Chapter 28: Irreparable


    There was a moment of silence between us. His eyes were earnest as he stared at me, yet there was this underlying confidence in them that screamed for me to prove him wrong.


    "I spent years of my time learningnguages so that I can understand different cultures and help people. I am not going to change my life because you think I am good at something, Mr. Butler. I am content with my lot."


    My voice was firmer than I had anticipated. I sighed when his response didn''te.


    "I am sorry I just don''t think my thirst for knowledge leads me to be your assistant. My dreams don''t take me there," I told him in a gentler voice. I wished to pacify him, to make him understand how irreparable and impossible it was for me to be in a position of power, in one I didn''t deserve where one mistake could lead to the desecration of lives.


    "You deny your passion for this line of work," he stated simply. "A lot of people change their careers because they don''t find it interesting once they join. I was one of the people who are equally if not more in love with my dream than I was when I had no experience."


    "A lot of people change their careers, yes, but that doesn''t mean they are happy with what they chose. Experience decays the illusions they have about the grandiose nature of the job they chose. It bes a chore. I don''t want to risk my life''s work for a moment of thrill, to delude myself into thinking that I can somehow enjoy this work, when clearly I am not cut out for it."


    I had assumed my logic would defeat him, but it didn''t.


    "Good. That is what I want to say, as well," he smiled a small smile, ted that he could somehow twist my words into something else altogether. "I don''t want you to change your line of work. I want you to assist me in tranting documents for my research and help me in during interviews of people who speak differentnguages. I am not asking you to put yourself on the line and solve cases. You are not trained for it. I just want you to use your talent in a ce where you are appreciated and paid properly." He shrugged.


    I took a shuddering breath as I went over his words in my head.


    "I don''t think I can handle working with you, Mr. Butler." My voice was a whisper. I didn''t dare look at him to check if he had heard me or not. He would have to figure out my answer if it hadn''t reached him.


    Images of bloodied ropes, des and limbs hanging off bodies evaded my mind. I felt anger. I felt disgust. And I felt yearning.


    Thest instilled fear in the very core of my being.


    These images excited me in a way nothing else did. I may not enjoy the pain of others, but I was capable of inflicting it. I could be so taken with the idea of warm blood dripping from my fingers onto the marble floor as I apanied Sebastian to ces and heard those monsters justify their reasons to kill. I wouldn''t be able to control myself. I would be just like them. And I would never let that happen.


    "That is perfectly fine, Miss Lewis. I understand. I won''t interrupt you or pressure you into anything you are ufortable with." His words soothed my erratic heart. "But I want you to remember that the position will be open if you wish to take up the role of my assistant. You''ve set the bar too high for the others toe, unfortunately."


    With that, he stood up from the seat and picked his te up. He was about to walk away when he stopped and turned back.


    "You are in need of a ce to stay, are you not?" he says in a contemtive matter. I am taken aback by the sudden change in subject. I nod suspiciously as he gives me a guilty smile.


    "I would assume you would like to stay in a ce where the security is top notch and close to your workce. I know for a fact that some apartments at myplex are up for rent."


    "No" I began, but quieted down. "The rent is a factor. But good security would be nice." I was defeated.


    "Then I can show you around when you get the time." He waits for me to stand up andplete. I am restless as I follow him. My mind is full of questions. I don''t know why I gave in to his demand, but I am surprisingly okay with it.


    I remembered his words offort and the way he held me as I struggled to control myself, to understand why I was such a wretched being.


    I decided that it wouldn''t be so bad staying close by and being assured that he wouldn''t let memit a mistake that would haunt me forever.


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