196 The breaking point … L to If anyone thinks I am calmly processing the revtion that Nanny is my mother , let me assure you I AM NOT ! I havent reached that level of maturity yet , nor do I care to pretend otherwise .
I am furious ! Every nerve in my body is burning with anger , it seems like all the tiny molecules that make up every part of me is boiling so much that Im practicallyden with the anger I feel .
Forget everything I told you earlier about calmly arriving at the temple , being gently ushered in by Terra , Nannys best friend and politely asking Nanny if shes , my mother .
That scenario ? Thats a lie ! A fickle mirage , a fa?ade that will never happen .
The truth is , I am the highest level of pissed livid should fit it more .
I am not riding in a taxi to Golden Gates Pack because I cant afford such luxury .
Instead , Im stuck on a crowded train to Golden Gates , doing everything I can to keep my anger in check .
But its hard .
Especially with the mother and son sitting next to me , giggling and showering each other with loud , exaggerated kisses .
Their happiness feels like salt in an open wound , a painful reminder of everything Ive never had and will likely never get .
I was shaking with anger , so much so that I was a minute away from driving this train .
pa Finally , I arrived at Golden Gate Park and picked up a cab to the Moon Temple .
As soon as I reached it , I stormed into the temple , my heart was pounding with rage and heartbreak .
The temple was quiet , serene as it always seemed in the stories , Nanny had told me .
I followed the faint hum of voices echoing through the halls , leading me to the courtyard where a group of women sat in a circle ,ughing at something .
My eyes went wild as I scanned their faces , searching for my target .
I finally found her .
She was sitting amid the circle of women ,ughing , carefree , as if she hadnt just destroyed her daughters entire world .
It infuriated me .
My rage pushed me .
I marched forward and it didnt help that I had heels on , so I practically sounded like a baby thunder roaring .
The women turned to me , most of them looked familiar 1 had seen them at the Harvest Moon Festival .
Most of them looked startled but at this point , I didnt care I reached Nanny and grabbed her arm , yanking her to her feet , and tightening my hold on her .
She looked both surprised and I 10-26 196 The breaking point ….
Is it true ? I barked ; my voice was trembling with fury .
Her face contorted with confusion as she searched my face not before looking around warily , as if she wished this was not happening right here in the presence of the other women .
L , what … IS IT TRUE ? I shouted .
All these years … all this time … why didnt you tell me ? The courtyard fell silent , the other women were staring curiously at us .
Nannys eyes widened as understanding dawned on them .
The colour drained from her features as she stared at me .
She knew .
She took a step backwards , her hands raised catingly , L , please … calm down .
Lets talk about this .
Dont you dare tell me to calm down ! I shouted , my voice echoing off the walls .
You lied to me ! Youve lied to me my entire life .
Why didnt you tell me ? Why did I have to find out like this ? Her shoulders slumped and she let out a shaky sigh .
I didnt lie to you , L .
I kept the truth from you to protect you .
I dryugh escaped my lips .
Protect me ? I scoffed .
From what exactly ? From yourself , you mean ? Thats all youve ever done , isnt it ? Everything is always about you .
Youre so selfish , you never cared about what I needed ! 2 L , thats not true, she protested , reaching for me .
Everything I did , I … Everything you did ruined my life ! I yelled again .
Do you know where I should be right now ? I should be celebrating my wedding with Nathan .
I should be happy ! tears rolled down my cheeks .
But because of you , Im not .
Instead , Im here , finding out Im a bastard .
That my whole life has been a lie ! A murmur rippled through the women before Terra Nannys best friend came forward .
She had a concerned expression on her face as she came towards me slowly .
L , please … I know youre hurt and all but please can you take this somewhere private as you know this is a temple and … No ! I whirled to face , Terra .
Did you know too ? Did everyone know except me ? My eyes swept the women watching , noting that some of them averted their gazes whilst the others looked on with confusion .
Of course , you did .
You all did .
Dont talk to me that way , L ! Terra snapped .
I dont care if you have issues but you will respect this temple .
You cante in here , foaming with rage and expect us to let you ? Are you a child ? Why are you throwing tantrums ? Terra ! Nanny tried to hold her friend but she seemed angry now .
You think youre entitled to an apology ? Have you considered the sacrifices and every other thing that happened ? It was casy for her to do away with you and make sure you never existed , but here you are , shouting and screaming at her without hearing from her first .
You cry people judge you all the time , arent you doing the same ? 10:26 196 The breaking point … I paused , staring at her with annoyance .
I hated Terra .
I hated how everything she said struck a chord in my heart .
Stay out of this , Terra ! I snapped finally .
This is between me and her .
I turned to Nanny , her face was pale , and her lips were trembling .
L , I never wanted to hurt you .
I swear on everything I hold dear .
I was young , I didnt know what I was doing , and all I knew was , that I wanted you .
I loved you from the point I held you in my hands , up until this moment , I still love you .
Youre my precious gift .
WHAT !!! one of the women shouted so loudly that we turned in the direction .
When we turned , it was Priestess Superior , Priestess Diana .
Her eyes had grown sorge that I was afraid it would pop out .
She walked up to us, scanning from me to Nanny and back .
Miriam , what are you talking about ? Is it what I thought I heard true ? Nanny turned .
Yes , L is my daughter .
Another ripple went through the women .
For a moment , I forgot about my anger and turned to stare at them .
Werent they overreacti But how ? one of the younger women in the crowd asked Is it even possible ? As if on cue , Mother Liora wobbled in , her face was wrinkled in annoyance and she had a stick in her hand .
She went straight to Priestess Diana .
Youre here and the temple is rowdy and unruly ? Are you aware that your star pupil , your so called gift from the goddess is a mother and has given birth ? Priestess Diana narrowed her eyes at Mother Liora as if the more she stared , the more the truth became visible .
All of you , leave this courtyard , immediately , Mother Liora shouted with surprising strength .
Immediately , all the women dispersed except for Priestess Diana , Terra and another woman who had a contented smile on her face .
That includes you , Jemima and Diana , Mother Liora red at them .
Leave here immediately .
Priestess Diana wanted toin but decided against it .
Finally , she left , leaving just me , Terra and Mother Liora .
Mother Liora took Terras hand and both of them walked out too , leaving us alone in the courtyard .
As soon as they left , Nanny took several steps to me .
There is no excuse for keeping this away from you .
Is that the only thing you did ? I snapped .
You wiped my memory off , lied to me and let me believe you were someone you werent .
Youve never cared about whats best for me .
Youve only ever cared about whats best for you ! L , please listen … she began again .
You have all the chances in the world to tell me .
All the opportunities to tell me but you let me suffer these years thinking the woman I thought was my mother hated me .
gGosh We were together the most , Nanny .
We spent the major part of our lives together and you couldnt tell 196 The breaking point … me .
L … she tried again .
I dont want to hear it .
Im done listening to you .
Im done with you .
She reached out finally grabbing my hand as she trembled .
L , dont say that .
I love you .
Ive always loved you .
You dont love me .
If you loved me , you wouldve told me the truth .
You would have been honest with me .
I WAS ASHAMED ! she yelled , as tears rolled down her cheeks in torrents .
I was 19 when I got pregnant , L to make it worse , he had a mate , he was married and I thought if I could keep it away from you , that the guilt would leave me and maybe you wouldnt hate me as much …