Chapter 35.1?
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Translated by Springlila
Edited by Springlila?
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Trigger warning: Anxiety/Panic Attack?
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“Go in. I will come on Friday morning.”?
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“Yes, see you then.”?
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“…You’ve been feeling weak since before.”?
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Choi Sung-hoon wrinkled his brow as if worried about me and looked at my face carefully. I tried to smile brightly and keep talking a while ago, but I’m not sure how it came out.?
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“But I’m full of energy? Maybe it’s because I’m a little sleepy.”?
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“Let’s go to the hospital on Friday.”?
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“Even if you’re healthy. Choi Sung Hoon, you should go. People who don’t usually go to the hospital and are in good health are suddenly struck down by a major illness.”?
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“We can go together.”?
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Choi Sung-hoon bowed his head and kissed my lips.?
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I clenched my fists and tried not to hug him as our rough, warm lips met and parted.?
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After sending Choi Sung-hoon, I sat down in front of the front door.?
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Choi Sung-hoon delicately arranged the things his parents took care of in the refrigerator and various places in the kitchen.?
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I didn’t know it when I first met him. He was such a kind and sweet person.?
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I thought he was just a psychopath gangster who was angry about his brother’s accident.?
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He’s such a sweet person, so I’m sure an Omega will be happy to marry him.?
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I scratched my cold chest as I exhaled harshly.?
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‘To that person, Seo-yu si is just a joke for a moment. Not just a dominant, especially if it’s extremely dominant. Each has its own territory.’?
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I would have been misunderstood if Ho-in hadn’t advised me before. Maybe it was about me.?
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I’m glad to hear about this today.?
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A dry and sad laugh kept leaking out.?
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Marriage.?
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He was getting married?
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…After making me fall in love with you.?
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After cratching my chest, I realized my mind was unstable and jumped to my feet. I found a tranquilizer in the drawer next to my bed and ate whatever I could get my hands on.?
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My counselor advised me to take a tranquilizer as soon as possible when I was extremely unstable. Because I’m not sure what I’m going to do.?
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But I didn’t seem to get better even after eating it.?
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There were many things I wanted to ask him.?
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That person must be a good Omega, right??
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You already have a baby??
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When were you going to tell me??
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When my heart ready??
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Were you saying that you could break up with me at any time because I’m just a sex partner??
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Ah… Shit.?
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Life was so crazy that I couldn’t bear it.?
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My head hurts, my chest hurts, and my stomach hurts as well. It hurt as if someone was ripping my intestines, I wrapped my arms around my stomach and leaned against the bed. I took a deep breath and thought.?
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I couldn’t help but love.?
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It was irresistible.?
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It was his fault for being too kind to someone like me while he had someone to marry.?
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It was the first time someone was so kind to me… I was so lonely.?
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Even today, he was a person who told me that I could cry while hugging me tightly, and I couldn’t help but fall in love.?
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I’d never felt such pain before. I had always met lightly, fallen in love lightly, and then broken up, but I had no idea that love was like this.?
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There was nothing I could do about it.?
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I was so miserable that I reached out to the open drawer and took out a can of sleeping pills. I tried to eat as much as I could, but there was only one pill left inside.?
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I swallowed the sleeping pill and closed my eyes while clutching my aching stomach, which felt like it was being torn apart… Something cold caught my foot.?
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I opened my eyes with difficulty.?
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It was a black river.?
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Black and cold water covered the floor and invaded the room.?
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I struggled to climb onto the bed. The floor of the room was already obscured by the river.?
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Just as fate tells you to know your situation at the happiest moment.?
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A cold wave came from afar, expanding its territory. To swallow me up without a second thought…?
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* * *?
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I woke up in a cold sweat. I couldn’t sleep because my stomach hurt so much. I struggled to get up, knowing that a single injection given by the hospital could completely eliminate the pain, as opposed to the pain reliever available at the pharmacy.?
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I washed up and was getting ready to leave when I received a call from Choi Sung-hoon. After some thought, I responded…?
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“Hello.”?
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– Did you just wake up? Your voice is hoarse.?
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“Yes… just now.”?
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– It’s eleven o’clock. Have you left yet??
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I wondered how he knew I was going to the hospital, and then I remembered that I had told him I would meet my relatives on the second and third days of the holiday. Choi Sung-hoon said he couldn’t come with me because he was going to meet his relative as well.?
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“I am going in the afternoon. My relative’s house is also in Seoul.”?
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– Well… I’m off this morning.?
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“Rest well. It’s also difficult to deal with relatives and adults.”?
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– It’s not particularly difficult, but… May I take you??
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“What? No, no. You said it was you were in Busan.”?
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– It doesn’t matter. There’s plenty of time until the afternoon.?
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“I’m sorry, I can’t.”?
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Choi Sung-hoon stopped asking after I repeatedly refused. He said he was bored because he didn’t have anything to do until the afternoon. I resisted the urge to ask if he was going to marry the person he was dating or the person chosen by his family?
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“What are your hobbies, Choi Sung-hoon ssi? It’s a long holiday, so enjoy your hobbies.”?
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– I don’t know. Hobby…?
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“Something you usually do during your free time. Like watching a movie, reading, or playing an instrument.”?
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After reciting it, it seemed that Choi Sung-hoon was 10 billion light-years away. But now I understand. He appears to be capable of playing people’s screams, but he may actually be someone who was capable of playing romantic instruments such as the violin.?
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– What’s your hobby, Seo-yu ssi? I want to try what you do.?
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“…”?
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I couldn’t answer. I’m always interested in what other people do in their spare time. What on earth was I doing with my time… I think dating was my favorite hobby.?
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“If it were me, I think I would just sleep. Sleep is the best medicine.”?
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– That’s right. Are you feeling okay today? I didn’t want to talk about it because I thought you might not be ready, but my mother told me the reason why Seo-yu ssi was upset…?
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– Director.?
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Choi Sung-hoon was called by someone next to him to talk.?
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He wasn’t alone. Was he with the Omega he was going to marry? I hear him address Choi Sung-hoon by his rank, he must be a subordinate. You said you were bored at home alone.?
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“You seem busy, so I’ll hang up.”?
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– Oh, Seo-yu ssi. Just a second-.?
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The inside of my stomach tingled again. I hung up the phone before he finished speaking.?
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Then I sat still.?
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I couldn’t think of anything.?
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I was just sitting there when the vibration of my phone startled me awake. At first glance, I thought the phone’s screen was broken.?
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6:30 p.m.?
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I had been sitting blankly for nearly seven hours. I’ve often been blacked out like this since 10 or 11 years ago, but I think this was the first time this winter.?
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The source of the vibration that woke me up was the chat room of Choi Sung-hoon’s family. I did not enter it so that the ‘unread’ mark does not disappear.?
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I left the house with a sore back. I brought the owner’s grandfather a holiday gift, the house was buzzing with the arrival of his grandchildren, and the grandfather had a bright smile on his face.?
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The owner’s grandfather then gave me a Korean beef set.?
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I was going to grill the Korean beef, but I got nauseated and decided to put it away.?
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The fruits brought from Choi Sung-hoon’s home were edible. I ate five apples bigger than my fist in one sitting. Then I got an upset stomach and couldn’t sleep properly.?
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On the last day of the holiday, I felt even more down.?
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I’d been feeling uncomfortable since the morning and there was some blood coming out from my bottom. I found a nearby hospital, made a reservation, and then left the house.?
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I got a call from Choi Sung-hoon, but I didn’t answer it.?
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I haven’t received it for the seventh time since last night.?
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Shit, I should’ve told him to contact the Omega, who will marry him instead. They said you had a child.?
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I can chew on Choi Sung-hoon.?
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Because I was broken hearted.?
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The broken heart wasn’t as miserable and sad as I thought. All the breakup songs that just flow out were like my story. It seemed like the sky was crying, all of a sudden my body began to ache here and there. I could see a black river or hear the sound of the river’s ripples, and I just lose the will to live.?
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I became so helpless that it was hard to believe that it had only been two days.?
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I got on the bus to the hospital and looked out the window blankly. The phone kept vibrating. Choi Sung-hoon kept sending messages when I didn’t answer the phone.?
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Ha… I told you to call your Omega. I should change the saved name as well. Because it would be rude to his spouse.?
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My lower stomach continued to hurt, so I wrapped my arms around it. When I picked up my phone to turn off the annoying vibration, there was a message from Won-jo on it.?
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Won-jo [It’s good today for alcohol, go? My treat]?
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There was nothing good about today. It was so gloomy.?
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[I broke up…]?
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Won-jo [Hahahaha]?
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Won-jo [It went pretty long]?
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Won-jo [Hahaha]?
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Won-jo [Let’s have a drink]?
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Fuck you bastard… Won-jo laughed and giggled looked like he was in a good mood, but when I reject his invitation, he got sulky and cursed me.?
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The ○○ psychiatric clinic was quite far from the bus stop. The first place I went to was convenient because it was close to the subway station, but it was closed since it was a holiday.?
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The parking lot near the building’s entrance was completely full. This was due to a lack of psychiatric clinics open during the Lunar New Year holiday. Despite the fact that my arrival was delayed, I arrived earlier than expected. I intended to go to internal medicine after receiving sleeping pills, but I should have gone to internal medicine first.?
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I walked on a nearby well-kept walkway because I had nothing better to do. But my back began to hurt so badly that I had to stop. My stomach ached so badly that my hands trembled and I couldn’t catch my breath. While trying to sit on the ground, I managed to sit on the bench and take a deep breath.?
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I rubbed my stomach and took out my phone. Ex-boyfriends’ holiday messages sparkled. Seeing a lot of red lights at a time when my heart was empty, I’m glad I didn’t block them. I also responded one by one, wishing them a Happy New Year.?
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Choi Sung-hoon’s family chat room was also on fire. The last message was [Meatball].?
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“…” ?
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I suddenly wanted to eat a meatball, so I immediately started walking. There was a market near the hospital, but only one stand opened. I sat at the inner table and ordered meatballs and a variety of pancakes.?
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“A bottle of soju, please.”?
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“Oh, my. Student. Do you drink in the middle of the day?”?
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“I’m craving for a little drink today.”?
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The boss brought me makgeolli. It was the first time I went to the stand in broad daylight on the last day of the Lunar New Year holiday to drink makgeolli and eat meatballs as a snack.?
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It was doable to break up with a heart. Except for the constant tingling pain in my lower abdomen.?
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I thought, tearing the pancake into pieces.?
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But why am I here today??
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I was doing something and all of a sudden came to buy meatballs.?
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“…”?
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Ah, I’m finally crazy… Hospital.?
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I sighed and called the hospital. When the staff learned that I was canceling the reservation, they were delighted and quickly hung up. I stared blankly at the disconnected screen.?
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Can I still go to the doctor if I drank alcohol? I can go, right?