"Are


    sure that this is okay?" I skeptically ask as I get in the passenger seat. I can already feel my heart racing and I''m not you sure if this is because I''m in the passenger seat or because I''m going to spend almost two hours in a car with Ss. "Give me one reason why this won''t be okay," he wonders and I stay silent, not having a reason I could give him. Maybe it''s because we haven''t spoken in so long, and if he hadn''t messaged me yesterday, asking me if I wanted to tag along with him, I wouldn''t have spoken to him. "Exactly, there''s no reason that we know of. Has Everest told you something?"


    Well, he


    "He


    the captain now." My eyes go wideelings, but his face is neutral. He has cut his hair and the haircut suits him a lot. "How''s football going?" I change the subject, not wanting Everest to be the main focus of our talk.


    I look


    he indeed has said lots of things. He expressed that he didn''t like how Ss was my ride, but when I told him that my parents insisted that I should go with Ss, he gave in. My parents didn''t say anything, but it was my way out if I wanted to save myself any hassle. I wasn''t in the mood to escte the whole sit but here I am," I say looking at him. "Wait! You know that I''m dating Everest?" I ask, fully taking in his question now. situation to a fight. expressed his I his dislike for the whole i idea, but "Yeah, I know. I saw you two kissing once in the lobby of our apartmentplex," he answers and I slowly nod. I want to ask him how he''s feeling, but I''m not going to do that. I can''t do that. Not when I know that he''s probably hurt. I''m dating someone he doesn''t like. I at t him, attempting to to decipher his "I''m the when he says that. I remember that he told me he became the co-captainst year, which meant that he was bound to be the captain. However, hearing such great news from him is great. "Congrattions!" I "I exim, feeling genuinely happy for him. I may not remember anything about our rtionship, but I do remember Ss being a great man and there''s no doubt that he deserves the best in life. for a second I before looking back at the road. It''s like we don''t know what we''re thirteen and no matter what, silence never had a ce between us, because we used to bicker more than anything in the world. "How are the guys?" I ask, ying with the end of my sweater. When I decided to pull myself away from Ss, it didn''t feel right to stay friends with them. They are his friends and I don''t want things to get ufortable or awkward because of my presence, so I chose to walk away even though I liked theirpany. "They''re doing great. If you want to attend one of the barbecues we hold at the house, you''re wee toe. You know that, right?" he says, but I know that he''s only saying that out of courtesy. How am I wee among them when I''m the one who broke their friend''s heart? I can''t even bring myself to text the girls because of the same reason. "Thank you,


    Thank you." He smiles at me supposed to say to each other. There''s a voice in my head that keeps telling me we were never like that before and I feel like I''m inclined to believe it. Maybe it''s because Ss has been there for long. I have known him since I was almost


    but I guess it''s better if I keep my distance," I say with a small smile.


    "Do whatever makes youfortable, Rosie, but I want you to know that my door will always be open for you." His words are so kind that I find myself despising who I am because of what I had done to him.


    "You''re doing a lot better in the passenger seat," Ss points out


    "Therapy is helping me a lot. My heart still beats fast once I get in the passenger seat, but it only takes five minutes for it to calm down. I give him an update that he probably doesn''t want.


    I''m so proud of you." His tone is sincere and encouraging.


    "I can''t bring myself to drive until now, though." I hate my inability to drive and I wish I could do something to get over this


    fear.Content (C) N?v/elDra/ma.Org.


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    45


    "And this is totally okay-If you''d like, we can give it a try on Sunday morning," he suggests. I want to say yes, because I know that Ss will be patient with me. As much as I hate to admit it, ot Ss is my safe zone. Even after everything, I know that I''m certain that he''s going to get to my rescue if I ever need him. Because I know that, I don''t want to take advantage of his kindness. That''s why I can''t bring myself to say yes.


    "Why are you overthinking it? I know how to deal with panic attacks, Rosic. So, even if you get one, I know who


    assures me.


    "Don''t you have ns with your friends?" I ask, attempting to get out of the situation in the politest way possible. to do," he


    "Not really." He shrugs and I stay silent. I''ve got nothing to say to him. "Do I... Do I make you ufortable now?" I hate how small his voice is as he asks me this question. It''s like he''s afraid of what I may say to him.


    "Ss, I can never be ufortable around you. You make me feel good about myself and safe too," I tell him. I find myselfparing how gentle Ss is and how pushy Everest hastely been with me and I wonder if I have been making a bunch of bad decisionstely. "Are you going to be okay with being around me?" I''m hesitant as I ask, not knowing if there''s a better way to phrase my question. "Why won''t I be? Just because we broke up, that doesn''t make me unable to be around you. I''m a grown man, Rosie, and I respect your boundaries," he tells me. "Then I guess we can give it a try on Sunday," I finally ept his offer. If I''m going to try getting behind the wheel again after the ident, I would like to try it with Ss. "Great!" he he says a genuine smile on his face.


    with


    When we reach my house, I invite him toe inside, but he politely refuses, telling me that he needs to get home as soon as possible because he has ns with his friends. I''m going to see him tomorrow and I wonder how it''s going to be.


    I saw many pictures of us on the inte kissing once as we were entering the venue of an event we attended together. I kept thinking about the way we looked, because we seemed pretty in love. I hated how I was unable to remember the type of love we had and I hated myself more for being unable to love him again the way I once did.


    I take a deep breath and make my way to inside the house with only one person in person in my mind: Ss.


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