《My Dangerous Childhood Friend》


 Chapter 1

    In her opinion, Siana Anetta didn¡¯t think she lacked much. She was petite with a round, sculpted face that fit well together. It might not be the striking beauty that would make people fall madly in love with her instantly, but she felt her attractiveness was quite ample that she never felt intimidated by someone else.


    Siana had a pleasant personality and was very approachable and friendly. Her mother had died giving birth to her, but her father, Viscount Anetta, did everything to make sure she received all the love and care. He didn¡¯t have any vast land and assets to his name when he started out, but he had incredible business skills. He had remarkably doubled the size and income of the business that was passed down to him by his great-grandfather. He had made sure that Siana had a very comfortable childhood.


    Siana, although deprived from her mother¡¯s love, was a very responsible child. In the absence of a mother figure, she had taken charge of housekeeping on her own. Her father had taken care of the housekeeping before, but Siana learned the tropes quickly and took over the work, while also assisting her father in his business. She was very skillful with accounts and bookkeeping, which helped her father immensely.


    Siana, a beautiful, accomplished woman with a father who had a good business, attracted many suitors. Plenty of men tried to court her. Even when their marriage proposal was denied, they sought her out to be her lover. Siana rejected each one of them with solely one reason: they were not her ¡®type¡¯.


    She liked handsome men with a princely face, like those found in the fairy tales. The blond-hair-blue-eyes type of men. After the appearance was satisfied, she had specific qualities she liked in a man, which were practically close to nonexistent in the men who sought to court her. None of them met her standard, yet. Therefore, Siana had found nobody worth starting a relationship with.


    Her friend, Yulia, once thought that advancing in age would be disadvantageous for Siana even though she was just eighteen now. So, she recommended a good man with a well-off family for Siana to marry. But Siana would have none of it. She figured she would rather not settle for someone she didn¡¯t like, instead she would devote her time to whatever she wanted to do.


    She firmly held to her beliefs even when Yulia married the second son of Count Linen and moved to the Linen Estate. Most of the people Siana knew married before reaching twenty and moved with their respective husbands. Most people feared the societal convention that branded them as ¡®defective¡¯ if a woman wasn¡¯t wed by twenty. Many families sometimes forced their daughters into early marriage to escape societal scorn.


    But Siana¡¯s father never cared about such norms. Viscount Anetta respected his daughter¡¯s decision and opinions as he would his own. He felt that if a man would reject or attack her for being unmarried and above twenty, he probably couldn¡¯t respect and keep her happy, anyway. He had a lot of money after all, as much as it was needed for her to spend her life comfortably. He wondered if it was really necessary for his daughter to marry just for the sake of it. Siana felt at ease because her father always stood by her side. Therefore, she decided to not marry out of sole compulsion or societal pressure until she found someone worth her heart.


    That was until Viscount Anetta passed away and Viscount North visited Siana about a debt. She stared at Viscount North in disbelief, who was seated across from her. ¡°I¡­ tell me again, my lord,¡± stammered Siana, ¡°of the debt I am supposed to pay.¡±


    It bothered her to even utter it, but she maintained her calm composure. ¡°How much was it exactly?¡± she asked.


    ¡°22,000 golds, Lady Siana,¡± said the Viscount.


    If Siana could, she would have screamed and fainted. ¡°How could it be?¡± asked Siana, calmly. It might have been a minimal amount for other aristocrats, but for Siana it was a substantial amount. She wondered if scraping the last of her assets and selling every little thing she owned would be enough to repay it. Siana closed her eyes and tried to calm down. The unexpected situation turned her mind blank.


    She stressed over the situation. Her mind kept recollecting the image of her father, who had died ten days ago. If only it hadn¡¯t rained that day, she thought. She remembered something she had heard on the day she received her father¡¯s obituary.


    Viscount Anetta¡¯s carriage had slipped and fell off a cliff on a rainy day. Usually he would take the longer, safer way when it rained heavily, but on that particular day, he had a pressing business appointment. The carriage had shattered to pieces. That had meant instant death for her dear father, his advisor and the carriage driver.


    He was a Viscount in title, but he was just an ordinary man who ran a fairly large business and had been successful in it. The guards had ruled out murder as he didn¡¯t seem to have any enemies. The guard had said that it could have been avoided if it hadn¡¯t rained so heavily on that day.


    Siana hadn¡¯t had enough time to mourn. She had taken the reins of her father¡¯s business after his death. She couldn¡¯t let his toil go to waste. It didn¡¯t prove to be too difficult as she was already well-versed with the work, but a bill had been unexpectedly damaged. If Siana spent the money carefully, she could probably sustain herself for a few years.


    However, now that she was faced with this situation, she was uncertain and worried. She had tended to all the bills and done all the calculations, but all of a sudden, this bill of 22,000 golds appeared out of nowhere. ¡°Let¡¯s go through the bill once again,¡± suggested Siana, ¡°It could be a mistake.¡±

 Chapter 2

    Siana requested to be excused for a moment while she went through the bill. Viscount North nodded. She held up a lantern to read the contents of the bill. After going through it, she realized the reason for the sudden arrival of the bill: it had been drawn up long before she started helping her father with his business.


    I thought you had settled everything, father, she thought. This amount had fallen through the cracks. The real amount was pretty fair seeing the contents of the bill. But the interests of all these years, nearly a decade, had generated 22,000 golds to be paid back. It was ridiculous that Siana or her father had never received a reminder for it. If I sell all my dresses and jewelries, it will be about 4,000 golds, and the house will fetch 8,000 golds, she thought, but I will still be 10,000 golds short.


    She clasped and unclasped her hands on her lap. She wouldn¡¯t be able to pay everything back, even if she sold everything she had. ¡°I can pay only 12,000 golds in such short notice,¡± she told Viscount North.


    ¡°And the remaining 10,000?¡± he asked.


    ¡°I will need some time to pay it all,¡± she said worriedly.


    ¡°Time?¡± said Viscount North, ¡°How long do you require?¡±


    ¡°That¡­ I¡­,¡± stammered Siana, unable to answer. She hadn¡¯t an inkling how she was going to pay him everything.


    ¡°During the time that I am supposed to wait,¡± began Viscount North, ¡°What are you going to about the interest that will be generated further?¡±


    Siana¡¯s lips froze. She hadn¡¯t thought about that at all. ¡°Lady Siana,¡± he said, ¡°The situation is grim. How can a young girl like you, without a wealthy guardian or relative, pay 10,000 golds even if I gave you ample time?¡±


    ¡°I will do whatever it takes to pay you back,¡± said Siana, ¡°I just need a little time.¡±


    Viscount North stroked his flimsy moustache that connected with his white beard. ¡°Whatever it takes?¡± he said, ¡°I want to hear more about that part.¡± Siana was silent. She didn¡¯t know what he was getting at.


    Viscount North let out a sigh. ¡°You know what I hear from the no-good debtors?¡± he said with pity, ¡°Exactly what you have just said. It¡¯s obvious that they can¡¯t pay everything back, like you.¡±


    He took out a cigar from his breast pocket and lit it. The tip of the cigar turned red with heat as he puffed out a thick cloud of smoke. Siana coughed as he exhaled the smoke, but Viscount North seemed to hardly care.


    ¡°Lady Siana,¡± he said, puffing out more smoke, ¡°If I wait for you to pay everything back, it will haunt me for years. Frankly, I doubt you will be able to pay me back even if I do wait.¡±


    Siana was silent. He wasn¡¯t wrong. She had no resources or extra property to sell in order to pay back the debt. The smoke from his cigar filled the entire room in a hazy air. When it had almost obscured everything in view, the Viscount spoke again.


    ¡°You said that you would do whatever it takes to pay me back,¡± he said, ¡°So then what exactly are you going to do?¡± Siana couldn¡¯t speak. She felt uncomfortable at his words. She knew something sinister was going to be proposed and yet, she had no choice but to listen.


    ¡°Marry me,¡± said the Viscount, looking at her through the smoky haze.


    Siana was stunned. ¡°Marry you?¡± she asked, incredulously.


    ¡°Yes,¡± he said puffing away at his cigar, ¡°If you do, the debt will be forgotten. And of course, I will not touch any of your assets, they will be yours.¡±


    Siana held her tongue because a barrage of cuss words was threatening to burst forth. The Viscount was nowhere near what she looked for in a man. He had to be, at the least, twenty years older than her. His reputation wasn¡¯t respectable as well. He had a record of divorces. His first wife had left him because she couldn¡¯t tolerate his many affairs with other women. He had then married a prostitute who had divorced him and fled to another country with a part of his wealth. Rumor had it that his strange and perverted fetishes had repulsed her, and she had had to flee.


    Nobody wanted to marry Viscount North after that. Not the commoners, and not the aristocratic ladies. Even brothels had refused him entry because of his perverted fetishes. After much searching, he had married a third time, but the third wife had jumped off a window a year later. Thankfully, her injuries were not life-threatening but the lower part of her body was paralyzed. The heartless Viscount filed for a divorce declaring that he had no intention of tending to a crippled wife.


    Siana knew he was looking for a new woman to ruin her life, but never had she ever thought, not even in her wildest dreams, that she would be his target. She refused to respond. The Viscount smiled wickedly and looked at her.


    ¡°You might already know, Lady Siana,¡± he smirked, ¡°There aren¡¯t many jobs that pay well for a single lady like you with no friends or family. I don¡¯t want your youth to be destroyed toiling for scraps. Flowers are the prettiest when placed in a vase as decoration. Not when they are blooming on a road, waiting to be withered by the touch of a stranger.¡±


    The Viscount drew on his cigar deeply and flicked the shortened end on the table, insultingly. Siana¡¯s lips quivered in anger by the gesture. He was a man without manners or shame. She ardently wanted to kick him out of the house, but the dire situation stayed in her hand. For now, she needed to calm down and think of a way out of his proposal.


    ¡°As grateful as I am for your concern,¡± she said in a mock peasant voice, ¡°And as eager as I am to consider your offer, it hasn¡¯t been long since my father passed away.¡± She dabbed at her eyes with a handkerchief.

 Chapter 3

    Viscount North hesitated. Siana spat out the words before he could respond. ¡°I didn¡¯t expect such good news to come,¡± she said with tears in her eyes, ¡°If My Lord had come bearing this news when my father was alive, he would have been elated. But alas, my father is no more.¡±


    She bawled loudly, and her shoulders shook. She hoped the Viscount had enough shame to take a hint of the situation, otherwise her excessive acting would be in vain.


    ¡°Lady Siana,¡± said an embarrassed Viscount, ¡°I am sorry. I wasn¡¯t thinking straight. I have imposed too much on a young lady who has lost her father so very recently. Please forgive my rudeness.¡±


    ¡°You¡­ You mustn¡¯t apologize,¡± she said, blubbering, tears streaming down her face. ¡°The situation just isn¡¯t easy.¡±


    ¡°Yes, Lady Siana,¡± said the Viscount, walking over to where she was seated, and patting her shoulders. ¡°You must be heartbroken.¡± His patting hand slid down her waist and just over her backside. Siana¡¯s skin prickled in an unpleasant way. She wanted to tear his hand off and feed them to the dogs. But she had to convince him to buy some time to figure out a way to pay the debt.


    ¡°Lady Siana, you are just so beautiful that I felt greedy,¡± he said, ¡°You understand how I feel, don¡¯t you?¡±


    ¡°Of course,¡± she said, blowing her nose in the handkerchief. You slimy arsehole, she cursed inwardly. Her face was distorted, more in anger than the crying. If he looked at her, he would know how she felt about him exactly. But he was busy touching her inappropriately to take any notice.


    ¡°It will look bad if we get married so soon after your father¡¯s death,¡± he said, ¡°How about we wait for two weeks then I will offer again?¡±


    ¡°Really?¡± snorted Siana, teary-eyed.


    ¡°Of course,¡± he said, patting her back. ¡°I shall be back here after two weeks. In the meantime, focus on getting yourself together, okay?¡±


    ¡°I will do so,¡± said Siana, ¡°Thank you, My Lord.¡±


    ¡°I will be looking forward to our next meeting,¡± he said and left the house.


    Siana couldn¡¯t shake off the feeling of his hands on her. She felt disgusted and infuriated. ¡°That bastard makes me sick,¡± she muttered angrily. She could still feel his hands slithering all over her body. She went to the washroom and prepared a bath. But it was useless. Usually, she loved a warm bath which would make her feel soothed afterwards. This time, it did nothing to make her feel better.


    What in heavens am I going to do? She despaired. She had used her father as an excuse this time, but she might not be so lucky the next time. She needed to figure out a way to reject the proposal when it came again. Do I really need to marry a man like that? The thought almost made her vomit.


    Siana hated Viscount North, but more than that she lamented the situation that she had been dragged into. A sadness fell over her. Perhaps if she had taken Yulia¡¯s advice and married, she would have never fallen into this situation. Thinking about Viscount North made her even more miserable. She wished she could go back in time and shake the young Siana by the shoulders and warn her about this limp-d*ck, old man she would most probably end up with.


    How is it that the world doesn¡¯t even have a single decent man? She recalled the many men who had sought her. No one had made her excited. Nobody actually wanted her because they loved her, they were mostly after her father¡¯s wealth and status. There was one who had caught her eye at the time. One of her childhood friends. It had been so long since she had seen him. She couldn¡¯t even remember his face clearly. But she remembered that he had been kind and sweet and handsome, too. She had thought he was a prince.


    His name surfaced fleetingly in her mind and then fled. She scrunched her eyebrows, trying to remember him. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn¡¯t conjure his name, only the fact that his name started with the first letter of the alphabet.


    What was it? She frowned, thinking. Then it came unbidden to her lips, as though it had always sat there to be uttered at this precise moment. ¡°Alan!¡± she exclaimed, ¡°That was his name. I am sure of it.¡±


    With the knowledge of his name, came the memories of the past. They had been such good friends. She had been ten. Her father had brought his friend¡¯s son over to their house. They had been introduced at the time. Her father had reminded her to be kind to him because he had nowhere to stay after his father¡¯s death.


    Alan had been shy but brutally honest. He also had a pleasant face. The maids found him so sweet that they always showered him with gifts. Her father had mentioned that he looked like his father. Alan had a dream, he wanted to become an officer like his father. Siana had felt sorry for him and liked his shy demeanor. She had offered her friendship, and he had accepted gratefully. Thinking back, perhaps he had accepted to be friends because he was living with her family, nonetheless, she had been glad.


    Her happiness had a short span, though. For a person to become an officer, they needed to fulfill two things: first, they should possess powers to handle the guns; second, they had to spend a certain amount of time on the battlefield.


    Alan had already fulfilled the first. He had powers needed to wield special guns. He was a remarkable marksman at such a young age. He had to leave to fulfill the second criteria. Siana hadn¡¯t wanted to lose a friend, so she had begged him not to go to the battlefield. But Alan had refused. Siana¡¯s young heart was wounded.


    ¡°I hate you,¡± she had blurted out loudly with tears in her eyes. Her father had explained and consoled her. But was disappointed when Siana refused to listen.

 Chapter 4

    Siana recalled the incident now. So embarrassing, she thought. She tried to remember a promise they had made to each other back then. But, five years is a long time. She had forgotten the promise that they had made. She was satisfied that she recalled his name, at least. She had no time to reminisce of the past; she needed to think of a way to slither out of Viscount North¡¯s hands.


    She tried to calculate anything that might be sellable. She needed to scrape up another 10,000 golds before he came back with his proposal. She desperately needed to find a solution so she could spit it out on his face. She didn¡¯t want to be that ball sac¡¯s fourth wife.


    She sighed. If I had divine powers, I could be a priest. The temples accepted people with divine power of clairvoyance. Siana had not gone to be examined because it was expensive. But there were only a few with such powers, anyway. She didn¡¯t think that she would fit in there anyway. I need a miracle, she pleaded, splashing the bathwater everywhere. She imagined a kind lawyer who would find her father¡¯s hidden assets and declare: ¡°You are saved! You don¡¯t need to be sold to Viscount North!¡±


    With a heavy sigh, she sunk deeper in the warm water. Her wishful fancies would never come true.


    *


    Siana paced and pondered and fretted. Time flew by, and before she knew it, there were only two days remaining in the ¡®two-week resting period¡¯ that Viscount North had allocated her. She had not had one day of peaceful sleep with the inevitable doom looming above her head.


    After painstakingly selling all her belongings and auctioning the house, she had gathered 13,700 golds. The person who bought the house had paid more than the market price. She had been very grateful to the kind person. He had asked her the reason for being so hasty in selling the house. She didn¡¯t want to bare her personal problems, so she had muttered something about being in debt and hurried away.


    Siana, after much brooding on her situation, came across an interesting fact: A law was in place that stated that if a debtor has a job, he/she can make regular payments in installments to the creditor. The creditor, thereby, cannot pressure the debtor to pay the amount all at once.


    Siana sought out a lawyer to verify the accuracy of the information. To her surprise, such law did exist, and it provided her a relief much sought after. She mustered all her energy into securing a job, preferably something that offered room and board since she no longer had a house.


    Finding a job like a commoner was unthinkable for an aristocrat but Siana was no ordinary aristocrat. Once she made up her mind, it was impossible to make her yield. Her skill, of course, was in accounting. It was rare to find somebody with a skill in managing accounts, so there were plenty of places with an opening.


    It seemed pretty easy for Siana in the beginning. However, the person-in-charge of the companies shook their heads and rejected her application when her name came up. She thought, at first, that it was her elite status that burdened these people to offer her a job, so she erased her surname from the application.


    The rejections didn¡¯t end there. Every company rejected her outright. When she couldn¡¯t glean the reason and her frustration overwhelmed her, she grabbed one of the employees by the collar and demanded an answer. He didn¡¯t respond, but when she shook him by the collar and threatened to sue him, he relented.


    ¡°Viscount North doesn¡¯t want you roughed up in this manner,¡± he stammered, ¡°He demanded that a woman named Siana with brown hair and green eyes shouldn¡¯t be given an entry.¡±


    Siana¡¯s face fell. She was so disappointed that it probably showed. ¡°It is possibly going to be the same everywhere you apply,¡± the man added, not unkindly.


    I am such a fool, she thought miserably. I should have expected this. She couldn¡¯t see any solution to her problem. But she had no time to wallow. She went up to the main temple and asked to be examined for any sort of divine power she had.


    ¡°It will take at least a month to examine,¡± said the person at the front desk.


    ¡°How in all the heavens could it take a month?!¡± she asked disbelievingly. She would be Viscount North¡¯s fourth wife in a month! Everything was his fault. It made her blood boil. ¡°You lazy bastards! Damn you all!¡± she slammed her fist on the table.


    ¡°Our apologies,¡± said the person in reply to her outburst.


    Siana went out of there holding her throbbing hand. The pain seemed to ease a little when she rubbed it gently. Viscount North¡¯s wife, ugh, she thought, seething in anger. At least she wouldn¡¯t starve or struggle to find a place to live in. But when she imagined living under the same roof with that villainous cockroach and sleeping with him every night, it made her shudder with revulsion.


    Maybe I can go somewhere in exile and live in secret, she thought despondently. Siana knew it sounded extreme, but it was either that or marrying the vile Viscount. She had the money from selling off her belongings and her house, she could escape to another country and try to make a life for herself.


    Thankfully, the imperial language was understood in the entire continent, so communication wouldn¡¯t be a problem. I will send a letter to Yulia, she resolved, then I will head to the plaza square and sneak out when it gets dark.


    She reached the Anetta house, which was no longer hers. She had been given some time to pack her things. She wrote a long letter to Yulia describing her miserable state of affairs. She had originally intended to sneak out when it got dark, but after much deliberation she saw it safer to blend with the crowd and escape the country.

 Chapter 5

    Siana wondered if the vile Viscount had already paid spies to watch her secretly. She must be careful. She packed the money, the letter to Yulia, some clothes and a small portrait of her parents. It was such a depressing fact that her life was now packed in a few bags. She had lived here her whole life. Her glum thoughts were interrupted by loud noises from outside.


    She looked outside the window and saw men in uniforms seated on horses. There were no other private residences around her house, so it was obvious that they had come for her. Did that gorbellied clotpole find out I am planning to escape? She wondered, panicked. There were still two days left till the end of the week, so why was he here? She had to hide her luggage! She pushed the luggage under the bed and draped the blanket so that it fell over the sides, covering them from view. She could hear them knocking and the doorknob being yanked.


    Siana felt scared when the large iron door shook. It was frightening listening to the sound of it instead of the familiar doorbell ringing. The last time Viscount North had rung the doorbell, this time, his men seemed adamant to break it down. She curled up in a ball and held her breath. After a while, she heard a man say, ¡°Lady Siana, Are you there?¡±


    His voice echoed through the mansion. But Siana didn¡¯t respond. She trembled and wished for them to go away. Soon after, the door stopped shaking, and the voice disappeared. Siana waited a while, still curled up on the floor. Several heartbeats later, she risked a peek through the window. Ironically, when her head appeared at the window, her eyes met with a man¡¯s, who was still standing outside, looking up.


    Siana hid quickly behind the curtains, but the man had seen her. He turned to another man next to him and gestured something, occasionally glancing her way. She acknowledged defeat and sighed wearily. She had been caught. She straightened her dress, put on a smile and went downstairs.


    If she still had her servants, they would enquire at the door for the reason of the disturbance. But she was the only person in this enormous mansion now. She felt utterly alone. She opened the main door and realized that there were more people than she had seen from the window. They were all armed. The magical guns hung from their shoulders. These were no ordinary guns, they only worked by the user¡¯s ability to create the bullet from their own power. So, the guns only responded to a power holder. They were akin to wizards or a mage with a gun. Far fewer people were alive with such abilities.


    The power holders were respected greatly, because most of them worked for the state and the kingdom. They were welcomed everywhere with warmth. It was rare for them to work as mercenaries. Siana was confused. No matter how rich Viscount North was, it was close to impossible for him to hire so many power holders for his wicked task.


    ¡°Excuse me,¡± said a man politely, ¡°Is this Anetta residence?¡±


    ¡°Yes,¡± replied Siana, ¡°May I ask the purpose of your visit?¡±


    ¡°Lord Legarde has a message to deliver,¡± said the man, ¡°Is Lady Siana inside?¡±


    She frowned at the name. She raked her memory for any Lord Legarde that she might have met in her lifetime. But nothing came to mind. One thing was clear, though. These men weren¡¯t sent by Viscount North. Perhaps he came to collect his debt as well, she thought. Maybe father borrowed some money from some Lord Legarde. It was disheartening to think that there were more debt collectors. The shock was so great that she froze where she stood.


    ¡°So, Lady Siana isn¡¯t here?¡± asked the man. The servants usually opened the door, and Siana was dressed far too plainly to look like an aristocrat¡¯s daughter. Perhaps she could use this to her advantage.


    ¡°Oh¡­,¡± she began. She was ready to declare that Lady Siana wasn¡¯t present, but she was interrupted by a pleasant voice.


    ¡°You can stop asking now, Sir Raymond,¡± he said, ¡°That is Lady Siana herself.¡± A shadow appeared, followed by a figure behind Sir Raymond. ¡°Hello, Sia,¡± he said.


    Siana tilted her head to get a clearer look. He had a handsome face. His gold hair shone under the brilliant sun, and the black uniform made him stand out among others. She looked into his eyes and widened hers. How does he know my name?


    She studied his face carefully, trying to summon any memory whatsoever of knowing him. It didn¡¯t take long for her to match the handsome, sculpted face with her childhood friend who had left her for the battlefield.


    ¡°Alan?¡± she asked in amazement.


    ¡°Sia,¡± he nodded with a smile.


    ¡°Is it really you?¡± she asked, still not able to believe her eyes.


    ¡°Yes,¡± he said with a laugh.


    ¡°How?¡± she had so many questions she wanted to ask, but none of them came out in a coherent sentence.


    ¡°Now that conversation might drag on a bit,¡± he said, ruffling his hair awkwardly, ¡°Can we talk inside?¡±


    ¡°Oh, sorry,¡± she mumbled, ¡°Please come in.¡±


    She stepped to the side and he strode in. He, of course, didn¡¯t need to be ushered to the living room. He knew the mansion like his own, as he had spent his childhood here. She followed him into the living room. Unfortunately, it was completely empty. She had sold the furniture and d¨¦cor for money to repay her father¡¯s debt.


    Alan unbuttoned his outer coat and looked around the room. Siana felt a little sad, especially since this house didn¡¯t hold many things that had been always there when they were kids. ¡°So empty, isn¡¯t it?¡± asked Siana, trying to start a simple conversation.


    ¡°So very empty,¡± he said.


    Siana shrugged her shoulders. He had always been straightforward, not overly concerned with niceties. He sure hasn¡¯t changed, she thought, remembering him from when he was young.


    ¡°I don¡¯t see your butler, or your servants,¡± he commented, looking at her.


    ¡°I let them go,¡± she said sadly.


    ¡°All of them?¡± he asked, surprised.


    ¡°Yes,¡± she said, looking down, ¡°I am in a bit of a difficult situation.¡±

 Chapter 6

    Alan was silent. Siana felt his blue eyes staring at her. She had a hunch that he knew everything about her life. The thought made her uncomfortable. It was true that they had been best of friends in their childhoods, but revealing her dire situation to him still seemed awkward. It was why it had distressed her so much when sharing the events of her life with Yulia in a letter. It just didn¡¯t seem right.


    She looked up at him, trying to steer the conversation in some other direction. ¡°What about you?¡± she asked, ¡°How have you been all these years? I just heard a man call you ¡®Lord Legarde¡¯. Are you an Earl now?¡± She tried to lighten the mood. ¡°Wow. Do I need to address you as ¡®My Lord¡¯ as well?¡±


    ¡°It was more of a stroke of luck,¡± he said, waving his hand in the air, ¡°Why would you be so formal when addressing me, anyway? We are childhood best friends.¡±


    ¡°But still¡­¡± she teased.


    ¡°Oh, come on,¡± he said, smiling, ¡°Enough already. No one else knows about it, yet. Just you.¡±


    ¡°I guess it would be mighty awkward addressing you so formally,¡± she relented, ¡°seeing how we used to run around all over the house when we were little.¡± It reminded Siana of the times they had spent together when they were young. When Siana¡¯s father was still alive with his title and his status in this society. Siana had brushed off Alan¡¯s formal greetings and insisted on being addressed casually. The tables had turned now. Alan was a man of title and status, and Siana had nothing but a debt to her name. It seemed like only yesterday when they were children and free from the shackles of grim realities.


    Siana rubbed the back of her hand absentmindedly and looked out the window. ¡°You could call them in, if you want,¡± she said, indicating the men outside, ¡°They must be cold.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s alright,¡± he assured her, ¡°They don¡¯t mind waiting a while. They have braved high winds and cold weathers as part of their trainings, or otherwise. They will be fine.¡± The way he fondly talked about them reminded Siana of the status he held and the camaraderie they shared. ¡°Instead of focusing on something else,¡± he said, ¡°Why not welcome me home properly? I have missed you, Siana.¡± He spread his arms and approached her.


    Siana hesitated. If it was the young, silly Alan, she wouldn¡¯t have had even a moment¡¯s thought in accepting his embrace, but he was a different person now. They both were, with years of division between them. He was taller and broader. She reminisced about the warmth she had felt in his friendship years ago and dragged her feet over to return his embrace. His sturdy hands wrapped around her and his chin rested on her head. Alan didn¡¯t release her, even when she loosened her hands for a long while. After a few minutes, he let her go.


    ¡°I am sorry,¡± he said apologetically, noticing her downcast face, ¡°If I have made things awkward.¡±


    ¡°Not at all,¡± replied Siana hastily. It had been awkward indeed, meeting him in this manner, when she had nothing and had been planning to escape to another country. While he had become a grown man with a respectful title to his name. But she could hardly ask him to leave her be, when they had met after so long.


    ¡°Are you sure?¡± he asked, concerned, ¡°Why, then, are you not able to meet my eyes?¡±


    ¡°What? Um¡­¡± Siana grasped for any reason she could conjure at that instant, ¡°It¡¯s just out of habit. I am not used to meeting many people these days.¡± She didn¡¯t want to let him see the distress on her face regarding the dismal situation she faced. She hastily tried to change the subject of their conversation, yet again. ¡°Tell me why you are here,¡± she said, ¡°You didn¡¯t send any messages to inform me of your visit. When did you arrive?¡±


    ¡°This morning,¡± he said, removing his riding gloves.


    ¡°So you came here as soon as you entered the city?¡± she asked.


    ¡°Yes,¡± he said, looking at her.


    ¡°Why?¡± she asked.


    ¡°What do you mean ¡®why¡¯? I did say I would come back the moment I became an officer, didn¡¯t I?¡± he said softly, ¡°Also, I am here to fulfill the promise that I made to you.¡±


    Siana gulped at his words. She had been trying hard to remember the so-called ¡®promise¡¯ they had agreed on in their childhood fancy. But no matter how hard she tried, she couldn¡¯t recall what was said.


    ¡°Promise?¡± she asked suspiciously.


    ¡°You forgot,¡± he said, smirking.


    ¡°I didn¡¯t!¡± she said, more to wipe that smirk off his face than actually remembering it, ¡°I remember.¡±


    ¡°Sure?¡± he asked, smiling brightly.


    ¡°I¡­ of course!¡± she stammered.


    Siana wanted it to be the truth so badly. His expectant smile disarmed her. She felt guilty looking at his smiling face. She wished with all the fibre of her being to remember that damned promise.


    Siana avoided looking at him as he talked. He told her about his time on the battlefield, his training, his horse, everything. While she tried her hardest to listen as well as scrape the dregs of her past with him to recall the ¡®promise¡¯. She absentmindedly added an ¡®of course¡¯ or ¡®yes¡¯ and a nod here and there, just to show that she was attentive to his words.


    ¡°So when are we getting married?¡± he asked, suddenly.


    ¡°Of course,¡± Siana nodded inattentively, and then caught herself, ¡°What?!¡±


    ¡°When is a suitable day for you to hold a wedding?¡± he asked again calmly.


    Siana looked at him, stunned. ¡°Why are you asking me that?¡± she asked incredulously, ¡°I don¡¯t understand.¡±


    ¡°Our promise, Siana,¡± he tilted his head and looked at her, ¡°We promised we would take care of each other if we were both unmarried by twenty.¡±

 Chapter 7

    His blond hair shone brilliantly in the fading sunlight, and his blue eyes glittered. His hair fell across his forehead. He looked at her intently, fondly. No, no, thought Siana, focus! She shook her head, trying to shake off thoughts about him.


    ¡°When in hell did we make such a promise, Alan?¡± she asked, refusing to believe her ears.


    ¡°You said you remembered,¡± he said, ¡°Were you lying?¡±


    ¡°I¡­¡± she mumbled, ¡°I recall we promised something, but the terms of that promise slipped my mind.¡±


    Alan looked disappointed. It made Siana sad to see him this way. The young Alan she knew years ago had been quiet and shy. She practically dragged him everywhere with her, when he wanted to sit at a corner and read. But he had grown so drastically. It left a bittersweet feeling in her mind.


    ¡°I am sorry, okay,¡± she said annoyed, ¡°I can¡¯t get married right now. We were so young, I can¡¯t even remember the promise or whatever.¡±


    ¡°You really don¡¯t remember?¡± he asked sadly. ¡°You were fourteen and jealous of your friend being courted by a boy. You were irritated that there were no decent men, so we made a promise to marry each other if we were still unmarried at twenty,¡± he said, smiling in remembrance.


    Siana had had so many things on her mind. She was still feeling so hopeless. Alan relegating their past promises made her feel so dissociated that she felt as though she was hearing about someone else¡¯s life. It had been too long ago. They had been young and silly. As Siana stared at him, she could hear a young Siana declaring the promise so vividly in her mind. She could feel the heat rising to her face. She lifted her hands to fan herself. How could I have been so stupid?


    Perhaps seeing her react, Alan found hope. ¡°Do you remember now?¡± he asked, walking towards her.


    Siana held up her hands to stop him in his tracks. ¡°I do remember,¡± she said, ¡°But Alan, I can¡¯t. I am sorry. Not marriage, please.¡±


    ¡°Why?¡± he asked.


    Siana opened her mouth to reply, then closed it again. She had so many questions, so many thoughts in her mind. It felt as though her mind was going to snap and break at any moment under the already traumatic situation of marriage with Viscount North that she faced, her father¡¯s debt, her plan to seek asylum somewhere else, and the confusion and nervousness regarding her survival. The utterance of these reasons would only seem like excuses to Alan. In actuality, she didn¡¯t want to lose Alan the way she knew him. She had lost everything she held dear; she didn¡¯t want to lose her friend as well.


    Her father had brought home his dead friend¡¯s son. She had found a companion in him she had never found in anyone else. Then he had left for the battlefield. Perhaps five years wasn¡¯t so long for others, but for Siana, it had been far too long. It had upended her life. She couldn¡¯t afford to lose anymore people. She couldn¡¯t bear it if she did.


    ¡°Siana,¡± he said, ¡°Tell me why, please.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s all too sudden, Alan,¡± she said exasperated, ¡°It was a promise we made as kids, it might as well have been a passing fancy, a joke! You don¡¯t have to be obligated to fulfill a promise made years ago, and nor does anyone else.¡±


    ¡°A joke?¡± he asked, solemnly.


    ¡°A passing fancy, yes,¡± she said, throwing up her hands, ¡°We were kids.¡±


    ¡°Not for me, Siana,¡± he said sorrowfully.


    Siana stared at him, unblinking. Is he mad? ¡°Are you really serious?¡± she asked disbelievingly, ¡°You really want to get married, in all sincerity?¡±


    ¡°If I wasn¡¯t,¡± he said, looking at her, ¡°Why in the world would I bring it up now?¡±


    Siana sighed. She felt embarrassed and shocked. Alan had been under the impression that the promise held, even after all these years. While she was in a condition where she had to flee soon if she didn¡¯t want to end up being Viscount North¡¯s trophy wife. She didn¡¯t think it would do anyone any good to ponder on a long-lost promise when both their lives have diverged so much. She simply didn¡¯t have time for this.


    ¡°I am sorry, Alan,¡± she said ruefully, ¡°I have so many things occupying my mind at the moment. I cannot marry you.¡±


    ¡°What is holding you back?¡± he asked impatiently, ¡°We are both unmarried.¡±


    ¡°A woman being unmarried isn¡¯t an invitation for a wedding, Alan,¡± she snapped, ¡°Like I said, I am not in a situation to consider your proposal at the moment.¡±


    ¡°Is it because of Viscount North?¡± he asked, his face etched with worry. ¡°He forced you to marry him under the condition that he will forgive your father¡¯s debt, didn¡¯t he?¡±


    ¡°That old villainous cockroach!¡± she exclaimed angrily, ¡°It¡¯s my father¡¯s debt and he¡ª.¡± Siana caught herself just at that moment and shut her mouth. She stared at Alan in disbelief.

 Chapter 8

    Original translation by Keopitranslations.com


    ¡°How do you know about that?¡± asked Siana, glaring at him. ¡°I haven¡¯t told anyone yet.¡± She tried to recall if she had mentioned it to anyone in passing. Even when she visited the lawyer to verify the rules and regulation regarding money-lending, she had only mentioned about a debt she needed to repay. She had never revealed that slimeball North¡¯s name.


    Is the vile clotpole going around bragging about his upcoming marriage to me? She wondered. Even so, Alan only arrived today. He couldn¡¯t have caught up on the gossip of the city so soon. An earl held a very high status. The gossips of the city was of no consequence to someone like Alan. Who in the world would fill his ears with the hot topic of town the moment he set foot in the city?


    She glowered at him, refusing to say anymore. Alan avoided her eyes. ¡°I had one of my men find out about you,¡± he said calmly, ¡°When I heard about your father¡¯s death and the situation with Viscount North, I rushed here to look for you.¡±


    ¡°Oh, so you had your men spy on me?¡± she snapped.


    ¡°I just wanted to know you were alright,¡± he said, reluctantly, ¡°And¡­¡±


    ¡°And?¡± enquired Siana, vehemently.


    ¡°I wanted to know if you were still unmarried,¡± he said, defeated.


    He really thought I would have no choice other than to marry him. Siana couldn¡¯t hide her bitterness, she was sure it must have shown on her face because Alan went on talking as an attempt to justify his actions.


    ¡°I did it because¡­,¡± he paused, ¡°Do you know who I missed the most when I was at that war? Do you know what kept me going?¡±


    Siana, at the moment, couldn¡¯t care less. So, instead of asking, she clenched her jaws even tighter. He looked at her, imploring.


    ¡°Aren¡¯t you curious?¡± he said. Siana directed him with a glare so venomous that he flinched. ¡°You, Siana,¡± he said sadly, ¡°While I was in that bloodshed for five years, you were the only person who gave me courage to go on. I have wished and hoped for this meeting for years. I had wished for you to be unmarried, so I could come back to you.¡± He scratched the back of his head, awkwardly. ¡°And when I found out about that scum trying to force you into marriage, I couldn¡¯t stop myself from rushing here.¡±


    Alan looked at her, expectantly. Perhaps Alan expected her to fall at his feet, swooning. She didn¡¯t know what he anticipated, turning up so suddenly at her door and proposing marriage and narrating his life story when her world was crashing down around her bit by painful bit. She was tired of men trying to make her life difficult.


    When she scowled at him, with no sign of any joy on her face, he faltered. ¡°Damn,¡± he whispered, shamefaced. ¡°I want you,¡± he said in a desperate voice, ¡°Only you, by any means. Please¡­ .¡±


    Siana¡¯s heart ached watching him like this. But she wasn¡¯t interested in a marriage right now, with her reality becoming gloomier by the second. ¡°Sia,¡± he said nervously. He had completely changed from the confident Alan to a nervous, anxious mess.


    ¡°I am sorry, Alan,¡± she said firmly, ¡°My answer won¡¯t change. I am knee-deep in debt and I don¡¯t have time or the energy to think about anything else.¡±


    ¡°I will pay all your debts,¡± he pleaded, ¡°I will make every bastard pay their dues to you as well.¡±


    ¡°Alan,¡± she began, ¡°Please don¡¯t do this. It is not a small amount. I can¡¯t¡ª .¡±


    ¡°I have a lot of money,¡± he cut her off, ¡°Far more than I know what to do with it. I will pay your debt and you can do whatever you like for the rest of your life. So, marry me.¡±


    Siana didn¡¯t know how she could make him understand. She didn¡¯t want to marry him just as a safety net from her debts. It wasn¡¯t right. She wanted to explain and soothe him of his troubles, but she was at a loss for words. She had feelings for him, but this was simply improper. She realized that nothing she could say would make any sense to him in this state. She sighed.


    Meanwhile, he was looking at her for any hint of reaction from her. ¡°What¡¯s wrong with me?¡± he asked, ¡°You used to like me! You used to tell your friends that I was the one for you, that you found me handsome and kind. What has changed?¡±


    Siana¡¯s cheeks burned. ¡°If you don¡¯t like how I look,¡± he said, ¡°I can change. I will scar my face if you don¡¯t like it!¡±


    ¡°Alan!¡± she said, holding his hands, ¡°Please don¡¯t.¡±


    Alan smiled. ¡°Then marry me,¡± he said.


    She thought her problems would be solved if she agreed, but she still didn¡¯t feel it to be right. She wanted to solve her own problems. She had no assets to her name. Besides, she wanted her marriage to be out of love, not a deal of some kind.


    ¡°Don¡¯t push me, Alan,¡± she said in a low voice. ¡°What¡¯s the difference between you and Viscount North? He offers me marriage to forgive my debt. And you,¡± she turned to him, ¡°You are offering me the same thing. A deal of marriage in exchange for my problems, albeit in more pretty words.¡±


    Alan flinched. He realized that the way he had approached her had been wrong. He had expected her to run to his arms while completely disregarding her thoughts and opinions. He had pushed her too much.


    ¡°If you would be so kind, sir,¡± she said, exhausted ¡°I think I, at the least, deserve one day to myself to make sense of all this.¡± She said waving her arms around, indicating the whole situation.


    ¡°I am so sorry, Siana,¡± he said miserably, ¡°I got greedy, and I rushed. I deeply apologize for not considering your thoughts.¡± He opened his mouth to say more, then closed it again. ¡°Take as long as you want, but please think about it just once. I can wait.¡±


    ¡°Just one day,¡± she said tiredly, ¡°Give me just one day.¡± Her voice faltered. She didn¡¯t know how much of this she could take. It seemed that Siana¡¯s whole life had come to numbering her days until the inevitable doom.


    Original translation by Keopitranslations.com

 Chapter 9

    Original translation by Keopitranslations.com


    ¡°So, should I come back at this time tomorrow?¡± asked Alan, cautiously.


    ¡°That will be fine,¡± said Siana wearily.


    ¡°Thank you,¡± he said, ¡°I will see you tomorrow then.¡±


    ¡°Let me see you out,¡± she said.


    ¡°There¡¯s no need,¡± he said.


    ¡°But I¡ª,¡± she began to insist.


    ¡°It¡¯s alright,¡± he said, buttoning his outer coat, ¡°I know the way.¡±


    Siana didn¡¯t move a muscle as he walked out of the living room and headed towards the main door. Not even when she heard the main door shut. She relaxed only when she looked out the window to see his carriage driving away.


    *


    Alan frowned in his carriage, thinking. He recalled Siana¡¯s voice pleading for a day to think. Her voice had trembled as though she had been terrified. He hadn¡¯t meant to put so much unnecessary pressure on her and yet, he had. He winced thinking about her words comparing him to Viscount North.


    Viscount North was a vile predator who preyed on women to destroy them. He was a disgusting man with a disgusting fetish. So many women had been ruined at his hands. Alan felt the comparison prickling at his heart. A predator was a predator, no matter how good an intention they held. He should have thought things through. He resolved to be more considerate of Siana¡¯s feelings. He didn¡¯t ever want to be described in the same vein as that despicable beast.


    Alan felt ashamed for being so hasty. He had pushed her far too much, and that too at a time when her situation had hit rock bottom. He thought of her green eyes glaring at him in accusation. He had acted dishonorably; he had been too excited to see her, too full of emotion to control himself. He wondered if he would have done the same if he could turn back time. Probably, he thought shamefully, being a reckless dimwit that I am, I would have probably acted the same way. He sighed.


    Siana knew that his goal had been to become an officer like his father. He had promised to return. Alan remembered their first meeting. He hadn¡¯t been as enthusiastic about his ambition until he met Siana. Alan had a strict father. He trained under him to fight and learn to handle the magical guns. He had craved for approval and compliments from his father, the only man he looked up to.


    He had the power to wield such weapons, and he practiced diligently. The people who had such power were very rare. Most people didn¡¯t find out about their power until they went out to the battlefield and wielded it by accident. Examination for a power holder was expensive, so many didn¡¯t attempt it. His father had discovered his own power when he had touched an enemy¡¯s magical weapon in the battlefield, that was when he was given the title. His father, who had not inherited the title but earned it himself, had always been discriminated by the aristocrats. Only one person had ever shown him any respect and extended a hand of friendship. That was Siana¡¯s father, Viscount Anetta.


    Alan still remembered the day when his father had died and Viscount Anetta had taken him in. His father had always told him that Viscount Anetta was a good man, and when he met him, he knew why.


    ¡°You are Hedge¡¯s son!¡± Anetta had said, ¡°My, my, how you have grown! I am Bortel Anetta, friend of your father¡¯s. Now son, I know what you are going through isn¡¯t easy, but I hope you will come with me. We will share your pain together.¡± Alan had been so very grateful for a hand to hold on to, so he left with Viscount Anetta to his house. He was especially anxious to meet his daughter that he talked about. Alan had resolved to be a good friend to her, to repay Viscount Anetta¡¯s kindness.


    He had met her when they had arrived in the mansion. Her light brown hair shining in the sun, and her green eyes glittering like grass leaves in morning dew. ¡°This is Siana, my darling daughter,¡± Viscount Anetta had said as a way of introduction. ¡°Sia, this is Alan, he will live with us from this day forth. He is my friend¡¯s son. Be kind to him, alright?¡±


    Siana had approached them with a spring in her steps. ¡°So, he will live with us forever?¡± she had asked.


    ¡°Yes,¡± the viscount had replied.


    Siana¡¯s green eyes had turned to Alan, then. She walked to him and handed him the teddy bear she held. She had been so short, only reaching up to Alan¡¯s chest. He had held out his hands to take the bear and smiled. ¡°That¡¯s LaLa,¡± little Siana had said, ¡°I think she likes you!¡± And just like that, they had become friends.


    Siana would drag Alan everywhere. She would invite him to her little tea parties to play with her dolls and toys. Alan had never refused and had been a good playmate. After a while, her endless invitations to tea and play had become a nuisance for him. So one day, he had refused her invitation and told her he needed to train, so he couldn¡¯t join her any longer for tea parties.


    ¡°Can¡¯t I come with you?¡± she had asked.


    Alan had obliged, thinking she would leave in the middle of it after being bored. But he was wrong. When he had trained with dummies and straw people to fight and wield his power, Siana had stayed and watched and waited for him. When he was finished, she had rushed to him with nothing but praise for his skills. It had warmed his heart.


    She had followed him to his training every day from that day on. He, in turn, would try his best just so he could hear her praise him. He had become so familiar with her presence by then that it would worry him if she missed a training. Siana, for her part, didn¡¯t have any friends to call her own. They both became familiar with each other¡¯s presence.


    However, one day Siana had left for a party organized by her distant relatives. She had been gone for a few days. When she returned, she rushed to look for Alan to tell him of her excursions. She told him of the walks in the forests, the cakes, and a new friend she had made.


    ¡°Yulia Brill is her name!¡± she had squealed, ¡°She is so pretty and kind. We have so many things in common. We decided to meet next week!¡±


    Alan, listening intently, nodded, while something like jealousy nagged at his heart. ¡°A new friend?¡± he asked.


    ¡°Yes!¡± she said excitedly, ¡°I don¡¯t have to be sad and jealous when you can¡¯t play with me anymore. You only ever think about yourself!¡±


    ¡°What?!¡± exclaimed Alan, ¡°When have I ever done that?¡±


    ¡°You are always busy training or otherwise,¡± she pouted, ¡°It¡¯s the reason I went to my uncle¡¯s house. I couldn¡¯t stand being treated like a nuisance anymore. I want friends too!¡±


    Original translation by Keopitranslations.com

 Chapter 10

    Alan opened his mouth to retort, then shut it again and frowned. He had almost blurted out the reason for being distant from her. She had followed him to the training arena after the first day. Perhaps she enjoyed being there or she just accompanied him for his sake. He had appreciated her presence there, always cheering him on. But everything had changed with the appearance of this new friend that she had apparently found.


    However, before that, Alan had only seen Siana as a friend and had thought little of it. But Siana¡¯s growth had spurred more to her chest, rather than her height. She had been conscious of this and tried to opt for loose-fitting clothes. She already suffered much because of her insecurities, but every time she came into the training arena, the boys training with Alan made obscene remarks about her, behind her back.


    They tried to rope Alan into their degrading conversation, teasing him about living with her, asking him if he had felt her up. He had had an outburst at that and beat them bloody for insulting Siana. Although he had suffered some blows as well, the other boys had felt the brunt of his hits the most and the matter had been taken up with their respective guardians.


    Viscount Anetta had been grateful and impressed. He had expressed gratitude instead of chastising him after he had revealed the truth. But Siana had been scarred by the event, and her self-esteem took yet another plunge because of the demeaning comments that others had made of her.


    Alan knew even then that the way the society viewed and insulted women wouldn¡¯t have changed with a few blows from him, but Alan would have beaten them a thousand times more for humiliating her. To spare her any painful experience like that, he sternly told her not to come to the training arena anymore.


    Siana had found it cold-hearted, and maybe he could have said it better. She was denied entry into the arena from then on and had gone to her relative¡¯s place, sulking because of his rudeness towards her. ¡°You tell me not to come,¡± she had said with tears in her eyes, ¡°And I won¡¯t, but please tell me why. Do I embarrass you?¡±


    He had been silent then. ¡°I hate you,¡± she had declared, crying. She punched him in the arm. He still remembered the pain, not so much from the punch as from the hurt that he had caused her.


    ¡°Don¡¯t tell me, then,¡± she had cried in frustration, ¡°I don¡¯t care, anyway. I don¡¯t need you if you don¡¯t need me. I have Yulia, anyway!¡±


    She had sat down, wiping her tears, relating to him about this Yulia that she adored. She boasted about her to him, mostly to make him jealous. Alan didn¡¯t really care very much about this new friend, but he listened to her, hoping that she would be soothed after venting out her resentment and anger.


    She smiled when talking about her friend. It prickled at Alan¡¯s heart that the smile was because of the new friend, while he had only caused her tears. He had listened to her every time after that, patiently, to make up for making her miserable.


    His patience was stretched thin, however, when a few months later Siana mentioned a ¡®lover¡¯. She was all thrilled and envious, simultaneously, when her friend Yulia was being courted.


    ¡°I want someone to love me, too,¡± she proclaimed, sighing.


    ¡°You can find somebody, if you like,¡± said Alan, trying to sound nonchalant. But his heart was in turmoil whenever he imagined Siana falling in love with somebody else.


    Siana, unaware, shook her head. ¡°Not that easy, you know,¡± she said sadly.


    ¡°Why not?¡± he enquired, looking at her, putting down the book he was reading.


    ¡°Well, I am not very beautiful,¡± she said, affected by her insecurities, ¡°I am short, unattractive and have nothing to offer.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s not true,¡± said Alan, ¡°Besides, what does that have anything to do with being in love or in a relationship?¡±


    ¡°Everything!¡± she threw up her hands, ¡°Men are so fickle-minded. I might as well set my standards to ¡®only handsome men¡¯ as well.¡± She sighed.


    Alan had pondered on her words and thought about his own self. Was he handsome? Was he plain? His thoughts were interrupted by Siana. ¡°Handsome men don¡¯t look at women like me though,¡± she sighed, ¡°All they are is vain, and they want everything to be pretty.¡± She rolled her eyes.


    Alan didn¡¯t think that was entirely true. Maybe partly. He didn¡¯t know if he fit in the description of ¡®handsome¡¯ but he knew Siana was far from unattractive. He always has boys from the training centre asking about her with timid eyes.


    ¡°Do you really care about love, or even marriage, so much?¡± Alan had asked, ¡°Maybe you can choose to live by your lonesome.¡±


    ¡°Only men have that luxury,¡± retorted Siana, ¡°In the society we live in, an unmarried woman is considered defective and ill-treated.¡± She heaved a weary sigh.


    Alan, being a man, hadn¡¯t understood the extent of social repercussions that women faced, but he lamented the fact that the world was so cruel to unmarried women. He felt even more sad seeing Siana¡¯s unhappiness as she narrated to him the woes and worries of being a woman in a man¡¯s world.


    ¡°Well, maybe I can¡¯t change the world,¡± he said, ¡°But I can marry you if you are still unmarried in the future when we meet, if you want.¡±


    He had blurted it out without meaning to and had instantly regretted it. He hadn¡¯t meant for his unassuming proposal to imply anything. Alan felt ashamed. Here she was sharing the painful experiences of being a woman, and he offered himself as though that could solve her woes. But whatever he had said, it had come from his heart, with sincerity.


    ¡°Alright,¡± she said, ¡°If we are still twenty, and unmarried, we will marry each other. It¡¯s a promise!¡±


    Alan, at her words, was overjoyed. It was so unexpected that she would accept it. He imagined a future with her and resolved to become a high-ranking officer. He had left her to head to the battlefield in requirement for his ambition of becoming an officer.


    Alan, of course, didn¡¯t know if she had married already. But he kept his resolve and braved the war. He didn¡¯t want to be a man with nothing to his name, shamelessly coveting her. He wanted to be a man worthy of being a husband to Siana Anetta.


    He found the war to be fiercer and brutal than anything he had ever faced in his life. Every day, he saw his brethren die in the fight and feared himself to be next. He was helpless when his colleagues lived in torture. He related to them when they couldn¡¯t bear it anymore and deserted their station, in hopes of surviving. He would have done it too. He had wanted to desert and run away just to live. However, whenever despair caught him, he thought of Siana. He wanted to survive and get back to her one last time. So, he endured it all.

 Chapter 11

    When the war was about to end, Alan was eager to return home. But the Emperor had placed him in the advance team. He couldn¡¯t refuse. Alan had performed exceptionally well. The chief had commended him on his resourcefulness. The commander had sought his advice, which had worked to great advantage for the advance team. His strategies led them to one victory after another. He had been able to kill the commander-in-chief of the enemy camp. After five years, Emperor Girco ended the continental suspension and granted Alan the title of an Earl for his services and contribution to the war.


    He had been acknowledged and provided with many lands, property, wealth, and the status of a ¡®Lord¡¯. He had felt frustrated when he couldn¡¯t find Siana. It was like a curse that haunted him day and night.


    It was said that if someone hurts another and doesn¡¯t repent; they suffered from nightmares that rendered them unable to function, oftentimes resorting to violence. The curse was real, and Alan thought he was the subject of it. Power-holders didn¡¯t suffer from the symptoms because of their resistance to magic, but it was fatal to anybody else. The military made every one of them undergo a three-month retreat, where they had to repent. He had done that too, as was required for military soldiers. Still, he hadn¡¯t been able to find her. He had then made a request to a colleague to relay to him any information he could find about Siana.


    The colleague had overheard Viscount North drunk in a pub declaring his upcoming wedding to somebody called Siana. He had immediately informed Alan about it. Alan had requested leave from his duties to find her. The commander had accepted his request and given him his permission. Alan had wasted no time in setting out to the city to search for Siana.


    ¡°Shameless bastard,¡± said Alan in anger, punching the wall of the carriage, bringing himself back to the present. He wanted to help her somehow. He also wanted to kill that vile, slimy cockroach. But murdering Viscount North was out of the question, Siana was what was important right now. He would meet her tomorrow and figure out a way to help her. And perhaps, possibly bring back the feelings she had for him from long ago¡­


    * * *


    Siana sat on the edge of her bed, staring at her feet. She didn¡¯t know how long she sat there. The light spilling through the window dimmed, and the room turned dark. She still didn¡¯t move. She was thinking about Alan and his proposal.


    She knew she had no choice. Her life had come to these two choices: either marry Viscount North or marry Alan. Which was sad, really. Why did women have such limited choices? Alan surely must be disappointed by her firm refusal. Although he had left, there was still no resolute decision to the situation at hand.


    She sighed heavily and dragged her feet up on her bed and laid down. She looked up at the dim yellow wallpaper on the ceiling. It reminded her of Alan, his blond hair. Her mind drifted to his blue eyes. She remembered his embrace, the safety and warmth that she had felt momentarily. At the image of a boy who had turned into man after many long years of separation, Siana¡¯s heart began to pound unconsciously and she gripped her pillow tighter.


    She tried to imagine a future with him. She imagined those lips whispering that he loved her¡­ but, she couldn¡¯t think of Alan in the way it meant to be a husband and a wife, beyond friends.


    She remembered her conversations with Yulia after she was married. She had talked about intimacy between married couples. How I wish she was here now, Siana thought. She had been so na?ve when it came to physical intimacy, so Yulia had explained as best she could. She had also talked about the pain that accompanied it. She had talked about how her husband pressed her to make love some days, when she didn¡¯t want to. How tiring it was to always try to please him. She had seemed bittersweet talking about it. She would assure her that it was better than meeting someone inconsiderate to her pain.


    ¡°Decide on it after you sleep with a man before you get married,¡± she had said.


    ¡°Huh? Why?¡± Sia had asked her, confused.


    ¡°Because it matters. A while back I went to meet a couple of wives, they talked about various things, mostly about their intimate times with their husbands,¡± explained Yulia, ¡°Apparently, there are a lot of men who don¡¯t fit.¡±


    ¡°What? How do they not fit?¡±


    ¡°Alright, listen. From what I heard, some men are inconsiderate and just make it hurt,¡± said Yulia, matter-of-factly, ¡°Some others leave the woman unsatisfied because it¡¯s too small. Some can¡¯t hold on for long, they finish too fast for anyone to enjoy the experience.¡±


    ¡°Yulia¡­,¡± Siana had asked, scandalized, ¡°Are you talking about a man¡¯s¡­ thing?¡±


    ¡°Obviously,¡± Yulia had scoffed, ¡°I will tell you something else about it as well.¡±


    ¡°What?¡± Siana had asked, curious but also clearly embarrassed having to talk about such private things.


    ¡°I knew it!¡± Yulia had exclaimed, ¡°You are still so ignorant about these things.¡± She had turned serious then. ¡°Okay, I will tell you. It¡¯s all just flesh and blood. I had no one to tell me these things when I got married but you fortunately have me. I will educate you properly.¡± She had paused a while for effect. ¡°I have come to realize that sex is quite important, especially between people who are married because they have to spend a great part of their lifetime together,¡± she had said, ¡°It has to be bearable otherwise it¡¯s just torture. Every night he presses me to do it. It¡¯s so tiring. Even when you are in a good mood, it becomes tiring after a while. But if you meet someone like a rabbit or a shrimp like the other wives, it will be worse than that, don¡¯t you think?¡±

 Chapter 12

    Siana had been na?ve then, and unaware. ¡°Hold on,¡± she asked Yulia, ¡°We weren¡¯t talking about sex? Then what¡¯s all that about rabbits and shrimps?¡±


    ¡°Oh, well,¡± sighed Yulia, ¡°this would be your first time hearing about these kind of comparisons.¡±


    Yulia prepared herself and began to explain. ¡°Rabbits are an analogy for premature ejaculation. Someone referred as ¡®rabbit¡¯ lasts only three seconds. At least that¡¯s what the other wives tell me. And when it¡¯s small, you call it a ¡®shrimp dick¡¯ because shrimp are generally tiny.¡±


    ¡°Do you really have to use such metaphors?¡± asked Siana, ¡°Can¡¯t you just be straightforward with it?¡±


    ¡°Well,¡± said Yulia, ¡°It¡¯s uncomfortable, so these metaphors make it easier to use.¡±


    ¡°Anyway,¡± said Yulia, snickering, ¡°here¡¯s the thing. A man can have the world at his feet. He can keep up his appearance, have financial and social power, but how he is in the bedroom is equally important. Remember the rabbit and the shrimp, Sia.¡±


    Siana¡¯s thoughts were so unwillingly invaded by these things as she lay in her bed thinking about her situation. She wondered if she can use these analogies to disappoint Alan so he would just drop his proposals. Men didn¡¯t seem to understand a clear ¡®no¡¯, in any case. Siana decided she would use these analogies on Alan when he came back to meet her tomorrow.


    Siana sat down and penned a letter to her friend Yulia addressed to Earl Lennon. She didn¡¯t know if she would be able to write to her tomorrow. At this point, her life was taking so many crooked turns that kept her reeling. She went out to mail the letter and came back exhausted and fell asleep.


    ***


    Alan arrived at Siana¡¯s house on time the next day. He was very punctual. He came with the same group of men from the day before. There was only one thing different. He wore a white uniform instead of his black one.


    Siana saw him through the window and swallowed. She felt very anxious. His blond hair shone in the sun. He looked fresh and comfortable in his white uniform; it was hard to believe he had just returned from the war.


    Alan knew this. He never preferred white uniforms because it wasn¡¯t feasible in war. It signalled you out and made you an easy target for the enemy. But he knew he looked good in it, and he wanted to meet Siana in his best form today. He had even gone to the city and got a haircut. Alan was very insecure regarding his appearance. His colleagues in the military spared no moment to make fun of him, always saying that he looked like a ¡®little bitch¡¯. So he was usually hesitant and insecure regarding his appearance.


    Siana seemed unfocused. He thought maybe she was flustered on seeing him as though she didn¡¯t have enough troubles going on in her life to put enough stress on her. I will make you accept my proposal, thought Alan.


    ¡°So, have you thought about it?¡± asked Alan, entering her house.


    His voice crashed into her and brought her back to the present from the thoughts that were raging in her mind. Siana was unable to respond because she was still lost in figuring out a solution for her problems.


    ¡°Sia,¡± called Alan.


    ¡°Sorry,¡± she stammered, ¡°What were you saying?¡±


    ¡°Have you thought further regarding my proposal?¡± he asked.


    ¡®Focus,¡¯ she said to herself, ¡®this will be over soon.¡¯ She straightened her dress and maintained her composure. ¡°I can¡¯t marry you, Alan,¡± she said, wearily, ¡°I thought about it the whole day and I can¡¯t.¡±


    ¡°Can I ask why?¡± he asked.


    Siana took a deep breath. ¡°Is it going to matter?¡± she retorted, ¡°I have told you a million times, but you have no respect for my wishes.¡± She didn¡¯t want to be harsh. She had prepared her answer and was so confident until up to the time she met him now. He still looked at her expectantly.


    She wanted to stop wasting her time, grab the money she had left and go seek asylum in another country. And Alan stood there like a hurdle in her path. She had no other way than to reject him so brutally that he would not seek her again. Why are men so difficult?


    ¡°I¡­,¡± she began. She balled her fists and steeled herself. This was going to be her last attempt. Hopefully, he will get it and leave.


    ¡°I hate rabbits,¡± she blurted out.


    ¡°What?¡± asked Alan, bewildered, ¡°Rabbits?¡±


    Siana felt embarrassed. She felt her face burning. She was trying to avoid this situation as much as she could, but there just seemed to be no way out. She avoided his eyes.


    ¡°Yes, I hate rabbits,¡± she said, firmly.


    Repeating it felt less embarrassing. Hopefully, he understood what she meant. Maybe he would turn around and head out, finally, and leave her alone. Siana hoped he found her too brazen to marry. She prayed to a god she didn¡¯t believe in.


    ¡°I didn¡¯t know you hated rabbits,¡± he said, confused, ¡°But if you really hate them that much, I won¡¯t be keeping them as pets. Don¡¯t worry.¡±


    Siana cursed inwardly. ¡®Idiot,¡¯ she thought. She realized that analogy and euphemism was only going to get her so far. She needed to be straightforward and firm.


    ¡°Is there anything else you don¡¯t like?¡± he asked, ¡°It would be good to know each other before we got married, don¡¯t you think?¡±


    Siana wished the floor could swallow her whole. ¡°No, Alan,¡± she said, wearily, ¡°That is not what I meant.¡±


    He looked at her, confused. ¡°Then what do you mean?¡± he asked politely.


    Siana hunted for words to make him understand. She had come this far; she needed to make him understand. There was no going back. She had no courage to explain the ¡®rabbit¡¯ to him. She was embarrassed enough as it is. But sadder was the fact that her life had come to these choices: Marry Alan; marry the vile viscount; or, run away in exile.


    She decided to just blurt it out. Being unmarried wasn¡¯t a sin. Why did society interfere with how she wanted to live her life? Besides, even if it seemed brazen, she would never have to see Alan again. She would be much too far away to care.


    ¡°Rabbit is a slang,¡± she explained, ¡°For men who don¡¯t last long in bed. A rabbit cums in three seconds.¡±

 Chapter 13

    Siana was surprised at her voice, which was calmer than she had expected. It was for the better. She wanted to seem shameless, insolent, and indifferent so that it would be easier to leave him and travel to another country.


    Alan looked at Siana and didn¡¯t speak for a while. Then he rubbed his chin, as though he was thinking. ¡°So, are you saying that you hate men who finish too fast?¡±


    Siana crossed her arms. ¡°Exactly,¡± she said sternly, ¡°And I don¡¯t like to marry a man who I have rejected for a hundred times and is not right for me. Married couples have to live together for a lifetime, you know. They live under the same roof, share intimate moments together. There is nothing dreadful than living with a man who might not be compatible.¡±


    ¡°I understand,¡± he said.


    Siana was relieved. ¡°Then we are done,¡± she declared. She hoped he would just leave so she could attend to whatever she needed to do to escape the country.


    ¡°How do you know though?¡± he asked.


    ¡°What?¡± she asked, confused.


    ¡°How do you know if I am a rabbit or not?¡± he asked again, ¡°How do you know if we aren¡¯t compatible?¡±


    ¡®This idiot,¡¯ she thought, ¡®not again! That isn¡¯t the point, Alan.¡¯ He walked towards her, slowly. She took a step back and her back thumped against the wall. He leaned over her with his palm on the wall.


    ¡°How do you know?¡± he asked, ¡°We have never been intimate with each other before. Maybe you will be surprised. Do you mean you want to spend a night with me before getting married?¡±


    Siana couldn¡¯t respond. She felt uncomfortable backed into a wall. She was too shocked by his words. This wasn¡¯t going as she had expected. She wanted to respond that he was getting it all wrong, but she couldn¡¯t speak.


    ¡°Sia,¡± he called, looking down and leaning lower. With his face so close, Sia felt a jolt. ¡°I don¡¯t believe you want to reject me solely because you think I am a rabbit in bed without even knowing if I am,¡± he said as he touched her hair. ¡°Will you give the man who proposes to you a chance to prove himself?¡±


    ¡°Alan, it¡¯s not like that,¡± she said. ¡®This is all wrong,¡¯ she thought. Alan smiled softly at her. He was an old friend that she had known for the most part of her life, but the proximity made her chest drum furiously. She felt like she was caught in a trap, ready to be devoured by a predator.


    He leaned down to her further. ¡°Is that right, Sia?¡± he asked. She gulped. Her heart was beating too hard and her mouth became dry.


    ¡°Just give me a chance, Sia,¡± he said softly.


    Sia felt frozen in place. She wanted to tell him she said what she said so that he would leave her alone. She wanted to tell him she didn¡¯t want to. She felt unable to speak. Will he let me go away if I just do it once? Sia thought helplessly. Maybe if I tell him I can¡¯t marry him after spending a night with him, he might finally listen.


    She felt like there was no other way. He was so persistent. Perhaps she can just give him what he wants and then run away to seek asylum somewhere before Viscount North found her.


    ¡°Okay,¡± she said, ¡°Just once.¡±


    ¡°What?¡± he asked.


    ¡°Just once,¡± she said, ¡°After that, if I tell you I don¡¯t want to marry you, you have to let me go.¡± In the midst of her nervousness, she found that her heart stirred from Alan¡¯s gaze; it seemed as if the young, immature Siana was still present underneath. Perhaps, she still wasn¡¯t as immune to Alan¡¯s charms as she thought. Just like then.


    ¡°Of course,¡± he nodded, smiling.


    He extended a hand towards her. Did he want to do it here? She thought nervously and looked around. Her living room didn¡¯t even have a couch. She hoped not, but she understood it might be a possibility.


    She didn¡¯t know much about how people indulged themselves in sex. She only knew that it was an act which was done after washing up and grooming oneself. Her anxiety lingered as she saw Alan¡¯s hand reaching towards her. Alan grabbed her hand and pulled her towards him.


    ¡°Then let¡¯s go,¡± he said.


    ¡°Where?¡± asked Siana, confused.


    ¡°To my place, of course,¡± he said.


    ¡°You have a house here?¡± she asked curiously.


    ¡°Yes,¡± he said, ¡°I bought it on short notice, from a colleague.¡± Siana always forgot that he wasn¡¯t Alan anymore, her innocent childhood friend. He was ¡®Lord¡¯ Legarde.


    ¡°Besides, I can¡¯t keep my men waiting outside,¡± he said, indicating the people outside the window.


    ¡°Oh yeah,¡± she said, ¡°Okay.¡±


    ¡°Your response reeks of disappointment, Siana,¡± he said. ¡°Or do you want to do it here? I don¡¯t mind. But is it okay for you?¡± He chuckled.


    ¡°No, it¡¯s not okay for me,¡± she glared at him. Honestly, his audacity, she thought. He laughed heartily at that.


    ¡°Is there anything you need to bring with you?¡± he asked, ¡°Should I help you pack?¡±


    ¡°What?¡± asked Siana.


    ¡°We are going to be spending the whole day and night at my place,¡± said Alan.


    ¡°Oh,¡± said Siana, ¡°Wait here. I will be back.¡± She headed towards her room.


    ¡°Take your time. I can wait,¡± he said.


    Siana bolted up to her room and closed the door. She felt woozy and unable to register just what she had agreed to. She pulled the bag that she had stuffed under her bed and packed it with her clothes. She headed down to the living room with it.


    She had expected him to be in the living room, but he had come up and was leaning against the stair rail. Seeing her approach, he straightened up. ¡°Is that all?¡± he asked, indicating her bag.


    ¡°Yes,¡± she said. Alan reached out for the bag without saying anything else. He reached for her hand as well. She took it, reluctantly.


    * * *


    Alan¡¯s house wasn¡¯t very far. The mansion was enormous and looked very extravagant. So much so that Anetta residence paled in comparison. She stared at it in awe.


    ¡°It is nice, isn¡¯t it?¡± he asked, looking at her, ¡°Let¡¯s go inside. It¡¯s cold. You might catch a chill.¡±


    Alan wrapped her hands around her right shoulder, so her other shoulder leaned on his chest. She was very unfamiliar with his warmth, so she walked uncomfortably with her shoulders crouched, trying to pretend like she didn¡¯t mind.


    ¡°Master,¡± a voice greeted them, ¡°We have been waiting.¡±


    Siana was so focused on walking normally that she flinched at the voice. The three butlers, the servants and the maids lined up to greet them. She was stunned at the number of servants Alan had, twice as much as her father. She keeps forgetting that he is an Earl.


    Alan was a natural at being the lord of the household. ¡°Are you done with what I ordered?¡± he inquired.


    ¡°Yes, sir,¡± came the answer, ¡°Everything according to your instructions. Please let me know if there is anything not meeting your expectations.¡±


    ¡°Would you kindly serve dinner for all?¡± he said, indicating the men who had followed him.


    ¡°Understood, sir,¡± said one of the butlers, ¡°Will you all be dining together?¡±


    ¡°No,¡± Alan said, ¡°Lady Siana and I will be dining in the smaller room upstairs.¡±


    ¡°Yes, sir,¡± said the butler.


    ¡°And, do not let anyone come upstairs for today,¡± said Alan.


    ¡°Understood, sir,¡± said the butler, and he bowed. Sian felt awkward and out of place. Hearing the word ¡®upstairs¡¯ heated her cheeks in embarrassment. She fanned her face before Alan noticed anything.


    ¡°Are you hot?¡± he asked. There goes her luck. Her rotten luck.


    Siana jumped at his sudden question. ¡°I am alright,¡± she said.


    ¡°Then why are you fanning your face?¡± he asked.


    ¡°It¡¯s a little hot, yes,¡± she said awkwardly.


    ¡°Shall I ask the maid to get you an iced beverage?¡± he asked.


    ¡°Ice?¡± she asked, stunned, ¡°Real ice?¡± Ice was rare in this part of the city because it required a special kind of magical tool to create it. It might indeed be said that a magical tool was more expensive than a wizard.


    ¡°There might be some left,¡± he said.


    He looked at the butler who gave a nod and bowed. ¡°There are indeed some left,¡± the butler said. He indicated to the maid to prepare some iced beverage. Siana was astonished. There was such a world of difference between her childhood friend and the Alan that stood before her now. Hell, there was a vast chasm between her and Alan as well.


    ¡°I am fine,¡± she said, ¡°Let¡¯s go to your room.¡± The sooner they were done with this, the better for both of them.


    ¡°Alright,¡± he said, ¡°This way.¡± He turned to lead the way upstairs.


    Hi everyone, this novel will be updated 2-3x a week. If you want to consider supporting Keopi Translations, become a patron member and read advanced chapters ahead!

 Chapter 14

    Chapter 14


    They reached Alan¡¯s room, and Siana regretted her decision. She had agreed to his proposal, but when she was finally here; she felt nervous and queasy. Even though she tried to avoid looking at Alan, she could see that he glanced towards the bed which made Siana freeze with tension. When Alan took off his jacket and hung it over the back of the chair in his room, Siana fumbled with hers.


    ¡°Are you going to take off your jacket?¡± asked Alan.


    ¡°Oh, um,¡± stammered Siana, ¡°I am trying to.¡±


    She fumbled with the buttons of her jacket and took it off with trembling hands. One of her sleeves was stuck and wasn¡¯t coming off. Alan grabbed the jacket and pulled it off.


    ¡°Thanks,¡± she said.


    ¡°Of course,¡± he said, ¡°Dinner won¡¯t be ready for a while. You can have a seat.¡±


    ¡°Oh okay,¡± she said nervously, ¡°my jacket.¡±


    ¡°I will hang it up,¡± he said, ¡°Just make yourself comfortable. I will give it back to you when we go for dinner.¡±


    ¡®That is the least of my worries,¡¯ she thought. Alan, meanwhile, took both of their jackets and hung it up in the closet. His room was well-kept, his desk was clean. His clothes were arranged in order. He seemed to be a natural at keeping his space clean. She relayed this to him.


    ¡°Well, the military teaches you a thing or two, I guess,¡± he said.


    ¡°They teach you how to clean?¡± she asked, eyebrows raised.


    ¡°In a way, yes,¡± he said, ¡°You have to learn to take care of yourself. Nobody will do it for you. And most times you don¡¯t have anyone you can trust, so you learn to take care of your things. People you begin to trust might drop dead tomorrow, so every act becomes meaningless.¡±


    She hadn¡¯t planned to bring up painful memories for her friend. ¡°Sorry,¡± she apologized, ¡°I wasn¡¯t intending to bring up bad memories.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s alright,¡± he said, closing the closet door, ¡°It used to be painful, but now it just feels like something from a different life.¡± He walked towards her and grabbed her hand, intertwining his hands with hers. She tried not to flinch at the stark contrast between their skin: one calloused than the other. ¡°You are by my side now, so I feel luckier than most. I shouldn¡¯t complain.¡±


    ¡°It is okay to complain about things,¡± she said, ¡°Just because you are alive doesn¡¯t mean you have to accept and live with things as they are.¡±


    Alan was quiet. He leaned towards her, his breath spilled over her shoulders. It made Siana feel more worried than ever. ¡°Um, Alan,¡± she stammered. He was too close.


    ¡°You always¡­,¡± his voice trailed off, and he became alert. Thankfully, he straightened and took a step away from Siana. She stood there awkwardly. There was a knock at the door.


    ¡°Your Lordship,¡± came the voice from outside the door, ¡°Dinner is ready.¡±


    ¡°We will be there,¡± said Alan briskly.


    She hadn¡¯t sensed the butler approaching, but Alan had. She felt sorry that he was always so alert, perhaps a remnant from his time in the war. She felt sorry for him. However, as he reached his hand out to take hers, she took it, pretending she was fine with it.


    * * *


    Alan¡¯s dining room was larger than that of the vile viscount¡¯s house. She felt strange in this space as the dinner was laid out on the vast table. It was a feast! She was reminded again of Alan¡¯s stature in society and the huge chasm between them. She tried to brush the thoughts aside and focused on the delicious food.


    She complimented the chef on providing such a feast. Her anxiety was momentarily on hold. The scrumptious food helped a little. They finished their dinner and left the dining room. As they were walking through the hallway, Alan¡¯s deep voice came from somewhere above her head.


    ¡°I am glad you enjoyed it,¡± he said.


    Siana had been lost in her own thoughts, and his voice jarringly brought her back to the present. ¡°Sorry?¡± she asked.


    ¡°The dinner, I mean,¡± he said, ¡°You even complimented the chef.¡±


    ¡°Oh,¡± she said, ¡°Dinner was great. So many new dishes that I had never tried before.¡±


    ¡°You can eat like that every single day,¡± he said, ¡°if we are married.¡±


    Alan sounded like he had been waiting to utter those words. He was still trying, shamelessly and adamantly, to change her answer. All Siana heard was the worried ¡®married¡¯ which made her flinch and shiver. She sighed, wearily.


    ¡°I will make you enjoy everything here,¡± he said.


    Siana¡¯s heart pounded in her chest. Nothing felt good. She wasn¡¯t able to calm down. She was quiet. She felt strange that he noticed everything she did and she dreaded the act for which she had come here, in this mansion, with him.


    When they entered the room, her pulsating anxiety became worse. The bed, in her vision, glared at her and she felt nauseous.


    ¡°Sia,¡± Alan called.


    ¡°What?¡± she said, rather hurriedly. The mere sound of her name shocked her.


    ¡°Do you want to wash up first?¡± he asked, ¡°Or should I?¡±


    ¡°I will go first,¡± she said quickly. Anything to be away from here for a while.


    ¡°Do you want me to call a maid to help with your bath?¡± he asked.


    ¡°No,¡± she said, ¡°I can do it myself.¡±


    ¡°Okay,¡± he said.


    She headed to the bathroom stiffly. From behind her somewhere, she thought she heard Alan laughing, but she ignored it. She closed the door of the bathroom and turned on the faucet. She had expected cold water, but it was hot. When she examined the faucet, a magical tool was shining over it. To afford such a magical facility was very pricey. Siana was fascinated.


    ¡°There was ice,¡± said Siana, to herself, ¡°And now there is automatic hot water. Wow, so this is the life of a Lord.¡± She lowered herself into the water and studied the bottle of oil next to the tub. She opened it and poured several drops into the water. A pleasant aroma filled the room.


    Normally, a hot bath would make her feel better no matter how bad a day she might have had. But today, she only felt disturbed. Am I really going to have to do this? Siana wondered. Even though they had spent so many years apart, she had always thought of Alan as her friend. People did say that friendship could turn into love, but there was no word in the world to describe the strangeness she felt. This just felt wrong. She would have to go through with it since she had come to the mansion, but the thought of it made her so queasy. She sat there in the tub, staring off into space with only herself and her thoughts. A knock at the door rudely interrupted her. She flinched.


    ¡°Sia,¡± said Alan from outside the bathroom door, ¡°The maid brought you a gown. I will hang it on the door for you. You can wear it when you get out.¡±


    ¡°Okay,¡± she said dazedly, ¡°Thank you.¡±


    Siana got out of the tub and wiped herself. She wrapped the robe around her and picked up the clothes she had taken off.


    ¡°I am done,¡± she said, as she came out of the bathroom.


    ¡°Alright,¡± he said, ¡°Go ahead and dry yourself while I bathe.¡±


    ¡°Okay,¡± she said.


    ¡°I had my butler fetch this while you were in,¡± he said, indicating a bottle of wine on the small table. ¡°You can drink it if you want.¡±


    Siana could bet that it was a very expensive wine. She nodded vaguely. Alan went to the bathroom. She found a magical tool that blew her hair to dry. She combed her hair and sat at the edge of the bed. What in the world is he planning? Siana thought. She hadn¡¯t ever thought that her life would come to this. She would have crossed the border by now. But she was here, in his room, sitting on his bed! She thought she had no way of turning back. She had made her choice, unwillingly and hastily, but she wished she could run away, somewhere far, far away where nobody could find her.


    Yulia said it will be painful the first time, thought Siana worriedly. She had never liked pain since childhood. She looked at the bathroom door in anxiety. Her fear was mounting. Any minute, he would come out of that door and she could do nothing. She looked around the room and saw the wine bottle on the small table that Alan had indicated.


    I don¡¯t think I can do this sober, thought Siana. She could never hold her liquor. Perhaps if she was drunk enough, it would be easier. She picked up the bottle and uncorked it. She poured herself a glass and downed it in one go. It usually took only one glass to make her tipsy, but at the moment even that failed her. She poured another glass and downed it. No effect! Why in the world isn¡¯t this working?! Siana wondered frantically. Am I too nervous?


    T/N: Hi everyone, I was a bit busy this week so updates were late. The next chapter will be up tomorrow! Thanks for all the support!

 Chapter 15 (Mature)

    Everytime he moved to dry his hair with his towel, his solid chest muscle would ripple. Sian¡¯s face heated up. She tried to look everywhere else but his chest. Unable to find anywhere else, she fixated her gaze to the floor. She felt him walk towards her.


    ¡°Did you drink the wine?¡± he asked her.


    ¡°Oh , yes,¡± she said, looking up at him once and then hurriedly looking down again.


    ¡°Are you drunk?¡± he asked, leaning down towards her, ¡°You look flushed.¡±


    She could smell the pleasant scent of the soap or the oil still lingering on him. She looked at him and her eyes fell on his lips. She saw that he was too close and swallowed. Her heart thumped against her chest. Perhaps it was because only a robe covered him, his features stood out more.


    ¡°How many glasses did you drink?¡± he asked.


    ¡°Just two,¡± she stammered.


    Everytime he spoke, his breath tickled her cheeks. She didn¡¯t know what to do with her hands, so she clenched them tighter, her knuckles turning white.


    ¡°Are you nervous?¡± he asked.


    ¡°How do you know?¡± she asked, surprised.


    ¡°You clench your hands like that whenever you are nervous,¡± he said looking at her hands.


    ¡°Really?¡± she asked, looking down at her hands which were squeezed together to the point that they were pale. ¡°Have I always done this?¡±


    ¡°You didn¡¯t know?¡± he asked, smiling softly. ¡°From the time we were kids, you always did that, when you were nervous.¡±


    She loosened her hands so that they relaxed into their normal colour. ¡°I didn¡¯t know I did that,¡± she said.


    ¡°Well, most people don¡¯t really know about their own little habits,¡± he said.


    He filled a glass for himself and took a sip. ¡°Do you want one more?¡± he asked, shaking his own glass.


    ¡°I am okay,¡± she said. She felt like she was already out of her mind. If she had one more to drink, she didn¡¯t know if she would remember anything.


    ¡°So did you think about it?¡± asked Alan, drinking from his glass.


    ¡°Huh?¡± said Siana, absentmindedly.


    ¡°When you talked about a guy finishing too fast,¡± he said, ¡°What¡¯s your standard for s*x?¡±


    Siana¡¯s lip quivered. She had no idea about ¡®standards¡¯ present in s*x. She didn¡¯t know much about it. Hell, she had never done it in her life before. She had just blurted it out to make him leave. She knew remotely about s*x from other people, especially Yulia. She didn¡¯t respond.


    Alan crossed his hands and looked at her embarrassed face. ¡°You said a rabbit finishes in three seconds,¡± he said, ¡°If I hold out for that long, is it ok for you?¡±


    ¡°Uh¡­,¡± Siana stammered, ¡°Yeah, I guess.¡±


    She had no idea how long a man had to last. She silently prayed for this conversation to be over. ¡°So, after we are done and you don¡¯t like it,¡± he continued, ¡°I have to back away from my proposal. Don¡¯t you think that is unfair for me?¡±


    Siana was bewildered. It was unfair for her that she had been dragged into this when she had made herself clear a hundred times. ¡°How is it unfair for you?¡± she asked, confused.


    ¡°You could lie,¡± he said.


    ¡°Lie about what?¡± she asked.


    ¡°You could lie even if you were satisfied with me,¡± he said, ¡°You could lie about it and I would have to step away from you. It will be better if you let me know your exact standard.¡±


    ¡°Standard?¡± she stammered. ¡®What on earth is he going on about!?¡¯


    ¡°Yes,¡± he said, ¡°Don¡¯t you have a number or something that you usually keep a count of, in your head? Or anything similar?¡±


    Siana blushed. He was asking outrageous questions to which she, or anybody else for that matter, would have an accurate answer. She felt anxious and panicky.


    ¡°Or do you not have a standard at all?¡± he asked, looking at her.


    ¡°I do!¡± blurted out Siana.


    ¡°Then tell me,¡± he said.


    She was racking her mind for any bits of information from Yulia. She was clueless about it. Five minutes? Isn¡¯t that too short? I¡¯ll just say twenty minutes, she thought, Will that be enough? Having no idea about it, she looked at the floor.


    ¡°Is it that you are too embarrassed to answer?¡± he asked, ¡°If that¡¯s it, can I set the standard?¡±


    ¡°What?¡± she asked, disbelievingly.


    ¡°Just hear it once,¡± he said, ¡°If you don¡¯t like it, you can reject it and set your own.¡±


    It sounded logical. She could just refuse if she didn¡¯t like it. ¡®But then he will ask about my standard again,¡¯ she thought. But if she allowed him to set the standard, she couldn¡¯t just make bad s3x a premise and escape from this marriage. Alan seemed determined not to leave her with a choice.


    ¡°It¡¯s really shady that you aren¡¯t talking,¡± he said, ¡° I am getting suspicious. Don¡¯t tell me you don¡¯t want me to set a standard because then you would have no chance to lie later.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s not that,¡± said Siana hurriedly.


    ¡°Then tell me your standard,¡± he said.


    ¡°Alright, alright, jeez,¡± she said, ¡°I will tell you.¡±


    He nodded and smiled. Siana felt a new bout of nervousness gnaw at her heart at his smile. ¡°Lie down on the bed,¡± he instructed.


    ¡°What? Why?¡± she asked.


    ¡°It¡¯s just easier to explain this way,¡± he said, ¡°so please lie down.¡±


    She looked at him suspiciously, then made her way to the bed and laid herself down. ¡°Now what?¡± she asked, feeling stupid.


    ¡°Raise your arms,¡± he said, ¡°And grab anything.¡±


    ¡°What the¡­,¡± she said. ¡°Anything?¡±


    ¡°Yea,¡± he said, ¡°Anything. Headboard, sheet, pillow, anything.¡±


    Siana thought he had gone crazy. She fumbled around and found a pillow over her head. She grabbed it. ¡°Now what?¡± she asked.


    ¡°That will be my standard,¡± he said.


    ¡°What?¡± Siana said, skeptically, ¡°Your standard? That¡¯s¡­¡±


    As she said this, Alan walked towards the bed. The edge of the mattress furrowed as he got on it. Before she could speak again, she found him above her, looking down at her.


    ¡°Hey!¡± she said, beyond embarrassed, ¡°Why are you here? We still aren¡¯t done talking.¡±


    ¡°Oh,¡± he said with a smirk, ¡°My standard is that if you are still grabbing that pillow by the time I¡¯m finished, you win. If you let go of that midway, I win. Easy, right?¡±


    ¡°How can that be?¡± she said.


    ¡°Why not?¡± he said, ¡°it¡¯s simple. If I win, you have to marry me. If you win, I will back away from you.¡±


    ¡°Alan,¡± she said, exasperated, ¡°this is complete, utter nonse ¡ª.¡±


    Her words were cut short as Alan lowered his head and kissed Siana¡¯s slender neck. He was s!cking at her soft flesh. The feeling of his lips and tongue on her skin made her body tremble. Without realising it, she m*aned.


    Alan chuckled. ¡°Can you really last till I am done?¡± he asked.


    ¡°Oh shut up,¡± she said, a faint blush creeping across her cheeks. ¡°I am just embarrassed.¡± She was flustered with his strange standard he had set. ¡°What about you?¡± she snapped, ¡°You still haven¡¯t started.¡±


    ¡°Alright,¡± he chuckled, ¡°It hasn¡¯t started yet. We will let this slide this time.¡± His breath tickled her neck and her body tightened with nervousness.


    ¡°Relax,¡± he said, gently caressing her back, soothing her. She was nervous and anxious. She only knew about s*x theoretically. It was something she had never experienced before. The thought of the unknown terrified her.


    Everywhere he touched her, she felt a chill over her spine. Her heart beat faster and faster. She felt blood rush to her head and her cheeks. Siana tried to calm her breathing, while Alan untied her waistband and opened her gown. The chilly air touched her skin and she shivered.


    Had I known this would happen, I would have worn some underg*rm*nts, she thought to herself belatedly. Alan¡¯s eyes ran through her whole n*ked body and rested on her bre*sts. She felt extremely shy at the man who wasn¡¯t able to take his eyes off her. She wanted to cover her chest, but she recalled the bet and held onto that pillow.


    ¡°Alan,¡± she said timidly.


    ¡°Yeah?¡± he said, tearing his eyes off her body to look at her face.


    ¡°Can you turn off the lights?¡± she asked.


    ¡°Why?¡± he asked, ¡°Are you too embarrassed to show off your body?¡±


    Siana nodded, avoiding his eyes. ¡°I don¡¯t mind. I can see you even with the lights off,¡± he whispered, ¡°But you will be more sensitive to things with the lights off, is that okay?¡±


    ¡°What?¡± she asked, confused.


    ¡°Your senses will be heightened when it¡¯s dark,¡± he said, ¡°Close your eyes and try it.¡±


    ¡°You are lying,¡± she said and closed her eyes, skeptically.


    ¡°I am going to touch you now, alright?¡± he asked.


    Siana nodded. A rustling on the blankets signalled his hand moving towards her. His warm breath spread over her skin. Siana bit her lower lip. Everything was indeed more noticeable when it was dark.

 Chapter 16 (Mature)

    Even if Alan turned off the lights, it wouldn¡¯t make a difference. She would still be able to see him. With her eyes closed, she decided to wait a little longer. ¡°Wait,¡± she said, opening her eyes and gripping Alan¡¯s hand that was on her lower back.


    ¡°I knew you couldn¡¯t do it like that,¡± he said, ¡°better with lights on, huh?¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re infuriating,¡± she said.


    ¡°Why? What did I do?¡± he asked.


    ¡°You knew it would feel like that but you didn¡¯t stop me,¡± she said.


    ¡°I wanted you to experience it yourself,¡± he said with a smile, ¡°So do you want the lights off or on?¡±


    Alan¡¯s wandering hands moved to her back, stroking. Siana shook her head. ¡°Just do it already,¡± she said.


    ¡°With the lights off?¡± he asked.


    ¡°Yeah,¡± she said.


    She hated it that he pretended to not hear her. But she wasn¡¯t in a mood to argue. Siana felt out of her head, maybe because of the wine which was finally kicking in. Alan smirked and brought his head down to kiss her on her neck, again. He slowly placed his kisses from the nape of her neck to her collarbone and past her br*asts.


    His warm breath poured over her chest, down to her stomach, to her hips. He kissed her. She trembled. His hands played with her peaks; being smothered under his palms felt strange. He came up to her chest, his lips playing with her m*unds, licking her n*ppl*s.


    Siana trembled and m*aned. It was a shock for her to hear herself in this manner which she had never before thought herself capable of. She wanted to cover her mouth with her hands but the feel of the pillow on her palms reminded her of the bet.


    Alan wasn¡¯t inside her, yet. She could, technically, remove her hands from the pillow if she wanted to, but she didn¡¯t. She didn¡¯t know what to do with her hands if she let go of the pillow. Alan, meanwhile, sucked at her taut peaks, making her tremble and stifle her gasps under his mercy. Her waist thrust against him, and she felt something trickle from below. Although she had been embarrassed before at the prospect of spending the night with him, now she felt confused, bizarre. She felt her int*m*te parts tighten and throb, while her fluids leaked.


    Is it natural to feel something like this? Siana wasn¡¯t convinced. Alan¡¯s lips at her n*ppl*s made her thought incoherent but the liquid flowing from between her legs seemed strange to her. She grabbed him by his arm.


    ¡°Alan, wait,¡± she said.


    ¡°If you are thinking of running away,¡± he whispered, ¡°it¡¯s a little late for that.¡±


    ¡°No, something is strange,¡± she said hurriedly.


    ¡°Strange?¡± said Alan, lifting his head from her chest to look at her.


    Siana looked away, avoiding his stare. ¡°Do I really have to say it?¡± she asked, ¡°Can we just stop here?¡±


    ¡°If you don¡¯t tell me,¡± he said, ¡°I won¡¯t know what is wrong.¡±


    ¡°Uh¡­,¡± she stammered, ¡°something is strange down there.¡±


    She shut her mouth. She was too ashamed to say anything any further. ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t want to say it,¡± she said, ¡°I can¡¯t explain.¡±


    ¡°Should I take a look?¡± he asked worriedly.


    ¡°What?!¡± exclaimed Siana.


    ¡°Well, if you can¡¯t explain it,¡± he said, ¡°I will have to take a look to see what¡¯s wrong.¡±


    ¡°No,¡± she said quickly, ¡°I didn¡¯t mean it like that.¡±


    Siana was horrified. She tried to clench her legs shut, but Alan was too fast. She felt his hands gently prying her legs apart and lifting one of them. She felt like she could die of embarrassment any minute. Her cheeks turned red. She didn¡¯t know if this was the last impression that she was going to leave of herself on Alan. She felt tears prick her eyes and she looked at his face, mustering all her courage.


    She heard an exhale from above her. ¡°There is nothing strange going on,¡± he said.


    ¡°Liar,¡± she said, surprised.


    ¡°I mean it,¡± he said, almost breathlessly, ¡°Nothing out of the ordinary.¡±


    ¡°Really? A-are you sure?¡± she asked.


    ¡°Absolutely,¡± he said, ¡°There is nothing strange. Do you want me to prove it to you?¡±


    ¡°How can you prove something like¡ª¡±


    Her remaining words were cut short as Alan spread her legs and lowered his head in between them. His breath tickled her inner thighs. Alan¡¯s lips started pressing against her most int*m*te area. She flinched and curled her toes. The heat reached somewhere inside her body from his lips. But the shock of it was too great.


    ¡°Sia,¡± Alan said, hoarsely, ¡°Do you think I would be able to do this if something was strange here?¡±


    His tongue explored her other lips, making her tremble. Siana struggled to come to her senses. ¡°Stop it!¡± she shouted, ¡°It¡¯s dirty.¡±


    ¡°What¡¯s so dirty about it, Sia?¡± he asked, kissing her there.


    ¡°You are a filthy, dirty man,¡± she cried and hit him with a fist on his shoulder.He didn¡¯t even flinch. ¡°I said stop,¡± she cried, ¡°STOP!¡± The tears poured from her eyes. She couldn¡¯t stop crying.


    ¡°Why are you crying Sia?¡± said Alan as he leaned towards her and hugged her tight.


    ¡°I really hate you,¡± she said, crying.


    ¡°I am sorry,¡± he apologized, ¡°I am sorry. I didn¡¯t know you didn¡¯t like it this way.¡±


    He held her tight, but she hated the warmth of his body. She pushed and slapped him on his chest with helpless hands. ¡°Let me go,¡± she cried.


    ¡°I am sorry,¡± he said, trying to soothe her. ¡°It was my fault. Shh, calm down.¡±


    ¡°No, I really don¡¯t like you,¡± she said, as she weakly hit his chest to push him away.


    ¡°Sia, please,¡± he said, ¡°I am so sorry.¡±


    She covered her eyes with her hands and sobbed. ¡°Why would you do that?¡± she asked, ¡°No matter how badly you want to prove yourself, that is just dirty.¡±


    ¡°Stop calling it dirty Sia,¡± he said softly, ¡°I licked it because it isn¡¯t dirty.¡±


    She was strangely relieved a little by his words. She lowered her hands from her eyes, still ashamed of her body. She faced him fully.


    ¡°Are you going to keep talking like that?¡± asked Siana.


    ¡°How?¡± asked Alan, still holding her.


    ¡°In an er*tic way,¡± she explained, ¡°The way you have been doing it since the beginning.¡±


    ¡°isn¡¯t it natural to talk er*tic*lly while doing something like this?¡± he asked, ¡°Do you not like it?¡±


    ¡°No, I¡­,¡± she said, unable to explain.


    Siana felt confused and exhausted. She couldn¡¯t figure out her feelings regarding Alan. She bit her lower lip while fretting over her thoughts. Alan looked at her curiously. Ugh, not that look again, thought Siana. He had that teasing face he put on everytime, which she hated.


    ¡°What was so strange, Sia?¡± he asked.


    ¡°What?¡± she asked.


    ¡°You said something was strange down there,¡± he explained, ¡°I don¡¯t understand what you meant by it.¡±


    ¡°It was just ¡­,¡± Siana trailed off. She just couldn¡¯t find the words to explain it. And even if she did, it was too embarrassing.


    ¡°Tell me, Sia,¡± he said.


    ¡°Do you really need to hear it?¡± she asked, blushing.


    ¡°I won¡¯t push you, if you don¡¯t want to tell,¡± he said, ¡°But I can check it for you if you want.¡±


    Siana clenched her legs together and shook her head. ¡°No!¡± she said, ¡°I will tell you, just don¡¯t do anything.¡±


    ¡°Are you sure?¡± he asked.


    ¡°Yeah,¡± she said, ¡°I am just embarrassed and ashamed. Please don¡¯t think I am crazy or weird.¡±


    ¡°Of course not,¡± said Alan sharply.


    Siana heaved a sigh. ¡°It was strange that the fluid was flowing out of me,¡± she began, ¡°I was afraid it was wrong and you would hate me for that.¡±


    ¡°Sia,¡± said Alan softly, ¡°There is nothing wrong with that. It¡¯s natural.¡±


    Siana stared at him. He looked too serious to be lying. ¡°You told me to stop because you thought it was something wrong?¡± he asked, ¡°Is it okay for me to do it again since it¡¯s all natural?¡±


    ¡°What?¡± she asked in disbelief.


    ¡°It¡¯s alright, Sia,¡± he said, ¡°Let me just show you, alright?¡±


    Before she could say anything, he lowered his head between her legs licking her in between. His tongue borrowed inside her. The pleasure of it stopped Siana from protesting. The words melted away. She m*aned. She weakly begged him to stop, still unconvinced that this was something natural. But he didn¡¯t lift his head; his tongue kept stroking deeper and the fluid flowed out of her. She was still finding it hard to get used to the feeling. It made her lose her mind every time his tongue stroked her and more flowed out.

 Chapter 17 (Mature)

    Gasping for breath, she looked at him. He was disheveled and his eyes shone with d*sire. He was flushed. He had untied the knot of his waistband. His chest and belly rippled with muscles. Siana could imagine him as a gun-wielding soldier on the battlefield. She tried to turn her eyes away from his body but suddenly she noticed something. His skin was riddled with scars. All the scars spread over his chest, belly, and shoulders. There were numerous of them. Most of them seemed to be gun-wounds.


    It had been so long ago that she used to accompany him to his training grounds. The soldiers who had trained him all held similar scars. She asked him about it, and he told her that these were his souvenirs from the battlefield, not without a hint of pride in his voice. His scars hurt her. He had earned his status, and title through unimaginable difficulties. Perhaps even his life had been earned in such a manner. I can¡¯t do it, she thought, no matter how much he insists. I can¡¯t agree to marry him. She didn¡¯t want her marriage to seem like a deal, of him getting her out of her father¡¯s debt. It didn¡¯t matter whether she wanted to marry him or not, she would always feel guilty because of it. I have been so foolish, she thought.


    During their short time with each other, Siana had begun doubting herself about her feelings towards Alan but now she felt guilty for thinking about it. Alan would be better off meeting a prettier, younger and a well-off lady with assets to her name. Not me, thought Siana.


    ¡°Alan,¡± she said, ¡°I have something to say.¡±


    ¡°Okay,¡± he said, gently, ¡°What is it?¡± He took his gown off and dropped it to the floor.


    Siana eyes trailed down between his legs. She was astonished seeing his sh*ft which was very much hard. It looked vulgar and it was a shock for her to see it for the very first time. She wondered if that was what was going inside her, and she knew instinctively that it would hurt a lot. She didn¡¯t like pain.


    ¡°Sia, you had something to say,¡± he said, ¡°Ah, are you quiet because of this?¡± He rubbed his member a little. A drop of liquid was coming out of the tip. She had felt sorry for him and decided to end things like this. Now, seeing his m*nhood, and the fear she felt, she had one more reason to just end it this way.


    ¡°Sia,¡± he said softly, ¡°What was it that you were going to say?¡±


    ¡°I¡­,¡± she stammered, ¡°I was going to say let¡¯s just end things here on good terms, okay? I don¡¯t think this will work.¡±


    ¡°Why?¡± he leaned towards her, ¡°You came this far. Are you afraid now?¡± He chuckled, looking down at her.


    She was still in shock. Perhaps she would have been swayed by his appearance and his smile but what bulged between his legs was too nerve wracking think about. Just because she didn¡¯t have any s*xu*l experience didn¡¯t mean she was unaware of how much pain that would cause her. Siana was scared.


    Alan noticed this, and gently caressed her, holding her to him. ¡°It¡¯s alright, Sia,¡± he said in a gentle voice.


    It¡¯s not alright! Siana thought. But when she looked at him, she couldn¡¯t say anything. He looked at her so tenderly. His ar*us*l grazed at her inner thigh and rubbed against her entrance. Alan grabbed her by the bottom and pried her legs gently apart. As he set himself into position, and his er*cti*n sought entry, Siana trembled, terrified at the inevitable pain. Alan gently stroked her thighs, trying to calm her. He reached out his hand and touched her on her inner lips helping her relax her walls. It helped release the tension from her body, but did nothing for her nervousness. When she gave no hint of relaxing, he removed his hands and gently grabbed her thigh.


    ¡°Grab the pillow, Sia,¡± he said, hoarsely.


    ¡°What? Why?¡± she asked, confused.


    ¡°It¡¯s starting now,¡± he said, reminding her of their bet.


    Siana hurriedly reached for the pillow as his thick sh*ft poked at her entrance, preparing to enter. He pushed a little further. She felt a sharp pain but it was not as excruciating as she had imagined. She tilted her head and scrunched up her face.


    Alan kissed her temple and whispered, ¡°I am going to put it in now.¡±


    Siana was confused. She had thought it was already in. The throbbing member began to push deeper. Now it felt like her flesh was tearing. Siana¡¯s vision went blank with the pain. Alan pushed in slowly while Siana tried not to scream. Her hands, clutching the pillow, turned white at the knuckles. Alan withdrew a little and thrust slowly again. Siana¡¯s face distorted with pain and she screamed. Tears poured out from her eyes.


    ¡°Alan, please, no,¡± she cried, ¡°You¡¯re hurting me.¡±


    Alan stopped. Seeing her gasping, he reached up a hand below her back and stroked her. ¡°It¡¯s okay, Sia,¡± he said, gently, ¡°Breathe slowly.¡±


    Siana struggled. She inhaled deeply, then exhaled.


    ¡°You are doing good,¡± he said, ¡°Take another breath now, slowly.¡±


    Siana did as he instructed. She became relatively more stable but it still hurt her down there.


    ¡°Does it hurt a lot?¡± he asked. She nodded. His eyes were apologetic and embarrassed. They were still connected but he didn¡¯t try to push in again.


    ¡°Is there still a lot to go in?¡± asked Siana, trying to ignore the pain.


    ¡°No¡­,¡± he said repentantly, ¡°Just a little.¡±


    His voice was sad, it sounded broken. His face, when he looked at her, was full of guilt. He didn¡¯t move, afraid that he would hurt her more. Siana felt sorry for him that he was so considerate. It was enough to make her determined to go through with this. But she didn¡¯t really like pain. Siana bit her lower lip, trying to decide. Alan looked at her with gentleness and sighed. He began pulling back.


    ¡°Alan?¡± said Siana in confusion.


    ¡°F*ck,¡± swore Alan to himself. ¡°I didn¡¯t know you would be in so much pain, Sia. Please forgive me. I was rushing you. I am so sorry.¡±


    Siana felt his gen*tals pulling out of her. She grabbed his arm, forgetting that she wasn¡¯t supposed to let go of the pillow. ¡°No, it¡¯s alrig¨C¡±

 Chapter 18 (Mature)

    ¡°I can handle it,¡± she said, ¡°Just put it in.¡±


    ¡°Really?¡± asked Alan, with a hint of hesitation in his voice. ¡°Will you be alright?¡± Siana took a deep breath and nodded.


    ¡°I will go slowly,¡± said Alan, ¡°Just let me know when it hurts, and I will stop.¡±


    ¡°No, just thrust it in,¡± she said.


    ¡°It will hurt a lot,¡± he warned.


    ¡°I think it will hurt more going in slowly,¡± she said. For her, it was better to feel the pain at once and then deal with it, instead of feeling a lingering pain that lasted long.


    ¡°Alright, then,¡± he said.


    Siana realized that she had taken her arms off the pillow she had been clutching. Alan got into position over her. She was glad that he hadn¡¯t noticed. She gripped the pillow quickly again and braced for the pain.


    His hand grabbed her thighs and spread them apart. He placed a hand at her bottom and raised her back a little. Siana felt the pain as he slowly thrust inside her. She had resolved not to scream if it hurt a lot, but this was unbearable. Tears formed at the edge of her eyes and trickled down. Alan wasn¡¯t even all the way in yet, but it felt like her body would split in two. She gripped the pillow tightly, her knuckles white. She looked up at Alan with resentful eyes.


    ¡°Sorry,¡± he whispered. He had said there was only a little left and yet.


    Siana wished he had told her the truth so she could have prepared herself better. He saw her tears. ¡°Do you want me to stop?¡± he asked.


    Siana shook her head. ¡°Is it okay for me to move?¡± he asked. His voice was low and hoarse.


    With her face bright red, Siana turned her head to the side. ¡°D-d-don¡¯t ask me that.¡±


    ¡°Why not?¡± he said, ¡°I will do whatever you want.¡±


    Siana felt heat building in her body. She closed her eyes and nodded. He wasn¡¯t moving, he was as still as stone. She opened her eyes. ¡°Why aren¡¯t you moving then?¡± she asked.


    ¡°Well, you didn¡¯t answer,¡± he said.


    ¡°I nodded,¡± she said.


    ¡°I want to hear it from you,¡± he whispered, licking her jaw, ¡°Tell me.¡± He sucked at her neck.


    ¡°That tickles,¡± she said giggling.


    ¡°I will keep doing this until you say it,¡± he said. His lips and tongue trailed along her skin.


    ¡°You have gotten naughtier than I last saw you,¡± said Siana.


    ¡°Well, you have gotten prettier,¡± he said.


    ¡°Mmm,¡± she mumbled, liking the feel of his lips on her skin, ¡°You are a sweet-talker.¡±


    ¡°So, I can move now?¡± he asked.


    ¡°Yes,¡± she said.


    Soon after she said it, he slid out of her a little. Siana¡¯s insides, which had filled up a while ago, contracted a little. He then thrust back in again.


    ¡°Ahh,¡± Siana gave a m*an.


    Though it was still painful, it wasn¡¯t as bad as it had been the first time. Alan repeated his movements. He slithered out a little and thrust in again. Siana grabbed the pillow even more tightly. With him slowly sliding out and then thrusting in again, her inner walls relaxed a bit. As she adjusted to the feeling, Alan¡¯s speed gradually increased. His body moved in a rhythm, his thrusts became harder and faster. Her inner walls tightened and contracted and gradually a feeling of pleasure spread to the edge of pain. She could sense it building. Her toes curled.


    ¡°Ah¡­Ohhh,¡± she m*aned.


    Alan uttered a low m*an and thrust with speed, his waist and hips moving fiercely. The pleasure gradually built into a crescendo. Siana had let go of the pillow long ago and she was grabbing his hands that were cradling her.


    ¡°Mm,¡± m*aned Siana, ¡°Alan¡­¡±


    Alan couldn¡¯t control himself anymore. He m*aned and he thrust with increasing speed, harder and faster. Everything in front of her eyes flashed white.


    ¡°Alan¡­,¡± she cried, ¡°Oh, yes!¡±


    His thrust hit her deepest point and sent her reeling until she came with a m*an. Her inner walls shrank, she tightened her grip on his arms. His body tensed up and he made a sound. Siana didn¡¯t know if it was a sound of pain or pleasure.


    She looked up at him, after his strange grunt. She wanted to see his face. Siana blinked to clear her vision. Alan smiled. ¡°I won,¡± he said.


    It took Siana a while to figure out what he intended. He gestured to the pillow. Siana saw her hands still gripping his arms. He meant she had let go of the pillow and lost her bet. She fumbled for words and let go of his arms. What a stupid bet, she seethed.


    ¡°You forced that stupid bet on me,¡± she said, ¡°It hurt so much, I didn¡¯t know what to do.¡±


    ¡°That is precisely why I gave you a chance,¡± he said.


    ¡°What? When?¡± she asked.


    ¡°Well, you dropped the pillow a long while ago, when I suggested to stop,¡± he said, ¡°You grabbed my arms instead.¡±


    ¡°You knew about that?¡± she asked, flushed.


    ¡°You thought I wouldn¡¯t notice,¡± he smirked.


    ¡°Naturally,¡± she said, ¡°I was out of my mind, and it looked like you were too.¡± She felt like a fool now. ¡°Anyway, your standard is weird.¡±


    ¡°I can¡¯t deny that,¡± he said.


    ¡°Huh?¡±


    ¡°I admit my standard was weird,¡± he said, ¡°But Sia, I will ask you straight away. Was I bad?¡±


    For a moment, she was speechless. She didn¡¯t know which answer to give. If she said yes, she would be harking about marriage again. If she said he was bad, that would be untrue.


    ¡°If you do say I wasn¡¯t good enough, you¡¯d be lying,¡± he said, ¡°Seeing you grab my arms like that is evidence enough.¡±


    His sweaty hair fell on his eyes. He smirked. Siana couldn¡¯t make a convincing enough rebuttal to that. However, she felt sorry for him. And the scars covering his torso tore at her heart. He desperately wanted to marry her, but she still didn¡¯t want to marry him. She wanted to leave and seek asylum somewhere; she wanted to be away from here.


    No matter the circumstances, I cannot accept you, she wanted to say to him. She didn¡¯t know how to tell him so he would understand and leave her alone.


    Seeing her speechless like this, Alan felt something. Siana never hesitated, she would throw whatever was in her heart into the open. Perhaps she was thinking of a way to get out of this situation, away from him. Alan thought he couldn¡¯t let that happen. Before Siana rejected him, he had to distract her.


    ¡°It seems you don¡¯t know what to say,¡± he said, ¡°Should we do it again your way? Maybe that will help you make up your mind.¡±


    ¡°Do it again? Why?¡± she asked, dumbfounded.


    ¡°Is there a problem with it?¡± he asked.


    ¡°Are you sure you can do this again and again?¡± she asked, ¡°Isn¡¯t once enough?¡±


    ¡°Once?¡± he said and laughed. ¡°Darling, we are far from finished.¡±


    Siana felt like a fool. She thought she knew how things worked but no. She knew nothing, about men, or even of herself.


    ¡°Sorry for ruining your expectations,¡± he whispered. ¡°I am still not satisfied with it.¡± Then he kissed her. He entered her in one swift motion and moved inside her.

 Chapter 19 (Rated 18)

    This chapter was brought to you by Keopi Translations. Please read at the original site.


    Alan, inside her, stimulated her inner walls. It was less painful now. He moved, and she could feel her insides expanding to take him in. Her chest thumped, her breath hitching in her throat. Her blood roared in her ears.


    ¡°Sia,¡± he whispered in her ears, ¡°I could do this with you all day. Once is never enough.¡±


    Siana gasped for air. ¡°Mm,¡± she mumbled.


    ¡°What¡¯s the standard this time?¡± he asked, ¡°Tell me, I will do anything you want.¡±


    It seemed they had returned to square one. Siana clenches her jaw. She wasn¡¯t able to make sense of any of her thoughts, much less think of a ¡®standard¡¯. She felt embarrassed that he kept asking her and she couldn¡¯t utter a word.


    ¡°You¡¯re not saying anything. Are you embarrassed?¡± he said, ¡°If so, can I suggest another one?¡±


    He was insisting on another one of his weird standards again. Alan grabbed her arm and put them around his neck. ¡°This time, you wrap your arms around my neck,¡± he said, ¡°If you let go, you lose.¡±


    ¡°So, I shouldn¡¯t let go?¡± she asked, hoarsely.


    ¡°That is, if you don¡¯t want to marry me,¡± he said.


    Siana wrapped her arms around his sweaty neck. His body was hot, so was hers. Her hands were so sweaty and small that it would fall off when they started getting frantic. ¡°But you are too slippery with sweat, and I bet when we get started my arms will fall right off.¡±


    ¡°Yeah, so?¡± he whispered in a low voice.


    ¡°Huh?¡±


    ¡°I want to marry you,¡± he said, ¡°So I am trying my best to put up ridiculous conditions on purpose.¡±


    ¡°You son of a¡ª,¡± she exclaimed, ¡°So you weren¡¯t really going to get yourself rejected in any case!¡±


    ¡°You are just figuring that out?¡± he laughed. ¡°I love you Siana. I want to marry you. You shouldn¡¯t have given me a chance to begin with.¡±


    Alan clasped her hips and thrust. He pulled out a little and rubbed at her wet entrance and thrust again. Siana m*aned. ¡°But even if you didn¡¯t give me a chance, I would have found some other way to get you to marry me.¡±


    Heat spread all over her body. She could feel herself getting wet down. Every time he thrust, it seemed she would burst with pleasure. Siana trembled. Alan increased his speed, his waist and hips buckling against her.


    ¡°Oh, yes!¡± she m*aned, ¡°Alan.¡±


    Siana felt pleasure building through her body. Her whole body trembled. With her arm hanging from his neck, Alan thrust into her. All reason had flown right away, out of her mind. Siana was out of breath. Her hands fell to her sides at his incessant thrusts. She tried to raise her arms back to his neck, but she didn¡¯t have the energy or the will.


    ¡°Sia,¡± he whispered her name. Her name on his lips sent her spiraling into pleasure. Her eyes tilted up, her back arched. He came with a m*an, as did she. She tried to breathe properly and blink to clear her vision. But when she tried to pull her legs out of his arms, he wouldn¡¯t let go.


    He pressed down onto her and placed his lips on her neck. He trailed his kisses everywhere, on her collarbone, down to her chest, and on her bre*sts. He opened his mouth and took in her n*p*le, sucking on it and making her gasp. She nibbled gently on them. She m*aned.


    She felt her insides tighten and the same heat. She felt his m*mber harden. She was stunned that the smallest of touch from her brought so many changes in him. ¡°Alan,¡± she said, ¡°You are not¡­¡±


    ¡°Sia,¡± he said, ¡°You do this to me every time.¡±


    ¡°But we just finished!¡± she said, surprised.


    ¡°I told you,¡± he whispered, ¡°I could do this all day with you.¡±


    He grabbed Siana¡¯s left leg and placed it over his shoulder. Her legs were wide open. He thrust in again.


    ¡°Mm,¡± she mumbled, ¡°Alan¡­¡±


    The sound of him thrusting into her made her blush. She playfully slapped him on his chest. ¡°Alan,¡± she said, ¡°Isn¡¯t this too much?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s been difficult enough for five years, Sia,¡± he said, hoarsely, ¡°Away from you.¡± He placed her arms around his neck and kissed her. ¡°I wanted to become an officer so I could be worthy of you. I rolled around in that blasted battlefield for five whole years.¡±


    ¡°Ahhh,¡± Siana m*aned.


    ¡°If that Emperor had let me go, I would have been back sooner,¡± he said, ¡°I thought I would be away from you only for two years, but it took five years!¡± He thrust harder, deeper.


    ¡°Ahhh, Alan!¡± Siana body buckled and her body moved to match his thrusts.


    ¡°I only thought of you,¡± he said, ¡°In that battlefield, only you kept me alive.¡± His thrust increased in speed. His waist and hips buckled into her with greater haste.


    ¡°Alan, ahh,¡± she m*aned, ¡°Sl-slow down.¡±


    ¡°Sia, you are so beautiful,¡± he said. ¡°Sometimes I think that makes me go insane. I couldn¡¯t bear the thought that if I had been a little late or even died on that battlefield, that vile Viscount North would have been forcing you to do this with him!¡±


    ¡°Alan¡­¡± she gasped.


    Every time he moved; her body trembled. Her vision turned white. She curled her toes. Her body twitched as he thrust deeper. He m*aned and thrust faster. Pleasure swept up Siana¡¯s body and she arched her back before falling back. The pleasure frightened her. Tears spilled from her eyes. As her pleasure crested, so did his, and he came with a m*an inside her.


    Body fluid soaked the sheets. Siana wanted to close her legs but she didn¡¯t have the energy. She still felt him inside her despite him having been done and was already getting out of bed. She was exhausted. Her heart thumped in her chest. She wanted to fall asleep.


    Alan got out of bed and tied the robe around him. Siana kept her eyes on him and hoped he would not insist on doing it again. Alan went to the bathroom, so she didn¡¯t have to worry. Siana lay back trying to calm herself. She was sore all over. She could feel her body flu*d still flowing out of her but the thought of washing herself made her groan in exhaustion. Just then, Alan came out of the bathroom and reached out a hand towards her. She flinched and scurried to cover herself with a blanket.


    Alan¡¯s hand stopped in mid-air. ¡°Siana,¡± he said gently, ¡°Don¡¯t worry. We aren¡¯t going to do that again.¡±


    ¡°Then what do you want?¡± she asked.


    ¡°I will wash you up,¡± he said, ¡°You look exhausted.¡±


    She slumped down on the bed with relief. She was so sleepy and tired. Her eyes were closing. Drowsiness engulfed her. Alan sat at the edge of the bed, calling her name.


    ¡°Sia?¡± he said, shaking her gently.


    ¡°Hm,¡± she mumbled.


    ¡°Tired?¡± he asked.


    ¡°Yeah,¡± she mumbled.


    ¡°You need to wash up,¡± he said.

 Chapter 20 (Rated 18)

    ¡°Hm,¡± she mumbled, ¡°Later¡­¡± She was just too tired.


    ¡°Then I will clean you up,¡± said Alan gently, ¡°I have drawn the bath and all you need to do is get in the tub. I will take care of the rest. Is that okay?¡±


    Siana was so exhausted and her eyes were closing. She didn¡¯t really hear him, but she murmured something incoherent and nodded just so he would go away and leave her alone to sleep.


    She was almost on the threshold of sleep when strong hands lifted her up. She woke with a start and gripped his hands. ¡°What are you doing?¡± she asked, stunned.


    ¡°Taking you to the bathroom,¡± he said.


    ¡°Why? Put me down,¡± she said frantically.


    ¡°It¡¯s alright Siana,¡± he said, ¡°I will just clean you up. Sleep if you want to.¡±


    Alan carried her and walked to the bathroom. It was almost comfortable¡­No! Siana thought. Not this! Siana felt embarrassed to be carried like this, n*ked and prone.


    ¡°Let me down,¡± she protested.


    ¡°We are almost there,¡± he assured her.


    She was just going to firmly demand to be let down on the floor again when they arrived in the bathroom. Before she could say it, Alan placed her in the big tub. The warm water cocooned her body and she just wanted to go to sleep.


    Alan took off his robe and joined her in the tub. She felt shy feeling his body next to hers. ¡°Are you going to wash together?¡± she asked, scandalized.


    ¡°No, I will wash you first,¡± he said, ¡°Then I will bathe after.¡±


    ¡°Then why are you also getting in?¡± she asked.


    ¡°Because I need to clean you,¡± he said.


    He said it so flatly as though it was completely normal. Siana couldn¡¯t find anything to retort with. Alan spread her legs and she felt his fingers cleaning her down there.


    ¡°Ah¡­I don¡¯t want to¡­,¡± she mumbled.


    ¡°I won¡¯t do anything Sia,¡± he said, ¡°I will just clean the flu*ds that¡¯s all. I promise.¡±


    ¡°Flu*ds?¡±


    ¡°Yeah,¡± he said, ¡°The liquid that came out of you.¡±


    ¡°The one you¡­,¡± she grimaced.


    ¡°The one I ate, yes,¡± he said, nonchalantly.


    Unlike her, who was so very embarrassed to utter it that she blushed deep red, Alan¡¯s expression didn¡¯t even change. He just continued to move his fingers, cleaning her. Siana, though, bit her lips as she felt his fingers and tried to withhold the m*ans that were threatening to burst through. She gripped the edges of the tub.


    ¡°Alan¡­,¡± she mumbled, ¡°Are you done?¡±


    ¡°Almost,¡± he said.


    However, his fingers touched her in the most int*m*te parts until all fluid flowed through. He then removed his fingers. Siana felt herself finally relax. She took the soap and tried to wash herself, but Alan grabbed her wrist. She jumped back.


    ¡°I will wash you,¡± he said reassuringly, ¡°I will give you a massage too.¡±


    ¡°Aren¡¯t you tired?¡± she asked.


    ¡°No,¡± he said, ¡°Not really. I still have energy left.¡±


    ¡°What?¡± she asked, surprised.


    ¡°Don¡¯t believe me?¡± he smirked. He moved in the water and Siana could see that he was still ar*us*d. She tried looking everywhere else but there.


    ¡°That¡¯s just impossible,¡± she said.


    Alan shrugged. She felt awkward. She moved to sit comfortably but she couldn¡¯t. Everything still felt surreal. She was worried Alan might want to do it again. He spread her legs and began washing the inner sides of her thighs. His large hands were gentle. Her drowsiness came back with a force. Her eyelids drooped. She tried to stay awake but the sleepiness was so heavy. Before long, she fell asleep. She vaguely recalled Alan wiping her and carrying her off to bed.


    This chapter was brought to you by Keopi Translations. Please read at the original site.


    *


    Click, clack. Cheerful footsteps filled the corridor. It was Siana, five years ago. She was in a good mood and running down the corridor, smiling. She had hiked her skirts up a little and her legs showed as she ran. If her tutor, Mrs. Bethel, had seen her like this, she would say, disapprovingly, that it was very ¡®unladylike¡¯ of her. But her tutor wouldn¡¯t be here today! She could run around as much as she liked.


    Siana felt the eyes of the maids and servants on her as she bolted past them. She jumped and ran and skidded to a stop right in front of Alan¡¯s room. Young Siana knocked on his door, eagerly.


    ¡°Alan!¡± she called, as she knocked, ¡°Are you inside?¡±


    A rustling inside, then footsteps and the door swung open to reveal a boy still trying to dry his hair with a towel.


    ¡°Alan!¡± Siana squeaked, ¡°I have something to tell you!¡±


    ¡°What is it?¡± he asked.


    ¡°It¡¯s the biggest news I¡¯ve got,¡± she continued excitedly, ¡°You will be stunned! Anyway, did you go to training this morning? Your hair is all wet.¡±


    ¡°Yes,¡± he said and stood aside to let her in. Siana squeezed through the space between the door and him, into his room. If her tutor could see her now! She would have a fit that Siana casually sauntered into a boy¡¯s room.


    Siana plopped down on his bed and removed her shoes and then fell back on the bed and splayed her arms wide. Alan, familiar with his friend¡¯s antics, didn¡¯t seem to mind. ¡°So, what¡¯s the news?¡± he asked, still drying his hair.


    ¡°Oh right!¡± said Siana, sitting up. She cleared her throat and clapped her hand. ¡°Yulia is in a relationship!¡± she declared.


    ¡°Yulia?¡± asked Alan, confused.


    Siana, twirling a strand of her hair, said, ¡°My friend! You know her too!¡±


    ¡°I do?¡± said Alan, frowning.


    Siana rolled her eyes. ¡°Of course, you do!¡± she said, ¡°The one with the slightly slanted eyes and red hair. Eyes darker green than mine.¡±


    ¡°Hm,¡± mumbled Alan, ¡°I am not sure.¡±


    Siana rubbed the bridge of her nose. ¡°You really don¡¯t know?¡± she asked, exasperated, ¡°You have seen her with me a bunch of times. Just two days ago!¡±


    ¡°Oh, I guess,¡± he said.


    ¡°Honestly, Alan,¡± she said, defeated, ¡°You need to pay more attention to those around you.¡±


    ¡°I pay plenty of attention to the people I need,¡± he said flatly.


    ¡°That¡¯s not what I mean,¡± said Siana. She sighed and studied his face. ¡°Well anyway, she has found a boyfriend.¡±


    ¡°So why is the news so great then?¡± said Alan.


    ¡°You aren¡¯t even surprised?¡± said Siana wide-eyed, ¡°It¡¯s because we are at an age where we can be in a relationship. This has implications for all of us.¡± Alan shrugged.


    Siana threw her hands up in defeat. ¡°It made me feel weird,¡± she continued, ¡°I feel like I want to be in a relationship too.¡±


    ¡°Well, you can if you want to,¡± he said.


    ¡°If it were that easy, wouldn¡¯t I be in one already?¡± she scoffed.


    ¡°Why do you think it¡¯s so difficult?¡± asked Alan.


    Siana thought about it for a moment. ¡°First of all, I have no contact with boys,¡± she said, ¡°None whatsoever! You can meet boys either in social circles or gatherings or maybe a horse-riding club. Which is what Yulia did, she joined the horse-riding club. But both options are out of bounds for me!¡±


    Alan frowned. ¡°Well, social circles and gatherings are only for adults so that makes sense,¡± he said, ¡°But you can still join a horse-riding club if you really want to.¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t have the confidence to meet people regularly like that, and much less for horse riding in general,¡± she explained.


    ¡°Why?¡± he asked, ¡°Is it bothersome?¡±


    ¡°Yes!¡± she said, ¡°I mean I don¡¯t want to learn to ride horses, really. And I am not very confident because of my appearance.¡±


    ¡°Appearance?¡± he asked.


    ¡°Yeah,¡± she said, ¡°Handsome guys like pretty girls.¡±


    ¡°Not everyone is like that though,¡± he said.


    ¡°But most people are,¡± she insisted, ¡°I don¡¯t have the pretty kind of face like Yulia, with her red, shiny hair. Even you have nice blonde hair. Mine is just plain and brown.¡±


    ¡°You have green eyes,¡± he pointed out.


    ¡°That¡¯s true, but it¡¯s not enough,¡± she said, ¡°Beyond that I am just ugly. All the other girls grow up to be pretty. Why do I have to be so short and ugly?¡±


    ¡°You aren¡¯t ugly though,¡± he said, gently.


    Siana blinked and looked at Alan, studying his face to see if he was joking. But he wasn¡¯t. He meant the words he said, and it made Siana almost forget all her complaints.

 Chapter 21

    Although Siana knew they were meaningless words uttered only for consolation, she was grateful for Alan¡¯s kindness.


    ¡°Thanks, really. I know you are trying to comfort me. You¡¯re a good friend.¡±


    ¡°I am not just saying that to comfort you. It¡¯s the truth.¡±


    ¡°Alright,¡± she said, but she didn¡¯t look like she believed him. ¡°I am far from the standard of beauty the society fawns over. But I can¡¯t rip my face and fix it.¡±


    Alan listened to her every word. ¡°My chances of meeting someone worthy is close to nonexistent. The only choice I have is to lower my standard or I might not even be able to marry someone.¡± Siana went wide-eyed. ¡°Wait, this is serious. What if I am well into my adulthood and I don¡¯t find anyone and can¡¯t get married?¡±


    ¡°Do you absolutely have to get married?¡± Alan asked, ¡°Can¡¯t you just live alone doing what you like?¡±


    ¡°That only applies to guys you know,¡± she said, ¡°Guys can do anything they like. But if a girl is well in her twenties and unmarried, we are treated like defective objects.¡±


    Alan frowned. ¡°That¡¯s unfair,¡± he said.


    ¡°Is this the first time you¡¯re hearing this?¡± she asked.


    ¡°Well, yes,¡± he said.


    ¡°Lucky you,¡± she said, ¡°We girls, we are always worried about this. Since it doesn¡¯t affect you, being a guy and all, maybe it¡¯s not important for you to talk about.¡± Siana continued, ¡°The older you get, the more society frowns upon you, if you are a woman. They get blamed for a whole lot of things, infertility, ugliness, bad attitude even if they haven¡¯t done anything wrong.¡±


    Alan frowned more, thinking about what she said. ¡°Some families treat their daughters as pests leeching them off their fortunes if she is old and unmarried. Most people rush and force their daughters into marriages they might not want.¡±


    ¡°That is horrible,¡± said Alan.


    ¡°It is, isn¡¯t it?¡± said Siana, ¡°But that is the reality for most women. Maybe it will be my reality as well.


    ¡°I don¡¯t think your father will do that,¡± said Alan, ¡°he loves you.¡±


    ¡°Of course,¡± she said, ¡°But you never know what the future might bring.¡±


    Alan bit his lips as though he had no words to give her anymore. Siana clenched her fists raging at the unfairness of it all. ¡°So, we are all raised that way. Girls. We are taught to sit straight and smile and please people. Only one goal, that is to find a suitor before twenty.¡±


    Siana felt tired. Maybe her life would be different. Maybe, by some miracle, everything would turn out to be alright. She was going to fall back on bed when Alan looked at her.


    ¡°Hey,¡± he said gently, ¡°If you don¡¯t have anyone by the time we are twenty, then marry me if you are so worried.¡±


    ¡°What?!¡± exclaimed Siana. It was utterly unexpected from Alan.


    ¡°You don¡¯t want to?¡± asked Alan.


    ¡°It¡¯s not that¡­,¡± stammered Siana, staring at him to see if he was just playing a prank on her and would burst out laughing. But he seemed very serious. Siana didn¡¯t think too much about it. Alan probably said that to make her feel better. It was touching that he wanted to help her in his own way. Siana decided to humor him.


    ¡°Alright,¡± she said, ¡°If we both are unmarried and beyond our twenties, then we marry each other. Pinky promise.¡± She held out her pinky finger and hooked it with Alan¡¯s.


    *


    The sun¡¯s rays spilt into the room through the curtains and hit her eyes to wake her. The past was just a dream and an old memory. She opened her eyes.


    ¡°You¡¯re up,¡± said a voice.


    She turned towards the familiar voice to see a familiar face. ¡°Alan¡­?¡±


    ¡°Yeah?¡±


    She felt dazed. She couldn¡¯t believe he was here.


    Despite hearing his voice, she still didn¡¯t believe it. What is he doing here? She thought. His bright blonde hair shone in the sun even more resplendently. It almost looked silver. Siana blinked a couple more times and realized that Alan was rubbing her hand. He was in the same robe as the previous night which reminded Siana of what had happened that night. His broad chest revealed under the robe brought back vivid memories. She tried to move to get up, but a pain shot up from between her legs.


    ¡°Ow!¡± she cried.


    Alan who had been gently rubbing the back of her hand flinched. ¡°What¡¯s wrong?¡± he asked, worried.


    ¡°It hurts¡­,¡± she said, ¡°But it¡¯s alright. I can handle it.¡± Her trembling lips suggested otherwise.


    Siana had expected her first time to hurt but she didn¡¯t expect it to hurt so much after it was done. It feels like it¡¯s torn¡­ she thought, gripping the blankets.


    ¡°I am so sorry, Sia,¡± said Alan.


    ¡°For what?¡± she asked.


    ¡°For hurting you,¡± he said, ¡°I was supposed to be considerate, but I couldn¡¯t control myself and now you are hurt. I am so sorry.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s alright,¡± she said, ¡°I heard that the first time is always painful. It¡¯s not your fault.¡±


    ¡°So, you forgive me?¡± he asked.


    ¡°There is nothing to forgive,¡± she said, ¡°We are both consenting adults. Besides, it was good.¡± She blushed a deep red.


    At her words, Alan¡¯s face brightened. ¡°I am glad to hear that,¡± he said, ¡°So¡­ do you want to meet the lawyers after lunch?¡±


    ¡°What? Why?¡± she asked, surprised.


    ¡°To sign the marriage papers,¡± he said.


    ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°If I plan to take on your debts, we need to be married,¡± he said, ¡°Usually people sign it after the ceremony, but we are in a hurry.¡±


    Siana felt like ice-water was upended on her head. How could she have forgotten her little problem with the vile Viscount North? She felt cold sweat trickle down her back. She had intended to run away at night, until she had ended up in this bed with Alan.


    ¡°Alan, you really want to marry me that bad?¡± she asked.


    ¡°Why? You don¡¯t like me?¡± he asked.


    ¡°It¡¯s not that, it¡¯s just¡­,¡± she stammered.


    ¡°Am I not good enough?¡± he asked.


    ¡°What? No. I didn¡¯t mean it like that,¡± she said.


    Alan could have anyone he wanted. Any woman would have been lucky enough to marry the quiet, considerate Alan. ¡°Why, Alan?¡± she asked. ¡°I have a huge debt to my name, and I don¡¯t even have a dowry to provide you with. I am not even conventionally pretty. If it is because you pity me or¡­¡±


    ¡°Sia¡­,¡± said Alan. He looked at her so sadly that she couldn¡¯t continue. ¡°You think I wanted to marry you out of pity for your situation?¡±


    ¡°Well, isn¡¯t it?¡± she said, ¡°I have nothing to give you.¡±


    ¡°Sia, I don¡¯t care about the debt you have,¡± he said, ¡°Nor any dowry. I have earned enough to last a lifetime. I want nothing from you. I just want to take care of you.¡±


    ¡°But my debt is not just a couple of hundreds of gold,¡± she said, exasperated, ¡°And I couldn¡¯t let you pay it off for me. It would be a heavy burden on my conscience. You earned all that because of the battle you fought.¡±


    ¡°Is that why you have been rejecting me?¡± he said.


    ¡°It doesn¡¯t matter,¡± she said.


    ¡°It does matter,¡± he said, ¡°Look, if your father hadn¡¯t taken me in, I would have been turned to the streets. I would have starved to death. If not for your father, I would have never been able to become who I am today. So, I am paying it back to him, in a way, because I am very grateful to him. Always have been. I owe him everything.¡±


    ¡°You don¡¯t need to do that,¡± she said, ¡°That was just my father being kind.¡±


    ¡°You are his only daughter,¡± he said, ¡°I can¡¯t turn a blind eye when you are suffering, after everything he has done for me.¡±


    Still, it felt wrong to Siana. Her problems were her own. She sat up, biting her lips. He pulled her towards him. ¡°It¡¯s not even your debt, is it?¡± he asked, ¡°It is not exactly you who owes the debt to Viscount North. It was your father¡¯s.¡±


    This chapter is brought to you by Keopi Translations. Please read at the original site.


    ¡°Yeah, but¡­,¡± she said.


    ¡°Think of it as just me paying off your father¡¯s debt, for everything he has done for me,¡± he urged. ¡°I owe him everything. Think of it as me paying it off for him. Will that make you feel a little better?¡±


    ¡°A little,¡± she said.


    He gently squeezed her hand. It was a comforting gesture but at the same time it seemed to say that he would not let go of her ever again. He was trying to convince her to not run away. It was too much for Siana.


    ¡°What else is there?¡± he asked, ¡°Ahh, you always worry about your appearance.¡±


    ¡°You don¡¯t need to say anything,¡± she said, ¡°I know I don¡¯t look that good.¡±


    ¡°And why do you feel like that?¡± he asked, gently.


    ¡°Because it¡¯s true. I am not pretty, and I am short. Other girls my age are beautiful.¡±


    ¡°You don¡¯t need to compare yourself to anybody else,¡± he said, ¡°You are special. For me, you are the most beautiful woman of them all.¡±


    ¡°Liar,¡± she said.


    ¡°I have never lied to you,¡± he said, ¡°I have said it over and over again. You are beautiful. Why won¡¯t you believe me?¡±


    Siana searched for an answer to his question but couldn¡¯t find one. Alan tilted her head up and looked her in the eyes. His blue eyes burning into hers. ¡°And you don¡¯t need to listen to any half-wits out there,¡± he said firmly, ¡°You are You. You are special.¡±

 Chapter 22

    Siana¡¯s heart fluttered at his gentle but firm words. Her eyes prickled with tears. She had always been so insecure and so negative about herself. She always thought she was in no way worthy of him.


    ¡°You will get tired of me, Alan, and you will regret it later,¡± she said, ¡°Look at you, and look at me. We are leagues apart. You will find many fine ladies, better than me.¡±


    ¡°Sia, I want no one else but you,¡± said Alan, gently, ¡°Nobody could be what you are to me.¡±


    His kind words hit her heart. She burst into tears. She lowered her face to her hands. ¡°Am I really good enough for you?¡±


    ¡°Of course!¡± said Alan, ¡°I was rather afraid that I wasn¡¯t worthy of you.¡±


    ¡°I¡­ you¡­,¡± Siana murmured. No matter what he said, she never thought she could be good enough for him. Siana opened her mouth to reply then closed it and sobbed. Alan lowered his head to hers.


    ¡°Sia, or is it that you don¡¯t like me?¡± Alan asked, ¡°Is that why you keep making up reasons to refuse me?¡±


    ¡°No, it¡¯s not that,¡± sniffled Sia. She lifted her face to look at him. Even Alan¡¯s eyes had welled up. ¡°Alan, that¡¯s not it.¡±


    His face so close to her made her heart beat fast, but Siana didn¡¯t have a clue of what she could say at that moment. ¡°Alan, you are too close,¡± she mumbled, stupidly.


    ¡°Don¡¯t change the subject,¡± he said, smirking. Was he trying to make her flustered because he knew she couldn¡¯t think of anything else when he was this close to her? She blushed and felt anxiety peak in her stomach. Alan lowered his head and touched his forehead to hers.


    ¡°Sia, tell me honestly,¡± he said softly, ¡°If you don¡¯t like me, and if I have been forcing you all along. I will leave and never bother you, again. You only have to say it.¡±


    ¡°Well, I certainly don¡¯t hate you,¡± she said, blushing. ¡°I do like you.¡±


    ¡°Really?¡± she asked, brightening.


    ¡°Yeah,¡± said Siana.


    ¡°So, will you marry me?¡± he asked.


    The conversation had returned to the beginning. The question of the proposal. Siana didn¡¯t feel like rejecting him this time. Maybe she could have a future with him. Maybe she didn¡¯t have to feel like she didn¡¯t deserve this, deserved him.


    ¡°Alan, I clearly gave you a chance,¡± she said, ¡°You can¡¯t regret having married me later.¡±


    ¡°Is that a ¡®yes¡¯, then?¡± he said, smiling.


    ¡°Yes,¡± she said and burst into tears. ¡°I have given you a chance. I was ready to leave it all behind and go. You can¡¯t blame me later if you regret it.¡±


    ¡°I swear I will never do that,¡± he said, ¡°I love you.¡±


    Siana was wiping her tears away with her sleeves. Alan stopped her and wiped her tears away from her face. He hugged her. ¡°Why are you crying?¡± he asked.


    ¡°Because of you, you idiot,¡± she sobbed, ¡°You are so relentless. You accept me the way I am.¡±


    He held her close to him. One hand nestling her to his chest, the other stroking her hair. Siana calmed down a little after a while.


    ¡°Are you alright?¡± asked Alan after a few moments.


    ¡°Yeah,¡± she said.


    Siana never thought she could feel so many things at once. Her heart had stopped hammering and her eyes were swollen. But it feels good to let everything out, she thought. She felt Alan¡¯s arms around her, sturdy and sure, but gentle. She felt safe. Just a few days ago, I had nowhere to go. It felt like everything had just cleared overnight. Their relationship had grown into something dependable and reassuring. Being in his arms made her happy.


    ¡°Are you hungry?¡± came Alan¡¯s voice from above her head.


    ¡°Mm?¡± said Siana. Just when she was about to deny it her stomach rumbled. ¡°I am getting a little hungry.¡±


    ¡°I will have the maid bring you some bread and soup.¡± He said.


    ¡°What about you?¡± she asked, ¡°Aren¡¯t you going to eat?¡±


    ¡°I ate while you were asleep.¡±


    ¡°Ahh, I see,¡± she said.


    Alan reached a hand and caressed her cheek. ¡°You eat your fill,¡± he said, ¡°And when the lawyers get here, we will sign the papers. We can go visit your parents¡¯ graves after that.¡±


    ¡°My parents¡¯ graves?¡± she asked.


    ¡°Just to greet them,¡± he said, ¡°And let them know about our wedding.¡±


    ¡°What about your parents?¡±


    ¡°I visited their graves yesterday. It¡¯s alright.¡±


    Siana scowled. ¡°No,¡± she said, ¡°We need to go together there once more.¡±


    ¡°Okay,¡± he said with a gentle smile. ¡°Today?¡±


    ¡°Sure,¡± she said.


    ¡°Are you sure?¡± he asked.


    ¡°Of course!¡± she said, ¡°We will pay them our respects. It is not even that far anyway.¡±


    Siana remembered the times when she had followed Alan when he went to pay respects at his parents¡¯ graves. Her mother¡¯s grave was there as well, in the same cemetery. Now her father¡¯s would be too, side by side with her mother¡¯s.


    ¡°Hm,¡± he said, ¡°I was planning to leave some gifts at your parents¡¯ graves and take you to some place nice for dinner.¡±


    ¡°What?¡± she said, ¡°We could eat at home. And what gifts? Wedding gifts?¡±


    ¡°Of course,¡± he said, ¡°If my parents were alive, they would be doing the gift exchange with your parents. Since they are not, I am going to do it.¡±


    ¡°You don¡¯t really have to,¡± said Siana, ¡°You are already going to take care of all my debts¡­¡±


    ¡°Well, I want to,¡± said Alan with a smile, ¡°It¡¯s the first time I am getting married, I want to do it right. Let¡¯s sign the papers first because we have very less time. Then we can prepare for the wedding ceremony properly.¡±


    ¡°A wedding ceremony?¡± she asked.


    ¡°Yeah,¡± he said, ¡°You can invite your friends. Invite anyone you like.¡±


    ¡°Yulia is my only friend,¡± she said. There were plenty of people she thought she could invite. The ladies who had mocked her for being unmarried who before had pretended to be her ¡®friends¡¯. But she didn¡¯t want to call them. She wanted the ceremony to be filled with people she cared about and who cared about her. Besides, they would ask too many unnecessary questions. How did you meet Alan, how much wealth does he have, what about his parents, etc. She could do very well without the pestering. Only Yulia, she thought, I will only invite her. She will be the only one genuinely happy for me.


    She decided to write Yulia a letter. She got soup on the side of her mouth while she was absentmindedly dipping the bread in the soup and eating it. She was going to wipe it away when Alan reached out and stalled her hand.


    ¡°Here,¡± he said, ¡°let me get that.¡± He wiped it away with his index finger. She was going to thank him when he licked the soup off the index finger, declaring, ¡°Delicious! He grinned at her. She blushed. He is so different, she thought. He was so indifferent when he was younger, now he makes my heart thud every time. But Siana liked it, the way he was.


    She did miss the indifferent, rude, young Alan, too. Whatever happened at that battlefield that changed him so much? She finished the bread and soup and wiped her mouth with the napkin before Alan pulled any of his antics again. She dressed to meet the lawyer. Obviously, she wasn¡¯t going to meet them in her nightgown!


    * * *


    This chapter was brought to you by Keopi Translations. Please read the updated translations at the original site. Thank you.


    The lawyer arrived not too long after they were dressed and ready. Siana and Alan were already in the living room to greet her.


    ¡°Hello,¡± said the lawyer, ¡°I am Veridina Hura. You can call me Veridina.¡±


    ¡°Welcome, Veridina,¡± said Alan.


    The lawyer looked very stern and intellectual. She wore glasses and a smart suit. It was all about business-like air for her. Someone who got things done efficiently.


    Veridina took a seat at the table and ruffled through her bag to bring out some documents. She proceeded to explain the conditions of the contract. Siana and Alan signed their names at the bottom of each document. When the last of them was signed, Veridina gathered the documents together, checking them one by one.


    ¡°Everything seems to be in order,¡± she said finally, ¡°Your marriage will be notarized through this. In the eyes of the law, you are husband and wife from this day forth. Lady Siana¡­ Countess Legarde¡¯s debt will also be transferred to Lord Legarde. Each of you can keep your own copy of the document.¡±


    Countess Legarde¡­. The title felt very unfamiliar. Siana repeated it to herself over and over again trying to get familiar with it. It made it no less strange. Siana looked down at her hands, then the table. There was another document. ¡°That one¡­,¡± she said.


    ¡°Oh, that is my copy,¡± said Veridina with a smile, ¡°I will keep one for the records.¡±


    Veridina put the documents back in her bag and stood up to leave. Siana remembered that she had a similar experience of notarizing documents and such when she had sold off her mansion.


    ¡°Wait!¡± she called to Veridina, ¡°I have some money that can be used to pay some of the debt.¡±


    ¡°Money?¡± asked Alan.


    ¡°A little more than 10,000 gold.¡±


    ¡°You didn¡¯t have that much money,¡± he said, ¡°What did you do?¡±


    ¡°I sold off my mansion.¡±


    ¡°What?!¡± asked Alan, stunned. He knew that mansion was all she had from her father.


    ¡°I had to do it,¡± she said, hurriedly, ¡°I didn¡¯t have money to pay back the debt! I thought it would help me buy some time to pay the rest of it off. But¡­¡±


    ¡°But what?¡± asked Alan.


    ¡°I asked him for some more time but he said the debt would only add up in the time he would provide me so he said it would be better for me to just marry him right then¡­¡±


    ¡°That scum said that to you?¡± asked Alan. Now he looked really angry.


    ¡°Yeah,¡± she said. ¡°Don¡¯t get angry.¡±


    ¡°You think I wouldn¡¯t be furious at someone who talks to you like that? Really, that bastard¡­,¡± he thundered and glanced at Siana¡¯s lowered head. He took a deep breath. ¡°I am not angry at you, Siana.¡±


    ¡°I know,¡± she said.


    ¡°Am I scaring you?¡¯


    Siana hesitated. ¡°I am not scared of anything,¡± she said and grinned at him. He smiled back. But it had unsettled her a little. She had never seen Alan so angry before.

 Chapter 23

    But Alan wasn¡¯t angry at Siana or himself. His anger was solely for Viscount North because he had tried to take advantage of a woman who was in a difficult situation. He was indeed a very vile and abominable person.


    To Siana, his anger, on her behalf, was touching. It somehow assured her that he cared so much about her. And it made her feel warm inside that there was someone who cared about her so much besides her parents, who were dead. She had felt too alone after her father¡¯s death and all the blunder regarding the debt. For the first time since then, she had a little hope. Perhaps she could make a life for herself together with Alan. Maybe even a happy one.


    Alan took a deep breath to calm himself. ¡°You should keep the money,¡± he said.


    ¡°What?¡± said Siana, ¡°But wouldn¡¯t it be better to use it to pay the debt. That was what it was for anyway. It will make things easier.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s your inheritance,¡± he said, ¡°Your debt is mine now. I will pay it. You don¡¯t need to worry about it at all. You should keep the money. Do something you have always wanted to do with it.¡±


    Inheritance¡­ It was true that Siana had nothing but the mansion left from her father. And she had sold it, so this money was all she had left of her supposed inheritance. She wondered if it was okay to keep it.


    ¡°Are you sure?¡± asked Siana.


    ¡°Of course,¡± said Alan.


    ¡°I¡­um¡­ thank you,¡± she said.


    Alan smiled warmly. ¡°No need,¡± he said, ¡°Let¡¯s go see your parents now. Are you ready?¡±


    ¡°Yes,¡± said Siana, as she stood up accepting the hand he offered.


    * * *


    A carriage was already waiting at the entrance of the mansion. Alan helped her into the carriage. Siana sat in it, awkwardly. This was all so new to her. The cushions were very soft and fluffy. The carriage walls look pristine. Everything, starting from the carriage, to the cushions, even the horses looked expensive. So different from the one Siana usually rode.


    ¡°Do you like it?¡± asked Alan.


    ¡°Yes,¡± said Siana, ¡°It¡¯s very nice.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s yours,¡± said Alan, ¡°So that you can ride it wherever and whenever you want.¡±


    ¡°What?!¡± said Siana, ¡°I couldn¡¯t possibly¡­ it¡¯s yours.¡±


    Alan chuckled. ¡°All that is mine is now yours, Sia.¡±


    Siana wanted to protest, he was already doing too much for her. She wanted to argue that she could never accept so much when she had nothing in return to give him. But he lay himself on the carriage seat with his head on her lap. The surprise alone drove every other thought from her mind.


    ¡°Hm,¡± he said, ¡°This feels nice.¡±


    Siana sat stiffly, not knowing what to do. She looked at his blond hair splayed over her lap. ¡°Well, don¡¯t get used to it,¡± she said, ¡°What are you going to do if the carriage comes upon a bumpy road and it rattles?¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t mind.¡±


    Siana smiled and looked at his face. He looked so serene at that moment. She looked at his sharp features, his nose, his long eyebrows. He looked far from a soldier who had toiled and suffered in the battlefield. He looked like a noble aristocratic businessman.


    But Siana knew better. Thinking about his scars made her heart hurt. Five years on the battlefield. Siana felt sorry for him. She was sad about all the adversities and miseries he had gone through.


    Unlike her, who had been oblivious to his suffering, Alan had spent every day remembering her. Although it wasn¡¯t her who had sent him to the battlefield so she didn¡¯t really have to feel so guilty, she still felt bad that he had gone through so much and still he had remembered her fondly.


    ¡°On the battlefield where no one knows when it¡¯s going to end, or when one will die at any moment¡­ I only lived to meet you again,¡± he had said to her, ¡°When I saw you in my dreams, it was the only relief I had from my pain.¡±


    Siana, who was overwhelmed with sorrow, thinking about what Alan had been through reached out a hand to stroke his hair. Contrary to how it looked, all soft and fluffy, his hair was rough to the touch, which surprised Siana. It was a similar feeling when she had seen his scarred body that was so in contrast to his smooth and sculpted face. The dual nature of things.


    As Siana stroked his hair fondly. Alan smiled warmly, as though soothed by her touch. Alan, who had been lying on his side, turned and looked up at her suddenly. Their eyes locked.


    ¡°Why did you turn this way all of a sudden?¡± asked Siana, flustered.


    ¡°I want to ask you something,¡± said Alan.


    ¡°What is it?¡± asked Siana.


    ¡°About the rabbits,¡± said Alan, ¡°who did you hear it from?¡±


    ¡°Huh?¡±


    ¡°You didn¡¯t even know what flowed out from you yesterday,¡± said Alan, ¡°It didn¡¯t seem you had any experience or knowledge on the subject. Moreover, there is no way someone who doesn¡¯t even have experience would be able to create such criteria.¡±


    Siana blushed. He was right. But she couldn¡¯t tell him. It was too embarrassing. She had no experience in those things and she didn¡¯t really know anything about it. Everything she remotely knew, she heard it from Yulia. Besides, she had said those things just so he would leave her alone.


    This chapter was brought to you by Keopi Translations. Please read the updated translations at the original site. Thank you.


    ¡°Who is it? The one who told you about the rabbit,¡± he asked again.


    ¡°I just heard it from somewhere,¡± she said.


    ¡°From where?¡±


    ¡°Not from anyone specific, just overheard it here and there on the street.¡±


    Siana didn¡¯t want to tell him she had heard it from Yulia. She didn¡¯t want to ruin her reputation. She didn¡¯t know what Alan would think about her or her friend. This was embarrassing enough.


    ¡°The street?¡± said Alan, eyebrows raised. ¡°People just happen to converse like that on a casual basis on the street?¡±


    ¡°Of course,¡± said Siana, ¡°People talk about all sorts of things. Yulia and I¡ª¡± she caught herself and stopped speaking.


    Alan chuckled. ¡°Hm, I get it now,¡± he said, ¡°It was Yulia, wasn¡¯t it? She told you all about rabbits and whatnot.¡± Alan was laughing now. Siana blushed a deep red. She is so adorable, thought Alan.


    ¡°I didn¡¯t think you would know about her,¡± said Siana.


    ¡°I know everything about you. Besides, you pretty much admitted it yourself. That you and Yulia talk about these things.¡±


    Siana felt embarrassed. She was speechless. She racked her mind for a defense on her behalf, but none came to mind. I should be more careful. So sorry, Yulia.


    ¡°Yulia is the red-head, isn¡¯t she?¡± asked Alan, ¡°Your closest friend.¡±


    ¡°I thought you wouldn¡¯t remember her,¡± said Siana, surprised.


    ¡°I do remember. I don¡¯t remember the details though,¡± said Alan.


    ¡°But I told you once before, a long time back, about Yulia,¡± said Siana, ¡°And you said you didn¡¯t remember her.¡±


    ¡°I do remember you telling me to pay attention to people more. And you also said I had met her a few times before,¡± said Alan, ¡°Since she meant so much to you, I made an effort to get to know your friends.¡±


    ¡°Really?¡± asked Siana. Alan nodded. ¡°Well, thank you,¡± she said, feeling genuinely surprised and grateful.


    Alan was calm and composed. Siana, on the other hand, didn¡¯t remember the old times with him so much. She was appalled at how much he remembered his younger days with her and how he took everything seriously, making even the smallest of effort in order to make her comfortable. Siana resolved to take their relationship a bit seriously as well. The least she could do was put in the same effort.


    * * *


    The cemetery was the same as the last time Siana had come for a visit. Siana found her father¡¯s grave. This was the second time she had come to this graveyard to visit her father since his death. There was another grave near her father¡¯s, her mother¡¯s grave. Siana remembered visiting her mother¡¯s grave. She often came with her father when he was alive. Now both of them lay before her. Gone from her.


    ¡°Mother. Father,¡± she addressed them, ¡°I am here. With Alan.¡± Siana¡¯s voice shook. She knew she was an orphan now. Truly alone, in every sense of the word. She bit her lips, searching for words to say and trying not to cry.


    Alan squatted down and placed a flower on their graves. ¡°It¡¯s been awfully long, My Lord,¡± he said, addressing Siana¡¯s father. ¡°And Ma¡¯am.¡±


    Siana watched him and was touched by his politeness. She was grateful he was doing the speaking instead of her. She might have burst out crying, otherwise.


    ¡°I should have come sooner,¡± said Alan, ¡°But the situation was very urgent, and we had to solve it first. I am truly sorry for the delay.¡± Siana, having calmed herself now, squatted down beside Alan, in front of her parents¡¯ graves.


    ¡°We have something to say,¡± said Alan, looking at Siana. He took a deep breath. Siana could sense that he was very nervous. ¡°We are married now. I wrote my marriage vows with Siana this morning.¡± He reached out a hand and wrapped it around her shoulders pulling her close. His touch was gentle and sturdy. Siana didn¡¯t flinch from him like she used to. ¡°I may not be worthy enough for your daughter and the marriage also was very sudden.¡±


    Siana looked at him. What does he mean he is not worthy? She was surprised. She felt like she was the only one who had ever felt like she wasn¡¯t worthy of him. It seemed Alan had been feeling the same insecurity. Both of them were, in a way, similar. The thought comforted her.


    ¡°Although it was on such short notice, and very sudden, I promise that there will be a ceremony to commemorate our union,¡± said Alan, ¡°I also promise ardently that I will always keep your daughter happy. I will make sure she doesn¡¯t lack anything so please don¡¯t worry.¡±


    As he said the words, Siana looked at him. Her heart thumped. She had never received so much love from anyone else except her parents. She felt touched and warm and happy. Alan turned to look at her and smiled.


    ¡°Is there anything else you¡¯d like to say?¡± he asked.


    ¡°I think you have said everything that needed to be said,¡± she said with a warm smile.


    ¡°Then let¡¯s say goodbye,¡± suggested Alan.


    Siana looked back at her parents¡¯ graves and promised that she would visit again. She and Alan made their way to the graves of his parents.

 Chapter 24

    She had been here before with Alan, but it felt strange being here with him. She had visited their graves with her father after Alan went to the battlefield. But now, visiting it with Alan by her side felt different. This made her more aware of how her relationship with Alan had changed.


    Before, these had been the graves of her friend¡¯s parents, but now these were her husband¡¯s parents. Everything had changed. It made her nervous. All this newness. Before, they used to be just her friend¡¯s parents, nothing more than that, but now they were her husband¡¯s parents.


    If Alan hadn¡¯t spoken first and introduced her, she would have frozen speechless. Did Alan feel the same way at my parents¡¯ graves? She wondered. She shook her head to dispel the thought, he had been far too calm to even give away the fact that he was nervous.


    * * *


    It was already late when they returned to their home after leaving the cemetery. They had a simple dinner in the dining room. After the meal, Siana headed to the bedroom but was surprised and flustered to find that Alan, too, had followed her.


    ¡°Um, Alan?¡± she said, cautiously.


    ¡°Yes?¡± asked Alan.


    ¡°Aren¡¯t you going to your own room?¡± she asked.


    ¡°Sure,¡± he said, confused, ¡°This is our room, isn¡¯t it?¡± Siana felt embarrassed even to have asked such a stupid thing. Our room¡­


    ¡°Why do you look so shocked?¡± asked Alan, ¡°We are married. It¡¯s natural for us to share a room. Does it feel strange?¡±


    ¡°Oh, no,¡± said Siana, not knowing what to say. They were ¡®married¡¯. We did get married today¡­ All the newness and the change had left her so flustered that she was overwhelmed. She didn¡¯t know what to think, what to do. And she kept making blunders. So, tonight would be the ¡®first night¡¯ after our marriage, but we already¡­. Siana blushed a deep red. What am I going to do if Alan wants to do it again? She clenched her leg together nervously. It wasn¡¯t that she didn¡¯t want to, but she wanted to hold off physical contact like that for a while. It had hurt terribly, and she remembered the pain. She needed time. But she didn¡¯t know if she would be able to refuse it if Alan asked.


    Alan saw that she was indeed nervous and perhaps not able to say the things she felt. He didn¡¯t want to push her or make her feel even more awkward than she already was. ¡°It¡¯s alright, Sia,¡± he said gently, ¡°I will have my butler prepare a separate room for me.¡±


    ¡°No, I¡­,¡± she said, hurriedly, ¡°That¡¯s not what I meant.¡±


    ¡°You don¡¯t want to share a room, right?¡± he asked, confused.


    ¡°No, it¡¯s not that we can¡¯t share a room,¡± she stammered, ¡°I just¡­¡±


    He extended his hand and caressed her cheek. ¡°Are you worried?¡±


    ¡°I¡­,¡± she began, ¡°Just for today¡­¡± Unable to finish her sentence, she let her voice trail off. She was appalled at herself. Usually she could blurt out anything she thought about but today she felt tongue-tied.


    ¡°Yes, Sia,¡± urged Alan, ¡°Today? What?¡±


    ¡°Nothing,¡± she said, ¡°But it has nothing to do with the room. You can stay.¡±


    ¡°Okay,¡± he said.


    Siana couldn¡¯t bring herself to say it. And she felt stupid for bringing this up and not being able to go through with it. Why can¡¯t I just tell him the truth? She would always be embarrassed and ashamed of what they had done yesterday. No matter how naked and bare they were with each other, literally and metaphorically, Siana would always feel the shame. And she didn¡¯t want to make things up like the ¡®rabbit story¡¯ and have everything lead to another direction. It was good to be straightforward and honest, instead. But she couldn¡¯t do that either.


    Seeing her flustered fuelled his curiosity even more, but he didn¡¯t want to push her. She looked very troubled, but he didn¡¯t want to pry. She would tell him whenever she felt ready. He could wait. He had shamelessly pushed her yesterday and he still felt guilty about it. Since she said sharing the room wasn¡¯t a problem, he would listen to her.


    ¡°Then go wash up first,¡± he said.


    ¡°Me?¡± she asked.


    ¡°Yes, unless you want to wash up together,¡± teased Alan.


    The joke was lost on Siana. She shook her head violently and rushed to the bathroom. She was afraid of what he would suggest next. Siana felt the heat rise to her cheeks. She felt his gaze at her back as she walked to the bathroom.


    She entered the bathroom and locked the door from inside. She tried to calm her fiercely beating heart. She turned the faucets on to fill the tub. Let¡¯s just wash up first, I will worry later¡­ She let go of her thoughts and washed herself making generous use of the aromatic oil, the soap and the shampoo.


    When she stepped out of the bathroom wrapped in a lush, soft robe, Alan was getting ready to wash up. ¡°You can go ahead and sleep if you are tired,¡± he said, ¡°No need to wait up for me.¡±


    He then went to the bathroom. But she was too anxious to fall asleep just yet. And the occasional splashing sound of the water from the bathroom set her nerves on edge. She tried to calm herself, took deep breaths and dried her hair. When she was convinced that it was dry enough, she nestled under the blanket. No place seemed comfortable at that moment. She tossed and turned to find a comfortable position. Just then, Alan came out of the bathroom, wet hair glistening under the light.


    Seeing his solid, muscled chest under the robe set her heart thumping again. She had seen him whole only yesterday so why was it that she was acting all fluttery and stupid today too? It occurred to her how handsome Alan looked right at that moment.


    Alan hung the towel at the back of the chair and walked towards the bed. Siana¡¯s heart threatened to burst out of her chest. ¡°Do you want me to turn the lights off?¡± he asked.


    ¡°Y-yeah,¡± she stammered.


    He turned the lights off. The room was bathed in darkness. Her senses became hypersensitive in the dark. She could hear him walking towards the bed and getting on the bed. The rustle of fabrics. She heard him get under the blanket and his arms wrapped around her and pulled her close.


    Siana felt embarrassed but thanked her lucky stars that Alan, at the least, wouldn¡¯t see her blushing in the dark. Not knowing what to do, she tried to relax and not be so stiff. Alan buried his face into her hair.


    Alan was silent. Perhaps he had fallen asleep. Good, seems like he just wants to sleep¡­ She was just relishing the feeling of relief when she heard him speak above her head.


    ¡°Sia,¡± he said.


    ¡°Yeah?¡±


    ¡°Goodnight,¡± he said softly.


    ¡°Goodnight to you too,¡± she said.


    She felt relief wash through her. But why did she feel disappointed as well? She hadn¡¯t wanted to do what they did yesterday, obviously. I must be going insane¡­ She was appalled at that devilish part of herself that she never thought existed. She knew it wasn¡¯t bad, because people are bound to have these thoughts and urges. People, after all, belonged to the animal kingdom. Besides, he was her husband! But it felt awkward and unusual to expect intimacy from Alan even if they had done it once. He was her childhood friend!


    She wanted to turn around to the other side but his arms around her held her firm, hugging her close to him. She stared up at him when she was sure he was asleep. She saw him vaguely in the dark. His blond hair, his sharp nose and deep-set eyes. His even breathing was soothing. And he looked so serene when he was asleep, like nothing in the world could stress him. She snuggled closer to his chest. She could still smell the faintish scent of the lavender soap on him. And his warmth lulled her to drowsiness. She probably smelled the same. It was the same soap and the same shampoo.


    The thought was strange too, but she thought she could get used to this. She smiled as she thought that and slowly drifted off to sleep.


    *


    Siana woke up in the middle of the night. Something had woken her. A sound in the dark.


    The room was still dark. It wasn¡¯t morning yet. She felt very foggy from sleep and struggled to clear her vision, when a groan startled her awake. It was Alan. She turned on the magic light next to the bed, on the side table.


    The room lit up dimply. Alan¡¯s face was contorted in a grimace. Siana put the back of her hand to his forehead. It was drenched in cold sweat. Alan looked like he was in pain.


    ¡°Alan,¡± called Siana, worry gripping her heart, ¡°Wake up.¡± She shook him a little.


    Alan¡¯s eyes fluttered open. He was breathing roughly, as though he couldn¡¯t get enough air. ¡°Are you alright?¡± she asked. ¡°You looked like you were in pain. Are you hurt anywhere?¡± She tried to examine his body to see where it hurt but he extended his hand and wrapped them around her, pulling her close to him. She could feel his thudding heart through his chest.


    He was still taking staggering breaths. It worried her. He was silent for a long time. She thought maybe he had fallen asleep again when he, at last, spoke.


    ¡°I am alright,¡± he said, ¡°Just a dream.¡±


    ¡°A nightmare?¡± asked Siana.


    ¡°Yeah¡­a nightmare,¡± he said softly.


    ¡°What happened?¡± she asked, ¡°What did you see?¡±


    ¡°Just something from a long time ago.¡±


    She was glad that his breathing had become stable and he looked calm. If it wasn¡¯t for him groaning in pain and sweating buckets a while ago, she would have believed nothing serious had happened. But she knew better.


    ¡°Like what?¡± she asked. ¡°Were you in pain?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s not important.¡±


    ¡°I want to know.¡± She looked up at him. Alan was silent for a moment.


    He let out a weary sigh. ¡°I will tell you another time.¡±


    ¡°Is it very difficult for you to talk about?¡± she asked.


    ¡°A bit, yes,¡± he said, his hands on her back pulling her closer to him.


    Siana turned off the light. He seemed agonized and she didn¡¯t want to push him further. She was, however, curious and thought about whatever it was for a long time when she felt her eyes close and she drifted off to sleep again.

 Chapter 25

    After Siana fell asleep, Alan started groaning in his sleep again, startling her awake. This time, before Siana could wake him, Alan¡¯s eyes shot open, turned on her. Before she knew it, he was above her, pinning her down on the bed, unable to move.


    ¡°Alan¡­,¡± she stammered. As his hand went around her waist, he flinched as Siana groaned in pain. His eyes which had been blank flashed with life again. A series of emotions ran through them. First, surprise, then recognition, then shame and guilt. His weight disappeared from above her and she could move again. She rubbed at her arm which had been crushed beneath his body.


    ¡°I am sorry,¡± said Alan with shame heavy in his voice.


    Siana didn¡¯t know what to say because she was confused by what just happened. Alan kept wringing his hands and apologizing to her. She leaned and turned on the bedside lamp. The soft and warm yellow light filled the room and illuminated Alan¡¯s face. He seemed disturbed and agonized. He was drenched with sweat and little beads of them tumbled from his forehead onto the side of his face. His torso was glistening.


    ¡°Alan,¡± she said gently, ¡°Another nightmare?¡± He nodded.


    ¡°What were you dreaming about?¡± she asked, cautiously.


    ¡°I¡­ nothing,¡± he said.


    ¡°Try,¡± she urged, ¡°I am here to listen to you. Maybe it will make you feel a bit better.¡±


    Alan still looked reluctant. The current situation had unsettled him. He had thought it was just a nightmare and it would pass but it had recurred, and he might have hurt Siana badly. He was cursed. He tried to explain this to Siana haltingly, trying to find the right words that would explain what he felt. He didn¡¯t even know if she would believe him.


    He didn¡¯t know with any certainty if this was a curse, so he didn¡¯t tell her that. He had had nightmares but something like this had never happened before. But the possibility was still there, and it made him anxious and worried and scared.


    He wanted to brush it off as just a harmless nightmare and pretend like it never happened. He didn¡¯t want to scare her either. But twice, he had woken her. He had even tried to kill her. He couldn¡¯t just brush it off as harmless. He had pressed her down, pinned her and vaguely remembered searching for his pistol. If he had indeed found the gun before he had taken control over himself¡­. He couldn¡¯t bear to think about it.


    Alan was filled with uncertainty. What if he did it again? And what if at that time, he wasn¡¯t as lucky to come to himself at the right moment? Siana, at the least, deserved the truth. He decided to tell her everything.


    ¡°I¡­,¡± he stammered, ¡°I dreamt that I was on the battlefield.¡± He paused and took a deep breath. ¡°I saw my colleagues dead beside me, and I almost died too. I saw dead people everywhere¡­¡±


    Siana was hit with such an overwhelming feeling. She felt so much sympathy for him as the realities of the dreams tumbled from his lips. She wanted to console him somehow. And the way Alan spoke haltingly, as though he might break down any moment, broke her heart. She hugged him and he wrapped his arms around her.


    Alan was silent for a while and he pulled her closer to him, held her tightly. ¡°I thought I would be okay,¡± he said, his voice heavy with grief, ¡°I thought it would all go away after the end of the war. I am so sorry, Sia. I will sleep in a different room. I will go now.¡± He let his arms fall from her and stood up.


    This chapter was brought to you by Keopi translations. Please read the original, and more novels, at our site. Thank you.


    But before he could take a step, Siana grabbed his sleeve. ¡°No, where are you going?!¡± she exclaimed. ¡°You don¡¯t look well. Just stay here.¡±


    ¡°Sia, you can¡¯t sleep if I am here,¡± he whispered.


    ¡°Nonsense!¡± she said, ¡°Why do you get to decide and do as you please every single time. Just because you would wake me, you up and leave?¡±


    ¡°I¡­ no, that is not what I meant,¡± he said. He didn¡¯t have the heart to utter the words that he might be a danger to her. That he might try to kill her. It was heinous, and he didn¡¯t want her to be terrified of him.


    ¡°But you saw¡­,¡± he tried to explain, ¡°The nightmares are so bad¡­.¡± His voice trailed off.


    Alan desperately wanted to be with her. He wanted her to be by his side and he wanted to stay by her, too. Alan frowned. Siana looked at him, full of worry. Her brows furrowed.


    ¡°You have always treated me so well,¡± she began, ¡°You have always listened to my problems and helped me solve them. I am not going to let you just go away with your problems while I stay here and do nothing. I want to help you, but you can¡¯t just up and leave like this. Trust me a little bit, at least.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s not that, Sia,¡± said Alan.


    ¡°Then tell me what it is,¡± she asked, ¡°What are you so scared of that you want to avoid me?¡±


    Alan looked at her, speechless at her retorts. ¡°Please, Alan,¡± she said, ¡°Don¡¯t suffer alone. Trust me a little. We are married. Marriage has to work both ways.¡±


    It was the first time Alan had heard the word marriage from her mouth. It was the first time she had admitted it with acceptance. ¡°Why is it that you know everything about me, but I know nothing of you?¡± she asked, ¡°Why won¡¯t yourself open up to me?¡±


    ¡°It might be best to not know things sometimes,¡± he said.


    ¡°That is for me to decide,¡± she said, ¡°If we are married and are going to be by each other¡¯s side, it is important for us to trust each other, too. You can¡¯t tailor our relationship in your favour. Don¡¯t decide things alone. Don¡¯t suffer alone. Let me help.¡±


    Alan was speechless. He had no words he could say to her. But Siana was undaunted. He was her husband now and she wasn¡¯t just going to let him go to another room to suffer alone. What is so scary that he is unable to even say it? Siana wondered.


    ¡°If you can¡¯t talk about it right now,¡± she said gently, ¡°Or if it is very difficult for you to do so, that¡¯s alright. You don¡¯t have to push yourself to tell me but don¡¯t go. Don¡¯t tell me you are just going to walk away to another room and suffer there. Just sleep here.¡±


    ¡°I can¡¯t,¡± he said.


    ¡°Why?¡± she asked, ¡°Tell me why. Convince me. I at least need an answer.¡± She waited patiently.


    Alan was silent. He opened his mouth and closed it again. He looked anguished. ¡°I¡­,¡± he trailed off.


    He cleared his throat and took a deep breath. ¡°I am afraid I might hurt you,¡± he said, finally.


    ¡°You could never hurt me, Alan,¡± she said, ¡°I know you never would.¡±


    ¡°But you saw me,¡± said Alan, conflicted. He was finally facing his fear of voicing that which he had wanted to avoid. ¡°You saw how I pinned you down. I tried to kill you. What if it happened again?¡± His voice broke.


    Though it was true that he had pinned her down, she thought it was far from trying to kill her. ¡°You weren¡¯t trying to kill me, Alan.¡±


    ¡°I was¡­,¡± he said.


    ¡°When?¡± she asked.


    ¡°When I pinned you down, I wasn¡¯t myself,¡± he said, ¡°I was searching for my pistol, I think. I know because it was my daily routine in case of a surprise enemy attack. I recognized the behaviour.¡± He looked tormented. ¡°If my pistol was on my waist or if you hadn¡¯t called my name, I would have¡­ killed you. What if I do it again?¡± His voice trembled. He heaved a breath. ¡°I think I am cursed. I am not completely sure but¡­ if it is a curse, it will happen again.¡±


    Alan lowered his head. He didn¡¯t dare face her. He fixed his stare towards the floor and waited for her reply. For her to exclaim in outrage or demand a divorce. He would do anything she wanted. He couldn¡¯t live without her, but he wouldn¡¯t ever hold her down. He can¡¯t do that to her. She had a right to live a normal life with a normal man. She had a right to safety. How would she live with a man who might kill her in a fit of unconsciousness?


    Alan cursed himself for always being hasty. He had been complacent. He was a power holder so he had believed he wouldn¡¯t be cursed. He had been busy pressuring Siana to marry him, instead. He felt guilty and ashamed of himself. Maybe Siana was thinking the same. Maybe she thought anything would have been better than this. She could have run away to another place or even married that vile viscount. Was she regretting it?


    ¡°What exactly is this curse?¡± asked Siana, which jolted Alan out of his anxious thoughts. ¡°How did you get it?¡±


    Alan was stunned for a moment. ¡°I¡­ if you hurt other people you get the curse,¡± he explained, ¡°On the battlefield, you have no choice but to kill.  So, power holders are supposed to repent for three months after returning from the battlefield for the curse to be lifted.¡±


    ¡°So, you didn¡¯t complete those three months?¡¯ asked Siana.


    ¡°Yes, I¡­ I was hasty,¡± he said, ¡°They say that power holders don¡¯t get cursed. I believed it and rushed to the capital.¡±


    Siana listened attentively. Alan¡¯s anxiety gnawed at his heart. He still wasn¡¯t looking at her directly. Siana didn¡¯t know how to comfort him. She wished he would look at her. She tried to calm herself and speak rationally.


    ¡°You said you came to yourself when I called your name,¡± said Siana, ¡°That¡¯s solved then.¡±


    ¡°What?!¡± exclaimed Alan, stunned. He hadn¡¯t expected it.


    ¡°There is no weapon in this room,¡± she continued, ¡°And you woke from your nightmare anyway. I will slap you awake if it happens again. So, don¡¯t worry. Problem solved!¡±


    ¡°Sia,¡± Alan said, his face stiff. ¡°This isn¡¯t an issue to be taken lightly.¡±


    ¡°I know that!¡± said Siana, exasperated, ¡°But I want to believe that there are other ways around this issue than to throw you out of the room and lock you out. I won¡¯t do that.¡±


    Alan flinched at her words. Siana tensed. ¡°Alan,¡± she said, ¡°You didn¡¯t think¡­. Oh gods, you really thought I would just throw you out.¡±


    ¡°But you have a right to!¡± said Alan, ¡°I tried to kill you.¡±


    ¡°Oh, don¡¯t be so dramatic,¡± she said and smiled, ¡°You did not kill me, did you? The most you did was pin me down on the bed and squeeze me. I think I am not going to die from that, you idiot.¡± Siana tried to make light of the situation. She wanted Alan to feel comfortable. But she knew that everything wasn¡¯t alright. If there had been a weapon, she might have been dead by now. He could strangle her with those huge hands, and nobody would know any better.


    Siana, however, wanted to share his burden and help him. If they were going to make this marriage work, they would have to rely on each other. Besides, she felt that she needed to bear some of this curse. She felt somewhere within her that it was partly her fault. She knew that Alan¡¯s choice to go out and serve in the battlefield to be an officer had been his own. It was not her that had made him make that decision. But the reasons that had motivated Alan, in his own perception, was her. He had done that to become worthy of her, so he had thought. So, she felt a bit of responsibility as well.


    T/N: Apologies for the late post. Something came up irl. I hope you enjoyed this sweet chapter! <3

 Chapter 26

    ¡°Sia, you know that is not what I meant,¡± said Alan, ¡°it is a curse!¡±


    ¡°So?¡± asked Siana, ¡°I am not going to just break it off because of that sole reason.¡±


    ¡°What if it puts a lot of stress on our relationship in the future?¡±


    ¡°Nothing will compare to what happened last night¡­,¡± said Siana, ¡°And I can handle it.¡±


    She took a deep breath and looked at Alan. She studied him and blurted out, ¡°Nothing is going to make me change my mind,¡± she said, ¡°Don¡¯t worry so much about it. But if you leave this room, I will leave this house, too.¡±


    Her voice rose with impatience, she turned around, laid down and pulled the blankets over her head. She could feel her heart beating loudly. She wondered if Alan would just get up and leave. What if he does? Am I going to leave too? I just blurted it out and now I don¡¯t know what to do, but I meant it. She closed her eyes tightly and reprimanded herself on losing her cool. Her hands on her blanket clenched when she heard Alan moving around.


    She thought he had left, and her heart just dropped. But she suddenly felt him beside her, and his arms wrapped over her. He pulled her to him gently. ¡°I am sorry,¡± he said, ¡°And thank you.¡±


    Siana breathed a sigh of relief. His low voice soothed her. She turned around to look at him. She snuggled into his arms. She felt Alan flinch. And she hugged him tighter, trying to calm him. Siana fell asleep into a dreamless sleep.


    She woke in the morning to find Alan on the sofa reading the magazine. ¡°Sleep well?¡± he asked.


    ¡°Like a baby,¡± she mumbled drowsily.


    It still felt strange waking up and Alan being the first thing she saw in the morning. She would have to get used to that. She remembered him tossing and turning a lot in the night. I didn¡¯t wake up after that¡­ I wonder of Alan slept at all.


    She glanced at him. Should she ask? She shook her head. Asking never harmed anyone. ¡°Did you sleep well?¡± she asked, ¡°Did you have more dreams?¡±


    ¡°No,¡± said Alan hesitantly, ¡°I slept through the whole night.¡± His hesitancy made her question the authenticity of his answer.


    She was just going to ask him more when he added, ¡°It¡¯s because of you that I was able to sleep. Thank you, Sia.¡±


    ¡°I see,¡± she said, ¡°That¡¯s a relief. I am glad.¡± She thought he was just saying that so she wouldn¡¯t worry. He could be lying. Did he sleep at all?


    ¡°You couldn¡¯t sleep very well because of me,¡± said Alan, ¡°I am sorry.¡±


    ¡°Nonsense!¡± said Siana, ¡°I didn¡¯t even wake up once after that. I am very well rested.¡± She brushed his concerns away but what happened last night still lingered in her mind. ¡®I might hurt you,¡± he had said, with such agony. She could see he was very worried as well but trying hard not to show it. I am just glad he didn¡¯t suffer from nightmares after that.


    Maybe it won¡¯t happen again, thought Siana. Even if it did, she could shake him awake or call out his name. There weren¡¯t any weapons in the room, anyway. She looked at Alan then turned to look at the mirror at the far end. She was half draped in her blanket. Her light-brown hair was all tangled like a bird¡¯s nest on her head. Her eyes were bloodshot, probably because she hadn¡¯t gotten much sleep. But Siana slumped. Is this how I actually look every time? Gross!


    It made her embarrassed that Alan would see her this messy first thing in the morning. She pulled the blankets up to her face. She knew it wasn¡¯t a big thing to worry about, but she still felt insecure. She just lay there covered wholly with the blanket, not wanting to come out.


    ¡°Go back to sleep if you¡¯re sleepy,¡± said Alan, gently, ¡°We have time until afternoon to go shopping.¡±


    She was going to say she wasn¡¯t hiding because she was sleepy then caught herself. Shopping? She peeked from beneath the blanket and looked at him. ¡°Shopping?¡± she asked.


    ¡°Yes,¡± said Alan, ¡°To buy some gifts. We couldn¡¯t go yesterday.¡±


    ¡°Oh,¡± she said. She had forgotten all about it. She glanced at the clock on the wall. It was going to be time for lunch soon enough.


    ¡°It¡¯s alright,¡± said Alan, ¡°Sleep. I will wake you up a little while later.¡±


    ¡°No,¡± said Siana, ¡°I am wide awake. I am going to go take a shower, instead.¡±


    Siana shuffled to the bathroom. She showered and dried her hair. By the time she got ready, it was lunchtime. They ate a great lunch and headed out. When she got out of the carriage, she found Alan and herself in front of a fancy shop with the sign ¡®Le Blanche¡¯.


    Her eyes widened. The place was grandiose; the prices were exorbitant. She remembered one of her friends wanting to buy wedding gifts from this shop because it was all the hype in the neighbourhood but the prices¡­


    Even Yulia, who was not much concerned about such things, found the shop fascinating. But eventually she had decided to visit other alternative establishments because of the high prices.


    ¡°We are getting the gifts here?¡± asked Siana.


    Alan scratched his head. ¡°I don¡¯t really know many shops around here,¡± he said, ¡°My butler told me this was a pretty popular place, so I brought us here. If you have any other place in mind, we can go there, no problem!¡±


    ¡°No, I¡­,¡± said Siana, ¡°I don¡¯t really know many shops as well. But I heard this place is very expensive. Are you sure you want to shop here?¡±


    ¡°Oh, it¡¯s alright Siana. Don¡¯t worry yourself regarding money at all,¡± he said, ¡°Choose whatever you like. It¡¯s absolutely alright.¡±


    Siana nodded, reluctantly. She didn¡¯t want to refuse his kindness, but she didn¡¯t want to feel like she was doing something wrong as well. They looked around for things. The prices made her head reel. Anything she found pretty was priced so high she felt guilty for wanting it and thus, moved on to something else. Everything was just so pricey that it made her nervous.


    She had thought that she could choose something simple hoping it would be priced reasonably but it was beyond her imagination. Everything was pretty and everything was expensive. She couldn¡¯t choose anything. The moment she saw the price she felt discouraged.


    ¡°You don¡¯t see anything you like?¡± asked the shop owner, smiling at the couple.


    ¡°Oh, it¡¯s not that,¡± said Siana, ¡°I just can¡¯t seem to choose anything because everything is so pretty.¡±


    ¡°All of our customers agree with you,¡± said the owner smiling. ¡°How about trying something on? Might help you decide.¡±


    ¡°Can I, really?¡± asked Siana.


    ¡°Of course!¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s a great idea,¡± said Alan, ¡°Sia, try something on!¡±


    ¡°Okay,¡± she said, smiling.


    Siana had replied in the affirmative but all she wanted to do was get out of there. But she obliged. She tried a few things, a couple of jewelry. In the end she chose a simple but elegant accessory. Even for that, the price wasn¡¯t cheap. It almost felt like a burden to walk around with such expensive jewelry.


    ¡°Do you want anything else?¡± asked Alan.


    ¡°What? I¡­,¡± stammered Siana.


    ¡°You will need plenty of accessories for when you attend banquets and meet your friends, won¡¯t you?¡± said Alan, ¡°Go ahead and choose whatever you like. If not, I can buy you some later, but I don¡¯t know if you will like my choice.¡± Alan smiled.


    Siana could feel the stares of people on her, especially the shop clerk. She wanted to disappear. Do I really need all of this? The urge to refuse his offer became stronger in her heart. But his words lingered. Count and countesses were expected to attend royal banquets and parties among the nobles. She vaguely remembered Yulia whining about endless social appearance and callings.


    Since Alan was an earl and she was now a countess, maybe that was what her life would be like. She had no idea of how banquets and parties would be. But she must do her part, so she resolved to choose some more accessories. But Siana didn¡¯t know what to choose. Without having dresses, how was she to know which accessories to buy or if they would go well with her outfit.


    It all felt like a waste. ¡°It¡¯s alright,¡± she said, ¡°Maybe later. I will see which dresses I have and decide on buying accessories that match.¡±


    ¡°Hm,¡± said Alan, ¡°Alright. We can come again and buy some dresses for you. Still, choose one more.¡±


    He wasn¡¯t going to budge. Feeling defeated, Siana got two more jewelry. She felt very uncomfortable spending so much money on something she didn¡¯t need. These things weren¡¯t very essential to her. But Alan looked ecstatic. He asked the clerk to show them the rings they had.


    ¡°I thought we were finished here,¡± said Siana, wide-eyed.


    ¡°This is for us,¡± he said, ¡°I didn¡¯t even give you a ring on the day I proposed marriage. I know it feels a bit late, but I want to do it right.¡±


    The shop clerk showed them rows and rows of rings for sale. Everything looked pretty and glittery and it lit the room itself. Siana¡¯s eye was caught by a ring that had a different kind of stone in the middle.


    ¡°Why does this look different from the others?¡± asked Siana.


    ¡°That¡¯s because it¡¯s a birthstone, Ma¡¯am,¡± said the clerk.


    ¡°A birthstone?¡±


    ¡°Yes,¡± said the clerk, ¡°Each moth has different stone representing it. So, people born in a certain month will have their own birthstone. Currently, we have diamonds and rubies used as samples. But if you know your birth month, we can certainly customise the design with your respective birthstone.¡±


    Siana studied the ring. It wasn¡¯t extravagant in design. Instead, it looked simple but elegant with a stone in the middle. It looked very nice. ¡°Alan?¡± she called, ¡°How about this one?¡±


    ¡°You like it?¡± he asked.


    ¡°Yes,¡± said Siana, ¡°I really like the idea that it can be customised. We could put your birthstone in mine, and my birthstone in yours.¡±

 Chapter 27

    ¡°That would be great!¡± said Alan.  ¡°Can it be done?¡± he asked the clerk.


    ¡°Of course,¡± said the clerk, ¡°However, it will take a bit of time. I can have them delivered to you by early morning tomorrow. Would that be alright?¡±


    ¡°That would be perfect,¡± said Alan. They placed their order and left the address and left the shop. Siana turned to Alan.


    ¡°Where to, now?¡± she asked.


    ¡°Maybe some clothes store?¡±


    ¡°Why?¡±


    ¡°It would be nice to buy our clothes together,¡± said Alan, ¡°I especially want to get mine today. I have very few clothes. I haven¡¯t had time to shop for clothes after returning from the battlefield.¡±


    ¡°I see,¡± said Siana. She did remember him always dressed in formal clothes or uniforms. ¡°Then, maybe we¡ª¡± She noticed that Alan was looking down at her hands. ¡°Is something wrong?¡± she asked.


    ¡°Can I hold your hand?¡± he asked.


    It was such an unexpected question. They had been together at all times. They slept snuggled close to each other. So, the question was so simple and out of place that it confused Siana.


    ¡°We even slept snuggled close together yesterday,¡± she asked with a smirk, ¡°And you are asking me if you can hold my hand?¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t know,¡± he said, ¡°I wanted to get your permission first.¡± Alan smiled.


    He smiled but the tips of his ears were red. He was actually blushing! Siana found him so adorable sometimes. She wondered if this was the same person who teased her every time he gets. He stood there smiling awkwardly and blushing bright red.


    Siana tried not to laugh. She grabbed his hand. ¡°Well, then,¡± she said, ¡°I give you my permission.¡±


    ¡°Thank you,¡± he said as he held her hands in his. She chuckled. He arched an eyebrow. Their fingers intertwined and they walked ahead. Seeing their hands woven together made her heart flutter.


    * * *


    They had already done much more than hold hands. So, why did her heart flutter like this? She thought people usually passed this phase of holding hands and embracing before they moved on to marriage and got intimate with each other. Seems like we are going backwards.


    Siana thought about it and acknowledged that her situation hadn¡¯t been normal in the first place. Had she had time to decide, perhaps they would have courted each other taking their time and then moved on to marriage. It had been an impulsive decision on both their parts with some time limit.


    Thus, they walked hand-in-hand to some clothes shop. This place was as expensive as the other one, but she felt much more comfortable and less guilty shopping with Alan now. They tried to find clothes they liked.


    Unlike Siana, who had a difficult time finding anything that fit her right, courtesy of her small build and height, Alan was in his element. He easily found some dashing clothes that fit as though they were made only for him. Everything looked good on him: bright color, darker ones, whatever design.


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    Why does everything fit and look perfect on him? Siana wondered. She envied him as she looked at herself in the mirror. I want to be tall too. I am jealous!  She was looking at Alan with a scowl on her face.


    ¡°You don¡¯t like it here?¡± he asked, noticing her.


    ¡°What?¡± asked Siana, confused. ¡°Whatever gave you that idea?¡±


    ¡°Well, for one, you have been very quiet,¡± said Alan, ¡°And, you are scowling.¡±


    ¡°That is because I am jealous of you,¡± said Siana, ¡°You look good in everything you try. How is that even possible?¡±


    ¡°Jealous?¡± smirked Alan.


    ¡°Obviously,¡± said Siana, ¡°I have to consider my size when I choose something. And because I am small, sometimes I don¡¯t find clothes that fit me properly. But you are tall, and everything fits. I envy you.¡±


    ¡°Hm,¡± said Alan, thinking whether that was a compliment. ¡°I would have thought jealousy was something that happened between people similar to you. Shouldn¡¯t you be proud of me instead?¡±


    ¡°Be proud of you because you are tall and handsome?¡± asked Siana.


    ¡°Yeah. And because I am your husband now,¡± he said with a smirk.


    ¡°No shame at all,¡± said Siana jokingly, shaking her head. ¡°You are such a showoff.:


    ¡°Well,¡± said Alan with that sly grin, ¡°You were the one who said it. I am only accepting it as a fact.¡± He pressed his forehead to hers. His eyes looking at her, and the side of his lips curled up in a grin.


    Her heart thumped and he lost all her thoughts at his closeness. His boyish grin took her breath away. ¡°You¡­,¡± she stammered, ¡°How rude!¡±


    ¡°Rude?¡± said Alan, ¡°I haven¡¯t even done anything yet. I have no idea why you are saying that.¡±


    Siana patted his back and pushed him into the fitting room. ¡°Go buy something and leave me alone.¡±


    Still with the smirk, he obeyed. They paid for their clothes and then headed to the shoe store next. And then to a furniture store. Siana could understand why they went to the shoe store, but the furniture store was a mystery to her. Alan¡¯s house hadn¡¯t lacked any furniture whatsoever.


    ¡°Why are we going to the furniture store?¡± asked Siana. ¡°Aren¡¯t we going back to the estate?¡±


    ¡°Well, yes,¡± said Alan, ¡°We will first be having our wedding ceremony. And I thought it would be better to buy some furniture and chests on the way. You need a wardrobe and we need some things to pack in since we will be visiting the capital often.¡±


    ¡°Ah, alright,¡± said Siana.


    Siana was no more surprised at Alan¡¯s spending habits. She didn¡¯t feel ashamed or guilty going along with him even. She thought that maybe Alan would tell her if they spent too much and their budget were running out. So, she didn¡¯t feel guilty anymore, but he never stopped her. Well, I guess humans truly are adaptable.


    She chose the furniture she liked. She had lived her whole life thinking about the price and whether she could afford it. With Alan, it finally felt free. She could choose things without feeling any sort of guilt.


    They stopped at a restaurant and she felt different. Maybe it was because she had done up her hair and make up in the dressing room earlier. Or maybe she felt like a different person now. The dimmed lights set a very relaxing mood and she felt calm and relaxed. She noticed her reflection in the window of the restaurant. I don¡¯t remember dressing like this in my coming-of-age party. Siana felt bizarre. So many things had changed in such a short span of days, and with it, she had changed too.


    When the food they had ordered finally came, she was ecstatic. They were delicious and she dived right in.


    ¡°Is it good?¡± asked Alan.


    ¡°Yes, very delicious,¡± she said.


    ¡°I am glad,¡± said Alan, ¡°You can order whatever you want.¡±


    ¡°No,¡± said Siana, ¡°If I eat anymore, I will not be able to stop and I will gain weight.¡±


    ¡°You will look beautiful either way,¡± said Alan.


    ¡°You don¡¯t see these cheeks on my face?¡± she said, ¡°If they became plumper, I would look like hamsters.¡±


    ¡°So what?¡± he said, ¡°I like hamsters.¡±


    Alan wasn¡¯t someone who dished out compliments. She almost choked. ¡°I am not going to gain weight, no matter how delicious the food is,¡± said Siana, ¡°I don¡¯t want to look like a hamster.¡±


    ¡°Why do you keep saying hamster?¡± he asked.


    ¡°Don¡¯t you remember?¡± asked Siana, ¡°Back when I used to follow you to your training, some of the guys used to make fun of me. They used to tease me because of my hamster cheeks.¡±


    ¡°Really?¡± asked Alan.


    ¡°Yeah,¡± she sighed. She had always been insecure about her body and her weight. She had subjected herself to many painful ways to lose weight. When she realized that it wasn¡¯t working, she had decided to keep her meals moderate and not overdo it.


    ¡°Do you remember their names?¡± he asked.


    ¡°What? No,¡± said Siana, ¡°It was so long ago. Why do you ask?¡±


    ¡°Never mind, that,¡± he said, ¡°And you are right. It was so long ago.¡±


    Alan slumped in his chair. He looked suddenly down. Siana wanted to take back whatever she said. It wasn¡¯t something to be sad over, it was ages ago.


    ¡°Alan? Do you not like the food?¡±


    ¡°It tastes fine. Why do you ask?¡±


    ¡°You look sad,¡± she said, ¡°I thought maybe It was because of the food.¡±


    ¡°I was just thinking of something when an unpleasant thought crossed my mind, that¡¯s all. Don¡¯t worry about it. It¡¯s nothing serious.¡± He sipped his wine. He gulped it down, more like. As soon as it was empty, he poured another glass and downed it. He ordered another bottle of wine.


    Siana had a bad feeling about this. He was drinking too much. Is it because of what I said about the training? She recalled how he looked last night. The worry and agony in his face. She decided not to press him further. But she wanted to comfort him, he was drinking too much. If he just keeps running from his thoughts, he is going to down the entire bottle and he will get drunk.


    She had refused the wine because she hadn¡¯t felt like drinking. But she was scared for him. ¡°Give me some,¡± she said and held out her glass. Maybe she could drink a little and start a conversation and steer his focus away from the bottle.


    He poured a drink for her. By the time they finished eating and drinking, it was dark. As they got up from their seats, Siana felt quite tipsy. When she got into the carriage, the plush, cushioned seat soothed her back and shoulders. She felt drowsy and drifted off to sleep. A few times, she forced her eyes open but the carriage was still moving. She closed her eyes. She felt something cool touch her face. Her eyes fluttered open.


    Everything seemed distorted for a while. She lifted her head to shake off the sleep and Alan¡¯s face appeared above her. ¡°Alan?¡± she mumbled.


    ¡°Shh, go back to sleep,¡± he said, ¡°I didn¡¯t mean to wake you.¡±


    But the carriage¡­ I have to get out,¡± she said and then realized, belatedly that she was in the bedroom. It looked familiar but strange at the same time. She also realized that she wasn¡¯t sleeping sitting up, like in the carriage but lying down on the bed. She was surprised, then realization kicked in.


    ¡°How did I get here?¡±

 Chapter 28

    ¡°I brought you here,¡± said Alan, ¡°I was just going to tuck you in but thought I should remove your accessories first. I did that and was wiping your face to remove the make-up. Sorry, I woke you.¡±


    Siana saw a damp towel in Alan¡¯s hand. Siana was moved by his consideration and kindness. ¡°Did you carry me all the way here from the carriage?¡±


    ¡°What do you think?¡± he said with a sly smile.


    ¡°I am not heavy?¡± asked Siana. She knew Alan was strong, but the house had a great many stairs.


    ¡°You are feather-light,¡± he said. Siana raised an eyebrow. It is quite a distance with said stairs from the front door till the bedroom. ¡®Feather-light¡¯ sounded like an exaggerated lie.


    ¡°No need to make that face,¡± he said, ¡°You are nothing compared to the equipment I had to lug around during my training. D@mn, now those were heavy. Strained my muscles to breaking point. Do you want to see?¡±


    Alan rolled up his sleeves to display his muscles. The sinewy, veined arms made Siana forget herself. She swallowed hard. Alan noticed her reaction. His eyes widened and she stared at him awkwardly. The silence seemed to have stretched for eternity when his hand found her face. He stroked her cheeks as his lips met hers. Siana didn¡¯t push him away, she wanted him close to her. She could still smell the wine in his breath. She wrapped an arm around his neck and her fingers curled in his hair.


    His kiss became frantic. Alan always was so sweet when speaking to her but his mouth on hers was wild. His tongue explored her deeper and his hands were everywhere. His hands had moved from her cheeks to her hair, and now it untied the back of her dress and her bust strap. Her shift slipped down her shoulders. She vaguely had a thought that her dress might get wrinkled, but his frantic kisses drove everything out of her mind.


    His hands were on the bare skin of her back. It tickled Siana and sent a tingle throughout. She mo*ned and that was all the encouragement Alan needed. His touch became desperate. His straying hands dropped down to her bre*sts and caressed them. Heat rose between Siana¡¯s legs and she whimpered. She was already parting her legs when she cried out as a sharp pain made itself known.


    Alan stopped. ¡°It still hurts¡­,¡± she stammered.


    ¡°I know,¡± said Alan softly, ¡°I wasn¡¯t planning to go all the way.¡± He nibbled gently on her lower lips as he said this. His breath was rough. ¡°Can we stay like this for a little longer?¡± he asked, hesitantly.


    Siana nodded. ¡°Alright,¡± she said as she snuggled deeper into his arms. ¡°Just a little longer.¡±


    ¡°Hmm,¡± he mumbled as he sucked on her neck. His teeth grazed her collar bone and made her shiver, a little m*an escaping her mouth. Alan licked her neck, and she grabbed him tighter by his forearms.


    She could feel his pulse through his skin. It told her he was as stimulated as she was. Alan¡¯s lips moved down over her chest and then to her bre*sts. He sucked them lightly. Siana mo*ned. Every time he licked them; she felt a pang of pleasure through her. The heat building between her legs. She felt dizzy and her body burned with yearning.


    ¡°Alan¡­,¡± she mumbled.


    ¡°Just a little longer,¡± he whispered hoarsely.


    ¡°How much longer, Alan?¡± she whispered back.


    He smiled deviously. ¡°Until you cry out and beg me to stop?¡±


    ¡°Mm,¡± she mumbled, ¡°Why you little¡ª¡± She looked into his eyes, blue and sly. It flustered her. She closed her eyes and leaned deeper into his arms, her heart thumping loudly. She waited for his caresses to continue. But they didn¡¯t. She opened her eyes, surprised to see Alan straightening up her dress and tidying them up. She felt relieved but disappointed at the same time. She knew she couldn¡¯t go through till the end, and he wouldn¡¯t because he knew that it still hurt her. But still somewhere she wished that it would never end.


    ¡°Do you want me to tie them at the back?¡± he asked.


    Siana was so lost in thought that the question Alan asked didn¡¯t register. ¡°What?¡± she asked, confused.


    ¡°The straps on your dress,¡± he said, ¡°Do you want me to tie them all the way? Or are you going to change soon?¡±


    ¡°Oh,¡± she said, ¡°It¡¯s alright. Leave them be. I am going to go right to bed after a bath.¡±


    She had planned to do exactly that. A nice hot bath and then straight to bed. But now, all drowsiness had left her because of the little incident. She was sweaty from walking around all day and Alan had got her heated up on top of that. Alan got off the bed and she stood up to go to the bathroom. She turned to him at the last moment.


    ¡°Do you want to go first?¡± she asked.


    ¡°It¡¯s alright,¡± he said, ¡°You go first. I am going to drop by the office for a moment.¡±


    ¡°At this time of the night?¡± she asked. It was already 9 o¡¯clock. Granted it wasn¡¯t very late, but people usually didn¡¯t work at night.


    Alan chuckled. ¡°Work has piled up a little,¡± he said. She was going to ask about his work when she realized that Alan hadn¡¯t left her side for two days, three, to be exact. He hadn¡¯t had any time to focus on his work for the past few days.


    Siana felt a little guilty that she hadn¡¯t asked him before, and the thought hadn¡¯t crossed her mind at all. An Earl must have a lot of work to take care of, and he had put everything aside to be with her. She felt bad for not noticing earlier. She resolved to be more attentive towards him.


    ¡°When will you be back?¡± she asked.


    ¡°Hm,¡± he said, ¡°I am not sure. Just don¡¯t wait up for me. Go to sleep, okay?¡±


    ¡°Alright. Don¡¯t work too hard,¡± she said in return.


    Alan nodded and smiled. He put on his jacket and gathered his things. She thought he was going to leave when he walked to her and took her face in his hands. ¡°Sia,¡± he said, gently. She lifted her head to look at him. He dropped a soft kiss on her forehead. ¡°Goodnight.¡±


    Siana blushed. He turned and left. Only when the door closed behind him did she snap back to reality. It wasn¡¯t something that hadn¡¯t happened before. They had done much of the kissing and even beyond. It was just a chaste kiss on the forehead and still it set her heart thumping. She shook her head. I must be going crazy.


    She walked to the bathroom with the image of his lips on her forehead lingering in her mind. It had felt so gentle, and kind and sweet that she blushed a deep red as she entered the bathroom to wash herself.


    * * *


    The next day when Siana woke up, she saw Alan on the sofa, reading the magazine. Again. The sunlight streaming through the windows made his hair dazzle. She hadn¡¯t noticed him come back.


    ¡°Alan!¡± said Siana, ¡°When did you get back last night?¡±


    ¡°When you were sleeping peacefully,¡± he said and smirked, ¡°You were in such a deep sleep that I doubt you would have woken up even if I had blasted the music and danced around your bed.¡±


    ¡°I am not that heavy a sleeper,¡± she protested.


    ¡°Really?¡± said Alan, grinning, ¡°Either it was a changeling I saw yesterday, or you haven¡¯t met the Siana that I have.¡±


    ¡°It was because of the wine,¡± said Siana vehemently, ¡°Alcohol always gets me sleepy.¡±


    Alan chuckled. ¡°I am only teasing,¡± he said, sitting near her, ¡°I knew you were tired, so I didn¡¯t wake you.¡±


    He took his hand in hers. Siana was still groggy with sleep. She felt something slid down on her index finger. She looked down to find a beautiful ring, with an emerald in the middle, gleaming brightly in the sun.


    ¡°It¡¯s already here?¡± she said excitedly looking at the ring on her finger.


    ¡°Yes,¡± said Alan, ¡°They delivered it in the early morning, as promised. I put mine on, too.¡±


    Alan held his left hand out to show her. A ring with a sapphire stone gleamed in the sunlight. It was the most beautiful thing ever.


    ¡°So very apt,¡± she said, ¡°How is it that my birthstone matches your eyes and your birthstone matches mine?¡±


    ¡°Perhaps because we were always meant for each other,¡± said Alan with a warm smile.


    ¡°That¡¯s just speculating too far,¡± she said, jokingly.


    He touched the ring on her finger. She could feel his warm hands on hers and the coldness of the metal. But Alan was right. It did feel like it was fated all along. It felt magical. She looked at their rings and smiled.


    ¡°Sia?¡± said Alan.


    ¡°Hm?¡± she muttered. She looked up as Alan leaned down and touched his forehead to hers. His blue eyes gleamed in the sun. He was too dazzling to look at. But his eyes only looked at her.


    ¡°Can I kiss you?¡± he asked softly.


    ¡°What? Why all of a sudden?¡± she stammered.


    ¡°Because I want to,¡± he said, ¡°You said yesterday that I could if I wanted to.¡±


    ¡°What? No, I didn¡¯t,¡± she protested.


    ¡°You said that when I asked to hold hands,¡± he said, ¡°Does that extend to kisses as well?¡±


    ¡°No, it doesn¡¯t,¡± she said, ¡°You need to get explicit permission for that.¡±


    Alan backed away a little. He seemed disappointed and Siana heaved a sigh.

 Chapter 29

    ¡°For now, you have my permission,¡± she said hurriedly.


    ¡°Really?¡± he asked.


    ¡°Well, yes¡ª ¡°


    Alan leaned down and placed his lips on hers. His hands stroked her hair. His kiss always started soft and playful, like nibbling on her lower lips. Siana lost herself and closed her eyes. His kiss gradually began getting wild, his tongue exploring her mouth.


    Siana belatedly realized that she was pulling at his clothes and reddened in embarrassment. She could feel his hands all over her. And then her stomach growled so badly that both of them stopped. Alan burst out laughing.


    ¡°Don¡¯t laugh at me!¡± said Siana, blushing deep red.


    ¡°Sorry,¡± he said but was still rolling over in mirth.


    ¡°Oh, shut up!¡± she said and turned around. It was nice hearing him laugh with such abandon, but she was really, truly embarrassed.


    ¡°Sorry,¡± said Alan, trying very hard not to laugh, ¡°I won¡¯t laugh anymore.¡±


    ¡°Obviously that isn¡¯t true,¡± she said.


    ¡°Are you mad at me?¡± he asked.


    ¡°No. I am just embarrassed.¡±


    She turned around to face him and her stomach growled again. Siana was bewildered and shocked and embarrassed. All at the same time. Alan chuckled yet again as though people getting hungry was the funniest thing on earth. It was clear that he was trying so hard to not burst into laughter, but she could see he was going to, any minute.


    ¡°Oh, for god¡¯s sake,¡± she said, ¡°Laugh then, I don¡¯t care.¡±


    Alan didn¡¯t laugh. He smiled at her and extended his hands to take hers. ¡°Let¡¯s go eat lunch.¡±


    * * *


    Siana ate more than usual. The food was that good. They ate their lunch, savoring it and then greeted the butler and the other servants of the household. They greeted her with ¡®Madam¡¯ and Siana felt very awkward. When the lawyer had addressed her as countess or Mrs. Legarde, it had felt strange.


    I will need to get used to this, she thought. While Alan took a carriage to work, she walked around with the butler as he explained to her various things about the mansion and showed her rooms for different purposes.


    Alan had said that they would be moving down to a newly acquired estate but she decided that it wasn¡¯t a bad thing to just explore and know about where she was living for the moment.


    ¡°Mr. Deacon¡­,¡± Siana said.


    ¡°Oh, please call me Primo, Madam,¡± said the butler.


    ¡°Primo,¡± she said, ¡°I am still getting used to all of this. I want to talk to you more to understand how the household is being managed.¡±


    ¡°Of course, Madam,¡± said Primo the butler.


    More than just ¡®wife¡¯ to Alan, she was a countess now and would take her responsibilities seriously. Even though this wasn¡¯t the Legrade estate, it was still a household Alan owned and needed to be managed. Siana had managed household responsibilities after her mother¡¯s death, when she was very young. So, she had confidence that she could do this well enough.


    ¡°All the materials are in my room,¡± said Primo, ¡°It will take me a little bit of time to have them transferred to your study, Madam.¡±


    ¡°Of course,¡± said Siana, ¡°And thank you.¡±


    She followed Primo as he showed her the study and the ledgers of the household. They talked on end regarding matters of administration and management of the mansion, the repairs and the budget. It was nearly evening when Primo finished briefing her on these matters. This was not a work that could be finished in one day, after all.


    She returned to her bed after that and laid down on her bed. This is harder than I thought. She buried her head in the pillow, tired. She had no idea how much harder it would be when they moved to the estate Alan owned. She realized that being a high-ranking aristocrat had its share of difficulties. I haven¡¯t seen Alan since lunch. Thinking about Alan made her want to see him at once. Will he go to work at night today as well? Or will we eat dinner and come to our room and¡­


    She recalled, with some embarrassment, the feeling of his lips and his hands on her. She didn¡¯t seem to make up her mind. Although she was relieved that they hadn¡¯t gotten intimate again, she craved his touch when he wasn¡¯t here. She wanted to feel his skin on her and wanted to hear him breath raggedly in her ears. Hear his hoarse whispers¡­


    I feel like a pervert now¡­ I wonder if we can do it today. I feel better. Siana felt confused. She had never known about these things and had no one she could ask. She was whiling away her time when a servant knocked on her door to announce that Alan was waiting for her in the dining room.


    Siana was surprised that it was already time for dinner. She put on a shawl and walked downstairs. It was quite chilly in the mansion these days even when the stoves were always turned on to warm the house.


    As she entered the dining room, Alan got up from his seat. ¡°You¡¯re here,¡± he said. He welcomed her and pulled out a chair for her. When she was seated, he went back to his own seat and smiled.


    ¡°You must be tired,¡± he said.


    ¡°Not really,¡± she said, ¡°I am alright. How are you?¡±


    ¡°I am grand,¡± he said, ¡°I thought you would be exhausted after the walk and endless discussion with Primo.¡±


    ¡°I am alright,¡± she said, ¡°We had a very long discussion. Primo briefed me on the management on the household today.¡±


    ¡°You used to complain about it to your butler,¡± he said, smiling, ¡°You said it was so difficult to learn to manage. But now you seem to be used to it.¡±


    ¡°Of course,¡± she said, ¡°I had to learn and apply them for many years. I am fairly confident now. But how do you know so much?¡±


    ¡°You don¡¯t remember?¡± he asked, ¡°I remember you pretending to be sick to escape housework.¡±


    Siana stared at him, stunned. ¡°Really?¡±


    ¡°You really don¡¯t remember?¡± said Alan, ¡°Some guy at my drill was absent because he contracted mumps. You asked me what mumps were. I told you that your cheeks got swollen because of a virus and it was highly contagious.¡± Alan chuckled. ¡°You had rubbed your cheeks so sore that they were red. And you declared you had mumps.¡±


    Siana was trying hard to remember but she was unable to. ¡°Really?¡±


    ¡°Yes,¡± he said, ¡°When you were taken to the hospital, the doctor said you didn¡¯t have it. He even laughed because you had rubbed your cheeks so sore.¡±


    Siana was always so pleasantly surprised when Alan remembered their childhood so vividly. She was reminded how observant he was towards her and every little thing that mattered to her.


    ¡°Eventually your lie was found out, and your father didn¡¯t provide you with an allowance for a whole month as your punishment,¡± said Alan, ¡°You were really pissed at that. You complained to me that you couldn¡¯t go to a coffee shop with your friend. So, I let you borrow some money.¡±


    ¡°Alan¡­,¡± she said, surprised. ¡°How do you remember so much?¡±


    ¡°I have a good memory,¡± he said, smiling.


    ¡°It¡¯s amazing though,¡± she said, ¡°The way you remember it in vivid detail.¡±


    Siana decided not to pretend to remember. The more she pretended the more he revealed her past. He seemed to enjoy it, too. Because he was grinning like an idiot at the moment.


    ¡°There¡¯s something else I remember,¡± he said, smirking, ¡°Do you want to know?¡±


    ¡°No, I don¡¯t think I need to hear it,¡± she said and dived into her food, hurriedly. He wasn¡¯t sure what other embarrassing stories he had in his reservoir of memories.


    Alan laughed. He ate his food asking her about her day or telling her about his. When they were finishing dining, Alan took her hands in his. ¡°You go on up first,¡± he said.


    ¡°What about you?¡± she asked. She had assumed they would be heading to their room together.


    ¡°I still have some things I need to take care of,¡± he said, ¡°Don¡¯t wait up. Go to sleep, alright?¡±


    ¡°You still have a lot of work left?¡± she asked.


    ¡°Only a bit,¡± he said, ¡°I will take care of it and head to bed. Don¡¯t worry.¡±


    ¡°Okay,¡± she said. Alan looked tired and haggard. The bags under his eyes were getting worse as well. Siana was worried he was working himself too much. ¡°Don¡¯t overdo it, Alan,¡± she said, worriedly, ¡°It will ruin your health.¡±


    Alan only smiled at her. He brought her hands to his lips and kissed them. He then leaned down and placed a kiss on her forehead. ¡°Goodnight,¡± he said, ¡°See you later.¡± He then turned around and headed to his office.


    Siana felt like he was avoiding answering her. But she couldn¡¯t just tell him not to work either. Maybe I am just overthinking, she thought. I can talk to him later when he is back. There is no point worrying about it right now. Siana walked the stairs to her room and laid down, trying to calm her worries.


    * * *


    Siana stared at the clock in the room. The hour hand was at 6, and the minute hand pointed to 12. It was morning and Alan had not come back to the room even once. This happened for the third time in a row. He had said he had work to do and had assured her that he would come to sleep when he was done with it.


    Siana hadn¡¯t expected his work to be so much. She had stayed up all night wanting to have a conversation with Alan. She felt something strange was going on with him. Even when it went from night to dawn, Alan never came in from the door.


    Just come back here, already. Siana kept glancing at the door, expecting it to open any second and for Alan to walk in. But it never did. Eventually, her eyelids began to droop. She vaguely reminded herself to not fall asleep but having not slept a wink the entire night, the drowsiness overpowered her. And before she knew it, she drifted off to sleep.


    When she opened her eyes, the sun had risen. It was daylight. Perhaps the maid had come in when she was asleep, because the curtains were all pulled back and the sunlight was streaming into the room. When did I doze off? Siana glanced at the clock on the wall, it was already ten in the morning. She had fallen asleep for four hours. Her eyes burned still.


    She wanted to sleep a little more, but it was too bright. She could get up and close the curtains, but it seemed like too much work and she felt tired. Besides, she was worried about Alan. Where is he? He didn¡¯t come back at all. Even when he came to sleep late, she always saw him first thing in the morning. He wasn¡¯t here today.


    She got up and went to the bathroom. It was empty, only silence greeted her. It worried her more. She didn¡¯t know what was going on and it was getting stranger and stranger by the second.

 Chapter 30

    She decided to go to Alan¡¯s office after washing up. She dried and brushed her hair and changed into a dress. She stood up to leave, but right then, there was a knock on the door. Alan! Siana walked to the door in anticipation. All her frustration, and worry disappearing for a moment in the certainty that Alan was at the door.


    She opened the door but was surprised, and disappointed, that it was not Alan. It was the butler. He bowed his head. ¡°Good morning, Madam,¡± he said, calmly.


    ¡°Good Morning, Primo,¡± she said, ¡°What brings you here?¡±


    The butler had never appeared at her door before this. He had always met her in the afternoon after lunch in the dining room. If he was personally here this early, then it must be something urgent.


    ¡°I apologize for intruding, Madam,¡± said Primo, the butler, ¡°However there is a matter of utmost urgency. I could wait no longer.¡±


    ¡°Do you want to sit and talk?¡± she asked, ¡°Do you want some tea?¡±


    ¡°Thank you for the offer, Madam,¡± he said, ¡°But it won¡¯t be long. It seems better to say it here. It is regarding Lord Legarde.¡±


    Siana was surprised. ¡°Alan?¡± she said. ¡°Has something happened?¡±


    ¡°The Lord asked me to keep my silence about it,¡± said the butler, ¡°But I feel I must tell you.¡±


    Siana was now worried more than ever. What did Alan want Primo to keep quiet about? Could it be about his nightmares? He had looked so agonized after the night¡¯s incident. Has he been having them again and hiding it from me? Siana thought, brows furrowed.


    ¡°Madam?¡± said Primo, bringing her back to the present. ¡°Would you like me to tell you? If not, I can hold my silence as Lord Legarde had asked me to.¡±


    ¡°No!¡± said Siana, ¡°Please tell me what¡¯s been happening. I want to hear it.¡±


    Primo cleared his throat. ¡°Madam, are you aware that lord Legarde is under a curse?¡± he asked, cautiously.


    ¡°Yes,¡± she said, ¡°He had a¡­ nightmare some days ago. He told me about the curse.¡±


    ¡°I see,¡± said Primo, ¡°Are you also aware that he has been sleeping in his office because of the curse and also because he doesn¡¯t want to endanger anybody?¡±


    ¡°What?!¡± exclaimed Siana, ¡°But he¡­ I thought he worked late at night and came back to sleep here.¡±


    ¡°Pardon me, Madam,¡± said the butler, ¡°I see that you didn¡¯t know about it. The Lord does his work, but it is not so pressing as to spend his night there. I think he spends all his time in his study so he would not endanger you.¡±


    Siana was shocked by the revelation but she realized that she had an inkling of a doubt that something like that was going on.


    ¡°I found him in his office for a few nights and asked him about it,¡± said Primo, ¡°Of course it is not my place to advise a lord. But he told me about the incident, and the curse and he didn¡¯t want to endanger you at any cost, so he has been sleeping in his office.¡± The butler looked at her. ¡°His nightmares haven¡¯t gone away. I heard him screaming the other night and I thought you should know, so I came here to tell you.¡±


    ¡°Thank you for telling me, Primo,¡± said Siana, trying to calm herself, ¡°I will head to his office right away.¡±


    D*mn you, Alan, she cursed. Siana had thought that it was taken care of some days ago. She didn¡¯t know Alan was still worried about the incident and avoiding her. She also felt anger in the fact that, despite everything she had done to convince him, he still hid these things from her.


    Primo bowed.  ¡°I shall guide you there,¡± he said.


    Siana walked through the corridor with her fists clenched with worry as well as frustration. But the worry overwhelmed her anger. She wished Alan would open up to her and trust her. They were supposed to be a married couple. She wanted to take care of him as much as he took care of her. Evading and avoiding issues would lead nowhere and would harm both of them.


    Siana reached the front of his office door and knocked. ¡°Come in,¡± came the reply from the other side of the door. Siana flung the door open and barged in.


    ¡°Sia?¡± Alan stood up abruptly, the chair fell backwards. He looked more shocked than surprised. His face looked tired and haggard.


    ¡°What are you doing here¡ª¡±


    ¡°Why haven¡¯t you been coming to our room?¡± she asked, restraining herself.


    ¡°I¡¯m there every day,¡± he said.


    ¡°Lies!¡± said Siana, ¡°You are there in the morning. You haven¡¯t been sleeping there. Have you been sleeping at all?¡±


    ¡°I¡­ there is just so much to do,¡± said Alan, ¡°Hopefully, I can finish the work soon and¡ª¡±


    ¡°So much to do?¡± asked Siana, ¡°Are you sure that is the reason? Because I have good reason to believe it is because of the curse!¡±


    ¡°How did you¡ª¡±


    ¡°That doesn¡¯t matter right now!¡± she crossed her arms and looked at him sternly.


    She thought she had done the right thing by telling Primo that she would come here alone. Otherwise, Alan would know Primo had told her everything. She didn¡¯t want Primo to get in trouble because he had done the right thing by telling her. If Alan was more honest with her, nothing of this sort would happen!


    She studied his face. The bags under his eyes were worse than before. He looked exhausted. Anybody could see that Alan was suffering. ¡°Have you been sleeping at all?¡± she asked again, a little more gently.


    Alan hesitated then nodded. ¡°A little,¡± he said. He realized that there was no point hiding things from her anymore.


    Siana sighed. She wanted to reprimand him for not being honest with her, but he looked so exhausted. She took his hands in her. ¡°Come, Alan,¡± she said, pulling him.


    ¡°To where?¡± he asked.


    ¡°Where do you think?¡± she said, ¡°Our room. Let¡¯s go. You need sleep. We can talk when you wake up. You look extremely sleep deprived. This won¡¯t do.¡±


    He halted. ¡°No,¡± he said. His voice was firm and cold, inviting no argument.


    Siana looked at him. ¡°Why the h*ll not?¡± she asked.


    ¡°I¡­ I can¡¯t,¡± he said, tiredly ruffling his hair, ¡°How can I sleep not knowing what might happen? What if I attack you again? I just can¡¯t.¡± His hands trembled in hers. His voice too. ¡°If I were to do something like that, I wouldn¡¯t be able to forgive myself.¡±


    Seeing him in angst made her feel so heart broken. The confident and brave Alan reduced to a trembling mess. All because he was worried about her. She squeezed his hands, trying to comfort him.


    ¡°Nothing like that will happen,¡± she said, ¡°Last time when you had the nightmare, you slept after that, didn¡¯t you? You were okay. Besides, if anything happens, I will wake you. It¡¯s alright, Alan.¡±


    ¡°It was all a lie,¡± he said, ¡°It¡¯s not going to work.¡±


    ¡°What do you mean?¡±


    ¡°I didn¡¯t sleep after¡­ that happened,¡± he said, haltingly, ¡°I didn¡¯t sleep at all. I was afraid to.¡±


    He hadn¡¯t slept a wink that night? Siana didn¡¯t know what to do to help him. But not this. She couldn¡¯t let him harm himself just because he thinks he ¡®might¡¯ try to harm her.


    ¡°And here I thought I was helping you,¡± she said, ¡°Why didn¡¯t you tell me?¡±


    ¡°Sia, I¡­,¡± he trailed off.


    She bit her bottom lip, anxiously. She never knew he had so much pain in him. She had thought he was getting better. Alan had been struggling all alone, while she had been craving his touch every time Alan didn¡¯t come back to their room. She felt very pathetic. Such a fool I am¡­


    She felt angry at herself for not being more observant. ¡°Alan, what am I to you?¡± she asked.


    ¡°Sia, what do you¡ª¡±


    ¡°You don¡¯t even trust me enough to tell me the truth yourself,¡± she said, ¡°All this time I wished I could help you. I believed that you would let me try, at the least. Why didn¡¯t you just tell me everything?¡±


    ¡°I would have killed you that night!¡± said Alan, ¡°How can I stay by your side knowing I might harm you? If you don¡¯t understand that, you don¡¯t have to entertain unnecessary worries on my behalf.¡±


    His words were hurtful. ¡°Unnecessary worries?¡± she asked, ¡°All your worries spring from me, doesn¡¯t it? While you send primo to me pretending that everything is okay and to keep me out of your way, I spend that time blaming myself for your predicament. What am I supposed to do? Tell me, how am I supposed to help you if you don¡¯t tell me anything?¡±


    ¡°Sia, I¡­,¡± he stammered. ¡°I didn¡¯t mean¡­.¡± His voice trailed off. His lips quivered.


    The silence seemed to stretch forever. ¡°Alan,¡± she said, ¡°I have said it before. Don¡¯t decide everything by yourself. I at least deserve the truth. And I will be the judge of what I want to do after that. Don¡¯t treat me like a fool that will dance to your whim.¡±


    ¡°I just didn¡¯t want to risk it,¡± said Alan, miserably, ¡°I just couldn¡¯t bear the thought of ever harming you.¡±


    ¡°I understand that,¡± she said, gently, ¡°Please, can¡¯t you try at least once to resolve this with me? Together? Maybe we can figure something out. Why are you suffering alone?¡±


    ¡°I just can¡¯t let go of my worries,¡± said Alan, his fists clenched, ¡°What if I decide to resolve it with you and then something like that happens again? What if I end up doing something worse this time?¡±


    He had pondered his alternatives the next day after his nightmare. His thoughts had been consumed by his nightmares, the curse and the probability of him harming Siana that in his anxiety, he had become too sentimental. He didn¡¯t know if it would happen again and if he would wake up at the right time. He had stayed up all night beside her, unable to sleep.


    He had forgotten about it when they went shopping, even had allowed himself the hope that maybe it would be alright. But at dinnertime, the worries had returned with full force. He knew he couldn¡¯t take any chances. He had gone to the office that day and tried to calm himself. He couldn¡¯t make himself go back to their room to sleep because he remembered what had happened.


    He had been down in the office every single day from then. He couldn¡¯t bring himself to fall asleep because of his anxious thoughts. But on the fourth day, he was no longer able to stay up, so he had fallen asleep in the office. He had woken up screaming. The nightmares didn¡¯t go away, they would never go away. He was relieved to see the daylight, and he missed Siana. God, he missed her. He wanted to bury his face in her hair. But he couldn¡¯t bring himself to go to their room. He was too tired, and he would fall asleep. He didn¡¯t want to risk it at any cost.


    ¡°So, are we going to live the rest of our lives like this?¡± she asked, ¡°You, sleep-deprived in your office, and me, alone in the bedroom?¡±


    ¡°I¡­,¡± began Alan but couldn¡¯t say anything to that. He had no answer. Eventually, he just lowered his eyes and couldn¡¯t look at her.


    Siana felt helpless. If only, she could convince him that they could somehow fight it together. ¡°Alan,¡± she said, ¡°I can¡¯t stop blaming myself for your condition. You sleep here because you are scared to harm me. If I wasn¡¯t there, you would be okay in your bedroom. Tell me, do you want to separate from me? If you pretend to be there for me and suffer like this, I will kick you and walk out, I mean it. Either we do this together, or not at all.¡¯


    Alan¡¯s blue eyes focused on her and it was full of helplessness and bitterness.

 Chapter 31

    Alan tried to read what she might be feeling on her face, in her eyes. ¡°I¡­,¡± he began. He opened and shut his mouth. He decided to be honest. ¡°No,¡± he said, ¡°I can¡¯t live without you. I can¡¯t bear it.¡±


    Alan didn¡¯t know if he was being greedy in saying that, but it was an honest answer. He couldn¡¯t let her go. Death would be more merciful than that. Alan didn¡¯t know if Siana would let go of his hands, but he wouldn¡¯t let go first.


    Siana¡¯s face softened a little. Her eyes fixed on him. And only kindness was there. ¡°Alan,¡± she said gently, ¡°I can understand your worry. Maybe I don¡¯t know everything about how you might be suffering but I can understand. I know it might be difficult to fix it and I can see you are afraid. It is alright.¡± She squeezed his hands in hers. ¡°It¡¯s alright. But you don¡¯t need to suffer alone. Don¡¯t push me away. There must be a way. There is always a way, no matter how difficult. Let¡¯s find it, okay? Together.¡±


    Alan was silent. Then he nodded. ¡°Alright,¡± he said, although uneasiness gnawed at his heart. He could try everything if it meant not losing her.


    * * *


    After talking about it at length, they decided to consult a priest. Siana thought that if it was to do with magic and curses, nobody would know better about it than wizards. It wasn¡¯t common to find them in the continent though, they never stayed in one place for very long. But priests used to be wizards themselves, so Siana thought that a priest would be able to help with the conflict they faced.


    Siana and Alan went back to their room after requesting for a priest to visit their residence. They waited. They didn¡¯t say a word to each other. Alan was exhausted, she could see. He was trying to fend off the sleepiness. He was trying very hard to stay awake. Siana didn¡¯t know what to say.


    I wish he could take a nap till the priest arrives, she thought. But Alan wouldn¡¯t listen, she knew it, so she didn¡¯t suggest it.


    Alan was not going to sleep. He was even more anxious with Siana by his side. And he knew he would have nightmares if he tried to sleep. But Siana won¡¯t leave him to suffer alone too. He was grateful for it.


    So, they waited for the priest in silence. Alan, fighting his sleep and Siana, trying very hard to calm herself. I don¡¯t think he had the problem a day before our wedding, she thought. She blushed thinking about that night, but she had to ask.


    She looked at him. He looked haggard and completely exhausted. She hesitated. But she decided that it would be better to just ask since they promised to be honest with each other.


    ¡°Alan,¡± she said, ¡°Can I ask something?¡± Alan looked at her with tired eyes and nodded.


    ¡°Do you remember the first time I was here?¡± she asked.


    ¡°How could I forget?¡± he said with a devious smile.


    Siana blushed. ¡°Did you sleep well that night?¡± she asked, ¡°And for god¡¯s sake, be honest and tell me the whole truth.¡±


    ¡°I did sleep that night,¡± he recalled.


    ¡°Did you have nightmares?¡± she asked.


    Alan thought about it with his brows furrowed. Siana waited for his answer with mounting nervousness. After a silence that seemed to stretch to infinity, he shook his head. ¡°Now when I think about it,¡± he said, ¡°I didn¡¯t have any nightmares that night.¡± She wondered if there might be a solution to their problem after all. She didn¡¯t say anything more.


    ¡°It¡¯s strange,¡± he said, then looked at her, ¡°Why do you ask though?¡±


    ¡°Um, nothing,¡± she said, embarrassed. ¡°I was just trying to figure out when the nightmares started.¡± She was shy to voice out her thoughts aloud because she didn¡¯t even know if what she thought would even work or not.


    If Alan was in his normal state, he would have noticed she was hiding something and urged her to speak her mind and eventually found out the truth. But he was so tired that his eyes kept drooping lower and lower as he tried to will himself not to fall asleep.


    After a while, the priest arrived. The man had neatly tied hair and a crisp white suit done up to the collar. He smiled kindly. He asked Siana if she would mind leaving them to have a conversation so he could diagnose Alan. Siana thanked the priest for coming all the way and told them both that she would be right outside if she was needed.


    Primo approached her after a while and suggested that she wait in the living room so that he could bring her some tea to calm her nerves. Siana shook her head. ¡°Thank you, Primo,¡± she said, ¡°But I am fine. They will be done soon.¡±


    Besides, she needed to ask the priest about her own theory. She stood there and minutes ticked by. Her legs started to get sore from all the standing and pacing. Maybe Primo is right, I should wait in the living room. But she didn¡¯t move from outside that door. She didn¡¯t want to leave until she made sure Alan was alright. How long has it been?


    The door finally opened, and the priest stepped out. ¡°How is he?¡± Siana blurted out.


    ¡°Oh, Madam,¡± said the priest, surprised. ¡°Have you been here all this time?¡±


    ¡°Yes,¡± she said, ¡°I just wanted to know if Alan is well and I wanted to talk to you about his condition.¡¯


    ¡°Of course!¡± said the priest. ¡°He is sleeping now. He fell asleep right after he was imbued with magic. He will probably sleep for a long time seeing how sleep deprived he seems to be.¡±


    ¡°Shall we go to the living room?¡± Siana offered. ¡°Would you like some tea?¡±


    ¡°That would indeed be very great. Thank you,¡± said the priest as he followed Siana to the living room.


    Siana offered for the priest to take a seat and rang for the maid for some tea. The maid brought the tea in shortly and left them. Siana poured a cup of tea for the priest and took her seat with a cup nestled in her hands.


    ¡°As you might already know by now,¡± said the priest, sipping his tea, ¡°Lord Legarde is under a curse.¡±


    Siana nodded. ¡°So, it really is a curse,¡± she said, ¡°Is there anything we can do to lift it?¡±


    ¡°He must be imbued with magic often,¡± said the priest.


    ¡°That will lift the curse?¡± asked Siana, sipping her tea.


    ¡°Not¡­ exactly,¡± said the priest, ¡°That will only hold off the curse to a certain extent so that it won¡¯t hamper his daily life.¡±


    ¡°So, even if he is imbued with magic, the curse will still remain?¡± asked Siana.


    ¡°Unfortunately, yes,¡± said the priest.


    ¡°Does Alan know of this?¡± she asked, worried.


    ¡°I had to tell him, since he is directly involved.¡±


    ¡°But there must be a way to lift the curse!¡± said Siana, ¡°Isn¡¯t there?¡±


    ¡°As of now, there is no distinct way,¡± said the priest kindly.


    Siana fell silent. How can there be no way at all? She was concerned how Alan might have reacted to this news. Siana looked so crestfallen that the priest felt sorry for her.


    ¡°There is¡­ a way to improve his condition,¡± said the priest, ¡°It is not a widely accepted theory, but it has worked on several people.¡±


    ¡°Really?¡± said Siana, ¡°What must be done?¡±


    ¡°Ah,¡± said the priest, looking uncomfortable, ¡°You must understand that it is mostly considered a rumour, untested and with no definite proof whatsoever.¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t care,¡± said Siana, ¡°Please tell me.¡±


    ¡°That¡­,¡± the priest struggled with his words, ¡°This might be very embarrassing to say and hear.¡±


    Why can¡¯t he just get on with it? Siana thought impatiently. ¡°It¡¯s alright,¡± she said, ¡°This will remain confidential.¡±


    ¡°You have to fornicate,¡± said the priest.


    Siana blinked, confused. ¡°F-fornicate?¡±


    ¡°Yes, Madam,¡± said the priest, ¡°It¡¯s because I sense magic from you. Although I am not sure why it has not manifested¡­.¡± He cleared his throat. ¡°Maybe the sacred magic is very deep in your essence, but I can sense that you do have magical power. It is rare but not unheard of. You can help him that way. By fornication, your magic will imbue him. His condition might improve until the curse is gone forever.¡±


    Siana was shocked. Although she had her own theory and had meant to talk to the priest about it, coming from the priest, it still felt shocking and surreal. The priest did say that she didn¡¯t have to if she didn¡¯t want to. It was embarrassing enough as it was. Besides, Alan could seek regular treatment from the priest since it had worked this time. The priest stood up and thanked her for the tea and took his leave. Siana saw him to his carriage, all the while thinking about what he had said.


    If I really did have magic, why didn¡¯t Alan sense it on our first night? She wondered as she walked back to their bedroom. Siana had made a point of meeting with Primo and discussing household management but she made an exception today. She wanted to stay by Alan¡¯s side.


    Siana grabbed a book to read and a chair. She sat near the bed. She tried not to make so much noise, but she didn¡¯t have to worry. Alan was fast asleep. She watched him as he slept. He looked so peaceful. I wish he could sleep this way every day, she thought. She ruffled his blond hair. Although he looked like how he always was, she could see the bags under his eyes and the exhaustion in his features.


    Siana felt sad to see him suffer like this. It was already evening, and soon it will be nightfall. If he wakes up in the middle of the night, he will be hungry, she thought. She went down to the kitchen to prepare some food that Alan could eat later if he woke up hungry.


    *


    Siana was groggy with sleep. She had apparently leaned forward and fallen asleep with her head on the bed while still being seated on the chair. She felt someone stroking her hair. She lifted up her head to see Alan¡¯s hand on her head and him staring down at her fondly.


    ¡°Alan!¡± she said, sitting up straight. ¡°When did you wake up?¡±


    ¡°Just now,¡± he said. He had apparently washed his face because he looked very neat. He might have been up for a while.


    ¡°How are you?¡± she asked, sitting at the edge of the bed, facing him. ¡°Are you feeling better?¡±


    ¡°I feel spectacular,¡± he said.


    ¡°You fell asleep right after whatever the priest did,¡± she told him.


    ¡°Yeah, I think so,¡± he said.


    ¡°How was it?¡± she asked, ¡°Was it effective? Did you have any more nightmares?¡±


    ¡°I definitely had a good nightmare-free sleep,¡± he said, smiling.


    ¡°I am glad,¡± she said and felt genuinely happy.


    ¡°Well, I guess I slept for more than ten hours,¡± he said, ¡°So, it would be more of a problem if I wasn¡¯t feeling okay after having done that.¡±


    Siana felt relieved. ¡°I am so happy you feel better!¡±


    ¡°I am sorry for worrying you,¡± said Alan, ¡°I thought you would break your neck having slept like that.¡±


    ¡°Nonsense,¡± she said, ¡°I am so fit that I could pick a fight with you and still win.¡±


    ¡°Really?¡± said Alan, ¡°It doesn¡¯t hurt? It looked painful.¡±


    ¡°I am a bit stiff, now that you mention it.¡±


    ¡°Do you want a massage?¡± he asked, ¡°I can do a killer massage, trust me.¡±


    ¡°No, thank you,¡± she said, ¡°I am fine.¡± She stretched and shook her head. The stiffness wasn¡¯t very bad.


    ¡°If I had known you would be sleeping so uncomfortably,¡± said Alan, ¡°I would have used the sofa.¡±


    ¡°No,¡± she said, ¡°It¡¯s alright, really. I wasn¡¯t planning to sleep. I was just looking over you. You slept well; I could see. You must be starving.¡±


    ¡°I am a little hungry,¡± he said. It was the middle of the night. ¡°But I can wait. Everyone must be fast asleep.¡±


    ¡°You don¡¯t need to wait to eat,¡± she said, ¡°I brought up some food. I knew this would happen.¡±


    She stood up from the edge of the bed. She shifted a small table with the food near the bed and sternly told Alan to stay where he was. She had brought some bread, jam and ham.

 Chapter 32

    ¡°You want some soup, too?¡± asked Siana, ¡°it might be a little cold now, but it is still alright.¡±


    ¡°You made all this while I was sleeping?¡± asked Alan.


    ¡°Yes,¡± she said, ¡°I thought you would wake up in the middle of the night and would be starving when everyone is sleeping. So, I prepared something simple.¡±


    Alan was moved and very grateful for her kind gesture. He smiled at her and thanked her. He then started eating so fast that in minutes the plate was nearly empty. I guess he was really very hungry, thought Siana. Alan took another piece of bread and spread the jam on it. Siana felt a desire to eat as well but she had brought enough for only one person and Alan needed it since he had skipped dinner.


    ¡°What do you want to do after you finish eating?¡± asked Siana.


    ¡°I don¡¯t really know,¡± said Alan, ¡°I can¡¯t sleep anymore. I already slept a lot.¡± He lowered his plate and took a bite of the bread. He didn¡¯t really want to go to his office so early to work. He didn¡¯t feel like taking a walk either. He just wanted to be with Siana for now.


    ¡°What do you want to do?¡± asked Alan.


    Siana felt herself blush. Alan noticed this. ¡°Tell me, is there something on your mind?¡± he asked, ¡°You can tell me. I will do whatever you want to do.¡±


    ¡°What do you expect me to say?¡± she said.


    ¡°Maybe how much you love and trust me,¡± said Alan and smirked.


    ¡°Wipe that smirk off your face,¡± she said, ¡°You are supposed to be sick.¡±


    He stroked her hair, twirled a brown strand between his fingers and looked at her fondly. And just like that, she was at his mercy. ¡°The priest talked to me after you fell asleep,¡± she said, ¡°I want to talk about it with you.¡±


    She looked so embarassed that Alan felt curious. ¡°Did he say something bad?¡± he asked.


    ¡°No,¡± she said, ¡°Nothing bad. You are alright. He just talked to me about ways to work through the curse.¡±


    Alan frowned. ¡°I heard that the spread of the curse is slow.¡±


    ¡°Yes,¡± she said, ¡°But he also told me that I am sacred. I have the magic.¡±


    ¡®Okay,¡± he said, ¡°What else?¡±


    ¡°He¡­ um¡­,¡± Siana stammered. Siana really couldn¡¯t get the words out of her. It was too embarrassing to say aloud. She hesitated and decided to put it in another way. ¡°He said we need to¡­ um¡­ be together¡­¡±


    ¡°Together?¡± said Alan, raising an eyebrow.


    ¡°Yeah¡­ in a way,¡± she mumbled.


    ¡°But we are already doing that, aren¡¯t we?¡± he asked, ¡°We are together now.¡±


    ¡°Not in that way,¡± she said, trying to put the right words together. ¡°A different kind of¡­¡±


    ¡°Together in a different way?¡± he said, ¡°Hm. Like how?¡±


    Siana looked at him, thunderstruck. She couldn¡¯t utter the words, but Alan was always so sharp in understanding things. Did he really not understand or was he just pretending to not know about it?


    ¡°Really?¡± she asked, rolling her eyes, ¡°You really don¡¯t know what I am talking about?¡±


    ¡°Yea,¡± he said, ¡°Just tell me what you¨C ¡°


    ¡°You idiot, I am saying we need to have s*x,¡± Siana blurted out, impatiently.


    A few seconds later, the shock registered. She gasped and covered her mouth with her hand. ¡°That came out very wrong,¡± she said, hurriedly, ¡°I didn¡¯t mean¡ª I was just¡­ your condition. It has to be like that¡­ This is so awkward. Normally, you initiate these kinds of things¡­ I¡­.¡± Siana babbled everything that came into her mind without thinking. She was beyond that now. She felt so embarrassed that she just needed to fill the silence with words, but Alan was looking at her. His eyes were wide, and his mouth open. She trailed off and stopped babbling.


    There was a long, awkward silence. ¡°Together in a different way¡­ you meant¡­ um¡­ ¡®physically¡¯.¡±


    ¡°Y-yes,¡± muttered Siana, blushing a deep red.


    ¡°The priest really said that?¡± he asked, ¡°That is the only way for the curse to be lifted?¡±


    ¡°Yes,¡± stammered Siana, ¡°He did. He said I have magic in me but it¡¯s rather weak and¡­.¡± Siana looked at him. ¡°You said so when I asked you. You said on our first night that you didn¡¯t have nightmares.¡± She stopped speaking. She wondered if she had said something wrong or too forward, because Alan was sitting there looking at her blankly. She was just about to explain and clarify when he spoke.


    ¡°Sia,¡± he said, gently, ¡°You don¡¯t need to over-exert yourself. You don¡¯t need to do something like that for me.¡±


    ¡°What? Why?¡± she asked.


    ¡°You said it still hurts,¡± he said, ¡°So, don¡¯t force yourself when you aren¡¯t well. It¡¯s alright.¡±


    Siana realized that Alan had taken her awkwardness and all the ramblings as distress on her part. He took it to mean that she was pressurized because of the situation. True, if the priest hadn¡¯t said it, she wouldn¡¯t be talking about this with him. But it was equally true that she had wanted more and more to be intimate with him these past few days. Usually, Alan was too quick to notice these things but with sleep deprivation he might have overlooked it.


    ¡°It¡¯s not¡­,¡± she stammered, ¡°I am not forcing myself or anything. I do want to help with the curse in anyway I can¡­ but it¡¯s also something I want. I have wanted it for the past few days. Being away from you was just¡­ painful.¡±


    ¡°Are you sure?¡± he asked. ¡°You aren¡¯t just saying all this just for my sake, are you?¡±


    ¡°No,¡± she said, firmly, lowering her head, ¡°I just want you.¡±


    Siana realized as she blurted the words out that they were true. She was surprised and astonished at herself. Oh, god, now I have done it. She was so ashamed and embarrassed that she couldn¡¯t look at him. When he said nothing, she lifted her head to look at him. Unlike her who was so flustered, Alan had a big grin on his face.


    ¡°Aww,¡± he teased, ¡°You should have just told me you missed our night together.¡±


    ¡°No, I¡­ just¡­¡±


    ¡°Just what?¡± he said, ¡°You just told me. So, it¡¯s really not because of this weird treatment proposed by the priest, right?¡±


    ¡°No,¡± she said.


    ¡°Do you really want me?¡±


    He talked about it so easily and it was true. She loved him. She wanted him to touch her. She wanted him, badly. But why did it feel so embarrassing to admit it? She blushed even more than before.


    ¡°How many times are you going to ask me?!¡± she said, ¡°Think whatever you like.¡±


    ¡°Oh, come on, Sia,¡± he said, moving closer to her, ¡°How will I know you really want this until you say it?¡±


    ¡°Liar!¡± she said, ¡°I already told you. You are just doing this to hear me say it again.¡±


    Alan¡¯s lips curled up into a smile. ¡°Right,¡± he said, grasping her arms and pulling her close to him. ¡°I want to hear you say it,¡± he whispered, ¡°Only then will I be convinced.¡±


    He had pulled her onto his lap. His face was so close to hers. She felt her face heat up and blush harder. ¡°Say it, Sia,¡± he whispered, ¡°Tell me you want me.¡±


    Siana was shocked at his audacity. How could he say it in such a smooth way? She realized that as much as it embarrassed her, she liked this side of him too. His one hand was on her arm, the other wrapped around her waist. She could feel the warmth of his hand through her thin nightgown. His caresses sent a tingle through her spine.


    ¡°Tell me, Sia,¡± he whispered. He looked at her, amused. This was so different from the usual Alan she knew and it sent a thrill through her. Her desire was building, and her heart was thumping in her chest. ¡°Say it.¡±


    ¡°I want you, Alan,¡± she whispered back, unable to hold it any longer. ¡°Please.¡±


    Alan smiled and buried his face in her neck. His lips sucked on her flesh. His hot breath tickled her, goosebumps erupting all over her skin from this closeness. He licked the side of her neck. Siana shivered and closed her eyes. While his lips were busy, his hands were untying her night shift.


    He pulled the nightgown off of her, she was completely naked now. His hands fell on her mounds and caressed them. Her n*pples hardened. The cool air on her skin sent her shivering. His rough, calloused hands were becoming frantic on her skin. He squeezed and caressed and gripped them tight in a fit of passion. Siana gasped with pleasure and a bit of pain.


    ¡°Ah¡­ Alan,¡± she whimpered, ¡°It hurts¡­.¡±


    ¡°Sorry,¡± he said, hoarsely, ¡°I got carried away. It feels like I have been away from you for so long.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t stop,¡± she said, softly, ¡°Alan, every time you talk, your breath tickles me. Just shut up, will you?¡±


    Alan pulled her hair back from her shoulders, exposing her neck in its entirety. ¡°Tickles?¡± he said, ¡°Doesn¡¯t it feel good? Do you want me to stop?¡±


    ¡°N-no,¡± she said.


    ¡°Mm,¡± he licked her neck, deliberately on the softest sides to provoke her. He nibbled at them, teeth grazed her flesh.


    ¡°Ah¡­ Alan,¡± she whispered. She trembled. His lips traced kissed all over her neck and down to her collarbone. Everywhere his tongue touched, it left her skin tingling. While, his hands caressed her bre*sts. His lips went lower to her chest and found her bre*sts. Siana gasped. He kissed them and fondled them, played with it and nibbled it. His tongue was all over her. ¡°Ahhh,¡± she m*aned.


    His hand came around her waist and pulled her closer while his mouth passionately invaded her chest. His hot breath tickled her skin. She curled her fingers in his hair, as his exploration became more insistent. Siana m*aned. She didn¡¯t know her breast could be this sensitive, or if Alan was making it so. Or was it because, as he said, it had been too long? It ar*used her more and more as he saw his face and his tongue teasing her skin. His blond hair looked radiant in the dim light that was filtering through the window. Siana felt herself getting wetter.


    He looked at her as he continued to lick and nibble at her bre*sts. Siana revelled in the pleasure but felt ashamed at the same time and looked away. The sound of everything happening was too loud. He laid her down below him in the bed and continued his sweet ministrations. The sound of Alan breathing roughly, and her own moans seemed unusually loud. She wondered if it was because the world was sleeping and both of them were entwined like this.


    Siana remembered him suffering and remembered herself suffering with the want of him. That made this ever more precious. She opened her eyes to see Alan at her chest. She felt a heat building between her legs but Alan¡¯s mouth on her chest felt too good for her. Every touch was so sensitive, every caress was like fire. And she wanted more.


    Alan raised his head from her chest and smirked. ¡°You taste sweet.¡±

 Chapter 33

    ¡°Hm, what?¡± she asked, she was still dazed with pleasure.


    ¡°Your skin,¡± he said, ¡°It tastes sweet. I wonder why.¡±


    ¡°You are delusional from too much sleep,¡± said Siana, ¡°How can flesh taste sweet?¡± Salty maybe, but sweet? She didn¡¯t say that aloud. Alan was still talking from between her chest. She could still feel his hot breath on her breast, and it tickled her.


    ¡°You are doing this on purpose to make me feel embarrassed, aren¡¯t you?¡± she asked, glaring at him.


    ¡°No,¡± he said and smiled. ¡°I am serious. You taste sweet.¡±


    ¡°You really are a piece of¡ª¡± Her face burned as she looked down at him.


    ¡°You don¡¯t believe me,¡± he said, ¡°I am speaking the truth.¡±


    Siana rolled her eyes. ¡°Of course, I don¡¯t believe you,¡± she said, ¡°How can human flesh taste sweet?¡±


    Siana still thought he was making fun of her. He said it so sincerely that she would have almost believed him if she didn¡¯t know how much he enjoyed seeing her flustered and embarrassed. It was his twisted kind of enjoyment. And the thing was, she didn¡¯t dislike it.


    Alan let out a sigh. He propped himself on one of his hand and pulled her head close to him. ¡°Do you want me to prove it to you?¡± he asked.


    Before Siana could respond, he kissed her. She could feel his tongue. And it was sweet She kissed him back, enjoying the taste of his tongue. She couldn¡¯t understand why it tasted so sweet. She broke the kiss, with difficulty.


    ¡°Sweet, right?¡± he asked, ¡°I wasn¡¯t lying.¡±


    Siana stared at him, wide-eyed. It did taste sweet. The smell was stronger than the taste of it. How does he taste sweet? She wondered. She was confused but she wanted to kiss him again and taste his tongue.


    ¡°Alan,¡± she called.


    ¡°Hm?¡±


    ¡°Can I do it again?¡±


    ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°Can I k-kiss you again?¡±


    Alan grinned. ¡°My, my, you used to be so shy,¡± he said, ¡°and now you have started demanding kisses from me. You have changed a lot, Miss Anetta.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t make fun of me!¡± protested Siana, ¡°I am just curious! How do you taste sweet? And I am not ¡®miss¡¯ Anetta anymore, I am your wife.¡± It seemed to Siana that calling herself his ¡®wife¡¯ was still unfamiliar like it was before, but she liked it now and wanted to get used to it.


    She wasn¡¯t alone in the feeling of unfamiliarity. Alan looked at her, shocked. He had never imagined the word coming out of her lips. ¡°Forgive me for my mistake, my wife,¡± he said, jokingly, ¡°So you think you can figure out the source of the taste if you kiss me again?¡±


    ¡°I can try,¡± said Siana adamantly.


    ¡°As you wish,¡± he said, smiling and closed his eyes. Siana looked at him with his blond eyelashes casting shadow on his cheek in the dim light, his hair falling softly over his forehead.


    ¡°Why are you closing your eyes?¡± she asked.


    ¡°Well, you said you wanted to kiss me.¡±


    It was always Alan who initiated the caresses and the kiss and Siana would just give in and close her eyes in pleasure. She had never thought how it would be if the roles were reversed. She felt curious. This made her excited. Alan had opened his eyes and was looking at her.


    Siana felt confident. She brought her head closer to him, looking him into his blue eyes. ¡°Close your eyes then,¡± she said.


    Alan obeyed. The blue eyes were hidden from view. She wanted to admire his face and memorize every feature in it. But all she saw at the moment was his lips. She extended her hand and caressed his cheeks. Her heart thumped against her chest. She lowered her head and pressed her lips to him. She felt a moment of indecision on what else she was supposed to do, when Alan¡¯s lips parted. She kissed him deeply and plunged her tongue into his mouth and explored. He accepted it readily.


    She didn¡¯t know what course of action she should take now. She had never initiated a kiss or led it. In times of doubt, be brave. That was what she always told herself. It made her more confident. She remembered the last kiss and followed that. She sucked at his lips and explored his mouth with her tongue. She tried to imitate the last kiss and found his tongue. She felt his tongue and played with it. Suddenly, Alan¡¯s tongue flinched, and he burst out laughing.


    Siana was shocked as his laughter echoed through the room. Her face was blank. It¡¯s because I suck at kissing, she thought in embarrassment. She felt so ashamed, her face heated up. Alan still hadn¡¯t stopped laughing. She would have enjoyed his laughter, if only it wasn¡¯t at her expense.


    ¡°Just shut up,¡± she said, ¡°Stop laughing already.¡± He saw her face and his laughter faded away.


    ¡°Sia, I am sorry,¡± he said, ¡°I am so sorry. I am stupid. I shouldn¡¯t have laughed.¡±


    ¡°Was I really that bad?¡± she asked.


    ¡°No. Of course not,¡± he said, ¡°You were too adorable.¡±


    Yeah, right. She was convinced that she was so bad that he found it funny. She clamped her mouth shut and turned away.


    ¡°Sia, I am really sorry,¡± he said again, ¡°I shouldn¡¯t have laughed. It wasn¡¯t bad at all.¡±


    ¡°That only makes it worse,¡± she said miserably.


    ¡°No, Sia,¡± he said, ¡°I am so sorry.¡± His hand wrapped around her waist.


    At the warm touch, she realized that she was completely naked, and another wave of embarrassment hit her. She pulled at her night gown to cover herself. ¡°I am done,¡± she said. She tried to wriggle away.


    But Alan¡¯s arm still wrapped around her waist, pulling her firmly to him. ¡°You really want to stop?¡± he asked. She felt it was better to get up but Alan was still on top of her.


    ¡°Yes,¡± she said, ¡°I¡¯m not doing this anymore.¡±


    ¡°Then I have no choice but to take care of it myself.¡±


    ¡°Take care of what?¡±


    ¡°This,¡± he said and grasped her palms. He guided in below his waist and placed it at the bulge in his pants. Siana froze at the unfamiliar feel. Under the cloth, the thing was pulsating. She pressed down on the bulge and imagine Alan without his pants. It didn¡¯t nothing for her resolve to stop doing this.


    ¡°How long have you been¡­¡±


    ¡°Since a few days ago.¡±


    ¡°Do you take me for a fool,¡± she said, ¡°Even I know it can¡¯t stay this way for days.¡±


    ¡°I know,¡± he said, ¡°But this has been my condition. Every time I think about you and that night, it gets like this. It gets like this and I can¡¯t stop thinking about you. Of¡­ what I want to do to you.¡±


    ¡°What?¡± she said, bewildered, ¡°This has been happening since¡­¡±


    ¡°Yes, Sia,¡± he said, ¡°I want you.¡± His hot breath made her tremble. Another wave of embarrassment hit her, but more than the feeling of shame, she felt a peculiar satisfaction. It was comforting to know he wanted her as much as she wanted him. She rubbed the bulge slightly and Alan whimpered.


    ¡°Sia,¡± he whispered hoarsely, ¡°Let me put it inside you.¡± Her entire body tingled; her pulse quickened. As she rubbed the bulge more, she felt it pulsating even more.


    ¡°I want to taste you, Sia,¡± he said, ¡°I want to be in you. I want to release myself in you.¡± She rubbed him more. ¡°Please¡­¡± he whimpered.


    She was strangely excited. His ¡®please¡¯ sent her reeling. Maybe she should make him beg more next time. His rough voice got the better of her. She rubbed his bulge and squeezed it. A groan escaped from Alan¡¯s lips. She liked that. He looked at her. She nodded.


    That was all the encouragement he needed. The next instant, his lips crashed on hers. His tongue passionately sought entry to her mouth, and she gave it. There was the sweet smell yet again, and his tongue tasted heavenly. She returned his kiss. She kept thinking that she had tasted something similar somewhere else.


    She wrapped her arms around his neck. Her elbow had struck something on the side table with a sound. They stopped. It was the jam jar. ¡°It¡¯s the jam!¡± she said.


    Siana realized that the sweet taste was from the jam. It all made sense. The smell was also evident now. The sickly-sweet smell was coming from the jam jar. Alan wiped his mouth.


    ¡°So, it was the taste of the jam,¡± he said, ¡°I didn¡¯t know I had gotten a bit on my lips. It does feel sticky. So, that was the sweet taste!¡±


    ¡°Right,¡± said Siana, ¡°That was why I kept feeling that the taste was familiar and that I had had it before.¡±


    ¡°Hm,¡± he said. He leaned over to the side table and scooped up a spoonful of the jam.


    ¡°Why are you scooping it up?¡± she asked, confused. They were focusing on different thing a while ago. She would very much like to get back to it. His action was strange. Why did he suddenly want jam in the middle of this. ¡°You¡­ really want to eat the jam right now?¡± she asked.


    ¡°Yep,¡± he said as he put a spoonful of jam into his mouth.


    ¡°Why all of a sudden?¡± she asked, getting more confused by the second.


    Alan put the spoon back on the side table. He then turned to her and grabbed her chin.

 Chapter 34

    Siana instinctively closed her eyes because Alan¡¯s intention became clear to her. She could feel his breath close to her face and then his mouth on hers. He pushed the jam into her mouth. She felt his tongue. Some of the jam fell on their chests.


    Siana shivered as the jam trickled down her chest. The sweetness spread in Siana¡¯s mouth and she wanted more. She clung to Alan¡¯s neck and responded to his passionate kiss. The more Alan kissed her, the more the sweetness deepened.


    Alan¡¯s kiss became frantic and he grabbed Siana¡¯s breasts. He caressed them and Siana snapped back to reality with the sudden stimulating touch. How is he so good at this? Siana wondered. Even on our first night, he was so good. Has he already done this with other women?


    Envy and jealousy rose in Siana¡¯s heart. She knew she was just assuming things but for someone like Alan, it was possible. He was handsome and sweet and strong. Many would have fallen in love with him.Even when they were younger, many girls had eyed him. Many had made advances. Many of Siana¡¯s friends had asked her to be a messenger to convey to Alan that they liked him.


    Alan was so experienced in this thing that it seemed possible to Siana that he was probably popular with women even on the battlefield. Perhaps he had many a na?ve, young village girls across the country waiting for him. He is so skilled. Maybe he has done it plenty of times with other women. How can someone be so good at this if this was their first time?


    Siana was lost in resentful thoughts and jealousy when Alan lowered his head and kissed her at the back of her neck and sank his teeth into it.


    ¡°Ah!¡± screamed Siana at the sharp pain.  ¡°Why did you bite me all of a sudden?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s a punishment,¡± said Alan, licking the bitten part to soothe it.


    ¡°Punishment?! For what?¡± asked Siana.


    ¡°You were thinking about something else while kissing me,¡± said Alan.


    At the sharp pain, Siana had wrapped her arms around his neck tightly. Siana felt irritated. She was only thinking about him. She wasn¡¯t thinking about anyone else! Even if the thoughts were tinged with jealousy, the subject of her thought was always him.


    Alan soothed and kissed the bitten spot. ¡°So, what were you thinking about?¡± he asked.


    ¡°I am not telling you,¡± said Siana.


    With the corners of his eyes slightly curled up, Alan smoothed the bitten spot, and the stickiness smeared with his fingertips as if it were traces of jam.


    ¡°So what were you thinking about?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m not telling you.¡±


    ¡°Then I¡¯ll bite you some more,¡± he said with a smirk.


    ¡°Hey!¡± said Siana, ¡°You think only you can bite? I can do it too!¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t think your bite will hurt me much.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t look down on me! Do you want to see how much it hurts?¡±


    Alan chuckled. ¡°Not looking down on you,¡± he said, ¡°It¡¯s just the truth. My neck is not as beautiful and delicate as yours. But I am willing to try. It might tickle.¡±


    ¡°Are you for real?¡± said Siana, ¡°You are just trying to provoke me.¡±


    ¡°Maybe I am,¡± he said, smiling, ¡°Tell me what you were thinking about.¡± He kissed her on the neck again.


    Siana jerked with the touch. But she felt too ashamed to voice out what she had thought about. So she didn¡¯t respond.


    ¡°You aren¡¯t going to tell me?¡± he whispered, ¡°Do you want to be punished again?¡± He licked her neck. Siana felt her thoughts scatter in pleasure. He traced kisses along her neck, then her collarbone, down to her chest. He lowered his head to her breasts and gently bit one of them. He nibbled at it. He licked up the jam that had fallen on her chest earlier. As his tongue teased her breast, Siana trembled and moaned.


    ¡°Alan, ahh,¡± he mumbled, ¡°Stop.¡±


    ¡°Not until you tell me what you were thinking about earlier,¡± he said. His breath was hot on her chest and it tickled her. The heat pooled between her legs. The longing was no longer bearable. His hands caressed her so softly that her body trobbed with anticipated pleasure.


    ¡°I, ahh,¡± she mumbled, ¡°I was thinking¡­ be honest, Alan. How many women have you been with like this?¡±


    His caresses abruptly stopped. Alan, perplexed, looked up at her. ¡°What?¡± he asked, ¡°What are you talking about?¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t play dumb,¡± said Saina, ¡°How many?¡±


    ¡°Only you, Sia,¡± he said.


    ¡°Really?¡± she asked, ¡°You can tell me, you know.¡±


    ¡°I will swear by it if you want me to,¡± he said, ¡°Why were you suddenly thinking about that? Do I look like I would have done it with anyone else except you?¡±


    ¡°No, I was just¡­,¡± Siana trailed off.


    ¡°Tell me,¡± he said.


    ¡°It¡¯s just that you are so¡­,¡± mumbled Siana.


    ¡°What?¡± he asked.


    Siana chewed at her lips debating whether she should tell him. ¡°You are so good at this,¡± she blurted out, ¡°I am so inexperienced at it because I have never done it before. I was so clumsy when I was kissing you earlier. But it comes to you naturally. Am I really your first?¡±


    Just as well, thought Siana, I blurted it all out. Better than thinking about it every time I am with him. Siana decided that it was better to clear out everything right now than to live doubting each other.


    The silence stretched so long that Siana looked at Alan. She had thought he might be embarrassed with the question or maybe a little angry but his lips were twitching as though he was having a hard time holding back his laugh.


    Siana was so embarrassed she tried turning away but Alan pulled her closer and embraced her. He mumbled, his face buried in her neck. ¡°You really drive me crazy,¡± he said. He sounded as though he was smiling.


    Siana was so offended. ¡°You are laughing at me again,¡± she said as she tried to wriggle out of his arms.


    Siana didn¡¯t care about his past lovers. It wasn¡¯t like they had been together for long, and their marriage had been so sudden. Besides, his past was none of her business. But she felt it was so unfair that she was so clumsy at this while he knew what he was doing. It made her feel so miserable to compare herself to his past lovers who undoubtedly knew what they were doing as well.


    Siana looked at him and he was smiling again. She wanted answers and all he did was sit there and smirk. Siana didn¡¯t know how to react to this. Alan chuckled and buried his face in her neck again.


    ¡°Sia¡­,¡± he said, ¡°I never thought I would hear those words from your lips. How the hell do you manage to think of something like that?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s obvious, isn¡¯t it?¡± she said, ¡°You are skilled at this. Not like me. It seems obvious that you have had tons of practice. Tell me, Alan. It¡¯s alright. Just the truth.¡±


    ¡°There is only you,¡± he said, ¡°There has always been only you. You are my first, Sia.¡±


    Since he said it so seriously and directly, she knew it was the truth but it still seemed so unbelievable. ¡°Then how are you so good at this?¡± he asked.


    Siana had never had any experience with things like this. Alan knew where to touch her to make her squirm. No matter how I look at it, it doesn¡¯t seem like Alan is completely new to this.


    ¡°I just use my instincts,¡± said Alan, at her neck. His breath tickled her. ¡°Did it really make you feel like I was a pro at this?¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s ridiculous,¡± said Siana, ¡°How can someone be this good just by using instincts if they haven¡¯t done it before?¡±


    ¡°I guess I am a natural at it then,¡± said Alan as he caressed her waist and kissed her again. He lowered his head to her breasts and kissed her there. Everytime his tongue licked her nipple, she jerked in pleasure.


    If she were Alan, she wouldn¡¯t know a woman¡¯s anatomy so well, let alone the points on her chest which made her squirm. She would be too stumped seeing a woman¡¯s body for the first time. She had felt frozen when she had seen Alan naked the first time. She still couldn¡¯t believe that she was his first.


    As Alan kissed her chest, she tried to restrain herself and glared at him. Alan let out a sigh. ¡°Alright,¡± he said, ¡°I will tell you. There has been no one else before you and no one after you. You can trust me on that.¡± Siana was skeptical about it but she wanted to hear what he was going to say.


    ¡°As for being skilled,¡± he said, ¡°It¡¯s from things heard and seen.¡±


    Siana raised an eyebrow. ¡°Heard and seen?¡±


    ¡°Well, in a barrack, you don¡¯t get much privacy,¡± he said, ¡°All sorts of guys are with you. Young and old. So they talk.¡±


    ¡°So they talk about their lovers¡­ like Yulia?¡± she asked.


    ¡°Yes,¡± he said, ¡°They would talk about their lovers and what they did with them. All¡­ sorts of things. We didn¡¯t have much privacy, as I said. We were all on guard together, and I heard things from them. I couldn¡¯t very well just ignore them and go away. They never stop talking. But little did I know that it would be so useful to me in the future.¡± He directed her a smirk. ¡°If I had known, I would have listened more attentively.¡±


    Siana blushed. He planted a kiss on her lips. ¡°I think I should be grateful to you that you like it so much,¡± he added. ¡°Remember the time when you said you don¡¯t like rabbits?¡±


    Siana blushed harder. ¡°Why are you bringing that up, all of a sudden?¡± she asked, aghast.


    Alan laughed. ¡°You rejected my proposal because of that,¡± he said, ¡°I thought if you knew that I had never done it before, you would just leave me.¡±


    ¡°You¡ª¡±


    ¡°You brought up the rabbit thing, so I thought you were experienced in this. I, too, pretended to be bold because I was afraid you would throw me out in a heartbeat. I didn¡¯t want to let you know I was inexperienced.¡±


    Siana was so taken aback that she looked at Alan with eyes full of confusion.

 Chapter 35

    ¡°I didn¡¯t know you were so na?ve,¡± he said, ¡°Until you freaked out when the liquid came out of you. I was so surprised. You were even more na?ve than I thought. I realized that you were pretending to know about these things.¡±


    ¡°I am not that na?ve,¡± protested Siana.


    ¡°I don¡¯t think anyone is as na?ve as you regarding this, Siana,¡± he said, smiling, ¡°I figured you didn¡¯t have any experience either. I kept pushing forward because I was afraid that I might do something wrong or act immature and put you off somehow.¡± For Siana, Alan had seemed so bold and confident that this confession was very shocking for her. He always seemed so poised, so sure of himself.


    ¡°So, I kept acting like I was bold and confident even when I didn¡¯t feel it,¡± he added, ¡°Is your curiosity fulfilled now?¡±


    ¡°Yeah,¡± she said.


    ¡°Then can we get back to what we were doing?¡± he asked with a smirk. His blue eyes gazed at her breasts full of hunger and desire. Siana blushed at his direct gaze. She realized, belatedly, that she was pulling the covers to hide herself.


    ¡°Only if you want to, Sia,¡± he said, his voice hoarse. Siana closed her eyes and nodded. She felt his lips all over her. His lips rested on her breasts again and he teased them. His touch set her body trembling. She could feel the heat buildup. A tingle ran through her.


    ¡°Ah¡­ oh, Alan¡­¡± Alan¡¯s large hand held her waist and hoisted her up. His other hand took away the cover and exposed her to him. He stroked her thighs and caressed the length of her leg, moving ever so closer to the spot between her thighs, which were on either side of his legs, straddling him.


    His hands played with her soft core, and a finger slipped inside. A m*an escaped her, and she curled her toes. Realizing that she was sitting on his lap, she tried to get off and stepped on the floor. Alan grabbed at her and pulled her towards him again, tearing off her underwear. It fell on the floor.


    When the cold air hit her skin, she trembled. This brought back the memories from their first night, and Siana craved the memory of him inside her. She couldn¡¯t take it anymore. She tugged at his pants. Alan fumbled with the buckle of his belt. He finally unbuckled it. His pants fell off and his manh*od was revealed.


    Siana flinched. She was still not used to the sight of it and she remembered the pain from their first night. She began to back away unconsciously. Alan tugged at her arm and she sat back down on his lap. She could feel his shaft throbbing against her inner thigh. It seemed bigger than the bulge she had touched through his pants before.


    Siana stared and Alan smiled at her, reassuringly. ¡°It¡¯s alright, Sia¡± he said, ¡°Don¡¯t be scared.¡±


    She wanted to ask him if it was normal to feel like this, but she swallowed her questions down. She didn¡¯t want to sound more na?ve than she already was. And she wanted him inside her, so it didn¡¯t matter anyway.


    ¡°Are we doing it like this?¡± she asked.


    ¡°You don¡¯t want to?¡± he asked.


    ¡°I- I do,¡± she said, ¡°Don¡¯t I have to lie down on the bed like last time? I mean, I don¡¯t know about it a lot, as you already know.¡±


    ¡°Not necessarily,¡± he smirked. ¡°A bed isn¡¯t needed.¡±


    She looked around anxiously. Again, she felt the doubt of not knowing what she was doing gnaw at her. Alan pulled her close and kissed her again. On her neck, her collarbone, he teased her breasts while he pulled her closer and closer. His one hand held her by the waist while the other rubbed her down at her most sensitive spot and stimulated it. All her concerns fell away.


    ¡°Oh, ah¡­¡± she m*aned, ¡°Alan¡­¡±


    His hand stroked and caressed the spot making her wet, stimulating her. She felt pleasure surge up and she grabbed his wrist which was between her legs, moving back and forth. Alan stopped when she suddenly grabbed his hand and looked up at her from her chest. His face was flushed. His blond hair disheveled. His blond eyes were confused.


    ¡°What¡¯s wrong?¡± he asked.


    ¡°N-not with your hand,¡± she said, ¡°Just¡­ do it.¡±


    She was too shy to say it directly, but she couldn¡¯t take it anymore. She wished he would hurry. She couldn¡¯t take the yearning anymore. He smiled and nodded. She looked down, as he helped position her above him. His shaft was hard.


    ¡°Are you sure?¡± he asked.


    ¡°Yes,¡± she whispered, hoarsely, ¡°Please¡­¡±


    Her body was so stimulated that she couldn¡¯t take the heat anymore. She wanted him now. She was already wet. Her nervousness had disappeared, replaced by a hunger between her legs. She was hoping Alan would oblige. She clenched her legs in anticipation.


    ¡°Alright,¡± he said, ¡°Lift yourself up a little.¡±


    She did as he told her. His hand came around her lower waist. She was on eye-level to him now. Siana¡¯s lower lips throbbed with desire for him.


    ¡°Come closer, till our bodies touch,¡± he instructed. ¡°Keep your legs spread out.¡±


    Siana moved closer to him till there was no gap between them. Their bellies touched. Her chest was against his. Their bodies interlocked. She relaxed her legs and felt the gap wet and open and seeking.


    ¡°There we are¡­,¡± said Alan.


    Siana wanted to ask what to do next but as she lowered herself a little, she felt a bulge touch a spot between her legs. Siana somehow knew what she must do. ¡°Do I¡­,¡± she mumbled. She felt anxious and embarrassed.


    Alan leaned forward and kissed her neck once. ¡°If you grab it and slowly lower yourself,¡± he whispered near her ear, ¡°You will be able to do it.¡±


    Sian very much doubted herself. What if I mess it up? What if I do something wrong? Many questions floated in her mind. Beads of cold sweat broke out on her forehead. It made her spine tingle. Siana trembled as her legs strained with tension.


    ¡°You can do it,¡± he whispered. ¡°Now, Sia¡­¡±


    Siana wondered if she could ask him to do it in a different position like last time. But this new challenge was thrilling at the same time. She wanted to do this. She felt like she could. She took a deep breath and looked down. She took her time. She inhaled and exhaled trying to calm herself down.


    When she was ready slid her hands down and grabbed his shaft in her hands and stroked it. Alan sighed and trembled. She liked the sight of Alan trembling in her arms. She aligned his shaft with her opening and slowly lowered herself. As the tip penetrated her inner walls, she gasped and flinched. She almost lifted her body back up, but she restrained herself and stayed in place and tried to get familiar with the sensation.


    She waited a while and lowered her body more. This time there was a little bit of pain accompanying it but not as bad as the other night. She lowered her body more and then raised herself a little, then lowered again, going deeper each time. Alan sighed in pleasure.


    ¡°Sia¡­,¡± he mumbled. His hands came around her waist as he helped her lower herself and lift. She lowered herself all the way and Alan groaned and grabbed her tighter on the waist. Siana m*aned and grabbed his arms leaving crimson marks as her deepest point was penetrated.


    Alan held her with one hand around her waist helping her to keep her back straight while the other grabbed her buttocks as she moved in rhythm. Maybe it was because of her posture but the penetration caused her less pain and more pleasure with every move. Her parts had become so sensitive that even a slight movement sent her reeling.


    ¡°Ahh, Alan¡­ ahhh,¡± she m*aned.


    As she moved, she felt his bulge inside her, throbbing. It filled her insides completely and she m*aned in pleasure. She thought she was going to go crazy with it. As she moved more, she placed her chin on Alan¡¯s shoulders and held him tightly trying to keep herself grounded. He groaned and moved with her, holding her close.


    Her body trembled and shook. Her breasts rubbed against his shirt. The rough touch sent shivers and tingles that vibrated in the deepest part of her being. Their bodies were intertwined. They moved against each other, hungrily and aggressively.


    Siana got even more frantic as it went on. The room was filled with their m*ans which echoed against the walls, while their bodies were warm against each other.


    ¡°Alan¡­ ahhhh,¡± she m*aned as the heat that built up inside her rose to a crescendo and she couldn¡¯t stop herself from crying out loud in pleasure.


    ¡°Ahhh,¡± Alan m*aned and whispered in her ears, ¡°Sia, I love you¡­¡±


    His m*ans and confession lingered in her ears. Siana was about to respond when her pleasure crested, and she couldn¡¯t form words. She slumped against him, never breaking the rhythm. Her muscles refused to move. Alan held her in his arms, stroking her back. He didn¡¯t seem to expect an answer from her in the first place.


    Siana dug her nails on his shoulders weakly as they continued with their motion which became more aggressive by the second and sent Siana reeling. She could think no more.


    ¡°Mmm¡­ Ahhh, Alan,¡± she m*aned.

 Chapter 36

    The heat rose in Siana¡¯s spine. Her body, which had stiffened at Alan¡¯s confession, relaxed again. The stimulation was unbearable. Her entire body felt hot and her mind was going blank.


    As the heat reached the climax, a m*an-like scream escaped through her lips. Alan clenched his jaw. His gasping breath felt hot on her neck. Alan grunted. He said something that Siana didn¡¯t hear clearly.


    ¡°Hold on tightly, Sia,¡± he said, as he lifted her in his arms. She wrapped her legs around his waist and hung on to him for fear of falling. She looked at him and saw the familiar ceiling over his head. For a moment, she wasn¡¯t sure what he was doing but then she felt the hard wood of the table behind her back as he set her down on it. The jam jar and empty bowl belatedly made her realize that he had laid her down on the table.


    ¡°Mmm, ahh,¡± she m*aned as Alan¡¯s hand came behind her and pulled her close. She was still clinging to him tightly, so she felt his shaft poking deep into her as he moved his hips.


    Her long hair, drenched in sweat, was plastered all over her body. All she could do was hold on to Alan as he thrust inside her.


    ¡°Ah! Oh, ah¡­ yes!¡± she yelled.


    Every time Alan thrust, the room was filled with the sound of flesh on flesh and the thumping on the table. The jam jar shook and crashed down to the floor. Whenever he pressed against her, it sent her reeling. Their intertwined bodies glistened in sweat.


    Her hands kept slipping from around his neck because of the sweat. But she tried to hold on to him tighter. She could see Alan¡¯s flushed face through a hazy sight. His blue eyes full of passion so wild that it was so different from his usual self. Alan, meanwhile, did not stop moving his waist in rhythm. He continued to thrust into her.


    ¡°Oh, oh! Ahhh!¡± Siana cried in pleasure. Her whole body was covered with sweat and she craved release. Their bodies heated up even more. Alan, incessantly moving inside her, gritted his teeth. He grabbed her pelvis and went in deeper. The feel of him deeper than ever made her dizzy.


    ¡°Alan, ahhh,¡± she cried.


    Alan clenched his jaw. Siana trembled in his arms.  Alan released himself with a grunt. Siana felt the warm fluid between her legs which flowed out of Alan¡¯s member. He gasped and took a deep breath.


    His thigh muscles twitched from the feeling. While still inside her, Alan leaned down and kissed her. Their affair was far from over. Alan carried Siana to the bed and kissed her passionately. Siana readily accepted him with her legs wide open. They both fell asleep completely exhausted after several org*sms.


    *


    Alan received treatment from the priest during the day and worked hard at night, too. Perhaps the method the priest used was working for him because his condition improved drastically. Alan was well enough for the couple to spend a peaceful day together.


    However, it wasn¡¯t all pleasure, though. Siana worried whether it was working. She was sitting on a desk and sorting out the ledger. She propped her chin on her hands, her elbow on the tabletop. Alan¡¯s symptoms had definitely improved. It was great that he was getting better but there was a problem. The s*x every night was getting overwhelming for Siana.


    It had begun with a mixture of willingness for Alan¡¯s treatment and yearning for him. They were doing it almost every night now. It didn¡¯t end until Alan ran out of stamina and fell asleep after getting exhausted.


    She tried to go through with it, but Alan¡¯s stamina was inhuman. And hers wasn¡¯t. She had lost weight due to their activities. No matter how much she thought about it, it made her tired. It was getting overwhelming and difficult for her.


    Even when she decided to tell him, she never could bring herself to do so. Alan couldn¡¯t control himself. He was just so happy when they were doing it. It seemed practically impossible to stop doing it now. Should we take a break from it? Siana wondered.


    Siana wasn¡¯t sure but she didn¡¯t think that other couples did it every day like them. She wondered if it would be alright to take a break from it since Alan was receiving treatment from the priest. So, it should be okay for a while. But what if the curse starts getting worse again? Siana worried.


    She didn¡¯t want to put Alan in danger just because she was having a hard time keeping up with him. Should I start exercising? Siana thought. But I don¡¯t like exercising. How can there be no solution to this? Siana pressed the pen down onto the paper to make notes on the ledger when there was a knock on the door.


    ¡°Madam, may I enter?¡± asked the maid.


    Siana¡¯s thought process was interrupted. When she brought herself back to the present, she told the maid to enter. The maid opened the door softly and walked inside. ¡°There is a visitor wishing to see you, madam,¡± said the maid.


    ¡°A visitor?¡± asked Siana, surprised. Neither her nor Alan had gotten any news of a prospective visitor for today. ¡°For me? Or for Alan?¡±


    ¡°For you, madam,¡± said the maid, ¡°She said if I mention Countess Linen, you will know who it is.¡±


    ¡°Countess Linen?¡± said Siana, a smile spreading on her face.


    Yulia! Siana wasn¡¯t familiar with her title as the countess, so it felt very strange, but she would always know Yulia no matter what. She got up from her desk and hurried downstairs to meet her friend. It had been just too long.


    As soon as she opened the door to the living room, she saw her friend after the longest time apart. Yulia had her back to the door. Her red hair was neatly done on her head and she looked very elegant and poised. She was exactly how Siana remembered her.


    ¡°Yulia!¡± Siana exclaimed. Yulia turned around to face the door when Siana entered. It¡¯s really her! Siana was so delighted to see her friend that she rushed towards her. ¡°Yulia!¡± she cried, ¡°How did you get¡ª¡±


    ¡°How dare you?¡± said Yulia, angrily. Her red lips trembled. Siana froze and stopped in her tracks.  ¡°You are a real piece of work, you know that?¡± thundered Yulia, ¡°How could you do this to me?¡±


    ¡°Yulia,¡± said Siana, worried, ¡°What¡¯s wrong?¡±


    ¡°This!¡± said Yulia taking out a folded envelope and brandishing it at Siana.


    Siana realized what it was. It was the last letter she had sent to her friend. The letter before Alan¡¯s proposal where she had said she was running away from the country to seek.


    Soana realized that this visit was so sudden. Yulia was supposed to be in the countryside and she had made this journey here all of a sudden. Yulia looked haggard and worried. Siana had forgotten to write to her about the recent developments in her life. Siana had been so distracted with the marriage and Alan that it had completely slipped her mind.


    ¡°I was so excited when I got your letter,¡± said Yulia, ¡°I thought maybe you were writing to me because you wanted to meet me after all these years.¡± Yulia glared at her, her hands trembling. ¡°Instead I find out that you are knee-deep in your father¡¯s debt and you are being forced into marriage so you are planning to cross the border. You tell me not to come looking for you! I was so worried. I was so out of my mind. And now I find out that you are suddenly countess Legarde!¡±


    ¡°Yulia, I¡­ let me¡ª¡±


    ¡°Do you have any idea how worried I have been?¡± shouted Yulia, ¡°I have been searching for you all this while. I searched for you everywhere!¡±


    Siana felt guilty for worrying her friend so much. ¡°I am so sorry, Yulia,¡± she said in defeat.


    Yulia just looked at her with a frown. She must have been so worried, her anger is justified, thought Siana. She probably would have been as pissed as her if she had received such a letter from her friend and if the friend had disappeared so suddenly.


    Siana fiddled with her hands anxiously as she studied Yulia¡¯s face. Her eyes which had always looked playful and beautiful couldn¡¯t have looked fiercer.


    ¡°Sorry for what?¡± asked Yulia, still staring at her.


    ¡°For sending you that letter and not writing again when I had taken care of the situation,¡± said Siana, ¡°I should have done it a long time ago. I was so out of my mind with everything happening so fast that it slipped my mind. I am so sorry Yulia.¡±


    Yulia sighed. ¡°I am not angry at you for sending me the letter,¡± said Yulia, ¡°I am always willing to help. Just don¡¯t disappear on me like that. But I am glad you learnt your lesson.¡± Yulia¡¯s face softened. ¡°Sit,¡± she said, ¡°We have a lot to talk about.¡±


    Siana smiled and sat with her on the sofa. ¡°So, what in hell happened to you?¡± asked Yulia, ¡°How did you become a countess? Who is this Lord Legarde I hear about?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s a very long and complicated story,¡± said Siana, cautiously, ¡°I will start with your second question. Lord Legarde is Alan.¡±


    ¡°What?!¡± Yulia exclaimed. ¡°Alan?¡± Yulia was speechless for a while. ¡°The same Alan we know?¡±


    ¡°Yes,¡± said Siana with a smile.


    ¡°But how?¡± asked Yulia, confused. ¡°I thought Alan didn¡¯t have a title to inherit. He went off to the war to become an officer¡­ oh. Was the title awarded to him as part of his war achievements?¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s right,¡± said Siana.


    ¡°Oh,¡± said Yulia, apparently too surprised to be able to say anything more. ¡°He must have worked really hard. That¡¯s that. But tell me what has been going on with you? Tell me everything in detail.¡±


    ¡°About what?¡± asked Siana.


    ¡°Don¡¯t act all stupid,¡± said Yulia, ¡°Tell me everything about this debt business and what happened to your house. And how is it that you are suddenly married. Spill it!¡±


    So Siana did. She told her about her father¡¯s debt and Viscount North. She told him about his proposal for marriage in exchange for the debt and how he had sabotaged any hopes of her ever finding a job or an alternative of paying the money back. She spared her the details of the incidences with Alan. She only mentioned him asking for her hand in marriage and how she had accepted it after much consideration.


    ¡°That vile Viscount!¡± Yulia exclaimed, ¡°He deserves to be flogged and hanged! How could he threaten a young girl half his age into marriage?!¡±


    ¡°Everything has been taken care of now,¡± said Siana.


    ¡°But still!¡± said Yulia, ¡°That doesn¡¯t excuse his behaviour! The shameless slimeball. He deserves the pox.¡±


    Siana laughed awkwardly. It was so good to see that Yulia hadn¡¯t changed a bit. ¡°So, are you okay now?¡± asked Yulia with concern in her eyes.


    ¡°Yes, of course,¡± said Siana.


    ¡°Are you sure?¡± Yulia asked.


    ¡°Yes,¡± said Siana, ¡°Why do you ask?¡±


    ¡°I mean Alan and you¡­,¡± said Yulia, ¡°You are married now.¡±

 Chapter 37

    ¡°It seems like you were rushed by the circumstances in your life to make the decision to marry him,¡± said Yulia, ¡°without much time get to know each other¡­ are you¡­¡± Yulia trailed off.


    Siana hadn¡¯t told Yulia everything that had come to pass between her and Alan, so she understood what her friend was getting at. Yulia didn¡¯t want her to be trapped somewhere where she wasn¡¯t happy. ¡°You don¡¯t need to worry about that,¡± said Siana with a smile, ¡°I love Alan.¡±


    ¡°Really?¡± asked Yulia, surprised.


    ¡°Yes,¡± Siana said with conviction.


    She realized that it was true as she said it. She had been daunted by him appearing suddenly in her life again, looking like a prince out of a fairy tale. But she felt comfortable and safe with him. It felt good to wake up in the morning by his side. She liked being with him.


    Maybe she didn¡¯t know what ¡®love¡¯ really was but perhaps it was close to this. However, Siana couldn¡¯t ignore the fact that she hadn¡¯t responded to Alan when he had confessed that he loved her that night. She had just frozen. Feeling guilty, Siana clasped her hands together.


    ¡°I thought at first that it was too impulsive,¡± said Siana, ¡°But after our marriage, it feels like I did the right thing. I feel like it was a good decision. I feel happy.¡± But I still feel like I am causing trouble for Alan, said her inner voice. She clasped her hands together so tightly that her knuckles turned white.


    ¡°Something is troubling you,¡± said Yulia.


    Siana flinched at her words. ¡°What do you mean?¡± she asked, looking at Yulia.


    ¡°We have been friends for too long,¡± said Yulia, rolling her eyes, ¡°I know you always do that with your hands when you are nervous or worried about something. So, cut the chase and tell me what is wrong?¡±


    Siana looked down at her hands and pried them apart. Even Alan said the same thing¡­ it seems it¡¯s only me who doesn¡¯t know about my own habits. Siana resolved to get rid of the habit as soon as possible.


    ¡°I know that you saying you love him isn¡¯t a lie. I can see it in your eyes,¡± said Yulia, ¡°Do you regret getting married?¡±


    ¡°No,¡± said Siana, ¡°I don¡¯t.¡±


    ¡°Then what is troubling you?¡± asked Yulia, taking Siana¡¯s hands in hers and squeezing them gently. ¡°You can tell me. Or I might just imagine something wild and think about all sorts of stuff.¡±


    Siana was silent. She couldn¡¯t tell her. It was between her and Alan so she thought that it might be inconsiderate and insensitive of her to tell somebody other than Alan about it. She needed to solve her problem by herself this time.


    Yulia sighed. ¡°Is it something you can¡¯t talk about with anybody else?¡± she asked.


    ¡°I¡­ I can¡¯t. It¡¯s something between me and Alan, so I feel like it will be unfair to him,¡± said Siana, ¡°I am sorry.¡±


    ¡°There is no need to be sorry,¡± assured Yulia, ¡°No matter how close we are, there will be things that we cannot tell each other, especially if others are involved. It¡¯s alright. But it¡¯s not healthy to bottle it up within yourself too. You remember that, alright?¡±


    ¡°Yeah¡­,¡± said Siana.


    ¡°Alright then,¡± said Yulia, ¡°I will always be there if you ever want to talk about it. Just say the word and I will always come visit.¡± Siana nodded, grateful for her support.


    ¡°So, where is your husband?¡± asked Yulia.


    ¡°Probably out in the training grounds,¡± said Siana, ¡°After lunch, he goes out to train with his soldiers.¡±


    ¡°He is an officer now, right?¡± asked Yulia.


    ¡°Yeah,¡± said Siana. ¡°Will you be able to attend my wedding ceremony?¡±


    ¡°You didn¡¯t have one yet?¡± asked Yulia, surprised.


    ¡°We didn¡¯t have the time,¡± said Siana, ¡°It was all in a rush. All we did was sign the documents and submit it to the authorities as official proof of the wedding. We decided that we would hold a ceremony at a later date. We haven¡¯t decided when or where, yet. I don¡¯t have anyone else other than you to invite.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s your wedding ceremony, of course I will be there!¡± said Yulia, excitedly. ¡°I wouldn¡¯t miss it for the world. Have you sent out the invitations already?¡±


    ¡°Not yet,¡± said Siana.


    ¡°When you do it, send an invite to my estate, too,¡± said Yulia, ¡°I will come running to the capital¡­ wait¡­ are you planning to hold it in the capital or in your estate?¡¯


    ¡°I haven¡¯t decided yet,¡± said Siana.


    ¡°I don¡¯t think it is a bad idea to hold it in the estate,¡± said Yulia, ¡°You can invite the rich folks and make some connections. It would be a good idea to get to know people who live nearby.¡±


    ¡°You think so?¡± asked Siana.


    ¡°Well, it¡¯s worth a shot,¡± said Yulia with a shrug.


    Siana thought it would do her good to get married in her own estate, as her friend suggested. She could get to know the people living near the estate, too. They were going to live in the Legarde estate, so she might as well make the most of it.


    The two friends spend their time talking about the most random things. They tried to catch up with whatever was happening in their respective lives. Just then, there was a knock on the living room door. Siana, thinking that it might be the maid with tea and snacks, bid them to enter.


    To her surprise, it wasn¡¯t the maid but Alan at the door. Yulia and Siana both stood up as he walked into the room.


    ¡°Alan!¡± said Siana, ¡°Weren¡¯t you training?¡±


    ¡°I heard we had a visitor, so I decided to drop by,¡± he said with a smile.


    Siana felt like she should introduce them for some reason even though they knew each other from their younger days. ¡°Um¡­ Alan, you already know Yulia Linen,¡± she looked at Yulia, ¡°Yulia, this is Alan.¡±


    ¡°Ah, the rabbit,¡± said Alan with a smirk.


    ¡°Been too long¡­ what? Rabbit?¡± stammered Yulia.


    Yulia looked at Alan with confusion. Siana tried not to smile. Their conversation from a long time ago flashed briefly in her mind. Siana elbowed Alan lightly. Alan smiled at her.


    ¡°I apologize,¡± he said, ¡°Your coat seems to be made of rabbit fur is all I meant. I apologize if I have caused any displeasure.¡±


    Yulia glanced down at her coat. Part of it indeed was made of rabbit fur. ¡°Oh, that!¡± said Yulia, nodding, ¡°You are right. It is rabbit fur. There are lots of rabbits where I live. They reproduce at an astronomical rate. We use their fur for coats.¡±


    ¡°I see,¡± said Alan, nodding, with a smile on his face. Siana cleared her throat and tried not to laugh.


    ¡°Anyway, it is nice meeting you, Yulia Linen,¡± said Alan, ¡°I know it has been very long since you two have met. I will get out of your way so you can catch up. Please enjoy your time together.¡±


    ¡°Thank you,¡± said Yulia.


    Alan had thought it would have been easy to talk with Yulia since they had known each other in their childhood and she was Siana¡¯s best friend, but it was a little bit awkward as they were not as close.


    Alan bowed respectfully to Yulia. ¡°Sia,¡± he called.


    She lifted her head to look at him as he called her name. Alan took her hand and placed a kiss on her forehead, his other hand warm on her cheek. ¡°See you later,¡± he said and turned to leave, waving at Yulia.


    She felt her face heat up and she sat back down on the sofa. Blushing and fanning her face, she asked, ¡°W-why are you staring at me like that?¡±


    ¡°I am just marvelling at the both of you,¡± said Yulia, with a smile, ¡°It must be nice having such a loving husband, Mrs. Legarde.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t tease me!¡± said Siana, ¡°You have a loving husband too.¡±


    ¡°He doesn¡¯t show his affection for me in front of others,¡± said Yulia with a sigh, ¡°He is too reserved.¡±


    Siana held back her smile at Yulia¡¯s complaints. She was so glad to see her friend and even more happy to see that Yulia was Yulia, like she had always been. She was never going to change. The maid entered shortly. She filled their teacups, placed the snacks on the table and left them.


    ¡°Anyway, I am glad it¡¯s all working out for you,¡± said Yulia, ¡°You seem happy. Everything looks spectacular. Alan seems good. It looks like I have nothing to worry about. I can finally be at peace.¡± She took a sip of the tea. She placed the cup down on the table. ¡°I was really surprised that he recognized the rabbit fur on my coat. People usually don¡¯t know. For most people, one fur is so like the other.¡±


    Siana choked on her tea. She coughed several times. Yulia was stroking her coat. Siana decided to tell her about the whole ¡®rabbit¡¯ thing. She couldn¡¯t keep it to herself anymore. Besides, she didn¡¯t want Yulia to feel like a fool. She turned to face Yulia.


    ¡°I have something to tell you,¡± she said.


    ¡°Oh,¡± said Yulia, looking at her, ¡°What is it?¡±


    ¡°It is about the ¡®rabbit thing,¡± said Siana, ¡°What Alan said earlier wasn¡¯t about your fur coat.¡±


    ¡°Really?¡± said Yulia, ¡°Then what is it about?¡±


    ¡°Do you remember the conversation we had a long time ago?¡± asked Siana, ¡°About rabbits¡­ and ¡­ shrimps.¡±


    ¡°Rabbit and shrimps?¡± asked Yulia, bewildered.


    Siana looked at her friend. It seemed she had no idea what she was talking about. They had had a million conversations about a million little things. Obviously, she couldn¡¯t remember everything.


    Siana bit her lower lip. ¡°When you told me about s*x for the first time,¡± said Siana, ¡°You said that it was important for any marriage. You told me about rabbits and shrimps.¡±


    ¡°Oh, that,¡± said Yulia, ¡°Of course I remember. But what does that¡­ you didn¡¯t!¡± Yulia looked beyond shocked. ¡°Tell me, please, you didn¡¯t tell Alan all about that!¡±


    Siana nodded. ¡°I did,¡± she said.  Yulia burst out laughing.


    ¡°You are crazy!¡± said Yulia, still laughing, ¡°Why would you do that? Why did you tell him? You were supposed to check it in secret by yourself!¡±


    ¡°I just blurted it out suddenly,¡± said Siana, not able to hold back her laughter. ¡°I was so embarrassed after that.¡±


    ¡°So, everything is good now?¡± asked Yulia.


    ¡°I feel like I messed up,¡± said Siana.


    Yulia sighed and looked at her with gentleness. ¡°I am guessing it is not a case of rabbit and shrimp since you seem happily married.¡±


    Siana forced a smile. I can¡¯t tell her¡­

 Chapter 38

    Siana wanted to tell Yulia that it was the opposite. Siana knew that s*x with Alan was satisfying. But still¡­. She still felt queasy when she saw his member and dreaded it going inside her. And Alan had superhuman stamina. I need to try to find a balance between the difference in our physical strength. Yulia must know a way.


    Yulia had always been a mentor to her. In many ways, she had more knowledge about these things. Perhaps because she had gotten married earlier than Siana. She had planned to not say anything at all but after Yulia brought up the ¡®rabbit and shrimp¡¯, it was pointless to hide it. Besides, Yulia can be trusted, she would never go and run her mouth to others, reasoned Siana.


    Siana clutched at her teacup. ¡°Yulia,¡± she said, ¡°Do you¡­ go to sleep first when you are with your husband?¡±


    ¡°What do you mean?¡± asked Yulia.


    ¡°Do you¡­ get tired first when you are¡­ with him?¡± asked Siana.


    ¡°Get tired first?¡± asked Yulia, with an eyebrow raise, ¡°Are you talking about s*x?¡±


    Siana flinched at her friend¡¯s straightforward response. She still felt so embarrassed talking about things like these, unlike Alan. Siana nodded shyly, but Yulia seemed unfazed by the question.


    ¡°Well,¡± said Yulia, ¡°We finish at around the same time. We do it and fall asleep together.¡±


    ¡°Together?¡± said Siana, surprised, ¡°Don¡¯t you ever get tired before he finishes? Don¡¯t you ever feel exhausted to complete it? Aren¡¯t you ever tired in the mornings?¡±


    ¡°Hm. Maybe I have as much of an endurance as my husband,¡± said Yulia, ¡°Is that your experience with Alan?¡±


    ¡°I¡­ uh¡­ why do you ask?¡± said Siana, flustered.


    ¡°I can tell,¡± said Yulia, ¡°And Alan is a soldier so it does make sense that his stamina and endurance might be very high. Is he so good that he puts you to sleep first?¡± Yulia smirked.


    ¡°Y-yes,¡± stammered Siana, red-faced and flustered.


    ¡°Whoa¡­,¡± said Yulia, ¡°I would have married a soldier if I had known. I am so jealous.¡±


    ¡°But it¡¯s not as grand as you make it sound!¡± said Siana, ¡°I want to watch him fall asleep. But I get tired so fast. It is getting very exhausting.¡±


    ¡°If any other wives hear you, half of them would kill you out of jealousy,¡± said Yulia jokingly. ¡°The other half would try to take Alan for themselves.¡±


    ¡°I know that he is great! I am not denying that, but¡­,¡± said Siana, ¡°But there is another problem.¡±


    ¡°Such as?¡± asked Yulia.


    Siana told Yulia about Alan¡¯s condition and his curse. She knew she couldn¡¯t overcome the physical difference, but she wanted to find a way so that she could help him. Yulia listened to her patiently.


    ¡°Do you really need to endure it?¡± asked Yulia, ¡°You can just stop in the middle if you can¡¯t.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s¡­ I can¡¯t control him,¡± said Siana and lowered her head. She knew Yulia would understand but it was still extremely embarrassing to talk about something as intimate and personal as this with her.


    Yulia placed a finger on her chin and thought about it. ¡°Hm,¡± she mumbled. ¡°How about making him ej*cul*te a few times before you do it with him?¡±


    ¡°What? Make him e-ej*cul*te?¡± asked Siana.


    ¡°Yeah,¡± continued Yulia, ¡°He doesn¡¯t have to be inside you to do that. You can do it by your hands or your mouth. It will tire him a little. Then you can outlast him.¡±


    ¡°How do I do that?¡± asked Siana, ¡°Is it possible?¡±


    Yulia looked at her and sighed in defeat. ¡°Of course, it is possible, you idiot,¡± she said, ¡°Has he ever licked you down there?¡±


    Siana recalled her first night with Alan when he had licked and explored her with his tongue. She had thought it was dirty and not something ought to be done. He had asked him why he would do something as disgusting as that.


    ¡°He h-has,¡± stammered Siana.


    ¡°Then it¡¯s easy to understand,¡± said Yulia, ¡°It¡¯s similar except it will be you doing that to him.¡±


    ¡°I can do it in the exact way he did?¡± asked Siana.


    ¡°Not exactly,¡± said Yulia, ¡°It¡¯s a bit different. But I can¡¯t teach you in person.¡± Yulia frowned. ¡°I know!¡± she exclaimed, ¡°I read it in a book before.¡±


    ¡°Which book?¡± asked Siana.


    ¡°There is a book that explains it well,¡± said Yulia, ¡°Let¡¯s go to a bookstore. I will buy it for you.¡±


    Yulia stood up and picked her coat from the coat rack. She looked at Siana, still seated on the sofa. ¡°What are you doing? Hurry!¡± she said.


    ¡°Are we going right now?!¡± asked Siana.


    ¡°Then when are we going to go?¡± asked Yulia.


    ¡°Maybe tomorrow or the day after,¡± said Siana, ¡°You just got here!¡±


    ¡°I am not staying here,¡± said Yulia. ¡°Well, I wanted to but now I know you are doing very well on your own, so I don¡¯t have to worry. I rushed here when I got your letter. So, I will have to get going quickly. I can¡¯t stay long.¡±


    ¡°But it has been so long since I last saw you,¡± said Siana, sadly, ¡°Such a shame that I don¡¯t get more time with you.¡±


    ¡°We will meet again now that everything is sorted,¡± said Yulia, smiling, ¡°Besides, I don¡¯t want to be a third wheel between newlyweds.¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t mind you being here and I am sure Alan wouldn¡¯t either,¡± said Siana.


    ¡°That¡¯s alright,¡± said Yulia, ¡°Seeing you both like this makes me miss my husband. Let¡¯s hurry and get that book. After that I will give you a hug and take your leave to go be with my own husband.¡± Siana nodded reluctantly and stood up to grab her coat.


    * * *


    Siana and Yulia took the carriage to town with the two horsemen and a maid. Yulia walked swiftly the moment she got out of the carriage. She had moved to the countryside and lived there for a few years and yet she knew her way around here like she had never left. She led Siana to a bookstore without any difficulty. As they entered the shop, Yulia greeted the clerk and walked to a shelf in the corner. She stared at the spine of the books for their titles and burst out laughing.


    ¡°I knew it would be here!¡± said Yulia, chuckling, ¡°See?¡± she removed a book from the shelf and handed it to Siana. ¡°Here it is,¡± she said. Yulia handed her two more books.


    Siana stared at the three books in her hand. They weren¡¯t very thick. ¡°An Abstinent but Passionate Knight and Me,¡± Siana read the titles aloud, ¡°The Cursed Tyrant¡¯s Bedr¡ª¡±


    Yulia covered Siana¡¯s mouth with her hand. ¡°Shhh,¡± hissed Yulia, ¡°Don¡¯t read the titles out loud!¡±


    Siana nodded. Yulia removed her hand from her mouth. ¡°So, these books are supposed to be about¡­ that?¡± asked Siana, ¡°They look pretty ordinary from the covers.¡±


    ¡°Nothing good comes out of telling everybody what kind of books they are,¡± said Yulia, ¡°So the bookmakers deliberately make them look ordinary. When you read them, you will know the reason. Don¡¯t read it here. Go home and read it alone. Alone, do you get me?¡±


    ¡°Okay,¡± said Siana.


    Yulia looked satisfied with that. ¡°Oh, I almost forgot something,¡± she said gesturing outside and then towards her ears, indicating to Siana that there were people around them and it would be better if they weren¡¯t heard.


    ¡°Do you use birth control?¡± whispered Yulia.


    ¡°Birth control?¡± Siana whispered back.


    ¡°Don¡¯t tell me you don¡¯t!¡± whispered Yulia, ¡°I did tell you about birth controls when I told you about the rabbits and shrimps. You will be ruined if you have a pregnancy that you don¡¯t want! Or did you and Alan already decide on children?¡±


    ¡°No, we didn¡¯t,¡± said Siana, ¡°We haven¡¯t discussed it, yet.¡±


    ¡°But you aren¡¯t on birth control yet?¡± asked Yulia.


    ¡°I never gave a thought about it,¡± said Siana, ¡°I was so busy¡­¡±


    ¡°Then you don¡¯t know for sure whether you are pregnant or not?¡± asked Yulia.


    ¡°I hope not,¡± said Siana, ¡°I had my periods a few days ago.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s a relief,¡± said Yulia, ¡°Let¡¯s go buy some birth control pills as well. It will be a good idea to take them until you decide to have children.¡±


    ¡°But do I really have to?¡± asked Siana, ¡°I don¡¯t think I mind having Alan¡¯s babies.¡±


    ¡°Sia, these kinds of things shouldn¡¯t be taken so lightly,¡± said Yulia, sternly, ¡°You might be fine with it but what about Alan? What if you get pregnant and he says he doesn¡¯t want kids? It will only make trouble for you. That¡¯s how the world is.¡±


    Siana went very quiet. She didn¡¯t know if Alan wanted children. If he didn¡¯t, it would be very hard for her to bring them up on her own.


    ¡°Well, you haven¡¯t even known Alan for long, have you?¡± said Yulia, ¡°What if he doesn¡¯t like children? You discuss it with him and have things sorted out first before you get into anything you don¡¯t want to. It is important to talk about these things between married couples.¡±


    Yulia looked at Siana. ¡°There is tea. Thyme tea,¡± whispered Yulia, ¡°It doesn¡¯t strain your body and prevents conception. It was developed by some wizard. It is cheap and effective.¡±


    ¡°Is it safe though?¡± asked Siana.


    ¡°Of course,¡± said Yulia, ¡°A few of my friends use it and they are fine. Don¡¯t worry.¡±


    Siana nodded gratefully. Her mood was a little subdued with all these talks of birth control and children. She was also very surprised that she had so much to learn. The conversations people had before and after marriage were so different. We didn¡¯t think about it at all. I didn¡¯t know there were birth control options¡­


    No wonder Yulia worried so much for her. After considering it, Siana went with Yulia to buy the magical tea. Yulia paid for everything. Siana¡¯s hands were full with the books and the tea that Yulia had bought for her.


    ¡°Great!¡± said Yulia, ¡°We got the books and the tea. That¡¯s everything for today.¡±


    ¡°Yulia,¡± said Siana, ¡°I can pay. Don¡¯t spend so much on me.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s alright. I don¡¯t mind,¡± said Yulia.


    ¡°But¡­¡±


    ¡°Just think of it as a gift,¡± said Yulia, ¡°I drank tea at your place, didn¡¯t I?¡±


    ¡°But the books¡­,¡± said Siana.


    ¡°It¡¯s absolutely fine!¡± said Yulia, ¡°Don¡¯t worry. Besides, I want you to read them and I suggested them to you in the first place.¡±


    Just then a small bell rang in the shop and Siana turned to look for the source of the noise. She saw some curious decorations hanging at the corner of the store. It was circular with beads, nets and small bells. From the outer part, hung several feathers. She heard the bells chiming again as the decoration moved.


    ¡°It¡¯s so pretty,¡± said Siana in awe.


    The sunlight filtering through the windows fell on the beads and the colored light painted the floor and the walls. Siana approached the clerk in the store.


    ¡°What is that?¡± asked Siana, gesturing towards the strange but beautiful decoration.


    ¡°It¡¯s our new magic product. It is called a dreamcatcher,¡± said the clerk. ¡°It is made by machining magic stones on ornaments made at the temple. It is believed that it drives the bad dreams away leaving you with only pleasant ones.¡±

 Chapter 39

    ¡°It brings on good dreams?¡± asked Siana.


    ¡°Yes,¡± said the clerk, ¡°It is a precious gift to some who are sensitive or those who cannot sleep well at night because of nightmares.¡±


    ¡°Does it work?¡± asked Yulia, appearing beside Siana. The clerk looked immensely happy that two people were interested in the dreamcatcher.


    ¡°Of course!¡± said the clerk, with conviction, ¡°I use it myself. I feel great when I wake up in the morning. It is guaranteed.¡±


    ¡°If I hang it in my room, will it¡­ keep working forever?¡± asked Siana.


    ¡°I think what you are asking is, if the effect will last permanently,¡± said the clerk, ¡°Unfortunately, it doesn¡¯t work forever.¡± He moved to the dreamcatcher and took it down from the wall. ¡°Do you see these beads?¡±


    He showed them. Yulia and Siana nodded. ¡°These are powerstones. If you look closely, you will find that there are numbers written down on the inside. That is the number of times the magic is supposed to work.¡±


    ¡°Number of times?¡± asked Siana.


    ¡°Yes,¡± said the clerk, ¡°Every time a bad dream is driven away, the magic will be invoked, and the number will decrease.¡±


    ¡°So, if the numbers reach zero, it will no longer be effective,¡± said Siana.


    ¡°That is correct,¡± said the clerk, ¡°I know it is a hassle to buy them again when the number reaches zero, but it is very effective and quite inexpensive for such a magical product. You can buy one and try it.¡±


    Siana nodded. ¡°Please have one packed,¡± said Siana.


    The clerk packed the tea and the dreamcatcher and handed it over to Siana. They left the shop with a ¡®Thank you¡¯ from the clerk.


    ¡°Are you buying that for Alan?¡± asked Yulia.


    ¡°Yeah. I think it will be helpful,¡± said Siana. The clerk had said it was inexpensive, but every magical product was expensive by her standards. Magic never came cheap. However, she didn¡¯t regret her purchase if it could help Alan. They walked towards the carriages to head home.


    * * *


    When they reached the mansion, Yulia prepared to leave for her home in the countryside. It was already getting dark so Siana told her to stay the night but Yulia would have none of it. She bid Siana goodbye, reminded her to send an invitation to her estate for her wedding, and hugged her.


    After she was gone, Siana made her way to the bedroom, washed up and looked at the things she had bought earlier. She took out the dreamcatcher and hung it over the headboard. She set the books on the table and stared at them.


    So, what is the deal with these books anyway? She couldn¡¯t believe that books that looked this ordinary could ever be vulgar. Her heart was pounding. Yulia told me to read them alone. Just as well, she was alone in her room until Alan returned. I will just read one for now, she decided.


    She picked a book and hid the other two in her closet, under her clothes. She lay on the side of the bed and opened the book. It would be very embarrassing if Alan caught her with this book. She resolved to hide it at the corner of the bed if he turned up. The rabbit thing was embarrassing enough, I can¡¯t let him catch me with this book.


    She pulled the covers over her head and flipped to the first page. She was even more curious after reading the ¡®Table of Contents¡¯. As soon as she turned to the first page, the first few words caught her off guard:


    ¡®Oh, oh, yes! Please, sl-slower, ah!¡¯


    Siana gasped in surprise and shut the book. Her heart was racing now. What the hell?! Knowing Yulia, Siana had prepared herself to discover some vulgar content but she hadn¡¯t expected it to be so explicit from the very beginning.


    Although she was shocked, her curiosity got the better of her. She eventually opened the book and flipped to the first page. Her heart raced as she read about the woman m*aning in the book. She didn¡¯t shut the book this time, instead she read it very fast, lest Alan arrive. Siana was able to get some sense of the story. The book was about a young woman and an escort knight. The woman, who had a crush on her escort, seduced him finally. The plot was not much to fawn at. The story itself was actually very dull and bland, but every chapter had so many intimate scenes. Siana read as though one possessed.


    The particular scene where the female protagonist seduced the male protagonist to relieve him of his desire helped Siana realize the reason for which Yulia had suggested the book. Yulia, how in hell did you find out about such a book?


    Siana quickly progressed through the pages until she heard the floorboard creak outside the bedroom door. She panicked and snapped the book shut. She slipped it in a space between the mattress and the wall. She pulled the covers over her head as the door opened.


    ¡°Sia? Are you sleeping?¡± asked Alan.


    ¡°What? No, no,¡± said Siana.


    ¡°Oh okay,¡± said Alan, ¡°I thought I woke you up.¡±


    ¡°No, you didn¡¯t,¡± said Siana, ¡°I didn¡¯t really fall asleep.¡± Siana pulled the covers down. Alan didn¡¯t suspect a thing. He told her to wait for a while till he showered. He took a towel and headed to the bathroom.


    When she heard him shower, she extracted the book from between the mattress and the wall. She took it to the closet and hid it among the other books under her clothes. She went back to bed. She wanted to keep reading it but didn¡¯t want to be caught.


    Alan finished showering. He toweled his hair as he sat next to Siana in a simple shirt and pants. The smell of the lavender soap floated off him. Siana felt herself relax. Alan put his arm around her.


    ¡°Did you have fun with your friend?¡± he asked.


    ¡°Yeah,¡± said Siana, ¡°It felt really nice since we hadn¡¯t met for the longest time.¡±


    ¡°But why did she leave so soon?¡± he asked, ¡°I thought she would be staying here today.¡±


    ¡°Me too!¡± she said, ¡°I told her she was welcome to stay but she said she needed to hurry back because she had put aside her work. She only came here because she was worried about me.¡±


    ¡°Why?¡± he asked.


    ¡°Well, before everything happened with you, I wrote a letter to her about my situation. I forgot to write to her again to inform her that everything was alright now,¡± said Siana, ¡°She was so worried and came in search of me. She said she isn¡¯t worried about me anymore so she headed back.¡±


    ¡°She must have been exhausted, coming all this way to meet you,¡± he said, ¡°It would have been better if she had stayed over.¡±


    ¡°I did tell her that,¡± she said, ¡°but¡­ she said she didn¡¯t want to disturb us since we were newlyweds.¡±


    ¡°That was considerate of her,¡± said Alan and smiled.


    ¡°You aren¡¯t going to say she could have stayed anyway?¡± she asked.


    ¡°Well¡­ yes, she is welcome here,¡± he said, ¡°But it is also nice for the two of us to be together.¡±


    Siana could feel the heat rising to her face. Alan was never one to say things like that. The smell of scented essential oil tickled the tip of her nose and she could feel his arms around her. Suddenly, the content of the book that she had read came unbidden into her mind. It was night and they were alone in the room. Her heart raced.


    I shouldn¡¯t have read it! I should have waited until tomorrow. Now I can think about nothing else!  Siana tried to brush it off. She tried not to think about it but the more she tried, the more she could remember the scenes in the book vividly. She felt embarrassed and annoyed at Yulia. I just wanted to read something to gain more knowledge and Yulia had to buy me such a juicy novel and make me suffer. Siana tugged at her blanket nervously.


    ¡°What else did you do today?¡± asked Alan, ¡°Primo said you two left the mansion.¡±


    ¡°We just talked and visited the town,¡± she said, ¡°We went to a bookstore to look around. We went to another store¡­ oh! I bought a magical dreamcatcher.¡±


    ¡°A magical dreamcatcher?¡± he asked.


    ¡°Yes!¡± She wriggled out of his arms and gestured to the decoration that hung from over the headboard. ¡°It drives nightmares away and leaves only pleasant dreams.¡±


    Alan frowned. ¡°Are you having nightmares?¡± he asked.


    ¡°No, silly,¡± she said, ¡°It is for you. I wanted to help you. I bought it with my own money.¡±


    ¡°You should have let me pay for it,¡± he said.


    ¡°But it was quite expensive,¡± she said, ¡°And I didn¡¯t want to always use your money¡­¡±


    ¡°Sia, what is mine is yours,¡± he said, ¡°You don¡¯t have to think of it as using my money.¡±


    ¡°What if we go bankrupt over such wild and crazy purchases?¡± said Siana jokingly.


    ¡°That won¡¯t happen,¡± said Alan with a smirk, ¡°And even if it does, I can always head to the battlefield to snag another title. They have enough wars going on as it is.¡±


    Siana froze. Her face was stiff. ¡°I was only joking,¡± said Alan, hurriedly, noticing her unhappiness. ¡°In retrospect, it was a very bad joke.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t joke around about that, Alan,¡± said Siana, sadly. ¡°I am already worried about your curse. How can you joke about it?¡±


    ¡°I am sorry,¡± said Alan, pulling her in an embrace, ¡°I am so sorry. It was a very bad joke. I won¡¯t do it again.¡±


    She could never be angry in the face of his sincere apology. But it left a bitterness in her heart because she didn¡¯t know if he would need to go back to the battlefield in the future. It didn¡¯t make her feel good. She didn¡¯t know how she would live being apart from him if he left.


    The Emperor had already succeeded in reuniting the continent. So, maybe there won¡¯t be big wars anymore. But the future was never certain. And it tore at her heart when she imagined him suffering in the battlefield again. She could never laugh at it even if it was a joke.


    ¡°Please don¡¯t ever say that again,¡± said Siana, hugging him back.


    ¡°I won¡¯t,¡± he said, ¡°I promise.¡±


    Siana relaxed in his arms. Alan caressed her. Siana¡¯s gaze fell on the thyme tea that Yulia had bought for her. She had forgotten to put that away. She recalled the conversation she had had with Yulia.


    ¡°Alan,¡± she said, ¡°Can I ask you something?¡±


    ¡°Sure,¡± he said, ¡°Anything.¡±


    Siana hesitated. ¡°What do you think about children?¡± she asked.


    ¡°Children?¡± he asked, surprised.


    ¡°Yeah,¡± she said.


    ¡°What is this about children all of a sudden?¡± he asked, smiling.


    Siana blurted everything out. ¡°I haven¡¯t been using birth control,¡± said Siana, ¡°I don¡¯t mind having your babies but if it is something you don¡¯t want at the moment, I think we need to find ways to prevent that.¡±


    ¡°Oh,¡± said Alan, thinking.


    Siana, with much embarrassment, realized that just like her, Alan had never thought about the matter before. He looked as lost as her at that moment.

 Chapter 40

    But unlike her, Alan turned serious. ¡°Sorry, Sia. I shouldn¡¯t have worried you unnecessarily. I should have thought about this.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t be sorry!¡± said Siana, ¡°I didn¡¯t think about all of it either.¡±


    ¡°I should have tried harder,¡± said Alan, ¡°I should have known better. I am so sorry for not thinking about it and how it might affect you.¡±


    ¡°Alan,¡± said Siana, ¡°It¡¯s alright. But right now, I want to know your opinion. How do you feel about having children?¡±


    ¡°I am fine with it, as long as you are okay with it,¡± said Alan.


    Siana grumbled a little at his answer. ¡°You don¡¯t like kids?¡± she asked.


    ¡°It¡¯s not that,¡± said Alan, caressing her back. ¡°If we do have a child, I will love and cherish it. But you are my priority. I would always be concerned about you more. But will you be alright?¡±


    ¡°Me?¡± asked Siana. ¡°Why wouldn¡¯t I be alright?¡±


    ¡°I heard pregnant women go through tremendous pain and stress,¡± said Alan, ¡°I also heard it is hard for them to deal with the changes happening in their bodies. I don¡¯t want to put you through that, Sia.¡±


    Siana was moved with his consideration for her. It was almost funny that just recently she was agonizing over whether Alan would like children. She was so touched that his concerns were for her. He only wanted her to be happy, safe and comfortable.


    ¡°I will be alright, Alan,¡± said Siana softly. ¡°It¡¯s something I want. Being an only child would be very lonely, so I want many children.¡±


    Siana reminisced about her childhood. She was always a lonely child. She had no siblings to confide in. She had always wished for someone to be there for her. Her father had been busy earning for them to keep the household going. She only had her governess who was a very uptight and strict lady.


    ¡°Alright,¡± said Alan, smiling kindly, ¡°Let¡¯s have lots of children. But not at the expense of your health. You are precious to me.¡±


    ¡°Of course,¡± said Siana. ¡°I wouldn¡¯t insist on children if it means I would die!¡±


    ¡°I mean it, though,¡± said Alan, ¡°If there ever comes a time where I might have to choose between mother and child, I will always choose you. Unconditionally.¡±


    ¡°Oh, don¡¯t be so dramatic,¡± said Siana, laughing, ¡°I am not going to sacrifice myself.¡±


    Siana wanted to have babies that looked like Alan. His face, his features. Siana was grateful that he cared about her so much. She put her arms around his waist and leaned onto his chest. He stroked her back. Siana loved this moment and she realized that Yulia was right. She was truly lucky to have married him. Being with him made her happy. She snuggled close to him and pulled him closer. Alan flinched.


    ¡°Hold on, Sia,¡± he said.


    Siana leaned back a little and looked up at him with concern. Something hard brushed against her thigh and a low m*an escaped his lips. Siana belatedly realized what had happened.


    ¡°Alan¡­,¡± she muttered. He avoided her gaze.


    At the hardness on her thigh, Alan looked away in shame. His reaction surprised her. Since when has he been in this state? Siana thought, what excited him? Alan had only been excited a few times when they spent the night together. This might be my chance to try the scene from that book, thought Siana.


    Siana grabbed his shirt sleeves. ¡°Do you want to try something else today?¡± she whispered in his ears.


    ¡°Like what?¡± he asked.


    ¡°Something that you always do for me,¡± said Siana, ¡°Let me do it for you today.¡±


    Alan looked confused. ¡°Sia, what are you talking about?¡± he asked.


    ¡°I might not be very good at it,¡± said Siana, ¡°but if you are okay with it, I will do it for you.¡± She recalled the scene from the book and blushed. Alan¡¯s reaction made her feel even more embarrassed.


    ¡°Sia, why suddenly¡­,¡± said Alan as he understood her meaning.


    ¡°It¡¯s not sudden,¡± protested Siana, ¡°I just want to help you. You always make me feel good. Let me do it for you. Let me make you feel good for once.¡±


    Alan frowned. The silence stretched and made Siana nervous. She tugged at his sleeves. ¡°You don¡¯t want me to?¡± she asked.


    ¡°It¡¯s not that,¡± said Alan, ¡°It¡¯s just¡­ I can¡¯t ask you to¡­.¡± He sighed. ¡°Let¡¯s talk about this first. I don¡¯t think this is going to work.¡±


    ¡°Why not?¡± she asked, ¡°You worry too much. You have done it for me often.¡±


    ¡°That is different,¡± said Alan.


    ¡°How different can it be anyway?¡± asked Siana. She was filled with a craving so great that she became desperate. She slid her hands along the length of his thigh and slipped it between his legs, while leaning down towards it.


    ¡°And you did it last time when I told you not to,¡± said Siana, ¡°Let me try it okay?¡±


    ¡°Sia,¡± said Alan, voice cracking as her hand toyed with him. Siana was unbuttoning his pants. He tried half-heartedly to grab her hands, but she was faster. She undid his briefs to expose his member. She caressed him.


    ¡°Don¡¯t interrupt,¡± she whispered. A soft m*an escaped his lips. His member was hard and erect, and the fluid was flowing down the tip. He had been fighting the urge for so long.


    She caressed his member with both hands, softly. She bit her lower lips in anticipation. She had only read about the young women licking it in the book, beyond that she had no idea what to do. What now? She was lost. She had no knowledge on what to do. She decided to caress him for now.


    She stroked it gently on the tip. Alan flinched. Siana looked up and tried to meet his eyes but he looked away. His face was red, and he looked flustered. Siana realized that he was ar*used. She continued stroking his member and he m*aned softly. He was gasping for breath.


    She caressed it back and forth, not wanting to hurt him. Her hands moved more boldly. As she continued stroking it back and forth with her hands, Alan¡¯s m*ans of pleasure increased. That gave her the confidence to increase her rhythm. Siana rubbed the tip of his shaft with her thumb. Alan trembled and strained his waist.


    Veins bulged on his neck and forehead and he gasped for breath. Siana saw his struggle to hold back his m*ans. This stimulated him so much that Siana wanted to hear more of his delicious m*ans. She now realized why Alan caressed her so much when they made love. I want to excite him more, resolved Siana.


    Siana wanted to see him flustered. She liked seeing him blush. She wanted him to m*an and tremble in her hands like she did for him. She looked at his member in her hands and bowed her head.


    ¡°Sia¡­hold on¡­ ahh,¡± mumbled Alan, as she took his member into her mouth.


    Her hands continued caressing him while her tongue explored his member, placing kissed along the way. She licked it and Alan¡¯s legs shook. She gripped the sheets tightly and strained against her mouth. One of his hands hovered slightly near her head but didn¡¯t come down. She knew he was holding back. He grabbed at the bedsheets, knuckles white.


    ¡°Ah¡­ Sia, just a little¡­ Mmm,¡± m*aned Alan.


    Siana opened her mouth a little wider to take him deeper. Alan leaned back and clenched his jaw. He was sweating buckets now and his lewd m*ans escaped from his lips again and again.


    Siana was excited that Alan was this aroused. She liked him in her hands, at her mercy. She sucked at his member, making him tremble even more.


    ¡°Ahh¡­¡± cried Alan. His body shivered as though a shockwave went through him. The tremors increased and Siana resolved to keep it that way. With his member filling her mouth entirely, she could barely breathe. She sucked hard on it while she continued caressing him. Alan was a trembling mess. His grunts and m*ans echoed across the room. His hands came down on her hair.


    Siana sucked him harder. Alan was shaking, but he grabbed her head and pushed her away as a thick stream of white liquid shot out and hit her face. She rose reflexively and wiped the liquid which was now flowing down her face. She involuntarily heaved and gasped for breath.


    Alan buttoned back his pants and wiped her face with his sleeves. ¡°Are you okay?¡± he asked with concern.


    ¡°I¡¯m¡­,¡± she mumbled and gagged. He steered her towards the bathroom and turned on the faucet. She vomited. He washed her face, wiped at her hair and cupped his hand with water for her to rinse her mouth.


    She felt a bit better. She changed into clean pyjamas. She had completely gotten soaked when cleaning herself. Siana ran her fingers through her hair which was still wet and walked to their bed. She looked unfazed as though she wasn¡¯t gagging a while back. Alan, meanwhile, sat on the sofa not daring to go near the bed. She looked very stiff and anxious.


    Did I anger him? Siana wondered. What should I do now? Siana felt anxious seeing Alan like this. She worried that she had messed up everything and now he was angry. Maybe she had not done it the right way. She should have stopped when he asked her to.


    ¡°Alan¡­ are you angry?¡± stammered Siana.


    ¡°No, I am not,¡± he said.

 Chapter 41

    Alan responded calmly but his face was stiff as he said it. Liar, thought Siana, I should have stopped when he called my name. Siana felt worried and stupid. She had thought she could help him. She thought maybe she had offended him by not doing it right.


    Siana wanted to apologize but didn¡¯t know how to get around to it. Siana bit her lower lip anxiously and clenched the blanket. Alan looked down and tried to calm down. He knew he was stressing Siana. He lifted his head and looked at her.


    ¡°I am really not angry, Sia,¡± said Alan.


    ¡°Okay¡­,¡± said Siana, half-heartedly.


    Alan could see that he was convincing no one. She was right. He was angry. But not at her. He was angry at himself. He walked to the bed and sat on the edge. He took her fidgeting hands in his own. ¡°Sia¡­,¡± he said.


    ¡°You are angry at me, aren¡¯t you?¡± she said in a soft voice.


    ¡°No,¡± he said, ¡°Why would I ever be angry at you? Believe me¡­¡± He despised himself for the words he couldn¡¯t say. He clenched his fists. Even when he had said he didn¡¯t want to subject her to something like that, he hadn¡¯t resisted it. He hadn¡¯t been able to resist his desire. And he had gotten aroused and let Siana do it even when it was her very first time. She had gotten sick; she had vomited, and he thought it was all his fault.


    Alan knew she would be overwhelmed with the smell. And yet, he hadn¡¯t stopped her. He felt guilty about it. He thought he should have stopped her, but he had given in to his own desires. She had made him feel such pleasure that he had wanted her to do it. He would like it if she did it again, and for that he felt like a monster. He was disgusted with himself for liking it, for wanting more. He wanted Siana to be comfortable, to be happy. All his promises sounded hollow to himself.


    ¡°I, uh¡­,¡± began Alan. He couldn¡¯t utter the words he was thinking. He scowled. An agonized expression came over his face. He didn¡¯t know how to say it. The only person he was angry at, the only person he despised, was himself.


    ¡°I am so sorry, Alan,¡± said Siana when his silence became overpowering, ¡°I thought I was helping. I thought it would make you feel good. I am so sorry. I won¡¯t do it again if you don¡¯t want me to.¡±


    ¡°It is not that, Sia,¡± he said.


    ¡°It¡¯s okay Alan,¡± said Siana, ¡°You don¡¯t have to lie to make me feel better. I know I overstepped. I know you didn¡¯t like it. I should have stopped. I am sorry.¡±


    ¡°No, no,¡± said Alan, ¡°How should I say this?¡± He sighed, wearily. His messy hair added to him looking even more frustrated than he felt. He ran his fingers through his hair a few times, trying to tame his disheveled hair and trying to compose himself.


    ¡°Listen to me, Sia,¡± he said, finally, ¡°It¡¯s not that I didn¡¯t like what you did. I¡­ liked it. And you are right. I am angry. But not at you. I could never be angry at you. I am angry at myself.¡±


    ¡°What?¡± asked Siana, confused, ¡°Why are you angry at yourself?¡±


    ¡°Because¡­,¡± stammered Alan, ¡°I let you do it all alone. I know it was your first time doing something like this. And yet, I just let you. I knew that it would make you gag. I knew it would make you sick.¡±


    ¡°I am sorry,¡± said Siana, ¡°I didn¡¯t mean to vomit. I knew it was my fault.¡±


    ¡°No!¡± said Alan, ¡°Sia, it is absolutely not your fault. I know the smell was overpowering and disgusting. Don¡¯t blame yourself for it.¡±


    ¡°Then what¡¯s the matter?¡± asked Siana.


    ¡°You really want to hear it?¡± asked Alan, looking helplessly at her.


    ¡°Yes,¡± said Siana, determined.


    She knew it was hard for him to talk about, but she wanted to have this conversation. In married life, difficult conversation shouldn¡¯t be avoided. Besides, she wanted to know for sure if she had done something wrong. If so, she wanted to apologize.


    ¡°You have always answered my questions honestly,¡± she said, ¡°I want to listen to whatever you have to say.¡±


    Alan stared at Siana for a long time with pain in his eyes. He was trapped in a predicament. He took a deep breath finally and said, ¡°I have always wanted to offer you only good things.¡±


    ¡°Good things?¡±


    ¡°Yes,¡± said Alan, ¡°Even before I proposed to you. Even when I was in the battlefield, I had already made up my mind that I would offer all that is good in this world to you.¡± He clenched his jaw and took another breath. ¡°But I couldn¡¯t control my sexual urge. I am angry at myself for that.¡±


    Siana stared at him. She noticed that the thing she had mistaken for anger in his face had been shame. ¡°What if I am okay with that?¡± she asked. ¡°What if I am happy with what I did for you? Can¡¯t you be happy with it if that is the case?¡±


    Alan looked even more agonized. His piercing blue-eyed gaze seem to be questioning her. She looked at him unwaveringly until he could stay silent no more. His lower lip quivered.


    ¡°I didn¡¯t mean it like that,¡± said Alan.


    ¡°I enjoyed what I did for you,¡± said Siana, ¡°And I felt good too. I don¡¯t understand, did you not like it? Is that the problem?¡±


    ¡°Sia,¡± said Alan, ¡°stop saying that. It¡¯s not because of that. It is not only good things that I want to offer to you. You mean the world to me and I want to treat you preciously.¡±


    ¡°But what we did wasn¡¯t anything wrong¡­,¡± said Siana.


    ¡°Sia, please,¡± he said in distress.


    Siana fell silent at the sound of his voice. He seemed disturbed somehow.


    ¡°I fought through it this time,¡± he said, ¡°I don¡¯t know if I will be able to control myself next time. I might not be able to think. I might shove it deeper into your mouth or grab your head. I don¡¯t want to treat you like that.¡±


    For a moment, Siana was speechless and blank. She didn¡¯t know what the problem was. She then recalled the scene from the book where the young lady had indulged in something like this. The knight had been unable to control himself, grabbed her head and pushed it against his member, shoving it deeper down her throat. The young lady had cried in the book, and the knight had got down on his knees and begged for forgiveness.


    Siana recalled Alan¡¯s hands hovering near her head when she was giving him pleasure. He had clenched his hand on the sheets trying to control himself. She figured out what he was worried about at that moment. He didn¡¯t want to do what the knight did in the novel. He didn¡¯t want to be violent.


    My throat cannot withstand it, she thought suddenly. Even half the length of his member had filled her mouth entirely. If he hadn¡¯t controlled himself, it would have been disastrous for her.


    Alan looked at her. ¡°There is no need to be scared, Sia,¡± he said, ¡°It won¡¯t happen again.¡±


    ¡°Alan, I¡­,¡± she mumbled.


    ¡°It¡¯s alright, Sia,¡± he said, gently, ¡°I know what you were thinking. I know what your intentions were. And I am grateful for it.¡± Siana didn¡¯t know what to say to that so she stayed silent.


    ¡°Just don¡¯t stimulate me too much,¡± he said, ¡°I might not be able to control myself next time.¡±


    Siana nodded at the warning and the danger lurking behind those blue eyes. His face softened and he embraced her. He pulled her down on the bed. In his arms, Siana thought she should have listened to Alan when he told her to stop.


    *


    Siana tapped the dreamcatcher hanging on the headboard. Just a while ago, the priest had arrived to give Alan another injection. Alan had gone outside to see the priest off.


    ¡°This is great!¡± the priest has said, ¡°There is not a single ounce of the curse left.¡± The priest had looked at Siana with respect. ¡°What kind of magic did you summon to perform this miracle, madam?¡±


    She knew the priest was just teasing her. She was no wizard and he knew that. Siana had smiled awkwardly and confessed that she had used the method the priest had mentioned on his visit before.


    The priest expressed amazement at such a fast and effective cure and nodded like he was convinced of it. He had also asked her about the dreamcatcher. When Siana had explained to him, he had advised her not to use it.


    ¡°Why not?¡± she has asked.


    ¡°Usually such dreamcatchers only have a slight soothing effect,¡± the priest had explained, ¡°But if it is as effective as you say, then it is possible that the magic in that forces you to suppress your dreams. Lord Legarde seems to be better. Your treatment is working wonders but if you use that here¡­¡±


    Siana had not responded. ¡°I am not very sure but,¡± the priest had continued, ¡°The aftereffects of that kind of magic are not very good.¡±


    The priest seemed to know what he was talking about. Besides, Siana knew nothing about magic. So, she decided to listen to the priest and do away with the dreamcatcher. However, she still felt like it was such a waste to just throw away this pretty thing.


    Siana sighed. She took off the dreamcatcher from the headboard and instructed the maid to throw it away. She then thought of the other things she had bought along with the dreamcatcher. The books and the tea.


    Despite her failed experiment with Alan, the books were quite interesting to read. She had finished reading them once. But the problem was that she didn¡¯t know where to store them. Somebody might look through them if I put them in the study, she thought. But I can¡¯t keep them hidden in my closet forever!


    She didn¡¯t know what to do with the thyme tea either. After talking with Alan, she felt she had no need for the tea. Alan wanted children, and so did she. She had no need to drink it but she didn¡¯t want to throw it away. After all, it was a gift from Yulia.


    Siana pondered on her dilemma and resolved to hide the books first before anyone arrived into the room. I will put them back in the closet for now, she decided. I can buy some paper later and wrap them. As for the tea, I will just put it away for now.


    Just as Siana closed the drawer, the door to the room was flung open. ¡°Sia,¡± called Alan.


    Siana gasped, startled. ¡°Alan¡­,¡± she said, trying to compose herself, ¡°You are here! Where is the priest?¡±


    ¡°Oh, he left,¡± said Alan. ¡°What are you doing? You look flustered.¡±


    ¡°Oh, I was just tidying up this drawer,¡± she said, hurriedly, ¡°You just startled me.¡±


    Siana prayed that she didn¡¯t sound suspicious. I can¡¯t let him find out about the novels, she thought. It will be too embarrassing!

 Chapter 42

    ¡°I see,¡± said Alan, ¡°So, do you want to go out?¡±


    ¡°Right now?¡± asked Siana, ¡°But isn¡¯t it lunch time?¡±


    ¡°We can eat somewhere out,¡± said Alan, ¡°We can also go look for our wedding outfits for the ceremony.¡±


    Siana nodded. ¡°Okay, let me get changed,¡± she said.


    Siana chose a comfortable outfit while Alan waited for her. The two ate at a restaurant and headed to a clothing store. They started first with choosing outfits for Alan. He was much less fussy about his clothes.


    Siana was served tea by the clerk while Alan changed. The clerk assumed that Siana might be bored so she made an effort on a conversation. She asked her how they met and complimented her. Siana gave an easy answer to her questions. She told her that they were childhood friends long before their marriage.


    ¡°Oh my!¡± said the clerk, ¡°That is indeed romantic!¡±


    Siana laughed awkwardly at that. She was finding it hard to keep the conversation going. Thankfully, Alan came out of the trying room. He usually looked good in whatever he wore but the suit he had chosen at that moment for their wedding too her breath away. Her heart raced and her mind went blank. He looked downright gorgeous.


    I would have assumed that I was used to him by now¡­. She took a deep breath and tried to calm herself. Seeing him every day of her life, Siana thought she would be familiar with how he looked, and it wouldn¡¯t affect her so much. She was delusional.


    She stared at Alan, flustered and blushing red. Alan approached her and leaned down, his face inches from hers.


    ¡°Sia,¡± he said, ¡°What¡¯s wrong? You look flustered.¡±


    ¡°W-what?¡± stammered Siana, ¡°Nothing! Nothing¡¯s wrong. You look dashing in that.¡±


    Alan chuckled. ¡°Took your breath away?¡± he teased. She looked down. He was much too close to her and it was doing nothing to help with her racing heart.


    Alan tried on several more outfits. Each one was better than the last. It was a very difficult feat to choose just one. In the end, they decided on the white suit that he had worn the very first time.


    It was Siana¡¯s turn now. She tried on a dress that she had been meaning to, since the time they came into this shop and her gaze had fallen onto the beautiful dress in the catalogue. With some help from the clerks, she put on a light pink dress and held a bouquet in her hand.


    ¡°I¡¯m pulling back the curtain now,¡± declared Siana feeling queasy.


    At the sight of Alan, standing beyond the curtains, her queasiness disappeared. It was replaced by a pleasant thrill. She walked to him. ¡°How does it look Alan?¡± she asked. ¡°Is it good enough?¡¯


    Alan was quiet and he was avoiding her eyes. ¡°Alan?¡± she asked again.


    ¡°You look beautiful,¡± he said. But he still wasn¡¯t looking her in the eye.


    Siana was worried. He says I look beautiful, but he isn¡¯t looking at me at all. Is he saying that just to make me happy when he thinks it¡¯s not that good, but he can¡¯t say it honestly? Siana went behind the curtains and changed into another dress. Her shoulder was slumped.


    ¡°I think he is just nervous because you look so pretty,¡± said the clerk, trying to reassure her. ¡°That happens quite often. People get so shy and they can¡¯t look their significant others in the eyes.¡±


    ¡°Really?¡± she asked the clerk, half-heartedly. Shyness wasn¡¯t a feeling she got from Alan just then.


    ¡°Watch him carefully when you go out this time,¡± said the clerk, ¡°He won¡¯t be able to hide it.¡±


    ¡°Are you sure?¡± asked Siana, doubtfully.


    ¡°Of course.,¡± said the clerk. ¡°I am opening the curtains now,¡± she announced.


    The curtains opened and Siana stepped out of the trying room. Alan was the same. He tried to look everywhere else but her. While he showered her with praises, he avoided looking her in the eye. Siana looked at him closely this time and noticed that his ears were red, and he had a blush creeping onto his cheek.


    Her eyes widened in surprise. His ears were red, his cheeks were flushed, and he was unable to hold her stare. Alan was feeling shy! She had never noticed. For Siana, who had never thought herself pretty, this was a very surprising discovery. Her face burned like Alan¡¯s.


    She hurried into the trying room to change into something else and to hide her embarrassment. After perhaps changing into four more, she decided on the very first one she had chosen.


    It was close to dinnertime when they finally paid for the outfits and had them packed. They were too tired, so they decided to eat out for dinner as well. When they left the clothing store, a cold wind passed over them. The temperature had dropped so suddenly. It was much colder than they had anticipated. Siana shivered.


    ¡°Are you cold?¡± asked Alan.


    ¡°A little¡­¡± said Siana, trying to hide her shivering.


    Alan began taking off his coat. ¡°Alan, no,¡± said Siana, ¡°I am alright really. You don¡¯t need to¡­¡±


    Alan wrapped the coat around her. Alan was very tall, so the coat that came to his thighs came up to her calves when she wore it. The wind froze the tip of her nose. Alan stood beside her.


    ¡°Alan,¡± she said, ¡°Take it back. You will get cold.¡±


    ¡°I am fine,¡± he said.


    ¡°No, you are not,¡± she said and took his coat off. She handed it back to him. ¡°Take it, please.¡±


    ¡°But you are cold,¡± he said.


    ¡°It¡¯s alright,¡± she insisted, ¡°Just a little further and we will be in the restaurant. I can bear it until then.¡±


    ¡°So can I,¡± said Alan, ¡°It is not that far.¡±


    So, he wasn¡¯t going to back down. But I can¡¯t steal his coat while he freezes over, thought Siana, miserably. She looked up at him. His cheeks and nose were flushed in the streetlight. His breath was coming out in smoky puffs. And he says he is fine.


    ¡°Alan, take my hand,¡± she said. ¡°It will be warmer. And take your coat back, now.¡±


    Alan hesitated before taking his coat back. Then he gingerly extended his hand, took the coat and draped it around him. He knew Siana was stubborn to her boots. She wouldn¡¯t budge from here until he listened to her. He thought it would be better to get to the restaurant faster than stand here and squabble.


    Alan took her outstretched hand, puller her close and slid it into his coat pocket. It felt warm and they were very close to each other.


    ¡°Feel better?¡± he asked.


    Siana nodded. ¡°It¡¯s warm.¡±


    Feeling better, they both walked to the restaurant, which wasn¡¯t much far.


    * * *


    After returning home, Siana went straight to the bathroom to wash up. She got into the warm water filling the tb. The water felt very warm and soothing. A few drops of essential oil made the whole bathroom fragrant. She never wanted to get out of here. If only, she could just fall asleep like this.


    She scrubbed herself and stayed in the warm water for a while till it warmed the tips of her toes. She reluctantly got out of the tun and work her pajamas. She opened the bathroom door and walked into the bedroom, drying her hair with a towel in hand.


    ¡°Alan, I¡¯m done¡ª¡±


    Siana was stunned. The drawer was wide open, and Alan was standing in front of it flipping through a familiar book in his hands. She knew that book, she had hidden it herself. It was An Abstinent but Passionate Knight and Me.


    The content of the book played out in her mind and she was mortified. She stood there, speechless. She didn¡¯t know what she could say to make the situation seem other than what it was.


    Alan, on the other hand, stood there, with his back to her, flipping so nonchalantly through the pages of the book. After a while, he turned around and looked at her. Siana nibbled at her lower lip anxiously.


    ¡°Is this yours?¡± he asked with a smirk.


    ¡°I, uh¡­ yes,¡± she said, defeated. I am so screwed, she thought.


    Alan lifted the book, so the cover faced her. ¡°And here I was wondering what was happening to you for the past few days,¡± he said, ¡°So, it¡¯s all because of this?¡±


    ¡®I, uh¡­,¡± Siana struggled to find a reply. But she was unable to sound coherent.


    Alan turned around and put the book back in the drawer and closed it. ¡°You don¡¯t have to hide something like this, Sia,¡± he said.


    ¡°I can explain¡ª,¡± said Siana, ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°You don¡¯t have to hide your hobbies or anything that you like to do,¡± he said, ¡°At least not from me. If you want to read it, it¡¯s alright. Go ahead. I am not going to judge you for it.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s not exactly a hobby,¡± said Siana.


    ¡°Oh?¡± said Alan with an eyebrow raised.


    ¡°I bought it to do some study,¡± she said.


    ¡°Hm,¡± he said, ¡°Study?¡±


    Siana hesitated. ¡°I am always exhausted after we do it and fall asleep first,¡± she stammered and took the plunge.


    ¡°That is true,¡± he said.


    ¡°I find it hard to keep up,¡± she continued, ¡°It¡¯s difficult for me so I thought maybe I could make you a little tired and¡­¡±


    She trailed off, unable to finish the sentence. She couldn¡¯t tell him when she was even ashamed to think of it. She tried to scrape the dredges of her mind to come up with something that would sound a little less vulgar.


    ¡°I am sorry, Sia,¡± he said.


    ¡°What? Why?¡± she asked.


    ¡°I didn¡¯t know you were having a hard time,¡± he said, ¡°I got greedy. I should have been more considerate of you. I am sorry.¡±


    ¡°No!¡± she said, ¡°It¡¯s not your fault. Stop apologizing. I didn¡¯t say anything too so how would you know anything about it? I like being with you, I enjoy it.¡±


    Alan pulled her close to him. She buried her face onto his chest. Alan¡¯s head sank over her shoulders.


    ¡°Alan?¡± she said when he was quiet for a long time.


    His breath on her neck tickled her. ¡°I really¡­,¡± he said, ¡°I don¡¯t know how to make you feel better.¡±


    Her cheeks burned. Her heart raced. She could feel his heartbeat through his shirt. It beat as fast as hers. ¡°Do whatever you want,¡± she said.


    ¡°What?¡± he asked.


    ¡°I mean it, do whatever you want to do. But let¡¯s take it slow, so it is a little less tiring,¡± she said, burying her face deeper onto his chest because she couldn¡¯t bear to look up at him. But Alan released her and placed his hands on her shoulders, holding her at a distance and making her face him.

 Chapter 43

    ¡°Sia, what you just said¡­,¡± Alan stammered. ¡°Do you know how that sounds to me?¡±


    Siana flinched at the crack in his voice. ¡°I know,¡± she said.


    ¡°Do you?¡± he asked, looking at her sharply. The blue eyes, usually so calm, were full of passion and desire. It looked as though he wanted to devour her. Siana didn¡¯t try to avoid them. If it was way before the marriage and everything leading to it, the old Siana would have run away but now, she simply couldn¡¯t. She wouldn¡¯t.


    ¡°Yes,¡± she whispered and wrapped her arms around his neck. She put her face close to his and whispered in a voice only he could hear, ¡°I know it very well. You can do whatever you wa¡ª¡±


    Before she could complete her words, Alan lifted her up and laid her on the bed. Siana felt the soft mattress on her back and Alan shut the light. The room plunged into darkness. He got on top of her and kissed her. His kisses, usually so gentle, were rushed and frantic. She willingly opened her lips and his tongue lashed out, exploring her. His hands grabbed her shirt and pulled them off. She wasn¡¯t wearing anything underneath.


    Her chest was bare, and the cold night air made her shiver. His hand traced her chest and grabbed her mound making Siana gasp. Her arms on his neck tightened. His palm rubbed and pinched her chest making her squirm. Siana¡¯s back tingled.


    ¡°Mm,¡± she mumbled as her body heated up. She could feel the liquid between her legs. Alan had just begun, and she was already wet. She fumbled to take Alan¡¯s shirt off. She began undoing his buttons in the dark. By the time she had unbuttoned his shirt, her eyes had adjusted to the darkness. She flung his shirt away and caressed his sturdy chest.


    The flesh over his scars felt strange under her fumbling fingers but they were healing well. She traced her fingers down to his waist and wrapped her arms around him. His hands were gentle on her chest, but his every touch made her body warm.


    ¡°Alan¡­,¡± she called his name out in pleasure. Her thighs throbbed. As she closed them, Alan placed his knee between her thighs, stopping them. His hands slid further down between her thighs and touched her in her most private parts. She could feel his warmth from over her panties.


    ¡°You are wet fast today, Sia,¡± he whispered, teasingly. Her face turned red and he laughed. It was embarrassing to admit that it was true, and she had no intention of denying it. Alan leaned down and bit her on the side of her neck.


    ¡°Ow!¡± she cried, ¡°Not again! You bit me!¡±


    She looked up at him, annoyed but he smiled warmly. His smile made her melt. Alan was up to something, but her mind wasn¡¯t working very well to decode it. She nibbled at her lower lip as he licked her neck and his lips trailed down to rest on her collarbone. His lips came down to her chest and he sucked on her mounds.


    His wet, hot tongue licked them and Siana gasped. As he bit lightly on them, a moan escaped her lips. Her thighs tightened around him as her back arched. Her opening throbbed waiting for him to enter her.


    ¡°Ahh, Alan, yes¡­¡± she mumbled. She wanted him to put it in, but his caresses were delicious, and she didn¡¯t want them to stop. She clutched at her bedsheets. How long has she been under his caresses? It always made her lose her mind and time didn¡¯t matter.


    His hand slid down to her buttocks, tore her panties off and spread her legs wider. She obliged. The cool air between her legs made her shiver. She waited for him to enter her. But when he didn¡¯t, the thought of him looking at her exposed genitals filled her with embarrassment. Siana put her arms around his neck and pulled him towards her. Alan held her close. She could see his face dimly in the dark, red and flushed.


    Alan kissed her deeply, while his hands rubbed her between her legs, exploring her. His long finger penetrated her opening and her craving for him grew to a crescendo. Her walls welcomed his finger as he moved it to and fro, reducing her to a trembling mess.


    ¡°Ahh, yes,¡± she moaned.


    A second finger entered her, and it sent her reeling to the edge. Her insides were filled with fire. Every time he moved his fingers, her body was filled with heat. But she wanted more. She wanted more of him.


    ¡°Alan, ahhh,¡± she moaned, unable to form any coherent sentence.


    ¡°You are really tight,¡± he whispered, ¡°Does this feel good, Sia?¡±


    Siana¡¯s vision blurred and her body burned. ¡°Yes, ahhhh,¡± she moaned louder. Alan rubbed her swollen cl*t with his thumb. She arched her back and curled her toes. She didn¡¯t think she could take this anymore.


    Heat rose and she held him tighter around his neck. She gasped and tried to breath. It felt good but all she could think about was him. She wanted him more than before. But he didn¡¯t put it in. Minutes passed by and he continued his ministrations with his fingers.


    Siana shuddered and moaned. His fingers were still inside her. She was ashamed to think that the liquid and the lewd moans were all coming out of her body. But her desire wasn¡¯t sated. She wanted him. Her desire burned more brightly than her embarrassment.


    Her yearning and craving for him was verging on painful. Alan raised his head to look at her. ¡°Put it in, Alan,¡± she whispered, ¡°Please¡­¡±


    ¡°Are you sure?¡± he asked.


    His eyes widened as she nodded. He probably had never expected to hear her utter those words. He chuckled. ¡°You were so na?ve about these things in the beginning,¡± he said, ¡°But now you demand something like this. You really have changed.¡±


    ¡°But how can I make you feel better?¡± she asked, her voice trembling. It took her much courage to ask something like that.


    ¡°You already have,¡± he said, ¡°Now, my wife, let me fulfill your wish.¡± He smiled and placed a kiss on her forehead.  If she hadn¡¯t asked that, Siana would have spent her time feeling anxious. She felt shy about it, but she was glad it was out in the open. She was glad she had said what she wanted to.


    Loosening his belt, Alan shed off his pants. Siana tried to look away. It was always daunting to see his member even though she had seen it many times before. She would have thought she was familiar to it by now, but she still wasn¡¯t used to seeing him naked.


    Alan leaned down upon her. His hard member poked on her thighs. She knew how aroused he already was. As his member rested against her sensitive area, Siana¡¯s core throbbed with anticipation of the inevitable pleasure.


    ¡°I¡¯m going to put it in now,¡± he said.


    ¡°You don¡¯t need to announce¡ª¡± But before she could say anything more, he entered her swiftly, and she gasped. Siana sighed in satisfaction and her body trembled. Alan bit lightly on her earlobe.


    ¡°Sia,¡± he whispered, ¡°Does that feel good?¡±


    ¡°Mm,¡± Siana mumbled and nodded. She wrapped her legs around him and pulled him closer and gasped. That was all the encouragement Alan needed. He moved slowly and Siana gulped at the pressure she felt inside her.


    Every time she took a breath, a moan threatened to escape her lips. His slow movements made her inner walls throb, making her want more. She tightened her legs around him and pulled him in. Alan let out a grunt and grabbed her buttocks. He pressed her close to him. The penetration sent Siana to the edge. He moved faster now and Siana¡¯s thoughts scattered.


    His shaft filled her to her entirety, and he thrust with new vigor. ¡°Ahhh,¡± Siana moaned, ¡°Ahhhh! Yes! Alan¡­¡±


    His hands rubbed her against her chest, and his thrust became vigorous. She felt like she was going to lose her mind with the mounting pleasure. His caresses sent waves of pleasure through her chest while his member thrust inside her in greater rhythm. Alan placed kisses on her cheeks and neck, calling her name. His gentleness with her, while he thrust inside her with greater force moved Siana and overwhelmed her with bliss.


    For a moment, it crossed her mind that she wanted to do the same to him. She wanted to touch and caress him. She wanted to make him tremble in her arms while placing sweet kisses and calling his name. She wanted him to feel what she felt. But his thrust sent her reeling. She left crimson trails on his back as she scratched them. Her wet hands kept slipping off. She moaned and screamed in pleasure as his thick shaft penetrated her deeper and deeper and the pleasure build up to a crescendo.

 Chapter 44

    ¡°Ah, agghh!¡±


    ¡°Sia, ah¡­¡±


    Alan, unable to endure the boiling excitement, clenched his teeth and gyrated his waist even more. And he let out a shriek-like moan when the pleasure got unbearable. Siana, not knowing what to do, moved her body to his rhythm. Her nails dug into his back and chest but he didn¡¯t care in the throes of passion.


    The heaviness inside her made her jaw open wide. The feeling of him inside her was always so overwhelming. Eventually, Siana couldn¡¯t bear it any longer and she sobbed.


    ¡°Ah¡­ Alan, slow down,¡± she mumbled.


    ¡°Are you tired?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s not that, but, ah! I¡¯m¡­¡±


    Alan continued his thrusts. Siana tried to tell him that she was alright but she needed to go a little slow. That it was too overwhelming for her. But, she had to acknowledge that she was, indeed, exhausted. Hearing her tearful voice, Alan slowed his thrusts, finally giving Siana a chance to catch her breath.


    Her breath came ragged. Her hair stuck to her sweaty back and chest, which annoyed her. Siana knew that she looked like a mess but she was far too exhausted to care. The sweat running down Alan¡¯s skin dripped on her. She shivered at the cold air touching her body.


    Alan, thrusting far slower than earlier, still stimulated her. She shivered and looked up at him. His blond hair was plastered on his forehead, his blue eyes were full of desire. He was flushed and sweaty.


    Siana wrapped her legs around him without thinking. Alan flinched and gasped. She tried to apologize thinking she had caused him pain but Alan buried his face in her shoulders, breathing raggedly. She was about to call his name when he spoke.


    ¡°Sia,¡± he said, ¡°I am sorry. I can¡¯t¡­ I can¡¯t take it much longer. I am sorry.¡±


    His words were a whisper. She nodded. He grasped her buttocks. Siana spread her legs wider to make it easier for him. He slid out of her a little and thrust back in. She felt suffocated by the rough and unrelenting thing inside her. Each time he thrust inside her, her vision blurred and sent her reeling to the edge. Their bodies were entangled with each other and their lovemaking produced a sound that echoed through their room. Her breath came in short gasps. The heat was overwhelming and she couldn¡¯t take it much longer.


    ¡°Ahhh, Alan,¡± she moaned as she moved in rhythm to his thrusts. Their chests rubbed together and the feeling of pleasure rose to a crescendo. Her body trembled, and her vision blurred. She was hit by wave after wave of pleasure and she gave in.


    Alan, who breathed raggedly, let out a moan and fell on top of her. He pulled himself out of her. Having her insides filled for so long with his member gave rise to an odd sense of emptiness as he pulled out of her.


    She felt that she had to cover herself but was too exhausted to lift a finger to wrap the covers around her. She was sweaty and exhausted and trying to breathe properly. Alan kissed her forehead.


    ¡°Are you alright?¡± he asked.


    Her throat was dry and her voice cracked. Her throat felt raw. She coughed and tears flowed out of her eyes. She had screamed herself sore. Alan caressed her back softly, looking guilty and flushed.


    ¡°Sorry, I thought I was controlling myself,¡± he said.


    ¡°That?!¡± she exclaimed. ¡°You call that control?¡± She swallowed hard. Her throat was raw.


    Alan smirked. ¡°It¡¯s the truth,¡± he said, ¡°Do you want me to show you how I get when I am out of control?¡±


    He got on top of her. His hands caressed her sides and eventually rested on her waist. His member, which was rock-hard again, poked at the inner side of her thighs. For Siana, she was too tired to go through with it. It wasn¡¯t that she didn¡¯t want it but she simply couldn¡¯t muster up the energy. He was so good that she always wanted him. She had seduced him this tim, too.


    But she was at the end of her physical limits. She tried hard to ignore the feel of his shaft on her thighs. ¡°I can¡¯t¡­,¡± she said, ¡°I really can¡¯t. I am too tired.¡±


    ¡°I know,¡± he said, ¡°I was only teasing. And I will control myself more from now.¡± She wished she could wipe that smirk off his face.


    Despite being insufferable, he was always considerate of her. He was not done. The evidence was poking on her thigh but he wouldn¡¯t push her further. He always seemed to care about her comfort more than she did herself. But as he moved, she flinched anyway.


    ¡°Relax, Sia,¡± he said, tenderly, ¡°Believe me, alright.¡±


    ¡°I do,¡± she said, ¡°but¡­¡±


    Her words died on her tongue as his hands caressed her back and his finger ran through her hair. She tried desperately hard not to let the thing poking at her thigh bother her, but whenever he moved, she flinched. Alan chuckled.


    Siana was offended by that chuckle. She felt threatened at this moment and he was laughing at her! She was just going to give him an earful when he pulled her close to him. Siana flinched and squirmed.


    ¡°What are you doing?!¡± she asked, ¡°You said we weren¡¯t going to do it again.¡±


    ¡°Of course not, Sia,¡± he said, gently, ¡°We are not. I was just pulling you close so you can go to sleep. Or, do you want to finish what we started?¡±


    ¡°N-No!¡± said Siana, hurriedly.


    ¡°It¡¯s alright, Sia,¡± he said, as he held her and pulled the covers over her. ¡°Go to sleep.¡±


    She was nervous but she felt her body relax at his words. Alan kissed her forehead lightly. ¡°Goodnight, Sia,¡± he said.


    ¡°Goodnight,¡± said Siana.


    He closed his eyes. He had a smile on his face. He seemed to fall asleep after a while, his breath came in a rhythm. His blond hair fell over his eyelids as he slept. Siana wasn¡¯t so lucky. She still felt his member poking at her thigh. She couldn¡¯t get that out of her mind. It made her nervous. It was a long time when Siana finally managed to drift off to sleep.


    * * *


    Siana, who had tossed and turned all night, opened her eyes, slowly. She felt sleep deprived. She rubbed at her eyes to clear her vision. She tried to lift up her torso from the bed. She slid off the side of the bed when she tried getting up and fell to the floor. The blanket slid off her. She realized that she was stark naked.


    I was too tired yesterday to care, she thought. She scavenged her pajamas from around a corner and put them on. Alan, right then, came out of the bathroom. His hair was dripping wet because he had just washed. His eyes met hers. He greeted her nonchalantly.


    ¡°Sleep well, Sia?¡± he asked.


    ¡°Very well,¡± she said. ¡°What about you?¡¯


    ¡°Splendidly,¡± he said.


    Does his skin look even more glowy today? Siana thought. Alan dried his hair and let out a long expectant sigh.


    ¡°Sia, it snowed yesterday,¡± he said.


    ¡°Really?¡± she asked. ¡°But there wasn¡¯t any indication of snow yesterday.¡±


    ¡°Yes,¡± he said, ¡°I think it snowed while we were asleep. Do you want to see it?¡±


    ¡°Yes,¡± she said and nodded.


    Alan pulled back the curtains from the window. Sunlight streamed through it. The bright light made Siana squint her eyes and almost blinded her. When her vision adjusted, she balked at the whiteness blanketing everything outside. Everything looked breath-taking.


    ¡°Wow!¡± she said, ¡°It really is snowing.¡±


    ¡°Yes,¡± he said.


    ¡°I didn¡¯t think it would be so much,¡± she said, ¡°It looks so pretty.¡±


    Siana walked closer to the window and admired the view outside. Sometime last night, the trees, the statues, the bushes and everything in sight had been blanketed in soft snow while they had been sleeping. Siana had, of course, seen snow before but it always took her breath away no matter how many times she saw it.


    .


    ¡°We can make a snowman,¡± said Alan.


    ¡°You want to?¡± asked Siana.


    ¡°Of course,¡± said Alan, ¡°Wouldn¡¯t it be fun to make one before the snow melts?¡±


    ¡°But what about work?¡± asked Siana.


    ¡°We¡¯ll just take a day off today,¡± said Alan, as he wrapped his arms around her shoulders.


    Siana knew that they had to be ratioanl adults. They couldn¡¯t just leave everything and go play in the snow like children! He had to go to work. They had gone over the top choosing wedding outfits yesterday. She couldn¡¯t hold him back from work too. And she had her own share of work to do. But the white softness outside for the first time this year made her want to forget everything and play in the snow. The view was too tempting and temporary to miss the opportunity.


    ¡°Sia?¡¯ he asked, looking at her, ¡°You don¡¯t want to?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s not that,¡± she said, ¡°But work¡­¡±


    ¡°Oh, it is just for a day,¡± he insisted. ¡°It will be alright.¡±


    It was tempting and Alan wasn¡¯t doing anything to help get rid of the temptation. Siana pondered for a while. It¡¯s just a day, she thought, before the snow melts. Besides, who know if we will have a day like this again. They snow will melt soon. One day couldn¡¯t hurt. They decided, eventually, to put off the day¡¯s schedule and enjoy their time together outside in the snow while it lasted.

 Chapter 45

    Siana and Alan donned themselves in scarves, gloves and coats and hoped these would withstand the cold while they spent time in the snow for a while.  When they met Primo in the corridor, Siana was flustered. She thought he would object but he only told them to be safe and have a good time and saw them to the door.


    The view from the bedroom had been marvelous, but it was nothing compared to the real thing outside their home. Siana stepped onto the snow eagerly and sniffed the wintery air. The cold invaded her nostrils, but she didn¡¯t mind. Snow crunched underneath her boots leaving imprints behind as she walked into it.


    It was so exciting that Siana stomped the rest of the way to leave even more footprints behind. She looked back to see if Alan was following. He was standing at the end of her footprints with a smile on his face. Siana bent down and scooped some snow in her hands. She moulded them into a ball and threw it towards Alan. The snowball scattered at his feet with a thud.


    Alan stared down at his feet with a mischievous light in his eyes. ¡°Really now?¡± he said, ¡°Do you want to have a snowball fight?¡±


    Siana laughed. ¡°Yes!¡±


    ¡°Think again,¡± he said, ¡°You will regret it. I am a pro.¡±


    ¡°Yeah?¡± she said, ¡°Show me then!¡± She scooped a handful of snow making them into a ball and threw it at him again.


    This ball of snow landed on Alan¡¯s leg which made a thick, white, powdery mess on his boot. Alan smiled at the declaration of war and scooped up some snow. Siana plopped down on the ground to gather even more snow to make snowballs.


    She scooped her snowball and ran away as Alan walked close. Alan ran after her and the distance between them decreased with each of his step. Her feet kept getting stuck in the snow. Alan caught up with her and grabbed her arm.


    ¡°Gotcha¡ª¡± he said but her foot found one particularly slippery spot and she slipped. Alan, trying to hold her aloft, slipped as well. They tumbled down to the ground. Alan pulled her close and tried to do a half-spin, putting his body between her and the ground to take the impact from the inevitable fall.


    Alan landed on his back and Siana on top of him. Siana could guess it had been a hard fall from the sound alone. She raised her head at Alan¡¯s groan. Alan had taken the fall and it had been painful.


    ¡°Alan!¡± she exclaimed, ¡°Are you alright?¡± She leaned over him trying to see if he was injured.


    ¡°That hurt,¡± said Alan and grimaced.


    ¡°I am so sorry,¡± he said. She was checking him to figure out the extent of the injury when he grabbed her hand and pulled her close. Siana was pressed onto his chest. She looked up.


    ¡°Alan¡­,¡± she said.


    ¡°Kiss me,¡± he said.


    ¡°W-what? Now?¡± she asked. ¡°You are injured.¡±


    ¡°Hm,¡± he said and smiled, ¡°Then I deserve that kiss.¡±


    He leaned down and whispered in her ears, ¡°I want to do it here.¡± The blue eyes made her blush. She hesitated. They had done it in the bedroom with each other so many times. But this felt different. This felt exposed. She had never ever thought to do it outside. She looked around. They could be seen! No one was around but it still felt shameless.


    ¡°Must we do it here?¡± she asked, blushing, ¡°Can¡¯t we go back to our rooms?¡±


    ¡°Ah!¡± said Alan, ¡°My back hurts.¡±


    ¡°Okay, okay!¡± said Siana.


    Siana knew that Alan was faking it. His smirk was testament to that. But since it was her fault that they had fallen in the first place, she thought it was only fair. She hesitated, then swept her hair back and stretched up to Alan, ready for a kiss.


    Just then, something icy touched her back. ¡°Ow!¡± she scowled, ¡°That¡¯s cold!¡±


    Alan had thrown a flurry of snow over her. He was laughing. It was all seeping into her clothes and making her cold.


    ¡°I did say you would regret it,¡± he said, still laughing.


    ¡°Seriously?¡± she said, laughing with him, ¡°This is your revenge for the snowball earlier?¡±


    ¡°There¡¯s more where that came from,¡± he said, scooping up more snow.


    Siana was almost up and running when his hand grabbed her and pulled her down. His gloved hands took her face in his hand. Siana felt the rough fabric of his gloves against her cheeks. He placed a kiss on her forehead. ¡°What was that?¡±


    ¡°Your punishment for being careless in front of me,¡± he said.


    He placed a kiss on her forehead again. ¡°And this is just because I want to.¡±


    ¡°You are a cheat and a vile man,¡± said Siana teasingly.


    ¡°Is that so?¡± he said, ¡°Do you hate it then?¡±


    ¡°No, I don¡¯t dislike it, but¡­¡±


    Siana wanted to punch him somewhere. His laughing face at her expense was so handsome that she wanted to stroke it and punch him at the same time. Why does he have to be so handsome all the time?


    It was always like that with Alan, from when they were children. She used to feel very resentful towards him because she didn¡¯t feel she was pretty. In the end, she let out a low groan and got off him. Her dress was powdered with the snow in which they had fallen. She brushed it off and crouched down to make a snowman. She was trying to pile up snow to make the snowman when Alan embraced her from behind.


    ¡°Are you going to throw that at me again?¡± he whispered. His hot breath tickled her ears.


    ¡°No,¡± she said, ¡°I am doing what we came here to do in the first place. I am trying to make a snowman.¡±


    She wriggled out of his grip and gathered more snow. Snowball fight was childish, but it was bittersweet that they couldn¡¯t continue with it like when they were children, without a care in the world. It felt nostalgic. But they could at least make a snowman together.


    Siana gathered the snow and rolled them on the ground to make a huge ball of snow. The snowball, which was the size of her fist at first, became so huge that it came up to her knees. Alan, too, piled the snow and rolled it into a ball. Alan¡¯s was much bigger than Siana¡¯s.


    Alan¡¯s snowman looked quite huge and formidable when the last ball was set on the top to be the head. He went in search of fallen branched and stones, or even fruits to serve as hands, eyes, or nose. A maid brought them some sandwiches for lunch.


    They sat down on the snow and nibbled at their sandwiches. They stayed out and didn¡¯t return home till late in the evening.


    ¡°Whew,¡± said Siana, ¡°I am so cold.¡± She took off her coat and gloves as soon as they were in their bedroom. It had been so much fun outside that she had forgotten everything and only now was the cold palpable. Her hands and feet felt frozen.


    Siana sat on the edge of the bed and rubbed at her feet. She was hoping they would warm up. Alan took off his coat and hung them on the back of the chair to dry.


    ¡°Should I massage your feet?¡± he asked, crouching down.


    ¡°What? No!¡± she said, ¡°Why all of a sudden? I am fine.¡±


    ¡°Let me,¡± he said, ¡°They will warm up fast if I do it.¡±


    ¡°No!¡± she said, ¡°That¡¯s alright. I am fine. I will just soak them in hot water. Plus, they are dirty from being out all day.¡±


    ¡°Then sit here,¡± he said, ¡°I will bring some water to wash them.¡±


    ¡°What? Alan, no,¡± she protested, ¡°It¡¯s alright.¡±


    ¡°Just wait here a moment,¡± he said and walked to the bathroom.


    Is he really going to wash them for me? Siana felt embarrassed and didn¡¯t want to let him do it. But he came out of the bathroom with a bucket of water. She had thought he was going to call her to the bathroom, but he was here holding a bucket.


    ¡°Alan,¡± she said, bewildered, ¡°It¡¯s alright. No need. I will do it myself.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s alright,¡± he said, and rolled up his sleeves.


    The steam floated on top of the bucket of water, and a pleasant fragrance of essential oil emanated from it. The fragrance lingered in the room. Alan crouched down and placed the bucket by her feet.


    ¡°Put your feet in,¡± he said.


    ¡°I¡­ Are you sure?¡± she asked.


    ¡°Have I ever lied to you?¡± he said, ¡°Of course, I am sure.¡±


    ¡°I mean¡­,¡± Siana trailed off.


    The situation felt so unusual to her. This was completely unnecessary. Siana was confused and embarrassed but Alan was unfazed like this was completely normal for him. She sighed. I am going to soak them just a bit and take them out, she decided. She slid her feet into the bucket. The water splashed from the sides of the bucket.


    Alan took her feet. It sent shivers down her back. It felt so ticklish and strange for her feet to be touched by someone else.


    ¡°Your feet are so small,¡± he said, ¡°It¡¯s adorable.¡±


    Siana blushed at the compliment. She was much shorter than women her age. She was petite. But she had never thought about her feet as ¡®adorable¡¯. Her heart raced from hearing it from Alan.

 Chapter 46

    Alan lightly grabbed her foot and massaged her sole. It felt soothing. Every time he massaged her foot, Siana let out a sigh of contentment. Despite her initial reluctance, Siana found herself closing her eyes and enjoying the experience.


    ¡°Feels good?¡± asked Alan.


    ¡°Mm¡­yes,¡± said Siana.


    ¡°Should I do the other one, too?¡± asked Alan.


    Without waiting, Alan took her other foot in his hand and started massaging. It felt so good that Siana just let herself give in. She heard the splashing of water distantly. The scent of the fragrant oil relaxed her.


    She realized belatedly that Alan¡¯s hands were moving up her calf under her dress while. Why is he massaging my calf? Siana wondered.  His hand followed her calf down to her ankles again. She enjoyed the massage. Then his hand came up to her thighs. Siana expected it to go down to her ankle again but his hand crept higher and touched her in her private parts.


    Siana opened her eyes. ¡°Alan¡­,¡± she said, ¡°What are you doing?¡±


    ¡°I can¡¯t take it anymore,¡± he said, hoarsely.


    His hands were now on her shoulders gently pushing her down on the bed. Siana fell backward on the bed, surprised. Her long, light brown curls spread behind her on the bed and Alan crawled on top of her.


    Her eyes travelled down instinctively, and she realized that Alan¡¯s member was bulging through his pants, making a huge bump. She couldn¡¯t believe it. He was turned on. When did this happen?


    ¡°Why all of a sudden¡­¡±


    ¡°It is not really that sudden, Sia,¡± he whispered, ¡°I have been like this for a while now.¡± He smiled softly. ¡°I tried very hard to hold it in but¡­ I am practically going crazy because you keep moaning.¡±


    ¡°What?!¡± exclaimed Siana. ¡°When did I moan?¡±


    ¡°Just when I was massaging your feet,¡± said Alan.


    Siana blushed. ¡°That wasn¡¯t a moan,¡± she said, ¡°I was sighing because it felt good.¡± She had felt so content that sighs had escaped her lips. She was hardly moaning!


    ¡°Well,¡± he said, ¡°It worked on me. Now I am completely turned on.¡± He kissed her and pulled her dress up from her ankles.


    Her lower body was completely exposed. Siana realized what was going to happen. She grabbed his hand. ¡°Alan!¡± she said, ¡°We did it yesterday too. You mean, we are going to do it here, again?¡±


    ¡°Yesterday is long gone,¡± said Alan, with a smirk.


    ¡°Alan,¡± she said, ¡°It is still bright outside!¡±


    ¡°So what?¡± he kissed her again. ¡°It isn¡¯t compulsory to be done at night only.¡±


    ¡°But¡­¡± protested Siana.


    ¡°You don¡¯t want to do it?¡± asked Alan and looked at her.


    ¡°I mean¡­ahh,¡± Siana gasped as his hands stealthily crawled up to her chest and he pinched her mounds. His rough hands on her chest made her skin tingle. Her body was heating up. She felt flustered.


    ¡°Sia,¡± he whispered, ¡°I will stop if you don¡¯t want it. So, tell me honestly. Do you want to?¡±


    Siana felt blood rushing to her cheeks. She bit her lower lips. The rascal, she thought, if you are going to get me excited, just do it all the way. Why get me excited and ask such a question? She was in a dilemma. It still hurt from last night so she didn¡¯t know what she should do. Maybe once, she resolved, just once is okay.


    ¡°Tell me, Sia,¡± he whispered again, ¡°Do you want it or not?¡±


    ¡°It is not that I don¡¯t want to,¡± she said, ¡°But not like last night¡­¡±


    ¡°Do you want me to be faster then?¡± asked Alan with a smirk.


    ¡°What? No!¡± said Siana, hurriedly. She squirmed and the tip of her toes caught the bucket and flipped it up. The water fell on both of them, drenching them. She wiped her face to get the water out. When she opened her eyes, she saw that Alan was as drenched as she was.


    His blonde hair was plastered over his forehead and water dripped down his jawline. Siana reached for him. ¡°Are you alright?¡± she said, ¡°We need to change our clothes if we don¡¯t want to catch a cold.¡±


    ¡°Later,¡± whispered Alan near her ear. ¡°We need to change clothes later anyway.¡±


    ¡°What do you¡ª¡± Siana gasped as he licked the nape of her neck. His hands worked to strip her off her wet clothes. As the clothes came off and her skin was exposed, he caressed her. His tongue licked her neck again.


    Siana couldn¡¯t talk anymore. She gripped the front of his wet shirt. ¡°Ahh¡­ mm,¡± she mumbled.


    Each time his tongue licked her skin, it sent heat up her spine. His lips trailed down to her collarbone and nibbled there. It trailed further down and kissed her on her chest. Her br*ast was hard from his teasing. As she nibbled on her n*pples and sucked on it, Siana moaned in pleasure.


    His hand toyed with the other and squeezed driving Siana crazy. She moaned while trying to endure the stimulation. Alan nibbled on her chest and raised his head to meet her eyes. She blushed when she felt his hot breath on her exposed br*asts.


    He lowered his head to them again and sucked on her chest roughly while caressing her. Siana squirmed as his hot tongue brushed over the tip of her mound.


    ¡°Alan¡­ oh¡­ ahhh.¡±


    She placed her hand sin his hair. He continued licking and sucking her. His blonde hair was soft in her hands. She felt dazed by his constant teasing. Heat built in her, especially between her legs. She was wet. One of his hand dropped down to her underwear and pressed gently. Then it stole underneath her panties and rubbed at her cl*t.


    Having confirmed that Siana was wet, he pulled her panties down. It fell on the floor with a thud. Siana with the sudden air invading her clamped her legs shut. Alan grabbed her legs and gently pried them open.


    Her body shivered as the cold aid hit her naked skin. She tugged at his shirt. He kissed her on her cheeks and whispered, ¡°Tell me, Sia. Are you turned on yet?¡±


    ¡°What? No!¡± she protested.


    ¡°Liar,¡± said Alan, smirking. He slid his hand down and touched her on her most sensitive part, gently pressing down on her genitals.


    Siana trembled. Alan chuckled. ¡°You deny it and yet you are so wet,¡± he said, ¡°Are you really not turned on? Do you not want me?¡±


    ¡°Why ask when you already know?¡± she retorted.


    Siana was peeved at his attempt at tearing an answer from her. It made her feel irritated. His finger, which was rubbing at her opening, slid inside. Siana gasped. She could feel his finger going deeper and her walls spreading.


    His finger moved inside her as heat rose within Siana. ¡°Alan¡­ ahh,¡± she moaned.


    Alan kissed her eyes, then her cheek and his lips came down on her lips, devouring her. ¡°How about now, Sia?¡± he whispered roughly, ¡°Do you still deny that you are turned on?¡± He slid another finger inside her.


    ¡°You! Ahhh,¡± she moaned, ¡°Alan¡­ hmm.¡±


    Her head became blank, and her thoughts scattered. She felt the ever-rising heat in her body. She felt like she was on the brink, but Alan continued teasing her, with his fingers, and his words.


    She could lie but the evidence was already there. She wanted him more than anything. But Alan was an asshole. He wanted to hear it and he would keep teasing her unless she said it. Siana trembled and moaned. She couldn¡¯t take it anymore. Whenever his fingers moved inside her and his thumb rubbed her, it felt like she was about to combust. And still, it wasn¡¯t enough. She wanted him desperately.


    Siana hugged him close and brought her lips to his ear. ¡°Put it in,¡± she whispered softly.


    ¡°I can¡¯t hear you,¡± said Alan with a grin.


    Blast him!  Siana thought. She wanted him right now and he was playing this game with her knowing what she wanted very well.


    ¡°I am turned on,¡± she whispered, ¡°Please, put it in. Now.¡±


    She shuddered as he rubbed her harder. At her pleading, Alan undressed quickly. His patience was wearing thin. Her voice undid him. He settled himself between her legs. His erect member poked at her opening and made Sian wheeze.


    Siana wrapped her arms around him and pulled him close. ¡°Hurry,¡± she whispered, ¡°Just put it¡­ ahh.¡±


    Alan entered her before she could finish her sentence. Siana had expected him to tease her more, painstakingly and agonizingly. But his directness surprised her. Alan made a seething sound while Siana felt content with him filling her inside.


    ¡°Ah, Alan, oh¡­¡±


    He pulled one of her legs and draped it over his shoulder. He then thrust inside her with vigour. She felt him deep inside her and she widened her legs to make it easier for him. As he moved, Siana felt him touch her sweetest spot.


    ¡°Ahhh, oh yes¡­ ahh,¡± she m*aned. She moved her body in rhythm with his.


    Her b*tt*cks felt sore from Alan grabbing her on them tightly. He thrust inside her harder and harder, making her tremble. His thrust sent her reeling to the edge and she felt her vision blur while liquid sloshed out from her opening.

 Chapter 47

    ¡°Alan¡­ slow¡­ ahhh¡±


    Siana couldn¡¯t take it anymore. She felt pleasure bubble up between her legs. Her body was drenched in sweat. The bedsheet and her hair clung to her back.


    She heard Alan groaning and panting in pleasure as sweat poured off his body and dripped down.


    ¡°Alan¡­ wait¡­ Ahhhh,¡± she moaned.


    ¡°Sia, ahh¡­,¡± moaned Alan.


    It was so overwhelming that she tried grabbing his hand, but her hands were so sweaty that her grip kept slipping and she had nothing to hold on to. Alan locked his fingers with her and pinned her hand above her.


    She gripped his hand tightly. The pleasure was overwhelming that she felt like she would drift away. Her fingernails dug into his hand, but Alan didn¡¯t pay it any attention. His thrusts did not stop until they both came.


    Chapter 9: This Is Happening to Us.


    Alan finished faster than yesterday. Technically he seemed to have kept his promise. After he was finished, he finally let go of her. Siana pulled the blanket over her but soon realized that the blanket had been soaked from the water which spilled earlier. So, it provided no warmth.


    She shivered in the cold. Alan persuaded her to take a bath in hot water to warm herself. She nodded and headed to the bathroom. She wanted to be away from him for a while anyway.


    After a warm bath, she changed into clean pajamas. She was exhausted. She had no more energy left to do anything. When she made her way out of the bathroom, she found the bed neatly made, as though a maid had come while she was away and cleaned everything. She walked to the bed, then had second thoughts so she slumped down on the sofa instead.


    ¡°What are you doing, Sia?¡± asked Alan. ¡°Are you going to read a book or something?¡±


    ¡°No.¡±


    ¡°Then why are you on the sofa?¡± he said, ¡°Oh¡­ are you afraid I might touch you again?¡±


    He hit the nerve with her. Siana didn¡¯t respond. Alan looked embarrassed and guilty. He scratched the back of his head awkwardly. He walked towards the sofa.


    ¡°Don¡¯t come any closer,¡± said Siana angrily, ¡°You are a liar and nothing else. You can¡¯t even keep a promise.¡±


    ¡°Sia¡­,¡± he said gently, ¡°I am not going to do anything.¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t believe you,¡± Siana shot back, ¡°I will sleep here tonight. I don¡¯t care what you say.¡±


    ¡°But won¡¯t you be cold without a blanket?¡± he asked.


    ¡°I don¡¯t care.¡±


    Alan grimaced at her retort. But Siana had resolved that she won¡¯t be going anywhere near the bed for today. Alan let out a sigh watching her fidget with the sofa cushions.


    ¡°Sia, if I was going to do it again,¡± he said, ¡°It wouldn¡¯t matter whether you were on the bed or the sofa.¡±


    ¡°What?!¡±


    ¡°You know it, too. Because it just happened.¡±


    His words were very problematic and brutal. Siana¡¯s face turned red in anger. ¡°So what?¡± she said briskly, ¡°Are you going to force me to do it again?¡±


    ¡°I told you I wouldn¡¯t,¡± he said.


    ¡°You said that last time as well,¡± she said, ¡°You liar.¡±


    ¡°Sia, I am sorry,¡± he said, ¡°I won¡¯t do it anymore. So, come to bed and sleep.¡±


    Siana got up from the sofa and walked to the bed. She hadn¡¯t really intended to sleep on the sofa. It was mighty cold. But she had wanted to say it anyway. She, tentatively, got into the bed and pulled the cover over her. Outside the window, the sun was still setting. The sky was aglow with reds, oranges and yellows.


    It¡¯s still bright outside, thought Siana. Well, all we did today was play a little in the snow and come back home to¡­.


    She blushed recalling what they had done in the middle of the day. She had told him she was too tired, but she couldn¡¯t help it when she was turned on. She fanned her face.


    ¡°Are you alright?¡± asked Alan, who was looking at her. ¡°Is it too hot inside? Should I tell Primo to take some wood out of the fireplace?¡±


    ¡°Yeah,¡± she muttered, ¡°No¡­ it¡¯s okay. I am fine.¡±


    ¡°Your face had become so red,¡± said Alan, peering at her. ¡°Do you have a fever?¡± He put his hand on her forehead to check her temperature.


    She didn¡¯t realize that she had been holding her breath. His face was so close that she could see him furrowing his eyebrows in worry. His blue eyes made her heart race.


    ¡°You don¡¯t seem to have a fever,¡± he said after a while.


    Siana belatedly came back to her senses at his voice. She didn¡¯t want to tell him that she felt herself heat up just thinking about what had happened between them a while ago? She would rather die with the non-existent fever.


    Pushing his hand away, she said, ¡°Maybe I was in the hot water for too long. Maybe that¡¯s why I feel too hot, and my face is red.¡±


    ¡°Maybe,¡± said Alan. Thankfully, it seemed like he believed her. ¡°But still, if you feel a fever coming or a cold, tell me. I will call the doctor for you.¡±


    Siana felt a pang of guilt from hiding the truth from him while he was being so kind. But if she told him, he would insist on doing what they had done earlier. And she had no energy for that. She felt tired and drowsy even thinking about it. She lay her head down on the pillow.


    It is too early to sleep, she thought as she wrapped herself in the blankets. As early as it was, her eyes started to droop, and she started drifting off to sleep. She was almost asleep whem someone knocked on their bedroom door. She was startled and woke up.


    ¡°Who is it?¡± asked Alan.


    ¡°Lord Legarde. Madam,¡± said Primo, ¡°I am so sorry to disturb you both but there is something I need to inform you about.¡±


    Siana was surprised and curious. Primo had never approached them when they were in their bedroom before. It must be something serious. She blinked and rubbed her eyes to wake herself while Alan got up and walked to the door.


    ¡°What is it?¡± asked Alan.


    ¡°I apologize once again for disturbing you,¡± said Primo, ¡°But two letters just arrived from the guards, sir. They are addressed to you and madam. I came to deliver them as they seemed to be very serious.¡±


    Letters from the guards¡­. Siana was nervous. But why? She had never committed a crime. It was even more strange that one of them was for Alan. Perhaps Primo had felt the same so he had resolved to deliver the letters at once, rather than waiting until morning.


    Alan accepted the letters and Primo took his leave. ¡°Sia, this one is for you,¡± he said, handing her an envelope.


    She studied the envelope, running a finger through her name which was neatly written in ink on the cover. ¡°It really is addressed to me,¡± she said, ¡°Why did they send two separate letters?¡±


    ¡°I guess we will find out after we open it,¡± said Alan, opening his, ¡°Seeing that it is addressed to each of us separately, it might be out marriage certificates.¡±


    ¡°oh¡­,¡± said Siana, feeling relaxed at his words. She tried to pull the flap trying to rip the sealing wax off. But it was glue so tightly that it tore a little. Afraid that she might tear the letter, she carefully tore open the letter from one side and pulled out the letter.


    Siana¡¯s hands trembled as she read the contents. She had not been prepared. She had been reassured thinking it was their marriage certificates like Alan had said.


    ¡°Alan¡­,¡± she said in a troubled voice, ¡°Have you read your letter?¡±


    ¡°Yes,¡± he said.


    ¡°Is yours the same?¡± she asked.


    ¡°Probably,¡± he said, holding out his letter to Siana. His face was stiff. She took it from him and read it. The contents were the same. They were indictments sent by Viscount North with an absurd claim. It was a marriage nullity suit claiming the marriage was purchased¡­


    The more they read it, the more ridiculous it got. It was enraging that it was Viscount North of all people accusing Alan of purchasing the marriage. She still remembered how her skin had crawled with disgust with the way Viscount North had looked at her. She remembered her despair when he had asked her to marry him if she wanted the debt to be forgiven.


    That bastard, Siana seethed, he accuses us of ¡®purchased marriage¡¯. Vile cockroach! He has no shame at all!  Her anger boiled. If only she could see him right now, she would spit on his face and break his jaw.


    Thinking of his vile face, twice her age, a snort of derision escaped her. She flung the crumpled papers on the wall. She looked at Alan. The letter asked for any evidence, whatsoever, proving that their marriage wasn¡¯t a purchased one!


    ¡°Alan, this is ridiculous!¡± she said, ¡°It says out marriage should be nullified because it was a purchase! How dare her?!¡±


    ¡°I know,¡± said Alan, ¡°For now, we need to send a response. As ridiculous as it is, it still is an official indictment.¡±


    His tone of voice was so low. It was so different from his usual speech that Siana realized that he was as angry as her, or even more than her. It comforted her to know that Alan felt the same as her. It calmed her a little.


    Seeing him being furious but still thinking rationally helped Siana find some calmness. She pondered on their present situation and how they could overcome it. Alan is right, she thought, law is the law. As absurd as it sound, it is still an indictment. We just need one evidence to prove it false.


    If we don¡¯t send a response, it will be disadvantageous for us, thought Siana. But it was so perplexing. How did people even prove their marriage against some absurd accusation like this? She had never considered her marriage to be a ¡®purchase¡¯ or a deal. She had been willing to leave, and she had never agreed to the marriage just for the sake of the debt.


    She couldn¡¯t help worrying, though. What if we lose the case? Siana considered. She felt so confused. Everything seemed unclear. Just like the time I didn¡¯t know if I was willing to be with Alan after my father¡¯s death.


    Everything always had to go wrong for her. Thinking about losing the case made her feel like her chest was constricted. She felt like she couldn¡¯t breathe. Alan pulled her into an embrace.


    ¡°Don¡¯t worry yourself too much, Sia,¡± he said, gently, ¡°I will figure something out. It will be alright.¡±


    ¡°But how can I not worry?!¡± she said, ¡°This is happening to us.¡±


    ¡°True,¡± said Alan, ¡°But like you said, this indictment by Viscount North is ridiculous, so we will win this. And that will be good. We can assure every one of our marriage and no one will be able to accuse us further.¡±


    ¡°Really?¡± she asked.


    ¡°Yeah,¡± said Alan, ¡°So, let¡¯s go to sleep. It is getting late. We won¡¯t be able to call a lawyer today.¡±


    They climbed onto the bed. Alan pulled the covers over them. She snuggled into his arms, but she was so anxious that it took her a very long time to fall asleep.

 Chapter 48

    Chapter 48


    Alan was right. It was too late to call a lawyer. Burying her head into his chest and taking in his scent made her feel a little better. He wrapped his hands around her. She could feel his hand tightening around her shoulders.


    She felt her anger and anxiety subsiding a little. She had never wanted to bother Alan with all this trouble, but she felt confident that he would be able to take care of it all. I am so fortunate to have Alan by my side, thought Siana, feeling grateful. She snuggled deeper into his arms and closed her eyes.


    * * *


    When Alan heard Siana¡¯s breath coming in a rhythm, he stopped caressing her and laid her down on the bed. She had fallen asleep in his arms. He covered her, got up and walked to the table where the letter of indictment was placed.


    He picked up and letter and left the room. It wasn¡¯t very late, and the servants were awake. The hallway lights illuminated the corridor. Alan re-read the letter once again, properly this time. He went over every single word. There were only three things he had to address: Viscount North, Purchased Marriage, and Nullity.


    These three terms stood out the most. I should have taken care of this at the earliest, thought Alan. He was enraged at himself for getting so caught up with his marriage that he had completely ignored Viscount North.


    He had thought that paying Siana¡¯s debt would solve it all because that was what Viscount North wanted. He had never thought that Viscount North would choose to extend this problem longer than necessary.


    This is no doubt my fault, thought Alan. If I had warned Viscount North personally, it wouldn¡¯t have come to this. If he had done that, everything would have been sorted and Siana wouldn¡¯t have to worry about this happening.


    Alan heaved a sigh. Dwelling in the past would do no good. It had been four months now, and his wishful thinking would not change anything. The priority now was for him to figure out a way to resolve this situation, gather evidence, and prove the indictment false.


    He didn¡¯t want to think about losing the case. If he lost, their marriage would be nullified as per Viscount North¡¯s accusation. He might receive a restraining order to never come within a certain distance of Siana. If that happened, she wouldn¡¯t be safe from Viscount North. Alan would not be able to protect her.


    Alan clenched his jaw thinking about Siana who was asleep. Perhaps Viscount North didn¡¯t know how much Alan loved Siana. He might not know that Alan would go to any extent to keep her safe and that¡¯s why this indictment, when he had already threatened Siana before.


    The more he thought about it, the angrier he got. He was disgusted at Viscount North and furious at him for doing this. He will win this case and sue the Viscount for defamation and harassment. I will win and make him pay for this, thought Alan.


    Alan couldn¡¯t bear thinking about losing Siana this way. If, before marriage, Siana had wanted to leave, he would have let her. But now, he couldn¡¯t imagine his life without her. He couldn¡¯t live without her by his side.


    Alan decided to call the lawyer tomorrow to discuss the situation and gather any evidence he could to prove his case.


    * * *


    The next day, Siana woke up early. She had tossed and turned all night and wasn¡¯t able to sleep a wink. The indictment remained in her mind and took away her peace. She opened her eyes and forced herself to get out of bed. She sat there with a blank expression on her face.


    Alan asked her if she was okay. She nodded and ate only a little for breakfast. She didn¡¯t feel like doing anything in this mood. So, she went out for a walk. The cold air cleared her head a bit and made her hungry. She was feeling much better by lunch time.


    A lawyer visited their mansion during the afternoon. Siana hadn¡¯t remembered calling a lawyer. Alan told her that he did it while she was out on a walk, to discuss matters. It was the lawyer that that notarized their marriage certificate. Only then did Siana realize that the lawyer looked familiar.


    Hugh Veridian something or other, Siana tried to remember. She asked Alan. She was right. It was the same lawyer.


    They exchanged formal greeting in the living room, while the maid served tea. Alan wasn¡¯t one for dilly dallying, so he immediately got to the point and handed the indictment letter to the lawyer. The lawyer looked perplexed while reading it. After regaining his composure, he apologized to Siana and Alan. He read the indictment once again.


    The lawyer then placed it on the table in front of him. ¡°I understand the outrageous nature and the severity of the lawsuit,¡± he said, ¡°I think the fact that your marriage pledge and the debt clearance was filed on the same could pose a problem.¡±


    ¡°Why is that a problem?¡± asked Alan.


    ¡°The Marriage License Bureau doesn¡¯t know about your relationship,¡± said the lawyer, ¡°Therefore, they would have had to agree with the judgement when Viscount North came up with this accusation. He might have cited the debt clearance as reason for it. That is why it poses a problem.¡±


    Siana gritted her teeth in frustration. The fact that they were being sued for something like this seemed absurd. But according to the lawyer, no matter how outrageous it seemed, the Marriage License Bureau had to comply with Viscount North for a simple reason like that.


    When they had gotten marriage, they had signed the marriage certificate and transferred Siana¡¯s debt to Alan on the same day. Alan had paid her debt off. The absurd claims of the indictment were worthy of brutal criticism. Who in their right mind accuses someone of ¡®Purchased Marriage¡¯? Siana seethed.


    Siana clenched her hands together. She had pondered Alan¡¯s proposal for marriage for so long. She had rejected him multiple times. She had finally made a decision to marry him, and it had nothing to do with her debt. She had been ready to solve her own problems by herself. But people who didn¡¯t know about her circumstances wouldn¡¯t see this. They would assume I married him just to clear my debt.


    It was immensely upsetting for Siana to think that people would see their marriage in that way. She had married Alan and enjoyed being with him. She cannot even image being accused of something like this. Her face turned somber.


    The lawyer pitied her. ¡°Don¡¯t worry too much,¡± he said to her with a reassuring smile. ¡°I know about your marriage. I notarized it. Everything will turn out fine.¡±


    ¡°That is right, Sia,¡± said Alan, smiling at her, ¡°Mr. Veridian is right. This will be resolved soon. Don¡¯t worry too much.¡± He took her hands and squeezed them to comfort her.


    Siana was bitter about their marriage being seen as a trade. She was more worried about that than losing the case. But she nodded.


    The meeting continued for a long while. They discussed on the evidence they needed and what they needed to do in order to win this case. The lawyer emphasized that more evidence and witness could better their chances of winning the case.


    The first person that came into her mind was Yulia. Her one and only friend who knew everything there was to know about Siana since her childhood. Yulia had loved her friend so much that when she received the Siana¡¯s letter mentioning that she was leaving the country to seek asylum because of Viscount North, she had travelled day and night to find her. Yulia could count as a witness and their sole evidence to prove their marriage as valid.


    It would be best to ask Yulia, thought Siana. I could ask her for the letter as evidence, and if possible, request her to be their witness. Siana felt like it would be too bothersome to ask Yulia to travel all the way from the countryside for her again. She didn¡¯t want to trouble her friend. But she was desperate, and it seemed like only Yulia could help her in this situation.


    Siana mentioned this to the lawyer. After listening to her attentively, he said, ¡°The defense position will have a much better chance with her cooperation.¡±


    After discussing it a little more, the lawyer took his leave saying that he would visit them again at a later date to sort things out.


    After seeing him off, Alan headed to his office to catch up with work. Siana went to her room and sat at her desk, intending to write a letter to Yulia. She laid out the paper and picked up the pen but seemed to come up blank and confused on how to start it.


    She started first by addressing her and asking after her health. It seemed far too formal, so she scrunched it up and threw it away. She tried a few more times without any success. She was finally able to write something after an hour of arduous thinking. She eventually finished her letter, folded it, and sealed it in an envelope.


    I promised to send you a wedding invitation¡­ Sian thought, bitterly. She had never imagined writing a letter to ask her to be her witness instead of their wedding guest. Nobody knew the future. Things went wrong in life in a second. But still, Siana couldn¡¯t help feeling skeptical and sad.


    Siana rang the bell to call the maid. She instructed her to take it to a post office as fast as possible. The maid bowed and left with the letter. Siana opened her closet to check for things that might be useful in building their response against Viscount North¡¯s indictment.


    I should check my luggage that I previously packed when planning to leave the country. Maybe I will find something, thought Siana. She picked up the bag that was at the corner of the closet and tore through it. A fair amount of gold coins and clothing spilled out. She ignored them. I need something. Anything regarding Viscount North.


    She scoured through the bag. She felt something at the bottom of the bag and pulled it out. It was a sheet of paper. She held it in front of her to inspect. This¡­


    It was an IOU that Viscount North had shoved in her face when he had last visited to coerce her into marriage with him. It had made its way into her bag. The document didn¡¯t have anything that could be of use, but it did mention that she had owed him 22,000 gold in debt.


    I don¡¯t know if this will be of any help, but it is better than nothing, thought Siana. She carefully kept the IOU aside and searched in her bags of anything she could find of use. But she couldn¡¯t find anything aside from that.


    The next day Mr. Veridian visited the mansion again. She handed him the document that she had found in her closet. He thanked her and assured her that he would look through it. Siana knew that it wasn¡¯t sufficient evidence.


    Meanwhile, Siana waited for Yulia¡¯s reply. After a few days, her reply finally came. Her reply said that she would be absolutely willing to testify as a witness and she promised to send a copy of Siana¡¯s letter as soon as possible. She didn¡¯t want to post the original copy for fear of it being lost while being delivered. So, she promised to take it with her when she went to the capital to testify as a witness.

 Chapter 49

    Siana, relieved at Yulia¡¯s response, handed a copy of her letter to Mr. Veridian. The response letter progressed smoothly, thanks to Yulia¡¯s cooperation and Mr. Veridian¡¯s genius lawyer skills. Not long after it was sent, they were notified of the date and venue for the trial.


    Even before these outrageous happenings, Siana was busy preparing for the wedding ceremony. But now that their trial date was decided, she busied herself even more. Alan was the same. They didn¡¯t know what exactly they both were doing but they became so busy that they didn¡¯t meet each other until very late at night when they returned to their bedroom.


    The time they spent together with each other decreased dramatically. They ate their meals together but that wasn¡¯t enough. Most days, Alan returned to bed later than Siana. So, by the time he came, she was fast asleep, and she would wake up to find herself alone in the mornings because Alan would have already left for work.


    Siana felt sad and depressed that they couldn¡¯t spend much time with each other. Mr. Veridian told us to trust him, but¡­. She sometimes imagined that they had lost the case and it would fill her with dread. Once she asked Mr. Veridian on what would happen if it did come to pass. His answer depressed her even more.


    Sometimes she entertained the idea of tricking Viscount North into thinking that she was ready to marry him just so that he would leave Alan alone. But even thinking about that made her anxious. She could never bear to be with someone as vile as him.


    Who am I fooling? Siana scoffed. If Viscount North was the type of person to drop the case at her willingness, he wouldn¡¯t have filed the case in the first place. He is just a vile cockroach! Is it revenge he is after? Or is it because he still wants me?


    The thought made her shudder in disgust. He had reduced her to nothing but an object. It was because of him that her life had taken so many drastic turns. She remembered the day when he had tried to coerce her into marriage in return for her father¡¯s debt to him. He had groped her. The memory made her nauseous.


    Siana had ignored him after her marriage. She hadn¡¯t sought him out and never intended to. She took a deep breath and tried to get rid of the negative thoughts in her mind. She wanted to forget about it. She wanted to be positive in the face of this adversity, but it was so difficult.


    She had become so quiet and grim lately that the people around her had started to worry. Even the servants wondered what had happened that had made their mistress so miserable. However, frequent visits of Mr. Veridian and rumours spread by Viscount North had made the reason very clear.


    The maids always offered kind words to her whenever she passed by. The guards who patrolled the mansion always greeted her warmly whenever they saw her. They made Siana feel less miserable, but the feeling never lasted.


    The main problem was still unresolved and it haunted Siana¡¯s thoughts every day. As mush as she tried to be strong, it never worked, and she felt guilty for all the concerns and worries that the people around her felt for her.


    She knew that until the problem was solved, she couldn¡¯t rest peacefully. She couldn¡¯t focus on anything else until she knew the outcome of the trial. She desperately wanted to speed up the days so the trial could finally begin. The wait was killing her. She was torn between wanting the trial to proceed soon while also wishing for it to never happen. Days passed in this manner, until finally there was only a day left before the trial.


    * * *


    Early next morning, a carriage with Count Linen¡¯s crest arrived in front of the Legarde¡¯s residence. Since the day had gotten warmer, the windows of the mansion had been left open for cross ventilation.


    Siana heard the neighing of the horses and the carriage wheels on the ground. She glanced out of the window to see Yulia getting out of her carriage. Siana rushed down to the main door to discover her friend on the patio.


    ¡°Sia,¡± said Yulia, smiling warmly at her.


    ¡°Yulia!¡± said Siana, rushing forward to hug her friend. ¡°You came!¡±


    ¡°Of course I did, stupid,¡± said Yulia, ¡°I promised I would, didn¡¯t I? You are my childhood friend, and you need my help. I wouldn¡¯t miss it for the world.¡±


    ¡°But still, you must be so busy,¡± said Siana, gratefully, ¡°Thank you so much for coming.¡±


    ¡°Just stop, will you?¡± Yulia shook her head in defeat. ¡°You should have stayed inside,¡± she said, looking at Siana¡¯s dress, ¡°You are dressed so lightly. It is chilly outside. I was coming in anyway.¡±


    ¡°It is alright,¡± said Siana, ¡°I saw your carriage from the window, so I came down. It is getting warmer these days, so it¡¯s alright.¡±


    ¡°It is cold to be outside in that dress,¡± said Yulia, ¡°Let¡¯s get inside before you catch a cold. I don¡¯t want to be yelled at by Alan.¡±


    ¡°Oh, come on,¡± said Siana. ¡°I will hardly get a cold from this.¡±


    ¡°You don¡¯t know that,¡± said Yulia, pushing Siana back inside the mansion.


    They headed to the living room. As soon as they sat down, Yulia produced a letter from her pocket. ¡°This is the original copy of your letter,¡± she said, ¡°The one you sent me last time.¡±


    ¡°Thank you,¡± said Siana, accepting the letter from her friend.


    ¡°Will it be of any help though?¡± said Yulia, doubtfully, ¡°I read it on my way here. It only says that you are going to flee the country because you can¡¯t pay Viscount North back. Have you told this to your lawyer? Did he say this was going to help?¡±


    Siana nodded. ¡°I asked Mr. Veridian about it,¡± she said, ¡°He said it should be okay since it is a separate matter from the lawsuit. But the first and foremost things is to prove that my marriage wasn¡¯t a transaction.¡±


    ¡°Who is Mr. Veridian?¡± asked Yulia.


    ¡°Oh,¡± said Siana, ¡°He is our lawyer. Hugh Veridian.¡±


    ¡°Oh,¡± said Yulia, looking at Siana for a long while. ¡°This has affected you a lot, I can tell. You seem thinner than the last time I saw you. And sadder.¡±


    ¡°Is it that noticeable?¡± asked Siana.


    ¡°very,¡± said Yulia, sympathetically.


    ¡°I see,¡± Siana smiled awkwardly, touching her face.


    She had intended to hide it so as not to worry anyone. But it seemed that it wasn¡¯t working. That was why they kept greeting me kindly, thought Siana recalling the maids and servants trying to make her feel better by talking to her warmly. Wait, if it is that obvious to the maids, the servants and Yulia, Alan must already know¡­


    She hadn¡¯t wanted to put pressure on Alan and had tried to pretend that everything was alright. But it didn¡¯t seem to be working. Alan, who saw her every single day, must be worried out of his mind. Siana smoothed out the wrinkled letter that Yulia had handed her.


    Yulia became even more concerned. She felt like she had said something wrong, seeing Siana agitated. She took Siana¡¯s hands in her own and squeezed it comfortingly.


    ¡°Don¡¯t worry too much, Sia,¡± said Yulia, ¡°It will be fine. You just need to be honest and speak clearly and rationally. Explain everything. I am sure the judges will be able to see that the claims of the indictment are false.¡±


    ¡°Really?¡± asked Siana, looking at her friend.


    ¡°Of course,¡± said Yulia, reassuringly, ¡°Do you know how worried I was when you first sent me the letter? It is ridiculous to think that the accusation holds any weight. Who is it that is suing you? Viscount North?¡±


    ¡°Yes,¡± said Siana.


    ¡°I don¡¯t even want to call that cockroach by his title,¡± said Yulia in anger, ¡°Anyway, don¡¯t worry too much about him, Sia. Don¡¯t let him win in your mind.¡±


    ¡°I know,¡± said Siana, ¡°It¡¯s just¡­ I am afraid.¡±


    ¡°What are you afraid of, Sia?¡± asked Yulia, gently.


    ¡°Just everything,¡± said Siana, ¡°The thought of losing the case, losing Alan. I am afraid that other people might also assume that our marriage may be just a transaction.¡±


    ¡°As far as I know, everyone in this town knows how vile Viscount North is,¡± said Yulia, ¡°So the people might not really believe him. Besides, Alan is trying very hard to win. You can win this, Sia.¡±


    ¡°That is another reason which worries me,¡± said Siana, ¡°The sole reason I don¡¯t want to do this.¡± She looked at Yulia with tearful eyes. ¡°When I think about Alan working so hard for this, it breaks my heart. The effort he has put into this, I should be confident that we will win. But I don¡¯t know what to do.¡± She was blurting out everything now, holding the letter tightly in her trembling hands. ¡°What am I going to do if I lose him? He¡­ he is cursed and that is partly my fault. What if the curse¡­ emerges again after I am gone?¡± Siana clamped her mouth shut at that, regretting that she might have said too much.


    ¡°How is any of that your fault, Sia?¡± said Yulia, gently. ¡°The curse isn¡¯t your fault. You didn¡¯t curse him. Other than that, it is all Viscount North¡¯s fault¡­ That shameless bastard!¡±


    Siana didn¡¯t respond. ¡°It was Alan¡¯s decision and his choice to go to the battlefield, Sia,¡± said Yulia, ¡°It doesn¡¯t matter what his reasons were, he made the choice. The curse isn¡¯t your fault.¡±


    ¡°But¡­¡±


    ¡°None of this is your fault, you hear me?¡± said Yulia, ¡°Viscount North started this. He tried to force you, and when you have paid him back, he is coming up with this outrageous accusation to make your life hard.¡± Yulia held her hands tightly. ¡°Take all the time you need to feel better, Sia,¡± said Yulia, ¡°This case is baseless, and it doesn¡¯t make sense to anybody. You will win for sure.¡±


    Hearing Yulia¡¯s words gave Siana some comfort. She knew that her words were just speculative, but it nonetheless gave her a little hope. ¡°Thank you Yulia,¡± said Siana, ¡°I feel a bit better.¡±


    ¡°Well, that¡¯s a relief,¡± said Yulia, smiling brightly.


    The two tried to converse on only good things. They talked about random things and before long, the sun began to set. After eating together with Yulia, Siana took her to the guestroom which she had the maid prepare for her.


    She bid goodbye to Yulia and told her to rest before returning to her own room. She took a nice warm bath and sat on the sofa, drying her hair. She read the document that Mr. Veridian had given her. He had said it was a precaution.


    She had read it repeatedly till she had memorized everything on the documents. She re-re-read it to see if there was anything she had missed. By the time she finished reading it again, Alan returned. He closed the door behind him and was rubbing his eyes.


    ¡°Alan, you¡¯re back,¡± said Siana.


    Alan, finally seeing her, stood there. His eyes wide. ¡°You aren¡¯t sleeping,¡± he said.


    ¡°No,¡± she said.


    His eyes darted to her hands before settling on her face again. Siana tried to hide the document behind her. Thankfully, he didn¡¯t comment on it. Instead, he said he needed a bath and headed to the bathroom.


    While he bathed, Siana read the document one last time and checked on the clothes se had laid out for tomorrow when they would head to the courthouse for their trial. When she was satisfied with that, she walked to the bed and sat down, wrapping an arm around the pillow for comfort, waiting for Alan to come out of the bathroom.

 Chapter 50

    After a while Alan came out of the bathroom toweling his wet hair. He looked at Siana. ¡°Primo said Yulia is here?¡± said Alan.


    ¡°Yes,¡± said Siana, ¡°She arrived early this morning.¡±


    ¡°Ah,¡± he said, ¡°I should have greeted her. But it¡¯s too late right now.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s alright. You were busy,¡± she said, ¡°You can say hi tomorrow morning.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s a good idea,¡± he said, lowering the towel from his head. He told her to rest. She laid down on the bed. Lan pulled the lamp cord killing the lights with a click.


    It was dark now. She still found Alan and snuggled close to him. He wrapped his hands around her. A familiar touch. She felt like she had to say something but couldn¡¯t find the words.


    ¡°Goodnight, Sia,¡± he said softly.


    ¡°Goodnight,¡± she responded.


    ***


    Siana woke up earlier than usual on the next morning. She had already chosen her outfit yesterday, so it didn¡¯t take her much time to dress up. She put her hair up into a bun. When she went outside, she saw Alan waiting.


    ¡°You put your hair up today,¡± he said, with a smile.


    ¡°Does it look weird?¡± she asked.


    ¡°Nothing you do is ever weird,¡± he said, ¡°You look very pretty, Sia.¡± His hand touched her cheek as he took a strand of hair falling on her face and tucked it behind her ear.


    Siana¡¯s face turned red at his compliment and warm smile. She turned away a bit so that he wouldn¡¯t notice.


    ¡°Thank you for your compliment,¡± said Siana. ¡°Let¡¯s go and see Yulia now. She must be waiting for us.¡±


    ¡°Of course,¡± he said, ¡°Let¡¯s go.¡± He offered her his hand and she took it before they descended to the first floor.


    Yulia had already gotten ready and was seated on a sofa, waiting for them. She was sipping on a cup of tea. She placed the teacup on the table and got up when she saw them approaching down the stairs.


    ¡°Greetings, Lord Legarde,¡± said Yulia.


    ¡°Countess Linen,¡± he acknowledged her with a bow. ¡°I apologize for the late greeting. I wasn¡¯t able to say hello yesterday. I know it is late to say this, but I am most grateful that you came all the way to help us.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re welcome,¡± said Yulia, ¡°I came out of concern for my friend so there is no need for such formalities.¡±


    ¡°It is indeed fortunate that Siana has a friend like you,¡± said Alan.


    Yulia smiled at his words. Alan offered her breakfast and the three of them ate together for the first time in a long time. Everyone was anxious of the imminent trial but at that moment, there was peace.


    They talked about the scenery, the weather around the Legarde mansion. Soon, the conversation turned to Yulia¡¯s estate and her husband. When talking about her husband, Yulia grumbled a little about how he always was working, and she didn¡¯t get to see him enough.


    ¡°You both are planning to have your ceremony in the capital, is that correct?¡± asked Yulia, ¡°Normally people like visiting the estate of those who are getting married. Are you sure you want to celebrate it in the capital instead of your own estate?¡±


    ¡°I have also received such advice from those around me,¡± said Alan, ¡°But I am still planning to have it in the capital anyway.¡±


    ¡°Is there a particular reason for doing it in the capital?¡± asked Yulia.


    ¡°There are various reasons,¡± said Alan, ¡°Too many to narrow down.¡±


    Siana, who had never heard of any of the reasons, looked at Alan in confusion. It certainly would have been nice to have the wedding in the countryside and invite people. It would be exciting to build relationships and connection. But the capital was where they had been born and raised. Perhaps that was why Alan insisted on it.


    Yulia didn¡¯t press further. She understood that the capital must be meaningful for the couple to decide to have their wedding there.


    Since she nodded. ¡°If you say so.¡±


    Yulia also said that she would absolutely attend the wedding under any circumstance and Alan thanked her gratefully.


    * * *


    Hugh Veridian, their lawyer, visited the mansion while the three of them were in the middle of enjoying their dessert. They discussed one last time about the things they needed to pay attention to while at the courthouse. Finally, they boarded a carriage to leave for the trial.


    When they reached the courthouse, Yulia told Siana to proceed to the courtroom while she visited the ladies¡¯ restroom. Siana, Alan and Mr. Veridian made their way to the courtroom first.


    ¡°The plaintiff and defendant are present, and the trial will commence once the judges enter the room,¡± said Mr. veridian, ¡°Before we begin there is something you must¡­ Oh, damn it.¡± Hugh cursed while looking over at the documents.


    ¡°Is everything alright?¡± asked Alan.


    ¡°Not really,¡± said Hugh, ¡°But I forgot about one procedure that you need to complete. I apologize, but Lord Legarde, could you follow me out for a while? It shouldn¡¯t take too long. Ten minutes at the most.¡±


    ¡°Of course,¡± said Alan, ¡°We do have time left.¡±


    Alan stood up from his chair and made to leave, Siana stood up too. ¡°You stay her, Sia,¡± he said.


    ¡°Why? Can¡¯t I come too?¡± she asked, tugging at Alan¡¯s coat sleeve.


    ¡°You can, but I think it¡¯s better for you to stay here,¡± said Hugh, ¡°It won¡¯t take very long.¡±


    ¡°I am with Hugh on this one,¡± said Alan, ¡°Besides, Yulia might panic if she comes in here and sees no one.¡±


    Siana was about to say Yulia will be fine. She didn¡¯t want to face Viscount North alone in here. But Alan was right. I should wait for her here. She had come all the way to support her friend. Siana couldn¡¯t leave Yulia alone like this.


    ¡°All right. I¡¯ll stay here,¡± said Siana, deciding to wait for her friend.


    ¡°We will be back soon,¡± said Alan squeezing her hand comfortingly. Siana nodded with a smile. But as soon as they left, she began to tremble with the thought of facing Viscount North alone.


    Don¡¯t get nervous. Yulia will be here soon, she assured herself, beside he can¡¯t touch me here. This is a courtroom!  The courtroom door flew open right then and Viscount North appeared at the door.


    His appearance hadn¡¯t changed since the last time they had met. He looked as vile as he was before. As he strode through the courtroom door, his gaze fell on Siana. He waked towards her with a stupid smirk on his face.


    ¡°Oh-ho, who do we have here?¡± he said, ¡°Long time no see.¡± His mouth twitched and he narrowed his eyes.


    Siana gathered her composure and grimaced at him. ¡°It¡¯s been a while, My Lord,¡± she mocked.


    ¡°From the looks of it, I guess you have been doing well,¡± he said, ¡°As for me, I have had some rough days thanks to a few people.¡±


    She knew the jab was directed at her and Alan. She felt enraged. It was her who had faced a lot of difficult and humiliating days solely because of him. It was him who had almost destroyed her life, forced her in a situation where she had sold her childhood home and was about to run away from the country. Even after the debt had been repaid, he was relentlessly making her life hell and dragging Alan along with her!


    Shameless bastard, Siana cursed inwardly. He had lost nothing compared to her. She felt like disfiguring his face right in the courtroom. He looked at her and it filled Siana with disgust. He was twirling his moustache.


    ¡°I am quite disappointed in you,¡± he said, ¡°Sch shameful behavior for a woman. After you pulled that stunt on me, you went away and got hitched to another man. Tell me, did you seduce him for the purpose of paying off your debt?¡±


    ¡°Unlike you, I never stood so low to make a bargain with somebody else and force them into marriage,¡± retorted Siana.


    ¡°Don¡¯t give me that crap!¡± said Viscount North, ¡°I know everything about you. You have no inheritance. All you have is your body. A guy came along and married you and paid off all your debt willingly. That sounds ridiculous.¡±


    Siana was deeply insulted. Not only because he talked about her so humiliatingly, but he was dragging Alan along as well. He was trying to besmirch his name too. It infuriated Siana.


    ¡°Well, thankfully we get to meet again,¡± sad Viscount North with a revolting smirk. ¡°I thought you were a na?ve, innocent girl but you prove to be very shrewd and cunning. A wily beast you turned out to be,¡± He laughed looking at her very inappropriately. ¡°I only wish this ends in the courtroom and justice will be served. This time, I won¡¯t fall victim to your plans like I did before, Miss Anetta.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s Countess Legarde for you,¡± said Siana, looking at him levelly, ¡°And let the justice be served. The world knows how predatory you are.¡±


    Viscount North chuckled. ¡°Isn¡¯t it better to get used to ¡®Miss Anetta¡¯ again?¡± he mocked, ¡°Since you will be stripped of the title soon. Or do you want me to start calling you ¡®wifey¡¯? Perhaps we still have a chance.¡±


    Siana was at the end of her tolerance. She was going to snap at him and perhaps slap him squarely on the face when Alan¡¯s deep voice interrupted it.


    ¡°That will never happen,¡± declared Alan, in a low and dangerous voice. ¡°Siana will remain a Legarde forever.¡± Siana turned around. Hugh and Alan were at the courtroom entrance.


    ¡°Who do you think you are? You¡ª¡± began Viscount North.


    ¡°I am the one who fell for the ¡®wily beast¡¯ you are talking to,¡± said Alan with a cold smile.


    Alan looked so different with that smile on. He looked almost threatening. Siana had never seen him like that before. Perhaps Viscount North was as surprised as Siana.


    ¡°So, you are Alan Legarde?¡± he said, stammering.


    Alan raised an eyebrow. ¡°I have a higher social standing than you, Viscount,¡± he said, ¡°And you dare address me without my title? I knew you were disgusting but it seems you lack common sense as well.¡±


    ¡°This yellow-bellied monster who believes a title could¡ª¡±


    ¡°Interesting,¡± said Alan, with a chuckle. ¡°Haven¡¯t you abused enough people using your title and social standing? And yet you accuse me of using my title.¡±


    Alan directed a cold glare at him, and Viscount North flinched unknowingly. ¡°I could let go of anything except the grave offense you have committed,¡± said Alan in an icy voice. ¡°You have disrespected my wife.¡±

 Chapter 51

    Alan walked to Siana and pulled her into an embrace. Siana closed her eyes and buried her face into his chest and tried to forget the slew of insults Viscount North had directed at her and Alan.


    Viscount North was furious. He was enraged that this younger man was trying to best him. He was angry at himself that he felt scared of Alan Legarde and what he could do.


    Viscount North had wanted revenge. He still remembered the day when this young man had appeared out of nowhere and stole Siana from him. She would have been his wife in less than a day. But he had sent his lawyers to pay off her debt with a covert warning.


    The memory from that day was still fresh in his mind. He had coveted Siana and was ready to make her his wife. But suddenly a lawyer from Legarde family had appeared at his doorsteps.


    The man had introduced himself as a lawyer on behalf of Legarde family and paid 22,000 golds in the name of Lord Legrade¡¯s wife. It had embarrassed Viscount North when the lawyer had so nonchalantly handed over the large amount of gold. The document had been all up to par and he had no choice but to sign them and accept that the debt had been cleared.


    When the lawyer had gathered the documents to leave Viscount North¡¯s premises, he had said, ¡°There will be no further relationship between you and Lord Legarde¡¯s family. I am sure you are a wise man having lived for many years and will abide by this.¡±


    The tone had been polite enough, but Viscount North glimpsed the warning shrouded beneath those words: ¡®Don¡¯t come sneaking around Siana ever again.¡¯


    It might have been overthinking on his part. But he couldn¡¯t shake off the feeling that his catch had gotten away. His anger boiled. He had wanted Siana. He had wanted a young wife for himself.


    Viscount North had then called up his lawyer to figure out a way to take Siana back somehow. There had been only one way: to accuse their marriage as fake and file a lawsuit to nullify the ¡®purchased¡¯ marriage.


    In the process of preparing for the lawsuit, Viscount North had heard a butler let slip that Siana had been able to marry Alan because somebody had tipped him off about Viscount North forcing her into marriage.


    The angry Viscount had fired the butler and adamantly decided to sue Alan Legarde and his wife, Siana. Although it took a while for the case to be filed because of the outrageous claims, Viscount North had finally succeeded in making the case.


    He had been so excited to see Siana and Alan Legarde in court. He would enjoy humiliating them. But right now, Viscount North was frozen. He couldn¡¯t say a word in front of the ferocity of Alan.


    An instinctive feared weighed the Viscount down. He realized that Alan was stronger than him and held a higher status in society. Viscount North could only glare at them and do nothing further.


    ¡°Lord Legarde? Sia?¡± said Yulia, finally appearing at the courtroom.


    Alan and Siana turned around at the voice. Everyone turned to look at her, even Viscount North. A moment ago, the Viscount was cowering in fear and now his eyes widened at the red-headed beauty. The Viscount was indeed the most revolting creature on earth.


    ¡°I¡¯ll remember this humiliation, Lord Lagarde,¡± said the Viscount rudely and turned to find the plaintiff¡¯s seat.


    Siana couldn¡¯t take it anymore. ¡°You are a real ball-sack, Viscount,¡± she yelled at his back, ¡°I am the one you have humiliated here. How dare you yap about?¡±


    ¡°Sia,¡± said Alan looking at her, ¡°What did that bastard say to you?¡±


    ¡°He¡­,¡± Siana trailed off. She got a bad feeling, a cold dread. If she told them what the Viscount had said, she wasn¡¯t sure if Alan would be able to keep his calm. ¡°Never mind.¡±


    ¡°What did the bastard say to you?¡± said Alan, ¡°Tell me.¡±


    She looked at him for a moment. He looked very dangerous at that moment. They were supposed to win this case. If he got angry right now, it would make everything worse. She shook her head.


    ¡°It¡¯s alright, Alan,¡± she said, ¡°It was nothing.¡±


    ¡°But¡ª¡±


    ¡°Really, I am fine.¡± She tried to smile. ¡°No harm done, Alan.¡±


    Alan sighed. He seemed to think it better to let go for now. Siana was feeling relieved, and she tried to turn away, but Alan pulled her close into a hug. ¡°Are you okay?¡± he whispered.


    ¡°Yes,¡± she said.


    ¡°Thank goodness,¡± he said.


    His heartfelt concern melted her anger. She hugged him back. Just then somebody cleared their throat which brought them both to the present. They broke apart from each other. It was Yulia who had produced the highly fake, intentional throat-clearing. And next to her, Hugh was trying to look anywhere else but at them.


    ¡°This is good and all,¡± said Yulia, ¡°And I am genuinely sorry to interrupt but can we all have a seat?¡± She gestured to the chairs.


    Siana felt embarrassed that they had been embracing in a courtroom, in front of everybody. She fanned her face as she looked at Alan in embarrassment.


    ¡°Anyway, what was going on?¡± asked Yulia, ¡°Is that old man Viscount North?¡± She grimaced.


    ¡°Yes,¡± said Siana, ¡°I was waiting here. Alan and Mr. veridian had to complete some sort of procedure so they went out for a while. I was here by myself when he arrived and said some¡­ terrible things.¡±


    ¡°He was taking advantage of you because you were alone,¡± said Yulia, ¡°Did he do something?¡±


    ¡°No¡­,¡± said Siana.


    ¡°Something happened, didn¡¯t it?¡± she asked with concern.


    Siana couldn¡¯t find any words to deny so she just nodded. Yulia directed a scowl at Viscount North. Yulia wanted to tear him apart. When she had heard about him suing Siana and Alan, she had understood that he must be a disgusting man but now seeing him in person, it was even worse.


    And the way he had looked at me¡­, thought Yulia, recalling the repulsive way his eyes had trailed through her personage when she had stepped into the courtroom. Yulia shuddered. He had looked at her so inappropriately that she wanted to gouge out his eyes. She was thankful that Siana had married Alan. At least, she would be protected.


    ¡°Yulia, what took you so long?¡± asked Siana, ¡°Didn¡¯t you find the restroom?¡±


    ¡°I stupidly got lost,¡± said Yulia, ¡°It seemed like I was going round and round in circles. I finally found the restroom but then went the wrong way and missed the courtroom.¡±


    ¡°I see,¡± said Siana.


    ¡°Have you seen the hallways?¡± asked Yulia, ¡°They all look very fancily done but all look the same.¡±


    ¡°I see.¡±


    ¡°There isn¡¯t much time for the trial to start,¡± said Hugh, ¡°I think it is best if we all take a seat. Countess Linen can sit in front as a witness.¡±


    ¡°Yes, sir,¡± said Yulia and took her seat.


    ¡°Lord and Lady Legarde, you can sit here,¡± said Hugh, gesturing at the seat which were facing Viscount North. Siana didn¡¯t feel like sitting there, facing Viscount in front of her but she did as Hugh instructed.


    Shortly afterwards, the members of the jury entered the courtroom and took their seats. The main judge followed. He stated the subject of today¡¯s trial.


    ¡°We will start with the plaintiff¡¯s lawyer,¡± said the judge.


    Viscount North¡¯s Lawyer stood up and claimed that there was a connection of his client¡¯s debt and Siana and Alan¡¯s marriage right after, as stated in the indictment.


    Even his lawyer is as repulsive as him, thought Siana with a scowl. She listened to Viscount North¡¯s lawyer talk about the whole situation. She bit her lower lip to stop herself from retorting when the lawyer said that the marriage should be nullified according to the terms.


    Viscount North¡¯s lawyer sat down after he had finished with his side of the argument. Hugh¡¯s argument followed right after. A veteran lawyer brought in by Alan. He was calm and spoke clearly and fluently defending the couple.


    He emphasized on their childhood friendship and how both had promised each other to get married in the future, proving that the marriage wasn¡¯t a ¡®transaction¡¯ as claimed by the opposing side but a decision they had made long before Viscount North even entered their lives.


    ¡°I call Countess Linen to the stand as a witness, a friend of the defendants,¡± said Hugh.


    Yulia got up from her seat and walked to the stand. She took the witness¡¯ seat. Hugh immediately started with his questions. He asked her how long she had known the defendants and if she had known about the marriage.


    Yulia spoke calmly. ¡°I have been friends with Siana since I was fourteen years of age,¡± she said, ¡°Lord Legarde was entrusted to Viscount Anetta, Siana¡¯s father. He became Lord Legarde¡¯s guardian.¡±


    ¡°When you say Lord Legarde, you mean Alan Legarde?¡± asked Hugh.


    ¡°Yes,¡± said Yulia.


    ¡°At that time, Countess Linen, did you know of any relationship between the defendants?¡± asked Hugh.


    ¡°Of course,¡± said Yulia, ¡°Siana was oblivious of it but Alana and Siana¡¯s relationship was talked about the most in the circle of girls our age.¡±


    ¡°Can you elaborate on that?¡± asked Hugh.


    ¡°I certainly can,¡± said Yulia, ¡°Alan and Siana were known as friends but many thought they were a couple who pretended to be friends to keep the talks off their backs. Lord Legarde was always fond of Siana and took good care of her. And Siana was always supportive of Lord Legarde. They were inseparable.¡±


    ¡°So, what you are saying is that everyone was aware that they were friends and perhaps even more than friends for a long time?¡±


    ¡°Yes.¡±


    Siana was surprised that people had assumed they were romantically involved even in her childhood. She recalled that many had asked her about her relationship with Alan. She had never known there had been rumors.


    ¡°Last question, Countess Linen,¡± said Hugh, ¡°Do you know the reason why the defendants waited to get married until now?¡±


    ¡°Because Lord Legarde was out fighting a battle,¡± said Yulia, ¡°He left to train with the troops very early. He wanted to earn an officer¡¯s title for himself. When the battle ended and he was free of his training and obligations, he returned to propose marriage to Siana.¡±


    ¡°That is all,¡± said Hugh.


    Hugh¡¯s questioning ended there. However, Viscount North¡¯s lawyer came forward with his own questions that he had prepared.


    ¡°Countess Linen, there are many loopholes in your statements,¡± said the lawyer, ¡°You talked about how you were friends with the defendants and how others around them were suspicious of their relationship, but you don¡¯t really specify if they were romantically involved. Are you really a witness?¡±


    ¡°Yes, I am,¡± said Yulia, stealing a glance at Hugh.


    ¡°Then, it almost seems like the defendant were not really romantically involved but were friends only,¡± continued the lawyer, ¡°How then could they have gotten married all of a sudden?¡±


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 Chapter 52

    ¡°I object,¡± said Hugh raising his hand. ¡°Just because they weren¡¯t in a relationship publicly doesn¡¯t prove they weren¡¯t in love or they can¡¯t get married.¡±


    ¡°That is true,¡± agreed Viscount North¡¯s lawyer, ¡°However, the question here is why did the defendants get married on the final day when one of the defendants were required to pay her debt to my client? Why not before, or after? One of the defendants, Lord Legarde, took over his wife¡¯s debt and paid it off on the same day.¡±


    ¡°A husband doing what is right doesn¡¯t¡ª¡±


    ¡°No matter how close they were,¡± interrupted Viscount North¡¯s lawyer, ¡°Can you really say with conviction that they indeed married each other because they were friends or in love and not because of the debt?¡±


    Before Hugh could respond, Viscount North¡¯s lawyer picked up a document and handed it to the judge. ¡°I submit the document proving that defendant Siana Legarde had a debt to repay to my client, which was transferred to Lord Legarde¡¯s name, which was paid on the same day they got married.¡±


    The judge took the document and looked through it. Siana squirmed in her chair. Alan squeezed her hand to comfort her.


    ¡°It will be alright, Sia,¡± said Alan, ¡°It is still not over yet. We already anticipated that he would bring that anyway. Don¡¯t worry.¡±


    Siana nodded and tried her best to hide her mounting anxiety. Alan had already predicted Viscount North¡¯s argument regarding the payment of debt on the same day they were married. That is why they had called Yulia and told her to bring the letter that Siana had written to her.


    ¡°The plaintiff argues that the defendants¡¯ marriage was a transaction, but this is not true,¡± said Hugh, ¡°Because they have cared about each other over the years, irrespective of the type of relationship they had. The marriage is natural. However, it is true that the plaintiff had blackmailed and forced defendant Siana Legarde to marry him on the pretext of repaying her debt.¡±


    ¡°Can that be proven?¡± asked the judge.


    ¡°Of course, Your Honor,¡± said Hugh, handing a document to the judge, ¡°I submit the original letter that Siana Lagarde wrote to her friend Yulia Linen, concerning her situation at that time.¡±


    The letter was handed to the judge. Viscount North showed no agitation and Siana was a bit disappointed. She had attached a copy of her letter in their response to his indictment, so he already knew the contents of it, but she had expected him to show worry, or nervousness to some extent. The letter was full of accusations against Viscount North¡¯s conduct and behavior. It also contained her worries of being forced into a marriage she didn¡¯t want.


    When the correspondence was submitted to the judge, Siana expected him to squirm. But when she looked at him, he was smirking.


    Why in hell is he smirking like that?  Siana felt disgusted at him. She felt furious.


    Viscount North¡¯s lawyer got up and faced the judge. ¡°Your Honor, the defendant¡¯s letter cannot prove the claim made by Siana Legarde that my client forced her to marry him. It is just a letter that could have been written any time.¡±


    ¡°Does the plaintiff say this letter is the defendant¡¯s one-sided claim?¡±


    ¡°Correct, Your Honor,¡± said Viscount North¡¯s lawyer, ¡°The validity cannot be proven. The one who received the letter, the witness, is the defendant¡¯s friend. It is only natural to question the authenticity of the letter in such circumstance. The promissory note which illustrates the amount Siana Legarde was to pay Viscount North says nothing of such agreement. How can it be believed whether my client really forced her to marry him?¡±


    The judge nodded. ¡°It is difficult to establish only from this letter that the plaintiff was forceful regarding his marriage to the defendant. Mr. Veridian, can the authenticity of the letter be proven?¡±


    ¡°The witness who received the letter is ¡ª¡±


    The judge interrupted Hugh. ¡°I am not talking about the witness,¡± said the judge. ¡°Is there any document, maybe the receive date that must have been stamped on the envelope, that can prove that the letter was written was sent when the defendant suffered the fate?¡±


    Hugh turned to Yulia. She was in a panic; she had thrown away the envelop when she had received and opened the letter. Hugh realized that he had no proof he could provide regarding the date of the letter sent and received.


    ¡°Can you provide the stamped envelope?¡± asked the judge.


    ¡°Not that the present, Your Honor,¡± said Hugh.


    Viscount North¡¯s lawyer added triumphantly, ¡°Your Honor, the letter states that Siana Legarde was going to escape the country because she felt that she had no way of repaying the debt. It is also important to note that there is no mention at all of Lord Legarde in the letter.¡±


    Siana felt a sinking feeling in her stomach. They should really be worried now. It is going to be okay, she told herself, Hugh said that was irrelevant in the trial.


    However, her uneasiness didn¡¯t go away. She glared at Hugh while Viscount North¡¯s lawyer continued, ¡°If that letter is real, it only talks about the defendant trying to escape from her own incompetence and the situation she was in.¡±


    ¡°If the letter was mailed, there will be prove,¡± said the judge, ¡°Presently the defendants cannot prove anything, so I shall send someone to the post office to investigate the authenticity of this letter. We shall resume the trial in four days.¡±


    The judge dismissed the trial and walked out of the courtroom. Yulia was still at the witness¡¯ seat and she was murmuring to herself. Hugh returned to his chair beside them.


    ¡°I am deeply sorry Lord Legarde, and Lady Legarde,¡± he said.


    Siana could only hear him distantly. All she could think about was how Viscount North was sneering at her as he left the courtroom. The trial had not really gone their way.


    * * *


    The atmosphere in the carriage during the ride back was bleak. From the way it had gone today, nobody had any doubt who had won today. If it went in a similar fashion after four days, Viscount North would win.


    ¡°Hugh,¡± said Alan, ¡°You did say the contents of the letter would not be a problem.¡±


    ¡°I sincerely apologize for it, Lord Legarde,¡± said Hugh, ¡°I didn¡¯t foresee that. It was carelessness on my part.¡±


    ¡°I wonder if I can trust you, Hugh,¡± said Alan, ¡°From the way the trial went today, it leaves much to be desired on your part.¡±


    ¡°I absolutely understand,¡± said Hugh, ¡°However, please give me a chance. We can still win this thing.¡±


    ¡°How?¡± asked Alan.


    ¡°If we can somehow prove that Viscount North made unreasonable demands,¡± said Hugh, ¡°Then the letter Lady Legarde wrote to her friend will hold definite weight. It will add to the accusation if we can prove it.¡±


    ¡°An unreasonable demand¡­,¡± murmured Alan, ¡°Hm¡­¡±


    ¡°Is there something more, Lord Legarde?¡±


    Alan turned to Hugh. ¡°Siana told me that when Viscount North tried to force her into marriage with him as repayment for the debt, ¡°he said, ¡°She tried to find jobs to earn some money so that she could pay him back and escape the marriage. But he prevented any way of her being able to secure a job for herself.¡±


    ¡°That is right,¡± said Siana.


    Yulia let fly a slew of swear words when she heard that. Siana realized that she had never mentioned that to her friend. This was the first time Yulia was hearing about this.


    ¡°But it¡¯s all in the pas¡ª¡±


    ¡°It doesn¡¯t matter even if it is in the past, Sia!¡± exclaimed Yulia, ¡°It is not about that. It is about how low Viscount North can stoop to get what he wants. It is an affront to basic decency and humanity. That son of a bitch, that shitty piece of¡­¡±


    Yulia was on a roll. Siana and Alan were used to her fits of temper. But Hugh looked aghast as he heard her spew such naughty curse words that his eyes went wide.


    He soon regained his composure. ¡°Anyway,¡± he said, ¡°We can bring in the people that Lady Legarde knows or has interacted as witnesses if they consent to it. If we can prove that Viscount North had exhausted all options for Lady Legarde to get a job or to pay the debt in some other way and left her with no choice at all except to be forced into marriage with him, we can win this case.¡±


    ¡°I see,¡± said Alan, nodding, ¡°If we can prove it, it makes sense that Siana had no choice at all except to run from the country.¡±


    ¡°Yes,¡± said Hugh, ¡°If Lady Legarde can show us the people that might know about the situation, we might be able to persuade them to testify as witnesses.¡±


    ¡°Will that work?¡± asked Siana.


    ¡°I know that today, we almost lost the case due to my carelessness,¡± said Hugh, ¡°But please believe me and give me another chance. If we can do this, it will not only invalidate Viscount North¡¯s accusation towards us but also be a proof of his conduct and behavior. We can do this.¡±


    It was difficult to trust him after what happened today but seeing him appear, so confidant gave Siana hope. Perhaps Alan was thinking the same. Yulia seemed to have thought the same thing as she nodded slowly looking at him.


    To seal the decision, Siana spoke first and gave the names of all the people she had met. The buyers that she had met with when selling her house, the receptionists at the places where she had applied for a job and anyone who might know about her situation.


    * * *


    The first thing they did was visit the old Anetta mansion, where Siana had been born and raised. It was the closest and the first lead they had so they decided to pay a visit there. Siana asked Yulia of she needed to go back to her estate but Yulia only smiled and said it was absolutely fine if she remained here with them for a few days more. She probably didn¡¯t want to leave Siana when her friend was in such trouble.


    Siana was touched by her worry. Seeing Yulia by her side gave her more strength and motivation to try harder. The buyer might help me if I explain the situation to him, thought Siana, he was very kind at that time.


    Unfortunately, when they reached the mansion, it was the butler who greeted them and informed them that his master was away and out of town and would only return after a month.


    ¡°It might be too late¡­,¡± Siana grumbled. Yulia nodded.


    It was understandable. He wasn¡¯t really someone with a title so he might have worked very hard to buy this mansion.


    ¡°Let¡¯s leave him for now,¡± said Hugh, ¡°We have the names of the shop owners and receptionists from the various places Lady Legarde applied for work. We can start with them first and see if we can convince them.¡±


    Everyone nodded at Hugh¡¯s rational words and headed to the Town Square. There were many who were eligible to stand as witnesses. But not a single person wanted to do it. It was useless to suggests that they would be doing the right thing if they came forward as witnesses. Some even told them to get out of their establishments.


    Thus, they wandered around getting rejected, yelled at and thrown out of their shops. It confused them initially, because they would have been paid for their honesty so why were they so adamant to kick them out?


    They came upon the last shop that Siana had applied in. The owner had informed Siana that it would be useless for her to apply for a job in this area because Viscount North had instructed everyone here to reject her application.


    Siana had hopes that he might help them. When they entered his shop and Siana introduced Alan as her husband, he beamed.


    ¡°I always felt very bad on turning you away like that,¡± he said, ¡°But I am glad everything turned out well for you.¡±

 Chapter 53

    However, when she stated the reason they were there, the shop owner¡¯s face fell. He told them to leave immediately and that he didn¡¯t want to be involved in any court proceedings. He was their last hope so Siana persevered.


    We cannot fail like this, she resolved. Siana begged him to be kinder and be their witness otherwise there will be no value of truth and honesty in this world and vile liars like Viscount North might always win.


    ¡°Please,¡± said Siana holding his hands.


    The shop owner sighed. ¡°Viscount North is a very wealthy man,¡± he said finally, ¡°He is like a godfather among the aristocrats and hold everything in his hands. We are merchants. In this kind of business, we always suffer from unexpected financial trouble. And we always have the need to borrow money from Viscount North.¡±


    The shop owner sounded defeated and very polite. Alan listened to him with undivided attention. ¡°What if I let you borrow money from me?¡± he asked.


    ¡°You don¡¯t understand,¡± said the shop owner, ¡°We have been borrowing from Viscount North and paying his due. Borrowing money once is not enough. He will make out life hell. To me, my business is my livelihood. If I lose this, I have nothing.¡± The shop owner paced around the shop fretfully. ¡°I wish I could borrow from the state, so I didn¡¯t have to rely on the Viscount. But merchants like me, we belong to the bottommost ladder in the social hierarchy.¡±


    ¡°You borrow money from Viscount North because you can¡¯t get any loans from the state,¡± said Hugh.


    ¡°Yes,¡± said the shop owner, looking at Hugh. ¡°Although Viscount North is vile and repulsive, he helps us and our livelihood.¡±


    ¡°What if I lent you money whenever you have a need of it?¡± asked Alan.


    ¡°You don¡¯t understand, Lord Legarde,¡± said the shop owner with a sigh, ¡°Viscount North isn¡¯t just known for his wealth and lending money to the masses. He has a lot of people behind him. Everyone here works for him.  For people like us, if we have no one that wants to buy from us, it won¡¯t matter. None of it would matter. He can make it happen. He can destroy us. For us who depend on doing our business in groups or in networks, he can make life difficult for us.¡±


    The response shut Alan off, he finally understood why the shop owner was hesitant. Alan could maybe solve the financial difficulty, but Viscount North had power and connections. This was the reality. Alan might have been higher up on the social structure, but Viscount North held this town in this fist.


    Alan¡¯s connections were mostly the officers and acquaintances from his time in the military. Although powerful, they couldn¡¯t do anything when it came to this town. They wouldn¡¯t be able to help the merchants like the shop owner in front of him.


    Siana was at a loss for words. She didn¡¯t want to push the shop owner further. She understood his plight and could not bring herself to ask him for help anymore. Siana recalled her father saying that business was not only about knowledge and funding but also about connections.


    Nobody is worth anything unless they have people behind them, thought Siana. Seeing Alan and Siana very quiet, Hugh and Yulia seemed unable to suggest anything as well.


    ¡°I feel sorry for you,¡± said the shop owner to Siana, ¡°I would have helped in any way I can if my situation was different. But I have too many eyes on me. I would be grateful if you could, please, leave.¡±


    They left the shop and walked away. Their way back to Legarde mansion in their carriage was gloomy.


    ¡°Viscount North¡¯s power is insurmountable,¡± muttered Yulia, angrily, ¡°I would never have thought so many people would support such a vile man.¡±


    Alan sighed. ¡°Is there any other way, Hugh?¡± he asked.


    ¡°As of now¡­ Let me take some time to do some thinking,¡± said Hugh, ¡°The trial is four days away. I will figure out a way.¡±


    Siana knew Hugh was trying to raise their spirit. Siana directed him a smile but soon resigned herself to her sadness. She had been so hopeful until the last shop they visited. Now it seemed the odds weren¡¯t in her favor, they never were.


    What if we lose? Siana wondered glumly. Seeing how they had no lead made her very anxious. Does that mean Alan and I will have to part ways?  Siana clenched her hands together in her lap.


    The chance of them winning the case seemed extremely low and it made Siana very worried.


    * * *


    That night, Siana tossed and turned unable to fall asleep. She recalled the way Viscount North had sneered at her.  She was unable to forget his words:


    ¡®I only wish this ends in the courtroom and justice will be served. This time, I won¡¯t fall victim to your plans like I did before, Miss Anetta.¡¯


    ¡°Isn¡¯t it better to get used to ¡®Miss Anetta¡¯ again? Since you will be stripped of the title soon. Or do you want me to start calling you ¡®wifey¡¯? Perhaps we still have a chance.¡¯


    At that time, she had been too angry to even entertain his bullshit but now the words filled her with dread because they had a possibility of coming true. Thinking about him still wanting her filled her with disgust and she shuddered.


    What exactly does Viscount North want?  Siana wondered. She didn¡¯t have to end up with him. I could run away and live with Yulia for a while. But I can¡¯t bear the thought of separating from Alan. If the court gave a retraining order, she would never be able to meet him again. I can¡¯t bear it. I don¡¯t want to be away from Alan.


    Siana felt helpless. She felt like she could do nothing to resolve the situation. She was so tired of feeling useless and helpless. She curled up in a ball wrapping her hands around herself.


    ¡°Sia?¡± called Alan. She flinched when she heard his voice in the dark suddenly.


    He propped himself on his elbow and turned to her. He had been lying so still on the ed that Siana had thought he had fallen asleep.


    ¡°Weren¡¯t you asleep?¡± she asked, aghast, ¡°Did I wake you?¡±


    ¡°No, I was asleep for a little while,¡± he said, ¡°Then I woke up. What¡¯s wrong?¡¯


    ¡°Nothing,¡± said Siana.


    ¡°Alan¡¯s hand stroked Siana¡¯s cheek. He looked at her with worry. His concern touched her and made her feel even more sad that she might not see him looking at her like that in the future.


    ¡°Is it because of what happened toady at the courtroom?¡± he asked.


    ¡°Yeh,¡± she said sadly, biting her lower lip.


    She had thought about pretending as though everything was alright for a moment. But she thought it would be wiser to just be honest. Alan wouldn¡¯t have believed her anyway, She was trembling. Alan reached out and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close.


    ¡°It will be alright,¡± said Alan.


    Siana didn¡¯t respond.


    ¡°Nothing can break us up, Sia,¡± he said, ¡°I will do whatever it takes to keep you by my side. Don¡¯t worry.¡±


    At his words, Siana buried her face into his arms. Siana wrapped her arms around his waist and held him tightly.


    ¡°Alan,¡± she called


    ¡°Yeah?¡±


    ¡°Love me for today,¡± she said.


    Alan stilled himself. He understood what she meant. ¡°Please,¡± she said, ¡°I want you to love me.¡±


    ¡°I already love you, Sia,¡± he said after a long while.


    His whispers made her body quiver. It was cruel to see that he confessed his love for her while pretending to not understand what she meant. ¡°You know what I mean,¡± she said, ¡°Do you want me to say it again?¡±


    ¡°Sia¡­¡±


    She didn¡¯t know if he was turned off because she asked first. She snuggled close to him. ¡°Show me how much you love me, Alan,¡± she said, ¡°I want to feel safe and loved in your arms.¡±


    When he didn¡¯t respond or move, her heart started pounding. Has she said something wrong? Maybe she shouldn¡¯t have¡­. She raised her head from his chest to look at him. He was looking at her so tenderly. His blue eyes bore into hers. She froze.


    He turned her on her back and crawled on top of her. He kissed her passionately, his tongue exploring her mouth. She closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around Alan¡¯s neck. His hot breath tickled her skin as his kissed trailed down to her neck, her collarbone and her chest. His hands fumbled with the string tying her night shift together at the front. In a heartbeat, he had untied it. The cloth fell exposing her chest.


    His hands caressed and grabbed at her chest. Siana gasped. Alan seemed more desperate than usual. But Siana didn¡¯t mind. He kissed and caressed her. He tore the remaining clothes from her body. Her fingers fumbled with the buttons on his shirt.


    His shirt fell away exposing his chest. Siana flushed at the sight of his pulsating muscles. She was so flustered that she turned her head away unable to look him in the eye. She was embarrassed at having asked him in the first place. Alan kissed her on the neck and bit her on the shoulders softly sending Siana trembling and gasping.

 Chapter 54

    What if he wants to do it today too? Siana wondered. Should I refuse him? Tomorrow is the trial day¡­ Siana knew it was pointless, because whenever he kissed and touched her, she would give in willingly. She could never push him away.


    Besides, if these proved to be their final moments together, she wanted to spend it with him rather than pushing him away. So, they spent their nights like this. After four days, the trial day was finally here again.


    So, today it will be decided, she resolved. Siana was so nervous but she tried not to show it. Hugh arrived shortly and joined them. They greeted each other and were about to board the carriage to head to the courthouse when a voice called from behind.


    ¡°Officer!¡± it called.


    They turned to see a man in uniform walking towards them. He had addressed Alan. That man¡­ Siana had a vague memory of him but couldn¡¯t say for sure where she had seen him before.


    While Siana frowned and tried to remember him, Alan turned to him. ¡°I have something to say,¡± said the man, ¡°If you could just step this way with me, Sir.¡±


    ¡°Right now?¡± asked Alan, ¡°Is it urgent?¡±


    ¡°Yes, sir,¡± said the man, ¡°It¡¯s about what he discussed before.¡±


    Alan hesitated. What were they discussing before? Siana wondered.  She was frowning when finally, she remembered where she had seen him before. Alan looked at her and gave a nod.


    ¡°Sia,¡± he said, ¡°I am sorry about this, but you go along with Hugh and Yulia to the courthouse first, alright?¡±


    ¡°What about you?¡± she asked.


    ¡°Just something I need to take care of real fast,¡± he said, ¡°I will be there soon.¡±


    ¡°But there isn¡¯t much time left,¡± said Siana.


    ¡°Don¡¯t worry,¡± said Alan, reassuringly, ¡°I will be right on time.¡±


    Siana hesitated then nodded. Alan took her face in his hand and placed a kiss on her forehead. ¡°You trust me?¡± he asked.


    ¡®Of course, I do,¡± said Siana, with a blush. ¡°Just don¡¯t be late.¡±


    ¡°I won¡¯t,¡± said Alan and walked away with the soldier.


    As Siana caught up with Hugh and Yulia a few steps away where they were waiting, Yulia frowned. ¡°What was that about?¡± she asked. ¡°Where is he going?¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t know,¡± said Siana.


    ¡°He didn¡¯t tell you where he was going?¡± asked Yulia.


    ¡°No,¡± said Siana.


    ¡°Did he say anything else?¡± asked Yulia.


    ¡°he just said we should head in first,¡± said Siana, ¡°And promised that he won¡¯t be late. Something he needed to take care of.¡±


    Yulia was still doubtful. ¡°Then it would be better for us to do as he says,¡± said Hugh, ¡°We must leave, otherwise we might be late.¡±


    They both nodded and followed Hugh to the carriage which would take them to the courthouse. When they reached, they made their way to the courtroom at a brisk walk.


    Viscount North and his lawyer had already arrived there first. Unlike last time, Siana could manage herself better because Hugh and Yulia were by her side. She wasn¡¯t alone. He didn¡¯t come close to them, but he did look straight at her and smirked before staring at Yulia, inappropriately.


    ¡°Every time I look at his vile face, I feel uncomfortable and disgusted,¡± whispered Siana, ¡°I really want to get rid of him soon.¡±


    Yulia leaned towards her. ¡®Same here,¡± she whispered.


    Siana nodded fiercely. ¡°I am so very sorry Yulia,¡± she said.


    ¡°Why are you sorry?¡± asked Yulia.


    ¡°It is because of me that you got involved in everything,¡± said Siana, ¡°It is because of me that you are here, and he is staring at you in that way.¡±


    ¡°How is that your fault?¡± said Yulia, ¡°Regarding me getting involved, I did it willingly. If it is anyone who should be guilty it¡¯s him. I really want to gouge out his eyes.¡±


    Siana chuckled at that. Yulia truly was unapologetic. She pulled her chair closer to Siana as she sat.


    ¡°Your husband still isn¡¯t here,¡± said Yulia, looking worried.


    ¡°I know,¡± said Siana, clenching her hands in her lap. She looked down at her hands.


    Yulia felt bad for mentioning the obvious when Siana must be more worried than anybody in this room. She felt foolish and regretful. ¡°I am sure he will be here before the trial starts. He loves you very much,¡± said Yulia, trying to cheer her friend up, ¡°Don¡¯t worry too much.¡±


    Siana smiled and nodded, grateful for Yulia¡¯s support. However, she was worried. Alan still hadn¡¯t arrived after a few minutes. Siana glanced at the clock in the courtroom anxiously. The trail would start soon. She looked over at the door, wishing he would arrive quickly.


    Why isn¡¯t he here¡­ thought Siana. He said he wouldn¡¯t be late. Unable to bear it, she turned to Hugh impatiently.


    ¡°Hugh?¡± she called.


    ¡°Yes, Madam,¡± said Hugh.


    ¡°What happens if Alan is late?¡± asked Siana, ¡°Will the trial start without him?¡±


    ¡°When a defendant doesn¡¯t attend the trial,¡± explained Hugh, ¡°The trial cannot commence, and he loses by default.¡±


    Siana¡¯s face fell at his words. ¡°But don¡¯t worry, Lady Legarde,¡± he said to assure her, ¡°He will be here on time.¡±


    ¡°But¡­¡± Siana trailed off.


    ¡°He will come, madam,¡± said Hugh with conviction. ¡°I trust him, and I know you do, too. Please don¡¯t worry yourself.¡±


    Siana was still doubtful, and she was surprised that Hugh could say that so resolutely. She nodded, grateful for his words and clenched her hands on her lap. The time for the trial¡¯s commencement was gradually approaching, and Siana clasped her hands together and prayed for Alan to reach fast.


    She was looking around the courtroom when her eyes met Viscount North¡¯s. When she saw him smirk at her, only one thing crossed her mind. Did he¡­, she thought anxiously. Did he do something to delay Alan? No¡­ no, no, no. No matter how badly he wishes to win this case, he couldn¡¯t have¡­


    But Siana knew Viscount North could go to any extent to get what he wanted. He would stoop very low. He seemed capable of the vilest thing imaginable. And he was wealthy and powerful enough to do just that. He had put her into a situation where she couldn¡¯t find a job or come up with any alternative to pay the debt except being forced into marriage to him. He had threatened her before. Even though he couldn¡¯t stand against Alan, he could have done anything to delay him.


    ¡°When a defendant doesn¡¯t attend the trial¡­ trial cannot commence, and he loses by default.¡±


    Hugh¡¯s words kept repeating in her mind. No, please, no. Alan, come on, please¡­. Siana desperately hoped and prayed for it not to be true when the courtroom door opened with a click. Siana turned at an instant to look at the door. She could see Alan there, at the threshold.


    His blond hair, which had been neatly combed in the morning, was messily swept aside. His chest was heaving as he tried to catch his breath. He entered the court as every eye turned to him. Behind him followed a middle-aged man Siana had never seen before in her life.


    Siana saw Viscount North exclaim and get up from his seat. He looked flustered, nervous and angry. He mumbled something at his lawyer pointing at the man who had entered the courtroom behind Alan. Unlike the Viscount, both Alan and the man were calmly walking towards them.


    Who is that man? Siana wondered. Who can make Viscount North react in such a way? Alan took a seat next to her. ¡°Worried?¡± he asked, with a smile.


    ¡°Where were you?!¡± said Siana, ¡°I was out of my mind thinking you would definitely be late.¡±


    ¡°But I wasn¡¯t late,¡± he said with grin. ¡°I arrive right on time.¡±


    ¡°Wipe that grin off your face,¡± she said, ¡°Don¡¯t do that to me again. My heart almost gave out. Besides, you were almost late.¡±


    Alan chuckled but Hugh came to her rescue. ¡°Madam is right, sir,¡± he said, ¡°You only got here by the skin of your teeth. If you were a second late, we would have lost the trial by default.¡±


    ¡°I apologize,¡± he said to Hugh and Siana. ¡°You both are right, of course. I was almost late since I had to find him and bring him with me.¡±


    ¡°Who is he?¡± asked Siana, staring at the man who was seated near Yulia.


    ¡°Let¡¯s say he is our secret weapon,¡± said Alan, ¡°He could very well turn this case around.¡±


    ¡°Why?¡± asked Siana.


    Alan smiled mischievously. ¡°You will find out soon.¡±


    Siana really was in no mood for Alan side stepping her question. She was curious about the man, but she couldn¡¯t protest. The judge was walking through the courtroom door to take his seat.


    ¡°The trial commences,¡± announced the guard.


    Trial started as soon as the judge sat on his seat. The judge announced that the letter Siana had sent to Yulia was legitimate. He then instructed the lawyers to continue with their case. Viscount North¡¯s lawyer was the first to speak. He repeated that Siana had tried to escape in order to not pay the debt and argued that she must have married Alan Legarde for money.


    ¡°Lord Legarde is suffering from a curse from the war,¡± said Viscount North¡¯s lawyer.


    Siana felt the blood rush to her head. She hadn¡¯t expected the curse to be mentioned at the trial. How does he know about that? She tried to recall who else knew about the curse. The Priest who performed the treatment, Yulia, Primo, the servants, the maids¡­. Siana realised that more people than she had assumed knew about Alan¡¯s curse.


    ¡°Siana Lagarde is a person with slight but divine powers,¡± continued Viscount North¡¯s lawyer, ¡°Such powers slow the progression of the curse. Lord Lagarde proposed to her because of his curse and offered to pay Siana¡¯s Legarde¡¯s debt.¡±


    The bastard! Siana cursed, inwardly. She had felt uneasy when the lawyer had started speaking. She hadn¡¯t expected him to say such things. She almost got up from her seat without realizing it. She probably would have done it if Alan hadn¡¯t placed his hands on top of hers.


    ¡°It¡¯s alright, Sia,¡± he said, ¡°Calm yourself.¡±


    ¡°But¡ª¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s okay,¡± he said with a comforting smile.


    Siana nodded and straightened her back. Meanwhile, Viscount North¡¯s lawyer still prattled on with papers in his hands. ¡°As evidence, I submit these documents. This is the examination form that Siana Legarde filled when being tested for divine powers, a medical certificate from her doctor is also enclosed here and a receipt from the store where Siana Legarde last purchased magical items for treatment.¡±


    It became to Siana how they had learned about Alan¡¯s curse. Viscount North was a man of many connections. He used people like they were his puppets. It wouldn¡¯t have been difficult for him to track down which shops she went to, seeing the merchants were under his control. It wouldn¡¯t have been difficult for him to get to the priest as well.


    It was disappointing to know that the priest had given information to the Viscount. She had expected him to be at least better than that, being a priest and all.


    Viscount North Lawyer wasn¡¯t finished. ¡°No matter how desperate one is, complete treatment of such a curse is impossible,¡± he said, ¡°Obviously the curse is still progressing, albeit slowly for Lord Legarde.¡±


    ¡°Your Honor, the plaintiff¡¯s lawyer is bringing up something irrelevant to this case. Also, he is intentionally speculating about the defendant¡¯s personal life,¡± argued Hugh.


    ¡°I will allow it,¡± said the judge, ¡°In my judgment, it seems that the defendant¡¯s condition is indeed related to this lawsuit.¡±


    Viscount North and his lawyer grinned at the judge¡¯s stern voice. Siana, seeing them, clenched her hands together. The trial wasn¡¯t going well today as well. What will we do now?


    As her anxiety rose, the judge spoke.

 Chapter 55

    ¡°Mr. Veridian, please state your defense.¡±


    ¡°Your Honor. It¡¯s correct that Siana Lagarde has divine powers. Also, I am not denying that Lord Lagarde is carrying a curse. But his curse has been there since the beginning, even before he met Siana after the battlefield.¡± Hugh continued calmly. ¡°Lord Legarde kept a low profile as per military regulations to suppress the curse. However, upon hearing that Siana Legarde was in trouble and was forced into marrying the plaintiff, he rushed to the capital.¡±


    ¡°Can you elaborate on how Siana Legrade might have married the plaintiff?¡±


    ¡°Siana Legarde was fully capable of paying off her debt,¡± said Hugh, ¡°In fact she was taking steps to pay her debt when the plaintiff made an unreasonable demand of her. That was why she wrote the letter in the first place.¡±


    The judge nodded. ¡°What exactly was the unreasonable demand?¡±


    ¡°Can this be proven, Mr. Veridian?¡± asked the judge.


    ¡°Yes, Your Honor,¡± said Hugh, ¡°I ask for permission to call Viscount North¡¯s former butler, Anthony, to the stand.¡±


    The middle-aged man, who had made Viscount North very shocked, stood up. Siana now understood why Viscount North had reacted that way. For someone who had worked in the Viscount¡¯s mansion, especially a butler, who would be the person closest to the Viscount in all matters, would know almost everything about the happenings inside the mansion.


    Siana was glad that he was standing against Viscount North, otherwise he wouldn¡¯t have agreed to accompany Alan. That was why Alan called him out secret weapon. It all became clear why Viscount was so nervous and had lashed out when Alan had appeared in the courtroom with the butler.


    ¡°Permission granted,¡± said the judge. Anthony took the stand.


    ¡°Anthony, you previously worked at Viscount North¡¯s mansion, as his butler, did you not?¡± asked Hugh, ¡°How long have you worked there?¡±


    ¡°I worked for Viscount North for two years,¡± said Anthony.


    ¡°Have you known Siana Legarde in the duration that you worked there?¡± asked Hugh.


    ¡°No,¡± said Anthony, ¡°This is my first time seeing her personally.¡±


    ¡°Her maiden name was Siana Anetta,¡± said Hugh, ¡°Does that ring a bell? Have you heard that name before?¡±


    ¡°Yes,¡± said Anthony.


    ¡°Where have you heard that name before?¡± asked Hugh.


    ¡°I heard that name through Viscount North¡¯s mouth every single day before I was fired from the mansion,¡± said Anthony.


    ¡°Can you tell me the reason why Siana Anetta¡¯s name was brought up?¡± asked Hugh.


    ¡°Of course,¡± said Anthony, ¡°Viscount North always talked about marrying Siana Anetta because he wanted a young woman in his later years. The Viscount has been married thrice, but none of them are together with him now. The rumors about him aren¡¯t good.¡±


    ¡°Did he tell you the reason why he wanted Siana Anetta to marry him?¡±


    ¡°He would talk about citing her father¡¯s debt so she would have no way other than to marry him.¡±


    ¡°Do you know for sure if Viscount North has deliberately tried to prevent Siana Legrade from being able to pay her debt?¡±


    ¡°I can say that with absolute certainty,¡± said Anthony, ¡°Because he ordered me to write some notices and have them delivered to shop owners and such with the instruction to turn Siana Anetta away if she visited them to apply for a job. This is one of the many notices that I was ordered to send.¡±


    Anthony pulled out a folded paper from his breast pocket and offered it to Hugh. Hugh took it and handed it to the judge. Viscount North slammed his fist on the table and stood up. ¡°Your Honor,¡± he thundered, ¡°This person is lying! He is framing me because I fired him from his job.¡±


    ¡°Please quiet down,¡± said the judge sternly, ¡°Please refrain from speaking out of turn in the courtroom, this is your warning. If you create any more disturbances, you will be held in contempt of the court.¡±


    ¡°Viscount North, calm yourself,¡± urged Viscount North¡¯s lawyer. Viscount North huffed and sat down. His face was red with anger.


    ¡°Mr. Veridian, please continue,¡± said the judge.


    ¡°Thank you, Your Honor,¡± continued Hugh, ¡°It is evident the the plaintiff ordered the defendant to pay the debt all at once or marry him. He went as far as to prevent her from even searching for a job to pay off her debt.¡±


    The judge rubbed his chin as the courtroom became noisy and was leaning in the favor of Siana and Alan. He let out a grunt and turned to Siana. ¡°There is something I want to ask the defendant, Siana Legarde.¡±


    ¡°Upon checking the date of the letter sent, it came to my attention that it was two days before your marriage to Alan Legarde,¡± said the judge, ¡°Why isn¡¯t Alan Legarde mentioned in the letter?¡±


    Siana glanced at Hugh and Alan before she spoke. She wasn¡¯t sure if she was allowed to say the whole truth. Alan squeezed her hand in comfort. ¡°It¡¯s alright, Sia,¡± he said, ¡°Go on. Tell him.¡±


    Siana was grateful for his support. She looked up at the judge with a determined look on her face. ¡°Your Honor,¡± said Siana, ¡°The reason why Alan Legarde isn¡¯t mentioned in that letter is because I had written it before I met him.¡±


    ¡°How so?¡± asked the judge.


    ¡°I couldn¡¯t cope with the pressure from Viscount North and had no intention of marrying him, so I packed my things to run away from the country and penned that letter to my friend. I was meaning to post it in the evening, but Alan arrived in my old mansion that day and proposed marriage.¡±


    ¡°Your Honor, this random story of hers cannot be¡ª¡±


    ¡°Be quiet,¡± thundered the judge to Viscount North, ¡°Isn¡¯t the defendant speaking? Siana, please continue.¡±


    ¡°Thank you, Your Honor,¡± said Siana and continued, ¡°As it has been already established, Alan and I have been friends since we were kids. Our father were friends, so naturally when Alan came to live with us in his childhood, we became good friends. When he proposed marriage to me on the day that I had made up my plan to run away, I didn¡¯t accept it because we hadn¡¯t been in contact since he went to join the military. Another reason I refused him was because of the debt. I didn¡¯t want to burden him with it.¡±


    The judge along with everyone in the courtroom listened attentively to Siana¡¯s words. ¡°Alan told me to take my time and consider it,¡± she said, ¡°But I couldn¡¯t really change my mind. I didn¡¯t want to burden him. It was my problem not his. So, I stuck to my plan and posted the letter to my friend later that day.¡±


    ¡°I see,¡± said the judge, ¡°However, you didn¡¯t leave on that day and married Alan Legarde. I want to know why you changed your mind.¡±


    ¡°I sent my letter, but I thought it would be rude to leave without saying goodbye to Alan after not being in contact for so long. He had come looking for me, so I didn¡¯t want to disappear on him so suddenly. He had said that he would come back to hear my answer on that day, so I waited for him.¡±


    ¡°So, what you¡¯re saying is you didn¡¯t plan to accept his proposal until the next day when he came looking for you again?¡±


    ¡°Yes, Your Honor,¡± said Siana, ¡°I had a problem fulfilling this debt but as I said, I felt like I would regret marrying him and burdening him. Alan was a very precious friend of mine and I didn¡¯t want to make such a huge decision impulsively.¡±


    Most people in the courtroom nodded. Seeing that the judge was reacting in her favor, Siana continued, calmly. ¡°I was worried if I could ever be a good wife,¡± said Siana, ¡°I was worried that it would destroy our friendship more than anything else.¡± Siana turned to look at Alan. ¡°But after having married him, I realize that I love being with him and that I love him. I am fortunate to call this man sitting next to me my husband.¡±


    Alan¡¯s hand covering hers was shaky and his face wore a surprised look, as though he hadn¡¯t expected her to ever say that.


    Oh, I didn¡¯t intent to confess to him in this way! She regretted saying it out loud in a room full of people. This was the first time she had confessed her feelings, she felt embarrassed. I can¡¯t believe I said it out loud.


    Siana felt herself blush. She reprimanded herself internally for doing such a half-assed job of confessing to him in front of all these people. She felt even more mortified by the silence in the court when she had finished speaking. A clap broke the silence and another followed. The courtroom burst out clapping.


    Siana was shocked at the sudden sound. The judge slammed his gavel down on the table. ¡°Silence, please,¡± he thundered.


    The applause died away and the courtroom once again returned to silence. The judge cleared his throat. ¡°I have heard the defendant¡¯s statement. It was touching, indeed,¡± he said, ¡°But we must proceed with the trial.¡±


    He then faced them all. ¡°I will read the verdict now,¡± said the judge.


    ¡°Your Honor!¡± exclaimed Viscount North, ¡°We still haven¡¯t finished our side of the story!¡±


    ¡°Mr. North,¡± said the judge, ¡°Another word, and you will be thrown out of the court.¡±


    ¡°Mr. North, please calm down,¡± said Viscount North¡¯s lawyer.


    ¡°I shall now decide the verdict,¡± said the judge. Viscount North opened his mouth, but his lawyer stopped him.


    ¡°The plaintiff claimed that the defendant was not capable of paying the debt, so she committed a ¡®purchased marriage¡¯. But it is now evident that Siana Legarde was completely capable of paying her debt if she wasn¡¯t barred from getting a job. Seeing the long-term relationship between the two defendants, it is also evident that their marriage wasn¡¯t just a transaction. The plaintiff¡¯s claim is dismissed.¡± The judge slammed his gavel three times, marking the end of the trial.


    At the sound of the gavel hitting the table a third time, Siana felt so relieved, and her eyes burned with tears. Viscount North and his lawyer left the courtroom accompanied by booing and jeering from the crowd. Alan and Hugh shook hands, smiling. The judge and the jury left the courtroom as well.


    ¡°Sia!¡± Yulia jumped from her chair and hugged Siana. ¡°Congrats! You did it! We did it!¡±


    ¡°Thank you so much for your help, Yulia,¡± said Siana trying to hold back her tears.


    ¡°Oh, I didn¡¯t do much¡­,¡± said Yulia, looking at Siana, ¡°Sia, are you crying?¡±


    Siana sobbed. ¡°I can¡¯t help it. I am so relived.¡±


    Alan and Hugh looked over. Siana was trying her best to wipe away her tears with the back of her hands. ¡°Somehow, these tears keep flowing¡­¡±

 Chapter 56

    Siana wanted to bawl, and the tears kept streaming down her face no matter how hard she tried to stop them. ¡°Sorry,¡± she sniffled, ¡°The tears just¡­¡±


    ¡°Sia.¡±


    Siana gave up trying to wipe the tears away and tried smiling with her hands by her side. Alan took her hands in his and pulled her into an embrace. ¡°Sia, it¡¯s over.¡±


    Leaning onto his chest, she tried to calm herself down. ¡°We won, Sia,¡± said Alan.


    ¡°Yes,¡± she said and hugged him back. ¡°I was so scared,¡± she sobbed, ¡°I thought we would lose and we would have to break up¡­¡±


    ¡°I know,¡± he said.


    ¡°I¡­.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s alright, Sia,¡± said Alan, ¡°Nothing can keep us apart.¡±


    Tears rolled down her face, but she felt a little relaxed as he stroked hear head. A little while later, she looked up at him.


    ¡°Are you okay now?¡± he asked.


    ¡°Yes, better,¡± she said.


    She pulled herself out of his arms. A little bit of powder stained Alan¡¯s black coat where she had cried. Siana, feeling embarrassed, wiped at the stain. But it wouldn¡¯t go away.


    ¡°I am sorry,¡± she said, ¡°It got stained.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t worry,¡± he said, taking her hands in his. ¡°I can just wash it.¡±


    She looked around the courtroom which was almost empty. Even Yulia and Hugh were gone. ¡°Where is Yulia and Hugh?¡± asked Siana.


    ¡°I think they left when you were crying.¡±


    ¡°Really?¡± she said.


    ¡°Yeah. I think they wanted to give us some time alone.¡±


    Siana blushed. She wondered if everyone in the courtroom had seen her cry as they left. She felt embarrassed. Alan took her hand. ¡°Shall we go?¡± he asked. ¡°I think we should head home.¡±


    ¡°Yeah,¡± said Siana as she followed him, hand-in-hand. High and Yulia were waiting for them outside, beside the carriage.


    ¡°Oh, here they are,¡± chirped Yulia, ¡°We were wondering if you would take longer. We were just about to grab some coffee.¡±


    ¡°Are you feeling okay, Lady Legarde?¡± asked Hugh.


    ¡°Yes, I am absolutely alright,¡± said Siana. ¡°Thank you so much for your help, Hugh.¡±


    ¡°My pleasure,¡± said Hugh, ¡°It was my duty and my job. If it weren¡¯t for you both cooperating, it would have been more difficult to win the case. Lord Legarde being able to bring in the viscount¡¯s butler and your statement made all the difference.¡±


    Siana frowned and turned to Alan. ¡°Alan, why didn¡¯t you tell me about it?¡± she asked.


    ¡°About what?¡± said Alan.


    ¡°About Anthony, Viscount North¡¯s previous butler.¡±


    ¡°Oh¡­ right.¡±


    ¡°You should have told me!¡± said Siana, ¡°Do you know how worried I was that you might have been injured? That Viscount North might have done something to you¡­¡±


    ¡°I know,¡± he said, ¡°But I wasn¡¯t sure if I could convince him to come with me or not.¡±


    ¡°You should have still told me!¡±


    ¡°I am sorry,¡± said Alan, ¡°I wasn¡¯t feeling like myself in the morning and everything happened so quickly. It must have slipped my mind.¡±


    Alan looked sincere but Siana¡¯s annoyance was still apparent. She turned to Hugh and scowled. ¡°And you too!¡± she said, ¡°That was really overboard.¡±


    ¡°Sorry,¡± said Hugh.


    ¡°You must have known about this the whole time,¡± said Siana, ¡°You didn¡¯t mention anything even when you saw how worried I was!¡±


    ¡°Oh, hahaha,¡± said Hugh.


    ¡°Stop laughing!¡± Siana snapped.


    ¡°I apologize,¡± said Hugh, ¡°I wasn¡¯t sure if Lord Legarde would manage to bring him in, so I couldn¡¯t tell you.¡±


    ¡°You seemed so nonchalant.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s because Lord Legarde trusted me to¡ª¡±


    ¡°Your explanation changes every time,¡± said Siana, folding her arms, ¡°You said you weren¡¯t sure. Now you say he trusted you to keep quiet.¡±


    ¡°My apologies, Lady Legarde,¡± said Hugh, ¡°I swear on my honor that I wasn¡¯t trying to deceive you.¡±


    ¡°I am sorry too, Sia,¡± said Alan, ¡°It wasn¡¯t our intention at all.¡±


    They apologized so profusely and sincerely that Siana forgave them. Everything had gone well in the end anyway. They had won the trail. That was the most important thing right now.


    * * *


    Riding in the carriage with Yulia, Alan and Hugh, Siana let out a gasp as she looked out of the window.


    ¡°Sia, what¡¯s wrong?¡± asked Alan.


    ¡°Over there, Viscount North and his lawyer,¡± she said gesturing towards the window. Everyone stared outside of the window to get a glimpse of them as the carriage rolled on. Siana had seen Viscount North raging and screaming at his lawyer. The lawyer bowed his head and took what came, with a despondent look on his face.


    Hugh, feeling relieved at that, sighed. ¡°To think I almost was at the brink of that,¡± he said.


    ¡°What do you mean?¡±


    ¡°Just saying that if we had lost the trial today, we would be there, angry and frustrated,¡± he said.


    ¡°And who would be in the place of Lord Viscount,¡± asked Siana, amused.


    ¡°That would be Lord Legarde, of course,¡± said Hugh.


    ¡°Alan?¡± said Siana, ¡°That can¡¯t be. He wouldn¡¯t shout at you like that.¡±


    Siana really couldn¡¯t imagine Alan, red in the face, screaming at Hugh like Viscount North. So, she laughed at the image.


    ¡°You don¡¯t believe me,¡± said Hugh with wry smile, ¡°Lord Legarde can be quite intimidating when he wants to.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t defame Alan!¡± said Siana.


    ¡°I am just telling the truth,¡± said Hugh. ¡°It is because you are in front of him, so he looks mellow.¡±


    Siana scoffed. Hugh chuckled and emphasized to her how intimidating Alan was as a client. The level of thoroughness and toughness he expected.


    Alan chuckled. ¡°Stop, Hugh,¡± he said, ¡°Talking about me right in front of me, eh? Even if you say it a hundred times, Sia won¡¯t believe you.¡±


    Alan leaned towards her and put his head on her shoulder. Siana nodded in agreement. Siana had never heard Alan raise his voice at Hugh. But she remembered how Hugh had paled when a few days before Alan had declared that he could not be trusted.


    ¡°Well, I, for one, believe you, Hugh,¡± said Yulia, sympathizing with Hugh. She looked out the window. ¡°I can already see new leaves sprouting. Won¡¯t be too long before the flowers blossom.¡±


    ¡°That is true.¡±


    ¡°Yeah.¡±


    They nodded in agreement as they looked outside the window as well. The branches were dotted with small green leaves, just sprouting.


    ¡°Can I open the window for a bit?¡± asked Yulia.


    ¡°Of course, go ahead.¡±


    Yulia opened the window to allow a gust of cool wind to waft through it. It seems like just yesterday when we were playing snowball fight, thought Siana recalling the fateful winter day. Siana closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She felt good after a long while. And it was all thanks to so many people who had supported her and Alan.


    * * *


    As soon as they arrived the Legarde¡¯s mansion, Yulia packed her luggage and gathered her horsemen. She began preparing to go back home.


    Before boarding her carriage, she turned to them one last time. ¡°I am leaving now, Sia,¡± she said.


    ¡°Do you really have to leave today?¡± asked Siana. ¡°You could spend the night and leave early tomorrow.¡±


    ¡°I have overstayed my welcome,¡± said Yulia with a smile, ¡°I think it is better if I go back. I have stayed longer than I planned to. My husband will be waiting for me.¡±


    ¡°Still¡­¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s alright, Sia,¡± said Yulia, ¡°Don¡¯t feel disappointed. It¡¯s not like we aren¡¯t going to meet ever again! I will come visit you often, and you can too!¡±


    ¡°Yeah, but¡­¡±


    Siana couldn¡¯t help but feel a loss at seeing her friend leave. Because of the case, she hadn¡¯t really spent quality time with her friend. The anxiety and stress hadn¡¯t let them spend their days comfortably.


    ¡°And Lord Lagarde?¡± said Yulia.


    ¡°Yes, My Lady,¡± said Alan.


    ¡°Please take good care of my Sia,¡± she said.


    ¡°As you wish,¡± said Alan.


    ¡°Yulia!¡± cried Siana in embarrassment.


    Yulia didn¡¯t bat an eye. ¡°The next time I see you, you will be in your wedding dress. Maybe I can take you shopping to choose a dress.¡± she said with a smile.


    ¡°We have already arranged the dress and gifts,¡± said Siana.


    ¡°Oh my!¡± said Yulia, ¡°Then I can see you soon in your wedding day!¡±


    ¡°We will look forward for your visit,¡± said Alan.


    ¡°Thank you, Alan,¡± said Yulia, ¡°You are trustworthy.¡±


    ¡°Farewell, Yulia,¡± said Alan.


    ¡°Have a safe trip,¡± said Siana.


    Yulia smirked at the couple and boarded the carriage.


    ¡°All right, I¡¯m really leaving now. See you next time, Sia.¡±


    ¡°Farewell, Yulia.¡±


    ¡°Have a safe trip.¡±


    Yulia smirked at the couple seeing her off as she boarded her carriage. The carriage drove off leaving only a cloud of dust behind where Yulia had been. Hugh turned to Alan and Siana.


    ¡°I, too, shall get going,¡± he said.


    ¡°Thank you for all your help, Hugh,¡± said Alan gratefully.


    ¡°Yes,¡± said Siana, ¡°Thank you so much for everything you have done.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re welcome,¡± said Hugh, ¡°I will come soon for another visit, Lord Legarde.¡±


    Alan nodded. ¡°We will be expecting you,¡± he said.


    Alan and Hugh shook hands and bit each other farewell. Siana looked at the two men exchanging their farewell. After Hugh left, she turned to Alan. ¡°What¡¯s that about?¡± asked Siana. ¡°He is going to come again?¡±


    ¡°Yes,¡± said Alan.


    ¡°For what?¡± asked Siana.


    ¡°It¡¯s a secret¡­,¡± said Alan with a smirk. Siana scowled at him. ¡°Just kidding,¡± he said hurriedly, ¡°I will tell you. Let¡¯s go inside first?¡±


    Siana nodded. She was too tired because of all that happened today. After being greeted by the Primo and the servants, they made their way upstairs. Alan closed the bedroom door after him.


    ¡°So, tell me now,¡± said Siana.


    ¡°Hm,¡± said Alan, ¡°Can I shower first?¡±


    ¡°I know, I know,¡± said Alan, ¡°But it will take some time to explain everything. I am a bit tired. Can I shower first? Then I will tell you everything. I promise.¡± He shrugged off the coat that had Sian¡¯s powder stain on it.


    ¡°You change into something comfortable too,¡± he said, ¡°It¡¯s been a long day. Relax a bit. We have plenty of time now.¡±


    Siana bit her lower lip anxiously. She felt a little bad for pushing him but perhaps he knew that already. Alan shed his vest off next, looking at her with a smile on his face.

 Chapter 57

    ¡°Or should we wash up together?¡± asked Alan.


    ¡°What!¡± exclaimed Siana, blushing.


    ¡°Why are you so surprised? We¡¯ve done it before,¡± said Alan with a smirk. Siana blushed a deep red. He was right they had washed together before.


    ¡°I know¡­,¡± stammered Siana, ¡°But¡­¡±


    ¡°But what?¡± asked Alan.


    ¡°Are we only going to be bathing?¡± mumbled Siana. She had fallen victim to his deceitful words before. He would say, ¡°You should take a bath, or you will catch a cold¡­¡± and it would lead to other things.


    ¡°What else would be we doing?¡± asked Alan.


    ¡°Don¡¯t act like you don¡¯t know,¡± retorted Siana sharply. This had happened thrice before. She wasn¡¯t going to fall for it this time.


    ¡°Didn¡¯t you say you¡¯re curious about why Hugh is coming back?¡± said Alan, ¡°I will tell you while we wash up together.¡±


    ¡°No thank you,¡± said Siana, ¡°I will wait till you finish.¡±


    ¡°Are you sure?¡± teased Alan, ¡°I might be too tired afterwards and might fall asleep.¡±


    ¡°I am sure you can just talk to me no matter how tired you are,¡± said Siana.


    Alan shrugged his shoulders. You would have finished telling me everything by now, thought Siana, instead of teasing me like this. She sighed. She didn¡¯t want to fall for his tactics, but she was too curious. I am also tired; I am sure I will fall asleep earlier than him. Maybe we can just talk while we shower¡­


    ¡°I will come shower with you,¡± said Siana, ¡°But promise me one thing.¡±


    ¡°What is it?¡± he asked.


    ¡°We will only shower, nothing more,¡± said Siana. ¡°You keep your hands to yourself.¡±


    ¡°Of course!¡± said Alan.


    She was surprised at his earnest reply. She didn¡¯t think he would agree to her like this. But she couldn¡¯t shake the feeling that his smile was shady and suspicious. Siana brushed the thought away from her mind and got ready to go for a wash. She felt wary because Alan was already naked before even entering the bathroom.


    Siana wondered if she should just wait till tomorrow to hear him out. Whenever they had showered together, either she had been angry or aroused. Today, she was clear-headed and tired. She felt a belated regret at having agreed to shower together but Alan, who had already shed his clothes down to his skin, gestured to her.


    ¡°Hurry, Sia,¡± he said, ¡°Take your clothes off and get in.¡±


    ¡°Uh¡­ yeah,¡± mumbled Siana. She forced her gaze away from him and took a deep breath. I am an idiot, a fool! She felt so stupid and flustered. She heaved a sigh and slowly started to undress. She was too shy for these things. She was not as confident as Alan to just shed her clothes and walk in naked, so she wrapped a towel around her.


    ¡°Sia, come over here,¡± said Alan.


    The bathroom was already a blur with the steam. Perhaps the bathtub was already filled with hot water. She hesitated a few seconds before slowly placing one foot in the tub to see the temperature. She felt that the tub was wide enough for one person, but it was a bit cramped for two. She had no choice but to cuddle close to Alan.


    She sat awkwardly for a while before realizing that this wasn¡¯t going to work. She was trying to get out of the tub when Alan wrapped his hands around her waist, pulling her close.


    ¡°Where are you going?¡± he asked, ¡°Am I making you uncomfortable?¡±


    ¡°What?¡± said Siana, ¡°No¡­¡±


    ¡°Then why are you trying to leave?¡± he asked.


    ¡°Just because¡­¡± she trailed off. She knew it was weird for her to act all awkward when they had done this before. Trying to avoid bathing with him so suddenly indeed looked unusual. But what could she say to make it less awkward? He won¡¯t believe me, she thought.


    She searched for something to say but Alan didn¡¯t push her further. He just rubbed a bar of soap between his hands to work up some lather. Siana was relieved. Thank the god,s we will just be bathing.  She exhaled a sigh of relief, but his hands went down her back. She could feel the soap lather on her back.


    ¡°Uh, Alan?¡± he said.


    ¡°Yeah?¡± he said.


    ¡°I thought we promised to only wash?¡± she said, ¡°And that you would keep your hands to yourself?¡±


    ¡°Of course,¡± he said.


    ¡°Then why are you doing whatever you are doing?¡±


    ¡°Well, we never said we couldn¡¯t wash each other,¡± said Alan.


    What?! He is doing this so that he can caress me into a frenzy and make me ask for it. Siana figured out his strategy. She regretted ever agreeing with this. She directed a glare at him. Alan¡¯s hands didn¡¯t stop. It lathered her back, then came up to her waist and went to her chest.


    She thought he would caress her there, but his hands matter-of-factly lathered her chest gently. Siana¡¯s body shivered at his touch. Her lower region throbbed in anticipation. She gasped and exclaimed.


    ¡°I can wash myself!¡± she said.


    ¡°It¡¯s okay, Sia,¡± said Alan, ¡°I can do it for you.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s fine,¡± said Siana pushing him away, ¡°I can do it myself!¡±


    As Siana tried to push his hands away, Alan leaned in close so that his face was very close to her. ¡°Am I not even allowed to wash you, Sia?¡± he said.


    Behind the wet blond hair plastered across his face, his eyes shone. His face looked red from the steam. Even Siana¡¯s face was red with all the heat. As she gazed upon his face, all her resistance disappeared. Suddenly she realized that she couldn¡¯t refuse him any longer. She didn¡¯t want to. She chewed at her bottom lip. Alan¡¯s hands moved on her body. He grazed the side of her chest an =d soon, they were on her chest, making her shiver and tremble.


    As he caressed her skin, Siana gasped. The insides of her thighs throbbed and dripped with liquid. She would have begged him to do it if she could. But she was embarrassed. Besides, she was so tired that she was sure her body wouldn¡¯t be able to exert itself so much.


    Alan became impatient with his caressing. With his chin on her shoulders, he whispered to her. His hot breath on the nape of her neck tickled her. ¡°Sia, let me do it,¡± he said, hoarsely.


    She didn¡¯t need to ask what he meant. She could feel his erect member poking inside her thighs. She felt herself stimulated by that touch. His body against her willed her to spread her legs. She would have done it gladly, but she stopped herself.


    ¡°Ah, um¡­no¡­mm,¡± she mumbled. As his thing rubbed against her butto*ks, it aroused her more and a moan threatened to escape her lips.


    ¡°Sia, why do you resist?¡± he said, ¡°Your body wants me; you¡¯re hot and ready but why do you still hold yourself back?¡±


    ¡°You, ahh¡­¡±


    ¡°Sia, let me do it.¡±


    His voice pleaded with her and his body was taut with the want of her. Siana tried to fight it as she felt the same. But Alan stimulated her so much that she couldn¡¯t refuse him for much longer.


    ¡°Ahhh, you¡¯re, really bad¡­,¡± muttered Siana, ¡°You know I, uhhh, can¡¯t stand it when you touch me like that.¡±


    ¡°If I say I know, will you let me do it?¡± asked Alan softly, nibbling at her earlobe. Siana tilted her head to face him.


    Both gave in to their desires and the sound that filled the bathroom was of water splashing and sweet moans.


    * * *


    It was still daytime after they had done it. Siana enjoyed the warm sun filtering through the window as she stared at Alan with resentment. Her inner thighs were sore, and they throbbed. Some time had passed since they had been intertwined in the bathroom and moved to lay down on their bed, tired.


    Unlike her, Alan looked happy and relaxed. He played with her hair. He is always so chirpy after we do it, thought Siana. She had eventually given in to his pestering, but she couldn¡¯t blame him either as she had begged him for more. Still, it made her very angry.


    If I wasn¡¯t curious about what you said to Hugh, I would have never¡­ oh right! She had completely forgotten to ask him about his conversation with Hugh. She raised her head from the bed. She had to ask him about it now,


    ¡°Alan?¡± she said.


    ¡°Hm,¡± he responded and turned to her.


    ¡°So, what did you talk about with Hugh earlier?¡± she asked, ¡°Why will he come to visit us again?¡±


    ¡°Oh, that?¡± he said, ¡°I am thinking of suing Viscount North.¡±


    ¡°You are going to sue him?¡± asked Siana, surprised.  ¡°But why?¡±


    ¡°He put a lot of strain on us, especially you,¡± said Alan, ¡°He should get a taste of his own medicine.¡±


    Siana nodded. ¡°But what will you sue him for?¡±


    ¡°Oh, there are so many reasons,¡± said Alan, ¡°To name a few, he defamed our marriage with his outrageous accusation. That is a violation of our privacy. Also, for mental stress that he put you through before and after marriage. I will make it so that he can never show his face around here ever again.¡±


    Siana didn¡¯t know what to think about it. For whatever Viscount North has done, it will serve him right to put him through this. Siana resolved that she didn¡¯t need to feel pity for such a vile man. Siana nodded at Alan. But she was curious about something.


    ¡°There is something I am curious about,¡± she said. ¡°The man who took a stand for us earlier. Anthony was his name, right?¡±


    Alan nodded. ¡°Viscount North¡¯s former butler,¡± he said.


    ¡°How were you able to convince him to be a witness?¡± asked Siana.


    ¡°What do you mean?¡± he asked.


    ¡°I mean he was Viscount North¡¯s butler,¡± she said, ¡°Why did he suddenly decide to help us?¡±


    ¡°You know he was fired by Viscount North, right?¡± said Alan.


    Siana nodded. She remembered how Viscount North had shouted when he saw Anthony in the courtroom.

 Chapter 58

    Chapter 58


    ¡°What do you think matters most to a person who has just been fired?¡± asked Alan.


    ¡°Finding another job?¡± said Siana.


    ¡°Exactly,¡± said Alan.


    ¡°You offered him a job?¡± asked Alan.


    ¡°Yeah,¡± he said, ¡°I offered him a job as a butler at another villa I was given. Not here, obviously.¡±


    ¡°I see,¡± said Siana, ¡°Why was he fired in the first place? Seeing a butler being fired is such a rare occurrence.¡±


    ¡°Anthony went around saying that the viscount was after you,¡± said Alan, ¡°That was why he was fired.¡±


    ¡°Is it a good idea to hire a butler like him?¡± asked Siana. She knew that Anthony had helped them, and she was grateful for it but for a butler, his words and his loyalty was of the utmost importance. A butler always had to be careful of his words because he would have sensitive information about the household, he worked in. Siana could not hide her displeasure at Anthony.


    ¡°That¡¯s why I put him in the villa,¡± said Alan, ¡°Even if he runs his mouth there, it won¡¯t do anyone any harm. Besides, he saved us at court. And he has helped me before.¡±


    ¡°Anthony? How did he help you before?¡± asked Siana, confused.


    ¡°Do you remember when I first came to propose to you?¡±


    ¡°I can never forget that.¡±


    ¡°Well,¡± said Alan, ¡°I had planned to go to the capital a few weeks later. There were rules regarding my curse, so I had to follow the protocols. But I wanted to know where you were, so I sent a subordinate out, in my place.¡±


    ¡°Then you met Anthony?¡± asked Siana.


    ¡°Not that we met, really,¡± said Alan, ¡°I dropped by a bar and overheard someone say that a man was going around telling people that Viscount North was after you for his new marriage. That was how I found out about him.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t tell me¡­ you came ahead of time just because of that,¡± said Siana. ¡°To propose to me.¡±


    ¡°It is true,¡± said Alan, ¡°I didn¡¯t know if you had married someone already, someone better than me until then. But I thought you might get married to that vile viscount because you had no choice.¡±


    Siana opened her mouth and closed it again. She was at a loss for words. She looked at Alan instead.


    ¡°I was really frantic and afraid that I might lose you to someone like him,¡± said Alan, ¡°I didn¡¯t want you to be in his hands.¡± Alan¡¯s voice faltered.


    Siana could feel the emotions in his words as he spoke, fear, horror, anger and other emotions enveloped in his words. She remembered him being so distressed when he came to meet her. He had seemed frantic. It was because of me¡­


    An indescribable emotion rose in her. She bit her lower lip. ¡°but everything is okay now,¡± said Alan, ¡°Everything is alright, and you are here, by my side. So, I feel spectacular.¡±


    ¡°What if I am not okay with it?¡± asked Siana.


    ¡°Sia¡­¡±


    ¡°You may be fine with everything,¡± said Siana, ¡°But I am not.¡±


    Alan was befuddled by her reaction. He looked into her eyes. Siana had no intention of quieting down so she continued to speak, ¡°I have said this countless times before. Don¡¯t try to do everything on your own. If ever something like this happens, you tell me honestly.  Just as I seek your help every time, I have a problem, you must rely on me when you need to, as well.¡±


    ¡°I already did that last time¡­¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s not what I am talking about!¡± barked Siana, angrily. She pushed his hands away that was trying to hold her close.


    At her rejection, Alan dropped his hands and looked down. Siana winced. ¡°Now that you brought it up, I have something to say,¡± said Alan, ¡°Can I ask you to do it?¡±


    ¡°What is it?¡± she asked.


    ¡°Promise me first that you will agree,¡± he said.


    ¡°promise you without even knowing what it is?¡± said Siana.


    ¡°Yeah,¡± said Alan, ¡°And if you don¡¯t listen to me, you have to do whatever I tell you to do.¡±


    ¡°That means I have to agree with it regardless of my promise to you,¡± said Siana.


    Alan looked frustrated that Siana was making sense. ¡°You think I am some idiot?¡± he asked.


    She was speechless at his retort. He was always doing this, spinning his words around to confuse her like the first night they had shared together.


    ¡°Just say it,¡± said Siana, ¡°Then I will think about whether or not I agree to it.¡±


    ¡°Can¡¯t you just agree?¡± asked Alan, ¡°Have I ever done anything to harm you or put you in an uncomfortable position?¡±


    Siana suddenly thought about herself naked in bed with him. She was absolutely sure that Alan wouldn¡¯t do anything to harm her ever, but she was worried he would come up with some condition to sleep with her again. She felt uncomfortable but she looked over at him and noticed his seriousness. He wouldn¡¯t ask her something so absurd with such a serious look on his face, she thought.


    ¡°Alright,¡± said Siana, ¡°I promise. So, what is it?¡±


    ¡°Nothing special,¡± said Alan, ¡°I just want to hear you say something for me¡±


    ¡°Oh, what is it?¡± she asked.


    ¡°What you said earlier in the courtroom today,¡± he said, ¡°I want to hear it again.¡±


    ¡°What¡­,¡± She wondered what se had said and then remembered her confession in the courtroom.


    ¡°You want me to say it right now?¡± asked Siana, ¡°Again?¡±


    ¡°Yeah,¡± said Alan, smiling.


    ¡°But¡­¡±


    ¡°Just once, Sia,¡± said Alan, ¡°Please say it like you did that time.¡±


    ¡°Wait¡­ that time I¡­¡±


    ¡°You didn¡¯t want to?¡± he asked.


    His face had a questioning look on it. Siana didn¡¯t want to disappoint him. ¡°I meant what I said,¡± she said.


    ¡°Then say it again,¡± he said.


    ¡°Okay, okay,¡± she said, ¡°I will say it.¡±


    Alan¡¯s face lit up and he grinned. Well, in any case, I was going to confess to him, thought Siana, doesn¡¯t matter if I do it now or later.


    She looked at him. Her lips trembled as they didn¡¯t open. But she realized that if she didn¡¯t say it now, she would regret it for the rest of her life. She heaved a long sigh and opened her mouth to utter the words. The words had been in her mind for the billionth time, but it still felt awkward to utter them aloud.


    ¡°I love you,¡± she said it softly. She wasn¡¯t sure if he had heard her, so she said it one more time. ¡°Alan, I love you.¡±


    ¡°Yeah,¡± said Alan.


    That jolted Siana back to the present. Yeah?! He was just going to say ¡®yeah¡¯? Really?  She felt embarrassed. She had expected him to say it back too but the fact that he didn¡¯t, felt like a disappointing shock.


    Siana didn¡¯t say anything. She was trying to understand what happened, but he didn¡¯t respond after that. His silence troubled her. She looked over at him and he burst out laughing in the end.


    His laughter had no end. It gradually got louder. Siana, who had no idea why he was acting this way, stared at him. She frowned as she realized why he was acting this way. She couldn¡¯t understand what was funny. Alan had always teased her, but never in a serious situation like this.


    Siana glared at him. Alan stopped laughing and finally realized the seriousness of the situation. ¡°I am sorry,¡± he said, ¡°Are you mad at me?¡±


    ¡°Of course, I am mad at you!¡± shot Siana, ¡°Do I look like a clown to you? It took me a lot of courage to say that you are just laughing at it.¡±


    She got even angrier after saying it and fidgeted with her hands. Alan apologized again. ¡°I am sorry Sia,¡± he said, ¡°Every time I ever confessed to you, you wouldn¡¯t answer me. So, I would get really upset later.¡±


    Siana gritted her teeth. He had said that he loved her so many times, but his confession had always been greeted with silence from her side. She had worried about it, she had felt guilty about it. But she had never laughed at him.


    ¡°But how could you laugh at me like that?¡± she asked.


    ¡°I wasn¡¯t laughing at you precisely,¡± he said, ¡°I apologize.


    Siana sighed and let it go. If I wasn¡¯t feeling guilty, I would never have forgiven you, Siana said inwardly. Siana could have held onto this and made him suffer for it but she would be the one feeling guilty, so she let it go.


    ¡°I will let you go off easy just this once,¡± said Siana, ¡°Next time, I won¡¯t. I am serious!¡±


    ¡°Alright,¡± he said with a smile, ¡°Thank you, Sia.¡±


    ¡°Whatever,¡± she said, ¡°Just answer me.¡±


    ¡°Answer you?¡± asked Alan.


    ¡°I just said I love you,¡± said Siana, ¡°What¡¯s your answer to that?¡± Siana asked, raising her index finger at him. At that, Alan lowered his head and placed a kiss on her lips. The feel of his lips on hers made her widen her eyes.


    ¡°Wh-what¡­¡±


    ¡°Did you ask for a kiss?¡±


    ¡°I did not!¡±


    ¡°Really? I thought you did since you waved your finger in my face.¡±


    The moment she opened her mouth to reprimand him for it, he took her face in his hands. ¡°I love you, Sia,¡± he said. Siana forgot whatever she had wanted to say and gazed up at him. He always pretended to not know what she was talking about, but this time, she wasn¡¯t annoyed or angry.


    ¡°I love you, too,¡± she whispered back, looking into his eyes.


    Alan smiled warmly and lowered his head for another kiss. This time, Siana did not push him away. She wrapped her arms around his neck and met his lips. It was a kiss full of passion, warmth and sweetness like the spring sun shining upon them.

 Chapter 59.1

    Epilogue, Part 1


    As the weather got warmer, the budding flowers sprouted. The fresh green leaves and soft spring breeze made her smile and forget all her worries. She was happy that the weather was nice, but she was ecstatic for another reason too. Today was her special day. She had a smile on her face all day.


    This was the day of her wedding.


    ¡°You feel that good?¡± asked Yulia, who was also smiling.


    ¡°Yeah. I feel great,¡± said Siana.


    The translucent veil which had been laced on Siana¡¯s head gently fluttered in the wind.


    Yulia asked her, who couldn¡¯t stop smiling.


    Siana nodded fervently at her question. The translucent white veil, which had been put on her head a few minutes ago, gently fluttered. ¡°The very first letter I sent you on my wedding,¡± said Yulia, ¡°You were indifferent.¡±


    ¡°Well, yes, at that time, I was,¡± said Siana, ¡°But, you were so nervous about getting married.¡±


    ¡°Well, I was tired when preparing for it,¡± said Yulia, ¡°But now that we are here, I am so excited for you.¡±


    Siana blushed. ¡°Do you remember when I asked you to catch my bouquet?¡±


    ¡°I remember a little but not so much,¡± said Siana.


    ¡°You said you didn¡¯t want it because you never wanted to get married,¡± said Yulia, chuckling.


    ¡°Oh, I remember now,¡± said Siana.


    ¡°I thought you will be alone forever, but seeing you now, I feel so happy for you,¡± said Yulia, ¡°Life can be so unpredictable.¡±


    ¡°That is true,¡± said Siana trying to avoid Yulia¡¯s gaze. She felt ashamed of hearing those words thrown back at her.


    ¡°Anyway, I am so glad you are happy,¡± said Yulia, ¡®Your dress and bouquet are so bright and pretty!¡±


    ¡°I chose these with Alan,¡± said Siana.


    ¡°I knew it even before you told me,¡± said Yulia, ¡°There is no way Alan wouldn¡¯t have accompanied you. He is totally moon-eyed over you.¡±


    Siana smiled as she admired her dress in the mirror and the bouquet in her hands. When she touched the dress with the gloves on her hands, they felt so soft and fluffy. Everything felt nice and pretty.


    ¡°I envy you. My husband didn¡¯t follow me, so my mother and sister-in-law helped me choose my dress,¡± said Yulia.


    ¡°What? He didn¡¯t follow you?¡± asked Siana.


    ¡°It was the harvest season of all time,¡± said Yulia, ¡°So, he was very busy with everything.¡±


    ¡°So, he¡¯s not here with you today either?¡± asked Siana, staring at the back of Yulia¡¯s head.


    Yulia had always arrived at the capital alone. Maybe because Siana had never seen Yulia with her husband before, she almost she had one.


    ¡°Oh, we did come together,¡± said Yulia, ¡°We had to come together no matter what because it¡¯s the wedding of my closest friend. I just told him I had to come and see if you were prepared. My husband¡¯s probably at the front door.¡± Yulia looked at her. ¡°Seems like you haven¡¯t seen my husband in a long time.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re right,¡± said Siana, ¡°I saw him just once during your wedding and haven¡¯t seen him since then.¡± Siana racked her brain to recall what he looked like. I remember him leaving quite a good impression, thought Siana.


    She tried very hard to remember Yulia¡¯s wedding. She wrinkled her brow in effort. Yulia poked her on her arm.


    ¡°Anyway, tell me the aftermath of the Viscount North situation,¡± said Yulia.


    ¡°Which one?¡± asked Siana with a sigh.


    ¡°About how Alan sued him,¡± said Yulia, ¡°I asked you in the letter, but you said it was too long to write about. You promised me you would tell me everything when we met. So, tell me.¡±


    ¡°Ah, right,¡± said Siana, ¡°So Alan sued him for defamation. Viscount North hired a lawyer to fight his case, but Alan and Hugh were so eloquent with their evidences that he lost the case. He had to pay a hefty fine.¡±


    ¡°So, he paid a fine and now is free?¡± asked Yulia.


    ¡°Well¡­,¡± said Siana, ¡°There is more.¡±


    Siana continued to tell the over-excited Yulia about everything that happened after that. She told her of the interrogation of Viscount North where it was found out that he had been evading his taxes and how he had earned money through fraudulent solicitation. She told her of all other illegal activities that Viscount North had indulged in. In the end, he paid a much larger fine to Alan than the last one and had been thrown into prison for three years.


    ¡°From what Alan said,¡± continued Siana, ¡°Viscount North can never recover from this.¡±


    ¡°Really?!¡± said Yulia with a huge smile.


    ¡°What? Why are you smiling?¡±


    ¡°No, just thinking. Don¡¯t worry about it.¡±


    Siana always worried when she was told not to worry. Feeling like there was something else in Yulia¡¯s mind, Siana was about to coax her to reveal it but Yulia interrupted her thoughts.


    ¡°Serves him right,¡± said Yulia, ¡°Three years in prison will hopefully humble him. He won¡¯t be able to show his face anywhere near you again.¡±


    Siana nodded at her words. She forgot she had meant to ask her something. They talked for a long time about random things when the maid arrived to let them know that it was almost time for the wedding.


    Yulia took her leave. She told Siana that she will be in the waiting room. Siana had been fine until Yulia had been with her. But now, she suddenly felt nervous about the whole thing. She knew the wedding process and the ceremony; it wasn¡¯t very complicated but she still felt jittery. She stood up from her seat and the maid pulled the veil over her face.


    The sunlight hit her warmly as soon as she stepped into the wedding hall. From under her veil, she could see many familiar faces. There was only one face she wanted to see right now, who was standing in front of the priest. Someone with dazzling blond hair and a beaming smile.


    ¡°Sia,¡± said Alan as he offered her his hand. She took it without hesitation.


    Siana and Alan stood in front of the priest, hand in hand. Once, this was never what they had imagined. The familiar wedding choirs was heard in the room.


    The priest, whom Siana had never seen before, seemed to know about Alan from his time on the battlefield.


    The wedding hall was filled with commanders and soldiers who were either indebted to Alan or had formed an unforgettable bond with him from his time in the military. Servants from their estate were also present along with those from Yulia¡¯s and Hugh¡¯s household.


    The priest cleared his throat and began the sermon. Siana kept her eyes on Alan, through the veil. They faced each other. Siana recalled her journey with Alan till now: Alan¡¯s proposal, her time with him, Viscount North¡¯s accusations, and the trial. They had been through a lot together.


    Now that everything had been resolved, these will be her memory, to look back on comfortably. But at that time, it had been difficult situations. We fought through it all, thought Siana, gratefully.


    Alan¡¯s curse hadn¡¯t resurfaced since the first time. She would make sure it stayed that way, since they were going to be together forever.  She glanced at Alan one last time before focusing on the sermons. Words continued to bless them as bride and groom for the future to come.


    Even if they were married legally long before this and had used words like ¡®husband¡¯ and ¡®wife¡¯, everything felt a little strange and more important today. Now I understand why people put so much importance to the ceremonies.


    Before so many people, Siana and Alan felt like they were only now publicly and officially being recognized as ¡®couple¡¯. With a gesture from the priest, they exchanged the rings and put it on each other¡¯s fingers. The birthstone on the rings gleamed.


    ¡°Now, you may kiss the bride,¡± said the priest.


    Alan lifted up her veil and took her face in his hands. As Siana closed her eyes, Alan¡¯s lips dropped on hers. ¡°I now pronounce you husband and wife,¡± said the priest.


    A roar of cheers resounded from the hall as the crowd erupted in happiness. Among the applause and cheers stood Siana and Alan, holding hands and beaming.


    * * *


    The reception was held after the wedding. Siana and Alan had both changed into comfortable clothes to welcome their guests and exchange greetings and gifts. The first ones they met were the priest and Alan¡¯s chief.


    ¡°Thank you for coming.¡±


    ¡°Oh, Alan. I am so happy for you,¡± said the chief, ¡°I was shocked when your wife contacted me. Have you finished everything you needed to do?¡±


    ¡°Yes, sir,¡± said Alan, ¡°Everything is in order. Thank you again for coming.¡±


    ¡°Think nothing of it! It¡¯s not like I did anything.¡±


    ¡°Alan is not the type to ask for help,¡± said someone.


    ¡°That is true,¡± said yet another guest.


    Siana stood a little at the side, listening to their conversation, but not really understanding what they were talking about. She was just starting to space out when Alan pulled her to him by her shoulder.


    ¡°This is Siana, my wife,¡± he said.


    ¡°Well, hello, Siana Lagarde.¡±


    ¡°Oh! Mrs. Lagarde! Yeah, I saw you during the sermon earlier. You truly are very beautiful. Sorry for my rudeness. I am Carmine Brilliant.¡±


    ¡°And I am Rip Greene.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ve heard so much about you two from Alan. He said you helped him so much on the battlefield.¡±


    ¡°We were blessed to have him with us,¡± said Carmine, smiling pleasantly at her.


    Carmine and Rip congratulated them both on the wedding. They finally left and the soldiers behind them came forward to congratulate and wish them well.


    The next guests who Alan and Siana approached were Yulia and her husband. The two were at a table, leisurely drinking wine. They stood up as soon as they saw Alan and Siana approach.


    ¡°Hello Lord Lagarde. Ah, long time no see, Mrs. Lagarde. I am Ashley Linen. Congratulations on your marriage.¡±


    ¡°Congrats!¡± said Yulia.


    ¡°Thank you,¡± said Alan, shaking Asley¡¯s hand.


    Siana studied the man whom she had only seen at a long time ago when Yulia was getting married. Ashley turned to Siana after shaking Alan¡¯s hand.


    ¡°I have wanted to thank you for a while now,¡± he said.


    ¡°Thank me? Whatever for?¡± asked Siana.


    Ashley smiled. ¡°After marriage, I felt Yulia missed her home and her friends. I knew she was feeling a little blue,¡± he said, ¡°I was worried about her, but she has been happier recently. I think it is all thanks to you. Thank you for being such a good friend to my wife.¡±


    ¡°What are you even talking about?¡± asked Yulia, ¡°When was I ever feeling blue?¡±


    ¡°Oh, come now,¡± said Ashley, ¡°You looked so grim and sad all the time in our estate. But you were always happy when you came back from the capital. So, I thought¡­¡±


    ¡°Well, it was because I saw my friend after a very long time!¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s what I just said.¡±


    ¡°Ugh, you really¡­,¡± said Yulia and slapped him playfully on his shoulder. He laughed at her reaction.


    It was unfamiliar for Siana to see Yulia like this, flustered and blushing. The Yulia she had come to know for years was always so spontaneous and unapologetic. It was rare to see her flustered with anyone. Alan and Siana smiled at them being playful.


    * * *


    The reception ended in the afternoon and all the guests slowly returned to their own estate. Except the Legarde¡¯s servants and the soldiers, the banquet hall was almost empty.


    Siana and Alan finally relaxed. They had been moving around and talking to their guests all day. The felt tired being on their feet for the whole day. Siana, seated at an empty table, muttered. ¡°It¡¯s finally over¡­¡±


    ¡°You did great, Sia,¡± said Alan.


    ¡°You too!¡± said Siana, ¡°Who knew weddings could be this tiring?¡±


    Alan laughed at her reply. ¡°It was so tiring even though it was a small wedding with people that we knew,¡± said Alan, ¡°It would have been exhausting if we had thrown a big wedding, right?¡¯


    ¡°Exactly,¡± said Siana, ¡°I don¡¯t even want to imagine. Thank god we didn¡¯t.¡±


    Siana stood up with a groan. The more she moved, the more tired she felt.


    ¡°Are you going inside?¡± asked Alan.


    ¡°Yes,¡± said Siana, stretching, ¡°I want to bathe and then sleep. I feel so tired.¡±


    ¡°Wait,¡± he said. He took her hand and pulled her to him. Siana looked at him, curious.


    ¡°Why?¡± she asked.


    ¡°Are you very tired?¡± he asked.


    ¡°Um¡­.¡± Siana wasn¡¯t to say yes but she thought something was on his mind.  Why would he ask that? She had already told him she was practically dying. What reason could there be? Don¡¯t tell me he wants to make love¡­

 Chapter 59.2

    Epilogue, Part 2


    Her imagination went wild as she pictured them together in bed in broad daylight. It was their wedding day after all. This should have been their first night, technically.


    ¡°If you¡¯re very tired, it¡¯s fine,¡± he said.


    ¡°No, no!¡± said Siana, ¡°Just tell me. What is it?¡±


    Siana lied. She was tired but she didn¡¯t want him to feel disappointed. Alan beamed a smile at her.


    Siana felt her heart flutter in her chest. But Alan surprised her with unexpected words. ¡°Then, do you want to come with me for a bit?¡± he asked.


    ¡°Oh? We are going somewhere?¡± asked Siana, ¡°Where?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s a secret,¡± said Alan with a sly smile, ¡°But you will know soon enough.¡± Leading her by her hand, Alan told his horseman to prepare a carriage. She was so embarrassed of her own thoughts that she had mustered when Alan¡¯s intentions were completely different.


    She blushed. But soon got curious to know where Alan was taking her. She looked at his face, but it gave nothing away. He is good at not showing it.


    She wasn¡¯t as lucky. She felt so embarrassed at thinking about something like that, that her face was a deep shade of red because of shame. But where are we going? Siana wondered.


    Siana raised her hands to her face to cool down her burning cheeks and tried to guess where they were headed. Maybe to the gravesite to visit our parents? She knew that was the most likely trip they would take. A wedding ceremony was an important event, and it would be good to take their parent¡¯s blessing.


    As the horseman brought the carriage, she boarded it without hesitation. She sat obediently because she was sure they were heading to the gravesite. Still feeling embarrassed, she looked out of the window. A familiar landscape greeted her. This path¡­ this isn¡¯t the way to the gravesite. This is the way to my father¡¯s old mansion!


    She double checked to be sure. There was no doubt that they were heading to Siana¡¯s old home. She couldn¡¯t believe it. Alan wanted to go to her old house right after the wedding? But she had already sold that mansion a long time ago!


    Of all the places, why there? Siana thought. Thinking of her old home made her feel sad. Maybe this is the way to somewhere else. Maybe we are going someplace else, but it is in the same direction as my old home!


    It was certain that this path wasn¡¯t the way to the cemetery. The carriage wheels stopped after a while. Siana looked out to see her old house right in front of her. Why are we here? Siana wondered. Why would he bring me here?


    Alan looked over at Siana. ¡°Let¡¯s step out, Sia,¡± he said.


    ¡°Okay,¡± said Siana and followed him out. She saw the mansion right before her which sent a pang through her heart. She had withheld her tongue in the carriage because she didn¡¯t want to say something harsh on their wedding day.  But this didn¡¯t feel right.


    ¡°Alan,¡± she said, ¡°Why are we here?¡¯


    ¡®Because it is the Anetta family mansion.¡±


    ¡°That was before¡­,¡± said Siana, her voice faltering, ¡°Before I sold it. Now someone else owns it.¡± Siana felt her throat tighten. This was the place she had been born in. Her entire life had been spent here.


    This had been her home. Only she knew how hurt she had felt when she had decided to sell it. She had seen no way out of her predicament except to sell her home that she had loved. All her memories were in this mansion. It even hurt to admit that someone else now owned this place which once was her home.


    ¡°Not anymore, Sia,¡± said Alan.


    ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°I bought the mansion,¡± said Alan.


    Siana¡¯s mind went blank. She couldn¡¯t make sense of what he had just said. ¡°What?¡± she stammered, ¡°You bought this mansion?¡±


    ¡°Yes, Sian,¡± said Alan.


    ¡°The new owner just happened to sell it to you?¡¯ asked Siana.


    The person who had bought the mansion from Siana had wanted and loved it so much that he had even paid more than the price Siana had initially set. He had seemed ecstatic when the mansion had been transferred to his name. How did he sell it so easily?


    She had never imagined it possible. Even more shocking was the fact that Alan had bought it from the new owner. Perhaps Alan saw Siana struggling. He tried explaining first.


    ¡°He wasn¡¯t willing to sell it to me at first,¡± said Alan, ¡°But I begged him, and he relented.¡±


    Siana was curious what Alan had said to change the man¡¯s mind. However, it seemed her lips were clamped shut. She couldn¡¯t bring herself to utter anything.


    ¡°Are you curious what I said to him that made him sell it to me?¡± asked Alan.


    ¡°Yes,¡± said Siana, finally, ¡°Will you tell me?¡±


    ¡°Of course,¡± said Alan. ¡°I told him that someone I loved dearly had so many memories in this home.¡±


    Siana was speechless. ¡°You grew up here,¡± said Alan, ¡°You have so many memories here with your father. I have memories that I can never forget in this home right here.¡±


    Alan¡¯s words made her sentimental. ¡°But why,¡± she said, ¡°Why did you have to go this far? No matter how many memories I have, I sold the mansion. The upkeep of the mansion will cost you a fortune¡­¡±


    Before she could even finish her sentence, Alan pulled her to him. He took her hand and placed it on his cheek. ¡°You are precious to me, and I want to give you everything that I can.¡±


    Alan said, smiling warmly. His cheeks touched the palm of her hand, his hand pressed the back of her hand, and Siana¡¯s heart pounded harder than ever at his bright smile.


    Is this what they mean by happy tears? Siana wondered. She clenched her jaw and tried to stop the tears welling up in her eyes. She tried to hold them back because she didn¡¯t want to cry today. But she failed. The tears spilled out of her eyes and streamed down her cheeks.


    She pulled Alan to her with her other hand and embraced him. She felt Alan flinch. It had surprised him. She didn¡¯t lift up her head to look at him. How did he do this? Why did he do this? This was so irrational, but she was so thankful for him.


    ¡°Thank you,¡± she said, hugging him. ¡°Thank you so much, Alan.¡±


    Alan wrapped his arms around her and pulled her closer, comforting her. After a while like this, Siana calmed down and looked at him. Her eyes were wet with tears. ¡°I wasn¡¯t planning on crying,¡± she said, ¡°At least not today.¡±


    ¡°Neither did I,¡± said Alan with a warm smile, ¡°I guess things happen.¡±


    Siana wiped her tears away with the back of her hand. ¡°I don¡¯t normally cry like this¡­ this is your fault.¡±


    ¡°I know,¡± said Alan, smiling. He stroked her back to soothe her.


    She smiled at him gratefully and leaned on him. ¡°So, this place is officially yours now?¡± she asked.


    ¡°Well¡­,¡± he said, ¡°Not really. It¡¯s yours.¡±


    ¡°How?¡± she said, ¡°You are the one who bought it.¡±


    ¡°I told you it¡¯s a gift,¡± he said, ¡°It¡¯s yours.¡±


    ¡°But¡­¡±


    ¡°It has already been transferred to your name,¡± said Alan with a smile.


    My goodness! Siana was shocked at this. Siana was aware of Alan¡¯s irrationality when it came to her. But this was reaching new heights.


    ¡°Even though you say it¡¯s a gift, how can I just accept something like this?¡± asked Siana.


    ¡°Then should I call it bribery?¡± said Alan.


    ¡°Bribery for what?¡±


    Alan smirked. ¡°Think of it as a bribe. I am bribing you to stay by me forever.¡±


    Siana laughed. However, it was also true that the burden that had weighed on Alan¡¯s words had completely disappeared.


    ¡°Then shall we enter the mansion?¡± said Alan, ¡°You¡¯re being bribed, so shouldn¡¯t you take a look to make sure you are being bribed properly?¡±


    ¡°Yes,¡± said Siana, chuckling. Siana relaxed and took Alan¡¯s hands. On the sunny spring day, their face emanating happiness, they entered the house together.


    * * *


    Yulia frowned as the carriage rattled violently. She felt dizzy and nauseous. If it rattled once more, she might just barf. This is why I don¡¯t like carriages, seethed Yulia, lamenting on her motion sickness.


    It was, by far, much better than riding a horse but she still hated it. Anyway, is it good that Siana will soon move down to the Legarde estate? The city had been closer and still Yulia had suffered so much travelling back and forth between Linen estate and capital to meet Siana. She hadn¡¯t told her friend, but it had been painful. She had taken it as her duty to her friend.


    Yulia pulled the letter with Alan¡¯s stamp from her pocket. The letters she had received had always been from Siana but this time, Alan had sent one. Never ever in my life did I expect to receive such a letter. He¡¯s even asking me for help¡­


    Yulia scanned the read the letter again which was written in a very casual tone. It hadn¡¯t even been a month since their wedding ceremony. They had just recently moved to their new estate. This was some shocking news. She was pregnant!


    Oh, how surprised she was to hear this news for the first time! Siana had just gotten married, and she wasn¡¯t in a hurry to have children. Yulia had thought vaguely that she might eventually have some, but this was rather unexpected! She was very confused, but it was her friend¡¯s first pregnancy and she wanted to be by her side.


    Yulia had since then travelled to their estate several times to check on Siana because she couldn¡¯t very well ask her to come to her estate in this condition. Every time she visited Siana, she could see that Alan took care of Siana so much so that sometimes he seemed very fussy about everything.


    It¡¯s her first pregnancy so he must me worried¡­ But still Alan wouldn¡¯t even let Siana lift a finger. Yulia could sympathize with Siana. She still recalled Siana¡¯s face when she helpless said, ¨ª can do this by myself Alan!¡±


    The most curious thing was the nausea. It was obvious that Siana would suffer from nausea. It happened to all pregnant women. But at some point, Alan started suffering too. When they had dinner once, Alan had covered his mouth and ran out. Yulia had thought he must be having trouble with his stomach.


    But she began to grow suspicious when Siana said, ¡°Again?¡±


    When Yulia has asked her friend if the curse was resurfacing, Siana had replied in the affirmative rather nonchalantly. Yulia had been so surprised when Siana had said, ¡°Instead of me, he is the one who suffers from nausea these days.¡±


    Yulia had been so shocked. How could a man suffer from something that his pregnant wife was supposed to? She had, of course, heard about something like this happening but she had dismissed it as nonsense. But seeing it happen in front of her own eyes, she was so shocked!


    Now, after nine months, so many things had come to pass since she had heard about Siana¡¯s pregnancy and Yulia received Alan¡¯s letter requesting her to visit them again. From the looks of the letter, Alan was worried out of his mind regarding Siana¡¯s childbirth. It was obvious that he would have kept this secret from Siana. Yulia knew this because he had also mentioned that Siana had outright refused him when he asked her if he could write to her. So, he had written and sent the letter in secret.

 Chapter 59.3

    Epilogue, Part 3


    Of course, going back and forth in a carriage is exhausting. But there is nothing I wouldn¡¯t do for the sake of our friendship, thought Yulia. She sometimes felt this, but Siana used to blame her for not feeling guilty for some other things. It would probably be the same this time, too.


    However, Alan seemed to have decided that it would be better for her to come. So that¡¯s why he contacted me. The more I know it, the more I feel it, but it¡¯s intense. They say they¡¯ve been friends since childhood, but they are more like strangers. Just enough to become familiar with each other¡¯s faces.


    But this sort of favor isn¡¯t easy to ask. All Yulia could think of was how huge it was for Alan to have asked something like this.


    Now I know why the girl who said she would never get married suddenly got married.


    Yulia thought it wasn¡¯t just because of his handsome face. Yulia, who was struggling to hold on to the letter, felt that her motion sickness had gotten worse after opening it. Unable to endure anymore, she eventually opened the window facing the horseman¡¯s back and yelled at him to pull over for a moment.


    * * *


    When Yulia arrived at the mansion on the Lagarde estate, her face was pale, and she felt weak. The motion sickness had been so bad. She had overdone herself this time. Her physical condition wasn¡¯t good.


    Yulia exited the carriage and she tried to catch her breath, and Alan, who had been waiting, came out to greet her. ¡°Welcome, Yulia. Thank you for accepting my request.¡±


    ¡°She is my friend, so I had no other choice¡­ Thank you for inviting me, Alan.¡±


    ¡°First, let¡¯s get you inside so you can rest a bit. Sia just laid down for a nap.¡±


    ¡°Thank goodness,¡± said Yulia, ¡°I had a hard time with the motion sickness. I want to relax a bit before she wakes up.¡±


    ¡°Of course! A maid will take you to your room. And I will let you know when Sia wakes up later.¡±


    Yulia nodded half-heartedly. She was in desperate need of a place to rest right now. Following the maid to her room, Yulia fell onto the bed without even unpacking her luggage.


    There was a knock on the door. Then, again. Yulia frowned at the continuous knocking. The sunset was visible from the window when she opened her eyes half-heartedly. She seemed to have collapsed onto the bed and fallen asleep.


    The knocking persisted and Yulia yanked herself up from the bed, dragged herself to the door and opened it, half-asleep. The person at the door was the same maid who had previously shown her to her room.


    ¡°My apologies, Countess Linen, but Lady Siana has woken up.¡±


    ¡°Oh¡­ please wait a minute,¡± said Yulia. Sia is awake. She fixed her disheveled hair, smoothed out her dress and left the room to follow the maid into Siana¡¯s bedroom.


    * * *


    The maid led her to Siana¡¯s bedroom door. Alan was already there. Seeing her arrive, he greeted her.


    ¡°Did you sleep well?¡± he asked.


    ¡°Yes, thank you,¡± said Yulia, ¡°But does Siana still not know that I am here?¡±


    ¡°No. She still doesn¡¯t know.¡±


    ¡°Won¡¯t she be shocked when she sees me like this? Will the shock be healthy for her?¡±


    ¡°It will be fine. Because, like you said, Siana isn¡¯t weak.¡±


    Alan smiled calmly at her and Yulia accepted his reasoning. Alan always smiled like that when he talked about his wife.


    ¡°Well, if you say so,¡± said Yulia, ¡°Should we go in now?¡±


    ¡°Yes,¡± said Alan and turned the doorknob, opening the door to Siana¡¯s bedroom. The room was bright;y lit by lanterns on the walls. Siana was there on the bed, not quite lying down but not quite awake either.


    ¡°Alan, YULIA!?¡± Siana¡¯s eyes widened at the sight of Yulia as she called her name.


    ¡°Hi, Sia. It¡¯s been a long time.¡±


    ¡°How did you get¡­¡±


    ¡°I asked her to come,¡± said Alan.


    ¡°Without telling me?¡±


    ¡°Sorry. I thought you¡¯d feel better with your friend here. And Yulia said yes.¡± At Alan¡¯s explanation, Siana opened her mouth to say something and then closed it with a frustrated look on her face.


    She was panicking. A few days ago, Alan had asked her if she wanted to contact her friend, but she had refused. As the delivery date approached, she felt more anxious than ever. She felt bad complaining to Alan so much and she wanted to spare her friend the annoyance. But now, he had secretly invited her without her knowing¡­


    However, Siana understood why he did it and she was actually grateful that Yulia was here. ¡°Thank you for coming such a long way, Yulia,¡± said Siana, ¡°You must be exhausted.¡±


    ¡°It was nothing,¡± said Yulia, ¡°Are you feeling okay?


    ¡°I am now,¡± said Siana, smiling at her friend.


    But Yulia knew her friend. She was sad to see that not everything was fine. Siana had lost so much weight and her cheeks were sunken. That was why Alan was worried so much that he wrote me a letter.


    Yulia had heard that pregnancy was hard, but she had no idea that she would lose so much weight during the time they hadn¡¯t seen each other. Siana was supposed to eat a lot and nurture herself along with her unborn baby. Where the hell did all the food go? Yulia wondered and stopped short as her gaze fell upon Siana¡¯s belly.


    Siana¡¯s bump was so very swollen. Yulia wasn¡¯t even sure if someone¡¯s belly could get this big even if they have a small build. What in the hell¡­. She recalled other women she had met in the past, she didn¡¯t remember them having this big a belly in their pregnancy.


    Siana chuckled. ¡°Not what you expected?¡± she asked. ¡°It seems I am having twins.¡±


    ¡°Twins? Really?¡±


    ¡°Yeah, that¡¯s what the doctor said.¡±


    ¡°Goodness¡­¡±


    Yulia couldn¡¯t imagine how painful it would be to birth twins. It was painful enough birthing one baby. Siana smiled awkwardly. She gave Yulia time to process things. She had been as shocked and as happy when she had first heard about it from the doctor.


    Most people, who heard the news, showed the same expression. Siana smiled at her friend and suggested that she should eat something after such a long journey. Siana wouldn¡¯t be able to accompany her. She couldn¡¯t sit properly and had to stay propped up on the bed. Alan fed her.


    Yulia had her meal in the dining room, alone. She didn¡¯t mind it. But she was concerned for her friend. From the looks of it, Siana forced herself to eat what Alan fed her but she didn¡¯t eat much and couldn¡¯t move properly, too. She had lost so much weight that she looked sick. Yulia was very worried for her.


    When Yulia finished her meal, there was the sound of a door closing behind her. Is Siana here? Yulia wondered and turned around, almost getting up from her chair to help her friend. But the person who had come in the dining hall was not Siana but Alan.


    What am I even thinking? There is no way Siana can come down here on her own. She felt stupid. It was almost impossible for her friend to get out of bed on her own. Despite that she felt a little disappointed but brushing off her feelings, she greeted Alan warmly.


    ¡°Good evening Alan,¡± she said.


    ¡°My apologies for interrupting your meal,¡± said Alan, ¡°But I came here to thank you.¡±


    ¡°Why?¡± asked Yulia.


    ¡°Because you came all the way for us,¡± said Alan,¡± I am so sorry for making you travel all the way and not accompanying you properly for the meal.¡±


    ¡°No, no,¡± said Yulia, ¡°It¡¯s perfectly alright. You don¡¯t need to treat me so special.¡±


    ¡°Thank you for understanding,¡± said Alan.


    Yulia wasn¡¯t sure what to say next. There was this awkwardness between them.


    ¡°Have you eaten yet?¡± asked Yulia.


    ¡°Not yet,¡± said Alan.


    ¡°Do you want to eat here?¡± she asked, ¡°I am almost done but I can accompany you.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s alright. I just came to make sure you were being treated properly,¡± said Alan, ¡°I have to return to Siana. I will eat there.¡±


    It was actually a very polite gesture on his part. Yulia liked that he was so polite and took care of everything. She was also grateful to see that he cared for Siana so much.


    ¡°Then I shall head back up,¡± said Alan, ¡°I hope you enjoy your meal. Please don¡¯t hesitate to tell me if there is any problem at all.¡±


    ¡°Thank you,¡± said Yulia. She took her time and finished her meal. She later thought that she should have asked about Siana¡¯s condition, but Alan had already left.


    * * *


    It was getting difficult for Siana to move around day by day, and Yulia felt sorry that her friend was confined to the bed all day because of her condition.


    ¡°It¡¯s difficult, right?¡± she asked.


    ¡°Yeah,¡± said Siana, laughing, ¡°Still, it¡¯s manageable.¡± Yulia didn¡¯t laugh along with her. It was astonishing to see her friend smiling even when she had to deal with this. ¡°I didn¡¯t like it when Alan contacted you without telling me,¡± said Siana, ¡°I thought it would be a nuisance to you, making you travel all the way. But now that I think about it, I think he did the right thing. You being here makes me feel better. I am so glad you came, Yulia.¡±


    ¡°Of course!¡± said Yulia, ¡°Call on me whenever you need me. Believe me, a call from you is never a nuisance to me.¡±


    ¡°Thank you for saying that,¡± said Siana. ¡°I thought of the babies¡¯ nicknames!¡±


    ¡°Really?¡± said Yulia, ¡°Tell me!¡±


    ¡°First and Second,¡± said Siana.


    Yulia, who had been thinking about several cute nicknames, froze as if she ad been stabbed. ¡°What kind of a nickname is that?¡± said Yulia, ¡°Don¡¯t people normally think of real names so they can decide on a nickname?¡±


    ¡°But I don¡¯t know their genders yet.¡±


    ¡°Then you haven¡¯t really thought of names either, have you?¡±


    ¡°No,¡± said Siana, ¡°I was thinking of doing that after they are born. Alan agreed, too.¡±


    ¡°Well, I guess ¡®First¡¯ and ¡®Second¡¯ could work for now,¡± said Yulia.


    Siana smiled at her. ¡°Oh, it¡¯s so good to see you here Yulia,¡± she said, ¡°To be honest, I get scared thinking the delivery date is near.¡±


    ¡°Why do you feel that way?¡±


    ¡°I¡­ just, you know, I might die during¡­,¡± stammered Siana, ¡°I am afraid of it.¡±


    ¡°What? Why are you even thinking about that?¡±


    ¡°Well, I heard from midwives before,¡± said Siana, ¡°That some mothers die during childbirth because of complications. I am worried because I am having twins. What if I¡­¡±


    Yulia was indeed worried about her friend. What she said was true. Women often died during childbirth. ¡°Have you talked with Alan about it?¡± asked Yulia.


    ¡°No,¡± said Siana, ¡°But he probably knows. I overheard the doctor talking to him about it.¡±


    ¡°Oh¡­.¡± Now Yulia realized why Alan had sent her the letter.


    ¡°Sia, you aren¡¯t going to die,¡± said Yulia.


    Siana smile. ¡°Of course, I don¡¯t want to,¡± she said, ¡°With Alan and the babies. I want to be here.¡±


    Siana told her not to worry about it that it might not really happen to her but Yulia could see that her smile was forced.


    After spending the day talking with Siana, Yulia returned to her room. But the words kept repeating in her head. Sia might die.  Yulia had never ever thought about her friend dying. It was why she never had worried about Siana when she travelled to the Legarde estate. But now, she was scared that she might lose her best friend.

 Chapter 59.4

    Epilogue, Part 4


    She spent all her time with Siana and Alan. One day, she was just talking to them both when Siana clutched her belly and groaned.


    ¡°Sia?¡± called Yulia.


    ¡°Sia! Are you okay?¡± asked Alan.


    ¡°Ugh, my¡­¡±


    Her voice was so faint it was barely audible. Alan rushed to call the doctor because Siana looked so pale, and the pain wasn¡¯t subsiding. Before she rushed out the door, he looked over at her.


    ¡°The doctor! Bring in the doctor! Go! I¡¯ll stay here with her.¡± Alan nodded and bolted out of the door. Siana clutched her belly and cried out in pain. Yulia was clueless about what to do but she held onto her friend, trying to talk to her soothingly.


    ¡°Sia, keep your eyes open,¡± she said, ¡°Don¡¯t lose consciousness.¡±


    Yulia desperately held Siana¡¯s hand as Alan arrived with the doctor and two other maids in tow. The doctor tried talking to Siana in a comforting voice and checked her breathing. He told everyone in the room to leave except for the maids.


    Yulia and Alan were thrown out of the room. Yulia had a hard time letting go of her friend¡¯s hand. She was shaking. The last she had seen of Siana, she was clasping and unclasping her fists, screaming in pain.  Her screams made both Yulia and Alan flinch.


    Alan was restless. He paced back and forth in front of the bedroom door with clenched fists. Waiting became very painful, for those inside the room and also for those outside. Then at one point, Siana¡¯s scream was cut off abruptly. Alan and Yulia were scared at that.


    Yulia tried to convince herself and Alan that maybe the babies had been born and it was not painful anymore for Siana. She tried to tell him everything would be alright, but she felt the doubt creep up on her. Why had Siana suddenly stopped screaming like that?


    When nobody came out of the bedroom, Alan and Yulia¡¯s nervousness reach an excruciating level. They clasped their hands as they waited for the door to open. Finally, after what seemed like a million years, the door opened, and the doctor came out.


    The doctor beamed at them both. ¡°Congratulations!¡± he said, happily, ¡°Lord Legarde, both your son and daughter are well.¡±


    At his words, Yulia heaved a sigh of relief. She was so glad and so happy for her friend. The doctor was right, this was a happy event, but Alan didn¡¯t really look that joyful. ¡°How is Siana, doctor?¡± he asked with urgency, ¡°Is she okay?¡±


    ¡°Yes, yes,¡± said the doctor, ¡°She is absolutely alright.¡±


    Alan¡¯s worried face melted into a smile. He breathed in deeply. ¡°Can I go see her doctor?¡± he asked joyfully.


    ¡°Of course!¡± said the doctor.


    ¡°Thank you,¡± said Alan, shaking the doctor¡¯s hands. ¡°Thank you so much.¡±


    Alan rushed inside the room, followed by Yulia. They saw the maids tidying up the room and Siana was propped up on a pillow with a baby on each side.


    ¡°Alan! Yulia!¡± exclaimed Siana, happily. Giving birth had taken its toll. Her hair was plastered all over her forehead and she was soaked in sweat. Alan ran to her side and embraced her.


    ¡°Are you okay?¡± he asked.


    ¡°Yes,¡± said Siana, ¡°Just a bit tired but I am alright.¡±


    ¡°You did great, Sia!¡± he said, beaming at her. He squeezed her hand comfortingly. ¡°I am so proud of you.¡±


    ¡°Alan¡­,¡± said Siana as she watched Alan¡¯s eyes fill with tears. Yulia was also taken aback because she had never seen Alan crying before. ¡°Why are you crying?¡± asked Siana.


    ¡°I was so worried,¡± said Alan, sobbing, ¡°I was so worried you might die¡­¡±


    Unable to finish the sentence, he closed his mouth shut. His clenched jaw trembled. Yulia and Siana both were shocked to see Alan this way. They had never seen him so sad and broken.  He didn¡¯t care. He held Siana close to him and cried.


    Siana lifted her hand to caress his cheeks. ¡°You innocent fool,¡± she said, ¡°You aren¡¯t going to get rid of me so soon. I am here, alive and well.¡± She smiled at him warmly. Alan was quiet.


    He held her hands so tight as though he never wanted to let it go. ¡°Alan, I will never leave you behind.¡±


    ¡°I had such a hard time giving birth,¡± said Siana, teasingly, ¡°And you aren¡¯t even holding your babies. Our children, Alan!¡±


    ¡°Yes,¡± said Alan, ¡°Our children.¡± He smiled as he looked at the babies and stroked their cheeks gently.


    Yulia stood behind him, looking at the babies, as was the doctor. Everyone looked in wonderous rapture at these tiny humans who were so small but contained so much happiness. Alan felt another rush of tears.


    He hadn¡¯t wanted children but had relented because Siana wanted them. But when he thought of the pain and suffering Siana had gone through, and they had made these babies together! He felt so much affection towards them. Alan picked up the baby and buried his face in the cloth that swaddled them and cried again.


    Siana felt embarrassed. The Doctor whispered to Yulia, ¡°In my entire career as a doctor, not once have I seen a father cry like that.¡±


    * * *


    After the birth, Yulia, who felt that she no longer needed to stay, left the next morning on her carriage back to the Linen estate. And two and a half months later, she visited the Legardes again. She used to visit them at least once a month, but she had been so busy with the annual festival at her estate that she didn¡¯t manage to visit them.


    ¡°Come in, Yulia!¡± Siana, whom she met after a long time, had finally gained a little weight and no longer looked so sunken. She even looked more cheerful.


    ¡°Are you doing all right?¡± asked Yulia. ¡°You look good.¡±


    ¡°These days everyone is saying that. Alan, the doctor, and so on. Do you mean that I have gained weight? I think I have gained a lot.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s really what I mean¡­. But it is a much-needed thing. You finally look healthy. Last time, you looked so dead.¡±


    ¡°Gosh, that¡¯s what Alan said. Now you are, too?¡±


    ¡°I didn¡¯t say this the very first time we met, but did you know how skinny you were? I was startled at how sunken you looked.¡±


    ¡°Is that so?¡± said Siana with a smile.


    ¡°And your husband?¡± asked Yulia, ¡°How is he?¡±


    ¡°He went to work.¡±


    ¡°Then the babies are being watched by a maid, I¡¯m guessing?¡±


    ¡°Not a maid; I brought in some experienced nannies. Since the maids have no parenting experience, I didn¡¯t want them to. Anyway, thanks to them I can care for the babies more easily. And I have enough time to rest.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s a relief.¡±


    ¡°Oh, do you want to see them? They¡¯ve grown a lot since the last time you saw them. You¡¯ll be surprised.¡±


    ¡°Yes! I absolutely want to see them.¡±


    At Yulia¡¯s words, Siana took a cheerful step to the nursery, where the babies were. Three middle-aged women were moving around busily. The two babies in the crib reached their tiny hands to the music mobile hanging over them in the cradle.


    ¡°Look, look. They¡¯ve gotten big, right?¡±


    ¡°Yes, it seems so.¡±


    Yulia looked at them, all fed and happy. They had become so plump since the last time she saw them. Their blond hair shone in the sunlight.


    ¡°And they¡¯re both blond.¡±


    ¡°Yeah. Actually, during the pregnancy, I was hoping they¡¯d be blond like Alan, and here they are¡­ as blond as ever. I guess my wish came true.¡±


    ¡°Why do they have to be blond? It shouldn¡¯t matter, even if they had the same hair as you.¡±


    ¡°My hair is too common. It gives me a sense of inferiority. So I didn¡¯t want them to feel the same way.¡±


    Yulia wanted to press her on why she felt that way about her hair colour but let it go. Siana would have to figure out her own way to love herself. She changed the subject.


    ¡°At least they have eyes like you and Alan.¡±


    ¡°Yeah. Liz looks like me with her green eyes, isn¡¯t she pretty?¡± cooed Siana, ¡°Alan Allen looks like Alan with his blue eyes. They are so cute, aren¡¯t they?¡±


    ¡°They sure are,¡± said Yulia, ¡°What is that thing on their hands, though?¡±


    ¡°Gloves,¡± said Siana, ¡°I had them custom-made. They scratch their faces accidentally and cry. So, I had them made.¡±


    Yulia nodded. She didn¡¯t know so much about babies bit it made sense that they might scratch themselves with their little hands. Yulia looked down at the babies in their cribs. Liz and Allen. The babies looked up and smiled and reached for her despite her being a stranger to them. It made her feel happy.


    ¡°They look so calm,¡± said Yulia, ¡°Don¡¯t they cry?¡±


    ¡°They do sometimes, but mostly they are quiet,¡± said Siana, ¡°I am lucky they are so calm.¡±


    Yulia nodded. With their round faces and big eyes, they resembled their parents. Yulia felt something bizarre when she looked over Liz¡¯s face. A tingling sort of feeling emanated deep in her chest.


    I felt it when I first held them months ago¡­. When the babies had been born and Siana and Alan had taken turns carrying them. They had urged her to hold them once. She had thought of refusing politely because she didn¡¯t know anything about babies but Siana had looked so happy that she had relented. She had felt the same thing when she had held the babies that time.

 Chapter 59.5

    ¡°Do you want some tea?¡± asked Siana, grabbing Yulia¡¯s sleeve. If Siana hadn¡¯t done that then Yulia would have remained staring at the children.


    ¡°Yes!¡± said Yulia, ¡°I would love a cup of tea.¡±


    ¡°Let¡¯s go,¡± said Siana and led the way to the living room. The day was a bit too cold to enjoy their tea in the garden.


    They were talking about things randomly when Siana heaved a great sigh and put her teacup down. ¡°Yulia, I have been worried about something for a while now,¡± said Siana, ¡°Can I ask you something?¡±


    ¡°Sure,¡± said Yulia, ¡°If it is something I can help with, go ahead.¡±


    Siana fell silent for a long while. Yulia felt worried and couldn¡¯t take the quiet anymore. ¡°What is it?¡± she asked, ¡°Tell me.¡±


    ¡°Okay,¡± said Siana, ¡°Then I am going to ask away, alright?¡±


    ¡°Okay,¡± said Yulia, ¡°Go ahead.¡±


    ¡°Well, yes, in a way,¡± said Yulia, ¡°Everyone changes some way or another. But I don¡¯t understand what you might be specifically referring to.¡±


    ¡°My appearance,¡± said Siana, miserably, running her fingers through her hair, ¡°Have I changed drastically from the time I was pregnant till now?¡±


    Yulia didn¡¯t understand why Siana was suddenly asking about such a thing. ¡°Why are you asking that? What¡¯s going on?¡± asked Yulia, ¡°Is it because of Alan?¡±


    ¡°How did you know?¡± asked Siana, wide-eyed in surprise.


    ¡°It¡¯s obvious, isn¡¯t it?¡± said Yulia, rolling her eyes. The pregnancy and Siana¡¯s being obsessed about her appearance could only relate to one person.


    ¡°Is it really that obvious?¡± said Siana.


    ¡°What happened, Siana?¡± asked Yulia, ¡°Did Alan say something? What made you think in this manner?¡±


    Is he having an affair¡­? There was no way one could know another person completely. She would never have expected Alan of such a thing, but you never know.


    ¡°Uh, the truth is¡­,¡± stammered Siana. She closed her mouth again before resolving to let it out. ¡°I don¡¯t feel good like I used to.¡±


    ¡°How exactly do you mean?¡± asked Yulia.


    ¡°About our love life as a married couple¡­,¡± Siana faltered, embarrassed. But Yulia waited calmly for her friend to regain her composure and continue.


    Siana had shared everything about her life with Yulia, the most intimate details. She didn¡¯t need to feel uncomfortable with Yulia. ¡°Tell me, Sia,¡± urged Yulia, ¡°What did Alan do to make you feel this way?¡±


    ¡°He keeps avoiding to do it,¡± said Siana, finally.


    ¡°Is it because of his curse?¡± asked Yulia.


    ¡°Well, he is getting regular check-ups and the doctor said that he seems to have recovered completely now,¡± said Siana, ¡°But when I want to do it¡­.¡± Siana picked at the loose skin on her fingernail, ¡°Whenever I try to initiate it, he keeps avoiding me. I heard from other wives that the husbands have a change of heart and lose interest in their wives when they get pregnant and have children.¡±


    ¡°So, is there a possibility that Alan might be involved with other women?¡± asked Yulia.


    ¡°No, it¡¯s not that,¡± said Siana, ¡°I feel like he has grown colder towards me. He doesn¡¯t want to make love to me anymore. It¡¯s strange.¡±


    Yulia let out a sigh and fell into deep thought. It was certainly an issue and she was worried about her friend. However, she couldn¡¯t think of any other reason. Yulia would have been suspicious if there was any other woman in the picture. But seeing that it was just Siana and Alan, she couldn¡¯t think of anything.


    ¡°Did you talk to him about it?¡± asked Yulia.


    ¡°Yeah,¡± said Siana.


    ¡°What did he say?¡± asked Yulia.


    ¡°That he is just tired and that he just wants me to rest and doesn¡¯t want to exhaust me.¡±


    Yulia recalled Alan¡¯s behaviour on the day of Siana¡¯s delivery. He had been so nervous at Siana¡¯s screams stopping abruptly. He had been so concerned about Siana that he had only asked the doctor about her wellbeing. He had burst into tears when he had finally seen Siana.


    Is it because he is worried that Siana might get pregnant and would have to go through something like that again? But Siana can just take birth control. That doesn¡¯t really seem like a strong reason to reject¡­. Yulia stopped abruptly.


    ¡°Sia, can I ask you something personal?¡± asked Yulia.


    ¡°Sure.¡±


    ¡°Do you plan to have a third baby?¡±


    ¡°Yeah, I do,¡± said Siana, ¡°You know how lonely I was growing up as an only child. I want my children to have each other.¡±


    ¡°Have you talked about that with Alan?¡±


    ¡°I have,¡± said Siana, confused.


    ¡°And what did he say?¡±


    ¡°He asked if two weren¡¯t already enough,¡± said Siana.


    ¡°What about birth control?¡± asked Yulia, ¡°Did you mention that to him?¡±


    ¡°Not really,¡± said Siana, ¡°Only a long time ago when you and I talked about it and bought that tea. I haven¡¯t really mentioned anything about it.¡±


    ¡°So, there has been no talk of birth control or delaying pregnancy between you two?¡±


    ¡°No, not really,¡± said Siana.


    Yulia was convinced now that Alan was worried that Siana might suffer giving birth and she might die. He didn¡¯t want her to be pregnant again. But since Sia didn¡¯t mention birth control or any other way to delay pregnancy because she wants another child, he is trying to abstain.


    Yulia wondered if she should tell this to Siana or leave it to herself to figure it out. Maybe she should let the people involved have a conversation and resolve it between themselves. But Siana thought of something else. She had assumed that Alan was no longer attached to her.


    Yulia sighed. I don¡¯t think this can be left to fester. She explained everything to Siana. Siana was very surprised at this revelation. ¡°Is that really true?¡± asked Siana.


    ¡°No,¡± said Siana, ¡°I thought he liked kids because he is so affectionate towards Liz and Allen.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s true,¡± said Yulia, ¡°But it might also be because they are his children, and he loves them. But Alan loving his children and worrying about you suffering through pregnancy with all the risks are two separate matters.¡±


    Siana fell into a deep thought. Yulia could see that she hadn¡¯t thought about it in this way. ¡°Anyway,¡± said Yulia, ¡°Just talk about it with him once again. It¡¯s just my guess but try once, okay?¡±


    Siana nodded. ¡°Okay,¡± she said firmly. Yulia was relieved because Siana finally looked a little surer of herself than before.


    * * *


    After Yulia left for her estate, Siana thought about what her friend had told her. So, Alan was scared of me getting pregnant and suffering and he kept avoiding me. I never mentioned protection or birth control to him because I loved children.


    She had never considered that this might be the case. But it did seem plausible that Alan was scared of losing her. She was relieved but also embarrassed to think that Alan had lost interest in her.


    If Yulia¡¯s guess was right, she had been unintentionally forcing things on Alan. She wanted another child but not at the expense of staying away from Alan. If he didn¡¯t want any more kids, then so be it. Besides, she had Liz and Allen. They were enough.


    She understood why Alan was scared. She had felt like she would die from the pain last time she gave birth. If it was Alan suffering like that, she wouldn¡¯t have been able to bear it. I will initiate it this time, and if he rejects, I will ask him whether Yulia was right. Siana made up her mind and played with the twins in the nursery while she waited for Alan.


    * * *


    Alan returned a little late in the evening. Siana welcomed him with a kiss. He kissed her back,


    ¡°You look happy today,¡± he said, ¡°Did you do something fun?¡±


    ¡°Just talked with Yulia and played with the children,¡± said Siana.


    ¡°Oh, so today was the day Yulia came,¡± said Alan, ¡°Where is she now?¡±


    ¡°She went back,¡± said Siana, ¡°I told her she could spend the night here, but she refused. She said she would be more comfortable in her own bed at home.¡±


    ¡°Hm. Nothing you can do about that,¡± said Alan, ¡°How are Liz and Allen?¡±


    ¡°I just put them to sleep,¡± said Siana.


    ¡°I will wait till tomorrow morning to go see them,¡± said Alan, removing his coat.


    Siana stared at him as he removed his coat and loosened his cravat. He looked at her and their eyes met. Siana looked away. At her bewilderment, Alan became curious.


    ¡°Sia,¡± he said, ¡°What is wrong?¡±


    ¡°Oh, nothing,¡± said Siana, ¡°I was just surprised when you looked at me.¡±


    ¡°And why is that?¡¯ he asked.


    ¡°I, uh¡­,¡± stammered Siana and laughed awkwardly. He finished changing into his pyjamas and lay on the bed. Siana jumped on top of him with each of her legs on either side of his waist.


    Alan looked up at her. Siana leaned down and licked Alan¡¯s neckline that was exposed through the collar of his shirt. Siana felt Alan¡¯s jaw clench and he lightly pushed her hands away. He had rejected her yet again. Siana couldn¡¯t help but tear up.


    ¡°Not today either?¡± she asked, shaken.


    ¡°I am sorry,¡± he said, ¡°I am so tired. Let¡¯s do it next time.¡±


    ¡°When Alan?¡± cried Siana, ¡°That is all you ever say. It has been two months since the babies


    Si and you haven¡¯t touched me even once. It is like you don¡¯t want to touch me at all.¡±


    ¡°Sia¡­,¡± said Alan, sadly. He looked embarrassed but Siana wasn¡¯t going to back down today. She needed an answer. She was determined to get one.


    ¡°Please be honest with me,¡± said Siana, ¡°You don¡¯t want me anymore, do you?¡±


    ¡°What? No, Sia¡­,¡± said Alan.


    ¡°Is it because you don¡¯t feel anything towards me anymore?¡± asked Siana, ¡°I am not attractive to you anymore, am I? So, you can¡¯t even bear to touch me.¡±


    Alan was taken aback at her outburst and her straightforward questions. He tried to comfort her. ¡°Sia. Why would I do that?¡± he said, ¡°What made you feel like ¡ª¡±


    ¡°What made me feel this way?¡± she repeated, ¡°You always avoid me. All you say is we will do it next time, that you are tired. Every time I initiate it because I want you, and you push me away saying you don¡¯t want to give me a hard time. Is it because your curse has been lifted and you have completely recovered that you don¡¯t need me anymore? You don¡¯t love me anymore?¡±


    ¡°No, Sia,¡± said Alan, ¡°Listen to me. That is absolutely not true. I love you. I will always love you. You are my wife.¡±


    ¡°Then why do you keep pushing me away?¡± asked Siana.


    ¡°I, uh¡­,¡± mumbled Alan. He didn¡¯t know what to say. He tried to smile at her then thought better of it and clamped his mouth shut. Siana faced him and gave voice to her thoughts.


    ¡°Tell me, please,¡± said Siana, ¡°Is it because you don¡¯t want me to get pregnant again?¡±


    ¡°Sia¡­¡±


    ¡°Please, Alan,¡± said Siana, ¡°Tell me. Is it because you are afraid that I might die while giving birth that you are avoiding making love to me?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s not¡­¡±


    ¡°Then what the hell is it?!¡± exclaimed Siana, ¡°Just tell me! If you don¡¯t dislike me or find me unattractive or if it isn¡¯t your fear of me getting pregnant, then tell me what is it? Just tell me the reason.¡±


    Her voice faltered with her tears. The sadness and frustration that she had bottled up exploded. She tried to blink away the tears threatening to flow again.


    ¡°Tell me. Why do you keep avoiding me?¡± said Siana, ¡°You wanted me every day before my pregnancy and after that, you don¡¯t even want to touch me. So, what am I supposed to think of that?¡±


    Alan realized that he could no longer avoid her questions. He fell silent for a long while before he opened his mouth to speak. ¡°You are right,¡± he said.


    Siana looked at him, eyes full of tears. ¡°I am sacred of you getting pregnant again,¡± he said, ¡°I have been avoiding you because of that.¡±


    Alan saw that Siana was on the verge of crying again so he hurriedly continued with his clarification.

 Chapter 59.6

    ¡°It is not that I am scared of you having children or giving birth,¡± he continued in a trembling voice, ¡°But there is a possibility of things going wrong in childbirth. The doctor told me that many women often perish this way. I thought you were going to die, too.¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t want to put you in a position which might threaten your life again, Sia,¡± he said, ¡°I can¡¯t bear it if that happened again.¡±


    At his explanation, Siana heaved a breath of relief. She slumped her shoulders releasing the tension that had made it stiff. ¡°Why didn¡¯t you tell me you felt this way?¡± she asked.


    ¡°I was worried I might let you down,¡± said Alan.


    ¡°What? Why?¡± she asked, bewildered.


    ¡°I like kids, of course,¡± said Alan, ¡°And no man would refuse to have more children. You especially love kids. I didn¡¯t want to disappoint you.¡±


    ¡°That was why you didn¡¯t even mention birth control or using protection,¡± said Siana, ¡°And just avoided the whole thing.¡± Alan nodded.


    ¡°Listen to me, Alan,¡± said Siana, still on top of him. ¡°I like kids, but I am fine with two. I don¡¯t want more children if you don¡¯t want to. It¡¯s not your fault. I would never blame you.¡±


    ¡°Sia, I¡­¡±


    ¡°No, listen to me,¡± she said, ¡°I also cherish myself. I want to keep living with you and see Liz and Allen grow up.¡± She looked at him tenderly. ¡°I didn¡¯t die. I made it through. But if you are that scared, we will use protection. We don¡¯t need to have more children. We have Liz and Allen. They are enough for us.¡±


    She had expected him to be relaxed at that, but he was still frowning. Why? I just resolved the problem. She looked at him, urging him to say whatever was on his mind. After a while Alan relented.


    ¡°This world doesn¡¯t have a perfect way to stay protected¡­¡±


    ¡°W-what?¡±


    ¡°Sia, I don¡¯t want to pose any threat to you,¡± said Alan, ¡°I don¡¯t want to take the risk. Even if there is a small possibility of it happening then I want to avoid it.¡±


    Siana was stumped. ¡°So, you are saying,¡± she said, ¡°Since we don¡¯t have a 100% chance of staying safe, we shouldn¡¯t make love at all?¡±


    Alan nodded. She let out a frustrated breath and almost slipped off of him. She regained her composure. She didn¡¯t know how it had come to this. The man who had approached her with so much confidence and wanted to stay with her at all times. It was a problem for Siana. Maybe Alan could stay like this, but she knew she couldn¡¯t.


    ¡°But I want to do it,¡± she said, stroking his thigh. Her hands slid over the bulge in his pants and he let out a soft gasp. He looked at her with sunken eyes. ¡°We can try our best to stay protected. But even if there is a small possibility of me getting pregnant, we will get through it together like we did last time. I survived after giving birth to two children, I will survive again.¡±


    ¡°Sia¡­¡± he said, hoarsely.


    ¡°Even if I get pregnant a third time, I will live,¡± she said, ¡°Don¡¯t worry so much. Please don¡¯t push me away. I really want you. I can¡¯t live away from you like this.¡±


    ¡°Sia, I¡­¡±


    She didn¡¯t wait for him to finish his sentence, she leaned down and kissed him full on his lips. Alan didn¡¯t kiss her back, but she didn¡¯t give up. She started unbuttoning his shirt. She would stop only if Alan pushed her away. She fumbled with his shirt.


    After removing his shirt, she trailed her hands over his bare skin, feeling the hard muscles flinching under her fingers. She lowered her lips to Alan¡¯s jawline. She licked his skin, and his body trembled each time she kissed him.


    Veins throbbed in Alan¡¯s neck and his forearms rose up to support her. He felt as though he would choke on the lust bubbling up inside him. All thoughts of pushing her away fled from his mind. The thought of her getting pregnant went through his mind again. He knew that he couldn¡¯t avoid this, but she would always be his priority.


    ¡°Sia, I¡­¡± he said, ¡°I said it earlier and I am saying it again. If you get pregnant, and you face a risk, you will be my priority over the child.¡± Siana didn¡¯t respond. ¡°If I have to choose between you and the child, I will choose you, always. Do you still want to do it?¡±


    ¡°Yes, I do,¡± she whispered in his ear and looked at him. ¡°That won¡¯t happen. And if it does, I would choose myself too. I don¡¯t care if people call me selfish, but I want to stay with you forever.¡±


    Her face was full of determination. Her conviction alone convinced him and brushed away all caution and guilt in his heart. He pushed her down on the bed and got on top of her. It had been several months since they hadn¡¯t touched each other.


    At that moment, there was only one thing in his mind. He had no regrets and no remorse. All he wanted was to hold her in his arms and press her close to him. He untied the knotted ribbon of her collarette and her br*asts fell free. He lowered his mouth to them and sucked on them. He had been deprived of this for a long time. He bit her.


    Siana grabbed his hair. ¡°Hold on,¡± she said, ¡°Wait¡­ it hurts.¡±


    Belatedly realizing that she was in pain, he took his lips off her chest. ¡°Sorry,¡± he said in a low voice. He lowered his lips on her chest again and licked them lightly this time. His tongue made her n*pples harden. She could feel his hot tongue at her chest, endlessly licking and nibbling, wanting more.


    Siana realized too late, and her face turned red in embarrassment. ¡°Wait!¡± she exclaimed. She tried to push him away, but it was too late. Her milk was already dripping down his jaw.


    He swallowed and slurped at it. Alan licked his lips. ¡°Delicious,¡± he said, teasingly.


    Siana¡¯s face turned a deeper shade of red. ¡°D-don¡¯t suck my n*pples,¡± she stammered.


    ¡°Hm,¡± he said with a smirk, ¡°Then do you want me to lick them?¡± He licked at her mound and licked up the milk that had dripped between her chest.


    ¡°Mm¡­ ahh,¡± moaned Siana. His hot tongue on her flesh gave her a primal pleasure.


    ¡°Ahh, is it because I sucked it? The milk doesn¡¯t stop,¡± he said, ¡°Do you want me to leave it? I can clean it all up if you want.¡±


    ¡°No need for that,¡± said Siana.


    ¡°Are you sure?¡± he asked, ¡°It keeps coming out.¡±


    Siana shook her head at seeing Alan ready to suck it again at any moment. The milk didn¡¯t stop. Siana felt embarrassed at the scene. ¡°Just be gentle¡­¡± she said cautiously. She squeezed his shoulders.


    That was all the encouragement he needed. He lowered his mouth to her chest and licked it. ¡°Ahh, oh¡­ Alan, yes,¡± she mumbled.


    He obediently rolled up her skirt above her waist as she trembled at the cold air hitting her skin. He then pulled down her panties. Feeling naked and bare after such a long time made her feel good. She tried to spread her legs, but Alan¡¯s hands were firmly gripping her butt*cks.


    His fingers slid inside her opening, checking if she was wet enough. He placed a pillow below her butt. ¡°Alan?¡±


    Her legs were spread now as her lower back rose over the pillow. He then lowered his head between her thighs. A gasp escaped Siana as she felt his hot breath at the opening between her legs.


    She almost buckled when she felt his tongue at her opening exploring her tender flesh. She squirmed as he kept teasing her with his tongue. ¡°Ahhh, mm¡­ yes! Ahh,¡± she moaned.


    The heat built up to such a level that she couldn¡¯t take it anymore and she climaxed. When she crested, the pleasure was so great that she couldn¡¯t push him away. With her back arched, she held onto his shoulders.


    Because of the stimulation, more liquid flowed out of her making her even wetter. Alan raised his head from between her legs. Smacking his lips, he asked, ¡°Are you ready?¡±


    Siana¡¯s face became even more red at his blunt question. ¡°How many times do you want me to say it?¡± she said, ¡°I want you. Just put it in.¡±


    ¡°Well,¡± he said, ¡°I think I will keep asking just to annoy you.¡±


    He removed his pants and underwear, his member, that she had felt from over his pants, was fully exposed. Seeing his naked body after such a long time filled her with awe. She no longer felt afraid looking at him, she only felt a deep yearning now.


    She raised her hand and wrapped them around Alan¡¯s neck and pressed herself to him. He flinched. ¡°Alan?¡±


    ¡°Sorry,¡± he said, hoarsely.


    ¡°Why?¡± she asked.


    ¡°I might be a little¡­ rough,¡± he said, as he pushed his member deep inside her opening.


    ¡®Wait,¡± she said, ¡°Hold on.¡±


    ¡°I am not all the way in,¡± he whispered, and he looked at Siana panting. He then slid it out a little and thrust it back inside. Siana¡¯s body shuddered, and she relished the feel of him deep inside her.


    The penetration created convulsions in her thighs, but it felt so good to have Alan filling her after such a long time. She raised her legs and wrapped them around his waist. Alan took that as encouragement and began to move inside her. He thrust inside her vigorously.


    ¡°Ahh, mm¡­ too fast¡ª¡±


    ¡®You brought this on yourself,¡± he whispered back. His voice was rough, and it pierced her eardrums. He frantically thrust inside her repeatedly. He would slide it out a while and thrust it so deep.


    ¡°Alan, ahhh¡­ too fast,¡± stammered Siana, in between moans.


    Alan moved with vigor and it was useless. Alan was usually gentle all the time but when it came to doing this, he gave it his all. It had been so long since she had him between her legs, she held onto him and cried in pleasure.


    ¡°Ahhh¡­mmm¡­ Alan, oh yes!¡± she moaned.


    ¡°Oh, Sia,¡± he said, panting, ¡°I love you¡­¡±


    ¡°Me too, ahhh!¡±


    Their bodies intertwined and their moans filled the room. Siana was so exhausted, she gradually lost feeling in her arms. Her fingers slipped down Alan¡¯s sweaty skin. She knew this would leave scratch on his skin, but she couldn¡¯t take it without holding onto something.


    As Siana climaxed, she felt the strength leave her legs and it fell away from Alan¡¯s waist. But Alan grabbed her legs and thrust deep again. Alan kept thrusting vigorously till he was spent and both of them fell asleep in each other¡¯s arms.


    * * *


    It was a sunny day just before winter. Yulia, who had just left a social gathering, entered her room looking tired. There were days that she hated but had no choice but to meet other wives because of her husband¡¯s many connections. Today was one of those days.


    It wasn¡¯t as difficult as she had found it in the beginning, but it was still tiring whenever she went out to any gathering.  She had to pretend to be attentive to their brags and useless complaints, and she had to pretend to smile as though she was enjoying everything.


    That was exactly how those gatherings were to her. All pretentious and superficial. She always thought about Siana whenever she went to these useless gatherings. Siana was always honest and straightforward and Yulia missed her in these gatherings.


    I wonder if she was able to resolve the problem, Yulia thought. Yulia still remembered her visit over a month ago when Siana had looked so miserable because Alan had been avoiding her.


    Yulia was debating on whether she should send a letter. She sat at her desk, took out a sheet of paper and lifted her pen. Just then, there was a knock at the door.  When Yulia turned around, she saw the maid at the door.


    ¡°Madam, a letter has arrived,¡± announced the maid.


    ¡°A letter?¡±


    ¡°Yes. A letter from Countess Lagarde.¡±


    Yulia thought it was such a pleasant coincidence that just when she was thinking about Siana, her letter had arrived. She set her pen down on the table. She grabbed the letter opener, accepted the newly arrived letter and tore it open.


    The first few lines asked about her health and her wellbeing. The letter continued to talk about the recent news and happenings at the mansion. Yulia smiled at herself as she read the letter. But as she read along, the smile was wiped off her face.


    Yulia, with a stunned look on her face, jumped up and tossed the letter away and ran outside to find a carriage and a horseman. The letter fluttered down to the floor and the last line said:


    I have some good news. I am pregnant again!


    The End.


    What a short, but sweet ride! There wasn¡¯t much plot in this story, but itthis novels holds a special place in my heart. Especially with our main leads characteristics and relationships.


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    Thank you to everyone for reading this novel!