96 Guilt – tripping grief …


    L


    It was nearly dusk when I arrived at the pack house and the first time I would be going home since I arrived at Blue Ridge .


    I hesitated at the door , taking in a deep breath .


    I didn’t know what to expect from my mother .


    Did she hate me less now ?


    I nced over my shoulder at the two pack warriors Beta Jeremy had insisted Ie with , their presence feltforting alright but I knew I had to face whatever was waiting for me inside the house .


    “ Wait here , I managed to say to them .


    “ I won’t be long ”


    They nodded quietly and stood to one side of the terrace .


    I took another deep breath again before knocking .


    After a few seconds , the heavy door creaked open revealing one of the pack


    servants .


    It was our housekeeper .


    As soon as she saw me , she opened the door wider and bowed her head in greeting .


    “ Miss L .


    ”


    “ Good evening .


    I shed her an uneasy smile looking past her shoulders .


    “ Are my mother and my sister around ? ”


    “ Miss rissa went for a walk around the Packhouse to clear her head , while your mother is resting in the bedroom .


    Should I tell her you’re here ? ”


    “ No ! ” I said quickly , feeling relieved somewhat .


    “ Let’s not disturb her .


    I only came to get an important thing for my dad’s funeral and will be out in no time .


    ”


    I entered the house , stopping to respond to the greetings of the few domestic staff who passed by or were working silently in the background .


    The atmosphere in the house felt depressing .


    Everyone I passed had a sombre look on their face .


    They were all mourning for my father .


    To everyone , he was a good man … except for me .


    I made my way through the hallway , trying not to get overwhelmed by the memories that rushed to my mind .


    My father sitting in his favourite chair in the sitting room , barking orders at m Family dinners that revolved around their perfect daughter rissa and moreints about me … the scent of his cologne still clung faintly to the air .


    Focus , I reminded myself .


    Just get suitable clothes for the funeral and leave .


    I repeated the mantra in my head , heading for the stairs that led to the master bedroom .


    I wasn’t here to wallow in memories or to mourn ; I’d done that enough already … in my own way .


    As I approached the master bedroom , I noticed the door was slightly ajar , which was unusual .


    Just as I reached out to push it open , a sound froze my steps – soft chuckling , almost delirious drifted from within to my ears .


    My breath caught in my throat as I slowly peered inside .


    14:46


    € 96 Guilt – tripping grief …


    The bedroom seemed empty .


    Deciding I may just be hearing things , I entered the bedroom this time and was about to walk in the direction of the closet when the soft , almost muffled chuckling reached my ears again .


    Startled , I decided to find out what it was .


    Following the direction where the sound hade from , I got to the other side of the massive bed and gasped slightly when I saw my mother sitting on the ground , crossed – legged , flipping through a photo album spread across herp .


    Her fingers traced the photos as she flipped through the pages , pausing every so often tough or make one weird noise , though it sounded more like a pained release than trueughter .


    Her cheeks were streaked with dried tears and her eyes were swollen and red from crying .


    I’ve heard that losing your mate- the pain , was worse than rejection and as someone who had experienced what it means to be rejected , I had an idea of how my mother felt right now .


    As if sensing my presence , she finally looked up and immediately the chuckling ceased and her gaze shifted from nostalgia to pure hatred that made me involuntarily take a step back .


    * I … I just came to get something suitable for Dad … for his burial .


    ” I stammered , with a trembling voice .


    She said nothing .


    She merely closed the photo album with a deliberate slowness that felt like she was contemting harming me before attempting to stand .


    She groaned as she tried to stand with her heavily pregnant form .


    Instinctively , I stepped forward to help but a sharp re from her made me recoil .


    Reaching for the bedpost instead , she pulled herself up , panting .


    Then she walked past me taking the photo album with her.


    “ Mom , please , I followed after her still keeping my distance .


    “ Can we talk ? I’m sorry … please just tell me how to fix it , I promise I’ll do anything ”


    But she ignored me and continued walking to the door .


    I followed her with my gaze fighting the tears that pooled at the corner of my eyes .


    As she reached the doorway, I noticed rissa was standing there .


    My mother passed by without saying a word to her .


    I quickly looked away , hoping to hide the tears in my eyes but rissa entered the room anyway .


    She didn’t say anything to me at first .


    She just walked around the room slowly , her fingers brushing against father’s belongings – his reading sses on the nightstand , the watch he always forgot to wear , his favourite sweater draped over a chair .


    Finally , she sank onto the bed , running a hand over the quilt on it .


    “ This is the first time I’ve been here , she said softly , tears gathering in her eyes .


    “ Since … since father … ” she couldn’t finish the sentence , but she didn’t need to .


    I crossed the room and sat down beside her , and for a moment , we sat in silence .


    96 Guilt – tripping grief ….


    She lost her mate , her best friend plus carrying a baby doesn’t make it easier .


    The pack healers .


    say that she’s in deep grief – it’s hitting her harder than anyone expected and they said it’ll take time , but she’lle back to us eventually .


    I bit my lip , lowering my gaze to the floor and nodded .


    “ I just … ” I struggled , finding the words .


    almost painful to say aloud .


    “ I wanted to help her , but it’s like she doesn’t want to do


    with me .


    ”


    anything


    rissa didn’t say anything .


    After a few more seconds of silence , she pointed to the rocking chair in the corner of the bedroom .


    “ Remember how father used to read to us here ? ” sheughed .


    “ Every morning before he goes to the office he’d do all the different voices for each


    character .


    ”


    I smiled , my heart swelling at the memory .


    That was before I started getting my heat .


    “ Or when he’d chase us around the yard , pretending to be some rogue wolf .


    ”


    rissa nodded , as a tear rolled down her cheek now .


    “ He was a good father , L … to both of us .


    I know … ” she took a deep breath .


    “ I know it got rocky for you at some point but he didn’t stop loving you in the end .


    Read thetest and free novels at .Com</a>


    When they took him to the pack hospital at the White Mountains … before his surgery … he had a brave smile on his face and he demanded to see you .


    ”


    I was familiar with the guilt – tripping that came with


    wasn’t interested even if our father suddenly start ef .


    I didn’t know how to tell rissa that I


    to ept that he asked for me on his sick bed .


    loving me before he died .


    I was too broken


    I didn’t care at all .


    I was only here out of duty and not obligation .


    “ Would


    you


    like my


    my help ? ” she asked suddenly , wiping the tears from her cheeks .


    “ To help you


    choose suitable clothes for dad .


    I have an idea what his favourite might be .


    ”


    I nodded with a small smile .


    “ Sure ! ”