That feeling, how to say?


    Is very helpless, very powerless, vaguely know in the heart, he may be to go down.


    In fact, in this case, he had been prepared for it.


    After all, as early as a long time ago, the doctor has made a diagnosis, he is congenital deficiency, so the body resistance is very poor. It has been so weak that it has caused many complications. You may die at any time, maybe today, maybe tomorrow, if you''re lucky, maybe years later


    People who have been ill for a long time, in fact, die the most painful.


    Because others die without warning, and you can''t predict your own death.


    Can be a long-term illness, master all his body abnormal, know the body bone in a little bit worse, know when he will probably not survive.


    Foresee death, and then watch yourself die step by step.


    I can''t even save myself.


    Because doctors have long said that there is no cure for stone.


    Before entering the ICU every time, he would have drowsiness, chest tightness, shortness of breath and other symptoms when caring. Generally, he would be lucky, without such a strong foreboding.


    But this time, my heart seems to have been sinking under the lake.


    It''s very cold.


    Without heat, his body became cool inch by inch. Even when he went to bed at night, he didn''t dare to hold out his hand to hold the stars, for fear that she would be cold by herself.


    Carefully with the fingertip of the index finger, described the eyebrows and eyes of the stars


    Stars, my stars.


    In the past, I have always heard people say that the most powerless thing in the world is that you are born to me and I am old.


    Only now did he know that what really makes people feel powerless in this world is the difference between us in a healthy body.


    The age gap is still passable.


    But the gap between life and death is really helpless.


    "Stars, I have a hunch that I may not be able to survive this winter." He didn''t choose to hide it.


    And other passed away, so that the stars do not have a little bit of defense. It''s better to take advantage of this last time, he gives her a little psychological preparation, so that it won''t be totally unacceptable at that time.


    Stars pursed lips, looked at a pity, some obstinately bowed his head.


    Don''t listen, don''t listen, Xiaohua chants scriptures.


    As long as she doesn''t listen, she won''t die.


    "You touch me, there''s almost no temperature." Take care of the stars when the hand, into the clothes, according to their own body.


    Obviously, he was talking about such a heavy topic about his life and death, but he was as calm and self-contained as a teacher who was good at guiding and earnestly instructing him.


    "So I think death should be very close to me. It''s inevitable. Stars, we can''t escape. Do you understand?"


    Only when people have the courage to face, can they go on.


    The more you escape, the more you can''t get out of the mud.


    If stars can face his death, they may find someone they like to support each other and spend their whole life.


    Don''t try to escape all her life.


    Although Gu Xi knew stars, he underestimated cub''s paranoia after all. Fanxing herself is a besieged city. She is the only one who opens a door to let people in. She never comes out of it


    "Take care of the time, bad people!" Stars bowed their heads and murmured.


    "Stars, to me, death is never the most terrible thing. I think the really terrible thing in this world is that I have never met you in my life. " Life is never in terms of length. The real meaning of his life is the people he meets and the things that happen.


    For the first 20 years, he was in a muddle, waiting for death.


    Meeting the stars is the real beginning of his life.


    He even had a feeling


    This life, he is forced to come.


    And it''s hard work, at all costs, forced. If it is not forced, the stars are not with him.


    His body bone, estimated is the price of demanding.


    The vague feeling made him feel grateful even when he died. Grateful for this life, he can meet his little star.


    "I don''t want to talk to you." Stars shriveled mouth, sucked nose, hold back not to cry.


    "You like me so much that you won''t be willing to ignore me." I touched her face when I was looking after her.


    If you know the future, accept it.


    Death is not terrible, terrible is to indulge in it, but wasted the last time together.


    *


    the weather is getting cold and winter is coming.


    These two or three months of time, cherish when calm as if not like a life is about to burn out.


    When I wake up every day, I habitually kiss stars on the forehead. He is more and more unable to pick up the spirit, sometimes holding the stars nest in bed, is all day.Stars feel like ice when caring, cool.


    At the beginning, there was a little temperature in his arms. Holding him, she can pass on her temperature to him.


    But later, the colder he felt. Even if she was hot all over, when she held him, she couldn''t make him warm.


    So not only do you care, but also the stars gradually feel


    The gradual loss of vitality.


    Stars feel like holding a porcelain doll when they cherish it.


    If you hold it too lightly, you will lose your care. But if you hold him too much, you will be worried that he will be killed if he is so vulnerable.


    So every time when he sleeps, Cub opens his eyes in confusion.


    The confusion of death, the fear of loss.


    She''s afraid of losing care, but she can''t do anything.


    He seemed to be very afraid of her sadness, so he told her over and over again that he was not afraid of death. In fact, he had been psychologically prepared for death sooner or later.


    She wanted to be reassured when caring, so she pretended that she was not afraid at all.


    When you cheat, you take care of yourself.


    Qi He, she lost.


    Xu Ruiqing, she lost.


    Xie Zhan, she lost.


    Qin lie, she lost.


    Now, it''s time for her to lose her care.


    Think of the falling stars in front of her, but I just want to think of the pain in her heart.


    Cub is staring at the eyebrows of the caretaker lying on his side, looking at


    All of a sudden, a tear came down.


    For the first time, there was a kind of grievance and confusion.


    Why?


    She did not want to have a lot of things, just want to raise a small flower, why lose every time?


    Take care of when Mingming told her, God is very fair, God gave a person luck, will take back another thing. For example, let him come from a better family than most people, so take away his health.


    But her IQ is lower than most people. What did God give her?


    She has nothing, why pick things from her hand?


    Is it because she''s a little monster?


    Everyone in the world hates little monsters, so little monsters don''t deserve justice and nothing. Including, xiaohuahua.


    But she didn''t want to be a little monster. She was born a little monster. What can she do?


    Confused, confused, confused.


    If there is nothing she wants from the beginning to the end, it doesn''t matter whether it is fair or not. Even if she is still the little monster in the cage, she will not think whether the world is fair to her. Once in a while, she would be very happy if she could dig out the tunnel and eat a iced sugar gourd.


    But finally, she had what she wanted


    So I began to learn to think.


    Why?


    Why can''t it be a little bit fair to her?


    Little monsters also want to have people they like.


    Stars tilted their heads, eyes blinked, tears on curled eyelashes trembled. In his muddled expression, he was infected with a trace of bitterness and disease, and these worlds were not perfect, and finally turned into a seed of paranoia, which took root and sprouted in his heart -


    the little monster wanted to have someone he liked.


    But no one gave it a chance.


    He said that God is fair, but it is not.


    God won''t give the little monster a chance. It''s up to him to fight for it. So is fairness.


    God is no different from other people. They are all bullying.


    When she is soft, everyone bullies her, so does God.


    When she is fierce, the little monster becomes a big monster. Everyone will be afraid of her, and so will God.


    Stars head slowly slanting, like a slow little robot like, as if a little bit opened up


    She''s a good girl. She never gets a chance to be fair.


    Then Don''t be good.


    *


    at the end of December, more than a month before the lunar new year.


    It''s completely cold when I take care of it.


    This time it was really cool from head to toe.


    When I sleep at night, I still breathe. When the stars sleep in their arms until midnight, my heart stops beating completely. Passing away in my sleep, I didn''t even say a word to the stars before I died.


    "Take care of the time." Stars poked at the waist when they were pitying and called out.


    There was no response.


    Stars stay for a long time, tears have been circling in her eyes, she blinked in a panic, did not let the tears flow out.


    The cub hugged and cherished him with paranoia.As if as long as you hold tight enough, cherish when you do not die.


    Stars sleep a whole night with the corpse in their arms until the next morning.


    Gu Han didn''t know how crazy he had to be to spend more than ten hours holding his brother''s body calmly.


    "I''m sorry I died." Stars have been repeating this sentence over and over again.


    After several months of preparation, Gu Han has been able to accept the fact that his brother has left What a ghost!


    I can''t take it!


    But in the last few months, his brother was most worried about the stars.


    Even though Gu Han was grieving, he had to help his brother take care of the stars.


    Gu Han thought that stars would collapse directly, and he even had a tranquilizer ready


    If you can''t suppress it, give it a shot first.


    As a result, stars are calmer than anyone else.


    To be more precise, she was quiet.


    In addition to sleeping with the corpse for a night, which is more frightening, there seems to be no other abnormality.


    It''s like staring at his brother''s body, sitting by the coffin from the beginning of the funeral, and refusing to move.


    Move a small stool to sit behind the coffin, people come to mourn, Leng buting saw a black head coming out next to him, almost died on the spot.


    Gu''s funeral is very traditional. He pays attention to the safety of the earth, but doesn''t plan to cremate.


    In the middle of the night, people need to guard the mourning hall. When other people can''t afford to go to sleep, stars quietly climb into the coffin and lie down with Gu Xi.


    "When I look after you, it''s mine." Stars holding the hand of care, paranoid.


    "From generation to generation, it''s all mine!"


    "Don''t be afraid. Oh, I can find you. I''m good enough to find you. "


    Better than two dogs!


    Two dogs can''t recognize you, but little star can!


    Five days after the funeral, stars slept in the coffin.


    Gu Han knew it all the time. He just turned a blind eye. After all, his brother is gone. The only one in the world who can take care of his sister-in-law is him.


    We need to pay more attention.


    When the coffin was covered, Gu Han made a special inspection


    Make sure the stars aren''t lying in it. That''s the end of the story.


    Sometimes too calm is not necessarily a good thing. The more calm some people are, the more they can do amazing things.


    When Gu Xi was buried in the cemetery in the suburb.


    All of them are full of emotion. They are envious of their talents. With that kind of mind, if he was to inherit and take care of his family, he still didn''t know what kind of giant things his family would develop into.


    But the real family member, besides is sad, has no other thought.


    After Gu Xi Shi was buried, the stars changed from staring at the coffin to staring at the tombstone.


    After everyone left, he sat behind the tombstone, holding the dog rope in his hand and guarding with the dog


    "I miss you when I look after you."


    She remembered that when she first came to this world, she didn''t understand many things, and she patiently taught her how to cherish them.


    He is so beautiful. She has never seen such a tender little wild flower.


    It''s beautiful, it''s gentle, and it''s smart.


    She had never met anyone better than when she cared.


    It''s cold in winter, and dogs are whimpering and restless.


    After sitting for a whole day, stars became black at the sight of their lips, but they always tilted their heads and maintained their initial movements.


    The dog tugged at the rope desperately. It seemed that it was freezing and wanted to run.


    After the stars were pulled twice, they simply loosened the rope.


    The dog, which has been kept for a year, whines and runs away quickly. I don''t know which corner to hide from the wind and snow.


    Stars slightly drooping eyes, said to himself, "you see, cherish, you cheat."


    Gu Xi said that after he left, Rourou would be her friend who could accompany her all the time.


    It turns out, No.


    Dogs can also escape. It''s impossible to take care of time.


    "The little monster''s parents and sisters don''t like the little monster. Other people don''t like it either. Dogs, too. The little monster is just a little star when taking care of it. It won''t belong to other people... "


    She could have endured the darkness if she had never seen the light.


    She could have tolerated all the injustice in the world if she had never met the person she wanted to fight for


    Have you ever seen the gentlest man in the world?


    When he called Gu Xi.


    He is the only ray of light that belongs to the stars.


    Light up her ignorant world, lead her to stumble out of the abyss of ignorance, let her for the first time want to take the initiative to like, to pursue, to protect the heart of love.


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