244 I Want This Wedding (Winona)


    A week has passed since that night, since I heard Jayden say her name in his sleep. Ashlyn,


    Even worse, he was having sex with her in his sleep, or whatever it was they did to require the use of his safe word. I''m rattled. I''m back to thinking that this is a part of his needs I can''t fulfill other way


    way,


    It''s been bothering me, like an itch I can''t scratch. He hasn''t mentioned her since, and in every he''s been perfect. But that dream, the way he said her name, the small groan. The safe word. It''s all still here in my head, eating away at me. I''m sitting across from Barnaby during my weekly therapy session, spilling it all out. I want to stop these sessions after I''m married. The way I''m going, the session will never end.


    "I know it sounds crazy," I say, my hands twisting in myp, fingers interlocked in a nervous knot. "I know he''s dealing with a lot-Henry, the wedding, everything But why is he calling out to her, you know? Ashlyn? It''s like... is he still in love with her?"


    Barnaby listens quietly, as he always does, nodding every now and then to encourage me to keep talking. His eyes are calm, patient, and I know he''s waiting for me to get it all out.


    "It''s hard," he finally says, leaning forward a little, folding his hands on the notepad resting on hisp.


    *Because this isn''t about Ashlyn in the way you''re thinking. Jayden is dealing with a lot of unresolved emotions tied to her, especially since Henry''s birth. But dreams are often just our mind''s way of processing things we can''t control."


    I nod, but it doesn''t make it easier. "I get that, but shouldn''t he be leaning on me for support? Not pleading with Ashlyn, someone who''s gone. And then having sexual dreams about her. It just feels like... he''s hiding something." "Have you considered the dreams might be less about being sexual and more about the control factors?" Barnaby asks, his pen tapping lightly against the notepad.


    "I guess that''s possible." But I heard him. I saw him. It was definitely sexual.


    Barnaby reminds me gently. "You and Jayden made a promise, didn''t you? To be open and honest with each other, not to hide feelings. You''ve bothe a long way, and this is something that, if left to fester, will create doubt."


    I sigh, staring at the floor, my shoe sliding against the carpeted office floor. "You''re right, but I don''t want to bring this up right now. The wedding''s six weeks away, Barnaby. I''ve made up with Cass after our fight about Gabriel, things are finally falling into ce. I don''t want to derail everything."


    His gaze softens, his voice gentle but firm. "Winona, avoiding a conversation like this won''t make it go away. If anything, it''ll eat at you until ites out in a worse way. Don''t underestimate the power of talking things through, even if it''s ufortable."


    "I know," I mutter, picking at the sleeve of my jacket, the soft fabric feeling like a wee distraction. But Jayden''s been so amazing. He''s nned the entire wedding, every detail. He''s so excited to finally have us all together, to officially join our family." 244 I Want The Wedding


    A soft smile tugs at my lips as I think about his ns. Jayden''s been stoked about it, calling venues, organizing the reception, even booking us a mini-moon since we can''t be away from Henry too long.


    He''s been more present than I ever imagined, diving into this with everything he has.


    "But holding this back might make him think you have trust Issues," Barnaby interjects, watching me closely.


    "I just don''t want to ruin the moment. He''s been hands-on in ways I never expected. He even found a way to include Bobby and Sarah in the ceremony. He''s nning to adopt them on the same day we get married. Like, sign the papers with them on the day." "That is pretty cool," Barnaby acknowledges with a nod, his tone warm.


    "How can I be so selfish and petty?" I ask, leaning back into the chair, my hands dropping limply into myp. "He''s giving me everything I ever wanted with him. A family, a home, a life together. How can I throw something like this in his face?"


    Barnaby doesn''t answer immediately, just sits there, letting the words hang in the air between us. His silence isn''t ufortable, but it presses on me, making me reflect harder on what I''m saying.This is the property of N?-velDrama.Org.


    "Winona," he finally says. "You''re not being selfish. You''re not being petty. You''re feeling something real something that needs to be addressed. Marriage isn''t about perfection; it''s about working through the imperfections"


    I know he''s right. But the thought of bringing up Ashlyn now, when everything else is going so well, wrong. I can''t shake the fear that I''ll ruin it all, that I''ll push Jayden away with my insecurities.


    feels


    "I''ll think about it," I finally say, standing up to grab my bag, the weight of it slung over my shoulder feeling like a necessary distraction.


    "But for now. I just want to focus on the wedding. I''ll bring it up after. Once we''re married, I''ll deal with it then. It''s for better or for worse, right?"


    Barnaby gives me a small, understanding nod as I go to the door.


    I don''t know if I''m making the right decision, but right now, it feels like the only one. I just want this wedding.


    I want our life together. Everything else can wait.