vegetables with fish, and so on.


    Ruan Zhizhi stared at these set meals for a long time. She felt that she was about to commit a major crime out of choice phobia.


    To the side, the lady boss saw that she was indecisive. With an enthusiastic bearing, she came over to make recommendations. ¡°Little girl, our store¡¯s sweet and sour pork cutlet and our pickled vegetables with fish set meals sell very well. Right now, there is one of each left. You can give it a try. If it isn¡¯t tasty, just come to me, I will give you a full refund.¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi struggled in her mind for a moment, thinking that eating sweet and sour pork cutlet in the evening might feel greasy. Ultimately, she chose the pickled vegetables with fish.


    With swift motions, the lady boss took out the food and put it in a food box. She also considerately put it in the microwave oven to heat it up for a few minutes. During this time, Ruan Zhizhi ran to the back counter and grabbed a bottle of whole milk.


    The lady boss couldn¡¯t help laughing when she saw her actions. ¡°I saw you walking back and forth around here ten minutes ago, and your expression was especially at a loss. Are you here to buy food for your boyfriend?¡±


    ¡°¡­¡­¡± Ruan Zhizhi made a ¡°‡å¡± face. ¡°Uh, not a boyfriend.¡±


    ¡°Then it¡¯s the person you like?¡± The microwave beeped with a ¡°ding¡± sound. The lady boss took out the food box while asking. Opening a paper bag, she attentively placed the steaming food box at the bottom and placed the milk on top, then finally folded the corners of the paper bag carefully before handing it to Ruan Zhizhi.


    Ruan Zhizhi took out money from her wallet. After thinking for a long time, she replied, ¡°I suppose. He treats me very well and helps me a lot, but I haven¡¯t done anything for him. Just this time, I had the chance and wanted to buy him dinner.¡±


    When she left the convenience store, there were only ten minutes before Shi Yan finished class. Ruan Zhizhi held the paper bag in her arms and walked to A University with quick steps.


    Because she had already been there many times before, Ruan Zhizhi easily entered the third teaching building where Shi Yan taught lessons. Walking all the way up the stairs, she turned a corner and went to the door of the classroom.


    She had listened to two lectures in this classroom before. It made her reminisce a little.


    With light movements, she stood on her tiptoes. Through the window, Ruan Zhizhi saw that the students in the classroom had their heads lowered, in the middle of recording notes. Shi Yan stood on the podium, lazily lecturing. The expression in his eyes remained indifferent, and he appeared very unhurried and calm.


    Ruan Zhizhi watched him for a while and had to admit that there was indeed a magic in this man.


    He just stood in place, without having to do anything, and at once he could easily attract the attention of others.


    She was just thinking about this. In the next second, unsure if it was telepathy or not, Shi Yan¡¯s apathetic eyes looked straight at her outside the window. Ruan Zhizhi, who was in the middle of peeking, smiled with a little embarrassment when she saw him. After that, she raised the steaming paper bag in her hand in a very lackey-like manner.


    Shi Yan¡¯s pitch-black eyes softened. They were awfully bright¡ªeven more dazzling than the stars in the sky.


    The class time came to an end quite soon. Some students went to the podium with their notebooks to ask questions. Shi Yan explained things to them very seriously. From Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s angle at that moment, she could take in all of Shi Yan¡¯s profile at once. His eyelashes were long and thick, fluttering gracefully like butterflies. The usual fierceness in his eyes had subsided, and under the reflection of the classroom lights, they appeared very tender now.


    She thought that if they were in ancient times, Shi Yan would certainly be a beauty who brought damage to the country and suffering to the people.


    Ruan Zhizhi leaned against the door frame and looked at his profile like this. Unconsciously, she was enchanted.


    She quickly realized that she was acting just like Lu Wanyi being starry-eyed with infatuation, and Ruan Zhizhi turned her head away with some embarrassment.


    As they packed their school bags to leave, the students in the classroom looked at her expression. Although they were still in wonder, it wasn¡¯t as inconceivable as the past few times. They were probably already used to seeing her by Shi Yan¡¯s side a lot.


    She also heard a few girls discussing in a low voice, saying that Professor Shi had been single for so many years and had finally come around, willing to have a girlfriend.


    Ruan Zhizhi recalled that when she had first met him, she had misunderstood that he was gay. She couldn¡¯t help laughing.


    After the students all left, Ruan Zhizhi walked into the empty classroom. Shi Yan was tidying some things on the podium.


    She placed the paper bag in her hand on the podium and took out the aromatic food box. ¡°Eat first, I¡¯ll help you tidy up.¡±


    Shi Yan turned a deaf ear to this, but in the end he compromised at Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s insistence and set down the lesson plan materials in his hand to eat.


    While packing up the materials, Ruan Zhizhi secretly surveyed Shi Yan¡¯s expression. ¡°The pickled vegetables with fish was recommended by the boss, I don¡¯t know if you like it or not.¡±


    The implication was to shift the blame onto the lady boss. In case it didn¡¯t taste good, then it would have nothing to do with her.


    Shi Yan lowered his head and tried a bite. ¡°It¡¯s very good.¡±


    ¡°Oh, then that¡¯s good, it was something I carefully chose after a long time.¡±


    ¡°Not the boss¡¯s recommendation?¡±


    ¡°Even though she recommended it, the final decision maker is me. In the final analysis, I had the discerning eye, and I chose thepickled vegetables with fish among numerous dishes,¡± Ruan Zhizhi retorted confidently.


    Shi Yan couldn¡¯t help laughing. ¡°Ruan Zhizhi, I actually didn¡¯t know. It turns out you¡¯re so clever and eloquent.¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi looked at his smiling expression and suddenly couldn¡¯t say anything to refute. After packing his things, she found a random seat in the front row under the podium and sat down, quietly watching Shi Yan eat.


    Even the flowing air became gentle.


    When would the last layer of window paper be pierced?


    Ruan Zhizhi tilted her head to look at him, and suddenly regretted not accepting him immediately that day.

 CH 29

    Chapter 29: First Hug


    Trigger Warning: Suicide. If you wish to skip this chapter because of this, there¡¯s a summary at the end.


    That Friday afternoon, Ruan Zhizhi lay on her work desk and scrolled through Weibo, overcome with boredom. With great interest, she watched the fans of currently trending male idols from the entertainment industry have catfights over sesame-sized matters. In the next second, she was startled by her supervisor, who was hurrying over.


    Immediately putting her phone away, Ruan Zhizhi stood up with her other colleagues from their seats. Supervisors didn¡¯t usually come to inspect them at work during the busy rush hour unless there was an emergency.


    ¡°Xu Zhengyu from Group A, Ruan Zhizhi from Group C, one minute to prepare. Have a recorder and computer ready. Follow me to an on-scene interview now.¡±


    Sure enough, there was huge news.


    After having obtained a full position for so long, she finally had the opportunity to appear at the scene. Named by her superior, Ruan Zhizhi was so excited that she immediately started packing up her things and preparing.


    As they rushed to the scene, Ruan Zhizhi and her colleague Xu Zhengyu from Group A sat upright and still in the back row of the commercial vehicle like two primary school students. They listened seriously to their supervisor¡¯s description of the news context.


    ¡°Just now, I received a reliable notification that at about two o¡¯clock this afternoon, a fourth-year girl from A University fell from the girls¡¯ dormitory building. There were no obvious signs of trauma on her body. The forensic medical examiner tentatively identified it as a suicide. Now, the family members of the female student who fell from the building, the police, as well as some teachers are all being investigated at the scene. We have to arrive earlier than people from other news agencies to gather more useful information.¡±


    The supervisor paused when he said this. Thinking of how this was their first time appearing at the scene, he was uneasy and repeatedly warned them, ¡°You have to remember that as reporters, it is of utmost importance to write a press release that catches people¡¯s eyes. Later, you two must not pay attention to the external disturbances. You only need to set your heart on asking the questions you want to know.¡±


    The implication was to not care about the emotions of the family members of the deceased, and to also not care about whether the questions were appropriate or not. So long as what they obtained in the end was valuable.


    Ruan Zhizhi lowered her head, originally taking notes earnestly, but now her interest suddenly waned.


    She believed that as a reporter, the most important thing was to respect the facts and restore the original truth of events for readers, rather than fabricating some groundless stories for the sake of newspaper and magazine sales to attract people¡¯s attention.


    But¡­if the accident scene was at A University, then in that case, would Shi Yan be there too?


    She hoped he wasn¡¯t implicated.


    Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s thoughts were in a whirl, at a loss as to whether or not she should call Shi Yan to ask about the situation. Yet she was afraid that her supervisor would know that she had a friend at A University, and then he would be involved in even more incidents. After thinking about it, she put her cell phone back in her pocket.


    The commercial vehicle soon arrived at the gates of A University. At this time, there were no masses of onlookers at the gates. It could be assumed that Ruan Zhizhi and her company ought to be the first to obtain the news.


    Her supervisor showed the guard at the gate his press card. Then, completely unimpeded, he led them all the way into the girls¡¯ dormitory, to the site where the female student had jumped off.


    The body of the girl who had fallen from the building had already been taken away by the forensic investigator for an autopsy immediately after the incident. Now, there was only a shocking pool of deep crimson blood, and rigid lines traced at the scene by the forensic staff with chalk.


    Ruan Zhizhi, who was seeing this kind of scene that reeked of blood for the first time, felt a little faint. Her stomach acid bubbled up continuously.


    At this time, she suddenly missed Shi Yan. If Shi Yan was there, he would definitely stand behind her, cover her eyes, and tell her not to be afraid.


    Beside her, Xu Zhengyu saw her wan complexion and smiled placatingly. ¡°This is your first time seeing a scene of death, right? It¡¯s all right, you will get used to it.¡±


    After speaking, he took out a voice recorder from his briefcase and said, ¡°Today we¡¯re partners. In order to guarantee efficiency, you go to interview the family members of the deceased first, and I¡¯ll go around to find the classmates and teachers of the deceased to ask them for some clues.¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi nodded politely, trying hard to restrain the urge to retch.


    The two quickly split up.


    Ruan Zhizhi took out a candied Ejiao honey jujube from her pocket and put it in her mouth. She shook her head and walked to the place where the tide of people was most concentrated. According to her past experience of always reading news reports, at the scene of the accident, the family members of the deceased were usually very emotional, and there was almost a 100% chance that they would have a dispute with the school or even beat others in serious cases.


    With great effort, she pushed past the people circling around and walked through. Sure enough, she saw a middle-aged couple standing in the middle of the crowd. Their emotions had reached a state that could not be appeased. The woman¡¯s eyes were already swollen from weeping, and her hair was dishevelled, while the man was squatting on the ground smoking one cigarette after another, his face clouded with sorrow.


    They had just stepped into their middle-ages, and before they had the time to enjoy family love and happiness, they lost their daughter. The pair looked very pitiful.


    ¡°What kind of rubbish school are you guys? I sent my good daughter to study, and soon my family¡¯s child was going to graduate from university. But at this time, you¡¯re telling me that she died, and that she committed suicide. I don¡¯t accept this, it is absolutely impossible for me to accept!¡± The woman¡¯s voice was hoarse and was about to become hysterical, ¡°If your school doesn¡¯t give me an explanation for my daughter¡¯s death, I will go and petition. Even if I sue all the way to Beijing, I will absolutely never let it go!¡±


    A University¡¯s president, Wang Chongming, was born of a scholarly family. His parents both had doctorate degrees, and his paternal grandfather once followed the revolutionary leaders to develop the initial education institution for a new China. It could be said that he was a person of virtue and prestige.


    But now, with a sad expression across his face, he continuously tried to comfort the middle-aged woman¡¯s emotions. ¡°This female comrade, listen to me, Student Li Ruixi¡¯s autopsy report has been released, and it is confirmed that she committed suicide. Moreover, the police have already investigated the school¡¯s surveillance recordings, and there is indeed no possibility of murder.¡± After President Wang finished speaking, he also couldn¡¯t help but sigh deeply. ¡°I admit that the school has committed many wrongdoings. It is our fault that we didn¡¯t pay attention to Student Li¡¯s emotional and mental health in time. But I venture to guarantee that the cause of Student Li¡¯s death was definitely not created by the school.¡±


    ¡°Heh, all of you officials shield one another. My daughter was living well, for what reason would she want to go die! She was graduating from university soon, and furthermore, she had been recommended for graduate school. A bright future was waiting for her. You tell me, what reason would she have to suddenly jump from a building at this time?!¡± The woman was obviously deaf to their explanation, merely immersed in her own sorrow.


    The atmosphere sank into a deadlock for a while.


    ¡°The reason she jumped off the building ultimately lies with you, not the school.¡±


    Suddenly, a man¡¯s voice sounded in the air, faint but extremely cold.


    In an instant, their surroundings were absolutely silent, as if the drop of a pin could be heard.


    Shi Yan?


    Coming here at such a time, wasn¡¯t it asking for trouble?


    Ruan Zhizhi frowned and looked towards the direction of his voice along with the crowd.


    The man she knew well was wearing a white knitted jacket. He walked in from outside the crowd in an unhurried manner, looking more and more selfless and incorruptible. His brows and eyes were calm, and he looked as cool-headed as always: ¡°My name is Shi Yan, I was the academic advisor responsible for Li Ruixi in the psychology department. If you two have any issues, you can find me to discuss.¡±


    The woman was obviously stunned when she saw him, but she quickly reacted and put on an unreasonable appearance again: ¡°Academic advisor responsible, is that right? Why don¡¯t you say something, how are you going to be responsible for my daughter¡¯s death!¡±


    Shi Yan laughed grimly and looked at her with contempt in his eyes: ¡°I already said that the reason why Li Ruixi committed suicide lies with you. Naturally, you are the one who should be responsible.¡±


    The crowd became noisy when his voice fell. Ruan Zhizhi heard the students around her whispering. Among them, two girls were standing very close to her. Ruan Zhizhi could hear their entire dialogue clearly.


    ¡°Professor Shi is right. Because Ruixi was under too much pressure, she became depressed and jumped off the building.¡±


    ¡°Right, her mother kept harping on her to study, take the postgraduate entrance examination, and have her bring honour to her ancestors. She never said anything else. I heard that Ruixi failed the postgraduate entrance examination this time. Perhaps because she was afraid of being beaten, scolded, and punished by her parents, so that¡¯s why she chose to kill herself.¡±


    ¡­¡­


    When Ruan Zhizhi heard this, her heart moved. She immediately turned her head and asked the two girls for confirmation: ¡°I¡¯m sorry to disturb you classmates. I¡¯m a reporter who came to collect information at the scene. You mentioned in your conversation just now that Li Ruixi¡¯s parents had been forcing her to take the postgraduate entrance examination all along, but she failed the exam this year. May I confirm that this is a fact?¡±


    The two girls were interrupted by her abrupt voice and seemed somewhat flustered. But when they heard that she was a reporter, they quickly settled down: ¡°What we said are all facts, this year¡¯s postgraduate entrance examination scores have already come out. The president and the high-level professors¡¯ offices have a list of names. If you don¡¯t believe it, go and see for yourself.¡±


    ¡°Okay, thank you very much!¡± Ruan Zhizhi expressed her thanks while grasping the recording pen in her hand, making up her mind.


    In the clamour of the disorderly crowd, Shi Yan¡¯s voice was ice cold, as if frost patterns were forming in it. It resounded in the air once more: ¡°Li Ruixi didn¡¯t obtain a recommendation for postgraduate studies at all. She was afraid of being punished, so she deceived you and said she was admitted. In fact, she¡¯d been preparing to take this year¡¯s postgraduate entrance examination, but unfortunately, she wasn¡¯t accepted. This is the truth about her jumping from the building. The main culprits were you. You closed in step by step, pushing her to a dead-end.¡±


    When Shi Yan said this, Xu Zhengyu, who had been gathering news on the other side, also passed through the crowd to walk over: ¡°How¡¯s it going? Have you found any valuable clues?¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi raised her chin in the direction of the family of the deceased: ¡°That couple are the parents of the deceased Li Ruixi. I¡¯ve been observing here for a long time, and just now I received a little information from the deceased¡¯s classmates. I think the truth ought to be exactly what Professor Shi said. Because Li Ruixi failed the postgraduate entrance exam, the pressure was too large, thus she chose to jump from the building and commit suicide.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s not possible! I don¡¯t believe it! I don¡¯t believe it!¡± In the crowd, the middle-aged woman suddenly erupted into sorrowful sobs, ¡°My daughter wouldn¡¯t just kill herself like this¡­She wouldn¡¯t¡­¡±


    And beside her, the man who had been crouching on the ground all along without saying a single word suddenly stood up at this time. He weakly held his wife. ¡°Wife, I think this teacher is right¡­Several times, I finished work at night. When I came back, I would hear Ruixi hiding in her room, secretly crying. I thought about finding you and discussing properly so that you wouldn¡¯t be too strict and controlling with our daughter, but because my work was so busy, I always went to sleep and forgot when I woke up. It¡¯s my fault. I caused our daughter¡¯s death. I killed my Ruixi¡­¡±


    When the man spoke at the end, he was unable to control his tone of voice that was choked with emotion.


    Ruan Zhizhi stood in the crowd, witnessing such a dismal and desperate scene with her own eyes. She couldn¡¯t help but feel distressed in her heart.


    It seemed that there was nothing to prove at this point. The police soon dispatched more people to block off the scene, and all unrelated personnel were requested to leave promptly. During this interval of time, Ruan Zhizhi and Xu Zhengyu tried to use the opportunity to find the family of the deceased to ask some more questions.


    By the time their interviews finished, almost all of the onlookers had dispersed.


    Feeling a little weary, Ruan Zhizhi couldn¡¯t help but reach out and press her temple. Just now, the scene was so chaotic, Shi Yan probably hadn¡¯t seen her.


    In the distance, their supervisor had already begun to urge them to depart. For one last time, Ruan Zhizhi and Xu Zhengyu verified the information they had gathered that day, then packed their briefcases and prepared to go back.


    Even though they¡¯d gotten a firm grasp on first-hand information that day, there was no extraordinarily convincing witness testimony or material evidence. She didn¡¯t know if their supervisor would scold them when they returned later.


    Next to her, Xu Zhengyu evidently wore an expression like there was a lot on his mind. Ruan Zhizhi turned her head to look at him and kindly placated, ¡°Don¡¯t worry, I¡¯m certain we can report back smoothly.¡±


    ¡°Ah?¡± It seemed that his train of thought was interrupted. Xu Zhengyu came back to his senses, and then frowned again. ¡°I¡¯m not thinking about that. Ruan Zhizhi, just now, the university professor in the crowd looked very familiar. I feel like I¡¯ve seen him somewhere before.¡±


    ¡°You said you¡¯ve seen Shi Yan before?¡± Ruan Zhizhi thought about it, then replied indifferently, ¡°City A is so big, maybe you met by chance.¡±


    After all, she used to see Shi Yan by chance almost every day.


    However, Xu Zhengyu shook his head very candidly: ¡°It wasn¡¯t by chance, I remember very distinctly. I must have seen this person in some case, but I can¡¯t remember it now.¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi watched him waste time on an insoluble problem, somewhat helpless. She simply felt that Xu Zhengyu had remembered wrong and didn¡¯t think too much about it. She proceeded to pack her briefcase, but at that moment¡ª


    ¡°Zhizhi.¡±


    Hearing this familiar voice, Ruan Zhizhi started to raise her head subconsciously.


    The man standing in front of her, despite experiencing some unreasonable troubles and harassment from the family of the deceased just now, still looked graceful and collected, as if he had only greeted strangers.


    ¡°Shi Yan, those people just now didn¡¯t bother you, right?¡± Ruan Zhizhi looked at him and let it slip that she was concerned, completely involuntarily.


    The other party reached out and gently stroked her hair: ¡°Don¡¯t worry, I¡¯m fine.¡± After speaking, he took out a diary with some damaged corners from his pocket and lowered his voice. ¡°This is the diary that Li Ruixi gave me when she was alive. I think you will probably need it.¡±


    The deceased¡¯s diary? This was indeed a precious material.


    Ruan Zhizhi stretched out her hand to take it. There was still warmth from the diary.


    She looked up at him somewhat doubtfully, but saw that the usual haze and darkness in Shi Yan¡¯s eyes had subsided. At this moment, they were as clear as the wind, as if telling her: Ruan Zhizhi, you must write this press release seriously, and give the deceased justice.


    She pursed her lips, nodded, then replied very cautiously: ¡°Rest assured, I will certainly investigate carefully before writing the manuscript.¡±


    Behind her, the urging voice of her supervisor became more and more pressing. Ruan Zhizhi bid farewell to Shi Yan hastily. Just as she was about to turn around and leave, her wrist was grabbed. In the next second, without warning, she fell into a strange yet familiar embrace.


    There was always a clean peppermint scent on the man¡¯s body, mixed with a faint hint of tobacco, which simply threw people¡¯s expectations in disorder and confusion. How did that poem go? Tonight at this moment I won¡¯t be able to express my feelings.1


    Her limbs were leaning rigidly against Shi Yan¡¯s chest. His heartbeat was a little rapid, pounding again and again, but she knew that it was not as violent as her own heartbeat.


    Shi Yan¡¯s fingers gently rested on her head, and he highly cherished helping her straighten her hair that had been blown by the wind. His voice was low and a little hoarse, but carried a trace of intimacy that made her feel at a loss: ¡°This world is impermanent. If the next one to die is me, I will certainly not regret holding you once like this.¡±


    Summary: Ruan Zhizhi and her coworker Xu Zhengyu are chosen by their supervisor to report a big incident regarding a student at A University. When she gets there, Shi Yan is there as the psychology professor in charge of the student involved in the incident. Her colleague, Xu Zhengyu, seems to recognize Shi Yan. Later, Shi Yan hugs Ruan Zhizhi for the first time.


    Translator¡¯s Note: This is my least favourite chapter. Some things don¡¯t sit well with me. One of them being how the family of the deceased got portrayed as unreasonable for causing trouble at the scene¡ªlike what do you expect? They lost a daughter, then found out that they had a large role in it. I can¡¯t imagine the grief you would feel in that situation.

 CH 30

    Chapter 30: Silhouette of Romance


    Over the weekend, Ruan Zhizhi spent two full days without stopping to eat or sleep to write her press release at home.


    The coffee on the computer desk was already her fifth cup, and Ruan Zhizhi was typing on the keyboard swiftly with both hands, the somewhat damaged diary spread out on the side.


    She could not see light or warmth in this diary. The young girl¡¯s depression and despair hid the sky and covered the earth.


    On the keyboard, Ruan Zhizhi typed the final period. Immediately after, she heard the ringtone of her cell phone. To her surprise, it turned out to be a call from Gu Nian.


    Ruan Zhizhi kneaded the space between her eyebrows and answered the phone, ¡°Long time no see, ah, Eldest Miss. How was your honeymoon?¡±


    On the other end of the phone, Gu Nian¡¯s voice was as lovable and charming as always: ¡°Spectacularly perfect, Fengjin and I went to see the Eiffel Tower in Paris, the Statue of Liberty in New York, and the sunny beaches in Bali. This month has passed the pinnacle of beauty and perfection in my life.¡±


    Hearing the happiness that could not be concealed in her tone, Ruan Zhizhi immediately laughed: ¡°It¡¯s good that you¡¯re happy. Happy marriage.¡±


    Wishing that you live together until the white hairs of old age, always bound together with one mind.


    ¡°Aiya, I didn¡¯t call you to talk about this.¡± Gu Nian seemed to realize that she had strayed from the topic and quickly switched the subject. ¡°Zhizhi, I heard that you rejected Li Sichen¡¯s confession, is this true or false? Others don¡¯t know, but I know very well. Back then, you liked him so much that you hovered between life and death. How come you¡¯re actually so ruthless in rejecting him now?¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi was stunned. It took her a long time to answer. ¡°It¡¯s not like you don¡¯t know. Since the day I returned to China, there wasn¡¯t a possibility of me being with Li Sichen in this life.¡±


    Gu Nian sighed. ¡°Anyway, it¡¯s also okay to refuse. There¡¯s too much of a past between you and Li Sichen, and even if you were together, you would not necessarily be happy. Actually, what I told you before, have you properly considered it? In my eyes, Shi Yan really is a perfect romantic partner. Firstly, he¡¯s handsome. Secondly, he¡¯s rich. Finally, I¡¯ve worked with him for many years. He¡¯s always maintained the image of being single with zero scandals, not to mention how clean-living and honest he is.¡± She paused here, then continued tentatively, ¡°Zhizhi, I know that you¡¯re a little timid with your feelings now, and that you¡¯re afraid to get hurt. But it¡¯s exactly because I know you so well that I feel like a person such as Shi Yan, who¡¯s above the common man, is most suitable for you.¡±


    The atmosphere was so quiet that only the sound of the clock ticking by on the wall could be heard. One second, two seconds, three seconds.


    ¡°I know he¡¯s good to me. I just think that if I only care about my own experiences, it isn¡¯t fair to him.¡±


    She knew that Shi Yan liked her very much. The way he looked at her was like he wished to give her the entire world.


    But she asked herself honestly, Ruan Zhizhi, are you truly able to like Shi Yan like he likes you? If you can¡¯t¡­isn¡¯t it better to keep being friends for the time being?


    Gu Nian obviously didn¡¯t think so: ¡°I¡¯m telling you Zhizhi, it¡¯s just a relationship. There¡¯s no need to think so much. People, they all need to live in the moment. If you don¡¯t give it a try, how will you know what the outcome is? Who knows, maybe after you get together, you will discover that the two of you are very compatible, and your emotions will become deeper and deeper.¡±


    ¡­¡­


    Could it be like that?


    After the phone call with Gu Nian, Ruan Zhizhi sank into an endless daze.


    She recalled many, many things.


    The first time they saw each other at the caf¨¦, he was ahead of her and happened to buy the last macarons in the shop. Later, on the bus during their trip to Yunnan, he generously gave her a candy.


    That night at the bar in Lijiang, he casually gave her a paper rose. Since then, every day and every night, she always kept it in the pocket of her down jacket. As if the demons and gods were at work, she hadn¡¯t thrown it away.


    Later, they returned to City A. On New Year¡¯s Eve, due to an unexpected turn of events, they met by chance on the street. In order to express her thanks to him for taking care of her during the trip, she invited him to a really shabby dinner. The two of them happened to enjoy the fireworks that spanned the whole sky together.


    The other day, there was a heavy downpour of rain. He insisted on giving her the umbrella in his hand. Alone, he walked into the curtain of rain, his back quiet and desolate.


    In the hospital, her complexion was as pale as paper. When she was dizzy, he woke her up, handed her a cup of brown sugar water, and even bandaged her wound properly.


    Two days ago at the interview scene, amongst the crowd, he reached out and held her for the first time. His cold voice fell into her ears, over and over again, like a demon of temptation. She couldn¡¯t forget it.


    ¡­¡­


    There were still many, many more instances. Only by recollecting them one by one, could she realize that the man with an indifferent temperament and sombre appearance had already invested all his sincerity to be in contact with her, bit by bit.


    Ruan Zhizhi, who initially thought her heart was still like water, seemed to hear a thawing sound for a split second.


    She thought, maybe she really should give herself a chance. A chance to have happiness.


    Ruan Zhizhi sat like this on the carpet, reflecting on life. After making a decision, she finally felt light from head to toe. The feelings of constraint and helplessness during this period of time suddenly vanished like smoke.


    She stood up from the carpet and moved her limbs, feeling a little empty in her stomach. She didn¡¯t feel like wearing a jacket, so she directly wore a sweater dress, grabbed her wallet, and went downstairs to look for food.


    The entire way, she hummed a song and walked down the stairs in a good mood. Ruan Zhizhi planned it in her heart. The next time she saw Shi Yan, she would tell him that she had already thought about it, and wanted to be together with him.


    That evening, the moonlight was very good, as tranquil and gentle as water. The stars filling the entire sky twinkled as if they were talking to her. Ruan Zhizhi walked on the road at a relaxed pace. Because she hadn¡¯t worn a coat when coming out, she felt a slight chill, so she decided not to go far and just find something to eat near the neighbourhood.


    It was almost nine o¡¯clock already. At this time, there weren¡¯t many people coming out to have a meal, and the snack vendors on either side of the street were nearly closing. Ruan Zhizhi searched for a while and finally saw a sticky rice ball shop that was still open.


    There were not many people coming out to eat at this time, and the food stalls on both sides of the street were almost closed. Ruan Zhizhi searched for a while, and finally saw a glutinous rice ball shop that was still open. With delight in her heart, she quickened her pace and walked in.


    Inside, the shop owner was busy putting on gloves at the dining table. There were two other people standing in a queue aside from her. It seemed that she had made it in time. Ruan Zhizhi made up her mind and decided to stand at the end of the line.


    When she joined the line, the boss glanced up at her and showed a candid smile: ¡°Little girl, you came at the right time, there¡¯s enough glutinous rice left for one last rice ball.¡±


    ¡°It seems that I¡¯m quite lucky.¡± Ruan Zhizhi also smiled, and habitually asked the boss to put meat floss and sausage in it. When it was finally done, the other party kindly wrapped a duck egg yolk in the rice ball for free.


    After Ruan Zhizhi paid the money and left the shop with a nice, warm rice ball in hand, she felt that today was actually a really beautiful day.


    She walked out and returned to the neighbourhood along her original path. At this moment, the number of people on the road were gradually becoming sparse. There were only some office workers walking their dogs home, young couples who had gone out for a date, and occasionally, she could also see the elderly going for a walk while leaning on their canes.


    A large fire truck with flashing red lights hurtled down the middle of the street as fast as lightning, whirling up dust. Ruan Zhizhi stood to the side of the pedestrian walkway, then felt a little cold and pulled down the cuffs of her sweater dress.


    The night scenery became peaceful again. Only the quiet sound of footsteps remained. Ruan Zhizhi carried the rice ball in her embrace and reached an intersection. The light just happened to turn from green to red. She wasn¡¯t in a hurry, so she followed the crowd to stop and wait patiently.


    Five seconds, four seconds, three seconds¡ª


    Ruan Zhizhi yawned and lifted her head, casually glancing across the street. In the next second, her line of sight couldn¡¯t help but freeze.


    Shi Yan¡¯s figure¡­she wasn¡¯t having blurred vision and seeing wrong, right?


    At this moment, the moon was bright and the stars were sparse. The man across the street from her was wearing a pure white letterman jacket. Tall and slender, his back carried a faint sense of alienation as he quietly walked alone.


    Under the dim yellow streetlights, the outline of his side profile was as lonely as a flower on a cliff, dangerous yet infatuating.


    It seemed like he was about to go far. Ruan Zhizhi suddenly felt a little impetuous in her heart. Before the indicator light turned green, she couldn¡¯t help taking a step.


    Walking through the tide of people that pressed her like a current, every step seemed incredibly difficult. But for some reason, the desire to see him became all the more stronger.


    At last, crowded all the way to the opposite side of the road, Ruan Zhizhi suddenly didn¡¯t dare to look up at this time, for fear that the familiar back had already disappeared from the vast crowd.


    Just when she was at a loss, without warning, a slender and graceful hand stretched out in front of her, quietly placed before her eyes. As soon as her heart moved, Ruan Zhizhi held the hand subconsciously without raising her head.


    The fingertips were ice-cold, and it only got a little warm when it spread to the hollow of the palm.


    Then she lifted her head a little bit, and the man¡¯s extremely cold brows and eyes came into view: ¡°You always panic when crossing the road.¡±


    He was not surprised at all when he looked at her, as if in the fleeting prosperity of the city, they ought to meet.


    Ruan Zhizhi stared at him without blinking. Just when she was about to say something, the tip of her nose suddenly itched, and in the next second she sneezed uncontrollably.


    Shi Yan frowned. He pulled her to the inner edge of the sidewalk. Then, without the slightest hesitation, he took off his letterman jacket and draped it over her. As if he felt that simply covering her was still not enough, he took the sleeves of the jacket and began to cover her arms in them.


    A little confused, Ruan Zhizhi put on his jacket in accordance with his actions. Bowing her head, she saw Shi Yan bend his waist, align the zipper, and pull it all the way up until her chin was tightly wrapped.


    The two happened to be standing at a milk tea shop. Shi Yan turned his head and glanced at it. Without saying anything, he went over quite naturally and ordered a cup of warm milk for her.


    Ruan Zhizhi stood there and looked at him from a shoulder away. Happiness surged through her like a tidal wave in that moment.


    Shi Yan grasped a cup of hot milk in his hand and turned around. The hot steam from the milk smothered his features, indistinct as if looking at flowers in the fog. Only a pair of dark, shining eyes remained. They resembled flames, burning her rationality to nothing.


    She felt that tonight¡¯s Shi Yan was especially charming. Or perhaps it was because she had finally let down her guard.


    ¡°Shi Yan, right now I¡¯m going to say some things, you just answer me, okay?¡± She pursed her lips, seeming to speak with determination.


    Shi Yan placed the cup of hot milk in her hands to keep her warm and hummed without emotion.


    Ruan Zhizhi took a deep breath and said very solemnly, ¡°Right now, say that you like me.¡±


    The other party didn¡¯t blink and replied without hesitation: ¡°I like you.¡±


    ¡°Say that it has to be me.¡±


    ¡°In all my life it can only be you.¡±


    ¡°Say that you want me to be your girlfriend.¡±


    At the moment when Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s voice fell, there was a dazzling silence between heaven and earth. Her eyes were fixed on Shi Yan. Her voice had trembled slightly when she spoke, but she stubbornly refused to back down.


    Crowds of people surged around them, the city was ablaze with lights, and yet he didn¡¯t realize it. His pupils seemed particularly bright under the light, and he almost drowned her with his ardency:


    ¡°Ruan Zhizhi, give me the chance. Let me be your boyfriend.¡±


    She heard this and smiled softly like a butterfly, then replied very simply: ¡°Okay, I promise you.¡±

 CH 31

    Chapter 31: Ball


    Ruan Zhizhi once had a very secret diary. Inside, it recorded the youthful days of her unrequited love for Li Sichen without any omission.


    That diary had been placed by her bedside at the beginning, then one day she put it in the bottom drawer of her desk. And now¡­Ruan Zhizhi walked to the drawer and took out the diary. She reached out and felt the slightly worn cover, then gently threw it into the garbage bin.


    She finally met someone even better and more worthy, and it was worth letting her forget all of her past to reach out and embrace love again.


    That night, Ruan Zhizhi had a dream. The man in the dream looked somewhat gloomy yet very refined. He stood there quietly by himself, appearing a little lonely.


    She bit her lip and approached. Clearly the distance wasn¡¯t far, but for some reason, she walked for a long time and still couldn¡¯t reach him.


    She was in a bit of a hurry and couldn¡¯t help calling out to him. At last, he heard her voice and turned around.


    The man smiled at her. The patterned frost over his eyes seemed to shatter, exuding a sense of gentleness and softness inside and out. He turned around and walked towards her step by step, until the distance between the two was only a millimetre.


    Then, he reached out and touched her hair very intimately. He said, Don¡¯t worry, Zhizhi, I will always be here waiting for you.


    Ruan Zhizhi, who was still dreaming, unconsciously bent the corners of her lips and smiled happily.


    When Ruan Zhizhi woke up from her sleep, she only felt full of vitality. In her memory, it seemed that she hadn¡¯t had such a good night¡¯s sleep in a very long time.


    She stretched and unhurriedly got up from the bed, then picked up her phone from the bedside table. The screen displayed that she had received a WeChat message.


    Her heart moved. She was almost a little impatient to open it. As expected, it was sent by Shi Yan.


    ¡ªThere is a morning class today, so I can¡¯t accompany you to have breakfast. I¡¯ll come pick you up when you finish work in the evening.


    The style of the message sent by Shi Yan was just like him, concise and clear without a single word of nonsense. There wasn¡¯t even a single expression.


    Every frame of what happened last night was vivid in her mind. Speaking of which, fate was indeed very amazing. When she first travelled to Lijiang, she thought that her life would have nothing to do with Shi Yan in any way no matter what. However, as time went around and around, she realized that God had really stored a huge surprise for her dull, unmoving life.


    It was just like a tree that had been sleeping in her heart all along. After that, it took advantage of the moment she was caught off guard to break out from the ground, blossoming and bearing fruit in an instant.


    When Ruan Zhizhi walked into the company building humming a song in a good mood, she ran into Lu Wanyi head-on.


    ¡°Zhizhi, what a coincidence, ah.¡± Lu Wanyi saw that she was evidently very happy, and promptly ran towards her. En route, she accidentally tripped over her skirt and almost fell down.


    Ruan Zhizhi was startled at first, but seeing that Lu Wanyi hadn¡¯t fallen, she couldn¡¯t help laughing: ¡°You¡¯re already someone pushing thirty, why are you so reckless? When you¡¯re like this, how could your boyfriend feel at ease, leaving you alone in City A to go on a business trip?¡±


    Lu Wanyi patted her chest with lingering fear, then looked a little surprised when she saw Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s face. She stood still, meticulously examining Ruan Zhizhi from head to toe: ¡°Zhizhi, why do I feel¡­that you¡¯re a little different today.¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi halted her steps when she heard her words. She didn¡¯t know why, but she felt guilty for some reason. ¡°How am I different? It¡¯s only been two days since I last saw you. I wouldn¡¯t even have enough time to get plastic surgery.¡±


    Beside her, Lu Wanyi didn¡¯t listen to her words. She only watched her facial expressions closely. Seeing Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s unconsciously lowered eyes, she couldn¡¯t help but open her mouth to expose her: ¡°Zhizhi, today you¡¯re radiating with happiness, unlike the lifeless look you had some time ago. It¡¯s a world of difference, even if I wanted to ignore it, I can¡¯t.¡± After a pause, she spoke again, ¡°Don¡¯t say it, let me guess.¡±


    Saying so, she narrowed her eyes and pretended to sniff around Ruan Zhizhi, then said narrow-mindedly, ¡°Tsk tsk, why do I seem to smell the foul odour of love.¡±


    When Ruan Zhizhi heard her speak, she didn¡¯t want to hide it. Therefore, she lifted her eyes and replied with poise: ¡°As you have guessed, I¡¯m in love.¡±


    ¡°As expected!¡± Hearing the answer that came as no surprise, Lu Wanyi¡¯s eyes lit up. ¡°Is it that Li Sichen who drives a luxury sports car, or Professor Shi who is above the common mortals?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s Shi Yan.¡± Mentioning his name, Ruan Zhizhi couldn¡¯t help but smile sweetly. ¡°We just confirmed our relationship last night.¡±


    Lu Wanyi wasn¡¯t at all surprised to hear this answer. She even nodded in agreement. ¡°I also think Professor Shi is more suitable for you.¡±


    From her point of view as an outsider, Li Sichen admittedly had love for Ruan Zhizhi, but it was actually more possessive, like a child who had lost his beloved toy and was impatient to snatch it back.


    But every time Shi Yan looked at her, the expression in his eyes was so tender, as if he was itching to give her the whole world. Every time, so long as Ruan Zhizhi was there, no one else could enter his line of sight.


    Lu Wanyi didn¡¯t know how Ruan Zhizhi had conquered this superb man. But she felt that such a wholehearted romance was really enviable.


    The two chatted and laughed all the way to the elevator. Inside, Lu Wanyi saw some female colleagues holding formal dresses in their hands and suddenly remembered something. She reminded Ruan Zhizhi: ¡°Right, Zhizhi, tonight the company¡¯s holding a ball. The CEO said that in order to maintain the company¡¯s image, it¡¯s compulsory for employees to wear formal attire to attend. You didn¡¯t forget, right?¡±


    Ball? Formal attire?


    Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s gaze also shifted to the black dress in the hands of their female colleague. After thinking about it for a while, she finally remembered that she seemed to have heard Lu Wanyi talk about this last week.


    Of course, there was so much going on this week that she really had forgotten about the ball.


    Lu Wanyi saw her expression and knew that she must have forgotten. She couldn¡¯t help laughing at her misfortune. After she finished laughing, she said with great loyalty and self-sacrifice: ¡°It¡¯s fine, we¡¯ll get off work early today. After work, I¡¯ll accompany you to the nearby shopping mall to choose a suitable evening gown.¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi nodded. She couldn¡¯t help thinking to herself that she probably wouldn¡¯t be able to have dinner with Shi Yan today. She lowered her eyes and sighed regretfully.


    After they got off work, Ruan Zhizhi and Lu Wanyi left the company building energetically and flagged a taxi to the largest shopping mall nearby.


    Once she was in the car, Ruan Zhizhi hurriedly called Shi Yan, afraid that he would come over to pick her up for dinner.


    The phone barely rang for a few seconds before it was quickly connected by the other party: ¡°Zhizhi.¡±


    His voice came in from the other end of the phone. It drifted gently into her ear, so pleasant to hear that it was a little surreal. Ruan Zhizhi suddenly gave birth to a rare shyness in her heart. After a pause, she said, ¡°Shi Yan, our company has a ball tonight. All employees must attend, so¡­I may not be able to have dinner with you.¡±


    She had already tried her best to keep her tone placid, but there was still a hint of regret leaking between the lines.


    Shi Yan paused, then laughed very lightly: ¡°Okay, then eat some more by yourself.¡±


    ¡°En¡­you eat well, too.¡± Hearing his laughter, Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s manner of speaking couldn¡¯t help becoming softer. Holding her cell phone and speaking warm words softly, she was like a little girl having her first awakening of love.


    Lu Wanyi, who was sitting beside her, saw her rare expression and couldn¡¯t help covering her cheeks.


    Indeed, her teeth really ached.


    After finally arriving at the mall, Lu Wanyi diligently helped her choose a dress. Ruan Zhizhi seemed to be lacking in interest: ¡°Aiya, it doesn¡¯t matter, buying any one will do.¡±


    Finished speaking, she disregarded Lu Wanyi¡¯s objection and didn¡¯t even try any of them. She directly picked a white tube top dress recommended by the shop assistant. In passing, and under Lu Wanyi¡¯s instigation, she also purchased a pair of silver crystal shoes.


    By the time she walked through the door with two big bags in her hands, Ruan Zhizhi began to feel distressed. The dress and shoes were expensive, and in addition, she felt that she would only wear them this one time. It wasn¡¯t really worth it.


    How about taking it back after the ball was over tonight? En, she would be even more careful not to dirty the skirt that evening.


    Thinking this way, Ruan Zhizhi began to change her clothes carefully. When she put on the ethereal column dress and stood in front of the full-length mirror, there really was a bit of an air of delicacy fluttering from the dress.


    The size was unexpectedly fitting. The long skirt began to split from the base of the thigh, and the skirt was made of tulle, which was somewhat transparent. It seemed to reflect her pair of fair, sleek legs.


    It was just the perfect kind of style, but¡­was it a little too revealing?


    Ruan Zhizhi suddenly regretted not trying on the dresses just now. But even if she regretted it at this time, it was too late. Since she didn¡¯t care about the ball at all, she didn¡¯t put her makeup on earnestly. She casually traced her eyeliner and untied her rubber hair band; her long, black hair fell loose. Without even applying lipstick, she hurried out.


    When the taxi stopped at the company building, Ruan Zhizhi saw through the car window that there was already a steady stream of guests coming and going at the entrance of the main hall. She got out of the taxi unhurriedly. After walking a few steps, she felt a little cold, and regretted that she had only taken a knitted shawl.


    As soon as she entered the hall, it was already crowded with a multitude of people. Men and women drank and intermingled, their laughter harmonizing as they clinked glasses in succession. It was a scene of happiness and prosperity.


    Ruan Zhizhi saw that many of her female colleagues who didn¡¯t usually wear makeup were now all gorgeously dressed up. Their clothes were also extremely revealing. Holding wine glasses, they stood in front of different men and smiled beautifully.


    This kind of ball that gathered the elites of the upper class only occurred once a year. Therefore, many girls wanted to seize the opportunity. Even if they couldn¡¯t catch a wealthy husband, it was also excellent for them to accumulate some connections in society.


    Ruan Zhizhi didn¡¯t think that the behaviour of these girls was frivolous or cheap, but she wasn¡¯t interested in doing it, either.


    The ever-passing waiters carried glasses of red wine with low alcohol content. She took off her knitted shawl and seized one in her hand. Alone, she hovered around, fetching food and eating. She was happy and peaceful.


    She had just hidden in a corner to eat a piece of mousse cake when she suddenly heard someone behind her raise their volume to call her. The decibel level made her think that turning a blind eye simply wasn¡¯t possible.


    Somewhat helpless, she turned around. Sure enough, she saw Gu Nian dressed in splendid attire.


    She knew that Gu Nian, as the prestigious wife of a CEO of a listed company in City A, would certainly not miss such a high-profile public occasion.


    ¡°Zhizhi, long time no see, I missed you to death!¡±


    Gu Nian trotted all the way, her intricately patterned skirt swaying to and fro. Ruan Zhizhi broke into laughter: ¡°My Eldest Miss, speak quietly, I don¡¯t want it to be discovered by my colleagues that I¡¯m hiding here to pilfer food.¡±


    Gu Nian understood tacitly. Walking to her side, she picked up a piece of cake, lowered her voice, and went straight to the subject: ¡°Zhizhi, just now when I was coming in, I saw Li Sichen. He¡¯s chatting with Fengjin outside right now. I estimate they¡¯ll come in right away.¡± Once she finished speaking, she sized up Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s expression and couldn¡¯t help asking, ¡°How¡¯s your relationship with Li Sichen nowadays? I just heard the tone of their conversation, it seems he still hasn¡¯t given up yet.¡±


    Li Sichen had also come? Ruan Zhizhi took a spoon to dig at the cake for a while, feeling ineffably flustered. But after thinking for a while, she had already made it very clear to Li Sichen last time at the milk tea shop. Therefore, she put down her heart and said calmly: ¡°Li Sichen and I have completely turned the page. We are two strangers now. Of course, if we meet each other, we will still exchange pleasantries. After all, we used to be university classmates.¡±


    Now it was Gu Nian¡¯s turn to be surprised. She looked at Ruan Zhizhi with a hint of incredulity in her eyes. She had never seen Ruan Zhizhi talk about Li Sichen in such a light-hearted tone before. It was as if she was talking about a stranger.


    The past between Ruan Zhizhi and Li Sichen was not clear to others, but Gu Nian had been observing from the beginning to the end. She knew what Ruan Zhizhi had delivered, and what had been invested.


    Yet at this very moment, Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s expression was so serene that it was almost insipid, as if she had changed overnight.


    Could it be that her close friend had truly, thoroughly let go of this man and their memories?


    Gu Nian calmed down and felt that this fact was worthy of celebration.


    The two conversed casually for a while. Quite soon, the ball started. The surrounding gentlemen invited the ladies they admired to dance, and for a period, the banquet hall became incomparably lively.


    Cheng Fengjin and Li Sichen also walked towards them. Li Sichen was still in high spirits. Seeing Ruan Zhizhi from a distance, his eyes glistened brightly.


    The two approached. Cheng Fengjin shot a signal with his eyes at Gu Nian, and then she was forcibly pulled away to dance. Soon, only the two of them were left in that small corner.


    The atmosphere turned awfully silent and a little awkward. Ruan Zhizhi thought for a while and took the initiative to break the silence: ¡°What a coincidence, you also came to the ball.¡±


    Li Sichen said, ¡°Not a coincidence. I specially came for you.¡± Having said that, he paused, looking like he was experiencing some struggle. Then, he finally stretched out his hand and said with just the right amount of apprehension in his tone: ¡°Zhizhi, can I invite you to dance?¡±


    His outstretched hand trembled slightly, and he looked at her without blinking, as if afraid that she would refuse.


    Ruan Zhizhi was at her wit¡¯s end. She thought she had made it clear to him last time.


    Sensing that ambiguous eyes had already begun to look in their direction, and for fear of being misunderstood by her colleagues about the relationship between the two of them, Ruan Zhizhi hurriedly said, ¡°Li Sichen, didn¡¯t I make it obvious last time? It¡¯s impossible for us, you¡­you can¡¯t do this again.¡±


    ¡°Zhizhi, you¡¯re so heartless. You can¡¯t even give me a chance to dance with you?¡± Li Sichen obstinately refused to withdraw his extended hand. At that very moment, his arrogant eyes seemed to be covered with a layer of mist, unexpectedly seeming a little pitiful.


    If it was the Ruan Zhizhi from three years ago, she would have long been defeated seeing him like this. But now, even though she looked straight into his eyes, her heart was tranquil to the point of no waves.


    The atmosphere became even more embarrassing under the unwillingness of both parties to back down. Seeking help, Ruan Zhizhi cast a meaningful glance at Gu Nian who was dancing in the crowd, but found that Cheng Fengjin seemed to be deliberately blocking Gu Nian¡¯s line of sight with his back.


    She gave up asking for help. She retracted her gaze, took a deep breath, and said, ¡°Li Sichen, it¡¯s impossible to give you this dance. Furthermore, there¡¯s something I think I should tell you.¡± She stopped there. Then, she spoke word by word, ¡°Shi Yan and I¡ª¡±


    Before she could declare the last half of her sentence, she suddenly felt something cold on her hand.


    Someone in the crowd had come up and grabbed her wrist.


    This person¡¯s fingertips were cold until the inside of his palm, where there was some warmth.


    Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s frantic expression from a moment ago immediately stabilized, and she subconsciously turned her wrist over to hold his hand. Ruan Zhizhi turned around. The first thing that entered her line of sight was a hand with well-defined joints, and then she meandered all the way up to finally settle on the man¡¯s cold, pitch-black eyes.


    Her tone was both surprised and happy: ¡°Shi Yan, why are you here?¡±


    When Shi Yan heard her voice, the coldness in the corners of his eyes gradually vanished. He lowered his eyes and stroked her hair, and for the first time he did not conceal the doting in his tone: ¡°I could tell that you wanted to have dinner with me and couldn¡¯t bear to disappoint you.¡±

 CH 32

    Chapter 32: A Dream Come True


    When Ruan Zhizhi heard him speak that way, she couldn¡¯t help blushing. Perhaps the chandelier in the ballroom was too bright; it refracted from Shi Yan¡¯s body, making him appear especially good-looking that evening. Even his eyes, which were always cold to the bone, seemed a little warm.


    Ruan Zhizhi, who had been flustered a moment ago, suddenly felt relieved.


    ¡°Shi Yan, although you used to be my senior brother from the same department, I have personal affairs with Zhizhi, just the two of us. I hope that you, an outsider, will not get involved.¡± Li Sichen had been neglected on the side for a long time. After seeing the undisguised dependence on Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s face, he finally couldn¡¯t help but open his mouth sullenly. And with each word and sentence, he emphasized the word ¡°outsider¡±.


    Although Ruan Zhizhi had explicitly rejected him, in Li Sichen¡¯s heart, he had never believed that she could let go of him completely, much less that she could redirect her affections to someone else in such a short span of time.


    Deep in her heart, Ruan Zhizhi was extremely slow at warming up to others and was an introverted person. It took a year for her to let her guard down and slowly fall for him. Now, she and Shi Yan had only gotten to know each other for a number of months. How could she expose that sort of expression towards him?


    He couldn¡¯t accept it.


    Shi Yan smiled mockingly. There was a lot of noise in the crowded dance hall, so no one paid attention to the activity in their little corner. He approached step by step, wielding his natural height advantage to lower his head and look down at Li Sichen. His tone of voice was cold and belittling: ¡°Outsider? Maybe this word should be returned to you, Li Sichen. I already told you before, don¡¯t always think of looking back after missing your opportunity.¡±


    When he said this, he turned to look at Ruan Zhizhi, who was lowering her eyes and didn¡¯t speak. His features softened a little. ¡°Zhizhi is now my girlfriend. In the future she won¡¯t have anything to do with you. I hope you won¡¯t bother her again.¡±


    While he spoke, his expression was flat, and his voice was light yet also very cold, making those who heard it shudder in fear.


    Standing by his side, Ruan Zhizhi couldn¡¯t help but extend her hand to gently hold his.


    Feeling the warmth coming from her soft palm, Shi Yan lowered his gaze slightly. All kinds of emotions flashed in his eyes. He turned her hand over and held it with movements that were very gentle, as if he knew that his tone just now had scared her.


    Li Sichen lowered his hands and clenched them into fists. He didn¡¯t continue to speak with Shi Yan, instead turning his head to look at Ruan Zhizhi. Word by word, he said with difficulty: ¡°Zhizhi¡­you and him¡­is it true, you¡¯re together?¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi replied softly. For some reason she couldn¡¯t bear it. ¡°It¡¯s true, so¡­between you and I, it¡¯s really, completely impossible.¡±


    Li Sichen didn¡¯t speak for a long time. His shoulders sank, and it seemed like all his strength had diminished in a split second.


    Shi Yan pulled Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s hand and walked forward step by step. When passing by Li Sichen, he paused, lowered his head, and whispered in his ear at a volume that only the two of them could hear: ¡°Li Sichen, three years ago, she sincerely took out her heart. But you threw it down and shattered it. Today, I actually want to express my gratitude to you. You originally had the chance to be together, but from now on, it is no longer possible.¡±


    Li Sichen didn¡¯t respond. He only stood there, motionless. His eyes were empty, as if he had heard what was said, but at the same time hadn¡¯t.


    Shi Yan and Ruan Zhizhi gradually drifted away, and he shut his eyes amidst the blurred crowd. Absent-minded, he seemed to return to that midsummer seven years ago, when she was walking alone on campus, dragging a cumbersome suitcase behind her while looking like she was at a loss. He couldn¡¯t help but take pity on her.


    Blinking his sour eyes, the scene turned back to his graduation speech in their fourth year. In order for him to have memories of a perfect speech, she ran through six streets to buy a necktie. Before he went up, she stood backstage, looking shy and bowing her head, carefully tying his tie and wishing him well in his speech.


    ¡­¡­


    Ruan Zhizhi, who once loved him so much, was still lost by him in the end.


    There were beautiful people before her eyes and the sounds of drinking and partying in her ears. Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s mind was in a mess. Just now, before leaving, she had seen Li Sichen¡¯s sullen expression. Subconsciously, as a friend who had known him for many years, she was still a little worried about him. But she also knew that from now on, she would have nothing to do with this person. Moreover¡­at this very moment, Shi Yan was by her side.


    The man walking beside her, as if nothing had happened, lowered his head and asked her in a soft tone if she was hungry.


    Hearing his inquiring voice, Ruan Zhizhi was able to realize her hunger now. Thinking back, she¡¯d only eaten a few bites of cake while chatting with Gu Nian the entire night.


    Shi Yan saw her expression. There was an unrestrained smile on the outer corners of his eyes and the tips of his brows. ¡°Want me to take you out to eat something?¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s eyes lit up at first, but soon after she remembered something and replied a little dejectedly: ¡°Tonight, the supervisors in our company are all there. If they find out I slinked off early, I¡¯m afraid I¡¯ll suffer criticism.¡±


    Hearing her say such things, Shi Yan nodded, turned around, and took her to the buffet table to find something to eat.


    Ruan Zhizhi picked up a helping of french fries and tried with the utmost effort to control the feelings of hunger in her stomach. She chewed small mouthfuls with reservation. After all, as a newly promoted girlfriend, she needed to be dignified and graceful.


    Shi Yan watched her. He was silent for a while, then started to speak softly, ¡°If you don¡¯t eat quicker, the waiter is going to come and clear the table soon.¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi: ¡­¡­


    This man really had no sentiment.


    Although she thought this way in her heart, her mouth still accelerated her chewing actions.


    Shi Yan chuckled lightly. As if somewhat bored, he casually took a napkin from the table, leaned on the tabletop, and began to fold the paper lazily.


    His fingers were deft and slender, like two butterflies fluttering and intertwining. Even his fingertips were suffused with a good-looking colour.


    Ruan Zhizhi tilted her head to look at the natural, flowing motions of his hands and suddenly remembered the paper rose he had handed her that night at the bar in Lijiang a long time ago.


    ¡°Do you really like paper folding?¡±


    ¡°When I¡¯m bored, I use it to pass the time, that¡¯s all.¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi stared at him without blinking, and exclaimed in admiration from the bottom of her heart: ¡°How amazing.¡±


    ¡°Do you like it?¡± Shi Yan lowered his eyes, concentrating on the semi-finished product in hand. He meticulously folded the paper until it turned into a pentagon, neatly pressing a few equal corners along an imaginary line. Then, without waiting for her response, he said casually, ¡°If you like it, I will fold something for you every day in the future.¡±


    Hearing these lines of his that resembled words of love, it was like spring coming upon a withered tree in Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s originally calm heart. Her heart instantly thumped and palpitated, and even her breathing became rapid.


    Moments later, a vivid and adorable little rabbit was born from Shi Yan¡¯s fingertips. He reached out and handed it to her very gently. Just like last time, he said succinctly: ¡°For you.¡±


    This time, Ruan Zhizhi didn¡¯t hesitate and directly took it. The moment she received it, she was suddenly a little glad that she hadn¡¯t gone out of her way to discard the paper rose before.


    The little rabbit in her hand seemed to still carry the residual warmth of his body temperature. Ruan Zhizhi reached out to touch the rabbit¡¯s ears. At that moment, a surge of happiness emerged in her heart like a tidal wave.


    Time spent together with him made the happiness almost static.


    The two were in the middle of chatting when all the lights in the centre of the hall suddenly went out. Immediately after, beams of white spotlights spilled over the front stage. Ruan Zhizhi saw the leader of their company walk up and begin delivering a speech. The contents were nothing more than some bureaucratic words that were meant to take part in the merriment.


    At the same time, the crowd that had dispersed just a moment ago began to gather in front of the stage with great cooperation.


    Ruan Zhizhi followed the tide of people while thinking, That¡¯s great. After the leader finishes delivering his speech, there will be more free time.


    Thinking of how Shi Yan had specially come to the ball in order to accompany her to dinner, Ruan Zhizhi couldn¡¯t help feeling a little guilty in her heart. She silently moved another inch over to Shi Yan¡¯s side, reached out, and carefully poked his waist. She said quietly, ¡°Shi Yan, are you hungry?¡±


    Just now when she was wolfing her food down, she hadn¡¯t seen him eating. At this moment, he ought to be starving.


    The other party lowered his eyes. He watched her small movements falling on his waist. Apparently, he seemed to reap benefits, and immediately responded in a quiet tone within the crowd: ¡°Not hungry.¡±


    After he finished speaking, his fingers went down. With light movements, he captured her fingers that were trying to run away from his waist. Then, little by little, he gathered them into the hollow of his palm. He didn¡¯t speak. The two of them were crowded in the sea of people, the lights were dim, and no one was paying attention to them. Only Ruan Zhizhi knew that he was now reaching out and using his fingertips to scratch her palm softly and irregularly.


    A little ticklish, a little scalding.


    Help¡­In a moment, when the lights in the hall came back on, it would certainly be discovered that her face had turned red.


    Shi Yan¡¯s actions were simply a foul.


    Quite soon, the leader¡¯s speech concluded. The light switch in the hall was turned on by a staff member, and their sights became brightly lit again. Shi Yan also ceased his small movements, readily retracting his hand in a fluent manner.


    Blushing, Ruan Zhizhi looked at him and wanted to ask questions. But after thinking again, she felt that it was too unnatural, so she dropped it.


    She was already almost twenty-six years old. How could she still blush at the drop of a hat, like a little girl yearning for love? Even she spurned herself.


    The clock pointed towards nine o¡¯clock. The curtain of night had long descended, and the evening wind that blew over was very cool and refreshing. The sky was densely covered with stars, brilliant and dazzling, and many people went to the outdoor swimming pool to dance and chat.


    Shi Yan bowed his head and asked her, ¡°Want to go back? Or stay for a while.¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi thought about it for a bit. Afraid that her colleagues would see her with Shi Yan, and that they would stand in a circle and watch them like pandas, she replied: ¡°It¡¯s late, let¡¯s go back.¡±


    Shi Yan nodded. The two of them left the hall one after another, walking along the clear, gleaming swimming pool towards the exit.


    The evening wind brushed by gently, wrinkling the pool of spring water.


    The pair had only walked a few steps when they directly saw a beautiful woman walking over with a glass of red wine, blocking them in front. The woman was tall and slender, with a thin waist and long legs. Compared to Ruan Zhizhi, her appearance was not inferior in any respect.


    ¡°Handsome guy, I¡¯ve noticed you for a long time. Let¡¯s have a drink together?¡± When she spoke, she inadvertently teased her long, wavy hair. It was just the right amount of allure and seduction.


    Ruan Zhizhi couldn¡¯t help but cast a profound glance at Shi Yan. When the other party received her expression, he understood and reached out to seize her waist, saying in a light tone: ¡°Excuse me.¡±


    The woman was stunned, as if she hadn¡¯t expected him to turn a blind eye to her. And yet Shi Yan didn¡¯t look at her. Quickening his pace, he held Ruan Zhizhi and walked swiftly past her.


    Ruan Zhizhi nodded in satisfaction, and then couldn¡¯t help heaving a sigh: ¡°You say you¡¯re a man, but how can you look more seductive than a girl¡­¡±


    Shi Yan, who usually had a cold, severe, and indifferent expression, was not bad. But she was afraid that his looks would soften and he would reveal a tender expression. That would truly take people¡¯s lives.


    It was just like King You of Zhou in the feudal drama Fire Beacon; even though he knew that the consequences might be irreversible, in order to praise Baosi¡¯s smile that deranged all living things, he was most willing to harm the country.


    While Ruan Zhizhi¡¯s imagination was like a heavenly steed soaring across the skies, she hadn¡¯t noticed in the slightest that there were men around them that were secretly looking at her.


    The evening wind blew a little urgently, brushing her tulle skirt up. Since the long skirt began to fork at the base of her thighs, at the moment that the wind blew it up, it inevitably exposed a pair of long, slender white legs.


    The person involved was unaware of this, but Shi Yan frowned imperceptibly.


    ¡°Zhizhi, your dress is very beautiful.¡±


    ¡°Ah?¡± Her thoughts were pulled back from the sky. Ruan Zhizhi lifted her head to look at him. Somewhat embarrassed, she brushed her bangs aside. ¡°Thank you.¡±


    Shi Yan pursed his lips and said considerately: ¡°I¡¯m not telling you what to wear, it¡¯s just that it¡¯s not summer yet, after all. I suggest you still wear a little more, otherwise if you catch a cold in this weather, you won¡¯t be able to recover for a week.¡±


    Ruan Zhizhi: ¡°¡­¡­¡±


    It turned out that he thought her dress was too revealing.


    Ruan Zhizhi looked down at the hem of her skirt being blown by the wind while she walked. She replied like a well-behaved primary school student who had been called on to speak by the teacher: ¡°This dress is something I bought in a hurry today. Indeed, it is a little cold. I plan to take it back tomorrow and return it.¡±


    When Shi Yan saw that she was talking to him like this with her head lowered, saying mild words almost cautiously, there was a lump in his throat. He didn¡¯t know how to answer.


    Seven years ago, he was like a thief who was not fit to see the light. Every day, he hid in a corner behind her that no one could see. Even though he couldn¡¯t talk to her, so long as he could keep looking at her secretly, he was satisfied.


    At that time, she was also like this, sharing her smile with another man without holding back. Sometimes he would think that if Ruan Zhizhi was willing to show him this kind of smile, he could give anything.


    There wasn¡¯t anyone in this world who understood the importance of Ruan Zhizhi to him. From childhood to adulthood, the relatives and close friends surrounding him regarded him as a virus¡ªsomething to avoid. Only she had taken the initiative to approach him, concerning herself with the first draft of a paper he had thrown away. She smiled at him and reached out to him in the darkness.


    He had never told Ruan Zhizhi that after experiencing such a tragic family transformation in his childhood, he was actually also afraid of the dark. Therefore, back in the laboratory, when she shivered and extended her hand, he hadn¡¯t refused.


    ¡­¡­


    It felt so good to be needed by someone. Since then, after experiencing it once, he wanted it again. He was like a drug addict beyond cure, one she could not treat.


    Seven years ago, he never would have thought that one day, she would stand in front of him like now, with only him in her eyes, speaking to him so carefully.


    Shi Yan looked down at her. His thin lips pursed into a small curve. His expression was hidden in depth, and a surging light reflected in his pupils. In the next second, he stretched out his hand a little uncontrollably, holding her tightly in his embrace.


    Ruan Zhizhi was taken aback by his sudden action, but she did not reject him.


    This was the second time Shi Yan had hugged her. Ruan Zhizhi shrank into his arms. In her heart, she silently thought that she liked Shi Yan. Otherwise, her heart wouldn¡¯t be throbbing this violently when she embraced him.


    The man bent down and lowered his head on her slender shoulders to conceal his red eyes.


    So this was the feeling of a dream come true.