I slowly opened my eyes to the gentle hand brushing my hair.?
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Choi Sung-hoon was sitting with his back against the bright lights. He gave me a harsh look when our eyes met.?
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“Isn’t there a misunderstanding we need to clear up? You can’t wait for that and fall asleep?”?
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“It seems I have dozed off for a while… “?
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“It is now past one o’clock in the afternoon.”?
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Choi Sung-hoon expressed his dissatisfaction.?
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No… If a person was too relieved, he might fall asleep… About twelve hours…?
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Choi Sung-hoon gently wrapped his hands around my cheeks as I pouted my lips in embarrassment.?
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“It’s just a joke. I would have been more worried if you couldn’t sleep. Let’s eat first.”?
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Before we started talking, Choi Sung-hoon filled my stomach first. After we had a full meal, he folded his arms as if to begin. And twisting his cast feet.?
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“So, it’s all a misunderstanding?”?
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Weren’t you the only one who misunderstood??
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I crossed my legs as if I wasn’t going to lose. While exposing the bruise marks on the wrists made by Choi Sung-hoon.?
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Choi Sung-hoon raised one of his eyebrows at me. I pretended I didn’t know and spoke up.?
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“I don’t know where the misunderstanding came from, but it wasn’t saying goodbye to Choi Sung-hoon ssi, it was just saying goodbye to my various pasts. You would not have been misunderstood if you had thought of me normally.”?
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“You mean you said goodbye to your past, not to me.”?
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“Yes. Have you returned home? I left something for Choi Sung-hoon ssi to see there. You’re going to believe that I didn’t manipulate it because I’ve been with you since then, right?”?
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“Why were you taking your shoes off?”?
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“I dropped it in the river. In the sense of saying goodbye.”?
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“Why did you leave your phone behind?”?
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“Why can’t you trust people? I didn’t want to die. Do you think I’m a crazy person who is obsessed to die?”?
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“It’s hard to believe because you have a record.”?
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“Well. I can’t open my heart and show you, so what should I do?”?
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“You really want to live?”?
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“Yes, I want to live now. I want to live my life to the fullest. I’m going crazy.”?
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It was an incredible situation in which I had to explain that I really wanted to live.?
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I never imagined that there would be a situation where I had to appeal to my desire to live. As I said that I wanted to continue living in frustration, I suddenly felt a sense of déjà vu. Looks like something similar happened before…?
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… Ah…?
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That’s right. I couldn’t believe I tried to commit suicide last year, so that was why he kept asking. I burst out laughing when I remembered that time.?
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“…Why are you laughing?”?
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When I suddenly laughed out loud, Choi Sung-hoon asked. Choi Sung-hoon’s face was showing much more emotion than then. Not long ago, he was someone who didn’t even understand the feeling of wanting to die, but now he…?
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He was worried I’d die… So he stomps on the gas pedal as hard as he can and rushes with his legs.?
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Risking his own life.?
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“Choi Sung-hoon ssi.”?
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I put my hand on the back of his big hand.?
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“Come to that bridge with me. I have something to tell you.”?
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* * *?
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It was a warm spring day as if it had never rained. Even though I wanted to be depressed, a warm spring breeze gently swept through my hair.?
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Only traces of tire slip and white paint remained on the road after the crushed guardrail was replaced. It would disappear in a matter of days…?
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It was a close call accident, but many cars continued on their way as if nothing had happened.?
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Choi Sung-hoon had sprained his ankle, so we walked slowly.?
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“It is said that because there were so many accidents at Mapo Bridge, the railing was repaired to be stronger.”?
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“I see.”?
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Choi Sung-hoon grabbed my hand gently.?
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“This wasn’t always a double guardrail. It was only about knee-high, and the screw was missing due to its age.”?
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“…”?
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“Because of a family car crash 11 years ago, they installed a double guardrail on the sidewalk side.”?
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We walked slowly until we arrived at the location.?
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Choi Sung-hoon stopped when I did. He held my hand tightly.?
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“It was a moment.”?
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I spoke up slowly.?
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The sight of that day… I remembered how it was even when I closed my eyes.?
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The night when the rain was pouring. I was drooling and dozing off as I returned from eating out with my family.?
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It was a moment when I could hear my father’s voice and my mother’s sharp scream. The car slammed into the river. In the dark, where I couldn’t see anything, my parents and older brother called out my name.?
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“When the car was submerged in the black river and I couldn’t do anything but hang on to my older brother, he broke the rear glass. And he pushed me out first.”?
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“…”?
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“My brother pushed me away with all his might, desperately enough to bruise my back… After some time had passed, I got out. Maybe he was late to get out because he was trying to save our parents.”?
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The car drowned endlessly, and my parents left the world. My older brother barely escaped and did not regain consciousness until the very end.?
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So I survived alone.?
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The feeling of the hand pushing my back was still fresh in my mind.?
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“My parents and older brother were cremated and placed in an ossuary, but I keep thinking they’re still in that river. It’s strange.”?
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“It’s not strange.”?
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Choi Sung-hoon denied it right away. He was looking in the same direction as I was.?
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“I have to greet them. Your older brother and parents who saved you.”?
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Choi Sung-hoon’s profile, looking at the Han River seriously, was very human and revealed the most vivid emotions in the world.?
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It was the first time I wasn’t crying when I talked about my family.?
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To the point where it was not scary even though I was on the Han River bridge… It was cozy and light.?
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“Last year, I said that Sung-hyun saved me to cover up the accident he caused while driving without a license, but he really saved me.”?
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“When we first met-.”?
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As I talked about my past, Choi Sung-hoon looked at me. The warm gaze that seemed to affirm anything I said made me courageous.?
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“I was about to jump that day, but I saw a high school student getting out of a car that had hit the guardrail while swearing… When I saw the accident that killed my parents and saved your brother, I went insane. I attempted suicide…”?
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Choi Sung-hoon listened to me seriously.?
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“I see.”?
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“Do you know what I’m saying?”?
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“Yes, I think I know. And the guardrail saved my life yesterday.”?
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“Yes, that’s right.”?
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That was what I wanted to say.?
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I felt complicated. It was complicated and overwhelming. I wanted to cry and laugh at the same time. A relationship formed as a result of death was…?
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“I’m so glad that I met Choi Sung-hoon ssi.”?
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“…”?
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His expression changed as a result of what I said. The expression, which appeared to shed tears quickly and resembled a smile, clearly revealed the feeling of being overwhelmed.?
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“I’m glad I had the opportunity to meet you.”?
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My heart was filled with joy when I heard his response.?
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Choi Sung-hoon came up to me and hugged me. His embrace was comfortable and warm.?
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I was glad I fell in love with Choi Sung-hoon.?
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I really have the opportunity to love… That was a relief.?
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This feeling, which I would never have felt if I hadn’t chosen my life that day, was so beautiful that I decided I wanted to remember it in the future.?
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When a person was unexpectedly surprised, they become flustered and withdrawn. If you hear a loud noise, something falls right in front of you, or something unexpected happens, you would freeze in place.?
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My family suddenly left at once, and I spent the next 11 years in a dazed and withdrawn state.?
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I was going to slowly stretch my shoulders. And I would live.?
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Along with Choi Sung-hoon. With this beautiful feeling.?
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Saying goodbye to everything and moving on to a new life.