This is a great time.


    It''s none of my business.


    Left hand, right hand.


    I quickly move my hands, complex flash, looking at the youth in front of me.


    He laughed and glanced: "Lu Liu, how old are you? You still play with this."


    "Guess."


    His feet were on the glass table, red cloth shoes and mud. It just rained outside.


    He took the new game machine, bowed his head to play, indifferent to say: "left hand, left hand."


    I quietly moved Zippo from my left hand to my right hand, opened my palm and told him - wrong.


    He raised his eyes, squinted, looked at the silver lighter on my right hand, then bowed his head and said whatever.


    Yan Xi is very casual.


    This is his habit, to me, only have the habit.


    In fact, it''s very common when you know that he often says "follow the asshole, hurry up" to the handsome Wensi and teases the straightforward Xin Dayi - "pig, cheat you."


    From childhood, I went to school together with Yanxi, after school together, ate together, played games together, and played pranks together.


    We are wonderful brothers.


    Primary school student records, each hand a copy, we send each other, the whole class each received a stack.


    What Yan Xi wrote to me was perfunctory. He used to laugh at it, brother. It was written by a stranger, right.


    First impression of him?


    Eight years old, party, grab three glasses of juice, four portions of ribs, five stacks of caviar, and laugh. It''s cheating.


    - his character?


    Stubborn, hypocritical, weak and shameless.


    I finished, kneaded and stuffed into the drawer.


    I scolded him: "Yanxi, you brute."


    Yan Xi raises eyebrow: "you son of a bitch."


    When nobody sees us, we get along like this.


    Obviously, when I was ten years old, I had learned the three character Scripture of national scolding and Beijing scolding. However, some people said that I looked like a little bodhisattva.


    Just like 12-year-old Yan Xi, he looked at the blackboard properly for a while. After class, the girl in front of him would still blush and ask: "Yan Xi, you always look at me in class, don''t you like me?"


    Yan Xi''s smile was gentle: "I like your family."


    He was born to provoke peach blossom, but he was not saved.


    I sympathize with him: "one day, you will die in the rotten peach blossom."


    Yan Xi, however, wants to smile: "if you dig a few pits less, I can live ten years longer."


    Ten years, ten years is how long, enough to erase the woman in his life?


    When he said this, I did not know and could not foresee that in the future, there would be a woman for 10 years. Yan Xi and I were totally different.


    Secretary Chen, besides Yan Xi, has been with me for the longest time.


    I call his brother, cling to him, gentle and kind, obedient everywhere, but, I hope, when he reports to his grandfather, he downplays the existence of Yan Xi.


    For example, we are inseparable. For example, we play games until we sleep on the carpet.


    As long as, slightly desalination, as long as, does not hinder the eyes of the old man.


    Chen is a warm man. Although he was adopted by the Lu family, it seems that he has a little human feelings. He does hide it, but his means are not good. Things are not balanced as I think.


    The old man is a man who doesn''t rub sand in his eyes. He wants to drive Chen away.


    That day, I cried so bitterly that I thought that I had deep feelings with this man.


    The old man kept looking at me to see if I was acting.


    I had to alienate Yan Xi and get closer to Chen.


    I recite silently, brother, it''s not easy for us to live. Don''t blame me.


    Yanxi went to the park to feed the dirty kitten, then threw it on me and said, "go, Pikachu." Then I remember the look of laughing clearly, but the kitten ignored his appearance, I had already forgotten.


    In those days, he was a little silent. I don''t know what we look like in other people''s eyes, but this kind of speech is not normal.


    He didn''t attend class and only cared about painting. The teacher told Yan Lao, and Yan Xi was shut up in the study on the first floor hungry again.


    I secretly gave him food, he scolded me: "you brute, how can you come? I''m starving to death. "


    I was also angry: "Yan Xi You beast, I give you food is good, recruit you, mother, I really cheap ah, run to let you scold."


    He buried himself in eating, picking and picking, and all the things he didn''t like to eat were thrown out of the window.


    At the age of eight, it was the same scene.


    I touched his hair and sighed, "brother, can I dig a hole for the last time?"


    My hair in the palm of my hand was stunned, and he gave a faint smile: "is this a conscience discovery? I know the notice. "


    I was cruel, but I was helpless. I said, "Yan Xi, I have to go abroad and leave for a period of time. This is the only time to get rid of my grandfather and my mother. They both lose, and I can... "He interrupted me and said whatever.


    He laughed and bent his eyes: "in foreign countries, if you can restrain your nature and make more friends without pressure."


    But I firmly determined: "Yan Xi, you know what I have done, will hate me."


    Always, I love to bluff in front of him. When I was eight years old, I said with a straight face, Yan Xi, I never wanted such a weak and small you; however, Yan Xi was good at singing and writing, but pretended to cry, but in the twinkling of an eye, I made a face.


    I don''t know who''s weaker.


    Putting down his chopsticks, he sat on the swivel chair in his study. Suddenly, his eyes were cold as water. He stretched out his hand, grasped my neck, exerted force, and asked me with a smile: "are you afraid? Tell me, Lulu, are you afraid


    I couldn''t breathe, but I looked into his eyes and shook my head gently.


    He said, "why? Lu Liu, tell me your reason. "


    I said, "this world, only my brother Yan Xi, will not Harm me. "


    He let go and put his fingers as white as jade on the windowsill. His face was haughty and his mouth was flat: "remember what you said. I hope, one day, this sentence will also become my reason to forgive you


    And I, after all, hurt him.


    Looking at his unbelievable eyes, crazy hot flame, for the first time, clear, betrayal injury is never a person.


    I have no time to look after myself. If I want to have a person who can be together for a lifetime, he must be as hard as iron as I am.


    Often think, that fire, if Yan Xi died, if he died, I will regret it?


    However, he can not endure, even if alive, so weak, and I eventually strangers.


    It''s better to be a dead brother than a stranger.


    He said, luliu, I won''t hate you. I will stand in front of you, even if I live a day longer than you, but also let you see me live with your own eyes.


    I lie down in his ear, whispered: "Yan Xi, four years, give me four years."


    The old man finally believed that Yan Xi and I were merciless. Instead, he left Chen as a chip to pinch me.


    I left the country, but did not expect that my mother would be so vigorous, Yan Xi into the dust.


    I tried my best to hide the old man, but not the woman.


    Why?


    I asked her.


    She said: "son, good convergence of your eyes, if, you really do not care about a person like this."


    I murmured to her, "do you know what a brother is? Brother, brother, it''s not a chip, it''s not a bargain, it''s not an enemy. "


    She looked at me, compassionate, a mother who claimed to be gentle and kind. She was very generous and threw the negative of the photo in front of me: "Lu Liu, if, these, can let him stay with you forever, you good brother, are you willing to destroy it?"


    Land flow.


    Lu Liu, ask your heart.


    She said, "Yanxi misses you very much, miss you very much. I gave him a hopeless situation. He can''t go back to the world. If you can''t defeat me and your grandfather and Master Lu completely, you will never be qualified to save him. "


    Her eyes, looked away, were deep love and despair, deep pool general.


    I stayed in Vienna.


    Nightmares often occur in the night. Some people crush Yan Xi''s spine inch by inch, but I stand aside and watch quietly.


    There''s nothing I can do. I''ve been taking sleeping pills to help me sleep.


    Forget to go to sleep.


    Know Chen tired, is a very interesting person, according to Yan Xi''s advice, no pressure, get along with him, often laugh at his funny deliberate dress up.


    This is an American child, with an American style of openness, behavior is absurd and wanton.


    His eyes are clean, like pigeons.


    He asked me, "Lu Liu, can Chinese men like men?"


    I laughed and shook my head: "I don''t know."


    Understand his desire and intention, this intersection, this friendship, become frightening sad.


    The first time, without purpose, making friends with others, still ends badly. He confessed, I refused, and the man returned home in anger.


    Take sleeping pills, dream is a good dream, in the dream, and can not see the appearance of people back-to-back, he handed me the young weak red big apple, that taste, really sweet.


    We, cling to each other, absorb the warmth.


    Her mother was more rampant in Lu''s family. She used her relatives, up and down, and her blood flowed into a river.


    My grandfather was not exposed, handed me a few plans and asked me how to deal with it.


    He quickened his pace and trained me.


    But I don''t know, no matter how weak wolf cubs grow up, they will tear people.


    In this world, black is not black, white is not white.


    It''s ridiculous.


    I often turn to the only Chinese channel, staring at the weather forecast, the capital is cloudy, rainy and foggy, whether the weather is good or not.


    In 2000, there was no snow.


    I know from Siguan that Miss Wen is a genuine brand. When she comes back home, she also receives Sun Peng''s phone call. When she mentions Yan Xi, she hangs up her name occasionally and inadvertently.Yan Xi, Wen Heng, double four characters, as if they were originally made in heaven, not sudden.


    I hang up the phone, my heart is more and more painful, but I don''t know where the pain comes from, what kind of mental strength, to the pain.


    It''s a pity.


    Lu Liu, Yan Xi.


    It used to be.


    The amount of sleeping pills increased. When I was a child, I often looked at the vast, but the people behind me disappeared.


    Years ago, I invited four people to Vienna to enjoy the snow, but I missed Wen Heng.


    Finally, I saw my brother again.


    He hugged me and chuckled, "I''m still alive, you see."


    I hold back, so comfortable, so harmonious.


    I don''t want to ask if he wants to forgive me, or this book has nothing to do with me.


    Standing shoulder to shoulder with others, why ask the past.


    He always wanted to marry, to have children, to be a hundred years old. At that time, when we were grandfathers, we sat in front of the chessboard and laughed at each other.


    My mother asked me, "do you know why everyone calls you little bodhisattva?"


    I smile: "they blue light myopia and astigmatism, how do I know?"


    My mother also laughs: "you are often easy to be comfortable and peaceful. If no one forces you, you will never get to the next step."


    She showed me the pictures of Yan Xi and Wen Heng together. Each one was very clear. Yan Xi''s gentle indulgence, open the infinite warmth, it seems, then waiting, the girl, head into.


    He drank soup with her spoon, squeezed toothpaste on her freshly cleaned window, pretended to be a grandfather, pulled the corner of her dress and laughed, opening his mouth into a heart.


    I put these pictures on the head of my bed, and I couldn''t sleep with too much sleeping pills.


    I finally know why Yan hopes to treat me without hatred.


    He is extremely clever, afraid of digging too many holes for each other in his life and hating too much. He left me first and found a way out.


    He is very clever.


    My mother asked me with a smile, he is so happy, and left you alone, luliu, what do you want to do?


    Those photos were developed again. The most intolerable thing in Yan Xi''s life was that others trampled on his dignity and abandoned him.


    The first time I looked at those photos, I still couldn''t help shaking when I clenched my fingers. My mother said, "you shouldn''t touch such dirty things."


    She sent it in person and threw the receipt to Yan Xi.


    Yan Xi was stunned for a long time and understood the receipt. For a long time, he knelt on the carpet and looked at me with his eyes. It was so painful that he didn''t call my name, but I could almost hear his heart crack.


    He whispered aheng.


    Ah Heng.


    Ah Heng.


    Ah Heng.


    Over and over.


    Suddenly got up, crazy general, in the snow, stumbling.


    I know where he is going. He is afraid of being abandoned by Wenheng.


    Such dirty things, to so gentle and clean girl, black and blue Yan Xi, want to recover, too terrible.


    Xin Dayi looked at me and my mother, guarding like a small beast.


    He, Siguan and Sier returned to China in a hurry.


    Mother has been self-confident, smiling, I go back, there is a play.


    "Luliu, your things can only be retrieved by yourself."


    She said so.


    On the third day, my mother called and laughed: "the game has increased some difficulties. Do you dare to continue?"


    The so-called difficulty refers to Wen Heng''s insistence on Yan Xi.


    I can''t laugh, looking at the snow outside the window, light mouth, but also from me not to continue?


    Yan Xi got hysteria and made a great noise. A patient was stirred up in the garden. The interests, family relations and balance between them would never end.


    I never doubted that Yanxi would come out on his own, even though I heard that the doctor almost sentenced him to death.


    How proud of Yan Xi, how can he tolerate being in such a stupid state all the time?


    Temperature balance?


    Temperature balance is just a catalyst.


    Without Wenheng, the outcome will not change.


    I''ve always believed that.


    For the past 18 years, I always thought that I understood the meaning of suffering. Because I have experienced suffering, I have seen it. Even if there is no worry about food and clothing, even if people are good at life, these two words are still unable to get rid of.


    Yan Xi, for example, is one of the most distressing of all my sufferings.


    The first time he went mad, I wasn''t there; the second time, I was numb.


    Why do I hate myself? I always hope to forgive, but I still feel anxious when I wake up.


    This kind of firm determination stems from my belief that the right hand cut off by a moment of righteous indignation will always forgive the left hand. This is human nature. Although Yan Xi hates this nature, I rely on it in my life.


    In my spare time, what I have described in my mind is not the change of Yan Xi''s appearance, but Wen Heng, the stranger in the rumor that can not be ignored.I regard Wen Heng as Yan Xi''s betrayal to me. However, when she really disappeared from the courtyard and watched Yan Xi''s silence in the studio for countless times, I found that maybe everything had been subverted too much and profoundly when I was not there.


    I hate, ridicule, and then throw a Chen night to Yan Xi, this young man who is eight points like the woman in the picture. Yanxi never blinked when he saw him in cutting diamond.


    I want him to be gentle and considerate, I want him to be able to make spareribs, I want him to learn to be single-minded to Yanxi, and I want him to achieve the extreme of Wenheng.


    But he failed.


    I still remember that day, when it was raining, Chen Wan walked into my office, covered with rain. He grabbed my sleeve and looked at me sadly. He said, "it''s you who lost, Lu Liu."


    I lost? How could I fail? Stupid love is not the only standard, with this so-called only, is Wenheng, not me. I''m not defeated. I''m not.


    When I was in college, I once did a logical analysis problem.


    Europeans appreciate Chinese "high mountains and flowing water", which is a treasure in Chinese classical music. So, how does William, a European, feel about "high mountains and flowing water"?


    The answer is love. Because I don''t appreciate it, I have to love it.


    "High mountains and flowing water" is to William the same as saying hope to land flow. Because there is no choice, so love so strong.


    But Lu Liu can never love Yan Xi. His love, his forbearance, his unable to vent the feelings, all aimed at Wen Heng.


    If it is possible, if he wants to kill a person and interrupt a love, then Wen Heng must have died and come back to life thousands of times in Yan Xi''s heart.


    Wenheng is like a drug, which can not be given up, discarded or ignored. Even if it is weak, even if it is hidden, even if there is no place to live, I can''t stop this existence, let alone self-control from youer''s Yan Xi.


    I have seen Yan Xi and Wen Heng strolling on the road. They are so close, but they don''t hold each other''s hands. After a long time, in the setting sun, Yan Xi lowered his head. The posture of his hand was strange, far away from Wenheng, but it was always so rigid.


    I also lowered my head, but the moment I lowered my head, I staggered a little and helped the tree trunk beside me.


    Yan Xi''s rigid maintenance was just to hold the shadow of Wenheng''s hands. He refused to give in, suspicious and humble. This is not like me, but, such a moment, forced helpless me, but can only stop at a distance from them far away.


    I watched them go away and sit quietly under the tree. When the wind blows, I think of the time when I was young, sitting quietly with him and counting the leaves.


    I thought we were still him and me, but he didn''t want us. We, just me.


    I am the only one among us, still like being bitten by a poisonous snake, constantly recalling the past, accompanied by pain, constantly unwilling to forget the memories.


    At this moment, I realized that if friendship and family affection could not contain all my feelings for him, then I would turn to love and teach Lu Liu to enjoy himself.


    It is also this moment, we have been far away from, no matter once, how day and night accompany, no matter once, how much hope, such an eternal life.


    I love Yanxi very much.


    When I was alone, I used to listen to a song that nobody hummed. The vinyl record has been worn too long to see the original handwriting. I don''t know its name, but I keep listening.


    Some people always boast of how they miss the past, refuse to discard the used ballpoint pens, do not want to replace the streets they walk through, and refuse to forget their first love. This is the pride of fools such as Wen Heng. However, only I constantly hypnotize myself to forget, forget every pile, forget thoroughly to be reborn, forget everything can be justifiable, forget carefully can throw away the despicable me.


    Yan Xi is consistent with me, and he is forgetting. He tried to forget me, and I tried to forget him. He forgot faster, I forgot slower. I can''t help but force him to break up with Wen Heng. When I see him every day and see his forgetting, I can''t forget him.


    When I heard that he had a car accident, I sat in the office all afternoon, but I didn''t see a word in the documents I had.


    This fool, even IQ is gradually converging with Wenheng.


    I took him home, who was alive. He went on a hunger strike, he started running, he started demonstrating to me.


    I think in my heart like this, you wait, Yan Xi, you brute, you don''t have to be so arrogant, you wait for the day I forget you, you wait, wait for me to no longer like you!


    I listened to the vinyl record and clenched the arm of my swivel chair.


    I firmly believe that the arrival of such a day, until, I am tired of this deeply loved person.


    But in the end, it didn''t wait.


    Sun Peng made a break for him and me.


    He personally cut off the "left arm" and "right arm", until, no one can hope to get the other party''s forgiveness.However, I deeply smile at sun''s childishness.


    What''s the use of that? Just as I still listen to my unknown vinyl record, this fool like I still love someone I can''t completely forget. No matter, past or present, no matter how much I want to forget.


    I can still hum that song completely, so what if I don''t know?


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