《Chimera Girl》


 1 Later, Satyr

    Bio-containment technician Nelda Thirstman scrubbed the corrosion off a used flux fuse. "This one is cracked," she said.


    Her supervisor, Angry Brenda, snatched the part out of her hand.She rubbed her fingers up and down the large tempered glass component like she was giving the world''s most aggressive hand job."It''s fine," Brenda snapped as she handed it back to Nelda.


    "You can see it''s cracked," Nelda said."And cracked fuses are meant to go into the discard bin."


    "That part costs over five thousand dollars.It would be way cheaper to replace you, then to replace that part." Angry Brenda had flyaway hair that puffed up from her temples like an owl''s ear tufts.It was the closest thing she had to an endearing feature.


    Nelda sighed and put the clearly cracked fuse into the returns tray.


    The lights in the basement component processing room flickered.The boys in engineering were cranking up the machine.


    Like everyone else in Building 3, Nelda indulged in some speculation about the purpose of the secret experimental machine on the 200 level.But unlike most of her colleagues, Nelda''s graduate degree was in ethology. Animal biology and behavior, that is.So the parts that she pulled from the autoclave gave her very little in the way of clues.


    Nelda secretly suspected her lack of engineering education was one of the reasons why she had been given a job inside the secure zone.It was easier to keep a secret from a woman who wouldn''t know a clue to the nature of the big bad secret machine if she tripped over it in the hallway. Which was something she often did, as that was where they stored some of the redundant components.


    "Take that to the plant room." Angry Brenda shoved the returns tray in Nelda''s general direction.Nelda managed to grab it before it slid off the table.


    "It would be an honor," Nelda said.


    Angry Brenda glared at her suspiciously, but being irony-impaired she could find no fault with Nelda''s reply.


    Brenda traipsed through basement passages that would make Giger proud, and then took the hydraulic lift up to the 200 level.Outside the plant room, she had to run the gauntlet of two armed guards stationed at the metal detector.


    The detector pinged, causing the two guards to reach for their rifles.


    "Ya caught me," Nelda drawled. "Imma packing metal."


    The two guards looked angry and startled.Irony-deficiencies ran rampant through the staff of this secret research installation.[I wonder if there is some kind of vitamin supplement for that?]


    Nelda sighed."Machine parts, like it is every day.Some of them"¡ªexaggerated shock-face¡ª"are made of metal."


    The guards didn''t speak but did put down their guns.One of them ran the smaller metal-detecting wand over Nelda''s body.


    [I should get an intimate piercing just to fuck with him.]


    The other looked through the returned parts bin. He took out the flux fuse and shook it.


    "Is that how you treat your boyfriend?" Nelda asked.


    "I don''t have a boyfriend!" the guard replied.


    "No wonder if that''s how you handle a rod."Nelda took the part from him and returned it to the bin and went through into the plant room.


    As Nelda had noticed the first time she entered it, the room was disappointingly devoid of plants.It was the control room for some enormous collection of equipment that seemed to occupy most of the rest of the building, with spaces for people just sort of jammed in wherever they would fit.


    Only two of the scientists were present.They never told her their names so she had nicknamed these two Dandruff and Beaker.Dandruff seemed to be very senior and most of the others jumped to serve his every whim.Beaker was young, gangly, and always seemed to be gulping like he was trying to swallow a live goldfish.


    "Where is that damn fuse!" Dandruff shouted.


    Nelda pulled it out of the tray and Beaker snatched it from her while taking a good look at her cleavage. He then tripped as he turned and dropped the part.Nelda just managed to snatch it back.Beaker hit the floor, the large glass fuse did not.


    "Put it on the socket!" Dandruff shouted.Shouting seemed to be the only form of communication he had mastered.


    Nelda looked down at Beaker who seemed to have rolled a critical failure while just trying to cross the floor.He wasn''t moving. "Um, I think your guy here is unconscious.Or dead, maybe?"


    "Put. It. In. The. SOCKET!" Dandruff positively screamed while pointing at the machine where a single small hatch was open, revealed¡­ well, a socket.


    "I bet you say that to all the boys," Nelda muttered.She put the tray down on a bench and took the fuse over to the machine.


    Inspecting both ends of the fuse it seemed like one end was smooth and the other seemed a bit more socket-able with two small prongs poking out.She took a firm hold of the fuse and slid it into the hole.


    Dandruff seemed to register, for the first time, that she wasn''t Beaker.His look of apoplectic anger raised his profuse white eyebrows enough to reveal his beady brown eyes. "What the f¡­"


    A flash of golden light emerged from the face of the machine like golden showers from God.[I really hope this doesn''t ruin my scrubs].


    #


    Nelda took a deep breath of suspiciously fresh air.She stumbled slightly on the suddenly soft ground.


    In front of her was a view, between verdant trees, of a peaceful river valley.The song of birds, the smell of flowers, and a golden sunset all competed for the attention of Nelda''s bemused senses.


    "Well, well, well." said a smooth, deep, masculine voice.


    Turning to the left, Nelda was confronted with the sight of a paunchy satyr, top half man ¨C bottom half goat, with a cock the size of a subway sandwich.


    "What on Mirth are you supposed to be?" the bearded satyr asked.

 2 Freak Speaks

    Nelda gaped in amazement at the satyr, trying to avoid looking at his unfeasibly large package.


    The satyr, for his part, seemed less than impressed.He bent to pick up a large bunch of leafy branches and hefted it over his shoulder."Well, never mind.People in clothing are always trouble, anyways." The satyr turned and started walking along a faint path down the hillside.


    "Wait, wait!" Nelda scrambled after him."I''m not trouble.I''m just in trouble."


    All she could really see was a bouncing bushel of leaves ahead of her.Her steel-toes shoes were not made for hiking, and it was quickly getting dark.


    The satyr crossed a small meadow of waving orange flowers and then ducked into the trees, with Nelda in close pursuit.


    They entered an area where the trees were noble in stature with little in the way of undergrowth, and pale grey and yellow outcroppings of stone projected from the ground haphazardly among them.Nelda could hear the river very nearby.


    It suddenly dawned on her that there were satyrs strewn all around this pastoral scene. Her eyes jumped from one to the other, maybe a few dozen in total.Their activities could be divided into three main categories: those engaged in sexual activities, those eating or drinking, and those doing both.


    Nelda''s face flushed.[I''m used to being the most uncouth person in the room most of the time].


    A younger, beardless satyr with red hair and large curled horns hopped nimbly down from his perch on a large leaning tree. "HoneyBeard, my brother.It is good to see you have brought the flying leaf for tomorrow''s festivities.But for what purpose did you bring this freak?"


    [This what?]


    "It followed me home." HoneyBeard shrugged.


    "Well," Red Hair looked Nelda up and down and seemed likewise unimpressed. "There''s only three types of folk that wear woven clothes: priests, nobles, and gods."


    "Hmmm," HoneyBeard agreed. "The clothes aren''t nice enough for the noble, and the rest sure doesn''t look god-like.More like a starved mermaid on the top and I-don''t-know-what from the cooch down. Assuming it has a cooch."


    Nelda interrupted."Well, that''s fine talk from a man who looks like his cock needs to be walked on a leash."


    Red Hair burst out laughing."That''s true, that''s true.Because your cock is very large and hairy."


    "Thanks for the explanation, bugle-head," Nelda snapped.


    This set off HoneyBeard."Har har har, bugle-head." His belly laughs doubled him over so his horse-like tail flipped up into the air, exposing the gargantuan balls that went with his cock.Nelda wasn''t quite sure whether to be amused or appalled.[I must be in shock].


    "So, little priestess," HoneyBeard wheezed out between guffaws."What god did you offend to end up like this." His gesture indicated her body generally.


    "Well¡­"


    "No, no, no," BugleHead interrupted."If there is going to be a story, everyone will want to hear it."


    #


    Nelda was taken to a relatively clear area right next to the river.The ground was sandy and dotted with low boulders and what looked like makeshift mattresses made from dried grass and fern branches.


    HoneyBeard sat down heavily near where BugleHead had brought Nelda to a halt. He was still carrying his bunch of tree branches. [Flying leaf?]


    BugleHead rather presumptuously lifted Nelda by the waist and set her on top of a foot-high rock with a flat top.Word passed quickly, and about fifty or sixty satyrs appeared and sat down all around her, bringing with them fruits and flasks as many of them continued to eat and drink.


    They all appeared to be all males ranging from teenagers to the elderly.Their appearance was diverse.Hair of every shade and texture sprouted from their bodies and horns came in different sizes and configurations.Many were very fleshy but some were thin.


    After most of them were settled in BugleHead clapped his hands together."Quiet now.The Freak Priestess is going to tell her story."


    "I would really prefer it if you called me Nelda."


    "What''s a Nelda?" came the gravelly voice of a stooped elder.


    "Why I am.I''m a Nelda." [I wish I had some idea of what this world is like.How do I tell this story in a way they will understand, and that might get them to help me?]"What is it that you would like to know?"


    "It''s your story," HoneyBeard said dismissively."So you have to decide how to tell it."


    "Right." Nelda took a deep breath. "I was working in a¡­ temple. This temple is in my land where all the people who look like me live."She paused.The satyrs were all watching somewhat attentively."I am a minor priestess," she ventured."Like a priestess assistant, and I haven''t been told many of the secrets of the¡­ uh, cult.I mean, religion, I guess."


    "Priests don''t like to tell their secrets," a merle-coated man commented grumpily.


    [Okay, I haven''t lost the audience yet.]"So, uh, today I was instructed to take some¡­ offerings to the¡­ altar.And normally I would give these offering to a more senior priest and he would actually put them on the altar." Nelda mimed the action tentatively.


    "That''s priests all right," the spotted man commented again."Never have one person do an action that could involve four people and a complicated ritual."


    "Uh, yeah." Nelda ventured a smile. "But that priest fell and hurt himself.So the senior priest yelled that I should position the offering, but he may not have noticed I was¡­ the wrong sort of priest.Anyway, because he ordered me to do it, I did.And then there was a big flash of light"--jazz hands--"and suddenly I was here."


    Loud conversation sprung up immediately as every satyr shared his thoughts with one another or shouted it into the air.


    "...Messed up the offering."


    "Angered the god¡­"


    "...Mistake by the high priest."


    [Well, at least my story seems to be working for them.]


    The elderly satyr who had spoken earlier thumped the ground with his rough-hewn walking stick, bringing some hush to the gathering. "Nelda, tell me," he said. "This priest who directed you was he older than you and senior in your faith?"


    Nelda was struck with the image of Dandruff in purple hierophant''s robes."Well, yes," she replied."Of course we was."


    "So," the elder concluded."That means the mistake belongs to the priest, not the one he commanded¡­ but!" He held up one bony finger."The obligation of correcting it in no way falls on us."


    General conversation was taken up again, but none of it was directed at Nelda. A good number of the satyrs just wandered off--as if they considered the matter closed.


    Nelda stooped down awkwardly and sat on the rock with her legs dangling off the edge nearly reached the ground. All of the satyrs seemed to be avoiding eye contact with her. [What do I do now?]


    HoneyBeard''s large bunch of branches was lying near her and brushing her ankles.Nelda idly reached down and plucked a small green leaf.Shee rubbed it between her finger and thumb.It smelled very faintly of mint.Her mind being somewhat disoriented failed to stop her from acting on a passing impulse, and Nelda swallowed the leaf.

 3 Lying and Flying

    A few of the satyrs continued a spirited discussion about her, but none of them seemed very interested actually in speaking to her.Or even looking at her.


    HoneyBeard picked up his bushel of branches and seemed about to take his leave.The light of dusk was starting to smolder down behind the trees.


    Nelda leaped up and stumbled after HoneyBeard."But wait!" she called."Can I stay here?"


    He turned to her grumpily."I don''t see anyone stopping you."


    Nelda fumbled for words."But how will I¡­ live?"


    "The air is warm, the ground is soft.There is fruit in the trees and fish in the river.If you don''t know how to live, that''s not down to me."


    Nelda had to run to keep up with the satyr, who moved his large frame nimbly on dainty hooves. She tripped in the darkness, staggered, twirled and fell, tumbling down the bank into the tepid river,She could feel thick mud [or at least I hope it''s mud] squishing between her fingers and smeared down the side of her face.


    HoneyBeard peered over the edge of the bank at her, silhouetted against the fading sky.


    BugleHead came over to join him. "Why is she bathing with her clothes on?" he asked.


    "I am beginning to suspect, brother, that the little priestess has no idea how to live."


    "It''s dark." Nelda struggled to stand and rinse her hands and face in the water.


    "So you don''t have moon-sight, then?" BugleHead asked.


    "I don''t have moon-sight, I guess. Whatever that is,And I don''t know which fruit can be eaten, and I don''t know how to fish.What did you expect? I don''t even know how to put offerings on an altar correctly."


    Nelda felt a sudden surge of emotion and at that moment it could have gone one of two ways: dissolving into pathetic tears or venting pointless anger with the bizarre turn her life had suddenly taken.


    [I am not going to be a damsel-in-fucking-distress, or at least not the damsel part]."Look you two," Nelda said. "Old stick-thumper may have declared I am not your problem, but maybe he''s not the one who gets to decide that.My god put me here, and the one thing I am really good at is being a problem.So it might be a little bit easier if you help me figure out someplace I can go to try and maybe find a way back home.And I''ll leave you to¡­ whatever it is you do here other than drink and fuck."


    "Why would anyone want to do anything else?" BugleHead remarked.


    "Well, brother.You can''t expect a chaste skinny freak to understand the real purpose of lifeAnd we do at least one other thing, sleep.Which I am going to do now."


    [Why does he assume I am chaste?]


    BugleHead [I should really find out his real name] replied with good humor: "Hmm.But she may have a point. Maybe the harpies could help her?"


    "And maybe if we just ignore her until tomorrow, the dragons will eat her."HoneyBeard shuffled away.


    Nelda scrambled back up the bank. BugleHead waited and even took her hand to pull her up the last few feet.


    "So¡­ dragons?" Nelda asked.


    "Yes, dragons."


    "I''ve never seen a dragon."


    "That''s a very good policy, sister.I suggest you continue with it."


    #


    The satyrs settled down to sleep as it got dark.Most of them made no more than a token effort to scrape together some leaves and branches to rest on.A few used rudimentary hammocks or rested together in companionable tangled heaps.


    The closest thing Nelda had to a plan was to stick near her two tenuous acquaintances.She could see both of them leaning against the roots of a large tree.She settled down nearby with her back against a rock nearby.


    BugleHead at least seemed not to dislike her. His last comment suggested that ''brother'' or ''sister'' was a term of at least mild affection.[If it is literal, that''s some serious incest going on over there.]Nelda covered her eyes and tried to continue her train of thought.


    The two satyrs probably knew how to find food, and how to avoid being food for something else--a possibility the mention of dragons presented.They weren''t actively trying to get rid of her, so that would have to do.With a short term strategy in place, she had a moment to consider just what might have happened to her.


    [Option 1: I am suffering some kind of hallucination and actually unconscious or acting nonsensically in the real world.]


    [Option 2: I have actually been transported by the machine to a different world... where mythical creatures speak colloquial English.]


    [Option 3: This option must collectively include all the other possibilities that I lack the knowledge or imagination to come up with.]


    Objectively speaking, option two did not seem very likely. Nevertheless, she had no way to do anything but go along with the information that all her senses were providing her.She drew her knees up to her chest and moved to the next problem.If she was, in fact, now in some improbable alternative world, what should she do?


    [Plan A: Stay near where I appeared because that''s what every hiker is taught to do when they get lost.Logically a way back--either accidental or planned--is most likely to appear in the same place that I originally entered.]


    [Plan B: Forget about getting back home and just start a new life here.]


    [Plan C:Do what I just said to the satyrs: go out and see if anyone in this world might know how to get back to my own world.]


    Nelda knew that what she wanted to do, was not really the logical choice.Her overwhelmed mind began to fog over with exhaustion. [I''ll just close my eyes for a little while.]


    #


    Nelda started awake in a panic. She was being stuck with sharp points all up and down her body.She flailed in instinctive protest and self-defense.She registered that she was facing downwards with scratchy tree branched all around her¡­ and the ground far below.

 4 Floating Goa

    BugleHead''s pale face looked like a small mushroom far below.His voice still carried quite clearly.


    "What is your priestess doing up in a tree?"


    "She is not my priestess," HoneyBeard snapped.


    "Well, she followed you home. Maybe that means her god chose you to look after her."


    "Hey," Nelda called out."Up in a tree here.Can I get a little help?"As she wiggled she broke through one branch and slipped further up, away from the ground.


    [Oh my god. I''ve become a human balloon]


    Nelda grabbed for the branches but they kept snapping off in her hands.Somehow she had become¡­ buoyant? Grabbing one small twig she pulled herself carefully forward until she could get a hold of a stronger branch.


    A whole crowd of satyrs had gathered below her.


    "...What is she doing?"


    "I didn''t know Neldans could fly¡­."


    "...Why is she damaging our tree?"


    "The dragons could see her¡­"


    [Dragons?] With a death grip on the branch, Nelda twisted her neck trying to look around.A twig lodged itself up her nose and bits of bark and dirt fell into her eyes.She started to try and drag herself downwards but as the branch got wider she couldn''t get her hand around it or get purchase on its smooth surface.


    "Come down here right now," HoneyBeard growled.


    Nelda sneezed, hiccuped, and hugged the branch like it was the love of her life, but she was still starting to slide gradually back into the air."Hey, BugleHead.Tell the genius standing next to you that being up here getting to second base with a tree was not my idea!"


    "Nelda says¡­"


    "Thank you. I heard her."


    "So what do you think we should do?"


    [I''m going to float away over the rainbow, and I don''t think there will be any fucking bluebirds there.]


    "Well this is fun and all," HoneyBeard said quite calmly."But we need to start getting ready for cave day before the sun starts to come up."And then he turned and walked away.


    BugleHead watched him go for a while, and then looked back up at Nelda.


    Nelda started trying to sort of swim down the branch by kicking her legs."Your boyfriend''s a contrary asshole," she muttered.


    Apparently BugleHead had really good hearing, because he replied: "It''s part of what makes him adorable."


    "We''ll have to"--huff--"agree to disagree on that one."


    "He does have a point, though. Once it gets light the dragons will start flying over.We should be in the cave by then."Buglehead sounded irritatingly calm, but it was better than HoneyBeard having no fucks to give whatsoever about her plight.


    "I am totally"--urk--"on board with that whole hide from dragons in a cave plan that you guys have going on. Maybe you could throw me a rope or something?"


    "Yeah, we don''t have any rope." BugleHead sounded more confused than apologetic.


    The rest of the satyrs put their heads together and came up with a plan. It seemed to based more on what they would find amusing than what had the best chance of succeeding. They started forming together into an anarchist''s idea of the human pyramid.A satyr pile, if you will.


    BugleHead clambered up the pile of his brethren. At the very top he reached out an arm--with square fingertips were just about close enough to reach¡­ if Nelda took one hand off the branch.


    [But then I''ll probably lose my grip.]


    BugleHead looked up, his face was dominated by a long flared nose, and covered with a profusion of freckles.His green eyes had goat-like pupils and his long ears ended with auburn tufts of hair.


    [My what big ears you have.]


    "Take my hand," he said."I''ve got you."


    Nelda took a deep breath, then thrust her hand into his.She immediately lost her grip on the tree and started to float up.Her left hand flailed and grabbed BugleHead''s curling horn. Twisting, she lost the hold of his hand and grabbed his other horn.


    For a moment they both sort of hovered, and then they both started to drift away from the tree and slightly upwards.


    "Well this is unexpected," BugleHead said.


    [Shit!]"I have to drop you."


    "No! No! The ground''s too far away now."


    "It''s not going to get any closer, and you are better off down there than up here."


    They started to drift slowly towards the river, and a little more higher up.Nelda was floating, ass-upwards and feet kicking fruitlessly. She was holding BugleHead''s horns like the handles of a bicycle.


    An angry HoneyBeard reappeared below them."Where are you going with her!" he shouted.


    "Roughly north, I think," BugleHead replied.


    "Why are you doing that!"


    "Uh, prevailing wind, I think."


    Peering downwards, Nelda saw they were coming up on one of the larger outcroppings of rock."Hey, goat-boy," she said. "If we go over the top of that rock I''m going to drop you.It won''t be that far."


    "But what about you?"


    The wind changed, blowing them more to the side of the rocks.


    [God dammit]Kicking and swiveling her hips just made the two of them spin around slowly.The tower of rocks was beginning to pass by, about ten feet away.


    Then she saw HoneyBeard scaling the side of the rocky tor in dramatic leaps.He reached the top and jumped straight at them.


    "AAARGHH!" Screamed HoneyBears, BugleHead, and Nelda, in unison but different keys.


    HoneyBeard ended up latching onto BugleHead by the waist.They swung and spun in the air¡­ wobbled, and then began slowly drifting downwards.


    HoneyBeard''s scrabbling hooves finally hit the ground. "We are going to the cave right now." He started to drag them off towards a bank of ruddy-colored cliffs.


    They were joined by a loose crowd of satyrs heading in the same direction. They were bringing with them haphazard piles of food and jars and piles of brush and fern and kindle wood.


    "Woot! Cave day festiv-aaaaal!" BugleHead cheered. "I am going to get so drunk."

 5 Ceiling Feelings

    Nelda lay on the ceiling of the cave looking down.It was incredibly disorienting, and she was starting to feel nauseous.The cave was large enough to easy accommodate the whole satyr group [village, herd, whatever].She had tried counting them, but they kept moving around so it ended up more of an estimate. [Eighty, maybe?]


    A number of satyrs were playing a jaunty tune, some with crude pipes and others with drums.They had brought in all kind of food and flowers, instrument and paints that the were using to daub the walls in crazy designs. A large fire was being built near the center under what seemed to be a natural chimney.


    Just inside the entranceway there was an area where the roof was lower, and this is where HoneyBeard had left Nelda, stuck there like a broken ceiling fan with just her brown hair hanging down.


    Her unicorn-pattern scrubs were starting to look distinctly the worse for wear.Fortunately, the cloth was mainly black, but the formerly white unicorns now looked more like buckskins and bays. [I need to be more careful.Given that these guys are more furry than fashionista, clothing will be hard to replace.]


    HoneyBeard had dashed off to argue with a boisterous young satyr who had been running around the cave holding a burning branch.His point was harder to make as he had to chase after the rather limber miscreant. "That''s no point hiding from the"¡ªpuff¡ª"dragons if you burn us all to"¡ªpuff¡ª" death instead, Speckle. Fuck me."


    "I''m game," BugleHead commented.Looking up at Nelda he added."It''s easier than the reverse, if you know what I mean.Oh, sorry, you might not know at all, I guess."


    "Why do you say that?"


    Their conversation was cut off by the return of a wheezing HoneyBeard."Idiots.I am surrounded by idiots. Including you." He pointed upwards at Nelda. "Flying leaf does not cause flying."


    Nelda spread her arms."Evidence to the contrary," she said indicating her position.She dug in her pocket for an elastic hair tie.


    "He''s right, sister.Flying leaf just makes you happy in the head.It helps pass the time in here.It''s good for keeping the peace with us all cooped up together."


    Nelda was trying to twist her head so she could gather her hair into a ponytail."And about that," she said. "How long are we going to be in here?"


    Honeybeard snapped, "You can leave any¡­."


    "Shhh." BugleHead pushed some leaf at him."It''s just this one day," he explained."All the lady dragons who are going to lay this year go down to the southern ranges on the day after the flame flowers bloom."


    In her effort to sort out her hair, Nelda ended up flipping over and face-planting upwards into the rock."Ugh."


    She struggled to a kneeling position on the ceiling.This strange buoyancy seemed to apply to her whole body.Tentatively, she stood on the ceiling. In this position things felt almost normal so long as she kept her eyes closed.Well, she could still feel her hair floating upwards from her body, and someone with bad breath was standing real near to her.


    Opening her eyes, she saw the grinning upside-down face of BugleHead level with her own.Nelda sighed, and finally managed to get her hair tied back.


    [Oh, that''s right. I was going to ask.] "So, what''s your actual name?"


    "It''s BugleHead," said BugleHead.


    "No, it''s not."


    "Yes, it is."


    "But I gave you that name."


    "Yes, that''s how I got it."


    "But what was it before?"


    He kept grinning at her and took a drink from a rough, round-bottomed clay cup. He proffered the cup in her direction.


    Nelda took it.It was awkward holding a cup upside down and she tilted it back and forth peering upwards at the amber liquid."What is this?"


    "Well, it used to be Bullberries, if that''s the way you look at things."


    It smelled a bit like hard cider but given her response to the flying leaf [maybe?] what was safe for satyrs could be poisonous to her. [What the hell.I don''t really have any choice but to try things and see how it goes.]


    Peering at the cup she saw it was a wobbly-shaped half sphere. "You cup isn''t flat on the bottom," she remarked. "How do you put it down."


    "Why would I want to put it down?" BugleHead replied.


    [He may be cheerful, but this guy has the potential to get annoying.] Nelda tried to bring the upside down cup to her lips and tip it. The sweet acrid liquid swarmed over the roof of her mouth and escaped to run, burning, up her nose from the inside and the outside.Gulping and leaning forward she instinctively turned the cup the other way up, and then dropped it. She heard it shatter on the¡­ [Ceiling? Ground? I don''t fucking know.]


    Putting her hand over her nose she erupted in a serious of undignified sneezed-coughs ending in a protracted burp.Her eyes had teared up and rubbing them just pushed the harsh liquor over more of his face.


    Only gradually regaining control of her body, Nelda carefully stood again.This brought her back face-to-face with BugleHead whose ears were drooping, and his curly hair was dripping with the golden liquid.A bunch of satyrs standing nearby seemed to find her near asphyxiation and his impromptu shower extremely hilarious.


    Looking further down, Nelda said, "Oh, sorry.I broke your cup."


    "The girl doesn''t know how to hold her liquor," HoneyBeard observed, with just the slightest hint of a smile.


    [On second thought, with the world already being this confusing, perhaps I shouldn''t be drinking.]The party was starting to get rowdy even thought it was still early in the morning.A bunch of satyrs were dancing around the fire. From Nelda''s point of view, it was a very Lionel Ritchie experience. He perceptions kept flipping between feeling like she was upside down and feeling the rest of the world was.She felt sick and anxious. [Yep, this is a lot like being drunk but without the buzz.]


    Just as she began to feel overwhelmed a thought struck Nelda.A thought so strong that it almost seemed to come from outside her own mind.


    [I must be here for a reason.I just have to figure out what it is.]

 6 River Shiver

    Nelda spent most of the day trying to gather some information about the world she was now in.The problem being that the world she was currently in was a dark, smoky cave full of creatures who didn''t worry too much about the world beyond the tips of their ''horns''.


    [With the exception of dragons, but if that''s what it takes to get their attention....]


    Very few of them had gone more than a day or two''s travel from the river valley.They could describe a range of animals: goats, deer, wild horses, foxes, mud jumpers [?] gripe bears [??],and vampire tigers [!!!]. But their notions of other sentient races seemed a blend of fact and fancy.Some of them said they had actually spoken to mermaids or harpies.But stories of gryphons, centaurs, and manticores all seemed to be second-hand. Mentions of sphinxes, sea serpents, and ophinicuses were third hand and generations old. And in terms of were all these creatures lived, she got nothing more than ''somewhere far away''.


    Nelda was struck with an impulse to sneak to the cave entrance and check that the dragons were actually real.[Better not, just in case.]


    Also she would have had to go past HoneyBeard to do it.He had positioned himself near the only entrance to, and so only exit from, the cave as a kind of hall monitor.He was sitting on the ground working on some kind of craft project that involved cutting up pieces of animal hide with a stone blade.


    Nelda hooked one foot under a ledge and watched the current crew of wall-painters.Speckle, the would-be pyromaniac, was depicting flame flowers as ochre-red hand prints against limestone walls.


    [If I am here for a reason, does that imply that someone has a plan? And if so¡­ who?]Nelda was a quasi-agnostic. [Not even really ready to commit to that.]So, god didn''t offer an easy answer.And even if it did, was this a different reality with different gods?


    "So, Speckle¡­" Nelda said.


    "Yeah."


    "Why are there no female satyrs?"


    "Why would there be female satyrs?"


    [Why do so many satyrs act like university professors? I''m not getting graded on this, I don''t have to figure out the answers for myself!] "Well, where do baby satyrs come from?"


    Speckle continued to focus on his painting. "From the cave, over course."


    "This cave?"


    Snort. "Nuh-uh. From the baby cave."


    [Is that some kid of euphemism?]"And where is that?"


    Speckles sighed.The painted wall in front of them provided a very distorted depiction of the river, the valley, and the mountain.He pointed at where the river was coming from. "River cave." To the red bank. "Dragon day cave."To a place near the top of the mountain. "Baby cave . When a satyr dies, one of us goes up to the baby cave and there is a new baby there.I was the last one."


    If he had been human, Nelda would have guessed that Speckles was about twenty to twenty-five years old. She frowned. "How long do satyrs live?"


    Speckles looked at her, blinked once and replied: "Until they die."


    A lot of the satyrs had given her that look, like she was asking very stupid questions.Nelda persisted, "But dragons have females, and they lay eggs."


    "Yes. Dragons are females."


    "All dragons are females?"


    "I think so, I don''t know. You''re silly." Speckles wiped his hands on his hairy thighs and wandered off towards the bonfire.


    Nelda floated by one foot and looked at the painting.The big flower field in the foreground was bisected by the wavy river. There were lines of trees, mounds of rock and a big green mountain with a rounded grey peak in the background.[This is the satyr''s world, and they don''t want anything more out of life. I think I might be a little bit jealous of them just being happy with what they have.But doesn''t it seem a little bit like some greater power is¡­ looking after them?]


    The only hint of any kind of wider world was a large soot-black dragon depicted above the mountain.It looked like a storybook dragon with jagged teeth, a swan like neck, large wings, spikes down it''s back, and a long tail ending in an arrowhead shape.Even so crudely depicted looking at her gave her a chill so strong she shuddered.


    [Is this the greater power?]

 7 Sobbing and Bobbing

    After a very uncomfortable night sleeping on the ceiling, Nelda woke up in a semi-fetal position, looking down on the satyrs preparing to decamp from the cave.[If this was caused by the leaf, shouldn''t it have worn off by now?]Nelda had worked out how to conduct weightless pooping during the night, there being no real choice in the matter.


    She vaguely remembered that drugs like cocaine left the body after a day or two.[So maybe I have another day of this to go? It doesn''t feel like it is wearing off at all.]


    Eventually HoneyBeard appeared below her, looking quite smug about something."I made a rope," he said."Two, in fact."


    He held up a length of lumpy plaited dead animal skin.While it looked at about the execution level of a pre-school art project. This was stil pretty impressive given the satyr disinterest in any kind of technology other than brewing."Um, okay," Nelda said. "What''s the plan?"


    "Isn''t it obvious?"


    "I am really getting the idea that you guys don''t understand how questions work."


    "And I''m getting the idea that I could just leave you on the roof there."


    [Just my luck that the sassy satyr is also the only one with any kind of problem-solving skills.]"My apologies, brother.Would you be so god as to explain it to me as my wit''s are too deficient to recognize that which is obvious to you."


    The look HoneyBeard gave her was very reminiscent of Angry Brenda, but he did deign to explain."The weight of one satyr is not sufficient to keep you on the ground, but the weight of two satyrs is.So BugleHead and I will each hold a rope, tied to each of your ankles."


    "You call him BugleHead too."


    "Well, obviously I do.It''s his name."


    [I mean, I suppose I am just going to have to go along with what passes for logic in this place.]Okay, but I think it might make more sense to just tether me to a rock or a tree until this wears off."


    "We have to get you out of here first.Unless you want to live in the cave?" HoneyBeard added hopefully.


    The thought of the sheer tedium of being alone in the dark was very motivation."No! No! I''m sure we can make it work."[I am actually going to become a human balloon now.]


    Nelda didn''t mention that it would be a lot easier for them both to hold one rope. The ropes didn''t look terribly trustworthy, so it was good to have a backup.


    Nelda fastened the roadkill ropes to each of her ankles.At least she would be able to stay here in the valley with the satyrs until she resolved her buoyancy situation. BugleHead was fairly agreeable and even HoneyBeard had not objected to her calling him ''brother''.


    BugleHead appeared to take his rope, in the form of perversely non-sexual bondage that even Rule 34 might not accommodate."Here we go," he said cheerfully.


    "Wait!"


    Nelda lurched forward with two good tugs to her ankles and her foreheadsmashed into the cave wall where is dipped down over the small entrance.


    "Oops," said BugleHead, by way of apology.


    HoneyBeard just laughed. "Look who''s on a leash now."


    Nelda kicked in the direction of his head but took care to miss.[I never had brothers, but it must feel like this.] She was struck by a sudden wave of sourceless nostalgia.For the first time since her ordeal began, Nelda started to cry.


    "There, there, sister." BugleHead pulled down on the rope leaving Nelda sobbing and bobbing. What''s wrong?"


    "My¡­ head¡­ hurts."


    "We''ll get you something for that. But let''s go outside first."


    They carefully guided her outside.Nelda was annoyed with herself.[I am not the kind of girl that cries.] Nevertheless. now that she had started, it seemed she could not stop.Nelda was full on ugly-crying with snot, and coughing, and deep guttural sounds like she was drowning in her own tears.


    "Shhh, shhh, shhh." BugleHead patted her ineffectually on the top of one shoe.Which to be fair, was the only part of her that he could reach."It''ll be all right."


    [Did I pass out for a moment? I am not sure.How can you tell if you blacked out in a dark cave.]Nelda''s head was split with a headache like a caffeine-migraine and she wretched with nausea but had nothing to throw up. "Just tie me to something," she got out between sobs."You do whatever you have to do today. Don''t worry about me."


    "We planned to do nothing today," BugleHead said.


    "Yeah," HoneyBeard noted."And that was a solid plan.We should stick with it."


    At that moment a huff-whistling wind tore down the mountain and through the valley. It


    swirly and rebounded between the trees and the rocks.It was concentrated by the narrow cleft between the red cliffs that held the Dragon Cave and the tall grey tor just on the other side of the river.


    It gathered the cool spray of the river.It gathered the dead leaves from the ground.It gathered Nelda, and by extension BugleHead and HoneyBeard, and it lifted them up, up, up into the sky.


    "Somehow," BugleHead said."This is still unexpected."


    "Jump!" Nelda screamed."Before it''s too late! Jump! Jump!"


    HoneyBeard and BugleHead did not jump.


    [Well, shit.]

 8 Awry in the Sky

    A life that had always been prone to weird coincidences and bad luck, was on track to end with the weirdest, baddest luck of all.Nelda drifted every upwards, whipped along by intermittent bursts of wind.She felt the bridge of her nose.It did not seem broken, but she could feel a bulge over her eye and a cut from when she head-butted the cave wall.


    The two satyrs had tied the ends of the ropes together to make a kind of makeshift swing that they sat on glumly.


    It was getting colder and colder. There were wispy clouds around them, allowing only occasional glimpses at first of forest and then some kind of marshy moor.


    "Have you tried thinking downly thoughts?" BugleHead offered.


    "D-downly th-thoughts?"


    HoneyBeard spoke up."If she''s not feeling down right now, she''s even crazier than I thought."


    "Well, she''s not doing the flappy kind of flying.So maybe she is doing the thinky kind of flying?"


    "We''re all doing the dying kind of flying," HoneyBeard muttered.


    A third, deep and sibilant kind of voice, broke the silence."Thisss one greets yourself."


    Out of the clouds, the enormous form of a dragon emerged with astounding silence.The breadth of its wings materialized from the mist above them, gliding in the wind.The dragon looked down at them with a head the size of a Mini Cooper balanced on a long sinuous neck.It blinked two large yellow cat-like eyes.


    "Um, hello," Nelda shouted."I, um, wonder if you could help us out here?"


    She glanced down to the satyrs who clung to the ropes with their eyes wide in static terror.


    "What isss it that yourself requires?"


    "I have recently taken up flying," Nelda extemporized. "And I seem to be having some trouble with the landing part.I wonder if you could help, um, put me on the ground somewhere."


    "Hmmm.It is an unusual accomplishment for a crawling being to become flighted," the dragon said with what seemed like sincere praise."However, this one is already late and if this one lands here in this one''s current position this one may not be able to take off again."


    "Because you are, um, with egg?"


    "Yesss, yesss, and a day delayed so this one can lose no time." The dragon drew ahead of them a little and made some tiny adjustment of her wings to drop back beside them."This one could take you to the hatching grounds and land yourself there, if it would assist."


    "Oh, I think so. Yes.Could you?"


    "Does yourself wish to bring, what it this, your¡­ lunch?" With one strangely delicate clawed finger on her forefeet the dragon indicated the satyrs.


    "Oh yes. Please.They are not my lunch, but they have been¡ªassisting me."


    "Your servants."The dragon seemed satisfied with the answer.She yawed slightly to completely cover the sky overhead.


    Up close, the dragon''s fore-feet were similar to hands but with each finger having only one joint.Each palm was about the size of a king-sized bed but considerably harder. [But floaters can''t be choosers.] The dragon gathered them up in a double-handed cupped grip that held them all like a large bowl that she gathered up against her smooth under-belly.


    The dragons body bobbed, as it began to beat its enormous wings.The sound of the wings became a whining shriek around them.Nelda found herself in the middle of a smelly, furry satyr sandwich.


    HoneyBeard, squished up behind her said grumpily, "I think the little priestess has a very strange god."


    "It''s all rather exciting," replied the every-optimistic BugleHead."like a heroic story."


    "Heroic stories are only exciting for heroes and people who are not involved.Anyone else has a good chance of ending up dead."


    Nelda couldn''t think of anything helpful or consoling to say.If you went with the Asimov theory that advanced technology is basically magic... [what kind of god was the big bad machine?]


    The scientists and engineers never mixed with the mere technicians.And the only technician that Nelda thought might have a real idea about what the machine was for was Angry Brenda.But Nelda struggled to remember what Angry Brenda had even said about it, if not to her but to her friends in the building, Neurotic Susan and Backstabbing Marie.


    All she could bring to mind was their endless dull conversations about books and movies.Neurotic Susan was the only one of them who liked Twilight, and they all criticized the CGI from the movie about that Jesus-Lion story with the kids.They were all fans of Harry Potter, the books and movies, which seemed oddly juvenile for a group of middle-aged women. [But who am I to judge.]


    At least the dragon''s body was warm.The chill leeched out of Nelda and swiftly swung towards being uncomfortably hot.From their position there was no way to talk to the dragon.Through a small chink she could see its neck was pushed forward in a lose S-shape putting its head, and so presumably ears, about the length of a basketball court away and into the squealing wind.


    "So, guys," Nelda said. "How far away are these hatching grounds?" [I hope we aren''t all broasted by the time we get there.]

 9 The Not Rock

    It was hard to measure time, but it was still daylight. The three of them were dropped blinking into a sparkling cavern. The satyrs clung to each of her arms and in that still space it was like being inside an amethyst geode. One large enough to accommodate five or six double-decker buses, and currently accommodating only one, in the form of a large black dragon with her wings folded and tucked and neck drawn back like a resting heron.


    The dragon''s body had passed over them and she turned to back into the space and wiggled her ass-end in comfortably.The roughly egg-shaped interior tapered out slightly to the wide round entrance.The facets of he huge crystals created giant stopped up to the opening but from where they stood all that could be seen was a jagged bite of roiling, stormy sky.


    [It''s like the sky still wants me.]


    HoneyBeard looked around.He stamped his hoof down on Nelda''s shoe to hold her in place.


    "Ouch!" [I mean, I''m wearing steel-tied show, but still.]


    He then grabbed a large purple rock and shoved it into Nelda''s arms. "Here. Hold this."


    "Oof."


    The rock was about the size of a beach ball and the weight of lead.Nelda and BugleHead collapsed in a heap.She ended up cross-legged with the sparkling rock in her lap.


    After a moment processing the surprise Nelda realized: "Oh. Why didn''t we think of this before?"


    HoneyBeard replied, "Because you''re all idiots."


    #


    BugleHead disentangled himself, and the two satyrs hopped nimbly up the rocks to look out the entrance.Nelda could hear the tone of their conversation but not the words. Something to the effect of¡­.


    HoneyBeard: Grump, grump, grump, grump, grump.


    BugleHead: Bippity boppity boo.


    HoneyBeard: Bah Humbug.


    The dragon closed its eyes and sighed. Nelda sat there uncomfortable in every sense of the word. [Is it asleep.Am I meant to leave?]


    Then the golden eyes flicked open again. "Yourself is a puzzle," it [she?] said. "Yourself is like a god among cockroaches.But a cockroach god is still a god.So, a certain respect is accorded."


    "Thank you?"


    "That yourself can fly shows yourself has acquired a spark of the divine.That yourself is so bad at it suggested this might have been an accident. But looking at you, there is a chance¡­."The dragon sighed. "But this one will assist."


    "Again, very grateful."


    "Hmmm." The dragon had been sitting with her front legs tucked inwards like a cat.Like an enormous smug terrifying dinosaur-cat. "She reached out one of those giant front paw-hands and reached out to the side where there was kind of beach of small pieces broken from the crystals around the size of marbles.


    Somehow between two giant finger-claws she picked up one small piece, brought it over to Nelda and said, "Take this."


    In terms of the relative size it was a little like a human trying to hand a cockroach a grain of sand.Nelda put out her hand and when the dragon dropped the little stone she managed to catch it.


    In that moment Nelda was struck with a sudden sense of breathlessness and bone-ache. Startled she dropped the small stone.


    The dragon sighed again."Pick it up. That is a stone of not flying."


    That was a slightly bemusing concept, but it seemed wise to oblige the enormous dagger-mawed dragon.Nelda groped and picked up a small stone from between the crevices of the large ones.


    "That''s not it," the dragon said.


    She found another.


    "No."


    Another.


    "No."


    "So, they''re like not all stones of not flying."


    Sigh. "No."


    [But the dragon hardly seemed to even look when she picked it out of that huge pile of stones? So is it just this one stone or all the ones over there?] When Nelda''s groping hands found the right stone Nelda felt it right away. It was the feeling of her own flesh having weight on her bones, her own organs pressing on her lungs, her heart protesting a suddenly more difficult task, and her bra having to do its job again. "Right."


    Nelda cautiously pushed the large stone off her thighs.She stayed reassuringly attached to the ground.She stood.Her back hurt. It felt great.


    She took a little jump and thudded back on the ground. Nelda giggled. She jumped around in a little circles like a little bunny rabbit on crack.The ropes still tied to her ankles flapping behind her."Ah, this is so good."


    The dragon actually rolled her eyes, without even lifting her head off the ground.The lips around her giant jaws rippled at she spoke."Yourself is unseemly at being so joyful to return to the world of the crawling."


    Nelda spun, the small stone gripped hard in her hand. "Oh, I a so grateful to you and I promise to get better at flying and, um, to deserving of being, um, a flier."


    "Flighted."


    "What?"


    "Of being flighted.I suggest yourself works on that quickly.Once this one lays, this one will experience a change in mood.This one will probably remember not to kill or eat a fellow flighted, but¡­"


    Nelda turned to the entrance where the two satyrs could be seen in silhouette. BugleHead was making bird flapping motions with his hands.HoneyBeard picked up a rock and through it out of the geode cave.


    There was a faint sound of a retreating ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping¡­


    [Oh dear.]


    It was something of a struggle to get the ropes untied, and even more of one to climb up the giant''s stairs to the entrance way.The stones were fortunately not sharp edged but the clustered into smooth faceted surfaces that were easier to slide down than to climb up.


    Once she got there Nelda peered over the edge. She backed up and knelt down before looking over again.The geode cave was embedded into the side of a high, ragged mountain. There were other mountains in the range around them and the up-thrusting rock sloped down sharply to their right. Over there the land swooped down and smoothed out into a peaceful green tableau.From this distance it could have been grass or trees or some other weird alien thing.


    BugleHead was standing quite confidently near the edge."We can get down there, I think," he said.


    "One way or the other," HoneyBeard added.


    "Hey," BugleHead said to Nelda."What''s with the not flying?"


    "The dragon gave me a rock of not-flying. [It really needs a better name.]But then she said she might still eat us after she lays the eggs."


    "Strange, strange god," HoneyBeard muttered. He looked at the sharp decline of the mountain around them as if giving it much more serious consideration."How good are you at climbing?"


    Nelda wiggled her toes inside her shoes."Terrible," she admitted.


    Inside the dragon began to snore.

 10 Wayback Nayback

    [So here we are.Between a rock and a dragon-nest.]


    BugleHead held onto Nelda''s sleeve, as if concerned she might still float away at any moment.


    HoneyBeard looked down the near-cliff, and over at the dragon, and then at Nelda''s feet."What are you keeping under those foot-helmets? Something you can climb with?"


    "Like I said. Not really."


    HoneyBeard raised his eyebrows.


    Having caused the satyr to be dragon-abducted a little foot-flashing didn''t seem like to much of a request. Nelda put the stone-of-not-flying in her mouth, she had a feeling she definitely needed to be directly touching it for it to work.She took off her shoe.


    "Wow," BugleHead said. "Look, she''s got hoof-hands.Like really weird hoof hands. That''s crazy."


    HoneyBeard just wrinkled his nose in mild disgust. "Neldans look like the gods assembled them from left over parts." He shook his head.


    Nelda didn''t say anything, largely because she had a stone in her mouth.


    A yellow light flickered over the boiling stormy sky.


    #


    With a sound like the pop of a champagne cork, Nelda found her self sitting on a floor of a room. A very¡­ normal room.


    Right ahead of her, between the legs of a table, she could see the prone form of the junior scientist, Beaker.Drool was oozing from his mouth onto the dusty linoleum. Even at this angle it was not apparent whether he was unconscious or dead.


    Shooting to her feet she reflexively swallowed the not-flying stone. [Shit.]


    Dandruff was standing very close to where she had last seen him.His eye brows still raised high to reveal his eyes, which for once displayed an emotion other than irritation ¨C it was pure panic.


    The world moved in slow motion.


    Taking a step backwards she collided with a muscular chest, and a slightly more squishy one. She whirled and saw HoneyBeard and BugleHead were standing to either side just behind her.


    [Wow. Worlds colliding.]


    Both satyrs wore expressions of blank amazement even more extreme than when they had encountered the dragon. Behind them the front of the machine shimmered as if it was covered in a rippling layer of iridescent oily gold.And in the refractions she could see glints of the lilac-hued crystals of the dragon''s cave.


    Looking forward again, she saw Dandruff''s fingers open and his "Best Dad" coffee cup began a slow descent towards the floor. [What''s more amazing, that some one would let him procreate with them, or that he would be anything other than appalling as a father.]


    The door into the hallway burst slowly open and the two armed guards waded in.One raised his rifle and pointed it directly in Nelda''s direction. [That''s not the kind of piercing I had in mind!]


    Time was beginning to speed up towards normal. Dandruff shouted at the guards.


    "Noooo, dooon''t yoou dare damage my machine!"


    There was a strange pause where nobody did anything.Then Nelda felt the hands of the two satyrs drop onto her shoulders and yank her away from the guards.As she fell backwards into the shimmering puddle, Dandruff turned back to her.


    Dandruff shouted hoarsely, "Whatever you do don''t¡ª"


    #


    All three of them teetering on the edge of the dragon''s cave.The dragon surged forward very rapidly, especially given her condition, and slapped them back into the safety of the cave.


    The two satyrs began shouting in two-part dis-harmony and with different lyrics: "Why did¡ªwhat was¡ªwas he¡ªtried to¡ªold wizard¡ªkill us¡ªcrazy magic¡ªbatshit crazy¡ªgrateful to¡ªgod was¡ªfucking dragon!?"


    Nelda let them get it out of their system. When there was a pause she asked: "Are you two done now?"


    "Will that¡ªfall down¡ªflying demon¡ªhappen again¡ªleave us¡ªeat us¡ªmight be¡ªbehind next¡ªbetter than¡ªthis time?!"


    These were probably all fair questions.But Nelda was also rather vexed that she had got back home and the hoofed wonder-boys had yanked her back to topsy-turvy land. So she decided to file their grievances, and contemplation of what she had just seen, in a big box labeled ''later''.After all, if you have ninety-nine problems and a dragon is one, the dragon probably comes first.


    Nelda chose to address the dragon this time. Trying to match the creature''s strange way of speaking."This one is again grateful that yourself acted so graciously to assist this one and these¡­" A suitable descriptor escaped her so Nelda just sort of waved at the outraged satyrs. "Especially as¡­ yourself obviously has much more pressing concerns."


    The dragon settled herself carefully back down again and made no reply but to sniff.


    Nelda pressed on. "I¡­ This one wished to remove any further disturbance from your¡­ self''s abode.I wonder if yourself might provide some insight about where to go and the general, um, environs around here?" [Flying creature gotta know the lay of the land, right?]


    Despite having a muzzle like a cross between an alligator and a mastiff, the dragon nevertheless managed to purse her lips like a disapproving matron.


    "It''s seemsss to this," the dragon said at last. "That it would be more advantageous for yourself to dissscover the people of this world on its own terms. And alssso the better for this world."


    "Oh my god," Nelda muttered in annoyance.


    HoneyBeard muttered in response, "Please don''t involve your god.That''s what started this whole mess in the first place."


    "I hear you," Nelda said to the dragon, pleading. "But my first task is to return these, my¡ªuh¡ªservants, to their home village.So, given that I have already been there, perhaps you could point me in that direction."


    The dragon¡­ smiled.It was like being smiled at by a giant gargoyle with a mouth full of swords."Oh, I don''t think it is your fate to go back there."

 11 Deus Ex

    It quickly got too dark to consider travelling for a while.Night fell in the high mountains rather like a light switch.Blink. Dark.


    The dragon was very faintly luminous as if something very bright indeed was inside her belly.There was just barely enough light to see by once Nelda''s eyes adjusted.


    The satyrs seemed to have no trouble at all.[Moon-sight?] and promptly continued their own version of twenty questions, but with more questions.


    "Why did you god bring you back?"


    "Why was that guy lying on the ground?"


    "Why is your world so straight and square?"


    "Why did the wizard''s cup have a flat bottom?"


    "Shhh, guys," Nelda said."The dragon''s trying to sleep.


    #


    Nelda edged kind of close to the dragon to try and get some sleep.The dragon emanated a comfortable warmth and effectively repelled the satyrs who were understandably buzzing with questions.Most of which she did not know how to answer.


    She woke at dawn from fitful sleep.She watched the dim light play across the colorful, semi-translucent surfaces of the crystals in the cave. And revealed a door opposite where she lay.


    [Door?]


    Getting carefully to her feet, Nelda clambered cross the width of the large cavern and stood in front or a clear, roughly human-sized arched doorway.


    A cheerful clatter of hooves presaged the arrival of BugleHead.He also looked at the dark doorway and short section of down-sloping corridor visible through it.


    "Well, that''s convenient," BugleHead said."Do you think it''s a way out?


    "Or the way to the larder, or the latrine¡­. In any case, this was not here yesterday," Nelda said suspiciously.


    "We must have just missed it."


    "Missed an enormous doorway, that was right in front of us the whole time?"


    "HoneyBeard often says I can''t see things that are right in front of my face."


    Nelda had to concede that BugleHead''s sunny disposition was unassailable.It was beginning to shine a light on why HoneyBeard was quite so grumpy. Peering down the side of the dragon, the giant creature seemed to be sitting with a slightly hunched back, as if there might be eggs under there.


    "Can I ask a question now?" BugleHead chirped.


    "Only if you do it very quietly."


    "Okay.What or who actually is your god?"


    Nelda considered that for a while.If she defined the god he was asking about as the power that sent her from her world to this one, the god was quite literally in the machine. "You know that big silver wall that was behind us, just under the gold puddle thing?


    "Uh, I guess."


    "That was the god."


    "You mean that was a sculpture of the god."


    "Nope, that was the actual god."


    BugleHead blinked slowly several times as this idea tried to burrow into his cranium.Then he just shook his head."So, into the latrine hole eh?Won''t be the first time!"


    #


    HoneyBeard insisted on going first into the tunnel, while simultaneously bemoaning what a bad idea it was to go into the tunnel.


    "I have to hand it to you two," he said. "You are not common, every day idiots.You have ascended to a high form of idiocy.You are raising idiocy to some kind of art form.If there was a god of idiots, you would be priests."


    "Aw, thanks," said BugleHead, who was bring up the rear.


    "It''s not a compliment," said Nelda.


    "Well, not for you," BugleHead conceded."You are already a priestess.But for me that would be quite a step up."


    The path beneath them was too uniform to have been made by hammers or chisels.Nelda felt through her shoes that it was a smooth as a concrete ramp in a multi-story car parking building, and on about the same angle although it wended and curled rather haphazardly from side to side.


    It quickly got too dark to see so Nelda made her way feeling along the equally smooth wall, following behind the angry pock-pock-pock of HoneyBeard''s hooves.


    [Moon-sight or not, they should not be able to see down here.There is no light at all!]


    BugleHead emerged from his musings. "If I was a priest I would wear a tunic and a belt with a gold buckle¡­ in the shape of bugle!" he ended triumphantly.


    "I think the buckle would be in the shape of whatever the god likes," Nelda replied.


    "But what shape would that be?"


    "A portrait of you two," HoneyBeard muttered.


    They came out into a large cavern which was dusted with some mysterious source of light.The three of then bunched together looking out on the stalactite-striped space. The ground rose up in a large wavy mounds to just under the stalactites pointy tips.It took them a moment to notice the pretty girl sitting on the rock right next to them.


    "Well," she purred."What hath Pytho sent me?"


    Nelda first saw the shining gold eyes, like the dragon''s but human sized.They were in the face of an agelessly beautiful woman with falls of lustrous black hair cascading from her head and over her naked torso.


    At about the position where her rib-cage should end be her body become a flattened cylinder in which luminescent scales twitched and flickered.


    Nelda took a deep breath."Oh, we had a lovely chat with the dragon, didn''t we chaps?"


    The satyrs were backing back into the tunnel when a lazy loop of serpentine body moved and covered it over.This was accompanied with a slight movement of the gargantuan snake-like body that wound around the stalagmites and filled most of the space of the cave. It was not the floor at all, it was all her.


    Laughing nervously Nelda pressed on."We''re good friends.What with me also being flighted."


    "Flighted?Why don''t you show me?I don''t see any wings?"


    "Yes, well, about that."

 12 Echidna? I Barely Knew Her.

    "So, because I swallowed the stone-of-not-flying, I am currently, um, not flying," Nelda babbled as she backed away from the advancing creature.Every time she said ''flying'' the monster seemed to flinch and become angrier.


    "So anyway, I am Nelda a priestess of Machina.This is HoneyBeard and BugleHead who didn''t really plan to be here today."


    The creature stopped."I am Echidna."


    "Oh, ah, that''s a lovely name.Guys, isn''t that a lovely name?"


    "Most people never introduce themselves.They are to busy with the ''aaargh'', and ''it''s a monster'', and ''run away!''" She raised her hands and waved them in a pantomime of panic.


    "Monster? Oh no.You are clearly a lovely young, ah, lady.And such pretty scales.Clearly a very refined member of the, ah, dragon family."


    Echidna stopped and tilted her head."Yes.Nice of you to notice.I am Drakaina."


    [What-ania?]"So, it''s been a lovely visit¡­."


    Echidna began to weep."But none of the dragons will court me because¡ªsob¡ªof my deformity!"


    "Oh, oh." Nelda reached forward to pat Echidna''s shoulder, but it was a couple of feet too high of the ground on her wyrm-like body. "But. I. don''t. see¡­ anything wrong with you?"


    "How can you say that?Look at this flimsy little head and what are these even for." She indicated her ample bare breasts."And worst of all, I can''t fly!"


    "Um, much as a minor priestess like me would hesitate to make a comparison but I have some of the same, um, equipment¡ªand I couldn''t fly until a few days ago."


    Echidna''s eyes lit up.Actually literally lit up, as if small candle flames were flickering inside them."You mean you actually did fly?" Spinning to the satyrs, "Did she?"


    BugleHead just squeaked.HoneyBeard managed to stutter out a reply."Yes, she was pretty terrible at it but we were definitely up in the clouds. The big dragon saw it too, that''s w-where we met her."


    Echidna swivels back to Nelda."Neld-ah.How did you do it?"


    "Well I, ah, took a herb.I don''t have any actually on me, but I could get you some and, uh, bring it back here. Maybe." [So long as you don''t kill us first.] Nelda attempted to smile but her whole face felt rigid and tight.


    Echidna coiled up the upper part of her body and leaned one arm on the coil."I like that idea, but you might be a trickster. You might never come back.And I cannot have it known that I, a Drakaina, was fooled by some mere furry creature."


    "Oh, but sister don''t you see?" Nelda gambled."I have the great fortune to be related to you to this great family albeit distantly.Can you not see the resemblance?"


    Echidna looked baffled.


    Nelda pointed back and forth.The eyes, the mouth, the hair?The with a sigh she took out her hair tie and pulled her scrub top over her head and took off her bra."What about that," she said, embarrassed. "Look familiar?"


    Echidna jaw dropped, a lot further than a jaw should be able to drop."You have them too!"


    "Exactly."Nelda folder her arms over her breasts clutching her clothing in her hand."So obviously it is my first duty to help my great, transcendent sister of the dragon race."


    "Drakaina, sister.A female dragon."


    "Oh, see, see! In my ignorance, I didn''t even know that.I obviously have so much to gain by doing even the smallest of favors for my marvelous, but obviously probably distant, family member." Nelda babbled on scrabbling for a compelling point to make, "And if this herb can give flight to one as, um, humble as this one¡ªI can only imagine with great thing that it will achieve with you?" Nelda was afraid she had somewhat overdone things, but Echidna tilted her head in the other direction and seemed to be pondering her argument.


    "I concede the logic of what you say," Echidna said. "I can think of two ways to further assure your completion of this little quest. One would be if I were to hold onto one of your little followers here¡­" There was an awkward silence. "But that one smells bad, and that one looks irksome."


    "Uh, yes," Nelda said."I can confirm that.But I did sort of accidentally fly away with them, so I am obliged¡­ get them back home."


    "It is good that you feel this sense of obligation. Such is the nature of an elevated soul.And while it may vex me that the flighted attach such esteem to their state, it is something I do acknowledge and hence aspire to."


    Echidna took a deep breath in through her flaring nostrils and sneezed.It was starting to smell a bit ''goaty'' up in this cave.


    "Instead I will require this.You will give me your solemn oath.And to return with this herb, and preferably the means to cultivate it.And when you do I shall reward you with a great treasure."She smiled a wide and toothy smile, that while more human in dimension was certainly draconic in its character.


    "Treasure?" piped up BugleHead.


    HoneyBeard smacked him."Shhh, the crazy people are talking."


    "So," said Nelda."It would really just be an honor to assist.I don''t need any treasure."


    BugleHead''s ears drooped.


    "Oh, I think this will interest you, little sister," the monster said with a smirk."If you return with what you promise, I shall give you the horn of a unicorn."


    "Okay, wow.That would be amazing?" Nelda hoped her dazed confusion would be mistaken for shock and awe.[What fucking use is a unicorn horn.I could make the world''s most ironic dildo, maybe?]"Well, this has been great, but I should get right onto that herb, bush, collecting thing then, shouldn''t I?So which way is the exit?"


    The lazy loops of wyrm body writhed out of the way revealing another larger tunnel on the other side of the cave.


    "But also remember baby sister, dear," Echidna called after them."If you fail me I shall assuage my humiliation by calling for all of dragonkind to hunt you down and erase from Mirth the slightest sooty sign that you ever existed."

 13 The Centaur Fold

    Nelda, HoneyBeard and BugleHead scrambled down the tunnel and popped out on a grassy hillside.


    "You''re going to get a treasure!" BugleHead said excitedly.


    "I am never going back in there," Nelda said,


    "But wh-why?" BugleHead was astounded.


    HoneyBeard trotted past them down the hill."Because she''s just slightly less of an idiot than you are, brother. Good luck with the dragons, girl!"


    He continued down the hill at quite an impressive pace for a somewhat portly individual.There was nothing ahead of them but a long expanse of gently rolling hills descending down into what looked like a marsh or moor.HoneyBeard could canter a good mile or two without passing out of sight, and Nelda''s feet were hurting. [Besides, where could he possibly be going?]


    "But, but you wear the raiment of the unicorn?"BugleHead looked like a kid who had just heard the bad news about Santa.


    "Yeah, that''s just for decoration. I told you about the big metal god, right. But big metal gods are terrible inspirations for fabric designs. Unicorns and rainbows are much prettier."


    BugleHead walked alongside her, drooping ears bobbing with each step."Alicorn is very useful you know," he said. "It''s a really high-grade treasure. It is the antidote to any drug or poison, and the cure for any disease.And if you perform the right rite.Ha, ha,Right rite¡­."


    "Focus, BugleHead."


    "Oh, right.You can bring the unicorn back to life.Because unicorns are extinct and that''s kind of sad. Oh, I''ve got another one, rainbow raiment.The right rite in rainbow raiment."


    "Which will not be happy happening."


    "You''re no fun.No wait, you''ve still made things more interesting than they have been in years.So, I mean, no treasure.It''s okay. I guess.There''s still the centaur."


    "The what?"


    "I mean, that''s a centaur, isn''t it?" He pointed ahead of them where HoneyBeard was now running directly back towards them, pursued by a¡­ centaur.


    [Can I not get a break here?]


    The centaur wasn''t quite like they are in overblown fantasy paintings.He seemed to be made by combining a rather small, bow-legged pony with a rather large, pot-bellied man. He held a long spear in one hand, and rather nice woven basket with a loop handle in the other--in which some brown scaly objects were bouncing vigorously.


    "Halt, foul creature," the centaur proclaimed.


    Bluffing had been working pretty well for Nelda so far, so she decided to just roll with it."Foul? You''re not exactly a posy of spring flowers yourself."


    "What?" The centaur stopped short, his spear raised menacingly.


    "I mean you must have a nasty little mind if you come across a person minding their own business, strolling along, and you accost them like this and make with the insults." Nelda tried to summon the acidic tone and phrasing of Ms. Andrew, the deputy principal of her primary school who had dealt with all the female miscreants.


    "Oh, I''m sorry," the centaur said, abashed. "I didn''t see you was a priestess.Do you vouch for these guys?"


    "Certainly, these satyrs are my retainers. We have been on a quest and were at this moment¡ªloud stomach growl¡ªthinking about finding something to eat."


    "And drink," added BugleHead.


    "Aw yeah," the centaur said, his whole mood suddenly changed. "I''m out here picking sweet cones, but also like keeping an eye on the lamia cave in case she comes out.So, when I suddenly saw you coming from that direction, I sorta freaked out."


    "Oh, Echidna.Yeah, I can see that being an issue."


    The centaur stiffened, hefting his spear again. "How do you know Echidna Drakaina, then?"


    "It''s not like we''re buds.We were just on¡­ a quest.Searching for a unicorn horn."


    The centaur''s eyes flicked to Nelda''s now considerably soiled clothes. "I guess that makes sense. I bet she wouldn''t give it to you." He huffed and thought about the situation with a visible and painful intensity for a moment."You should come talk to the BellMare."


    "What an excellent idea, and isn''t it about time for lunch?"


    BugleHead clapped his hands with enthusiasm. HoneyBeard, still catching his breath, just rolled his eyes.


    #


    As they crested a low hill, an almost-hidden crevice-valley came into view.Nelda was starting to limp. Her socks had worked their way down and her heavy shoes rubbed on the back of her heels.In order to maintain some illusion of dignity, Nelda didn''t stop to fiddle with her footwear.


    In the valley, there were various structures that looked like fences or windbreaks made from woven branches.There were clusters of centaurs, several fires smoldering, and tasks being carried out.One female was overseeing what looked like centaur-baby nap time, with the little ones snoozing in the grass with all their limbs curled up.


    Some of the activities were a little more ambiguous, like the two hefty centaurs that seemed to be digging a trench or hole with almost modern-looking shovels.And one who was beating the contents of a large sack with a heavy stick.


    They were brought at last to a female centaur near the center of the group. Her horse-body was lying on the ground atop a rug, but her lady-parts [so to speak] had the posture of a Victorian Dowager. She had short yellow-white hair on her head and horse-body and a shawl that was woven in shades of red and blue wrapped around her shoulders and clutched in her hands.


    Instinctively, Nelda knelt down in front of her, putting her hands on her knees.[This is not someone to look down at.]


    "Ah," said the centaur accompanying them. "I thought you''d want to see, ah, this."


    The old female centaur looked at Nelda appraisingly while the satyrs did their blending-into-the-background act.


    "Guardsman Freyason," she said in a creaking but charismatic voice. "Have a message sent to Gryphon GuildSmith.He will want to know about this, and then do return to your post." Before he took more than two steps the old lady winked at Nelda and said, "You can leave the sweetcones."

 14 Fishy Prophecy

    [I feel like I need some paper to keep track of my personal bestiary experiences. But when it comes to centaurs, Frank Frazetta would be very disappointed.]


    Nelda patiently accepted instruction about how to get the nut out of a sweetcone.Which is to say she picked one up, got her finger jabbed by the nettle-like spines, and was now being told how to take the cone apart from the flat bottom end.She turned to see Honeybeard chewing on the spiky cone like the stinging spines were potato stix.


    [It''s a goat thing, I guess.At least my throbbing fingers might distract me from my empty stomach.] Nelda sat sullenly with her throbbing fingertips in her mouth.


    After the impromptu culinary lesson, the centauress introduced herself as BellMare Marta Marridottor. "Do you know what a BellMare is, dear?"


    "I can''t say that I do."


    "Let me put it this way.If every member of the heard was in one place, ad I was in another, they would be the ones who were lost. \ I am always exactly where I am meant to be."


    [How very Gandalf of you.] "Riiiiight."


    "And you are thinking, what good would that do me as I would still be all on my own?"


    "Yes, I was thinking that."


    "And that is why I have the bell." From under her shawl the old centauress pulled a large brass bell with a wooden handle, and a tongue that was wrapped in felted cloth that was tied with a ribbon. "When I ring this bell, it can be heard for miles even in a thunderstorm.And the whole herd will gather to me."


    BugleHead whispered, "Because the herd heard."


    HoneyBeard sighed,


    "Do you have to do that very often?" Nelda asked, mainly to be polite.


    "Most often we just lose a youngling or two an they can use the sound to find their way home.It is mainly, as the Gryphon says, a token of office."


    Dignity be damned, Nelda started to discretely ease of her shoes.But when she did the BellMare was clearly distracted by the sight of her feet.[Just how freaky do they look to these people? I bet the blisters aren''t helping any.]


    The BellMare tucked the bell carefully away again."I say this¡­" she said, leaning forward companionably. "Just to illustrate that I have a certain level of responsibility for what happens to my people because I brought them to this vicinity.Which is to say, near the mountains at laying time.There is normally no great risk foraging here during the during the time of lay but before the hatching when the mothers start to hunt. But Echidna¡­ she is here all year round and her excursions from her cave are infrequent but also unpredictable."


    Several other female centaurs had gathered around the BellMare in a loose semicircle.They watched on with neutral expressions, the occasional twitching of their tail their only movement.


    "So, you want to know what we were doing up in the mountains.I was just telling you guard there.I was discussing the where-abouts of a unicorn horn with Echidna. It seems that she has such a treasure in her possession." Nelda tried to sound enthusiatuc.


    In unison the centauresses brows furrowed into matching frowns.


    All but the BellMare who continued to look as placid as a Madonna. "Is that so?"


    BugleHead broke in. "Oh yes, the big snake creature said Nelda could have the unicorn horn for some flying leaf."


    Now the BellMare looked somewhat amazed, but more pleased than concerned."Is it you goal to return life to the unicorn?We would be very interested in the return of our brethren the unicorns? Or even just one of their number."


    "You''re part unicorn?I thought you were more part horse?"


    "Did she just call use whores?" exclaimed an appaloosa centauress with her hair in pigtails. Many heavy hooves shifted on the ground in a menacing manner. In the background a persistent centaur was still smacking a sack with a stick.


    "No, no." Nelda raised her hands. "A horse is a creature like a unicorn but with no horn on its head."


    The BellMare waved for her followers to settle."I have never herd of such a thing.But the world is large.And, in any case, the tales passed down by all our kind assure us that our people''s descent is from the unicorn."


    "Ah, well. You would know."


    The BellMare''s equanimity was slipping a good deal now; her smile now more irritated than agreeable."And where is this flying leaf found, exactly?"


    "Oh, that''s found near our village," BugleHead piped up again. "It''s all around on the mountain."


    "Interesting."The BellMare."I may have been over-hasty in sending world to the Gryphon.He is not the only one with an interest in you."


    [Altogether too many creatures have an interest in me of one sort or another.]


    The BellMare deigned to explain: "I believe the Gryphon has taken an interest in a prophecy that speaks of a creature such as you.I am not sure why he places such weight on it.It is a mermaid prophecy and those people are very prone to florid religiosity."


    [Mermaids.Great.] "A prophecy?What does it say?"


    "I have no notion.Centaurs have no truck with prophecy. We make our own fate. But the Gryphon is a friends of the centaurs so we are inclined to oblige him."

 15 Quest is Bes

    While the satyrs were allowed to roam the encampment, Nelda was stuck with being the BellMare''s companion.The old lady''s mind was clearly fixed very firmly on both pleasing her Gryphon friend and acquiring the unicorn horn.


    The BellMare asked, "So do you know the rite for returning the unicorn to life?"


    "Not¡­ as such.It seemed wise to secure the ritual components, as a first step."


    Nelda had learned, when writing exam essays, that there was a fine line between bluffing a few extra points, and revealing that you really had no idea what you were talking about. [It worked for MicroBio 300, and sure hope its working now.]


    HoneyBeard could be seen somewhat off in the distance, making lewd suggestions to a male centaur.[Or at least, any sign language performed the penis can probably be assumed to be lewd].To be fair the centaur seemed to be giving HoneyBeard''s idea serious consideration, so it probably wasn''t going to cause them too much trouble.


    The BellMare commented, "Sometimes may people call them saws."


    "You what?"


    "Centaurs, with the important bits in the middle taken out. S¡ªaur." She laughed at her own joke.


    Nelda had to think about that for a little while before she got it.And it seemed more like a thinly veiled insult than a joke. There was just something about how the BellMare looked at the satyrs, something¡­ condescending. [God, I hope I''m not doing the same thing.A satyr''s job is to be a good satyr, not match up to any bullshit assumptions I bring over for a completely different world.]


    Nelda ate some more of the squishy fruit the centaurs had offered her.It tasted a little like artificial watermelon flavoring, but not at all like actual watermelon. She felt like it was probably her time to say something.It was hard to know as the BellMare seemed very comfortable with uncomfortable pauses.


    "I suppose finding the rite will just have to be part of the quest," Nelda said. "Maybe the Gryphon can help with that?"


    "I doubt it, you would do better to ask Gryphon Lucretia ScribeGuild.But perhaps Gryphon SmithGuild will see fit to make an introduction. Our Gryphon is more involved with¡­ metal things."


    "That seems like an excellent plan. Thank you BellMare. I''ll ask this gryphon to ask the other gryphon about the¡­ thing. I am so grateful for your wise counsel." Sometimes the only way to keep a crazy important people calm was to flatter them. But it helped if they were tone deaf to any kind of sarcasm, as rampant egotists often are.


    The BellMare, encouraged, nodded sagely."Perhaps in the meantime," she wheedled. "You could leave the little satyrs with us. They seem to be simple to keep amused."


    HoneyBeard and the centaur were now comparing the sizes of their cocks.It seemed to be a close call as to which was bigger. A spirited argument broke out, drawing the attention of other nearby centaurs.


    Nelda started to back-peddle. "I did promise that at the conclusion of the quest I would ensure they were returned safely to their village."


    "Perhaps that is a service we could provide on your behalf? In the spirit of cooperation."


    [I bet you would.And come back with wagonloads of flying leaf.Trying to steal my unicorn horn, bitch?]


    [Wait.I don''t even want the unicorn horn.]


    A third centaur was now directly involved in the argument with HoneyBeard, and had brought over some kind of measuring tape.


    Nelda started to gnaw experimentally on a fungus that she had been told was called TigerHeart. [Or at least I hope it is a metaphorically named truffle, not a dried tiger organ¡­ I won''t ask.]


    Given that both satyrs and centaurs were chimera, that is they combined together different species, they must have a digestive tract that was at least part small ruminant or equid, respectively.This did rather introduce the possibility that something might be safe for them to eat, but dangerous¡ªeven poisonous¡ªfor a human.


    [But a girl''s gotta eat.] The TigerHeart tasted a little like cooked rhubarb.[Rhubarb leaves are poisonous, right?]


    Nelda''s stomach voted to take the risk.


    Finally, Nelda replied. "Well.Satyr''s gonna do what satyrs gonna do.You''d have to take that up with them."


    #


    Later that afternoon Nelda managed to get away to confer with the satyrs under the cover of a copse of low prickly trees.


    HoneyBeard was aggrieved because he had lost the cock-measuring contest on the basis that the centaurs considered length more important than girth.HoneyBeard got increasingly upset when his travelling companions sided with the centaurs, and introduced a new topic of conversation more to his liking.


    "Ooh," said HoneyBeard. "Nelda, I think your god is the god of lies.Because you are a lying liar." He crossed his arms and sat back, satisfied with this salvo.


    "How can you say that?" said BugleHead.


    "Don''t be dense, she has lied right in front of you several times now."


    BugleHead seemed offended on her behalf."Nuh-uh, it''s just, like, circumstances change.You know? And who, after they have time to think about it, doesn''t want a treasure."


    They both looked at Nelda, who kept a poker face.She tried to change the subject again. Not wanting to either please HoneyBeard or disillusion BugleHead."These centaurs seem pretty keen about helping you guys get home. Maybe you should think about taking them up on it."


    "Only so they can get the leaf," HoneyBeard added. "But without you, I don''t think it will work."


    "Hmmm," Nelda mused. "It might be me plus leaf equal fly, it might be me plus anyone with boobs equals fly. It might be something else entirely. We don''t really have any way of knowing." She thought about that for a while and added: "And I don''t really know why I should care."


    "But they want to save the unicorn," BugleHead said. "Because the unicorn makes them special.They said their body is from the unicorn while our centaur tails are just from the whore-sis." He wrinkled his nose."Which I don''t really understand what that it, but it sounds a bit judgmental."


    Nelda looked up through the branches of the crouched down scrubby trees. Their small leave shivers in the gentle breeze.Even in a whole different world, people were still people.Which was to say: mostly assholes."They sure latched onto that quick," she said. "Especially given that when they woke up this morning they didn''t even know that horses existed¡ªif they even do over here."


    Her stomach that had been grumbling about emptiness a short while before was now starting to protest about gas.Easing from one bum-cheek to the other she let out a rather remarkable whistling fart.Embarrassed she looked over to see HoneyBeard watching her with unusual intensity.


    "I think we''ll stick with you," HoneyBeard said.

 16 The King Sings

    Sleeping in long grass, in balmy weather, was surprisingly comfortable. Nelda awoke suddenly to a sound like a car crash being simulated by a 1980''s synthesizer, with the volume of a Boeing taking off.


    A nearby centaur matron reared up her head."Fuck me, the Phoenix King at this hour of the morning?"


    [Bestiary entry #5: Phoenix, (king thereof).Not good at karaoke.]


    Nobody seemed to be scared or panicked, just very, very annoyed and highly motivated to get back to sleeping in.Nelda brushed grass off her clothing, winced, put her fingers in her ears, and went to investigate.


    A few centaurs were dashing in the direction of the sound and gathering around one of the campfires.Drawing close, Nelda saw some kind of creature was sitting actually in the low flames of the fire.Wiggling its ass into the embers and knocking flaming sticks in all directions.


    It was a bird, rather like those big Australian parrots with the yellow crest, but appended to its wiggling was a long peacock-like tail. At first its feathers seemed to be iridescent, but the more she looked the more it seemed like the were actually made of metal, in tones of red and brown. [But no metal I know of comes in those colors.]


    Notably, balanced somewhat precariously on it''s head was a miniature crown with the spikes coming up from the coronet bending down into the center and supporting a large red stone.


    The Phoenix King turned its head and fixed one of its eyes on Nelda and bobbed its head.


    [No binocular vision for the Phoenix King.]


    It then began to ''sing'' again with renewed vigor.The centaurs were immediately motivated to do whatever it might take to get it to stop. She could make out their words in snatches between the sound like a cathedral-sized church organ being slowly murdered by a boa constrictor.


    "What does the Phoenix King want¡­"


    "¡­give it whatever it wants."


    "It''s looking at the hand-hoof woman¡­."


    Freyason trotted up."Well, I guess the Phoenix King is taking you see the Gryphon!" He started to push her along out of the valley.


    "But how long will that take?I need food, and a blanket, and my shoes!"


    All of these things appeared in short order.A growing crowd of centaurs sent her and the satyrs on their way.


    #


    "Are sure we are meant to be following this bird?" HoneyBeard asked, again.


    "That''s want the centaurs said."


    "I ask because we have walked through here before."


    "Are you sure."


    "That''s the bird''s poop." HoneyBeard pointed at what looked like the squirt of orange oil paint. Then he touched it."And it''s cold."


    Nelda grimace."Ew. HoneyBeard, dude.Don''t touch the phoenix poop."


    BugleHead was lagging a bit behind as he had spent the night drinking and wasn''t flying any straighter than the phoenix. "Yeah, we jus'' walked in''t circle.But we''ve got food an'' I''ve got wine.So aaaye don''t see they problem." He held up both hands, wrapped around the neck of two large amphoras.


    "Wait, were did you get those?" Nelda asked.


    "They wirrr just left them lyin'' around."


    "I think you might have stolen them," Nelda concluded


    "Nuh-uh." BugleHead seemed offended. "If they''d wanted it they''d would''ve has drunk it."


    The Phoenix King doubled back and popped out of the bushes.It looked vexed at their lagging behind, taking up its screaming again. While it looked like some kind of Tsarist mechanism, it''s definitely behavior had the opinionated but erratic hoopy-loopiness of a genuine bird.


    "Oh gods," HoneyBeard shouted over the din."Following the fucking bird!"


    #


    Many hours later the terrain had gradually changed so that they were walking under the shady cover blue-grey needled trees.


    "Why are you so glum, HoneyBeard?" BugleHead said."I''m the one with the hangover."


    HoneyBeard had a ready answer."One: Wherever this really annoying bird is taking us, there will be more of these annoying birds. The ones that it the king of.Two:if this one is the King, it''s the best one.So, all the others will be even worse. And three: it looked really happy sitting in a fire.So, the place we are going to may very well be on fire. So why exactly should I be cheerful?"


    Nelda was trying to find a fault with the logic, when from the corner of her eye she saw a huge shadowy monster moving rapidly towards them through the trees. Some hitherto dormant primate instinct ran like electricity through her body. Nelda leapt at the nearest tree and scrambled up the trunk.She was up above the lowest branches before she even thought to take another look. And by then the branches were in the way. All she could see was BugleHead looking up at her between the branches.


    "Nelda are you flying again?HoneyBeard, did you see that?"


    She was perched between two levels of the conifer''s radial branches.So that when she looked up again, she realized she had a clear view of something interesting.And what a view it was.


    A waft of wind brought the smell of salt air.Just beyond the descending tree line was a garden profuse with flowers in all of the colors and a few colors that Nelda had not previously known existed.Beyond that a villa made of dignified pearly stone sat on a small cliff that overlook a white-sand beach.


    [Shit.I''ve died and gone to the Sandalwoods Beach Resort instead of heaven, and I ain''t even mad.]

 17 Oh No! A Plush Crush

    HoneyBeard seemed offended. "You said you couldn''t climb."


    [Did I just hallucinate that monster? They seem very chill.]


    "I can''t climb cliffs.I can climb trees.My ancestors did not live up cliffs, they lived in trees."


    HoneyBeard didn''t seem in a hurry to believe that."Your ancestor''s lived in trees?"


    "Um, yes.I mean like a long way back when we still had hair all over."


    "What on Mirth went wrong since then?"


    A small bell finally went off in Nelda''s head.[This world must be called Mirth.What the fuck?Even its name sounds like a deliberate satire of Earth not something that would really exist.]


    "I do apologize if I startled the lady."This was a new voice.Countertenor if male, contralto if female, and somehow she knew whoever owned that voice would be able to sing. And they were all male.


    All fear was banished. [It''s a little odd for me to trust someone I haven''t even seen yet, but¡­ it''s not like I can stay up in the tree forever.]


    There is really no dignified way for an adult to get out of a tree.Have you ever watched a cat confront that problem?Claws are really good for going up, but pretty useless for going back down.Fingers are about the same.Nelda quickly decided the only option she has was to go down backwards. [Bass akwards, as they say. As per usual for me.]


    This rapidly led to a situation where Nelda was hanging from the lowest branch and yet still dangling an alarming distance from the ground.A piney branch was slapping her in the face with each swing.The drawstring of her pants was also starting to feel a little less than secure.


    "Perhaps I could assist?" said the smooth cultured voice.


    "I would really rather you didn''t," Nelda gasped.[What could he possibly grab me by that wouldn''t be even more embarrassing than this?]


    [Fuck it.] She let go and hit the ground with a resounding thump that shuddered up her legs, before falling backwards onto her ass and rolling onto her side.


    "Yes," commented HoneyBeard helpfully."Because you clearly had that situation completely under control."


    The pain in her ankles gave ample motivation for uttering a number of creative¡ªor banal but emphatic--expletives.But looking up, Nelda forgot them all.


    [This, one assumes, is the gryphon.]


    It was a creature with about the overall stature of a mountain lion, but with the head and forelegs of an eagle.Tawny-gold all over in color and wearing a red cape trimmed with fur, beneath which she could see the shape of what might be wings.Strikingly, the creature''s piercing eyes framed by a pair of gold-rimmed spectacles than seemed to be held in place only by a clip over the top of his beak.


    The gryphon sat back on his cat-like haunches, revealing a neatly embroidered waistcoat under this cape, partly covered by his feather ruff."If there is any point at which I can offer assistance, please do let me know," he said, gently but warmly.


    HoneyBeard huffed and sat down on the ground as well."If you are waiting for reason to set in, we may be here for a while."


    "I have no pressing appointments," the Gryphon replied."And that was a rather impressive display of brachiation.You''ll notice that your associate has a considerably wider degree of shoulder rotation than is available to a satyr."


    "But I did fail to stick the landing," Nelda contributed, rubbing her right ankle. [I hope to hell I haven''t broken it.]Her face flushed from acute embarrassment.


    The gryphon did not seem to notice her lack of composure."I should apologize for the nature of my approach," the gryphon said apologetically. "I do not always appreciate the instinctual responses other beings are wont to show when confronted to suddenlt with a personage of my size.One with an overall presentation that is indicative of a predator."


    "No.I was acting¡­ like an idiot."


    HoneyBeard raised his hands in a ''thank you'' gesture for the admission.


    The gryphon smiled¡­ somehow. The beak seemed to taper off into a yellow fleshy line at the edges which distinctly turned upwards in an adorable curve. "Any of use will make some¡­ misjudgments," he said. "When we leave behind what is familiar to us. That is what makes those who venture forth in such a matter, so gloriously courageous, and a pleasure to be around."


    The blush of embarrassment in Nelda''s cheeks started to become warm in a different kind of place entirely.In her heart that is."If we have leave to visit you," Nelda ventured."Perhaps you would be so kind as to lead the way?"


    "But of course." The gryphon stood and set of at a leisurely place.His furred tawny ass just protruding from the back of his plush cape.[Is it bestiality if the creature is sentience and had better diction than me?What the fuck is wrong with me?]


    "Little help here, boys?"


    The satyrs awkwardly supported her on each side as she limped after the glorious gryphon."Isn''t he glorious?" she asked rhetorically, too dazzled to come up with a synonym.


    "What?" said BugleHead."The big Cat-Bird? Doesn''t make any sense, does it?A Cat-Bird.When it gets peckish does it want to pounce on itself?"


    HoneyBeard snickered, which earned him a glare from Nelda."If he has somewhere I can wash up I don''t care if he''s a Cat-Bird-Fish-Bear-Pig," she said.

 18 Whistling and Desisting

    With the utmost discretion the gryphon showed them through a garden, another garden, and yet another garden, and then into a mansion that was Roman pavilion on the outside and steampunk dreamscape on the inside¡ªculminating in a large copper-covered room featured what was unmistakably a bath tub. [Message received.]He then withdrew with a bow.


    The large lion-clawed [gryphon-clawed?] tub was already filled with steaming water. [How did he manage that?]


    Gazing at it, Nelda said: "Oh, I definitely love him."


    "You''re easy," HoneyBeard commented,


    "Does everyone around here have heated running water and a bathtub?Is that easy to arrange in these parts?"


    "I concede the point, but question your priorities," HoneyBeard grumped. "Bathing in hot water is emasculating. It ruins the balance of your humors."


    [I''ve never noticed him to have much in the way of humor.] ,"Great.So, go and find some cold water.You probably need that more.Go, shoo!"


    She pushed them out and barred the door. [So what is the highest level of technology in this land?]Looking around she could see metalwork of all kinds: rivets, pipes, taps¡­ it would be every helpful if she knew anything about that kind of technology.But it was definitely another level from anything she''s seen so far and not attributed to magic. [Do I actually believe in magic?]


    She kicked of her shoes and lowered herself into the water and emitted a sound like an ecstatic digeridoo.The steaming water embraced her and melted away all her trivial discomforts.For about two seconds she was blissful content.Until all her more existential problems forged in through the gap to occupy her consciousness.


    [I went back to Earth despite being away from my ''landing site''.So maybe they can retrieve me again?]


    [The satyrs un-rescued me and I''m honestly not very annoyed about that.]


    [I''m pretty sure I twisted my ankle.]


    [I may have a crush on a furry.]


    Each little conundrum fluttered into her pre-frontal cortex and landed like an autumn leaf and they all just sort of lay there in a pile.No conclusions or corollaries were drawn.Honestly, the executive parts of her brain had been fully engaged dealing with the influx of bizarre situations over the last few days, so they felt like they were owed a rest too.


    #


    She was started out of a sort of fugue state by a polite knock on the door.Nelda groped around for her clothing which was now a sodden puddle on the floor.She rapidly wrung out her bra and parties and clambered reluctantly out of the huge tub to put them on.


    She hopped carefully to the door and opened it an inch to find the gryphon with his eyes conspicuously averted."I employ these sheets for drying purposes.And another one or two that perhaps could be used as clothing until we devise a more fitting garment."


    She accepted the pile of folded cloth and the gryphon made a retreat.


    The material was buttery yellow. Three pieces each about the size of a tablecloth. Reluctantly ending her bath Nelda dried off with one and washed her distressed scrubs as best he could before hanging them over the edge of the tub.


    Now there was the problem of how to create cloth-origami that would result in an adequate covering for a human body.[If I wasn''t such a cultural-WonderBread I might have some idea how to go about this.] Nelda could only bring to mind the vaguest imagery of kilts and saris.


    Ultimate she came up with wrapping one around like a strapless dress and the other over the top and tied at the back of her neck.She was feeling pretty smug about that solution until she turned and saw the end wall opposite the room''s small high window was silver metal polished to a high shine.Probably to function as a mirror rather than purely as a fashion statement.


    Her idea that she might look like a noble Roman in a toga was shattered as she saw in an instant that she looked more like roadkill in a duvet cover.The scratches on her arms and legs were obvious even in this imperfect reflection.On one side of her face she sported a dramatic blue-brown black eye, and on the other side a cut on her forehead had formed a scab roughly in shape of a map of Australia.


    There was another hesitant knock at the door. "Dear Madam.I do apologize for bothering you again, but there is a matter relating to your associates."


    [Oh lord.] "Coming."


    Nelda piled her damp hair up on her head in a loose bun and swung open the door."How is it that the satyr''s our vexing our benevolent host?"


    "Not vexing.Well¡­ yes vexing.Or at least significantly irking." The Gryphon looked back in her direction as she emerged, and froze for a moment.He was accompanied him by two much quieter phoenixes that were bluish-silver and had heads more like crows, but similar long, sparkling tails.


    "What''s wrong."Nelda looked down at her curtain-dress."Did I do something wrong?"


    "No, not at all.You are gloriously civilized.Your associates are however bathing naked in the fountain outside my main entrance.It is not really the display I would wish a visitor to see." He paused and then stammered."I would have course brought you in through that front entrance but you approached from the other side of the house which is where the bath house is¡­" he seemed to almost run out of breath."I certainly meant no slight by it."


    "Of course not. Let us not stand on ceremony." Nelda smiled.


    "I did not wish to bother you during your ablutions but when I can across the satyr with the bi"¡ªthe gryphon made a curly motion by his head¡ª"he was sitting on the edge of the fountain whistling and, um, pleasuring himself. And when I requested that he desist he said ''what, don''t you like whistling?''"

 19 And Thou

    Nelda negotiated moving the satyrs to a pleasant grove of trees next to the beach, where they were provided with wine and bread.This arrangement seemed to please them both for the time being. They were leering of going anywhere inside the ''gryphon cave''.


    It was late afternoon and SmithGuild showed her to a sort of elevated deck that looked out to sea. Nelda herself was provided with a comfortable chaise next to a table laid with wine, bread, cheese, and fruit.Occasionally a raucous red phoenix few past, clinking like a metal wind-chime but acting like a parrot.


    The gryphon had removed his cloak but retained a gold-thread embroidered waistcoat neatly tailored to accommodate his wings and forelimbs."I am not sure what it would be agreeable for you to eat," he said.


    "This is all¡­ very agreeable.My digestion is fairly adaptable, like a pig.By which I mean I am omnivorous with a single stomach not ¡­ that I eat like a pig."Nelda blushed.[It''s not that I am usually suave, but I do usually give fewer fucks about what people think of me.]


    "No one could mistake you for anything other than an individual of education and refinement."The gryphon removed his glasses and cleaned the lenses fastidiously with a cloth from his pocket.


    [And this after he saw me fall out of a tree.He''s either excruciatingly polite, or he likes me.] Nelda noticed that the gryphon''s yellow-scaled forelimbs ended in rather dashing taloned three-fingered bird-hands.Each terminating in claws tipped with a textured metal cones that flashed in the light.


    Once he replaced his spectacles, the gryphon''s eyes fell on her shoes, which she had placed on the floor by her chaise. "What an interesting material, do you mind if I look at it?"


    "Not at¡­"


    One of the more feminine-looking crow-phoenixes appeared from under the chaise, grabbed a shoe and carried it to the gryphon.


    "Now, Lapis, please do not be presumptuous.You know we must ask permission before making free with properties that do not belong to the house."


    Lapis dropped the shoe and managed to portray a Disney-caricature level of contrition.


    "No harm done. Lapis is it?" Nelda hastened to say. "What are Lapis''s compatriots called.I don''t know how you tell them apart."


    "Oh, they are all called Lapis.The three bodies of this type are all controlled by a single mind." He seemed rather abashed to admit this.


    [Okay. Mind-fuck, but okay.] "I bet there''s a story behind that."


    "There is, a rather tawdry one.But, if you would be most kind, I imagine your story is more interesting." The gryphon actually had a rather rakish smile and he used it to great effect.


    #


    Nelda had recounted her adventure up to the point of arriving at the cave of [Pytho?] the dragon. She went with the same god-priest-altar thing at the beginning because honestly whatever the real explanation was it exceeded her meager technical understanding.Then she made what turned out to be a tactical error.


    "And then she said something like," she mimicked: "It would be more advantageous for yourself to dissscover the people of this world on its own terms. So, she wouldn''t tell me anything else about the people or where they are?"


    Lapis, perching by the gryphon''s shoulder cocked her head sharply at the dragon imitation.The gryphon, to era less extent and looking more handsome doing it, did the same. [Bird is bird, I guess.]


    "They do say that the intuition of a dragon is greater than any wisdom."


    "Oh, no."


    "What distresses you?"


    "Now you aren''t going to tell me shi¡­ anything either. I''m such an idiot. Why did I even tell you that?"


    "Why because you are a person of character and thus honest in your dealings, of course."


    "Sure, let''s go with that."


    "And she spoke only of the people, the conversing beings.Anything that is here, I will explain to you the best that I can.But if the dragon thinks you should meet the people with unblemished expectations, there is likely to be a most profound and important reason for it."


    [Who died and made Pytho Admin?]Nelda Poured herself a third glass of wine.[Four is your limit.I mean, that''s usually your limit but who knows what kind of wallop Chateau de Narnia is packing.] She lay back and winced as she moved her foot.Her ankle continued to ache in thumping pulsed of ongoing inflammation.


    "Oh, please forgive me," the gryphon added. "I neglected to say that I sent the Phoenix King for my sister, Gryphon HerbGuild.I regret that I know were little about what to do for an injury, but she will be sure to have a firm opinion on the matter.It may even be right."


    "That is hardly reassuring."


    "Please disregard my tone.My relationship with my sister-neighbor could be better.But on matter of herbs and healing she is¡­ competent."


    "And the Phoenix King, is he not tired after the journey to fetch us?"


    The gryphon waved his claw."The King you saw dropped his crown shortly after he returned, and two or three others have held the position since then. Being sent as a messenger assures that this one a longer reign than most."


    "But are they not¡­?"


    "The Jaspers, no, they are each of a separate mind."He dipped his beak into his own wide, shallow goblet and thought for a moment."When I made the phoenixes¡­"


    "Ah-ha.! Oh, I apologize for my outburst but they are so clearly made of metal but their behavior would be impossible for any mechanism to produce.You must tell me how you did it."


    "I am ashamed to admit that I dabbled in alchemy."


    "Ashamed?" [Alchemy?]


    "Of course, to bridge the gap in my craftsman''s knowledge with an uncertain art, poorly understood and erratic in outcome.I wanted two helpmates, self-regenerating in fire if they come to harm.Somehow the alchemy imbued them with occasional twin birth, amongst other things. Of the Lapis there are three now, of the foolhardy Jaspers, twenty-eight." Holding his claw to his temple he concluded. "It is getting very noisy around here."

 20 Lion Loin

    It was purely a reflexive act, as a biologist, Nelda told herself.Of course, with the gryphon lying on his own couch she had opportunity to notice a complete lack of external genitalia in the area of his lion¡­ loin.


    It was like when, as a student, she had been taught about operant training using a computer simulation of a rat.The program simulated a rat''s behavior as you taught it how to press a lever and respond to different schedules of reinforcement.As a biology major Nelda could not help but note that, while the computer rat was always referred to as ''he'', it had no testicles.A feature that is hard to conceal on a real rat.[Sniffy was definitely a Sniff-ette.]


    Gryphon SmithGuild might also be a gryph-ette, or given the way things were arranged around here possible neuter, intersex, or some other kind of sex-gender-etcetera. She contemplated that fact that it was all really none of her business after she woke up around dawn.She had consumed maybe 6 [7?] glasses of wine [sherry?]and so had matching pains head and foot which made any c=kind of sustained contemplation quite difficult.


    She had been provided a cozy ground floor room with a squishy bed and window with shutters¡ªwhich were open--and no glass.She was sleeping in her birthday suit under a single sheet in the pleasantly warm and breezy room. It was all more or less¡­ okay, until an unfamiliar gryphon burst into her room.


    It grabbed her foot and declared enthusiastically, "is this the broken one?"


    No, that one''s all right."


    "Are your sure?" the small chocolate-brown colored gryphon manipulated her foot up and down."Is it meant to do that? What is this thick-skinned part for?"


    "That''s the bit that goes on the ground, like the pad of my foot."


    The female gryphon vigorously palpated Nelda''s ankle."But isn''t this your hock."


    "I mean yes, more or less.But that''s still how we do things."


    Her gryphon ran in belatedly."Herby, I said I would introduce you. And that you should call at a civilized hour." He wasn''t wearing any of his natty gryphon clothes, but it was difficult to consider him naked.


    "Smithy, my bonny darling.Dawn is a very civilized hour," Herby she reached for Nelda''s hurt ankle.


    Nelda reflexively scrambled away, clutching the sheet to her chest.


    "Are it''s claws meant to look like that?" Herby asked.


    "They are nails, and yes." Nelda was starting to get defensive.


    Herby clapped her bird-hands together."Oh like, the centaurs.It has foot-fingers.How delightful."


    [The people are going to give me some kind of complex about my feet.]


    Her gryphon pushed his sister from the room."Wait in parlor, please.I will bring Lady Nelda in anon."


    [When did I get a title?]


    He returned to find Nelda still clutching a thin sheet to her chest as Herby loitered in the hallway.


    "I do¡­" he began.


    There was an increasingly familiar shimmer of golden light in the air."You need to back away," Nelda warned. She struggled to her¡­ foot.


    "Of course, but I¡­"


    #


    With a flash Nelda was back on Earth, in the plant room, holding a sheet to her body Venus-de-Milo style.Time seemed to have moved on somewhat as Beaker was not on the floor.The furniture had been moved so that she was facing a long table covered in an incongruous white table cloth, to one side a rolling white-board was covered in handwritten equations and diagrams.


    Hearing a gasp behind her she turned.


    In front of her stood a lanky man with tanned skin and auburn hair, completely naked except for a pair of golden spectacles.


    [You have got to be kidding me.]


    [Well, he doesn''t belong here.]


    Nelda pressed her hand against than man''s [gryph-man''s?] chest and pushed him firmly back into the golden portal.Showing her naked ass to a panel of senior scientists in the process.


    "Yes, that''s her!" shouted a shrill voice. [Angry Brenda?]


    Nelda''s follow through plunged her hand into the puddle-portal.She felt it suck closed around her wrist.And then she found herself yanked and sucked perfunctorily back to Mirth.


    She had barely a moment to adjust before the dark brown hurricane hurled her against the wall.Nelda instinctively pushed back and felt Herby''s raptor-like beak snapping repeatedly a hair''s breadth from her cheek.


    "No sorceress hussy is going to steal my brother!"


    Suddenly Honeybeard vaulting though the window and catapulted himself at Herby.Nelda barrel-rolled herself under the bed at hoofs and claws and horns flailed in all directions.


    BugleHead clambered in, "What''s going on?" he asked.


    Herby and HoneyBeard were ineffectually wrestling in the corner, neither showing signed of being a gift MMA fighter.


    "I honestly have no idea," SmithGuild replied."I think they''ll tire themselves out soon."


    Under the bed one of the Lapis phoenixes was crouched, holding in is beak a large white shell, like a small nautilus.It dropped the shell and stepped away from it.Stared it Nelda for a few seconds, blinked, and then ran from the room almost tripping BugleHead in the process.


    Past the shell, Nelda could see her sheet lying on the floor on the other side of the room.

 21 A Fearful Earful

    The entire company sat, wearing a range of hand-dog expressions, in the parlor. Nelda took the time to dress, and picked up the shell under her bed, before joining them.


    [Maybe the shell is just something Lapis likes.But why would she have it in my room?]


    She made every effort to hop into the room in a dignified manner.


    SmithGuild sat on his chaise upright like a cat and was very still.


    Herby was closing a laceration on HoneyBeard''s shoulder with tight, briskly-applied stitches.She nipped the thread off the last suture with the hooked tip of her beak.


    Well, almost everyone was hang-dog. BugleHead sat on the window sill and ate grapes from a bowl."I like grapes," he said.


    [At least that broke the silence.]


    Nelda coughed."Ah, HoneyBeard.Thank you for¡­ that."


    HoneyBeard peered to inspect his stitches."You may be an idiot, but you are my idiot.Somehow I''ve become an idiot collector.Or is it an idiot herder?And now I''ve been embroidered by a cat-bird. Life has become very interesting," he concluded with obvious disapproval.


    "You have to understand my point of view¡­." Herby began.


    "I don''t have to do shit for you." HoneyBeard jumped off the couch and went to join BugleHead on the windowsill. "You are not one of my idiots and nor is he." This as he pointed at the frozen SmithGuild.


    Nelda gave a strained smile."We are their guests right now, and we are all being friends."


    "Speaking of which," Herby regained some part of her indignation."What did you do to him over there? He''s obviously shocked."


    Nelda took a deep breath."For some reason when we were transported back to my world, Gryphon SmithGuild was¡­ translated, into one of my kind.He was there, but he was¡­ in a form like mine."


    "Exactly like yours?" quizzed Herby.


    "No," blurted SmithGuild."There was a thing! Between my legs!"


    Both of the satyrs giggled in a somewhat unsympathetic manner.


    Nelda glared at them.She hopped over to sit gingerly next to SmithGuild, but still leaving a few feet of space between them."For some reason, it translated you into what would be a perfectly normal form for a male of my species.But obviously, that was all wrong for you.That was why I pushed you back through the portal as quickly as possible."


    [And un-saved myself in the process.]


    [Again.]


    "I did explain to you brother that my people did not exactly intend to send me here.It seems like they are attempting to retrieve me.SmithGuild was just caught in the net."


    BugleHead muttered: "Like a cat-bird-fish." And started giggling again.


    Herby''s brows furrowed, sending her small feather up in a vexed ''V''. "But you god must have intended to send you here, in order to do so?"


    Nelda pressed the fingertips of her left hand her forehead."To explain my overall situation to the satyrs, it seemed more correct to describe the entity that sent me as a god.The power to do so is of... that sort of order of magnitude."


    "But...?" prompted Herby.


    "The entity that did so would be more accurately described as a type of mechanism."


    "Mechanism?"


    SmithGuild suddenly became animated again."Your god is a machine?!" He seemed rather enthusiastic about the idea.


    "Oh, don''t get him started," Herby sighed.


    "What?" Nelda was happy that the conversation seemed to be becoming less hostile.


    "My good sister is referring to a long-standing argument we have been having, in which I assert that machinery is ultimately more perfectible than the untidiness that is living beings."


    Herby shot back quickly, "Which is obviously nonsense because even if a machine is a god, beings what the qualities of living races have been gods much earlier and more often."


    "Unless you have met one of them, all we know is that people have hitherto imagined their gods look more-or-less like they do...."


    The conversation quickly became animated and excluded anyone but SmithGuild and Herby.


    Nelda hopped over to the satyrs."Scootch over," she said."And pass the grapes."


    Herby rejoined, "How can you possibly suggest the gods of races are imaginary.Some being must have created all this.And beings are what created machines.Machines do not create beings."


    "As far as you know." SmithGuilds feathers puffed with agitation making him look like a particularly majestic Pokemon.


    Nelda sat between the two satyrs with a shell in one hand and the bowl of grapes on her knees.


    "How is your hoof-hand?" BugleHead asked politely.


    "How does the word ''foot'' work for you?" Nelda asked.


    BugleHead considered this."A tree has a foot at the bottom, or a mountain or a pedestal."


    "Good enough.So how about you call my hoof-hand a foot?"


    "Fair enough.Neldans have foots.So how is your foot?"


    "It hurts really quite a lot," Nelda replied. "Thank you for asking."


    HoneyBeard reached for a handful of grapes. "Wouldn''t it be nice if we had some kind of healer available," he commented.


    "Wouldn''t it," Nelda replied


    The gryphons continued to argue.


    The shell in Nelda''s hand seemed to tingle or vibrate very slightly.


    [I must be imagining it.]


    She raised the shell up, close enough to look at it carefully. Turning it in her hands, it seemed like nother more than a pure-white, tightly coiled shell with a large, oval opening.


    [Invertebrate.Mollusc? Probably aquatic.]


    It was hard to tell, over the sound of quarreling gryphons, but where was the slight tiny noise coming from?


    Nelda knew that the only reason you could ''hear the sea'' in a seashell was because ambient noises resonated inside the shell. These bouncing waves produced a garbled rushing sound, not unlike the distant crashing of waves.Nevertheless the idea of listening to shells resonated in its own way from her childhood memories.


    She lifted the shell to her ear.Inside it, she could hear, faintly, incredibly, but quite clearly a shrill querilous voice.


    "All I can hear is gryphons arguing," it said.


    [Fuck me.Is this a shell phone?]

 22 The Burd-glar

    "Wait.Is somebody listening?" the voice in the shell said.


    Nelda pulled the shell away from her ear and looked around the room.The gryphons continue to argue vociferously.The satyrs continued to watch and eat grapes.A Lapis trotted past the open doorway, gave her a guilty glance, and hurried away down the hallway.


    Passing the grapes to BugleHead and clutching the shell in one hand, Nelda hobbled across the room after it.


    "Where are you going?" Herby asked.


    "It is getting very noisy around here." Nelda kept going. [That was probably rude.]


    Then again, if one statement from her caused this much emphatic editorializing, but no further questions, what was the point of her being there anyway?And Herby didn''t seem to have the knowledge or inclination to help with her now obviously swollen ankle.


    She arrived in the hallway just in time to see the tip of the Lapis''s glinting tail disappearing around the corner.She hopped in pursuit and rounding the corner could hear the bird scampering up a stairwell just up ahead.Above her, she heard a slapping sound like a door or window closing.


    HoneyBeard appeared behind her."What''s the bird golem up to?"


    [Now there''s an idea.If the bird is an AI, it must be running some kind of program. Like the spell places in a golem''s mouth.It would most likely to be doing SmithGuild''s bidding.Or can a phoenix be hacked?]


    For some reason, she found it hard to think SmithGuild was the sort to spy on her bedroom.And why would an agent of his refer to ''the gryphons'' arguing?


    Nelda shook her head. She tried to hold the shell against her chest to avoid being overheard.


    Using the banister, she clambered up the curling stair which ended at a ceiling hatch she popped open and lifted up.Peaking her head out she saw a flat roof surrounded by a low parapet.But the roof was scattered and cluttered with haphazard piles of objects.


    HoneyBeard''s head popped up next to her, as he invaded the small space. Peering back down the stairway, she could see BugleHead was not with them.


    Answering her unspoken question HoneyBeard said blandly, "He''s busy eating grapes.He likes grapes."


    "We could bring them with him."


    "That won''t occur to him."


    Nelda shoved the shell ahead of her onto the roof. She used both hands to lift herself out of the hatch.In an instant, a Lapis darted from behind the raised hatch and grabbed the shell.With a flurry of tinny wing-beats, it made a graceless leap and disappeared over the side of the roof. [Son of a¡­.]


    Nelda hestited, but then hauled herself out on the roof.Her long curtain-dress-skirts making it a problematic maneuver.


    HoneyBeard followed with an effortless hop, like his goat legs had hidden springs.


    "That bird is up to some shit," Nelda said.


    She limped over to where it had hurdled the parapet, but all she could see belowwas the gardens that enveloped a roughly almond-shaped estate of land between the trees and the beach, with the house at the center like an iris in an eye. Jasper phoenixes could be seen here and there, clambering around, but narry a Lapis.


    The gardens looked to be a strange combination of decoration and function.Between flowerbeds and hedges were plots of land that were tilled, planted, or stubbled with dried stalks from a harvest.


    "I think that''s flying leaf." Honey Beard jumped up on top of the parapet and peered forwards leaning off the edge of the three-story building.


    "Be careful," Nelda cautioned.


    HoneyBeard laughed."How many accidents have I had, or caused, this week?"


    "Fair point," Nelda conceded."But how many of mine do you think were caused by over-confidence?"


    HoneyBeard jumped down off the parapet."That bush," he said, "With the striped flowers.The leaves are smaller and a bit of a different color.But I''ve never seen another plant with flowers like that."


    Nelda couldn''t see any plant with striped flowers. Casting her eyes across the roof, she saw that most of its surface was covered in pale-color gravel, varying in tones from gray to beige.


    The items that dotted its surface seemed to follow no particular theme.By her foot lay a silver-colored goblet engraved with a pattern of fern-leaves. Next to it a bedraggled piece of cloth, its red dye staining the stones nearby. Next, to this, there were several natural items.A black stone with bright yellow veins, something similar to a pinecone, and what looked like the pharyngeal teeth of a very large fish.


    "Maybe the Lapis phoenixes like to steal things or to hoard them," Nelda mused.


    HoneyBeard shrugged."What''s the point of things?" He trotted around to look out the other side of the roof, overlooking the beach.


    In a far corner some larger items were piled, things it would be difficult for a single Lapis to move, based on the awkward escape of the one carrying the shell.Limping over Nelda pulled apart the pile.


    A lampshade that has seen better days, maybe. A large piece of carved wood, purpose unknown.A slat from a window shutter.A mummified mouse. [Ew.] A metal cone that might be a gryphon''s claw cap.Driftwood with purple barnacles attached.


    Underneath it all was what looks a bit like a pale bone or a stick.It was straight, slightly tapering, and about the length of her forearm.Its length was marked by a tapering spiral.


    Holding it in HoneyBeard''s direction, Nelda asked, "What do you think this might be?"


    The satyr wandered over, peered at it and replied."It''s evidence you and snake-girl might be related, or at least you have a few things in common."


    "Come again?"


    "There was only ever one unicorn.So, if its horn is here, Echidna is a lying liar who lies."


    [And she might not be the only one.]

 23 Water Stalkers

    [Bestiary entry #7: Unicorn, the one and only.Vestigial.Would make a good back scratcher].


    Nelda asked, "HoneyBeard, could you do me a favor?"


    "Well, let''s see how we are doing on in terms of favors." He held up one hand, palm up. Who rescued you the first time you floated away?I think that was me. "Who put up with being floated into the sky and abducted by a dragon? That was me.Who jumped in and prevented a savage gryphon attack? That was also me--"


    "All the same, do you want to put another tally mark on your side of the leger? It comes with full I-told-you-so rights and potential solo ownership of an authentic treasure. And if I make an idiot move that actually gets me killed, you can give the alicorn to BugleHead."


    HoneyBeard huffed, trying to look stern. "Sure, why not? If we go back home without any evidence, no one is going to believe this shit."


    "So there you go.That''s one point of stuff."


    Jus as HoneyBeard snatched the horn; the roof hatch popped up again.HoneyBeard hid the unicorn horn behind his back.


    SmithGuild popped his head up like a majestic meerkat. "Is everything all¡­ it is rather disorderly up here.I had no idea." He seemed to be wearing a different vest now, with a coordinated cravat and his eyeglasses were now attached to a chain that went around the back f his neck.


    "We were just enjoying the view," Nelda limped forward to distract him. "I would love to go down to the beach."


    #


    Nelda sighed as she waded into the water, feeling the weight lift off her body.The sea was tepid, salty, and crystal clear.


    The turned to see both gryphons and Bugle head watching her will alarm.


    "What are you doing?" SmithGuild asked.


    "Um, swimming. Sort of.I still have feet on the ground, so it''s more like just standing in water."


    She could see them all amending their own internal bestiaries.[Neldans, rare (?): erratically flighted, stands in water sometimes.]


    "You should try it," Nelda suggested.


    "Saltwater makes my feathers fall out," SmithGuild said.


    [Wow. Beachfront property is really wasted on you guys.]


    BugleHead stood fetlock-deep in the gently lapping water.HoneyBeard trudged over, fresh soil obvious on his hooves and fingers.


    [Way to be subtle about it, dude.]


    "Is this idiot move of the day?" HoneyBeard asked.


    "It is!" Nedla replied with exaggerated enthusiasm."Idiot move of the day is swimming in possibly shark-infested waters, with the bonus-feature of possible death by drowning due to swimming while wearing two¡ªcount them¡ªtwo bedsheets."


    SmithGuild commented mildly."They are actually bath sheets.And I for one appreciate individuals that comport themselves with a certain amount of dignity.For example by going about dressed."


    Nelda leaned back into the water, paddling with her arms to keep her head above water.That comment might have been taken as a jab at the satyrs, but looking over o Herby¡­.


    [Feathers: check.Fur check.Big flappy wings: check. Clothing¡­ nada.]


    "Oh, don''t start, Smithy¡­" Herby began. "You''re such a prude."


    Not really eager to start another sibling debate, Nelda sighed.She took a deep breath and bobby under the water.Her eyes blinked open briefly.She saw bubblies, ad the fine sand stirred up into the water and a flash of something silver.


    Nelda flailed to her feet and looked in that direction.But all she could see now was the sunlight sparkling off the broken ripples of the water.


    "I should have asked.Are there sharks.Or other bitey things?" Nelda tried to stand, but she had drifted over a hollow in the sand and couldn''t feel the ground.


    SmithGuild''s beak edges curved into that charming smile of his."That''s how you can tell someone is an adventurer.They act first and then ask the questions."


    "What a coincidence," HoneyBeard muttered.That''s also how you can tell someone''s an idiot."


    BuglehHead was poking something at the edge of the water with a sun-beached stick and not paying much attention to any of them.


    Nelda started doggy-paddling back to sure."Doesn''t exactly answer the question, guys."


    "I would say, not bitey as such." SmithGuild turned to Herby."What would you say, sister?Some things might be characterized as a tad squeezy, or somewhat stingy?"


    Herby replied mildly, "I would say more in the nature of prickly, or perhaps burny. And of course--"


    Nelda began to paddle more vigorous.At that moment something latched securely onto Nelda''s uninjured ankle.Before it yanked her down she had just enough time to say:


    "Oh, sh¡ª"

 24 Black Knigh

    Her recall of what happened next only formed a linear narrative in retrospect.At the time it was half a mouth full of salty water.Thrashing.Her own hair in her mouth.Bubbles coming out of her nose.Her knee bending in a way that knees are not meant to bend.


    The was a large¡­ person [?] in the water beside her. Not the one dragging her backward, another person.With pearl-gray skin and ivory hair.Its round face punctuated by two pure black eyes.


    Its small mouth gaped and flapped, emitting a helium-squeaky voice that traveled very clearly through the water."This is the other one."


    The dragging movement stops and Nelda curled up her own body with the flexibility and viciousness of a cat in a bathtub.


    The voice squealed again."It is not the one. It is the other one."


    Nelda gave zero fucks about this conversation, with seawater up her nose and down her lungs and her body was screaming to try and breath despite the fact she was underwater.


    Hooking her fingers, Nelda drove them towards this other person''s eyes.It dodged out of the way, releasing her. The persons back had a long fin, a pudgy tail and two strong flukes that struck down through the water as it powered away.


    Flailing towards the surface, Nelda found herself only a few feet from where she had been grabbed. HoneyBeard was right by her side beating at the water with a stick.


    [I do not deserve this satyr.]


    #


    They dragged Nelda inside to the parlor, screaming and cursing with pain.Herby gave her some acrid juice that dulled it down again, but Nelda kept grabbing the couch thinking she was floating up when she wasn''t moving at all.Her brain felt like it was soaking in coffee but riding a tilt-a-whirl while holding fistfuls of sparklers.


    [Bestairy entry #8: mermaids.Aaah don'' like ''em. Is'' prbly mut-yoo-all.]


    "Oi, what''d you give me. It''ll kill me quicker than those beluga bitches.Fuck, whoooo! Is the room spinning? Do I still have legs a-coz I cain''t feel ''em''"


    BugleHead leaned over her. "I''ll have what she''s having."


    HoneyBeard replied from further away: "You''ve already got a bad case of it."


    Then Nelda started to feel really tired.SmithGuid was leaning over her now.


    "You look like an animated Disney hero," she slurred."Or a super-hero, Cat-birb-man America." She reached out and patted the top of his beak."Good kitty. Angry Brenda hadz a cat. S-fink-sss."


    Her phone wallpaper was the cats.The dim memory of their names was soaked out of her neurons and drifted into her consciousness."Phix."


    [Phix.]


    [Who calls a cat a euphemism for neutering?]


    She started to giggle.


    The was a sharp pain in her knee. Nelda sat straight upright and slapped Herby on the side of the head.They stared at each other for a moment.


    "Sorry," said Nelda."But in my defense that was a reflex, your medicine has knocked out what little self-control I have, and you didn''t warn me you were going to do that."


    Herby passed her another goblet of juice.


    "And another thing." Nelda shook a finger at SmithGuild."I thought¡­" [What did I think?] She downed the second dose."Oh yeah. I thought the kipper queens had shum property, phofishy¡­ proPHECY. That''s the one.Why''did they fusk wit'' me!"


    She flung her arms wide, slapping Herby on the ass and knocking the empty grape bowl off the table.


    "Yes, that''s quite correct," SmithGuild said in soothing tones."But to be fair, it is a prophecy about the end of the world."


    Nelda she fell back onto the couch and started to snore.


    #


    Nelda regained consciousness slowly, with the knowledge that she needed to poop rather urgently.She found herself back in her room.It was quiet and dark.In her previous explorations of the house, she had discovered what appeared to be a bathroom.Or at least it featured a table with a basin and ewer and a board with a hole in it that dropped down into a large pit that smelled of ammonia and quicklime.


    [Gryphons may be smart, but they have yet to invent the flush toilet.]


    The house was still and it seemed to be nighttime.She made her way to the toilet like an arthritic cyberman.Navigated the choreography necessary to use a squat toilet with one swollen ankle and one knee that doesn''t bend.


    Through the process best not described she finally recovered the dragons rock of not flying.After washing it in the basin, she put it down on the table, experimentally, and remained very much on the ground.


    [let''s see.I arrived in the evening and ate the leaf.Let''s not count that day.One day in the cave.One day traveling to the dragon cave and getting the not rock.One day with the centaurs.One day getting here.One day getting potentially murdered by mermaids.]


    [I hope tomorrow is the weekend and I get some time to unwind and work out what the fuck is going on.Anyway¡­.]


    [This suggests that the flying leaf affected me somewhere between two and five days.]


    Hobbling gingerly back to bed, Nelda reviewed her bestiary.


    [Bestiary entry 1#, Satyrs: mostly harmless. Good sassy sidekick material.]


    [Bestiary entry 2#, Dragons: not to be fucked with. People think they know a lot of deep shit. Maybe they can move rocks with their minds?]


    [Bestiary entry #3, whatever Echidna is. Dragon, maybe?Fucked with her anyway. Oops. May come back not only to bite but also char-broil, me. NB: If there is flying leaf here I should probs send her some.]


    [Bestiary entry #4, centaurs.A tad racist. Want to bring back the unicorn.]


    [Bestiary entry #5a: Phoenix, (Jasper).Not good at karaoke.]


    [Bestiary entry #5b: Phoenix, (Lapis). Kleptomaniacs. Up to something.]


    [Bestiary entry #6: Gryphons. Charming. Ken-doll situation downstairs?]


    [Bestiary entry #7: Unicorn, the one and only.Vestigial.Would make a good back scratcher. NB: Gave it to the one guy who doesn''t want it].


    [Bestiary entry #8: Mermaids.Fuck those bitches and the prophecy they rode in on. Maybe I should end their world.]


    The voice on the other end of the shell had not sounded like Squeaky the Abductrix or anyone of her ilk. Nevertheless, the most likely origin of the shell phone-slash-surveillance device would seem to be, well, the sea¡ªand by extension the mermaids.The Lapis might be in league with the mermaids, or stole the shell from whomever was in cahoots with the mermaids.


    And if Nelda''s appearance was predicted to bring about the end times, that might be anyone.


    [Mom said I would never amount to anything.Jokes on her.I''ve been promoted to antichrist my first week on the job.]

 25 Flower Glower

    By morning, Nelda had contemplated her problems at length but had arrived at little in the way of solutions.She was theorizing without data and spawning ''what if''s. [I think Sherlock Holmes said something about this sort of problem, but I forget what it was.]


    She fell asleep for a while and woke when it was light.By the side of her bed, a haphazard posy had been left. The flowers having prominent red-and-white-striped petals arranged in spirals to create drooping trumpet shapes.


    [I need information.And while interesting, I am not sure that the flying leaf, or its close cousin, is a priority.] Still, the potential for another little experiment danced around the more impulse parts of her mind.


    A familiar tentative knock on the door presaged the arrival of SmithGuild. Ah. You are awake," he said with obvious pleasure.The gryphon''s expressive features immediate shifted to a more apologetic expression."I wonder if I might ask you a favor. I would not ask but¡­."


    "Of course, please come in."


    Today SmithGuild was wearing a loose garment that went as far back as the base of his tail.A sort of open belted tunic with slit that his wings emerged from.


    He came and cat-sat by Nelda''s bed, and leaned forward earnestly. "Could you get the satyrs to wear pants?"


    Nelda snorted. "I''m sorry. I just wasn''t expecting that." [End-of-the-world prophecy versus pants. Interesting priorities, dude.]


    "I can deduce that your people go very much clothed.With under- and overgarments.I would hope that you would understand that their current deportment, is¡­ distracting.I''d not wish to be unwelcoming, but it does make me¡­ uncomfortable."


    Nelda found SmithGuild''s bashfulness just a little bit adorable.[But pants? Kilts maybe, at a stretch--no pun intended.]


    "Help me understand," she said. "Is it that you feel all civilized people should be clothed.Or is it that you do not think the sexual organs should be¡­ on display."


    SmithGuild considered this, with a tilt of the head. "It is in the nature of a combination of the two.If a creature is an animal, then what you see of its body is of no concern.But for a conversing being, so see the generative organs of another is improper and unseemly."


    Nelda nodded.It''s not that I disagree, but satyrs gonna sate.And on the other hand¡­ Smithy''s gonna Smithy,I would rather have him on my side.


    "Here''s the thing," Nelda explained."Satyr''s believe that the only people who wear clothes are nobles, priests, and gods.Putting aside gods, they have a feeling of both admiration and resentment for nobles and priests.So to put clothes on them, we have to make it work for them somehow."


    SmithGuild took a deep breath, sat back and considered that idea."I presume that if bringing them into your faith was plausible you would have suggested it.Failing any other convenience faith, that leads me to wonder what they consider a nobleman to be."


    [Oh god.I''m a biologist, not a psychoanalyst.Or sociologist, or exorcist,or whatever -ist this situation requires.]


    [Still, it''s nice that SmithGuild followed my suggestion rather than being awkward and macho about it.]


    "The satyrs don''t seem to actually have nobility," Nelda said."So, it is possible that the concept is somewhat, hmmm, flexible.But I will not have anything done to them, as my associates, that offends against their principles or their dignity."


    "Of course, no.I would never¡­"


    BugleHead chose that moment to storm into the room." Here, I brought you something." He sapped a large silver fish on her lap; it was still flapping its tail in indignation at being so rudely dewatered. Unusually, Buglehead also looked quite cross.


    SmithGuild snatched up the fish and quite efficiently broke off its head. Apparently, his fastidiousness did not extend to dispatching seafood.


    "BugleHead, is something wrong?" Nelda asked.


    HoneyBeard caught up with BugleHead."I was just explaining¡­" HoneyBeard noticed SmithGuild was in the room and suddenly ran out of words,


    BugleHead filled the gap."Well if it''s okay for him to bring you flowers, then I don''t see why I shouldn''t bring you something too."


    "Oh my god," Nelda said, finally swinging her aching legs out of bed. "BugleHead are you jealous? Because you have no reason to be,I am not interested in HoneyBeard, and he is even less into me¡ªat least in that way."


    "And almost any other," HoneyBeard readily confirmed,


    "Well, thank you. No need to be quite so emphatic."


    BugleHead did a quick emotional 180. "Why wouldn''t you be into HoneBeard?What''s wrong with him? You''d be lucky to have him."


    "It''s not a matter of anything at all being wrong with him.But romantic attachments are more about compatibility.I mean, I would probably be more compatible¡­ with, ah, SmithGuild here."


    The gryphon dropped the fish with a loud ''splat.''


    [Oh god, I am causing more problems than I am solving here.] "Our personalities, I mean, being harmonious together. Ah¡­."


    "Oooh."BugleHead''s attention was now thoroughly diverted."Does that mean you and cat-bird¡­?"


    Nelda and SmithGuild simultaneously: "No, nonono."


    "Ah-ha," BugleHead concluded. He looked from Nelda [pretty sure I''m blushing] to SmithGuild [looking suspiciously feather-fluffed, is he embarrassed or outraged?]."I''m keeping this." The satyr picked up fish leaving SmithGuild holding only the gape-mouthed fish head.


    The two satyrs left together.


    "I do feel like I should mention." SmithGuild''s feather kept getting fluffier until he looked like a blow-dried parakeet."Gryphons mostly, I mean I, but also most gryphons, do not engage and procreative activity."


    "Good to know. Did you know that despite all their activity in that area satyrs don''t reproduce sexually?I haven''t been able to independently confirm the actually birthing process, it but there are no females of the species."


    "Really?" SmithGuild seemed intrigued."I have always assumed that in the village there were females?"


    "NO, well.It''s not actually really what I would call a village so much is a place they all just live.You''ll notice they are not much used to constructed houses or constructed anything, really.And that includes clothing."


    They both rapidly got a lot more comfortable, talking about other peoples private business rather than their own.

 26 The Phix is In

    SmithGuild took a deep breath."My good sister has gone to have a word with the harpies.They may be able to illuminate the actions of the mermaids.Mermaids are curious people.Every band has a distinct cult.Their religious practices are very diverse, and they constantly war with each other over them."


    [Bestiary #9: Harpies: insert-shrug-here.]


    [Bestiary entry #8 redux: Mermaids.They sound like right assholes.]


    Leaning forward, Nelda winced."And yet you place some weight on their prophecies?"


    "Curiously, when different bands and even lone mermaids have made pronouncements of a declared prophecy." We looked slightly reluctant to admit it. "These cases have, even by an objective accounting, often proved to be accurate.Gryphon ScribeGuild has performed a careful analysis."


    [I am dying to ask how many gryphons there are and where they come from. The cat-birds and the bees, so to speak.But we''ve had enough embarrassment for one day. Fingers crossed.]


    "But then, what is this one, exactly.I would hate to think I am¡­ bad."


    "Of course not." SmithGuild put one yellow clawed hand on her forearm.She had not expected it to be so warm.


    [Of course: I''m not bad, or of course: I''m in denial about it?]


    SmithGuild squeezed her arm in what was probably mean to be a reassuring gesture, but the inch ling talons reduced the effect somewhat. "The prophecy is in the nature of an engraved picture on a stone.I have not seen it but heard it described as showing two persons of a description similar to you.Then there are scenes of war and finally, a large fire over a globe, taken by most to mean some kind of all-encompassing calamity."


    "That''s all rather¡­ ambiguous."


    "I do¡­ there is another prophecy I would ask you about."


    "Another one?"


    "Yes, a different more distant band of mermaids proclaimed a prophecy that Echnida Drakiana would have a terrible daughter."


    [Just like my Mom.]


    "Okay, I assume you mean terrible as in ''does terrible things''?"


    SmithGuild nodded."This daughter will be a new creature known as a sphynx, and her daughter will be called Phix."


    [Holy mother of cat.]


    He added cautiously, "You were not enunciating especially clearly, but the other day¡­"


    "I know someone who has a cat call Phix.It''s not an actually sphynx; it''s just named after them."


    There followed a long conversation about hairless pet cats, and human myth, that left both of them even more confused.


    "It''s not that they necessarily thought, well, a lot of them probably thought these people were real in antiquity.But by my time there are just amusing tails and something to study or use to make up your own stories."


    "And yet, if the prophecy is true it will be real here and now."


    [My head hurts.] Nelda thought about how in the last attempted reality take-back, Angry Brenda had been in the plant room.Angry Brenda had called out, what was it, something like ''it''s her'' or ''that''s her.'' But they were probably just trying to figure out who she was and her direct supervisor would be an obvious one for the lineup.


    Nelda tried to wiggle the toes on each foot and more or less succeeded. [Ouch.] "This has been a rather heavy discussion to have before breakfast.Perhaps I can get dressed and relocate somewhere more appropriate, and we can pick things up from here."


    SmithGuild made the feather-fluff motion that she was beginning to suspect amounted to blushing."Of course, how rude of me."


    #


    Looking out her window, Nelda saw a crowd of the Jaspers hopping around in a tree profuse with dark purple apples.In their own somewhat haphazard style they were harvesting the fruit into small baskets and dragging them away.


    [So they must be a good deal more useful than they appear. Someone has to be doing the gardening, and no one but the birds has made an appearance."


    She tidied her dress and turned to pick up the not rock from the table.It was not there.She looked around on the floor and found nothing.


    [Not to be a bitch, but I suspect the Lapis''s. I bet SmothGuild''s scolding her over the shoe incident reflects a pattern of behavior¡ªand if not the roof certainly does."


    It was ridiculously challenging to walk with a twisted ankle and a knee that probably couldn''t bend anyway, but didn''t have the option under four or five layers of bandage.


    With a certain amount of creativity and crab walking, she made her way to the stairwell leading to the roof and maneuvered her way to the top.


    [Imagine how SmithGuild will react when I have to ask him for something to use as feminine hygene products.Who knows of any fo the extant species of this world menstruate.]


    She flipped up the hatch, and found herself looking at all three Lapis bird standing not 10 feet away.Like a bizarre mash up of the opening of MacBeth and the Wizard of Oz, they were standing around a familiar looking large white shell, turned open end up.


    All three birds turned and looked at her with steely eyes.They hunched their shoulders, brought their corvid-like beaks forward and began to advance.

 27 Blue Birds

    "Oh, don''t fuck with me." Nelda threw the hatch back and hear it clatter behind her."Try me, I will fuck a bird up."


    All three of the Lapis phoenixes paused.


    "We don''t have to be enemies, chick-a-dee.But if that''s your choice, I will go all in." [Can you choke a phoenix?]


    The middle Lapis''s cocked its head.Nelda knew that he gryphons only coulnted a person a ''person'' if they could speak.But there seemed to be intelligence, sentience, in the conduct nd expression of the Lapises.[It takes a certain level fo smarts to be sneaky.And if they can''t speak, well SmithGuild probably did not create them with the parts to do so. He speaks to them, so they must have some level fo understanding.]


    "But I have no notion of getting allup in your business," Nelda continued."I''ll leave you alone.I''ll stay off your roof.All you have to do is give me back the stone you took from my room.So long as what you are up to doesn''t cause me problems, we''re cool."


    The birds seemed to consider that.One of them kept sanding near her, like the guard.The other two backed away again.Then something rather peculiar happened.


    The bird on the left pecked own on her chest, and two small doors opened up and outward.The bird on the right picked up¡­ [hey, that''s my rock!] and put it inside the first birds boob-cupboard and the little doors closed.The both stood there, looking at each other and occasionally blinking while exactly nothing happened.


    After maybe 30 seconds the bird on the left opened the boob-cupboard again and the other one took the stone out.The guard bird came and got the stone and threw it in Nelda''s general direction.They all looked very annoyed and glared at Nelda.


    "Hey, don''t blame me if you stole the wrong stone.If I know what you were looking for maybe we could work something out."


    The guard bird approached, pecked its chest and revealed that its own boob-cupboard contain a small bright blue stone with a few faint yellow streaks.


    Nelda leaned forwards, causing the Lapis to hiss aggressively and shuffle away, closing the cupboard.


    "I get it, I get it.Look but don''t touch.I suppose I am living own to my idiot repuaion by not guessing it wouls be a lapis.What is is lais lavooly?I forget.I wosh I hae known what was going to be in the ''catapaulted to a nother world'' exam.I;''d have studied harder."


    The guard Lapis was watching her intently again, head cocked. [Defineitly something going on upstairs.]


    "Here''s the deal," Nelda said."Lais is a semi-precious stone so it can''t be all that rare.If you let me keep the alicorn, I''ll do my very best to track one¡­"


    "PrEEEp, peep, peep."The guard bird walked over to the others in her cohort.Peck [one], peck [two].


    "Okay, okay, track down two lapis stones."Nelda reached out and picked up the not rock."And in return, you stop being a pain in my ass, and maybe even try to be a bit helpful."


    The guard Lapis glared at her but nodded.


    "Good enough."


    Nelda pulled the hatch up and back down over her head.She sat uncomfortably on the curling stairway.


    [What does Jasper look like, it''s a red stone I think? Is this something to do with the alchemy SmithGuild was all weird about using when he made the phoenixes?]


    [So only one of the Lapises has a lapis stone, and the other two want it.Wait, but SmithGuild said they were just one mind.So why would it-slash-she want a stone for each bird?]


    [Hopefully not for anything world-endingly evil.]


    #


    She joined SmithGuild in the parlor.


    "I know my turning up must be disrupting your life; you probably had other things to be doing."


    SmithGuild smiled, nothing pressing."


    The stood and just sort of looked at each other for a while.


    "This mya seem¡­ foolish." SmithGuild said, picking an apple from the table near his couch.But since the moment we first met I have felt there is a special connection between us.I felt immediate¡­ very fond of you." He studied the apple as if this was the true object of his affections.


    [I must be very beguiling up a tree.It''s a move I should try more often.]"I''ve had the same feeling," she admitted."Honestly I don''t know what to make of it.I''m not a¡­like-at-first-sight sort of person.Not even at first sight really, but the moment I heard your voice."


    Thw gryphon looked up at her.His sincere golden eyes glinting in the morning light."And what did you think when you saw me."


    "I thought: what the hell is that and why is he so gorgeous."


    SmithGuild laughed.


    [It''s true though.]"I do¡­ I do wonder if there I any chance such a sudden feeling of attachment could be¡­ I mean is this the sort of thing that could be caused by an outside agency.I don''t understand how things work in this place but is there actually such a thing as magic, as spells?" {Oh god, that sounds like I wouldn''t like him unless¡­]."I''m not saying¡­."


    "Please, don''t fear you will offend me." SmithGuild tilted his head in tat beguiling way he had."I find your honesty one of your most charming qualities. If you are a little more direct than I, that is my defect."


    "Not at all.We are very different individuals." [And that''s an understatement.]"But that''s, ah, how it should be. I think. Well, this is, I''m not very good at this." [This is weird. This is very weird.]


    The gryphon nodded."And as for magic.It is by no means as common as many people would have you believe.People are wont to be superstitious and even self-deceiving if it makes them feel better.But some things like the prophecies of the mermaids, I do not what else I would call them.Perhaps there is a mechanism to them that we will yet discover. But I would tell you this, I do not think may regard for you does require such an explanation.But it is a little counter to my usual conduct so I will be vigilance as regards the possibility."


    "I am grateful that you take me seriously when I barely know a thing about this place."


    "I hope I have the chance to help you learn.But there do seem to be great forces at work.And they do say: when dragons fight the world is injured. I feel like anything could happen now."


    [If you were a human man I have a pretty good idea what would happen now.But I guess I am going to have to expand my romantic repertoire.]

 28 Herby, Harpy, and Hoppy

    Just before dusk, Herby returned.The gryphon was wearing some kind of strange bandanna around her neck. She landed by the fountain and took sometime stretching, preening her wings and settling them to her satisfaction. Nelda tamped down her impatience.[Sister just flew off across the ocean for me. Even if she does seem to be enjoying dragging out the final reveal.]


    [Come to think of it, there''s no way a flying creature wouldn''t know what is on their roof. Right?]


    [This is so confusing.Who can I trust?]


    Herby came into the parlor and availed herself of one of the two couches leaving Nelda to sit awkwardly on the windowsill.


    Herby folded one clawed arm over the other. "The harpies say, that the mermaids say, that they didn''t know Nelda couldn''t breathe underwater. They just had something they wanted to show her."


    "That makes sense," SmithGuild said.


    Herby looked at SmithGuild and then looked at Nelda and shook her head.


    "That makes no fucking sense whatsoever," Nelda said."You don''t invite someone to a party by dragging them there by the ankle."


    "Exactly," Herby agreed."Even without intentional drowning, there is no such thing as a friendly abduction.You know Nelda, I was skeptical about you at first, but you might prove to be a good bad influence on my brother."


    "Good bad? What on Mirth are you talking about?" SmithGuild asked.


    "She is implying," Nelda said. "That your charmingly trusting nature can stray toward being¡ª"


    "Naive," supplied Herby."Foolish, even despite being brilliant in your way. Not that I espouse total trust in humans either."


    The word ''human'' resonated as sudden and foreign to Nelda''s ears.If the prophecy existed only and entirely as a picture, that word could not be derived from it.If it existed elsewhere, no one had divulged as much.


    "Human?'' Nelda asked.


    "That is what your people are called, is it not?" Herby replied.


    "It''s never a world I have had needed to use since my arrival."


    "You just don''t remember."


    SmithGuild frowned."I have been present every time the two of you were conscious and together," he said."She has never used this word."


    [Oh ho, skepticism cuts both ways!]


    Herby bristled."Brother, I cannot believe you are taking the side of this¡­ Nelda, against me?"


    SmithGuild remained entirely calm."What are these sides?Facts cannot favor any side but the truth."


    "It must have been the harpies I heard it from," Herby said. "They have a proposal. And no one has known harpies to be anything other than neutral to those they admit onto their lands under the flag of parlay.


    "As opposed to those they prey upon at sea," SmithGuild said with disapproval."I think there is something untrustworthy about people who eat people. I have no idea how they think only doing it n salty water makes a wit of difference."


    Herby shrugged."It''s their nature.You may consider them distasteful but they are honest monsters. Not like the manticores." She pulled the strange scarf from around her neck.It was made from two pieces of cloth tied at the corners, one yellow and one red. "They offer these flags, which will assure your safety from them.And they will ensure you and the mermaids can talk, on their island, with the harpies assuring the peace between you."


    "Their island, which I would get to on a boat traveling over mermaid-infested waters?" Nelda asked.


    "The details are not my problem." Herby flexed her claws and curled them over the edge of the couch."I think I have been more than reasonable in making this arrangement."


    "Well, that is true I suppose," Nelda conceded.[Either she is trying to help, or she isn''t, and I should pretend not to notice so I can catch her off guard later.]"You have done more than your share of helping get to the bottom of this world-ending prophecy situation.And I think we are all on board with the world not ending. Right?"


    There was a slight smell of burning in the air.


    SmithGuild stood on his couch and peered past Nelda out the window. "Why are the satyrs burning something on the beach?" he asked.


    Nelda was not particularly concerned."I think you''ll just find that''s something satyrs do."[They are not awash with complex ulterior motives.Unlike, apparently, every-fucking-other personin this land.]


    Turning to Herby, Nelda pressed, "If you think about it, who was it that used he term ''human''? Mermaids, or a harpy, or both."


    "It''s not too close to the house, is it?Herby asked."You wouldn''t want this whole place to catch fire.''


    [I see what you are doing, Herbster. And I have my eye on you.]


    SmithGuild made for the front door, and Herby bustled after, and they went off past the fountain towards the beach.


    "Don''t mid the crippled biped, folks.She''ll just find her own way, shall she?"Nelda sighed.

 29 Fire Bird

    Nelda stayed on the back edge of the white sand, sitting on a driftwood trunk caught in the seagrass.She could just imagine a mermaid breaching like a hunting orca and dragging her into the dark sea.


    SmithGuild came to join her leaving Herby arguing with the satyrs about what can and cannot be thrown on a bonfire (and asking: what is a bonfire anyway.The growing flames were drawing in an increasing, jumbled, congregation of Japser phoenixes.


    There came a moment when the Jaspers also got the idea that they could throw things on the fire themselves and Herby had to take up the argument with them.


    "You don''t look too worried," Nelda commented to SmithGuild.


    "It''s closer to the sea than the house." -- A Jasper flitted down the beach, it''s tail on fire ¨C "That could be a problem, though."He trotted off in pursuit of the flaming bird.


    Logically, the flying leaf here works the same way I could use it to avoid the mermaids until arriving at harpy island.But I would need SmithGuild to sort-of carry me there.


    [That would be a real Barbarella moment.]


    By her best estimate it took some time for the hern to work.She had taken it near dusk and woke floating onlt just before dawn.But they had a whole day and night before needing to be on the idland, and she was not inclinded to spend to much of that bobbing around like a parade float.


    SmithGuild returned, shaing his head.He lay down in the sand and rested his head on his folded claws.His ear tufts flicked as the satyrs were arging loudly about whether to through a pile of seaweed onto the fire.Which was now ringed with Jaspers, glowing even redder than usual.Herby had filled a couple of apple buckets with water and was standing by.


    [Maybe it wasn;t a ploy and Herby jist has some kind of phobia about fire?"


    "So¡­." Nelda broke the companionable silence."Do the Jasper phoenixes all have a Jasper stone?"


    SmithGuild blinked."They seem to.They can find red Jasper around the place.It doesnlt seem to replicate with them when they are twin. Why do you ask?"


    "Just a thought.Might that be¡­" [Should I be telling SmithGuild the Lapises business?Would they tell him if they could talk, or would they rather he didn''t know?] "It just struck me that lapis might be more rare. Around here, at least."


    "Hmmm."


    "I''m also wondering when my people migt make the next attempt to pull me back.The attempts so far¡­"She sketched a line on the sand and marked the days."Occurred on the second and fifth day.But the time back home seemed almost unchanged the first time. Bt the second time it was later that day and possibly a number of days later."


    "Two and five is a sequence that suggests the next recurrence on day ten."


    "Maybe, or may it just takes two days to prepare and when I first n=vaniches they were already prepared.That means it could happen again when we are at the Harpy island."


    "We are going to parlay with the mermaids then?"


    "It''s more up tp you than me, but I wuld say yes. End of the world is not really something to take lightly.I also think¡­" Nelda looked into the gryphos rould grey-gold eyes and lost her train of thought for a moment.


    [If love makes fools of us all, what does it do to someone who is already a fool?]


    "You think?"SmithGuild prompted.


    "I do try." Nelda slipped won off the log to sit next to SmithGuild."I think I need to go back alone and I need to stay there.If, as you say, the prophecies are inclined to come true¡ªthat seemed the best way to prevent a cataclysm. In the meantime it would be wise to try to learn more about it.If at all possible to see it or a faithful copy of it."


    "I¡­ you don''t know that leaving would solve the matter.It might even cause the predicted outcome."


    "We have to apply logic to the situation. It shows two humans, so the less humans you have knocking around the place, the less likely this sequence of events is to occur."[Oh god, am I going to cry?]


    Nelda looked for something to distract her mind before she started ugly crying in fron of everyone. Just a few days of galavanting with mythical beats who mostly don''t hate me, has shown how completely empty ''real'' life had become.A job, a condo, a ficus plant¡ª[and I think I was killing the ficus plant, most of its leaves had fallen off. Which does suggest I shouldn''t be left in charge of the fate of an entire world.]


    BugleHead jogged past with a teeting Jasper perched on one horn and a small cask in his arms.[Where did he get that from?]


    SmithGuild winced, still a bit sensitive about the nudity issue.


    "If that happens," Nelda said."I need to ask you the favor of helping the satyrs get back home, assuming that''s still what they want to do. And, for what its worth, you may find it easier to get used to them as they are than to get them to change." An old ethology lesso floated ot the surface of her mind. "It''s easier to get use to thing that may be annoying when you realise they are harmless."


    BugleHead trip and the opened cask fell and splashed into the fire.It immediately caught fire in a ripple flashing back to the cask."Oh no, the booze!"


    HoneyBeard had to hold him back from trying to pat out the flaming liquid with his hands.


    "Mostly harmless," Nelda amended."And they mean well."


    "They mean well in relation to you," SmithGuild said."I am not entirely sure what the big one would do if you suddenly vanished."


    "HoneyBeard is good people.I''ll explain it to him.And if I do end up going back, stay on the alert for another rhuman.The prophecy show two of us.And we can be more dangerous than we seem. The satyrs are solid allies, you could do worse than encouraging them to stay around."


    BugleHead, now adorned with a Jaspe on each horn, turned to argue with HoneyBeard, his horse-like tail caught fire.Always the quick thinking Honeybeard grappled him prompt to the sea and threw him into the water.There arose a cacophonous and outraged screethc from one satyr and two phonexis.


    "Yiu have to admit,"Nelda said."They keep things interesting."

 30 Dreams

    That night Nelda took the flying leaf.If she had trusted Herby more-slash-at-all she would have asked the gryphon about it first.As things stood, she would be happy just not to be standing¡ªwith both legs not currently in working order.


    Nelda considerd that the not rock might be species-specific in some way. So Before going to bed she recruited the assistance of the satyrs to find a nice large stone and stowed it beside her bed. The rolled it onto a bedsheet and tied the cloth in a big knot at the top with two rabbit-ears of clith sticking up.Then she left the rock on the windoe sill.


    "Nature makes beds for us," HoneyBeard said."I do not know why some folk insist in sleeping in these coffin-caves."


    "Then it is just as well you never got stuck in my world," Nelda said."It is full of little else and you would have to wear clothes all fo the time. Keep that in mind if the golden light returns for me."


    BugleHead had found some more spirits some where and was considerably drunk."Buh, arensch you gonna marry cat-bird?"


    "Well, if we are a love story it''s one of those unhappy ones, I think.The mermaid prophecy suggests that if I saty here it will do a lot of hamr,And SmithGuild would be as out of plac ei my world as you, maybe more so.I wouldn''t want him to be with me if it madehim unhappy."


    HoneyBeard added, "And I''ve never heard a man so unhappy about having a cock."


    "Wasch it, like, a really weirdt wun," BugleHead asked.


    "No, it was a rather nice one, of it''s kind, from what I remember.But SmithGuild is not a big fan of genitals in general.I think he''d be happy to see a bit less of yours. Try to keep that in mind if I end up going back before I can get you home.I''m sure he''ll help you out, the best he can."


    "I dun thunk you shood go," BugleHead said."You wouldn''t break Mirth.I think yoor a hero."


    "I am honored you think so.But I imagine every villain is the hero of their own story.So it all depends on which version you believe."


    BugleHead climbed out the window."Aym not gonna even thunk about that.Idt''lll give me bahd dreams."


    #


    Nelda awoke with her nose pressed against the ceiling.[Yay, I guess.]


    She wiggled around under she was lying on the ceiling, facing downwards.She could feel rivet-shaped indents on her nose from where the sheet metal of the ceiling was fixed together.It was as if this world wa slowly tryig to destroy ne from th face down an the ankles up.


    A braind raised under grvity response to suddenly being lighter tha air by sent relentless WTF WTFF WTFFF signals.


    [My kingdom for a Dramamine.]


    Even tentatively standing upright on the ceiling, Nelda could not see the not rock on the windowsill.[OMG, not those birds agina.We had a deal!] She found she could not reach the bunny-ears of her wrapped stone.


    [I seriously could not plan my way out of a wet paper bag.]


    Looking out the open window, she saw the satyrs were sleeping in a nearby flower bed, the aroma of goat musk and crushed geraniums wafting up from them. She whistled gently to get their attention.


    One of BugleHead''s goat ears twitch with each whistle.His eyes opened."Hey Nelda.Seems like you might already be part bord, just need to work on the cat part to be a real Mrs. Cat-Bird.


    "Sometimes it''s the differences that bring people together."


    BugleHead scrunched his face skeptically."H=Nah.I don''t see it."


    The was a knock on the door.Under the circumstances, Nelda had worn her underwear to bed.SmithGuild still seemed rather unsettled when he saw her.


    "This is a very nice ceiling," Nelda commented/"Copper, is it?"


    "Yes.I was quite pleased with how it came out but that material is somewhat delicate."


    "Oh." Looking down at her fett, Nelda couldn''t see any damage. "Sorry abou that but my buoyancy gas a kind of binary status, up or down.And in preparation for an overseas trip I thought I would try for up."


    "You said you had no more flying leaf."


    Nelda indicated the remining bouquet of stripey flowers with associated foliage.


    "That''s just Both-forage.It'' really only good for treating flatulence in centaurs¡ªit doesn''t¡­." His words wilted under Nelda''s glare.


    "I''ve had this conversation before and I feel it timely to state that facts can change theories, but the reverse is not the case."


    "I don''t suppose I can argue with that."


    "I am sure you could but appreciate that you won''t.Now do you suppose you could help me get down from here?"


    SmithGuild balanced carefully ob his femine hind egs, partilly unfurling his wings.He reached up and try=ied to grasp her around the waist.


    "Okay, let''s try rhis." Nelda turned to face awy from him and tried to curl up her egs and forward-roll into an upwards standing position facing him.T almost worked except er buoyancy was qyuite strong, and SmithGuild seemed surpeisingly Iight. [Well, not that surprising for a flying creature.]


    She ended up sort of straddling the underside of SmithGuilds chest with her ams wrappd around his neck.


    "Oop. Sorry to be so familiar," she said.


    "I can''t say I mind." SmithGuild replied.


    [#EmojiRedHeart.]


    As she was trying, with no particular urgency, to work out how to get disentangled, Nelda saw a slight flash of gold at the corner of her eye.


    "Oh no!"


    With a convulsive kick, Nelda launched herself off SmithGuild''s body like a drunken grasshopper having a lawnmower nightmare.She shot directly out the open window. Her horizontal movement sloed anf her vertical movement began t excellerate upwards,


    She could see a kind of glob or custer of bubbles that shimmered oily gold.It inflated outwards, caught her foot, and swarned to engulf her even as she started to shoot upwards.


    She caught a distorted glimpse of Smoithguld hurdling netly out the window and snapping open his ganted tawbing wings.


    [No no no no no.]


    The satyrs saw SmithGuild launch upwards in a flurry of wingbeats, and snatch Nelda up into his arms.


    Then they both disappeared.


    "I''m going to lose my idiot herder''s license over this," HoneyBeard said.


    BugleHead replied, "I think it''s romantic.I am sure thet will rerurn soon."


    They waited.


    And waited.

 31 Sidekicks, Sanity, and Salinity

    HoneyBeard and Herby sat together on the beach.BugleHead lay morosely behind them in the seagrass.Even the Jaspers seemed subdued. But the Lapises were cleaning and tidying the house as if the reduction in the number of occupants was something of a convenience for them.Most of the morning had passed, and neither Nelda nor SmithGuild had returned.


    "Idiots of a feather," HoneyBeard said.


    "I thought she would be a good bad influence," Herby said."Turns out she was a bad good influence."


    "Hard to tell apart," HoneyBeard replied sympathetically.


    BugleHead''s contribution to the conversation was a sad, protracted bleating sound.


    HoneyBeard tried to console him. "She was going to go home eventually, brother.You had to know that."Then to Herby, "And I think she had every intention of leaving the gryphon behind."


    Herby grimaced."I am quite sure Smithy acted on his own gallant impulse. What surprises me more is that I think if I had been there, I might have gone also."


    "Really?" HoneyBeard asked."Even if you ended up being a Nelda on the other side.It''s not a very robust sort of form."


    Herby contemplated the seaward horizon."I have a theory about that.You two kept your forms when you went over to her world.Maybe the reason Smith did not is that he has some kind of attachment to Nelda that¡­ aligns their forms. Makes them more compatible, pragmatically speaking."


    "Loooooooooove," intoned BugleHead. "Truuuu loooooove."


    "He''s something of a romantic," HoneyBeard explained.


    "It''s the leading cause of idiocy," Herby added."Love."


    HoneyBeard nodded."I thought I was immune to the idiocy part of that process, but then I found myself burying a unicorn horn in a midden because a patchwork person asked me to.And then I thought¡ªmercy I''ve caught it too."


    "As a herbalist, depending on what we do next, I think you could still recover."


    And they both thought in unison: But what if we don''t want to?


    BugleHead sat up, his head popping into view above the grasses."You have the treasure?"


    HoneyBeard twisted to look at him."Nelda said that if she went back, she wanted you to have it."


    "Bleeeeeeeat."BugleHead flopped back onto the sand.


    "Do you think it''s real?" Herby asked.


    "I suppose with the medicinal properties it might make more sense to give it to you." HoneyBeard conceded.


    BugleHead popped up again.


    Herby shrugged."That''s all just superstition," she said."I wouldn''t consider it any more than a curiosity.Nothing of real value."


    BugleHead flopped down again.


    "So what are we going to do now?" HoneyBeard asked.


    We could just go back to our lives.," Herby replied. "The centaurs would probably escort you home in return for the alicorn, although I would suggest that you have it held in safekeeping rather than deal with them in trust.


    "That option will always be available," HoneyBeard said. "In the meantime, we could go to that parlay and find out about this other what-you-say ''who-man''."


    "And why would we do that?"


    HoneyBeard scratched his chin and thought a moment. "One reason might be that prophecy is, by its nature insidious and not easily defeated.So Nelda may well end up back here at some point and need the information.Another is that pictures are open to interpretation, maybe Nelda comes first, then the other who-man, then the nastiness. I hate to think there is just us between the world and a cataclysm, but they do say the gods like to laugh."


    "Hmmm," Herby played with the sand listlessly."Or possibly you are making up excuses for an act of sheer idiocy in the protection of our dignity."


    "'' Our'' dignity, sister?"


    "I am certainly not letting you borrow my brother''s boat without supervision.That wouldgrossly irresponsible."


    BugleHead popped up again."Izz we goin'' on a ''dventure?"


    HoneyBeard winced. "I suppose I was bound to catch it sooner or later."

 32 Welcome, Hellcome

    They came crashing into the plant room together ¡ª naked but-for-an-oversized-vest human SmithGuild on top of lingerie-clad Nelda.


    "Um, this isn''t what it looks like," Nelda said.


    They were both grabbed and pulled apart but a swarm of armed guards.As she was dragged from the room, Nelda saw only confused glimpses of what was around her.


    Pallid SmithGuild disappearing into a crowd of black-clad security.


    Angry Brenda standing with her arms folded looking like the proverbial cat that got the cream.


    Dandruff wearing a sparkling clean new lab coat and shouting at a middle-aged man in a navy-blue suit which was at least twenty years out of style.


    The machine was glinting gold but also emitting black coffee-colored smoke and great puffs and clouds from near where she had inserted the cracked flux fuse.


    Beaker locking eyes with her and mouthing: gsfsgf yygvd kkkddd.[Guess I suck at lip-reading.]


    "I want a lawyer! And so does he!" Nelda shouted as she was lugged by her arms towards the big swinging doors. "I know my rights!" [I don''t know my rights.Fuck, what are my rights?]


    She wanted to shout SmithGuild''s name but also not give these people any information about him.So Nelda redirected her attention to lifting her feet off the ground and elbowing the assembled guards in the groin, face or any other handy target.


    She was distracted in these efforts by her underwire choosing this moment to come loose and stab her painfully in the boob.[Traitor bra, I was depending on you!]


    The guard quickly lifter and carried her to an elevator that went down far enough that it seemed like they should be surrounded by magma.From there she was propelled down a row of enamel painted metal doors to the one door that stood open.Literally thrown inside she faceplanted into a metal toilet and rolled against a rudimentary bed built into the concrete wall.


    The door slammed shut, and several different locks clicked into place in an unassailable-sounding sequence. One glance told her everything there was to know about the space barely big enough to call ed room.Grey pained concrete about the size of four telephone boxes end-on-end. Loo at the end, light under a metal grid above, bed on the right.No window, no clock, no nothing else.


    [Welcome home, bitch.]


    She felt the side of her jaw."I want a lawyer and a dentist!" she shouted at the closed door."And I ain''t saying shit til I see them!"

 33 Plush Crush Redux

    After some endless fluorescent period of time, Nelda was taken into an interrogation room and attached to the table with handcuffs. She was still dressed only in a grubby bra and panties.This was probably meant to make her feel embarrassed and self-conscious, but hanging with satyrs had helped eliminate any lingering body-shame issues she had--except for the ones that related to toes


    A gaunt woman with short gray hair and rimless glasses came in.She placed a closed folder full of papers on the table. The folder had Nelda''s full name written on the front of it.


    The woman at first seemed to be wearing no makeup, but up close Nelda could see that it was more a combination of aggressively ''natural'' cosmetics that probably all said ''age-defying'' somewhere on the box.The result was a look somewhere between Ellen Degeneres on camera and Jamie Lee Curtiss on crack.


    [Remember the plan: I''m not going to say anything.]


    "Well, Ms. Thirstman.Are you curious about how your friend is doing?"


    [Fuck you.]


    "He is considerably disoriented and would probably do a lot better if you could join him." She smiled in a way that was probably intended to be friendly but looked more like a chimpanzee''s fear grimace.


    [Wow, you have both resting and active bitch-face. Or you''re just a bitch, and it shows.I know which one I am betting on.]


    "All you have to do is answer a few simple questions, and I can make that happen. I am here to help you, Nelda."


    [If you were trying to form an authentic relationship, you would have started by introducing yourself Jamie-Ellen McFuckface.]


    "For example, tell me when did you first discover that this research center was investigating multiverse applications."


    Nelda''s face twitched.An automatic smirk that she tried to suppress.


    [One point to me.I have learned something, and I am pretty sure you have learned nothing.]


    Nelda ignored the woman for a while as she thought it over.So based on watching a few episodes of ''Sliders'', multiverse theory said there are many universes caused by different choices and outcomes playing out. On this basis, many things are possible.[But Mirth is clearly based on earth-human beliefs about mythical creatures¡ªusing a Greco-Roman Model.So that does not seem multi-versy, really.]


    "¡­Am I boring you?" broke in the woman.


    [I mean, sort of.]


    "I am your only chance for getting out of this room."


    [Doubtful.And if so, only to transport me from the frying pan into the fire.]


    "You need to start taking me seriously."


    Nelda let herself smile then. She heard the memory-echo of Honey Beard. [I don''t have to do shit for you. You are not one of my idiots.] The woman continued to talk, an endless stream of vague threats and demands. She seemed to have realized her mistake in naming the purpose of the machine and did not say anything else that specific.


    Nelda leaned back in the chair. [I''ve faced actual dragons. If all the people I loved were back on Mirth, I''d be sorted. Unfortunately, you have SmithGuild.But any weakness I show just makes his situation even worse.The more you threaten him, the more I need to freeze you out.]


    Nelda refused to speculate about how the fastidious gryphon was coping.


    [Imagine if a corporation got hold of Mirth.I can see the TV adverts for the actual Sandalwoods Resort¡ª''you''ve tried swimming with dolphins, now go flying with dragons.Satyr selfies, centaur rides, and mermaid steak for dinner.Your fake-Facebook friends will be #PositvelyChatreuse with envy.'']


    The only goal that made sense was to break the machine for good, preferably after she got SmiyhGuild back home.


    After a lifetime of listless agnosticism about absolutely everything, Nelda had a clear, selfless, important goal. She felt it causing a peculiar transition inside her. Hungry, shackled, and helpless, she nevertheless felt more powerful than any other time in her life.


    She kept smiling at Jamie Ellen.If this is how her employer was going to treat her, nothing they offered could even be considered. Until she could escape she only really had two options.Plan how to escape, and plan what to do when she escaped.


    Who could she go to for help in the company of a gryphon in human form with the goal of destroying the machine?It had to be some with supervisor or above clearance.That produced three options of which both Angry Brenda and Backstabbing Marie were duds; this left Neurotic Susan.


    [What do I actually know about Neurotic Susan?]


    "Are you even listening to me?"


    [No.]


    Nelda had always known she was stubborn.This trait allowed her to survive being raised by Harridan Mom and Always-in-the-Shed Dad without losing the ability to function as a pseudo-adult. [Is there really any other kind?] But stubbornness without a cause is just dead weight. Something she had dragged along with her as she pursued being a disappointing daughter, a mediocre student, and a meets-expectations employee.She had become numb to living in the dead zone of adequacy that is functionally equivalent to invisibility.


    This magister level obstinacy which had always held her back suddenly started to feel like a hidden super-power.


    Jamie-Ellen was starting to sound a little shrill and stormed from the room.This revealed a small antechamber with yet another armed guard as if Neda was going to hulk out and make a run for it. A single sheet of paper fell from the folder as she left. It landed face-up on the floor.Moving only her eyes Nelda could see it was a photocopy of a primary school class photo.Little Nelda was helpfully circled.


    In it, she could be seen holding in the front row holding a little plastic figurine.She had brought the toy to photo day in what was intended as a small rebellion, holding it visibly on her lap.The bored photographer would probably not have cared even if she had been holding up a Playboy centerfold, but a few other students noticed--making her feel like a lowkey badass for a few days.


    The figurine was her long forgotten favorite at the time.A Masters of the Universe griffin her aunt had given her. Nelda despised the cartoon in general but had fixated on the griffins which had escaped slavery to live wild in the Vine Jungle. Where they were sadly once again enslaved by villain beastmen serving Skeletor.


    [Holy hole-in-a-donut, Batman. How could I forget that I had a childhood plush-crush on a griffin?]


    She unconsciously thought of these tawdry animated animals as griffins, not the more elevated British homonym she had attached to SmithGuid and his ilk. But the strange feeling of relatedness she had to those indentured creatures came back to her as fresh as a deep breath after rain.


    [If SmithGuild was planted there, waiting for me--who, exactly, made the world of Mirth?]

 34 Science and Compliance

    A large man in a blue suit came in next; the one Dandruff had been yelling at. The suit was even more shoulder-pad-tastic up close.Either he had horrendous taste or this thing wasn''t used very often.


    Nelda strayed from her plan briefly. "Wow, she was miscast as the good cop."


    The man''s face remained impassive, but his eyes seemed a little more human."She is right.Your only option is to tell us everything you know, and hope for the best."


    [You stole my gryphon.]


    Nelda tied to fold her arms, but the hand-cuffs looped through a link on the table made it impossible.


    "Do you think I''m the bad cop?"


    [I don''t see you fetching me some sweatpants and a latte.]


    "I''ll try and get you some food, but it will have to be after clock out.Her nibs has to be at a fundraiser tonight."


    [He is either really bad at good cop, or really good at it.]


    "Nothing to say?" He didn''t seem to upset. "Solid strategy I guess.But her highness is under a lot of pressure.So, she''s not taking it very well that you''re not impressed by her.So try to be careful."He winked and left.


    Nelda racked her mind trying to remember where she might have seen this man before.But her job mainly involved walking in from the carpark, being yelled at by Angry Brenda for 7.5 hours while performing highly technical but essentially menial tasks, and walking back out into the carpark.


    Nelda was left to sit in the room for what felt like a few hours, transitioning from hangry to harving.


    Eventually, Jamie-Ellen returned. She sat down with an expression of premature victory. "Have you thought about what I said?"


    Nelda considered the ceiling tiles.If she was uncuffed, they looked like they might punch up. Maybe there would be a share ceiling space so she could get ut if the room.But she did not have the kind of misspent youth where you learn to escape cuffs.Maybe if she used her straying underwire as a pick¡­?


    "You will have until you begin to answer my questions. First, who are you working for!"


    The flying leaf seemed to cease to have it''s effect immediately upon coming back to Earth.This suggested that some fundamental rules differed between the worlds.But given that gryphons don''t seem conventionally flightworthy, that already must have been the case.


    "If they threatened you or your family, I can help with that." Jamie Ellen paused, seeming uncomfortable with a conciliatory role."But I can promise you this.Whatever they threatened you with, I can do a hundred times worse if you don''t cooperate."


    Nelda placed herself in SmithGuild''s parlor on one f the padded couches.There was a very faint scent of dust and varnish and a strong one of salt sea air.A bowl of grapes was within easy reach.She closed her eyes to visualize it better.


    There was a scraping sound and then suddenly Nelda''s head snapped back under a blow.Nelda''s eyes snapped open.Jamie Ellen''s face was a zombie-like rictus of rage.


    The door to the room slammed open and smashed into the wall.Blue-suit-guy wrestled the old woman of her with difficulty.The woman grabbed a handful of Nelda''s hair so as she was dragged away, Nelda was wrenched after her.


    While Nelda remained shackled to the table, it became clear that the table was not fixed to the floor.It crashed to the floor.Nelda''s injured legs went out from under her. The three of them ends up on a pile with the furniture near the open door.The guard from the vestibule stepped forwards.


    Instinctively Nelda cried out in pain, put them noticed that the table top had cracked the hook her shackles were attached to had come free.


    [How many chances am I ever going to get?]


    Nelda stealed herself to ignore any pain. She lunged to the door.The door beyond it was unlocked.The hallway beyond seemed to be empty, and she turned right just because it was darker that way.


    She ran with the desperate speed of a hunted rabbit.


    [The rabbit runs for its life, and the wolf only for its dinner.]


    Where a door was locked she kept going or turned back, where it was open, she went through.When she had the choice of up or down, she went down because they would not expect it and her first idea was to hide.


    Running down a dark hallway with pipe along both sides, she seemed to be going further than Building Three could contain.


    [Is this a tunnel between buildings?]


    A voice behind her made her turn.


    "Nedla. Nelda!" in a strange shout-whisper.


    Turning she saw the young scientist she called beaker looking own from the ceiling. She slowed and stopped. [We are not really on a first name basis.Or from y point of view, even a name basis.]


    "Quick. Cime with me." Beaker beckoned.


    Nelda was torn.


    "Nelda, please."


    [What do I have to lose?]


    [A whole world.]


    She took one step towards him.


    Beaker was hanging from a hole in the ceiling. It looked like a pipe used to go through there but had been removed.His face was flushed from hanging mostly upside down, making his acned-pocked face a study in pink and red.He breathing was labored, and condensation marked the inside of the large glassed that had half fallen off his face.


    [Is this the face of evil.I mean, why the hell not?]


    [What choice do I have?]


    She jogged forward.He tried to grab her arm but didn''t have the strength to lift her up.Riding on the last of her adrenaline Nelda hooked her toes into a pipe on the wall and launched herself up.The hot pipe burned her foot but fortunately ty the pain just launched her forwarded faster, colliding head to head with Beaker as he tried to get out of the way.


    She climbed over him into an uneven dark space that seemed more an untidy remnant of bad design than anything that was meant to exist.


    "Fuck," Nelda said."What now?"


    Beaker rubbed his forehead; his nose was bleeding.


    [I should probably say sorry for that.] But Nelda had aches and pains all over and a terror of what was happening to SmithGuild that dwarfed them all.It left very little room for courtesy for an unproven rescuer."Where now?"


    Beaker pointed vaguely. "You''re lucky I''m an urban explorer. Follow me." He started to crawl away.


    His skinny ass in over-sized khakis was not an especially edifying sight, but Nelda was hardly Sports Illustrated material even under the best conditions [which these are not] and scolded herself not to be so judgemental.


    She clambered after him, into the dark.

 35 A Beautiful Pea-Green Boa

    Herby looked about as happy as a frog on a griddle.She stood on the prow of a small boat that SmithGuild owned only because it had washed up on his beach.Smithy suffered from an engineer''s compulsion to fix anything he found, so it was in working order, but being operated by two satyrs without the faintest idea how to sail.


    The sails, themselves, proved beyond their collective comprehension ¡ª much to Herby''s annoyance.


    The Satyrs were self-teaching themselves a course on Oars: 101. It was a slow process.


    Herby stood at the prow, her claws slipped and landed on something that squawked with annoyance.A Lapis phoenix emerged from the gunnels, fluffing its metallic feathers.


    "If you were not a possession of my brother," Herby said."I would toss you overboard and feel not a moment''s remorse."


    The phoenix scuttled away to hide behind the satyrs.


    Finally, Herby dug her claws into the prow and started to use her wings to drive the small boat forward. The prow dove deep into the water, minimizing forward progress.


    The wing-beat gusts toppled BugleHead off his perch, he landed on top of the indignant phoenix and threw his oar overboard in the process.


    HoneyBeard used his oar to hook back the other."I never thought I would find myself missing Nelda," he said. "But perhaps if the honorable gryphon HerbGuild would try that maneuver from the rear of the vessel.The stowaway sinking bird could be lookout at the front.And we will put the oars into their oar-holding-type devices here; a little more progress could be made.One thing Nelda taught me is that idiocy, properly harnessed, can make a surprising amount of purely physical progress."


    #


    Beaker led Nelda through a building-void obstacle course, often checking back on her impatiently. Attempting to help her up through a hollow wall-space his hand slipped from under her armpit to under her boob. He let go, and her ass fell down onto a steaming pipe, simultaneously injuring her coccyx and her dignity.


    "Sorry," Beaker said."But you are taking forever."


    "Well thanks so much for the sorry, not sorry.But I have a twisted-maybe-broken ankle, a knackered kneecap, my wrists are shackled together, and I have one or two possible concussions.So cut me a fucking break, maybe." Nelda readjusted her bra.


    "Shhh. We are right next to a meeting room, and someone may be in there."


    [You started this conversation, Indiana Blows.]


    Nelda took a deep breath, took a moment, and continued upwards.They continued through a sadistic industrial reimagining of a McDonald''s playground, finally exiting into a slightly larger space lit by a lantern shaped flashlight.


    A small group of people assembled around the light made a space for Beaker and her.They were sitting cross-legged which was not currently in Nelda''s repertoire. She ended up lying awkwardly on her front.


    A substantial woman with a British accent snapped, "Tyrone you absolute Muppet, you had her come the whole way with handcuffs on?Why didn''t you come and get the bolt cutters?"


    [I think I like her.]


    The rest of the company was made up by a nervous looking blonde woman, a large mostly bald man on overalls, and another man with a bushy red beard.


    The large lady shuffled over to a mesh-fronted cabinet, staying on her knees because of the low ceiling.She pulled out the promised bolt cutters.


    "My lunch period ends soon," the blonde girls said."Unlike some people, I only get forty-five minutes."


    "Who cares about that, Jen.We''re meeting the first human to travel to another populated world!"


    "She''s right," said the woman with the bolt cutters. "We need to act normal to have any chance of getting away with this."She started by snipping the chain between the two cuffs. To Nelda, she said, "I''m Phillis. I''m a grant-funded P.I. based in Building One."


    "Can you ever shut up about that grant," muttered the bald man,


    "You''ve met Tyrone," she continued."And we have Manny who is a janitor¡­."


    "Custodian," corrected the bald man.


    "Man with a mop."


    "Man with access to all the keys and codes."


    Phyllis waved him off. "¡­And Reginald, Reg, who is a technician. Between us, we found out that Fenestrate it heading for bankruptcy and the new Queen Bitch will do anything to get her bodged together StarGate to show proof of concept without getting shut down to legal reasons.And you are a health-and-safety fly in that particular ornament.Given all that, once you spill the beans, she means for you to disappear."


    "Disappear?" Nelda asked.


    Reg made a neck slitting gesture while grinning incongruously and staring at her cleavage.


    "Oh." Nelda crossed her arms over her chest.


    Tyrone-slash-Beaker gulped."Prof Parsons told Donegal that you sabotaged the Portenator.He doesn''t actually think that, but he didn''t want her to think he messed up.She scares the bejezus out of him, and it''s only a few months till he''s qualified for full retirement. He never thought it was actually going to work.He''s kind of an accidental genius. The Porty was just mean to look convincing for a while, not actually work--"


    Phyllis slapped her palm on her thigh."Okay, people.I see you shuffling, Jen.You get back.Leave on time as usual, but come in tomorrow with some clothes for Nelda.Medium size, she''s not a stunted little pony-riding pixie like you. Go to the cafeteria void at lunch; we''ll move her there. It''s got a lot of stone around it, and it''s warmer."


    Jen nodded and backed away.


    "What else are you going to need right away?" Phyllis asked


    Nelda thought for a moment."Food and water. Aspirin. Wet wipes? This might seem odd but I really need to lapis lazuli stones about the size of a normal marble.I''ll explain about that later. Oh, and everything you can find out about¡­ the guy I was with."


    Reg leaned forward still grinning like a maniac. "Is he from the other side?"


    [I guess I have to go all in with these weirdos.]"Yes, and he''s got to be pretty freaked out by now.Can we--"


    "Working on it," Phyllis said."But it''s all locked down right now. We need to scope out what we agree we are doing here.Then an order of business."


    Reg rolled his eyes."Don''t start that Robert''s Rules bullshit again.A counter-culture club doesn''t need¡ª"


    "I''m not counter culture," Phyllis growled."And if this ever was a club it isn''t now.We might be whistleblowers; we might be terrorists¡ª"


    "We might be the first urban explorers to go to another world." Reggie broke in.


    "Is that what we''re trying to do?"Many blurted.He didn''t seem against the idea.


    "I don''t know, do I?" Phyllis hissed.That''s what we have to decide first.And then Nelda''s going to say her peace.And we''ve got ten minutes till we adjourn.Leave at our usual times, come back at our usual times, and meet at the caf void for lunch, just like usual.Right?"


    The two men mumbled affirmations.


    "Aw''right," Phyllis said, seizing control of things again."First five minutes, tell us what it''s like over there."

 36 A Harpy Party

    Three very annoyed people, and a phoenix that was trying its best to be invisible, arrived at the Harpy island around noon on the appointed day.Which is to say, late. Very late.


    The three resident harpies met them.Covered mostly by glossy feathers, one was black, one was white, and one was gray. They were beautiful and terrible at the same time, like giant predatory angels.


    Herby leaped from the boat, shook herself and bowed. "I apologize for our tardiness.Nelda''s designated representatives are, as you can see, not flighted."


    The harpies were tall women with profuse falls of hair that matched their feathers in hue.Their breasts were bare and shortly below them; their forms became that of a giant bird of prey.Held, so they were almost concealed by their enormous wings, they each had strangely diminutive arms and delicate hands.


    Herby turned to the satyrs."Do try to act civilized for the duration of our stay," she said."This is Lady Dark, Lady Swift, and Lady Storm.


    "Let''s get one with this," HoneyBeard said.His voice squeaked a little with fear, but no more than would be expected when meeting vulture-cannibal triplets."Nelda will want to know about this when she gets back. And that could be any time."He left unstated: or none.


    Herby nodded."The human and my brother have traveled to her world. They aim to discover the source of any threat that might come from that quarter. The prophecy had been hitherto unknown to her."


    This was the story, and possibly even a truth, that they had settled on during the damp and otherwise hostile journey.


    The harpies bowed in unsettling unison.Swift smiled slightly, revealing piranha-like teeth."The mermaids are waiting, with ill-grace.This way please."


    The lapis phoenix scooted to catch up with them.It cocked its head to watch the harpies who had an unexpectedly inelegant and wobbling gait due to their wide bodies and avian legs.The Lapis bobbed its head and then followed after in an exaggerated caricature of the Harpies manner of moving.


    "Show some respect," Herby hissed, grabbing for the phoenix''s tail but missing as it scampered away.


    BugleHead giggled and leaned over to HoneyBeard, "Somehow that dumb bird reminds me of Nelda."


    They traveled along a sandy path to a small cove where a beach of rounded gray pebbles led back into the azure waters.A party of six mermaids was waiting in a position that could only be called "beached" ¡ª their broad bodies resting half out of the water.Their rounded faces were unmistakably showing signs of impatience and anger.


    The mermaids squealed, a shrill sound without words.


    Swift raised her small hands, palms outwards."Gentlepeople, please.We come together for the good of all our nations. Let us avail each other of knowledge, which is the greatest good and may save us all."


    The mermaid on the far left was the smallest had faint mottled spots on her hide."The Nelda insults us by sending these land beasts to parlay," she said in the mermaid''s helium voice tones.


    Swift smiled benevolently. "Nelda has gone with spirited haste to determine what risk in her realm might be coming to ours.I can only commend that spirit of alacrity on our behalf.Her only direct ally among those who swim or fly has gone with her.But Gryphon, HerbGuild, will stand witness and ensure all is conveyed to the human with sincere rectitude. I am sure no insult is meant by Nelda absence at this parley."


    "What does that all mean?" BugleHead whispered.


    HoneyBeard replied."The fish-gals think we are too stupid to tell Nelda what we learn.Bird-gal is saying cat-bird gal will help us with it."


    "Oh, that''s good."BugleHead sat on small dune where yellow petunia plants dotted the stones."So, when do we see the prophecy picture?"


    The gray harpy stormy spoke in a rough, low voice."Yes, where is it? That is the purpose of this¡­ gathering." She settled herself on the ground next to BugleHead like an eagle next to a lost goat kid.


    "We have made a copy, as pure as we are able," the spotted mermaid had."You may see it but not keep it."


    A seventh mermaid emerged from the water carrying a stone about the size and shape of a large platter.She pushed it to the very edge of the water.Its carved face still just under the surface.


    "Will you not bring it closer, sister?" Swift said a voice like polished marble.


    The spotted mermaid replied."If we were sisters what tremendously interesting parents we must have had." She hissed. "I am not fooled. What is on the island is yours; what is in the water is ours.This remains ours. The prophecy was given to us.And the copy stays with us, as the calf with the cow."


    "I would not insult a cow by comparison with that mermaid," Stormy muttered.


    Herby hung back, well away from all of the mermaids and just behind the harpies.


    BugleHead jumped to his hooves and trotted down the beach.He leaned over to peer at the carved stone.


    "Brave," Stormy commented.


    "Foolish," HoneyBeard replied.


    The large gray harpy shrugged."Same thing.The wise are cautious.But the brave may be needed lest the world burn."


    HoneyBeard shuddered."What does it show?" he called.


    "This one''s Nelda," BugleHead called, pointing."This one like an old fat Nelda with little furry ears.Then there''s people from all different races fighting.Then there is a thing like an apricot but on fire."


    "Which kinds of people?" HoneyBeard called watching the mermaids closely.


    "Uh, centaur, gryphon, dragon¡­ manticore, whatever that is. Oh, this one''s a satyr."


    "Ugh, you''d think our people would have more sense than to fight." HoneyBeard stood up but went no closer.


    One of the smaller mermaids squealed at HoneyBeard indignantly, "You hit sister Imerta with a stick."


    "Yeah?" HoneyBeard replied."Then I guess she was the one stealing my idiot.People are always trying to run off with that idiot.I should never have taken responsibility for it."


    "The provocation is the question," Storm commented.


    "The what?" HoneyBeard turned.Of the three harpies, she seemed the most sensible in that she was aware enough of the gravity and stupidity of the situation to be obviously irritated by it.


    "The provocation for the war," Storm said. "All peoples are, if pressed, at least somewhat capable of it.What is generally lacking is that they are willing."


    "That makes more sense than I like." HoneyBeard stood, ringed by mermaids and Harpies, both monsters in that they were wont to eat people.His only ally of note a clearly ambivalent gryphon.


    The gray harpy looked around, saw a long, bleached driftwood branch.With one delicate hand, she lifted it and offered it to HoneyBeard.


    The mermaids were inching gradually closer to BugleHead.


    With a sigh and took the branch and went to catch a glimpse of the stone for himself.He only had two idiots left, refusing to count the phoenix¡ªwherever it had gone--and wasn''t inclined to lose another one.

 37 The Scram Gang

    BugleHead leaned further forward over the carved stone tablet.The mermaid, just the other side of him, suddenly narrowed its black, marble-like eyes.Fast as a striking snake, it reached out to grab the satyr''s leg.


    Even faster the harpy, Dark flowed forwards. A black ax appeared in her hand.The blade sliced through the mermaid''s forearm like a wire through wet clay.


    The mermaid screamed. They all undulated backward in the water in an ungainly flurry of flesh. Only once submerged in the water was their grace and efficiency to their escape


    .


    The gray, hairless hand and wrist of the mermaid lay on the beach.


    "It was on the island, out of the water," Dark said is a cold and sibilant voice. "So it is ours." She picked it up and began to chew loudly on the cut end.


    The carved stone lay on the beach just under the water.


    Storm shuffled forward."It is in the water, so it is still theirs. But if their calf has a calf, let them try to claim it.Sister Swift, bring some charcoal and split wood."


    It was decided that HerbGuild was best trained to make the rendering, having experience making records of the appearance of medicinal plants. She took pains to mark a grid and transfer every element with great care. By the time it was done it was growing dark, and mermaid''s heads were bobbing in the water just offshore, waiting for their chance,


    "This is as good as I can do," the gryphon said.


    "And it is well done," Swift replied. She looked out over the rippling water."We will freely offer our protection if you will stay with us tonight."


    "And I would make a copy of our own," Storm added." I think I can manage it under good light and with time enough. The nature of a peril this grave cannot be kept a secret from any of the people of Mirth."


    HoneyBeard pulled BugleHead away from the water yet again.He had become preoccupied with collecting pretty shells and seemed to keep forgetting that death lurked in the water.


    "You are lucky that you are my favorite idiot," HoneyBeard said.


    "Really? That''s so sweet."


    The followed the others inland and into the trees.


    #


    "I don''t believe that at all," Phyllis said.


    Nelda tried to shrug, but lying on her front was giving her back pain."It''s what I have to say, and I think I''ve used about nine of the ten minutes we have right now.So, maybe bring your questions tomorrow. All I want now is a blanket and a burrito. If you bring me a good plan by lunchtime tomorrow good and well, otherwise I''ll be coming up with one of my own."


    Phyllis started at her belligerently, but if Nelda hadn''t been an alpha bitch before a week on another world, without coffee, had finished the job.She didn''t blink.


    "All right," Phyllis said."Let''s see what we can do.Reg, get your mind out of Nelda''s cleavage, such as there is, for a second and take Nelda to the caf, void Manny, come up with a plan to get the other-worlder out.Tyrone, see if you can work out if there is some way what she said could be true and find out when we could get to the Porter.Well be back together at noon sharp, and you need to know by then, if there is somewhere to go, are you going?Hmm.Deep down you already know the answer but at Shakespeare wrote, this is the time to screw your courage to the sticking place."


    Reg snorted at the use of the world ''screw''.


    Phyllis rolled her eyes. "Now scram."


    Nelda''s opinion of Phyllis was flip-flopping. She was kind of dismissive of a lot of people and bossy.But she was right to have a system and a plan, not just blather on about things.


    [But if the most significant risk to Mirth is humans, can I really let even more humans go there?]


    So far all she had told them was that there was another world, it was based loosely on Greco-Roman myth, everyone spoke modern English, and they were like most people¡ªsome nice and some¡­ ate people.


    But she did not miss the glint the eyes of her audience when she uttered words like dragon, satyr, and centaur.


    [This stuff is like nerd crack. They want to believe me.]


    Tyrone led her on another orienteering trek. This brought her to a stuffy space.It was warm enough but a hard concrete floor. [And no burrito.]


    "Hey," Nelda said. "Are you okay."


    "What do you mean?"


    "When I¡­ ported, portaled, whatever. You fell. You were still down the first time I came back."


    "Oh, that." Tyrone seemed embarrassed."I have a seizure disorder.When I came to Prof just complained about me ''cluttering up the place.''"


    "Wow, harsh.If he hadn''t yelled at me to put the fuze in none of this would have happened."


    "Not necessarily. I have a theory."


    "Really? What is that?"


    Under the influence of her sincere interest, Tyrone blossomed like a nerdy little science blossom. "Prof had a good idea maybe forty years ago. And while he was just faking it recently I tried to adapt his plans to make as much sense as possible." He gulped. "I mean, I changed just about everything, And then I wondered, what if the final ingredient was a biological sample."


    "What kind of biological sample?" Nelda asked suspiciously.


    Tyrone''s face flushed."Just¡­ whoever touched the fuse. Maybe you? And it''s not just biology. have you heard of morphic resonance?"


    "But¡­" Nelda''s mind raced.[I touched the fuse, sure.But also¡­]"Brenda. My supervisor Brenda touched it more. And she''s the fantasy fan.This twisted Tolkein shit¡­ oh god.Did the portal find her a world¡ª"


    "Or did it create it?" Tyrone added."Since the moment you mentioned mythical creatures, that''s what I have been wondering. Did the Porter connect to¡­ I guess Brenda, and make exactly the kind of word she would want to go to."


    "Brenda wouldn''t want to just go to a world.She would want to rule it.


    [And if she couldn''t rule it¡­ she just might destroy it.]

 38 In the Shadow of Queen Brenda

    Nelda had a restless night.She had been so dismissive of Beaker, but if there was a genius in their midst, it was him.


    [It would make more sense to get him to go over before destroying the Porter.There is a good chance they won''t be able to rebuild it without him. But I''ll have to stay behind to make sure the current machine is destroyed too badly to back-engineer and reproduce.]


    Nelda would like to be selfish and decide this was all somebody else''s problem.Someone more suitable.Somebody other than a half-naked chick in a basement who just wants a granola bar and a Snuggie.


    [Get a sent of perspective, bitch.Whatever you are going through, SmithGuild has it worse.You have to get him home. If Red Sonya could save the villagers in a bikini, you can do it too.]


    Nelda realized that she should have asked for pen and paper.No, that would be too dangerous.As HoneyBeard would say, she had her band of idiots now. [Go Team Idiot!] She couldn''t let Team Evil Bastard win the game. And that meant not making any kind of record they might be able to find.


    She tried to mentally visualize the questions she needed to answer and organized them into a rough order of importance.


    THINGS I NEED:


    1) To fix the underwire on this bra or get a new one


    2) Food


    3) To stop Brenda or anyone from Team Evil going to Mirth


    4) To rescue SmithGuild and send him home-- possibly with as many of Team Idiot as he wants to take along


    5) Destroy the Machine (see #3) ¡­and then probably have some kind of mental breakdown and end up murdered by a corporate hitman or in prison, thereby proving my Mother right about everything.


    There was a part of her that would rather be back in Mirth solving a whole different list of much more interesting problems.


    THINGS I LEFT UNDONE ON MIRTH


    1) Sending Echidna some flying leaf because despite everything, because sometimes you just gotta help a bitch out.


    2) Helping BugleHead bring back the unicorn or whatever adventure he would like to be the hero of¡ªand then taking them back home maybe. [But I''d miss those satyrs.] [I think they might be my first real friends.] [Wow.]


    3) Get the Lapis phoenixes voice boxes and then shine a bright light in their eyes until they fess up to what they are up to. Forgive them, probably.It depends.


    4) Shove the mermaids'' prophecy right up their asses. Sideways.


    5) Live happily ever after with SmithGuild.Somehow.


    The first set of priorities kind of destroyed her chances of working on the second set.There was no person she could absolutely trust to destroy the machine of she used it to port back to Mirth. [See #2, no friends.]


    [Well. That sucks.]


    Nelda decided that if she must be some kind of martyr, there was no point being a maudlin one. She was getting into the spirit of mental list making.Albeit not beyond five items as her memory wasn''t very good. [Too much tequila in grad school. Probably,]


    THINGS I REALLY NEED


    1) SmithGuild.


    2) Access to the Porter to shove his inconveniently heroic ass through a portal.


    3) A flamethrower or whatever to thoroughly destroy the Porter.


    [Good.That''s way less than five things. Even I can remember that.]


    #


    The harpies lived in a kind of open-sided wooden pavilion surrounded by trees with whispering needles.There was a clearing to one side where split fish were hanging to dry, and on the other where it could be seen that the pavilion was on top of a hill with one gently sloped side that they had walked up, and one side that was a cliff down to the sea.


    The interior of their home was round with scattering of furniture and a fire pit in the center.Loose curtains screened off some areas.The offering of safety for the night clearly came from the presence of the harpies, not the security of the house.


    Lady Storm recruited HerbGuild to set up lanterns and make a second copy of the prophecy onto a bleached animal hide.


    Swift left them to fly around the island in the last light of day and ensure all was well.


    This left the two satyrs on a bench before the central fire pit. HoneyBeard considered that the rug at their feet which seemed to be made from a Manticore.Thoroughly unpleasant people, Manticores, but people all the same; suggesting that harpies not only ate people, they ate people who ate people. HoneyBeard moved his hoofs back to rest on the shingle flooring.


    The grey harpy, Lady Storm sat beside them, quite comfortable on the ground and still eye to eye with them, given her stature.


    "I have not met satyrs before," She purred."Where exactly do you hail from."


    "Our village," BugleHead replied happily.


    "And where exactly is that village of your delightful people." In her mouth, the word ''delightful'' sounded a lot like the word ''delicious.''


    "The dragon took us¡­" BugleHead flinched."HoneyBeard why did you pinch me?"


    "And why would I do that?" HoneyBeard asked.Not rhetorically at all.Ad them to Storm "We have no notion about how to get to there from here."He gave her a sorry,-not-sorry smile.


    Storm pretended to pout."Be careful, morsel. Once you leave our care, little satyr.You may yet find a place close to my heart."He had rested conspicuously on her belly.


    "I think she likes you," BugleHead sotto-whispered.

 39 Portal Mortals

    Tyrone arrived first."Don''t tell Phyllis I took lunch early," he said. He pulled a paper-wrapped package from his belt-bag.


    Nelda barely heard him, snatching an offered sandwich. It was slightly warm,but that could be from cooking or from Tyrone''s body heat.She devoured it like a ravenous hamster, her cheeks bulging with food.


    "I hope you like grilled cheese," Tyrone added. "I don''t think anyone will notice I went early.I don''t think anyone notices me very much.Especially not Phyllis."


    [The fate of worlds is in my hands, but I''m stuck in a soap opera.]


    Nelda managed to swallow her mouthful."I guess you''re not her type."She continued to inhale the sandwich.


    "I''m not saying that I¡­ I mean.Is it that obvious?"


    Nelda shrugged.


    "I know she''s not interested.It not, I know ita a bullshot thing men say, but I did find out she''s a lesbian.Which is not to say that if she was not a lesbian, she would be interested in me anyway.But she is. I mean, isn''t."


    Nelda nodded vaguely.


    "It was the HR guy who told me," Tyrone rambled. "He said how she ticked two diversity boxes at once, which is kinda a shitty thing for an HR person to say anyway, even without outing her. Oh shit, and maybe I shouldn''t be telling you, but then it''s not something... hell. I never feel like I know what to do."


    Nelda swallowed the last crumbs and immediately started to hiccup.


    "Yeah ¨C hic ¨C well, adulting is hard ¨C hic.You''re doing ¨C hic ¨C good."


    [That sounded dumb.]


    Tyrone actually seemed pleased with her platitudes."My decision now is whether it would be better for me to stay here or go to¡­"


    "The ¨C hic ¨C people there call it M ¨C hic --irth, Mirth."


    "Go to Mirth.You''d have to admit it sounds like fun." He grinned.


    Nelda made a ''so-so'' gesture with her hand.


    "If I stay here I can use the technology I developed to an effective level.But it is almost certain that the prof and I will be on turn controlled by greater forces.Forces that will almost inevitably be¡ª"


    "Hic ¨C Evil."


    Tyrone frowned."I don''t know about evil.They are simply controlled by priorities and expediencies that are not necessarily¡­ moral.It''s not that they are evil."


    "It''s also not that they''re ¨C hic ¨C not evil."


    "And given how you describe Mirth.If I go there most of what I know, the technologies that I have built my life around do not and effectively cannot exist there."


    Nelda shrugged.For all she knew, a city of cyber-minotaurs lived in a spaceship orbiting Mirth.But if this all came from Angry Brenda''s brain¡­ well, she wasn''t a fan of contemporary or sci-fi. [Or me.]


    "Oh,"Tyrone pulled a can of coke from his bag.


    Nelda grabbed that in a way that was probably also not polite, but he didn''t seem to notice.


    Tyrone continued, "So it comes down to the Oppenheimer question.He decided it was okay to make the hydrogen bomb basically because if he didn''t, others would still do so.But I don''t know if it is egotistical to say, but I don''t think anyone else.At least not for a very long time, probably generations.I am melding" ¨C he squished his hands together ¨C"hard physics with what Prof calls new age bullshit, but it is really a kind of holistic meta-science that encompassed grey knowledge that the mainstream has disenfranchised since the early modern era, if not before¡­ what do you think?"


    [I am not used to people caring about what I think. But I don''t really understand what he is asking.] "You''re doing your best to make a good decision," she said. "That''s really all there is to do."


    "I''m so glad that¡­"


    They were interrupted by the arrival of Jen, caring a ''Forever 21'' bag.


    [Ruh-roh.]


    "Thanks?" Nelda hadn''t intended that to sound like a question.She opened the bag and was relieved to find a plain pair of black leggings and an oversized sweatshirt.The sweatshirt was white and had a candy floss covered unicorn on the front of it.


    Jen shrugged."It was on sale."


    [Is the universe trying to send me a message here?]


    "Jen likes horses," Tyrone supplied. He then blushed when she glared at him.He started to gulp.


    [It seems like every other woman gives him dry mouth but me. I''ll try not to take that personally.]


    In the bottom of the bag was a neon yellow baseball cap and some tissue paper, wrapped around two small blue stones.


    Nelda caught Jen''s eyes. "If you stay behind, I will pay you back whatever this cost," she said.


    Manny arrived next."Master key!" he said with glee as he crawled in awkwardly to join them.His forehead was flushed, and sweat ran down his face, He seemed somewhat out of shape for an urban explorer.


    "Master key?" Nelda asked.


    Manny replied. "I tried it on one of the other secure rooms in the opposite wing to where they are keeping weepy.


    "What!" Nelda shrieked.She had been really trying not to obsesses about how SmithGuild was doing. She found herself immediately sympathy-crying.


    "Wow," said Jen."Have some sensitivity; that''s her bae."


    "And I''ve brought a key to break him out with.I can''t do anything right with you guys for fuck''s sake."


    Tyrone butted in, "That doesn''t mean you can put him down."


    Nelda struggled to get her emotions under control.As the other three bickered.


    "¡­It''s not a put-down; it''s a description. He is crying like a little pussy."


    "¡­That is a put-down and a sexist one too¡­."


    "Hey, if you don''t want the key¡ª"


    Nelda took a deep breath. "Guys, guys, it''s okay.I''m a tad overwhelmed what with the multiverse-hopping and all.Manny, we''d be screwed without that key, thank you.And I appreciate people thinking about my feeling. I really need to be thinking about yourselves right now.Once we get Smith¡­ Smith out it will make the most sense to go right to the Porter.If he''ll take you through, you can go.If it is anything to do with me, that''s going to happen as soon as possible.So you need to be ready to decide."


    Phyllis arrived to a room silence but for the poise of water pipes the return of Nelda''s hiccups.

 40 Taking a Prey-Ride

    "It''ll be fun," said BugleHead enthusiastically.


    "It is the only logical solution to your conundrum," HerbGuild added. "I have no doubt the mermaids would destroy the boat and anyone in it if we attempted to return in that manner.


    HoneyBeard was unconvinced."We do not have an assurance of safety from the harpies once we leave their house."


    Storm snorted. "That assurance only applied to the evening, anyway.It is now morning."


    "Which is hardly reassuring," HoneyBeard replied.


    "There is bad weather approaching," Herby said, unconcerned."We need to cross before it arrives.If you fine ladies will please provide any assurance of the satyr''s safety from your dining table, we can move on without plans."


    Lady swift finished packing two functional copies of the prophecy rock into a blanket, fixed with a belt.


    Storm smirked. "You should consider it an honor to get the chance to fly, even if it is a foreshortening journey.


    Herby raked her talons on the shingle floor with irritation."You are not assisting with expediting the mission, my lady."


    "And I''ve been flying twice before," HoneyBeard grumbled. "It''s not so great."


    "It''s pretty great," BugleHead muttered.


    "He''s not as stupid as he looks," Storm said mildly.Then she poked HoneyBeard in his side causing him to jump about a foot in the air."But you''re still my favorite."


    HoneyBeard walked daintily over the floor to the open area of the pavilion that looked over the cliff.Although they had made a hard journey of it on the way over, the mainland was just visible as a slight blue-green haze on the horizon.


    He used to just live in a world surrounded by a river on one side and a mountain on the other. A small, perfect world that met every one of his needs.And as satyrs went, he was considered pretty brave for being willing to go up the mountain yo get the flying leaf or to welcome a new member of the herd from the cave of MotherMirth.


    He''d known from the moment that he realized that he truly loved BugleHead, whose name used to be RuddyAss, and from the moment he called Nelda sister that his life would get¡­ larger.He resented and welcomed it in equal measure.


    More resented, right now.


    Not mistaking himself for a hero, HoneyBeard had to take a deep breath and keep looking out to sea to squeeze the words out."I''ll need your assurance again, Lady Storm."


    "You have it."


    He turned and looked into her eyes. They were round and wise and evil and amused.Complicated. So, complicated. "All right," he said.


    The Lapis phoenix looked around.It blinked repeatedly with a metallic clicking sound.Then it threw itself into HoneyBeard''s arms.He grabbed it reflexively like holding a bundle of kindling with a heart that beat like a metronome.


    Storm stepped forward as if there was no question who would take him.She wrapped her small arms around him; they hardly seemed strong enough.All of her body was gigantic, but her arms were no larger than Nelda''s. But reaching down he felt that while Nelda''s arms were made of soft flesh, the harpies seemed more like marble.


    She hugged him, close and, in a few rapid waddles, launched off the cliff,


    The was a terrifying roaring silence in the flight of a harpy. The flew more like an arrow than a bird. HoneyBeard''s heart fluttered like it was grabbing at the air.His blood shivered rather than flowed.


    He had a strange and disjointed thought: At least if I die, I have lived.


    His neck, stiff with terror, made it hard to turn to look.But he heard BuglrHead shouting out: "Whooooooooooooot!"


    HoneyBeard passed through sheer panic into a mood of peculiar stillness.Lady Storm''s arms encircled him just under his armpits and around his ribcage.Her wings were shark-gray angled shadowed overhead.They sliced through the air, and it surrendered before them. He clutched the phoenix close, a tessellation of metal and soul.


    He could feel the harpy above and around him as a great, vicious, glorious force of nature.He had to wonder: Is this becoming an idiot¡ªwhen fear becomes joy?There are worse fates.

 41 Home-Coming-Going?

    It was a space about the size of a phone booth, and they were currently approaching the Guinness world record for occupancy.


    "I''ll get out," Manny said¡ªmonosyllabically as if explaining the plan to a pre-school class. "I''ll get Smith-whatsit. I''ll call. We''ll all go."


    Tyrone coughed, gulped, and added: "Only Prof is in there right now. I''ll pull the lever, and the six of us go through¡­"


    "But why not Nelda," Phyllis broke through. "It''s her world." Phyllis''s elbow hit Nelda right in the boob that the errant underwire had already stabbed a hundred times.


    "Ugh."


    Tyrone answered, "It''s probable Brenda Watson''s world. But would you want her as your god?"


    Those that knew her shuddered.


    Phyllis persisted. "Nelda is our pioneer. We will need her."


    Smith decided who can go," Nelda insisted, "It is his world. And I have to stay behind to destroy the machine. We don''t even know if this created, back-dated world can suffice. You all go at your own risk. But one thing is for sure, Not one from this else is fucking with Mirth or its people anymore." Her profound, savage conviction filled her voice; It came from a depth in her heart she barely knew existed before.


    [These are my people now. They deserve their lives; however, they came by them. And anyone who wants to harm them, to touch them, will have to deal with me.]


    "Tyrone, you have to go through if you can," Nelda urged. "I don''t know if a world created in a moment, with a memory of thousands of years can endure. But if anyone can work that out, it is you."


    Tyrone looked like a hedgehog caught in the headlines of a road train. "Arckkh," he said.


    "Cometh the hour," Nelda urged.


    "But it is not a technological world!" Tyrone said. "Even if I found a problem, there would be no way to create a solution."


    [Funny how everyone seems to be on board with the ''Mirth is real'' message after a night to think on it. Probably more because they each have a reason to want it to, rather than any sort of logic.]


    "But there is some technology, metalworking and in this world, there is alchemy," she said. "The possibilities may be limitless.]


    "Alchemy!" Tyrone''s eyes lit up. "How does it¡­"


    Nelda raised her hand. "You would have to ask Smith about that, and I don''t think he has a very high opinion if alchemy because it is poorly understood and the results can be unpredictable."


    "Oh my god. Alchemy. I am definitely going."


    Phyllis growled, "Manny is your hand on my ass?"


    "To be fair," Jen commented. There really isn''t anywhere else to put it."


    "Yeah." Reg giggle. "It''s more like your ass is on his hand."


    "And¡­" Manny began.


    "Aw-right. That''s enough," Phyllis said. "We get out, and we get Smith. We go to the Porter room, and we barricade ourselves in. Go, go, go."


    "But what about the¡­" Nelda started to say.


    Team Idiot burst out of the closet and stampeded down the hallway.


    "¡­Armed guards?"


    [I am beginning to get some insight into how HoneyBeard feels.]


    #


    The harpies landed lightly on the beach outside SmithGuild''s large house. The phoenix wiggled like a wet cat and jumped from HoneyBeard''s arms.


    "I should have dropped it into the sea," HoneyBeard said. The metal feathers had left little "paper cuts" on his hands and arms. He was still dangling a few feet of the ground as Storm held him like a was an over-sized teddy bear. "You can put me down now."


    "Such a hurry to escape my embrace, morsel?" Storm hugged him tighter. "Be careful lest you offend me, and you would come to regret offending me."


    "Given how you ''like'' me, the outcome would be about the same," Honeybeard muttered.


    Lady Storm laughed, set him on the ground and patted his head. "I like to play with my food," she said. "It is not such a bad habit."


    HoneyBeard sidled away from her. BugleHead was already down and hopping in circles around Lady Dark. He seemed entirely immune the almost visible miasma of lethal intent that the black-colored harpy carried with her.


    "Whooooot! Woo-hooooo!" BugleHead shouted. "When can we do that again?"


    Dark observed his antics with an expression of bemusement. She looked to her sister.


    "Oh, I imagine we will meet again." Strom was looking at HoneyBeard with one thine eyebrows archly raised.


    HoneyBeard followed the phoenixes path back towards the house, and BugleHead followed. He felt a tingling between his shoulder blades, but they had no trouble tramping back as far as the fountain.


    At the point, Herby stopped them. "I need to return to my household at least for a while," she said.


    BugleHead turned and waved cheerfully to the harpies, who were spreading their wings in preparation to leave. "Thank you!" he called.


    Herby coughed. "If I can have your attention?" She unwrapped her parcel and removed one of the two copies within. "If you will stay here to see if Nelda and Smithy return. Do try and be careful with my brother''s estate. You know he is¡­ particular."


    "I''ve no plan to be inside," HoneyBeard said. "And I doubt it harms the ground too much that I might sit upon it."


    Herby rolled her eyes. "Don''t start taking offense. Just put this inside and show it to anyone who comes by. Our best chance of avoiding the calamity it for all people to know about it."


    "I am going to wait for Nelda." BugleHead vanished around the side of the building towards the place where she had disappeared.


    HoneyBeard huffed. But he did as she asked, taking the split wood copy inside. He laid it on a table in the parlor. Looking around he saw the house seemed even tidier than before SmithGuild had left.


    Each piece of furniture arranged precisely parallel to the walls; the empty fruit bowl exactly centered on the round table. A single lapis phoenix sat on SmithGuild''s couch. It looked at him, expressionless.


    "HerbGuild wants everyone to see this picture," he said.


    The bird did not move at all but sat like a statue. He didn''t know if it was the same one that went to Harpy Island or not.


    "It would help if we had a copy to send to the centaurs or even the dragons."


    At this, the phoenix leaped from the couch to the table and looked down at the prophecy picture. It looked down with fixed attention and then bustled out of the room.

 42 Blue Printing

    A few days passed with a strange routine.BugleHead stayed in the vicinity of where Nelda had vanished.He would wander off occasionally to play with the Jasper phoenixes, pick fruit or collect shells.


    HoneyBeard would keep him company, wandering occasionally inside. The lapis phoenixes had brought out small rolled scrolls and opened them, weighing the corners with stones.


    It seemed that one look at the image was sufficient.They held indigo ink in their beaks and inked out lines carefully and in close unison.


    HoneyBeard shuddered.This kind of precision and efficiency was beyond anything in his experience.He would be more comfortable with magic than¡­ technology.


    He turned his mind to recovering the alicorn.He had buried it in the midden thinking that no one, given the choice, would look for it there.It turned out to be a rather nasty trick that he played on himself.


    Nevertheless, he managed to dig the long, straight unicorn horn out.He washed it in the sea, keeping a wary eye out for mermaids.


    Returning to BugleHead, he handed it over.


    "Oh," said BugleHead glumly."Treasure."


    "Don''t sound too pleased."


    "It''s very nice."


    BugleHead looked up at the empty sky.A wet splat that he hoped was rain hit him in the eye.Rubbing his face he offered, "We could just go home."


    "It wouldn''t be the same.Would it?There''s things¡­ I don''t mistake myself for a scholar, but there''s things I would wonder about.And the harpies said all the peoples of Mirth are needed to stop the burny thing."


    "The cataclysm."


    "Hmm.And what other satyrs are going to want to get involved."


    "Not even me," HoneyBeard admitted.And he was the most traveled satyr in the herd."It was sort of an accidental adventure."


    "But now?"


    "I am going to have a nap," HoneyBeard replied.


    #


    Phyllis, Manny, Reg, Tyrone, and Jen all thundered down the hallway towards the guard.


    The guard seemed young, very alarmed, and well-armed.It gave her an idea.


    Nelda chased after them, pulled her hat down over her head, and yelled."Guard, guard!There''s an active shooter in the cafeteria.This custodian offered to let us hide in one of the cells."


    "The, the cafeteria."


    Team Idiot caught on very quickly.


    "¡­There''s shooting and."


    "¡­People are hiding under table¡­"


    "Blood on the floor¡­"


    They babbled and pointed back the way they had come.


    Phyllis just shouldered past the guard."I don''t get paid enough to get shot at work!"


    Nelda shrugged apologetically."It''s like the employee handbook says, she said¡ªrun and hide come before fight.We don''t have any weapons."


    The young guard, rather to his credit, squared his shoulders and jogged away towards the mythical threat.


    Manny fumbled with the cell door and threw it open.SmithGuild shrieked and scrambled backward on his bed.


    "SmithGuild it''s me; it''s me," Nelda yelled.She pushed her way through to find him dressed in pale blue scrubs and looking bleached with fear."This will all be over soon.The are¡­ my friends? Well, they''re going to help, anyway."


    She grabbed him by the arm.Team Idiot, Manny excluded, smiled in a way that was probably mean to be reassuring.But it was somewhat out of tone with the weird desperation in the air.


    "These people want to go back to Mirth with you if you''ll permit it." Nelda propelled him towards the door. He was a little hard to man-handle being about a foot taller than her in his human form. He was also walking in a shuffling way, like an old man.


    "How would I stop them?"


    Nelda shoved Tyron ahead of them."Quick, show us the way."To SmithGuild she added, "You''d say no."


    "Why would I do that?"


    "All right."Question answered then."Let''s all get a move on."


    They bustled through the twists and turns to a freight elevator.The two guards outside the plant room were having some kind of argument, one of them holding a crackling walkie talkie.


    "They''re with me," Tyrone called as they rushed past.


    As Phyllis slammed the doors shut behind them one of the guards shouted angrily, but it was too late.Manny had the right key to look after them, and he thrust a padlock over the two door handles.


    Prof Parsons was standing in the corner, drinking form s new coffee cup."Oh, hello," he said.


    This was not the aloof scientist who either ignored or railed at Nelda.He seemed tires and sort of out-of-focus.


    Tyrone took a breath deep enough to blow him up like a croaking frog."We''re here to send people through to defend the new world, and then destroy the portinator," he proclaimed in a shrill voice.


    The prof considered that and took another sip. "That seems like a good idea."


    "Uh." Tyrone had not been expecting that answer.


    "I don''t know if you''ll get it to work even one more time."Prof waived his free hand at the smoke-stained face of the machine."But it f=efineitly needs destroying.I just needed someone to blame it on, so this is all¡ªalmost suspiciously¡ªconvenient."


    Phyllis grasped Tyron by the shoulders and turned it to the machine."Get it ready it ready to go," she instructed.


    "Why?" Nelda sked."I mean, why would you want to destroy it?"


    "Prof leaned his ass on his desk and sighed."The executives of Fenistrate are venal, grasping mendicants who would inevitably use this technology like a curious infant used a cigarette lighter¡ªto destroy everything."


    "But they will still want you to create another one¡­ unless you¡­?"


    "Oh no.I don''t want to discover new worlds.I want to retire a moderately respected, slightly mysterious scientist, and go fly fishing.And even if I could recreate this, I don''t want to, and I can feign Altzeihmers with the best of them." He winked, "And I''m married to my doctor, so I know she''ll back me up. She wanted me to retire years ago."

 43 Menagerie

    "Wow, I mean¡­" Nelda searched for a polite way to say it and gave up. "You normally seem like a bit of an asshole. I don''t know if I can believe the new you."


    Prof looked very tired. "The old Fenistrate CEO Doug Whats-is-face kept strong-arming me into staying on. He believed the bullshit proposal I came up with to get a job here and thought it would be his big claim to everlasting fame. Having to come into this place, filled with these morons, with my arthritis¡­ it''s enough to give anyone a bit of a short temper. But I only had myself to blame."


    Team idiot was clustered around the machine, ''helping'' Tyrone. Except for Phyllis who hovered behind Nelda in a way that felt both supportive and threatening. Nelda kept her gripe on SmithGuild who was wide-eyed and silent.


    The prof put down his mug and beckoned. "Have a look at this," he said. He held up a handset with a large switch, a dial, and a wire trailing away under the desk.


    Phyllis put her hand on Nelda''s shoulder to hold her back.


    "Oh, pffst. Youngster, always over-reacting," Prof said. "I mean it is a bomb, but I made it for the reason you just said. This thing"¡ªanother airy wave¡ª" needs to go. It''s been the albatross around my neck for over a decade, and things only got worse when baby-genius over these decided to get it to work."


    "Ah¡­ bomb?" Nelda asked.


    "One designed to¡­" prof began.


    The fire alarm burst into life. "A-WHEE-OO, A-WHEE-OO, A-WHEE-OO!"


    The prof leaned forward, "That''s good!" he yelled. "Based ¡­ last drill the building should ¡­ in three minutes¡­ was planning to do that!" He grinned,


    [Okay. He used to be angry, but now he''s insane.]


    Nelda smiled and nodded as you do with crazy people holding bombs.


    A-WHEE-OO, A-WHEE-OO, A-WHEE-OO!


    Nelda took the lapis stones and tucked them in the front pocket of SmithGuild''s scrubs. Knowing the lapis phoenixes, they would find them.


    Prof turned the dial and flicked the switch. "Three minutes," he yelled. "Don''t touch the ¡­ or boom ¡­ luck to you all!"


    He left by a door on the other side of his desk that anyone could have come through at any time.


    [Oh, fer fuck''s sake.]


    A-WHEE-OO, A-WHEE-OO, A-WHEE-OO!


    Nelda started to count out loud. "One-Mississippi, two-Mississippi¡­"


    Three minutes was the evacuation time for the building, but Prof was taking a hell of a chance that no one fooled by the active shooter ruse stayed hiding under their desk instead of fleeing. But it seemed like he said that tampering with the bomb would just set it off, and Nelda wasn''t inclined to take the chance.


    Phyllis pushed through to Tyrone and shoved the rest of the team roughly back. Nelda could see Phyllis and Tyrone''s lips moving but could not tell what they were saying.


    A-WHEE-OO, A-WHEE-OO, A-WHEE-OO!


    She could feel SmithGuild shaking with stress. She just tried to reassure him by hanging on tight.


    Raising her hand, Nelda signaled to Phyllis "three." It was now a bit of an over-estimate. "Fifteen-Mississippi, sixteen-Mississippi¡­" [160 seconds, give or take how bad my timing is.]


    Phyllis kept everyone back as Tyrone used an electric screwdriver to open a plate on the machine.


    A-WHEE-OO, A-WHEE-OO, A-WHEE-OO!


    "Can''t we help!?" Nelda shouted at Phyllis.


    Phyllis shook her head.


    [I can''t take the risk. I have to stay behind and make sure no evidence is left. But how long would it take me to evacuate the building?] It was hard to think while also continuing to count.


    A-WHEE-OO, A-WHEE-OO, A-WHEE-OO!


    "''Hundred-eleven-Mississippi, Hundred-twelve-mississipi." There was no longer time to evacuate. Either she would go through, or she would stay, and if the bomb was real and went off, she would die. If it wasn''t, the machine would remain intact with no one to stop Fenistrate from continuing to use it. Sending whoever they wanted wherever they wanted on Mirth, like inter-galactic conquistadors.


    She tried to hand over SmithGuild to Phyllis but she didn''t really cooperate, and SmithGuild clung to her like a giant handsome koala bear.


    Tyrone slammed the panel closed, pulled out the old cracked fuse that was now charred black and glowing on one end. He jammed it black in place, and ran to the far corner of the room and threw a large guillotine switch.


    A-WHEE-OO, A-WHEE-OO, A-WHEE-OO!


    "'' Hundred-forty-two-Mississippi, hundred-forty-three-Mississippi¡­" The golden light flared out, but more pale and weak than it had been before.


    Phyllis grabbed Tyrone by the waistband and tossed him out like bar security evicting a sloppy drunk. Manny went after in a confident leap. Reg and Jen followed, screaming.


    Nelda lost count. A buzzing in her head drowned out the fire alarm sirens. She pushed SmithGuild ahead of her, lost count, lost track, lost her mind.


    In a small fraction of a second, she felt the explosion blooming around her, as she saw SmithGuild''s fingers were latched indelibly to her sweatshirt and jumped.


    #


    It was some time very much in the middle of the night when one of the stars above HoneyBeard twinkled just a little more than it should have. BugleHead had raided the gryphon''s cellar for spirits and was snore-whistle in a deep stupor.


    The little golden light shivered, swelling and shrinking. HoneyBeard watched it suspiciously.


    "Hey, BugleHead," he said. "I think we are about to be blessed with the presence of idiots."


    BugleHead continued to sn-istle like a baby steam train.


    "Don''t blame me for missing it."


    The fluttering yellow light was a good way off the ground. It wavered, drifted slightly downwards. Then a series of dark shaped dropped out and hit the ground heavily like turds from a divine sphincter.


    "Hmm," HoneyBeard concluded. "That was unexpected."

 44 Shrieking Beasts

    @@


    Nelda face planted into the ground. She looked up to a fantastic sight ¡ª one y one the humans in front of her blurred and change. There was just enough starlight to see it all by.


    Phyllis became a diminutive, shining black dragon. She looked down at her taloned claws with obvious delight and flapped her wings.


    This knocked over Reg, unsteady in his satyr''s legs. "What the fuck?" Red felt the two horns that projected from his curly red hair.


    Jen laugh whinnied. Her torso now terminated into the body of a piebald pony. [An obvious option for a horse-lover¡­ I guess?]


    Manny was¡­ something large and furry with a lot of teeth. [No fucking idea.]


    Perhaps most surprisingly was Tyrone whose body was coiling and flopping in an uncoordinated manner He looked like a male version of Echidna Drakaina.


    Looking down at her own body, Nelda was relieved to find it as human as ever. "Okay guy. Well, fuck you all I guess. Am I the only one left as a human?


    She heard a high pitched shriek, turned, and saw SmithGuild.


    "I guess that answers my question."


    SmithGuild was still in human form.


    #


    The gold light moved backward, diminishing in size as if it were traveling down a tunnel, and vanished into the trees.


    Quite unnoticed, a final dark shape tumbled out. A disheveled, middle-aged woman scrambled to hide in the bushes.


    She was observed by one Jasper phoenix who did not consider to necessary to inform anyone. And one lapis phoenix who chose not to.


    Brenda Watson noticed the alicorn held in the hands of the gangly satyr with the massive horns. She knew exactly what it was. She knew exactly what everything was. This was her world.


    [I will be queen.]


    [No, empress.]


    [No, I will be a Goddess.]


    --End of Volume One--@@

 45 Return to Centaur

    Nelda had led five humans and one gryphon back to Mirth, the land of chimeras.She had arrived with five chimeras and one human.


    "There is a lot going on here," she commented.


    One of them was already leaving.


    {Now I''m the cat herder.] [OMG, literally.] Nelda ran after the retreating large furry ass of the creature formerly known as Manny the Custodian. "Manny, Manny," she called.


    "Not a man anymore," the creature rumbled, turning to face her.


    Manny''s face was now akin to a medieval image of a mythic feline; caught somewhere between a Cheshire cat and a moon-faced demented child.His cartoonishly wide mouth curved from ear to ear beneath enormous green eyes that glowed in the dark.


    "You¡­ don''t seem surprised," Nelda said."By this."


    "So cwever, the others," Manny said in a mocking way. "Technicians. Phywis, the scientist. Never had the wogilcal thought: if coming to Earth made a gryphon human, going the other way, can go the other way."


    [Apparently it hell to say Ls with a mouth like a lamprey.] "It didn''t for me." Nelda shrugged.


    "Hmm.Maybe you wack imagination.I thought¡­ I thought¡­ what creature of Greek myth would I wike to be? To have in my mind, to hope to wish¡­ to become."


    "And you decided on¡­?" [A cross between a giant tabby cat, a woolly mammoth and a great white shark?]


    "I Googawed it.Manticore."


    All Nelda knew about Manticores was that they ate people.[Have I released a serial killer on the world?]"Um, Manny?"


    "Not Manny now."


    "No, well.Manny the Manticore would be a little on the nose."


    Manny hissed."Because: not man.Never again man." His lips wrinkled to show more teeth than any creature should be able to fit behind its face, and indeed at least partway down his throat.


    [Not a lot of oral for Manticores, I guess.] Stepping back with instinctive caution, Nelda raised her hands."Hey, you do you, man¡­ticore.But I hope you remember, if it goes well for you, that we gave you a helping hand to get here. We''re your friends, and maybe you owe us one?" She gave him what she hoped was a winsome--or ironically winsome--smile; whatever would work.


    "If it goes well?" Manny''s thought processes seemed to have slowed a bit in his new form as he took a long time to consider a simple proposition."Hmm," he concluded ambiguously.He started to turn and stroll away.


    "Okay.Good chat.Don''t eat any people, maybe? There''s lots of animals that don''t talk, and I''m sure they are really tasty!" Nelda called after his furry form which quickly vanished into the dark undergrowth."Don''t be a stranger."


    The wind whistled in the trees and glancing up Nelda saw the night sky between the branches.Stars, so many stars.Was anyone who just jumped the fence into Mirth trained in astrology?Honestly, with the way things worked here, astrology might be more useful but it would be nice to know if they were still in the same... galaxy, universe?


    A moving shadow in the trees caught her her attention.A flash of a silhouette.[Was that a human?] Nelda took one step forward but a chill ran through her body.


    Nelda took a deep breath."Good time.Good times," she muttered to herself."interesting times, for sure."She turned back towards the rest of her party.


    #


    They were pretty much where she had left them, engulfed in a din of panicked chatter.Nelda put her fingers in her mouth and whistled.


    "Okay, everyone.SmithGuild has a lovely house right here.So let''s adjourn to the parlor and make some plans."


    "And who sssays you are in charge," Phyllis the dragon trilled in a laughably high-pitched version of Pytho''s powerful rumble.


    "This has been a terrible mistake," whimpered Tyrone, his nake torso listing sideways on his serpentine body. "I should never have listened to you."


    Nelda didn''t want them all standing around in the view of any passing mermaids."Whine, whine whine," she said.Being mean more to motivate than out of spite. "Look, Tyrone. I know what you are. I know a lovely single lady of your own kind, and I know exactly what kind of gift would impress her. So cheer up.Phyllis, I know a dragon who can tell you all about how to be¡­ dragony.Which you must want to be, or this would not have happened.Jen, I know where a herd of centaurs roam wild and free with there hair blowing in the wind.SmithGuild here is super-good friends with them. So let''s all go inside, shall we? You all have wonderful fantasy-novel new lives ahead of you, probably."


    She clapped her hands like a teacher trying to herd a gaggle of pre-schoolers.


    "What about me?" said Reg.


    "Take that up with new satyr brothers here." She pointed to HoneyBeard who was standing against the stone wall of the building.


    HoneyBeard was, as ever, quick to disagree."Oh no," he said."The last time I took any responsibilities for a stray idiot it put us all on the path towards a cataclysm.Don''t be pawning of anything with hooves and horns on me."


    "I am not asking you to adopt him, just get him inside and tell him how to stand upright without arch support. And where''s¡­"


    As of on cue, Reg topped backward onto his ass again. Tyrone moved to help him and ended up face planting on the ground like a deflating wacky waver. Jen was the only one who seemed securely upright, and it probably helped that centaurs had a leg on each corner.


    [Which is why classic roller-skates were always superior to roller-blades.At least if you were unfortunate enough to have weak ankles.]


    SmithGuild was sitting on the ground, arms around his knees.Nelda stooped to put her arm around his shoulders."We''ll get this fixed, somehow," she told him."One step at a time, okay?It looks like we have a lot of work to do."


    SmithGuild did not seem at all ready to be bucked up.And while he was, emotionally, her first priority¡ªin practical terms, he was the least likely to run amok any time soon.Nelda had already lost one of her party, and it seemed like a good idea to try and keep the rest together.


    A gaggle of jasper phoenixes appeared out of the bushed and scream-yodeled with delight at the commotion.The started to caper around the group in a way that, quite accidentally, made the former-humans cluster together and move towards the fountain.


    "What are these things?" Jen exclaimed.


    "I have no idea," Nelda said,"They might be poisonous. Let''s go inside."

 46 Sleep Heaps

    Fortunately for Nelda, the transformations seemed to rapidly lead to exhaustion.She barely got the transformed humans inside before they fell in sleeping heaps all around the large parlor.


    The room was also strewn with copies of a picture. At first glance, the top was reminiscent of the NASA golden record image.Two figures in outline.On the left. [I think that''s me?] And on the right. [That''s definitely Angry Brenda.]


    The rest was a tangle of figures ending with a globe engulfed in fire.


    [Maybe that is going to happen, no matter what we do.]


    SmithGuild stood in the doorway.He was wearing powder blue scrubs that were tight on his body.It was, as human bodies went, a good one.Tall with a swimmer''s build and waving sandy-red hair.


    [Probably no consolation if your true shape is an eagle party on the front and some lion business at the back, not weird furless primate all over.]


    "You should get some rest, too," Nelda said gently."Don''t worry, I''ll stay here and make sure our¡­ your guests don''t get up to any trouble."


    "I¡­"SmithGuild stopped, surveying the crumpled forms sleeping around the room on the couches and on the floor.He did not manage to locate the rest of his sentence.


    A single lapis was perched on the windowsill, her head feathers pressed back in disapproval.


    SmithGuild''s wander gaze eventually found its way back to Nelda.


    "I¡­ come with me to rest," he said.He blushed. "It''s not that I want to¡­ even though¡­"


    Nelda smiled."You want someone with you, to help you get some sleep.I understand that and won''t make any improper assumption or action."


    "I would never suggest¡­!"


    Nelda raised one hand."Please assume that I will never take insult from what you say.Because you are kind and honest, and I try not to be a fool.Only ever tell me what you think and what you feel, sincerely, and I will do the same."


    SmithGuild started to cry.He didn''t even cry ugly,


    [As a human he''s barely newborn.God knows what''s going on inside that human body he is stuck in.] Nelda scooped up a copy of what must be the prophecy that seemed to be drawn on some kind of tanned leather and brought it along.


    #


    SmithGuild''s room was strangely¡­ spherical.The bottom anyway, was like a soup bowl large enough to count as an apartment in downtown New York or a carpark anywhere else. The base was padded with a variety of pillows, blankets, and furs. There were two lanterns high up on the metal-clad walls but they produced only dim and flickering illumination.


    "It''s a¡­ nest," Nelda said.


    SmithGuild hesitated on the threshold, jumped in and face planted into the side.


    "Well, this is fun." Nelda jumped in after him. [The kindergarten vibe will help kill my libido.]


    She bounced to the bottom, colliding with SmithGuild."Whee!" She caught a look at SmithGuild''s distressed face. "Sorry," she said."I''ve always been prone to having fun at inappropriate moments. But to be fair it may be the main reason this whole inter-world choose-your-own-adventure hasn''t driven me any more bonkers than I already am."


    SmithGuild relaxed a little. Nelda tried to wiggle into a comfortable position.


    "Anatomically speaking," Nelda remarked. "I am not really designed to be the big spoon¡­. Do you know what that even means?" She wiggled her way up and put her arms haphazardly around his neck and shoulder from behind. [This seems like a reasonable way to avoid anything accidental coital in configuration.]


    "I quite often have very little idea what you are talking about," SmithGuild admitted.


    "Well, that probably plays in my favor."


    SmithGuild flopped partway onto his back."I have noticed that you are not always kind to yourself."


    Leaning on her elbow Nelda looked down at his pleasingly symmetrical face.[Hey, the eyes are the same as before.I hadn''t noticed before that they are still sort of amber with slightly almond shaped pupils.]"I just like to try to get in first."


    "I don''t understand?"


    "I grew up around an generous and abundant form of criticism in the form of my mother.One way to¡­ well, slow her down a bit was if I got with the nasty comment first, and left her nothing to do.Then I spent most of my life not quite living up to expectations generally.So, the habit kind of stuck. Sorry, that was probably more than you wanted to know."


    SmithGuild smiled, then reached up to feel his own lips."Is that meant to do that?"


    "It''s just a smile. I guess you haven''t had a lot to smile about since¡­ all this.It''s meant to do that if you feeling happy about something. Like my tale of first world woe."


    "I was just going to say that I will always be interested in hearing you talk about yourself."


    "Wow.That might be the sweetest thing that''s been said to me.Even I don''t find me that interesting.But I feel like I ought to warn you to think about what side you''re on with this whole prophecy thing." She held up the copy she had brought with her, but it was too dark to see clearly.


    "How could you even suggest¡­"


    "I don''t doubt your ethics or your loyalty," Nelda blurted out."But while we were on the other side it has become clear that¡­ [Shit, I can''t tell him this world was just created and somehow back-dated].The one with the most power in this world is probably this other lady.Now hopefully she is trapped on the other side where everything just went ''boom''.But if this scene ever really plays out, she might be the one who wins."


    SmithGuild reached out and put the inked picture aside."If there is one thing the myths and histories have taught us," he said. "It is that if they are brave, and true, the hero always wins. Now get some rest."

 47 Lying and Scrying

    "Wheee!"


    Being woken by a BugleHead cannonball is not the world''s most peaceful way to end a sleepover.The satyr crashing down between them bringing with him a flurry of dried leaves and the smell of slightly rotten fruit.


    BugleHead sat up cross-legged and started to emit a stream of happy words."Hey, gryphon. Hey, Nelda. HoneyBeard gave me the unicorn horn. Would you like to see it? Look, you''re wearing a unicorn again.Are you sure that''s not a priestess thing? Because it''s starting to look like a pattern isn''t it? Literally, ha! Because it''s a pattern on your clothing again."


    Looking down Nelda remembered the sweatshirt Jen had given her.She gestured at the picture on the front."Is that really how they actually look, like here."


    "I don''t know. They''ve been gone like a forever long time.I think there was only one, maybe, and it had hooves and horns so maybe.Are we going to bring it back?"


    Unscrumching the prophecy-copy Nelda replied."Maybe, would you like to do that?"


    "Oh, that would be a super quest.Don''t you think so gryphon?"


    SmithGuild watched them through blurry eyes. "I¡­ what would that achieve?" he asked groggily.


    "It would bring back the unicorn," BugleHead said chirpily."Haven''t you been listening?"


    "Well, brother. There is a larger plan." Nelda indicated the prophecy picture.


    BugleHead flopped back into the cushions. "Ugh.It''s much better to just do one that at a time, for one reason."


    Nelda Looked at the picture. "If more people thought like that the world might actually be a better place."She turned the illustration towards SmithGuild. "But anyway. My plan--such as it is--is to make as many things as possible in this picture¡­ not true.And if you look at the picture of me, I''m holding something.A long object with a spiral around it. The unicorn horn."


    BugleHead was rolling around in the pillows like a happy dog."Treasure!" he mumbled.


    "So, if there really is only one and we plant that back on the head of the real unicorn.The picture becomes a lie. Right?"


    [And so long as I have an asexual boyfriend, it won''t hurt any to get a little less ''horny''. ha.]


    SmithGuild frowned. "I am not sure that it works like that."


    "Are you sure that it doesn''t?"


    "Hmmm. I think¡­ do you remember what Pytho said to you?"


    BugleHead burrowed under a tapestry blanket."She said a lot of things."


    "She did," Nelda agreed."But only one thing that told SmithGuild. Word-for-word, at least. That she said I should not have a map because I need to meet the people of Mirth on their own terms."


    "That suggests," SmithGuild added. "That she feels your intuition is somehow more powerful than if you learn things as facts.It''s an interesting idea.But if you are a kind of demigod, as heroes often are, you may have powers that you don''t really know about. Powers that work based on what you feel or think rather than what you know."


    BugleHead sat bolt upright."Like you heard ''flying leaf'', and thought it was a leaf that made you fly and so it was."


    SmithGuild pointed at BugleHead and nodded a reluctant agreement.


    Nelda blinked.She sat very still and let the though filter through her minds like water into dry ground."Like, unconscious magic?"[I thought at the time, that the dragons were like Mirth moderators, even admins.Pytho seemed to be able to make a tunnel appear overnight.But on the other hand, it could have just been hidden behind a big rock. But¡­]


    Nelda thought about when she was just a first-year student, and she wasn''t doing so well on exams, especially multi-choice.And she went through an old test and looked at all the times when she changed her answer.More often than not her first choice had been corrected and overthinking was what caused the mistake.


    "So, SmithGuild," she said."You think I should follow my intuition.Is that what a hero would do? I mean, a hero''s instincts would be good and true but a lifetime of experience suggests mine are a bit¡­ wibbly wobbly."


    SmithGuild smiled."It seems as good a plan as any we have. The prophecy places you on one side of the matter and I am quite sure it is the side of right." He looked aside very briefly and added, "But we should also talk to a seer."


    "Not a mermaid!" Nelda said.


    "A harpy?" BugleHead asked, sounding strangely happy about the prospect.


    "No," SmithGuild said."There is one seer I know of that is not a mermaid.The centaur Asbolus."


    "Ass-bolus?" BugleHead snickered."That would be¡­"

 48 Prophecy Horsey

    The rest of Team Idiot presented an unexpectedly orderly picture.They were gathered in the parlor eating bread and fruit the Jaspers seemed to be providing.


    "Not very poisonous," Jen remarked acerbically.


    Nelda just shrugged semi-apologetically. She noticed HoneyBeard riding herd on the disparate group. [I guess he is a next level idiot herder now.] "Gather ''round, people," Nelda said."Aunty Nelda has a plan to prevent the end of the world."


    Jen had managed to get her centaur body folded neatly onto one of SmithGuild''s couches, which was amazingly supporting her weight.Tyrone''s serpent body was coiled under the wind, and he seemed to have got enough control of his spine to sit up and turn in her direction.Reg, the satyr, sat cheerfully on the windowsill. Even dragon-Phyllis gave Nelda her attention, but with dragony forearms folded and a somewhat sarcastic tilt to her head.


    "Right." Nelda looked back at the variously gold, green, and glowing eyes of her compatriots."Of in this direction, SmithGuild tells me, is a centaur who is a seer.He might have some information we need regarding the more over-arching issues"--Nelda made a rainbow gesture with her hands.--"at work in this world."


    "Including the prophecy that you''re going to end it," Phyllis said."Failed to mention that, didn''t you?"


    [What was I meant to say? Hello, my name is Nelda, and I might be the anti-christ of chimera world?]


    "Thank you, Phyllis.I had a lot of cover, so a few things ended up on the cutting room floor.But in any case, in that direction is also the centaur herd, Echidna Drakaina the only known female version of whatever Tyrone so now, and the nesting areas where the female dragons are raising their new clutches, and somewhere beyond that the satyr settlement.Including Pytho, whom I, we, are acquainted with.So whether you for adventure, integration or saving the word¡ªthis is the party to join."


    "You seem¡­ confident," Reg said.


    "I am confident.The bridge that connected to this world was influenced strongly by Brenda, but also by me.We both handled that fuse.I am still figuring out exactly how this works.But I do have a connection to the world.And I think¡ªone way or another¡ªI am here for a reason."


    "Hark to the Messiah," Phyllis muttered.


    [She is going to a dragon-sized pain in my ass.]


    From behind her BugleHead prompted: "And the unicorn.Don''t forget about the unicorn."


    "And the unicorn," Nelda agreed, noticing that she very-much had Jen''s attention with that word."My immediate goal is to ask Asborus if he knows how to go about resurrecting the unicorn. The unicorn has been gone from this land for a long time.But last time I was here, I located the horn needed to bring it back, now in the care of the satyr BugleHead here."


    BugleHead grinned.He then looked around slightly puzzled and then rushed off.


    "Hopefully he can remember where he left it," HoneyBeard remarked.


    "Any-who." Nelda said."Obviously, you can all do what you like.But if there is some kind of design to all this.We may all have arrived in this way for a reason, for a purpose.Maybe even to save this place.So I think we should stick to together, visit the seer, and then have some kind idea what it is all about before you¡ªas I presume you want to¡ªget to know your new¡­ people."


    "And the unicorn?" Jen prompted enthusiastically.


    "It seems to me this world will be a better place with a unicorn in it, and the unicorn is considered some kind of holy ancestor of the centaurs here. They want it to come back.Come to think of it, Jen, maybe you chose this"¡ªshe indicated the saccharine art on her sweatshirt¡ª"for a reason you didn''t even know at the time."


    Jen seemed amazed and delighted. Phyllis obviously disgusted.


    Tyrone coughed awkwardly."So, when you say this Echidna girl is the only female of her kind¡­ are there any other males."


    "Not that she or I know of.And given the way dragons can travel around, I think they would have told her if there was."


    Phyllis clickers her talons on her scaled arm."Tyrone, for god''s sake, you all but invented a dimensional transporter, and you think your main focus should be getting laid?"


    Tyrone''s face flushed."Mine your own business, Phyllis.Like Nelda said, we turned out like this for a reason, and I''m just following through on mine."


    Phyllis snorted but didn''t press the matter.


    "So, no pressure," Nelda said with forced cheer."I''ll leave you guys to discuss it amongst yourselves, while I tidy up a few other issues and make sure we haven''t misplaced that alicorn. Okay?"


    #


    In the hallway, Nelda turned to SmithGuild."Could you possibly help BugleHead find that horn?"


    "All right." SmithGuild hitched up his pants awkwardly."I have to say that in this form, I am starting to understand how uncomfortable clothing can be.In fact, I have a few questions about how this¡­ body works."


    "Of course¡­ and we will put sorting out how to reverse this on our list of things to do. Assuming that is what you want to do."


    "I don''t mean any offense to the human form¡­" SmithGuild said.


    "But it''s just not you?"


    SmithGuild still walked like he feared he might fall over at any moment, one hand running along the wall."Herby said she thought your god might have made me human to match me to you."


    "Well, that''s kind of worrying."


    "What do you mean?"


    "I mean that a lot of what we are doing is predicated on the idea that if there is a higher plan of some kind, that it''s a good one and we should follow it.But I would never want anyone I¡­ care about, to be anything other than who they truly are and who they want to be."


    SmithGuild was silent for the moment.


    The back door was propped open, and they could see out into the brightness of the gardens behind the house.The Jaspers started squawking, louder than usual, somewhere back in the trees.


    "I think I had better go and check on that," SlithGuild said, shuffling off with his old man walk.


    Nelda turned and went up the stairs towards the roof.

 49 The Ides of Rides

    There were two things Nelda expected she might find on the roof of SmithGuild''s house.One was the unicorn horn if the Lapis phoenixes had decided to steal it back. The other was one or more of the Lapis phoenixes themselves.


    As she climbed onto the roof, Nelda suddenly noticed:


    [My legs aren''t anywhere near as fucked up as they were before.In fact, they''ve not been bothering me very much ever since I came back to Mirth.]


    She sat on the edge of the hatch and experimentally flexed her legs and ankles.It would be an exaggeration to say they were fully healed, but they were certainly in serviceable order.


    [I may not have turned into a chimera, but it seems like something still happened to me on the way between worlds.Are there any other effects that are less obvious, that we don''t even know about?]


    It made her think about what Star Trek''s Bones said about his fear of the transporter scattering his atoms back and forth across space. Not that she was planning to ever take the ride between worlds every again.


    She turned to survey the flat gravel-covered roof.It was a lot tidier than it had been before.[Some one has taken away the mechanic phoenix''s collection or loot and trash.]


    Walking slowly over to the edge Nelda felt the crushed stones under her bare feet.[Now that''s going to be a problem.A world without humans sure as hell ain''t going to have shoes.]


    The Jaspers were still making a ruckus.Looking over the stone parapet Nelda could see a whole flock of the scrambling through and over the plants of the garden.BugleHead seemed to be chasing them.HoneyBeard and SmithGuild stood watching from the paved area at the back of the house.


    What was more surprising was that centaur-Jen had joined them.From above she was a relatively petite white pony-bodied centaur, still wearing a neon yellow T-shirt and denim vest on her human-torse and a jaunty retro-eighties scrunches in her blonde pony-tail [of course].


    As the Jasper phoenixes started to get further away and take their ruckus with them, Nelda could hear Jen and SmithGuild talking.


    "I am perfectly healthy," SmithGuild said."And I am certainly going with you. Asbolus does not know you people, so you will need an introduction."


    Jen put her hands on her now more ample and furry hips."You might be healthy, but your not very good at being bipedal.If it''s as far as you say you''ll have thrown your back out by the time we get there, at the very least. I mean, your posture...." She shook her head.


    "I''ll get the hang of it," SmithGuild muttered.


    "I''m not doubting that you''re a smart guy and a fast learner¡­," Jen said.


    [Stay away from my guy hoof-girl.]Nelda felt a pang jealously and almost shouted down to interrupt the two over them. [Nope, nope, nope.I am not going to go all psycho-crazy-girlfriend.I''ll just keep on eavesdropping on them like a normal-level-of-crazy girlfriend.]


    Jen continued¡­ "But as the late great George Orwell wrote: four legs good, two legs bad.The human body is really a bit of a design disaster. I''m sure you''ve noticed that by now.If your first real test drive is a hike for miles you could do yourself some permanent damage."


    SmithGuild was resolute. "I don''t really see that there is any other option. Asbolus is a bit of a hermit, he won''t welcome strangers.And while Nelda has a way of getting by despite being from your ''Earth'', she does see to have some kind of intuitive connection to this world¡ªand well¡ª" he gestured to HoneyBeard on his other side."The lot of you together could get in a lot of trouble without some kind of local guide."


    "All that I am saying," Jen said bashfully."Is I am not against you riding me part of the way if that would help."


    "What?" said SmithGuild, obviously horrified.


    "Not¡­ I mean, like a horse." Jen got increasingly flustered.


    "There''s no horses here."


    "No horses here, wow. But, then, whatever people ride."


    "There''s no people here either."


    "Oh, right." Jen thought about that for a while, sighed and forged onward."On Earth there are animals like the furry part of me but with a head kind oflike a¡­" she fished some a Mirth animal that did exist, "¡­deer, cow, goat?"


    SmithGuild was still pretty tense.Okay yes, we do have those."


    "We people will sit on their back hand ride them." Jen gestured holding reigns."Or they get them to pull a cart with wheels on it and ride in that."


    "Why on Mirth would you¡­"


    Nelad was distracted by a scratching sown behind her.Turning she saw a Lapis phoenix had landed just behind her.Under the morning light, the blue-burnished metal feathers of the artificial bird glinted with different sapphire hues.


    There were three Lapis phoenixes that had been created by the gryphon Smithguild using, in part, a stone based alchemy.But because they only had one stone between them it has left them as one bird with three bodies, a situation that the Lapis apparently did not enjoy.


    Nelda crouched down."I think I have what you need," she whispered.


    Fro her pocket she pulled the small paper bag holding two marble sized lapis lazuli stones.As she tapped them out onto her palm the Lapis lunge at her, it''s sharp beak suddenly seemed very potentially denucleating.Nelda tumbled back, dropping the stones.


    She scrambled back against the parapet and the bird grabbed one stone, dropped it to grab the other, and then clutched both under one shiny clawed foot.It glared at her possessively.


    "What''s your problem, dude?" Nelda hissed."I''m not going to take them; I brought them here for you.From another world, mind you.You''re welcome.Well, not very welcome actually"¡ªshe noticed the shallow bleeding puncture wound on her palm that the bird''sbeak had left¡ª"but a deal''s a deal."

 50 Trail Fails

    Nelda joined the parting on the back patio.If you could call a roman style mosaic in white and blue marble just ''a patio.'' Jen was blushing, her bright red cheeks a clear contrast to her pallid complexion.


    "What''s going on here then?" Nelda asked.


    Now SmithGuild was blushing too and clearly tongue-tied.


    "What?" Nelda turned to HoneyBeard and raised her hands in mute exasperation.


    The satyr replied, sanguinely."Cat-bird here was asking how a male human rides a horse without crushing his cock.Seems like a perfectly reasonable question to me."


    "Uh-huh," Nelda said."But what about the others?"


    Jen shrugged and brushed some imaginary lint off her vest."Hanging around to listen to Phyllis bitch, I imagine.For me, there is nothing to discuss. If I can''t have horses, then we definitely need to get back the unicorn. That''s exactly why I left everything behind.To be part of something more¡­ something just¡­ more."


    BugleHead popped out from behind a rough-hewn hedge wielding the unicorn horn triumphantly."Ka-west! Whoot!" he called out, grinning.


    Jen clapped excitedly."Can I see it. Please?" She reached out her hands.


    Nelda didn''t miss that now it seemed like HoneyBeard had an attack fo the green-eyed monster. [Not Phyllis, jealousy.]Jen and HoneyBeard conferred enthusiastically over the alicorn.HoneyBeard watched with a sour expression on his face.


    It occurred to Nelda for the first time that BugleHead seemed a good deal younger than HoneyBeard.If he were a human, she might guess about twenty or a bit more ¡ª about the same as Jen.


    "Wait," Nelda said."BugleHead are you wearing the Jasper crown?" The crown, sized for a parrot head, was tiny.It sat crookedly amidst the satyr''s curly locks.


    "Yep." BugleHead grinned at her. "It was the only way I could get them to give it to me."


    The Jaspers were a score or more of red metallic phoenixes that looked more like enormous parrots.They had quieted down a lot, but quite a few of them could be seen perched in the shrubs and on top of the walls and stumps all around them.Most of them were watching BugleHead.


    "Idiot king fo the idiot birds," HoneyBeard muttered.


    They didn''t scratch it, did they?" Nelda asked.She joined BugleHead and Jen. The centaur was holding the horn, which was about as long as a walking stick. It tapered from the width of a mini-can evenly down to a slightly blunted point.


    It was marked with a deep groove that spiraled around its entire length. Nelda reached out her right hand and touched the ivory-like surface gently.


    Inside the curling crease, it seemed like a few small glittering lights lit up.Nelda blinked. [Is that just reflections.] The lights shimmied and swirled up the length of the horn to the tip ad vanished.


    "Oh, it tingled," Jen said.


    "I knew you were a unicorn priestess," BugleHead said.


    "What?I''ve touched it before, and it never did anything."


    The satyr continued to grin like he was having the best birthday ever. "That was before you decided that you would bring the unicorn back.Now, it knows."


    Nelda rubbed her fingertips; they felt a bit numb."Because that''s not creepy or anything."


    Jen was staring at her, the pupils of her pale blue eyes wide despite the bright morning light.


    Nelda turned to see SmithGuild awkwardly hitching up his pats in a way that was probably giving him a self-inflicted wedgie. "So," she asked."Does anyone know how the unicorn got killed in the first place?"


    "Rumors abound. SmithGuild said. "This is meant to have happened many hundreds of years ago. I may not even have been alive then¡­"


    Nelda took a little while to process that and lost track of a few words of what he said.


    "¡­say it was the dragons.Because the unicorn could do or be used for something they didn''t want to happen, Scribeguild might know, but at this time of the year she goes to the snowlands."


    "Yeah," Nelda mused."And maybe Phyllis doesn''t need to know the dragon twist to the tale. At least not right away."


    [Intuition and guesswork is a bit of a crazy strategy. I hope this idea that my unconscious is more clued into things on Mirth than the rest of me is true.But does that mean that if I learn more, I will be able to do more¡­ or do less.Can ignorance be a super-power?]


    [Or this just a stupid idea I''ve infected them with to assuage my guilt at having no idea what I am doing?]


    "Do you mind if I try that again?" Nelda asked Jen.


    "By no means." Jen held the alicorn out, presenting it on her open palms.


    This time Nelda wrapped her entire hand around the middle of the horn.The lights started up again like a bunched of technicolor tinkerbells.Despite never having had a vision before, Nelda was struck with a powerful you-are-about-to-have-a-vision feeling.


    And then she did,


    #


    "Every member of the Watson family has been a natural horseman or woman," the man said.


    He reached down to the little girl, she was maybe five or six and dressed in little Burberry riding ensemble with riding boot and a black velvet riding cap.The child was looking at the pony that had been led up to her with obvious fear.


    The man was wearing an incongruously black suit with slicked-back hair and a profuse beard.He seemed utterly indifferent to the child''s terror.He lifted her and placed her on the back of the pony.


    "Hold onto the pommel, little miss."


    The girl flapped her legs like an ungainly frog.With a trembling voice she said, "I don''t want to daddy."


    "You''ll like it, girl.No daughter of mine is going to be afraid of a fat little pony.We''ll have you a real mount soon.Perhaps one of my polo¡­" As he spoke, he nodded to the stable hand who was holding the pony''s bridle.


    As the pony took a step, the little girl immediately freaked out; she squealed at the deafening piercing pitch that only a panicked child can reach.The ponies ears flicked back, and it bolted, wrenching free its flapping reins.


    The girl clutched the pommel, but her ass and legs bounced into the air with ever bound. She continued to shriek as the pony left the stable yard and disappeared from sight.


    The man turned to his assistant, who was standing back against the wall. "Make a note to get a genetic test on little miss Brenda." He turned and started walking back towards his car. "I really am not sure that she is one of mine. And you know what her mother is like."

 51 Roads and Abodes

    "We will cooperate with your plan," Phyllis said. "For now."


    Behind her, Tyrone seemed nervous and excited.Reg was eating from the bowl of grapes.Neither of them seemed to be a party to the dragon''s skepticism.


    Tyrone seemed to be having trouble with the serpentine part of his body.Some of it had got looped around the stairway railing, and he couldn''t seem to work it lose.


    "Ley''s try going out the front door. You can get some ambulatory practice out on the beach."


    She couldn''t help but wonder what the genital situation was with human-snake dragons. [It''s not that I''m obsessed with chimera bits-and-bobs.But inquiring minds¡­.]


    She helped Tyrone get himself unlooped."I think we won''t be getting out of here until tomorrow morning," she said."Oops." She ended up straddling one part of his snake body with the tail part draped over her shoulder.


    While she was trying to dismount, Tyrone was trying to get turned around. She ended up on the floor on her back with a loop of snake-body pressing down on her,


    "This is a bit much for a first date, Tyrone," she called.


    "Sorry, I''m not really in control of it," he replied,


    [Said the Bishop to the call girl.]


    Nelda managed to crawl out.A large snake scale was stuck to her forehead.She pulled it off, and held it up."Oops, sorry.I hope that didn''t hurt."


    Tyrone clambered over his own body and took it from her. "I guess it''ll grow back?"


    It was kind of nice for Team Idiot to have something to work together on.They carried Tyrone out lie a deflated telephone pole. They got him out onto the sand.


    Nelda ket a weather eye out for mermaids.[Not what Disney led me to expect those gals.]


    "Right, Tyrone," she said."The instincts will all be in there.I suggest you just practice going up and down for a while. It''ll all come together."


    She backed up and indicated the others follow suit.


    SmithGuild stood next to her.I should probably do the same," he said. "I know Jen says that riding horses is perfectly normal, but it feels just¡­ dirty somehow."


    "Oh, I don''t think so," Nelda said. "I don''t know what the other centaurs would make of it though. If I had to play physical therapist, I would say try walking in the water for a while to get your balance.Once you trust yourself, you''ll walk normally with minimal strain on the body.I''ve got to agree with Jen on one thing; the human spine is a bit of a bodge job."


    Nelda looked out to sea.Tyrone''s plight overcame her concern about being observed.


    "On the other hand: mermaids," she added.


    Smithguild nodded."I think I''ll go and pull together some material for the trip.I have a few gifts that might help make Asbolus feel cooperative."He paused for a while. "This is normally about the time of year when I would start up my smelting furnace, but I think this year¡­."


    He wandered back towards the house.


    Nelda took a deep breath of the salty air which brought with it a mild flashback to being almost-drowned by mermaids. "I am really ruining that man''s life."


    She had meant to say that to herself, but HoneyBeard replied from behind her: "You could probably blame that partly on me."


    Turning, Nelda asked archly, "And how would that be?"


    "The way I see it," HoneyBeard said, surveying Tyrrons mostly unsuccessful attempts to make forward progress down the beach.


    "Make an S-shape!" Nelda should.She made a weaving movement with her hands. "It''s called lateral undulation!Look at me applying my undergraduate ethology knowledge." Turning to HoneyBeard, she added, "Sorry, you were saying?"


    "The way I see it," he repeated with more emphasis."I accepted the role of idiot herder.And I displayed such an aptitude for it; the great heavenly powers decided I was being under-used.And so they bestowed upon me all of these extra idiots." He made a Barker''s Beauty gesture to the beach.


    BugleHead and Reg were now running in advance of Tyrone shouting encouragement accompanied by a number of Jasper phoenixes that squawked toadly and discordantly.The satyrs helped Tyrone right himself every time he face-planted in the sand.Most of his body was very serpentine, which made the vertical orientation of his human-like torso a bit of an aberration.Jen was holding the alicorn jauntily over one shoulder, her pony-tail and tail-tail blowing picturesquely in the wind. Phyllis was near the water''s edge. From this distance, her body was really most comparable to a rabbit or squirrel in shape, but with a long sinuous neck and tail attached to each end.And of course, the wings, which she chose this moment to tentatively unfurl.


    The bisk ocean wind immediately caught her, tossing Phyllis through the air until she hit Tyrone and then Buglehead, so they tumbled into a heap of mismatched limbs. BugleHead nimbly leaped out of the way and caught the Jasper crown that the sudden leap dislodged from his head ¡ª foiling the plans of the half dozen Jaspers that still followed him watching it avariciously.


    "I can''t fault your logic," Nelda said."And when it comes to the motivations of greater powers, your guess is as good as mine." Her heart was invaded by a moment of intense neurotic doubt."Where will we all end up?"


    "As of tomorrow, on the road together," HoneyBeard replied."Gods help us all."

 52 Lobbing and Fobbing

    "I seem to have suffered a considerable depletion of my liquor supplies." SmithGuild moped in his commodious basement.


    "How mysterious," Nelda replied.


    The basement was more like a labyrinth really. It seemed much larger than the floor plan of the building above-- including many large vaulted rooms with venting chimneys and was crammed with equipment and supplies whose identity Nelda could not even guess. Everything was cold and seemed to have been out for use for a while.


    SmithGuild wanders down a hallway into some kind of small storeroom with ranks fo shelving on all the walls."There is a lot of equipment that might potentially be useful on this journey, but it is hard to predict¡­ And our capacity for portage is limited."


    [Hell, even your capacity for walkage is limited.]


    One shelf held buckets and buckets of arrows, and in the corner, there was a great many spears.Stacked above were shields, both small round ones, and others more like the side of an old-fashioned garbage can.


    "Your weapon supplies seem¡­ still rather considerable," Nelda said.


    SmithGuild wandered back. "It was a hobby for a while. To see how far I could develop the metallurgy of attack and defense." He cocked his head."I even have full body armor for a centaur in here somewhere."


    "Were their wars before? Why did you do it."


    "That''s one of the reasons I lost interest." SmithGuild lifted a short sword from a rack. "Life was very static, and I found myself wondering what the point of my experiments was.Everything being pretty much happy as they are.They were not really in need of the innovations myself, and the other gryphons felt somehow drive to develop. Perhaps you should take this.I don''t have a scabbard for it though.Leather and fabrics was never really my thing."


    Nelda looked at the blade."Seems like it might send the wrong message," she said.


    "I think it''s you who recently explained to me that just because you have the equipment, doesn''t mean you''re obliged to use it."


    [Are you making a double entendre?]Nelda smiled."Not everyone sees it that way. And that would be a bit of a I-am-Xena-hear-me-roar statement piece. I''m not sure I could carry it off.Do you have anything smaller?"


    "The lady wishes for smaller¡­" SmithGuild cast around the shelves as if searching for something.


    It niggled at Nelda that she hadn''t told SmithGuild everything she had concluded from her visit back to the Alma Mater.


    "I don''t know what you are going to think about this¡­" Nelda began.


    Smithguild was looking through an old trunk that seemed stacked with cloth wrapped bundles."Hmmm."


    "There were two people who created the machine that brought me to Mirth.It is their opinion that the machine didn''t just create a bridge.That it created this world.That none of it existed before, and it was created mainly in the service if a woman called Brenda¡­"


    SmithGuild raised his hand tentatively. "That seems bold. To say your world is real, and mine is¡­ manufactured¡­"


    "I¡­ I don''t know.I guess I use the evidence I have.I only know what I see. And maybe it''s wrong." Nelda shrugged."Our worlds are connected by language and beliefs, so one of us came first. I guess. Oh, god. Well, it''s just a theory." [I''m babbling.]


    "Hmmm. Oh, here it is." SmithGuild pulled out a cloth wrapped package. "I didn''t actually make this weapon.It was traded to me by the harpies, from their own hoard."He tossed it gently over to her,


    Nelda caught the package and folded back the rough cloth wrapping.Inside was a sheath containing a dagger about the size of a large carving knife. The handle was made out of¡­. something hard covered by something kind of like crocodile skin.


    Nelda''s fingers fitted around it like it was designed for her grip."So you have moved on from me saying your world might be newly created to offering me harpy treasure."


    "Trea-sure," SmithGuild replied in a passable imitation of HineyBeard. He smiled."We are all having to invent our way from day to day.I think the joining of our world has thrown off all the usual points of balance. We will all have to stumble around a bit before we find out footing again."


    Nelda strapped the dagger to her waist. It hung about halfway to her knee."Still a very creditable length," Nelda remarked."Although if you believe HoneyBeard girth is more important. Oh, does it have a name?In stories, potential magical weapons owned by powerful creatures always have a name."


    "It''s probably written on it somewhere if it does; I didn''t really pay much attention.I accepted the gift out of courtesy because the harpies do not like to be in another being''s debt."


    Nelda stroked the bumpy surface of the dagger''s blade."I couldn''t even begin to calculate how much I am in your debt."


    "Debt is a notion that keeps the harpies isolated, even more than living on that island.Between friends, there are no debts."


    "Is that what we are, friends?" [I couldn''t exactly call us ''lovers.''] [I shouldn''t have even said that.] [I guess this is just my day for making awkward comments.]


    SmithGuild didn''t seem to mind. He looked at her with those warm gold-hazel eyes that seem to change with every shift of the light."I imagine that is one of the things we get to discover along the way."


    Now it was Nelda''s turn to blush.

 53 Afoot in the Woods

    They set out the next morning, bring with them no more than a tenth part of what SmithGuild suggested.Phyllis had improvised some saddlebags for Jen to carry food and blankets as they would need to camp at least one night on the way.Also on one side was a carefully wrapped seedling of the stripeflower tree. The sapling bobbing its few small branches with each step.


    A chirruping Jasper phoenix led the way, apparently functioning as SmithGuilds GPS unit.Phyllis the dragon ambled behind, her wide nostrils scenting the air and her large wings flexed untidily back. Reg and BugleHead followed, taking turns carrying the unicorn horn which now had a bright ribbon tied to one end which fluttered jauntily in the wind.


    Then came Jen and SmithGuild with one hand resting on the saddlebags in what seemed like both a companionable gesture and a way to give him better balance,


    "It was not so unusual for men to ride sidesaddle," Jen was saying."Some did so to train lady''s mounts or to carried equipment like a cable-laying spool."


    "I think it will suffice for me to use my own limbs.Such as they are," SmithGuild replied.


    Nelda was following with HoneyBeard by her side. Tyrone brought up the rear as with wide wyrm body undulated from side to side to make surprisingly efficient forward progress.


    HoneyBeard commented in sotto voice."Ponygirl is gonna steal your boyfriend."


    Nelda shrugged. She was turning the blade of her dagger in the sunlight.There did seem to be some kind of lettering on it, but was it in English? [ST???G??? SLA??R]


    The script was rendered in shallow loops and curves.[My mother did tell me I should learn cursive writing.She had utter contempt for the entire education system went o hell the moment they dropped it.I can probably credit my perseverance in getting a graduate degree out of a desire to spite her. So I guess I can''t say she never did anything for me.]


    "Are you not inclined to keep him?" Honeybeard said. "because he is not inclined to use all of his limbs." The satyr raised his bushy eyebrows suggestively.


    Tyrone sniggered behind them.


    "What? No. Shut up," Nelda slapped his arm gently."I am not that shallow." She went back to considering the dagger.[S?ON?GA?? SLA??R.]Ah, the letter that appeared a number of times was a strangely formed letter E. [Holy Pat Sajdak, did I just buy a vowel?]


    HoneyBeard persisted. "It is not shallow to value fornication.It is a primary occupation for most every race."


    "It depends on one''s priorities," Nelda replied tersely knowing that it was possible some of the party ahead could hear them. Who knows what centaurs can hear.


    [STONEGAZE SLAYER. What would that mean?It is the slayer belonging to stone-gaze.Does it slays with a stone-gaze?But it has no eyes¡­.]


    "HoneyBeard, what kinds of beasts can turn a person to stone, like by looking at them?"


    "Changing the topic are you?"


    "Perhaps you''d rather talk about your trip to Harpy Island.From what BugleHead says you made a new fr¡ª"


    "Catoblepas."


    "Gesundheit."


    "What?"


    "What?" {I guess gesundheit isn''t technically English.But most of the goddam language is mugged from other languages.It hasn''t caused a problem so far.]


    Tyrone butted in."What about the basilisk? Do you have that?"


    HoneyBeard shrugged.If your talking about things that can make you stone by looking at you the basilisk is about his big."He put his hands about a loaf-of-bread apart."The catoblepas is about this big." He lifted his hand about five foot above the ground."


    Nelda re-sheathed her dagger."If it''s going to turn you into stone by looking at you, what does itmatter if the critter is featherweight or a heavy hitter?"


    "There is a reason a lot more people know about basilisks than catoblepases," HoneyBeard lectured. "You can stop yourself from being turned to stone by closing your eyes.If you do this to a basilisk, which is a kind of snake-chicken, mostly there is not very much they can do to you.Except for the venomous ones.But the big ol'' a catoblepas can still easily trample you to death.Which is why people who encounter them rarely live to tell the tale."


    Smithguild had dropped back a bit, "But that''s not how it works, is it?You don''t have to be looking them in the eye, they just have to see you. That''s what my sister ScribeGuild told me. And they are both pretty much invulnerable."


    "Has she ever actually come across one?" Nelda asked.Have you? I mean talked with them--if they are folk.Or are they beasts?"


    SmithGuild answered, "Noone knows for sure either way. Nobody goes into the areas where they are supposed to live, because it is not a risk that needs to be taken."


    "You should keep this one," HoneyBeard said."He''s less stupid than the rest."


    "Of course¡­" SmithGuild mused. "SmithGuild also said that neither of these creatures may actually exist.They may be a myth that developed to explain the work of very adept ancient sculptors.More recent accounts of their ways come mainly from sots and addle-heads, or adventurers seeking fame and adulation."


    They passed out of an area of spotty scrub into an increasingly deep forest, and all around them, it was growing gloomy under their lofty, leafy limbs. Chirps and burps and all kinds of sounds from living things echoed through the air.


    So what kind of things living in the forest?" Nelda asked,


    "I don''t really know," SmithGuild replied."I normally fly over the top.But the jaspers never seem to have much trouble traversing it. They are too heavy to fly over and sp must go through."


    Nelda thought about that for a while. "That would be more reassuring if the bird wasn''t made of metal and so mot likely to be targeted by predatory animals. Not to mention so irritating that most everyone avoids them."


    "I take it back," HoneyBeard muttered.

 54 The Stabber Dagger

    "Why did you ask about that particular power?" SmithGuild asked.


    "It''s on the dagger." Nelda pulled it out to show him.Somehow the letter seemed so much clearer now, even though the trees made it some much darker.


    SmithGuild smiled smugly.


    "What?"


    "I probably shouldn''t tell you.It''s possible that Pytho was right about that. If you have some kind of implicit power to change reality."


    Nelda opened her mouth, with the urge to mention just how many questionable assumptions were part of that chain of reasoning.Then¡­ "Oh.There were no words on the dagger."


    "There were not, I am quite sure of it.A few scratches and signs of wear. But if I am correct, by your assumptions based on its origin and appearance, you have now bestowed a magically ability on it.Just like you did with the stripeflower tree."


    "But now I know about it¡­ it''s probably not."


    "The words are still on the blade."


    "But they were already there.Whatever power I was thinking the weapon might have ¡­ that wasn''t really decided.Or, I don''t know, my unconscious mind sort of by definition doesn''t let me know what it''s up to."


    Jen''s progress had slowed and then stopped.With a somewhat length maneuver, she got turned around to face them."What the heck are you guys talking about?"


    [What kind of girl says ''heck''? I guess it''s better than H E double-hockey-sticks.]"SmithGuild put a few things together and the things my unconscious mind has the power to change things in this world based on assumptions it makes about the way things work.Given that, for the most part, I still don''t know shit about this place."


    They were now blocking Tyrone''s path and as he stopped he drew up about eight feet tall on his snake body."That''s like the lamest superpower ever."


    Phyllis sighed and turned back to join them."Can you people work on having the ability to walk and talk at the same time.If it helps, a study at Harvard found that the placebo effect works even when you tell people that you are giving them a placebo."


    "That¡­. Wait where did BugleHead and Reg go."


    They all looked around.


    "Idiot herd''s getting too big, sister," HoneyBeard said. "I lost track of a few."


    [You know, no one''s even asked about Manny.It''s like they never really counted him is present ¨C so he''s just a lot less¡­ missing.]


    In the distance, a cheerful voice called out."Whoot!"


    HoneyBeard led the charge to see what the other satyrs were getting up to. Nelda proved to be one of the slowest in the party. Jen and HoneyBeard quickly cantered out of sight. Phyllis was closed behind, knocking trees out of her way rather than dodging around them.


    Nelda stumbled after then, benches whipping back and smacking her in the face.


    "Don''t wait for me," Tyrone called redundantly.In the panic, he had lost control of his body and it was coiling like a salted worm.


    Nelda was just starting to wonder if she was still going in the right direction when she burst out into a clearing.The bleached and broken remains of a handful of giant fallen trees crisscrossed the ground. Tall grasses grew between them and ahead of them was a long cliff where it looked like the hillside had collapsed. More tall tries trembled on the brink.


    BugleHead was excitedly explaining, "The centaur tried to take the treasure.But Reg ran away with it and I hit her with a stick until she went away."


    He pointed.The round furry ass of a bay centaur could be seen almost at the top of the cliff where it was made somewhat more accessible by a tumble of jagged boulders. At the top a few other centaurs could be seen, silhouetted against the near-noon light of the open aqua sky. They seemed to be carrying some kind of lumpy packages.


    "I ran away," Reg agreed happily, using the top of the alicorn to scratch his back.


    Nelda struggled to catch her breath and stamped her feet to check both her ankles were still in working ord."Guy¡ªhuff¡ªhave you¡ªhuff¡ªnoticed¡­" she began.


    She didn''t even manage to get their attention.The centaur lifted their¡­ it looked like sacks.Backing away they raised and shook them, objects fell from the sacks and tumbled over the edge of the small cliff.


    Tumbling. Flapping, ''Bu-cawk''ing.


    [Chickens?]


    [With tails?]


    Nelda was still leaning over and puffing,distance behind the reunited party as the angry, fluffy, creature bounced off the ground and directed their attention at the nearest accessible target.


    The grasses twitched and swirled marking the approach of the creatures.


    "Guy¡ªhuff¡ªthere''s¡­"


    [Oh right, bas--]


    As Jen spun a feather furry trailing the python''s tail burst over a fallen log.As their eyes meet Jen shiver, and with a sparkling ripple transformed from hair and lest to carved white marble.


    [Oh, fuck.] Nelda pulled her dagger and closed her eyes. [Let''s hope ScribeGuild is wrong.]


    She heard a lot of cursing and thrashing.Feeling her way forward.


    [It''s like HoneyBeard said, right? They are chicken-snakes.What the worse they can do.]


    [So long as they are not venomous.]

 55 Foresight, Bird Pligh

    Getting hold of the first basilisk wasn''t too hard.It was cackling up a storm, and Nelda closed in on it by sound alone.It took giving herself a very strong talking to, to grab it, hold it down, and stab the warm, feather body with the dagger.What she assumed was blood seeped up between her fingers.Then it was still.


    After that, it became that old metaphor for futility: a blind man in a dark room searching for a black cat that isn''t there.


    [But the basilisks are here.Somewhere.]


    "Guys?"


    No reply.


    "Are you all made of stone?"


    No reply.


    [I really, really, really, want to look.But logic suggests that because I saw the snake-birds getting dropped on us.I''m the only one who thought to close my eyes.And the evidence is that no one else out there is making a sound.So that means I need to keep going with a not-currently-losing strategy and hope the centaurs take their time coming down her to stomp me.]


    She stayed down on her hands and knees, moving slowly towards where she had last seen Jen.


    [There were four of the creatures.I think.]


    Nelda had done an undergraduate internship in a lab that was studying the visual abilities of chickens.Which was pretty good, chicken eyesight, that is. So no Jurassic Park tricks were going to work here.


    She stopped and listened.There was a rustling sound to her right.


    Trying to lure the creature closer Nelda made a sound like a hen. "Buck, buck, buck.Buck, buck, buck?"


    "You do a terrible chicken impression," HoneyBeard replied.


    "HoneyBeard! Do you have your eyes closed?"


    "Of course I do.I may associate with idiots, but I am not yet one of their number.Do you have any idea what happened to BugleHead?"


    "All I say was Jen going all granite.There should still be three of the little feathery fucks around here somewhere.I got one of them."


    "Maybe the le¡­ ah! Ah! Ah! It''s pecking me."


    "Grab it! Grab it!" Nelda shouted.


    The air was filled with puffing and clucking and thrashing.


    Nelda crawled cautiously towards HoneyBeard.


    "I''ve got the stabby little bastard," the satyr said."But they are impossible to k¡­ oh, the dagger.It works then?"


    "One hundred percent success rate so far.Where is it?"


    "Keep the pointy end well away from me.I''ll hand the basilisk to you first. You can take it from there."


    Nelda''s flailing hand fell on HoneyBeard''s wiry hair."There you are."


    "You know," Honeybeard said."Now I will be able to honestly tell BugleHead that I gave you cock."


    [Ugh.I think there/s enough jealousy in the air as it is.] "Puns are the lowest form of wit, brother. Just hand it over."


    The creature got one wing free, and it''s long tail thrashed across her face.The beak stabbed into her wrist, and she grabbed it by the neck before feeling HoneyBeard let go.She missed and thrust it into the dirt several times before finally feeling the blade go through muscle and fine bones.The basilisk sighed and stilled.


    "Right." Nelda shuddered with disgust."I was trying to keep quiet because of the centaurs out there.But it''s been a little while, so they either went away fo they will be here any second, and we need to be able to deal with them with our eyes open."


    "They wouldn''t be immune to the basilisks gaze.They wouldn''t risk it while those things are wandering around," HoneyBeard reasoned.


    "But they caught at least four of the bastards somehow, so maybe they have a trick or two we don''t know about." [Mirrored sunglasses would probably do it? And maybe those little hats they put on falcons?] "And the point is we need to deal with these things we should just make a lot of noise and draw them to us while they are still nearby and pissed off.It looked like they were in attack mode. Better we take care of them now rather than just leave them wandering around out there turning the local populace into statues."


    "You feel free to do that."


    "Yeah? Okay, Watch me.I mean not literally obviously.But if one of those things gets near you, grab it."


    Nelda stabbed the dagger into the ground to have both hands free.She took a deep breath and shouted hoarsely."Come and get me you Kentucky fried bastards.Come to Momma. Here I am!"


    A burst of irritated clucky came from somewhere behind her. Grass and twigs breaking.A whistling through the air.


    It was like being hit on the back of the heat by a warm, down-filled watermelon. The basilisk bounced off but somehow got tangled in her hair.It hissed and crowed as it swung around her head.


    Grabbing wildly, she caught it by what felt like a wing, but now she couldn''t find the dagger. [Shit. I must have moved, but I have no idea in which direction. Being used as a chicken maypole is a bit distracting, ya know?]


    She wrestled the basilisk down."HoneyBeard, you okay?"


    "I think so.I think the metal bird brought me a dead basilisk.But I don''t know if he killed it or just found it."


    Nelda pinned the writing basilisk with one hand and felt around with the other."Fuck it.I''m just going to have to risk it.If one of these things gets me, just remember, the alicorn is good for poison.I''m hoping it''ll reverse the stone-gaze if killing these little butterball bastitches doesn''t reverse the effect."


    She felt up the creature''s neck to the head and covered it with her hand. Then she opened her eyes.The bright light burned the sight into her mind.Her own pale arms covered in blood that seemed more black than red. [I hope that''s not the toxic part.]


    Looking around, she saw HoneyBeard kneeling on the ground holding a limp, mottle-feathered basilisk rather gingerly.The Jasper phoenix beside her yodeled discordantly as she looked at it.


    "I guess metal birds are immune, huh? But how did you kill it?"


    In response, the bird made a sound like a car horn crossed with a dying jackal.


    "Well, good on you, anyhow."


    Castling around, she found the tiled hilt of the dagger sticking out of the trammeled ground. It was a bit more difficult to do now that she could see the creature''s body under her hand and knee, see it taking each breath.


    "Needs must," Nelda mutter is she drove the blade down through its spine and chest.


    Once the creature had stopped moving, she released it cautiously.The stood and looked around.All was still and quiet but for the sound of insects chirping and the wind rustling reed and branch.


    Of to one side, she could see the jutting stone limbs of most of her erstwhile party.


    "I think the coast is clear," she said,


    "Let me know when you are sure," HoneyBeard replied.

 56 Deus Wrecks

    The stone forms lay on their sides and backs.It seems that very few people being attacked by a snake-chickens are standing in a balanced enough way to stay upright once transformed into stone.


    Nelda''s hands were shaking.[This will work.] She hoped her potentially-magic unconscious mind believed that.


    Reg had dropped the unicorn horn, and it was found beside his frozen, contorted form. [If he''d been holding it, would it have turned to stone? Then we''d really be screwed.]


    He was the closest, so she pulled it lose from the mud, cleaned the tip with her sweatshirt, and touched it to his chest.


    [Nothing.]


    She touched it to the skin on his check.


    There was a faint ripple.She leaned forward, [Yes!].The pale stone started to bloom with a tint of color.As she watched it move outwards, at first slowing and then with an all-encompassing flash.


    Reg slumped back onto the ground and took a deep whooping breath.


    Nelda didn''t wait any longer.They can''t breathe as stone, does that mean they can suffocate?


    She ran from person to person, tapping them with the horn.Most of them were more reminiscent of Pompea than classical Greco-Roman poses. She hesitated just a moment in front of the form of Phyllis.


    [Any art museum would be glad to have that one.It would be called something like ''very pissed off dragon with a lot of teeth.'' I must remember not to annoy her any more than is absolutely necessary.]


    She tapped Phyllis''s snout and then went back to the beginning. Reg was sitting on the ground with his head between his knees. "Fuck me," he muttered.


    Back the way they had come from, the trees shuddered.Nelda spun in that direction, raising the alicorn like a sword.


    Tyrone burst through, batting branches away from his face."Hey, guys.What did I miss?"


    #


    It took the rest of the guys a while to get in a calm and conversational state.And any attempted ''help'' from Nleda or HoneyBeard was distinctly unappreciated.


    So they sat on one of the old logs with Tyrone propping his em=lbows on it between them.His snakey form was looped around the large exposed roots of the fallen giant.In the bright sun, the tessellated pattern of his scales was clear to see.Kind of like a cloud leopards spots but accepted with erratic spots of lime green and gold.


    "It''s all too easy," Nelda said.


    HoneyBeard gave her that look.The one he reserved for new achievements in idiocy.


    "No, think about it," she pressed."The letters on the dagger that, if SmithGuild is to be believed, I unconsciously created, are the only reason we were talking about basilisks.Everyone agrees that no one has recently, if ever, seen one of these creatures because of their reputations.Mere minutes later, we are confronted with four basilisks, and there I am with the information I need to avoid their super-power and the weapon to kill them."


    "I see what you mean," Tyrone said.


    He was growing a rather precious beard that looked dense and black and focuses under his chin and at the sideburns.[It rather suits him. And I don''t normally go for hipster chic.]


    "What about this," Tyrone said."If we go with the multiverse theory, there are a great many worlds.Each separated by people choices, or just by mere random s]chance events.If this is the case, might there not only be worlds that are different, but worlds that are essentially the same but just a little earlier or later in the cause and effects cascade."


    "And that is relevant, how?" Nelda sked.


    HoneyBeard had apparently already ruled this conversation not relevant to his interests and wandered off.The red Jasper following.


    "Think about it," Tyrone urged.There are obviously, at least potentially connections between worlds.So a connection to a world a little ahead in the time lie but otherwise comparable, that would essentially be a prophecy."


    "Okay.How is that helpful?"


    "I have no idea.Until Fenistrate recruited me, I was more of a theorist."Tyrone rested his chin on the bleached wood of the great fallen tree."Wow, the sun feels good.I thought logically I must still be a warm-blooded animal even with the snakey bits, but after some time in the sun I have so much better fine motor control, below the waist, that is."


    {Don''t say any...]. Nelda jumped about a foot in the air as something poked her shoulder.It turned out to be only the pointed end of Tyrone''s wyrn-tail, looming over her like an inquisitive tentacle.


    "Sorry," Tyrone said. "Didn''t mean to startle you."


    HoneyBeard returned with BugleHead."There''s only three," he said.


    "Basilisks?"


    "Yep."


    "So Jasper is a retriever, not a reaver.In a way that''s reassuring."


    HoneyBeard rolled his eyes.


    "Well, we have a cure, and we have ''StoneGaze Slayer,'' so as long as we don''t all somehow look at it at once¡ªwe should be okay.But if we don''t find it on the way, we should add it''s current location to the list of things to ask Asbolus about.I''d hate to leave it just wandering about."


    Nelda rubbed her hand over her forearm where the basilisk blood was drying in itchy flakes. "All things considered I''d like to get out of here as soon as possible.If the centaurs had just asked to take charge of the unicorn resurrection project, I might just have given it to them, but after this round of shenanigans I doubt I will ever be able to trust them again."

 57 Chapter 13: Typho, Where Will You Go?

    It was a rather dispirited company that collected their belongings and struck off at a tangent to their previous path.


    "This will bring us to the river," SmithGuild said."And if someone is looking for us between here an Asbolus''s home, it will put us a little out of that way."


    "I think I am going to change my name," Tyron said.


    "Alwaysss laser focused on something irrelevant," Phyllis muttered.


    On this occasion, Nelda was inclined to agree.[He even invented the Porter in the midst of a project that was literally designed to fail. So in a way, he was doing the opposite of his boss''s intent.]But Tyrone was the closest thing they had to a multiverse-and-inter-dimensional-travel expert.So she was inclined to keep him on side.


    "What did you have in mind?" Nelda asked.


    "I think¡­ Typho."


    "Typho.That does sound¡­ dragony."


    Phyllis snorted again.[Like she knows anything about dragon culture. Unless there''s some kind of dragon race memory.Hell, anything''s possible.]


    Reg was carrying the remains of the basilisks in a makeshift bindle. "It just seems like they must have some kind of value.Or at least prove that our story was true," he said.


    BugleHead was holding the unicorn horn tight against his chest and looking in all direction. He even scowled a bit at Jen. "Centaurs tried to steal my treasure," he muttered.


    "Hey, not my beef," Jen said."I was the first one that got fossilized, remember?"


    HoneyBeard looked quietly smug.


    After what seemed like an hour or so of clambering uphill and down between the widely-spaced giant trees, the sound of flowing water percolated into their ears.


    "Oh, thank god," Nelda said, quickening her pace.


    "Which one?" BugleHead asked.


    "Whichever one will help me get this voodoo shit off my arms."


    She came out onto the pebbled shore of a broad, slow-flowing river.Trees overhung it in most places at either side, but this one small oasis seemed¡­ suspicious.


    Turning Neda sked SmithGuild, "Is there any kind of monster that lies in wait in river beaches.


    "I suppose there probably is," SmithGuild replied unhelpfully. [But sincerely, as ever.]


    Reg and BugleHead burst passed them and trampled into the water.


    HoneyBeard followed."Whatever traps may lie in wait," he remarked."You are unlikely to be the one to trigger them."


    Nelda went cautiously to the water''s edge and began to scrub at her arms, inspecting the freshly revealed skin for stains or irritation.Other than the results of her own scratching, her skin seemed fine.


    She took off her sweatshirt and started trying to wash off the Dexter-level spatter across the front of it.


    Phyllis nudged Tyr¡­ Typho."Stop staring," she said, just loud enough o draw attention and embarrass him.


    Nelda had spent enough time on Mirth and Earth wandering around in just her bra that she didn''t really think about it anymore.It was nothing Tyron and the other''s hadn''t seen before.


    [I think doctor-dragon Phyllis may just be a bitch.But she''s my bitch, so I am just going to have to find a way to make it work. I don''t want any dragons on the wrong side of the war.]


    "So, Phyllis," Nelda said."I''m thinking the best thing is that we introduce you to Pytho.She is the only dragon of our acquaintance.And I am thinking each of us that has taken on a new form would be best served by learning about its needs from¡­ someone who would know. Flying and such. It seems to be important."


    "Yes¡­?"


    Phyllis seemed defensive as if her lack of immediate flying competency was some kind of personal failure.[Type A, fer sure.] "I don''t know how long everyone will want to stay in¡ªwherever they go.So my suggestion is just to used SmithGuild''s place as home base.We can regroup to there, leave messages there."[Appeal for her ego.]"I was just wondering what you thought of that plan.Given that this is somewhat of an evolving situation and as a dragon, well, they are a race that is very widely respected."


    "Feared," muttered HineyBeard."But only when they get a tad bigger."


    Phyllis pondered what she said sagely. "It does not seem to be a centrally placed location for our distribution but has the advantage of being secure¡ªso far.It might be wise to look to some kind of defensive structure.Especially if these mermaids you spoke of end up our adversaries. And we should have a signal to show the house is safe to approach.Like a white flag if all is well, black of there is danger."


    [Well, dammit.all very true.]


    Phyllis continued, "I also wonder if the Jaspers might function as an interim communication system.How is it that they carry out the tasks you assign to them, Mr. SmithGuild."


    Smithguild settled on a rounded boulder."They have a rudimentary intelligence and very accurate spatial memory.However, they cannot be sent to a place they have not been.In order to send a Jasper to Pytho''s lair out current guide would need to go there.And when she returns to her home range, I suspect that would be too far for them to safely or reliably traverse."


    They turned to look at their phoenix guide which was hanging awkwardly, upside down from an overhanging tree branch.In its beak, it was manipulating some object.


    Phyllis and Typho fell to arguing about how far it might be to the homelands of the dragons.A rather futile task given they hadn''t any sensible way to estimate it.And neither of them seemed to consider asking one the locals for more data to use in their debate.


    Nelda walked towards the Jasper.The small dark object in its beak seemed a little too square and regular to be from nature.With each step closer, it became clearer. Then the bird lost grip on its toy and dropped it to the ground.Nelda stopped to pick it up.


    It was a small glass eye, like from a baby doll.

 57 Typho, Where Will You Go?

    It was a rather dispirited company that collected their belongings and struck off at a tangent to their previous path.


    "This will bring us to the river," SmithGuild said."And if someone is looking for us between here an Asbolus''s home, it will put us a little out of that way."


    "I think I am going to change my name," Tyron said.


    "Alwaysss laser focused on something irrelevant," Phyllis muttered.


    On this occasion, Nelda was inclined to agree.[He even invented the Porter in the midst of a project that was literally designed to fail. So in a way, he was doing the opposite of his boss''s intent.]But Tyrone was the closest thing they had to a multiverse-and-inter-dimensional-travel expert.So she was inclined to keep him on side.


    "What did you have in mind?" Nelda asked.


    "I think¡­ Typho."


    "Typho.That does sound¡­ dragony."


    Phyllis snorted again.[Like she knows anything about dragon culture. Unless there''s some kind of dragon race memory.Hell, anything''s possible.]


    Reg was carrying the remains of the basilisks in a makeshift bindle. "It just seems like they must have some kind of value.Or at least prove that our story was true," he said.


    BugleHead was holding the unicorn horn tight against his chest and looking in all direction. He even scowled a bit at Jen. "Centaurs tried to steal my treasure," he muttered.


    "Hey, not my beef," Jen said."I was the first one that got fossilized, remember?"


    HoneyBeard looked quietly smug.


    After what seemed like an hour or so of clambering uphill and down between the widely-spaced giant trees, the sound of flowing water percolated into their ears.


    "Oh, thank god," Nelda said, quickening her pace.


    "Which one?" BugleHead asked.


    "Whichever one will help me get this voodoo shit off my arms."


    She came out onto the pebbled shore of a broad, slow-flowing river.Trees overhung it in most places at either side, but this one small oasis seemed¡­ suspicious.


    Turning Neda sked SmithGuild, "Is there any kind of monster that lies in wait in river beaches.


    "I suppose there probably is," SmithGuild replied unhelpfully. [But sincerely, as ever.]


    Reg and BugleHead burst passed them and trampled into the water.


    HoneyBeard followed."Whatever traps may lie in wait," he remarked."You are unlikely to be the one to trigger them."


    Nelda went cautiously to the water''s edge and began to scrub at her arms, inspecting the freshly revealed skin for stains or irritation.Other than the results of her own scratching, her skin seemed fine.


    She took off her sweatshirt and started trying to wash off the Dexter-level spatter across the front of it.


    Phyllis nudged Tyr¡­ Typho."Stop staring," she said, just loud enough o draw attention and embarrass him.


    Nelda had spent enough time on Mirth and Earth wandering around in just her bra that she didn''t really think about it anymore.It was nothing Tyron and the other''s hadn''t seen before.


    [I think doctor-dragon Phyllis may just be a bitch.But she''s my bitch, so I am just going to have to find a way to make it work. I don''t want any dragons on the wrong side of the war.]


    "So, Phyllis," Nelda said."I''m thinking the best thing is that we introduce you to Pytho.She is the only dragon of our acquaintance.And I am thinking each of us that has taken on a new form would be best served by learning about its needs from¡­ someone who would know. Flying and such. It seems to be important."


    "Yes¡­?"


    Phyllis seemed defensive as if her lack of immediate flying competency was some kind of personal failure.[Type A, fer sure.] "I don''t know how long everyone will want to stay in¡ªwherever they go.So my suggestion is just to used SmithGuild''s place as home base.We can regroup to there, leave messages there."[Appeal for her ego.]"I was just wondering what you thought of that plan.Given that this is somewhat of an evolving situation and as a dragon, well, they are a race that is very widely respected."


    "Feared," muttered HineyBeard."But only when they get a tad bigger."


    Phyllis pondered what she said sagely. "It does not seem to be a centrally placed location for our distribution but has the advantage of being secure¡ªso far.It might be wise to look to some kind of defensive structure.Especially if these mermaids you spoke of end up our adversaries. And we should have a signal to show the house is safe to approach.Like a white flag if all is well, black of there is danger."


    [Well, dammit.all very true.]


    Phyllis continued, "I also wonder if the Jaspers might function as an interim communication system.How is it that they carry out the tasks you assign to them, Mr. SmithGuild."


    Smithguild settled on a rounded boulder."They have a rudimentary intelligence and very accurate spatial memory.However, they cannot be sent to a place they have not been.In order to send a Jasper to Pytho''s lair out current guide would need to go there.And when she returns to her home range, I suspect that would be too far for them to safely or reliably traverse."


    They turned to look at their phoenix guide which was hanging awkwardly, upside down from an overhanging tree branch.In its beak, it was manipulating some object.


    Phyllis and Typho fell to arguing about how far it might be to the homelands of the dragons.A rather futile task given they hadn''t any sensible way to estimate it.And neither of them seemed to consider asking one the locals for more data to use in their debate.


    Nelda walked towards the Jasper.The small dark object in its beak seemed a little too square and regular to be from nature.With each step closer, it became clearer. Then the bird lost grip on its toy and dropped it to the ground.Nelda stopped to pick it up.


    It was a small glass eye, like from a baby doll.

 58 The Centaur Holds

    They set up camp near the river and watched the satyrs attempts at fishing.But they fish back at their settlement must be more amenable to being caught, for here they had no luck and became quite annoyed.Well, Reg and BugleHead were.HoneyBeard was served mainly in a supervisory capacity, sitting in the sun on a large boulder and occasionally offering sarcastic suggestions.


    Things were quiet from a moment, and SmithGuild said, "What I know about Asbolus'' visions is that he can only consider one question of an evening, and should be persuaded by a gift of strong liquor.I have brought with us what remains of my stock." Here he cast a glare at the fishing satyrs. "So¡ª"


    "And these prophecies are accurate?" Typho asked.


    SmithGuild thought about that for a while."More than chance, less than mermaids.My sister ScribeGuild rates him a true seer who provides useful information, but the manner of expression can be somewhat cryptic. He is wont to rhyme.


    "There was a seer centaur from Mirth¡­" Phyllis muttered, in limerick cadence.


    "Nelda made a good point earlier," Typho said. "Her manifestation on the dagger and questions about creatures that turn people to stone could well be precognitive.We discussed how multiverse theory might explain it, but with the Porter out of commission, there should not be any links between worlds¡­ but!"


    Typho paused dramatically as if expecting to be badgered to give up his big reveal.The assembled company watched him glumly.Reg fell off a slippery rock into the river and seemed to be having trouble swimming with hoof feet.Nelda half-stood but then saw that as soon as Reg stopped panicking, he realized he was in waist-deep water.


    Typho tapped his tail tip, rattling the pebbles under their feet.


    [I can''t intimidate the troops, so I need to keep them sweet.] Fortunately Nelda had retained an ability for high school when her attention often drifted from the lesson.She could always pull the last few words said by the instructor from her mind, whether she had actually been listening to them or not. "I''m sorry, Typho," she said."You were saying there shouldn''t be any links between worlds?"


    "That''s what we have been assuming," Typho said with enthusiasm. "On our world, other worlds seem to not be meaningfully accessible without the machine we built, which is now destroyed."


    "Unless--" Jen began.


    "Can we please put the metaphysics to one side just for now and see where it leaves us," Typho said.


    Jen rolled her eyes but allowed him to continue.


    [He seems one of the few not to be overly impressed with pretty Jen.It bodes well for Echidna of he is more drawn to a brassy dragon than a winsome filly.]


    "What I am saying," Typho continued patiently. "Is that this world may be inherently linked to other worlds.Both those like this but different in time progression, which would support accurate prophecy. And potentially those that are different, like our homeworld."


    Nelda rolled the doll''s eye in her hand.[And that could be a problem.]


    SmithGuild coughed."So that does rather undermine your idea that your world was the progenitor of this one.The influence could go either or both ways.It seems rather more likely that what is real here influenced what is myth there, rather than the reverse."


    Typho nodded sagely."That would suggest this world is one that is relatively technologically stable, which is consistent with what little I have seen to far with small, diverse populations concerned mostly with a subsistence lifestyle.And apparently, one that is not arduous enough to provoke¡­ ingenuity. The gryphons representing an exception."


    He nodded, and SmithGuild dipped his head in return.


    "One thing it might mean," Nelda suggested. "Is that anyone could be capable of prophecy if they can access whatever this connection is.Or they are¡­ open-minded." She smiled at Jen.


    "Or intuitive, even impulsive," Suggested SnithGuild.


    [Should I take that personally?]


    "Oh no!" shrieked BugleHead, standing hock-deep in the river.


    "What?" Nelda called.


    "I lost the crown."


    "What?"


    "The bird crown, it must have fallen off during the basilisk shenanigans!" he seemed genuinely distressed."I am a terrible king!"


    "Or maybe you freed them from the shackles of tyranny," Nelda offered."They can come up with some other form of government that is a tad less arbitrary."


    "You what?"


    "I''m just saying.I don''t see how the Jaspers without a king are any worse of than the Jaspers with one.Although"¡ªshe turned to SmithGuild¡ª"I suppose there was some logic to the system."


    SmithGuild shrugged."It''s just something I came up with to stop them from bothering me all the time. In any case, I was talking about Asbolus''s method because it means it would behoove us to order the questions we may have in order of o=importance.Or possibly order them so those with urgent business elsewhere have their concerns addressed, such as they can be, with more alacrity."


    "Hmm," Nelda seized the non-existent talking stick."Rather than debating this in a potentially¡­ untidy way.I suggest we all individually and separately choose our top five questions in order of importance.The master list will them be made mathematics by the simple method of giving all questions points.Five of one person''s first choice and on down¡­ and adding them all up. If we can all agree in advance to abide by the outcome."


    "That''s logical," Phyllis said with evident surprise.


    "I have my moments." Nelda squinted up at the sky."We could probably get further before this day is over."


    She looked around.


    Nobody but SmithGuild was laying her any attention now."It might be just as well to rest here now and be out of the way of any party that might be seeking us.If we start early tomorrow, I think we will be at the journey''s end."


    [Journey''s end with lovers meeting.] The fragment of Shapespear burst into Nelda''s mind.[But the one I love is not my lover, and it looks like our journey is only just beginning.]

 59 Winey Ides

    Nelda''s Top Five Prophecy Priorities


    5) How can we get SmithGuild back to his proper form?


    4) How do I, or any of us, get better control of our potential "magical" abilities?


    3) Can anyone still move between Mirth and Earth?


    2) Is Brenda Watson on Mirth?


    1) How do we resurrect the unicorn?


    [Should I move #5 up a bit higher?]


    They had been walking for what seemed like most of the day and taking turns telling their wishes to Typho, who claimed to have the best memory. Nelda''s turn had yet to come. She would like to ask where the Jasper had got the doll''s eye from.But some nasty little instinct told her she should just keep that discover to herself.For now.


    The sky was starting to get dark again. [How many days are between us and this possible war... and worse?]The marron tinted clouds seemed to hang heavy with bad omens.


    Turning back, she saw SmithGuikd struggling along just behind her. He had mastered an authentic array of human gestures either by instinct or copying Nelda, but was still palpably awkward in his primate body.


    [I''d probably miss having claws and wings too. Who wouldn''t? But more to the point, why did every other person portaled over here in a human form apparently unconsciously chose to arrive as something else?]


    "Ah." SmithGuild pointed to a moss-draped stone.On closer inspection, it bore some faded indentations. They resembled something akin to hieroglyphs.


    BugleHead peered at them."That one looks like a cock," he said.


    "Centaurs use a language of symbols," SmithGuild said. "This is a message saying who is in charge of this land, and what rules visitors are expected to abide by."


    "Oh, so ¨C is it saying he is a male centaur?" Nelda suggested.


    SmithGuild rubbed his chin, looking bashful."No. The earlier part" ¨C he pointed ¨C "says that he is a seer and you should bring him forms of liquor, fortified forms by preference.It says anyone not doing so, or anyone that belongs to the Belmare herd, can, uh, fuck off.That is the colloquial meaning fo the combination of the phallus with the fust symbol."


    "I could think of friendlier meanings," BugleHead remarked.


    Nelda shrugged."It sounds like this Asbolus guy is only friendly when he is drunk."


    "That would be a fair comment, fair lady," said a new and unfamiliar voice.


    To the side of them, through the trees, a figure approached.He was a centaur taller than any other Nelda had seen.His beard was a glossy black as was the hair that melded into a long sleek mane falling over his body, which was brindled black and dark brown.His face seemed calm and amused, and the overall effect was a cross between a better kind of pony with an ancient philosopher.The latter suggested further by a loosely draped grey cloth he wore over the human part of his body vaguely suggestive of a toga and belted at the waist.


    Nelda looked around to see her companions, barring SmithGuild who seemed quite unmoved, gaping at this new arrival.


    The centaur stopped a careful distance from them, cocked his head, and looked at them."And who is this creature who can read the centaur script. You seem familiar, and yet you are not."


    "I know it has been a while since we last met, Asbolus," SmithGuild replied. "But have you forgotten your near neighbor so soon?"


    Asbolus''s eyebrows raised in exaggerated surprise."My dear SmithGuild, you would have to concede your aspect has changed more than might be expected for the passage or a year or two?"


    "That I suppose cannot be denied."


    The centaur came closer."And this form," he said."I do not know it. Did you choose it to accommodate your¡­"


    "This is my new friend. Ah, all my new friends," SmithGuild said hastily."And not as such. It is a long story, and we have brought a gift of the nature that you so transparently suggest.And with it¡­ perhaps some requests of our own."


    Asbolus nodded, looking at them each in turn."It is an unusually diverse company that you keep, but we are all united in the enjoyment of wine."


    He turned, with a swish of a tale that easily reached the ground, and began to lead the way.


    Nelda dropped back to Typho at the rear to make a hushed accounting of her prophecy priorities.From that vantage, she could watch her transformed human friends regarding Asbolus with what seemed like an initial instinct of respect.


    [Well, he does seem a bit like an amphora decoration come to life¡ªand bringing the gravitas of a hushed museum display with him.It lacks only a small arial-font label saying: note the depiction of the centaur seer Asbolus bearing up gracefully in the presence of assorted idiots.]


    [Also note the human-formed gryphon who was in a real big hurry to avoid any particular association with moi.I know he didn''t want to become human just to play Ken to my Barbie, but dude¡ªdon''t act like I''m such a bad catch! I mean, Asbolus even called me a ''fair lady,'' but I suppose that could be just out of courtesy--]


    Preoccupied with her thoughts, Nelda tripped over an exposed root and faceplanted herself into the slimy clay soil.Fortunately, Typho was the only one to see it, and he silently offered a hand to help her up.


    "So, tell me more about Echidna," he said.

 60 The Seer Appears

    Nestled on top of a small broad hill, between higher steeper slopes, the seer''s home was a mixture of small wooden cottages connected by courtyards and gardens surrounded by a pointed wooden palisades.While bucolic and covered in bright mosses, lichens, and flowers, it was also obviously highly defensible.


    Nelda stood in on the large gangplank that granted access to the small complex.The surrounding hill seemed like they would be beyond effective bombardment by anything short of a canon.Which she was willing to assume did not exist in this world.Arrows could close the gap bit the wooden wall could stop them, and the pervading dampness would resist fire.


    Asbolus gestured for the party to precede him inside.Nelda hesitation blocked Typho and drew Asbolus'' attention.


    [I am not sure I want to precede this gent into a potential trap, no matter how Merlin-esque his vibe.]


    "What is it that you see?" he asked.The centaur''s manner exuded a kind of patience and stoic wisdom.It made her wonder why he chose to live alone... or needed to.


    "I see a pretty home, but one made in expectation of attack.It would be robust against different types of weapons and with these surrounding peaks which would be difficult for a large dragon to access from above.But a gryphon or harpy, from what I know, would have no trouble."


    Asbolus gave her a sad smile."I would not expect trouble from those races.But it should it come to pass; they would be exposed to archery from below.So, are you a fighter then, are your people warlike?"


    Nelda almost laughed."I am no kind of fighter, but I have had cause to think a lot about the chances of war less last few short weeks.And I don''t suppose you could call my people peaceful."


    The centaur looked past her at Typho for a long moment, an then just shook his head.He went ahead of them into the courtyard.


    Asbolus showed them to what seemed like some kind of receiving space.It was about the size of a small classroom, but one wall was made mostly of large floor-to-ceiling wooden shutters that stood open.The revealed a view of the most central part of the small complex which was occupied by a cluttered garden that combined many diverse parts.A small stream went through the middle and around it was a haphazard collection of buildings, sheds, pagodas and glimpsed of the external palisade with was tall and pointed at the top.


    There wasn''t a lot to sit on but some bare boards and a few faded rugs these seemed to already be home to a family of orange-bellied spiders.


    Asbolus walked between thin as they dithered in the space.He stood, mostly silhouetted against the view into the guardian."I think," he said. "That you have much to say that will be of interest to me.But you are here because of what I may say to you.So you will forgive me if I begin with what I always say to petitioners of this type."


    Asbolus paused and looked out onto his garden, his face was creased briefly with a slight grimace.Then he continued.


    "It would be best for you to consider me two people in one body.As you see me know, I am a peaceable and quiet man, but I am no seer.The parent part of my mind is responsible, courteous, and altogether too structured in character for visions to pierce through.It is like this room when the shutters are all closed.Unbothered by storms, able to be warmed and dried and shutting out all manner of pest and predator.But the only light within would be a light I made myself.By contrast, my child mind is open the great mysteries because it is emotional, reckless, foolish, and easily influenced by the subtle strands most people are blind to. Do you understand what I am saying?"


    There was a blank silence in the room.


    "Um.BugleHead said."You can see the future when you are drunk."


    "Oh," Nelda said."Right. But drunk-you does things sober-you wouldn''t.I think we''ve all been there."


    Asbolus smiled at them both.But it was a sad smile. [ Like drunk Asbolus was someone he would rather not be, and rather not have us meet.]But it was a sacrifice he made for the greater good.


    "I will not consider beginning such a session until it is full dark, which will not be for a while yet.Some should join me I drink; others stay sober to take good note of anything said that might be propitious.It typically takes a form that is somewhat grandiose and often comes upon me in a kind of it such that it is hard to overlook the nature of the thing."


    The awkward silence resumed.


    "Um. I think I understand to some extent.And we are very grateful that you would consider assisting us.We come here primarily not for any selfish reasons but because of a dire prophecy from the mermaids.One that seems to predict events that, if we can, we wish to prevent coming to pass. Jen, can I have the copy¡­"


    Asbolus almost seemed to have been deliberately ignoring the ele,,, other centaur in the room.As Jen dug in her saddlebag, he seemed to acknowledge her properly for the first time.


    "Daughter of the herd, you are not known to me either," he said."You are not of Bellmare''s herd, which is well for you.But do not resemble any other herd I know of ether, it is my belief I know them all."


    Jen smiled somewhat shyly at him."That is a part of our story.But Nelda is right that greater matters carry greater urgency than what we each"¡ªshe gestured vaguely at the company¡ª"find ourselves¡­ thrown into as individuals¡­" she stumbled to an uncomfortable stop.


    "That''s as it may be," Asbolus said."But as we have a while, perhaps your friends can make themselves comfortable here, while we speak a spell in the garden.

 61 A Sedate Date

    "There''s some furniture here in the atrium we can use," SmithGuild said."I''ve been here a few times before over the years.So I know he is happy for visitors to use it in here."


    Most of the party went to work, making themselves at home. Nelda stood for a moment.She could see Jen and Asbolus strolling side by side next to what looked like a kitchen garden with different kinds of plants in rows and some of the rich, dark soil freshly turned.


    Typho had mastered getting around on his wyrm body pretty well, but trying to carry anything heavy turned out to be a bridge too far.He ended up jammed in the doorway flopped down on top of some kind of long padded bench.


    "Save some of that for Echidna," BugleHead jested.


    "We are not making any assumptions about Echidna favors," Nelda shouted back."And a gentleman doesn''t speculate."


    Looking back into the garden she was truck how, as they ambled on, the two centaurs flicked their tails from side to side exactly in unison.


    Phyllis didn''t seem to mind planting herself on the bare boards and did not seem inclined to help the others make themselves more comfortable."Do you think we can trust him?" she asked.


    "I think we decided to do that when we decided to come here," Nelda replied.


    "Hmm." The dragons hum-sigh was skeptical.


    "We are asking him for his hospitality, and for a favor he seemed to not enjoy bestowing.There is no telling what it may be worth, but the least we can give in return is our trust."


    "And if we are wrong to do so," Phyllis added."We considerably outnumber him."


    "I would assume he has a trick or two up his sleeve," Nelda said."Give that many sorts visit him, and his relations with the other centaurs seems pretty hostile."


    SmithGuild helped direct the satyrs in completing the job of setting out some benches and sofas in a rough horseshoe shape.[I wonder if they have horseshoe here or any need for them?]


    Typho took the stripeflower sapling from their effects and moved it to just outside the open shutter doors.He cast about and returned carrying a small bowl full of water which he provided to the plant.


    Nelda went over to Smithguild who was sitting gingerly on the padded bench. [Still not exactly comfortable with the mechanics of the human ass.] The Jasper phoenix sat at his ankles.It had seemed rather subdued since the loss of the crown, but at least it had not dashed off to try and find the damned thing.


    It occurred to Nelda that SmithGuild might be more inclined to publicly claim a relationship between them if she sucked a bit less as a girlfriend.But her preoccupations were rather understandable given the stakes.


    She noticed what seemed like some errant fluff caught in his hair at the slight widow''s peak.Reaching out or brush is a way she paused. "SmithGuild, have you been feeling all right today."


    He looked up at her."I suppose so.It is somewhat hard to tell without knowing how a body like this is supposed to feel, but being part of this expedition has put me in rather good spirits all thing considered.Why do you ask?"


    Completing the gesture, Nelda confirmed what her eyes were telling her."Because you have sprouted what looks like a couple of feathers up here." He brushed the tiny soft feathers that were secured rooted in his scalp, their color just a shade or so lighter than his hair."


    He reached up, brushing her fingers, and felt them for himself."Oh, so I do."


    SmthGuild seemed happy with the discovery.Nelda tried not to show her own thoughts on her face.


    [If he starts slipping back to being a gryphon piece by piece, there is no way a body part way between the two would be able to support life.]


    [I should definitely have put #5 higher up a list as it will not be a priority for anyone else.]


    She looked around to see if she could talk to Typho alone, but he was nowhere in sight.The satyrs had already opened some of the wine.[Well, they will make good company for a party, and no mistake.]


    "I am thinking that you should be our recorder," Nelda said."You have the discipline to be accurate, and there is no telling how your body would react to alcohol as it is.Humans do imbibe, but a body not used to it is also quite easily poisoned by excesses of intake.Which is something I feel this environment is going to encourage."


    "I was thinking the same," Smithguild replied."But I was also thinking about how Asbolus''s explanation might apply to you.If what we have been calling your unconscious magic might align with what he called the child mind.Perhaps you should take part in the revelry, and I shall also make observations of anything unusual that might result."


    "Okay¡­ but I hate to think that might also mean I do something stupid, as Asbolus alluded to as the dark side of the whole matter.It would be best to see if Phyllis would assist you.She has the mind of a scientist, considerable willpower, and the body of the dragon, which is a fairly formidable package if any of us get up to trouble."


    "Nice of you to notice," Phyllis said from the corner.


    [Fuck, her hearing is pretty good.I guess that is a dragon thing?]


    "So is that okay with you?" Nelda asked.


    "I''ll stop anyone causing trouble she said.But I don''t think these hands are made for note-taking.She held up her forearm which had an elbow quite far back, and a hand with three fingers and a thumb each tipped with a sharp claw."


    "Oh, it''s less trouble than you''d think," SmithGuild said."The hands I typically have are very broadly similar.You do need to hold the writing instrument¡­"


    Nelda lost track of the conversation as it went into the intricacy for quadrupedal penmanship. The satyrs had started what seemed like an impromptu game that involved pebbles and string with complicated rules that they were explaining to Reg in a haphazard manner.


    Nelda returned to the door.Because of the surrounding hills, the dark was falling quickly.On the slope that rose up behind the palisade, she saw a pale shape moving.Half-afraid the last basilisk had followed them she froze, but then made herself look. [Everyone else has taken a turn as a garden ornament, so why not me?]


    Something was moving between the bases of the twisted trees that clung to the rocky aspect of the hillside in that area. It moved on four legs, with fur the color of fresh-cut pine wood.Around its head was a dark mane and its long tail ending with a barb.


    [Manticore?]


    The creature looked at her.It was not Manny, but clearly of the same kind.It seemed to look her right in the eyes, meeting her gaze.But it did not acknowledge her or even pause, pacing slowing away into the deeper foliage and vanishing from sight.

 62 Drinking and Over-Thinking

    When Asbolus returned, he brought a kind of rough metal chandelier down from the ceiling, but instead of lightbulbs it was a circle of eight oil lamps. He was talking his time lighting them and hosting them upward again using a robe that was wound to a hook on the wall.


    Jen had until now been more a person flirted with than flirting, but she was watching the older centaur with a glinty-eyed look that spoke of infatuation.


    [I am trying to save the world, so why do I feel like I am stuck in a Narnia-themed rom-com instead?]


    The satyrs were sitting near Smithguild feet on a rug. They were still playing the game which seemed like a combination of knucklebones and marbles, but also to involve an element of truth-or-dare. It seemed like Reg was just naturally included towards being a satyr as the difference between him and other others was becoming harder to discern.


    Liquor was set up on a side table.Asbolus paused, his wide hand grasping the neck of an amphora as if he would like to throttle it.


    Nelda stepped discreetly to his side."I understand, you know. That it''s not you, it''s like a sacrifice you make for the greater good.But it''s only worth it if this is something we can change."


    She unrolled the copy of the mermaid prophecy.


    He sighed and raised his handed to take the stiff scroll."I have seen things that were deemed prophecy over-turned, but some will say they never were prophecy or it could never have happened.More often they fall true in the way that was expected or that makes sense in retrospect."


    He held the picture up to the light and then continued."My advice to you would be to try and bring about a fate that looks as much as possible like what was predicted without doing the same harm.It is as if fate does not like to be embarrassed, and you have to give it a way to save face and say ¨C that is what I meant to do all along. I was just misunderstood."


    Nelda stifled a sigh.[Now I have to worry about a prophecy''s fragile ego.]


    Typho reappeared in the doorway with leaves in his hair,


    "What ha¡ª" Nelda began."Never mind.What was the question most people most wanted answering? You must have had time to tally it up."


    "Well, yes." He didn''t seem in a hurry to actually say it. "I had to make some judgments about which questions were essentially the same and which were different," he prevaricated.


    "It''s in your hand, Typho.Spit it out."


    Looking down at the ground, Typho replied."The highest ranking question was whether helping you would prevent the destruction of the world, as shown in the prophecy or cause it."


    "Helping me?" Nelda stood stock still."That''s a perfectly logical question, but I''m still somehow insulted.I mean, I''d wonder it myself but I don''t have the option of not helping me." [Stop babbling.]


    [Do you really want to know the answer?]


    "Okay," Nelda said resolutely."I guess that''s the question.Now I do feel like I need a drink."

 63 And Now?

    After a couple of drinks, Nelda found herself explaining so Earth games to the satyrs.None of the struck much of s cord until¡­ Twister.


    The whole time, Nelda was having trouble getting out of a funk.The Team''s Top Question made her wonder¡ª [What if Angry Brenda actually is the good guy in this high fantasy morality play.Am I the evil queen luring naive miscreants away with promises of Turkish Delight? In reality, the villain never thinks they are the villain¡ªsurely?]


    [I wish I had some Turkish Delight about now.Or better yet all the ingredients for smores.]


    Reg was chalking circles on the ground and Phyllis poking a hole in a large leaf to improvise a spinner.They were each refilling their cups from the clay bottles and small casks on the table.But it didn''t really seem enough to keep the party going for more than a day or two.


    "Wait a minute," Nelda said."I am not playing Twister with three naked satyrs."


    "Oh, don''t flatter yourself," said Phyllis.


    "Then you can play too."


    "Uh-uh," said Phyllis."Sober people don''t play twister, at least not grown-ups.And I''m a designated recorder."


    "Okay then, Jen?"


    Jen looked at the improvised board."How many people can play at one?" she asked."And how does it work with more than four limbs?"


    "No, no," Phyllis shouted at Reg."It''s four colors, in rows of six circles each.And the maximum number of players is four."She looked around at them."What?I believe in following the rules.No special rules for quadrupeds. We''ll see how it goes.First round, satyrs versus centaurs."


    [Bossy, much?]


    "No, no," HoneyBeard said."This is a game about putting limbs on spots right.So, we should have teams with the same number.So, two centaur s, three satyrs.That''s the teams."


    "You don''t even know the rules of this game¡ª" Phyllis rejoined.


    "I know they were made for a place all full of this situation." HoneyBeard pointed at Nelda."So, it needs to be adapted. You know what I mean."


    "The rulessss are still the rulessss." The dragon was coming out more strongly in Phyllis''s voice.


    BugleHead jumped in with his usual upbeat enthusiasm."Arguing about the rules is part of the fun of the game."


    "That''s not true," Phyllis snapped.


    "Well," HoneyBeard said."Then I know why we''re having this conversation, but I don''t know what it''s doing for you."


    Jen clopped onto the finished board."It''s not really fair," she said. "Because our limbs are configured in a unfwex, unflexibabble,"¡ªdeep breath¡ª"unflexible way. Not very¡­ twistly."


    This was the first sign that centaurs were serious lightweights in the intoxication department.


    "Fine.Whatever."Phyllis had rigged up the spinner and flicked it wither her claw."Jen goes first.Right foot¡­" she consulted the colors Reg had managed to come up with."white."


    "Which right foot?"


    Phyllis shrugged, her scales audibly sliding past each other. "Whichever one you want, I guess."


    "Buh¡ª" BugleHead began,


    "Uh-uh." Phyllis was having none of it."I''m the umpire. So, I decide." She concluded smugly, "That''s one of the rules."


    Jen put her right front hoof down with exaggerated care on the spot in the middle of the pattern.


    Nelda looked over to Asbolus, who was downing the bitter wine in a determined manner.He didn''t seem in the party mood yet.


    "Me next, me next!" BugleHead chirped.


    "Okay." Phyllis flicked the spinner but didn''t really look at it."Left hand black."


    The satyr seemed disappointed at how easy it was.He crouched down and slapped his palm on the spot on the outer corner."This is easy," he said.


    "You wait," Phyllis said. "All right.Time for the seer."


    Asbolus flung his hands in the air like a parody of ''oh what fun.''


    "Left hand yellow," Phyllis said.


    "Ugh.I''m not young anymore," the centaur complained.Rather than bending over, he carefully set his equine haunches down on the ground and then his forelegs.The leaned over to the board.He still had a cup in his other hand.


    The game continued with Phyllis, who was clearly just making up the moves for maximum difficulty.[Maybe for fun, maybe because she is just a little bit sadistic.]


    "Be careful, okay guys," Nelda called."There ten hooves on the board.I feel like there should be a joke in there somewhere or at least a pun-uendo.But this wine is starting to kick in¡­"


    "Left arm red," intoned Phyllis.


    "That''s not wine," BugleHead said."That''s ice brandy.It''s like if wine made wine."The satyr was sitting between Jen''s hind legs in an upward dog position with her tail draped over his head."


    "Really?" Nelda tried to focus on the cup in front of her, but her eyes didn''t feel quite like doing it. [I wonder if I could stand up right now?]


    "It would be-hoove you to watch where you put that hand, goat boy," Jen drawled.


    "Okay. I''ll be-hoove myself." BugleHead chortled. He flipped over and slapped his hand down suddenly right between Reg''s knees.


    Reg jumped but scrambled to retain his upside-down crawl position.


    "He moved, he moved,"HoneyBeard shouted.


    ''he moobed his hooves!" BugleHead agreed.


    Phyllis leaned forward and peered at the board, taking her umpire position rather seriously. "None of his hands or feet moved of the spots."


    The spots were getting a little smudged as they were made from chalk and soot and clay.


    "Youth''d move too if''n someone was going to punch your junk," Reg said.


    "I wasn''t anywhere near your junk," HoneyBeard said. "That is wishful thinking."


    "Are you saying my disk is small?" Reg sounded surprised.


    BugleHead looked around."I mean.It''s the smallest dick in the room.Not that I''m against that.There are some maneuvers where size is not an advantage." He gave HoneyBeard a wry glance.


    "It''s not small.HoneyBeard''s a freak, no offense intended.Asbolus is literally hung like a horse and doesn''t count. And I''ve never seen his¡­" Reg lifted his hand to point at SmithGuild.


    "He took his hand off the spot!" BugleHead shouted.


    "That''sh cheating," Reg protested. "You distracted me.Nelda, tell these people my dick is a perfectly normal size."


    Nelda leaned back on the bench, startled to topple over backward, but SmithGiuld reached over and put an arm around here."About average for a human," she said. "I guess. I haven''t seen that many of them," she added defensively.


    BugleHead snorted again."If you can''t even see them, they must be small."


    "We weared clothes," Reg said. "Wore cloves. Fuck it."He lifted his other hand and sat back against the broad black body of Asbolus, still sitting calmly on the ground like a quadrupedal Buddha.


    "And what''s with you," BugleHead said. "You acted like you would be a party animal."


    Asbolus sipped from his cup. "It takes me different ways, different times," he said. "The liquor, the question, the vision the rhyme. Sometimes a couplet, a limerick, a little song even.But this time.There''s quite a lot down there in the darkness and not much levity to it.It''s taking a while¡­ to emerge."

 64 Pony Poem

    "The man''s new kin were not the sort he sought;


    advice of kings became too hard to find.


    The fair one''s kind were on the side she fought;


    the hair she chose had weighed upon her mind.


    The land of Owen has traveled to its heart.


    The snakes combined to make a cat of strife.


    The green bough grew in shadow and apart,


    And found in Delphi an unlikely wife.


    When wood and wild beast were pushed aside,


    ''tween sword and cloud the battle lines were drawn.


    The tide of war had turned upon a pride,


    and whether bonds of flesh and past stay sworn.


    The champion on unicorn is mounted.


    Where rideth she, all trials shall be surmounted."


    #


    Nelda peered through her pounding headache at the smeared words on the paper that Phyllis was holding rather closely in front of her face.The results were really not worth the effort. She lay back in the cool grass.


    [Fuck me. What''s that meant to mean?]


    [Is that a sonnet? Like the Shakespeare kind?I don''t think the iambic whatch-a-ma-jigger is quite right. How does it go? Ba bum, ba bum, ba bum, ba bum, ba bum, ba bum¡­.]


    [The man''s new¡­ whatever.No idea.King?Do we know anything about kings?]


    She plumbed her memory to see if it offered any clues that might unlock the meaning of the cryptic verse.


    Her memory after the satyrs lost the game of Twister was imperviously blank.


    [Shit. That hasn''t happened since freshman year at good ol'' Barker U.Bogo night at the Bongo Bar.]


    It was not really a fond memory.After she did something obnoxious that was also lost to memory, her so-called friends had abandoned her [and the Girl Code], and she had woken up the next morning underneath the shrubs behind the swimming center covered in her own vomit, which was far from the worst thing that could have happened.


    Nelda opened her eyes, winced, and closed them again.It wasn''t just the bright morning light and resurgence of nausea, but also the grumpy face of dragon-Phyllis.When she sulked the teeth from her lower jaw jutted up like some kind of fugly Insta-famous pet with a minor skull deformity.


    "What are you ssssmirking about?" Phyllis hiss-snapped.


    "Don''t you ever think that the continuum from comedy to tragedy," Nelda said."It''s not so much a straight line as a circle.And somewhere back there it the very extreme ends it joins seamlessly together."Nelda kept her eyes closed but made a circlet shape with the tips of her index fingers.


    "What the hell are you going on about?" Phyllis said, but not with a lot of emphasis.She sounded a bit tired.


    "I mean," Nelda said slowly. "Our situation is serious, but it is also a bit ridiculous." Without ever really knowing what a dragon sigh would sound like, Nelda knew that was what she was listening too.


    "I suppose that might explain why Jennifer is up a tree."


    Nelda sat up.She took a few deep breaths."That sounds like a bad idea?" she said.


    "I did express that opinion." Phyllis was sitting on the grass next to her."I was over-ruled.Reg had told her that centaurs can''t climb trees and she had to defend the honor of her people by proving otherwise."


    "What was I doing during all this?"


    "You considered it very important that BugleHead concede the point that while most yellow flowers are a similar shade of yellow, pink flowers are a very wide array of pinks. This involved giving him a primer on central tendency and variance and estimates thereof."


    Nelda experimentally opened one eye. They were on the side of a hill overlooking Asbolus little one person mini-walled-village. "Oh dear," Nelda said. [There was a manticore out here last night.I hope everyone is okay.] "Where is SmithGuild?"


    "He asked me to stay here with you while he attempted to locate the satyrs.They expressed a desire to go swimming somewhere around dawn."


    "Swimming doesn''t seem to suit satyrs much more than tree climbing would suit centaurs,From what I have seen," Nelda mused.


    "Yes, any kind of equid that far off the ground," Phyllis mused."I was estimating her weight and assuming Earth-level gravity, the force of impact relative to¡­"


    "Okay, okay.Centaur fall out of tree equals bad, we don''t need to do the maths. Let me just see if Nelda do standing up equals possible."


    [I feel like shit.I really feel like shit.But I can''t have Jen break her legs falling out of a tree.So I need to go help because that''s what a hero does¡ªor something.]


    Nelda struggled to her feet.Dried heaved into the bushes.Straightened burped, and heroicly turned to Phyllis and asked: "So, which tree is it?"

 65 A Gleeful Treeful

    "So she chose a tree on the edge of a cliff?" Nelda asked, somewhat rhetorically.


    Nelda looked at the rickety Seussian structure of branches that held the pale centaur aloft.It was perched right at the top of a crumbling cliff face she had seen the manticore traverse just the previous night.Its roots visibly strained to hold the rocks and scant earth beneath its creaking trunked.


    "Okay."Nelda strode in a determined but wobbly way down the crooked path back to the compound.Fortunately, the drawbridge was down.She found Tyron snoozing on the floor next tot eh stripeflower sapling.


    She had chosen one with several health branches hanging heavy with bright green fleshy leaves.Enough to have a good crop even if it lost a good few along the way.


    [Like this.]


    Nelda snapped off a sprig and retraced her steps.


    [I just hope it kicks in a bit quicker for centaurs.Like the booze did.]


    Back at the leaning tree, Nelda looked up the trunk, and then over the cliff, and then over to Phyllis."I don''t suppose you could¡­"She made a vague flapping motion with her hands.


    Phyllis just glared a reply.


    "Right."


    [Every problem as assailable, if you break it down into manageable steps.Step one, go up the tree and feed flying leap to a sleeping centaur without alerting her to her imminent probable demise.]


    Placing the leafy twig between her teeth, Nelda set her hands upon the trunk. She had some vague notion of a program she had seen once where people were climbing coconut trees.


    [All trials shall be surmounted.]


    Getting up the trunk was made easier by it''s distinct lean.She tried not to dwell on the void it leaned out over.


    Jen hung in a haphazard sling of branched with her dainty equine legs hanging downward.Nelda wriggled herself into a position, feeling the tree settle a little further, creaking.She took a few leaves and crunched them between her thumb and forefinger.


    "Good morning, Jen," Nelda tried to inject her voice with a calm cheerfulness. "It''s not morning yet, so keep on sleeping.But if you take this herb, it will stop you from getting a hangover.You''d like that wouldn''t you."


    Jen smacked together dry lipped and mumbled something.


    Nelda took the opportunity to poke some sticky leaves into the centaur''s mouth. At that moment, her attention was distracted by a sound.


    "Whooooot!"


    With a swooping sensation of vertigo and matching lurch of her stomach, Nelda looked out over the broken terrain of trees and boulders. The sharp edges of the topography created a tessellation of fluttering leaves, glinting planes, and impenetrable shadows.


    Across on small sandy clearing, darted an even smaller, somewhat furry, shape.


    "Whoooooooooooot!


    Another followed after.SmithGuild''s voice, made small by distance was still clear."BugleHead, put down that basilisk!"


    [I really hope they are talking about one of the dead ones.] "Phyllis, do you think maybe you could help SmithGuild with that?"


    "He is the one who assigned the tasks," the dragon replied."Who am I to argue?"


    "You were happy to argue that centaurs are not suited to climb tr¡­" Nelda stopped herself and went back to trying to shove stripeflower leaf pulp between the centaur''s lips.


    "Whooooot!"


    "Cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck."


    [Oh shit. That sounds suspiciously like a not-very-dead-at-all basilisk.]


    SmithGuild shrieked, "Don''t point that thing at me."


    [As the showgirl said to the bishop.]


    Jen yawned and blinked blearily.Her pony legs paddled listlessly in the empty air.


    "Um, eat more of these.Really quickly," Nelda urged,


    "What is this crap.It tastes like silage sme¡ªAAARGH!"


    Jen flung out every limb she had, which had the fortunate effect of keeping her lodged in the branches, even when a few of them broke off under the onslaught and crashed down the cliff.She then froze, rigid.


    [A few good primate instincts in that chimera body still. That one was¡ªah¡ªthe Moro reflex.]


    Nelda was quite satisfied at retreating that arbitrary fact acquired somewhere in the stygian gloom of what she remembered from her undergraduate studies.


    "Eeep!" Jen said.


    The branch Nelda was clinging to started to droop, crack, and generally proclaim it desired to succumb to gravity.Nelda threw one arm around Jen''s waist and then lept onto her pony-back.


    "Sorry to be so familiar," Nelda said. "But you seem to be wedged up here pretty good at least for now. On the up side, you sure showed Reg what''s what."


    "Yay," replied Jen in a very small voice.


    "Yay for pyrrhic victories," Nelda agreed.


    Nelda had never in her life gone horseback riding. Her interest in animals and their behavior, the subject of her bachelors and masters degrees, was purely observational in nature. [Not participant-observer.] Nevertheless, if the movies were anything to go by she was seat more-or-less how on should be in a horse.[But when the horse has the torso of a woman attached to the front of it, there isn''t much of a view.]


    "You have really nice hair," Nelda commented.


    "Thanks," said Jen, still in an incredibly tiny voice.


    "You don''t need to whisper.It''s not like an avalanche or something, that would be triggered by sound."


    "Let''s not take any chances."


    "Bit late for that." Nelda peered to tried and see how strong the remaining branches under them were.


    "Why ish my mouth full of leaves¡­?"


    There was a sound a bit like a whip being cracked, and the entire tree shuddered.A cascade of small rocked bounced down the cliff, for really quite a long time as if they were making a deliberate show of just how far down it was.


    "Oh that''s the good news," Nelda said, trying to project confidence."You remember how I explain the pixies dust effects of stripeflower leaves?"


    "I am not very¡­ brain right now," Jen peeped."Please start making sense."


    "I''ve been feeding you leaves that should make you positively buoyant.Or in more literal terms I am hope--I mean expecting--more of a neutral buoyancy.Last time I floated up-up-and-away things got very complicated.But I guess it was all for the best."


    [I get nervous.I babble.It''s been working out for me so far.]


    The tree moaned and shifted again.


    "Are you feeling¡­ floaty," Nelda inquired hopefully.


    In the distance, SmithGuild could be heard yelling, "Where did you put the horn?"


    "Buck, bwAAArk. Cluck, cluck, cluck."


    Nelda briefly considered making a leap for it.Glancing back she saw Phyllis looking¡­ no more than mildly concerned.


    [Maybe dragon facial expressions aren''t that easy to read, but she sure as hell isn''t doing anything to help.]


    Another large root sprung loose; it''s smaller strands giving up the ground with a sound like tearing silk.


    The tree bobbed, nodded, and then with a strange silence just fell away.Nelda clutched the back of Jen vest.


    They stayed in place.


    Jen stayed quite level.The rotate very slowly in a counter-clockwise direction.


    "Oh.It worked," Phyllis said.She sounded rather surprised.


    Jen started to giggle hysterically.

 66 The Spy-der

    "Now I know what a pinata feels like," Nelda said.


    She gripped her knees tightly around Jens pony-body, not sure what would happen if she tipped too far to the side. [Would we capsize like a boat? Where exactly is the center-of-gravity of a centaur?]


    They drifted very slowly, and backward, across the wide ravine that Asbolus''s home occupied.


    Jen twisted to look back over her shoulder. "I think we are going to hit the trees on the other side?" she said hopefully. Her voice-squeaking terror was quickly melting away as It became clear that the stripeflower was doing its job.


    "Well, grab anything you can if it comes into reach.And don''t look down."


    "It hardly matters if I look down," Jen said."It''s not like I''m going to fall. That doesn''t even seem to be an option."


    [Probably best not to mention the flying away into the never-never alternative.Not while she''s just starting to cheer up a bit. But there are a few more imminent threats¡­.]


    "I mean," Nelda clarified."Don''t look down because BugleHead is down there somewhere with a live basilisk."


    "Ah."Jen became thoughtful."That might be one way to get down.If it''s not far enough to get chipped and he hasn''t lost the alicorn again." She started to paddle her horse legs slowly.


    "Wait. What?" Nelda noticed the view starting to swing around.


    "What?"


    "Keep doing that.I think we are actually moving in the direction you are walking, or whatever horse walking is called."


    "It''s generally called walking," Jen said smugly.The more technical names are for the various faster gaits.


    "Well, let''s stick with walking for now.Towards the trees."


    "I just need to¡­."


    There was no mistaking it now.They slowed and stopped drifting backward.Then Jen walk-swum them in a slow loop.The crossed over Asbolus''s compound like she was swimming in the air.


    BugleHead was right," Nelda mused."He said that this was a thinky kind of flying not a flappy kind.So, the walking motion must get across¡ªsomehow--the intent about which way you want to go.Laterally anyway.I am not sure how we would do to pitch downwards."


    Jen had perked up considerably and was humming the Lone Ranger theme as she aimed at what looked like some sort of extravagant conifer."Ba-da dum, ba-da dum, ba-da dum dum dum. Oh, could you stop squeezing quite so hard with your knees? It''s easy to tell you don''t know how to ride."


    "Well, Ma-mah neglected to get me lessons, and it''s a long way down.So, would you mind if I held onto the back of this denim vest thing you have on?"


    "Not at all."


    They were starting to accelerate. Nelda grabbed onto the vest just behind the armholes."Do we have a plan for¡­"


    SMACK!


    They ran right into the branches which looked almost fluffy from a distance but proved to be very scratchy and pokey.Nelda decided to just hold on tight to Jen, duck down, and hope for the best.


    "Oopsie daisy." Jen scrambled and kicked.


    The ended up floating in between two layers of branches, looking out into the valley.


    "I wonder if I could become, like, a Pegasus.That would be cool." Jen twisted to look at Nelda."Got any more ideas?"


    "If you were riding a horse, how would you tell it to go down a hill?"


    "I would just sort of¡­"


    Nelda shrieked as Jen jumped out of the tree.But then they did start to drift gradually downwards in a graceful arc.


    [Wow.She is so much better at this than I was.]


    Jen swerved confidently towards Asbolus''s walled garden, barely cleared the fence, and landed rather hard.Her knees buckled and Nelda few over her shoulder and tumbled across the ground before faceplanting between some prickly vines.Her upset head exploded in protest as being pickled, dehydrated, and then tumbled.


    Nelda lay in the garden for a while.In her view law a number of vegetables that looked like small yellow-and-orange mottled pumpkins.


    [Ugh. Much as I would like to give up the prophecy-princess life and reinvent myself as a peaceful root vegetable, I have a team to look after.]


    Nelda sat up."You okay, Jen?"


    Jen was upright, at least.But twisting around to look at one of her rear hooves which was raised daintily off the ground. "I forgot that I have a lot more body weight forward of the whither than a horse," she said."I think I''ve bruised my fetlock and pulled out quite a few tail hairs."


    "That was a close one," Nelda said. "It''s just as well you''re not a stallion because you wouldn''t be one any more.But hey, you''re standing on the ground!Way to go with the mastering flying in about five minutes!"


    [I''m a little bit embarrassed-slash-jealous.]


    Jen bounced a few times, experimentally."Still a bit of a walking-on-the-moon effect going on," she said. "But I think I have it under control!"


    "Okay, now you''re just showing off."


    "I''m going to look for Asbolus," Jen said and cantered away.


    "Watch out for¡­"


    She was already gone.


    "¡­Manticores."


    Nelda sat in the vegetable garden for a while.It was looking a bit trampled, here and there.


    Phyllis ambled over to join her after a while."You could be helping SmithGuild now," she commented mildly.


    This was true, of course.But getting a centaur out of a tree and teaching her how to fly is already quite a lot to achieve before breakfast.And it had sounded like SmithGuild had the satyr situation more-or-less under control.


    "Well, he assigned the tasks," Nelda replied.


    Looking up to the stone mountainside, she searched for the spot that now had one less tree on it.It was marked by a torn opened reddish stretch of clay.And right in the middle of it stood the sandy-colored Manticore.Looking right back at her.

 67 The Heart Departer

    Nelda was reviewing the prophecy glumly.The page was getting more smudged.The meaning also only got less clear, the more she thought about it.


    Jen had reported back that Asbolus was knocked back from generating such an epic prognostication.He would be resting till noon at least and not up for a repeat performance that night. But he had, at least, said he had some old paper that spoke to resurrecting a unicorn.So when he felt a bit better, he would make a copy of them for Nelda.


    Phyllis seemed happy to bask, reptile-like in the midmorning sun.Jen wandered in the vegetable garden popping the occasions leaf or fruit into her mouth.Nelda considered suggesting caution.I would not be fun traveling with a centaur experiencing digestional distress¡­.


    In the shadow of the hall, Tyrone made an appearance.He made a surreptitious come-hither gesture that suggested a desire for discretion.


    Nelda obliged, ambling over all casual-like.


    Once she grew close, Typho grabbed her arm in a rather presumptuous manner and pulled her deeper into the shadow of a small grove of fruit trees. "Look I know there''s a lot of important stuff going on here¡ª"


    "But?" Nelda asked patiently.


    "But I turn into the male version of a unique female, and maybe that''s not totally insignificant either."


    Nelda nodded."That''s true."


    "It is?" Typho squeaked. He seemed ill-prepared for being agreed with.As if his bluster has very little to back it up.


    "I''ve been thinking," Nelda continued. "HerbGuild¡ªyou haven''t met her yet¡ªhad the idea that the portal changed people to match their other half.But in your case, it''s someone you haven''t even met.That does suggest something¡­" she shrugged "Fated, maybe?"


    Typho nodded eagerly.


    "I''m also wondering¡­ does some part of your family come from Ireland maybe?"


    "You what?"Typho looked baffled.


    "I''ve been trying to make sense of this lame sonnet," Nelda grumbled."I''m thinking Tyr ¨C Own.Place of Owen, right. Tyr Owen just like, it''s a province in Ireland, right?"


    All she was getting in return was a blank look.[Work with me here, snake-boy.]


    Nelda pressed on. "The poem says: the land of Owen has traveled to its heart. So, everything so far is suggesting¡­ this is what you''re meant to do."


    "My dad was called Tyrone, and I was named after him," Typho said with a shrug. "And he was named after some lame old actor called Tyrone Power, the third no less. Zorro and shit¡ªwish they''d called me Antonio instead. These days people think of Tyrone as some big guy, and they see me and just laugh." Typho sighed."Only in my family is being an experimental electrical engineer considered aright embarrassment." He crossed his arms somewhat defensively over his pretty average torso.[Not body-builder material, but nothing to be ashamed of.]


    Looking at his lower bodies twitching muscular coils, Nelda remarked, "Well they wouldn''t laugh now, would they? I mean, no one going to laugh at this." She gestured to the muscular coils of his giant body.


    Typho looked doubtful.


    "You''re a dragon chimera now," Nelda said, trying to sound impressed. "And Echidna is a dragon. And one hell of a woman too.You''ve got a lot to live up to with her setting the tone of this¡ªsub-species, or whatever." She leaned in closely and whispered."But I think you can do it. Actually, I know you can."


    Tyrone''s face seemed to flicker with conflicting emotions."The prophecy, whatever the hell it means, just sounds like a description of what will happen," he said defensively."Its in the past tense.Like someone n the future is looking back and just saying it happened.Does that mean it is meant to happen, and according to who?Does that mean it''s good?"


    [Lord save me from deep thinkers.]


    Nelda rested her hand on a gnarled branch."What Asbolus said is that a prophecy sometimes comes true, but in a way you wouldn''t have expected.So maybe it''s not so much what happens as how it happens."


    [Is there a tactful way to suggest he go about this with an open mind, not rose-and-fedora creepy romanticism?No.There isn''t.]


    "So I don''t just have to romance Echidna, I have to be good at it?" Typho said.


    [Ugh.]


    One of the little orange spiders that seemed to infect the place ran over her fingers and off down the branch like it had terribly important business off amongst the shivering leaves, "If I can give you one piece of advice it would be this.Keep in mind that you don''t know Echidna.She has had a hard life in a world you don''t know a lot about. Your first job is to get to know her,Oh, and try not to stare at her tits; she''s a bit insecure about them."


    "Why would I¡­does n''t she wear clothes?"


    "Welp, she''s a dragon that just happens to have some humanoid body parts.And clothing generally speaking isn''t something they do."


    "Right.Right. She is a dragon.I''m going to need her help to learn how to¡­ be a dragon."


    "Well, that''s true.And if down the line there is some kind of big conflict.Well¡­"


    Tyrone leaned forward."What?"


    "I''m just saying,Phyllis has many excellent qualities, but I am not sure diplomacy and begging the great and powerful dragons to charity towards the unflighted races is going to be her strong suit."


    Tyrone''s mouth twitched.


    "You''re our best hope for a drag-ambassador." Nelda nudged Typho on the arm."And I can only guess that my job is to get hold of a unicorn."


    "Huh.We might have done better the other way around." Typho said,


    "You what?"


    "To get a unicorn, you''re meant to use someone who''s a virgin, like."His face blushed darkly.


    "Are you suggesting I''m not as pure as the driven snow.Or should it be the undriven snow."Nelda laughed."Well, maybe SmithGuild will qualify, and maybe that whole thing is some latter church nonsense not proper monster rules.Tonight I hope to get some more info about the whole unicorn thing from the seer tonight.And we can work out the best way to get you and Phyllis off to the land of dragons staring tomorrow."


    She looked off in the direction--beyond the trees and a tundra full of hostile centaurs--of the brooding mountains and Echidna''s cave.A chill wind swirled around them and for all the vaunted prophecy in her hand¡­ an uncertain future lay ahead.

 68 Garden Pardon

    Fresh the next morning Asbolus handed Nelda a rigid sheet of what looked like a strip of pale bark.On it was inscribed what could only be described as a spell, written freshly in dark reddish-brown ink.


    "The scroll I draw this from is rather fragile.You''ll forgive me if I keep it sequestered away."


    "Of course."[You''re not the first not to trust me with delicate matters.Lord knows how I got entrusted with the fate of worlds]."We have already put you to a lot of¡­ trouble."


    The large centaur looked at her sharply."The trouble was ever ours," he said."If anything we should apologize for drawing you into it.The weaver cannot resist a strong and timely thread¡­ if it might save the cloth."


    Nelda still had a considerable headache, and asking whether Asbolus was using a metaphor or speaking about a god, that was a little further than she was inclined to stretch.


    The satyrs, now including Reg, had agreed to guide Typho and Phyllis to Echidna''s cave.BugleHead had entrusted Nelda with the alicorn, being more focused now on his new acquisition.


    He sat at the gate, holding a surprisingly placid basilisk on his lap.It was wearing a small hood, much like a falconry hood.The satyr fed his new pet handfuls fo grain, and it seemed altogether happy with the arrangement.


    "I am going to call her¡­ huh." BugleHead seemed stumped.


    "How about Medusa?" Nelda offered.


    "Who''s that?"


    "Oh."


    There was an echo in Nelda''s memory about some other figure in myth that did not exist here¡­ or at least not yet.[It''s not like the schools I went to spent much time on the lore of antiquity.A token Shakespeare play was considered pushing it for us. SmithGuild might remember whatever it is that''s niggling in my mind¡­]


    Looking over to the gryphon-in-human-form Nelda felt her heart squeeze.He was palpably unhappy.He''d made an effort at washing his scrubs in the river and they now hung damp and wrinkled on his body.


    Turning back to Asbolus, she asked, "I don''t suppose you have anything in the way fo a ritual that would put someone back in the right body?"


    The centaur shook his head."I''ve never heard tell of that sort of thing happening before ¨C outside of someone wanting such a transformation so fervently that they petitioned a god for it.And I am not convinced any of those tales were true.The again"¡ªhe sighed¡ª"I thought the basilisk was a myth, too."


    Phyllis emerged from the hall and crossed over the bridge, ready to begin her journey.Typho was following her but paused and turned."Are you sure I should go?"


    Asbolus answered for her."I think you will find that Lady Nelda''s intuition is wont to be true.And that you were woven into the tale in a way that fits your purpose as well as our need."


    Typho looked from the seer to Nelda, and she smiled in a way she hoped was reassuring. "Don''t worry about us," she said with entirely false bravado."I am sure we''ll be meeting again when the time is right.But please, you need to put it out of your mind until you''ve found your place in this world.You can''t be in two places at once¡ªso remember to be entirely where you are, right now."


    [Oh god.If this whole thing depends on me trusting my instincts, why choose a neurotic woman whose mother hated her and whose life was going right down the crapper to be in the center of it?Someone''s having a laugh.]


    HoneyBeard went last."I''ll do my best," he told her wearily.Then he crossed the bridge pulling a pre-occupied BugleHead with him.


    "Mead-oos-a," BugleHead muttered."Me-deuce-ah."


    "I''m not at all sure I should be sending them with the basilisk and not the horn," Nelda remarked to Asbolus.


    The centaur replied, "The horn works as well with the rest of the blessed beast attached.Better in fact.And they''ll come to no harm biding awhile in stone if it comes to that."


    [That''s really not reassuring.I''d have preferred a simple: Oh, I''m sure they''ll be fine.]


    Jen came to jin them, and in the small space next to the gate, she was obliged to press her pony body next to Asbolus''s somewhat larger frame.Not that she seemed to mind.


    "So it''s just the two us on Team Unicorn," Nelda remarked,


    "Oh, I don''t mind," Jen replied. She was looking as Asbolus, not Nelda.Not that the centaur seer seemed to notice.His perspicacity seemed to have its limits.


    [These are the day of our lives¡­]


    "It is not my role," Asbolus said, it must be noted with a slightly pretentious tone, "to be directly involved. My part is to be an advisor."


    Jen beamed in replied.The that''s perfect.This is the time we are in the most need of advice. Nelda, bring the spell¡­"


    "Ritual" interjected Asbolus as if the distinction was important to him.


    "Ritual," Jen amended, "and let us determine what our next steps must be."

 69 Hair Flair

    "So, this is a list of ingredients?" Nelda asked."So, what''s first. Hair of horse.Hair of horse? How can a sp¡­ ritual for use on Mirth have an ingredient found only on Earth.That makes no sense whatsoever."


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    "This is a land of many seers," Asbolus remarked as he gathered sprigs from his medicinal garden."Some of them are even real. Too many, I think sometimes."


    "It can''t hurt to know more," Jen said, standing contentedly in the sun. "We need all the help we can get."


    "When you know one thing you have clarity," Asbolus said."And when you know all things you have clarity.But when you know a handful of things, many of them will seem to contradict each other, and you sow confusion."


    [So what does that mean?It''s better to know less, be confident, and find yourself probably in the wrong.There was a price to be paid for avoiding the untidiness of learning from multiple, potentially unreliable sources.]


    But all Nelda said was, "Confusion. Like this poem. But if we focus on this last part it does seem fairly clear and like it might be the most important bit.''The champion on unicorn is mounted. Where rideth she, all trials shall be surmounted.''"


    "So, who''s this champion, then?" Jen asked.


    "Whoever rides the unicorn, it seems to me. If you were still in human form, you would be our top equestrian candidate.But failing that, I suppose I volunteer."


    Jen grinned. "Experience suggests you''ll need a little practice before attempting it."


    She had a point, but¡­ "Hey.It''s not like riding a flying centaur with a crashing hangover is a doddle. A unicorn will be easier, probably."


    Jen laughed."Give it another go then, why don''t you?" She slapped her withers.


    "Ugh." Nelda handed the unicorn ritual scroll to SmithGuild."No kicking, bucking, or biting, mind."


    "No promises!"Jen laughed again.But she trotted over by a low stone wall that surrounded the compost heap."Here, this will help you get up."


    "Are you sure I''m not too heavy for you?"


    "Not at all.Especially as there''s still a little leaf in me, look."Jen gave a couple of moon-hopper-like bounces where she lofted an impressive distance off the ground with very little effort."And I took a little bit more before Typho took off with the shrub."She patted her vest pocket. "We should see if we can find more of this stuff."


    Nelda climbed up carefully onto the wall."I don''t know how you got such good control of this flying business, so quickly.I was floating around like a balloon for days."


    "It probably has something to do with being a rider.You have to urge the horse to act in the way you want, and in perfect synchrony with your own body and mind.They call it ''co-being.''And now I actually am a human-horse co-being. literally.I just¡­ think my way through the air. Like I''m¡­ riding myself, I suppose."


    Nelda put her hand cautiously on Jen''s white, hairy back."Well, it''s very impressive, whatever it is.You should give lessons.I need them, and Echidna may well need them too. I can just imagine the chaos that would result from her blowing into someone''s back garden."


    "Oh, I''m sure she''ll figure it out." Jen wiggled her equine butt."Hop on then."


    Nelda put both hands on Jen''s back and gingerly reached one leg over.


    "Find your balance," Jen coached.You want your spine right over my spine.Shuffle forward a bit more. We should probably rig up some kind of stirrups.When can''t have the champion falling off and breaking her neck."


    [What a reassuring thought.]


    Jen began walking very slowly around the garden."Relax," she said."Grip with your thighs and let the rest of your legs hang down.Keep your toes up; no pointed toes.Straighten your back."


    Nelda struggled to put all those instructions into coordinated action.She started to slip to one side. Making a grabbed for Jen''s shoulder, Nelda missed and slid further.Jen tried to side-step back under but the sudden movement ended up just bouncing Nelda into the air.She rebounded and careened off into a pile of firewood, scattering orange spiders in all directions.


    Spitting out a mouthful of bark and webbing, Nelda said: "I guess I''m not a natural."


    "You know what you have to do.Get right back onto the centaur."


    "I think I''ll pass¡­."


    "Perhaps," SmithGuild suggested diffidently."We should be focusing on more immediate matters."


    Jen shrugged and flipped her tail. "I probably have some horse hair on my clothing somewhere.I wore this vest out to the stables a hundred times.The trick will be figuring out which ones are a horse''s and which ones are mine. Or does that matter?"


    "It matters," Asbolus chimed in with mild affront."The rest of the ingredients I have here, bar one.That needs to be gathered from a grove that is very sacred to the centaurs, no other race is permitted there.It would take me a day or two, to fetch."


    "We''d be so obliged if you would," Nelda said.


    "Oh, could I go?" Jen actually clapped her hands. Somehow her perky cheerleader ways were becoming less irritating and more endearing with time.


    "Of course," Asbolus applied."Whatever you might have been before, you are a centaur now.But you might consider that you would be better served by ingratiating yourself to a herd, rather than with me."


    "There''s a greater purpose at stake," Jen said¡ªnot entirely convincingly."That is the most important thing. Like, saving the world."


    "And with the ingredients assembled," SmithGuild said. "The ritual must be performed in this place ¡ª Perrit''s peak.Not so hard to get to when I had wings, but on foot¡­" he shook his head.


    "Not more than a week''s journey by land, with haste," Asbolus said.


    SmithGuild rubbed his blistered foot, his shoulders slumped.


    Nelda felt a frown crease her forehead.The gryphon''s health seemed to slide downward with each day he spent in human form. Perhaps she should be focusing instead on some why to make him whole.Or¡­ wait.HerbGuild.She might have some ideas about that.And why had SmithGuild not notified his sister of his return?


    "But don''t you see," Jen said brightly."We could fly.I mean, we''d probably need a prevailing wind ¨C at least until I can further improve my technique."


    "The prevailing wind is generally away from the mountain," Asbolus said ominously.


    Jen was undaunted."Then I shall just have to practice," she said with her habitual cheer.

 70 Everyone is Ou

    Nelda was not really equipped to be the ''big spoon''. She held SmithGuild in her arms and wondered how someone could be so robust and so fragile at the same time. His human form was tall and muscular with a square-jawed face. Small fluffy feathers were proliferating in his hair around a slight widow''s peak. They trembled slightly in the small turbulence of Nelda''s breath as she considered them.


    Asbolus and Jen had left under the cover of night.


    [Centaur speed-date cum magical hiking trip.]


    SmithGuild stirred.


    "Am I, like, your girlfriend," Nelda asked, feeling altogether foolish."I don''t mean to be awkward but it feels like i am, but it also feels like I am very bad at it.Your life isn''t exactly better for meeting me."


    SmithGuild sighed."Jennifer explained this girlfriend thing to me," he said."Most of the time speaking with you and others from your world iseffortless.But other time I feel like there is a gulf between the way we mean the same words."


    "So that''s not a Mirth thing?"


    SmithGuild sort-of shrugged. "Generally two either become betrothed or intend no lasting bond.This is sort of in between.It seems¡­ tenuous."


    "Right".Nelda tucked her chin over SmithGuild''s warm shoulder. "Sometimes it is but it, that¡­" [Huh, that''s just how it is,I''ve never really thought about it as a system.] "If I had married the fir guy that it seemed like an option¡­ that would probably have been a mistake."


    It had been a long time since Nelda had thought about Aaron Abbey, so she thought about him for a while.Last seen on Facebook holding a large salmon. Maybe if she had shotgun married him just out of high school she''d be a fish-filleting Missouri-living warrior princess by now and just high on life.


    "...And," SmithGuild drew out the word search for the next one."It is not so much that you came into my life, as an explosion of matters of significance blew us together.And I would rather be flotsam with you than alone in the storm."


    Nelda felt a bit like crying, but if she started she might be at it awhile--and there wasn''t time for a nervous breakdown."The thing is¡­" Nelda hugged SmithGuild tentatively. "I think there''s a real problem with you being in this human body. But I don''t know what to do about that. But I feel like that''s maybe what I should be focusing on."


    SmithGuid eased onto his back."I don''t mean to be glib, but it won''t matter what body I am in if their is a cataclysmic war and the world ends in fire."


    "We don''t know that will happen soon."


    "We don''t know that it won''t and it doesn''t seem like something to leave to chance."


    "Okay." [Why does it seem like this is all his way of avoiding answering the question about me being his girlfriend.] "I am just saying, maybe we should get HerbGuild on the case of this." She indicated his rather fine human form.


    "Oh, I sent a Jasper for her soon after you arrived,She is probably tracking us down."


    "Good." [Shit. She''s going to kill me.] "I just wanted to say I would be okay with being your girlfriend, and betrothal is not completely off the table. But that''s just me."


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    "Okay."There was an uncomfortable pause before SmithGuild added."Me too. But let''s wait to see if the world ends first."

 71 Black Birds

    Nelda wandered listlessly in the somewhat mussed and messed up vegetable-medicinal-flower garden wondering what, if anything, she could eat from it.


    SmithGuild stayed inside the open doors of the hall, almost lost in shadows. "Be careful of the manticores," he said.


    "What?" she looked around, panicked,


    "No, not here right now. But they have been around."


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    "You''ve been seeing them too? No one else seems to."


    SmithGuid sighed. "I think we see them because we are afraid, so we are looking for them. And it is right to be afraid of manticores, among other things."


    "Oh." Nekda stood still. For a moment all she could hear was leaves and grasses scratching and whispering in the slight breeze. [That was obvious true, but something about the fantastical nature of Mirth somehow made it easy to forget.]


    "It is only rational to be afraid," the gryphon added. "There seem to be folk trying to kill us. The centaurs, certainly, although I don''t know why. The mermaids when it comes to you. Manticores kill people all the time just because they like to, they like to hurt people and like how people taste after they have been tormented. But it is unusual for them to be watching a group of people persistently, rather than just picking of the lost and stragglers¡­" He seemed to drift off into thoughts about the cannibalistic ways of manticores.


    SmithGuild sighed and his sigh seemed to blend with the sound of the win in the peaks that towered over them. Then some small strand of that sound seemed to separate out, and grow to be something apart, something sibilant and sinister.


    Raising her hand over her eyes, Nelda peered upwards. The hills around them formed a cool-colored letterbox view of the sky above. There were flickers of movement that were hard to make out against the blown-out white of the morning sky.


    [Is it birds, like a flock?] It moved more like a swarm or what they called a murmuration. The shape seemed to be starting to swirl inwards like a tornado starting to form. There was a small void in the middle tat was white, but not sky.


    Nelda could hear a buzzing in her head like someone was trying to tune her brain to another channel. It was becoming hard to think. "SmithGuild," she said. "Is that a fluck of cows. I mean a fuck of clowns." She staggered backwards, feeling like the ground was tilting under her feet. "What is happening to me?" [Am I under attack? What should I do?]


    As her ass hit the ground an intuition washed over her like a sea wave. Cold and focussing. "SmithGuild, get the unicorn horn! Quickly!"


    As she scrambled to regain her feet, Nelda did not dare to spend even a moment to look back. As she looked up the great pale form rushed towards her. It had a wingspan like a Dash 8 aircraft. And in the middle a horse big enough to carry and armored night.


    The great wing didn''t even need to strike her to knock her down again, the wind from its final beat tossed her like a tumbleweed although only the lightest feather tip actually touched her.


    The great creature started to turn back towards her, folding its wings up and backwards so they dragged behind it like the plumage of a monstrous peacock of its shire-horse-like body. Sitting, petitely, between these wings on the creature''s back was the unmistakable form of Angry Brenda.

 72 Crabby, Stabby and Blabby

    Angry Brenda was made up like a mad Maleficent, complete with black corseted gown and what looked like a steampunk crown. Her heeled boots dug into the pegasus''s side hard enough that it''s snowy coat was smudged with blood. Brenda sat on top of the magnificent beast like a giant malevolent tick swollen up with avaricious bile. From her costume alone it was immediately apparent that Brenda planned to be the new queen of Mirth.


    \"Holy nemesis on a pegasus, Batman,\" Nelda muttered.


    Angry Brenda was wasting no time. She was holding a rather dramatic silver sword high with one hand and looked like she was keen to use it.


    For a crucial moment, Nelda froze. She wanted to run for the cover of the hall, but not lead the crazy human towards Smithguild, but she also wanted to get her hands on the unicorn horn. The wave of inspiration that had come to her made her quite certain it was the weapon she needed. [Even though it is basically about as offensive as a walking stick, and not even one of those cool ones with a sword inside.]


    Nelda began to scramble away through the garden, hearing heavy hoofbeats gaining on her rapidly. She fell and rolled onto her back raising her arms reflexively. The giant pegasus leap over Nelda rather than trampling her. [No mistaking that it''s a male pegasus from that angle.] Strange blurs swirled around it like the shadows of birds but with no birds attached.


    Spitting out mud, Nelda lurched upright again. Brenda was already wheeling the pegasus to charge again, its saucer-sized hooves driving a foot into the tilled soil with each step.


    [How the heck does a critter that heavy get off the ground?]


    Suddenly SmithGuild was next to her, thrusting the unicorn horn into her hand. He stayed behind her, suddenly seeming so frail in his human form. It made no sense to stand and meet the charge. But Nelda did what she had before and threw her question into the void. [Am I meant to use this to stab Angry Brenda?]


    [The answer washed over her with wordless shape.]


    Not Brenda.


    The pegasus.


    \"Oh no,\" Nelda whispered. She didn''t want to kill the pegasus. It was just so undeniably magnificent even as it was trying to stomp her to death like an errant cockroach. [No, strike that. The pegasus jumped over me even while Angry Brenda was clearly trying to urge it to be as stompy as heck.]


    It was probably shock that made the pegasus''s charge towards her seem to happen in slow motion, but it did give her a little time to think. It was probably also shock that kept her feet frozen to the ground rathert than any kind of deliberate bravery. That really narrowed down the decision-making possibilities.


    [I can stand here and get bowled over, or I can make be a hostile target. Either big, bad and beautiful will swerve away or I''ll at least have the satisfaction of doing a little damage on the way out.]


    Nelda continued to hold the horn in front of her and started to run towards the pegasus, from this angle Brenda wasn''t even visible behind its blowing mane. She hoped like hell that SmithGuild stayed behind her and out of the way.


    As she charged, trying to emit a fearsome roar but having it come out more as a curious squeal--she still had time to consider--[The line between stupidity and courage has never been a bright one¡­]


    When Nelda had been maybe five years old, her family had taken a Christmas time trip to Kentucky. Despite being only about five years old at the time, Nelda had several very strong memories from that vacation. Prime amongst them being her mother, with unusual generosity, agreeing to little Nelda''s requests buying a small snow sled and going to the trouble of taking her out to the top of a large snow-covered hill. As her mother shoved her off, with a noticeable amount of vigor, the round sled immediately spun around. Nelda careened down the steep slope backward, faster and bumpier with every second until she was thrown out onto lake ice at the bottom. Her mother waited for her to trudge back up the hill where the car park was, blood dripping down her face. The only thing her mother said was: \"it really does seem like all your ideas are stupid. That''s why you should listen better to me.\"


    [Is this my life flashing before my eyes?]


    The tip of the horn, clearly not very sharp, was pointed right at the base of the pegasus''s neck. If it saw this, it showed no sign and made no move. The giant creature began to collide into itwith the force of the train.


    And then it seemed to quietly explode into¡­


    ¡­?


    [Popcorn?]

 73 29: Snow Horse

    It was snowing.


    Furious sudden puffs of snow that seemed like it was lit from within. The first thing that came into view was a centaur. The centaur they had met after coming out of Echidna''s lair.


    \"Oh,\" Nelda exclaimed. \"It''s what''s-his-name. Wait, where''s Brenda.\"


    She spun around. Brenda had tumbled onto the ground a short distance away. She looked even more-than-usually angry. And she seemed to have taken to magic very quickly.


    Brenda raised her hands -- black shadows rushed towards Nelda.


    Nelda raised the alicorn reflexively ahead of her. The rushing shadows parted and dissolved into hissing steam.


    \"Well,\" said Brenda. \"Let''s do this the old fashioned way.\" She started to stomp toward Nelda, but stomping proved to be a poor strategic move. After a few steps her impractical gothic boot got stuck and the damp mud churned over by the pegasus. She tugged and pulled her foot free from both mud and boot. She teetered a while with one foot, clad in a soiled white tennis sock, held high -- and then toppled backward onto her ass.


    Nelda choked back a laugh. [Even in dire circumstances, you''ve got to appreciate slapstick.]


    Brenda actually growled, like an irate cat. She reached out one hand dramatically.


    The unicorn horn jumped in Nelda''s hand and she briefly lost her grip on it, grabbed frantically and pulled it close to her body. The strength of the pull only grew. Fighting back Nelda fell down on one knee, planting her other foot in front of her in the dirt. But she was losing her balance, on the verge of being face-planted in the mud by Brenda''s magical tractor beam.


    Hands considerably beefier than SmithGuild''s grabbed Nelda by the waist. She started to kick in protest before realizing the hands were pulling her backward, not taking her towards Brenda.


    Whipping her head around she saw the chonky centaur was helping her out, his saucer-sized hoofs planted squared and securely.


    Nelda just cocked her head and smiled. Gesturing dramatically with her hand, fingers curled like hooks, the pull on the horn redoubled. Even if she could not move Nelda and her equine anchor, the weak point was the grip of her hands which was beginning to weaken and the horn started to pull away from her body. She could feel her fingers starting to loosen. It had already got too far away for her to try and hook and elbow around it.


    \"SmithGuild, help!\" she called out.


    Brenda was smiling. She looked even more terrible with that smug smile than her usual truculent scowl. Nelda realized that, with an up-do and some nice duds, Brenda was actually rather beautiful -- in a cold and commanding way. She was like a high fantasy Lady Macbeth in her wrath and determination. [\"Bend up each corporal agent to the terrible feat¡­\"]


    But then Brenda''s expression flickered and waned. Her fingers lost their aesthetic curl, her mouth fell open.


    As the incredible pull of her summoning fell slack, Nelda struck herself full across the face with the horn. At the same time, her body was lofted back and upon the air. She got a blurred glimpse of the centaur landing backward on his horse ass as she did an unplanned triple salchow back toward the house and very much failed to stick the landing.


    She found herself planted neatly between two stakes holding up bean-vines, with the horn flat beneath her. [No impalements. Maybe dating an asexual man has taught me a thing or two.]


    A few tufts of pegasus fluff blew past in front of her, and clods of much and mud were sprayed into her face. But she still got to see the gratifying sight of Brenda in full, but unfortunately successful retreat.


    Brenda had sprouted an impressive set of black-as-night wings and was beating them with all the urgency of a started pigeon sending wind, soil, and fluff in all directions. As she fought to gain flight and figure could be seen leaping after her.


    [Fuck me, it''s Manny the Manticore.]


    And so it was. A creature capable of cat-like grace despite his four-square build and oversized round head fringed with heavy mane. Manny seemed within an inch of grabbing her foot as he reached the apex of his leap, but his rows of pointed teeth snapped shut on little more than air. As Brenda stabilized and swooped upwards, Manny landed with a heavy thump and painful-sounding crack.


    Nelda took a deep breath, just to make sure she could. Keeping one eye on the rapidly retreating Brenda she felt along the unicorn horn. It seemed to be all in one piece, undamaged, if noticeably warm at the tip. She used it as an impromptu walking stick to help lever herself to her feet.


    It was strangely quiet.


    [We have comprehensively destroyed the seer''s garden.]


    SmithGuild was pretty much where she had last seen him. The centaur was collecting himself awkwardly off the ground. Manny was a dark lump, unmoving. Brenda was barely a speck distant in the sky.


    Nelda collected a white tuft that was tangled in her hair. Up close it looked like nothing more than feather down like someone had emptied out about two dozen goose-down pillows all around them.


    In fact, the fluffiest of them all [in both senses of the word] was the centaur who was practically covered in the stuff. [Which makes sense if this was part of some pegasus-creating spell.]


    \"Okay,\" Nelda said to herself. \"So that happened.\"


    She began to pick her way through the flotsam towards the manticore.


    \"Um, are you sure you should do that?\" SmithGuild asked in a quavering voice.


    \"He does seem to have saved our lives-slash-maybe the world,\" Nelda said as she continued. \"If you are right about who should have this thing.\" She waved the horn in his general direction.


    She was having a little trouble seeing out of her left eye, which was swelling up from where she had hit herself with the horn. [I wonder if it can heal injuries it also caused?]


    Nelda was beginning to have second thoughts as she got closer. The manticore was easily the size of a male lion, accessories aside, built more like a pit-bull. Its fur was an unrealistically over-saturated shade of terracotta red.


    [He, not it] Nelda reminded herself. [This is Manny.]


    She edged around the prone figure, laying flat on it''s front with legs splayed out. She Found his giant head turned to the side.


    Gently lifting up mane hair she peered down at his Cheshire-cat-like face, its giant eyelids closed.


    \"Hey, Manny,\" she mentioned. \"How you doing there?\"


    Manny''s bifurcated lip wrinkled. \"I'' turns out,\" he said. \"That manticores are assholes too,\" he said. \"Even worse than you lot.\"


    \"Ah.\" Reassured that he was not dying, Nelda let the mane fall back over his face. \"If you can manage it. I think we should take this inside.\"

 74 Illusions

    It was dark inside the Seer''s guest-hall with the doors pulled closed. A little light came in through the gaps in the door planks. Nelda considered the wall sconces, but decided not to try to get them lit.


    [My expertise with kindling fires stops and starts with knowing how to operate a Bic lighter. I should have brought one with me from Earth. That and a lot of other things.]


    Everyone seemed to be looking at her. SmithGuild, looking noticeably gaunt and disheveled now. Manny the manticore, looking like he had a headache and would like to take it out on anyone who gave him the opportunity. The pony centaur was picking fluff out of his hair.


    It might not have been their most pressing issue but Nelda just had to ask. "So, mister¡­ centaur."


    "You don''t remember my use-name, do you?" the centaur.


    [Dude, there''s been a lot going on!]


    But Nelda took a deep breath and tried to remember how much it sucked to be a more-or-less forgotten cog in a not-very-nice machine. "Would you be so kind as to tell me your name?'' she asked. "I can only imagine how tiresome it is being used as part of other people''s plans and schemes. Let alone, I guess changed into another creature altogether." Her eyes flicked to SmithGuild. "But¡­ and our only chance of making things a bit better is probably working together. There''s a lot of assholes in the world and there doesn''t seem to be any limit to what they are willing to do to get what they want."


    There was a bit of a silent pause.


    "I''m sorry," Nelda added. "That wasn''t really a very inspiring thing to say but I am not really trying to be a leader here just more of and¡­ organizer. To see if we can all agree on what to do about the current situation, the prophecy and¡­ Brenda."


    The centaur cocked his head. "Brenda?"


    "That''s the name of little Miss Method-Actor out there." She pointed vaguely towards the sky.


    "So you know her real name," the centaur said. "That is good. If it is her real name. Like, I know different peoples have different ways but with the centaur there is a true given name from birth and a use-name of lineage. It refers to one''s most recently deceased direct ancestor. So I am called Freyason, after my mother."


    "Oh, I am sorry," Nedla said almost reflexively.


    Manny snorted. Which seemed to remain Freyason that he was standing quite close to an enormous cannibal, and they hadn''t even been introduced. The centaur moved each of his four hooves with a distinct ''clop'' to move slightly further away.


    "Right, so, Freyason. If you don''t mind sharing, just how did¡­ that, happen you."


    Freyason shifted his hooves again, more an uneasy shuffle. "The woman came to the BellMare and was alone talking to her most of a day. I don''t know if she convinced her of some quest, or bespelled her. I would not have thought that possible." He was lost in thought a moment. "Afterward we were sent out to capture any bird of flight we could find that was pure white in color. Geese, swans, doves even. She rejected any with even the slightly blemish of color on their feature, and then¡­." He shuddered.


    Manny seemed bored and lay down against the wall with a thump and a sigh.


    "I know it might be hard," Nelda said. "But it will help us to know how Brenda did this."


    "You should stop saying her name," SmithGuild said. The myths say that takes the power out of it. Not a sort of magical theory I normally put much stock in but in these times we will need all the help we can get."


    "Thank you SmithGuild. Freyason¡­?"


    The center continued. "The BellMare ordered a great pit dug with straight sides. Not something that is easily done but they crafted tools and once it was done¡­ pushed me into it. Told me it was a great honor. Killed all the birds and covered me first in the blood and ten the feathers. There was smoke, fumes of some kind and then¡­ I became that thing. Bound with a gold harness to do only what she wanted."


    "Wait, what happened to that?" Nelda''s mind leaped to her potential future problem of controlling whatever kind of creature the unicorn turned out to be. Not exactly a nice thought but better than being trepanned by an evil horn-horse if it somehow came out wrong.


    "I think¡­" SithGuild started, he seemed to need Nelda''s tacit permission to continue so she tried to smile at him encouragingly. "I know we planned to await Asbolus and Jen''s return. But this place, it may be defensible for the seer but he must know a few tricks we don''t. I don''t think we should await the witch''s return. Know she has seen us she will be better prepared."


    "She''ll be killing more creatures even now," Freyason agreed.


    "If blood and souls is what powers her magics," SmithGuild added, uneasily. "There is no real limit to what she can do other than what or who she can kill."


    "How would she even arrive at that idea," Nelda exclaimed. "You''ve seen some small part of our world. There is no magic there. No way to learn how to do it. I have been blundering around not even aware of what I am doing. Literally not aware."


    "Yes well, I do have a theory by perhaps¡­" he looked at Freyason and Manny as if constrained by their presence.


    "Please, say what you think. There is no point in secrets between allies." [And I shall just have to assume these two are our allies now. There is no time left for doubt and inquisitions.] The truth of that thought ran through her with a shiver. They needed to move quickly now that Brenda was holding up her end of the prophecy.


    SmithGuild leaned against the wall and clasped his hands awkwardly together. "I believe," he said. "That your abilities are greatly limited by your fear of doing harm to others, and perhaps by your doubt of yourself. Brenda is quite the reverse. Hurting others seems to bother her little. Each of you came here bringing with you, inside and unspoken, the power you would have in this realm. Your other kinspeople seem have no such magic and why that os I do not know, except perhaps the prophecy reflects or creates these limits on who is given power and who is not...:"


    "Ugh." Nelda let this idea run around in her head a moment. "So because B¡­ the witch is an asshole she has conscious control over the unlimited power of hurting other creatures and people. But there must be some limits to what she can do with it or she would have just killed us all with fireballs or lightning or some such theatrical bollocks."


    SmithGuild seemed interested, as ever, by the assumptions she was making. It struck Nelda that he, as a Mirth Scholar, had been making something of a study of her -- perhaps for some time. [And I don''t know how I feel about that.]


    Nelda swept that all to the back of her mind. "The upshot of this all being, you think we should get out of here before the witch returns."


    Manny, apparently a manticore of action, hauled himself to his feet and started to amble towards the door.


    "But¡­ where are we going?" Nelda asked.


    "Seem queer enough to me, Manny rumbled. "Away from here."